"She revealed what she saw in a spur, a whim to spurn someone that at the time she did not know. Now she must live with that."

what. the. FUCK!!!! you're so sick (affectionate) for including this 😭 i can't imagine the amount of pain and guilt someone would hold having told someone an offhand comment/little joke about how they're going to die probably thinking they would think nothing of it but they Do (because they've been looking all their life for signs of another tragedy befalling them and are just like 'i knew it :")' ), Then falling in love with that person and them still deciding to make that vision a reality because they want to keep their loved ones safe more than anything and killing the biggest asset of team black could possibly guarantee it, even if it means being taken down themselves along the way...... alys, BABY, i need to give you the biggest hug 😭😭😭 now im thinking about her wondering how different things would be if she had never uttered those words out loud that time or ever and like would she actually be able to never share those visions with him even if she tried with all her might? wouldn't that just be denying the inevitable which would still result in him dying one way or another but this time without him having the opportunity to come to terms with it? :( they're so tragic my heart hurts

It’s so ☹️☹️☹️☹️. The way I need to get all my babies in therapy immediately 😭.

I can imagine over the years, as her reputation gets more murky, either she leans into it or she hides a part of herself. Either way she probably isn’t interacting with a lot of people by that time let alone using her abilities like that. I almost think Aemond’s reaction to it is the thing that ironically brings them together. She was probably expecting a very different one and once she gets some mixture of resignment and acceptance. Despite her better judgment, she’s intrigued.

I think adding the element her naturally being a empathetic person but having to curb that bc people have been shitty to her. In combination with Aemond’s ornate need to be dutiful makes them an interesting pair bc this was NOT supposed to happen to them

Alys very much thinks speaking things gives them power so even though Aemond getting hurt, killed, leaving, whatever was probably inevitable… she def holds in some guilt when it comes to telling him :(( especially since at that point it was probably to make him uncomfortable

something people arent really mentioning about the we didnt start the fire cover is that as part of it fall out boy are giving away a trip and vip backstage tickets to their boston show, and to enter you have to sign a petition asking for support of the lgbt community or donate to one of three organisations, including the bands charity fund, the human rights campaign and everytown for gun safety. so i dont think its that bad.

enter here

🔥 adult rats update 🔥

quillkiller headcanons?

HELLO!! thank you so so soooo kindly for this ask im kissing you rn bc there’s nothing i love more than talking about my darling angels

so here goes…

- bellatrix calling rita baby!! BELLATRIX!! CALLING!! RITA!! BABY!!!! this one is actually canon to me and it’s something that can be sooo beautiful and special and AAAAAA

- in a similar vein, rita calls bella darling… this one is less near to my heart but i still think it happens in literally every fic ive ever written lol

- okay this one’s a big one: rita is worse than bella at the start!! she’s offputting and more than a little stalkerish and hurts people for basically no reason and not a single soul likes her bc she’s AWFUL! and the only person who likes her is bellatrix who thinks she’s the most perfect person to have ever walked the earth, the best thing to ever happen to her even if their relationship is actively making her worse…. like i think rita doesn’t really have many morals when they meet whereas bellatrix is like. still trying to be good. i think at the start she wants to be good… and then that turns into wanting to be good for rita which is a slightly different thing that nonetheless drives me insane… but then also there are external factors and what not and she gradually loses sight of this etc etc and it ends w rita coming face to face w a line that she wouldn’t cross, a line that bella has crossed and that’s the point of no return for them in many ways (the dark mark)

- referring back to the last one again, when i say rita hurts people for no reason, to her there is always a reason, i think she cares a lot about the justification of all her actions even if it’s petty or a little irrational and ridiculous… like i think there’s always some logic that makes sense maybe only to her behind her actions and that’s why bella getting the dark mark is so unforgivable bc there’s no world in which she’d be able to somehow justify genocide even if she doesn’t actually care about the war at all

- bella on the other hand is the loyalest dog that has ever walked the earth and that’s why rita’s articles are unforgivable to her (this is the hc that rita writes an article about bella/the black family/whatever… i always think this comes just after bella gets the dark mark so rita justifies the 'betrayal' w the fact that bella betrayed her first) bc she just can’t forgive or even really fathom how rita would betray her like that bc she never would've done the same bc she's loyal to her very marrow and would've remained so even if her and rita were sworn enemies

- interesting to me also that if rita had been the one to get the dark mark (not that i think this would ever ever happen. but hypothetically) bellatrix would absolutely have followed her into being a death eater and everything. and if bella had been the one to write the article, i reckon rita would’ve probably forgiven it, probably even respected it a little…. so like even tho the two of them are so similar in many ways there’s this fundamental irreconcilable difference between them that leads to them falling apart no matter how desperately they try to cling onto each other :(

- a lot of people are like oh, they’re so toxic! but jen @quillkiller and i were talking about this the other day (most of these are things i’ve talked about w jen lmao and it wouldn’t be a post about quillkiller without jen being involved somehow… no one understands me and them like she does) and really, i think that removes a lot of the nuance, and i HATE when nuance is removed, bc i think that sure, to anyone else their relationship would seem toxic and unhealthy or whatever but for them it’s probably the healthiest thing they could have, probably the best thing that’s ever happened to either of them, i just think there’s SO much love

- so much love and sooo much romance, like to me it’s so incredibly romantic that the two of them have like allowed themselves to be shaped by the other, let someone so wholly into their soul that it’s unlikely they’ll ever be without them again, and then as it inevitably starts to fall apart the two of them are clinging by their fingertips to the edge of the cliff, just such sheer desperation as they try to make it work and complete devastation when it turns out they can’t…. like. that’s love to me. drives me crazy

- and that’s another thing!! they’re haunted by each other for the rest of their lives!! constant perpetual unending haunting, there’s no escape, there’s that fine line between love and hate and even if the feelings are all complicated now, it’s the sense that they’re SO intertwined that even though they’re apart and they don’t know what they would do if they actually saw each other face to face again, they can still see each other in everything. EVERYTHING.

- and it’s worse for rita imo (in terms of the haunting i mean) bc bella’s in azkaban, out of sight but never out of mind, and then she’s back and it’s horrible but then she’s dead and that’s even more horrible and rita carries that ghost around with her for the rest of her life, probably the only person who could still say she loved bellatrix by the time she died, even if they hadn’t spoken in decades… bellatrix is in every word she ever writes and every plan she ever makes and every single part of her life in some way. she lives in a flat that bellatrix has never been to but she’s still there in every corner of every room

anyway i could go on but ive just clocked how long this has gotten lol…. hope this is satisfactory <3

your reblogs say ‘beautiful man’ in reference to luis?? is luci dad hot????

… 👀

a phannie therapist, if you're reading this, *mwah*

by popular demand, stickers are coming!

if you're subscribed to the newsletter (which you can find here *wink wink nudge nudge*) then you had a bit of a heads up on this, i'm opening preorders for stickers this friday! they'll run until they're funded, and then the stickers will go into production.

these are just what i'm starting with, so don't worry if your favourite design isn't here! eventually, all will succumb to stickerization 😵‍💫

did my final paper for a class on “report for an academy” by kafka and this might just be my personal brainrot but in a way a story about an ape who imitates humans to escape his cage only to find himself in a new, mildly more interesting but also more damning cage is barty coded

dil i swear we have to be psychically linked or something because its getting creepy... everyone wants to call their faves kafkaesque but nobody talks about how barty is legit a kafkaesque figure!! alienation from the body. imitation and estrangement. cages inside cages.

i haven't read report but my interpretation of barty is 100% based on Kafka's story "the burrow" (link to pdf) and ive been just ranting to @/fernhelm about it. its about a small creature that lives in a self-made underground burrow that is also a metaphor for his body— mysterious shadowy imagined enemies continuously prowl the environment who he is constantly aware of but they never materialize. no matter what configuration he makes the burrow, changing it constantly, it is never perfectly invulnerable and he knows someone will come in to act upon him (& his burrow-body) and it paralyzes him. in one instance he lays outside the mouth of the burrow like he imagines his enemy will someday, and almost takes on the shape of his own enemy. in another instance he presses himself between the small gap between two walls and wishes he could live forever in the space between inside/outside, security/danger, as if he could both have/not have a body simultaneously and have nothing to fear, but he gives up on this fantasy because "One is soon roughly awakened from childish dreams" <- THAT'S BARTY!

the obsessive ruminations on his body/burrow, the ceaseless planning and scheming and plotting, the feeling of being forever trapped, never knowing what happiness is and loving the prison because its yours, the beauty & worth in his existence despite..... ill read “report for an academy” and send you some insane dms. Its not the brainrot talking youre correct!! im connecting the same fucking dots!!!! we are fucking alive!!!!!!!!!!!!! night piece - louise gluck is woven into this same thematic web as well btw

JWB! Would like to know your thoughts on Barun 's latest badtameez dil please?

Thoughts on Badtameez Dil

Cringe

Terrible dialogues

The female protagonist is a pick me girl at best

The writers thought they're writing a contemporary romance but instead it was desperate

Barun isn't sure if he's an urban boy or a Delhi boy at times

GOD SOMEONE WIPE BARUN'S FACE IT IS SHINING LIKE A MIRROR WITH ALL THAT DEWY MAKEUP

SOMEONE GET ANTI FRIZZ FOR RIDDHI'S HAIR, it hurt me because it looked so damaged

Talk about first world problems

Arnav will forever be the best complex romantic character Barun has ever played, period, and Arjun was the best softest character he ever played (hasn't broken his own benchmark tbh)

Barun and Riddhi are electric as Nikhil and Nusrat in Asur cause they have a very muted chemistry which works incredibly well for ex lovers vibe but are a terrible choice for a romcom

Toxic, toxic, toxic

Liz really forces herself in Karan's life, I'd pair her with Ayan from Ae Dil Hai Mushkil cause both don't know how to take a 'no'. Girl creeped me over her crying over Karan to a point where I felt sadder for the bleh Karan on having Liz fawn over him

I would hate to be either of their friends, imagine being entangled in these two idiots lives for ten years... sigh

Liz literally only pouts (but Riddhi is so pretty omg)

The issue is the writers think they're writing a romance by quoting Austen and Shakespeare but I can bet my money they've understood neither of the writer's works. Shakespeare's tragedies have more romance than Austen's romances.

My problem with this show is it is really an average thing on the web, really super average. But everyone thinks it's amazing. I don't know how. And I swear I'm not hating on it for biases. Just a genuine observation.

It's average. I would actually not be upset if I had not seen people idolizing some seriously problematic things shown in the show and it apparently receiving rave reviews.

Guys, if you wanna watch a new romance, catch Tara V/S Bilal - marriage of convenience as well as solid character development with its cheesy romcom vibes!

Best,

JWB

death is a part of life and its never easy but could i have a loss that isnt out of left field. for once.

okay but let's discuss what meeting alys and elysa who are obviously both women and a couple would mean for alicent (putting the more prevalent 'my son/our husband and the love of our life is dead and we're all mourning' part of their meeting aside for a quick minute lol). i could see the girls not being overly affectionate in her presence but her still sensing a vibe, maybe seeing younger rhaenyra and herself in the looks they exchange and how they act around each other and just being like 'oh'. cause as much as im of the opinion that yes, she is indeed deeply repressed, i don't think she's stupid. i like to think that even tho she does not let herself dwell on it and can't call certain feelings by name, she Does have them at the back of her mind, maybe having thought about it a lot and having come to terms with it throughout those years spent apart/estranged from rhaenyra. personally i headcanon alicent as a lesbian so that would ofc make their experiences very different but basically what im getting at is alicent maybe thinking 'there are other people similar to me out there?' and all three of them maybe feeling some sort of unsaid sense of solidarity:((

Wait… why did this literally make me tear up 😭😭. Especially the “there are people similar to me out there” part. I honestly didn’t even think about this angle but oh I def am now. Specifically since I have the headcanon that alys was the one who sort of hinted to Aemond that maybe those complicated feelings he picked up from his mom (towards Rhaenyra) are for a different reason.

I saw this tweet about that scene between young Alicent and cristion. When he basically own goals himself and admits he was the one who slept with nyra, and how devastated she looked. Like yes it is her best friend (and crush) lying to her, on her mother’s name (nyra why ☹️). Yes it is a princess putting herself in a precarious position before being married and she is the queen. But basically the tweet was how Alicent probably was upset bc she realized Rhaenyra could have feelings for men in a way Alicent can’t (I like this bc I headcanon Alicent as a lesbian and Rhaenyra as bi).

Alys would probably pick up on the energy straight away bc Aemond tells her about Alicent sending terms. Then she sees Rhaenyra spared Alicent’s life. Considering everything that has happened, you don’t do that type of stuff for just anyone. Regardless of how close you may have been as girls. Something else is there.

They wouldn’t be overly affectionate but I’m sure Alicent would be like “why were these non targ girls essentially fine with sharing a husband”. Like not even best of besties do that lmao. But then she sees alys confronting Elysa over something it just… hits her.

I like the idea of her seeing different versions of herself in the girls. She probably sees a lot of her younger herself in Elysa. alys is the first woman she’s ever been with in that way. I would think alys, just by being older, probably knew longer about liking women. So on top of being a young mother now, she’s probably still finding her footing with her sexuality/relationships. Then she probably sees how maybe things could have been in alys. Who despite the bad hand she’s been dealt for so long, still found Aemond and Elysa. She gets to raise her kids with a woman who loves her. Or maybe seeing a bit of Rhaenyra in sense that she got to grow up while Alicent maybe feels like she’s stuck in the same place.

School mein ghuss te hi meri volume kam kyun ho jaati hai 😭

what are some of your favorite fob lyrics?

cannot answer this in a universally true manner so heres fob lyrics im thinking about right now

'tip your glass to no direction' fellowship of the nerd. very elegant and clever word play. tip your glass to no particular direction, or tip your glass to the concept of being labelled as having no direction. falls into the same category

'spent most of last night dragging this lake for the corpses of all my past mistakes' my heart is the worst kind of weapon. i didnt know what dragging a lake was until a few years ago (because saint lucia does not have any lakes) and the stark and dark imagery really makes this song a top 10 teen angst bullshit bop

'stood on my roof and tried to see you forgetting about me. hide the details i dont want to know a thing' the pros and cons of breathing. toxic homoerotic girl best friend bops for the ages. either you cut yourself off from an abusive relationship that you never really got any closure from or were otherwise inextricably linked to someone who was poisonous to your soul or you just wont get it. i could write an essay about this song. perhaps i will.

'i know, i know, i've made mistakes. i know, i know, but at least they were mine to make.' so good right now. manic song of all time. do not tell any song on mania i said that

'i will never ask you of anything except to dream sweet of me. tell me when the party ends, will you still love who i am?' heaven, iowa. never not thinking of this line. i have explained my thoughts on this.

'i got your love letters, corrected the grammar, and sent them back. its true romance is dead, i shot it in the chest and then the head' the music of the misery. i liked this lyric so much i drafted up an enamel pin design about it. hopefully coming this valentines. do not quote me on that.

'i am gods gift, but why would he bless me with such wit without a conscience equipped' fame<infamy. yesssss king you werk those clang associations. the cadence and rhythm and rhyme of this line is like a pinnacle of lyricism. on top of that i mentioned in fall out boy is for niggas that pete often used braggadocio but with a self deprecation as a spin on it. this song as a whole is a good example of that and i think i cited a different line in that essay but this is another really good one.

'spiritual revolt from the waist down' bishops knife trick. yeah yeah gay above the waist i dont care. this is a reference to 1984 and i like that. 'youre only a revolutionary from the waist down' like you only seek spiritual change so long as it brings you pleasure. feels like it fits with the theme of mania.

ran out of steam. take my list- please!

halka halka sa is so 😍😍

YOU GET IT 🫵

have you played fallout 3 and if so what’s ur opinion on james (im a james hater btw)

oh caucasian james?

(i've never played it :/)