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#do i wish i wasn't a woman? no
sergle · 1 month
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When I talk about something bad I've experienced, Baked In to my experience as A Woman, I am not "making my little cousins feel like shit for being women", because I am talking in a space with, allegedly, adults. I am not bringing my problems to children in the first place. That said, I don't HAVE to make my baby cousin feel bad, because she's already experienced sexual harassment in her life, and she's only 8, and doesn't even understand what any of it means yet. And everyone in her family can try to instill confidence in her, and never talk about our bodies in a negative way. But she can still feel like she's too chubby, because she still goes to school, and talks to other kids and their parents, and still sees ads, and still watches tv. We can be positive, but we can't fix the root of the problem. And I don't HAVE to tell trans women that "pain is a rite of passage", because that's not a Rule being enforced (by me), because I've already sat and listened to my friend complain about constantly shaving as a Baseline necessity and how it hurts her skin and she has to put makeup onto fresh cuts on her face because going out without a full face of properly feminine makeup would make her life worse, and being anything less than thin and lithe makes her "less feminine", and ALL the things that can make her "more feminine" are behind a paywall. And I can try to make her feel better, and I can hear her experiencing the tenfold version of problems I relate to, but I can't fix the root cause of her problems by just telling her not to complain. Forcing happiness as a core personality trait for women is not the Girlboss Feminist move that you think it is, and no amount of gender euphoria in the world will make you immune to systemic oppression.
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2sw · 1 year
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You got to wake up. because if you don't, then trying to keep that dream alive will destroy you! It'll destroy everything!
Supernatural S8E08 Hunteri Heroici ( + S8E06 Southern Comfort )
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"i mess up things and then i don't have the energy to fix them up" yes brain true sentence but no brain the appropriate response is NOT "therefore i should kill myself (and here's how)"
#tw suicide#i wish i was joking#i am just so so tired of keeping myself alive! can't someone else do it for a change? or better yet kill me??#said something to the emergency room psych#she queried it and i confirmed i had said precisely what i intended#she blinked and said 'i usually hear that from jaded forty year olds not twenty year olds'#i won't share what because it was a highly specific explanation of precisely how i might see myself suiciding or how/whether i thought i#could. she asked me and i answered. apparently she wasn't expecting that level of detail and confidence#is it funny to anyone else that i always struggle with confidence but i can confidently tell her specifics about suicide thoughts?#this is reminding me of the fifteen year old yesterday i was conversing with and he randomly started listing all the suicide methods he#could think of and i was internally like you missed a dozen i can think of. didn't say that obvs#i don't know i am. tired. of everything. and i had a long and good conversation with an older woman from church last night (mother of the#boy. i have confided in her before she's great)#she's hte only person irl who now knows about the second suicide attempt (tho she doesn't know it was the second) and she was encouraging m#to see the psych and escalate care#but all day ive been regretting telling the psych or bro or anyone honestly#it would be so much EASIER to have said nothing and gone through with my plan#i wouldn't trust myself not to rn if i had access#i mean. i know multiple ways in this room i could kill myself. but i won't#there's a couple of specific methods that are most of the thoughts usually so they're the specific ones i gotta watch out for more if that#makes sense#ooh gosh im rambling i should shut up xD#personal#puddleglum hours
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tricoufamily · 7 months
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once again thinking about how easy it would be for me to be in a relationship if i was cis
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kazoosandfannypacks · 8 months
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1989 is so ScarletQueen coded and I will die on this hill.
#taylor swift#once upon a time in wonderland#scarlet queen#will scarlet#anastasia ouatiw#will x anastasia#Welcome to New York is about Will going to Storybrooke#Out of the Woods has the line 'we were built to fall apart and fall back together'#'ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS STAY' is basically a summary of Will's entire feelings about Ana#I Wish You Would is literally just them in a modern au. 😭😭😭#BAD BLOOD IS THEM TOO#'say you'll remember me standing in a nice dress' and then when Will makes Liz into his Ideal Woman she's wearing a dress that resembles the#dress Anastasia was wearing when he last saw her#'THIS LOVE IS REAL THIS LOVE IS RED THIS LOVE IS ALIVE BACK FROM THE DEAD WOAHOHOH' IN ALL OF WONDERLAND THEY WERE THE ONLY THING THAT WAS#REAL FOR EACH OTHER!!! AND SHE'S THE RED QUEEN!!! AND SHE CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭#'i know places' is them pre-wonderland. the place they ran to hide from people judging them for choosig each other was wonderland.#Clean is a song Will thinks he can sing now that he doesn't have his heart anymore#WONDERLAND. NEED I SAY MORE?#(i will. listen to that song. it's literally the story of their relationship. i still don't believe it wasn't written about them.)#You Are In Love is kinda generic but yes they are in love#and they COULD build a castle out of the bricks thrown at them. the universally hated queen and the universally wanted thief.#also that one mentions SCARLET letters and PLAYING CARDS and CASTLES it's literally about them. Heartbreak IS wonderland's national anthem.#and i know i didn't mention all of 1989's song so here's a bonus.#Will Scarlet was Sunshine and Anastasia was Midnight Rain.#(he wanted it comfortable. she wanted that pain. he wanted a bride. she was making her own name. chasing that fame. he stayed the same.#and both of them changed like midnight rain.)
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caeslxys · 1 year
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certain beloved members of vm and m9 are similar levels of morally ambiguous and unable to decisively deal with their personal shit that imogen temult is but only one them is constantly shit on for it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#cr spoilers#vaguely? I don't even wanna tag that bc this is a little controversial in tone#'but imogen's shit doesn't make sense bc she has a support system and still refuses to deal'#liam obrien had an evil caleb playlist READY TO GO like????#taliesan has talked On END about how percy is a piece of shit#(affectionate)#god forbid the woman who had her entire life repeatedly wrecked from before the first episode and every five or so episodes after#be just like. a little fucking frayed. a bit on edge#also she repeatedly REPEATEDLY asked to just be told she was wrong all episode. she was BEGGING for clarity#not because she thought they were right. but because it's so hard for her to say that her mother is wrong#when she so badly wants to be able to save her and love her#she just wishes her mother wasn't involved how she is???#oh I'm sorry I forgot she's supposed to just. get over that. in a totally believable and human way#this is the closest I'm gonna get to Discourse bc it's not worth it but keeping these thoughts in my brain is abt to make me explode so#also!! this is not me shitting on percy or caleb!! they are also The Skrunkly of their respective campaigns for me!!#and I don't think either is a bad person!!!#I do think they were given more incentive to heal in less episodes than imogen has been given all campaign tho lol#also yes I know that people exist who Do shit on these two for exactly this#even with that it is not nearly what I have seen go imogen's way#also the universal queer sentiment of 'she tried to show me a world that was peaceful if only I went back to being normal'#I just don't get it 😭
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skymagpie · 8 months
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Ignore tag venting about 20 year old pirate films </3
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unsilken · 11 months
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asian and middle eastern cultures venerate sons and sons' parents SO much that i--
i actually feel bad for my parents that they don't have a son (or that i am not a son)
i feel like i have to do better better better more more more to be the perfect daughter and compensate them for being so nice to me even though i am not a son
and now that i'm (maybe) getting married soon i feel like the window i had on being a dutiful daughter is closing down so fast and that i was able to accomplish nothing in spite of so much potential and watching my fiance be able to support his parents while i can't do anything for my own except take and take and take is making me suicidal and making me want to kill myself
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and-stir-the-stars · 5 months
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good news! I got to be slightly spiteful to a customer that regularly annoys me!
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kingcervix · 6 months
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I think it's crazy how much my dysphoria and depression are linked. I was considering detransitioning for safety reasons but I don't think I can, even just thinking about it it brought back my extreme suicidal thoughts instantly. I can either be attacked for being trans or I can just end it all myself, these are my options and I know which one I'd rather pick
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hypnowave · 1 year
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#mmm. mmmmm.#sometimes u wake up and shower and look in the mirror at your wide hips and narrow shoulders and u think#''damn this trans stuff is really delusional isn't it'' because no matter how hard you try you're never going to pass#because you can't get top surgery and can't get hormone therapy and can't safely learn to lower your voice#and you have a couple irls who know about your actual identity but you're certain they don't actually see you as male#except your sister and your best friend#you have a woman's body and a woman's voice and are living a woman's life and nothing you do seems to ever change that#it all feels so fucking pointless sometimes.#figures. one of my classmates presented her essay draft today and it was about whether or not being queer was nature or nurture#and it really hit a nerve. because people don't actually care which one it is. if it's nature then they will find this hypothetical gene#and they will purge it.#if it's nurture then they will do anything to stop the ''gay agenda'' because lgbtq+ behavior is deviant behavior and is therefore immoral#they would do anything to prevent us. we are an illness#i'm so tired. so fucking tired. i know i'm not male and i know i'll never be male and i wish i could just accept that#idk why i keep clinging to the notion that i am male . what's all this for?#i choose to carry this burden as if i'll get anything out of it. as if my time and energy wasn't needed elsewhere#my work. my final paper. my health. i'm so tired#i just wish i could stop caring.#jun.log#negative
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girlscience · 1 year
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@people who have a stable sense of self and identity, what's that's like? how's it feel to be beloved by the universe?
#people who say shit like 'i knew i was [insert identity here] when i was 5 or 12 or whatever' i wish i was you#i have been flip flopping on this shit as long as i can remember#and it's not like it's new feelings i'm flip flopping about? it literally like the same exact emotion every god damn time#and my internal idk sense of self really doesn't change much but which piece my brain thinks is important does?#i don't know if that makes sense#like... i would never say that some mornings i wake up and feel zero attraction to women but some days i do think i've made it up#or like some days i think maybe i am attracted to men but i just never want to date or marry or be in any sort of romantic relationship#with a man... i just don't hate dicks and could theoretically have sex with a man... and like some fictional men are pretty.#and i had one crush on a guy when i was like 12... but i also was incredibly jealous of him and hated myself because i was female#and i would never get to be him#but then i'm like does it matter that i don't want to date men? i am not sure i want to date at all?#except i kind of would like to date a very specific tyler of woman in a very specific type of relationship#and i do genuinely think i would love that so much and sometimes i want it so bad i physically ache#but i don't feel that way about men. but the one guy i had a crush on i did when i was 14 or whatever#but also people talk about all these experiences they had as a kid with being gay in the church and how hard it was#and sure i had a hard time but it wasn't very hard to hide it from everyone so like i didn't face a ton of shit other people have#so like does it really count?#maybe i'm just making all of it up and i'm just straight and lying to myself about everything#but i've known i found women attractive since i was very young#and not to be tmi but until i was presented with outside information about sex with men i only pictured myself having sex with women#because the idea of piv sex literally doesn't compute at all in my brain#i genuinely think i would rather die than let anyone stick their dick inside my body#and i used to have legitimate panic attacks about having to marry a man and have sex with him because i felt like i had to#and i know all of this is super super cis centric but i'm going to be so honest. adding in trans identities when trying to figure this out#has only made it significantly more complicated in my brain#and i feel shitty about that but it's true and i don't know what to do about that#and i could keep going on and on about the fact i'm 99% sure i'm stone which also confuses things#because i can find stuff about being a stone butch lesbian but if i am bi.... i have literally never seen anything about being stone#with a man before. literally never.#but also does it matter? because i might be a lesbian since i am very uncomfortable with the idea of romancing a man in any way
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aw-bean-s · 1 year
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My friend came back from uni for a bit so we had lunch and she's been struggling a bit w body image and I was trying to be a supportive friend without telling her how many crisis I've had over her being hot
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spacelesscowboy · 1 year
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u know. sometimes i really do dislike being involved in fandoms online.
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agirlinthegalaxy · 1 year
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Okay, but one of the things that annoyed me about s2 of Locke & Key was that Jackie’s death seemed entirely bc of Tyler’s short-sightedness. The other thing that annoyed me was how the show treated Eden, which I am remarkably less forgiving towards. (Look, the entire show kinda has the Lockes as dumbasses, but there isn’t an in-universe excuse for the second one.) So alternate suggestion:
When Kinsey and Scot use the Head Key on Eden, we see that she’s still in there. Eden, our Eden, the human Eden, the Eden who had enough of a heart of gold to risk her life to help the people she bullied who in turn magically controlled and manipulated her body, she’s still there. The darkness and the mannequins are slowly overrunning her head, but it’s still Eden’s head.
So consider instead if Kinsey and Scot escape and tell the others about their realization. The Savinis and the others are like :/ well that tracks but Scot asks how they’re going to save her and the others are kind of just like 😬😬 Eden? Eden who is like a total raging bitch that one? Jackie, as Eden’s best friend, insists that they have to do something and they’re still kinda like ehhh but Kinsey finally speaks up. This is our fault. Eden wouldn’t have been involved at all if it wasn’t for us, we have to help her.
And so the thing is that there isn’t. really a way to save someone from demonic possession. Erin points out don’t you think we’d have done that if there was a way? Maybe something about a journal from Ellie or one of the Keepers of the Keys researching ways, a note about how they wish they could have saved Lucas. And so they realize that they have to create a way now.
Blah blah, Dodge creates the Demon Key and Tyler realizes that he can create a key and they trap Eden at some point. (Look this isn’t a full season rewrite, I’m not doing all that rn.) But anyways, Tyler, with Erin dead trying to reach Lucas and Jackie confused and worried about Eden with the loss of her memories, creates the Alpha Key. 
Meanwhile, Jackie confronts Kinsey and Bode and demands to know what the hell is going on and they restore her memories and she catches up to speed and has the realization that her best friend is a demon and possessed Eden is spitting all these things at her about how you didn’t even notice, too wrapped up in your new magical life and boyfriend and friends and so much for being best friends, right Jackie? just full on demonic tormenting with Eden’s body and voice.
Tyler comes back and reveals that he has the key, but they’re worried about using it on Eden bc what if it goes wrong? And they’re arguing over it while Eden laughs at them and then Dodge attacks and everyone is scrambling and Jackie goes missing in the midst of it all and then it’s over and Tyler is yelling for her, fear and panic in his voice, when she reappears, quiet and solemn. Tyler desperately hugs her and she just leans against him and says softly Eden was one of my first friends y’know. One of my only friends and she tearfully laughs and Tyler is starting to get worried and Jackie just looks up at him and her expression goes vaguely demonic for a second and he tries to draw back in horror at what happened but she grabs his arms and demands use the key on me. If it works, then we can save Eden. If it doesn’t... I don’t want to end up like her, Tyler.
And without really any other options bc Eden is significantly farther along the corruption process that they really can’t say what Eden would want, Jackie is here and okay for at least a minute and like the show, they think it works and they celebrate and even demon Eden is quiet for a minute before the tears start and Jackie dies in Tyler’s arms and in between Tyler’s breakdown about her, Eden, the real Eden, comes through for half a second to call out for her, breaking down in tears before the demon regains control.
And maybe they still can’t save Eden, but at the very least, they can take the literal demonic parasite off of her soul before she dies and she also doesn’t fucking die by getting thrown down a well!!!
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julie-su · 1 year
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"(Character) tears into Locke" is my favourite genre of fanart, and I have one in the works of Locke and Janelle-Li -wheeze-
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