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#cuz like WHY DID LEIGH WRITE THAT?!?!

fredbydawn · 5 months

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realized it's funny that i watched these two after falling down the rabbit hole and gave them the same rating when they're very different movies, like one is about a character getting to explore taboo elements of their sexuality and desires that most people sought out cuz of a scene which is centered on the ass of a male Saw actor, and the other is Delta of Venus

#cuz like WHY DID LEIGH WRITE THAT?!?!#and james HIS BEST FRIEND JAMES was like yeah i'll direct that and edit in the squelching noises :)#WHY DID THEY MAKE ME SEE THAT???#eating the dog food tho... *i turn away and blush like a victorian*#also yeah the only real reason to watch delta of venus is for Costas' incredibly round ass #oh fuck theres also a scene where costas gets on all fours and barks like a dog #crossover methinks??? *is shot*#saw franchise #leigh whannell #costas mandylor #adam stanheight #adam faulkner stanheight #mark hoffman #doggie heaven #delta of venus

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gwynpool · 3 years

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it’s 2AM and i just finished Rule of Wolves (spoilers definitely up ahead)

first, to inform everyone, i read the spoilers when it got leaked in twitter cuz i can’t help myself. (it’s a sickness, i know) i think this is important since it definitely influenced my perspective upon reading the book. also, this is my first time being early in a party so yay me! going in ROW was easy for me because i started King of Scars the day before book 2’s actual release date so everything’s fresh.

secondly, this is really long so i’m sorry. i just have a lot of feelings and need to write it all down. on with the rant.

King of Scars was wonderful to me since it gave me my favorite Shadow and Bone character and the girl who i used to hate for being a mean girl but who I now admire with every ounce of my being. It also introduced a new ship that I am now obsessed with and is ruling besides my love for Jude&Cardan. Not to mention, it gave us Nina, whom though i’m not entirely a fan of due to all my love focusing on Kaz and Inej, allowed the connection between Shadow&Bone with SixofCrows.

Moving on, ROW was a ride and whirlwind of emotions. unfortunately, it wasn’t always the best kind.

I love the fantasy elements of it (tho it was a huge leap especially with the saints power thingy) and the politics because i am a sucker for scheming and stealing thrones.

the zoyalai teasing and angst was painful but in the best way since slowburn is what keeps me going.

nina finding comfort (and attraction, apparently) from hanne made my heart flutter because i haven’t gotten over matthias but this allowed a sort of closure and next chapter for our waffle-loving queen.

the promised wedding by leigh wasn’t what i expected but i’m not complaining since david&genya deserved nothing but happiness.

almost everything seems going well (aside from the fact that aleksander was ressurected apparently)and then everything crashes and burns and i just have to wonder why?

so the promised funeral alongside the wedding one, immediately comes after two? three? chapters as they were attacked during the afterparty of the wedding. and guess what? leigh killed the fcking groom.

the thing is i already knew he was going to die (with the spoilers and all) but i did not expect it to come immediately after the freaking wedding. not even halfway through the book!

being spoiled, i think, took most of the pain from the event but it doesn’t lessen the fact that it was completely unnecessary??? like though the characters grieved, nothing much was affected from his death? also, don’t talk to me about the character development for the survivors from this tragic event because there. was. absolutely. NONE.

and then we have the fricking darling ressurected. i love him in the first book of the grishaverse though i knew he was still a villain, don’t get me wrong. and my heart ached but was also relieved with his death in the third. he also inspired one of my all-time favorite fantasy villain(antihero?) in the form of Adelina Amouteru in the Young Elites series.

Ceased to be a Darklina fan and am now shipping Aleksander with Adelina because their power tho? like clings to like and they are both imbued with unfathomable darkness. somebody write fics please.

but bringing him back was what for exactly? leigh bardugo preached on how toxic the darkling character was and how we really shouldn’t like him in terms of agreeing with his ideals and yada yada. and yet she brings him back because apparently, he’s the only one paying her bills.

his conversation with alina tho had me expecting some darklina crumbs with fan service on the side since the stans were all raving about it on twitter *vomiting noises from toxicity* but i was surprised since it just further reminded us of how he truly is a villain in his very core and would do anything to get what he wants. so all in all it wasn’t entirely awful and it actually made me like Mal a bit. (never was a fan of him but that’s my issue, not the character’s)

setting aside the darkling issue a bit, the POV from Mayu was skippable. i mean obviously it still needs to be read for the Shu politics and the khergud existence but it just made me want to go to the next pov. Same goes for the “the monk’s” POV since you all know how i feel about him and the cult with it’s assembly and shit ended up also being unnecessary towards the end. honestly, i could do without the journey of the starless saint and his cult.

i truly enjoyed the fjerdan plot to my surprise and i like how nina kind of went through the last of us 2 circle of hate journey. it was definitely difficult knowing her pain and all that she went through and still choosing to be the better person. and yet, i can’t help but be more proud of her development. also, the supposed death of hanne got me going for a second and was actually ready to storm leigh’s home to fix her mistake. thank god it was plot twist. that’s all i have to say on the nina POV because i don’t wanna ruin my good feeling on this.

the crows cameo gave us a mini heist and it just made me miss reading their adventures. also the suli scene tugged at my heart.

imma skip zoya’s transformation but it utterly made me feel amazing and i have never been more glad that she’s kind of overpowered. she deserves it so fck all them haters. you can choke.

nikolai’s revelation and decision for the ravkan throne was not all that surprising, even without my knowledge of the spoilers. i honestly had a feeling that he was always his best self when he was strumhond and he only chose to fulfill the duties of the king because at that time, there was no other choice. so him giving up the throne to his beloved soldier, summoner and saint was a quite satisfying choice of route. there has been some others who would contest nikolai’s decision to step down as something unnecessary in the grand scheme of things but i would stand by my belief that nikolai made the best choice for ravka and for himself. not to say that i didn’t want to see both the queen and king side by side ruling but what are fanfictions for?

zoyalai is canon and endgame. finally. i can die now.

now the last two chapters was a toss up. for the first one was the darkling’s sacrifice. okay, so i was also spoiled by this from twitter but when i was reading the book, i keep expecting it to be brought up and it wasn’t. so i honestly thought that maybe that spoiler was a prank. lo and behold it was not and it wasn’t until the very last end. so the buildup was goddamn awful. the whole concept of the thorn wood and sort of atlas moment was just no. like you’re just springing this up now? when we’re supposed to be tying up loose ends but making sure it had history and buildup to well, back it up.

also leigh outright writing genya saying it was not a redemption for the darkling and him being unapologetic about his crimes (basically being a truly evil asshole) doesn’t remove the fact that it still comes off as a redemption arc especially with what is now the synopsis of SOC 3 but ill get to that. he still was the one who did a heroic deed and that fucks me up because it was just devastating to me after making peace with his end in ruin and rising. not because i was hurt that he died yet again boohoo but because it kind of invalidates everything that alina, genya, zoya and countless other victims went through.

on a side note, the darling stans on twitter who keeps defending his actions, i would really advise you to reflect on your decisions cuz it is honestly unhealthy. also, you lot talking smack about nikolai and zoya refusing to sacrifice their lives? stop twisting the story to suit your toxic admiration, nikolai was even first to offer up his life and would do so if it was actually possible. so just go hide in your darkling cocoon and stop hating on other characters to justify your favored aleksander.

the very last chapter aka coronation was good because it gave us inej ghafa cameo as captain of her ship and bonding with our resident privateer and also genya, alina and zoya bonding. but it was bad because apparently the darkling chronicles is still not over and now we’re supposed to grant him death like that’s going to make everything okay? i know forgiveness and breaking the circle of hate and revenge is a huge theme in this duology but honestly, this is just too extreme. with nina it was understandable and the people she hated were born of twisted mindset and circumstances but the darkling? hahahah no. he is a literal immortal who was delusional so now that he’s paying for his crimes, you want to allow him death because you have nightmares? zoya, goddamit no! same to you genya and alina. and so this will be the plot for the third six of crows? why can’t we just stop making this about him. now he gunna steal kaz’s thunder? over my dead body.

in the end, i gave this book 4 stars in goodreads because if i ignore the darkling plot, it was a really good use of politics and fantasy merging in a storyline. i can’t fault leigh for choosing to do this since it’s still her book so i definitely don’t have a right to dictate what i expected from this. also, i have a half a mind to believe that she fell in love with ben barnes and had him in mind writing this so i really cannot blame her because i have been under that man’s charms since prince caspian came out. the spoilers i read made me more open in reading this (backwards thinking but eh that’s how i roll) so i’m not at all crushed by what transpired. it was just weird and was lackluster in its attempt to give ravka some sort of peace. frankly, i just want to read the third six of crows book to maybe find some sort of calm in all this craziness and also delve in some zoyalai fanfiction because it was a long time coming.

shameless promotion but if you guys want to check out my nikolai duology spotify playlist, here’s the link:

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leipotterhandswp · 4 years

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My thoughts on the new movie: Enola Holmes🍁

⚠️Spoiler Alert⚠️Major and minor parts of the story are revealed. If you haven't watched it, (go watch it, it's amazing) and don't want the story spoiled for you, then don't read this. You have been warned.

The plot:

The plot was nice. It was comprehensible: Enola grows up only with her mother, mother disappears, mother is mysterious and has secrets.

Enola escapes to find her, Enola finds Tewksbury on the train, saves him from a violent murderer, and jumps of the train with him.

They go separate ways, Enola goes to Limehouse lane, finds bombs that are supposedly going to be used by her mom, gets attacked by violent murderer, tries to find Tewksbury, finds Tewksbury.

They go back to her lodging house and they get found by Lestrade, he unwillingly escapes (due to Enola's insistence) but Enola is captured and brought back to Mycroft where he puts her in Ms. Harrison's finishing school for young ladies.

Tewksbury delivers himself in a basket to Enola and they escape using Ms. Harrison's automobile (her face was hilarious). They solve the murder of Tewksbury's father and the mystery of who is trying to kill Tewksbury, go to his estate and kills the murderer.

The grandma shoots Tewksbury but he has armor under his coat that protected his chest and isn't dead.

They arrest grandma (probably, not sure) and they live happily ever after. Enola refuses the offer by Tewksbury and his mother to stay at the estate, they go their separate ways, but will prolly meet again, he kisses her hand (it was cute, ship) and Enola leaves.

Enola's mom visits her lodging house and explains why she left (to help make a better future for Enola) and they have an emotional moment. Boom, a happy but open-ended ending with nice plot and sets up for a sequel (there better be a sequel, I want more Holmesbury)

This is how you know the plot was nice, I didn't forget it. It's highly memorable to me, and that's a really good compliment coming from me. I usually forget the plots of movies I find boring and/or scary, so me remembering the whole (rough) plot (I remember it more vividly, I just typed out the rough plot cuz it's too long lol) is a great achievement in my eyes.

The lines:

The lines were amazing!! The callbacks. THE CALLBACKS. The theme of flowers as messages and flowers being a passion of Tewksbury. Ugh, AMAZING. The word scrambling, "Ellie Houseman" being "Lime House Lane", "The bank men met" is "The Embankment". UGH, AMAZING! The flashbacks to the philosophies Eudoria (Enola's mom) gave to Enola being called back.

"THE FUTURE IS UP TO US" is so relevant nowadays.

Here are some lines which I love:

"You're a nincompoop"

"Because I can be lost here" "Yet I found you"

"I'm here because I've grown to like you more in your absence, and your life is gravely endangered"

"YET FACTS DON'T DISTRACT FROM HOPE"

"THERE WILL COME A TIME WHEN YOU MUST MAKE A HARD CHOICE. AND, IN THAT MOMENT, YOU WILL DISCOVER WHAT METTLE YOU TRULY HAVE, AND WHAT YOU’RE PREPARED TO RISK, FOR WHAT MATTERS. YOUR MOVE, ENOLA."

"Of course, I don't give a fig about flowers," "That's because you're ignorant,"

"Ignorant? How dare you" "Ignorant and willfully so"

"I don't want to leave you," "If they get you, your life will be endangered, if they get me, it's just a life of misery, now go, GO!" (The emotion, I stan Millie and Louis)

"It's done, it's done"

"Who do you work for?!" "England"

"sometimes you have to do it yourself"

"One more question, how did your sister get there before ya?" "I'm sorry" it cuts then Sherlock walks away, then he says "Ha!" in such a satisfying way, i simp for henry cavill-

"You are funny fish, little brother," "And you are a cantankerous one, older brother"

"You're being emotional, expected, but unnecessary"

"Think about what's there, not what you want to be there"

"You're not getting rid of that easily, Tewksbury"

"If you don't stop looking at me like that, Viscount irritation, Marquess of Bothersomeshire, I'll murder you myself"

And so many more. See! It's amazing, the lines, the writing, the actors' acting-

And that brings us to our next segment,

The actors:

This cast is absolutely astounding, their chemistry with each other is just so real and I love it! Millie Bobby Brown is a perfect cast for Enola Holmes and Louis Partridge as Viscount Tewksbury is perfect as well! These two have so much chemistry and, again, I love it! Helena Bonham Carter as Eudoria Holmes is an amazing cast, she perfectly portrays the wonderful Eudoria. Henry and Sam are wonderful casts for Sherlock and Mycroft as well. Perfectly portray their characters. Susan Wokoma (please send me more movies of her) was an amazing addition to the cast, and she portrayed the strong woman known as Edith amazingly. I love Edith (platonically lol), she is such an amazing character. All the other actors did outstanding jobs with their roles and I commend them for their performances. Good job, cast and casting crew! Well done!

Overall:

THIS MOVIE IS OUTSTANDING! 8.8/10!! IT’S A MUCH WATCH FOR ALL! But please beware of injuries and the death scene of the murderer.

I love this movie, and I’m drawn to watching it again and again. Actually, I already watched it 3 times and counting. This was amazing and I love it. Would recommend.

Seriously, if you haven’t, go watch it. If you have, then watch it again. Everyone should see this movie. It’s outstanding. Love it, love it, love it!!!💕💕

Love, yours truly💓

-Leigh👩🏽‍🎤

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alinastarkovz · 4 years

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*✧ — mid-year book freak out tag — ✧*

I was tagged by @minyardx (who tagged me like almost a month ago lmao), thanks for tagging me!! 🥰

1. Best Book You've Read So Far in 2020?

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller for sure, it was sooo good. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid is a close second tho

2. Best Sequel You've Read So Far in 2020?

I’ve only read one sequel so far which was Wildcard by Marie Lu but it was really good and I felt content with the ending

3. New Release You Haven't Read Yet, But Want To?

Not exactly a new release anymore but I still haven’t gotten a chance to read King of Scars by Leigh Bardugo

4. Most Anticipated Release For Second Half of 2020?

I don’t really know what books are coming out cuz none of them are by my fave authors so I’m not really waiting on the edge of my seat or anything

5. Biggest Disappointment?

I don’t know why (don’t judge me) but I didn’t really like The Wrath and the Dawn by Renée Ahdieh, it just wasn’t for me

6. Biggest Surprise?

I didnt expect The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid to hit me as hard as it did. Maybe its cuz it’s the first book I’ve read that features a main wlw couple but it made me feel a lot of emotions and I really connected with it

7. Favourite New Author?

After reading some of their work I HAVE to check out more of Madeline Miller and Marie Lu’s books

8. Newest Fictional Crush?

Celia St. James (if you couldn’t tell), June Claremont-Diaz, Emika Chen & Nora Holleran

9. Newest Favourite Character?

Patroclus, Evelyn Hugo, Harry Fox-Mountchristen Windsor

10. Book That Made You Cry?

I don’t really cry when I read books/watch movies, but The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller made me really teary and very sad

11. Book That Made You Happy?

Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston made me feel happy and content and just left a fuzzy feeling in me

12. Favourite Book To Movie Adaptation You Saw This Year?

I don’t think I’ve watched any book to movie adaptions this year, not sure tho

13. Favourite Review You've Written This Year?

I don’t write reviews lol

14. Most Beautiful Book You Bought So Far This Year?

I don’t buy books but if I did I would definitely keep a copy of The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

15. What Books Do You Need To Read By The End of The Year?

I want to read everything in my tbr but I know that’s not possible so I’m hoping to read The Secret History by Donna Tart, The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater, Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan & They Both Die at the End by Adam Silvera by the end of the year

I’m tagging: @harry-cameron @meredithsdardenne @venka @thorne @wymck @hollerans + anyone else who wants to do this (just say I tagged you)

#tag games

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madscientistjournal · 4 years

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Fiction: Jehovah's Feathers

An essay by Mary Magdalene Farconi, as provided by K. Kitts Art by Leigh Legler

Strapped in his bouncy seat, my son Tyler went off at the exact same moment as the kitchen timer and the doorbell. I verified that nothing was actually gnawing on him and rushed to the brownies. Paul would have to get the door.

From the living room, Cissie yelled, “It’s the bird people.” Being a good girl, she knew not to open the door to strangers, especially those from another planet.

I yelled, “Paul, get the door,” while I yanked the brownies from the oven.

The Home Owners Association bake sale started at 10 AM, and it was already 10:10. In my head, Mrs. Topher, the HOA president, admonished, “In my day, people respected each other and were on time.”

As I dashed toward Tyler, I mumbled, “Yeah, back when Moses parted the Red Sea, most mothers of young children didn’t have to analyze a 270-page watershed impact statement by Monday.”

Before I unbuckled Tyler from his seat, I smelled his problem. The doorbell rang again. “Paul! Get the door!”

From the living room, Cissie yelled, “The bird people are still here.”

I hustled down the hall with Tyler at arm’s length. His room also served as Paul’s home office. Sure enough. Paul had his earbuds in and was playing some computer game. I hip-butted the back of his chair.

Startled, he yelled, “What the–” but stopped in time. We try not to cuss like muleskinners in front of the kids. I handed Tyler over.

“I’m working, Maggie. You do it.” He tried to pass Tyler back.

The doorbell rang a third time. Cissie called, “The bird people are still still here.”

I said, “One, since when is slaying boss monsters a part of your job? And two, it’s Saturday. We agreed on Saturdays you have to help. No questions asked.” As I stomped to the front door, I muttered, “That is if you ever want to have sex again.”

Hand on the knob, I breathed in deeply and exhaled. Bird people are sensitive. I didn’t want to frighten them because they’d take off in a flurry of feathers and shrieks and dump whatever they had in their cloacas. I didn’t have time to hose off the front porch.

I’d worked with several bird people when I’d served as an analyst for the newly established Alien Affairs Bureau. That was until the AAB’s work rules changed and became intolerable for nursing moms. Two months after Tyler was born, I moved to a clean water non-profit with a short commute. The work wasn’t as important, but my hair had stopped falling out. However, when I opened the door, I wondered whether I’d been out of the loop a little too long.

Instead of a group of sleek greenish-blue peacock-cranes, there stood two bedraggled and dull office drones dressed in modified white button-downs and khakis. Their tails were clipped and their wings pressed tightly against their backs. Even the frills on the tops of their heads drooped. They were both so dull in color, I couldn’t tell whether they were male or female, but given the office casual, I guessed males.

Clutched in one of the T-Rex arms that protruded from beneath his breast, the left bird person held a black book. His colleague grasped a plastic sheet upon which text flickered.

I asked, “May I help you?”

Book bird bobbed his head and pressed the first icon on the squawk box on a chain around his neck. In a mellifluous voice, the box intoned, “Good morning! We are in your neighborhood seeking to expand our flock.”

I frowned. If they were looking for females, they were out of luck. Our HOA categorically refused all building permits for aviaries. And with such poor color, I doubted any female would give them the time of day.

He cocked his head and pressed the second icon. The box asked, “Have you been saved by Jesus?”

I face-palmed. Flocking was extremely important to them. It made sense they’d become a target of some strip mall prophet, but where was their female, and why would she allow this to happen? “To which home nest do you belong?”

“Reverend Vernon P. Hogg,” said the plastic paper bird. He passed the flickering sheet over.

The title read: The Watch Perch. The address running along the top was the old non-denominational church that had sold its parking lot to the highway extension.

Articles flitted past on how Jesus could save the faithful from obesity, drunkenness, and bird lice. “No, I mean your mother bird. Who is she?” I tried to return the plastic paper, but the bird refused to take it.

“Our Most Supreme Singing Heart,” he said.

The book bird squawked and his box translated, “She who laid us has asked us to go into the world and find a new flock.”

That was odd. I’d worked with Singing Heart when they set up the reservation. Alpha females never let go of their sons until they could find another female to take them in. Things had to be bad on the Rez for her to cut them loose.

“Where do you sleep?”

The book bird’s box said, “At the church.”

“Except on bingo night, knitter’s club night, and days with AA meetings.”

“Then we sleep in the park.”

“But that’s more difficult now. They cut down the bushes to keep the homeless out.”

These two were definitely nest-mates.

The phone rang and Paul yelled, “It’s Mrs. Topher. She wants to know where you are.”

“Listen, I’ve got to go. Good luck in finding new flock members.” I shut the door before the bird people could object.

I dumped The Watch Perch into the electronics recycle bin and changed from my mommy clothes–puke-stained shirt and yoga pants–to my work clothes of white shirt and blue pants. My resemblance to the male drones was not lost on me. I grabbed a not too stinky towel from the clothes hamper and nestled the hot pan of brownies on the front floorboards of the van. After fetching Cissie and buckling her into the child seat, Paul strolled out with my purse and Tyler.

He asked, “Aren’t you going to take him with you?”

I tucked my purse behind my seat. “Did you clean out and refill the diaper bag like you promised?”

He made a Homer Simpson d’oh face.

I smiled sweetly. “Then, there’s your answer.”

As I backed out of the driveway, Paul came running from the front door, waving the plastic paper. I powered down the window.

“Take this with you. It keeps crawling out of the recycle bin. It beeps and says you owe at least a five-dollar donation.”

Making a face, I took the paper. “I’ll drop it off at the church on the way back.” I shoved it under the brownies. They were no longer hot enough to melt it. Too bad.

Mrs. Topher was a sturdy woman with a toad-like mouth: thin-lipped and broad. This week her hair was an auburn color on the orange side. She lived on the biggest property with a pool deck the size of our entire house. I would’ve thought a competent stylist was within her budget.

Cissie joined the other kids playing tag outside the HOA’s clubhouse, and I settled in the folding chair next to Mrs. Topher. As I cut and bagged the brownies, she added the label and the price.

“Are these boxed or homemade?”

“I baked them myself.”

She marked them two for a dollar and tossed them in the boxed section. “Because you were forty-five minutes late, I assume you’ll work the table until 12:45?”

It wasn’t a question, but I didn’t mind. There were activities for Cissie, and Mrs. Topher pounced on any poor victim who wandered within ten feet of the table, giving me time to wade through the impact statement. An hour in, Mrs. Topher became agitated after receiving a series of texts and calls.

I tried to ignore her harrumphing and heavy sighs, but it was a losing battle. “You seem upset, Mrs. Topher. Is there anything–”

“The cretin bailed on us.”

I could see Mr. Topher in a cluster of men near the parking lot. So it wasn’t a marital issue.

“This is the third investor. Third! They say they’re interested, but once they see the engineer’s report, they lose my phone number.”

Now I understood. The HOA had been trying to get an investor to take over and finish up the subdivision. The bake sale was to help with attorney’s fees. The original builder had gone belly up when he discovered it was harder to drain a swamp than he’d imagined.

“This idiot is suggesting we donate the land to the state as a designated wetlands.”

“That would take care of–”

Her penciled-in eyebrows arched. “If you’d attended the last meeting, you’d know that the tax write-off will not offset the loss in fees. We’ll have to raise the rates again. If there were only some way we could squash that stupid report.”

“Cuz that wouldn’t be illegal or anything,” I said.

Mrs. Topher stared daggers at me.

By 1:15, Cissie and I were at the church. Vernon P. Hogg himself was setting up chairs for the 2 PM book club. Vern looked forty, despite being much younger. From his teeth, I suspected his drug of choice had been meth.

I handed him the plastic paper. “If this thing finds its way back to my house, I’ll report you for littering.”

He sighed and punched in a code. He dropped it in a pile on an old piano with chipped keys. It calmly sat there no longer flashing or inching toward me like a possessed credit card bill.

“Let’s talk about the two bird people,” I said.

“No, let’s not. I was just trying to help them out, and all they’ve brought me is trouble.” He opened a side door and yelled, “Hey, Larry and Curly! Get your feathered asses in here.”

Cissie hid behind me, staring at the scary man. I folded my arms. “If they’re Larry and Curly, who are you? Moe or Shemp?”

“Very funny. I didn’t pick the names, they did.”

The two bedraggled bird people hustled in, bowing and bobbing their long necks. In unison, they clicked an icon on their boxes. “How may we serve you, Father Hogg?”

I raised an eyebrow. Vernon said quickly, “I tol’ you boys. You’re supposed to say, ‘How may we serve Jesus, Father Hogg?'”

The two bird people looked confused and corrected the text associated with that icon.

“It doesn’t matter.” He waved his fingers as if to shoo chickens. “You two are fired. Get out of my church and go darken someone else’s doorstep.” He turned to me. “Are you happy now?”

The two bird people screeched and flapped their clipped wings. “What have we done wrong? How can we make amends?”

They kept tapping the icons repeating those two sentences until Vernon grabbed a mop handle and threatened to beat them. Cissie burst into tears and threw herself in front of the bird people. Her little arms out wide, she yelled, “I won’t let you hurt them!”

Cissie’s action shocked Vernon. He sighed. “I told you all they do is get me in trouble.”

I rested my hand on Cissie’s head. She melted into my leg, wiping snot and tears on the back of her hand. The bird people clustered behind me and froze, as if that made them invisible.

“Jesus!” Vernon shouted. One of them had dumped his cloaca. “Look what I have to clean up!” He spun around twice on the broken-down heel of his faux alligator boots. “I got people comin’! Payin’ people!”

Good thing he didn’t have a cloaca.

“I don’t want them fired,” I said. “I just don’t want anyone to take advantage of them.”

“Taking advantage, hell. I’m helping them out!”

I pointed to the pile of The Watch Perch. I would’ve waved one in his face, but I feared touching them.

He whined, “I paid their vagrancy tickets for sleeping in the park.”

Hands on hips, I asked, “Did you clip their wings?”

He shook his head. “They have to be clipped to get off the Rez. Some new regulation ‘cuz people claimed they were peeking in windows and messing with security.”

I’d heard about no-fly zones, but I hadn’t thought through all the implications. “Can you keep them for a couple more days while I figure something out?”

“Not those two. They’re dumber than pigeons. I’ll keep the other three.”

“Five? You’re housing five bird people?”

“There’re a dozen under the bridges near the river. They’re pouring off the Rez, and they’re all looking as sad as these two. I think they’re starving.”

I looked at my phone. If I ignored the speed limit, I could get to Singing Heart’s compound in two hours. I called to Cissie, “Sweetheart, help the bird people into the van.”

Cissie’s entire being lit up. “I knew you would save them, mommy. I knew you would!” She herded them like ducks outside. I felt a flicker of pride before reality hit. I hadn’t saved anyone.

Larry and Curly strutted through the backyard, eating insects, while I told Paul what happened. He squatted to Cissie’s level. “Did you really do that? Protect those bird people?” She nodded fiercely. He gave her a bear hug. “I’m so proud of you.”

My heart swelled. I kissed Paul on his neck. “You’re a good man.”

Cissie ran off to tell her dollies about her adventures. I fetched the car keys.

Paul shook his head. “It’s late.”

“I’ve got to see for myself. Something’s up.”

He looped his arm around my neck. “Sweetie, you can’t save the world.”

“No, but I simply walked away, and that’s not working for me either.” The emotion made my voice crack.

“You were burned out. With the commute and Tyler–”

“Yeah, but if I don’t do anything at all, then I’m part of the problem. I don’t want that to be the lesson I teach Cissie.”

He met my eye. “After what Cissie did today, are you seriously worried?”

I smiled but hung my head. Paul got out his wallet and handed me cash.

“What’s this for?”

“Gas. But I’m keeping the rest ‘cuz I’m not making dinner. I’m ordering pizza.”

I entered Reservation land at 4:40. It bordered the river in a swampy valley that produced mostly mosquitoes. Singing Heart’s high status had afforded her first choice in picking her home nest site. It was the closest to the blacktop. The climate was hot and humid, but the birds liked it that way. I kept my windows up and the AC on. Singing Heart’s people on average looked better than the two drones, but there were no children in the crèche and even the females were out in the river working.

The two male guards at the entrance of Singing Heart’s aviary were still resplendent with long tails, elegant wings, and piercing black eyes. They sported the sharpened beak spikes and leg spurs of their class. One recognized me and asked me to wait. He sent a small messenger male inside. After a few minutes, I was ushered into the geodesic dome that functioned as Singing Heart’s main dormitory.

Inside resembled a rain forest arboretum. Industrial fans created a slight breeze and made it easier for me to breathe. I walked slowly to keep from sweating too much. Designed for visitors and fledglings, the path wound upward. The adults glided from perches set along the struts two-thirds of the way up the sides. The top of the curved path opened onto a platform for meetings. Above that sat Singing Heart’s nest. One of her daughters roosted in it. The other nests lay empty.

Singing Heart’s frill was up and her feathers fluffed. On the platform, her brown and green plumage shone brightly in the late afternoon sun, but in the dappled places among the plants, she’d have blended in perfectly. Her neck extended, she stood tall. My eye met her beak. For the first time in her presence, I felt the flutter of discomfort and fear, as if the trouble–whatever it may be–was somehow my fault. I asked, “Did you release two males?”

Singing Heart’s wings came away from her body, and all the other birds in the dome came to attention. “Yes. Why?”

Out of nowhere one of the male guards landed with a thump next to me.

I put my hand out in a placating motion. “They’re at my house.”

Singing Heart lifted her knees one at a time and shook out her feathers. The other birds relaxed, and the guard bird moved to the edge of the platform but did not fly off.

“They are good men, but we have no room for them.”

“May I ask why?”

“Come. Walk with me.”

Singing Heart could’ve glided to the exit in a heartbeat, but she walked slowly, one long stride after another, so I could keep up. Once outside of the dome, Singing Heart flicked her tail feathers. The guard remained behind.

“Children can be impetuous and impatient,” she said.

“Are you talking about these two males?” I asked.

“No. My eldest daughter. She couldn’t control herself and fertilized two eggs. I’m sure you saw her nesting.”

“Are resources so tight that you don’t have room for two more?”

“It’s a matter of leadership. If my home nest doesn’t control its population, I can’t ask that of others.”

“The valley looks lush, is there a shortage of food?”

“Your government insists that unless we put in a water treatment plant, we can have no population growth. They say we’re putting too much nitrogen into the water, but they won’t allow us to sell our technology, or use it to back a security you call municipal bonds.”

I pretended to examine the foliage to hide my chagrin. Singing Heart could read facial expressions, and her sight was superior to humans. Like most avians, she had an extra protein in the back of her eye and could see into the ultraviolet range. Her home star was very active and produced a lot of UV. In fact, it had become so active, it was eroding their planet’s atmosphere. That’s why they’d come to Earth, refugees from a natural disaster.

It was my fault. The clean water non-profit I worked for had been responsible for some of those clean water laws. Talk about unintended consequences. Now I understood why the state hadn’t fought the legislation. It was never about clean water. It was about population control. The non-profit and I had been suckered.

“How about making a home nest in town where there are sewers?” I asked.

“None of my daughters can get building permits.”

My own damn HOA had contributed to that problem.

We continued to the river. The water was clean but the banks boggy. Singing Heart waded out into the dark mud. She stretched her neck. It ballooned and she made a whooping roar that ended in a bellowing meow. All the females stopped what they were doing and responded. She called and they repeated for several rounds. The tone and pattern changed but not the volume. From downstream came a second set of calls and responses. When it did, Singing Heart shook her feathers and rejoined me on hard ground. The call would wind its way down the river to the end of the valley.

I didn’t need the translator. It was a gratitude psalm. A tear dripped down my cheek.

“Magdalene? What distresses you?”

My chin quivered. “How can you sing of gratitude considering how we treat you?”

“You’ve taken in my two sons. You cannot imagine my relief.”

It had been a sheer accident. And for how long could I keep them? An aspirin for a brain tumor.

Singing Heart asked, “You left the AAB because you were having difficulties with a fledgling? Is he well?”

“I left because it was too much stress to deal with a toddler, a nursing infant, a sexist boss, and an hour commute each way.” I blushed, ashamed of my pitiful problems. “I can’t imagine how you handle the stress of this place.”

Singing Heart bobbed her head. “I don’t do it alone. I have my flock. Your culture of complete independence is foolish.” She clucked and the box intoned, “You will do better now that you have my two sons. We have more to teach you than technology.”

“Technology!” I pointed to the birds in the river. “Your daughters all have equivalents of Ph.D.s, and they are reduced to stringing nets in a river.”

“Do you feel reduced when you take care of your fledglings?”

I remained silent. There were seasons in life, but my boss and my culture didn’t understand that, so I did feel less than no matter how wrong it was. I lifted my chin. “I make no promises, but now that I understand the issues, I can work on solutions.”

Singing Heart brushed me with a wing a sign of gratitude. But in this case, I took it as a gesture of forgiveness.

On Monday, instead of summarizing that 270-page impact statement, I presented the plight of the bird people. The staff members were divided as to what to do, but they agreed to an emergency board meeting to discuss the possible realignment of the mission of the non-profit. We were small and disorganized, but it was a start.

Moving on to the second prong of my master plan, I cornered Kendra–our one and only lawyer–before she could slip away to pick up her kids from school.

I handed her a flash drive with the HOA covenant rules. “My question is simple. Can I force the HOA to accept an application to build an aviary?”

“You are taking this personally,” said Kendra.

“I want to change the narrative from NIMBY to YIMBY.”

“YIMBY?”

“Yes, In My Back Yard.”

Kendra smiled. “I’ll go over this tonight and get back to you.”

A week later, I was sitting in Mrs. Topher’s living room with the finished proposal. Mrs. Topher’s décor was 1970s day-glo. It explained the clown hair. I wanted to get down to business, but Mrs. Topher wanted to play hostess. She provided fat-free, taste-free cookies and iced tea so sweetened the sugar had precipitated into the bottom of the glass. My fillings ached.

“I hear there are two avians living in your home,” said Mrs. Topher.

I’d read the rules so many times I knew that unrelated folk were frowned upon, but not live-in help. I smiled. “They provide childcare and cleaning services.”

I expected Mrs. Topher to warn me of the dangers of salmonella or something, but instead she nodded slyly. “Yes, I’ve heard the labor laws don’t apply. You don’t have to pay unemployment or match social security.” She patted me on the knee. “How smart of you. It must be nice to finally be able to afford help.”

Ripping off Mrs. Topher’s arm and beating her to death with it would not advance my agenda. Instead, I asked, “So you have no issues with bird people?”

“Not if they have a job, know their place. Of course not. I’m not a racist.”

“Excellent. I have a buyer for the rest of the subdivision.”

Mrs. Topher lit up, and not just from her spray tan.

I explained the details of how Singing Heart’s daughter would buy into the subdivision and build an aviary. “And here’s the best part, because they’ll be part of the community, they’ll pay yearly fees. It’s a win-win.”

Mrs. Topher’s face darkened like a summer thunderstorm. “It won’t pass.”

“Why not?”

“I’ll vote against it. This is a human community.”

My time at the non-profit taught me not to argue. I’d just have to go grassroots.

Mrs. Topher opened a leather slipcase and produced a typed list. “I’ll save you time. These people will vote with me no matter what. I engender loyalty that way.”

Was she bluffing? I reminded myself not to engage. I thanked her for the list and tried to let myself out, but Hercules and Atlas were loose. I had to wait until Mr. Topher corralled the two guard dogs. They were well muscled, but a little too lean. I wondered if they were actually vicious or just hungry.

After dinner, I made some phone calls. Mrs. Topher hadn’t bluffed. She had a solid thirty-five percent. The vote would fail. I wailed in frustration and flopped facedown into all the maps and papers I’d spread out on the table. Larry tapped the floor with one foot. I rested my chin in my hand. “Need help getting Cissie to bed?”

He typed on his controller, and the box said, “You are distressed. It is our role as men of the house to relieve that distress. How may we help?”

Just being asked made me smile. I hadn’t explained about the proposal to shield them from disappointment, but the worst had come to pass so there was no point in hiding it. I explained the situation. While doing so, Curly joined us with Cissie padding right behind, her Disney toothbrush in hand.

I pointed on the map. “The woman who lives here will vote against the proposal, and all the people on this list,” I held up the paper, “will vote with her.”

Larry touched my shoulder with a beak, a very personal gesture. “Then all is not lost. All you have to do is change one person’s mind instead of thirty. We have faith in you.”

“Of course we do, mommy.” Cissie hugged me.

Yeah. Only one.

After the kids were in bed and the bird people asleep, I gathered the covenant rules and binder clipped them. I found a loose page under the map of the subdivision. It outlined the rules governing utility easements. Something caught my eye. I compared the Google satellite view with the subdivision map. The original map didn’t have Mrs. Topher’s giant pool and deck. I checked the property lines, the easements, and compared it to the satellite view.

“Son of a–” I fished out two steaks from the deep freezer and shoved them into the microwave to defrost.

Twenty minutes later, dressed all in black with a measuring tape in one hand and a bag ‘o steaks in the other, I stood at the Tophers’ fence. Hercules and Atlas barreled up barking and snarling.

“Hey, boys.” I waved the steaks. “Let’s find out. Are you vicious or hungry?”

The next day I again sat in Mrs. Topher’s living room, suffering another glass of sludge tea.

She smiled unctuously. “You said you needed a change to the agenda?”

I’d used that as the excuse. There was no way this woman would forfeit an opportunity to gloat. “Yes.”

“Do you want to cancel the vote?”

“No. I have discovered a violation.” I leaned in. “A serious violation. The board needs to know so they can act.”

Mrs. Topher licked her lips. “Do tell.”

I handed her a manila folder. Eagerly, she flipped it open. She scowled. “This is my address.”

I grinned. “Yes, and your pool crosses into the easement by nine inches. You’ll have to rip it out.”

“I’ll get a variance.”

“That’ll take 2/3rds too. Do you think you’ll have that many friends after they find out you could’ve solved both the swamp problem and reduced their fees by allowing the aviary?”

She tossed the folder onto the coffee table. “That’s blackmail.”

“May I count on your vote and those of your friends?”

As I rounded the van to the driver’s side, Mrs. Topher released Hercules and Atlas. They bolted straight for me, but instead of mauling me, they tried to lick me to death. Disgusted, Mrs. Topher slammed her front door. Such bad doggies.

Two months later, the subdivision threw a party for the groundbreaking. Larry and Curly’s flight feathers had filled in and their tails were elongating. Their crests stood high and their eyes shone. By Christmas, they might be ready for their own set of leg spurs.

They followed Tyler, as he stumbled across the lawn. He’d grown into a mobile terror, squealing and clapping his hands. Seeing the three of them walk across the lawn, my heart warmed. Flocks were nice.

The ceremony had called all the displaced birds from miles around. They would all apply to become a part of the newest home nest. All but Larry and Curly, of course. First, she was their sister, and second, they’d become fully integrated into our household. I had become their mother bird.

Paul strolled over with Cissie on his shoulders. Behind them stood Mrs. Topher, her hair now a yellow-orange. She preened for a local news team. “Yes. We are a progressive neighborhood. I was instrumental in getting the permits.”

Paul nodded towards Larry and Curly. “Boy howdy, are those two working out, especially now that you’re back at the AAB.”

“Don’t get too used to it,” I said. “Soon, we might not be able to afford them.”

Paul frowned. “Why?”

“My next project is to get the bird people labor protections.”

Cissie said in her father’s ear, “Yes, daddy. Do you know what labor protections are?”

As he bee-lined to the food table, he said, “Yes, I do, Cissie. But please explain them to me anyway.”

My attention turned to three clipped birds in white button-downs and khakis who rushed toward Larry, Curly, and Tyler. The leader of the three clutched a black book. The other two clutched plastic papers, which flickered with text.

The leader squawked and the box translated, “Good day, gentle birds. We are seeking to increase our flock. Have you been saved by Jesus?”

Larry and Curly stood tall, their necks extended. In unison, they said, “Thank you, but we have already been saved, saved by Mary Magdalene.”

Ms. Mary Magdalene Farconi, a working mother, is a G-11 in the Labor Protections Department of the Alien Affairs Bureau. She supervises a governmental hotline for reporting labor abuse of Avian Nationals and is currently working with cities all over the US to design and develop aviaries within human communities.

Dr. Kathy Kitts, a former geology professor, served as a science team member on the NASA Genesis Discovery Mission. Before that, she directed a planetarium for nine years. Her latest speculative short fiction has appeared in Amazing, James Gunn’s Ad Astra, and Mad Scientist Journal. Her latest short story collection, Getting What You Need, is now available on Amazon. Born and raised in the southwest, she is currently living in the high desert of New Mexico.

Leigh’s professional title is “illustrator,” but that’s just a nice word for “monster-maker,” in this case. More information about them can be found at http://leighlegler.carbonmade.com/.

Fiction: Jehovah’s Feathers was originally published on Mad Scientist Journal

#HOA #K. Kitts #Leigh Legler #Mary Magdalene Farconi #Xenobiology

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mymindwide · 2 years

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Top 5...

...movies/shows this year?

...books?

...music videos?

...food adventures?

...fic tropes/ideas/daydreams?

Good ones, babe, these are were quite hard for me, just for your information.

TOP5 movies/shows this year:

The Chestnut Man

Mare of Easttown

Spider-Man: No Way Home

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier

WandaVision

(+1. The romance of Igni and Töki on the beach xD)

TOP5 books:

This was tough cuz thanks to writing I did not have time to read as much as I used to (see: one book/week...)

The Absolution by Yrsa Sigurdardottir

Gallows Rock by Yrsa Sigurdardottir

The Doll by Yrsa Sigurdardottir

Shadow and Bone trilogy by Leigh Bardugo

The Only Truth by Michael Hjorth, Hans Rosenfeldt

TOP5 music videos:

Again, I don't really watch music videos nowdays, but:

Maneskin - Zitti E Buoni

Topic, A7S - Why Do You Lie To Me

Ed Sheeran - Bad Habits

Pendulum - Come Alive

AWS - Emlékszem

TOP5 food adventures:

Chimney cake in Siófok

That vegan pizza in Vienna (I can't remember the name of the restaurant)

PadThai in Siófok

Your freaking (5, hehe) sauce from our christmas *.*

all of our pho adventures ^_^

TOP5 fic tropes/ideas/daydreams:

(Funnily enough you're responsible for most of my comfort thoughts daydreams.)

an all time fave one - riding him on the couch

everything from needy/clingy sex

the happenings in You Wash Over Me Like Rain

what our babies are doing in my The Heart Wants What It Wants

I loved what you've done with my idea in Quick Break... that's probably my fav daydream.

#thank you for the questions love #wifey 👑#TOP5 asks

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lululeighsworld · 6 years

Text

Tea with Honey

There is no worse feeling than being excited for your anniversary, only to have to postpone all your plans due to unforeseen circumstances.

winter semester + a cold is killing me right now but I got extensions on my assignments this week so here’s a quick lil drabble I wrote in a night cuz anniversaries!! Are important!! Happy two years of marriage my love! ♥

On AO3

Castle Krakenburg had grown quiet from the lack of activity in the late winter months, but there was one person who could be seen full of energy despite this monotonous time. Leigh was excitedly counting down the weeks since the new year had arrived, and Gunter knew that his wife was becoming more and more eager every day for their second wedding anniversary at the beginning of spring. He was still baffled that that had occurred two years ago now, amidst a war that had finally reached its end to bring peace between the kingdoms, and an end to the evil which had sat on the Nohrian throne. The pair had arranged many plans for their special day, including riding on horseback down some of their favourite trails around the castle and a nice candle little dinner. They even had a few surprises prepared for one another as well—however, a terrible misfortune would force them to postpone their celebration to another day.

“I’ve never felt so awful in my life.” Leigh sagged down into the mattress, a pounding headache and congested sinuses making them feel as though they were laying at death’s door.

“If I recall, you made the very same statement when you took ill last year as well,” Gunter mused, returning to the bedside to place a cold cloth on his wife’s forehead to help quell their fever.

“Yeah, well this time I feel worse.” Leigh frowned, pulling the blankets up to their chin. They had no idea where they had caught such an awful cold in such a short amount of time. Yesterday they had been feeling completely fine, only to wake up this morning before the sun had even risen to find they were sick. Gunter immediately cancelled their plans for the day despite how much Leigh had persisted that they were okay, though nearly collapsing to the floor as they attempted to get out of bed wasn’t convincing enough for the old knight.

“Is there anything I can get for you?”

“A redo on today. Why did I have to fall sick now of all times!” Leigh whined helplessly, wanting nothing more for this cold to disappear so that their anniversary wouldn’t be wasted. Gunter thought to himself for a moment, wondering how he could make his wife feel better. He had little experience in these kinds of situations, but eventually settled on an idea he thought would cheer Leigh up a little.

“I know you are disappointed about today, but what matters right now is your health. Would some tea with honey make you feel better?” He decided to take a seat on the chair beside the bed to allow for a moment's rest.

“A suppose it would a little… I just feel really bad for ruining our special day…” Leigh mumbled, rolling onto their side so that they could look at him. They inched their left arm out from under the covers slowly, reaching out and hoping he would interpret the message. Gunter took their hand in his gladly, rubbing his thumb along their knuckles.

“There will always be other days to celebrate, as well as more anniversaries in the future. However, the longer you are sick, the longer we must wait to reschedule those plans, right?”

“I know… I just hope you aren’t upset by all of this.”

“Being sick is something I would never hold against you. If anything, I’d rather you take the time you need to recover so that it doesn’t develop into something worse.” He brought the back of their hand to his lips so that he could place a kiss there. Leigh’s heart fluttered, enjoying this little bit of attention—they had been worried precious moments like this would be most at loss due to their current condition.

They chatted idly together for a while longer, Gunter hoping it was helping to relieve some of the stress and general ickiness Leigh was feeling. It seemed to be working, their eyes appearing to fall heavy with fatigue. Once Gunter was certain they had fallen asleep, he tried to pull his hand away so that he could go and prepare some tea and soup for when they woke up. However, Leigh's eyes lazily opened once again, tugging lightly on his hand in hopes he would stay.

“Mm-mm. Don’t leave right yet. Wait until I fall completely asleep first.” Leigh smiled a little bit, letting their eyelids fall close as they made themself comfortable among the pillows and blankets. They eventually fell asleep with the aid of the rhythmic motions of Gunter’s thumb tracing small patterns over their hand, bringing them comfort in that he would continue to always be there for them in their time of need.

***

the year is 2018 and I’m no longer ashamed of using my Avatar’s name when writing FE:if fics.

#gunter #leigh (my avatar)#fire emblem fates #fe14 #my writing #anniversary #i love my husband!! so much!!#anyways Im real glad I was able to do this cuz I was bummed out originally about not having time to write anything extravagant #writing things I can relate to also make me happy #gunter (fates)#fef

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