#deacon meta
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Do you ever think about how Deacon’s wife is named Barbara, and Saint Barbara was a martyr who is venerated by Catholics who face the danger of sudden and violent death at work? And that her name comes from the Greek word for ‘strangers’? Barbara the synth, Barbara who dies a sudden, violent death and whose widower joins the Railroad after her death, where he faces the threat of sudden, violent death every damned day? Unfortunately, now I do and I can’t unthink it. Probably not intentional on the part of the writers, but damn.
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Deacon
My interpretation of Deacon is very much in the camp of, “every good lie has a seed of truth”. Got no idea if that what makes a good lie, but I think it’s a fun story telling device so idc. I never want to take away from him being a liar because it feels like it’d be a disservice to his character, but from his dialogue it feels like there’s always that grain of truth. Rather than just flat out lies, he twists the truth. The only time it ever feels flat out is when you’re supposed to doubt him, (like that he’s been to Greenland or played cards with Mr. House). It’s wacky, outlandish, and he plays it straight because that’s apart of the joke.
Because at his heart he’s a goofball! I think that Deacon shows more of who he truly is than he realizes by the mere fact that he doesn’t really know who that is anymore. If you spend sometime time as the lie, when does it become the truth?
He’s so edgy in own head, but I think that his true colors show from his actions which are usually spent either a) protecting the people he loves, or b) keeping their spirits high. He may be cynical, but he doesn’t want to be. He admires optimism and hope and surrounds himself in it, and I think some of it rubs off on him when he isn’t looking.
How can he not? The way that I can hear his voice SPARKLE after you blow up the Institute… Like the whole world has just taken on a new brighter shade. But also the way that he fights, and he fights, and he fights even in the darkest hours of the Railroad. At times I think he feels beaten down and broken, like he couldn’t get up again, but then he looks at these beacons of hope like Dez, Glory, and everyone else and he can’t help it! While he definitely has the “man loses last bit hope he didn’t know he had” moment, he doesn’t stay in the darkness. He’s magnetized to the light. Something something a lantern in the dark hehe.
Piper
I’ve fallen in love a little bit with almost all of the Fallout 4 companions, and Piper is the latest 💞. I made a conscious effort to spend more time with her on my survival play through and she’s just so charming. Bethesda knew what they were doing and they got my pansexual ass hook, line, and sinker. She’s sweet, and awkward, and passionate, and quirky, and goofy, and driven. What’s there not love?
I think my Piper is definitely a reflection of what I’m feeling like in my early twenties, except a more fantasized “country girl in the big apple vibes” version. Life is an adventure, and oh fuck being an adult with responsibility is difficult. I care so much about my community yet feel so isolated for one reason or the other. She’s fighting for justice but doesn’t have it all together yet. She trips, stumbles, and is learning.
I think the biggest roadblock for loving her character had been the contradiction of being ostensibly pro-synth but also lambasting McDonough for being a synth publicly. However, when I took a look at that as a character arc I really began to appreciate her!
Piper’s point was never to promote synth hate, and I’m so compelled by her grappling and dealing with the fact that she did. That her constant strive to deliver the unabashed truth, along with her (rightful) disdain of McDonough as a person meant that she helped the paranoia. That she made synths the bad guys rather than the Institute at large. Her seeing the toll of a full out war with propaganda from all sides, and developing another layer to her belief system. An awareness of her words and how they effect people.
Cait
I know that for some character arcs it’s about learning to be okay in your own body, on your own, but it’s SO important to me that Cait ends her story with someone absolutely smitten for her. It doesn’t matter the gender (although I’m personally partial to a girlfriend for her), she needs someone to hold her. To be patient with her. To call her out on her shit when she’s being dumb, and stand by her through the roughest parts of her journey. I want her to feel warm, and safe, and held and to be surrounded by people who love and appreciate her.
Also want her to have a complicated relationship with drugs that isn’t easy, but that she feels like she has agency and choice over. That she doesn’t need to feel ashamed for her drug use! That sure she’s got baggage but she’s so worth carrying it. I want Cait to live an easy breezy life where she’s surrounded by laughter.
(Man I guess this was less meta and more me wanting to give Cait nice things lmao).
In such a bad mood after reading something that I won’t say more about because I don’t care for engaging in internet discourse! So instead I wanna post something positive! These are just some thoughts on a couple of the companions. Definitely not the full breadth of my thoughts, but I’m kinda just not in the mood to be critical right now. Just need something good to cheer me up. Hope it can do the same for you!
My interpretations generally tend towards the sweeter more optimistic end, and I’m aware of that. But I stand by them none-the-less. I want the wasteland to become a softer place, not a harder one, and I think that while characters start out in dark places they can be lifted out of that. Fallout already spends so much time really showing off the depths of the horrors of humanity and I think that it needs to foster hope. Hope and growth give meaning to the struggle. The violence may be pointless but then we can choose to be different. Idk y’all it’s nearly two in the morning and I just want some feel goods after being absolutely STEAMED.
If you wanna join in on the fun and add your own thoughts I’d love to hear them. About these guys or any others. I just picked a random three myself. It can be angsty! I just ask to keep things respectful and compassionate in how you talk about it.
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I made way more sprites in that new style, they’ve been a ton of fun to work on.
that last one is just playing with timeskip/post-pandemic ("post"-pandemic) designs. of course Meta who already hates getting haircuts hasn't had one in years, and maybe Nilla finally got the confidence to wear skirts (but still not confident enough to wear one without leggings)
Janice eventually dying her hair purple and starting to wear more yellow is actually an idea I had cooked up for the comic literally like five years ago, completing the trifecta of complimentary shirt/hair color schemes
maybe someday...
#rb#metanilla#jeremy deacon#nicole velasquez#julie cambridge#ken beckett#missy west#jenna denke#chelsea gunn#carla velasquez#meta knoxville#nilla aferson
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Also the fact that Deacon is as funny as he is furthers my Jewish!Deacon headcanon even more
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Fangs, Bats, and Knitting Needles 🦇🧶
a Deacon playlist, 2 years in the making 🥸
#finally finished this!#I can be a little nervous about sharing my music taste since it isn’t what a lot of people might expect or share in 🥴 but it's here#they're not all 100% perfect fits but I think the overall vibes are fitting and very Deacon#one or two are a little meta 😅 and some probably only make sense in my head but w/e#some are influenced by events of the stage show like the “everyone I love dies” line. some I just think he’d vibe with/to#in other words it’s a mess but I hope somebody will enjoy this anyway ❤️#wwdits deacon
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You're My Best Friend (Homelander x Reader)
Summary: Homelander was a test tube baby, raised in isolation in a cold, clinical lab. But that doesn’t inspire America, does it? Vought tasks you with creating the idyllic backstory for its hero, and what starts as a limited comic run spirals out of control when Homelander himself demands your help in making the story a reality.
Note: Gender neutral reader, but no other descriptors are used. Based on a request by @crash-and-cure as well as a bastardization of one of the sweetest love songs ever written (sorry, John Deacon!) This got kinda meta? Do not interact if you’re under 18 or post thinspo/ED content.
Word count: 2k
Warnings: Emotional manipulation, I guess some gaslighting on Homelander’s part? Do not interact if you’re under 18.
When Vought hired you to create their long-awaited Homelander origin comic series, you were thrilled—until they gave you so little information about his childhood to work with, you weren’t even sure you could come up with one comic, let alone the ten they requested. The details about his childhood were minimal, not even a full printed page—a loving mom and dad, played baseball, did well in school, strong sense of justice from a young age, his friends called him “Johnny.” Your requests to meet with Homelander so you could get some stories from the man himself were constantly denied.
You almost considered dropping the project, until you decided to throw caution to the wind and pull from your own childhood and set it in good ol’ generic suburbia. Some of the storylines were based on your own experiences or things that had happened to people you’d grown up with, though you changed enough names and details to not link it to anyone in particular. Except yourself, of course. Using a pseudonym professionally meant you felt no need to change your own name in the comics. Sure, making your cooler fictionalized self Homelander’s childhood best friend was a bit self-indulgent, but no one would know, really.
To your relief, the editors at Vought loved your ideas, making minor changes before bringing the storylines to their comic artists to bring it to life. The result was Finding Homelander: A Boy’s Journey To Be a Hero. The issues flew off shelves when they were first released, ironically praised for their relatability and authenticity. Vought extended your contract, asking you to produce the cartoon adaptation and another ten issues.
Still, in all of that, you’d never met Homelander. A representative from Vought emailed you to let you know to tune in to his interview on a talk show one day, saying that he’d be talking more about the cartoon project on it. You recognized the host, Tracey, always chipper and having some extravagant giveaway for her audience members. Daytime TV was never your thing, though.
“I think what resonates with so many people is how relatable your childhood is,” Tracey said, holding up a copy of Finding Homelander issue #3, where he saved ‘you’ from getting hit in the face with a baseball at one of his games, catching it with ease. It’d been the happy ending to a short storyline of him struggling to find his place on the team and you encouraging him to not give up. “You and Y/N were pretty close, do you still keep in touch?”
“You know, Tracey, not as much as I’d like, unfortunately. Adulthood can be so busy, you need to cherish those childhood memories,” Homelander said. “I did give them a call when the comics first came out, and wow, the laughs we had over those old antics of ours. Talk about a walk down memory lane!”
You guessed the bullshitting was all part of the promotional circuit for Homelander. Knowing this childhood of his was your own fabrication, you couldn’t help but wonder what else about him was fake. Maybe he wanted to maintain his privacy, you could certainly understand that. You couldn’t shake the voice in the back of your mind that said it wasn’t so simple, that the narrative Vought pushed was a cover to hide something in Homelander’s past.
“Now, I’ve heard rumors of a cartoon show based on the comics in the making, is this true?”
“It is! I’m excited for this project, getting back to my ‘roots’ so to speak. I’ll be voicing myself, of course, but it’s funny you’d bring up Y/N, because they’ve agreed to voice themself, too.”
“How fun!” Tracey exclaimed over the roar of the talk show crowd’s applause and cheers. “I guess this is the hopeless romantic in me, but I hope this reconnection leads to something a little more. I’m just a sucker for childhood sweethearts!”
Homelander laughed along with the host’s giggles, “Well, you never know.”
You balked at the television, mouth agape. Surely he couldn’t be talking about you. ‘Y/N’ could be anyone with your same features. Vought had probably hired a professional voice actor for the role and were pushing the authenticity angle. The whole situation felt odd.
When you checked your work email again on your phone, you nearly dropped it on the floor.
SUBJECT: Meeting with Homelander This Week
The email contained a list of days and times throughout the week wherein Homelander would be free, apparently wanting to meet you to thank you for the success of the comic series and discuss upcoming work. Yeah. That last part you sure as hell wanted to discuss too. You responded with the soonest time available, in a meeting room in Vought Tower the following evening. As soon as you hit ‘send’, you wondered what exactly you were getting yourself into.
Anticipation filled your gut as you went about your day leading up to meeting the supe himself. What would he be like, really be like? Was there even a version of Homelander that wasn’t hopelessly manufactured for the masses? You knew then that his upbringing was a lie, and thus stood the probability that so much else was, too.
When you stepped into that meeting room, you hadn’t been expecting his face to light up at the sight of you.
“Homelander, hi, it’s great to—“
“No need to be so formal, Y/N! You can call me Johnny, just like old times,” he said cheerfully, in on a joke you clearly hadn’t been aware of.
“Sorry, Johnny,” you said, playing along. “It’s great to see you again.”
He pulled you in for an unexpected hug that you returned. “Figured we should catch up before things really start getting crazy, don’t you think?”
You nodded, your nose brushing against him as you did so. Just as your lips parted to offer an apology, he smiled, shooing away the assistant who’d accompanied him out of the room.
He sat down, motioning for you to do the same.
“Gotta say, I’m a fan of your work,” he said.
“Thank you,” you said. “I’m not sure I understand exactly what’s going on, though.”
“What’s there to understand? I’m not allowed to know more about my best friend, our lives together growing up?”
“How did you know it was me?”
“Wasn’t hard for me to put two and two together, but considering everyone else around here has their head up their asses, they have no idea,” he said, before lowering his voice conspiratorially and giving you a charming smile. “I haven’t told anyone. What’s a secret between friends?”
You nodded, overwhelmed by the intensity of his attention on you. “What do you want to know?”
He sighed, resting his head on his hand. “Everything.”
So you told him. Not quite everything, of course, but enough to abate his curiosity. At least for the time being. His interviews were sharper, more specific with details rather than rattling off whatever had been in the comics. You watched in shock as convincing photos of his Little League days were posted to his social media accounts, anecdotes provided by his increasingly frequent conversations–or more like interrogation sessions–with you, but in his style, of course. It was almost scary what the graphic design team at Vought could accomplish, not that you’d ever know how, exactly, as they were all under the same strict NDA that you were.
He started spending more time with you, too, and after a while, it did seem like you were old friends. Part of you flinched whenever you called him Johnny, because Johnny wasn’t even real, but with your complacency, this fabrication was slowly morphing into a strikingly tangible memory. With each conversation, he drew you deeper into the world you’d been paid to create for him until you found yourself slipping up.
You’d been showing him a goofy stuffed monkey on your desk, a cute little thing with big sparkling eyes. A prize for getting two out of three at the ring toss. Probably spent more money winning it than it was actually worth, but it was about the effort, the memories made.
“You remember, don’t you? You won it for me at the county fair,” you said without thinking.
He laughed in agreement, as if he actually had. Except he hadn’t. Your high school boyfriend won it for you a week before graduation. Sensing the mood shift, he set down your prize and looked at you with the same intensity he had when you first met.
“It’s been a while since we were there, huh?” he said. “Why don’t we go back?”
You furrowed your eyebrows. “Go where?”
“Home.”
With a strong arm around your waist, he took off for your hometown. You could hardly tell which way was up or down, he was flying so high, but he didn’t seem to mind the way you clung to him at all. When he finally landed, you recognized the community baseball field where all of his fictional games were set.
“Geez, it’s like nothing’s changed,” he said cheerfully.
You looked at him in disbelief. How long was he going to expect you to go along with it? Or maybe the question you should have been asking was, how long were you going to enable him? The end wasn’t anywhere in sight as he took your hand, and you walked him through your childhood, further enmeshing him in it until you arrived at the house you grew up in.
The middle of the day, no one was home, and so you let yourselves in like you owned the place. Suddenly, the house seemed too small for a man like Homelander to occupy, but he was engrossed in the details of it. He scanned the kitchen, no doubt inspecting the contents of the fridge and cabinets with his x-ray vision. Moving onto the living room, he stared at photos on the wall, the magazines and DVDs that were strewn on the coffee table, giving away your parents’ taste in entertainment.
“Which one was your room again?” he asked.
You swore you could feel his breath on the back of your neck as you wordlessly led him to your room. Each step down the hall felt dangerous, as if you were about to walk into a trap. Face-to-face with the closed door, you opened it, standing aside while Homelander looked around, from what you had hanging on the walls to the knick-knacks you’d left behind.
An uncomfortable tension settled over the room when Homelander closed the door of your childhood bedroom. An odd blend of hurt and amusement spread across his face as he observed the way you were eyeing him, body ready to fruitlessly run from him the way a rabbit would a hawk.
“C’mon, after how long we’ve been friends, I would never hurt you,” he said, as if reading your mind. “We’ve been through so much together. I mean, we were each other’s first kiss.”
You froze. Issue #9. That was something Vought’s editors had added, claiming a romance angle would make the series appeal to the younger female demographic. You hadn’t thought much of it at the time.
He slyly backed you into the wall, leaning over you as you slinked down the slightest bit.
“Show me how we did it,” he whispered, his hand caressing your cheek. “So clumsy and nervous, I can even feel you…quivering.”
“Homelander, I don’t know what you’re—“
He tsked. “Y/N.”
You let out a shaky breath, “Johnny—“
He hummed in satisfaction. “It’s alright. I know it’s been a while.”
You let him kiss you, sweetly in a way that put your actual first kiss to shame. His lips were soft against yours, his tender movements intentional as he cradled your face, pulling you the slightest bit closer to him when you kissed him back.
A sense of familiarity settled over you, warm and comforting like pulling a blanket out of the dryer on a chilly evening. Every time it seemed like you were beginning to overthink the situation with Homelander, he drew you back in with the kiss, a more than effective distraction until you pulled away with a dazed smile on your face.
#homelander x reader#homelander x you#the boys x reader#the boys x you#the boys tv#the boys amazon#homelander#homelander the boys#the boys
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So, just like my previous post on the First Stoat's names let's look into the new information we found out in the latest episode (Burrow's End episode 8 spoilers under the cut)
So let's get the most important thing out of the way first, cause there's a lot to go through here: Obviously, Phoebe also means light - the name originates from the Ancient Greek word φοῖβος (phoibos) for "pure", "bright", "radiant" etc.
The word itself was used as an epithet for the sibling deities Apollo (god of, among other things, sun and prophecy) and Artemis (goddess of, among other things, the moon, wild animals, and the hunt). They inherit this name from their grandmother, the Titaness Phoebe who is associated by proxy with the moon and prophecy, but not actually a deity of anything. For her, it seems to be mostly a name, while it is used more akin to a title for her grandchildren.
In honour of Phoebe the Titan, one of the moons of Saturn has been named after her. It is called an irregular satellite, meaning it follows an eccentric, distant orbit which also happens to be retrograde (aka it moves opposite to the rotation of the body it orbits). With a diameter of 213km Phoebe is the most massive of Saturn's irregular satellites, and the second largest retrograde satellite in the Solar System (after Neptune's moon Triton).
There is a Phoebe mentioned in the Bible (New Testament, Paul's Epistle to the Romans). She is described as a deacon (apparently the only woman named as a deacon in the Bible) and Paul speaks highly of her - from skimming the Wikipedia article on the biblical Phoebe this part seems to be some kind of letter of recommendation. It is unclear, what community Paul intends to recommend her to, but some scholars seem to believe that she was, in fact, the emissary who delivered Paul's epistle to Rome in the first place.
(Incidentally, the aforementioned Wikipedia article mentions that the Catholic Church puts her feast day on September 3rd which is my birthday, and my chosen name is Paul, which has nothing to do with this meta, but I just found it funny.)
Anyways. There is also a species of bird called Phoebe in the tyrant flycatcher family (aka Tyrannidae); they live on insects and originally got their scientific name from being loudly territorial and aggressive. And since we, apparently, don't have enough things called Phoebe yet, there's also a genus of evergreen laurels called Phoebe.
To me, this paints a vivid picture: A Titan specifically known for being the progenitor of the Sun and Moon deities, somebody associated with prophecy ("She'll come back" comes to mind as a pertinent prophecy we have on her right now). Phoebe is, of course, the only female First Stoat we have encountered so far. I have a few unformed thoughts on the whole 'emissary' bit (which is, arguably, the piece of information with the least solid grounds presented here; but still, why is Phoebe gone from Last Bast in the first place? Is she an emissary sent by the First Stoats to somewhere else/the humans? How did the First Stoats conquer Warren Peace originally - they didn't just do that on their own, maybe they are the 'emissaries' sent there to actively sabotage the plant?).
The one thing I am certain of, is that First Stoat Phoebe is going to be just as territorial and aggressive as her Tyrannidae namesakes, if not more so.
#burrow's end#d20#first stoats#d20 spoilers#burrow's end spoilers#f: d20#f: burrow's end#c: phoebe (be)#oh also the evergreen bit obviously is a connection to her being similarly 'immortal' as the other first stoats#i am also having thoughts on reactor charlie being her heart and that being connected to how she isnt at last bast currently#and also the themes of the bear's heart & tula's heart & ava's heart & now phoebe's heart#but i'll have to rewatch eps 6 & 7 for those to crystallize into coherence
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either someone at bethesda had their epiphany for this railroad character's name while listening to this song OR, and hear me out: livin' on a prayer and, by extension, jon bon jovi is canon in the fallout universe and deacon thought that shit would be reeeealllll funny. where r my meta essayists
#had a MOMENT when this song came on the radio yesterday#had to turn the radio off and sit in silence for a moment#whoever you are bethesda employee. im looking directly at you.#fallout 4#fallout 4 railroad#fo4#deacon fallout 4#deacon#oldworld.posting
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hello i am insane about the suckening if you would like to theorize and talk about it with me 👍
yeah you could say im really normal over it. vague spoilers for ep 1 and 2 and more direct spoilers about ep 3
Mind you my knowledge of vtm is very limited due to the last time i even thought about it was years ago and i didn't even play it but oh my god they really got me researching on shit again and ive never wanted to see their character sheets sooo bad
i'm obviously a big fan of Arthur but like i remember when they first introduced shilo i genuinely thought it was a timeskip after emizel fuckin died and thats why they mentioned how similar they looked only to be shot out back with them outright saying theyre related and everyone has made that connection except shilo. theyre relationship facinates me so much cause they emphasize how "identical" they look so its not just a brotherly relationship but a twin relationship as well but also what the fuck lmao??? im excited to see where that goes
speaking of brothers what the fuck Arthur has (had he's probably dead now) a younger brother ??????? and on my second listen through I realize that Charlie explicitly mentions fire along with blood for the nightmare so somehow Arthur lost his younger brother that may or not be related to fire and blood and literally has nightmares every night. somehow for a loner Arthur has a weird amount of ties to other characters /j but like the fact all these characters have being seperated from their brother/family in common is kind of funny. but it also kind of brings into question on if this loss will affect arthur and how he treats the boys. he's made it clear that he's not going to actively stop them from doing stupid shit and getting hurt but he still tried to make sure that they weren't to be targeted during this supposed ambush that seems about to happen. he cares for the vampiric rules enough but also is actively fighting against vampires in general. like its easy to say he wants them alive since he's responsible for emizel and they're both the queen's sons but he's also said he doesn't care what happens to them so im curious and what he full motives are. like more of a meta thing but grizzly making sure he focuses more on the scent of an animal to feed from rather than a supernatural because emizel was right there was something. arthur says otherwise but he wants these two to stay alive whether so he can use them or not cause it seems that he has a group or even just a person who can help him if things get worse around here anyway but he doesn't just let it happen. i also wonder who this new person he's more focused on is cause it could be a few people and i wonder who the person he originally came for is too
also i keep saying arthur n deacon are toxic yaoi and when we met magnus i said that arthur now has doomed yaoi so good on him
#i could do a whole post on my thoughts about magnus and the slayers tbh#asks#adolin-is-best-boy#the suckening spoilers#the suckening#jrwi the suckening
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i think one of the things i really like about deacon other than being a weird little man is that his character just feels so meta. he ties himself purposefully to this random vault dweller and its like he knows that they're the one who's going to change things. from the railroad terminal entries you can see he's not only had his eyes on the sole survivor from when they got out of the vault but before it too. he's just feels so... different down to how he disguises himself as other npcs and repeating their generic lines and how he has his special little outfit change mechanic. he's also just loaded with references to other fallout games which also raise the question of who he is and where he's been. there's just so many questions about him and none of them are ever really answered because you can't trust what he says. not to mention that there are times when it feels like he's directly speaking to the player (i.e. when you tell moe cronin how baseball was actually played and he goes "out of all the things you could've said, you said that?") he's just so special 2 me.
#the heart#fo4posting#deacon fallout 4#deaconfuckers. find me#autism rant over. he's like my side fixation right now bear with me
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it feels really weird to see maccready hate or weird "oh hes a complete asshole actually" kind of posts because like i know some posts are because they didnt like him in fallout 3 which, yeah you're allowed to not like him if he annoys you
but i've seen a few posts of absolutely digging into the guy as an adult in fallout 4, especially stuff about duncan and suspicion it isnt true, which is fair because he has lied a few times, but like...at least from a meta perspective, he has reactions to actions that matches what he tells you. like for the locket minutemen mission, if you say you understand the farmer's struggle with the loss of his child, maccready also emphasizes with the guy and [maccready loved that] pops up. npcs can lie, companions can lie, but the UI and systems can't. his reactions are legitimate. i know fo4 has not the best affinity system, but maccready consistently likes it if you support kids or express sympathy for parents of dead kids.
posts i see can be really harsh and i'm just like hey, can we lay off him at least a little? frankly, i'm not surprised he's prone to lying - as the kid mayor of little lamplight in fo3, he probably had to fall back on deceit a lot of times because it's that or combat, and a 10 year old isn't going to fare well against a group of adult raiders. i haven't really seen many people talk about it, but how he is in fo3 makes him in fo4 make sense, at least to me??
like he's a little kid from a small post-apocalyptic settlement of only children, and he's the one who has to run it as mayor. without parents around to at least attempt to guide the kids in the right direction, things like lying would be pretty common. kids lie when they get in trouble, kids lie to get out of things because they dont like to be in trouble, and that would only really heighten in a survival scenario where they have all these weapons, are easily willing to fight each other, and inevitably have to fight off invaders one way or another. hell, maccready is the one to stop the lone wanderer from entering when you first try to go in.
it feels a little...cruel to be so harsh on maccready when you account for all the little lamplight stuff?? like it doesn't completely absolve him from some of his lies (like he shouldve told lucy he was a mercenary and not a soldier), but honestly at this point it might just be a self-defense mechanism. and considering what the world of fallout is like? i can't blame him.
(also, its kinda hypocritical because like...no one ever talks more seriously about the fact that deacon stalks you up until you join the railroad. like, i havent seen any posts in the fallout 4 tag that ever goes into depth about it. deacons also a notable constant liar, so why does only maccready get these harsh posts?? i don't understand it)
#maybe im just too easily attached to characters who are lil shits when you first meet them but follow you to the ends of the earth#which also kinda supports maccready anyways??? like you pay him 250 caps once#you dont pay that guy more caps for him to continue helping you like a normal merc#he just keeps working with you; potentially through every single mission in the game if you make a mad dash to goodneighbor immediately#hell if you only do the first part of his quest and never do the second part he's basically working for you for free?? he gains nothing??#you could bring him to the damn glowing sea with no radiation defense??? and he'll still work with you after???#fallout 4#rj maccready#maccready#fallout 3
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“Saint Sturges in his church, looking to fix all the Commonwealth’s problems with duct tape.”
This is just some meta related to my Fallout 4 fanfic “Salvage, Salvation and Rust”, and some of the headcanons it explores regarding Sturges. If you have an interest in the character, I’d recommend reading that first before this. I felt like some of my interpretation of the character deserved some expansion, but that a lengthy author’s note would take away from the impact of the ending. So instead I’m putting my thoughts here:
As I was getting ready to post the fic, I almost felt like I needed to apologize for writing it. The character depicted in the story is very different than the Sturges we see. While building to the (hopeful) swerve of that realization was part of what made writing the story enjoyable, it was also something that I’ve been concerned some readers might find upsetting.
Before Maculategiraffe's fics secured my obsession with Deacon and X6-88 and the weird little vampire story that followed, the character I was really intrigued by was Sturges.
The original fic I set out to write, when I first played the game, was the story of Sturges discovering his (marginally canon) synth nature through the tape of stolen Institute data, and bonding with Danse over same. And I may still write that fic one day. But as I played through the ending of the game while plotting it, it struck me just how little we actually know about Sturges, which when measured against how key a role he plays in a Minutemen victory is kind of mind-boggling.
He's presented when we meet him as a simple wasteland tinkerer, a jovial, kindly, humble guy who insists he's not a fighter. But as the questline progresses, there's a lot that doesn't add up. In Concord, he needs you to go downstairs to hack a terminal claiming that kind of security is above his pay grade, but later he not only builds the Interceptor, he also hands you a holotape capable of data-mining the Institute's archives. Once that data is securied, he manages to locate an entrance to the Institute, manages to hijack their teleporters once more once inside, and he was more than likely the one who built that bomb you use to blow up the reactor at the end.
Weird that there's these hints in the game data, even loose ones that are never alluded to, that he might be a synth.
The idea struck me as supremely interesting. Not just that the Minutemen might have secretly had a synth on their side, but that he would have been the one to make their victory possible. You’re the one who pulls the trigger on the Institute’s destruction, but he’s the one who built the gun. He’s the one who put it in your hand. And no one says anything. No one even knows.
And maybe no one knows because he wants it that way.
A very different image of Sturges started to take shape in my mind. A version who knows exactly what he is. A version who had been placed as a spy in Quincy, a spy who came to love the people he had been put in place to betray, wrestling all the while with a quiet, strangled despair. A spy who spent years in an impossible situation, with no avenue for escape that wouldn’t end with him and the people he cared about dead or worse.
And then, one day, his long-thought-impossible freedom is handed to him in the worst possible way when the Gunners hit Quincy, creating a situation where the Institute almost certainly wrote him off as dead.
The Institute made a monster in the mold of a gentle man, and behind his seemingly guileless smile he's been waiting. And when the opportunity came he went on to make them pay for every horrible thing they ever made him do, using the very skills the Institute built him with to erase them from the map.
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I spend 25 hours a day thinking about deacon and half of the time I’m mentally writing another fourteen paragraphs long meta and the other half I’m rotating him around a horizontal axis and asking if it’s slapping his bald head hour yet
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You can find me at my new account over on @calico-heart
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About Me
Art Tag | My Ao3 | Personal Favorites | My Meta & Lore Posts | Creature Design | Commissions: Check Here
My names Wyn, welcome to my blog! I'm an agender freelance artist in my late 20s. She/They
I draw and write for Final Fantasy 14 and (sometimes) Fallout, and reblog from many other fandoms, like Baldur's Gate, Dragon Age, Star Wars, and Elder Scrolls. I also like cute animals (who doesn't?) Can enjoy and will reblog most content/ships as long as they're interesting.
I try to tag fairly clearly, followers are welcome to send me asks to tag specific things if they need them! Be aware that aged-up ships, whump, hurt/comfort, smut, and "dead doves" can occasionally be found within.
There is no queue tag, most reblogs are on queue.
I'm never quite as productive or energetic as I'd like to be (is anyone?) but I appreciate you stopping by my hoard of shinies, and any likes/reblogs/comments/asks you leave behind!
Tag me in ask games! :D
Fanart/fiction is also welcome as long as attribution is given! Reblogs are welcome, but please do not repost or reupload my art or writing anywhere.
FFXIV Character Profiles:
OC Tags:
🌠 FFXIV
Nahte'to Vhia (WoL) 🌠 I'lyrha Rinha 🌠 Louis de Borel 🌠
Tsimh Vhia 🌠
☢️ Fallout
Nate Ronan ☢️ Nora Ronan ☢️ Ira ☢️ Angitia Kollias ☢️
Baldur's Gate
(Temp Tag)
Ship Tags:
Silver Fuller 🌠 Verheart 🌠Just Miqo Man Things 🌠
Silver Linings ☢️ Pipan ☢️ Deacon's Firefly ☢️
Major Fandom Tags:
FFXIV || Fallout || Baldur's Gate
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Wip tag game
Tagged by @imsupposedtobewritting for this wip tag game…. And first how dare you! (Affectionate) Yes I am shamed by the length of this list! I am adding a few bonus gifs just to break up the text blocks a bit.
Pro tip: If you want me to work on something listed below my muse really does respond to feedback/comments/gifs/meta posts/stimulation. Make of that what you will.
Family, Familia, ‘Ohana (911/H5O/SWAT, Buddie, McDanno, platonic Deacon/Hondo). I’ve got a chapter title for the next one—SNAFU—and the following one after that—FUBAR. That pretty much sums up a lot of things there. i’ve been working very non-linearly here and have a lot of the plot figured out as well as which beats to hit… now just the execution of said plan. Mostly the muse has been chewing on the penultimate chapter and final chapter a lot more than what is currently going on. I’ll make the muse behave eventually but it’s getting a break on this one since I updated just a little bit ago. (Don’t look at me like that Danno!)
A New Version of Foreplay, Chapter two/final chapter (911, Buddie) I really just have the smut to write and the muse hasn’t been playing ball here. It’ll happen eventually but just probably not this week. We know where we’re going here and all—Just need the Buck and Eddie part of my muse to cooperate.
Death Rebirth and the Jackal (Mass Effect Andromeda, The Mummy (1999 movie trilogy) with heavy influences from Moon Knight, American Gods and Egyptian history/mythology, MReyder). I’ve got this vaguely on the every month posting schedule rotation so expect a chapter a month—possibly more often depending on how much writing time I get (fall is getting overscheduled right into February so don’t hold your breath).
To Follow (Mass Effect all media types, MReyder, MShenko—sequel/alternative perspective of one-shot Seguir, Pre-Andromeda meeting/relationship). The muse has been chewing on the plot for this like a week old newspaper. The paper has gotten beyond soggy and I’m going to be cleaning up plot points for a bit but I’m starting to get a really clear picture of how to work things. Probably getting a new chapter in the next six weeks or so. Just need to get in the really angsty headspace first and have it not be stolen by Eddie Diaz.
Reinventing Scott (Mass Effect Andromeda, MReyder) ah my what-if-Cora-really-was-pissed-about-not-being-pathfinder fic and we took a left turn at Eos that ended up with Scott and Reyes running into each other much earlier. It was kinda on the back burner but i’ve been mulling over a few plot points the last two weeks so also prolly getting something in the next month or so but not on the official update rotation—yet.
Promise Me You Won’t Let Me (Wheel of Time, Cauthor). Is officially on the try-to-update monthly rotation. I want to finish this before the second season starts airing. If you’ve been reading and have watched the first season you know this is going to all end in tragedy and blow up in Rand’s and Mat’s face. Might possibly be the most painfully angst ridden thing I’ve written. I hope the show runners give me a reason to write a sequel of them pining angrily at each other from afar in the second season. Sorry Rand—there’s going to be a lot of whump in both Mat’s and your immediate future.
To Catch A Fallen Star (Teen Wolf and Stardust Mashup, Sterek and others) I seem to have caught a fusion/mashup vibe with Jackal and it continues here. Prologue is posted and I’m planning on monthly-ish updates. Have a pretty good roadmap worked out so it’s just a matter of having time and energy to stay on top of. I mean Stiles is Tristan and Derek’s Yvaine. What could go wrong? Oh yeah and Peter is totally Septimus while Scott is going to be Bernard.
Cousin Harvey (Moon Knight and Suits Crossover, Marvey, it’s complicated for Marc and Steven but it’s not sexual) Nothing yeeted yet as this is going to be a one-shot I s2g. I mean what are Marc and Steven doing in Nebraska? Harvey’s got the bail money. This is going to possibly be totally crack-y (What am I saying? It’s totally crack).
The Outlaw and the Cartel Boss (Mayans MC, Miguel/EZ, Angel/Adelita, Angel/Coco, Sentinel/Guide AU). I had this on the back burner because it’s long and when I do work on it it’s never usually on the NEXT chapter but on other things but my mood at work slid into Miguel’s headspace so now it’s gotten it’s running shoes back on. Roughly planning every-other-month to monthly updates until done as these chapters tend to be closer to FFO updates rather than 3-5k. I just can’t leave Sentinel/Guide AUs alone and Danny Pino and JD Pardo are just too damned pretty of men. Also KJ IS NOT DYING HERE! fwiw this is completely AU of the tv series (off the reservation so to speak) so if you want to read just pull up the wiki entries and you’ll be good to go. Don’t look so pleased with yourself Miguel *grumbles*
Firefighter Derek Series (linked one-shots, Teen Wolf, eventual Sterek). I’ve gotten a bit written on Papa Stillinski’s POV one shot so most likely will get this done sometime this fall. Also have a pretty clear view of Connie the Librarian’s one shot which will be on the shorter side. Expect these to randomly get yeeted if the muse gets in the mood. The Stiles and more of Derek’s POV ones the muse is doing a good impression of the witches from Macbeth with (double, double toill and trouble and all).
Pieces that are currently simmering on the back burner—meaning that I’m not considering them abandoned and do tweak/write a bit/plot about them. They’ll get done EVENTUALLY. I never put something out that I don’t plan on finishing even if it’s six or seven years later….again feed the muse people. A few of these got started for MReyder week and I hate to think that sort of deadline is what it might take to make me shove something out the door chapter-wise.
Mredyer stuff:
An Andromeda Tale (goes back and forth between actively worked on and back-burnered)
Andromeda 5-0
If I See You In My Dreams
The Marks We Leave On One Another (Gets worked on whenever the pissy part of my Reyes muse is in control. Requires rage to work on)
What Happens in Vegas… one-shot. Accidental Marriage. Modern AU. It’s… um half-done? give me another Mredyer week @radio-chatter and @quietborderline
Untitled Westworld Fic—what if Reyes was a Host? And um… yeah. Scott is TRAUMATIZED okay? Yes I have maybe 20k written….
Untitled MReyder firefighter AU. Well Scott’s a firefighter. Reyes is an undercover police officer. Things get interesting. Random scenes outlined/written. Yes it’s partly smut that’s written damnit
Mreyder medical AU for @radio-chatter you’ll get this eventually. I’ve got too many thoughts but they’re completely disorganized. Mostly Scott and Reyes need to sync their on call schedule so they can actually get some sleep.
What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve? ah the holiday fic that I swear I’m going to finish every December and yet still haven’t quite finished it two years later. maybe this year is the year…..it’s… half-done?
Recurrence. Every time I re-read my favorite book of all time Dark Matter by Blake Crouch I work on this. Eventually will get done. I just can’t leave the idea to die. So it gets worked on once a year and gets about ten pages added which are never the actual NEXT chapter.
Mafia AU. I have this very clear picture of Scott sitting in a hospital waiting room, hasn’t slept in days, drinking terrible coffee at 3AM and trying not to notice how Reyes’ blood is still visible under his fingernails despite how much he’s scrubbed them. Reyes’ uncle shows up and it’s like being doused in an icy river how much he realizes he doesn’t know about Reyes’ life. Non-linear narrative. Scott is maybe a firefighter in this too or maybe he’s a cop—something public service. Reyes makes a decision to protect Scott which means he has to give up everything—but he’ll do it if it keeps Scott safe.
911 stuff
Buddie Rear Window—more idea than fully formed. Might be a spooky season fic might not. Depends on how hard this plot idea sticks around. Currently not actively being written. Buck is Jimmy Stewart. Eddie is Grace Kelly. Carla is totally Buck’s housekeeper. Athena is a very much not impressed Detective.
Sentinel Guide follow up one shots. Got ideas but not actively being worked on. May randomly get one shots yeeted out on this if the muse bites hard enough.
Might revisit the werewolf fic for a sequel for spooky season. Might just be more sexytimes one-shot.
SWAT
Deacon/Hondo side story/sequel to FFO. When this finally get’s written it’s going to be a tear jerker and deal with non-canon death of Deacon’s wife and the resulting fallout—grief, healing, love etc. This has been hanging around my brain for the better part of a year so it’ll eventually get written but not until FFO is done. Will be completely AU from the SWAT series at that point.
Edit: i totally forgot Bradley the Damned!!! Um yeah. It’s my Generation Kill Bradnate time bending immortal fic. Yeah. On the back burner because it tend to write it during spooky season. Prolly getting an update in the next two months?
Tagging the usual crowd with no pressure as always. @quietborderline @radio-chatter @tkwritesdumbassassins @elisela @outtoshatter @redhoodiskra @missanniewhimsy and anyone else who wants to play along.
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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ♥️
Awww, thank you!
I don’t know how to answer this though. I mean, I think like everyone who knows me for fic knows me because of In Living Memory. Easily my most popular or influential work. I’ve written several other fics for DbD I really liked too, especially From the Earth of No Return, because I had to learn to write a dead language for that and it was insanely intensive and fun. But if I try to only pick one per fandom, ILM wins. It’s an ensemble cast kind of epic about Philip and the survivors attempting to escape the realm together. Lots about trauma and growth and healing and humanity and love. Really loved it. Got to do so much character work, and it really turned out in a way that made me happy. It’s a little bitter sweet, because I originally wrote it for someone it was finished too late for, but it makes me happy sometimes I hear someone say it meant a lot to them. Like organ donation for a story. That one will always be special for me.
The Nuclear Reaction wasn’t technically the first fic I wrote. I used to write AE’s for the Nancy Drew PC games, and I wrote one Heavy Rain fic on da fiction.net before it, but I still kind of think of The Nuclear Reaction as my first fic, because it was the first I’d tried to do that sort of long-form, and that makes it special in my heart. It’s a Fallout 4 fic about Deacon and Preston and the other companions working together to take down the Institute after Sole’s death, with some meta about video game play styles and my first work making my 3rd person narrator a specific character but not the ones doing things on screen being narrated, and exploring the role of the narrator a lot. I didn’t finish it, because back then I took a break to write ILM and got sucked into that, but I do intend to. It’s early and has typos and is so much from my heart. I really liked it. Also, we deserve more FO4 centered on Deacon and Preston having a relationship bc they didn’t get the chance in-game but by god those two would have been best friends given half a chance.
Weirdest one on this list, but I wrote some fic for this obscure as hell tumblr game like 12 people in the ND pc game fandom played. It was like the show Mafia but you made stories for it to fit ND characters into, and I got to run the like…4th? 5th iteration? And included elements of the card game mafia (like Dr. and Sherrif skills etc) hence mine was called WhodunnitMafia. We were all in college so it died a few rounds before the end, but I wrote a finale for my friend who had played the killer (and was fucking excellent at it) and it had spanned this…just enormous role play contained in many personal chats and live blogging events. Anyway, I wanted it to have /an/ end, so I wrote one as pros, and like, I don’t think even Austen (my friend) ever read /all/ of it, and it’s so niche only like 6 people in existence max would ever maybe be aware it existed and have any interest even maybe in readying it, but regrettably that niche thing I swear to god produced some of the single best writing I have ever done, so periodically I re-read my own stuff for mafia and go “holy shit this is amazing why the HELL did I use my best writing on something designed for literally an audience of ONE” and I suffer. Love it though. (Parts 2 and 5 are especially *cheff kiss* like not to toot my own horn but holy SHIT WHY DID I WASTE SOME OF MY BEST WORK HERE???)
God it’s hard to pick between my own writing. Like right this second, I’ve been doing shorter form Batman and Spider-Man stuff and I like both a lot because it’s what I’m super into right now, but they’re really short so does that count the same? I don’t know I liked one more than the other either. Ahhhhh I…guess I’ll say my Harvey Dent one makes the winning cut? Because of very personal reasons, and I wrote it with Chase who I’ve never written with before, but he did an excellent job and it was a very cool experience. Significant to me. No official name for it yet. It’s Batman, Catwoman, and Two-Face fighting someone with mental powers and ending up trapped on a mind plane, and mostly character and relationship exploration with the Harvey Boys/the personalities in Harvey Dent’s head all split up into their own bodies temporarily while on the mind plane.
I really like all my stuff, and I know I’ve kind of plugged my Heavy Rain and one of my DbD fics without ‘picking’ them haha. Uhhh. I’m very bad at choosing amongst my own works. I feel like I /should/ say The Kid, because it’s fun to write something so different, and I was in a really bad place when I started it, but I also want to give the fifth slot to Isolation, because I am proud to be looked on with solidarity by some and hatred by others for being a champion defense attorney for my client Michael Audrey Myers. That is technically kind of an official tie-in for ILM so it’s sort of on here already though? So I guess for variety and for the time I was told by someone the way I write Amadeus reminds them of Lestat, The Kid. Which is a FGO au fic, about an alternate timeline of events for Ritsuka and Dr. Archaman leading up to the events of the original Grand Order set of arcs, only things don’t go how they should. Ensemble cast, but the main two are Billy the Kid and Ritsuka. Very fun. And I really need to get back to writing it…
Anyway, thanks for asking! I’m bad at answering because I’m bad at favorites with my own work, but it’s still fun to talk about. : )
EDIT: AH! I forgot about Half-Life!! Ahhhh war is hell how do people pick favorites?? Im not gonna change my answers now but I do want to publicly apologize to Anna for that one
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