Sprained my ankle nearly 2 days ago now and I have been coping in the following ways:

Imagining Clockboy picking me up and carrying me around to get to places so I don't have to put weight on my ankle. Helping me in and out of bed so I don't bend my ankle or legs weird and cause more pain.

Since I'm mostly in bed, the idea of him laying down w me to keep me company has been nice, as well as cuddling to keep warm because my room is FREEZING right now (which I like but. Brrr!)

Had to grab something off my bed earlier before getting on the computer for a bit and my Clockboy plush was laying face down on a pillow and I gave him a little kiss... And my brain immediately jumped to the idea of Clockboy taking a nap on my bed and me giving him a little kiss as he sleeps and he kinda moves a little bit in his sleep to get comfier, as if he Knows he got kissed by his husband 🥺💕💕💕

Jack to the Rescue (Three's Company)

https://youtube.com/watch?v=VWKd8B98ia4&si=6tdtJ5PYe1-RFj0sWizards.the slavery of the furosomide (lasix) of the pills that was to blown me up after 1-39 days for the slavery of micheal jordan of 400 lbs as the male they blimp me to become and not the woman iam still am  then according to the pills by my doctor of  Ho Yun by korea thanks korea  the pills was suppose to stop after 3 days of twice a days for 3 days of total pills of 6 pills twice a day for 3 days by my doctor and the pills expires on03/23/2024- of 20mg take  1 tablets twice daily for only 3 days-  and drugs expire  on  3-23-2025 and if love fail me, hilter of germany will continue to give me the lasix of furosemide  of lasix of 20mg daily since the enemies wanted to kill me in pipi of the death by massacre of pipi and once i reach the 400 lbs since he didnt care how i reach it since he was also the make up artist of actors of make-up artist, he blown me up after shooting me in the center of my id of my skull to blimp me of the death warning of the niles river bullets in the center of my skull-to blimp me. they even blimp me as a male blimp-since they wanted me to be the male for the cases of micheal jordan of 400 lbs male of 5 feet 5 inches tall and 11 sized feet shoes of only a male of 39 years old that i wasnt the male of the cases of micheal jordan of the case of lame of all his chidren been lame except one was faking it till the end to make it then escape. after 3 days, the pills of lasix was no refills in which mr. gregory alan van dam continue the pills of his recommendation of his lasix for 1-39 days until my next appointment of 4-12 2024 that he is not my doctor, but he took over his prescription and his order and give me his recommendation of his pills that he said that i am not taking my medication as prescribed so therefore i will prove to you that she doesnt' want to take her medication anymore, since iam a doctor, i dont have too live under his condition of lasix medication in which was only a pills for 3 days and not medication and he even made the high blood pressure pills lasix and turn it to lasix medication when it was only a medication for the heart-in which he made it also lasix for pipi of 5 minutes urgencies to go to the bathroom to pipi and runing to pipi in the toilets and watch me every time i went to attempt to kill me 1-13 times in which i died in love of i didnt' see the crimes since i was perfect in every ways. but Jesus said that when you sins, you will surely die since he is working on my first sin so he could murder me and i could see my death. since when you sin, you shall sherely die and see all your death. he also find about 13 grab of wrestling and 13 grab of bouncing in which to grab me an shoot me in my virgina when i sin or when he  confront me to death of massacre of pipi of the perfect grab to shoot me in my ditch of 13 in which he is looking for 3 13 since he is friday the 13 of jason of jason of friday the 13 of hilter of germany and of doc green and of the and he is also Mr. gregory alan van dam and he was the one that also married her- and he was th eone that put his records there on the walls that shows his horses and his success and even the prey burial ground placard of the death of burial ground on the walls of the airforce of my spaceship of my mouse he will take tonight at 1030pm tonight and kill me with a fierce anger if i dont take a bath and shower like i plan too of the saturday of the sabbath of the house at 1030pm-since it was yesterday to end me in the bed, but he forget to end me last night at 1030pm. thanks you jesus for the men of madness of march 26 of the events of march 26 of success to jesus who had the appointement of march 25 to the slavery of furosemide of 20 mg daily and forever if love fails me of lasix-then she didnt know that they had a back up plans of the very next day appointment for the same appointmetns, so when she cancel, the next day appointments was her arrest with germany at mercy health hospital of general hospital of mercy health hospital-12300-of germany-12300-the second slavery of 4-12-2024 that my legs was going to also be impeted and the third is that i was facing the needles slavery of diabetes and they also blimping me of 221 lbs that they said i was in blimping only since i was doing sports of 24/7 fitness and exercise daily was also the excessive part of my sports daily and i couldnt be 400 lbs of weight, but of excessive blown up by blimping only since he was desperate to replace even though i was insure by globe life and of medical and body parts that i talk about of physical health of physical of body parts of burial burial insurance of 6th of burial and if love fail me, i will even buried myself with the shovel that he also have here.-and he also said, that i will also buried myself and he told me 1-2-to check mate-to 3 since he is looking for the last to check mate and contining to follow to following and kicking me out to the street on places that wasnt mine, but i was only in the care of iron man-it was the events of success of march 26 of the fall of jesus, since he had a contracts for 10 years in the castle with her husband and i haven't have one yet, but i had monies of yahoo finance that he want and he will get it on monday-of saturday of saturday, april 6th,2024 in which at 1030pm tonight i can die and will die  of guarranteed by hilter of germany-thanks you on the day of the sabbath night at 1030pm i died loving and filthly of the hands of doc green of mr. gregory alan van dam-in which he can end me here any time after 1030am since he want to end me early so he could escape his judgements. since then it was then he carried me to go take my bath to shower in love and where love is and not in hate when i dwwell i n the sanctuary since you need love to be happy and have life to keep you safe to safety to security -or otherwise they breach even the security to haul you away to burial ground of lot of cement to burial ground of tombstone-so do not sign contracts to studies cases to slavery of the underworld of burial grounds of all types of coffinnnsss of the silence of the lambs. he can only kill me to slafery by assassination by confrontation with a gun in my forehead in which if anyone face you with a gun, you can pray daily to be delivered by the daily prayers of devotion of the gun in the forehead and everywhere evn distance away by asking Jesus the Christ to delivered me from the death of the gun pointing at me and even the sniper death of the confrontation of the gun pointing at me and jesus will protect me from the death of the massacre of the point blanks gun to murder me in the center of my skull of all types of virginities in which now it was ready to seperate the skull from each other to the hands of the prostitutute to sucks remove my eyes and to suck it for the virginities of the eyes since he cannot no longer see in the light of Jesus,but he can see at blackout in which he practice in the day of my death he will black out in the day if love fail me of my death if love fail me. of the event to happen on monday of the visions of dream of the events for monday of visions of dream of future event of monday in which you also can experience it the real event to happen of the visions of visionary-and as well he hold me down forever for the bathroom-in which the soldiers are coming to arrest me on monday here for the events of success of march 26 of the rise of hilter of the events that he understand and mark it to have it repeated every century over and over  again until i give up and give. give up when you are tired to sin never  and given in when you are tired to sin never he doen't  care, but jesus care-and now there is even the event of 3 soldier men waiting to arrest me on the case of micheal jordan in which iam innocent of all charges of micheal jordan of the cases since life return me a child to understand the innocent of all children and even the one of adult are all innocent and to understand and walk away. the judge they were and are is the judge to even tried to make me grow to adult to judge me and if they were unsuccessful of the true event of the stories of camelot of the begining of the end, they will even strike me at 10 years old and enven as infant they drag me to slavery and made me sign contracts to everything he forget to ask to hold until my death of the death by massacre since he never paid, i wil never trust the men of slavery saying he is going to pay, he never paid and never will since he has his prize given by love of matthew a. van dam. it seem as though once they are looking for someone, make sure you dont reveal the person where about or who they are especially as the spies if they are in which i am an instigator to investigator to undercover to spies to even the agent of fbi. once they understand who they are they will proceed to their end of the spies that they want to end. they are all laws breaker of p.j and weekend and also time when you sleep and get up with your famileis and even watchmen adn hunter they do to watch everything that they do to love of spies of jesus the christ only, but if you are not a jesus christ christian of love, please dont be a spies because anyone who doesn't receive jesus die bruskely- and even good men and even satan is ending me as a good men-and he said it that even the spies of perfection, i will end as good men so he could end them in the death of imperfection and if he is not succesful at them all, he will proceed to frames them all with all his crimes of himself that he commit daily on them by merging his files of crime to their records and their record of goodness of all righetoes to his records will sync to his then after he does establish time to the present for our time to frames me and that all he does and of al ltime of success he does the same , even records of all my yahoo finance he place all under him last night and said that yahoo finance is his development software and i canto use it anymroe after monday and give me notice of monday to take all my monies of volume that i wont be able to use it anymore since i was to excel monday of the invasion of alone to alone of all my busienss the process goes the same then the become the owner and we become the renter and the morttgage to continue that contintue to  pay mortgage to hilter of germany and even the land to gemany or by massacre he will take it and never paid and so when he said he will the men is  a liars and never paid and never will he took things he love by massacre and that was why i ask the navy to witness me, so he doesn't claim my yahoo finance okok-now i understand the men of hilter of germany is rushing since he doesnt have a skull to live and he is old ages and he is a prostitute of contracts agreement that trash people everyday and i was the source for even his virginities since after my death and if love dont take me and let me go to slavery he will  be young and i will be ending in torgure of all types of virginites of all types of slavery of viriginties-and he doesnt have bloods of all types of virginties and neither eyes nor ears nor nose nor even the flesh and that is also why they were blimps and wigs to weaven the flesh to earn my flesh so people could believe that he is me and iam him since he took the class of escapage of nin and undertand how to escapage and give me his id and said goodby to me and laugh of saying he escape and didnt want his judgment and that was why jesus did they cross it since he frame jesus all the ways. from the first cross, jesus was trash and went to the ministeries homelessness and it was the first cross of calvary of the gospel of john of the first terms jesus before the second life of reincarnation of the second cross of the gospel of matthew of the story every told to become everything she become of the education of the higest of meijer departments store to become everytrhing she become and she was trash by germany and she pass the crossraod and went to the ministries homeless and and it wast the second storeis of the life of jesus of the second cross of nicata. the first cross of calvary of the stories of woman within catalog as of today of the cross of calvary and the medievel time of 1800 and the blackout of 1800 of medieval time and the gospel of john and he was the one not to trust and was truly the enemies. the second cross of jesus after all the crimes that of the rise of hilter of germany she did the second crossess in germany in which germany kept all the crosses of jesus of hte first term of all his judgement of jason of friday the 13 of T-6 of the king of darkness and the replacement of all kingdom ofking and quueenn of all the lands he earn of the lot to cement to cemetary of burial grounds. then of the thirds he ketp them all secret by saying that she was niles,for her slavery of fucking to birthing babies with jesus forever then to the trash in germany-she birth the chidren then raise them all,but never sleep  nor rest and even eat the horses hay of caca of disguise and even never eat nor drinks in the slavery of germany. then after that she had to work for germany then after working the store of jesus that he took even the rakuten of all my wallet i work so hard of virtual accounts to all my busienss he watn to return all to them and to me. continue-that after making her work he didnt want her to bath to shower nor to eat favorite meals of her, but only the true an d only one things sweet cookies she could eat because he is cookies of contracts so please dont' sign contract of cookies-then after she work she cannot rest at all. then  he doesnt'watn met to excercie and wanted me to caca everywhere and not the toilets and pipi in the bucket and caca in the bucket and so i could go to his home at kph-which is the true hell and do not go places you do not know of that place since it is the true hell.when you become even a patient you will understand it is truly that, even my cses mr. gregory couldnt come and nver make it home, since they end him too and even angel of love never make it home, but the angel of the agencies also come for me and help since i was that agent too and  ande even the fbi angent couldnt either, but my agent of my agencies can only do it since then you better be an agent when you cross boundaries of enemeis and i cannot ever go back there anymroe since they warn me that if i ever return back there again, i will never see my families again nor anyone of love again since they will shoot me plain blank in front of everybody in the world entier and even my children they warn that them too will be shot point blank in the face if they go. and even matthew of love never make it since they came enter and never make it out, but only my agent come and test them and said can i see my wife please as mr. gregory and they said, there is none of nathalie to be present today. he then replies can ask for the favor of asking for a drink, then they said yes-i even have my vaccation and my agent made it and only pick me up and go home to never come back-since patty end her in the slavey fo death of torture and she never made it home and become rosemary. then after that she studie sthe blood of rosemary then she become her yesterday to fool everyone that she is rosemary after she even niles her to the niles river death then studies her casese of her bloods then become her yesterday after that she even look just like her by the enemies of hiler of germany in which it was truly a secrecies of tom cruise that they end without mercy for that secrecies and after they studies all their the same way as tom crusei since it was truly the work of espionage of living in the bodeis of world to espionage of first work and to claim and to keep then to even hold that nobody in the world and not even in the navy knew the works because he was ready to return, but they were living inside the bodies of world of tom cruise then they jason of friday the 13 end him at 13 of the navy seal time of 13 then since he was alone and tired of 13 to 1 he made and kill him point blank in his center of all his virginities then end him in the niles river death warning of th bullet of warning of the niles river death and nobody ever undertand the death of tom cruise that he was niles by T-6 of friday the 13 and at 13 and he is very successful of the time of fatigue and tired and sleepy and hunger and thirst and pipi and caca and of all needs and even tears of sadness of mindset of weakness and unhappiness he can end all of us in even in the cold weather of to get the fuck out of the house in the time of winter in which they are no more cold weather trash anymore even if the middle of springs of the 6th of springs in which springs was truly a long time of 300,000,000 sexxxuuuiiimm  centuries in  which of spring break and spring vaccation of p.j and of all rest with families of all laws breaker and entrance of all home and they dont care, since they are the superheroes she never is and never wa s the wast the confrontation of PA of his wife and his wife name was Karen S. of PA that she wanted me to follow up my next appointmetn with her since i wasnt' going too.  since she come in the hospital she wanted to end me right away and she was throwing a fit of her swrod at me since i had to go home with dad and with my famileis oflvoe so i dont end like the er of my trauma with my love. please dont let th bit in at 6pm she is coming to settle for the 4th of july of the time of all their celebration-and it was asia at one time, but they took it from asia of vikkie lands and vikkie lands give it to her for the price of her head and they had it ever since and never paid a dime at all. they can also end all us in the cold house and also if the house is not cozy and warm and confortable in the season of the cold weather day and also in cold fucking weather in the bed they can also kill you. in the cans ee in the clouddy day and they sleep during spring season, and tehy were prostitutes and were also limited of weakness they were weak if the understand the weakness of sinners and they can die and see death and the sreening is necerry and they married of pretense to have life of something. since she is a sinner she will death and death the death of the niles river judgements.  she studies me forever so she could end me only as an assassin of the confrontation of the shot gum i need to pray that in advance so when the gun come i will kneel down and pray. in the name of jesus she will fall in her face and die in front of all the whole public eyes and you will understand the powers of hurting innocent life of the bloods she wanted wanted to drink the bloods, but she couldnt eat the blood of jesus and she still classified me as the jesus of all then they also give you blood shot of introducing bugs of lal to all my bloods so nobody would recoginize me at all since the begining of time. the first cross is the journey i took in the class of the ministries to understand what happent o all the business of jesus. since it was the slavery to become everything she become by the education of the highest -and after hiler of germany end her poor to poverties to become everything she become, then he arrest jesus on monday for the crimes of cyber monday events fo lana of satan of all cyber crimes of monday of invasion to become everything she become of second of hackers of all laws breakers to become  everything she become of all her accounts ond even of woman within in which they return back to her. then of the cross that i did of 1-400,000,000,000,000 sexxxuuuiiimmm crosses was all of one for and the rest for hiter of germany and the second cross of the 1-2 of 400 was the cross of lamen and the crosses of all my children of the slavery to all my children of lame of all of them who love me and lame was the slavery of all my children who love in the coffinnnsss of the silence of the lambs that he wanted to preserve for all his children who is going to sin and who is going to replace each one of them  since it is a case of replacements-. and he didnt want doctor that i married doctor becuase of the crime of the children and of the crime of the silence of the lambs.-and even my families will aslso face theirs to be theirs friend and lies about the never ending stories that i molested him and all his familes  i molested and of the sin of 1-300 never pass go of the first of 1-300 never pass go and that wast he true answer and iam not his mother and nor his grandmother amen. thanks. amen.-12300

i have been working in the grocery industry practically my entire life. for many companies, and in many many positions. i’ve seen hurricane panic buys, i have seen post hurricane apocalypses, i have closed stores, and i have opened stores. i have been to backroom recoveries, i have worked small stores and big stores. i have seen h1n1, and i have now seen covid19. and even tho this is something unprecedented, all together it’s really not. the difference here is that it’s been going on for three weeks now and there is no end in sight. the duration is what’s so new. 

so i’ve started making notes every day after i got home. just the overall experience, but also customer comments and new things being implemented. it’s a fascination change, and i wanted to write it down to maybe sometime in the future come back to this time and remember anew. 

i plan on keeping notes for the foreseeable future, to keep writing a diary of sorts, to see if this ever levels out or escalates even more, if things change drastically or not at all. and if the fucking toilet paper situation ever goes away. 

things started to change the first week of march. it was super subtle, i didn’t even notice it at first. it was just a steady increase in business. a solid 20% ahead in sales all across the board. and even tho the virus was already in the news it didn’t cotton on right from the start. or it did, maybe, but i wasn’t expecting it to escalate to such heights.

tuesday, 03.10.2020 9am - 5pm

people are making their own hand sanitizer by mixing rubbing alcohol and aloe vera. we’re out of both. lady is asking me by the sun tan section about the state of deliveries of aloe vera gel. we get to talking. i admit that i don’t understand the people’s need for hand sanitizer since the cdc and every doctor ever recommends hand washing first and foremost. Susan comes out and says, ‘well the only thing that really can safe us from all this is...” and i retort with, “washing your hands, right?” but Susan claps back with, “the lord jesus christ.” and i had to excuse myself real quick and leave her ass on the aisle, because why are you fucking here then trying to potion together your own hand sanitizer, Severus, if all you need is god? 

a grown woman that’s working at the register is. coughing. non. stop. co workers comment on it to each other and to me, and i wonder if anyone has taken her aside to explain the current state of world events to her, and maybe asking her to cover her damn mouth. we’re all gonna die.

thursday, 03.12.2020 2pm - 10pm 11pm

parking is an absolute nightmare. i’m 10 mins late cause i can’t find a spot. welcome to hell. i ask my boss what the sales were yesterday and she says we’re 40% ahead of the forecast. which is ridiculous. at this point it’s pretty much a blanket permission for over time. we do not have the capacity to continue to run at this pace. people get worn out, we’re bound to get sick, and the customers are fucking relentless. truck is big. Karen and her brother Chad look at the soap section and wanna know when we get more hand sanitizer in. 

this lady is looking at things in the cold and flu section and we get to talking about shit and she mentions something she’s read on facebook and whoops my filter went poofgone and i tell her that i hope facebook dies along with all this corona virus flu and have a good evening.

at the end of my shift after we’ve finished stocking and cleaning up, i stay longer because there’s still a fuck ton of people in the store but we only have two registers open. i check people out until 11 and then peace out. one dude dropped $650 on groceries.

friday, 03.13.2020 11am - 7pm

“where is the hand sanitizer?” Karen asks. i refrain from shouting at her to get outta my face. the store is absolutely packed. lines of lengths i haven’t ever witnessed. lines and lines of people with full bascarts of stuff. the end is nigh and we are here with a front row view of it. we have a small parking lot, and i have no idea where these people’s cars are? i didnt know we could fit that many people in the store. whats the fire marshall’s max capacity guidelines? someone should review those. meanwhile i’m trying to navigate around everybody and put things on shelves that don’t last very long.

the grocery truck arrives around 3 ish and paper products get thrown out first. usually, when the truck arrives it stays locked until the night crew shows up. we’re set up to always have a trailer at the store, so when the guy shows up he unhitches his trailer, and hitches up under another trailer which was the previous day’s grocery truck, which got emptied off groceries when the night crew stocks, and then got filled with stacks of empty pallets, paper bales, and other reusable thinks like plastic trays the meat comes in, or the eggs come in, or produce plastic trays, things like that. so now that we’re in the apocalypse of paper products, the day crew gets those pallets out on the sales floor asap. at this point we have reduced the quantities of things you’re allowed to take to 3. 3 packs of toilet paper, 3 packs of paper towels... also 3 of lysol wipes and 3 of hand sanitizers even tho we dont have any, calm down, Karen. paper products are gone within an hour. 

my company makes an absolute killing that day.

saturday, 03.14.2020 10ish to whenever. 

my boss said she was coming in (on her off day) so i said yo, mind if i sleep in a bit? i was scheduled 7am and if i don’t have to i don’t want to. she said ok. i rock up at 10:08. things stop showing up on deliveries. the diaper area is sad looking. people have started to buy us out of baby wipes. there’s a problem coming at us in about 2 months. you cant flush baby wipes but since the toilet paper situation is what it is, people will wipe their butts with wet wipes. have fun with that, dallas county utility department (or whoever messes with the water wastes). 

displays are dwindling. we are not getting product, so we are filling the shelves in the aisles with the stuff that’s on displays. it’s a bit wonky looking. there’s half an endcap with shampoo and then the rest of it is filled with hersheys. its upside down world. but we have to keep things full. with whatever. empty shelves are bad bad bad, but empty endcaps are a cardinal sin. 

people waste so much food when they’re shopping. now that the shelves are getting and staying empty, people will just put things everywhere when they decide against buying the items. bags of chips, six packs of beer, gatorade whatever. that’s not really waste. but we also see bags of salad, frozen items, meats. we are currently not in the position to walk the store every half hour and collect these things. these things are all now wasted and will get thrown out. not the chips, i’m talking about the temp controlled things. being cold to the touch is not enough. shit aint safe. 

monday, 03.16.2020 8am - 4 pm 6pm

truck is gigantic. never ever have i seen a truck that big. so everything that my boss was fantasizing about me doing gets thrown out the window when the truck hits the backdoor at 11 am. everybody who is scheduled for truck is given the option to come in early. and stay until it’s all stocked. or until you’re exhausted. i help with the pharmacy stuff because that’s the biggest part. i stay until 6pm. then i’m out. 

people would like to know where the hand sanitizer is, well, sugar, so. do. i. it’s the one item that has been out since the end of february, and people are absolutely gob smacked when you tell them it’s currently unavailable. i try to appease them with some hand soap, but, stupidly, people dont want to hear that. i’m thinking to myself that in about a week soap will also be unavailable, but to each their own. customers believe that we, the workers, know the exact day and time when lysol wipes will be stocked. but when you tell them that soap is getting scarce they look at you like you’re speaking a different language.

company wide, we are not allowed to order anything right now. which is huge. how it usually works is: our system knows at all times how many items we have in the store, as per bar code, and knows how much will fit on the shelves, how much we’re selling every day/hour, and then there’s the forecasting factor. so the system will order stuff based on sold quantities, automatically. all the time. if we need extra stuff for sales and/or displays and whatnot, we order extra. 

the computer system wouldnt know, for instance, that there was a tornado in oct that wiped out our electricity and that of most of our customers, so we changed orders to reflect that. no frozen things, lots more batteries, ice, coolers. 

a lot of things ride on added orders, which are now out

from here on in, everything is up to the system, and to the powers that be. if there’s soap in the warehouse, we will get allocated with every store in the area so that everyone gets equal amounts or close to. hoarding is, apparently, frowned upon at this level too. 

tuesday, 03.17.2020 2pm - 10pm

i have come to hate the soap aisle. used to always be my favorite. so long, soap aisle, we’ve had a good run. tonight i’m stocking the pharmacy area (cold and flu, pain meds, tummy stuff, those sort of things). truck is small. super small. i try helping customers as much as i can, but most of my end of the conversation is no, sorry, we dont have any. backstocks are dwindling. the backroom is emptying out. we rely on truck deliveries for things to do and products to be put out. “do you have any [insert product here] in the back?” is the most asked questions. “there’s nothing in the back.” is the most uttered sentence all day. 

people obviously do to not get what social distance means. every aisle is packed with shoppers. i’m wasting a lot of time trying to stay out of people’s paths, but people lingeeeerrrrr what the fuck. the mayor of dallas shut everything down to flatten the curve yet here all these fuckers are doing their god damn grocery shopping like it’s 3 months ago. get in, get stuff, get out. i try conjuring up some gas to clear the aisle, but the farts won’t come

go home, people. i wish i could.

somehow our store has become the hub in our area. we get trucks in the afternoon with produce and meat, and people from other stores around us show up in trucks and suvs to transport product between stores. i’ve seen so many people that i hadn’t seen in years because they’re coming by getting shit in the afternoon. 

we lost one of our baristas. she’s retired but works with us the maximal allotted hours per week the government allows you before they yank your money. she’s living in senior housing (cause its cheap) and they’ve completely locked down and she is unable to come to work. her boss funnels her groceries. and they face time a lot. she’s doing ok.

wednesday, 03.18.2020 10am - 6pm

parking lot semi full, too full for a wednesday. toilet paper situation is unchanged. but alas there’s no grocery truck scheduled tonight so this is not changing until tomorrow. i’m talking to three separate people desperate for some toilet roll (lol, i love how this pandemic makes me learn new terms, hi, united kingdom, i see you - toilet roll, i love it). anyways, i explain to all three the truck schedule and how to best strategize to get some butt wipes: truck is 6 days a week, wednesday being the no truck day. when the truck arrives, usually what happens is that the paper products get stocked immediately, to make room in the back room and to alleviate the situations. be in the store at around 3ish? 3:30ish, and hang out. i explain that i don’t want to encourage anybody to spend their afternoon in the store for obvi reasons, but when you gotta go you gotta go. alternately, hang out in your car, and when you see a truck pull behind the store around mid day, chances are in about 30 mins you shall have paper. people appreciate the info. 

i’m in the candy aisle trying to stock a case of twizzlers. we’re using shopping carts to stock, it’s way more flexible than lugging around huge stocking carts, especially now with the store being so crowded. this dude rocks up and asks me if i’m panic hoarding with all those boxes in my cart. he looks at me with a straight face and thinks he’s making a point. meanwhile i’m in full uniform and people around are starting to roll their eyes. i drop the box of twizzlers into my cart (its super heavy and dude is creating a scene). my box cutter comes out and i make a show of clicking the blade out while explaining to douche canoodle that i’m working here, excuse me, and cut into the tape of the box. moron. 

there’s a few people that i’ve seen every day this week. and they’re all advanced in their age. i get that the store is your second home cause you’re lonely, but right now is really not the time. go home. 

the question i hate the most is: when are you gonna get more soap in. the honest answer? no fucking clue, Karen. if i could predict the future i wouldn’t be working here. 

thursday, 03.19.2020 10am - 6pm

there was no grocery truck last night so shelves are still as empty as they were when i left last night. still, parking lot is semi full. we’ve seem to have gotten a decent produce truck, bananas everywhere. great. my boss’s plan for me is to: whatever truck is back there, and then easter. which means i walk the back room, collect anything and everything that belongs to our department, and get it on the shelves. there’s nothing back there except a chocolate delivery which arrived on the dairy truck. a huge amount, by normal standards. at least people are still enjoying some candy. 

by 3pm it’s made the rounds that one of the guys for our dept isn’t coming in: allergies. okay then. truck is not too big, i help out with that until it’s time to hit the time clock. 

times are tough, and i’m a good-natured person that can dish out jokes and emphasize with you and cumbaja we’re all in this together and all the other bullshit we’re telling ourselves to make us feel better. but when dudebro comes down the soap aisle and bemoans the state of the shelves (empty) and then goes into a rant about his two parents, immunocompromised, at home, out of soap, almost getting loud and making it seem like its my fault that we don’t have what you want, then no. i’m all out of fucks to give. meanwhile, people of the free world, have you forgotten that hand washing soap does not only come in little pump bottles that you can cutsify your sink with but also LOOK AT ALL THE BARSOAP, back in the days we used that to wash our hands. calm down and take some irish spring to your parents. 

grocery truck arrives. big time. in the good ole days of yester year we would get one trailer daily, most of the time not even full. we’ve been ramping it up to 2 most of the last two weeks. (and by we i mean we as a society, buying everything on the shelves and not being satisfied and always wanting more).  today it was three. one of which with nothing but water. the others with lots of toilet roll and paper towels. and the usual stuff of canned goods and the likes. nothing will last tho, nothing is forever. 

we have this one guy who works here who has, i believe, severe arthritis and is hygiene wise very challenged. he isn’t very mobile and does super light duty but he’s worked here a long time. i haven’t seen him in a few days. i wonder if he is just off, or if he said fuck it and stayed home. 

the grown ass woman at the register is still coughing. and not covering her mouth. asswipe. 

saturday 03.21.2020 7am - 3pm 6pm

“when do you expect more hand sanitizer in?” 

i have no idea what you’re talking about, hand sanitizer was never a thing. lemme ask you this: is it berenstein bears where you come from? 

people still want to shop brand loyal. i die inside a little bit every time someone turns their nose up at an alternative to their regular, “oh but we don’t use that brand.” dude didn’t you just say you needed vitamin c? was that a lie? here’s the damn vitamin c. it’s vitamin c, not, i don’t know, fucking coca cola. go home.

corporate finally came down and said we’re allowed to wear ppe now. like some of us haven’t since three weeks ago. i finally turned and went all ‘two by two hands of blue’ as well, and it’s really not as bothersome as i thought it would be.  

weekends are now slower than weekdays. i have no idea why that is. and i’m not really sure if these past weekends have been slow, or just normal, and the weekdays are just crazy. i have lost all points of reference. it’s still busy. but is it the same busy it’s always been on a saturday and now we just have more checkers? 

the company is desperately trying to hire more people. i don’t know if the new vigorous ad campaign is working yet? it’s a job, sure, especially in these times, but the starting pay is still barely above minimum wage so in any case people will collect unemployment which could still be more than they’d make working here i’m just saying. 

the only real perk right now is that whoever works for a grocery store has first dibs on stuff. and if you believe we don’t have a “family and friends stash” in the back of all the items that are scarce then you don’t know how the world works. a friend of mine with health problems came to shop at our store today because we do have more stuff than what i’ve been hearing is going on in surrounding areas.  and i was able to give her two cans of disinfectant wipes. another friend asked me if we had any loo roll, and they just came by my place to pick it up, cash on arrival. 

we also extend (or well, i do extend) the stash to customers who always have been courteous. and believe me, after working in one location for a few years you know exactly who’s an asshole and who isn’t. we are essential, we are important, and we’ve been known that forever. we just never got treated like that. people are thankful that we’re working, that we’re doing our best (like if we could afford to just take two weeks off to self isolate, yeah right), and it’s good to finally walk the store with your head held high, to finally feel the appreciation. we are the kings of the toilet paper and it’s fucking fantastic. 

the store manager (or the company, i’m not sure) bought lunch today for everybody. and there might be a texas rule of no gatherings of more than 10 people, but y’all should’ve seen the break room today at noon. we they feasted (i took two slices and went out back to enjoy) thanks for lunch, boss. 

we still haven’t implemented “senior hours,” and i hate that. 

hygiene challenged dude is back at work. so he just had his two days off. 

monday 03.23.2020 12pm - 9pm

people keep insisting on shopping “normally” and it’s mind boggling. if you go to the store for 5 things or 50 things, it’s fine either way. but please make a list at home and roll with it. do not linger in aisles, do not pick up 3 different items and stand there to study the, i don’t know what the fuck, ingredients? country of origin? manufacturer? i have no earthly idea why you gotta look at a bottle of suave shampoo so intently and just. stay. there. reading it like its a new product on the market. go home.

people just waste so much freakin time in the store. they run into acquaintances and have to have a conversation right there when other customers have to walk around you. please stop, please please stop that. please. get in, get your stuff, and get out. if we dont have your fave available right now come back next week, it’s bound to be back unless it’s something like hand sanitizer or over the counter meds. please. go home.

the shopping pattern has changed. there’s all the action in the mornings now. tons of people, full parking lots, all in the morning. i understand it’s because people are under the impression everything gets restocked over night. which is half true. but whatever. i mean people shop all throughout the day and it’s still busy but the bulk is in the morning.

speaking of: senior hours finally!!! i’m stoked.

i feel like i’m getting fed up with customer questions so it’s usually short retorts and no eyes contact. one guy asked me where the aloe vera is and he asked very friendly and from a few feet away and i was sort of a dick to him. i felt bad immediately and rephrased my answer. yikes.

on the upside also, my work buddy was throwing water all day long. poor guy. he said something like 9 pallets of 24 packs. at one point they were replenishing a display and people grabbed water from the display instead of the pallet, and he was like, “you guys are killing me, man, please take it from the pallet and not the display. every pack you take from the pallet is a pack less i have to move.” a couple of dudes then took over stocking duty from him and threw the rest of the pallet to fill the display. how fucking nice. good eggs all around.

backroom looks like we got a crap ton of paper products. a crap ton. something like, i’m estimating, 12 pallets. so they’ve been staggering it throughout the afternoon but also kept lots in the back for senior hours tomorrow morning. it really looks like that part is getting almost back to normal. lmao fingers crossed.

no eggs tho, today. all gone.

hot shot trucks still show up in the afternoon with produce and meat. and other stores still come by to transfer stuff to their location.

company lunch today was from torchy’s taco. i abstained cause i had just eaten at home. but gatherings of 10 or more people had been had in the break room again. no idea if it was paid for by our company or if torchy’s was just getting rid of a bulk of their perishables.

some dude threw a fit about the limits on certain items. i think his beef was with water and how he’s seen someone take more than three. calm down, asshole.

tuesday 03.24.2020 10am - 5pm 

it’s slow in the store. dallas county has a shelter in place ordinance right now and it’s just a slow and steady trickle of customers. the weather also has turned from grey and misty, to sunshine and 80ies. i hate it. i want my grey and misty back. and because it’s nice outside there’s a lot of people on walks and bike rides. there’s a trail behind the store and when i step out back i see people all the times. still keeping their social distance but people non the less.

we’ve finally got our hands on one of the people from the agency that has provided us with help. our girl is super nice and friendly and she works hard. i hope we’ll get to keep her in our department for however long theyre working with us. altogether there’s about 15-20 people in the store from the agency. they’re tasked with sacking groceries, cleaning shopping carts, cleaning shelves and helping to stock. it’s wonderful. they get paid $13, which is more than what you make starting out in the store.

it almost felt like it wasn’t a covid day. after what the covidiot in the wh said on monday, i was a bit unsure if non essentials would reopen (especially since the mayor just shut dallas down). it was weird. it seemed like customers stayed away because a) they went back to work or b) it’s too nice to grocery shop. but that’s prob only my stupid brain making things up.

there were two incidents, both of which weren’t covid related but needed security: a dude tried to walk out with two cases of beer (theft is a thing that happens in our store a lot) but somehow he had half the store chasing after him. i was outside taking my break when all the sudden this guy comes towards me with beer in each hand. where i was, there was no exit away from the store unless you wanted to jump the fence. and he sure did. launched himself and the beer over it. they chased him off (no one touched him, i wanna add, and no one would touch him too, even if we weren’t in the current time),  but got their beer back. that was an adrenaline shock i didn’t need. the second one was a lady at the pharmacy not happy with the speed of the pharmacist and she got upset that her meds weren’t ready to be picked up. she made quite a scene with cursings and such so security was called. they are doing their best at the pharmacy but just like every other department they are swamped with prescriptions.  

it was super slow and i left an hour early. went home and ate and passed out for 12 hours.

wednesday 03.25.2020 7am - 3pm

it’s probs the first time i’m on the road this early on a weekday during the self isolation period. it’s quite busy on the highway. but still no real traffic.

store is still slow but steady. i see a few customers with big bascarts and shopping lists going about their business urgent like. on the inside i was applauding their readiness and their commitment for getting it done. thank you dear customers. buy a whole cart and get the heck outta dodge. *chefs kiss*

help girl from the agency is with me today. i like her more and more. she gets it all done. baby wipes are still off and on, some days we have them, sometimes we’re out. we found 3 small cases of hand soap in the back (6 bottles each) and they are gone quickly. i’m working through shippers/displays (we’ve finally got a smattering in) but most of it goes straight to the shelves. i’m able to make some sense to one of the half shampoo/half hersheys end caps, and my eye finally stops twitching from the weirdness.

grocery truck schedule has changed and now we’re getting them also on wednesdays (for the time being). one trailer of toilet roll and paper towels, and one of canned goods and boxes and pantry stuffs. and maybe some lysol but who knows.

it’s still sunny and 80ies out, so more runners and bikers on the trail behind the store. still social distancing tho.

the news said someone from a grocery store of another chain was diagnosed. and then through the grapevine i heard that someone from our chain (not our store) also got diagnosed and is in the hospital. wash your hands. get in, get your stuff, and get out. stay safe out there.

friday 03.27.2020 9am - 5pm

there’s this lady in the store, little old lady, just wandering and shopping and whatnot for, i kid you not, 2 hours. what in the world? she’s wearing a mask, kinda like a “let me put this mask on cause i’m sanding something in the garage” you know that kind of mask. but it’s only covering her mouth? what is she doing. where is your family? do they know where you are and what you’re up to. seriously someone come get their auntie.

there’s stickers all over the floor by the registers “PLEASE WAIT HERE” reminding people to stay the heck away from each other. it’s working sometimes. people are patient.

this one lady asks me if we have this, and shows me her phone with a pic of the item like she is seriously standing 6 feet away stretching her arm as far as it’ll go. i appreciate it. she insists that the app tells her it’s in stock here. i ran out of ways to explain that the app doesnt keep up with inventory, only states that we carry it, not whether we actually have it in stock. it’s a surface disinfectant. we dont have it in stock.

rando people say their thanks that we’re working, that they appreciate it, thank you thank you. i have yet to learn how to respond to that. “youre welcome?” “oh sure!” “no problem” nothing feels right. me and my co workers all wish we could work from home, or take a few weeks off, without losing our jobs and benefits. it’s weird. how do you respond to that?

we’ve managed to stay in stock on toilet tissue all day long. one brand, one size, mind you. but! all day long! yes, toilet paper, on aisle 18!!!!

sales have leveled. business is returning to normal.

saturday 03.28.2020 7am - 3 pm

some lady lost her cool today and in her frustration she dead ass kicked over a display of gum. lmao, yikes.

every morning we have a little meeting in the store for all the department heads, or if they’re off, for whoever plays department head for that day. on saturdays that’s me. we call them huddles, although now we can’t call them that anymore because huddle doesn’t really scream social distancing. so now they’ll call it morning communication.

while walking the store today i found, get this, a bottle of purell. it was hidden behind other product. i immediately checked my surroundings (no one there) and then went and hid it in the back room. my immuno challenged friend had asked me for some for a while.

really nothing else going on. it was quiet in the morning and then a storm blew through, and then it was just gorgeous out. so the store got busier and busier. our truck was scheduled to be quite big, but it was late and i wasn’t gonna just hang around until who knows when.

monday 03.30.2020 2pm - 10pm

the break room is completely empty of chairs and tables. that’s new. just last week everyone crowded in, employees and management alike, whenever there was free lunch. and even tho one tells them, or points out that, hey, this is a bit more than technically should be in a closed space like this? all one gets back is, oh hahaha, yeah you’re probably right, but nothing changed. so now the break room is empty. only, i dont know, everyone here works on their feet, either standing (poor checkers) or standing and walking. for up to eight hours. there’s gonna be some people who will just have to sit down for 30 mins during their breaks. this was a company wide, or district wide decision, this wasn’t something our management came up with. and here’s the thing. admittedly, some higher ups in our company are seriously not the sharpest tacks in the box. and i’m not saying that you have to have a degree to make certain decisions, but it helps if you have some sort of,  i don’t know, compassion, deductive reasoning, two brain cells to rub together. i, personally, will hardly be found in the break room, i don’t use it. but it’s absolutely clear to me that taking away the opportunity to let people rest is a recipe for disaster.

tuesday, 03.31.2020 2pm - 10pm

so, the owner of the dallas mavericks (basket ball) donated hand sanitizers to our company, for use of company employees. which, thanks, Mark, that was super sweet of you. no really. IF I SEE ONE CO WORKER USE THIS INSTEAD OF WASHING THEIR HANDS I WILL NOT BE MADE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS. wash your god damned hands people. hand sanitizer will never be able to do what soap and water can do. why is that such a big problem to understand.

the break room has a couple of chairs and tables in it now, and a sign on the door that reads “6 people limit, 6 feet apart.” yikes.

its the end of the month and people got paid so the store is getting busier. tomorrow is the first and i’m sure we’ll be packed. please take the following to heart: SHOP ALONE. don’t bring your wifey or hubby or roommate or kids. ok bring your kids if you have no one to watch them. do not use the grocery store as your family outing cause its the only spot you think youre allowed to go. it’s not. youre allowed to go for walks, in front of your house, in your neighborhood, heck, walk a circle around the store if you want, but don’t bring everybody into the store. social distancing is easier achieved if there’s less people to stay away from. be smart, think ahead. and if you think that shopping with two people makes it go faster? it’s not. cause you’re gonna argue over the choices made, you’re gonna veto your shopping buddies choice of beans and your gonna walk every aisle twice instead of once. and there will be more people touching more things and i could really do with less of that.

wednesday 04.01.2020 11am - 7pm

there’s a distillery in kansas who has converted their production to make hand sanitizer (or sanitizer in general) and we have received a shipment of, i think, two pallets. the fun part? they are the size and shape of vodka bottles.

they’re selling for $8 and we put a limit of 1 per family. they look super neat. it’s a plastic bottle, too. i don’t use hand sanitizer and i dont need it and there are people who need these i guess but i want one so badly. just as a, you know, reminder, a token, of these crazy times. i’m not gonna get one (but i kinda want one).

they have finally installed screens at the registers. and new rules came down from corporate: social distancing is the highest priority, hygiene is the highest priority. we are only going to operate 3 (out of 6) registers so that we can ensure that there’s enough space for everyone to feel safe. i have also spent 2 hours today thinning out displays that are cluttering up the sales floor so that we can encourage everyone to keep apart.

starting tomorrow, every employee will get their temp taken when they arrive to work. if the temp is too high you will be sent home (but paid for that day) and only be let back in to work if your temp stays normal for 72 hours without the help of meds.

pay has been increased by $2/h.

friday 04.03.2020 9am - 5pm

face masks everywhere.

like 80% of everybody started donning masks, scarves and homemade things to cover their lower face. face masks are a stark reminder that everyone should keep apart. it’s like an extra “hey, remember how we’re all potentially sick with something deadly? stay away.” i appreciate the effect it has.

there are about 5 different announcements over the PA, one about washing your hands and sneezing/coughing into your elbows, one about senior hours (which have changed now to tue, thu and sat morning), one about social distancing (about the length of two shopping carts!), one about “we’re all in this together” and one about us employees and how we’re doing so much more than our job right now.

ive stopped greeting customers. i smile maybe, since it’s something so ingrained into our brain, but i won’t speak unnecessarily.

the store is absolutely packed. the suggestion of staying away until the 3rd or the 4th that ive seen all over the internets seems to have cottoned on and now we’re slammed. with only 3 registers open now (to keep room between registers) the lines are down the aisles. one of the guys on the registers told me he loved it. it’s waaay less crowding around the registers, safer for the workers).

we have two entrances (the main one and a smaller one) and they closed the smaller one because it’s very tight there and doesn’t really work with trying to stay away from each other. it’s not locked, it’s just closed. no idea about the fire marshall code, but i have worked in bigger stores with only one main entrance so maybe it’s not part of any code.

i saw a woman with a vegas golden knights shirt and i miss hockey.

saturday 04.04.2020 7am - 5:30pm

my first day during senior hours, and admittedly we’ve only recently changed that but there are tons of people in the store and not a lot of seniors. but what do i know they all could be immunocompromised.

in our morning huddle communications meeting the store manager is spitting out a lot of numbers and percentiles and such, basically sales are still through the roof, even with the slower week we’ve had. it’s funny how there’s really no reference point anymore. forecasts and budgets have all been altered due to the situation but even those are still behind. the agency people aren’t with us anymore (since sunday) and i can see maybe 2 new people - but i’m not a reliable source for that because i don’t inter-mingle with other departments that much so i dont even know the regulars so i have no clue who is new. but we’re still running on basically the same people we’ve always had with this increased business.

aceotone is the new toilet paper. cant find it on the shelves, the warehouse is out and people are constantly asking for it. this one guy had me in stitches. he was shopping for the fam and had a list from his wife and you know, acetone, cuticle cream all the stuff you need to take care of your nails after you rip off the fake ones. i used to get my nails done so i gave him advice as best i could  and pointed to some products, but no acetone. about five minutes later she finds me on the same aisle again and shows me a can of paint stripper with the word acetone in huge letters on it. i died. i told him that if his wife used that they are about to have a whole other set of problems. we both laughed. he had a great sense of humor. now go home, dude.

the side door that was closed on friday is open again. not surprised.

we are getting absolutely slammed with business. it’s a mad house. you can always tell when people start to park their cars on the fire lanes around the store. there’s just no more parking.

i do see a lot of single shoppers tho, which is so great. and then you got the families just sticking out like sore thumbs. and young college kids usually shop in threes or fours. but everybody is still taking way too much time. there was an article i read on local grocers and how some already reduced the people inside the stores and how every business is going to follow suit so we will see.

we ran out of eggs. and biscuits.  and no significant numbers of paper products all week.

monday 04.06.2020 2pm - 10pm

fuck these customers, man

wednesday 04.08.2020 7am - 3pm

my company will not limit the customer count in the store. at least not in this state. when the whole thing started there was an email about store hours and they listed basically every division of our company and their changed hours - except, you guessed it, ours. i have a feeling they are going off of what other companies are doing around here, so unless theyre limiting people, we won’t. that’s my opinion. after work i realized i forgot butter and swung by a store (from a different company) close to home and they havent limited entrance either. they did have markings on the floor to encourage one way traffic down aisles, and i guess we’re gonna do that too. but nothing else. i did see smaller chains have started to limit people but not companies we’re competing with. so much for that. i guess first we need to have a few positive cases in order for them to change anything. the dollar speaks volumes, eh?

i saw this article a few days ago and i keep thinking about it. it basically sums up everything that’s going through all our minds every day. (i have no idea who this website is, i saw it and i read it and it spoke to me so dont come at me if it’s something weird - i just wanted to provide a source)

I manage a grocery store.

Here’s some things everyone should know

1. I don’t have toilet paper 2. I don’t have sanitizer 3. I run out of milk, eggs and meat daily 4. I promise if it’s out on the shelf … it’s not in a hidden corner of our backroom.

Those are the predictable ones, now for the real stuff

5. I have been doing this for 25 years I did not forget how to order product. 6. I did not cause the warehouse to be out of product/ 7. I schedule as much help as I have, including many workers working TONS of overtime to help YOU. 8. I am sorry there are lines at the check out lanes.

Now for the really important stuff:

9. My team puts themselves in harm’s way every day so you can buy groceries. 10. My team works tirelessly to get product on the floor for you to buy. 11. My team is exhausted. 12. My team is scared of getting sick. 13. My team is human and does not possess an antivirus… they are in just as much danger as you are. (Arguably more) but they show up to work every day just so you can buy groceries 14. My team is tired. 15. My team is very under-appreciated. 16. My team is exposed to more people who are potentially infected in one hour than most of you will in a week (medical community excluded, thank you for all that you do!). 17. My team is abused all day by customers who have no idea how ignorant they are. 18. My team disinfects every surface possible, everyday, just so you can come in grab a wipe from the dispenser, wipe the handle and throw the used wipe in the cart or on the ground and leave it there… so my team can throw it in the trash for you later. 19. My team wonders if you wash your re-usable bags, that you force us to touch, that are clearly dirty and have more germs on them than our shopping carts do. 20. My team more than earns their breaks, lunches and days off. And if that means you wait longer I am sorry.

The last thing I will say is this:

The next time you are in a grocery store, please pause and think about what you are saying and how you are treating the people you encounter. They are the reason you are able to buy toilet paper, sanitizer, milk, eggs, and meat.

If the store you go to is out of an item.. maybe find the neighbor or friend that bought enough for a year … there are hundreds of them… and ask them to spare 1 or 2. They caused the problem to begin with…

And lastly, please THANK the people who helped you. They don’t have to come to work!

One Short Day

A JSE Fanfic

Yay, I wrote something that isn’t connected to pain for once in my life! Or at least, the most you get are hints and maybe a moment. I was planning on working on something else, but...I don’t know, I just felt like I needed something softer, and I’m sure there are people who need that too. So behold, an attempt at mostly-fluff! I just wanted to write the boys having fun out on the town, simple enough ^-^

It was rare that there was a full day they could all be together. A day where Schneep wasn’t working, Chase wasn’t recording, Marvin didn’t have a show, and Jackie didn’t have to bolt off at the last minute to do heroic vigilantism. A day where they could just do whatever they wanted, all of them, together.

They met up at Jackie’s apartment building. Naturally, JJ arrived first, then Schneep and Chase at about the same time. Just when they were starting to get worried, Marvin showed up, sprinting up to the group and skidding to a halt beside them.

“Late again, I see?” Jackie said when Marvin finally caught his breath. “Maybe we should just tell you we’re meeting thirty minutes earlier than we actually are.”

“Gimme a break.” Marvin rolled his eyes. “My phone was out of battery so I couldn’t check the time, then I got distracted.”

Jackie raised an eyebrow. “With what?”

“Um...” Marvin looked away, embarrassed. “I may have started playing Plague Inc...for an hour...or more.”

“Dude. Set a timer next time or something,” Chase said. “Ask JJ if you can borrow one of his watches if you have to, I dunno, anything.”

“Enough of this, we are wasting minutes,” Schneep said, checking his own watch. “Jackie decided what to do, what is it?”

Jackie immediately brightened. “Okay, so, we all know JJ hasn’t seen much of the town.” Everyone nodded. “So I thought we could give him the grand tour! Get lunch, go to the park, and I think the fair is open tonight so we can finish with that. That good with everyone?”

“So we’re just gonna walk all over town?” Chase asked. “Only two of us can drive, and none of us have a car right now.”

“Toughen up, Chase, walking’s good for you!” Marvin teased. “Right? Schneep, you’re a doctor, tell him I’m right.”

“He’s right,” Schneep said.

“See?!”

JJ snapped his fingers for attention. I thought we were wasting time? I certainly can’t lead the way, so I’ll ask one of you to.

“Right!” Jackie started off. “C’mon guys, lunch is waiting for us!”

They ended up at a local restaurant near the center of town called Kassie’s. It was a quaint little place, and since it was a warm day they decided to sit at a table outside. The chipper waitress gave them a plate of free fries, then took their order, and headed back inside.

“Is it just me, or is it kind of hot today?” Chase asked, fanning himself with some of the napkins.

“No, it’s not just you. God, I’m dying,” Jackie agreed.

“Jackie, you are not only wearing long sleeves, you are wearing two layers of them,” Schneep pointed out with a smile.

“Oh, you’re one to talk, Mr. Sweater-all-the-time!” Jackie rolled his eyes. “What about Jays? He’s got that vest/dress shirt on.”

JJ looked aghast. You four can run around and show your arms all you like, but I’ll have you know it isn’t proper for a gentleman!

“Are you implying we aren’t gentlemen?” Marvin asked, right before tossing a fry into the air and catching it in his mouth.

JJ raised an eyebrow. Indeed.

“I don’t care, it’s hot. I’m taking this off.” With a few flailing arms, Jackie pulled his hoodie over his head and tugged it off, revealing a Marvel-themed T-shirt underneath. “Ah. That’s better.” He looked around to see the others staring at him with wide eyes. “What?”

“Holy shit, Jackie!” Chase yelled. “Your arm!”

“Wh—oh fuck I forgot I was wearing short sleeves today.” Jackie looked down at his left arm. “Yeah, okay, I got scars, you can look all you want.”

“So that’s why I’ve never seen you in T-shirts,” Marvin realized. “Jackie, what the fuck happened?”

Jackie frowned, then coughed awkwardly. “Y’know...I’d rather not talk about it right now. Maybe later. Besides, Schneep already knows the story. ‘S how we met.”

“Honestly, you three are making mountains out of mole hills,” Schneep said. “Is fine now. You should see his torso, now those are scars.”

That only made the other three look more worried. Jackie sighed. “Look, guys, we’re having a fun day. We’re gonna have fun, and not gonna get all concerned, though I do appreciate it. And you—” he glared at Schneep “—need to stop saying that, ‘cause it makes it sound like I lost some epic battle instead of just having top surgery.”

Chase and Marvin relaxed in unison. “I’m still convinced you have, I dunno, fucking bullet scars or something,” Marvin muttered as Chase pulled the remains of the fries towards him.

“Oh yeah, but Schneep’s talking about the surgery. He’s done this before, and it’s no longer funny!” Jackie looked pointedly at Schneep when saying that last part, who just responded with a massive grin.

JJ was the only one who still looked concerned, but now that was paired with confusion. He looked around at the others. What is top surgery?

You could almost hear the hiss as the others all inhaled sharply in unison. They’d all forgotten for a moment that JJ didn’t know. Schneep cleared his throat. “Jackie, would you like to explain?”

“Right yeah. God, where do I start with this?” There was a slight pause in the conversation as the waitress returned with their food. The moment she was out of earshot, Jackie started up again. “Alright, so...” he leaned forward, hands clasped together, eyes wide and nervous. “You know how I call myself Jackieboy Man, right?”

JJ nodded. A moniker I never understood, but yes.

“Well, I didn’t always call myself that. Neither did anyone else. Because, well, they all thought that...I was a, uh, girl. Even I did. For the longest time I just sort of...accepted it. I only started to figure it out in high school. I got my first job, and one of the customers called me ‘that nice lady,’ and hearing it...just sort of surprised me. Like someone gave the wrong answer to a really easy test question. So...I started thinking, and eventually I realized that I wasn’t...actually a girl. That was when I renamed myself.”

JJ didn’t look any less confused. Why would they not understand that? Wouldn’t they be able to...see that you are not?

Jackie winced. “Well, no...you see, I...fuck.” Jackie put his head in his hands, took a deep breath, then looked up again. “I was born...in the wrong body. Top surgery is...it’s to get rid of the parts I didn’t want. Are you...are you getting this now?”

After a moment, JJ’s eyes widened. He nodded hesitantly.

“Okay. Good. Great.” Jackie sighed. “I don’t know if this word existed in the twenties, but nowadays we have ‘transgender’ as...a thing. When someone is something other than what their body is born as. I’m still a he. Or, just, anything but she, really. Literally call me anything but a girl. And please, don’t ask about what my name was before. Or what’s...down there. Those questions make me...really uncomfortable.”

My good man! JJ signed. Why would I do such a rude thing? And to my dear friend, nonetheless. 

Jackie’s shoulders slumped. He leaned back in his chair and exhaled in relief. He’d been dreading this conversation, but better to rip the bandaid off now. “Thanks, man. I...appreciate your understanding.”

JJ smiled. No trouble at all, Jackie! I may not fully grasp the concept, but that’s no reason to disrespect your wishes.

“If you want, I can answer questions. Just...later. And as long as you get I don’t represent everyone who’s trans.”

JJ nodded and gave a thumbs-up. There was silence for a moment, before Chase broke it by saying “Hey, guys, I made a Jenga tower out of fries.”

Schneep rolled his eyes, and immediately knocked over Chase’s tower.

“Aw you bitch!” Chase gasped. “You didn’t even play the game right!”

“Fuck your games. Actually eat the food like it’s supposed to be.”

“You’re just jealous cause you got a salad instead.”

“Maybe I am! Did you think of that?!”

“Dude, I just said I did!”

The rest of lunch was covered in the blanket of familiar banter. Jackie smiled to himself. God, he was so glad nothing changed.

About two hours later, the boys had made their way to the southern part of the city. That was where the park was. It had an official name, but everyone just called it “the park” because there was only one of them and it was shorter. The park itself was pretty big, with trees, paths, flowerbeds, and two playgrounds at either end.

Since it was the middle of the afternoon, there were quite a few families with young children hanging around, parents watching their kids climb all over the jungle gyms and pushing them on the swings. While Marvin and Jackie walked ahead, pulling JJ with them and talking his ears off, Chase and Schneep hung back a bit. Chase was staring at the families on the playground.

“Chase? Are you okay?” Schneep asked gently. 

“Yeah...yeah, I’m fine. It’s not a down day.” Schneep gave him a Look. “No, really! It’s just...y’know, seeing all the kids kinda bums me out. You know?”

“Of course I do, Chase,” Schneep said. He was probably the only one of the boys who did. “If you are feeling upset, you can go home.”

“No! God, no, that’s not what I meant at all. This has been good so far. I don’t want it to end.” Chase frowned. “Now I’m just...man. I’m starting to lose it.”

“Chase.” Schneep grabbed his hand. “If you are not enjoying yourself, we can always go do something more quiet. We would hate to push you to do something you are not up to.”

Chase considered it for a moment, then shook his head. “Nah, it’s not too bad. It helps that you guys are here, I think. But I’ll let you know...if it gets too much.”

Schneep gave him a long look, before finally judging that everything was alright. “Okay. You have to do that, or I am going to break into your home at night and yell at you for lying.”

“Okay, okay, I get the idea,” Chase laughed. He looked down at their clasped hands. “You’re not worried people are gonna think we’re a couple, then?”

“What? Oh. Is there no such thing as regular hand-holding in this country?! Besides, it should not fucking matter. Also you are not my type anyway.”

“Yeah, you’re not mine, either. You’re a guy.” Chase and Schneep both had a good laugh at that.

Marvin looked over his shoulder at the two of them. “Are you two gonna walk fast or what?”

“Or what,” Chase said with a smirk.

“Oh, you’re hilarious. A fucking comedic genius. Hey guys!” he said that last part to Jackie and JJ. “We’re gonna slow down so these two assholes can join us.”

“Marvin, how dare you,” Schneep said, mock-offended. “At least be more creative in your insulting us.”

“No.” The two mini-groups merged together to form the main group once again. “So what’re you two talking about?”

“Chase is worried that hand-holding makes a couple,” Schneep tattled.

“Bullshit,” Marvin stated. Jackie went “yeah!” in the background. JJ frowned at the use of language, but nodded. “What makes a couple is the kissing. And romantic interest in each other, which leads to the former.”

“You say, having not been on a date in at least five months,” Jackie muttered.

“Shut your stupid face, you...lovely person.” Marvin pulled his wand out of his pocket and twirled it, like he did when he was nervous. “We’ve all been kinda busy lately.”

“Yeah...that’s true,” Jackie sighed. “But maybe if you went out more, you could find someone you could go out with. Just once, if a commitment isn’t your thing right now.”

Marvin frowned. “Why in the wide world of wingmen would I go on a date once deliberately?”

“A night of fun?” Schneep suggested.

“With a complete stranger that I have no interest in? No. I need to have some intrigue in whoever they end up being.”

“None of you are gonna get anywhere with him,” Chase said. “He doesn’t get one-night stands.”

“Damn right I don’t! There’s no point!”

And it just seems improper, JJ signed. If you aren’t going to court someone, don’t approach them at all.

“Marvin! You have an ally!” Jackie gasped. 

“Good. Finally, someone who agrees with me.” Marvin held up his hand and, after a moment of figuring out, JJ high-fived it. “Yeah! There we go, you got it!”

Jackie checked the time on his phone. “Alright, it’s starting to get a bit late. If we want to get enough time at the fair, we’re gonna have to book it to the eastern side.”

They didn’t actually run the whole way there, despite Jackie wanting to. By the time they got to the fair the sun was starting to set. They bought tickets and headed inside, where the Ferris wheel and the roller coaster towered over the smaller rides and the carnival games. It was a weekday, but it was one of the first days the fair was open, so the fairgrounds were crowded but not packed.

Chase gasped. “Games. We can do the games first.”

You do realized they’re all rigged, right? JJ asked.

“Who cares? They’re fun! Games now.”

Soon, the others started to suspect that the reason Chase was so eager to play games was because he knew he would win every time. The dude was scarily good. A combination of sheer luck, skill, and fuck-it-let’s-take-a-chance-ness led to many more victories than the others, something Marvin and Schneep immediately called him out for.

“You are cheating, I am sure of it!” Schneep huffed, folding his arms.

“Nah, just have a knack for it. And, in this case, practice.” Chase tossed one of the wooden balls back and forth while he waited for the carnival worker to hand him his prize. “Ya gotta aim for a bit above the spot where the third jug sits on top of the other two, then throw hard. It’s a bit of an arc.”

“No, you’re a cheater,” Marvin asserted, muttering darkly.

“Aw, c’mon! Here, will this make you less salty?” Chase accepted his stuffed prize from the worker, then handed it right over to Marvin. “I got it for you! You like cats.”

Marvin glared down at the plushie. “You’re lucky it has a cute face,” he said.

“See?!” Chase smiled. He was actually having a good time. It was a good change of pace from the park.

Eventually, everyone had a prize except for JJ. They were running out of games to play, but then Jackie spotted one of those ‘find the ball under the shuffling cups.’ “Hey guys, you up for that one?”

JJ brightened. I’m actually quite skilled at those!

“Well, then, let’s go!” Jackie pulled him over, the others in tow.

The carnival worker was calling out the rules of the game. “You get one, you win one of these lovely roses, you get two in a row, you win one of these tiny fellows here, and you get three in a row, you win one of these adorable penguins! Step right up, step right up!”

“Hey!” Jackie waved to get the worker’s attention. “We want to play!”

“Well then, young sirs, the rules are simple. Keep your eye on the ball, see right here, right here, it’s under the middle cup. Now watch as I take the cup this way, then that, then this and oh look at that! It’s goin’ fast, it’s goin’ fast don’t lose it don’t lose it! Now, which one is the ball under?”

Jackie was fairly sure he knew where it was, but he turned to JJ anyway. “So, which one?” he asked.

JJ bit his lip, then reached forward to point at one of the cups...only for the worker to slap his hand away. “I’m sorry sir, please don’t touch the cups. To prevent tamperin’, see? Just tell me.”

JJ looked a bit stunned at the worker’s aggressive tone. But he signed It’s under the left one.

“Excuse me?”

“He says it’s under the left one,” Marvin jumped in.

“...ah, I see.” The worker lifted up the cup to reveal the ball. “Seems you were right. Do you want to try again?”

The boys glanced uneasily between each other. The worker’s tone had dropped from the polite-carnival talk to one that was a bit...short. She was also talking much slower than she was before, drawing out the vowel sounds. “He can hear you perfectly fine,” Chase said. “He just can’t talk.”

“Mmm...I see...” The worker pursed her lips. “Do you want to try again?”

They all nodded. The worker was silent this time as she shuffled the cups, faster than before. When she stopped, she looked at Jackie. “Which one is the ball under?”

Jackie had a vague idea where, but he wasn’t sure. “JJ, do you know?”

The left one again, JJ signed, less enthusiastically.

“The left,” Jackie translated.

The worker frowned as she revealed the ball under the left cup. “You boys aren’t cheating, are you? Those weird gestures seem like symbols.”

Marvin laughed bitterly. “Yeah, they’re symbols alright. They stand for words. Do you not know how sign language fucking works? He’s telling us the answers ‘cause he’s the best one at it. Now let’s do this one more time.”

The worker shuffled the cups impossibly fast. Once more, she asked Jackie where the ball was. This time, he had no idea, and just looked at JJ. JJ, in turn, stiffened a bit, eyes hardening. It’s under the right one, though I wouldn’t put it past her to sneak it up her sleeve.

“Right,” all the boys said in unison.

The worker reluctantly lifted up the rightmost cup to show the ball sitting underneath. “Congratulations,” she said dully. “You win one of the big prizes. What color do you want?”

Turquoise, JJ signed. “Turquoise,” Jackie translated.

They walked away from the booth in silence. After a few moments of walking, Marvin said, “I could totally put a curse on her.”

“No,” Jackie said firmly.

“Just one little spell. She can lose her voice for a week.”

JJ shook his head, then tucked his prize under his arm so he could use his hands to sign. Revenge is never the best answer. 

“It’s what she deserves!” Marvin snarled. “She was making that difficult on purpose. I saw her, she was going much slower with the customers before us. JJ, I’m so absolutely sorry on her behalf, cause god knows she’s not gonna fucking apologize.”

It’s okay, JJ insisted. Believe it or not, I’ve faced worse, especially in my day. They were much less friendly back then.

“I am sure you are not using that word in the correct meaning,” Schneep mumbled.

Marvin shoved his hand into the pocket containing his wand. “One hex. Come on. Just one. I won’t even make her ears fall off or anything.”

Everyone refused to let Marvin curse the carnival worker, and he reluctantly relented. At this point, they’d finished with the games, and all that was left were the rides. They took turns, one or two of them sitting out to watch the accumulated prizes while the others spun and flew and then stumbled off the rides. After trying most of the rides out, they took a snack break for ice cream and cotton candy.

“I think the Ferris wheel is the only one left,” Jackie said. “Unless we want to catch that sideshow thing. There’s supposed to be magicians—”

“Fake,” Marvin interrupted.

“—clowns, animals, and they advertised a knife-thrower—”

Schneep nearly choked on his ice cream. “No.”

“Okay, got it. No show then.” Jackie nodded. “But I’m not too sure about the Ferris wheel. I know at least one of us is afraid of heights.”

“Yeah, uh, me.” Chase bit his lip. “But I think I’ll be fine if I don’t look over the edge. Unless someone else doesn’t want to go on it, then I’ll stay off with them.”

“I’m good,” Jackie said. “Schneep? Marv? Either of you scared of heights?” Both of them shook their heads. “Alright. JJ?”

JJ signed, A bit, but after all these dizzy rides, I’ll take something calm like the Ferris wheel, if you please.

“Alright. Guess we’re going on the wheel, then!”

Night had truly fallen by this point. The Ferris wheel wasn’t exceptionally tall, but it still rose above everything else in the fair, providing a fantastic view of the colored lights below. Instead of having the traditional two-person seats, this wheel had booths that could fit up to eight people, so all the boys fit into one just fine. The wheel turned, and the booth turned with it. Chase squirmed, resolutely not looking over the side. Jackie and Marvin did the exact opposite, practically leaning out of the booth to look down below.

JJ tapped Schneep, signing something real quick. Schneep nodded, then yelled “Can you two stop that?! You are going to fall out of the fucking side, and you are making Jamie nervous.”

“Oh, sorry.” Jackie sat back down.

“Aww,” Marvin groaned, but pulled back into his seat. “I hope you know I do this for you, JJ.”

JJ smiled. Thank you, it’s appreciated. And I’m sure your body feels the same way, having narrowly avoided a fall to great injury.

“Nah, I would’ve been fine.”

The wheel stopped. Their booth was right at the top. “Oh, fuck,” Chase muttered, covering his eyes with his hands.

“You know, you didn’t have to come,” Jackie said quietly. “We would’ve been alright letting you stay down on the ground.”

Chase peeked between his hands. “I know. But...it’s really nice up here. Quiet. And with just you guys. As long as I ignore the distance from the ground, I’m good. You’re my friends, you know, and you make everything better.”

“Oh, Chase,” Marvin gasped. “That’s...really sweet!”

“What? Didn’t think we where friends?”

“It’s...always nice to be reminded.” Marvin smiled softly.

Well then consider this your reminder, Marvin! JJ wiggled his mustache happily. I consider you all my friends, maybe even family. You are all wonderful people and I love having you in my life!

“Nooo, stop.” It was hard to see in the dark, only lit up by the lightbulbs on the Ferris wheel, but it was possible that Marvin was actually blushing.

“You know what? I love you guys.” Jackie grinned. “Not afraid to admit it! Best friends I’ve ever had.”

Schneep cleared his throat. “Yes, I feel the same. You are all great people, and I am fortunate to have met you. I...love you as well.”

“Aaaahck!” Marvin appeared to be trying to fold into himself. “Too much love! Fatality!”

Chase chuckled. “Marvin! Accept our love!”

We love you, Marvin! JJ signed eagerly. Now you have to say it back!

Marvin made a strange sort of groaning exhale before inhaling deeply, calming down. “Yeah...I—I love you guys too. God, I love you guys so much. You should all know that.”

“There we go!” Jackie said, triumphant. “Marvin, you are, truly, the emotionally constipated one. And I thought Schneep was the worst.”

“Excuse me?!” Schneep gasped. “I assure you I am very love-sharing. I just do not use words too much because they are complicated.”

“Understandable,” Chase shrugged. “I can barely speak half the time, and I was born in English.”

I thought you were born in Ireland, JJ signed, amused.

“Oh, you know what I mean!”

The Ferris wheel started lowering, stopping and starting as it let passengers off. The boys stepped out of the booth and onto land once again.

JJ yawned. I must say that I’m rather tired after all this. I think it’s time we go home.

“Yeah, I’m starting to feel it,” Jackie agreed.

“You all are weak!” Marvin countered. “I’m good for another couple hours.”

“Watch you crash immediately upon entering your room,” Chase laughed.

“Oh, shut up.”

“I think JJ is right,” Jackie said. “It’s time to go home.”

Schneep nodded. “Yes, I could stay up longer, but I have morning shift tomorrow so I should not push my luck. I will see you all later?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Course, dude!”

“Definitely.”

Count on it!

With that, they left the fair. Eventually they split up, each heading their own separate ways until they eventually got to wherever they were staying that night. Some went to sleep immediately, some stayed up a bit later, but eventually they all went to bed.

And when they decided to do it, none of them had trouble for once.

disconnected (5)

pairing: sebastian stan x reader

wordcount: 3,197

warning: angst. so. much. angst. and stupidity. they’re. so. stupid. 

a/n: TAGLIST IS OPEN!!! SEND ME AND ASK :)) i think i have two chapters left tho ahhahahahah 

taglist: @berruneko09 @vechkinfan @ria132love @haha-barnes @fantasticsofa  

Two months.

You haven’t seen him for two months. You had been on the road and filmed for different shows be it a sit com or an interview or even for a freaking tv series. Despite not seeing each other face to face, you and Sebastian still talked every time that you guys can. He was always complaining that he missed your cooking and you kept on insisting that you would teach him how to cook over face time or that he could just ask Margarita to cook for him. But then he would just always laugh and tell you that she doesn’t know how to cook or talk about something else entirely.

You had no idea why he was acting that way regarding Margarita, the last he spoke of her with you was to tell you that it would be okay if you stayed since he had already talked to her about it. And that was it, conversation over. You didn’t bother asking what changed her mind especially that it had worked out in your favor and besides you didn’t want to stick your nose in other people’s business so you stayed away from the topic and that was that.

“Hey guys!” You shouted at the crowd in front of you. They replied with screams and you laughed, “Alright I just want to say a few things. So I know you all know that this is the last song for the very last set of my first tour. I just want you guys to know how happy I am that you have supported me through out this venture.” They screamed louder when you smiled and played the first few notes of the very first song that you had released which you had dedicated to your fans. “I never really thought that I would be able to do these kinds of tour you know? I just thought I’d be playing at a bar or something but you guys… You guys made this possible and I can never thank you enough for making my dreams come true.”

As you stared at the crowd of five thousand people, you can’t help but tear up. “I’ve never felt more loved.” Everyone ‘Awwed’ but then laughed when you immediately said “Except for my Mom of course. I love you mom.”

“Whenever I stand on a stage and look at you guys, all of my doubts and fears just vanishes. You guys lift me up every single time and I hope that whenever you listen to this song, I could do the same for you.”

You let the crowd sing the last verse of the song, their voices echoing inside the ballroom and you stared at them as they finished it with tears in your eyes, then bowed when it was over. “I am Y/N, and thank you so much for being here!”

You headed out to the dressing room where everyone was waiting for you with a cake and balloons in order to celebrate the last leg of the tour. And then you cried because you were going to miss everyone that had been with you for the past few months. “Hey, at least you can rest for a while right?” Ryan told you and laughed.

Before leaving you talked to Ryan and told him to take everyone to a bar to celebrate, it’ll be a gift from you to them. “Are you not coming?”

You shook your head “I have to prepare for the audition the day after tomorrow. I have to go home.”

“Alright, you take care. Darling I am so proud of you.” You hugged him and told him to bring  Marian to the after party, “Oh yes. She is going to kill me but she told me to tell you that she is so proud of you to be able to do anything with me as your manager.”

Getting into your new car, that sponsorship form Honda really had its perks, you drove home, to that apartment in the heart of the city with a certain blue eyed man.

“Hey Sebby.”  you greeted when you saw him at the dining table reading.

He stared at you for a few seconds and then suddenly he was up on his feet on his way to you.

“I missed you!” He exclaimed while hugging you. You patted his back and laughed. “I missed you too big guy. You look good with that scruff by the way.”

He smiled and grabbed your bag, “Here let me help you. Have you eaten?” He placed your bags in your room and then he went back to sit on the couch with you.

“So, how are you?” He asked “Have you been eating properly you look thinner.”

“Yes Sebby, I’ve been eating properly.” You laughed at him but he still looked concerned. “Everything is okay, the trip was good, better that I had imagined. How about you? Everything okay?”

He nodded, “Except for your homemade foods? Yeah, I’ve been okay. But when you left I’m not gonna lie, the house got real lonely. Anyway, you should probably rest, you look tired.”

“Yeah, I really am. But its the good kind of tired.” You kicked yourself mentally when you saw Sebastian’s face when you said that “I didnt mean for it to come out that way. its just that— I really don’t have any exp—.” Before you could finish your sentence your stomach grumbled.

“YOU SAID YOU WE’RENT HUNGRY”

“I DIDNT WANT TO COOK��

“Damn it. Stay here, I’m gonna fix something up.” Sebby left and went straight to the kitchen to try and cook you something that would be fast yet still be edible to eat. He had no idea when you were going to be back. And he’s not fooling anyone if he said that he didn’t miss you because he did. He opted to cook ramen, it was the easiest and fastest thing to cook but when he finished, you were already sleeping. Walking towards the dining table he placed the food on top of the script pages sprawled across it. After a while he walked towards you and just stared at your face. You looked peaceful, like nothing had ever bother you in your life.  

Chris had told Sebastian to tell you everything. About the break up with Margarita, about his real line of work,  and about his feelings for you. Sebastian told Chris that he doesn’t see you that way. He doesn’t want to be with you that way. He doesn’t want to wake up to you every single day for the rest of his life. He doesn’t want to give you flowers and take you out to dinner, a fancy one where you’ll both complain about the cutlery. He doesn’t want to kiss your lips and say the words ‘I love you’. No, he doesn’t want to be with you that way. At least, that is what he keeps on telling himself. Because you like Chris, not him. And he knows that Chris liked you too.

Sebastian watched as you lunged at Chris and yelled “CHRIS I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KILL YOU AND EVERYTHING THAT YOU LOVE.” His laughter filled the whole apartment as he ran around with your arms wrapped around his chest. After a while Chris replied with “Will you kill yourself then?”

Sebastian had never been shot, or hit by a truck but if he had, he expects that it would feel that way. But there wasn’t anything that he could do about that. Sebastian was nothing like Chris, he had accepted that. And so he didn’t bother to tell you anything. He had decided that being your friend would be better than you leaving him forever. As long as you’re happy, he will be.

Gently lifting you up from the couch, he carefully walked towards your room and put you to bed. He closed the door and went back to reading the script for the Destroyer, the next film he’s about to do and the filming starts next week.

‘As long as you’re happy.’

Sebastian woke you up at noon. You had missed breakfast and he didn’t want you to miss lunch, you had definitely lost weight and that really didn’t sit well with him.

“Thank you for this Sebby. I thought you didn’t know how to cook.” You told him as the both of you were eating some curry.

“I can cook okay? I just don’t like cooking that much.” He said as he grabbed your glass to put water in it. “I’m sorry for waking you up. Its just that you didn’t get to eat dinner and breakfast. I was kinda worried that something might happen to you.”

“I’ve been through worse believe me. Missing two meals won’t kill me. I’ve had days where all I would eat is a burger and hey, I’m still here ain’t I?” You said that hoping that he wouldn’t be worried but it only did the exact opposite. “WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU DO THAT?” He yelled that led to a a thirty minute lecture.

While you were washing the dishes Sebby went back to his room and grabbed a couple of papers which you had recognized from last night. “What’s that?” You asked him when you sat across opposite him.

“Just some notes for work.” He answered and shrugged. You smiled and didn't say anything else, you had let him continue working while you went on and checked your email. A few of them were from different companies, some of them were spam some were audition schedules.

“Hey, any plans for tonight?” He asked you. You just stared at him, “Stev—I mean Chris and I are planning to go to this bar was wondering if you wanted to tag along?”

“Who’s Steve?” His middle name. You shook your head and laughed, “I am not good with alcohol. So, I’ll just stay back here and besides I need to go to work tomorrow. You boys have fun, tell Chris I said hi.”

“Are you sure? I can look out for you, you know? I won’t let anything happen to you.”

You wanted to go but, you can’t risk of dragging them into the mess that is your life. A few pictures with them in a bar and the press won’t stop pestering the three of them about it.

When Sebastian left you decided to take that time to practice the lines that you will be needing for the audition tomorrow. Ryan had told you the news before your last show ended, apparently Robert Singer saw your acting in the Good Doctor and wanted to cast you on the show. You will be playing the role of Eris, a half-human half-demon in the show. You had watched some of the few seasons of Supernatural but you had stopped because you had to focus on making and learning music and that didn’t really leave you any time to watch t.v shows until the tour started. You took that as an opportunity to catch up on the show in order to be prepared with their universe.

You heard shuffling outside your door, you wondered if Sebastian had come home. Although, that is impossible. He said that he would be back before Christmas and this is way too early. So you took your knife and slowly opened the door. “Hey there Y/N. I’m treating you to a nice birthday experience since Sebby told me that your parents aren’t here.”

“How did you know that its my birthday?”

“Uhm? Because you told me last week via call?”

Oh yeah, you forgot about that. You had been helping Chris for a book that he had been and you really had no idea how the topic went to your birthdays. And now he’s here.

You smiled at him and made your way into the table where he had set up the food. “I’m sorry Seb is not here.”

Pulling up the chair that was infront of you, he sat down then lit the candle on the cake. “I tried to bake one but it turned out to be garbage so I’m not gonna do that to you since you’re my best friend.”

“Thank you, Chris.” You told him after blowing out the candle “And don’t worry about Sebby, he doesn’t know my birthday so I didn’t really expect him to be here.” Your face betrayed your words. You had wanted him to be there and you know that it was wrong but for the past few months that you had been living here, this had been your home and to celebrate your birthday here with him would’ve been amazing but, it just wasn’t meant to be.

“So, after we eat. Where do you want to go? I’ll keep you company since your Prince Charming won’t be here. Till probably next week.”

“I wanted to go to Disneyland but—“

“It won’t be as fun without Seb. I know.” Chris said the words that you were thinking of. “Hey, its just the two of us here. Its okay.”

“I want to go to a beach. Somewhere secluded though, like where no one will care who we are.” Chris’ face lit up and then he assured you that he had the right place. You told him to give you thirty minutes to shower and get dressed so that the both of you can leave immediately.

Sebastian just finished filming his scenes. They started at 10 in the evening and its 6:35 in the morning he hasn’t had sleep or ate anything but it was amazing to be back on a set and film for a movie. When he got to his trailer the first thing he checked was his phone. He was hoping that you had messaged him or something like that, but you can only imagine the look of disappointment in his face when he saw Chris’ name instead of yours.

>>I’m leaving with Y/N. We’re going to the old town.

Sebastian frowned as he re-read the message. Why were you going with him to Old town? Why is Chris taking you there? These kinds of questions ran through his mind but he couldn’t ask Chris that. IF he did, Chris wouldn’t let it go, instead he just replied—

<<Why are you telling me this?

His right leg was bouncing up and down as he waited for Chris’ reply. He remembered the time when Chris told him that Old town was the most romantic place that he could think of. It was filled with old memories and is a great place to start a new one. Oh god. What if Chris confesses to Y/N? What if they kiss?

>>Because I’m a good friend and since she told me that you didn’t know, I’m letting you know. It’s her birthday today. You might want to do something about it.

It was your birthday. And he’s not there to celebrate it with you.

>>look Seb, I know you can’t make it so at least give her a call? She misses you. I can tell.

>>She’s done. We’re leaving.

>>Greet. Her.

Sebastian was pissed, mad at himself because he didn’t even bother asking you about those things. He wanted to celebrate them with you. And now, knowing that you’re celebrating it with Chris? That thought made him jealous. He shouldn’t be feeling this way but he can’t help it when you make it so easy to fall in love with you and at the same time you make it hard for him to be with you. You’re an amazing person and he doesn’t know if you would want to be with someone like him. If you’re willing to step into the limelight and deal with the attacks that the media would most definitely throw at you if the two of you got together.

He just doesn’t think that he’s worth all of that.

Chris woke you up when the two of you arrived at the place. Stepping out of the car you stared in awe at the beautiful scenery infront of you. “My grandfather gave it to me before he died. He asked me to take care of it.” He told you as he opened the back of the pick up alive. Living in the city is great but nothing beats a quiet place like this one. Seb would always ask me to take him here.”

“Sebby’s been here?” you asked him as you sat down and grabbed the beer he was offering.

He nodded and told you that Sebby would either be floating in the water or sitting against a tree reading a book.

It was pretty obvious that no one comes here except for the people that Chris invites. There was a tall gate and fences surrounding the place. The water in the lake reminded you of Sebby’s eyes. They were blue, full of emotions. And just like his eyes, you were so ready to dive in it head first wanting to get lost in its mysteriousness and beauty. The trees surrounding the lake made you feel secure rather than terrified, the cool air ran through your hair and you smiled. Chris did have the right place in mind.

“So, when do you plan to tell Seb that you like him?” You shook your head at the question and then rolled your eyes. “I told you, its not like that Chris.”

“Why are you so scared?” he asked not letting the topic go, you closed your eyes and took a deep breath.

“Because he’s with Margarita, and because even if he’s not with anyone why would anyone want to be with me?”

“Y/N, stop selling yourself short. Besides, Seb had alread—“

“The thing is. I’m not selling myself short. I’m just telling the truth. The people he dated, I mean just looking at Margarita—Jesus, I’m nowhere near his standards okay?”

“What if he likes you?” Chris looked at you with sadness in his eyes that you couldn’t quite figure out why.

“Then he’s stupid, and even then it’ll be scary.”

“Why?”

There was a sad smile in your face, “Because what if I love him too much? Or worse, what if I won’t be able to give him the same amount of love that he’ll give me?”

Chris took your hand and squeezed it, “Y/N, you can’t keep on letting your idea of love ruin love itself. Love is scary and unpredictable and full of heartbreaks but that’s isn’t everything that love is. Love can make you happy, can make you stronger, can make you want to keep going. Why are you so scared to be happy?”

You shrugged taking back your hands you ran then through your hair. “Because when I am, then there will be that inevitable realization that at any given moment that happiness can be taken away from me and..”

“And what?”

“And I don’t know if I could continue living know that there’s someone as amazing as he is  out there. At least if I don’t act on my feelings I won’t have to face that right?”

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