#domt even speak to me
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#domt even speak to me#death note#homestuck#kismesis#auspistice#light yagami#l lawliet#misa amane#lawlight#dn edits#notestuck
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this might be a little silly but the conceot of any of the kh kids coming out to me makes me so emotional. oh to be trusted and loved by such sweet kids. i wish they were real and my friends
#elisey speaks#i domt even want kids but if any of the kh kids got isekai-ed into this world id adopt them in a heartbeat#theyre all so special to me. i need them all to be happy and loved
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I heard Gojo back so I’m back too wassup
#SOOOOOOOOO MANY IDEAS IN MY HEAD YAWL DOMT EVEN KNOW#like im ready to dive head first back into this writing shit#and can we plssss talk abt cowboy Reiner and toxic eren cause those two have had me bad#and toxic baby daddy toji 😩#Stallion Speaks.
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im just shitposting bc im nervous lol just ignore at this point
but i cant wait for my dutch to get worse again even though its my first (sort of?) language
i went to subway and i was ordering in DUTCH and the guy replied in english hey u can also order in english if thats easier for u
and i just. i was born here im sorry
#domt even get me started on my job#where people just. reply in english even though im speaking dutch#and they have a dutch accent and spoke dutxh earlier so I KNOW DUTCH IS THEIR FIRST LANFUAGE#and theyre trying to be nice to speak english but I AM DUTCH I SPEAK DUTCH#HSKDBNSDBD#PLUS AN OLD LADY putting a hand on ym shoulder and saying#ur dutch is so good!#HALLO?!?!?! PLEASE????#she was so friendly so i pretended im not bc she seemed to genuine
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i miss my girlfriend
#saw her five hrs ago btw. and have texted her several times since then. but i miss her#i am just having the shittiest day ever i had to go to my grandparents house after the most grueling work shift#and i barely ate today. not on purpose. it just didnt happen. so i was withering where i stood it was so fucking bad#literallt started crying when my mom picked me up n said we were going to the grandparents house. was cryimg the whole time we were there#i domt ebem know why im just so stressed today i guess !! its eating me alive lol!!!#i want. to sit in her arms. and have her tell me about some stupid show i dont give a shit about#and for her to hold my hand. the whole time. for five hours straight and i dotn even speak at all that whole time#aughhhhhh augh augh augh. this sucks so bad. when this week is over i will be the happiest man alive
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I love your work so much aaaaaAAAAA!!!
Ok so imma be straightforward, this is straight up me coping with irl stuff and reading your work makes me forget the cruel outside world so HERE WE GO!
Caine and Kinger x S/O who hides who they are out of fear of negative responses. Bottles it all up until they can't handle it anymore. Like, the reader is very much used to being the therapist/caretaker and is often very happy and doesn't hesitate to help others but silently they think rudely of others, holding their tounge constantly and even mutter under their breath about others being annoying. Ofc they don't want others to see who they truly are, in fear of rejection or their worst fear, isolation. They hate this part of themselves, like why do they have these horrible thoughts about others? It even borders on abstraction.
They can only feel comfortable around their partner and try their best not to vent too much but Caine/Kinger can sense something is wrong and even see their S/O glitching a bit and ask what's wrong and say its ok (in their own special ways!) and the reader just finally cracks, and in their glitching voice is sobbing on how much of a terrible person they are and how they deserve to be in this digital hell for being so horrible.
Im so normal about this. And just so it's not so hard to think of a title, I recommend "Caine and Kinger x reader who pretends!" you don't have to use it but it's there!
Unsavory thoughts (Caine and kinger x reader)!
UEAAA THIS GOT BURIED IM SO SO SO SORRY ANON!! I truly did not mean to take this long to get to your request :(
That said I'm so happy to hear that my silly writing has a positive impact on people.. please remember to drink water and get plenty of rest, remember that there are people that care about you
Hands you a glass of juice
I got silly with Caines piece
CAINE:
KINGER:
Between the two it takes him a little while longer to realize that something is wrong with you. I mean hes still trying to learn all these emotions that make people.. human
Absolutely panics when he sees you glitch out. I'm talking his eyes fly out of his jaws as they hang open panic. Rushes to you to see if you're okay... god forbid youre abstracting... maybe he can help ground you, or something?
Listens to you talk, for once the ringmaster is quiet. Rubs your back
You... have mean thoughts about people...?
Is it not okay to dislike people? Is it not reasonable to be irritable in a new environment? Is it not normal to have at least a few terrible thoughts about others? Are you any less worthy of support or love because you're not a ray of sunshine?
Is this not what being human is about?
Of course he wouldnt say it exactly like that, but he would carry the same message, I think. Is what you're experiencing not a natural part of the human experience?
Yes, you can argue that caine is an AI and he has no place to speak on matters like these, but as your partner he wont let you go without comfort and reassurance
He let's you talk and let it all out. I think going forward he makes it a point to make sure you get time alone, and time with him... makes IHAs more "non intrusive" so you can opt out if you dont want to interact with the others
Very accommodating, I think
Unlike caine he catches on really fast that theres something wrong, something even larger than you're letting on. But still, he let's you do your small but rare vents... until he returns to you after briefly taking some time away from you for one reason or another to find you having a melt down. He thinks you're abstracting, and you probably are. Honestly I can see kinger doing the grounding technique (the 5 sense thing) and he tries to guide you through it to help calm you down enough to pull yourself together just enough to stabilize. Listens to your word vomit as you spill your guts out to him. While I domt think he would be as.. profound as caine... he carries a comfort only sweet old people can possess. And it calms you down. It's not an immediate solution, but its comforting nonetheless. He let's you sleep in his arms. He goes on to stand between you and others to try to keep you from getting too irritated or overwhelmed by the others; however he will stand to the side if you ask him to
Very protective of you but even more so after this
#tadc x reader#the amazing digital circus x reader#digital circus x reader#caine x reader#kinger x reader
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JERE. SO YOURE TELLING ME YOU MENTION ALESSANDRA IN YOUR STORY SPEAKING NORWEGIAN (as you should) BUR YOU DOMT SAY ANYTHING AB BOJAN IN THE ONE WHERE U SPEAK SLOVENE?? YOU TRUNED DOWN 20K TO SEE HIM AND NOW U DONT EVEN MENTION HIM???? IM CONFUSED
#please end my suffering#kaarija#Käärijä#bojan cvjetićanin#bojan cvjeticanin#bojan ‘scheduling issues’ cvjetićanin#alessandra mele
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i domt remember who said this but someone said they wanted to hear my gwynplaine autism stuff. so. here you go. i am not pre planning nor proofreading this at all I'm just gonna type what comes to my brain. enjoy
gywnplaine from the man who laughs i think represents a very very good metaphor for the autism experience and this is why i personally view him as autistic. so one of his biggest traits is his carved smile which he frequently covers from everyone. everyone. including his loved ones. even in front of dea, who is blind, he still has a habit of putting a scarf over it, despite the fact she'd never be able to see it anyways. i think this is a good way to explain autism masking. its so constant and so out of habit that a lot of us do it in front of literally everyone, even our closest friends/loved ones that we probably should feel safe to unmask in front of, we still do mask in front of for safety or out of fear of being rejected. sure, they know we have it, but the more we hide it it seems the better. another thing with gwynplaine is how despite the efforts he goes to to hide his mouth, people can still tell it is there and still laugh at him and mock him for it. the same goes for masking w autism. no matter how good we think we r many many people can still tell something is different and will still give us shit for it. gwynplaine appears to feel very distant from other people due to how he looks and is treated. like a complete outcast from society. the same can be said for how it feels to be autistic, especially when undiagnosed. for me for a long time it felt like i was missing something everyone else has and i felt very alone in the world. sometimes i still do. he just wants to be accepted by other people the same way autistic people do.
on an additional note: i also view gwynplaine as autistic for a small amount of his behaviors (its a bit harder to find autistic traits in silent film characters bc yknow. lack of speaking/communication patterns ) but he also seems to have some lack of awareness for social cues and a very strong sense of justice. which are both autistic traits. thank you for coming to my midnight autism rambles. thank you connie for this performance as gywnplaine it had an irreversible impact on my life.
#this is just based around my personal experience being autistic and being undiagnosed for 15 years so. take this as you will#gwynplaine#veidtnation#the man who laughs#this movie is imporant to me#autism ramblings#personal
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Having a bad day. Just like most of the time I shrug off the transphobia of the world but my mom and step dad both misgendered me twice at breakfast my dad misgendered me while we're chatting on the way home and then I just want to play games online but guess what more transphobia. I just like. It doesn't hurt my feelings that people misgender me and pseudodeadname me when I'm playing online but just. It makes me sad that mechanically it stops me from being good qt games. If I talk in a game it's just immediate slurs from my teammates 9 times in 10 and just a lot of yelling and hatred and it actively stops me from being able to hear things in gsme and play well. And it certainly keeps the team from making callouts and coordinating. I just I domt regret transitioning but I'm sad that it has really made it impossible to make friends while I'm playing games or speak without ruining my ability to play. It just all makes me want to curl up in a ball and not get up again sometimes. Like I'm suppose to stream in 2 hours and it'd just like. Is ut even worth it? Is there a world where my clocky ass ever gets big enough as a streamer to make money off it without getting harassed out of existence? I'm just. I'm tired. I don't want to be entertaining right now. I don't want to be chipper and upbeat. But I also don't want to miss my once a week stream cause I'm down in the dumps over idiots. I'm so tired.
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Ok só i dunno whats happenign to tumblr, i cant post vids BUT
MSNANA IS BACKK
Heres a vídeo i made:
https://youtu.be/-xe74rs72HQ?si=_Nf7wexgD_OWxCdG
Some more explaining here tho
Yes, sadly i wont be using nana anymore as a main character on my blog. For as much as i love her, i dont want people misgendering me or her.
Aand tbh her name is a hard one to write and speak (nanainani) so thinking brand wise, a revamp is a good call
Then, now i will be using--
* drums *
This fella!! His name is Thomas (Yes its Tom on the thing, i use nicknames to make it easier lol) and will be my main from now on
Theres another one but thats no important at the moment
One of the coolest things about Tommy tho is that i can actuslly "cosplay" as him irl! Só theres zero chance to happen with him... what usually happen with my representations of self (who know knows)
And im also doing a youtube channel!!
Im thinking about posting some "animation" memes and just vídeos of me doing drawings and such
Im working on some vídeos, and i will keep everyone uptdated
Sooo
I will be active again, and im so happy to be able to finally get back!
I hope that these changes domt spook people off too much
I am forever thankful for everything, all the good messages, the supprt the love. Thats something i could never get anywhere else
So, thank you. Thank you for being the amazing person that you are
Have a good night, a beautiful morning, and a good evening
I love you ❤️
#FINALLY TUMBLR LET ME POST THIS#been days ive been trying LMAO#but ye#imma get active#if you saw a weird guy like ur post#was me
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I wanna put on layers because now days I get cold and it sucks I need two covers to sleep and keep myself warm. I'm not cold if it's so hot to where the crayons melt on the pavement other than that I am cold my hands mainly my fingers get cold and my ears and I have a beanie in my backpack but I feel like ifi wear it ill look weird im trypong off of the my key oard where theres no capaltization or auto correct so im just typing like this snd i dont care thag much i think i have a sore throat because I threw up yesterday not on purpose i literally just woke up from my nap and threw up when i woke ip maybe i ste too many cuties but ig it sas worth it but my throat is so re now
i think i can speak about my lfie on tumblr like its no one's business it feels nice i guess because even if. i dont get engagement on here i at elast have a personal outlet with a form of anonymity.
i dont think i have to make sende on here because i ca just speak even when im not physically speaking i have an outlet i feel that this is possibly a more positive oitlet compared to my ntoes which have bad thigns.
i linda wish i could be luci at times i sure hes a sweet person lol i dont lnow
is it lies or are they actually happy? because im sure it's possible to physc yourself into thinking your fine and happy with the self distruction but in the oong run it, likey
i feel so odd like ts posting thigns om twitter like hes the smartest person on the internet or even like some weird reddit incel i dont know i wish he wasnt a bad person because i wont lie i feel pike if he wasnt bad i would actually engangenin his content i guess or lsiten to his music which i do but i listen to it on soundcloud
sometimes i feel like i dont wanna bw here because i didnt take my anti depressants but than i remember thag i have to live,i have a life i need to live even if i dont like ir but also because i dont want to fie or unalive myself and have jim thinking "oh he did it because of me" like no your not thag important bro anywho im been listening to mm they're music kinda helps likw when i started listening to ms sheets music as a coping mechanism i need to find the picture i thinl i have it in my camra roll owir weweweew i dont have the picture ^_^ hapoy i gues
he got me a xbox but i showld have asked 4 a 3DS XL i miss playing on a ds i miss my dsi meanwhile in dyf hes talkinf about wanting to f*ck his iphonei thought the wbll rang for a second
i dont like feeling anxious to where my chest feels where empty alsmot? does tumblr have a certain amount to how much you can type? iw onder of whell hope not.i might edit this text iiiddkk
i winder if i was unmasking i dont know yesterday ahe said why do you have an attitude it was because i didnt take my medication not because of the miney that stupid it didnt feel real life mever feels real anyways so it doesnt matter? i felt like almost not being here but mo because i font know what awaits me in death.
fucking hipster fa- i should reallychange my usernamw i think i need to type faster hahah than i can type not normal i font care tbh i can be myaelf here without judgement unlike life i hate life because people judge people too much like you dont know me yet you mock me because of my voice or the way i look
i guess i sometimes feel bad because im werid or different but that's because i guess ir isnt recived by the public as socially acceptable but i gues its okay because wveryone is different right?
im cold and im twichtuimg/moving
i guess i got moved in my marh class idk shy magbe its like my english class wbere theres different places/groups for certain levels?
i dont know but um i think ill skip english/6th period for my own sake of my mental health?
i domt wanna be bullied or mocked because of me just living its like please let me be i canf stand up to them because itll make things worse but its okay i guess ewie random uncomfy feeling in my body ack itll be otay it eventually goes away j down know whag 2 do
i wont lie i kinda like beinf different from towth people sometimes but i also dont sometimes but its okay because i have people that im friends woth people thag are kinda like me so that makes me happy gouss ooo new way to spell guess hehe
this is scary bro this man still creps me out sorry mike
i feel like i have to stop myself sometimes from being 2 weird because o dont wanna weird out the people that are my friends
okay okay im dine inmeed to put my things im order first ts second mm third ma?
lol hw was high in it
funny enough mars popped up and i was looking om mm ahh my stomach feels weird bruh djsjfnsj
how i feel
did i write too much?
hope mot
#tumblr is my personal diary#https.womper#titanic sinclair#ts#mars argo#brittany alexandria sheets#brittany sheets#melanie martinez#crybaby purfume#vent ig#idk bruh#random posting#skipping class
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Objective opinions on compaignions
Astarion: my baby girl. I apperciate that hes not so much evil as he is selfish with a funny personality.
Karlach: my homeboy my soilder. Karlach is so sweet i love her restless nature amd zest for life. I am both happy they made the slave woman not black and sad they made her not black to humanize her a bit more to players (based on players interactions with her but also how weak these mortals are i would never. Bask in black or kill yourself.)
Wyll: hes sweet, i only wish they had made him more morally gray/ sympathetic to monsters n demoms the likes. Like im glade the literal slave was made not black but watching Mizora yeek his chaim gave me such a fucking ick. I would have preffered the two had more complex relationship, perhaps one that soured over the years or something.
Gale: hes just like me for real but if i was smart. I have real feelings for astarion cuz i am lonely but i have real feelings for gale cuz his arc speaks to me. I cannot meaningfully convey how i feel about him without overdharing.
Lae'zel: i just think shes neat. I like how grumpy she is she has fun interactioms with other characters. I domt like the player/lae'zel options ive come across. She is so were getting there tho
Shadowheart: Shart is so stupid how could a game based on DnD of all things put a character in a cult thats evil and then make her a catholic crusader. I have not played dnd before so i thought shar vs selune was like, two rival gods of the same coin, shar worship is looked down upon socially but is really just as valid. No thays not how it is!!! Tbh shes really annoying as a Sharran so i dont mind her abadoning it but i really thought there would be like an epic #notallsharrans with Kethric vs Shart. Also shes mean to Lae'zel and Lae'zel has ugly privelage so i dislike her more. I knownits shallow to dislike a character for how baf their story is but in my defense, thats where the character is. I domt hate her or anything i just cant care about her by herself i only care about her for the nightsong boons and the whatnot.
Halsin: I kinds hate dnds take on druids since it relys on seperating humanity from nature on such a fundamental degree that Gale didnt even treat my druid as a caster, which confuses me. I guess im lile a warlock/paladin mix but my source is. Grass? I mean like technically ots the moon but theres a moon god and i dont do anyrhing with her, which COULD MAYBE be intresting as a oh there are multiple cultures but why do i have to not be am intergrated memeber of soceity to be a furry. Like druids are a whole seperate culture that honestly.... feels like an irl cult like these are such toxic power dymamics n the insularism is insane and poisonous even without the shadowdruids. And Halsin just leans into this more. Imma jave sex with him the same way i would a grindr man. I wanna know as little about you ad possible because i lnow in my heart your fucking atrotious. The only rhing saving him is hes fictional. I dont think i could stomach him irl.
I actually havent aquired the other compaignions yet cuz I have two different characters going at the same time and am in the process of getring Minthara rn (i cant wait to see her and Halsin making prolonged eue contact in camp)
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i think determining whether someone is speaking to you genuinely and seriously or if theyre bullshitting and taunting is way more nuanced than its often talked about around me. and by tjis i mean i can tell the difference between someone telling me something i genuinely dont want to hear vs someone wanting to conversate but my tolerance for anything at all is like if someone was using a salesman auctioneer voice in my face asking me to buy holy water fountain of youth sparkling juice in a plastic bottle. i dont fucking care and the longer you speak to me the less im going to be able to process. but the fact that i can even come away from any conversation at all and tjink "i domt fucking care" js a little displeasimg to me and i find it unadjusted. i want to get better so i can come out of.mlre comversqtions like wow.i care.
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im gonna be taking the rest of the week off from daily hcs (probably, there's a chance ill post if i get time). i have shit to catch up on and i need some time to plan other things. ill still be active so feel free to say hello or ask me things or whatever else
#im Exhausted#but fr come speak words at me#i do q and as a lot but still i enjoy talking to you guys#if anybody has any good ask games for me to do send them my way#i can never find good ones but i love doing them#also to be totally honest my hcs havent been doing all that well lately#and domt get me wrong i love doing them#and i love reading the responses#but its dejecting when i cant even tell if people are seeing or liking them ya know#jensen says dumb things
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Why is getting a new job so nerve racking?!
It's like, "look! I'm good at doing my job, believe me!! Everyone at my job thinks so too!! Don't just believe me, believe them too!!"
I'm trying to get a position slightly different from my own, that means permanent work instead of working on a contract. All I want is a steady job that I can do REALLY FREAKING WELL because I'm a perfectionist and otherwise experience anxiety feeling slightly incompetent
All I know is learning how to be the best and I hate it when I don't feel that way, so even if I'm taking on a different role, I will learn how to OUT PERFORM EVERYONE IF ITS HUMANLY POSSIBLE
#the jitters are back !!!!#please hire me please hire me#i literally would have gotten a 4.0 instead of 3.69 in college exept i needed to sleep some nights#and i still didnt sleep that much#please#all i want to be told is that im a good boy and im doing a great job#and i will DO THAT THING EVEN BETTER#fuck why domt adults get praised for their work????!!#everette speaks
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If you're struggling with anything right now, this is your reminder that someone out there cares for you, I promise. If you feel otherwise, then at least know that my heart goes out to you. Turn your phone off for a minute. Breathe. Feel the air enter and exit your body. Remind yourself that millions of cells are working day and night to keep your precious life upright. I love you. Remember this.
#lizard speaks#also you can talk to me if you want#even if we never talk#even if you domt even follow me#im here#youre worth it
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