hello crosscode tumblr. get jolly

maybe i'm crazy but why are each and every one of the lea michele funny girl songs 100x times better in the glee cast recording than they are in her literal broadway cast recording. me when i peaked in high school 🤣🤣🤣

Sad Dads, please, for the wip game

Sad Dad!! I really liked this au and had this typed out about it, but never got to making into a true fic form, but I want to one of these days!!

Okay, so this was a Human!Au I had in mind. We've got freshly divorced Dream who's still getting used to not having Orpheus in his life on the daily and dealing with arranging schedules between him and Calliope and overall, having a not so great time.

Then, we've got Widowed Hob with young Robyn who loves the beach more than anything in the world. Except, apparently, the chance to go to Disney World with his cousins.

Hob still has work to do when they're planning to leave, so he leaves Robyn to have fun with his family and insists that he calls every day since it'll be the first overseas trip he's taken without Hob. (Yes, he's still with family, so Hob knows he'll be fine, but he worries!)

Hob, meanwhile, decides to treat himself with a trip of his own. So he rents out a spot along the coast and plans to make some progress on his research publication with the sound of the waves.

When he arrives to the little cottage far removed from society, however, he finds a car already parked there. Said car belongs to none other than Dream.

It's late in the evening and the weather's coming down hard. Driving back out with such little light on the precarious cliff roads it took to get here would be ill-advised, so Dream, not wanting this man to die on the roads just because he wanted privacy, tells him to stay the night and they'll resolve this all in the morning.

Well, the downside to this house is, of course, there's only one bedroom. Neither looked for a place with more than one bed when it was just supposed to be them, after all. The couch is... well, it's not very large to say the least and the springs inside it are guaranteed back killers, no matter your age.

The two stay up for a while though. There's a fire going which is nice. Dream has already gone through half a bottle of wine by himself, Hob helps him finish it. Dream, deep into his cup, spills his life story onto the strange man who will be gone come morning.

Hob, in return, shares his own. He shares the fears he has of raising Robyn without El, of messing it all up. He shares the fear he has over this trip which should be a fun thing for his boy, but he's so worried that something will take him from Hob, just like it took away El and he'll be too far away to do anything to help it.

They talk and cry and drink and then talk some more.

It's late, the rain has just started to calm down, the fire is at a gentle crackle - mostly embers at this point - when Dream leans forward and presses his lips to Hob's. Hob is not a strong man. Especially when being kissed by such a gorgeous creature. The wine doesn't help. And it's been so long since he's been kissed or touched or anything. So he gives in.

And the two stumble to the shared bedroom and fumble their way through drunken hand-jobs and if they each have another cry about it about intimacy after going so long without it, that's between them.

In the morning, Hob's awake before Dream and works on making breakfast with the meager rations the cottage has on hand. Mainly beans and toast with eggs. Better than nothing. And good for the headache he's nursing.

When Dream comes out, he's prepared to make apologies but Hob cuts him off, saying he thinks they both needed that. A good cry, a good chuck of alcohol, and a reminder that they're not unlovable.

"Perhaps," Dream replies, thanking him for the plate of food. And so they talk more about their lives, about the mundanity of it now that they know the tragedy of each other. And if after breakfast, they put off calling the rental company a bit longer, neither of them mention it. And, if by lunch (once the headaches have started to fade and they've each showered and dressed), they decide to go explore the beach some, together, neither disagrees.

And if, perhaps, after their five days are over, and Hob has to leave first, they exchange numbers (and maybe a chaste kiss), they'll simply smile and know that maybe it's not the end of everything.

A Warm Bath [Hotch x Reader]

Photo credits: Left (@cozyreadings) Center (@weleavetomorrow) Right (@milla984)

Prompt: Aaron is having negative thoughts about his body and aging. The case the team faces puts Hotch’s physical ability on the line, as he attempts to save the BAU-reader from a violent fate. 

Pairing: [established relationship] Aaron x gender-neutral reader. The reader uses They/them pronouns. 

Category: Angst/comfort 

Word Count: 16K 

Content Warnings: Body image issues [mostly related to aging (Hotch)], brief mention of food and diet, mention of 2000s celebrity tabloids, multiple deaths [via dogs eating them], victim’s body parts are mentioned, animal cruelty [some dogs are described as living in bad conditions and being mistreated]. Animal death [dogs (not explicitly shown or described, but implied], a good bit of swearing and language, Hotch and the reader are naked in front of each other [no smut], and slight drinking.  

A/N: Hi loves! I’m back with another long, angsty fic. This was written for my love Rome (@criminalskies) from my December prompt list (linked) #28: Character A hears Character B sing for the first time. This was supposed to be short and sweet, and like most of my writing, it got a bit away from me, but in a way that I like. I will say I think this is a bit darker than some of my writing given the means of death, but I hope I handled it and the animal issues okay. If you know me, you know I love some insecure Hotch plus lots of angst, and I hope you find that here. Once more, thank you Rome for being my friend. ILY. If you like this story, likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated. I hope ya’ll have a great rest of the week. - Love Levi ❤️

P.S. There is a mention that the reader’s favorite song is Hozier’s “Unknown / Nth” If this is not your favorite song, feel free to substitute your own! 

List with all stories 

_y/n_ = your name 

_y/l/n_ = your last name

_y/f/c_ = your favorite candle 

Aaron stood in front of the full-length mirror in his bedroom. The mirror was half-steamed from the warm air and moisture seeping from the bathroom. The white towel draped over his hips sat in a way that did not reveal anything inappropriate. Those areas and his legs were not the spots on his body that bothered him. Those areas didn’t bother _y/n_ either. Not that any part of his body bothered _y/n_. When they were bare to each other, _y/n_ seemed to worship him in a manner that Aaron didn’t feel he deserved. Where these insecurities had arisen from. He was unsure or unwilling to explore. But he couldn’t stop judging his body as hard as he tried. He knew he had little time before _y/n_ would come back from the store. They had just gone on a small grocery run. The winter weather called for some soup and toasted sourdough, but Hotch had been woefully short in the bread department. Probably because he hadn’t bought it in weeks. He was trying to add more protein to his meals. Because it was December and flurries fell on the ground almost every day, Aaron’s daily runs had been cut, almost completely, out of his schedule. His body ached too much in the cold. His knees and back gave small pops of protest, and his chest was particularly sensitive around the scars left by Foyett. That attack had been over a year ago, but the pain lingered and reminded him of how weak he had been that day. How he’d been off his feet for weeks. He hadn’t liked his body after that spell either. Of course, he could always go to the Quanitco gym, but most of the men there were more built like Derek. Pumping iron in some unspoken competition of who could look better in a tank, shorts, and being sweaty. Even if Hotch could zone out while he did his workout, he just felt like he didn’t belong in that space anymore. ‘This is so stupid, Aaron, and you know it,’ his internal critic droned out. Hotch tried to still the voice and ran a hand over his stomach. He could still feel his muscles under the slight layer of fat, tissue, and skin. ‘At least you have that,’ the voice continued. Aaron pulled his hand away as if he was burned by his own body. Aaron had planned to move to his dresser and cover the body that was bothering him so much, but his face, cast in the soft glow of his lamps caught his attention as well. Hotch moved closer to the mirror. The bags under his eyes, crow's feet, and the small, grey hairs that peppered his dark locks seemed to bother him as much as the rest of his body. 

Aaron wasn’t dumb, far from it, but as he looked at his reflection, he couldn’t help but judge how age had changed not only his body but his face as well. Aaron hadn’t expected to age like a celebrity or anything; his work ensured that his body was worn down weekly, and the stress of the job did nothing for his frown lines. He knew late middle age would catch up with him one day, but he hadn’t expected it to be like this. The aches and pains, the look of wariness that haunted him. His reflection only mocked him. Reminded him that he wasn’t young anymore. His intrusive thoughts got louder: so loud that he didn’t notice when _y/n_ entered the room; cheeks flushed from the cold they had been in just a minute ago. _y/n_ was going to give a cheery, “I’m back!” But stopped in their tracks as they saw Aaron absorbed by the mirror. This wasn’t the first time they had seen him like this. Hotch tried to hide it in the morning when he showered, and _y/n_ brushed their teeth in the sink. They could see his eyes dart to the mirror for a second and then away like he was assessing himself negatively. They didn’t know when this had begun, but _y/n_ caught him doing it more and more recently. _y/n_ knew they would have to say something soon. Whatever was going on didn’t seem good for Aaron’s mental health. Realizing that now might be as good a time as any to breach the subject, _y/n_ cleared their throat and said, “See anything interesting over there, mister?” Of course, to _y/n_, Aaron clad in a towel was the same as looking at a statue of a Greek god, and him without a towel -- well, that could be blinding, but it seemed that Aaron was less than pleased with himself, and _y/n_ sought to understand why. Aaron’s eyes snapped to the side, realizing he’d been caught body-checking. Hotch turned and faked a half smile and said, “Hey, love. I felt something in my eye. I was trying to see it before I tried to wash it out in the sink.” The lie was so half-assed that Hotch wouldn’t have believed it. And _y/n_ was far too perceptive a partner and profiler to be taken in by a white lie. Aaron wasn’t even sure why he had lied. He assumed it was because it was embarrassing. He felt like a teenager looking at the cover of Stars where Miley Cyrus, or Brintey Spears, or Ann Hathoway’s heroine chic figures were splashed on the front page with the headline “Starlet gains pounds - Fan wonder where X fell off the wagon?” And below that would be the advert for a page about dieting or exercise. It was all too shameful to admit to something like that to _y/n_. _y/n_ matched his lie by stating, “Come here. Let me see if I can see what’s in your eye.” Aaron hesitated and stumbled through the response with, “Well, well I… I think it’s gone now, _y/n_. I’ll be okay. Just need to get some clothes on. Did you find the bread you wanted at the store?” He spoke quick as if he were trying to cover up some secret. _y/n_ tilted their head and raised a brow. In as gentle a voice that was also pseudo-commanding, they said, “Come sit with me on the bed for a second, Aaron.” 

Aaron listened to _y/n_, especially when they used that tone that was half-concerned and half-wary. Wary not for themself, but for him. It was rarely employed, but when _y/n_ did use it, he listened. He padded over to the side of the bed with _y/n_, and they both sat down. _y/n_ looked into his dark brown eyes. _y/n_ knew if they saw them in the light, they were tinted hazel. But that wasn’t what this was about. _y/n_ looked from him to the mirror and said, “That thing isn’t doing you any favors, Aaron. A reflection can be a cruel companion. Hotch flushed and said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, _y/n_.” _y/n_ smiled softly and said, “How many times have you told me I’m not stupid when I doubt my logic on a case?” _y/n_ let that question hang in the room for a second before replying, “Hundreds at this point. And you know what? It’s true. Now I see how you look at yourself. Doubting. Hesitant like I am sometimes. You wear darker colors. I know what those things can mean. Aaron. Where is this coming from, love?” _y/n_ had only known Aaron to be confident since they started their relationship. There had been a small period of doubt after Foyett, but shortly after that, it had been replaced by rage. There was a short silence as Hotch looked at the soft woven blanket that covered his bed and then to the window. He watched the snow fall lazily to the ground. He sighed and said, “I feel different. My body, it feels different now.” _y/n_ placed a hand over his and gave it a squeeze. That got him to look at them. _y/n_ moved their hand from his hand to his defined jawline, running a hand down it before dropping it back to the bed. _y/n_ asked, “Did this start in December?” Hotch half nodded and said, “Kind of. I’ve felt it worse now that I’m not working out as much. It just happened so slowly. Age has hit me differently than I thought it would.” Somehow this wasn’t the conversation _y/n_ had planned on having today, but it wasn’t something that could be put off. Not with Aaron seeming so upset. _y/n_ asked, “What do you mean that it’s ‘different than you expected,’ exactly?” Hotch looked back at them and said, “I can feel my body changing in various ways. I don’t feel like I can perform the same way I did on the field. That if I’m put in a physical situation, I might fail.” _y/n_ resisted sighing. They knew how fragile a conversation this was and wanted to address it with care. _y/n_ held his gaze and said, “Hotch, you’re allowed to age. We all do. You’re the Unit Chief of the BAU. If Strauss had a problem with your performance, she’d tell you again. The team would tell you. You’re a competent, capable agent. As for your physical prowess, you’re strong, Aaron. Did you forget how you carried me over the huge puddle in the parking lot the other day because I was wearing my nice shoes?” At this, Aaron chuckled. He remembered it clearly, as Morgan had teased _y/n_ about getting their good leather shoes wet. But Aaron knew they didn’t want to get them wet half because they were very nice shoes and, also, because they had been an anniversary gift from him. At his laughter, the mood seemed to lighten. Even with that being the case, _y/n_ still worried about him; these types of thoughts, if he’d been having them long, didn’t bode well for the long term. _y/n_ leaned in and kissed him gently. They started at his neck and up his jawline. Aaron relaxed into the touch, and as _y/n_ pulled back, the look they gave him reassured him that _y/n_ meant every word they had just shared. _y/n _added, “Hotch, I think this is something that a professional should hear about if these types of thoughts continue. If they make you feel bad about yourself?” Aaron let out a sigh, and said, “You’re right, _y/n_. I’ll speak to someone if I start feeling this way again. Thanks for the affirmation. I didn’t know I needed it that much.” _y/n_ smiled at him and ran a hand over his right arm. _y/n_ was about to suggest taking a warm bath together to decompress from that conversation, but before the words could come out. Aaron’s phone rang. 

Hotch stood and moved to his nightstand. He swiped to answer the call and put the cell to his ear saying, “Agent Hotchner. There was a pause, and then he said, “Yes. Got it. Be there in a few, JJ. Have you called the rest of the team? … Okay, and yeah, _y/n_’s here. We’ll be over soon. … Okay, bye.” Once Aaron hung up, he moved decidedly to his drawer. He dropped the towel and pulled on his briefs and an undershirt before moving to his clotheshorse that held his outer shirts, suit jackets, and pants. _y/n_ didn’t even have time to admire his nude body, as they needed to change into their formal attire as well. _y/n_ moved into his closet, changed, and unlocked the gun safe, pulling Aaron’s two guns out for him with their sidearm. _y/n_ called from the closet, “Does it sound bad?” the audible sigh from Aaron in the next room told _y/n_ all they needed to know about the type of case that had just landed at the BAU’s door. Twenty minutes later, Aaron and _y/n_, plus the rest of the team were seated in the conference room with JJ and Aaron standing up front and Penelope running the slideshow from the far side of the table. Hotch looked at his media liaison for a second almost for reassurance before saying, “I’m just going to show you the photos first. I think once you see them, you’ll know more about the type of person we are dealing with. Aaron rarely prefaced the photos attached to the case, so the team looked with some anticipation at the screen. Garcia clicked for the next slide and everyone, even Hotch, cringed at the gruesome, bloodied, almost unidentifiable body parts of one victim. Then the next, and the next, and the next. The victims varied in skin color, build, and sex. There were three female victims and one male victim. Each of the deceased was missing various parts of their bodies. Since their bodies were so exposed, half-eaten, the elements had only decomposed the bodies faster. Aaron gave the team enough time to see the photos on the big screen before having Garcia turn the screen off. Hotch said, “As you can see, we’re dealing with something strange here. The coroner knows it’s some kind of wild animal, and we are waiting on the diagnostic report from the hospital two counties over. Some of the victims were so badly mauled that teeth prints had to be taken to identify the victims. We know all of their identities. Hotch nodded to JJ, who had Garcia show regular photos of Katerina Lia, Jeffre Domingez, Sherry Paine, and Dusty Hoffner. When this was done, Hotch continued, saying, “Their profiles and the photos can be found in your files after the briefing. The police in Kansas were hesitant to call us the first two times, as they thought it might just be a tragic accident by a wild animal, and they involved the Game and Fisheries authorities as well as contacting State Troopers. The few parts of the first victim were found strewn on the main street and although it seemed unlikely, the authorities wanted to rule out the possibility that it wasn’t a wild animal, or pack of animals first. Given the external damage to the bodies, it’s unlikely that it’s only one dog or coyote. In the following two weeks, the three other bodies were found in similar popular areas in town, like the park, outside the movie theater, and at the middle school. After that, there was no denying that this was just a wild animal. Thus we were called, but a bit later than I would have liked. But that’s what we’re working with. This case is undoubtedly an odd one, but the unsub seems to be amping up his kills, and if we don’t stop them quickly, well, we’ve seen what happens. Now. Wheels up in thirty.” 

The team scattered to their desks, each repulsed by what they had seen. _y/n_ was so grossed out that they even skipped getting coffee for the plane. _y/n_’s mind kept flashing to whoever had found each of the bodies. Probably a young worker moving to clean the theater for the first matinee show. Or a janitor or coach arriving early in the morning trying to get some extra work done. This fact twisted _y/n_’s stomach even more, as they grabbed for their go bag from the deep drawer in their desk, plus the pair of tennis shoes that they always stuffed in their duffle. It constantly bothered _y/n_  that not only the victims that the BAU saw were often minorities of some kind, but those who found them also often lived in difficult situations or worked hard jobs. This irked _y/n_ more than they would admit. _y/n_ found it hard seeing the gore and violence they did, and they were acclimatized to the sight. How could a normal person recover from seeing such a thing? It seemed insurmountable to them. The possibility that dogs might be involved in some way also twisted _y/n_ insides. They loved animals, and using man’s best friend in such a brutal manner felt more than psychotic. As _y/n_ stood up, they were surprised by Aaron, who already had his go bag and briefcase ready. He looked at _y/n_ and noticed their visible distress. He asked, “Are you alright?” He brushed a hand over theirs, and _y/n_ replied, “Yeah. This case is just weird. It feels different. But I can’t put a finger on it yet.” Aaron nodded and said, “We’ll look out for each other on this one. I promise.” _y/n_knew what Hotch meant by “look out for each other,” was “I’ll look out for you, okay?” _y/n_ nodded, reassured by his words and continued support. Hotch held out his hand for their duffle, and _y/n_ gave it to him. Aaron swung the bag over his shoulder and waited for _y/n_ to follow him to the airstrip. He didn’t need to do this but felt that _y/n_ might need some extra support right now. He didn’t blame them. He’d dropped a load on their shoulders this morning, and now they had this case. It felt like a lot, even to him. So he was going to be there for _y/n_ -- even if it was just physical closeness. 

On the jet, the team debriefed about what their initial thoughts were. Spencer had stats on the town and how rare animal attacks were one in every 70,000 deaths a year. Derek mentioned how the bite marks looked like dog bites. Morgan had seen a few bad bites in his previous Chicago beat. After the debrief, the team slipped into their normal groups. Em moved to JJ’s side. Reid and Morgan found each other, and _y/n_ put on some wired headphones and pulled out the brief again. As much as _y/n_ found the team's chatter comforting when a case troubled them, they found silence or an easy soundtrack or song to help them focus on the case. Aaron settled next to Dave and Emily. The trio started talking about Cottonwood Falls, its population, and the type of police force they should expect there. Small towns often called in State Troopers to help with bigger investigations, which just meant more bureaucratic red tape; something that all three agents were all too familiar with. Hotch looked over his team and _y/n_ sitting near the back of the jet. He was sure that _y/n_ that they were either listening to white noise or one of their five playlists which mostly consisted of Hozier and other music in that genre. Aaron appreciated _y/n_’s need to find moments of calm and clarity at the start of cases. When they had first joined the team, Aaron had overheard _y/n_ speaking to Garcia about feeling weird about isolating themself from the team early on in the case, but it helped to ground them in the new whirlwind of events. They liked to annotate the brief written by JJ and thoroughly look at the photos. This often helped later on as trends or niche things from the crime scene would be useful if the team got stuck. Aaron listened in as Penelope said, “Sweetheart, everyone has their own method. Your contribution to the case is essential and, however, you need to do that is fine. I promise. Stick around this group for long enough, and you’ll see that we all have our strange habits.” Aaron had been thankful and was still thankful for Garcia for being so uplifting and understanding of the team. Together they made an odd group, but it worked. The next case after that conversation had happened, Hotch had made sure to shoot _y/n_ a hint of a smile as they distanced themself to read the case file beginning to end -- pen and highlighter in hand. It was a similar scene now, as _y/n_ opened the case file and looked at the brief. It read:  

Location: Cottonwood Falls, Kansas, USA

Population: 851 

Victim No.: 4 

Names of Victims: Dusty Hoffner, F (28), Jeffre Domingez, M (39), Katerina Lia, F (45)

 Sherry Paine, F (19).

Victim’s Occupations: Unknown. 

Report of crimes thus far: On December 15th at 5:00 a.m. A local refuse worker (Jim Vaunt) found a mangled left hand near a trashcan on Locust and Union St. He quickly called the police, who quickly arrived. Mr. Vaunt and the officers were disturbed to find other body parts of the first victim (Katerina). The areas where body parts were found were condoned off, and a thorough search went out looking for a wild animal. The residents were informed, and school was canceled for the day. Little progress was made and the next week, the three other victims were found in similar states of decomposition and decay. Though the cooler weather and frost have kept some of the body parts better preserved. The town is in a panic, with parents pulling their children from school early and groups going looking at local farms for any animals. This had resulted in the death of one family dog that had gotten loose earlier on the afternoon of the 17th. The State Troopers have been called in. Two town meetings have been held, but little progress has been made so far. 

_y/n_ then moved back to the vile photos. Sherry’s stood out the most as she was the youngest victim. One photograph of her left hand showed that she had been wearing bubble gum pink nail polish. It was slightly chipped from wear. _y/n_ frowned at a life so young being snuffed out in such a brutal, literally animalistic, fashion. It wasn’t fair. But that was where the BAU came in; _y/n_ reflected. Not that they could change the past, but at least they could ensure that the human who committed such atrocities paid for their choices. There was a reassurance in that. When _y/n_ had finished taking notes and looking at the crime scene photos, they paused their playlist and took off the headphones. _y/n_ grabbed their file and moved over to Derek and Spencer to see what they were thinking. Now _y/n_ was ready to add their voices to the preliminary profile being built. As the jet cruised toward the small landing strip a few miles from Cottonwood Falls, the team all felt anticipation, an undercurrent of tension at what would face them in the small town below. 

Cottonwood Falls was as small and quiet as Spencer had described. But it wasn’t a peaceful quiet. It was a disquiet. The team saw large groups of men sitting in the backs of various trucks, holding shotguns, and scowling as the Chase County Police Department got closer. The team didn’t see any children out, and the schoolyard and playgrounds lay quiet. Devoid of kids. It made sense, of course, four unknown people had been torn apart, literally. _y/n_, who was in an SUV with Spencer, Derek, and JJ, hoped that there would be more information once they got to the stations. _y/n_ was right as the team was slightly heard into the station, Sheriff Welsh had hastily introduced himself to the team, with Aaron running as the point man. Sheriff Welsh seemed more prepared than most small-town cops who had a bizarre crime happen in their jurisdiction. A whole corner of the department was dedicated to the case, with multiple maps and boards up on the walls with the photos neatly grouped. The information that they already had was neatly placed on two pop-up card tables. The Sherrif had the team stand near the tables, and the dark-haired man said, “I have two new bits of information to share with you now that you folks are here. The first is that although it’s not growing season, we still have some workers that hop from farm jobs to far jobs through the slow season. It turns out Katerina Lia was one of those workers. A farmer in Olathe noticed her picture in the paper and called us, saying that she had signed a two-week contract for his sorghum harvest. It was late in the year, and he needed fewer workers, but Katerina was one of them. Also, though this is a small town, we do get tourists driving through because the highway runs toward Wichita and Topeka on either side of us. So I’m thinking that these might be some people or visitors hoping to pass through and something went horribly, horribly wrong. The other big item is that the coroner has stated that the cause of death was bleeding out and shock, and the bite marks found on the body were made by dogs. Various breeds and sizes, but for sure, it was dogs.” The horrible idea seemed to weigh the Sheriff down. It made him look ill. Hotch absorbed the information and quickly said, “Thank you for those updates. For now, I’m going to send my team to various sites to gather data and when we have more information and regrouped, we’ll present a preliminary profile for yourself and your officers.” Aaron could see the question, “What’s a preliminary profile coming,” and stopped the man saying, “And I promise to explain all of the practical jargon this afternoon if that’s alright?” The Sheriff raised his hands and said, “You got it. I’m just grateful ya’ll came out here to the sticks. Take all the time you need. There are three SUVs that you can use.” Aaron nodded and signaled to the team. He stated clearly, “Morgan, Reid, you go to the hospital and look at the victims. See if there’s anything we’re missing about them. Anything that might give us a location of death. Em, JJ, you go check any animal shelters in the area. Then call the school and theater. See if you can interview the janitor and employee who found the victims. Rossi and _y/n_, come with me. We’ll check out the other two sites and see if the vets around town have had any reports of wild or rabid dogs in the last two weeks.” The team understood their roles and moved to their respective cars. Just before Hotch had stepped outside, keys in hand, he asked Weiss, “How many farmers have dogs around here?” The Sheriff shrugged his shoulders and said, “Heck, all of them that I can think of. I’d be stupid not to.” Aaron nodded and let out a sigh. He realized that it was going to be harder to track down the dogs than he might have thought, but the method of killing was so specific that he hoped they could at least find the unsub quickly. Someone in a  town this small had to know something. 

There was a shocking amount of vets in such a confined space. However, it made sense given how much livestock there was in the farming and ranching community. Be it hobby farms or cattle, those animals needed care. As they were driving to meet Mr. Vaunt for an interview, _y/n_ had an idea and called Penelope. _y/n_ put the techie on speaker, and Garcia answered with, “Hello, my loves. How can the Office of Supreme Intelligence assist you today?” _y/n_ couldn’t help but smile at Penelope's pep, and said, “Can you compile a list of people that visit and more importantly adopt dogs regularly in the surrounding towns and counties? It probably won’t be all at the same time, maybe two or three weeks apart.” _y/n_ caught Hotch’s eyes in the rearview. He gave them a nod of approval at thinking of this. After a short pause, Garcia said, “I’ll have to get back to you on that my sweet. These small towns seem to have fewer electronic records, but that doesn’t mean I can’t find them somewhere. I’ll get back to you when I have something.” Before Garcia hung up, Aaron said, “Garcia, nothing illegal,” in a semi-stern tone. Penelope let out a bright laugh and said, “You got it, Hotch.” After that call, the day seemed to slip by quickly. By the end of it, the team had discovered and then presented to the small police force that the unsub was most likely a white male in his mid-thirties, a recluse or someone that rarely came into town, owned land to hold a pack of dogs who had at least five large canines. The land potentially had a field of tall June grass, as lots had been found on the victims' clothing, thanks to Spencer’s keen eye, and the unsub was only targeting out-of-towners. Lastly, if the man finds another person to kill, he will take the chance to do so again without remorse as the unsub was most likely a psychopath. After the basic profile was delivered, the team worked late into the night. They speculated that the unsub might have had a bad incident with a dog in his past, or some significant trauma with an animal of some kind. Emily recommended going back to the hospital in the morning to see if there were any medical records of such an event happening around thirty years ago. Hotch agreed and made preliminary assignments for the morning. With nothing else to really go on, the team headed to their motel to turn in for the night. It was odd getting to bed before two a.m. on a case, but this was not a normal case. In his room, Hotch showered and changed. He slumped into bed, trying to ignore looking in the mirror, at this body again. It was hard for him to imagine that it had just been that morning that _y/n_ had reminded him how much they loved him in his entirety. It was funny to Hotch how quickly he forgot those things. Aaron rolled onto his stomach, grabbed his phone, which was charging, and texted _y/n_ simply writing, “I love you, _y/n_. Sleep well.” He read the quick reply of, “Love you too, Aaron,” before he turned off his lamp, set his alarms, and attempted to sleep. Aaron was having a hard time with his rest and he sat up. He moved to the door and down the hallway. He knocked on _y/n_’s door and he could see the lamps still burning bright in their room. _y/n_ let him in, headphones still in their ears. Hotch slumped down on their bed, comforted to be in _y/n_’s calming presence. They didn’t bother him as he closed his eyes. They sat down and kept reading over their notes, again, and again, and again. Aaron could hear _y/n_ tapping along with the beat of their playlist on their leg. He knew the rhythm well at this point and it lulled him to sleep as _y/n_ kept thinking deep into the night. 

The dawn woke the team, and everyone was relieved to find that there wasn’t a new victim. That didn’t mean there wouldn’t be, but they would strive to make sure it didn’t happen again. At the precinct, the team drank the poor-grade coffee and talked briefly about how quiet the town was at night. Spencer had stayed up all night and heard an owl and one time the barking of a dog. The genius had admitted that even that had him scared. Of course, Morgan had made fun of Spencer for this, except he had to eat his words because one of the police dogs had barked right after his joke, and Derek nearly jumped out of his skin. That had brought a moment of lightness to a very grim case. The team, little did they know it, would need that for the rest of the day, and their time in Kansas. 

Rossi suggested to Aaron that he, Derek, and Aaron go and speak to some of the men running their patrols looking for dogs. _y/n_ suggested she and Emily go and check the medical records, and JJ decided to try and contact the farmer who had employed Katerina to get more information while Spencer found maps of the area. He wanted to see if there were any large swaths of June grass in the surrounding areas, and the lean agent knew he could guess pretty well with a topological map where large patches of the native grass would grow. Aaron agreed, and everyone moved to their respective tasks. Hotch, Morgan, and Dave were told by the sheriff that most of the menfolk had met at a local dive bar down the street, made plans, and then drove out for the day to ‘explore.’ Aaron thanked the man for the information, and his group headed out. The dive bar was ironically called Shooters. The theme of the place was hunting-oriented with mounted deer heads and some old-style rifles adorning the walls. The proprietor, who was standing behind the bar was potbellied and red-cheeked. He seemed more chipper than appropriate. but Derek assumed it was because he had the room half full with lots of people holding beers or shots in front of them. The place was tackily decorated for Christmas with a small tree in the corner and lights up on the walls. One of the deer heads had a Santa hat askew on its head. Morgan and Rossi moved to speak to the owner of the bar. Aaron began talking to a few of the men, showing his badge when questioned. As Hotch moved toward another group, he noticed a small faded flyer. It had the picture of an English Springer Spaniel with a duck in its mouth. The blocky, white text read: “Here to hunt at the Lodge on Route 75? Make your time here more fun and successful by renting a purebred hunting dog! $80/day, including drop off and pick up at your designated hunting site. Call: 390-785-0092 for inquiries. There was no name attached to the flyer. Aaron moved to the man behind the bar and asked, “Do you know who put up that advertisement?” The man looked at where Hotch was pointed and took on a reflective gaze before nodding and saying in a deeply accented voice, “Yeah. That’s Jeff Karon’s side business. Man has corn and wheat crops, but in the summer we get swamped with hunters and he breeds dogs on the side for some extra cash. He’s an odd one. Lives way out there past the town limits.” Hotch nodded and wrote down the name and number. He would call Penelope and see what she came up with as well as speaking with Sheriff Weiss when they returned to the station. 

_y/n_ and Emily at the hospital started to make converging discoveries with Hotch. The pair sat in the medical records room. A kind nurse had pulled out some boxes from the 1990s that she remembered being memorable cases for such a small town. After an hour they found nothing and moved to put the boxes back in the correct place. However, as they had quickly been putting the files back in chronological order, one folder was misplaced. It was much older than the rest. The front read Jeffery C. Karon 1958 - Infected Dog Bite. Emily let out a laugh, and _y/n_ turned to face her and said, “What is it?” As they put a box away on top of a dusty old one, Prentiss replied, “A file in the wrong box. Coincidentally it sounds related to the case.” _y/n_ stepped off of the one small step they needed to reach the tall, top shelf and walked over to Emily saying, “Let’s look at it. We’ve almost looked at every other file in here anyway. Maybe we can learn something.” Pretiness scoffed and opened the file as _y/n_ stood at her shoulder. However, after both agents' eyes skimmed over the first paragraph, they realized that they might have stumbled across something important. The patient data was typed and the case notes were written in cursive. They read read: 

The young boy of twelve was bitten pretty severely by a rabid dog in the wheat field on the father’s farm in Oldsdaile. Ten stitches were needed to seal the wound and a rabies shot was given along with a course of antibiotics. There was a note about the patient’s father and then something about how if the wound wasn’t cleaned and cared for carefully, the boy could develop an infection in the bone and might need major surgery or worse. 

_y/n_ and Pretiss looked at each other and then the photo of the young boy on a sepia-toned brownish grey. Emily grabbed the file and said, “Let’s ask around and see if anyone knows who this Jeffery Karon is.” The two agents moved to the nurse in charge of records and _y/n_ asked, “Ma’am. We found a file accidentally misplaced, but we think this person might be helpful to our investigation and the recent deaths. Do you or anyone here have any idea who this person is? If they still live around here?” The nurse took the file and looked it over. She said, “Just a moment, let me ask around.” Em and _y/n_ waited for a few minutes and the nurse returned and said, “Sorry but no one here seems to know who this is. Our old doctor. Dr. Anderson. who just retired and moved to Texas to be with his grandkids would know. I would recommend going to the town hall and looking at the records there. I can also print you a copy of this file and give Dr. Anderson’s number. Just don’t spread any of this around -- And Dr. Anderson is notorious for not answering his phone. He never really learned to use one, but perhaps that’s changed now that he’s around some youngsters.” Both agents thanked the nurse for her help and waited for the copy of the medical file and the number. It was only a few minutes before Emily and _y/n_ were back in the car and headed to the station. Instead of going to the town hall, Prentiss and _y/l/n_ decided to call Garcia instead. Before they came to that choice, they reflected how small-town cases were so different from those in the city. How they offered a change of pace to the often hectic cases in sprawling metropolises. Not that this case wasn’t urgent, just different. Emily was driving, so _y/n_ pulled out their phone to call Garcia, but just as they started to dial, Penelope called _y/n_. _y/l/n_ said, “Speak of the devil,” as they smiled and swiped answers. Garcia, always her chipper self said, “Alrighty my little chickens. It took me a while. but looking at the ten adjacent counties surrounding Cottonwood Falls there was a startling pattern. One man seems to go into these shelters and has been adopting a surprising amount of dogs that are up for euthanization. But the dude is picky. He only takes in big breeds from Shepards to Heelers to Great Danes. You name it. If it’s a big dog and it seems on its last legs, this guy will take it in.” Emily asked, “What’s this dude's name?” Garcia replied, “Jeffery Karon.” Prentiss and _y/n_ looked at each other knowingly. Both simultaneously thought, ‘Bingo.’ _y/n_ let out a sigh and said, “How many dogs are we talking about here? And how often are they being adopted?” Penelope clicked a few keys on her computer and said, “I’d say three to four a month. So maybe thirty-six a year. But some months there are no adoptions. I don’t know how one man can care for so many dogs. Feeding them alone must cost an absorbent sum each month.” _y/n_ didn’t say it but thought, ‘One way to cut costs would be to not feed them. Thus the need to adopt so many dogs.’ They thought back to the photos of the victims. They all had really been torn apart. The image of that happening was to sickening to the stomach and _y/n_ cleared her throat and said, “As always Garcia, you’re the best. We’re pulling up the precinct now and it looks like Hotch is back too, so I’ll call you with any updates when I can.” Garcia replied, “Anything for you sweetness, and I texted you the dude’s address too. It’s headed to your phone as we speak. Supreme genius out.” Emily put the car in park and they both jumped out. They both had a lot to share. 

As the pair got inside _y/n_ realized that Hotch, Morgan, and Rossi had also just gotten back as well. Emily let out a breath behind them. The brunette was excited to share their news and said, “I think we might have our guy!” The three men, and JJ and Spencer in the back looked over at her. Hotch spoke first and asked, “Is his name Jeffrey Karon?” Aaron’s statement seemed to take the wind out of Emily’s sails and she replied, “Hey. How’d you know?” The small sub-teams merged, and they all got updated on what they had all learned that morning. When everyone was caught up, the team moved to Sherrif Weiss. Aaron asked the head of the police department, with a copy of Jeff’s childhood photo, “Do you know this man? Jeffrey C. Karon?” The Sheriff nodded after a moment and replied, “Yeah. Yeah, I do. He’s an odd one. He’s lived on the farm his father, Jean Karon lived on. It’s a farm out in the boonies. Jean’s wife died in childbirth and from what I understand, Jean wasn’t exactly dad material. So it was just those two for a long time. Then the town they lived in dissolved. Too many people moved out in the 70’s. A few years after that, Cottonwood Falls proposed taking the land into our county. By that point old man Karon was pretty worn out and sickly, but he was vehemently against reintegration. He waged a moral war on the idea and, well he kind of died while losing that battle and Oldsdaile became part of Cottonwood Falls. That left his twenty-year-old son with the farm and a small sum of cash the man had stored away. Jeffrey tried to go away and get an education at a local college. He fell in love with a girl. I couldn’t tell you why, but Jeff dropped out of school and brought his new wife back with him. Allegedly they had a kid together, but anytime I’ve visited that farm I’ve never seen a kid. So I guess when Jeff’s wife inevitably left him, she must have taken the kid with her. And honestly, good for her. I wouldn’t want to spend a long time out there either. But I haven’t honestly seen Jeff in over two years. Guess he ended up a recluse like his father.” The Sheriff gave a whistle after the long monologue. The Sheriff had almost forgotten the wheat farm on the far outskirts of town. The whole team took a second to absorb that the Sheriff had described the perfect unsub. Breaking from their shared trance, Hotch emphatically asked, “Where does Mr. Karon live!” As the Sheriff murmured, “Let me look. I haven’t thought of him in a long while.” While the man was puttering about, _y/n_ pulled up her phone and said, “I have it Hotch. Penelope sent it to me while we were on the way back here.” Aaron shot _y/n_ a small smile and said, “We’ll need LEOs for this Sheriff Weiss. Five men at least.” The law enforcement officer looked at Aaron with apprehension and asked, “You think Jeff is our guy?” The look Hotch shot Weiss was enough to shut the man up and then turn and order two cop cars and five officers to accompany the BAU team on their trip out to the isolated farm. 

The white SUVs and two cop cars rushed down the isolated dirt and gravel road. The Karon farm was a good thirty-five minutes outside of town set on an isolated road that left the highway. As they moved down the road. _y/n_ noticed that random patches of the tall grass seemed pressed down or pushed aside unnaturally. Hotch was driving too fast for them to see what was happening but after the third time seeing the phenomena, _y/n_ called out, “Aaron, stop for a second. Somethings off on the side of the road.” Hotch threw _y/n_ a look with his classic raised eyebrow from the front. His sunglasses were blocking his eyes but after a moment, he slowed to a roll and then a stop. _y/n_ jumped out of the car with Morgan, who was also in the middle row of the car. Derek called out, “What did you see, _y/n_?” As they both ran toward another place where the grass looked odd. _y/n_ didn’t need to answer him as they pushed the tall grass aside to reveal a long wooden board with over two dozen nails pounded through the wooden beam. Morgan whistled and said, “Well that’ll stop a car alright. How many of these have you spotted already kid?” _y/n_ looked up at Derek and said, “This makes four.” The pair of agents didn’t disturb the plank in case it was needed for evidence later, and they both jogged back to the stalled car. Once inside, Morgan said, “Hotch there’s a homemade parking block spikes in the grass, and _y/n_ spotted three more before that one.” Aaron nodded and then started the car again. As he pushed the gas pedal, he said, “We did wonder how he got his victims out of their cars. Maybe they get turned around and go ask for help, but then get a flat instead. Aaron turned briefly and looked at _y/n_ and said, “Good catch. Keep a count of how many of those you see as we keep getting closer to the house.” After another four minutes, the cars reached an old rushing iron gate with a big sign in the font that read: “PRIVATE PROPERTY - DO NOT ENTER: BEWARE OF DOGS!!!” The line, “Beware of dogs,” sent a chill down everyone’s spine. Aaron attempted calling the home number twice, which Penelope had also dug up for the team, but nobody picked up, and there was no option for voice mail. One of the police officers got out of his cruiser with a pair of bolt cutters and broke open the chain that held the fence closed. The gate made a terrible screeching sound that had the team’s skin crawl. All of the cars pulled into the drive. The house was a simple farm-style house, painted white with green accents. All of the paint was badly chipped and there was a large truck parked out front. It seemed to be the only sign of life on that part of the farm. Aaron got on the radio and spoke to the other car saying, “Everyone’s wearing their FBI vests here, and everyone has weapons drawn. We can’t be sure what we’ll find in the house or on the farm. Lastly, no one, and I mean no one goes off alone. Rodger?” There was a crackle on the line and Emily replied, “Got it, Hotch.” As the team stepped out of the cars, a symphony of howling and then barking could be heard from the house Everyone went on the defensive. Hotch pulled out his microphone and stepped a few feet closer to the glass and screen door. _y/n_ followed after him a few paces. From their angle, they could see what looked like three to four big dogs at the door barking up a storm. _y/n_ had their gun aimed at the door. If something went wrong, they would have a bead on one of the dogs and would shoot if it came to that. They prayed it wouldn’t. Rossi sidled up next to _y/n_, they felt better knowing they weren’t alone in keeping Aaron safe as he clicked on the microphone and said, “Jeffrey Karon. This is Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner. If you’re inside I’m giving you three minutes to restrain your dogs and come out of your home with your hands up. I’m starting a timer now.” Aaron’s voice echoed across the face of the house and the yard. It was a very tense minute and thirty seconds as the dogs continued to bray at the agents and police officers. 

It felt like an eternity before one of the windows on the side of the house revealed a haggard-looking man who shouted, “Get off my goddamn property before I get a shotgun and shoot you, people. ‘Tis is an ‘nvastion of ma rights. My God-given rights ‘ye hear me!” All eyes turned to the window and again, Aaron stepped forward and said, “You don’t have any right Mr. Karon. You’re suspected of five counts of first-degree murder and tampering with remains. Now come downstairs and restrain your dogs or my team and I will come in and do what we have to restrain you. And I don’t think you’re so stupid to not know what will happen to you if you do try and get a gun.” Jeffrey was red-faced and spluttered, but in a half-show, Aaron looked at his watch and said, “You have a minute and a half left,” then Hotch angled his gun at the front door. Of course, _y/n_ knew that Aaron wouldn’t shoot one of Mr. Karon’s dogs unless it was a life-or-death scenario, but Mr. Karon didn’t. Hotch’s threat was enough to have the man at the window shout, “Fine, fine I’m coming. Don’t shoot the dogs. God damn you. I’m suing if anything happens to those dogs!” Aaron lowered the sidearm and let out a breath, slightly surprised that his strategy had worked. The team watched with bated breath as Jeff moved down the stairs slowly. He looked like he was in pain, as he walked with a significant limp, gripping the white stair rail tightly. The man called his dogs loudly enough for the team to hear him say, “Here boys, here.” At the call of their owner, the dogs all moved away from the door and to the foot of the stairs. Now that they were farther back, _y/n_ could see that it was five dogs, not three. All of the canines' tails seemed to wag happily as they saw their owner. Jeff petted all of them and seemed to give them a treat from the pocket of his robe. Something the older man said had the dogs stop barking. Jeff moved toward the door and Aaron and the team stepped onto the porch. Aaron looked at Jeff as the man moved to open the door. Hotch gripped the handle and closed it as soon as the man tried to open it. Aaron said clearly, “Put your dogs on leads and attach those leads to the stair rail.” Jeff blustered and said, “My dogs don’t go on lead. No State Commie can make me do that.” Hotch glared at the man and said, “They go on leads when I say they do. If you don’t do as I say I’ll add intentionally delaying a state investigation to your list of charges. Do you want the state looking into you more than we already are, Mr. Karon?” Jeff furrowed his brow and turned. The man who had tanned and spotted skin like many men who spent hours in the sun let out a litany of curse words as he moved to the other side of the room and grabbed five old faded leads. Again, the team watched as he moved painfully toward his dogs and one by one attached the lead to their collar and then tied the collars to the staircase. This took about seven minutes and finally, Aaron motioned for Rossi and _y/n_ to follow him as they breached the door. There was some chaos as Hotch cuffed Jeff and the dogs barked at seeing their owner get angry and yell again. Aaron twisted Karon’s arm uncomfortably and said, “I’d put a rag in it and answer any questions asked to you, Mr. Karon.” The added pain had the farmer shut up for a second before the man spit at Aaron’s shoes and said, “I’ll shut up. I want a lawyer. You big city types think you can break into an honest man’s house and threaten him, well. We’ll see about that, Special Agent Hotchner.” Jeffrey seemed to have a glint of malice in his eyes, and Aaron pushed him toward one of the officers, not letting the threat affect him. Aaron told the officer he handed Karon off to, “Put him in the back of one of the cruisers and read him his Miranda’s. If he says anything, record it. Anything could be important in this case. And once you're done that, take the dogs out and attach them to the wooden railing on the poach. Make sure they have shade and water.” The officer looked a little hesitant but nodded and began hauling Jeffrey off. 

Now that the house seemed quiet, Aaron had the team split up into groups of two and look over the whole abode. Even though the dogs and Karon were out of the house, that didn’t mean that they dropped their guard. As the echoes of “Clear” rang through the upstairs and downstairs, the team seemed to lighten up. The most interesting things in the house were the profound amount of liquor bottles in the bedroom and kitchen, as well as the cabinet full of assorted pain meds in the bathroom. It was obvious to Spencer, Emily, and _y/n_ that Karon was self-medicating. If it was just for the leg injury that he had gotten as a child or something more, they couldn’t know until someone interviewed the potential unsub. Spencer took a moment too long looking at the multiple narcotics bottles for _yn_’s comfort and they gently said, “I’ve got this Spencer. Why don’t you help Morgan.” Reid looked at _y/n_ with a hint of gratitude and nodded softly saying, “Thanks, _y/n_.” _y/n_ just smiled at him and said, “No prob, Spence.’ With that, Spencer left the bathroom while Emily was looking over the bedroom. _y/n_ gave a small sigh. They knew Reid was clean, and had been for a few years now, but they knew how easy it was to fall back into bad habits, and alleviating any possibility was the least they could do for their friend. But the most interesting thing in the house was the little boy’s room on the first floor next to the living room. The pastel-blue walled room was caked in dust. So much that Hotch had a coughing fit for three minutes after leaving the room. It was hard to tell if it was Karon’s old room or his supposed son’s. Garcia hadn’t been able to find a record of Jeffrey Karon having a son, but she did find a name and address for his ex-wife who now lived in Tennessee. Hotch was beginning to think that the story about Mr. Karon having a son was a local legend of some kind. A story passed around about the strange old recluse with a tragic backstory who lived at the edge of town. Either way, the room being so well preserved and unused would prove helpful in trying to crack Jeffrey in the interview process. The child’s room meant something to him. When the house had been gone through, the team spread out in groups of two again to search the rest of the large thirty-acre property. 

Behind the house was an ATV with the keys still in the ignition. Derek speculated that that was the easiest way to navigate the bumpy roads between the fields. The largest wheat field had two barns on one side of it. The first barn was for a large group of chickens that squawked when Spencer and Derek entered the smelly space. The other barn seemed to have regular farming equipment and feed for the assortment of animals that resided on the land. However, as _y/n_ moved a rake through the deep chicken feed containers, something snagged on the tines of the object. Pulling the tool up revealed a very tattered shirt sleeve. _y/n_ called in and let the team know what she’d found. Emily was up in the hayloft and said, “_y/n_, there’s a pillow and blanket up here too. Let the team know I think someone might be sleeping up here.” _y/n_ acknowledged Prentiss and let the team know the new information. Once Em had documented the small and narrow loft space, which was barely seven boards wide and could be accessed by a  ladder, she climbed down to help _y/n_ to see if they could find anything else in the grain bins. As it turned out, a lot more was to be found including shoes, pants, IDs of the victims, and cash. Not only did they find the personal identification of all of the victims so far,  but they found three new IDs and a passport of victims, who had not yet been found or reported missing. 

The last metaphorical nail in Jeffrey Karon’s case was when Aaron and Rossi plus two other officers neared the oldest and largest barn on the other side of the wheat field which Spencer aptly pointed out had been tilled and Blue grass had been planted as a filler crop until next planting season. Neither car needed to even roll down its windows, as they neared the barn and heard the near-constant cacophony of barking and growling that filled the air in a disorganized symphony of sound. All four men drew their guns again. Obviously, they couldn’t just open the barn doors because Aaron didn’t know how the dogs inside this barn were being contained, or if they were contained at all. The BAU men moved around the barn, and Rossi found a ladder that would let them look up and into the barn’s higher windows. Aaron and Rossi moved the ladder to the window. Dave kept the ladder steady and Hotch climbed up to the dusty glass. Aaron slipped off his sunglasses and used his keen sight to look into the dim barn. He could see that one-third of the barn was empty but the other two-thirds had a strong very tall metal fence containing the bodies of a dozen dogs or more moving, writhing, and barking at the almost darkness. Every now and then one of the canine’s teeth would catch the light of the window Hotch was looking in, and Aaron couldn’t help but imagine how those teeth felt tearing into a human's flesh. The idea revolted him. He caught something odd, a red glowing light on the front of the cage. Aaron called for a pair of binoculars which were quickly brought to him. Hotch carefully shot out the windows which only set the dogs inside off more, but without the glass in the way and with the aid of the binoculars, he could see that there was a locking mechanism on the front of the padded gate. This reassured Aaron that they could get into the barn, but it only added that Jeffrey was smarter than he let on. Lawyering up was one thing, but having a timed gate assured that Mr. Karon didn’t become an accidental victim to the dogs inside the barn. Aaron quickly stepped down the ladder and told Rossi and the officers that they were clear to enter the hostile den. The officers seemed hesitant, but Rossi brushed past them, trusting Hotch and opening the doors of the barn. The dogs went wild and rushed the gate but couldn’t get out. Hotch and Dave covered their ears, and they stepped into the barn. Even though it might be safe for them to be inside the dank-smelling space, they kept a good five-foot distance from the dogs. Aaron observed that all of the dogs were malnourished and had their tails docked. Many of the dogs had bite marks and looked in ill health. Rossi noticed the feathers on the floor of the cage. There was a children’s pool filled with stinking water and flies on the far side of the cage. Aaron took pictures of the dogs, the cage, and the locking mechanism which seemed to be turned on via a switch or remote timer. Hotch felt a pang of pity for the dogs inside the barn and what a horrible life they had been put through. However, he realized that these animals had also killed up to seven human beings. There was no nice way of putting that. When Rossi and Aaron had seen what they needed to, Aaron called Sheriff Weiss and brought the man up to date. He detailed the need for animal control and that they would need a lot of animal control. Weiss had paused and said that he would have to call into multiple counties and vets for help getting all the dogs out of the barn. Hotch understood and agreed. Aaron left one of the policemen to sit in his cruiser just outside the bard to wait as long as it took for the animal control members to arrive and take care of the situation inside the barn. The officer seemed to relax when he realized that he could wait inside his protected vehicle. 

With the farm mostly searched and a lot of damning evidence gathered, the team left with Mr. Karon to conduct their first interview. The unsub had said very little except for cursing the officer in the other police car out. The team left another three officers to cordon off the farm and sites of interest. At the precinct, Jeffrey was quickly moved into a room that was normally a holding cell for those who had too much to drink and needed the night to sober up before going home to their wives in shame with another fifty-dollar ticket of disorderly conduct or public indecency. It was the best the small police station had for an interrogation room. Sheriff Weiss had a table and chairs brought in and Derek and Rossi had the first round of trying to get the unsub to talk. Outside the cell _y/n_ paced and Aaron watched them while also looking into the room with Jeffrey. Something was upsetting _y/n_ and he could tell. It was not only the pacing, but the way _y/n_ was just slightly biting the inside of their cheek. After a minute of this, Aaron turned to them and asked, “What it is _y/n_?” _y/n_ turned on their heel and said, “It can’t be him Hotch? You smelled his breath when we first got in the house. It reeked of alcohol and he was stumbling around either because he was drunk or high on meds, or both. I don’t know how a man like that can pull something like this off. Not by himself. Not to mention his leg injury. He can barely walk. He couldn’t possibly handle those dogs in the barn. Plus, we’re looking for a supposed psychopath. Mr. Karon might be disturbed, but he loved those dogs in the house. How does that work?” Aaron nodded. He had felt that something was off too, but having _y/n_ put it into words helped solidify how he felt. _y/n_ said, “It’s something to do with that boy’s room. That makeshift bed in the barn. I think we’re missing something big. I think I should go back.” Hotch nodded and said, “I’m coming with you.” _y/n_ gave him just the smallest smile and said, “Alright. I’ll tell the team, why don’t you start the car? I’ll be out in a minute.” Aaron agreed and moved outside. It didn’t take long for them to get back to the farm. Aaron had an officer go with _y/n_ to the boy’s room, and he and another officer moved back to the barn to look at the cot again. The two were determined to find out what vital piece was missing from the bigger picture. 

Back in the interrogation room, Karon wasn’t talking and it had been nearly fifty minutes. Derek was saying, “So what, you get bitten by a dog when you're a kid and then have dogs kill people? What do you gain from that, Karon? Apart from some sick need to see people be torn apart.” The man didn’t answer and Rossi tried another approach saying, “Why keep your bedroom the same Jeffrey? Why lock it up and keep it preserved? Why is it so important to you?” This finally had a response for the unsub and he said, “That room’s special to me, yeah. Gotta keep it like that for when she comes back.” Morgan and Dave looked at each other and Rossi asked, “Who comes back, Mr. Karon? You’re wife? Your son?” Jeffrey put his head in his hands and said, “That goodman bitch of a wife you idiot. My son’s still there. But he’s not like he used to be. And I’m not like I used to be, get it. Before that bitch of a city slicker wife left me everything was fine. FINE! Get it, but she left and it all went bad. Went to goddamn shit.” Morgan cared less about the wife and more about the fact that Jeff had said his son was still on the property, on the farm. Derek asked, “Your son, Karon. Where is he!” Jeff laughed and the built agent raised to his feet and slammed his hands on the table near the unsub, getting him to stop laughing and Morgan said again, “Where is your son!” Karon chuckled a little and said, “Sleeps ‘n the barn at night. I hear four of those cops are still out there, and two of your agents. Pity for them. Jason’s better with the dogs than I am. Has been for the last ten years since my fucking leg’s been acting up more. Motherfucker of a leg.” This realization hit the two FBI agents like a ton of bricks. There was a beat of silence before Rossi rushed out of the room to call Aaron and let him know that Karon’s son was on the farm while Derek worked his best to not beat the crap out of the man in front of him and try and get something that might help Hotch and _y/n_. Rossi paced as he waited for Aaron to pick up. Finally, his friend did, saying, “Hotchner.” Dave nearly yelled, “Karon’s son is still living on the farm. He’s the one letting the dogs out. Where’s _y/n_? Are you with them?” 

Aaron’s stomach dropped like a bag of stones as he realized _y/n_ hadn’t checked in in over twenty minutes. He put Dave on hold and called _y/n_. He prayed that they’d pick up, but _y/n_’s phone went to voicemail. Aaron then tried radioing the officer with _y/n_ but all he got was the man sitting outside the barn. Hotch almost threw himself down the ladder to the loft and shouted at the officer at the bottom to follow him. Hotch drove faster the he ever had toward the farmhouse. Something told him that he would find answers there. It had been _y/n_’s last location for starters. Aaron didn’t even bother turning off the car as he and the officer rushed into the house, guns drawn. There was no one in the main room, but sounds were coming from the kitchen. Aaron breached the room and found a large man standing with a clever aim to cut apart a de-feathered chicken. The man froze when Aaron rushed the room and pointed the gun at him, Jason Karon. Hotch shouted, “Put the knife down slowly or I shoot.” The man didn’t seem to care that he was moving incredibly slowly while he set the knife down on the butcher block. Hotch then shouted, “Where is the other agent and officer?” The large man shrugged, and Aaron shouted again, stepping within a foot of the second unsub’s face, “Where is my agent!” Jason said slowly with a small glint in his eyes, “Middle of the wheat field I guess. That fucking agent bit me. Had to tranque ‘em. Dogs ‘ill get ‘em soon. But don’t ya worry. I gave ‘em a fighting chance. Set a timer for the dog's release. It’s no fun to watch them die if they’re tranqued. Dogs ‘ill be out in ‘bout fifteen minutes and if I timed it right, the drugs ‘ill wear off a bit before then. I ain’t never seen a cop die before. Should be fun” There was a devil-may-care attitude that indicated the unsub cared nothing for human life. The rage that filled Aaron nearly had him shoot the man in front of him, but the fact that _y/n_ was still alive and could be torn apart had Aaron brush past Jason and ran out the back door so quickly that he didn’t even tell the officer to restrain the man. He only had thoughts for _y/n_. Hotch straddled the ATV, turned the key that was miraculously still in the ignition and pressed the electronic throttle. Aaron could feel the wind in his face and his hands held onto the handlebars of the ATV with a death grip. He entered the wheat field in around seven minutes and slowed slightly as he got closer to the center. He didn’t want to run over _y/n_, but he knew he had only minutes to find them before both of them were going to face the same fate as all the other victims from before. Just as Aaron heard the first howling of the dogs, he found _y/n_ on the cold ground. 

Hotch jumped off the vehicle and ran to _y/n_. Their eyes were open but glazed. _y/n_’s hands were bound, but not their feet. Aaron grabbed _y/n_ and pulled them onto the ATV in front of him. _y/n_ was lucid enough to move their feet with Aaron’s. As Hotch kicked the ignition on again. He saw the first three dogs breach the tall grass. Hotch opened up the throttle. He held _y/n_ to his chest while he tried to press the gas and control the ATV all at the same time. Even at the full thirty miles per hour, the dogs were catching up to them. Aaron felt his heart beat faster than it ever had before. It was like he could hear the breaths of the crazed animals following him, could hear their feet hitting the ground, which would outpace him and _y/n_ soon. Another three minutes and they’d be out of the field, and the police would see what was happening and come to help. At least that was what Aaron hoped. But a sound had Hotch’s heart nearly stop. At the edge of the wheat field, the engine of the ATV spluttered loudly. Hotch looked down at the gas gauge: E. Aaron pushed the machine as far as it would go but it slowed after another thirty seconds, then died. 

There was a split second when Aaron thought there was no way for them to live. His mind went blank, black. But _y/n_ stirred, and he knew they couldn’t die. He’d happily die, but _y/n_ couldn’t die. Not like this. They deserved warmth, retirement, and old age, and happiness. And because Aaron couldn’t have the love of his life die, he was forced to think in a split second. This brought up two options. The first was to shoot as many of the dogs as possible. He knew that he wouldn’t get to all of them before the rest overpowered them, but this was an option that would reduce the number of animals that would kill them. Maybe the others would get scared off by the sounds of gunfire. The other option was to make a run for the barn with the loft inside. It was about ten feet from the open barn door. Something in Aaron’s gut told him this was the only option where _y/n_ lived. Aaron didn’t care if he died; he just needed _y/n_ to live. 

So with his soul telling him, compelling him forward, Aaron dismounted, pulled _y/n_ over his broad shoulders, and ran the fastest he had ever run before. 

Step, step step, breath. Step, step, step breath. Pothole. Twisted ankle. Step, step, step, shooting pain up the leg. The reek of dog breath, and teeth at his legs. Breath. Door, ladder, Teeth in the leg, Foot to dogs mouth, Last step. 

Aaron’s heart felt like it might burst, and his muscles had never hurt so much, never been pushed so hard. However, there wasn’t time for that, as one of the dogs had used its legs to get to the top of the ladder. Not even thinking of his gun, Aaron kicked at the dog's head, trying to avoid the now bloody and snapping teeth. When the dog had fallen, Aaron used his hands to tear the old ladder from the loft sending it crashing to the ground below. Even though the ladder was old, it was rusted in place with only Aaron’s adrenaline that allowed him to get it off the loft. Hotch slumped back next to _y/n_. How he had managed to get them both up the ladder, he wasn’t sure. Aaron pushed _y/n_ to the wall and lay very closely pressed to them as there wasn’t room for both of their bodies in the loft. Aaron was half in shock. He didn’t really hear the gunshots from the officers below, but he could somehow feel the heat from the blowback and saw the light flash from the ignitions. The noise seemed to rouse _y/n_ more, and Hotch moved to cover their ears. He was blocking their view of below with his body. Even he didn’t want to see what lay beneath the loft, but after a few minutes, whatever chaos had been happening stopped. Aaron could now see the red and blue lights of either an ambulance or police car on the wall of the barn. Sound suddenly rushed back into Hotch’s senses. He also registered the pain in his body and leg where he had been bitten. Due to his shock, Aaron felt like stuff happened to him for the next two hours. Aaron did make sure that _y/n_ got into the first ambulance that had arrived even though they started saying that he needed it more because he was hurt and they weren’t. In the end, it didn’t matter as the only other ambulance from the small local hospital arrived shortly after. Hotch was given a local anesthetic in his left leg which had been bitten to the muscle below. Aaron was so exhausted, and now that he knew that _y/n_ was safe, he closed his eyes and let everything else that was happening to and around him just wash over him like a flood

It turned out that Aaron needed ten stitches for his bites and a set of antibiotics to make sure that he didn’t let the bite get infected. _y/n_ had been given a larger dose of Tiletamine and they needed to be kept on close observation as that medication was related but not the same as Ketamine and the side effects of that drug on humans were not known as it wasn’t a drug not meant to be used on humans. _y/n_ felt queasy and said they had a bad headache and were weak, but thankfully the symptoms didn’t get much worse than that. After a few hours of close monitoring for both Aaorn and _y/n_. The hospital staff felt that both agents would pull out without too much physical damage. However, the hospital required Aaron to stay put until the local anesthetic wore off so they could assess his pain, and that _y/n_ stay for a full twenty-four hours to ensure there were no long-lasting side effects of the drugs they had been given. Rossi went in and checked on Hotch first, letting him know that _y/n_ was going okay apart from some slight discomfort and nausea. He then explained what had happened since Aaron had been out of the loop for around three hours. How the police had handled most of the dogs by the time the rest of the BAU had arrived. How Jason Karon had been taken into custody and his father had agreed to throw his flesh and blood under the bus for a potentially lighter sentence once he found out that his son had been caught. How Jeffrey Karon had delusions about his wife coming home, how Jason had all the makings of a psychopath, and how together the father and son had made a fun hobby of killing anyone unlucky enough to land on their farm that they both wanted to protect with their lives. Hotch listened with disgust at the narrative and how so many had died for nothing more than a game, a distraction. He reflected on how in some cases, no one seemed to win. There were just losers. But then again, _y/n_ could have died. He could have died. Not that he valued his life much, but _y/n_ was physically okay, and that was enough of a positive to let him relax just a little bit into the bed. Rossi looked down at Aaron from his chair, gave his friend a pat on the shoulder, and said, “You did everything you could, and sometimes that just has to be enough. 

The next morning, _y/n_, who had been given some medication to help them sleep, woke to Aaron sitting by their bedside. They rubbed the sleep from their eyes and looked over the parts of their love that they could see. _y/n_ noticed the bandaging on Aaron’s leg, and they asked, “Should you be out of bed?” Hotch chuckled and tried to lighten the mood by saying, “Oh, I just had to fight two nurses to get here from my room.” _y/n_ leveled him with a glare that had him honestly say, “But seriously, they let me out last night after you were under. Rossi insisted that I not stay here all night waiting for you to wake up.” That got a small smile from _y/n_, and they replied, “Remind me to send Rossi a thank you card when we get home.” Aaron laughed again and rolled his eyes before asking, “How are you feeling today? I’m sure the nurses will be in here in a moment to ask you the same, but I’d like to hear it first.” _y/n_ took a moment to think about their physical state before saying, “Better. I still have a bit of a headache, but much better than last night.” Hotch nodded and then looked to the door as two nurses entered the room as he had guessed. The medical staff asked Aaron to sit in one of the chairs near the wall as they performed some routine checks on _y/n_ and assessed their vital signs. After the nurses had given _y/n_ a dose of medication to make sure they remained stable, they left Aaron and _y/n_ alone again, promising to be back in half an hour to check up on _y/n_.

When they had gone, Aaron moved back to his prior seat. _y/n_ held out their hands for Hotch and he took it in his, running his thumb over their knuckles. Aaron looked up and _y/n_ was looking at him with sad eyes, like they knew something already, but they wished it wasn’t true. _y/n_ had a vague memory of some of yesterday, but with the drugs and the excitement, it had seemed to fade; they asked Hotch softly, “Tell me what happened yesterday. Everything that happened.” Aaron hesitated before replying, “_y/n_, it’s not very pleasant. Maybe you should wait a bit.” _y/n_ sighed and said, “Once the team comes to see me they’ll talk about it and I’d rather hear it from you. I do remember the doctor telling me I’m stuck here for twenty-four hours last night which leaves me with about ten hours to spare.” Aaron sighed before realizing that they were right. He recounted the events of the former day to _y/n_. They squeezed his hand as he described how he’d gotten them out of the field and to the barn. How he couldn’t let them die, and how that had saved his own life. _y/n_ didn’t have the right words to thank him for saving their life at that moment, but Aaron could see it, the look of thanks in their eyes. Instead of saying anything else, he leaned down and kissed _y/n_’s forehead. His lips lingered on their skin. Aaron knew that they had saved each other in an unspoken way. Aaron couldn’t let _y/n_ die, and deep down, he knew that they’d never forgive him if he’d died yesterday either, which had pushed him to run instead of shooting at the dogs. _y/n_ seemed to notice his shift in thoughts, and they asked, “And the dogs?” Aaron knew they would ask about the dogs soon. As someone who cherished animals, he knew his response would bring _y/n_ pain. Hotch pulled back and just nodded his head no, indicating the worst. _y/n_ closed their eyes and let out a half breath, half sob, saying, “They didn’t do anything wrong. They didn’t know what was happening.” Aaron squeezed their hand and said, “I know, love. But maybe it was a mercy. They weren’t treated well, and I heard from one of the officers that a lot of them looked sick. The state wouldn’t have let them live, and they went quickly.” A few tears fell from _y/n_’s eyes, but they nodded ever so slightly, wanting to believe Aaron. Trusting what he said, even if he had fibbed, even if they could hear him lying to make them feel better. _y/n_ opened their eyes and asked, “What about the dogs from in the house? Those were good dogs? Nice dogs.” Aaron replied, “I’m not sure. I didn’t think about them when we got back to the farm. I’ll call the Sheriff later and see what he says. Maybe animal control came and took them before we got back.” _y/n_ nodded, also remembering how the other dogs had been gone once they arrived. They hoped that at least those dogs that they had petted on the first visit to the barn would find good forever homes, far away from the farm. Far away from Kansas. 

Later that evening, _y/n_ was discharged, and the following day, the team was headed back to Quantico after the largest thank you from Sheriff Weiss. Aaron ever so slightly accepted the gratitude but knew with a weariness that another, possibly worse case was waiting for them on JJ’s desk, and the two men shook hands. On the plane, Hotch and _y/n_ both took their mid-day meds from the hospital. _y/n_’s medication left them drowsy, and they moved to sit next to Aaron on the couch, slipping on their headphones and slipping their right hand into his. _y/n_ nestled slightly closer into his side and rested their head on his shoulder. Aaron pressed a kiss to _y/n_’s temple and moved back to the file in his hand. After about twenty minutes, the words began swimming in front of his eyes, and Aaron closed the file and realized he was defeated for the moment. Hotch tapped _y/n_ on the shoulder, and they roused a bit, mumbling, “What is it, Aaron?” Wordlessly, he put out a hand for one of their headphones. _y/n_ smiled and handed one over. Hotch slipped the earbud into his right ear and let the soft soundtrack of Hozier’s “Francesca,” “Northern Attitude,” and _y/n_’s favorite Unknown / Nth” envelope him like a hug. Aaron realized that whenever he listened to this playlist, he could picture _y/n_ so clearly in his mind. Their time together. The soft longing in the Irish man’s voice had become a connection for how much he loved and longed to spend his days with _y/n_. As he slipped off to sleep, he pictured them back home, already nestled in bed, under the covers, skin to skin. His face rested in a calm facade for once as the jet flew thousands of miles above the ground, taking them home. 

When they all got back to Virginia, the team went to their separate houses, Aaron and _y/n_ arrived home, ready for some sleep. Aaron went to the kitchen to make them an early dinner while _y/n_ unpacked their go bags and replaced their dirty clothes with fresh ones whenever the next case came their way. Turning on the light, _y/n_ caught sight of their reflection in the mirror, reminded them of how Hotch had looked at himself before the case, the way he spoke of himself. _y/n_ remembered the idea of getting him into a warm bath and showering him with praise while they sat by the side of the tub, rubbing his shoulders and massaging his scalp. The idea sent a flush through them, and they were determined to make it happen after all they had been through on the last case. _y/n_ had to wait a few days until Aaron could be safely submerged in water. His leg had significantly healed, and he was now putting on a topical antibiotic cream to the bite area instead of the stronger oral tablets he’d been taking before. It was Wednesday evening, and _y/n_ sent Hotch off on a short errand to get some tomato sauce and zucchini for dinner. While he was gone, _y/n_ filled the tub with hot water, lit some of their _y/f/c_’s, and dimmed the lights to low in the bedroom. _y/n_ also put a sheet over the standing mirror in the bedroom and a towel over the mirror in the bathroom. This was about Aaron cherishing his body, not putting it under a microscope. Just when all of this was done, _y/n_ heard Aaron enter the apartment and set the grocery bags on the counter. _y/n_ slipped out of the bedroom and found Aaron, kissing him. Hotch smiled at them, and as _y/n_ wordlessly pulled him into the bedroom, he didn’t question it or protest. Aaron did, however, look a bit taken aback as _y/n_ started undoing the buttons of his shirt He asked softly, “Is everything alright, sweetheart?” _y/n_ smiled at him tenderly and said, “It will be when you have your clothes off.” Aaron flushed. _y/n_ was rarely so brazen, and he didn’t know what this was about, but he didn’t stop himself from undoing his belt and sliding his trousers to the ground. Now that his shirt and pants were off, and his skin exposed to the cool air of the room he took _y/n_’s hand and looked at the bed as if asking if they wanted to move there now. _y/n_ leaned down a bit and kissed his chest, running their hands down his torso and beneath the band of his underwear. Hotch took in a sharp breath, flexing his muscles. _y/n_ pulled his last article of clothing down and simultaneously began gently sucking on one of the scars Foyett had left on his upper torso.

Aaron whispered their name and made to move to the bed, but _y/n_ said, “Actually, I drew you a warm bath. I, I kind of thought you might need something relaxing after that last case.” Hotch’s dark eyes changed from something filled with desire to a different kind of want; to be shown affection, and his gaze softened ever so slightly as he whispered, “Would you lead the way?” _y/n_ nodded, taking his hand as they led him to the bathroom. They checked the temperature of the water, and it felt perfect. Aaron kissed _y/n_ once more before settling in the tub. He lowered himself slowly into the water, letting it lap at his thighs, groin, and finally, his chest. He let out a sigh at how comforting the bath felt. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d treated himself to something like this. He could sense _y/n_ move behind him with soft steps and then get onto their knees near the lip of the tub. _y/n_ dipped their hands in the water and ran them over his broad, muscled shoulders, which were tight from the stress he kept in his neck and upper back. As _y/n_ began running firm hands over the knots, Aaron turned his head to the side and asked, “Would you get in with me, _y/n_?” _y/n_ paused, and though that had not been their original plan, a bath with Aaron sounded like bliss. _y/n_ put their head near this mouth and said, “Okay. Just give me a moment to put away the groceries. I’ll grab you a drink too.” Hotch smiled and nodded. He was happy that if he was going to be so relaxed, that _y/n_ would get to revel in it too. 

Aaron didn’t think much about how long _y/n_ was taking to put away the groceries, get him a drink, and then strip in the next room. He kept his eyes closed and pictured _y/n_ and really, without thinking about it, started humming _y/n_’s favorite song. When the tune to the chorus came around, he murmured the words as well in his soft tenor voice. Little did he know that _y/n_ was standing in the doorway listening to him. When _y/n_ stepped forward, he stopped immediately as if embarrassed for singing aloud. _y/n_ didn’t comment yet as they stepped into view, now stripped of their clothes. Aaron looked up at them, reveling in the sight of them fully revealed to him. Not that he didn’t see this every day, but it never failed to take the breath from him. _y/n_ handed him a chilled glass with an amber liquid inside saying, “Thought you might enjoy a scotch.” Aaron downright beamed at _y/n_’s thoughtfulness and said, “You’re singing my song.” _y/n_ smiled and cheekily replied, as they got into the bath, “Actually, I think you were singing my song.” Hotch flushed, as he took his first sip of his drink. There was a silence before _y/n_ asked, “Would you sing the rest of it for me? I don’t think I’ve ever really heard you sing before.” Aaron spluttered for a second, and he said, “Probably because I’m not a good singer, _y/n_. I think my talents lie elsewhere.” _y/n_ gave a soft pout and said, “I think you sounded lovely before. Please, Aaron.” Hotch knew he could never refuse them, and he steeled himself as he finished singing the third verse, bridge, and chorus of Hozier’s lyrics. He was shocked that the words just came to him, as he’d never actually looked them up before. But he guessed he’d just heard it so often and listened to _y/n_ sing them in the car or the shower that they had soaked into his neural paths naturally. After he finished, he looked to _y/n_ for some response.

Their smile told him what he needed to know, and he relaxed back more fully. For a moment there was just the soft sound of water lapping at their bodies. Eventually, _y/n_ said, “You know I love every part of you, right?” Aaron opened his eyes and met _y/n_’s as he responded with, “_y/n_ I…” He dropped the sentence because he didn’t know how to finish it. He did know that they loved every part of him, but he felt this was more than just about their perception of him. Aaron’s silence told _y/n_ that he was thinking and they gently said, “I mean it, Aaron. I love your mind that’s sharp as a razor, and I love your determination to do the right thing and protect people, and I love your body too. No matter how you change with age and time, nothing is going to stop me from loving you wholly. I need you to know that. I wouldn’t be here right now if it hadn’t been for all three of those things a week back.” The cynical side of his brain had him say, “_y/n_, that was all adrenaline in the heat of the moment.” _y/n_ scoffed at his logic slightly and said, “And? So what? That was your adrenaline that saved me. No one else's. Not the cop’s, not Derek’s. It was you who put your body on the line for me and didn’t let me die in a field in Kansas. You think you’re not capable of things because you’re getting older, but me being here is proof that you’re more capable than you know. And you always will be Aaron.” Hotch felt the weight of their words and emotions in _y/n_’s statement, and he almost started crying. He looked at _y/n_ through bleary eyes and said, “Thank you for taking care of me, _y/n_.” That was all he could get out without letting his tears actually fall. _y/n_ gave him a soft smile of understanding and opened their legs to make space for him, and they patted their chest for him to lean on. Aaron moved so his back was against their chest, and _y/n_ said, “Always, Aaron. We’ll always be there for each other.” Aaron closed his eyes and chose to let go of his negative thoughts for now. Choosing to accept _y/n_’s reality. Choosing to believe that he was worthy. As he settled back into their embrace, _y/n_ started working his aching muscles with their hands, whispering words of praise. He knew he had made it home.

______________________________________________________________

Tag list: @tgskitten @geminitapestry

Want to be added to the tag list? Please see this post, CM Tag List (linked)

Daily update post:

Yesterday, a suicide drone crashed in the Golan Heights. The IDF estimates that it was launched from Syria (though earlier, there was an Iranian funded militia in Iraq that claimed responsibility for firing at a target in the Golan Heights). the alarm didn't go off, and it wasn't intercepted, which is a reminder that no warning and defence system, not even the best one, is impenetrable. There was then a wave of sirens going off through Israel's north, likely because of debris from the interception, falling on different commeunities.

Today, another attack drone was intercepted over Israel's north. Over the area where my paternal grandparents lived, when they were still with us. Thankfully, there are no known injuries, but on top of that, there were no less than five more warnings of a drone crossing into Israel. If there will be no diplomatic solution for the situation in the north, meaning if the world doesn't intervene and FINALLY implement UN resolution 1701, which says that Hezbollah will not operate next to the Israeli border, or anywhere south of the Litani river, then things will get worse. One Israeli Aramean expert I was listening to, was talking about how much ammunition, and how many weapons, Hezbollah has aimed at Israel. Let's put it this way, they make Hamas look like kids.

Three more soldiers were killed in Gaza yesterday. We get news like this every single day now. Usually we get the names once or twice a day (morning and evening), depending on how many have died. You see people tense up around the time when the news is about to drop. I wanted to share with you that Israeli civilians have starting doing something so often, that it's almost like a new custom. When people learn about where a funeral will be held, they stand by the sides of the road with Israeli flags, to escrot the fallen soldier on his or her last journey, even when they didn't know the soldier at all.

I wrote a whole post about why Oct 7, despite all of the differences, and the fact that there is no comparison, bears similarities for Jewish people to the Holocaust. I was reminded of that post again today. I saw a vid with Holocaust survivor and famous Israeli actress, Lea Koenig. Knowing of her history, when I heard the start of her testimony, I was sure I was listening to her recounting her experiences during the Hoolocaust. It turns out that no, she's reading a testimony from Oct 7. The fact that some of these testimonies are indistinguishable should explain why the massacre, shocking as it is all on its own, is also deeply triggering for Jews. Here's the vid:

Australia says it will look into whether an Australian citizen who was killed in an Israeli counter strike in Lebanon yesterday, was a Hezbollah terrorist, as the organization claims. If he was, then fighting for a terrorist organization (as Hezbollah is defined in Australia) is a criminal offense under Australian law.

The IDF has destroyed a whole network of terror tunnels underneath the Rantisi hospital in Gaza. It says the length of the tunnels is several kilometers. Reminder: it's a war crime to build a terror tunnel underneath a hospital. It is NOT a war crime, to act against the terror tunnel used to attack a country's innocent civilians, even if it is built underneath a hospital.

This is 19 years old Agam Berger.

On Oct 7, she was kidnapped to Gaza. Her family identified her in a vid posted by Hamas, as she was being led away, handcuffed, and with blood stains on her pyjama pants (left side of the pic). Her father said that as released hostages talked about sexual abuse, Agam's family are terrified for her. He also wanted people to know that she was a gifted violinist, and used to volunteer with people who have special needs. So, in accordance with his wishes, here is Agam playing Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah on violin:

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

This is your daily reminder of the existence of

Prince Logan, ftfn and Barbie!driver

lea leave me alone

STWG daily prompt 2/11/24: date night

pairing: platonic stobin

wc: 1000

Robin felt like a cat, curled up on Steve’s chest, her cheek pressed to his ribs and his hand running through her hair. The wine was making her sleepy and silly, and with her favorite dingus she had no reason to act like anything other than herself. So she felt completely safe to hold him tighter and nuzzle her face into his shirt, chasing the sensation of the soft fabric on her skin. The surface beneath her rumbled with laughter.

“Birdie, what’re you doing?” 

She looked up at Steve’s smiling face, the crease at the corner of his eyes as familiar to her as her own skin. “You feel nice.”

“Do I?” He asked, bemused. He really shouldn’t be. It wasn’t like she hadn’t done stuff like this before.

Robin nodded against his chest, feeling the softness again. “You should wear this shirt every day.” It was just a worn out t-shirt, but right now it was the height of fashion in her tipsy brain.

Steve chuckled. “Don’t think it’d stay soft if I did that.”

Robin made an unhappy noise at that, but didn’t bother to respond with words. He’d get what she meant. 

Steve let her keep nuzzling against him for a minute or two before he spoke again with a soft pat to her sides. “C’mon, Rob, time to get up.”

She groaned again. “Comfyyyy.”

“We could be even comfier in bed,” Steve tried to reason with her. 

Robin opened her eyes and squinted across the room. That’s right, they were still on the couch. There was still an empty popcorn bowl and bottle of wine on the coffee table, debris leftover from their Platonic Soulmate Date Night, in which they watched whichever shitty romcoms got the worst reviews that week at work. This week’s movie had been so boring that Robin had started entertaining herself by throwing popcorn in Steve’s mouth — a normal Tuesday for them.

But being in bed… now that was tempting. It was much comfier than the couch, which Robin knew from the many times a week that she slept over. Steve had one of those rich people mattresses that felt perfect on her back, and so many blankets to bundle up in. 

“Okay,” she agreed. “Let’s go to bed.”

Steve waited a beat. “You have to get off of me for us to do that.”

“Oh, right.” Robin sat up and clambered off of him, the head rush making her see spots for a second. Steve steadied her with a hand in the small of her back as she wobbled, then led her upstairs. 

They flopped down in bed with a groan, Robin immediately cozying up to Steve again. Usually when they shared a bed, they ended up spooning, or with Robin using Steve’s broad chest as a pillow. Tonight, she pulled him to face her, pressing their foreheads together for a moment. They were too close together to make proper eye contact, but she tried anyway, his eyes blurring together into one. 

“Love you, Robbie,” Steve said, hushed in the quiet of the room. By now it was a familiar phrase, but Robin still felt pinpricks of tears at the reminder. She tucked her head into the crook of his neck.

“Love you, dingus.” The words were muffled against his skin, but he still heard them. She could feel him exhale contentedly, snuggled into him as she was.

His skin was soft against her face, even better than the t-shirt, because this was the real deal. She rubbed her cheek against him, slower than before, soft and gentle. His jaw knocked against her forehead, so she moved a little higher, the bridge of her nose at the hinge of his jaw, her eye socket level with his lips. 

She felt even more like a cat than she had on the couch. She was pretty sure she had seen her parent’s cat Rowan do this before. He would press his face into a soft surface over and over, paws kneading whatever it was until he was satisfied. The only difference here was that Robin wasn’t doing anything with her hands except hold on.

Steve didn’t seem to mind. She knew that he liked cuddling — they’d talked about it before and did it often enough that it was obvious. She didn’t usually get this touchy, though. Or at least, not in this way. At the moment, though, she couldn’t remember why when it felt so good. 

The rhythmic movement of her face gradually moved up and up until Steve and Robin were cheek to cheek. She moved up and down, enjoying the scratch of his stubble against her cheek. She didn’t notice until she slowed down, but Steve was moving with her, going the opposite direction for her to rub against. She stopped for a moment, and he kept going, fully in it, moving down so that now he was nuzzled against her neck and her cheek was pressed against his hair.

Robin smiled to herself, a little teary that her favorite person was turning out to be weird in all the same ways that she was. She moved back down, pressing their faces together against the other cheek this time, making the stimulation even across both sides. They picked up speed, enthusiastically rubbing their faces together in the most platonic way possible.

It was funny, Robin thought, that this was maybe the most intimate she had ever been with another person, and she wasn’t even a little tempted to kiss him. In a way, this felt closer than kissing. It wasn’t limited to just mouths and tongues and teeth, it was cheeks and necks and foreheads, skin against blissful skin. If she could purr, she would be.

They slowed down, mutually losing steam. It was late, the bed was soft, they were wrapped in each other’s arms. The tiredness didn’t have to fight hard.

Their eyes closed, their bodies entwined, and they slept, a perfect end to a perfect Platonic Soulmate Date Night.

(I have insomnia, so you get some new chapters also available on https://archiveofourown.org/works/43897591/chapters/110372089)

Masterlist link

The Refugee: Chapter 3

Loki spent the rest of the day exploring the charming village in his disguised form. He liked to conduct this little ritual every evening before conducting raids the next day. He enjoyed appreciating the place and its daily rhythms before chaos reigned down.

He liked to remind himself of why he wanted so much for them to submit, to become part of the great empire which would preserve their culture rather than destroy it. It was worth it to reign in his impulse towards destruction to scheme for a greater good. Additionally, the power to either preserve or destroy on such a scale gave him a delicious thrill. The village was small and quaint, and as the sun set blanketing the thatched roofs in amber orange, he found his feet leading him back to Madam Beatrice's, for a meal and the cabaret show.

Loki was delighted at how the hall had transformed for the evening into a scene of glittering hedonism. The working ladies had all vacated their rooms to flirt and mingle in their finest lingerie with the patrons, soft skin and curves paraded proudly in their silk frames. The jeweled and creamy tones of silk, lace, jewelry, and corsetry swirled through the hall like the strokes of an impressionist painting. The many colors and variety of amber and red libations were poured, jostled and gulped down with gusto and joy. Some guests sat over plates of succulent roast vegetables and mutton, warm and pleased with the delicious flavors. Seeing this tempting food and drink, Loki felt his mouth water. He found a small table towards the back. Hoping the charming little barmaid would find him...and find him she did.

“Hello again, sir!” said Lea. She was wearing the same welcoming smile as she glided over to his table, tray in hand. She was still wearing her dull gray barmaid's dress and apron, rough linen contrasting sharply with the rich soft colors around her.

“Hello Lenora,” he said with that toothy charming grin. “Lovely to see you again” and he was delighted to realize he wasn't lying.

She raised her usually-soft voice considerably over the din to ask him what he would like, when Beatrice came up behind her, saying loud enough for all three to hear, “Lea my love, I'll handle it. I can see this gentleman would like some ale and supper and I'll take care of him.”

Loki nodded graciously, confirming it. Bea turned to Lea, “Go get into costume. I'll take over here.”

Bea gave him a friendly but wary glance as she drifted over to fetch his supper and ale, returning with it in her cloud of perfectly set sunny blonde curls and red satin. As she set it down she joined him at the table. She waited this time for him to speak, trying her best to unsettle the imperturbable god. After taking a nibble of his food and a deep cool gulp of ale he spoke deliberately. “Dearest Beatrice, why do I get the feeling that you are trying to keep that barmaid from my company?”

She shrugged. “I told you. I'm protective of her and we both know you're trouble.”

He crossed his arms and threw his head back, laughing gently with closed eyes and a wide grin, clearly proud of the fact. “I like you Beatrice, and I like her.”

Bea sighed. “Yeah that's what I'm afraid of, and you're about to see what makes everyone fall a little bit in love with her. That worries me.”

Loki finished his meal with satisfaction and anticipation at what Bea might mean. The front stage began to glow stronger with magic light as the same magic dimmed the rest of them. Beatrice made her way on stage to welcome and calm the crowd. She managed this instantly with her charming poise and authority, then came back to sit beside Loki, watching him like a hawk.

The show was the usual bawdy fare; burlesque, and snake charmers, sword swallowers, magicians, fire walkers, and circus tricks. Although he was enjoying the mischievous revelry and hedonism immensely, he couldn't help but wonder when the little barmaid would make her entrance, finding it hard to imagine what he might see.

No sooner did he have the thought than a glimmer of elaborate glittering costume caught his eye. The deep purple and red fabric, and bright gold coins cascading off of her head, curves, breasts and hips dazzled his sight as she danced slowly gracefully, with layers of elaborate control. His eyes panned up to see that on her head was a tray full of candles. That room was utterly silent aside from the violinist accompanying her. She moved up and down, shimmying and even coming to the floor as the tray stayed still, her kohl lined ebony eyes boring holes as she stared forward, a soft smirk on her red painted lips. After the candles, the swords came out, bright steel twin scimitars, clearly sharp. She danced with them like partners, maneuvering and balancing them as she picked up the pace. For the finale she balanced both atop her head of long black-coffee-colored hair.

The room erupted with applause as she curtsied politely, genuine gratitude and kindness on her sweet face, cupid-bow lips now pulled wide into a bright smile. It was only when she left the stage that Loki noticed the strata of coins that had been tossed at her feet on the stage.

He was about to speak when he realized he hadn't yet exhaled, and found himself in the very unusual position of not knowing exactly what to say. Beatrice could see an odd and unsettling type of greed in his eyes, and it wasn't for the coins. He snapped back into his mask of smooth inscrutability saying simply, “I see what you mean when you say she's paid well.” Bea did have to laugh a little at that.

“Isn't she going to get her coins?”

“No, she would consider that crass. It's Morhari custom that someone will come to collect them for the dancer instead.”

“Why is that?”

“Because part of the performance and illusion is for the dancer to seem like a regal magical creature who is above such concerns as coin.”

He nodded saying a little breathlessly, “That she is.”

Bea read him and smirked, “You know in all these years, I don't think I've ever seen you genuinely surprised...until now”.

Loki shrugged, “Well, I wasn't expecting that. She is very...surprising” .

“That she is,” replied Bea, gently mocking his deep tone.

Now to Beatrice's utter amazement, she saw him glance over with an expression she had never seen before. He was slightly blushing. She never expect to see school boy embarrassment from the god of mischief, but here it was.

Notes:

Hello all 3's of you who are probably reading this. : ) This is my first fanfic and I'm incredibly nervous to post it, so please be polite and constructive in your critiques. I have many chapters already finished (or mostly finished, bar some perfectionistic tweaking and polishing) so I plan to post regularly if this goes over well. Also, be aware that I am playing very fast and loose with a lot of aspects of the original material and canon for the sake of the story, so please take it with a grain of salt.

P.S. I mention sex work and sex workers but I intend to so with respect and positivity towards their profession. I have tried to avoid any problematic words or descriptions, but please let me know if any exist and I will do my best to fix it.

On who I would cast for the major roles: Loki is obviously the Hiddleston Loki of the MCU. Magnus (original character) is very specifically Domhnall Gleeson in my mind. I imagine Queen Nadia (original character) as Lashana Lynch. Have yet to settle on casting for Lenora herself or Beatrice (OC).

CW: Non/dubious consent. slow burn to eventual smut. violence and torture. Loki is very unambiguously bad, morally complex but bad, and does bad things.

@goblingirlsarah @lokisgoodgirl Thank you! 💛💚💛

‘Spring Awakening: Those You’ve Known’ reviews

CNN

Part valentine to the theater, part unconventional love story, "Spring Awakening: Those You've Known" celebrates the show and its original cast, while also providing a broader look at the issues of teen rebellion and alienation that turned the musical into a sensation. Or just come for the adorable interplay between Jonathan Groff and Lea Michele, and the bond they forged through their time together on the show.

Directed by Michael John Warren, "Spring Awakening: Those You've Known" also addresses how the themes within the show resonated among a younger audience in a manner that in some respects, given the current cultural debate, feels even more relevant and timely now.

So while the documentary focuses on the young actors and their particular experience, it simultaneously explains why this is one of those productions where each generation appears destined to have its own "Awakening."

Awards Daily

When the cast is together again, it is an emotional experience. Groff unexpectedly starts to cry when Michele sings the first few notes of ‘Mama Who Bore Me’ during rehearsal, and, even though the material lends itself to angst and raucousness, there are only tender feelings amongst this group. In confessionals, Michele details just how deeply she fell in love with Groff as they started working together, but it’s Groff’s recounting of his own coming out experience that really tugs at your heart. Director Michael Mayer thought the actor might be gay, but he told himself that he would let Groff come out on his terms, if he felt so inclined.

New York Times

The winner of eight Tonys in 2007 including best musical, “Spring Awakening” now gets an adoring documentary for a victory lap celebration. “Spring Awakening: Those You’ve Known” does a suitably wide-eyed recap of the show’s success, on the occasion of a recent reunion concert with the endearingly jazzed cast. Michael John Warren’s film is a sure-handed blend of making-of explainer, theater-kid scrapbook and jukebox documentary, doling out hits from its theatrical run (through clips) and the reunion.

Pop Culture Planet

Fans of the musical will love how sentimental the cast gets about their experience and the peek inside the lifelong friendships they’ve developed, including a surprisingly endearing story of female anatomy between besties Michele and Groff. The musical numbers are incredible, raw, and emotionally charged as we go back and forth between current and older performance footage. At its heart, Spring Awakening: Those You’ve Known is a love letter to the world of theatre and the power it has to impact people and remind them that they’re not alone.

Brittany Frederick, TVbrittanyf.com

What truly sets Those You’ve Known apart is everyone’s willingness to be honest. Including the way it’s directed, people are able to be critical when criticism is deserved, and offer up more than superficial recollections.

That’s what makes this an incredible piece of filmmaking (and theatregoing by extension).

School life is better or college life

School and College life are two very distinct phases of life. School life prepares you to be an adult. College life teaches you how to actually adult. Both experiences are fun in their own ways and offer very unique experiences. It is definitely a tough question to answer when someone asks you which life was better. You’ve had your share of fun and experiences in both and will cherish it throughout your life. Although, everyone’s answers do differ. So how do we know the difference between School Life Vs College Life?

We have listed the most common experiences that almost everyone would have experienced in their school or college life. We do not want to know which life is better, we just want to bring back those memories. Good or bad, everything has helped shape us into what we are today. So let us forget everything and just appreciate the experiences we have had. This comparison of School Life Vs College Life will help you decide which life you like the most if you want to. If not, you can just read through and we are sure it will bring a smile to your face if not for a drop of tear.

Comparison of School Life Vs College Life

School life and college life are poles apart from each other. In school, you are treated as a child, you have friends from childhood and the dream of your ideal job. But in college, you are suddenly treated as an adult, have limited but true friends, work on building a career and pray to be a child again. These feelings are very common in a college-goer or any adult for that matter.

Now, let us quickly compare School Life Vs College Life and refresh our memories, shall we?

Table of Contents

1. Attendance

2. Assignments

3. Grades

4. Class size

5. Hostel

6. Clothes

7. Waking up

8. Money

Attendance

School: Attendance is taken once a day. After that, you are bound to stay in class/ school until it is time to go home. You cannot miss classes and go out of college. Your teachers call you out for not participating in class. You know all your teachers and they all know you. Teachers focus on students individually.

College: Attendance is taken during every lecture. It is up to you which lecture you want to attend and which you want to miss. Most colleges have a rule that a student must have a minimum of 75% attendance in a subject to write exams. You can participate in classes, or sit there as a silent spectator and no one questions you

Assignment

2. Assignments

School: There is homework every day. Students are required to study and write notes, worksheets, projects, and assignments on a daily basis. Though, the workload for each day would be less. Students find time to finish their homework and also play after school. The homework given in school was more of a learning experience.

College: Though you are not given an assignment each day, the frequency of assignments is often. There are presentations, research, projects, assignments, etc. These are very challenging as compared to school. The experience is more of a research nature. You will not find all your answers in a textbook.

Grade

College: It is up to you to decide when you want to study, or if you want to even study or not. No one reminds you or forces you to sit down with your books. The colleges give you a time frame within which you can take up exams. You are in full control of your grades and when you graduate.

School: Your teachers and parents constantly remind you to study. They are always pushing you to be better and score better marks. You do not choose when you graduate. There is a specific time of when exams will be conducted and at what age you will complete your schooling.

Class size

School: You generally have a small class size of 30 – 50 students. Everyone is paid attention individually. Generally, you know everyone in your class and school. All teachers recognize you.

College: The class sizes are generally huge (80 to 100 students or more). Lecturers do not pay attention to all students individually. The students are responsible for their learning. No one forces them or calls them out. You hardly know anyone in class or college

Hostel

School: During school, you mostly live with your parents. Even if you live in a hostel, you will be in a school hostel. The school decides who your roommates will be. And hostel warden is generally very strict at the school level.

College: Most college students stay in hostels or PGs. You have roommates from different classes, different streams, or sometimes even different colleges. It is here that you make amazing friends, who stay for life. You get to choose who you want to live with and where you want to live.

Clothes

School: In school, you would wear your uniform every morning. Everyone in school was required to wear the same uniform to maintain disciple and uniformity among students. No matter how much you disliked it, you never had the tension to choose an outfit to look cool,

College: You get to wear what you want to. There is no uniform in colleges. You only have a dress code that you need to follow. There is always a tension to not repeat outfits and wear what makes you look cool, not comfortable. But no matter what, we all enjoyed dressing up for college.

Waking up

School: You would wake up early in the morning for school. Get dressed and head to school. Reach school before the bell rings and take part in the assembly. Reaching late to school was punishable.

College: You wake up when you want to. You try to reach college when the first lecture starts, but do not always make it. You go in and come out of college anytime you want to.

Money

School: You were never tensed about money matters in school. You did not have major expenses and most of it was taken care of by your parents. You used to receive pocket money for small expenses, snacks, and other entertainment.

College: You have many expenses that you need to take care of. You do not even take pocket money from your parents. Generally, college students prefer to find an internship or a part-time job to fund their expenses. You run on a budget and try limiting your spending. Nonetheless, you enjoy and do everything you want to do.

•In conclusion, school life vs college life have a lot of differences. But both have their own memories and experiences that we cannot trade for each other. People say that you can never forget your school life and college life, and it is true. You always want to go back to that phase in life. But school life vs college life will always be a question we will not find an answer to.

So remember when I had anxiety attack on Easter and didn't go to the family celebration? I felt really bad about not going because I wanted to spend the day with my grandmother.

Well, talking to my mom about it, my grandmother also had a bad anxiety attack, something she'd never had before, and stayed home. (Full on rant about my aunt the under cut)

Now she adores her grandkids and great grandkids and takes every opportunity to see them so the fact that she didn't go was just wild.

I guess my aunt took it personally, as well as my absence. As she should 😌 she's been a nightmare recently.

No one gives me anxiety attacks like her. It's like her not-so-secret talent. Then she says the most insensitive shit and tries to help me "get over" my anxiety. It's obvious she doesn't even know anything about anxiety or how it works, and she refuses to learn!

Anyways, a week later was my 2nd cousin's birthday and my family didn't go. That's a good thing! If we had gone, I would've been on one of my moms anxiety pill which takes away my brain mouth filter and the moment she started on my brother's eating habits (something she's taken it upon herself to 'fix') I would've told her off. And not nicely at that. And then I would've been the bad guy.

To be completely honest, I'm okay with that. Someone needs to tell her off, to remind her that she is not in charge of everyone. And I am fine with that person being me. But I don't want to ruin my someone's birthday or a family holiday. (I'm already the family disappointment I don't wanna be the one that ruined little Reagan's 3rd birthday too)

I just don't know how much more of her shit I can take, and I'm afraid the next time she starts something when I'm around I'll fucking snap 😔

She's spent so much time trying to make me be like her kids, to be "normal"

Through most of elementary school to now I didn't like wearing jeans, I'm short and thick and I have a hard time finding ones that fit right/comfortably. So I wear leggings. She doesn't like that.

I also used to hate wearing sneakers, I always found them uncomfortable, so I wore crocs and sandals. She didn't like that.

So she would always bring me on shopping trips and make me try on uncomfortable clothes and shoes. And at some point I just got so sick of her bitching I let her buy me whatever just to shut her the hell up.

And she constantly acts like she was doing me a favor! As if my mother refused to buy me normal clothes. Like my she wasn't just letting me be comfortable in my own skin by letting me express myself.

My brother and I have adhd. She always looked at me like I was crazy and roll her eyes when I stayed over with my baggie of daily meds. As if my medication was the problem. Mom mom used to say if I was her sister's kid I never would've been medicated for that or my depression.

As for my brother, his meds make it so he isn't hungry during the day, he'salso extremely picky. My aunt recently found this out and, as mentioned before, she's taken it upon herself to "fix" that.

It's like she can't comprehend that we're not her kids. That we're not hers to "fix" just because we're not like her kids.

And the condescending tone and way she looks at me. Like I'm the most incompetent person she's ever met. Just cause all her kids went to college and moved out at 18 and I'm still living with my parents at nearly 22. As if I'm not already under pressure by my parents and society to do that. As if I'm not constantly dealing with my mental and physical illness.

Not to mention she's a vocal Trump supporter irl and on social media. There's a reason I avoid he Facebook like the plague.

Ugh idk I just need her to stop being such a bitch so we can all enjoy holidays and gatherings again 😔

And yes I am the gay cousin, but I strongly suspect that my cousin is bi, too. You don't just "pretend to be gay" with your best friend for a year in high school, kissing each other, (and very intimate holding and such) in front of people without it being at least a little real.

Unit 08: THE SUN

One of the most amazing things about nature that I enjoy. It’s ability to impact our health and mentality is impressive to say the least. Do you ever find yourself wondering why the minute you step outside into the sunlight, your bad mood goes away and you feel happier? Mental health is a large part of our everyday lives and one of the most beneficial medications is the sun!

Sometimes I wonder if we are more closely related to plants than anything else, we love when the sun comes out! I believe that the amount of time we spend outside in the sun correlates directly to our health and mental health. The sun affects your vitamin D production, produces the happy hormone serotonin in your brain, helps your sleep pattern and can also be linked to a healthier immune system.

The sun boosts vitamin D production, a nutrient that is essential for bone health, immune system function, and mood regulation (Buscha, 2023). The sun provides enough vitamin D during the summer seasons but when winter rolls around, we are told by healthcare providers to take supplemental vitamin D to ensure we are supporting our health and immune system. 

The sun causes our brains to make the happy hormone serotonin, a chemical messenger that travels between nerve cells in our brains and throughout our body guiding our bodies to perform various tasks (Cleveland Clinic, (n.d.)). Serotonin helps with mood, memory, focus, bone health, wound repair and sleep. High levels of serotonin are good while low levels lead to depression. This is why seasonal depression is a thing. We are deprived of long sunny days in the winter and therefore become seasonally depressed. A study by Lambert et al. (2002), tested serotonergic activity in the brains of healthy adult males, and found that sunlight is directly correlated to brain serotonin levels and therefore mood seasonality disorders are a result of low sunlight exposure (Lambert et al., 2002). 

Sleep patterns are a direct result of serotonin levels. Serotonin and dopamine affect how well and how long you sleep for. Melatonin, a sleep regulation hormone, is made with serotonin (Cleveland Clinic, (n.d.)). Therefore for a better quality sleep, get more sun! Additionally, our internal day:night clock, called the circadian rhythm, is regulated by how much daylight you are exposed to. If this clock is imbalanced by days spent inside in the dark versus outside in the daylight, your sleep will be affected.

In a modern world that often warns others against the dangers of sun exposure, it is important to remember that the sun is not our enemy but a key source of health and happiness. It is essential to get enough sunlight in your day to be able to ensure all of your body’s needs are met. Sun is important for internal body health and also mental health, which is key to a happy life.  I am making the effort to enjoy more time outside because I know the benefits of sunlight. I have been walking to school rather than taking the bus, to not only increase my cardiovascular health but to take in as much sunlight as I can before spending a day at the library. It's sometimes hard to get outside since we are busy doing our everyday tasks such as going to school, heading to work and staying home, but I think we should all take a moment out of our day to ensure we get some sunlight. Whether that be sitting outside for your morning coffee or going for a short walk at lunch time. We should all embrace the sun responsibly and incorporate it into our daily routines. So, step outside, bask in the sun, and let its warmth nourish both your body and mind.

Have you noticed your mood changing during the winter months from seasonal depression? What are some ways you cope with it? 

I have included a song that reminds me of the joy that comes along with seeing the sun. 

Lea

References:

Buscha, F. (2023). Curious Kids: why do I feel happier when the sun is out? The Conversation. Accessed March 15th 2024 from: https://theconversation.com/curious-kids-why-do-i-feel-happier-when-the-sun-is-out-198200 

Cleveland Clinic. (n.d.) Serotonin. Accessed March 15th 2024 from: https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22572-serotonin

Lambert, G. W., Reid, C., Kaye, D. M., Jennings, G. L., Esler, M. D. (2002). Effect of sunlight and season on serotonin turnover in the brain. The Lancet, 360, 1840-1842. https://doi.org/10.1016/s0140-6736(02)11737-5

Dragged Into The Blood

Story Summary: Never staying in one place for long, Lea was used to impermanence, chaos, and having to drop everything at the drop of a hat. Lea never expected that she would be kidnapped and wake up in a rusted, decrepit prison cell because of a madman's delusional belief in eugenics and cleansing the Earth of imperfection. By herself, with only the clothing on her back, she will have to rely on luck and logic to escape before she's killed or worse. Chapter Warnings: Depressive thoughts, description of human experimentation, mention of child abuse and starvation, familial arguments, toxic but well-meaning father not taking a hint.

WELCOME BACK DEARHEARTS! I know I've been gone for a while, I had to take a small hiatus to focus on getting the hell out of the food industry. Good news, I'm finally out and gonna start a medical assistant apprenticeship at the end of the month! 2 dollar raise, full benefits, paid tuition, and once I complete my 12-month training and get my certification, I get another 2 dollar raise! I'm so fucking happy! Anyways, enjoy the chapter, and as always reference back to the chapter warnings and curate your own experience!

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16.

Chapter 10: New Revelations

Lea swung her legs back and forth over the edge of the bed as her eyes scanned over the words in the book, only to realize she hadn’t been paying attention to what she had been reading and starting back at the top of the page for the fourth time. By the fifth time this had happened, the teen placed the bookmark back inside and snapped the book shut with a growl. 

Six weeks had passed since that fated night since Lea was saved from the eugenical terrorist Albert Wesker. Six weeks since she was put into an isolation room until Rebecca Chambers could find a serum to ensure that the Uroboros virus that poisoned her veins wouldn’t mutate out of control. Lea never thought that she would adapt to being held under surveillance and forced into a set routine, with little to no contact from anyone aside from her doctor, as well as Chris and Josh. Lea never thought she would adapt to her newfound abilities and senses of being inhuman. And yet, she had. She hated it, but she had gotten used to being woken up daily, having set mealtimes, and completing whatever crossword puzzle that resided in the newspapers given to her. Of wandering in the dark, refusing to sleep, refusing to relive anything that reminded her of that. Recently, the sleepless nights had become less dull as Rebecca had lent her copy of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. Lea had also learned that she could add night vision to the ever-growing list of new abilities that Wesker had forced upon her. 

Lea still struggled with her newfound strength and agility. She lost track of how many pens and pencils she crushed before she relearned the proper delicacy writing needed or how many times she’d created holes in the metal walls from accidentally running into them. 

Chris was surprisingly helpful in that matter. He wasn’t excellent at explaining how Lea should handle her new strength and agility, but he had helped show her how not to crush cups or door handles and how not to rip out someone’s shoulder when helping them up. He even promised that once he got clearance, he could help Lea with sparring and how to utilize her abilities in a fight properly. 

Lea pulled her stubby legs under her into a crisscrossed position, repeatedly tapping the spot above her knee with her right hand as she held her jaw tightly with her left hand. It was particularly strange to her that Chris would have so much first-hand knowledge of adapting to newfound destructive strength. Yet, whenever Lea asked him about it, he had not so subtly avoided the subject entirely or outright refused to entertain the matter. 

However, that wasn’t the only thing agitating Lea at that moment. Six weeks had passed, and there had been no word on where her father or Uncle Shawn was. No one would give her a straight answer. Not Rebecca, Chris, no one. Lea doubted Jill would tell her anything if B.S.A.A. would allow her and Jill to communicate. 

‘... I’d at least like to know whether or not they’ve left at least a voicemail... but noo... I swear… if it’s some bullshit thing about not causing a panic... I’m gonna lose my shit...’ 

A slight knock fills the room’s silence so that small it would be nearly inaudible to anyone except for Lea. While Chris and Josh were considerate enough to give her that warning knock, they’d never been able to knock lightly, so Lea knew it was the doctor on the other side. Lea set the book to the side and called for Rebecca to come in, quickly covering and plugging in her ears as much as possible. Even with her ears folded over themselves, the annoying beep still penetrated her eardrums, making her wince. Rebecca gave her an apologetic smile as she approached the stool across from Lea. 

“So, what brings you to my humble abode?” Lea joked with a nervous giggle, still unable to shake off the anxiety of her visits even though, after six weeks, Rebecca had proven she wasn’t out to harm the teen. 

“I’m not here to stick you with another needle,” Rebecca joked back with a curl to her lips. That instantly made Lea’s shoulders sag with relief. “I know we’ve been secretive about your dad and your uncle,” She snapped her gaze up to stare at Rebecca, the nervous, anxious energy returning in full force, “but B.S.A.A. managed to make contact last night. Chris ordered Josh and Sheva to go out and pick them up and debrief them on what happened.”

“Oh,” was all that Lea’s suddenly blank mind could supply in response as her gaze fell into an unfocused, unblinking stare into nothing in particular. 

“When they arrive, do you want to see them?” Lea rapidly blinked as her attention was returned from the void at the question but remained silent. “If you’re not ready for any reason, you don’t have to see them. Your dad and uncle will understand.” Rebecca emphasized, leaning forward with a warm, comforting gaze and smile to match it. Lea wanted to speak, to nod, but she couldn’t bring herself to say or do anything. 

‘... This shouldn’t be hard... They’re family... Just say yes... They’re not going to hate you or judge you... Why the fuck is this so hard...?’ Finally, after what felt like an eternity to her, Lea managed to make herself nod, her lips seemingly still glued together as a wave of nausea washed over her. Rebecca’s eyes studied the teen. Lea couldn’t help but bristle against the doctor’s perceptive gaze, feeling as if it were invasive, even though, logically, she knew that wasn’t the case.  

“Can I be alone?” Lea finally managed to hoarsely whisper out, not making eye contact as she started rubbing nervously at her chin. 

“Of course, I’ll return and ask you when they’re here. Don’t hesitate to reach out if you need me, okay?” Rebecca reassured her as she stood and walked to the door but paused before swiping the keycard. The doctor glanced back at Lea, who had folded and plugged her ears. She released her ears once she heard the shrill beeping noise end, her hands returning to rub her cheeks as her thoughts became more frantic. 

‘... You just need to wait... it’s going to be okay...’ 

The anticipation of finally seeing her only two family members made keeping track of time useless. Anytime Lea felt like an hour had passed, she would glance up at the clock on the wall to her right and see that barely five minutes had passed. Keeping her mind from cascading down the worst and unrealistic situations is still quite the struggle, no matter how often she throws irrefutable logic at her turbulent emotions. Lea couldn’t gather the concentration needed to distract herself with reading. The only thing that effectively distracted her mind was tearing up the dozens of newspaper crosswords into a rather large pile of tiny scraps. 

Unfortunately, almost as soon as the sweet blank concentration of shredding paper had come, it was gone nearly as quickly as her hands decimated the last crossword. Once it was gone, the anxious and nauseous energy returned. Again, she glanced back at the clock. Only two hours had passed. 

‘... Fuck... What am I going to do now...?’ 

A knock fills the room’s silence; however, this time, it isn’t the mouse-like knock Lea expected from Rebecca. Instead, this was quiet but more clunky to her ears and precisely what Lea expected from Chris. Her heart rate spiked. 

‘... They’re here... Time to face the music...’

“Come in.” Lea called out, fighting the urge to cover her ears as Chris unlocked the door but only peeked his head through. He didn’t say anything, but he gave her a questioning look. “It’s fine. I want to see them.” He smiles reassuringly at her and nods before his head disappears. 

The door swung open, and there they were. Her dad’s jaw-length chocolate brown hair was disheveled and sticking in every direction. His scruffy beard was just a shy longer and threatened to curl in every direction. Her uncle, who typically had a completely shaven head, had grown his black and tightly curled hair out by nearly an inch and sported a five-o’clock shadow instead of keeping himself cleanly shaven. They both looked at her with disbelieving and ecstatic glassy eyes that threatened to spill tears. 

As they froze and stared at each other, any fears Lea had vanished. The girl dashed to tackle them in a bone-crushing hug, sobbing with relief that she was finally safe. They nearly fell over, the breath knocked out of them, but still, they clung to her and freely let their tears flow, incoherently mumbling through the wet sobs that wrecked their bodies.

“- I’m so fucking sorry, baby girl...”

“- You’re okay, you’re safe now...” Their voices overlapped in high-pitched wet whines, indiscernible from one another. All Lea could do was mumble how she was sorry repeatedly. 

“- I fucking knew it wasn’t safe for you yet...” Shawn grumbled under his breath. “I should have known they would find you...” Lea pulled away; whatever relief and joy she was feeling washed away and replaced with suspicion. 

“What do you mean?” Her dad and uncle were shocked out of their weeping, taken aback by the suddenly cold tone of her voice and the wary look in her eyes. “Don’t try to bullshit me. You,” Lea pointed directly at Shawn, “just said, ‘I fucking knew it wasn’t safe for you yet... I should have known they would find you.’ So, what are you two hiding.” Lea couldn’t hide the biting tone of her question as she stood, crossing her arms over her chest. 

Shawn and Roark glanced at each other, and Lea saw that her uncle looked shocked, undoubtedly not expecting her to hear his whispering. However, her father’s usually hyper-expressive face was a blank slate. Utterly expressionless. This is exactly how Lea knew he was hiding something from her. He never intentionally shields his expressions or emotions unless he’s trying to keep her in the dark or furious.

“Leighanna, dearie, this is going to take a while. I’m really going to need you not to interrupt me or do any of this,” Roark motions his hand vaguely around her face, a motion Lea was intimately familiar with and outright despised whenever he used it. Her eyes narrowed into slits, and her nostrils flared lividly. 

“You mean emotions, things inherent to humans that everyone else seems to get to express except for me?” Lea spat out, enraged, no longer caring about the two-way mirror and who may be watching.  

“Leighanna Viola Anderson, if you’re going to stomp and cry like a toddler, we’re not discussing this.” Her father declares, betraying his emotionless mask with an angry huff and how his arms slap his thighs as he drops them. Shawn turned, stopping Roarke from turning around and storming out of the room with a firm grip on his shoulder.

“Ro-” Shawn tries to defuse the situation, not hiding the warning glare to the shorter man nor the complete utter exhaustion with this age-old fight seemingly being summoned out of nowhere. Lea laughed bitterly; it was almost like she was back home. 

“So, I’m kidnapped, injected with a fucking virus by some fucking eugenical leather-clad Neo-wannabe. Then I get my neck snapped, come back, and fought my way through a gigantic compound with whatever I could find and the fucking pity of two random fuckers. And I don’t get to be mad, sad, scared, or anything? Or know why I was turned into this thing?” Shawn and Roark immediately snap their heads back to her, Roark’s mask falling and joining Shawn in morphing into utter horror, mouths agape. The sight and how they were shocked into silence filled Lea with a sick sense of satisfaction. 

“Dearie-” Roark starts to reach a hand towards the teen, but she flinches. Before she knew it, she was on the other side of the room, her back hitting the wall. Whatever sense of finally getting the upper hand in this fight left her as quickly as it had come as she slid down the wall and sat pressed into a corner. 

“Do not fucking touch me. Don’t fucking bullshit me. I just want to know what the fuck is going on...” Before Lea could stop it, an ugly, loud sob escaped her lips as the tears started to flow down her cheeks against her will. Desperately, she tried her hardest to keep the sobs inside, not to look weak or like a child, and to be taken seriously. “Just... fuck, fucking please....” Lea chokes out, slightly convulsing from holding her sobs in, refusing to look either of them in the eye. 

She could hear one of them slowly step forward until he was about a foot from her, then sit down in a cross-legged position in front of her. At the same time, the other decided to take a seat on the black stool. Lea wipes the tears from her eyes and blearily peaks through her lids, seeing her uncle’s black sweats and combat boots rather than her father’s jeans and sneakers. 

“Lea, you remember you’re adopted, right?” Shawn delicately starts off, but his words don’t hold his usual confidence and instead sound unsure, and another emotion peeks through that she just couldn’t identify by sound alone. Lea scrunched her eyebrows together in confusion at the mention of her adoption. 

“What does that have to do with anything?” Lea tried her best to sound venomous, but her words were more like a shivering whimper. She hated it. Hated how weak she was. Hated that this was proving her father right. 

“It has to do with a lot, baby girl, and it’s a long story, and I know you’re going to have questions, but can you please save it until I’m done?” His tone was still tentative, yet it sounded far more sympathetic than her father had earlier. His words weren’t a demand. It was a request. Lea meekly nodded her head. “In 1998, Umbrella hired us, but we were told to go to this lab, grab the documents, and leave. That was it.” Shawn emphasized that, lifting his hands to make a horizontal straight-line motion. Lea still couldn’t help but feel he was leaving something out, but she promised to let him finish. “In the lab, we split up to save time. Auntie J found the documents needed and radioed for us to move out, but your father...” Shawn trailed off, seemingly unable to go on. 

“I found you.” This time, her father spoke up, making Lea glance up briefly at him before letting her eyes fall to the ground. “I found you, bone-thin and half-dead, in a pen full o’ dead kids that looked jus’ as starved as you did.” Lea’s eyes widened at the revelation. “I didn’ know wha’ those fuckers were doing, and I didn’t care. I just knew I couldn’t leave you there. But,” Roark trailed off, his tone morphing from detached neutrality into a deeply upset and wavering cadence. He lifted his right hand to grasp his scruffy chin, gazing towards the ground, his brown hazel eyes watering at the unspoken memory. 

“Our group didn’t know what to do. The city was crumbling, so we couldn’t take you to a hospital. Your Auntie J never worked on a child, much less a starving one, so she didn’t know where to begin. Bringing you to a hospital in a different city would lead to the doctors asking too many questions. Not to mention if Umbrella knew and was willing to do this to a bunch of kids, who knew what would happen if we brought you to a hospital.” Shawn spoke up again, voice wavering with anger as he rambled. “One of our members pulled a gun on you and tried to convince us that you would be better off dead. Not anyone you knew, Lea,” Shawn was quick to mention at the sight of Lea’s horrified face and agape mouth.

“I told everyone I would be takin’ you with me, even if tha’ meant I had to leave the Penta Occisor and fight through tha’ hell myself. Even if I had to fight the Penta Occisor myself.” Roark found the strength to speak up again, his tone harder and Irish accent growing thicker. Confident of the conviction in his beliefs. Lea didn’t doubt the truth; those words and his cadence seemed so familiar that her mind could almost grasp the memory, yet it kept escaping her. “Tha’ bastard fecking wouldn’ let it go, wouldn’ put down the gun, not until Shawn here ordered him ta stand down.”

“After we escaped Raccoon City and reached the rendezvous spot, we left you with Auntie J and Uncle S while the rest of us met with Umbrella’s fucking representative. We didn’t know the woman’s name, just that she was one of their high-ranking scientists. She asked us if there was anyone we needed to eliminate. We told her that we didn’t. She seemed pleased, gave us our money, and we went our separate ways. After that, we focused on nursing you back to health. We caught that asshole aiming a gun at you again, so we kicked him out. We raised you ourselves after that.” Shawn paused, looking back to Roark, either unable or unwilling to reveal more. At this point, Lea had gotten over her stupor and couldn’t keep silent any longer. 

“And how does this all relate to me?” Lea snapped, her eyes narrowing into a glare once again. What little patience she had quickly waned with how he and her father were still skirting around the point. Shawn and Roark glanced back at each other briefly before Roark sighed, picking up where the dark-skinned man faltered. 

“We didn’ read the documents, so we don’t know wha’ they were trying ta accomplish. But a city full o’ walkin’ dead was enough ta convince us it was nothin’ good.” Roark paused to draw a deep breath, running a hand through his disheveled hair. “We though’ we convinced Umbrella that you were dead, seems like tha’ cunt Keenan decided ta rat us out ta them.”

“What?” At the mention of that name, time seemed to stop for the teen. Roark froze, and from how his mouth hung open and how wide his eyes were, Lea could tell he didn’t mean to reveal that name just yet. “Keenan, as in Keenan Walker? As in, the shithead that killed Uncle S and Auntie J? The fucker you two spent three years chasing, leaving me alone, and couldn’t fucking butcher him like he deserves?” Lea wanted so badly to cry, throw something against the wall, and scream. And yet, all her tears had dried up, and all that was left in her was this deep, heavy, lethargic weight sitting on her chest. Behind her eyelids, she could see the flashes of their dead bodies riddled with holes. “Did he kill them because of me?” 

“No, baby girl.”

“Don’t say tha’, dearie. “They said simultaneously, with Shawn immediately pulling the young and limp girl into his arms. Roark joined in on the bear hug, squeezing what little breath out of the girl. 

“But-”

“No, you’re not doing this ta yerself. It wasn’ yer fault. Keenan’s a psycho’ic bastard tha’ had plenty of issues before ya came along. We shoulda kicked him out sooner. I don’ want ta hear ya blaming yerself. Tell me you understand.” Roark’s tone was hard as steel, with no room for argument. A tone Lea knew very well from all their past shouting matches and all the other times her mind became entrenched by guilt and culpability. He would be here all night if she didn’t at least feign understanding. If she didn’t fake feeling comforted, she wouldn’t get a singular second of privacy until she did so. 

The shrill beeping of the door unlocking thankfully shattered the tense moment, drawing everyone’s attention to the familiar burly and awkward Chris Redfield holding the door open. Being the captain and apparently one of the founders of BSAA, it didn’t surprise the teenager too much that he, too, was skilled in masking. Even so, even with his stoic, controlled face, his eyes weren’t shielded. Within those chocolate-brown eyes was a deep ocean of sorrow, and Lea knew he had overheard everything.

 ‘... I shouldn’t have let my emotions get to me... so fucking stupid...’ 

“Don’t mean to interrupt, but it’s Lea’s curfew. So, you’re going to have to finish this tomorrow.” Chris’s voice was almost as well controlled as his face, but Lea could still hear how the sadness was tinging his words. Lea wished she could find it in her to be mad at how she still had a designated bedtime at sixteen years old. How she was still being treated like a little kid by everyone, the fact that she needed someone to tell her family to leave her alone to get them to leave her alone. And yet, she couldn’t. Lea couldn’t muster it. She felt empty, hollow. 

‘... Great... Let’s see how long that will last...’ 

Lea’s father seemed ready to protest, but Shawn grabbed his arm before speaking. He met his gaze with a disapproving look that spoke a thousand words without having to utter a single one. Lea always wondered how he and her father could have these seemingly in-depth conversations without only a singular look. She figured that must be the benefit of knowing someone for several decades. Roark hung his head momentarily before meeting Lea’s eyes with a soft, loving look and an equally gentle and affectionate smile. He leaned in, giving the girl a delicate kiss on her forehead. 

“I love you, dearie, sleep well.” As he stood up, Shawn leaned in to give Lea a tight hug, giving her shoulders a comforting rub, and Lea wished she had the energy to return the hug. 

“Night, baby girl. I love you. I’m always here for you.” All Lea could manage was the weak micro-fraction of a smile curling at the corner of her lips as she meekly nodded. As Shawn stood and joined Roark at the door. 

“... Night, love you.” Lea whispers, pushing herself up from her huddled position and moving closer to the terrible excuse of a bed. As her family exits the room, she locks eyes with Chris just as he is about to leave. Lea wanted to tell him she was grateful for him cutting the argument short and, despite the fight, for bringing her family to her. But, instead, all she could manage was a slow nod, and a look in her eyes she hopes conveys her gratitude. The sad smile and nod he gives her tells her he understands what she means. 

The door locks with a shrill beep, and the lights turn off, leaving the teen alone in what would be pitch darkness to her, but it is instead a respite from the assault on her senses. Lea crawls into the cot and curls into a ball, wide awake and staring off into nothing.

[text-Lea] Daily reminder that I love you with my ENTIRE heart and soul and will never take any moment we spend together for granted. I love you so so so so so so much!

[Text] I love you so much. Speaking of loving you so much how do you feel about going on a cruise with me in November?

#23GloPoWriMo

Prompt Dated 2023 April 1

Response No :1

Poem No: 6

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Poetic Resource : What Sparks Poetry

Our poetry resource for the day is What Sparks Poetry, a regular feature of Poetry Daily. In each article in the series, a different poet discusses the craft of writing, and provides a prompt.

Prompt : The Art of Book Covers

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Poem Title : In Russet and Silver

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It’s a square weave, though tiny

That makes the cloth cover so tactile

A creamy white, as if of buttery snow

Superimposed by chestnut tree trunks

With branches as systematically entangled

As rootsystems , amidst which in the middle

In decorous calligraphic white Oui is etched

The title of the book and author’s name

‘ In Russet and Silver’ by Edmund Gosse

Within which lie the gossamer beauties

Of Edmund’s exquisite verse, carefully woven,

Delicate, impassioned singer that he is

Of sweetest moods of life, mid wood and stream

Loud with boisterous bees and floating flies

Wheeling in curves of air in warm delight

Of scent from his acacia trees not far

From hushed elbows of reedy leas

Where snipes flash and herons find peace.

I’m reminded of ebony and gold and aqua and walnut

Carefully curated editions of art and poems

And fugitive hearts confined by desires

A magic bondage of subtle ties in a viewless ring

And I think of early snow on still red autumn leaves

Where else do russet and silver meet ? In Lycidas

Crowned with laurels and myrtle brown and ivy never sere

Twitching his mantle blue in Milton’s song

Or Rogers’ Lucy at her wheel humming

In russet gown and apron blue at peace

In ivied porch of cottage by the hill. Do birds

Teach snow or thirst teach water or lands, sea ?

Do white peacocks have pencilled shadows

Of coloured moons and rainbow dyes on feathers ?

I think it is the birds who teach the snow

And Love that stretches past memorial molds.

A book of poetry does not disappoint

It lives up to the promise of its cover

Trees to early snow on russet leaves .

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Poet : Amita Sarjit Ahluwalia

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Also I felt Shigeo is the one of the Eizan-brothers who I haven’t drawn as a baby yet.

So here you go: Two doodles of a baby-snake.