#building me a home (HURTS) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

the-gateway-to-madness · 2 months

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it's kinda funny and kinda sad to watch the 3Below fandom screaming about how the end, with krel staying and aja going, make no sense

like actually it does make sense if you look a lil closer than "Aja liked earth and made friends easily, Krel had no reason to stay"

First of all, Aja starts out reckless and becomes more humble, more cautious, and more strategic- important traits for the ruler of an entire planet. Krel is neither humble nor cautious, and we never see him use much strategic skill. He was right at the beginning of the series: he's not ready to be king yet just because he's more excited about the job than Aja. And I mean, he's really not! He's explicitly scared to be king, he just likes the royal treatment. The difference between the Tarrons is that Aja becomes ready to be Queen despite not wanting to be. Despite his father's assurance he is ready to take on the burden, Krel clearly doesn't feel ready yet.

Second of all, Krel EXPLICITLY makes friends on earth, so the argument he had nothing to stay for at all baffles me. And it's clear he had no friends at all on Akiridion- in There's Something About Gwen of Gorbon he didn't even recognize what friendship was until toby and eli told him yes, we are friends, you gloober- Krel letting go of enough pride to realize he wanted to stay for his friends is an important part of his arc, through the entire second season and, I would argue, the season one finale. He wants to make his mark, but I think what he really wants is recognition and the resultant connections, like how Aja's popularity has brought her friendship.

He trusts humans to help with Varvatos' rescue in Moonlight Run; he starts listening to human ideas in Mother's Day; he begins to consider them friends in TSAGOG; he works with them closely and trusts them and takes them and their silliness more seriously and more in stride in Asteroid Rage. He reassures Toby about the state of ruined Trollmarket without any sort of prompting, showing he clearly cares about him as a friend. By the time we hit his vision in the Deep, where he faces the fact Earth is his home head-on, it's already been made very clear that he has genuine bonds connecting him to Earth that he never had on Akiridion.

If anything I think Eli's and Steve's places should have been reversed. That way, Eli could have gotten more focus and development in Wizards, Krel would have more obvious ties to Earth, and Steve's arc could have built on its existing foundations offscreen- and he could have kept growing alongside Aja. I would have loved to see Eli coming into his own in Camelot.

#tales of arcadia #3below tales of arcadia #krel tarron #toa 3below #Listen the end confused me too! it hurt me so deep at first #Until I realized Aja can build friendships and a home wherever she goes #But Krel clearly can't #Having a place where he can comfortably put down those deep-growing roots of his is so important for him #And after that I began to see how good Earth is for him and how much happier he is on Earth #The boy's so young! let him be young for a while!

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lanshappycorner · 9 months

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there is a joke amongst my friends that i treat my deuce nui better than i treat anyone else in this world, and currently i have a secret santa w them and based on my list of what gifts i want, it really does look like that💀

#everything i own is actually my son deuce nui's #deuce i spoil him.........he is my little princess #every yr i update his home im planning on building him a styrofoam mansion next #i take him with me everywhere. i built him a bed but he still sleeps in mine #it almost hurts me to send him off to college sometimes (my uni apartment)

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object-yaoi · 6 months

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drove past my childhood house and started crying WHOOPS! i miss him so much. he was my first friend i think. it hurts knowing ill probably never see the inside of him again, and if i do all my stuff wont be in there

#my beeping #buildings #the blue text on house is a joke X3 #my childhood home was niceys to me and loved me #it hurts. i dont really know why. i think i'll make him in the sims or something. owwww owww i miss you lewis. i miss you

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playtimepalace · 6 months

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hiiiii (said with the world's most normal voice)

#um sorry i was quiet not 2 talk life stuff but there was a huge fire in my building so i was dealing with that for a while SKLJDKLSLKDSJ #was stressed with holiday exams but somehow this leveled me out n im just like. well ok i didnt pass out in my smoke filled appt soooo #nobodys hurt which is the most important thing ^_^ yay #anyway resuming normal hornyposting as a slightly slower rate now that im home again #little stressed but im ok :'3 usa-chan is with me rn ^3^ having applymango soju n watching spectacular spi derman #n then im gonna hump my hand until i pass out i think. an ideal evening #also its my birthday vry soon which is weird cuz birthdays r weird. but thats ok bc everything is weird rn #the solution is more cartoons n more jacking off!!!#anyway i love u i hope you're well #ok back to our regularly scheduled program

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angelmush · 1 year

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feeling deeply cared for and like my life is rich w things 2 be excited abt recently :3

#going 2 a concert and getting a tattoo and traveling out of the country and then moving out of state to a new city #words cannot describe the excitement i have when i think abt building this life in a new place w my gf #in our beautiful home w the dog and the cat #i don't know i just feel so much more like im present in the world and in my life lately #i feel . in control for the first time maybe ever #things r not perfect and life is still hard but !!!#i am happy :)#thinking abt me when i was younger and the immense pain i was in and how disconnected i was from reality #and the huge hurtful mistakes i made #if that version of me could feel as connected and alive and real as i feel rn !!!!#this is what life is supposed to feel like !!#this doesn't make any sense i guess lol but i just #feel like im not a little half alive ghost person anymore LOL #personal

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biteapple · 2 months

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Had a bad day at work today ... x__x...

#Atleast I'm home now but ........ ×_× ...#Back at it again tomorrow ... and don't have a day off until next Friday... ughhhh #The long long hours are what's grinding the shit out of my psyche #I think I've worked about 90 hours without a break day insofar. My heads so fucked #I'm set to work like another 60 hours until I get a day off so like.. almost 150hrs without a day off.#It hurts a lot. I wish I could confidently get another job that doesn't suck shit like these hours do #I don't even know what that'd look like without being underpaid. My job is technically easy #It just hurts my head to have to do it for so long #It feels like either 'get paid a lot to do stupid bullshit for a lot of hours' or 'get underpaid to do less stupid bullshit for less time'#And sometimes the less stupid bullshit is harder work. Yknow what I mean #Like I'd care about it more depending on what it is. But sometimes it's even harder than what I'm doing now #I don't know though. But if I never try ill never know #But it's also like. That's a big leap to take for someone who doesn't have a safety net out here #And my problem is... I don't even know where I'd go to have that safety net.#I don't think it exists for me anymore. When I went homeless it got better and I wouldn't change it #But it also means building back everything I lost. It sometimes feels impossible even though it isnt #But .... God. I wish I just had a place I could trust fall like I want to and feel OK with if it falls through #Like I'm not going to go homeless again sorta way. Like my cats have a place to live.#I don't know what I'd do if I lost the ability to house my animals. I'd be so fucked

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collegeoflore · 4 months

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rotating post-game xarrai and astarion in my mind. if u even care

#cannot stop thinking about the guy who hates flowers going out of his way to keep a fresh bouquet on the table at all times.#and the guy who could not care less about sewing or embroidery always picking up pretty thread and fabrics and patterns when they see them.#it’s about the cup of coffee on the bedside table while the blood is still drying on their throat.#and the dirt and blood under their fingernails hunting game to keep him fed.#it’s about burning cazador’s palace to the ground and building their own home in its place and it’s about razing the black keep in mulmaster #idk man i hate them so bad #they’ll never live happily ever after but they’ll have a lot of fucking fun no matter what #they can’t fix the hurt they’ve felt but they can make new memories to soften the old #until it’s all wrapped in the gauzy warmth of their years together and it’s not too sharp to touch anymore #do you see my vision. it’s not about fixing one another it’s about learning to fix themselves #it’s about carving out a life that’s theirs and theirs alone. it’s about having something to be proud of.#cazador is dead and bane is out of xarrai’s head and now they get to learn what it means to live and love and be free #漫言 #oc. xarrai #r. hold me like a knife

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catsafarithewriter · 1 year

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"Can you stop implementing secret rooms in my house?" You will do something brilliant with this, I just know it!

A/N: Okay, so I promise this prompt, uh, prompted this ficlet, but it went off the rails. If you were hoping for humour, sorry! I humbly offer you heartfelt sincerity instead! Have a ficlet about Baron’s early years in the Sanctuary! <3

"I know of a place," the crow gargoyle had told him. "It's not a home but it's safe. It's a refuge for Creations."

At first he stays because it's safe.

Beyond the Sanctuary lies a world torn apart by war. A treaty may have been signed, but the echoes of the conflict linger in poverty, and hunger, and mourning, and he finds he can help only so much from the confines of his creation.

He is nothing but a figurine, after all.

The Sanctuary is quiet. Empty. As he had been promised, it is a refuge, not a home. The little Creation world lines up a sea of houses which go vacant, and he chooses a simple workshop build with an eerily familiar shop front.

And so he retreats into that world, at least until the drone of planes and the stench of grief are almost forgotten, he promises himself.

And then he stays because he has nowhere else to go.

"I will make my way there eventually," says the gargoyle who tells him of the Sanctuary. The other Creation gestures to the remnants of the cathedral which had once been his perch. "But first I must see my people safe."

Baron has no people. He left behind his world – one of magic and mystery – in search of his lost soulmate, and instead found himself in a place plagued by destruction. He has had no time to form the familial bonds which tie others of his kind to this world.

Other Creations come and go through the Sanctuary, but none stay. Why would they, when they have homes or roots or people to return to?

It's not their fault he does not.

"The war must have driven many Creations to seek a refuge," the gargoyle Creation remarks when he finally makes his way to the Sanctuary. He has given his name as Toto, and there is less of the gargoyle about him than Baron remembers. Baron wonders how long it has been since the war ended. "Whenever I've dropped by, this place has been almost always empty."

Baron does not speak of the keening loneliness which has kindled within him, nor the surreptious timing of so many Creations finding their way to the Sanctuary's threshold. It has been a kindness, even if the ever-turning carasol of new faces is only a skin-deep balm.

And then he stays because maybe she will hear of the Sanctuary.

He has no other word for what Baroness Louise von Gikkingen is to him, other than soulmate. It is perhaps more literal than how most take it; they both were formed from the same soul of the same artisan, and were never meant to be apart.

She still exists – he'd feel it if she had been utterly lost – but the connection is faint, and he fears he could search a new world every day and never find her.

(He voices his grief for his missing half only once, but does not miss the portrait that appears on his mantelpiece the following day. Neither does he ask how the Sanctuary knows her face, and yet cannot find her.)

And then he stays because he is comfortable.

"I've never known a Creation to visit here for so long," Toto says in his next flying visit. He has almost entirely shed his gargoyle origins now, bearing more resemblance to a common corvid than the creature of tooth and talon he'd been carved as. Baron, meanwhile, has changed little in the intervening years, save for some alterations to his colour palette.

He has had no need to change.

"Where else would I go?" Baron asks. He opens a cupboard door and gathers up a bag of tea leaves. He's never gone shopping, but the Sanctuary never seems to run empty.

"I've heard of you in my travels," Toto says. "The Cat Creation who helped so many."

"I tried," Baron corrects.

"I would have thought you'd have grown bored by now," the crow continues.

Baron pauses, his hands curling around the kettle which never needs filling. "It would be... inauthentic to say I have not thought about it," he says. "Life is consistent here, unchanging. It was a relief when I first arrived, but sometimes I do miss the unpredictability of the outside world."

"Perhaps it's time to leave."

Baron smiles, and sets to making his tea. "I will think on it."

The next day, he selects a book off a shelf, and a hidden door slides open.

The door is new.

The book is not.

The passageway leads deeper into the Sanctuary, to a room impossible by human physics but unrestrained by the Sanctuary's magic. Bay windows look out onto a sea of stars, galaxies swirling like whirlpools across the expanse. And for the first time in too long, Baron feels life return to his old wooden heart.

It's the first secret room he discovers, but is far from the last.

He knows the cupboard under the sink wasn't always a tunnel, nor the western window a portal or the mirror a doorway, and at first it is a delight. His world, so safe and secure, now has surprises. Secrets.

Discoveries.

And so he stays because he is curious.

"You're looking better than my last visit," Toto remarks. He's added some light to his form, now bearing the marks of a magpie, and it feels like a pointed move away from his gargoyle origins. "Brighter. More awake."

"I was not aware I was so lacking during our last meeting."

Toto shuffles his wings. "Not lacking, but... sedate," he settles on. "Last time, it felt as though life had ceased to surprise you, and you are too young a Creation to feel that already."

Baron opens a cupboard. It's filled with jam jars. He tries it again, and this time he finds the tea leaves he is looking for. "Did you only come here to share judgement on my life choices, or can I offer you a spot of tea?"

"I came because I found her."

Baron drops the tea leaves. The cupboard door slams shut of its own accord.

"Her?"

"I found a trail," Toto clarifies. "A man who had once been engaged to a woman who had once had the Baroness in her possession."

It's a lot of loose connections, but it's the first breadcrumb he's found in decades. Baron feels his lungs go tight, his heart constrained by an unfamiliar tendril of hope. "Show me."

Toto nods and nudges open the doors, but instead of the Sanctuary courtyard, they are met with a corridor, old and dusty.

"Uh, Baron – is that normal?"

Not now.

Not like this.

Baron doesn't reply. Instead he shuts the double doors, counts to ten, and opens them again.

This time it's a different corridor, one marked with elaborately carved sconces lighting up a polished marble floor.

Again, and it's a tunnel, roughly hewn from rock that shouldn't be there.

Another try, and it's a hall of mirrors.

Baron stares at the infinite reflections, all staring back, and wonders when his fur had so dulled. In this light it's almost grey.

He shuts the doors once more.

"Baron...?"

"A moment, Toto." He sets his forehead against the grained wooden lines of the door. He notes the pine scent, and realises it's been too long since he breathed in air not saturated with Sanctuary magic. "Old friend," he murmurs, "you have been nothing but good to me, but I need you now to stop implementing secret rooms in my house. I need you," he says, "to let me go."

The door shivers.

"She is my soulmate. She is all I have left of my old world, my old life," he says. "Let me go to her now."

The door shivers again.

And then it clicks open.

Not onto the Sanctuary courtyard, but to a simple street. To the Human World.

And so he leaves.

The man whom Toto had talked about owns a humble antique store and so it is easy enough to blend in. Despite the Human World being less believing of the supernatural than Baron remembers, the man seems to take the talking figurine in his stride, and shares all he knows of his once-fiancee. Separated by the same war that Baron discovered this world in, the man can point him in no direction, but offer him a place to stay in hopes that one day that will change.

And so he stays.

The Human World has changed since he last retreated from it. The war still bears its marks on the older generation, but the children speak of futures untainted by conflict. The man's grandson wishes to craft violins, and the kids in the street take time to pet the stray cat on the shop's doorstep.

And then the girl arrives.

She is lost in more ways than one, but carries a curiosity that he recognises. She is young, burdened by that weight that all youth feel in that they must know their life's course or else flounder, and so he reaches out. He tells her a story – his story – and she discovers a passion in writing.

He helps.

And he succeeds.

It is not long after that that the antique shop's owner tells him he's tracked down a clue to his lost fiancee. Baron bids his farewell to the man and, with the unexpected aid of a stray cat, sets out to find his soulmate.

He does the unimaginable.

He finds her.

She has changed since they last saw each other – not so much in looks (her dress is different, and her hat has changed, but her fur is the same snow-white as before) – but in personality. She is bolder than he remembered; she stands taller, surer, and there is a cocky, reckless sort of grjn that he is sure their artisan never carved. She has discarded her Baroness title for all but the rare moment, instead going by Louise to those who know her now.

She pulls him into a tight embrace and tells him all about her missing years. About the adventure, and danger, and the worlds she has seen.

"Did you never look for me?" Baron asks.

She breaks the embrace and, oh, how he has almost forgotten those sapphire-blue eyes. "Of course I looked, Humbert. I found my way back to our artisan, but he said you had gone. So I came back, but this world is so large and we are so small..." He sees the glimmer of something akin to guilt. "Eventually I decided to live my life."

To move on, is the unspoken addition, but Baron can't even find it in himself to be hurt. Sedate, Toto had called him, but now he wonders if faded would have been truer. He looks to Louise and sees that she is more alive than he has been for decades.

"But we're found each other now!" Louise declares. "We can travel the worlds and see everything there is to see – together! Oh, there are worlds with waterfalls of diamonds, and flying whales, and – oh, so many people! There's so much to learn!"

"That sounds... wonderful."

His soulmate fixes him with a steely look. "But?"

But he thinks of the schoolgirl with her passion for writing, and the sense that he was finally helping someone again.

Oh, how he had missed that.

"But I think that we have different paths to happiness," he says. "I think I may have just realised what I want to do with my life."

"And it's not gallivanting off through other worlds, is it?" Louise asks softly.

"It's not." He smiles. "But I think our paths will cross nonetheless."

He returns to the Sanctuary with purpose, and it responds in kind. Alongside the stray cat who had helped him find Louise, he sets up the Cat Bureau in a little cottage-like house which bears striking resemblance to the old antique shop. The Sanctuary finds those who need the help of a cat Creation, ushering them into its world, until the Bureau garners enough of a reputation that clients find their own way there.

"So you're staying for good this time?" Toto asks. He's returned to a full black plumage, and his feathers shimmer with an iridescent gleam.

"I believe so." Baron regards his friend. "What's this? No recommendations to venture further afield this time?"

Toto casts a beady eye over the Bureau, and then Baron, both sure in purpose. "No. Finally. You're not running away from something, but to it instead."

"There's always room for another member in the Bureau, you know."

Toto smiles. "I'll think on it."

And Baron stays because he is home.

A/N: This whole ficlet started because I looked at that prompt and thought “what if the Sanctuary tried to cater to Baron’s personality and installed hidden rooms to keep him entertained” and then snowballed rapidly into “the Sanctuary is so used to being only a stopping point for Creations, never a home, that when Baron stays longer than usual it becomes attached to him and tries to tempt him to stay permanently by always giving him exactly what it thinks he needs/will make him stay.”

#the cat returns #cat writes #tcr ficlet #also whoopsies this became 2K words #I get very attached to stories where you have two hurting individuals healing with the help of each other #and also I just really like the idea of houses wanting to be homes #the Sanctuary not even realising it was missing being a home until Baron accidentally showed it was an option #look I have a weird amount of feelings for a place that is really just a setting in the film #it has a personality now #and feeling #also toto constantly just looking at this disaster of a cat creation and being like #oh dear. I somehow feel responsible for this mess #also also dropping in my personal headcanon that toto was originally a bird like gargoyle #and after the war wanted peace and quiet #so his appearance changed to something more mundane and less scary #toto choosing to look after those around him with kindness rather than physical strength #it's important to me that after everything toto was able to choose to be soft #despite his original build

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bumpscosity · 5 months

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starting an origins server with some of my siblings friends and i just found out everyone's making characters up for it i feel like the combo i picked has so many possible outcomes

#i'm thinking of going a grimwalker route where they like a memoryless clone of someone they never knew #my spawn is in the nether and i def wanna make it my home base. i don't think anyone else is spawning in the nether so that'll be fun #interesting for me bc i'm usually the one leeching off others recourses to build stuff but ALSO story wise very isolating #you wake up in hell and it's gross and weird but something about it is familiar.#not in memories per se but muscle memory. not things you did but knowing what not to eat #what's friendly. what hurts. maybe they know their a reincarnation of someone else deep down.#but that person was a blip in time. discipated into the endless seas of molten lava a long time ago.#their soul and magic just now mustering up the strength to become whole again. to become SOMETHING.#it was many eons ago that that person existed. their belongings and home have long since decayed and become one with the hellish landscape #there is no time to think of who you once were. there is only survival.#but the moment you have a home and supplies and are truly safe. you feel a deep fear.#a fear of who you once were long ago. who they could've been. what you should be. momories you no longer possess.#a longing to understand and go back to being a self you never were.#a person who's existence has been lost to time.#you shake off these feelings as best you can #but every time you find yourself in the overworld looking out at the vast ocean #you can't help but wonder wether they hated the deep blue sea as much as you do.#sassy speaks #mc #WHY DID I WRITE SO MUCH HELP I DIDNT MEAN TO DO THAT-

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morningmask27 · 3 months

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I do sometimes find it really annoying that most of the things I do right now are At Least tangentially related to a trauma I lived through.

I am living in a university dorm right now, it's a very typical thing to do, but most people return to their family home during the weekends and only really stay in the dorms because they have classes in the week and having to go from their home to the classes, especially the 9 am classes, can be heavy if they live somewhat further away. I stay in my dorm the entire week. For Reasons I don't want to go back to my old home for longer than half a day to drop my laundry and leave with clean clothes, some food and a chat with my mother. I wouldn't feel good doing so anymore, but mentioning that is weird because most people (except internationals because going to a full on other country just for the weekend, every weekend, would be a bit dumb) return to their home (My dorm feels more like home to me right now than my old house did btw).

When I say I stay in my dorm people are somewhat confused, as it on its own already implies that something must not be that good at the familial home for me to not go there for the weekends. By the simple fact I don't go back it's already implied there is something wrong, and it's true, there Is something wrong, but I can't just start explaining the whole thing, it's not really appropriate for most conversations, and I simply don't want to open up about this part of my traumas. So I just have to quickly and very blatantly brush off that fact and the unpleasant implications to continue the conversation without making it awkward and it's so annoying.

Most of my weird trauma responses at least have the added thing that if I don't verbalize them nobody will really notice. I am good at hiding them, I kinda had to, but this dorm situation is such a blatant sign of something Weird (and not the good kind) that I cannot hide since my actions on their own imply a situation already.

I am somewhat good at dealing with all of these issues, brushing off The Problems is a typical part of normal conversations, but it does get frustrating sometimes when I get severely affected by something traumatic, and it's The Only reason that my problem happened, but I cannot talk about it in casual conversations because of how heavy and intense it is. I have to vaguely mention The Horrors (They Are Complex) and move on before I make my conversation partner uncomfortable. It happened when I had to miss a class because of a severe relapse in my mental health, it happens every time I mention I stay in my dorm the weekends, it happens whenever I get too jittery and weird because of stress (I don't even always know Why I am stressed) and I just cannot explain anything about the cause because it's too heavy for most people to hear. (I do understand that fact, it makes sense you're not going to tell classmates casually about the horrific stuff you went through in your personal life, but it fucking gets annoying when it is fully related to a situation and I have to Shut The Fuck Up anyway.)

It's just frustrating to me that I have to deal with all these Weird Things because of trauma, and everyone sees them, but I cannot explain where they come from truthfully because of how much they are. It's in this weird middle state where people See I am weird hurt, but they don't Know why. I do things differently for reasons they can assume are unpleasant, but I cannot ever truly explain everything to them.

#morningcries #yeah late night frustrations as I just thing about all my friends and such going back to their homes and the occasional somewhat awkward #Lull in a conversation whenever I say I don't return to my kot (so Every time I say that)#Honestly having such a shit childhood really set me apart. But not in a good way #I am weird in many ways. All related to traumas I had and I can't relate to most people #I don't want to return to my home. I don't know what I feel about my sister but it sure as hell isn't a normal sibling relationship.#I have severe attachment issues and fucking cut myself when I was 14 #This mutilation fucked up my brain in the long term too as I now just crassly mention them Like That. They don't mean anything to me anymor #School left me a lonely hurt mess filled with anger and resentment. I had no friends left during my last year there. I had no friends when #I began university. My childhood was horrible and I now have to build something new from the shattered pieces I have left #Some people do help me but in a way my childhood is and always will be lost. I can't relate to what most people got to enjoy #Yes some small moments I do. I went on vacation and stuff and it was fun But somehow something always showed up to make the memory taste ba #When I talk about my past I always have to choose very specific small stories and shave off every negative detail and the grander (bad)#Context

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srkgirlblogger · 3 months

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#the day was going so well until my mom decided to be mean to me for no reason in a piblic space where i was already feeling scared and over #stimulated. i wanted to try out the skateboards in decathlon but there were too many people and i got scared. and my mom suddenly said that #the skateboard that she was going to buy for me after/on my birthday. she had decided to buy now. since we were alr in theshop and i said no #way bec i hadnt decided which one i wanted yet and i was soo panicked. and then after some time when id calmed down a bit and was gonna try #to skate anyways she started questioning me abt when i planned on peacticing and where i was gonna do it and i obviously just started saying #things that i thought she would approve of. and then she told me i didnt have the time management skills or resolve to make it work. and she #just kept on passive aggressively bullying me until i just couldnt do it anymore and i told her i wanted go leave the store bc she was #spoiling the mood. and then she started bullying me louder and she told me to stop blaming her bc she was only asking me a question and she #didn't want to waste any more money on things that i wasnt gonna do even though ive wanted a skateboard for years now and have been actively #asking her for months. and i just lost my emergy and my appetite and i wanted to leave the mall and go home but insteaf she gook us to a #bagel place that ive been trying to get her to take us even though i felt like throwing up before we even left the mall and i told her i #didnt want to go there. and my brother even told her that she was ruining things for everyone. and he still ended up blaming me in the end.#but whatever. i kept getting flashbacks to insanely traumatic moments where shed yelled at or bullied me or cornered me or tried to #embarass me in public. and this is most likely my last year at home. and my last year of childhood. and its all going to be remembered in my #brain as underwhelming and depressing and mostly horrible. and im going to leave home and never cone back and my last year at home is going #to be just as shitty as every other year and ill just have to deal with that and try to build something good and new and kind when i leave #she shouldnt speak to her own children like this. she shouldnt be looking for reasons to make things miserable for me all the time like this #i should study. my head hurts. my entire body hurts so bad #delete later

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pandoratheprocrasticreator · 2 years

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ngl i kind of miss the era of fics after hunting palismen but before season 1b where hunter slowly befriends luz’s friends and family under the guise of studying wild magic/espionage/whatever they were setting up with hunter spying on luz in season 2a that they didn’t have time to pay off in the show. and he finds a loving mother figure in eda and gradually realizes that belos and the emperor’s coven are bad before bravely standing up to his abuser and permanently moving into the owl house to be luz and king’s grumpy older brother.

i know his arc in canon didn’t go like that and tbh despite having more episodes to interact with him than darius or camilla eda ended up being like. the least parental towards him out of the three. but i really like that fic concept? not very action-y so i get why they played his arc out this way in the show but hunter’s heel turn in the show didnt. really feel like it was in his control? he has doubts about helping belos in every episode he appears in bc he was growing to care about luz and her friends. and ofc he finds out that belos is evil in hollow mind and ends his redemption arc by choosing to help hexside fight off the scouts.

but he was forced into all the realizations about belos by outside factors. he leaves the emperor coven not because he made an informed decision about how it was bad but because he knows belos would kill him if he didn’t leave the coven. and then when he helped the students at hexside it was because the teachers were about to trade him for gus if he couldn’t prove that he was trustworthy. i guess in the human realm he does get to learn what counts as a normal childhood and loving family, but that ties more into his post-redemption arc about found family rather than this being what makes him realize that belos was evil.

(this is also why i like to compare hunter to peridot from steven universe rather than zuko. i know on a surface level hunter and zuko are both angsty boys with a scar and an abusive father figure. but zuko had a journey bonding with civilians and the gaang where he learned why exactly the fire nation was wrong. and his decision to leave the fire nation, after zuko got back all his privilege and his fathers favor, was meaningful because it showed he was willing to give all that up to do what was right. meanwhile hunter, like peridot, had nothing left to lose by the time they join the protagonists. they fought against the villains because they were trapped with the protagonists and would die if they didn’t. i’d say even peridot had more agency in her redemption arc than hunter because she was given a chance to go back to homeworld but instead chose to save earth anyway and tell off yellow diamond.)

every confrontation between hunter and the villains during and after hollow mind was forced on him. in his earlier episodes, hunter did some small betrayals towards the coven to help luz and willow. but during the final part of his redemption (hollow mind & labyrinth runners, where he fully does a heel turn towards the protagonists’ side), saving gus from getting his sigil was the only major action he chose to do. in every other instance, his options were either help the protagonists or be killed.

this isn’t a bad thing. i like hunter’s character arc. it’s definitely more about coming to terms with one’s trauma than about anything bad hunter actually did. so they kind of brush aside his redemption arc once it’s over and the major focus is on what comes after. which i think is how toh does most of its redemption arcs? like with lilith or to a lesser extent amity. hell even mattholomule. once the character realize they’re wrong they get on the protagonist’s side and there isn’t much lingering tension about the harm they did. because once they’ve dedicated themselves to helping the protagonists, there isn’t much more they can do to make up for the past harm and toh definitely isn’t trying to preach anything about punitive justice.

so for hunter he realizes belos is evil and going to kill him in hollow mind and decides to help luz’s friends stop him in labyrinth runners. and after that he permanently joins the gang and helps fight belos and the rest of his arc is about finding himself after his redemption. which with how they wrote his backstory and arc so far i am more interested in this than seeing him haggle with the moral quandaries of working with belos and slowly realizing that he wants to be a Good Boy.

but man. those season 2a fics are so good. they’re like an au where hunter’s redmption arc is more like zuko’s than peridots and they give him a LOT more agency. in those fics he might get forced to stay with the owl family at first out of plot contrivance, but by the end he chooses his new family. and he chooses luz and eda and the rest of their friends and family over every privilege he had in the emperor coven, and over belos. and even though it might be a bit cliche, i still think that idea is really powerful.

#toh #the owl house #hunter toh #hunter noceda #hunter clawthorne #the way his arc plays out in those fics and the way his actual arc went are subtlely different #but that difference is significant to me #its taking responsibility for your crimes as a pawn of a dictator and finding that the people who actually love you will still forgive you #its looking at luz and her family of criminals who genuinely love and support each other #and looking at the emperor coven and all its prestige but with the underside of impossible pressure #and occasional praise and manipulation from an uncle that SHOULD love you but only uses that love to hurt you and get you to obey him #and realizing that no. you deserve to be treated better than that #that a humble life spent running from authorities with a family of genuine love #is leagues better than the power and glory from perpetuating a cycle of abuse #its hunter coming to terms that the environment he grew up in was horrible to him and continuing living there with that knowledge #before deciding that hes ready to leave belos. that he has a support system outside of the coven who wont treat him like this #as opposed to having the worst night of your life as you realize everything you know is a lie #and being forced from the only home you ever knew through no fault of your own with no support system you trust #and only after you have nowhere to go and nothing left do you start building everything back up again #and either way hunter realizes there is a light at the end of the tunnel #i think the second arc does have more of a place in the show but man i love to see that first arc explored in fics #maybe in a full season 3 they would have combined both ideas and they definitely planned to have hunter spend time with the owl family #but well never know #shut up pandora

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