#do we know that his mom's dead?
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"Tim goes it alone when someone from his past returns – leaving Lucy looking for answers… and him."
-The Rookie 6x05
#chenford#WHAT#That's kind of unlike him who would make him do that#do we know that his mom's dead?#Wait we don't even know that his dad is dead yet#And it can't be Isabel because he doesn't hide his dad or Isabel from Lucy#who the fuck is it#the rookie#tim bradford#lucy chen
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wille not being able to say erik died is such an important showing of his grief
#young royals#we obviously saw his grieving in the first ep when he was in erik’s room#but this is the first time we’ve seen how his grief presents around other people#it was easy to admit erik was dead when he was drunk and high but now with nothing to hide behind he can’t do it#it’s almost like by saying it he’s still trying to forget that it’s real#it could also be that he doesn’t trust boris bc this is his first appointment with him#and august was like family#but as soon as boris says he doesn’t have to talk after this he stops#obvi we know he doesn’t want to be there his mom is making him go but k think he stopped bc talking about erik is too painful#every time we’ve seen him think about erik he shuts down#both in his room where he lets his grief surround him literally with erik’s jacket and also when malin broke the snow globe#all the fight seemed to go out of him as he took the phone from jan-olof to talk to his mom#but his focus was still on the snow globe and erik#also sorry about the pic quality i took a pic of my laptop bc i’m lazy lmao#young royals season 2 spoilers#yr s2 spoilers#my yr thoughts
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I don’t write Hobie as someone struggling with addiction because he’s black i write him like that because of nearly everything ELSE about him, both movie and comic-wise, but because he’s black he’s more likely to have be targeted by companies/people pushing/forcing more drugs onto him even if he’s trying to quit, and then denied the help he needs and demonized for it, which makes him struggle more with it. u get what i’m saying??? It’s like how i don’t write Miles G. as more aggressive and cold because he’s black, but because of his general life situation. But because he’s black, other people in his life might’ve reinforced these ideas that he was naturally going to behave this way, and you can only hear something about yourself so much (and at a young age too) before you begin to believe it, even a little, and then don’t see reason to fight it even if it’s not true. sorry if i’m not explaining this too well, but you see what i mean????
#to elaborate more on miles g:#like as a black guy when u are growing up without a father you are told to be the man of the house#you are automatically seen as aggressive or older than you really are#and you will be forced to adhere to these ideas . even from other black people#and with Miles G’s dad having been dead for a while already#of course his mom doesn’t force that man of the house idea. but you know that he wants to help and this can easily lead into that idea#and aaron might not be. the best with that? we don’t know him so i can’t say for sure lmao#but yes none of their negative traits is because of these boys being black. it’s made WORSE by racism of course but none of this started +#because they are black. this could happen to anyone#so just yknow keep. what you’re writing in mind when you think of this. because are you doing it because you see black people as +#inherently (x)? watch out for that! no writer will ever be perfect !#hobie brown#spiderpunk#spider punk#miles morales#miles g#prowler miles#the prowler#m&m posts
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Just came to the belated and unfortunate (?) realization that Esteban Flores's full name technically means "flower crown" in English.
#love this for him and hate this for him#i mean technically it's 'flowers' plural and 'crown' singular but still#i mean tbf there's probably another word there too but as we don't know his dad's surname; “flower crown” is all we have to go on#i mean i was already planning on doing a flower crown edit for him at some point but like I'm gonna have to now#esteban flores#chancellor esteban#elena of avalor#it's easy to overlook since corona is used for crown more often in spanish#and it requires one to know that esteban is the spanish for stephen and that stephen comes from the greek for "crown'#or more specifically “surrounding the crown”/“holding the crown”#but still#my special little guy#i am kissing him on the forehead upon which i have placed a flower crown#maybe daisies in honor of his dead mom's name? (no that's too mean. he can have orchids instead)
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The way we know Spock has a difficult relationship with his parents, but somehow Jim's are even more absentee.
#Where No Man Has Gone Before and Then Some#star trek#star trek tos#jim kirk#spock#im always fascinated by how little we get to know of jim's life#sam is a godsend - and reaffirms my suspicions#like I know jim has no hard feelings against either his mom and dad#sam seems to resent their father#but like??? do EITHER of them have a relationship with their parents?#(I thought them hoes were dead for a while but seems like there's no confirmation one way or the other unless im forgetting something)
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#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before#is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things#the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the#weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad#not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a#prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country#my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for#treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad#as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain#shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing#to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird#when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk#i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach#out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like???#this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home#somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms.#but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long#term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting#whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot#i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors#i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival#unrelated
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most fucked up thing at my new job is there's only zero calorie sweeteners at the coffee station in the break room. three different kinds of zero calorie sweetener but no regular sugar because the assumption is that literally everyone is on a diet?
#is this because its a job dominated by women in particular??? idk#that's so weird#like sorry i can taste the difference and i prefer naturally occurring sugar from nature how is that not even an option#drinking nasty bitter af coffee bc i am So Sleepy but i refuse to use artificial sweeteners#they Do taste different and they're not even good for you im not doing that lol#also they got mad at me for telling one of the parents that we took one of the kids temperature and it was 99 and he threw up a little#when his dad came to get him yesterday and all of the other teachers were nowhere to be found#they were like tou shouldnhave had colleen do that#ma'am colleen went home before that and so did you#i should have left already too but waited bc the ratio on the playground was bad#anyway i did NOT say he had a fever i said it was 99 and to talk to the teacher inside#but the dad didnt yalk to her clearly then went home and scared the mom that he had a fever and threw up so she texted my boss freaking out#i literally just said he threw up a little and we took his temperature and it was 99 and to talk to the other teacher#which was all true and there was no one else there to tell him#anyway#apparently the person who had my job before me was a wacko who scared the parents with fake medical information or something#but that is not my fault and nobody told me that or not to tell the parents anything medical until this morning#ugh#also my supervisor is kind of a weirdo#she wanted to show everyone ~cute~ pictures of animals she has killed while hunting???#and i said i didnt want to see#and she was like ~oh it's not dead yet in the picture~#like okay but its dead now???#she traps them first so its a cute little fox in a trap about to be killed 😭#like wtfff#i know trappong predators is a reality but why take pictures like ohhh so cute then kill it#THEN show everyone the cute pictures like yeah isnt he adorable i killed him btw <3#huh??????#she has a bobcat tail on her keychain too she was giving it to the teachers and kids to pet like ohhh its so soft <3
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@dancehallcrasher tagged me for 9 movies I first watched this year! I actually watched more movies than usual and loved all of these ones specifically I hope I get to watch more <3
#crimson tomes#literally all of these movies own if you havent seen any of them id reccomend them dor sure#im sure. most people have seen fight club LOL but i hadnt very good indeed#ofc a lynch trifecta if you havent seen much of his stuff try blue velvet first im obsessed with it#followed by mulholland dr and lost highway. i still need to see inland empire and i might watch the dune movie or wild at heart too just cus#requeim!!! man...i <3 you forever the only thing is jared leto and they shouldve kept harry and his mom jewish#the eyes of my mother is so eerie and sad not much straight up horror this year but this one....yeah#memento was so good too i love murder msyteries and goinf back like oh fuck i get it now#brick was fun :) kind of a silly little movie i like how everyone talked in it#waking life is so interesting def falls into expeimentsl artsy shit but its gorgeous and so facinating its all animated! crazy shit#anyway yaay anyone can do this also i dont know many people who watxhed movies but i <3 tou movies#next ones we gotta see are inland empire perfect blue crash dead ringers n i personally wanna see event horizon and videodrome among others
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thinking about how one of the last things john ever tells dean is an admittance that the way he treated him was fucked. & of course this destroys dean and makes it so much harder for him to come to terms w his death right after and with his childhood in general bc he’s spent his entire life chasing after johns approval. he’s spent his entire life telling himself that the way he was treated was okay and justified and that their childhood was good because he could handle it and he was strong enough and that was how it had to be. he’s worshipped john as a hero and seen nothing wrong with any of it. because he’s had to. his entire life is built around this idea there’s nothing else. he’s his dads perfect soldier and punching bag and wife-replacement and suddenly his dads gone & he said he’s sorry and that he shouldn’t have treated dean that way. what the hell is he supposed to do now.
#augh. i don’t know i haven’t seen enough of this show yet but.#thinking about that episode with the abused kid who has psychic powers like sams and sam sees himslef in the kid a lot#but is horrified by the extent of the abuse and keeps saying like. Dean i never thought i’d say this but you’re right dad was pretty good i#guess we were really lucky to have him. it could’ve turned out a very different way.#and deans just like. idk there’s something about his face. like he wants to agree cause this is what he’s always saying but he Cant.#because. well. sams thinking about this kid with circumstances so similar to him who ended up entirely victimised by his father and#thinking Wow i had something that kid didn’t. i had MY dad who was so much better after all (despite kicking me out of the house and#always refusing to support me but wtv)#but really the thing sam had was DEAN.#dean as sam’s protector and john’s golden child and the adult of the family. dean as the person#john winchester comes home to after a hunt the person who tells him it’s okay#dean playing the part of his dead mom and still shielding sammy from the worst of their father and as a result internalising that this was#fine.#what the hell is he going to do now that his fathers dead? after his fathers dead and wrong and theoretically morally weak and admitted hed#raised dean badly?#IDK!!! i’m sure excited to see him continue to break down though#(have just finished s2e2 for future me ref)#supernatural#<- Sorry guys i’m batshit obsessed.#father by the front bottoms dean song of all time#spn#oliver talks
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BAD TECH CULT. BAD. 💛📦🗣️🪤🖤
#Solid State#Solid State Webtoon#Webtoon#Wow Dian’s mom is not a good one#Left him to his own devices (literally) too much and then didn’t even bat an eye when he ran away from her#And I mean at the cult they had little use for money but you could’ve given Dian some of it he raised it for you#Like the callback to the brain anthology storyyyyyyy 🧠#DON’T WORRY JAMAILAH YOU HAVE PLENTY OF MERIT SWEETIE MORE THAN THAT RICH KID THAT TOOK YOUR SPOT FOR SURE#And NO THEIR DERPY FACES IN THE HIGH ANGLE PANEL WHEN THE DUDE IS TALKING TO DIAN ARE HILARIOUS#DIAN’S LIKE :V AND JAMAILAH IS LIKE :D 😂#And then we transition to ONE OF THE COOLEST OUTBURSTS DUDE#I HAD SO MUCH FUN READING IT ALOUD I GOT VERY CAUGHT UP IN IT#And then it ended#That frog avatar of a commenter is funny#WEIRD PRIEST MAN (i know his name but he’s just weird priest man to me) WHAT’RE YOU DOING NOW#LIKE —DELIBERATELY— DISENGAGING SAFETY AND OVERRIDING LIMITERS :((((((( DON’T DO THAT#YOU’RE FRYING THEIR CONSCIOUSNESSES AND BRAINS AS A RESULT AND THEN THEY’RE DEAD WHY YOU DO THAT#WHAT BENEFACTORS THEY SOUND SHADY I CAN’T WITH THIS CULT MAN#Also Stray Souls Weaver you idiot why you take Mialek’s form and hurt him like that#ALSO unrelated but it’s funny I have three webtoons with S- names#Stray Souls and Silent Screams and Solid State
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Well glad to know I'm not the only one not feeling the Christmas season this year. Mom isnt either
Now we dont know why, but here are my guesses. Feel free to place your bets.
Is it:
Bc our aunt/great-aunt died and essentially dissolved the family
|_> Bc of this we've faced so much bullshit from the surviving family we have left.
Bc the only remaining family we have are major assholes aside from like 4 people.
Long covid?
Work stress/ working under a tyrant piece of shit.
Bc I'm an adult now so the *magic* is gone?
All of the above??
#marquilla#we still havent made cookies and are like i want the cookies but i dont want to make the cookies...#so we agreed we can do it after christmas if need be#i really think it's all of that combined. like my g-aunt dying really tore this family apart. we weren't like close close before but i mean#everyone started taking sides (the executors (my mom) vs my cousins. like listen you motherfuckers she left you [insert number bc i also#got this amount and am not disclosing]. you little freaks need to get over the fact that she loved me as much as if not more than you.#maybe bc i wasn't a fucking entitled brat and was always a polite well behaved child (for her) and didnt take my mommy/daddy issues out on#her. you already got: 2 free cars. 3 fully paid for weddings. 4 college degrees (one that you're not even using bc you havent worked since#college bc you became a tradwife. (not dissing stay at home moms im dissing her making college a BIG DEAL for her and then just#essentially saying haha thanks for the 100k in tuition but no ❤). COUNTLESS hours and money poured#into your lives from her and our g-uncle. amongst the 4 of you. (only 1 is not a brat but thats bc they pretend she doesnt exist bc shes#annoying and autistic so a drain on them they were ever so happy to dump on their dad)#you aren't entitled to any of that. that was a GIFT. your inheritance was well thought out. it is an insult for you to suggest otherwise#anyway so theyre being whiny brats and oh boo hoo you exects are SO MEAN to poor Ally who didnt sign the fucking will and thus held up#$50k FROM A CHURCH. and my uncle (not their dad. their moms brother) is taking their side. his wife is a massive piece of shit ab it too.#dont know whose side dog cousin is on bc shes close to my mom but very close to them. and i know lesbian cousin is on moms side to some#degree. and idgaf what Murderer cousin thinks bc that bitch can and will rot in hell.#so anyway any one we could possibly spend time with this season is either dead or hates us. or lives states away and won't be in til after#and only for a day anyway. and we just dont have the fucking energy to deal with anything
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there is something so evisceratingly painful to be visiting your successful daycare owner mother & you see one of her clients of 3 years say hello & introduced yourself happily as her daughter, register her stark shock and confusion, then minutes later when you’re out of eyeshot of them you hear her quietly saying to your mom “I had no idea you had any children?!” While your mom just laughs and refuses to say anything more on the topic 🤩
#we sure do know there is not an itty bitty single little thing about us to be proud of. but you’d think she would AT LEAST TELL PEOPLE SHE#IS A CHILDCARE PROVIDER FOR THAT SHE HAS A FUCKING ADULT CHILD??????? IS IT EASIER TO PRETEND I’M NOT ALIVE?????????????#A PARENTLESS CHILD WITH THEM ALL LEFT ALIVE. YOU WILL BE OUR MARTYR BUT ONLY WHEN WE WANT YOU TO BE!#my whole bio dad side of my family has been pretending we were dead since we were 13. we are no longer in our mom family’s equation either#floating through space. grateful for our bf and his fsmily. god fucking damn I want to claw my face off because I wish she was proud of us#ANYWAYS#sys.txt#4 and a half years I spent the only employee she had she would not HAVE the daycare without us 🫥
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blind (2022) is driving me insane. im begging my friends to watch it but theyre either busy with exams or almost exclusively fluff/romance-watchers . i need to talk ab this w someone just hit me up or something GOD
#kdrama blind (2022)#blind 2022 spoilers#tvn ocn blind (2022)#so my theory is the same as other peoples' its confirmed that 13 yoonjae is sungjoon so im thinking sunghoon was there too (somehow idk) an#that hes 11 and jung inseong the juror is 12. 11 and 12 seem to be real brothers? bc in ep1 11 said 'go meet mom' and not 'go meet your mom#and maybe 11 and 13 escaped together after hiding under the floorboards? since sj Was adopted maybe he was taken in when the parents found#sh after they escaped together? and the thing is everyone is involved somehow so if the mother was like in a high position at the center (i#i didnt the lady at the start of ep7 for someone else) then how was sunghoon there? idk i havent gotten that far on my theory except that#hes 11. maybe they were Both adopted? so the next to die is either the lady idr her name or the producer guy. 24 + 7 r confirmed dead now#13 is sungjoon. and inseong is def connected to this somehow like the rest of the jury. ergo my theory that hes 12. also i think the body#they found w ahn taeho's phone in ep8 is jung yoonjung's (yoonjae's older sister) bc of the necklace and the size of the skeleton. so now#they've found one body from the events of 20 years ago that happened at the center. all the jurors' kids will be killed as revenge for the#parents turning a blind eye on them as kids so theyre being punished by having their beloved children taken away from them. i think its#amazing how theyre all connected they dont know it at all. choi soongil was the only one who recognized ahn taeho (bc of the scar) and#yeom hyejin didnt know her father was sending kids to be abused and enslaved. kang youngki saw kids in numbered uniforms doing hard labor#never said a word bc keeping it a secret earned him money that he spent on his own kid who wouldve been around the same age as them.#from ep8 we see that the producer made a docu on the center and just buried it. and ofc mr baek who was the ringleader of all this.#his daughter killed on her birthday and kang youngki's daughter killed on her wedding day as retribution. im sad that ahn taeho died living#a life of guilt and fear moving around all the time but at least hes free from that now. im glad he got to apologize to 'yoonjae' for it#honestly i cant be mad at ahn taeho bc he was a survivor and a child and terrified. also is it just me or did sunghoon look disappointed#when ahn taeho confessed? like thats all the evidence i have supporting my theory that hes 11 i think. ofc theres the vibes? that he and#sungjoon have more history than the shows let on so far but if he was 11 he would be so disappointed bc he planned their escape#anyway come talk to me about this its driving me crazy
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#hi i’m gonna ramble a little feel free to skip over this#i’ve just felt so lonely these past few weeks#like the closest friends i had both went out of town and neither told me and i had to find out through instagram#and like idk if it’s my fault for always being so closed off and not reaching out to ppl more or if they just … don’t wanna talk to me#and i’m happy that they’re doing stuff that makes them happy and that they’re doing well but like#they both have bfs which is fine but that means that they almost automatically have someone else to do shit with#and they have closer friends too so they hang out with them more i guess#all this to say i don’t really have anyone i’m close with so i just … don’t have anyone to do that stuff with#like a coworker was saying they wanted to go to the beach with their cousins or siblings or they went on vacation with friends recently#and the only person i’d wanna do those things with is my mom … and then we can’t go bc we’re broke and have other things to pay#and i wish i could travel on my own but it’s not safe here and ngl i don’t have money to go out of the country besides needing paperwork etc#all this to say that: did i fuck up choosing a bsf in hs that was thousands of miles away that now i don’t have a genuine connection with#anyone in the same area i am?? should i have opened up more to ppl overall?? should i have tried harder??#or is it just fucked up that the only ppl i know who like the same things i like and who bond with me over them live so far away??#like is it me?? am i the problem??#i just wanna go to the beach man … i wanna go on vacation and relax and not think about fucking dying alone#no one even cares about me i swear#if i got fucked up in a car crash or something and landed in a hospital or fucking dead for all i know who would even care
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im so CWCcoded
#anyway my apologies for gaslighting you all about not personal diary posting bc my dad just texted me goodnight and it made me sad#him and my mom both tried to call me all day I feel bad when I ignore them#bc I know they’ll be dead someday and they won’t be able to call me and I won’t be able to answer#and my brothers both tried to call me I know my mom narced that I was weird yesterday and now everyones scrambling to keep track of me#it’s very nice of them but I really do hate being reminded that I’m the family member that like#they’ve all quietly agreed is always going to have to be monitored and taken care of#I wouldn’t be surprised if Andy and Alex haven’t talked about who I’m going to going to live by when our parents are both gone#it was kind of funny Andy invited me to like go install a security camera with him today#I said no but I do think it could’ve been a fun experince#I was gonna see my mom but she didn’t want to go out again so I waited around until my dad tried to call me again#so then be brought me with him to a hardware store where he tried (and failed) to return paint or something#we love a schemer#and then we picked up Andy and got milkshakes but I was ill so he got me real food on the way home#but I’m going to have to find a way to throw it out tomorrow bc I didn’t eat that much of it and I don’t want him to be sad about it#and I have to clean my room bc Lydia will be here soon#I was weepy in the car and my dad kept saying it’s nice you’ll get a few days with her before the concert#I know :-(#to some extent I love that he’s so incapable of handling emotional moods bc he just puts on songs and complains about them#bc he knows I like to complain and I think he gets scared when I don’t talk and that’s his attempt at getting me to#I need to finish my costume and make bracelets and clean my room these seem doable#okay bye please don’t unfollow me#also I love the name doxing bc these are for me and me only and maybe burke when he logs on I love you#my posts
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I do remember that, yeah.
I also remember the text above from 5 days ago when my grandmother died and you didn't say a single fucking thing about it. And then went on Facebook and posted pictures of you and your stupid wife putting up your christmakkah tree.
Jesus fucking christ are you serious right now?
#what the actual fuck is wrong with my family????????????#christ i know you left my mom 20 years ago but a little basic compassion goes a long way you shithead#on that note when i called my boss on sunday to tell him i wouldn't be in monday his reaponse was awwww did your grandma die?#said it in a baby mocking voice#like I'm mostly ok BUT WOULD IT KILL PEOPLE TO BE NICE TO ME?#i keep thinking about her frail tiny body just giving up#about how my mom said all she's done the last few months is sleep#i have more memories of growing up with this woman than anything else#like i can't remember doing things with my mom but we basically grew up at my grandparents home#like most of my best memories from when i was a kid was at her house#and she's dead and i just want people to be nice to me!#i don't think that's asking too much!#am i losing my fucking mind?
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