#crawl back in to try to help.
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me: ok ik I have a bit of childhood amnesia but like surely it's not that bad like I can remember most things just not my home life yk
my brain: hey real quick could you try to remember ontario for me? I mean we just lived there the first 9 years of my life like surely you can remember it
me: mmmmm..... (remembers the on time my little cousin got stuck in a McDonald's play place in 2007 and then skips all the way to 2017) like that?
brain: honestly I'm just surprised you got the McDonald's.
#i have exactly 1 (one) memory of my birth province#i remember like. people and things i did in elementary school a bit. but most of that is memories of stuff i was told.#and i dont remember places.#like for example i remember a girl named lucy in grade 1 and i remember she was what i would probably now describes as frumpy.#and we hung out at recess but i dont remember the school or the playground.#i do remember 2 y/o olivier getting his ass stuck in a mcdonalds pkayplace slide because he was too scared to go down it#as the only other child in the family present i had to be a mediator in the situation. update the adults on the cousin.#crawl back in to try to help.#my family were all 40+ grown adults who were not going into a playplace when there was a perfectly good 6 y/o there.
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me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game
#hi everyone#I’m going around hugging you all#okay now that we are gathered here today#i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best#i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time#and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol#but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine#literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything#I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake….#I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour#then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it#and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again#I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do#so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour.#I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday#y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts#I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story#I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my#own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing?#y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents#.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire#but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself#I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump#I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions#I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well#I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day.#but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it#I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing#I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!!#I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time
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How do I convince a suicidal 17 year old that she needs to go to school and can’t play roblox all day
#me and my sister try to help like seriously seriously. we’ve tried everything. she refuses to engage in anything that would#possibly improve her life. or whatever.#I don’t even know what specifically upsets her like the only pressure on her is to pass her classes. just pass. she doesn’t even have to do#the dishes. um sorry but back in my day I had all this shit going on. but I crawled out of my hole. somewhat#so I don’t even know like I guess I just have to wait for her to figure it out herself but god damn it sucks that she will probably not#graduate
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i love atsushi in this fic not wanting kunikida to find out he's dating akutagawa, as he's literally giving kunikida a note from port mafia executive nakahara chuuya asking him out on a date
#bestie i don't think kunikida has any room to judge here#yes chuuya is asking him out like a high schooler (passing a note to aku to give to astushi to give to kuni)#but that's okay bc neither of them had a cheesy high school romance so they get to live that out now 🫶#hello grace here#anyway poor atsushi he had to hold onto this note ALL DAY while dazai spent hours trying to steal it from him#until he finally bribed ranpo for help#and then he gets a text from aku saying 'hey chuuya wants to know kunikida's favorite alcoholic beverage ?'#and atsushi has to go crawling back to ranpo and bribe him AGAIN for information#it's okay at least the bribes are coming out of aku's paycheck
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folks my credit card is almost paid off 💕😭💕
#last year was really rough due to health issues and losing my job and insurance due to heath issues which was a vicious cycle#been trying to crawl out of the subsequent financial hole#and barring any other disasters I should have my credit card full paid off within the next three months 😭😭😭#almost debt-free again#(because after that I just have to pay back some relatives for help they gave me last year)#(and then I’m fully back in the green)
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youtube
#diana's music diary#🌑#Don't know if these are back wholly yet necessarily but I feel like doing one right now....#and so.. good morning!#I've been close to starting my game for a little bit which is rather exciting...#The focus I've managed to have lately has been mostly used for thinking about that hehe..#And when I can't focus I've been doing the busywork parts like organizing and adapting the system we're using#Other than that... Things are actually kind of stressful already today and I just woke up an hour or so ago ;;#Trying to stop panicking and think about writing instead.. maybe channeling some of the unease I feel into my work?#It somewhat helps us to do that..#My skin has been crawling still though... I had a pretty bad nightmare I guess so that makes sense...#Is it a nightmare if it was more or less just remembering something? Probably..#Think I might go take my mind off things by cleaning a bit first...#It really doesn't feel like a monday today but happy maid monday nonetheless. Let's make today clean... *curtsies*
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#I'm broken#I was already broken but now I feel like I can't do anything#Ive done too much#and now I'm just a piece of shit who won't apologize to anyone upfront#Just crying in the tags pathetically waiting for anything to happen#I can't do this#I can't help people no matter how hard I try and it makes me feel like I have absolutely no purpose here#and It's taking too much of a toll to fail#I should just go to sleep and forget about everything#but sleep is for people who care about themselves#I do care about myself#but I care in a way that I need revenge on her#I loathe her and everything she's done to the people that tried to love her#she's pathetic and ugly and I don't see how anyone even tried to befriend her in the first place#and I feel especially bad for the people who succeeded#because she turned into a clingy parasite for everyone who talked to her#She never even had the courage to start a conversation with people and made each and every one of them feel like this shitbag didn't care#She just hurts and hurts and hurts until she comes crawling back to apologize only for her to clam up all over again#she's selfish and rude and pathetic in every awful way and I wish people would learn that about her#I feel sorry for her and everything that becomes of her shitty actions#but she never FUCKING learns and it ends up hurting everyone that was sorry enough to pity her with conversation#I wish she would just suck it all up and try to be a good fucking person for ONCE in her FUCKING life in a way that didn't make people want#to fucking#off themself just because they TALKED to her and she rudely FUCKED OFF TO NOWHERE#because at the end of the day#I say to myself#at the end of the day she tries her fucking best#BUT NOBODY SEEMS TO FUCKING SEE THAT SHE IS CONSTANTLY FUCKING TREMBLING AT THE MERE *THOUGHT* OF HAVING TO LIVE AS HERSELF#and I feel so bad for her#I feel bad for me I guess
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This is so hard...trying to not post something short and stupid like I did on Twitter is so hard, but because I have been away for so long...
Hey, fellow artists, do you have advice, like, should your art blog be your main one and just keeping fandom reblog to a side blog, or should you make your art blog a side blog?
Or you just have one and let it be total chaos organized only by tags?
#please help#Twitter is dying and I'm trying to survive#crawling back to Tumblr seem like a good idea
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It's my 12 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳
thank you tumblr for letting me know this absolutely cursed fact. in my 12 years of this blog i have not changed my username, my icon, my header; and ive made only minimal changes to my blog itself. a time capsule.
#even the lord cannot help me#genuinely started this blog thinking 'oh itll be just for art! bc im doing art!'#lmao dumbass nice try#this was after deleting my first blog#which id had for like... almost 2 years#bc it was stressing me out so much and taking up so much of my time#i honestly dont remember much abt it beyond those facts#and the fact i lasted like. a month. before crawling back to tumblr#i did curate my experience much better this time around#12 goddamn years.#anyways joking aside thanks for the exact date tumblr. hm.
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if the context of that snippet is not alastair related i will flip a table and spear myself with it
#crawling out of my hole to post this but listen i can't stop thinking about it#like it's a situation where james is in danger and matthew is trying to get thomas to help by saying something like 'well you love him right#and thomas is like 'more than anything i just don't want to die'#i don't want to get my hopes up#but im PRAYING it's thomas to alastair#id take back every sanctuary scene criticism if he keeps channeling this energy#tlh#alastair carstairs#thomastair#thomas lightwood#the last hours#chain of thorns#ask to tag
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When there are so many things wrong with you that can't do the things you need to do to get better
#or something#i don't know#my brain isn't working lately#depression: Must exercise every day or you're going to want to die!#vestibular disorder: Sorry man you're gonna have to deal with this problem first in order to be able to do that.#me: Look you guys I'm just trying not to kill myself here. Can I do both? I'd really like to be able to do both.#depression and vestibular disorder eyeing each other: Yeah no that way leads to burnout. We can give you two weeks of that tops.#anxiety: But if we don't do it all now we will die!!#adhd: This is way too many things to juggle. I'm out.#my knees and my back: We'd just like to put in a vote here for the exercise thing. But more low key than what depression wants.#my wallet and my bank account: OMG YOU GUYS GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER ALREADY#ADHD: yeah guys we need to buy yarn and needles for knitting#depression: Oh yeah we definitely need money for knitting!#anxiety: *whimpers* *crawls back into bed*#me: Guys? Guys? We need to go buy groceries. Can you help me figure out what we're going to wear?#depression ADHD and anxiety: Not my department.#(half an hour later) ADHD: Oh hey guys we forgot to eat!
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#sorry in advance to baking-soda for butchering her wonderful verse#i was listening to this on a walk with my dog thinking about TURNED INTO A GIRL ALEX#it happens at the end of the 2020 season.#He calls george. trying to joke about it#'Its barely the worst thing thats happened to me this month. adding it to the tally eh george?'#but george can hear the fear and hesitation nestled behind the exasperated laugh he lets out#So george offers. He can talk to Lewis for Alex. If he wants. He's helped - well he knows about this stuff- george has heard.#alex's shaky smile on the other screen as he breathes out a thanks is enough for George to push through the trepidation as he makes the call#Of course Lewis tells him everything#but george cant hear 'emotionally meaningful' and 'sex' and 'alex' in the same sentence without feeling like his chest is being hollowed out#so he lies. says Lewis told him it has to do with life stressors. tries to ignore how his skin crawls when he suggests it to Alex#that he should see if Max is in Monaco. Swallows thickly around the sound of 'you know because of your seat'#Alex laughs unkindly. 'right. because of the seat. guess i'll try him before i leave.'#before he packs his bags and his dreams and moves back home to england. back to me. george thinks#he doesnt see alex over the winter. pretends it's because he's busy with family and training and a mercedes seat he's vying for.#it isnt until he's walking past the red bull hospitality in Spain the next spring when he sees it#Alex. standing in the doorway just tucked out of the way. arm stretched over his head to holding the frame.#he looks the same. save for the way his red bull shirt hugs his chest tighter. the puffiness of his cheeks more present#he catches george's eye from where he's been standing. nods him to the space between the buildings#his shoulders are drawn up. hands in his pockets when he shoves lightly into george's side#george's mouth feels dry with the words 'you didn't.. it didn't work?'#theres an anger that flashes behind alex's eyes before it's quickly replaced with a familiar bemusement#'no. guess you cant fuck the girl out of red bull but cant fuck the red bull out of the girl.' but theres no heat behind it#'hey. it could be worse. at least i dont have to be out there doing media with the rest of you idiots'#george barely makes it back to his motorhome before he heaves up whats left of his breakfast#there's more but only so much fits in the tags. sorry again.#george/alex
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icb byan accidentally suddenly has a boyfriend now and we've already plotted things out to the point where they've inevitably panicked and tried to run away
#what's more is icb they're actually gonna come crawling back#they're gonna apologize...........??????#CHARACTER GROWTH??? ON MY BLOG??#character growth that really only makes sense to moon & i bc we've been discussing them to death for like three days now ahdfjsh lmfao#but it's good it's cute it's impressively wholesome for byan#they're helping each other grow (and sometimes being a bad influence in SOMEONE'S case..........) and i'm very somft about it#it's time for me to sneep now but i swear tomorrow i'm gonna try to get some drafts done#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ OOC ⋮ DON’T @ ME.
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having a small cry sesh in front of my mom 🤪
#personal#i was driving her to the pharmacy and covering her meds#and it’s just been a bad week as you all know#anyway blah blah back story#we’re driving home and she’s talking about the price of the phone bill#and i’m like is that good is that bad? and she’s not answering and i’m like do you want me to start covering it?? if that helps with#budgeting i can do that and she’s like no i just wanted to let you know you buying me meds balances out#and i’m not even sure why that got me but i just putting my head in my hands practically crawling into myself and just silently crying#and she’s like god why are you crying i can never talk to you#and i’m like mom. i don’t care about the phone payment i dont care about the meds#i want you to have them#i’ve just had a super bad week and you just haven’t noticed cause all we talk about is you#like did you know i went on a date and it went super bad? no. cause we don’t talk about anything. else but ur meds and ur life#i’m not worried about the meds i’m worried about my own finances this doesn’t have to do with you#and she’s like you never mentioned that and i’m like i’ve been trying to talk to you about WHATEVER for months! i leave you a conversation#bit but you never take me up on it and talk to me! you just never pursue conversation openers i give you#she tried asking about it but i just kinda camped out in the bathroom crying for a bit#i feel like a huge baby but also i want a mom oh my god
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The Winner takes it all (Abba) for their reunion song
#i'm going to bed now thinking about that#i don't wanna talk about things we've gone through (im fine)#though it's hurting me now it's history (ed....)#i've played all my card and that's what you've done too (actually dying here thinking about the beach and the dock)#nothing more to say no more ace to play (okay but just imagine ed staring at stede as stede arrives and trying to pull the kraken face)#the winner takes it all the loser standing small (and now im thinking about that last shot of ed in s1)#beside the victory that's her destiny (dude pleeaazase no)#i was in your arms thinking i belonged there (im actually dying thinking about the kiss and crawling on stede's laps)#thinking it made sense building me a fence (it's gone hurt)#building me a home (HURTS)#thinking i'd be strong there (HELP)#but i was a fool playing by the rules (well okay on this one he wasn't and that was the point)#but tell me does she kiss as i used to kiss you (thinking about ed knowing about mary and assuming stede want back to her. fine fine fine)#somewhere deep inside you must know i miss you (im totally fine)#but what can i say ? rules must be obeyed (I'M NOT-#yeah no i can't#ofmd#i'm going to bed now#good night
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yoo haven’t said gxd is real in a whole while but wowie i really didn’t think i’d get to see vienna cass as bomba, sth i’ve wanted since i learned she was a bomba cover. somehow managed to catch her deme three times but never bomba and thought oh well, maybe it’s not meant to be. but no. it was. and it was good. she was suuch a good bomba, so cute but also so very sexy. and tinyy. aah. and i did think her voice would be a good fit for bomba and it was!! aaah. so good so good so good
#personal Davy#she also had a thing going with skimble in the beginning where at first he nuzzled her during the pyramid part and then at the beginning of#naming they were holding each other's hands and when they got into the naming.. crowd position she reached back to him with both hands#was v cute but then i uh may have forgotten skimble existed... until his song#she was also sosososososoooo cute with alonzo. who was making biscuits for half a second on cori's butt and then crawled over to her#during gus and put his head in her lap nd stretched out and she just. softly stroked his neck and back until they had to leave bc growltiger#carbucketty randomly slow scratched bill bailey's chest who was so stunned all he could do when he regained composure was bat at#his ear and quickly scurry off#and during mac scare 1 aka mungorumpel bill bailey pressed against munk's leg who then put his arm around him real tight#oooh and bomba didn't let tugger f her during the ball. got lifted put down and Ran. which.. tugger was hxrny today.. tried it with everyone#and immediately went to lift deme off the tube and get it on with her buttt she ran off to join the ball a second later too#and during the mating dance part he.. uhm. when they lay down. he loudly slapped cori's butt? and i was like haha sure do what you must#but then he proceeded to very intensely.. massage? the butt? like.. Very intensely. very.. covering all bits of a cheek.. and .. crack..#he also Had to press his leg between munk's in the oven which wasn't helped by munk guiding him forward by his hips earlier#he also did the romantic line with misto holding him tight and getting their faces together. and did a suggestive mouth thing with cass tail#then again when munk was trying to help him sit back up he just kept lying there while munk confusedly poked at his thigh#rumpel and mungo were very v v cute during gus too with mungo lying in rumpel's lap back to chest and rumpel had her arms around him#which doesn't sound special in writing but it looked soo sweet and comfortable and familiar just ugh i love#oh yea munk tripped over the lamp when he ran to the old deut decoy and got distracted for a while. old deut's back? nah i f ing tripped#who cares about the imposter. jelly had to come and fix it and put the mean little lamp in its place
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