#discussion or criticism of a work
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Anxiety is such a frustrating phenomenon to endure.
For me, it's notably a feeling of stress and overwhelm, which contaminates other stuff around it. I often tie it to general tiredness or difficulty with task switching or chronic pain, because those things make it harder to deal with, but they are separate phenomena.
... and I think my brain just recently got 'reset' somehow, because I've been struggling with this for a while, and now I'm not.
Like. Same dietary habits, same caffeine intake, same medications, same work hours & work duties. Same (or slightly worse) terrifying US political landscape. Same (or slightly worse - there's a spike in cases where I live) pandemic news. Same financial situation.
I am trying to think of big things in my life that could possibly be related to this, and there are a couple, and I 100% am serious about this despite the silliness of how this sounds.
I think ExU Calamity was a big part of it. It occupied a large portion of my brain space for a while. (Hyperfixations can do that.) It was extremely good from a storytelling standpoint. You care about the characters and their families and the world they inhabit; you watch the actors themselves fully immersing themselves in that world, laughing and crying and reacting to the story they're shaping together; you watch the DM at times also clearly having moments of being caught up in it.
The whole premise was that this story would end in tragedy, and it did. I thought it would end badly. It didn't. The ending of the finale was among the least bad of the possible endings available to the cast, given how Episode 3 ended, and the machinations of the infernalists and K'nauthi that had been going on for a long while before Episode 1 starts.
The ending was a triumph, because it could have been so much worse.
There was a bit when I was just processing ExU: Calamity, and re-watching particular sections, and enjoying fannish discussions about plot and character and world building and the most excellent cast who brought it all to life.
I think... It matters a lot that the Ring of Brass got their tragic ending, and not the bad ending that I was expecting.
I think that I, and a lot of people, often feel that we (& the world at large) are trapped in an endless spiral of terrible politics, climate change and its devastating consequences, a hopefully not terminal case of late-stage capitalism, and other incredibly unfortunate world states.
I think that a lot of the best endings have been taken off the table. Not for you personally, or for myself personally, but for humankind. For mortaldom.
I think that a lot of people have been working to make the world better. Behind the scenes. Doing the research and writing the papers, yes, but also fostering communities and debugging code and offering alternatives to people who don't realize they have more options than they think.
There's a lot of suffering in this world that doesn't need to be, that should not be, that we didn't choose and are still somewhat complicit in, because the only way to escape society's ills entirely is to opt out and become a hermit or a shut-in. Which is not fixing the problem, merely avoiding it.
There are going to be a lot of people these next few hundred years who do vital things and do not live to see the hopeful times that will come after. Who will not be remembered. Whose work matters, matters as clearly as a diamond is made of carbon, matters as much to this world as the last desperate stand of the Ring of Brass matters to Exandria.
Maybe it's silly. I don't know that I will remain this way, anxiety-free, for long. But I choose to believe that I've got a little more time to remain myself before the anxiety returns.
And I've got a little steel necklace, still in the gift box from when it was given to me. There must be brass rings available at hardware stores or Ren faire stalls or Etsy shops. Maybe Critical Role would be willing to sell them. It wouldn't be a particularly good advertising tool for them, any more than lilac blossoms on the 25th of May are a way to sell Terry Pratchett books.
Anyway. I admit this is silly. But I know I'm going to be at San Diego Comic Con this year, and I think I'm going to carry a brass ring on a chain around my neck.
#storyteller tag#exu calamity#exu spoilers#meta and worldbuilding discussion#2020 and related bullshit#disasters of our time#anxiety cw#managing mental health#tag for 'making the world better in ??? incredible ways'#'actors and performers and talented people' tag#discussion or criticism of a work#critical role fannishness
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”getting thicker skin” is great in theory but I think for some people “get better at handling your thin skin” is gonna be way more helpful advice. I have strong emotional reactions to criticism and they might never go away, but i can continue to try and handle each situation maturely and that’s the important part. Sometimes irrational feelings are chronic and living with them is better than trying to beat yourself up into not having them.
#ive cried over completely minor critical discussions so many times this year that im starting to think it’ll just always be a thing#so now i wanna work on living with it#mental health#ok to reblog
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The whole "breasts shouldn't be politicized because the primary purpose of breasts is to feed babies!" can be a fine jumping-off point, but I really wish people thought deeper than that when we talk about the ways in which bodies are politicized and restricted.
Like, why's it that when we talk about breasts, they must have some Higher Purpose? It's true that breasts aren't inherently sexual, but they aren't valuable solely because they can potentially feed a baby. A human body doesn't have to serve a Higher Purpose in order for it to not be legislated against or policed, and I just wish people would remember it isn't always about babies, about other people, about anything else other than the people who have that body.
#feminism#dysphoria tw#your body doesn't need to have an Intrinsic Worthwhile Purpose so that you can live without fear#and it is fine if people say this to criticize the way breasts are overly sexualized and fetishized or what have you...#...but i encourage people to not see this as an end-all-be-all argument#because this opens discussions about how we politicize bodies and how we interpret them#i see overlap between this and the way trans bodies are politicized and policed honestly#and i guess personally i'm just so tired of the idea that to be safe your body Must Have A Good Reason To Be#and i fear this may reinforce the idea that we Must Serve Purposes and Be Useful and Used#ask to tag (genuine)#and what would this say for childless people? or people who cannot bear children? if they have breasts are they 'useless bodies'#because i have seen the ways some people's bodies are treated when they do not 'work PROPERLY' and that scares me#it scares me to potentially start treating people with different bodies as Defective and Unworthy and Unproductive#and i don't always trust when people latch onto purpose-driven arguments for human bodies that it stops at that y'know#have seen some discussion amd whatnot so 👍#is it now time to clock put and be a silly goose yet?
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empire siblings fanart! finally completed this wip, or to be more specific I got to a point where i'm happy with it lol.
[ID: First image is digital drawing of Beauregard Lionett and Caleb Widogast together standing by a bookshelf. Beau is pictured holding an open book, Caleb is pictured taking a book out of the shelf. The next two images are close ups of each characters face.]
#fanart#critical role fanart#critical role#my art#cr2#beauregard lionett#caleb widogast#empire siblings#the mighty nein#artists on tumblr#digital art#i feel like if i worked on it more i wouldn't have been able to post it so here it is#i can already see the mistakes and stuff i probably should have added more detail on but alas#will probably cross post to other socials tomorrow#i'm pretty happy with how the hair for caleb turned out and how beau as a whole turned out#i've gotten better at rendering through just drawing and drawing which is a nice achivement in my book#ack i realized i forgot to add them discussing something but its w/e
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It took me like two hours to process that Caleb's description of dunamis actually was somewhat new information and then go back to grab the transcription because, uh, both "form of magic that exists between the fabric of all of forces of power" and "one of the oldest and most fundamental forces" are far more confidently firm descriptions than we ever got in campaign 2.
Was I actually roughly correct about what dunamis was??? HELLO???
VINDICATION?!?!
#like LISTEN it does feel like the obvious conclusion but HELLO??????#CAN WE GO BACK TO THAT???#i am choosing to believe that Caleb is too focused on the world ending to notice Ashton's head but UM. COULD WE DISCUSS THIS?#I'm never gonna be normal again. anyway.#straight up the universe was like 'megs is in hell week. yanno what she needs? motherfucking wizards.'#I'M SO USED TO GIVING AND NOW I GET TO RECEIVE#critical role#cr spoilers#caleb widogast#like yeah yeah i got all overly poetic and flowery about it but like ON A FUNDAMENTAL LEVEL THIS WAS BASICALLY WHAT I MEANT#and tbh i do think you have to veer slightly toward my concept in order to really explain consecution BUT ANYWAY#i need to sleep. i will not get to sleep but. i should try.#anyway glad to see my boi clearly did not have to give up his whole life's work he's doing so well 😌#hope he is holed up in the Lavorres' spare room until Ludinus is dead 😌
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Do you guys really believe that killing is the singular bad thing that cops do?
Or even that killing is the most frequent bad thing that cops do?
Are you saying that if cops didn't kill, then they'd be the same as Batman? Because then you're suggesting that effectively Batman already is a cop, with the exception that he hasn't killed (just like the majority of U.S. cops, who have never once shot or killed anybody).
I'm a bit worried to see opinions suggesting that only killing is wrong—and that violence, stalking, and humiliation are okay. In real-life, police commit countless acts of those "little" abuses, terrorizing entire communities, before they murder anybody.
Invading people's privacy is wrong. Hurting people to the point of hospitalization is wrong. Forcibly drugging people is wrong. Putting people in cages is wrong. Torture and "enhanced interrogation" are wrong. Ambushing people in their homes and safe places is wrong. Keeping inexhaustible wealth is wrong.
Superhero comics are power fantasies. Not all fantasies need to reflect our ideology in reality. But once you apply your real-life values to fiction, once you decide that fiction showcases exemplary real-life ideology—then your praise for Batman's ideology does become a worrying reflection of your real-life understanding of social issues.
#copaganda#Bruce Wayne critical#GCPD#fandom discourse#Batman copaganda#police brutality cw#Almost sorry to drag serious discussion of copaganda into ridiculous superhero comics but I swear the other guys started it first...#To be clear I'm completely disinterested in condemning or interrogating Bruce over his personal choice not to kill.#But I am so fascinated in how he justifies his own use of violence and privilege!!! So very very fascinated!!#Once again: LESLIE THOMPKINS IS RIGHT.#Actually I'm not gonna tag this post as @nti Bruce W@yne--because really I enjoy canon Bruce a hell of a lot more than his stans do lol.#Sorry but Batman isn't a darling anti-cop revolutionary. If he were then he'd get in line behind Green Arrow and like the Invisibles.#I mean maybe The Audio Adventures version is anti cop but still in a free-market libertarian power fantasy kind of way if you can dig that.#violence mention cw#murder mention cw#fandom drama#This is why Cheer doesn't work because Red Hood realizes 'Oh I don't want kids to lose their parents like I lost mine--#--therefore I won't murder anymore. It's time to put my faith in the system. 👼👼👼'#Jason sweetie... you lost your father firstly to criminalization and incarceration for property crime.#You lost your mother to poverty and addiction. You are actually not like Batdaddy and your trauma is not a mere echo of his trauma.#Batman discourse
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Caleb Widogast refuses to conform to daylight savings time in the empire and claims it is the devil's work. He shows up to at 11 to his 10am class and swears he's on time.
Soltryce can't fire him because he has blackmail tenure.
#critical role#cr2#caleb widogast#brought to you by me casually sitting in discord and listening to people discuss daylight savings#and then oh no'ing at how that would work with keen mind#Caleb Widogast grumpy old man#Does Essek agree idk#would be hilarious if it became a long running debate between them though#mr. time is one of my specialities and talking clock widogast
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i'm too tired and old to write long posts about shows anymore but can i just say how much i love haein and hyungwoo? both are complicated human beings trying to do better but struggling with trauma, loss, pressure and finding happiness without realising it's better to open up and work it out together? their journey is layered and interesting and i'm loving how many messy emotions the show's packed into it's lead pairing
#you can dislike a lead or a character absolutely fine i am all for fun debates and discussions#but calling a character cold or evil when you've been given so many examples why they've misunderstood each other and the family pressure#etc etc?? idk man have some critical thinking and appreciate how INTERESTING it is to have leads not follow the same formula#anyway#just some thoughts before i retire to read in bed at 8pm because i'm an adult who watches a show then needs early beddtime before work#queen of tears
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Annoying fandom people when you tell them characters do things based on writers’ decisions and biases and are not fully autonomous sapient beings they’re watching in a terrarium
#babbles#this is in general an ideal i hold very close in fandom stuff but like especially abt wc cuz that fandom sucks with this#i hate warriors fans so much it’s unreal. it’s not ‘these writers have weird ideas about what is romantic’ but ‘this character is toxic!!1’#boiling down what can be a meaningful discussion about abuse and patriarchal standards into a purely blorbobrained character argument#about in universe traits like these characters are real and we need to give them counseling#because having the 500th soapbox about bramblestar or nightheart or whoever being abusive makes you feel progressive#like. i'd love to discuss for instance the misogynistic standards that the erins have as writers and how that affects their work.#i dont however care to discuss which Fictional Cat For Ten Year Olds is the most Problematic. bc that does nothing#reminds me of that tweet abt like the fatphobic trope of chars being depressed or hitting a low point and being fat slobs#and ppl came in waves like 'no it makes sense because he was depressed and xyz etc etc' like we're discussing a real person#and not constructs made by writers that show fatphobic ideologies. missed the point so hard dude.#less 'character does this' more 'writer made the character do this'. not even in criticism but in discussing themes etc etc
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lb was really out here like ‘i’m going to create a message about the dangers of power and corruption!’ and then proceeded to create the least nuanced breakdown of the way power is alloted by a system and the impacts it has on both the masses and the individual that I have ever seen in my life
#myramblings#sab salt#sab critical#grishaverse#sab#leigh bardugo critical#aleksander morozova#the darkling#sab meta#shadow and bone#the way she writes the darkling is so ridiculously stupid#she should have made nikolai an antagonist as well#she should have gone more into the workings of the royal family#she should have shown a diverse cast of grisha members with differing opinions on how to fight for their rights#but who all still worked towards fighting for their rights#instead we got evil power corrupted guy is the only member of the persecuted minority fighting for his people's rights#and everybody else is Good Actually#except for the king who gets barely any actual discussion#and who's presence is so indicative of the way power harms others#much more than the darkling's#but the discussion around the king is of course so un nuanced that he hardly matters#like come on lb#your story is a disaster and your themes lack consistency and your message isn't even clearly conveyed
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modern au essek just has heelys send tweet
#he has to have his Professional Government Work Shoes™ custom ordered to maintain his vibe#you know im right#ramble#critical role#essek thelyss#side note can we PLEASE discuss the crime that is heelys being spelled Like That instead of as heelies
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oh. so. this dream and this vision and this exchange after and everything that has been building to here.
All that rage, all that desperation, Imogen's knowledge that Liliana's judgement is flawed and searching for any reason to understand, searching for a way to bring her out of it. Bring her back.
"Show me" and she does and.
Its- beautiful, its wonderful. Its the unmaking of the world and of history and it feels- so good. For a moment Imogen feels something she hasn't for YEARS. A life and a possibility and a future full of peace she hasnt had for ages, hasnt even bothered hoping for. For a moment, Imogen sees it, but more importantly- she feels it- the freedom, the peace, the dream. Stronger than any vision. She sees it. She feels it.
And she wakes up, and she- unknowingly, perfectly, mirrors her own mothers words, looks around, asks- did you see it? Did you all see that? (I wish you all could see what I could see-)
They didn't- of course they didn't. They saw Liliana, too far gone, spouting nonsense, they saw her reach out, they saw the refusal to listen to reason. They did not see the vision. (They couldn't have. Even if they'd seen it- would they have understood? How could they? No beautiful vision would have captured the thing that left the awe in Imogen's lungs- the peace. The freedom. The finality of, finally, finally, being free of this gift that has only been a curse.)
They didn't see the vision. They saw their friend, tapped on the forehead after hopeless pleas. They've been seeing their friend make further and further excuses for someone they know is a danger, someone siding with people they are working so hard against. That has hurt them. They've seen the way she can't quite denounce Liliana. They've hedged around it: If she's not on our side, will you be okay- You know if she's not on our side, we'll have to-
They've been watching. They're seeing plenty. They did not see the vision. They couldn't have.
They saw a fruitless conversation. They saw their friend rebuffed by someone she loves. They saw her wake up with a strange kind of light in her eyes and- say.
What if its not so bad? (The world ending. Half of the world being eaten. Innocent lives lost. Our loved ones cut down for a fever dream and delusions of power and grandeur. Us, cut down, for some stupid plot for a moon and petty revenge against the gods and a desire to end the world.) They've been watching her, make halfhearted arguments, sidle away. Make increasingly desperate excuses. Ask: What if.
(Its so easy to ask, what if. Its so dangerous. Sometimes the if is used to hide away lives and lives of collateral, of blood red loss. Sometimes the if has already been answered and paid for, and the act of asking is its own form of violence, all over again.)
"Well Imogen, I wish my family didn't have to die for her brighter tomorrow."
And the way Imogen collapses, a little- presses her face into her hands and crumples under the weight of the reminder, like voices piling in after weeks of being in blissful quiet in a forest. Like reality breaking in after a beautiful dream. "You're right. I'm sorry. You're right."
"I swear, I wanna see this through, I do."
"She just presented this vision of- it didn't seem so bad."
And the Bells try to help, to be kind. They say: We understand why this must be hard for you. She's someone you love, its hard to deal with them thinking a different way. What did you see?
They are trying so hard, to reason through it, to balance their own hurt with kindness and sound arguments to lead her back. They want so badly, to lead her back. Have her back.
The problem however, is not the soundness of the argument, is not the reason or the logic- but the overwhelming allure of that sensation- of that promise- of the hope- of the ideal. Of a mirage that already drew Liliana in. That is pulling Imogen's gaze, despite. Despite, despite, despite.
Hope is such a tricky thing to kill.
#okay theres like three metas here i kind of wanted to write but it turned into one frankenstein one bc i need to sleep#critical role#c3e49#cr liveblogging#character meta#imogen temult#bell's hells#liliana temult#the three things here are something like: imigen is compromised in the way the trope of duty bound people going 'im compromised' when they#love someone- THIS is that THIS is the compromise in judgement#2 is that all discussion about flawed reasoning is- not the point. so wholly not the point. imogen is not chasing the reasoning. neither is#liliana. imogen and liliana and probably others have the sensation- have the hope- have the mirage- have a promise (they cant have)#the reasoning twists itself from there. this is how cults work! this is how like! irl dangerous idealogies work! this is why something#technically making sense CANNOT BE ENOUGH FOR A PERSON TO FALL IN LINE bc humans can reason /anything/ if the purpose is strong enough#imogen KNOWS the reasoning isnt sound. shes not convinced by the reasoning. shes hoping and her reasoning is being swayed bc of it.#she apologizes to orym. shes caught up in a sensation#3 is that the bells are so worried and i havw so many feelings about it bc they want to help her they want her to see reason#but theyre so short on time. and this hurts /them/ too. to need to defend this. explain this. at a point they need to prioritize themselves#the mission. their own emotional comfort. they need to know when- when is a lost cause and when isnt. theyve already been worried. at a#certain point- what can you do? this has nothing to do with reason. if emotional appeals wont work- what can you do.#uagahaguagahaghghgg#okay i need to sleep#im going to continue yelling tomorrow and then finish watching this convo and watch the ashton laud convo and YELL MORE#imogen meta#my meta#speculation
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maybe it's just how I deal with cognitive dissonance but I do think "media thing has a lot that can be enjoyed and picked apart and analyzed and you can really see what the artists involved put into that and you can acknowledge what the artists put into it and that some of the messages are things that need to be said and heard and encouraged"
and "corporations will always find a way to use those artists to sanitize the artists message and it's impossible to have a successful Content and you can't project a good piece of content as meaning that the big corporation is Good, because the big corporation will use art to get your money and doesn't believe in anything"
Are ideas that can be held at the same time and both deserve discussion to figure out this shitty part of our culture.
I don't think "ugh X isn't good and people who like it are annoying and falling for the con" is a productive argument but I also don't think "um people can enjoy things and any criticism means you don't think they should enjoy things and everything about this IS good actually" is productive. I'm not smart enough to know how to fix how our capitalist culture has turned art and culture into a commodity, but I don't think the individual people getting shaped by culture is where the ire needs to go, and I also think it's important to on some level be aware that corporations will always find a way to make money off of artists and sell it to you.
#yes this was kick started by barbie#mostly because i finally found a criticism of the corporate feminism of it that didnt act like the individual artists making the movie#were insincere in their work#but still did a great job showing how Mattel loved the feminist veneer for thr money it makes#'i saw a lot of cool jumping points for discussions on gender in society in the barbie movie'#and 'the most accessible message of the movie was pretty in offensive and shallow'#are both true i think#and i say that as someone who put the movie in my top 5 faves
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idf boot licker
#ישראבלר#ואפשר לענות באריכות על כך שצהל תרתי משמע מציל את המדינה ואת האזרחים עכשיו מאיום אמיתי של טרור רצחני ושלהגדיר הערכה של צבא#שנלחם בטרור כ'בוט ליקינג' זאת ע��לגות כי זאת לא הערצת עשירים או תמיכה בקפיטליזם אלא תמיכה בכך שלא ירצחו עוד אזרחים בטבח נגדם רק בגלל שהם#יהודים ו/או ישראלים. קיצר אם זה לא היה מאנונימי הייתי אומרת וירטיוסיגנלינג אבל אפילו זה לא. לשלוח אסק כזה זה כיתה ד. בדוק אמריקאי שלח את זה#I haven't even posted anything about the idf! haha. anyhow yeah the idf is great they're heroes obviously the idf has issues#like any organisation and any army but currently they're fighting a just war and working hard#I have so much criticism towards the idf but getting into a real discussion about it on tumblr?!?! haha hell no#ישראל
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I've always found it interesting that, apparently, for some people the show's efforts to sanitize Mustafa into perfection actually worked against them in people still using the writing to point out flaws of his unintentionally included by the show that made them dislike him.
In this most recent re-watch, the one to stand out to me regarding that so far is how Mustafa, after learning that Ibrahim cheated on Hatice, basically lets him off with a pat on the back and a sort of, "Hey, my aunt's real 'sensitive', you know? So don't do that again, buddy."
If this is truly meant to be the most gallant and noble out of all the şehzades, then why is it so easy for him to wave off harm done to his aunt? Not to mention, we're later treated to Mustafa, after Ibrahim's downfall, swearing that Ibrahim could never have betrayed his father...as if the man hadn't openly been exposed for betraying another dynasty member he was meant to be loyal to in recent memory.
#magnificent century#mustafa sehzade#continually robbed of complex writing for this character#like this could've worked#there could've been an intense discussion between mustafa and his mother#where mahidevran has to convince him that it's critical for ibrahim to be on their side#so he has to chose politics over the personal#like let us see the struggle and discomfort in learning that uncomfortable lesson
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I’m new here and I absolutely love your type of blogs with analysis and meta and long texts~~
I was wondering—is Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship the kind that could be interpreted as romantic?
first of all, welcome and ty! and sorry it took me so long to reply, i hope u're still around anon. now to answer ur question
i'll take this opportunity to share all my thoughts on the topic bc i have Many.
TLDR: it is possible to read it as romantic if you really want to, but it's not meant to (at least not as of right now in the story aka ch.224)
deep dive under the cut as to why
-> can Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship be interpreted as romantic?
i like how you phrased that bc, the thing is, interpretation is very subjective. you're welcome and allowed to interpret things however you want, but in EY&HJ's case, i feel like you'd have to work a lil extra hard to get to that point.
-> is Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship meant to be interpreted as romantic?
this one's easy bc no. objectively Not. the genre of No Home is drama and slice of life (and once upon a time, horror). even if they were to ever end up in a romantic relationship, that's not what the story is about.
when i ask myself what the author's intention is with this story, i'd say it's to (realistically) portray how a young person with trauma would navigate another young person's trauma. and showing how easy it is to unintentionally fuck it up for various reasons: lacking context as to what exactly said trauma is, generally not knowing how to navigate it, their own trauma getting in the way, lacking the necessary resources. take your pick.
think of it like "how should i carry someone else's baggage when i have my own to deal with?" while also keeping in mind they're kids; they often don't have enough experience to know how to help, and even when they know what the right thing to do is, they're not old enough to take (legal) action.
and especially, the most heart-breaking yet realistic thing, when you're just getting to know someone, you can't know everything about them. it's so easy to accidentally do or say sth that cuts or offends when it wasn't meant to. but when they've got their own issues, it's hard not to take it personally (eg. EY talking about HJ's parents without knowing his mom died not long ago in the beginning of the story).
-> what even is Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship??
this one's so funny bc i have no idea how to answer and i'm convinced not even EY and HJ themselves would know how to answer. they're not really friends; they got off on the wrong foot and kept walking with two left feet way too much to call themselves friends. the things that pushed them together the most were the dorms (not anymore) and the same friend group (more or less since EY has multiple).
what fits them best i'd say is "the universe forced us together against our will and now we're stuck with one another altho we hate each other" (<- at least in the beginning) extended with the "misery loves company" sentiment. finding comfort in someone who gets it, even tho they only kinda get it but not really but it works out anyway except it doesn't <- THERE'S NO NAME FOR THAT *cry* they invented a new type of character dynamic smh (i've never read a pairing with so much (romantic) potential only to see them completely fuck up their chance so royally by the end of their interaction EVERY SINGLE TIME. like yeah, enemies to lovers whatever BUT NOT TO THAT LEVEL HOLY SHIT)
they've changed each other, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. they're compatible in the way they understand each other on a deeper level and incompatible in the way they don't.
...however...
this is how HJ thinks of EY: (and also what No Home is truly abt)
and this is how EY feels about HJ after EY found out HJ used to steal as well (aka that HJ isn't perfect like the stuck up bitch EY thought he was at first):
so...
<- -> EY's first impression of HJ was that he was looking down on him and sth like "does this guy have ulterior motives? or is he just that naive being so trusting?" until EY found out HJ wasn't that different from him. after that, EY started admiring HJ for still managing to achieve things in life despite the hardships he had to go through. the type of admiration that can easily (and sometimes does) slip into envy.
-
since the beginning, EY has helped HJ (or at least tried to) without him knowing. sometimes it worked out, sometimes not. most times EY tried doing sth nice for HJ was (from EY's perspective) in return to HJ trying to help him or doing nice things for him (which, again, sometimes worked out, sometimes not). EY was just paying back a debt to "this stubborn naive guy who keeps getting into trouble and butting into his business. gotta look out for this idiot or he might get scammed." (<- eg. when EY offered to get HJ's money back from his uncle)
he doesn't do it for credit or friendship or out of obligation, he's just doing what he thinks is the right thing bc he doesn't want to owe anyone anything. he can't accept people just genuinely being kind, genuinely caring and genuinely wanting to help. but he's been learning and slowly coming to terms with it.
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<- -> HJ first wanted to try befriending EY despite not liking him bc, well, the guy did steal his wallet and stab him in their first interaction. after trying and failing at it multiple times, thanksgiving happened, and HJ started thinking of EY as his underclassman bc he realized EY's just a kid with issues and he should keep an eye on him (discretely bc EY hates pity).
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with time HJ has come to understand EY better by going after him whenever he ran off and slowly realized that EY does mean well and has his reasons (as fucked up as they might be sometimes). but his mentality abt EY is still "i gotta push him in the right direction cuz he's my underclassman and i unintentionally got attached to him (somehow??)" (also bc he knows EY already gave up on himself so he needs a lil help to find his way again. also also bc he knows EY is lowkey suicidal and he's scared it'll be his fault if sth happens) <- his care for EY comes from a protective/nurturing (/possibly maybe guilty) place which started when he realized EY was just a kid^^. in other words, HJ still bothers with EY out of a subconscious sense of responsibility/obligation in a way (a good way tho. or at least a way that gets better)
see, sth i struggle with is if HJ thinks he has to or wants to or thinks he should or can't just not help/care for EY. i can't exactly pinpoint where the sentiment is coming from. his face is too blank for me to read sometimes T_T
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to summarize: HJ is EY's goal, what EY wishes he could've been. and EY is HJ's 'responsibility' so to speak (bc 'burden' doesn't quite fit since HJ is there for EY willingly) -> EY has a positive opinion of HJ while HJ has a neutral opinion of EY (which is also gradually getting better)
note1: i think HJ's intention (maybe subconsciously) was to be to EY what HJ's upperclassman was to him. aka someone who's there when you need it and can help guide you. it would explain why HJ kept chasing after EY despite not really having a reason to and EY repeatedly rejecting HJ's care/help.
note2: i also believe the 'upper-under-classman' relationship dynamic fits them the best atm bc it also matches the way the story often singles EY out as he's the only second year (aka younger) of the 6 MCs.
-> Romance in No Home?
another thing i should mention is that No Home rarely leaves things open for interpretation. the deepest arguments EY&HJ had were always spelled out for us, to make us understand exactly what the problem was, and how there isn't a good guy and a bad guy. it's just two people with issuesTM.
from what we've seen in the story up to this point, i couldn't pick out a moment where i'd go "here! that's romantic! that's the moment they realized SomeThing!" yk
when it comes to romance specifically, i feel like a handful of opportunities were missed. there are scenes which could've easily been written trough a rosy lens but simply weren't.
exhibit A:
HJ was speechless bc "wow this mf really is actively picking a fight with an authority figure. i gotta make sure things don't escalate" not bc "hoLY sHiT hE's PreTTy. all his fangirls are on to something". however, this only becomes more clear when you keep reading the next few chapters, so i understand how you could interpret it as the latter.
exhibit B:
here they got so close and the moment was so deep bc "woaa he said he believes me. no one's said to me that before!". unfortunately, EY was panicking too much for it to mean something bc of the guilt he felt for HJ trusting someone so undeserving of trust like EY.
exhibit C:
this is maybe the closest we got to romantic between these two. i think this might be the only (or at least first) ever deep interaction between them that didn't end in a fight or misunderstanding. is it meant to be romantic tho? -> ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
-> what do i think?
first, full transparency: i went into reading this story fully expecting it to be a BL and for EY&HJ to end up together. but the more i kept on reading, the more i got the ick thinking about them being in a (romantic) relationship bc, at least from what we've seen so far in the story, their relationship would be so ToxicTM (which i personally don't enjoy reading).
as they are right now, i wouldn't want them to be together like that. like, honestly, you still can't really consider these two even friends; they just tolerate each other if the stars align correctly (altho, i'll admit, their relationship is gradually getting better!!). every big argument they had i thought "god, there's no coming back from that. i'd cut ties so quickly if was them wtf". i still don't know how they managed to keep on interacting, props to them ig.
there's a lot of unresolved issues between them. and a lot of resentment which would not bode well in a romantic relationship. the smallest argument would turn explosive and they'd be, at best, in an on&off type of relationship. they both have the power to break the other and neither would be afraid to use it. they have a lot of history together, which is not always pleasant, so if they ever were to go the romantic route, it would have to be a long way to go.
technically, i could see them in a romantic relationship if they both went to therapy first and talked out all the baggage they're carrying (both individual and shared). realistically tho, what i think will happen at the end of No Home is that either they never cross paths again after high school ends (which would absolutely break my heart Wanan pls don't), or they somehow (unintentionally) end up living together bc they both desperately needed a roommate to pay rent (which would be a hilarious fucking gag LMAO). just, HJ going to uni/work and EY doing his own thing (prolly an actor) while still cohabiting together; hanging out to watch a movie before bed <- (whether platonic or romantic being left up for interpretation)
<- -> in conclusion, from what we've seen up to this point, their relationship is mainly upper-under-classman; reluctant (maybe) friends who tolerate each other but also care (too) deeply. they've changed each other, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. in some ways they're compatible and in others they're not.
all this being said, their relationship is improving and romance between EY&HJ is not impossible, just rather unlikely imo. but, again, interpretation is subjective and u're welcome to read their relationship however you want.
#ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE IF YOU ARE DELULU ENOUGH!! THAT'S HOW SHIPPING WORKS IN GENERAL. IN EVERY FANDOM.#anon. this shit fried my head. it 3.30am and my brain is not braining anymore. i love analyzing these two but goddamn is it HARD.#THERE'S SO MUCH NUANCE TO EVERY INTERACTION THEY HAVE *cry*#life's been hectic and this question demanded i sit down in 7 different sittings to get everything written down. hence why it took me a bit#i tried to write down all my thoughts and i don't think i managed. but i hope what i have here makes sense.#and i also hope i actually answered ur question. i feel like i got side-tracked and possibly missed the target.#no home#no home manhwa#eunyung baek#haejoon goh#ey hj parallels#meta#집이 없어#webtoon#god u guys have no idea how many times while reading i was like 'omg they're gonna kiss omg pls do'#only to keep reading and going like 'hoLY FUCK PLS DO *NOT*!! get away from him omfg!!'#the whiplash was fucking unreal. i remember honest to god SOBBING at 4am every time they fought <- that first time read was rough#also! if you agree/disagree/want to correct me or just talk about the topic i'm open to discussion/criticism. (just pls be nice abt it ><)#my ask box is open <3
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