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asphodelical · 4 months

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The Great Anime Rewatch of 2024 - Part V

Casshern Sins

First watched: January 2014 Rewatched: January 2024

Original rating: 6 New rating: 4

Prior to this rewatch, I wouldn’t have been able to tell you anything about Casshern Sins. It might’ve been better if it had stayed that way. While watching the first episode, I couldn’t stop complaining how bad the writing was. It feels like the creative team was banking on the show’s style and atmosphere to compensate for its weak dialogue, and I’m not falling for it. The thing I will fall for is the music. It’s really good. But if I want a post-apocalyptic story about robots having existential crises, I’ll stick with Nier: Automata, thank you very much. I lasted five episodes.

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Claymore

First watched: December 2011 Rewatched: February 2024

Original rating: 7 New rating: 5

The writing is basic and everything is mid. If one of your deuteragonists is an audience avatar with no personality, that’s not good. Then on episode five we completely switched POVs out of nowhere, and we barely know anything about our original duo. It feels like the author was stalling for time while they figure out what do to with Claire and Raki. I lasted five episodes.

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Boku no Hero Academia 1, 2, & 3

First watched: 2016, 2017, 2018 - all original airdates Rewatched: February 2024

Original ratings: 7, 8, 8 New ratings: 7, 7, 4

I remember enjoying BnHA, but I never got swept up by the hype. I’m not really into superhero stuff to begin with, and the sub-genre is so oversaturated, the stories almost feel like parodies of itself. Anyway, let’s try this again, and not on a weekly basis. (I refuse to rewatch season four since I didn’t like it much.)

Season 1 - I find it extremely hard to believe that every single student made it out of that big villain ambush with light injuries. At least one kid should’ve been killed or, at the very least, extremely traumatized. But what I appreciate most is that the characters are smart and actually use their powers creatively and intelligently. I still don’t understand why Mineta exists, though. No one likes him. He should’ve died.

Season 2 - BnHA’s strengths and weaknesses are in full swing now. Its highs consist of the sports festival/tournament arc, Bakugo and Deku vs. All Might, and the conversation between Deku and Shigaraki. As for the weaknesses? Well, the neglect of the female characters was thriving. I really don’t like Creati (she can create anything except a decent outfit), but I pitied her—getting roped into a hero internship and do nothing but beauty ads? What the actual fuck? After the Stain stuff, my interest was diminishing and I was skipping bits of almost every episode. Bakugo is my favorite character, and fuck that dog police chief.

Season 3 - Now I’m actively skipping episodes. It’s starting to get redundant at this point (more exams???), the cast is so large it’s collapsing on itself, and there’s no sense of loss. Why should I care about any fight when everyone gets to walk away alive, completely intact, and fine in every sense of the word? This was less evident when I watched these seasons as they aired weekly with lengthy breaks in between. The pacing problem is also exacerbated now, with the stupid forest training bit taking up the first seven episodes, when it probably could’ve been three or four. (I skipped most of them, hence the ‘probably.’) Meanwhile, the villains don’t actually accomplish anything. There’s no reason for me to take them seriously. And the heroes aren’t developing—their powers aren’t escalating or changing, and neither are they as people. The only character who gave me what I want is Bakugo in his fight with Deku.

BnHA is weird, because in this world where nearly everyone has a power, I think it went down one of the most uninteresting directions possible. The cast is far too large, and can’t juggle them all, despite its earnest effort to do so. And while suspension of disbelief is always required in things like superhero stories, I feel like there’s not enough loss. That’s partially due to the nature of the demographic, but stories like these shouldn’t be so terrified of whittling down/killing off its bloated cast. What if some of the UA students felt traumatized from fighting with real villains, or decide that they want to change career paths? Or a former hero student who turned to villainy? It’s a shame that those things aren’t explored.

I still had a pretty good time with the first two seasons, but found myself emotionally apathetic to most of the cast.

The only ones I actively care about: Bakugo, Deku, and Shigaraki.

The characters I enjoy but am not particularly invested in: Froppy, Tokoyami, Todoroki, Ochako.

Bypassing season four, will I give season five a chance? Not sure, since season three was painful to rewatch. From overall fan opinion, the story and writing seem to get worse, and I spoiled myself with Bakugo and am very disappointed to see sacrifices gone to waste and being brought back from the fucking dead.

#anime

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petruchio · 2 years

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hi caroline, i hope this is okay to ask, but could you talk a little bit about your "post-graduation, getting a job" journey? i also majored in literature, and graduated last fall. i wasn't actively job searching bc i planned to go to grad school, but when i didn't get in anywhere this spring, suddenly plans have shifted into Getting A Job ASAP Is The Top And Only Priority ;~; i'm almost at the point where i'm starting to regret getting a humanities degree, and wondering why past me didn't major in something more practical and lucrative, like engineering. from one lit major to another, how did you overcome this feeling of fear of being unemployable? or maybe you didn't have it all? i'd be grateful for any insight you had!! ~ sincerely, a very scared literature major

oh yeah of course!! i think ive answered a few similar questions, but i can't find them at the moment -- if i do i will come back and link them here as well, but im so happy to talk about it!! also here’s my job search tag though it’s mostly just me being insane -- it’s probably not that helpful. but let me do my best to give some helpful advice.

one thing i think is important to remember about getting a job with a less straightforward degree is that you don’t *have* to get a job in what your degree is in. like i don’t work in books or literature at all. my job is barely related to my degree and i kind of just stumbled into it (there is a lot of luck involved!) and now i'm just trying to do my best? i figure it will lead me to the next thing, and that will lead me to the next, and eventually ill find my place. while i do have my weekly existential crises, i am actually pretty chill about my career because i am only 22 and i know i don’t know anything at all yet, so how am i supposed to know what my career calling is? i say this just to say basically don’t pressure yourself to be like, the foremost editor at a top publishing house or a prize-winning journalist right out of college. (great if you are!! but it’s not a requirement.) like if you’re not interested in doing journalism (i wasn’t, personally) don’t feel pressured to do it. there’s nothing commanding you write articles just because you have a literature degree.

one thing to ask yourself -- what have you done that you enjoyed? i had a student internship doing comms work that i enjoyed, so i put that on my resume and searched for jobs with similar tasks. it doesn’t have to have been an amazing internship at a famous top company where you were the star intern for the entire year. but did you do research with a professor? work somewhere on campus? write for the school newspaper? was there one class where you really excelled? those are all great things to put on your post grad resume and use them in interviews! hiring managers KNOW you were a student. they’re not expecting you to have a fully developed resume yet! they want to know what you’re good at — your experiences so far will take you farther than you are probably currently thinking they will.

my other best advice is DO INFORMATIONAL INTERVIEWS. these literally saved my life. for the record, yes they are terrifying and yes they are super awkward. but i think they are the best thing you can do while job searching, especially as a new grad. reach out to alums on linkedin (bonus points if you have the same major!) and ask your college career center if they have a way to connect you with other alums. send them a cold message saying basically this:

"Hi (name)! I am a new graduate from/current student in X major at X university, and I am currently exploring my career options for after graduation. (Sentence saying we have xyz in common, major, university, career goal). I saw your profile, and I really admire your career path. I was wondering if you had (10, 20, 30) minutes for a quick phone call or Zoom chat to talk more about your experience in the industry? Thank you so much!"

you will be surprised by how many people will take you up on this!! and in those, i would ask basically — “can you tell me a bit about your career path” “what led you to your current position” “do you have any suggestions what titles to look for as entry level job in your field?” and things like that. (that last one helps a lot — you have never worked in the career world before! there is probably a job title you don’t even know exists that is an entry level role in a field that appeals to you.) they will do most of the talking -- just take good notes and ask thoughtful questions and you are golden :)

the great thing about informational interviews is that not only can you make great connections and get really helpful advice, but it also gives you good practice with the language and conversational style of people in the career sphere. you have been a student up until now -- and that’s fine! but talking to people who are established in their career can help you focus your own interview skills, literally just by listening to them talk and hearing how they talk about their role. it helped me TON in interviews to just have that language, because as a student, it just wasn’t something i was familiar with. it’s good, low stakes practice for improving your job interviews once you get to that stage.

my last piece of advice with these interviews is don’t go in expecting them to offer you a job -- that basically never happens. BUT! sometimes they will tell you what to search for! sometimes they will hook you up with a recruiter! sometimes they will tell you that this career path sucks and not to pursue it under any circumstances! all of those are great outcomes and you will learn something you didn’t know before. the great thing about informational interviews is that they are INFORMATIONAL -- and getting that information is a really good first step, especially if you didn’t do a lot of career prep work during undergrad (i know i didn’t 🤪)

also just know that job hunting SUCKS. it’s demoralizing, it’s depressing, it can make you feel really bad about yourself. there’s no good way around it, and i wish it wasn’t like that, but i think acknowledging that can be good just so you don’t feel like you’re drowning and that you’re the only one going through it. it sucks. im sorry. having a job also sucks. everyone goes through it. that’s just… life i guess.

but also remember that you are not your job or your career. you are a whole person with passions and talents and drive that have no connection to whatever it is that you will end up doing for work. don’t let it get you down too much. it will all work out. everything will be fine. you are smart, you are talented, and most of all, you are loved by so many people who couldn’t care less what you do for a job. me included!! if you’re reading this -- i love you! and im super proud of you. you graduated. that’s a huge accomplishment. now go kick some job searching butt!! and negotiate your salary. always negotiate your salary ;)

#answered #anonymous #advice tag #YEAH IM PUTTING IT IN THERE

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azariaspace · 7 years

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I feel less like a person and more like a collection of events.

That’s due to overscheduling and also miscellaneous mental illness.

#three more got added to my calendar today #that’s for the future #today I went to two meals (one an hour-long social ordeal) and three classes plus two other meetings plus did homework and!#responded to so many emails and maybe scheduled a fourth thing #I can’t bear to open Facebook messenger and find out #all I do is go to class and Be Queer™ and build sets and have existential crises online and sometimes do homework #I filmed a video I don’t have time to edit #and why bother when the comments are all ‘I hate you’ and ‘I want you to die’#or if nothing else midgendering me #college shouldn’t be his hard #and I fucking act in some of the weekly church services on campus!#and I’m church-hunting and do laundry and keep myself alive #I showered for the first time in three days today because I just didn’t have TIME before

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bytheangell · 4 years

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I never did my ‘Happy Friday, Friends!’ post this week why am I so bad at remembering that lately!?

Anyway, happy, uh, Saturday night, friends!

I am sick. Again. Because work is just a constant back-and-forth of disease trading right now apparently. The whole 60+ hour work weeks aren’t helping, both just from being run down and from being in the same room as all the other sick people for 60+ hours a week, so there’s that. Oof. I work all day tomorrow but it’s the barely staffed Sunday shift so I’m just praying no calls come in or emergencies happen and it’s a chill easy day.

In other work related news. I’m like. Very, very convinced I”m going to make my end date there March. I don’t love the job. I actually actively dislike the job, and while it got me great experience I can feel myself .5 seconds away from snapping the longer I”m there and I wanted to hold out until over the summer but I just don’t see it happening.

In happier news, if I do leave in March, I can reward myself with the full weekend of that Heroes of the Shadow World con in April, and maybe some extended time to hang with people in NYC, so there’s that! We’ll see. I promised myself no solid decision making until January 1st so I can sit on it for a while.

Aaaaaand as for writing, I’m going through the editing on Two Princes (still really hopeful to finish that and post it by the end of the month!) on top of a few oneshot ideas I’m poking around at. And, of course, my weekly Coda Fic that’s still going strong on week... 32, I believe? Oof, I can’t believe it’s been that many weeks since the finale, it still feels like yesterday sometimes.

OH. OH I ALMOST FORGOT! I have a fun little giveaway of some Shadowhunters runes resin charms over on twitter, so if you have a twitter definitely check that out! I plan on doing a similar one on Tumblr probably in the not-too-distant-future so don’t worry if you don’t have a twitter for this time around.

And yeah. That’s about it. Some existential life choice crises and the usual never-ending fic writing life once I’m home, so here we are at the end of another week.

Hope things are going well for all of you, and that you’re all healthy and happy and living your best lives <3

#elle talks too much

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beebsaroni · 4 years

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1/28/20

I have a friend who’s using her tumblr as a sort of journal and, given my recent mental health, I decided to embark on a similar journey and maybe help other people who are going through the same sort of stuff.

This blog will just be a mish-mash of whatever I want. Hopefully, I’ll update almost every day. I want to push myself to be the best version of me.

So, if you’re curious:

Hi, I’m Bee. I’m a cis female and I use she/her pronouns, but I go in and out of questioning my gender identity. I’m an eighteen year-old college student going to a major university with an undecided major (but I’m going into engineering of some sort). I’m bisexual and in a rather new relationship. I’m half Peruvian (first generation American on that side) and half white (German but generations in). I’m a confirmed Catholic but there are aspects of other religions I believe in and I definitely don’t follow Catholicism to the T- However, one of my goals is to start going to church weekly again. Mass and the music makes me feel better.

My interests include The Sims (the only game I really continuously play... I just like to make families), Avatar: The Last Airbender (I have a whole other blog just focused on that), Steven Universe, and continuously scrolling through tumblr and reddit for hours.

I have suffered from mental health problems all my life. My dad (soon-to-be-adoptive) even says when he met me at age 5, he could already tell that I was damaged. I was never abused; just had a horribly chaotic childhood. I’ve suffered from depression, anxiety, anorexia, multiple methods of self-harm, and reoccurring bouts of existentialism crises. And I while I may never get rid of the negative parts in my brain, I am so tired of breaking down constantly. I want to improve myself. I want to make the choice to be happy and I’d really like to help guide anyone else who is struggling down that path too.

I have some goals I’d like to accomplish. There’s no timeline or due date to them, rather they are objectives I want to consistently aim for in order to improve my life. In hopes of lowering how often I feel bored and lonely.

-Leave the house (either my dorm or my boyfriends) 6 out of the 7 days

-Do something creative 6 out of the 7 days (I’d like to get into writing again and maybe learn how to paint and draw... I also play ukelele and occasionally write music)

-Post something 6 out of the 7 days (It’s better thoughts go out than in)

-Go to ALL of my classes (...aside from my precalc lecture which I will never attend)

-Take my pills every night

-Do an activity with friends 2 out of the 7 days (though, ideally 3 would be nice)

-Start going to mass once a week

-Do all my homework

-Call my mom once a week

These are all of the goals I can think of right now but perhaps I’ll add more over time. Mostly I’d like to keep my day filled. Currently, I’m spending hours on end with nothing to do. That’s not healthy and probably contributed to my recent frequent break downs.

Anyway, I’ll probably post a lot if my anxiety doesn’t get in the way. I have a lot of thoughts.

Thank you for reading this through. I hope you’ll continue on this journey with me.

-Bee <3

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opheliasbrokenmind · 3 years

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Do you play any instruments? I love your blog btw 💓

thank you for your kind words and yes, i do. maybe ‘i used to’ is a better answer since i haven’t practised for months. i played the guitar for five years, then spent a few months playing the bass guitar -which i don’t remember anything now- after that, i started playing the viola and i played for 4-5 years but had to stop thanks to school.. i even wanted to have a career with music but the usual story, my parents weren’t very supportive. now i’m a high school student who’s having existential crises about her future on a weekly basis

but i definitely want to learn how to play the piano one day! it’s such a great instrument

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playitbyear-laz · 4 years

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010

People frequently ask, “What are your goals for Play It By Ear?” and the most honest answer I can give is -- I don’t know, and that’s kind of the whole point.

This project is meant to be my outlet to share whatever ideas I have, in whatever moments I feel them come to me. As I grow and move through my own life journey, my only goal is that the project evolves along with me. If it stays a bi-weekly playlist, curated to feel like a multi-genre album, and nothing more, that’s fine with me. If I feel the urge to incorporate other ideas later on, that might happen too.

As I get older, I begin to understand the value of being open & adaptable to whatever life offers you. I think the best creative experiences happen when you let go of rules & expectations and just go with what feels good to you in the moments that you feel them.

As Bruce Lee famously put it --

“Don't get set into one form, adapt it and build your own, and let it grow, be like water. Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless — like water. Now you put water in a cup, it becomes the cup; You put water into a bottle it becomes the bottle; You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot”

I'm so grateful to all of you for tuning in with this project up to this point and appreciate all of the kind messages some of you have shared. Going along the themes mentioned above, I have something else under the ‘PLAY IT BY EAR’ umbrella I’ve been working on & will be dropping later this week. Until then, much love.

PLAY IT BY EAR 010

curated by laz

Link to all platforms HERE.

cz - Mk.gee

WHERE: the good good homie Hector (@_whatthehecktor) and I have been talking about all of the dope talent coming out of the USC community since we were studying there in the Music Industry program. Needless to say, Mk.gee has always been a part of that discussion.

WHY: Mk.gee’s another great example of the next generation of artists who have the ability to effortlessly blend genres. ‘cz’ is a hypnotic indie track with an R&B groove and honest lyrics that convey the recurring experience of existential crises that tend to happen in your early 20s. Not sure if this is a fact, but Hector and I suspect he named the track after the Casio CZ-1 synth, which is one of the main instruments heard throughout the song.

Low - Larry Gaaga feat. Wizkid

WHERE: IG Story - Alberto Beas (@albertobeas). Been using a lot of music I discovered from Alberto the past couple weeks. Dude is seriously one of my favorite people to talk to about music and culture in general.

WHY: I’ve already talked plenty of times in the past about my love for afrobeat/dancehall, so if you’ve been following along, I apologize for sounding like a broken record. Songs like this trigger such a unique feeling that no other genre can; a sound that’s rooted in primal rhythms & deep energy. Totally aware of how vague that sounds, but if you know, you know.

Lonely People - Wantigga feat. Anuka

WHERE: my brother Jon Antonio (@jonnntonio) put me on to this one.

WHY: I remember discovering Wantigga and Anuka during the early SoundCloud era, specifically Wantigga’s flip of Just Friends and Anuka on this Pham record. ‘Lonely People’ is a proper evolution since those days for both of these artists, touching on elements of future bass and modern R&B and playing on each other’s strengths in doing so.

Catharsis - Gareth Donkin

WHERE: came on randomly on Spotify

WHY: If you’re in the mood for super pleasant tunes in the jazzy, feel-good R&B realm, all of Gareth Donkin’s discography is perfect for you. ‘Catharsis’ feels exactly like it’s titled -- freeing and full of relieving emotion.

Can’t Let Him Down - Kelly Finnigan

WHERE: honestly don’t remember how I came across this track, but it’s been on my queue for PLAY IT BY EAR for a minute.

WHY: While this song came out only last year, it feels like a track that could have been released during the time when my parents were growing up -- truly timeless music. (If you’re looking for more tunes like this, definitely check out Durand Jones and the Indications as well). You guys already know how much I pay attention to lyrical content and being that I’ve been trying to be more in tune with my spiritual side as of late, this song is the perfect uplifting soul track that I can’t get enough of these days.

Keys, Wallet, Phone, God - Peter Cottontale feat. Jamila Woods

WHERE: Been following Peter Cottontale for a minute because of his connection to Chance the Rapper.

WHY: I may be opening up a can of worms here, but I believe this Peter Cottontale album is what 'Jesus is King' or Chance’s second album should have sounded like if they wanted those projects to work. This song, in particular, has a GREAT hook that I’ll start randomly singing in my head every now and then and also serves as a positive reminder to simplify any complicated thoughts that arise.

9 to 5 - Adam Snow feat. Freddie Gibbs & Teddy Andreas

WHERE: I’m honestly a little embarrassed at this point by how many times I’ve used a track sent to me by Alberto, but this track fit the sequencing I was going for this week for so well. Alberto showed me this joint due to our shared love for Khrurangbin, and I feel no shame in giving him the credit he deserves for it.

WHY: The instrumental for this song (Friday Morning - Khrurangbin) is actually the main reason I love it, but the David Choe sample in the beginning followed by the verses delivered by Freddie Gibbs & Teddy Andreas all combine to create a super fun, playful and positive message.

Don’t Worry Baby - Remastered 2001 - The Beach Boys

WHERE: This song was on a playlist curated by Shyam from the Throwing Fits podcast (one of my absolute favorite things to listen to on my way to work).

WHY: This track is all the feel-good energy you would expect from The Beach Boys, but with an added touch of romance to it, that feels like the perfect cherry on top. *Chefs kiss

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typetwofun · 4 years

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How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love The Quarantine

“I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: ‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”

That’s a quote from Steve Jobs that I have always particularly liked. I think the reason that I enjoy it so much is that it suggests that if life isn’t going the way you want, you have some degree of control to change it more to your liking. The first place my head goes when I hear that quote is work. We spend a lot of our waking hours either at work or thinking about work, so that has a lot to do with how much we enjoy each day. But on the other side of the coin, if your life is only focused on work, you’re also probably not going to be entirely thrilled if you found out today was your last day on earth.

During pre-quarantine life, if you weren't excited about your day of work ahead, you were at least able to look forward to trying that new restaurant that evening or meeting a good friend for a drink at your favorite bar or maybe just grabbing a cup of coffee at the cafe where they know your usual as you head into the office. It doesn’t have to be an opulent treat either. My good friend Austin and I used to visit our favorite neighborhood bar every Tuesday and that alone kept every Tuesday exciting.

In mid-March when most of the U.S. started shutting down many of us were hit with an existential crises. The weekly rituals, office culture, hobbies and social events that made our daily lives more enjoyable and interesting evaporated right in front of our eyes. Your Tuesday evening visit to the local watering hole, your friends and colleagues at work, or your runners club before work on Thursday all the sudden isn’t there and you now have a vacuum of time that needs to be filled.

When I realized that I now had an abundance of our most precious commodity, I had an opportunity to start doing some of the things that I had been putting off for months and in some cases years. This blog is a great example of something I had always thought would be a good idea, but I never made the time for it. Now I have several additional hours each evening making now the perfect time to start this project. Everyone has the books they’ve been meaning to read or the dishes they would like to cook but never do because your schedule’s too packed. But now things are different, I mean who’s not making sourdough bread right now?

I have found the key to finding joy during this quarantine is to fill the newly found time each day with something I truly enjoy. Although I never sat down and wrote a comprehensive list, I had a number of ideas floating around in my head on what I would do if I had more time in my day. Writing a blog was one, spending more time working on my motorcycle was another, read more is up there and the list goes on. As I started doing the things I didn’t have the time to pre quarantine, I also stumbled upon other activities I never really thought I would enjoy but serendipitously found to be my favorite part of the day. See below.

What I had floating around in my head but didn’t make the time for:

Write for pleasure - I started this blog with a goal of writing 1 post per month with the goal of improving my writing. This post makes me two for two so far ;-)

Grow a vegetable garden - I now have a space with a raised garden bed to plant some vegetables and flowers. I did a small garden two years ago, but last year I was training for a triathlon and didn’t have the time to tend to a garden, now I have plenty.

Saturday’s in the garage - I have spent several hours just about every Saturday in the garage finishing a big repair job and doing preseason maintenance. I can happily report after a complete top end rebuild my bike is running and ready for the season ahead.

Read more broadly - In quarantine I have read books spanning the History of NYC, Ski Touring in the North East, No Country for Old Men, and The Picture of Dorian Gray. Open to suggestions on what to read next.

Run - I have been suffering from plantar fasciitis for almost six months, but after using insoles, a bunch of weird stretches, and yoga before work a few times a week and after long runs I’m back running twice per week.

Activities I didn’t anticipate picking up in quarantine:

Discovering New TV Shows - Cody Townsend's The Fifty , the Last Dance, and Working For the Weekend - I watched 1 or 2 episodes per day to elongate the enjoyment from each series.

Expanding my cocktail palate - 5p has become cocktail hour in our apartment. When I’ve had my third consecutive Zoom meeting of the afternoon, it’s a nice reward for finishing out the workday. I’ve been trying new cocktails and variations of cocktails I may have not previously enjoyed in an effort to keep it interesting. For instance, I never knew I liked Negornis before I discovered their secret ingredient - carpano antica.

I have also really enjoyed the Scofflaw (pictured below) and Whiskey Sours.

Even though I have found a lot of reasons to enjoy the past ten weeks in quarantine, I cannot wait to go back to the way life was before this virus dominated nearly every aspect of my waking hours. Non-stop video conferences and digital communication at work followed by zoom and phone call with friends in the evening can really wear me down. Even the cognitive load that comes along with every precaution we take to avoid getting infected seems to be taking its toll.

I also realize that I am incredibly privileged in several ways. I am employed, working from home, and quite busy at work which not only supplies adequate funds to stay comfortable during the quarantine but also means I don’t have to go out into the uncertain world every day. I know many of us are either out of work or must risk exposure to the virus which must also be incredibly stressful. Some people may also be quarantined in isolation which sounds borderline tortuous for more than a couple of days. And most of all, the first responders who are put into harm's way every day they show up to work, I have a tremendous amount of respect for you and our society is in a great debt for your service.

Even though the past couple of months have been tough for everyone and it doesn’t appear that we’re going to live in a world where the virus is contained any time soon, we don’t have much of a choice other than to find a way to make the most of it. The philosopher Epictetus once said, “The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control.” So, while we can’t control our state’s position on opening back up or how many new cases are reported in our city, we can certainly take advantage of newfound time that we have to ourselves. You have been gifted life’s most precious commodity, what are you going to do with it?

I guess what I’m trying to say is, when life hands you lemons you should make a cocktail.

#quarantine

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lizlemonlacroix · 4 years

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Wow, hey, it's been a bit of a minute hasn't it?

I really wish I could say that the whirlwind of life kept me from writing weekly, monthly, etc but the reality is that I haven't been making

it a point to sit down dedicated with a vague or fleshed out topic to punch out across this keyboard. Honestly, I barely use my laptop unless I'm scrolling Facebook or paying bills.

All to say, there's no whirlwind. It's just life. And I haven't made my blogging space a priority.

But I need to right now.

I'm going to pour out some feelings in the lines below and however you feel about them is how you feel, but this process is for my sense of peace, closure and ultimate acceptance.

I was offered a full-time job to be the sole photographer for the Senate Democratic Media Center out of the United States Capitol in Washington, D.C. last friday night, and I passed.

I said no.

No.

No is a word I struggle with.

I'm a yes kind of kid. I'm game for most opportunities and adventures; I was raised to think "nothing ventured, nothing gained" and I'm a people pleaser

with a bit of a perfectionism problem. In turn, I'm competitive and the idea of quitting anything gets me upset.

Being a part of the journalism world since high school (go patriots!) I said yes to each story assignment, each job promotion (reporter to managing editor to editor

in cheif) while taking all honors and AP classes. I applied to a handful of colleges knowing my gut was set on the University of Georgia and kept chasing

stories (and ultimately pictures) across its campus, with the Grady School and the Red and Black having my back. Sunday night staff meetings would have me

walking out with 5 or 6 stories to write throughout the week, without considering my homework for my full load of classes. Oh, and that scholarship I need

to keep. Sensing something? An issue perhaps?

I was offered an internship by USA TODAY, which I accepted and enjoyed. I was offered another internship the day of my college graduation and I moved to a city

I'd never even driven through on its promise of shaking out into a potential full-time job (it did, but there was pain and heartache before YEARS made it worth it)

Time passes. Major life events happen; more packing, more moving, more unpacking. I find myself in another state, with a new last name and new layers of identity.

I said yes to a job offer in a small town for a small newspaper where I was initially encouraged to think and work creatively, bringing a fresh perspective

to an outdated mindset. Once that honeymoon period ended, it was a toxic place with frustrating leadership who did not value my abilities, opinions or work ethic.

That was the first time my saying Yes to an opportunity! was not in my best interest, but simply something I agreed to out of boredom and fear of never being wanted for any kind of journalism again. Hey, life transitions are stressful and may trigger a series of existential crises for some, ok guys?

After a year of barely surviving something that was just a job in the grand scheme of things, I turned in my resignation and became my own boss.

And it hasn't been easy, this independent freelance life. But I don't sob in my car in between assignments. I rally for myself, my abilities and I negotiate fees.

I write contracts, I send story pitches, I troll LinkedIn and meet with others in my community who are doing their best to make an impact on their own, too.

Editorial assignments are slim depending on location and relationships, but I'm still getting after opportunities in my new-to-me environment of Baltimore/DC.

I'm still relatively a no-name little fish in a very big pond, who recognizes the Capitol Hill offer as a huge moment of significance in my career. I'm searching for anything and everything, so when I sent along my portfolio and resume on a whim, I didn't really expect any kind of response. That's the only attitude I can say is healthy when you are sending out applications every day for weeks. The interviews came quickly and were intense. I made it to the final round before I could really wrap my head around the job, and the next thing I knew, I was sitting in Senator Schumer's office, meeting his Chief of Staff, my potential future boss (who was a really cool guy). Later that evening, they called with an official offer and I was even able to get them to up the salary. I asked for the night to think on it; waited for my husband to come home and then I had a complete emotional break-down.

Once the adrenaline wore off from simply experiencing the Hill, from being wanted, from my work and abilities being valued, I realized that I did not actually want the job.

I'm not saying I'm not capabale of the job- I am. I would've been a very good addition to that office and I would've presented my absolute best every single day on a national stage.

But I would have been miserable.

And as a creative, misery would be all anyone would see in my work. That's just something I couldn't sign on for, so I decided it was a poor fit.

To cover politics well, the journalist needs to live and breathe by the subject matter in play. It's an overwhelming and all consuming beat. It's passionate and a lifestyle.

I've photographed the rallies and voting polls. I've followed various candidates around whenever they've come through a place my newspapers circulated, but then I've gone on to make a portrait of a doctor or cover high school football practice, filing by deadline.

I enjoy people and capturing life. I also enjoy having a life, friends and sleeping in on Saturdays.

I've said yes to many, many wonderful opportunities and I have no regrets. I've also realized I've said yes to many what-initially-looked-like-opportunities but ended up being situations

burning me out, shredding my worth and overall trashing my mental/physical health leaving me feeling trapped. Anyone remember that crazy horse I was talked into buying? She had her moments but selling her before my move to Maryland was one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself (and for her, tbh). It was a bad match from the beginning. A poor fit. I ignored my gut then, but that familiar feeling hit hard the nanosecond after I said "let me think about it."

I went to bed thinking YES, slightly nauseous. I woke up peacefully, knowing it was a NO.

I knew I wasn't excited for the position and accepting it just because it was a big deal for a big thing, didn't seem fair. Or right. It felt selfish. If that bothers me, then I definitely don't belong in politics and I'm perfectly OK with that. I'll find my way to a street festival, state fair or basketball game instead.

Saying No is just as brave as saying Yes.

My next right-for-me thing is coming and I'm excited for the future. I really am.

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aremynoodlesdone · 7 years

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Nissin satay flavour noodles

Flavour: 3/10 Spice: Very slight Noodle type: Thin Price: 49p

I bought these noodles merely because there was a picture of meat on the front. I needed more noodles and had been wandering around the Asian mini-mart debating if spending a third of my weekly food budget on a bag of frozen mini octopi was an acceptable thing to do for far too long. I was sure the guy behind the counter was silently judging me for having spent at least five minutes staring into his freezer. Or maybe he wasn’t. Maybe he has students come into his store and experience small existential and financial crises whilst gazing at the frosty seafood carcasses regularly.

I don’t know. So I picked up this packet with a charming red button nose and yellow sandal adorned child on it and went to pay.

I will not lie – I’m not a chef. I mean, I’m reviewing instant noodles. So I hope it comes as no surprise that I did not know what satay sauce was. In fact, only after making and consuming this bowl of noodles did it occur to me to google what satay sauce was. Google provided me with two answers: satay sauce is a fresh peanut sauce, whilst satay is grilled meat over which the sauce is poured. If I had been any kind of culinary expert and had hopes for these noodles to provide me with my peanut fix, I would have been bitterly disappointed. I do not believe the sauce packet had ever been introduced to a peanut in its life.

However, as I had just been expecting the flavour of some kind of seasoned meat, these noodles receive a passable nod. They provided me with a light, vaguely synthetic, possibly meaty flavour that is what I expect from a 49p pack of noodles.

My research into satay noodles did not stop at discovering what satay was. I stumbled across a video that promised to enhance their flavour. And as I am committed to delivering high quality reviews of the gourmet sustenance that is instant noodles, I dutifully recorded the steps. We are informed that for idyllic levels of satay chemical deliciousness, one must boil the noodles for seven minutes, and then remove the water from the noodles and put it to one side. The seasoning packets must then be mixed into the noodles and from there, two spoonfulls of the water that was previously removed should be mixed back in. However, the mastermind behind this video then discovers that two spoonfulls of water is not enough and the perfect number is three, thus providing you with the perfect peanut-instant noodle combination you’d been waiting to eat all your life. If there is a perfect ratio of boiled off noodle water to noodle strands, then there is science. Where there is science, there is flawless logic, so it is clearly I who made these satay noodles wrong. Perhaps I deserve to suffer as I did – peanutless. As instant noodles go, these are average. These are the ‘I’ll just have a piece of toast for breakfast because I am too sad and running too late to either make or receive any enjoyment from anything else’ of the noodle world. They are ‘I’ve just discovered this slightly battered packet at the back of my cupboard and my student loans running out’ noodles. Nissin satay flavour noodles, you were ok, but it’s your time to satay away.

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fullregalia · 5 years

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reflections on the year of delusional thinking.

A whole year has gone by yet again? L’shana tovah to you and yours, first and foremost. Secondly, what a year it was. A year of moving on and moving out. When I finally sat down to think about it (just now), I realized that I’ve actually done a heck of a lot since last September. I traveled to England and Copenhagen, got into grad school, moved to a new city, finally let go of some ~personal baggage~, finally subscribed to the Who? Weekly Patreon, and yet still have not tried an impossible burger. I also read some books that impacted me (namely, Trick Mirror), discovered music that moved me (Big Thief!), and ate some food that confirmed the sound judgement of moving to Philly (Goldie falafel and a tahini shake, who could ask for anything more?).

I actually want to write mostly about Trick Mirror in lieu of further Rosh Hashanah navel-gazing. Albeit, the subtitle, Reflections on Self-Delusion, allows for some personal retrospection. Jia Tolentino’s mind is, as I like to say, highfalutin and lowbrow. She contains the best of the culture: ability to engage with the warped world we’ve created for ourselves online while articulating the more fundamental human truths we seek in literature and public discourse. In Trick Mirror she covers capitalism, faith, optimization in the name of wellness, systemic fraud, the current state of feminism as a sword and shield, and the wedding industrial complex.

The book is a reflection of our current cultural and moral crises. I’m about the same age as her and grappling with the same existential questions. As is the tradition of the High Holy days, we grapple with this accounting of shortcomings from the year past and hopes for the year to come every fall. How are we to live in a world where VC money facilitates the destruction of social welfare while lining the pockets of charlatans and megalomaniacs? Where do we turn for spiritual comfort when faith falls short? (For her, Houston’s rap scene, for me, waterfront parks and Shostakovich I guess?) How can we be (or perform) “our best selves” when the insidious influence and treadmill of consumerism continually leaves us insufficient?

Tolentino doesn’t so much prescribe solutions as present the tensions we all live with. Her capacity to see, articulate, and clarify these feelings is nothing short of a stunning gift. Every essay was dog-eared and I savored the experience of seeing the world through her eyes, taking myself out of my head for a few hours at a time (as her writing always does).

I finished the book last night, and thought that while we still have writers like her to help us process these times, we might be alright. It filled me with gratitude to be reminded that I’m not the only person who feels sometimes paralyzed, sometimes guilty, sometimes furious, and sometimes ambivalent these days.

So, as we begin another year, filled with apples and honey, impeachment and medicare debates, we once again reflect on what we’ve done to contribute to the noise, and perhaps think about how we can find the signal to a more prosperous year for ourselves and, importantly, those around us. Being in the thick of school, I am trying to take it one day at a time. I had the chance to watch a dance performance out on a lake in Fairmount Park yesterday and it filled me with momentary peace and tranquility. Wishing you many moments of peace in the year ahead, both Hebrew and Gregorian (December will get here faster than you think!). As I was continually reminded this past year, in absurd and difficult times, besides finding solace in nature, laughter will always help.

#rosh hashanah #l'shana tovah #new years #jia tolentino #trick mirror #books #reflections

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avanneman · 5 years

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Who’s dumber, Trump or the “Intelligence Community”?

I won’t keep you in suspense. IT’S TRUMP! The bad news—or, I guess, the worse news—is, it’s a close contest. And the worst news—for now—is that it’s not just funny dumb but, all too likely, disastrous dumb. Because the real objective for both sides—though they’re choosing different routes—is a new Cold War, with ever-tightening tensions, ever-emerging “crises”, and ever-mounting defense budgets as far as the eye can see. That $700 billion defense budget, for example. Don’t you find that a little bit embarrassing? How about $1,000,000,000,000? You know, a solid trillion! Isn’t that more American? Isn’t that how we roll?

Well, oy vey, oy vey, is all I can say. A week ago or so, our “intelligence chiefs”, aka the “Military Intellectual Complex”, a gag that has taken me a full decade to come up with, reported to Congress that, as the New York Times explained it “North Korea is unlikely to dismantle its nuclear arsenal, that the Islamic State group remains a threat and that the Iran nuclear deal is working. The chiefs made no mention of a crisis at the U.S.-Mexican border for which Trump has considered declaring a national emergency.”

If you’ve keeping up with the news, you know that Trump didn’t take kindly to the “chiefs”— FBI Director Christopher Wray, CIA Director Gina Haspel and Director of National Intelligence Dan Coats—dissing his priorities and inserting their own, calling their comments “extremely passive and naïve”, which is what they could have said about him.

As Scott Ritter, writing for the American Conservative, points out, the American intelligence community has a long history of getting it wrong:

In this case, Trump is right and his detractors are wrong.

The current crop of national intelligence chiefs are cut from the same cloth as their predecessors. They are careerists who have risen to the top not through their analytical or operational talents, but through their willingness to conform to a system that is designed not to challenge conventional thinking—especially when such thinking sustains policies that have been given the imprimatur of the entrenched establishment.

That’s definitely true, and Ritter goes on to detail the number of times the CIA et al. have gotten it all wrong at the behest of their political masters. But Trump’s major beef with the Military Intellectual Complex is that it isn’t obedient enough to his every claim—because, of course, Trump believes that it’s the job of every government employee to give him unlimited and unstinted personal loyalty. If Trump had his way, the MIC would be praising him for averting a major war with North Korea, thanks to his warm personal relationship with best bud (one of them, at least) Kim Jong Un, not to mention how withdrawing from the agreement with Iran guarantees that that nation will never acquire nuclear weapons and indeed all but guarantees the complete collapse of the evil mullahs in the very near future.

What’s worse—much worse, in fact—beyond this affront to Trump’s massive, and massively unstable, l’amour-propre—is that—given the way of the world—the world of DC, at least—the future of American foreign policy is likely to be a malign, split the difference mish-mash of the worst of both Trump’s and the MIC’s competing “visions”. The myth of the Trump-Kim Jong Un bludbruterschaft will fade, but the myth that North Korea’s nuclear weapons constitute an “existential threat” to the U.S. will be dusted off and brandished whenever peace is in danger of breaking out. While Trump may actually succeed in getting U.S. troops out of Syria and Afghanistan, that victory may be more than cancelled out by his compulsive determination to kick some as of yet unspecified ass in Iran as Trump, both led on and enabled by National Security Advisor and war whisperer in chief Tom Bolton, keeps ratcheting up the tension, sure that something cool and electorally advantageous will happen if he just keeps on poking and prodding long enough and hard enough.

In the meantime, of course, Trump keeps antagonizing China, while Congress keeps antagonizing Russia. There is much not to like about both nations. One has a de facto authoritarian president for life and the other a fuehrer de jure. One seeks to expand a “philosophy” of reactionary chauvinism in Europe, while the other seeks to recover—really, to invent—its “natural role” as the dominant economic and cultural force throughout Asia. Both nations are harassing the U.S. in a variety of unattractive ways, but both are, literally, at the opposite ends of the earth from the U.S.1

Russia, whose economic sophistication is still decades behind the West, Germany in particular, is an annoyance far more than a danger, though Putin, lustily waving his nuclear weapons, which he would never dare use—for what could he gain that would be worth the nuclear holocaust that the U.S., Britain, and France could and would all inflict upon him?—is less of a danger. Back in the day, President Eisenhower used to say “There won’t be a war. Khrushchev knows that, no matter what, I can always destroy Moscow, and there’s nothing he wants so much that he’ll give up Moscow to get it,” words that are a thousand times more true today than back in the fifties.

The real danger of nuclear weapons is the triggering of their use by accident, confusion, or misinterpretation of the other side’s actions. During the Cuban missile crisis, Soviet anti-aircraft installations in Cuba had strict orders not to shoot at U.S. planes flying overhead, but one Soviet officer fired anyway, when he saw the Cubans doing so. “We were here to protect our Cuban brothers,” he explained. On several occasions, U.S. surface ships dropped “warning” depth charges near nuclear-armed Soviet submarines. See, because it didn’t hit you, it was a warning shot. So you shouldn’t feel threatened. If we wanted to kill you, you’d already be dead. That’s the difference.

Trump, by abrogating our treaty with Russia regarding intermediate-range missiles, has given the Pentagon an exceedingly early Christmas present. It’s clear that Trump likes breaking treaties—it feels so manly. I suspect that Trump wants another arms race. It’s fun spending money, and maybe, just maybe, he could build the world’s biggest bomb, or the world’s biggest, well, the world’s biggest penis shaped object, a goal that seems to exert a fascination over many billionaires, both real and imaginary.

It is bad enough to get into a nuclear pissing match with a pissant2 country like Russia, which is spacious in the possession of dirt but has a defense budget less than a tenth the size of ours, about $61 billion in 2017—buying, of course, that wonderful Russian technology, which is light years in advance of our own, if you believe Comrade Putin, not to mention those professional liars in the Pentagon and elsewhere, and even else-elsewhere. But getting into a shoving match with China is a whole ’nother level of stupidity, and danger.

China, unlike Russia, is a true “rival” to the United States, something that we have never really experienced before. The Soviet Union certainly sought world leadership, and had the advantage of millions of true believers in the great 20th century myth of “the Revolution”, when those who had nothing would at once have everything, while China “only” has its massive size and steadily growing economy as a fit vehicle for dominating the Asian landmass in a manner somewhat similar to the dominance of the United States in the Western Hemisphere. Such strange presumption!

Sadly, it’s not only Trump and the MIC that want to get into a pissing match with China. Elizabeth Warren wants in on the action as well, claiming that we must not lose our technological lead over China. Here’s a news flash, Lizzie: no country keeps its technological advantage forever. Something that can be done once can be done again. Great Britain was the world’s workshop from about 1770 to 1870, but after that both the U. S. and Germany caught up swiftly. The U.S. was easily the world’s leading industrial nation by 1914, a lead that widened enormously when Europe all but blew itself up in first World War I and World War II. Yet by 1975, both Japan and Germany were challenging the U.S. for supremacy in the world market for passenger automobiles, an industry that the U.S. had of course invented. One decade later, the U.S. had clearly lost the “race” for dominance in the market for home entertainment electronics, something else we had invented.

Still, the U.S. had a huge, educated, homogeneous population and an unmatched system of higher education, which helped us first create and then dominate the whole field of digital electronics. But China, in a matter of decades, has emerged from a state of self ruin imposed by blind ideological obsessions to the modern age, with a population four times the size of the U.S. There is no reason why China should not emerge as a “giant” Germany, or a “giant” Japan, or, indeed, a “giant” U.S. There is no trick the U.S. can play to turn back the clock. It’s quite possible that China’s swerve to authoritarianism may ultimately lead to a stultified, self-destructive society (which, of course, would present significant dangers in its own right), but it’s also possible that, in fifty years, China’s economy could be twice the size of our own. Trying to apply the “lessons of the past”, when the U.S., in league with Great Britain and the Soviet Union, defeated Nazi Germany, with the odds seven to one in our favor (in terms of uniformed troops), and when the U.S., in league with western Europe and Japan, defeated the Soviet Union, with an economy less than half the size of the U.S. economy alone, could be literally self-defeating.

As I’ve complained before, the “left” promotes almost no reasoned opposition to the MIC, when indeed it isn’t simply repeating its talking points in less hysterical tones. Even though right-wing hawks constantly accused President Obama of being “soft” on North Korea—because if he were “firm” the commies would have surrendered immediately—the Obama Administration pushed the myth of the Korean menace as much as the Bush Administration, whose “toughness” resulted in the development of the Korean bomb in the first place. Obama, whose opposition to nuclear weapons was “sincere”—at least he thought so—apparently thought it was disastrous for any nation without nuclear weapons to acquire them, even while signing off on a trillion-dollar, entirely unnecessary, renovation of our nuclear inventory, thanks to the massive inertia of the MIC, the almost complete lack of interest on the part of liberal voters on any subject related to foreign and military policy, and the almost complete obeisance of Congress to military contractors.

Liberals are happy to ridicule the split between Trump and the MIC, but they almost always accept the MIC talking points as a convenient stick to beat Trump, without noticing or caring that they’re also promoting a new Cold War as well. It’s just that Trump’s Cold War is all about feeding Trump’s ego, while the MIC’s Cold War is all about maintaining the careers of thousands of hard-nosed, hard-working bureaucrats, both in and out of uniform, who don’t want to admit that they’re a solution in search of a problem.

Afterwords If I’ve skimped on the whole Middle East aspect of this thing, and I certainly have, well, there’s a limit to the amount of angst that I can ventilate in one sitting.

Russia is marginally closer via the over the Pole route, but they still have to go through Canada first. And that’s a lot of skiing. ↩︎

Word “recognizes” “pissant”. I did not see that coming. ↩︎

#Donald Trump #military spending #Military-Industrial Complex #Russia #China

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underwatercityproject · 7 years

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Friendhorse-Femmehorse

"Femme Problems" I said as they tried to unweave my long hair strands out of my winter coat zipper.

[Pic: Close-up of me on left with dark rectangular glasses and a sarcastic smile, Megs is on the right in a ball cap and dark t shirt. Megs is also flashing a cheesy smile. We are on the plane on the way to Whitehorse.]

We were laughing as we stood face-to-face, probably physically closer to each other than we ever have been, save for our friend hugs. We had recently arrived at Antoinette’s restaurant in downtown Whitehorse, and had been greeted by David, Shelley and other members of the Walrus staff and traveling crew.

They had recognized me when I entered the restaurant, and we had briefly chatted before David pointed us to the coat racks just to the right of the entrance. I was feeling shy, also thrown off that these important people recognized me.

Near the coat rack, I peeled off the folded up huge scarf I had used as a leg blanket, and hesitated to stand up.

Standing up and out of my chair is something that, in the privacy of my own home or regular haunts, I do automatically in order to take my coat off. But, in public or around people I don’t know too well, there is this weird moment of pause when I'm about to shift methods of mobilizing (chair to feet, feet to chair). I think it is because I assume that people around me would have a hard time registering the shift. I mean, I saw on an internet meme that a large portion of wheelchair users also walk on foot.

I've seen those memes where someone is getting out of their wheelchair to pick something up at the high shelf on a grocery store, and underneath it's written: "miracle", sarcastically.

The memes tell me it’s perfectly fine to get in and out of my chair as much and whenever I want.

So do all the empowering articles on Medium and The Body is Not an Apology and all those ‘dear reader’ style sites. Those feminists say it’s ok - I say it’s ok - but still, I hesitated near the coat rack.

I was in Whitehorse to speak about accessibility, and assumed I was in part known as a wheelchair user- I didn't want to be perceived as a crip fraud or whatever. This makes me think of my friend, Danielle Peers’ awesome film, Gimp Boot Camp. (https://vimeo.com/58160733)

But, as is usual with these mini existential crises, practicality threw a twig in the spokes of my spinning thoughts. Thank goodness!

I couldn’t keep my jacket on in the heated restaurant and the Walrus people made me feel welcome from the get-go. So, standing up and beginning to unzip my winter coat, I noticed that in my hurry to leave the hotel room to head to Antoinette's, I had zipped my hair profoundly into my winter coat zipper. This is when I asked Megan to help me liberate my hair strands.

The hair was really stuck. It was about five zipper teeth teeth in, and it seemed like the more Megan and I pulled the more lodged it it became. First we laughed, a bit beside ourselves, trying to stifle it. Then we laughed openly. Megs’ cheeks got pinker and I stayed doing this sighing thing that I do when I'm trying to hold laughter in. Turns out awkward humour becomes so much more funny when you’re trying to be on your best behaviour.

I thought, half jokingly, as Megan chipped away at the strands, at least the Walrus people seeing them help me with this task would show that I had, in fact, needed this friend attendant to accompany me.

I didn't say this joke out loud.

I mean, in many settings when I request assistance, it is within the constraints of austerity that I have to prove my needs; for example, for my home care hours, I have to show that cutting, cleaning, cooking, folding, stacking are not viable weekly activities for me.

So, I authenticate this through demonstration; a performance of ineptitude. And these performances feel like the opposite of the performance of capability required for managing in academic and non-profit settings that I frequent.

That is, when not on my couch-studio.

The zipper went two teeth lower and the wheel turned faster. As part of "the talent" as David put it, at least in part known for my writing about struggles in these physical regards, was I to perform ineptitude or capability? Needy or self-reliant? Ahh!

Well, as someone very close to me puts things in a time like this...

me-no-no!

I never answered that one. The mini-existential crisis passed and I got over it, walked from chair to chair and had a delicious dinner.

But Megan’s presence there as a friend attendant was calming and fun. Our friendship and closeness made it easier for me to ask for help in specific ways, and to feel less complicated about it. Megs handled logistics and access needs before I even knew about them - the dream! With this close friend who acted as an attendant in this instance, there was no performance of ineptitude or capability/ neediness or self-reliance. It was us, hanging out. It was a relieving, protective buffer from which we headed on fabulous adventures and riotous laughs in hotel diners.

We finally got the hair out!

It was pretty scraggly beforehand, so the ripped pieces didn’t show. Femme problems aren’t that serious to me, they’re more a way of expressing a certain type of self love in the form of time devoted to lying with my feet in the air and nail polish brush in my hand; the superficial delights of dedicating time to my appearance.

The ritual of this type of expression of care is stronger than any sort of effect.

My trip to Whitehorse to speak for the Walrus Canada 150 made it clear that getting help from a dear friend is an increasingly important source of care; the possibility for mutual attendance, a new sort of ritual.

You can access the whole CBC Radio series, The Next 150,

http://www.cbc.ca/player/play/962131011533

#cbc #canada150 #walrustalks #access intimacy #accessibility #criplife #crip #cripwalk

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haleths · 7 years

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I was tagged by @elektra-natchos ❤️❤️❤️ Thank you my dear, sorry this took so bloody long, I’m hopeless I know!! (Some of your answers were absolutely priceless btw)

RULES: Answer all the questions, add one of your own and tag as many people as there are questions I’ll tag as many as I like thanks

1. Coke or pepsi? Neither tbh cause I’m a complete weirdo who hates fizzy drinks

2. Disney or dreamworks? Mmmm.....ok if we’re purely talking animated films I’ll say Disney, but if we’re counting live action as well then its got to be Dreamworks

3. Coffee or tea? Tea pretty much flows in my veins at this point

4. Books or movies? Both

5. Windows or mac? Windows

6. DC or marvel? DC has better villains for sure but Marvel overall

7. Xbox or playstation? Xbox

8. Dragon age or mass effect? I’m ashamed to say I’ve never played either. But from my limited knowledge of them both, Dragon Age seems more up my alley

9. Night owl or early riser? Naturally I fall somewhere in the middle, but I can be either if for example I have very early/late shifts at work

10. Cards or chess? Cards

11. Chocolate or vanilla? CHOCOLATE

12. Vans or converse? Converse were all I wore as a child

13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash or Adaar? Again not played Dragon Age sorry!

14. Fluff or angst? Both, both is good

15. Beach or forest? I’d uproot my home and live out the rest of my days in a treehouse in an instant if that were socially acceptable

16. Dogs or cats? I don’t have a preference

17. Clear skies or rain? Clear skies because yes I do love the colour of the sky

18. Cooking or eating out? Cooking. I love eating out but it wouldn’t be special if I did it all the time. Plus I really enjoy cooking

19. Spicy food or mild food? Spicy. My food has to actually taste like something!

20. Halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas? It's Christmastime, there's no need to be afraid......

21. Would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot? I’m always a little too cold now anyway!

22. If you could have a superpower, what would it be? Flight

23. Animation or live action? Hmmm tricky.... live action

24. Paragon or renegade? Paragon. I’m like lawful good

25. Baths or showers? Showers, wtf would I want to sit in my own dirty water??

26. Team cap or team ironman? Team cap

27. Fantasy or sci-fi? Bitch how dare you make me chose, I ain’t doing it!!

28. Do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so, what are they? “Fantasy is escapist, and that is its glory” - Tolkien

“Always be a first rate version of yourself instead of a second rate version of someone else” - Judy Garland

“I don’t want to survive, I WANT TO LIVE!” - Captain B. McCrea (WALL-E)

29. Youtube or netflix? Netflix, even though I don’t have it. I’d send all day watching series/films if I could

30. Harry potter or percy jackson? Harry Potter no contest

31. When do you feel accomplished? Ticking off everything on my to do list, cleaning, finally facing that task I’ve been avoiding for months....

32. Star wars or star trek? Star Wars

33. Paperback or hardback books? Either, as long as I have the actual book I don’t care. You can get Kindles THE HELL away from me

34. Horror or rom-com? I’m pathetic and get scared by practically anything so I’ll always go for rom-com but its got to be good

35. TV shows or movies? Again don’t you dare make me pick

36. Favourite animal? RED PANDAS YAASSSS

37. Favourite genre of music? This does change on a weekly basis but currently alternative/new wave 80s.

38. Least favourite book? I don’t read bad books

39. Favourite season? They all have their merits

40. Song that’s currently stuck in your head? Just Like Heaven - The Cure

41. What kind of pyjama’s do you wear? Pj bottoms and an old tshirt

42. How many existential crises do you have on an average day? Not too many I’m pleased to say. I’m definitely doing better than I was 2 months ago

43. If you can only choose one song to be played at your funeral, what would it be? Always look on the bright side of life ;)

44. Favourite theme song to a TV show? Doctor Who, you can’t beat it

45. Harry potter movies or books? Books

46. You can make your OTP become canon but you’ll forget that tumblr exists. will you do it? Nah let me wallow in the frustration and angst a bit longer

47. Do you play an instrument and if so, what is it? I’m ok on guitar but I’ve not played in months

48. What is the worst way to die? Wtf kind of question is this?! Idk drowning?? Or suffocating maybe?? No actually starvation would be horrible af

49. If you could be entirely invisible for a day, what would you do? Probs sneak into loads of high security buildings. I wouldn’t actually do anything or steal stuff, I just want to see what goes on

50. If you could have personally witnessed anything in history what would it be? I’m sure I’ll think of a better one later but the one that just popped into my head was man landing on the mood. That’d be amazing to witness

51. If you could understand animals but you could never understand humans again, would you? Nope

52. What is your most favourite album currently? This might not count because its not a real album but I’ve been listening to the Best of Depeche Mode Vol. 1 on repeat for a week now

53. What is your favourite TV show character? Just been rewatching Blackadder so its got to be Flashheart of course WOOF WOOF

54. What is something you were obsessed with as a child? Playmobil. My collection was and is HUGE, and would probably be worth a fortune if I could ever bare to sell it

55. Do you have any tattoos/piercings and if not would you like any? No sorry I don't have any and I’m not particularly fussed about getting any in the future

56. Biggest pet peeves? Liars, hypocrites, people who walk slow, people who think their opinion is fact, I could go on......

And I tag: @jupitergrunge, @aredhels, @feanarofinwion and @lady-clairmont but only if you want to, I appreciate there are a HELL of a lot of questions

#tag game

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