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#don't get me wrong there is A LOT of joy but every 4th second it feels like a tire iron is being shoved into my heart
piratewinzer · 10 months
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okay i think I liked or reblogged every Good Omens 2 post on the posting too much website it’s time to succumb to sleepy bitch disease see all you chucklefucks tomorrow for round 2 where everyone is still destroyed by a category 5 divorce event
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raggaraddy · 3 years
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Unexpected
Request: Assassin! Yoong's S/O becomes pregnant. @sunheeyey @justmydirtysheet
A/N: Soo much love and requests for Yoongi at the moment, I can hardly keep up.😂 But it makes sense. How could you not love the Pretty Kitty!
Trigger warning: Mention of abortions, yandere themes.
Yoongi
Yandere! Yoongi
Assassin! Yoongi
Finding you clutching the toilet, overwhelmed with nausea, Yoongi looked more concerned than you would have imagined he might.
"What's wrong? Did you eat something bad?" He makes the same leap you initially did.
You're looking up at him, stalling in thought trying to process how to say this. Do you say it directly? Or subtly. Do you even tell him? You could be wrong and you have no idea how he's going to react.
"I've-I haven't gotten my last two periods." You say feeling ashamed as if it was something you had done wrong.
Yoongi's face pales his eyes going wide. His own voice catching in his throat worse than yours did, as he struggles to find any words. You'd never seen him this caught off guard before.
"Go," He points down the hall to your room, instantly second-guessing himself. Pulling his hand back in, scratching his head. "Go to your- um," Normally when he didn't know how to react to something, he could simply lock you away. To give himself as much time as he wanted. But this? That reaction seemed callous, even for him. "Jus-just wait. Here. I'll-. Just wait." He stammers, too quickly running down the stairs. Retreating from you like you had told him you had the plague.
You feel the house shake as the front door slams forcefully.
At this point, you had only just pieced it together in your mind also. And the same as him, you had no idea how you were supposed to react or feel. Truthfully, you felt like you were suspended, waiting for Yoongi to get back. You didn't want to let an opinion set in until you knew what he was thinking. He controlled your entire world, and no matter what you thought or wanted, he would have the final say.
Coming back up the stairs with quickened footsteps and a large shopping bag, he drops several kinds of pregnancy tests at your feet. A complete look of confusion on his face.
"I didn't know which one was good, so just use them all.' His tone was still high and strung out.
It takes an hour, but you go through the tests. Each one revealing a positive result. Yoongi sitting on the edge of the bath anxiously watching the results come in one after the other with an answer he was struggling to accept.
After the 5th test, all his tense energy overflows and he erupts. "I thought you said you were on birth control!"
"I am," you attest. Chewing your lip raw.
"Then what the fuck happened. How the hell did you fuck this up?!" He raves, accusing you as if this was within your control.
"I-I don't know,"
He storms off. He wasn't actually waiting for you to answer. He's frustrated and panicking and he just wanted to aim that at someone else. You can feel the front door shuddering again, the house returning to a desolate quiet
Slumping to the bathroom floor, you hold your knees while crying. It's not your fault, you know it isn't but Yoongi's fit has made you feel so guilty and responsible. Your birth control is something that you had put in years ago, and it should still be working. You really don't know how this could have happened.
Over the next few days, Yoongi avoids you. He came back later that same day, but since then he hasn't spoken to you. Hardly even sparing you a glace. Every time you see him, you have to restrain yourself from asking your burning questions. If you try to force him to talk about this, you know it won't end well.
So in the meantime, you honestly don't want to think about it. But that's all you do.
It sounded so bizarre the first few times you thought it. But you were pregnant. You had a baby growing inside you. Something so small and beautiful. Something that was all yours.
Your mind kept imagining how they might look. Would they have more of Yoongi's features or yours? Would it be a boy or a girl? How could you ever decide on a name? What happens if you change your mind about the name? What would their first word be?
By the 4th day, you'd completely disregarded your intentions not to make your mind up. Without you even trying to, your mind was made up for you and after only 4 days you were absolutely and unendingly in love with your baby.
Yoongi had still yet to say a word on the topic. But you were terrified. He could be so merciless and uncaring. Look at his profession. At all the horrendous things you'd seen him do. Look at what he did to you. How could you think he would ever allow you to keep it?
But this was your baby! He couldn't take it from you!
You kept making yourself sick with worry. You were fearing the worst. Unable to find any way to convince yourself that he would have a positive answer for you. Believing he would never let you keep it. You kept having nightmarish thoughts of ways he might force you to abort it. Of what he might do it you refused. Steadily you were terrorizing and depressing yourself. Crying yourself to sleep night after night.
10 days after you found out you were woken by so much commotion downstairs.
Coming onto the ground floor, you find the living room and kitchen filled with boxes and bags. Looking like a baby supply store had exploded in your house. Cribs, strollers, bouncers, baby clothes, toys. Everything you knew a baby needed, and a lot you had no idea about.
But the sight is an answer without words and tears come to your eyes right away. Your heart lifting in relief.
Yoongi catches sight of you standing in the stairway, a sheepish glint in his eye as he cluelessly holds up a drill and a manual. Studying the box of a baby gate with confusion printed on his face. He looks thoroughly out of his element.
"I don't- I don't know what any of this stuff is. I-I-" he stammers looking around the chaos. "I want everything to be right though." He looks at you softly, lightly biting his lip. "Y/n, I really don't know anything about all this. I'm gonna need you to teach me, please. Teach me how to take care of our baby."
You inhale and exhale a sigh all of the past weeks stress floating off of you. The universe finally giving you exactly what you needed. Tears of joy rolling down your face you step through the mess and you run into his arms, sinking into his chest. Feeling complete and at ease as you feel him squeeze you back.
"Of course Yoongi. We'll do this together."
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Naalala ko pa yung time na inaayos ko yung blog ko. Sabi ko, hala gusto ko pag nagcollege ako magiging diary ko yung tumblr. So that may il-look back ako pagdating ng araw. Pero guess what? Sabi ng college life sakin "bitch u thot" hahhahaa i never imagined my college life to be this stressful and dreadful. To be honest, di ko alam pinasok ko. Lalo na nag accountancy HAHAHAHHA AS IN NO CLUE AT ALL. Pero anyways I'm writing this post to express my story in summary, sa caption ko kasi I decided to thank the people around me kasi deserve naman nila. Pero dito sa blog ko feel ko deserve ko naman iappreciate sarili ko. HHAAHHAHA.
Gusto ko lang sabihin na adjusting nung first year isn't so easy. Lalo na first time ko sa manila. Tho oo I'm a city girl, di ako galing sa province. Pero kasi di ako street smart so everyday ng byahe ko before pamanila i was very anxious na baka maligaw ako or may masamang loob sa sinasakyan ako or baka kung ano mangyare sakin along the way. Pero yung determination ko na gusto ko to. Dream school ko ust. Kakayanin ko. Kasi honestly di nila support na mag UST ako, aside from we're facing financial problems back then di rin nila ko kaya asikasuhin that time so I have to do all things by myself. Grabe ngayon, I'm super proud to that 16 year old wren. Nakakaiyak. Totoo ngang u need to get out of your comfort zone. Kelangan mong mag stand up kung gusto mo talagang mangyari pangarap mo.
Those 5 years were very rough. Ang daming times na muntik nako magstop. Ang daming problema. Mostly family and money. Yep, wala naman ako problema sa acads maybe that's why ang taas ng expectations nila sakin na ako daw hope ng family. Not gonna lie, sobrang pressure non. Parang wala ako karapatan mapagod. Pero you gotta make you weaknesses you strengths. At I wanna thank God for giving me a stubborn and tough mentality kahit anong dumaang problema sakin. Oo, nalulungkot pero lalaban parin.
I think it was my 2nd year nung naka adopt nako kahit papaano and I enjoyed my college life. Seryoso kasi parang wala akong buhay non nung 1st year. UST-Bahay-UST-Bahay lang talaga ako. No social life at all. Di ko alam siguro dahil time if of essence sakin dahil 4 years ba naman akong commute life. And mostly average of 5 hrs a day byahe ko (back and forth na syempre) pero ayun kinaya naman. GRABE UR A TOUGH GHORL. Pero don't get me wrong di nmaan ako puro aral pag uwi hahahaha nagppaahinga lang ako mostly sa bahay since nakakadrain talaga. I don't know sanay naman ako sa very focused sa acads na school since galing naman akong science high pero iba parin yung patayan dito sa AMV eh. Anyways, second year I started going out with blockies. Going to debuts, staying overnights, and inom na rin syempre :p di naman ako nagpabaya more like enjoying new things syempre uwi parin ako Alabang kaya kelangan may control HAHHAHAHA.
Third year, we shuffled sections because our program have to filter the students kung sino ang BSA at sino ang BSMA and luckily I am still accepted sa BSA iniyakan ko din retention exams kasi I was supposed to be exempted and matic BSA na pero bumaba GWA ko so :-( hahahahha anyways ayun nashuffle and I was super scaree that time kasi ibang mga tao nanaman. As you all know, super mahiyain ako sa mga new people unless sila un amag approach. So ayun another adjusting, another barkada. Solid din naman sila but things happened inside the circle kaya nawala din :( GRABE I CAN STILL REMEMBER THE CONFLICTS FRESH PARIN SA UTAK KO. Tho good terms naman proud ako gagraduate na kami, di lahat pero at least we survived.
Fourth year, I decided to join an org mostly because dun ko nalang makakasama mga OG tropa ko eince BSMA sila lahat at ako lang naiwan sa BSA so nag org ako and naging officer para magkakasama aprin kami kahit papaano. I was the Auditor of our college' local COMELEC. DI KO RIN SURE ANO PINASOK KO THAT TIME. Pero I end up loving the family and the responsibility. Oo, dagdag stress like LEGIT DAGDAG STRESS. Pero iba naman yung balik ng saya whenever you accomplish things and you serve the students lalo na't vital sa bansa natin ngayon yang COMELEC politics stuff. Grabe the joy of looking back sa things na dati akala mo wala lang. Ngayon narerealize mo yung impact niya sa life mo. Kung pano ka nagbago at naggrow. I am amazed self huhu PROUD AKO TALAGA SAYO SERYOSO. SORRY NA. Then ayun di ko pa ba nasabi 5 year course ako. So yung mga tropa kong MA, graduating na by this time. 4th year was when I became a social person kasi syemrpe joining an org tas officer ka pa dami makakasalamuha at makikilala. So ayun, diba nga nawala tropa ko from 3rd year that time, I can still remember how I always go to the classroom ng mga friends kong BSMA every break or every walang klase or kapag sila naman yung may klase nakatambay lang ako sa org room para matulog or magwait or magpalipas oras. Ghad those times I really felt alone, aside sa naiisip kong ggraduate na sila lahat tas ako maiiwan, nasasad ako kasi feel ko wala na talagang constant sa life ko lahat nawawala. Tapos dagdag mo pa na nung 2nd sem nalipat nanaman ako ng section shuta. Buti nalang. Buti nalang talaga super kind din ng mga tao sa napuntahan kong section. And I found my "Betsy" there. Oh diba sino bang mag aakala. Hahahahhaha anyways 4th year ako nagstart makistay sa condo ng friend ko since super hectic ng sched and di na talaga kaya ng uwian dahil yung sched ko panggabi tas may org duties pa. I stayed sa condo ng friend ko pero andon naman mom niya so may nag aasikaso samin. Grabe tita Beth super love ko siya. Sometimes I just stare at her and realize na at least may mother figure pa ako na kasama. If u dont know kasi (or if anyone is even reading up to this point) my mom left our family before ako nagcollege. Siguro gets niyo na why we had so many problems by now hahahahhaa. Anyways goods naman kami ni mommy siya parin tumulong sakin para makapagtapos hehe. Super thankful parin ako sa kanya syempre and ofc i love her still. Anyways ayon nga i felt another family kapag andon ako sa condo na yon which makes me warm and easy kapag andon ako. Super swerte ko talaga sa mga tao sa life ko. Bakit ganon? Super bait mo po G 🥺 shet naalala ko 4th year if thesis season pala. I can still remember the stress. Imagine may thesis ka, officer ka ng org, tapos sabay sabay pa lahat ng major exams grabe yun ata yung first time ko mag breakdown ng dahil sa acads. Seryoso, thats the nearest I was to breaking. Super hirap talaga for me lalo na di ata naiintindihan ng groupmates ko sa thesis na di ko makakayang 100% attentions ko sa thesis because I have other responsibilities. May nasira pang friendship seryoso. I never thought aabot sa point na ganon pero ewan baka ako rin yung mali don. I'm sorry guys!!! Pero congrats satin!! Proud ako sa inyooooo!!!
Fast forward, last year of my college life is IAC sem. Meaning parang rerun ng topic or review nalang for board exam. This time nagpaalam nako magdorm kasi shet last na to if I fail this one sayang naman yung mga taon. Kasi a lot of alumni told na kung madugo na undergrad, mas madugo IAC so I was determined to do better. And thankfully naman pinayagan nako magdorm since nakaluwag naman na and last na. I was so happy that time na magddorm ako shet finally. I wanted to feel independent or learn at least. Pero mostly dahil makakapagwalwal nako ng wlaang nakakaalam HAHHAHAHA char ofc part yun pero that's not the focus. Ayon, nung nagdorm ako I had the MOST SOLID FAM. Since nga diba wala nanaman ako tropa na makakasmaa kasi graduate na ofc so another adjustment nanaman sa life jusko every year nalang talaga. I dont know if sinasabi ko lang to because I am in the present and sila kasama ko now or its just i really feel the genuine love of this squad huhu. Or maybe dahil sila talaga yung nakasama ko through the darkest days sa AMV magkakasama kaming ginago ng sistema, ng admin, ng mundo and sabay sabay din kaming ggraduate ngayon. GRABEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TANGINAAAA NAKAKAIYAK NAKAKAPROUD. LAHAT NG INUMAN, IYAKAN, PUYAT LAHAT YON MA LAHAT YON NAGPAY OFF. LAHAT YUN MAY REASON. LAHAT YUN DINALA TAYO DITO. Ang daming beses na nagdoubt kami if we could pero look at all of us now huhu lahat kami kinaya. As long as u got each others' backs talaga. Don't let anyone break.
Ayun to sum it up, narealize ko lang na I really value friendship a lot. Feel ko talaga they keep me going. They keep me sane. Super dali ko maimpluwensyahan pag kasmaa sila. They are both my joy and hope kapag stressedt huhu. Thank u self for choosing this path. Thank u for being strong. Thank you for believeing you can. Thank u kasi matigas ulo mo wala ka pake at nag aral ka lang AHAHAHAHA. NO MATTER WHAT LIFE THROWS AT YOU, LOOK AT THIS FEAT AND REMEMBER HOW STRONG U ARE OKI? I LOVE U WREN WREN CONGRATS TO YOUR ACHIEVEMENT!!! Can't wait to finally walk to that QPAV stage with my gradpic on the LCD and getting my diploma 😭😢
ALL THOSE 5 YEARS WAS LIKE A BLUR RIGHT NOW PERO I KNOW THE JOURNEY WASN'T EASY, IT NEVER IS. I HAD MY MOMENTS. PERO SALAMAT SA PAG OVERCOME LAGI. BE HAPPY WREN WREN. YOU DESERVE.
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brodymeetsworld · 4 years
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This Christmas.
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When I was a little girl, Christmas was my favorite holiday of the year. My grandmother would cook for days in preparation for the entire family( 6 grown children, 10 plus grandchildren) to gather around the table together (or the infamous kids table.) It was one of the only times of the year I was able see my extended family, and I soaked up every second of the time we had together. I have so many memories from learning how to cook with my Grandma, Aunts, and my oldest cousin Erin. To watching football in the living room with everyone including Granddaddy snoozing in “his chair”, to secretly learning how to play the card game “bullshit” (at a very young age I might add lol) with all of the cousins on the back enclosed porch. We would always end our evening the same way, after dinner we would sing the “Happy Birthday” song to Jesus, and because my little brother and I were the babies of the family, we usually got to blow out the candles on the cake. Afterwards, most of us would attend Christmas eve candlelight service at the Monterey Methodist Church. I didn’t get to go to Church very often, so these services were so special and beautiful to me. Those memories are some of the best memories of my childhood. 
After my grandparents passed away, the glue that held our extended family together dissolved. Everyone decided to host their own families for the holidays, and no longer wanted the financial or time burden to feed and host twenty-thirty family members. It saddens my soul to never see my aunts, uncles, or cousins anymore. The only way we see each other and communicate now is through social media or phone calls. One big portion of our family even moved half way across the country to Missouri, so the chances of seeing them anytime soon are slim. I truly haven’t felt the magic of Christmas since Christmas in Monterey, and that was 15 years ago.
After I met and married my husband, and when I became a mom, at the age of 26 and again at 27, I thought that magic would suddenly just appear again! Wrong, if anything, Christmas was harder all around. Not only did my two babies want nothing to do with Santa Clause, or the presents my husband and I worked so hard to buy, wrap, put together, but they were determined to destroy all of our decorations, including 3 separate artificial trees. I was completely emotionally and physically drained the first two Christmas’s with our children. I always just threw it off as of well this is life with two under two, or two under three. It never occurred to me, that one of my children may have special needs.
Fast forward to today, this will be my 30th Christmas. This will be my boys 4th and 5th Christmas. This year they have finally left our beautiful tree alone, and most of the presents underneath it as well. They both love to sing Christmas songs, and watch the snow fall on the ground. Our favorite thing to do right now is make Christmas crafts, and go searching for Christmas lights at night in the car. The proof of them growing and learning is obvious this year, and it brings so much joy to my heart. We also started going to church this year. What brought us to church was learning about our oldest son, Brody, diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder over Easter weekend this past year. 
You see, my husband and I always knew Brody was special, but we had no idea how special he really was. We were first time parents, and when Bentley came along just 14 months after his brother, we entered survival mode and did our very best. Looking back, I think Brody started showing signs of Autism shortly after his brother came into the world, around 16 months old. I was in denial for a long time, as well as my husband. I can remember looking back and thinking how hard it was in the beginning with both boys, and I never thought of the hard times as Brody being “abnormal”. I always blamed myself for “not being a good enough parent”, and that’s why he is crying all the time. Or “I’m not a good cook, that's why he won’t eat any of the meals I make for him”. And the one I really truly believed, “I guess I don’t talk to him enough and that's why he won’t speak”. All of these things would torment me every day, and all I could do was vent to my husband or his pediatrician. I even took him to see a ENT doctor determined because he had so many ear infections as a baby, maybe he had a hearing problem. It wasn’t until a close family member kept Brody over night that Autism even crossed our radar. Bless her heart too, she tried to tell me, but instead of accepting help, I was angry with her. The first time I reached out for help with our children and my biggest fear was being confirmed.(crazy when I think back, I really was scared of this diagnosis) I was so deep in denial there was nothing she could have done at that time that wouldn't have upset me. It took a toll on our relationship, and I regret the time we lost together over it.
Before we even received Brody’s diagnosis, we enrolled him into the special needs pre school in our county. He qualified right away, and he started right after his third birthday. He went from speaking one word sentences, to three to four word sentences in a year and half time so far, and most importantly he can communicate his needs and wants. His eating has improved, and we have a list of foods he will eat as oppose to 4 things total. Brody will dance with us down the hallway, and sing silly songs for us. He knows how to say please and thank you, I’ve been told by his teachers he is showing empathy to his classmates, and he can finally say “I love you, mommy” or “I love you, daddy” without signing them to us at the same time. All of these things are so bittersweet for us, because there was a time not too long ago we weren’t sure they were even a possibility. 
Easter 2019 comes, we receive our sons test results in the mail. If you’ve never read ADOS results before, they can be a bit confusing. My husband and I read the results, googled our sons comparison score of “4″, and thought he was on the severe end of the spectrum. It wasn’t until the next day did we find out we were wrong, Brody is in fact on the mild end of the spectrum. But the night before was rough, we both cried and cried. Why did we cry? I really don't know the answer to that question. When you receive a diagnosis for your child, no matter the diagnosis, a part of you inside just breaks into a million pieces. I can’t speak for my husband on this, but I know for myself, as a mom, I blamed myself for a long time. I spent so much time trying to think back through out my pregnancy with Brody what I could have done wrong. I think back through out his infancy what could have went wrong, “what did I do, what did I do that made him different.” The end of the school year was coming, and we have a yearly IEP meeting with all of Brody’s team members. In that meeting, the school psychologist who tested Brody, told us it was imperative for Brody to constantly be put into small social circles. She recommended t-ball, soccer, church, birthday parties, etc. So that is exactly what we did. Brody wasn’t old enough to enroll into sports in our county yet, so we accepted every single birthday party invite, and focused on finding a Church family.
We had several invites to different churches in our community, but because I myself hadn’t been to church in over 15 years, I was a nervous wreck deciding which church to attend. Going anywhere, by yourself (my husband works A LOT), with two rowdy boys is hard. It’s 10x harder when you have a child with Autism. I knew I had to get over my fears of my sons meltdowns, and do this not only for my sons social interaction sake, but also so our children could learn about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I always wanted to learn about the Lord when I was growing up, but no body ever wanted to wake up sunday morning to attend a church service with me. In fact, the only times I ever attended church was during Christmas or if I stayed the night with one of my friends whose family attended. Now its my turn, it’s my duty as a mother, and as a daughter of the King, to teach my children his word and of his sacrifice for all of us. 
I choose our church family, Redeeming Grace Outreach Worship Center. The boys and I go almost every sunday. Both boys wake up excited to go to church, and really enjoy singing and dancing for the Lord. After a bit of a transitioning period in the beginning, Brody will finally go to the nursery without mama having to be there too. I am finally able to read the bible and worship God and take something away from each and every service, and that truly has been a game changer in our life as a family. 
So for my 30th Christmas this year, this will be by far my best Christmas yet. Its been a year of ups and downs, a year of believing in miracles (Ezekiel Rhett), a year of building our faith, and a year of learning acceptance. Our son is exactly who he is supposed to be, and he was made in the eyes of our father. Through him, I’m learning exactly who I’m supposed to be too. God has a purpose for each and everyone of us, and our mighty King makes no mistakes. This Christmas will be magical because we made it that way.
#autismawareness #autismacceptance  
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ilyuobts · 4 years
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I'm With You
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concept: short story
genre: fluff / slight angst
characters: jeon jungkook & original character (fem)
words: 1.5k
synopsis: a struggling 4th-year college girl that majors in interior designing breaks down in the middle of park at night. it happens so often that the boy can't help but /finally/ take a step into a life-changing moment.
a/n: im over here acting like i'll post this on tumblr but no not really, lol. okay nevermind i'm gonna post it :)
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I'm standing on a bridge
Waiting in the dark,
I thought that you'll be here by now.
You looked up at the dark hue of the sky, with sparkling gems. It was everywhere. wherever you look there's always a star – You're referring to those who expect a lot from you. They aren't many, but the fact that they expect and demand such things from you chains your wrists and ankles onto them. You felt different.
People appreciate stars like they were rainbows and butterflies, but you think of its tears. Crystal tears. It wasn't raining, but you were used to keeping your tears up to your waterline. It hurts not to let it out, but it will just show how /totally/ weak you are in the midst of your semester. It was perhaps, hopeless.
There's nothing but the rain.
No footsteps on the ground.
I'm listening but there's no sound.
The air was cooling. It was chilly and it's in a good chilly. It was frightening. You inhale the pressure and self-problems that you are currently facing and try to exhale it. But every time you do, it doesn't work because it feels like you're inhaling it again as the struggles float in that cool air.
Your hands curled up in fists, your shoulders stiff and your breath rigged. You blinked your eyes too many times that the tears gave up holding on. You whimpered softly - your voice releasing. And slowly, those whimpers multiplied. The tears morphed into waterfalls. Your body slowly letting go. But you resisted it. You didn't want to feel even more weak, even while crying softly.
Isn't anyone trying to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home?
It's a damn cold night.
Trying to figure out this life.
The only thing that your tattered soul is holding onto is you. You depended on yourself. You thought you'd make it through storms like this, alone. You thought it was the epitome of maturity - that if you didn't need any help and that you felt secure of yourself you wouldn't be having second thoughts of finding someone. But maybe this time you were going to be corrected.
Maybe this time you'll be fully guided. Maybe, this time you'll be helped. It was so obvious to you that you're on the peak of stopping life. To loathe in the thoughts of... Those stars. It was hard - wanting to take a break to recover. But in exchange, they'll be expecting more of you. And you thought about it. You have to hold on, even on the most fragile branch.
Won't you take me by the hand,
Take me somewhere new?
I don't know who you are,
But I'm with you.
"Y/N?" A soft voice slowly spoke to you. It was behind you as if he knew you needed someone to hold your back. To push you forward. You knew it was a guy, but little did you that he will be the one you'd be able to depend on, and not on yourself anymore. Your mind was brought back to reality after your name rolled off his tongue. You wiped your tears with the arm of your hoodie and tried to balance your breathing.
You fixed your sling bag with your school supplies and slowly turned around to the person that has seen your vulnerability. "Oh, Jungkook." You responded quietly. Out of all of your colleagues, it was Jungkook. The two of you weren't really close. But for some reason, you felt something when you see him. A connection? Hope? Whatever it is, you felt good when you're with him.
I'm looking for a place,
I'm searching for a face,
Is anybody here I know?
"What's wrong?" The typical question, of course. Even if you knew that a person will ask that, nobody really has the balls to ask you. So it didn't really matter if they ask the obvious, you're just thankful somebody cared. "I'm... At the lowest point of my life right now." You answered softly as you looked down on the pavement. The atmosphere awkward was to you, but it soon changed when Jungkook asked again. "Wanna take a break? Come here, take a sit with me."
Jungkook said holding your wrist - which gave butterflies to you. You wondered, when did your heart skip a beat? You can't remember. You might've never even experienced it. Maybe now. He pulled you along with him to a bench near a light post. You sighed. You're hoping that you'll be able to take a break. You're holding on that little hope that Jungkook will be the one to hold you close. Even just for a while, even just for tonight. Just once.
'Cause nothing's going right,
And everything's a mess,
And no one likes to be alone.
"It's okay if you can't say it now. Maybe later, but don't hide it forever. Not until it becomes worse." Jungkook softly said as he caresses your hand. It was a small affection, but it had an impact on you. And you didn't know why. "I have not enough budget to pay for my rent. Yes, I haven't found a house to live on my own. A house of my own. And this semester isn't really going well for me."
You carefully said as your breath becomes rigged again, but you knew to let it out was healthier - because Jungkook was here. "My peers and my family expects a lot from me. You know, a tradition." You continued. He wraps an arm around you and rubs your back in circles, comforting you to the best that he can. He listened without words, and you highly appreciated that for what you need is someone to listen. And not to demand.
Why is everything so confusing?
Maybe I'm just out of my mind?
Moments after letting out fragments of what disturbs you, you felt better, to say the least. It wasn't euphoric, but it did felt better for you to be able to share what's bothering you. Yes, it's a little odd to share it with the person you don't hang out with - you didn't really hang out with anyone. But then again, it felt as if Jungkook was your soulmate. You never know. You calmed down, your whimpers quieted and your breathing became normal.
"Look, there are days in which we all feel like this. We feel terrified, we feel sad, we feel hopeless, whatever despair that we feel. It's in us." Jungkook carefully said, being cautious with his words. "It'll always happen. But you have to know that it won't last long if you find help. You can't build a house in a day, you also need someone. Don't let your pride take over you. If you think you can't do it, let it go. Cry it out not because you are weak, but because you have been strong for too long, Y/N."
It's a damn cold night.
Tryna' figure out this life.
His words were like the calming breeze over summer air. His gaze is the star that you've been looking for. His warmth is the fire that you've been needing. From the bottom of your heart, you knew it was him. You smiled softly. "Thank you." You were searching for someone to shed some light above you. Someone to get you through every night. A person who could be your inspiration. It was Jungkook. You never met often, but those little run-into-you-conversations was worth it.
Even though every talk gave little information about each other, you knew it was enough. "Because you knew how I feel. I couldn't thank you more." You continued, tears filling up your waterline again. And this time, your tears finally found a new purpose. A purpose of hope and joy. He smiled back and hugged you, ignoring the fact that both of you weren't really close to each other. All he knew is that you needed a hug, and you needed it right now.
Take me by the hand,
Take me somewhere new.
I don't know who you are,
Releasing from the hug, both of you smiled. You kissed his cheek. Saying that you're great was an understatement. You are euphoric. Both of you ate at a restaurant after your graduation. You're officially a licensed interior designer and Jungkook, - a licensed photographer. Both of you pretty much overcome the struggles of finishing college. With all these expectations and demands, you two overcame them and resolved problems that come in between the two of you. You were a lot more thankful than what you said a few months ago when you first officially met him at the park.
The conversation from before sparked both of you and you were more than happy to be in love with Jungkook. "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't think I'll be able to get this career." You said. "Our jobs need the inspiration to be able to make our own. It just so happen that both of us became our own inspiration." Jungkook said slyly as you playfully punched his shoulder. "Thank you, Kook." Forever you'll be to him. "Always, Y/N. I'm with you."
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