my recent fixation has been the wings of fire book series since ive been rereading it, which i feel is not very related to any of my other interests and so i havent posted much about it. but i literally have “post whatever i want” in my bio so i’m not going to let the whims of an audience stop me any longer

all that to say heres some of my series opinions in the form of tierlists

(not including 3rd arc bc i havent gotten there on my reread and i dont remember it very well)

character tierlist! (added the legends: darkstalker characters manually since they weren’t in the tiermaker version)

notes:

mightyclaws is my background character fave. category 10 glup shitto event

i need to do a long post on how much i love whiteout. another day

i realy like clay in the first book and if he retained the same level of depth throughout the series he would be in the top tier-- its just that his writing makes him so shallow in the rest of the books it makes me so sad :[ i was listening (audiobook) to hidden kingdom and like. 90% of his lines/actions were about food and the other 10% were about protecting the other dragonets..... i related so much to his anxiety in the first book and his empathy and his ability to see both sides of things... gah. sad.

jambu is also one of my glup shittos. i love his whimsical ass

foeslayer is a hard one for me because she never did anything wrong she's just..... not as present as i wish she was. she's treated as a very vital character with how many large plot points hinge on her, but she doesnt have much agency herself. its stated a lot that she's extremely important to darkstalker but in the legends book we dont see much of them interacting? idk. i like her but she always feels so uninvolved

the 'beat you to death (funny)' tier is just for characters who i like on some level but are also pathetic and worms. out of that tier i like deathbringer the best and mastermind the worst

tier after that are for characters who i have a positive opinion on but not really a strong one. anemone and sora are more complicated, but i do generally like them. i really just feel bad for them if anything. i think i like clearsight more than the other characters in this tier, but she's not in the 'wonderful :D' tier because i dont think she has a very strong personality

the 'conflicting feelings' tier is kind of a trainwreck because it means a lot of things

obviously riptide is the outlier since he hasnt done anything nearly to the degrees of coral, glacier, and albatross-- but i do have conflicting feelings on him. riptide is completely inoffensive, hasn't done anything wrong, i just dont like him because he has no real reason to be in the story. like you could write him out very easily. his only purpose is to be a love interest for tsunami which is like...... gh. dude. she doesnt need one. if she's gonna have a romance it should come naturally. not "wow this seawing is handsome and also he's the first one ive properly met as well as a guy do im in love with him now" like girl do better

coral and glacier both have done bad things and obviously have bad intentions but also.... theyre not the worst. bad but not the worst.

albatross is a victim of emotional abuse and even though that doesnt justify his actions it does explain how they could have been negated

next 3 tiers are self-explanatory. i forgot to put her on there but queen vigilance goes in 'the grime beneath my shoe'

actually no i wanna talk about scarlet and battlewinner: i think the thing that i like about them is their theatrics. they bot have such a huge presence, like a disney villain. whenever i read scarlet dialogue it almost feels poorly written with how over-the-top she is but. no other character talks like that. its just how scarlet is. and i think thats so good. whereas battlewinner's situation conceptually is just cool as hell. i love how she struggles to speak because of the ice in her throat, her rage, the way she's hinted at but her reveal is completely unexpected...... very very good

no one likes morrowseer

when im in an emotional abuse and classism competition and my opponent is queen lagoon 😧

ship tierlist! (made on ms paint since i couldnt find any good ones on tiermaker. turned out to be nice since i can mess with the placement more)

notes:

top tier is /j i just dont really like how tui writes romance

i was kind of against glorybringer at first for the same reason i dont like tsunami/riptide but honestly it grew on me. their dynamic is so fun

anemome/tamarin is good i just think tamarin could do better if she wanted to. but i understand the "i can fix her" mentality and i do genuinely think tamarin could help anemone

sunny/fatespeaker is kind of a funny concept but also i can totally see it

i genuinely forgot turtlejou was a thing in canon ... it does not make sense to me. who came up with this. in the words of my friend "forced heterosexual on both parts tbh"

i love turtle and peril as friends so so so much if i saw someone romantically shipping them i feel like i could get mad

smolder/thorn is like if glorybringer was bad. mostly just because thorn can do way better than him. smolder and vermilion should kiss each other and bond over being wimp princes who havent actually done anything wrong themselves but bow to tyrant relatives to avoid getting killed

i dont know if this will be an unpopular take but clay and peril is such an awful ship. i like them as friends, i think theyre great as friends, but a romantic relationship between them would be so deeply unhealthy considering their situation. peril would be even more dependent and attached to him than she already is, and clay is not the kind of dragon who has an easy time saying 'no' to things. it would not be a malicious relationship in any way, but it would not be good for them. peril needs to learn how to live for herself, not for the approval of anyone else

okay thats all for today friends. thank you if you read all of my mismatched thoughts if you did ^_^ i love talking

fandom ask: ARCANE!!!!!!!!!

Send me a fandom and I'll answer:

thank you for gifting me the opportunity to on a tangent and also I'm sorry given this is mostly incoherent because I was too excited to talk about this show.

How long I’ve been in the fandom (if at all): I think it's been like barely two weeks lmao My favorite male character: Silco. He is a menace and awful in so many ways but so beautifully written. I'm over here awaiting more Silco and Vander flashbacks as we speak (i also love vander too--- I basically love or like everyone except for like two people tbH) My favorite female character: JINX, my precious girl. Silco and I are on the same wavelength about her --- she's perfect. 1 OTP: I actually care very little for any of the romantic pairings tbh so I don't have an otp. My brain is all about the other bonds because they're so complicated and beautiful and p a i n f u l. 1 NOTP: J*lco . I don't feel I need to explain why Funniest character: Jinx but like Sevika is underrated. Killing Finn after easily lulling him into a false sense of security whilst scaring the living daylights out of Silco just to keep him humble? Perfectly executed and hilarious. Prettiest character: Mel!! She is just STUNNING. Most annoying character: Mylo or Jayce lmao (Mylo was just annoying on top of being the loudest voice in Jinx's head and Jayce is like that well-intentioned guy that is too oblivious for his own good so he makes bad choices if given the chance and it makes his face very punchable... but I still like him somewhat. It's complicated. ) Most badass character: thiS IS HARD because every fight scene has shown how insanely cool and skilled each fighter is on this show--- and fighters aside, I'm still not over Silco walking into that meeting just to put the fear of him back into them by monologuing whilst they gasped for air. Wait, I just remembered Jinx pulling the same trick on Sevika as Silco did at the meeting and then waving as Sevika passed out and on top of all her cool fights scenes--- I've decided Jinx takes the title. Everything she does is cool albeit terrifying- I may be biased. Character I want as my best friend: Either Jinx, Ekko, or Vi??? I'm leaning towards Ekko (even though I adore Jinx and Vi) because he seems like a really solid friend and pretty grounded compared to everyone else despite what he has gone through as well so I think he'd be a solid bff. Female character I’d marry: see I'd say mel but then idk if I'm willing to put myself on her mom's radar and since that leaves Mel out of it then I can't think of anyone else that either won't end up messy or get me killed. Male character I’d marry: I literally trust none of them to not get me killed, kill me themselves (either accidentally or on purpose), or to not annoy me. Least favorite character: Mylo--- WAIT I TAKE IT BACK, FINN. I hated him. Sevika did everyone a favor. (I apologize to anyone that loves that man-- I simply do not vibe but I'm glad you do and I'm sorry for your loss)

In conclusion, I need season 2 already.

Teach Me Something I Don’t Know: Part I

Summary: When Will asks him to pick Michael up from school, Spencer may or may not develop a schoolboy crush on the kindergarten teacher.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Category: fluff

Warnings/Includes: none

Word count: 2.5k

a/n: Here she is! I’m not sure exactly what it is about Spencer Reid x teacher!reader, but it is my most requested fic topic, and I am happy to oblige! This is the first in a multi-part series. Weird is Good also takes place in this verse. Any teacher!reader requests will be folded into this verse as well, so feel free to continue sending me those!

Series Masterlist

Click here for the story mentioned, read by everybody’s fave Michelle Obama.

———

“A strong geographical profile is one of the most important pieces of the overall behavioral profile; it significantly narrows the area the team has to cover, allows for law enforcement teams to prioritize and maximize limited resources, and helps focus the investigation in conjunction with the other elements of the profile. And that wraps our section on building geographical profiles!” Spencer smiled at the faces in front of him, gesturing to the board. “The information we covered today will make up a significant portion of your midterm, so make sure to review it before next week. See you all next Thursday!”

As his students began packing up their things, Spencer’s phone rang from inside his bag. When he retrieved the phone and saw Will’s name on the caller ID, his brow furrowed in concern. “Will— everything ok?”

“Hey, yeah, yeah, everything’s fine,” he assured him. “I’m sorry to ask, but JJ’s on a case, and my partner and I just finished our last call clear on the other side of the city. Henry’s got soccer practice, but Michael’s gotta be picked up in about— well, shit, right about now. Would you mind picking him up and bringing him ‘round to the house?”

Spencer looped the strap of his bag over his shoulder and started up the aisle out of the lecture hall. “Yeah, of course! It’s over by the Naval Observatory, right?”

“Yeah, that’s the one. If you pull ‘round the parking lot, they usually come out the side door. His teacher’s real sweet, Ms. Y/L/N. I’ll let her know you’re picking him up.”

“Okay, sounds good.” Spencer pushed open the door and made his way down the hall.

“You’re the best,” Will drawled. “I’ll only be about half an hour.”

…

When Spencer pulled the baby blue Volvo into the parking lot of the school, he saw Michael and Ms. Y/L/N sitting on the steps of school. Their heads were so close they were almost touching, looking down at a book laying across their laps. Her legs were stretched out straight and she pointed down to the page, saying something that made Michael throw his little head back in a laugh that floated in through the open window of the car. Spencer grinned at the familiar sound as he pulled around the carpool loop.

When he recovered from the giggles, Michael caught sight of the car and waved his hand excitedly at Spencer. Ms. Y/L/N looked up and gave a wave as well, albeit a little less vigorous. She closed the book and turned her torso slightly to unzip Michael’s backpack and drop the book into it.

Spencer put the car in park, stepped out, and walked around the car to meet the two of them. Michael was already up and running, throwing himself at Spencer’s legs and hugging them tightly. He leaned down to return the hug. “Hey, buddy! How was school?”

“It was amazing,” Michael gushed, pulling out of the hug to gesture wildly. “We learned how to write the zzz sound, and now we know all the sounds! Oh, and then we used blocks in math, and that was so fun, because Ms. Y/L/N let us build with them when we were done counting. Oh, and then we learned about frogs, and they are so cool. Did you know that frogs have night vision? Oh, and Ms. Y/L/N said I could borrow my favorite book from the classroom library! She read it to me already while we were waiting for you, but maybe you could read it to me, too? I can read some of the words but not all of them yet, so I still need some help.”

Spencer smiled widely at him. “Wow, that does sound like an amazing day. I did know that about frogs, actually! And of course, I’d love to read with you.”

“The book’s called Giraffe Problems, and it’s about this giraffe named Edward who doesn’t like his neck.” Michael looked at Ms. Y/L/N. “What’s the turtle’s name again?”

“Cyrus,” Ms. Y/L/N reminded him.

“Right, Cyrus.” He looked at Spencer. “See, that one is tricky because c’s don’t usually make the sss sound, but sometimes they do. Ms. Y/L/N’s teaching me about it, even though she said it’s kinda hard for kindergarten.”

“Because you’ve got a big, powerful brain, right?” she said, tapping her temple and winking at Michael. “I’m Ms. Y/L/N, by the way. You must be the infamous uncle Spencer. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Then she smiled at him and his big, powerful brain melted inside of his skull.

Michael continued talking, and Spencer briefly wondered if this is how people felt when he rambled. Michael lost his attention immediately, because all he could do was stare at Ms. Y/L/N. Her eyes glinted with humor as he chattered on. She followed his expressive motions with well-timed nods and mhmms, a skill she’d no doubt honed through years of indulging kindergarten babbling. She met Spencer’s eyes every so often, only a slight eyebrow raise indicating her amusement. Her hair had been tied back, but soft pieces had come loose throughout the day, falling into her face and around her shoulders. Up close, he could see that the print of her collared a-line dress was hundreds of green frogs. On her feet were a pair of beat up, low top converse, and Spencer thought he could physically feel the crush branding the chambers of his heart. He was jolted out of his thoughts by Michael’s hand tugging on his pant leg, and he looked down to see him looking up expectantly.

“Sorry, what?” Spencer asked him.

“I said,” Michael repeated with a sigh, “can we look up the author and see if he has any other books?”

“Oh, um, yeah. Of course, buddy.”

“Jory John has lots of amazing books,” Ms. Y/L/N confirmed. “You’ll love the series he wrote with Pete Oswald.” She smiled at the pair of them before checking her watch. “I’ve gotta go pack up, but I’ll see you tomorrow, Michael.” She winked at Spencer, and he almost swallowed his tongue. “It was nice meeting you, uncle Spencer.” She waved again and then turned up the stairs to disappear into the building.

Spencer let out a breath he didn’t even realize he’d been holding, and then turned to Michael. “Well. All right, are you ready to go home?”

…

They were settled into the car and halfway home before Michael finally needed to take a breath. Spencer capitalized on the break in conversation.

“So, Ms. Y/L/N seems pretty cool,” Spencer hedged.

“Yeah, she’s the best,” Michael confirmed with a nod. “On Fridays she lets us put on the smocks and paint. And she has really good story voices. Oh, and she also has these really cool blocks that stick together—magnet blocks. And when I fell off the jungle gym and got a big scrape, she gave me a Paw Patrol bandaid! And she gives great hugs.”

“Good story voices, huh?” Spencer met Michael’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “Better than mine?”

Michael tilted his head in deep thought. “Hmmmm. It’s pretty close. Your wizard voice is good, but she does accents.”

Spencer blew out a dramatic breath. “Guess I’m going to have to up my game.”

“You’re gonna have to practice a lot, because Ms. Y/L/N reads to us every day.” Michael raised his eyebrows in a challenge.

“Hey!” Spencer looked incredulous. “I read every day, too!”

“Yeah, but do you read with story voices every day?” Michael clarified.

Spencer sighed. “Well, I guess not.”

“It’s okay, uncle Spencer,” Michael soothed. “You can’t be the best at everything.”

“So they are better than mine?”

Michael pressed his lips together, and Spencer almost laughed at how much he looked like JJ. “... maybe.”

…

A trail of shoes and school supplies led to the couch, where Spencer and Michael sat shoulder to shoulder. They were on their second read of Giraffe Problems. Spencer took a long, dramatic breath before launching into Cyrus’ banana speech, and Michael burst into a fit of giggles. With his best theatrical voice, Spencer read down the page. “Yet, day after day, I’ve felt like such a fool as I stretched my neck toward those greedy branches, only to be limited by my own physical shortcomings.” He flipped the page and changed his tone. “You… want a banana from a tree?” He looked at Michael and said, quickly and in a low voice, “That’s what I said, yes.” Michael wheezed out another laugh.

Spencer finished the story, Michael mouthing the words along with him. When they reached the last page, Spencer softly closed the book and propped his feet up on the coffee table. “That’s a pretty great story.”

“Yeah,” Michael agreed. “Ms. Y/L/N said she likes it because it reminds us that we gotta love ourselves and our bodies for how they are.”

Spencer nodded. “Absolutely. We’re all different, and that’s what makes us special.”

“Yeah. I just really like when he’s wearing all the scarves.” Michael burst into another fit of laughter, and Spencer couldn’t help but laugh with him.

The front door opened, and Will was smiling as he stepped over the threshold. “I could hear y’all laughing all the way down the sidewalk.”

“Daddy!” Michael jumped up from the couch, and Will bent to scoop him up, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“Hey, kiddo. Sorry I couldn’t pick you up. It sure sounds like you and uncle Spencer had fun, though.” He shot Spencer a wide smile.

“We read Giraffe Problems. Can we read it again later?” Michael asked.

“Sure thing. We can read it before bedtime.” Will set him down, furrowing his brow. “Wait, Giraffe Problems? Is that a new one?”

Michael shook his head. “Ms. Y/L/N let me borrow it from the library. I have to give it back in two weeks.”

“Man, Michael, you really lucked out, huh?” Will posited. “Ms. Y/L/N is so good to you.”

“Jeez, everybody’s saying that today,” Michael sighed. “Yes, Ms. Y/L/N is amazing, we all know this.”

“All right, sass monster. I didn’t know uncle Spencer thought she was amazing, too.” Will grinned. “We gotta go pick up Henry in a few minutes. I’ll get you a snack, and you can pick up your things?” He gestured to the mess of shoes and school supplies in the foyer.

Spencer smiled sheepishly. “That’s probably my fault. We were just so excited to read the book.”

“Ah yeah, I know how he gets.” Will crossed to the kitchen. “A one track mind, that one. Thanks again for picking him up today.”

Spencer stood from the couch and followed, hands stuffed in his pockets. “It’s no problem at all! I can do it any time.”

“Well, I don’t want to bother y—”

“It’s not a bother!” Spencer schooled his voice back into a normal register at Will’s raised eyebrow. “It—It’s not a bother at all. I, um— I have a lot of free time when I’m on sabbatical. Especially since I’m only teaching one course this semester. Plus, I love seeing the boys.”

“I’ll remember that.” Will smiled. “So… Ms. Y/L/N’s amazing, huh?”

Spencer just knew that his cheeks were as red as the apple Will was cutting up. He tried to shrug nonchalantly. “Yeah, she was— she was really nice.”

“She’s not bad looking, either,” Will supplied. When Spencer’s mouth fell open, Will continued, “What? JJ thinks so, too. Don’t tell me you didn’t even look, because I know that’s a lie.”

Spencer sputtered, “I— well, I—”

“Daddy, can we get an ice-cream on the way home?” Michael interrupted, completely unfazed.

Will laughed. “Saved by the bell, uncle Spencer. Yeah, buddy, we can get ice-cream.”

…

“It’s not weird to look her up. I just want to know more about the person who’s educating my godson,” Spencer tried to reassure himself as he pulled up the school’s website. He scrolled to find the teacher pages, a little smile crossing his face when he saw Ms. Y/L/N’s picture— white ruffled shirt, red bow, and black hat. A perfect tribute to Mary Poppins.

He dropped his smile. “She barely said five sentences to you, and you didn’t say anything back.” His eyes wandered over the links on the side, landing on the About Me section. “But she did say she’d heard a lot about you, so it’s only fair that you get to know a little about her.” Against his better judgment, he clicked the page link. A photo of Ms. Y/L/N— grinning and holding a very distraught-looking black cat— popped up on the screen, and Spencer laughed aloud.

I grew up on a farm outside of Fayetteville, NC before moving to Boston to complete my undergraduate degree. I moved to DC to earn my Master’s in Early Childhood Education, and I have been teaching here for 8 years! I love working with young learners, because children grow so much in their foundational years. Watching a child have a lightbulb moment is one of my greatest joys. When I'm not in the classroom, I love to read, travel, play scrabble, and spend time with my cat Roald (pronounced Roo-all)!

Spencer scrolled through the pictures of Ms. Y/L/N and her students. There were pictures in their “smocks,” which Spencer discovered were really just old t-shirts. There was one of her in the middle of some very animated story telling, and another of a field trip to the zoo. In each one, the smiles beamed out through the computer screen in a digital portrait of unbridled joy, contagious even over the waves of the internet. Smiling to himself, he clicked on the tab labeled Teaching Philosophy.

I believe that every child is an extraordinary and essential piece of our classroom puzzle. In order to nurture the unique individuality of each of my students, I work hard to make our classroom a safe, positive, and supportive community where students are given the space to express themselves. Our classroom culture is also one of kindness and creativity, where each individual is valued and celebrated for who they are!

Spencer swallowed the unexpected lump in his throat as he thought back on his own school career. While his teachers had always appreciated his intelligence, he honestly couldn’t recall a moment where he had felt valued for just… being himself. The majority of his time in school had been spent unsuccessfully fending off bullies, completing other students’ homework, or being gawked at like some sort of alien. He was grateful that Michael would hopefully never go through anything like what he’d experienced; at least not while Ms. Y/L/N was around.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he leaned back in the desk chair to pull it out. He swiped it open to read the incoming text.

JJ: So......... you like Ms. Y/L/N, huh? 😉😉😉

Spencer: What?! Did Will tell you that? I didn’t say that.

JJ: Some things you don’t have to say out loud, Spence.

———

Tags: @spacedikut

Te amo

I am working on a few of the other prompts and a part 2 to prompt 4 the soulmate au I just recently got another puppy and I still have uni work to do so I'm a bit behind schedule with these and I'm so sorry. Hopefully this little kinda songfic makes up for it.

13th doctor x female reader

Warnings: swearing as usual, fluffy, sad thoughts, twist the original songs meaning, long as fuck.

Probably terrible as its my first songfic

I don't know much Spanish so some of the examples later on are Google translated and I know it can be wrong so I do apologise for any mistranslations

This is based off Rhiannas song Te Amo but I'm switching it up a little. I dont why 13th doctor came into my head when I was listening to it but it gave me this lil oneshot idea so enjoy! The picture is not mine but the rainbow effect added is done by me! Same for the picture later on.

I've been travelling with this amazing alien for a whole year now. The adventures are always amazing if she's there! The others sometimes complain and say its boring, especially on a junk planet but to see her face light up with excitement makes my day and it well worth the dirt we cover ourselves on by the time we are done. And when she finds something that she thought was useful and it turns out, it's not her scrunch is amazing.

Okay, I'll admit it. I'm in love with this alien. I know, weird, a human and an alien together? But I can't help it! I'm completely besotted with her. If she even looks in my direction, my legs go to jelly and I get butterflies. I know, cheesy. But thats exactly how I feel around her. I barely want to touch her because I nearly fainted the last few times. And I fear she may pick up on how I'm distancing myself from her. I don't want to break her heart and leave, the thought of her look kills me as is so I'm trying to get her to kick me off.

It doesn't seem to be working though. I've been distancing myself since I found out about how I feel, which is now 6 months ago and she's trying to get me to be as close as I was with her.

I'll tell her. On one of our amazing adventures but I can't do it straight forward, it's making me sick with anxiety just thinking about it. I'll fancy it up, make her work it out. Whenever we are next to each other and the moment is right, I'll tell her in another language!

I finally get out of bed after I finished writing in my diary. I slip some comfy clothes on and head out to the TARDIS library and hope no one is there, especially her. I'll be distracted and right now, I need to concentrate. I wonder the warm halls, grateful that the TARDIS had considered my preferences. I think the TARDIS likes me more than the others because I talk to her and show her gratefulness for taking us somewhere amazing and I chat to her regularly and I try to involve her in my conversations. The others find it weird, except for the Doctor, she just smiles and joins in with me. Im still learning how to translate her but I think I've sort of got it.

I reach my hand forward and grab the aged bronze doorknob and open to the giant room. There were so many floors that an elevator had to be used to access some of them as the Doctor said "walking would literally take weeks to reach some floors". Thankfully the TARDIS organises them to make them easier to find. I looked forward and saw an interactive map in front of me. My hands touched the screen and many subjects and categories came up. Anything ranging from kiddie tales to straight up smut, I have a feeling either River or Missy are to blame for that addition.

I've never met them but the TARDIS showed me videos from her database and brought books to my attention about them. They both seem very dirty minded people so I'm not surprised those are there. I wonder if the Doctor has ever stumbled upon this section or is it for none Doctor eyes only? If she does know about them, has she ever read one? No, don't go there you stupid brain! She probably doesn't know!

I quickly stop that train of thought and catch my breath. I've never thought about those kinds of things about anyone before. Stupid Timelord, making me go all weird and think dirty things. Now my face is all red, I really hope I'm alone in here. I quickly focus back to the task at hand, finding a new language to learn. The TARDIS seemed to know where to go and blue arrows appeared, guiding me to the right section in what could be a maze.

As I walking, I felt excitement rise within me. What if she felt the same way? What if she was impressed by how far I wanted to go just to say those 3 words? Would her hazel honey eyes sparkle with delight? Would she scronch her nose in amazement?

Before I knew it, I'd arrived at the language learning section and there were many alien languages but the TARDIS seemed to have a better idea of what would be perfect for me as a white hardback book fell off the 4th shelf onto the wooden floor. I picked it up and noticed how smooth the cover was and how old yet unused it looked. The white was a little off, almost a dull cream from ageing which made the gold writing harder to read. The title was simple:

Spanish basics and need to knows.

I did always find Spanish in school fun to learn, more than French or German anyway and I don't wanna stereotype this into a typical French is the language of romance. I never really found it romantic sounding compared to Spanish.

I picked up the book and quickly flicked through to the right page and took a note on my phone as to what the translation was and put the worn book away. I quietly thanked the TARDIS and rushed out of the library and back into my room where I could practice without getting caught.

A few weeks have passed since I picked up the new words and practiced them until I was confident and had the TARDIS' approval that I was saying it right. Today the Doctor wanted to take us to this party in the 18th century and we all decided to dress for the part once we landed.

Yaz was wearing a beautiful black and red ballroom gown, accented with little bows around the bottom and lace cuffs. She had her black hair curled into a ponytail. It was simple and cute, much like her style normally. Graham and Ryan wore similar suits but Graham wore green accents and Ryan wore yellow accents.

I let the TARDIS pick my dress. She picked a black and dark blue ballroom gown with blue roses on the bottom. It had black lace underneath and blue lace as the cuffs. The gown also seemed to glitter slightly in the light making me sparkle very subtly. I put my comfy boots on as you couldn't see my shoes as I walked anyway so why did it matter? With all the running we do, I'm not risking my ankles with heels, thank you very much. I had my (h/c) hair in (fave style). It suited my dress perfectly.

I nearly choked on oxygen when I saw how hot the Doctor looked in her suit. It took me a few moments to realise we match. We both blushed at the realisation. Of course the TARDIS makes us match! No wonder why she was more than eager to help me pick an outfit! Stupid sentient ship, shipping us already!

I quickly cleared my throat and complimented everyone on how amazing they looked but I just couldn't take my eyes off the Doctor for long. She was like a magnet for my eyes. Someone help before she realises!

"Don't we all look brilliant? Perfect for the party! 18th century Yorkshire to be exact! What a great century for you guys. Now then, this party is for Nobles and higher, as per usual in these times. Ryan, I suggest you keep in mind about any racist comments that may come out. But as long as you say your Graham's personal butler, you should be welcomed with little resistance. And Yaz, I want you to be (y/n)'s personal maid. That does mean you'll have to follow your so called "masters" around and do anything they ask unfortunately and Graham, (y/n), please act like the others around you and use them. Unfortunately this is the only way all 5 of us can join the party. You'll be fine as long as you bite your tongues. Now the Noble Edward Collins is the host so be sure to thank him for inviting you, even though you technically weren't. And try not to get too drunk, I know what you humans are like! Now follow me." The Doctor explained. I was going to tell the Doctor today, but I guess, I'll have to wait.

The Doctor opened the doors and we were in a cupboard under some gorgeous marble stairs. As we walked towards the party I noticed some family portraits along the walls. They were a very beautiful looking family. The mother had long blonde hair and pale blue eyes. The father was buff, long brown hair and daring brown eyes. There were two children, a girl and a boy. The girl had long brown hair and sparkling blue eyes, whilst the son had blonde hair and brown eyes. They also had a brown greyhound dog laying by the sons feet. The son must be the host, Edward. He looked not much older than 10 in the last painting but the daughter was no where to be found in the portrait and theu all looked mournful. Is she dead and is that the picture capturing the moment of grief? Why would anyone want that? It's so strange, even for this time period.

The Doctor held me and Yaz close, stopping us in our tracks. My heart was racing at the simple touch. But as soon as the touch was there, it was gone. "I hope its okay with you (y/n) but you're going to have to be married to someone."

My heart stopped for a moment and I nearly choked on air. "What? Why?"

"Because women like yourself would have been married as young as 13 or 14. Now your only choices are me and Graham. You can't choose Ryan as he's supposed to be a butler and you can't choose Yaz as she's your maid. The choice is yours, I just need to know wether or not I should refer to you as my darling wife or not?"

What. The. Fuck.

Why did her even calling me that l, turn me on? Obviously, I'm going to choose her but I'm going to have to perfect my reasoning here.

"As much as I love Graham, it's going to be awkward if I have to kiss him or anything because he's like my grandad! I guess you'll do Timelord. Come on then husband, we don't want to be late to the dancefloor!" I spoke clearly hoping she didn't notice how excited I actually was to have even a hint of a relationship with her. It may be fake but ill take anything when it comes to her.

We arrived at the welcome committee and handed our cards over, aka the psychic paper. We were going as Mr and Mrs (last name). The Doctor was holding my hand this entire time and it's driving me insane. I don't know if she can feel my racing pulse under her fingers but if she can I hope she puts it down to excitement! We walked down the most grandest staircase you would ever lay your eyes on.

First we walked around, greeting everyone as they came up to us or if she dragged me to someone she knew, but not personally. She was cute when she was fangirling over these people. Yaz found it annoying as she just wanted to party but I couldn't help it. The way her eyes shimmer with recognition was more beautiful than any galaxy she could ever take us. Sometimes her eyes flickered with admiration and it did make me have jealousy for just a moment before I remembered, I'm staying with her and they aren't .

As the party moved on we met the host Edward. He looked a lot different than in his paintings. He was around 20 years old now and his blonde hair was below his shoulders. He looked a lot like his father with his muscley build. And he was very charismatic which I did not like as he poured all his charm into the Doctor. Does everyone here know that he's gay or does he see through the Doctors disguise? Either way, it was rubbing me the wrong way. I quickly excused myself with Yaz and walked into the bathroom.

"I did not like him. I do not like this Edward guy. Something about him rubs me completely wrong. He's handsome but something is telling me he knows the Doctor isn't a man."

"I felt the same way. He knows something we don't. Before we go out there again, do you mind if I ask you a question?" Yaz asked. My mind was racing a hundred miles an hour. She knows. The jig is up with Yaz. "How do you feel about her, honestly? One minute you 2 are inseparable, then you distance yourself and now you are a nervous wreck around her! I won't judge but I just want to make sure my theory is correct."

Shit. I guess I really was obvious. Does she know?

"If your theory is about me falling hopelessly in love with the Doctor then you'd be correct. I can't help it. I'm going to tell her how I feel without being completely stupid. I just need a right moment to say it." I spoke with a heavy sigh. Hopefully, Yaz can help create that moment thay I need. She nods her head and opens the door. We walk back to the Doctor and notice Edward has gone to other guests and she was talking to Graham. I looked around and saw Ryan flirting with a pretty lady near the food table. Why am I not surprised?

A few hours had passed and the Doctor seemed bored with standing and talking so I made a plan in my head. I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the dancefloor as the next song came on. I didn't quite know how to dance properly but I knew the basics if it. She has to lead and I simply follow suit. It took a few moments but I got the hang of it with the Doctors help. Soon we were dancing so gracefully underneath the most beautiful candelabra that lit up her face perfectly.

Her hair swayed to our perfect dance ever so gently. Her eyes sparkled with amusement and her lips were in a permanent smile. She even laughed a couple of times. Then as the music slowed down to a pace that was perfect, I grabbed her waist and looked her. My heart was going crazy and my legs were about to buckle but I had rehearsed my lines. I can do this.

"Hey Doc. Its been an amazing time with you but I can't continue this without being honest with you. But everytime I get close, I back down in fear. So I'm going to let you figure it out. Doctora te amo. Entiendo que si no sientes lo mismo y me iré si quieres. (Doctor i love you. i understand if you don't feel the same way and i'll leave if you want.)" I spoke with as much passion and intention as I could. I looked into her eyes and saw her confused and trying to work out what I said. I would find it cute if my heart was beating right out of my chest. "Well, I've had a great time but I'm fucking knackered. I'm calling it night. I'll be heading to the TARDIS if you need me."

"I'll come with ya. I'm knackered as well and we both need each other to undo the corsets and mine is starting to hurt a little bit. How we used to do this for a full day, everyday, is beyond my understanding. As beautiful as we look, I don't think its worth the pain this will bring in the morning." Yaz spoke with a slight mumble as proof of her mental state and finishing with a yawn. I chuckled at her state and walked back to the TARDIS with a small amount of chat along the way.

She is right though. These corsets really do hurt you after a while, I'm glad I chose not to wear heels or else I'll be fucked for in the morning. I would literally scream. I think the Doctor had the right idea in wearing a suit, no pain. I do feel bad for leaving her but I just need some space after basically admitting everything that's been built up within me for too damn long. Maybe I should tell Yaz how it went and maybe she can help determine if the Doctor is happy or not.

We walked back into the wardrobe room and I helped Yaz out of her corset. She immediately sighed in relief. She finished getting herself into comfy clothes and started to untie my ribbon.

"So did you tell her?"

"Sort of. I basically told her everything but in Spanish. I just hope it doesn't change anything, except in a positive way, of course! If she wants me gone, I've told her that it's fine and I understand. She's very socially awkward and as cute as I find it, it may not help me in this situation. Do you have any clues on how she may react once she figures it out?"

Yaz stopped untying my corset for a moment and placed 1 finger upon her chin in thought. Her eyes were almost shut and seemed almost completely black in the light. After what seemed like forever, she took her finger off her chin and beamed a toothy smile. Her eyes sparkled as she remembered something and seemed to gleam slightly menacingly. A smirk replaced her smile soon after.

"There's a few times she's shown affection towards you. And I mean romantic affection. She always chooses to hold your hand over anyone else's if given the choice. She always steps I'm front of you when an enemy threatens to kill us all or hurt us in anyway. When you go wandering around on your own, she's terrified thats she's lost you forever to an enemy we don't even know of!" Yaz starts explaining carefully as if she's worried on how to word it.

"Those are just friendly affec-"

"I wasn't done. I was warming up." Yaz interrupts me as I was about to go into a self deprecating speech on how I'm just a friend to everyone and never a lover. "She always looks to see your face on adventures because she secretly loves your reactions, bad or good. When the Master revealed himself, she looked straight at you for support on how she should react. When she came back from the Kasavin, she ran straight to you and made sure you were ok first before any of us. When we were in the Tsungra medical ship, the first person she asked for was you! Whilst she was unconscious on board the ship, she kept mumbling your name, over and over again. When she saw how gorgeous you looked today, I thought she'd take you right there on the spot! She fucking loves you (y/n)! You're just so unbelievably blind to it all!"

Yaz was almost red with rage. Did she really do all that, for me? The TARDIS mustve read my mind and seemed to hum positively in reply. If everything Yaz said is true then she'll be so happy about it and maybe we can be a thing! But then again, maybe losing so many in a similar position as me will turn her away. Maybe her soul is awry and she's asking why right now.

Once I had gotten changed I went to sleep almost straight away, I suppose all that dancing and social ques having tired me out more than I thought.

I woke up to a soft knock on my door. I rubbed my (e/c) eyes and told them I'd be a few minutes as I've only just woken up. It wasn't until I finished brushing my (h/c) hair that I remembered what happened yesterday. All the panic rushed within me at once and I nearly threw up. I took several deep breaths and opened the door.

"GRAHAM THANK FUCK ITS YOU!" I almost shouted at him. He looked a little bewildered for a moment before he seemed to remember what brought him here in the first place.

"Hello Love, I'm here because Doc wanted to speak with you privately in the library. She says that the TARDIS will guide you to her location. She seemed a little off after you and Yaz left. Did something happen? Is everything ok?" Graham asked cautiously. He must be so confused.

"Sort of. I'll explain more when I get back but what do you mean by "a little off"?"

"Well she seemed lost in all sense of the word. She kept muttering "Te Amo" all the time. She was all over the place aswell. She got me and Ryan back here not long after you guys. Something about not trusting Ryan to not get alcohol poisoning without her around. She hasn't really left the library since if I'm honest. She's been in there for 12 hours. I only know she wants you because she whattsapped me on my phone. Whatever is going on, please sort it out, she's starting to really worry me. She hasn't been the same since that Master guy came around." Graham spoke clearly, albeit confused. I nodded my head and walked in the opposite direction to him and hoped the TARDIS would take me there quicker than normal. I want to treat this like a plaster, rip it off in one go.

Sooner than I realised, I grabbed the all too familiar door knob of the library. I took a deep breath and walked in. A blue line appeared towards the interactive map. I awakened the console and I saw a black screen with a few words on it. It looked like a message with how it was presented.

Hello (y/n)! Don't walk until you calm. Breath deeply and try not to panic. I promise you, all will work out in the end. I see more than you realise and I know my thief better than anyone whoever stepped foot into my being. I know of her main problem about the situation. If she loves you, drink this. It won't hurt, she'll know what it is.

The TARDIS

I should have been surprised by this new knowledge that she could speak to me, in a way, but I've seen so much and I am so tender hooks so I didn't take much notice of it. I quickly sat down and tried to control my breathing. After about 5 or so minutes, I felt calm enough to finally meet up with her and hear what she has to say.

I followed the blue line carefully until I spotted her in a comfy room. She mustve gotten changed at some point as she was wearing her usual rainbow outfit, minus the jacket. She was sat on a deep purple sofa, legs curled into her body. Her shoes were on the carpeted floor underneath her, seemingly forgotten for the moment. There were many books surrounding us from many cultures and spieces. One wall had a cozy wood burning fireplace crackling within the silence that surrounded us.

Her face was scrunched within deep thought. Her eyes sparkling with an emotion that I couldn't quite put my finger on; hope, sorrow or excitement? Her lips had a small smirk gracing them and her teeth had bitten a small part of it. Her hands were holding a book in a way where I couldn't quite see what it was.

I didn't want to disturb her as she looked so ethereal with the warm glow of the fire highlighting her in the perfect way. Unfortunately, it's plaster time and I wanted this sorted sooner rather than later. I took a deep breath took in the picture for memory.

"Hey, Graham said you wanted to talk to me? Is everything ok?" I asked gently and as softly as I could so she was carefully brought out of her little world. I didn't want to scare her. She raised her eyes from her book for a moment and bookmarked the page she was at with a little TARDIS paperclip. She placed the book on the table at the side of her and patted the seat next to her.

As I sat down my nerves were through the roof. She gave nothing away as she stared at me for a minute, as if assessing something about me.

"Why are you so nervous? Calm down. You are right, It is to do with last night. You left pretty abruptly after basically confessing your feelings to me. I was so confused, not just about what you said but about myself and what I wanted to do about you." The Doctor spoke monotonously. Did she mean get rid of me? "I had to first of all, find out what you said, well done on learning a new language by the way, one even I'm not fluent at. I'm guessing the old girl had something to do with that idea. Not that, you aren't smart enough but you don't know what languages I do or don't know."

The Tardis seemed to chuckled at the accusation and I simply nodded my head. "I wanted to buy myself time and to impress you."

"You impressed me a long time ago Miss (l/n). That is just a cherry on top. After I figured out what you said, no thanks to my old friend here, I went through a lot of thinking. I've not been in many relationships and you know my history regarding the ones I have been in. You know, River and Missy? And I have such a bad past with it ending in nothing but tears for me. I always lose those I care for deeply." She spoke with tears spilling from her gorgeous eyes. I grabbed her face gently and wiped away the stray tears that managed to escape their home.

"That was when you were a man. You're a woman now, everything is so different. Relationships can be heartbreaking. I know what you're main problem is and the TARDIS has a solution to that. I just need you to tell me the truth. How do you feel about me? Do you want me to stay or not?" I stated holding the small shot glassed amount of liquid in my hand. The liquid was golden and sparkled slightly in the light. There were specks of orange and silver within it and it was as hot as a nice cup of (hot drink). Her eyes sparkled with hope and shock. Her lips were smiling wide. And she seemed to giggle at the sight of it. She held it for a moment as if examining it like a rare artefact, maybe it was. Either way, I trust her judgement and if she's happy about it, then so am I. Once she had analysed the drink, she practically leapt into my arms and pushed me down on my back. She smelled of custard creams and the TARDIS which was odd but completely her and I couldn't imagine her smelling any other way.

"That does solve our problem! What she has just given you is the rarest liquid in the universe seeing as only one thing in the entirety of space can produce it. That drink is known as the nectar of the chosen ones. It's rare as the race that used to make them has practically gone extinct. There's only 3 left in the known universe and you're living in one. That drink is the blood of the TARDIS. It grants you immortality if you drink it. It is said to resemble your favourite beverage no matter who you are. However, it only lasts 100 years and you must drink it every century or else your body clock will kick in and you will age and be as mortal as you are now." She speaks with a warning as we sit up holding holds.

"I have no problem with that. I would sacrifice everything if it meant I got to call you mine. Just please tell me and I'll drink it." I told her with adoration in my eyes.

She held me close and planted a soft and gentle kiss to my lips. It was short but it sent more fireworks than you can imagine through my body. I knew I had found her. She grabbed my waist and whispered next to my ear:

"Te Amo"

me but i decide who dies

amphibia true colors spoiler warning! this is about the owl house but i talk about a big part of the episode so like AH

ALSO MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH TOH WARNING! not a fic, just that's the whole point of what this is so like be warned.

ok, marcy kind of died. yes at least her body has been more or less preserved, idk how alive that makes her, but i'm counting that as an on screen death. reason? getting impaled with a massive flaming sword kills you like 99% of the time, exception being possibly marcy. but what does the on screen death in amphibia have to do with the owl house? soooo much, at least to me.

i would love an on screen death of a major character in the owl house at some point, i think it could add a lot to the series and give a new depth to the characters, but there are some exceptions to the rule

personally, the people that are off limits for dying are lilith, amity, luz, and belos. everyone else is fair game.

lilith is my personal fave, but that's not why i don't want her dead. a big part of season 2 is probably going to have to do with lilith, her involvement in the coven, but also her redemption. i know some people also don't like the use of the word redemption here, just go with it for the sake of the argument. as a part of said redemption, she has to be alive. killing of a character as a way for them to pay for their mistakes is literally so dumb, i hate it, and i refuse to let it happen to her. that level of self sacrifice shouldn't be a part of her journey.

amity, i really hate to be that person, but since we don't really know all that much about her character, this is mostly about her representation. amity is a kid, she has so much character development ahead of her, but if true colors showed us anything it's that no matter how young you are, you can still get impaled. i would love to see more of her and her growth as a witch, season 2 intro gives me really high hopes for her, but since lumity is most likely going to become full canon sometime in the next couple seasons, killing her off would eliminate that, and no more lesbian characters dying off because all they are is expendable representation, dana terrace would never i just fell like it had to be said. no i do not like amity just because of the representation she provides, but i think killing her would be a big mistake for that reason.

luz, she's our protagonist, this is her story, she started it, killing her off would be interesting but i feel like it would ultimately end the story. she really is the centerpiece of the show, though i might let up on this stance if it happens in the last episode of season 3.

belos, this is weird. i don't want him to die, he's such a good villain, and his corruption will live on without him, killing him achieves nothing at all really. that being said, him getting stripped of his powers and imprisoned? i can live with that.

i could sit here and explain who should die and who shouldn't and go through each character, but that's kind of lame and i feel like anyone who read this far doesn't want to read all of that, so i'll just tell you who i think should be the one to die.

eda.

i love eda with all my heart, i really really do, but just think about it. she's such an impact on everyone, she's really important to the series, and her dying leaves a lot of opportunities for a lot of growth in some very prominent characters.

yes my favorite category is angst, but it provides me with thoughts.

if eda died, luz would be wrecked. it would allow us to see her mourning the loss of a family member while being separated from another, and it would give her that revenge aspect we only really saw in ybos with her smashing the crystal ball with lilith's face on it. it would give luz a chance to openly experience some emotions we haven't ever really seen from her, we know she would do anything for eda, but if she has eda taken away from her, in front of her, sheeesh.

and luz is a big impact on everyone else, seeing all luz's friends around her have to deal with not only the loss of someone who hopefully becomes very important to them this season, but also the experience of seeing someone they love and care about dealing with it on another level? it could reveal a lot about them, and some characters more than others. especially king, he cares about eda and luz, and we don't really know much about how king and eda met, but he does consider her family, and luz is someone he loves, so him not only suffering the loss of eda but seeing luz going through the same thing could provide a lot of things particularly for his character.

and also lilith. her sister dying? after she spent all that time trying to get her back? after learning how much pain she had caused during her now shortened life time? and now being stuck without eda, probably having to fill in her role for a lot of other characters? it could add another layer to her that we hadn't really seen before. this isn't because i'm like trying to further traumatize lilith, but because eda's role in her life is an important factor here and it needs to be considered.

but if it happens, when?

i think around the end of season 2 would be ideal, but that's just given what we know so far. season 2 is going to be epic, i can feel it in my bones, and i want eda to play a large part in that, which is hard for her to do if she dies. like i said, she's a really important character, and i mean like not to be a copycat but i really think it should happen in a similar way to marcy's "death". by that i mean, there should be a battle, and someone (preferably belos in this situation) comes up and kills her from behind while she's talking to someone. it shouldn't be similar to marcy's situation exactly, but i think that sort of sudden oh shit she just died is perfect for eda's character so far.

even given what little we do know about eda's role in season 2, hopefully with gwendolyn showing up in her life, doing whatever it is that she does and causing strain, it adds a new dynamic to eda, with her having the mother figure inserted suddenly into her life instead of being the mother figure for someone else. and i probably sound like a hypocrite with the whole "no killing characters major development", but if she dies towards the end of season 2, she gets a lot of chances to grow as a character and prove it, especially with how massive her role in the series has been so far.

also, if it happened end of season 2, imagine season 3, hit the ground full sprinting and have the remaining characters take those 44 minute episodes to process and react.

this is obviously really dependent on what actually goes down in season 2 when it starts airing, and seeing as how all we have to go on so far is the episode synopses for the first quarter of season 2, this is really just my personal opinion, but i do think it would be really interesting, even if they have to pull something similar to marcy where everyone just thinks she's dead for a while, i'm totally for that too. it's really just about her place in everyone else's lives and how it would effect the series, i think she's the best choice.

I Need to Talk About “Problematic Faves” within TWDG [1/?]

You know what I love about TWDG and its characters...? 

How flawed they all are.

I’m not talking that they’re flawed in the stupid “My biggest problem is that I love too gosh darn much!” or “My defining character flaw is that I’m super clumsy lolz!” I mean that practically every single character we’ve met across these games has done at least one terribly awful thing. 

That includes all of our favorite characters. 

It doesn’t matter who your favorite character is. They have done at least one terrible thing within these games, if not many. 

This can include theft, murder, assault, using racist slurs/being racist in general, different acts of violence using weapons, verbal abuse, lying, sacrificing others for themselves, property damage, assisting in suicide, abandonment, and many other things that potentially result in the harm of others or themselves. 

We don’t like to think that our favorite character could ever do any of these things, or if they did, they have an excuse for why they did it.

Take Clementine for example. We all love Clementine. We’ve all been with her since the beginning, we’ve all watched her grow, and we’ve all morphed her into the person she is by the time s4 ends. 

But when you look at Clementine, as well as some of her actions and behaviors across the series, through a completely unbiased lens, it’s not hard to throw a certain overused word at her. 

“Problematic”

Clementine has killed several people. Most of them were in defense, but there are certain kills that are hard to defend or justify. 

My favorite example to use is when she shot the asshole who traded her bad bullets then asked Javi to lie for her. It’s easy to say, “Well, she didn’t mean to do it! She thought the bullets wouldn’t fire! Besides, that guy WAS the asshole who sold her the bad batteries and attacked her!”

Okay, fine. But that doesn’t mean diddly squat. 

Clementine knows better than to point a gun at someone she doesn’t have any intention of shooting. That was one of the first lessons Lee taught her, and it’s even a lesson she taught Sarah in s2. Clementine pointed the gun at him and fired anyway, which is WHY he got up and ended up attacking Javi. Then, Clementine shot the gun again, but this time it actually fired and killed him. She knew she fucked up, but the deed was done and she murdered that man. 

Clementine is just one of many characters who we could throw that phrase “Problematic Fave” at. At the end of the day, I could argue that every single favorite character within TWDG would fall into this category at some level, whether it be low or high. 

Even characters who we baby like “Oh precious child who has never done anything wrong in their life!” have an argument that can be made against them. 

Well, okay, except Rosie.

Rosie is the one exception I’ll allow. Even though she’s not a person, she’s a dog, but I still consider her a character. 

But, Clementine’s different. She’s our protagonist, therefore, it’s much easier to explain her actions or make excuses for what she does. Hell, a good chunk of her actions are made by us, so if she does something “wrong,” then we’re to blame for making that choice as her, further developing her character with the use of that choice. 

What about the characters who aren’t our playable protagonists? 

What about the major and side characters who have made poor decisions? The characters that we’ve thrown this label of “Problematic Fave” at more than others? The characters we’d consider “villains,” or in the very least “antagonistic.” 

What about the characters under those labels that we end up loving, and even defending, despite the terrible things they’ve done or said? Despite groups of others in the community saying that it’s wrong to like these characters?

Today I want to talk about those characters who are higher on the “Problematic Fave” tier list, and get to the bottom of WHY we love them. 

It’s not wrong for us to like these characters. 

Let’s get that out of the way right off the bat.

It’s not wrong to enjoy or love an antagonist, or a morally complex/gray character. I argue that everyone has an antagonist that they love, whether it be within the twdg universe or otherwise. 

I’m not here to shame anyone for liking a character who happened to be labeled under this “Problematic Fave” term by others who like to throw it around to start fights. 

If anything, I’m letting know that it’s totally okay to love these characters as long as you’re being safe about it. As in, you’re not excusing these bad behaviors while acting like these unhealthy things are okay when they’re clearly not.

Now... maybe you’re wondering WHY this is something that I feel I NEED to talk about. What brought this up and whatnot. 

I need to talk about this because I have a problematic fave and it’s bothered me for a long time. 

Before I get started, we should all be on the same page of what defines a “Problematic Fave,” since it’s a phrase that I’ll use throughout this whole thing.

 If you go to Google and search this term, this is the definition it’ll bring up: 

Very vague. And when I asked you guys:

It’s an easy enough term to understand. We all get the general idea. 

The problem is, like I mentioned before, every single character within this TWDG universe is problematic at some point. They’ve all said hurtful things, they’ve done hurtful things.... it’s the apocalypse! 

But there are a handful of characters who end up getting this thrown at them WAY more than any other characters. Not just “villain” characters either, like the St. Johns or Lilly, but characters who seem to have more gray coloring to them, those who are more antagonistic, who make more poor decisions, who get others killed or hurt, who display unhealthy behaviors. Those who we can’t quite put our fingers on if they are “good” or “bad.”

I’m sure that at least one character has popped in your brain as you’ve read thus far.

Let’s talk about the popular ones:

Kenny 

In my opinion, Kenny is... well, he's problematic. Whether you love or hate him, you have to admit that a lot of his actions over the course of seasons 1 and 2, though mostly 2, are harmful. 

I’m one of those people who don’t love or hate him. I’m more on the dislike side when it comes to s2 Kenny, but I can see why someone would love or hate him overall. 

On one hand, he IS an interesting character to take the time to study. His character tells us a lot about what happens to a normal, nice family man thrown into the apocalypse who loses everyone he’s ever loved, including his only child, his wife, and what happens when that family man has to keep going with the world trying to beat him down. 

He has his kind moments. He clearly cares about Clementine and AJ, but his behavior and actions, if not kept under control, could lead to disaster. They DO lead to disaster, since no one can stand to be around him, leading to everyone abandoning him, and in turn, abandoning Clementine and AJ. 

All of the weight of what’s happened to him has left him angry and violent. He lashes out at Clementine after Sarita’s death, going as far as to BLAME Clementine for it regardless of her choices. He isolates her from the group, becomes possessive the moment they meet back up again, and picks fights when he shouldn’t, which result in harm to her and others. He beats the shit out of Arvo in front of everyone as if he’s right in physically harming this disabled kid because of the situation they all find themselves in. 

In the end, if you actually have Clementine shoot him, he tells her and the player that “you made the right choice,” as if he knows he’s been such an antagonistic character that it’s only right that he die. 

The end to every good story has the so-called “bad guy” die... right?

Kenny is an obvious example of a favorite character being problematic, if not THE most obvious. He has so many people who love him, and just as many who hate him. 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard or witnessed arguments about Kenny and this phrase was thrown around with other words like “toxic” and “abusive” yada yada. 

It makes sense to me that someone would question why Kenny would be another’s favorite character just as it makes sense that someone would love him. 

It all depends on how you see him and if you’re mature enough to accept and understand his trauma, unhealthy behaviors, and overall character [the good and the bad] for what it is. He’s a broken man, but it doesn’t give him an excuse to lash out at those he’s supposed to love and protect. 

What really gets me is that Kenny is loved by so many people and they’re vocal about it, probably even more vocal than those who hate him. And I’m not shaming you. 

The kind, mature Kenny stans of our community aren’t afraid to express their love for this character. They know who he is, and they’re willing to discuss him with others who love him, as well as with those who don’t in a calm manner. This is something I highly respect and thought deserved acknowledgment.

I have a point to mentioning this, because with my problematic fave, I have never openly admitted to how much I like this character because I was always scared of the potential hate that could be thrown my way. I mean, whenever I search this character, there’s a lot of shade being thrown around. 

Then times changed, my blog grew bigger and I became more confident in sharing my opinions and views, as well as discussing several positive and negative aspects of TWDG with all of you. 

Now, this isn’t just applicable to Kenny, either.

Of the characters who fall higher on this “Problematic Fave” tier list we’ve somehow acquired, there are a lot of people who absolutely adore Minerva. 

Marlon-

Even Lilly has people who love her-

Hell, there are people who SWEAR by 400 Days’ Nate. 

^THIS crazy bastard! 

I was even shocked to see there are a handful of people who really like Arvo, too!

Before we continue, I do want to reiterate that I’m not coming for anyone who likes Kenny, Minerva, or any of the other characters mentioned above. I want to make that clear in case I say something pertaining to these characters that you take offense to. Well all know how easy it is to be offended on here. Besides, I’m not one to judge given that I have my own problem character that I love and y’all are gonna judge me anyway, so let’s just chill. 

This whole idea of why we love these characters is fascinating. 

If we ever met these people in real life, we wouldn’t be so quick to love them and we know it. But, because they’re fictional and put out there for us to analyze and talk about with one another, we find ourselves attached to them.

I simply want to understand why. 

Now that we have a list of the more popular characters who fall into this tier, I’ll be using them as examples throughout the rest of these posts. 

However... before we get into that, I’m sure you’ve noticed that I haven’t told you who MY problematic fave is and why. 

Well, allow me to enlighten you because, even though I’m using Kenny, Minerva, ect. as examples, this character will be my MAIN example. 

Time to come out and admit it. 

...

...

...

It’s David.

I really like David.

I even dare admit that I.... kind of love him?

Why, you ask....?

David is a character I’ve rarely talked about.

The only time he ever seems to come up is when we’re talking about Livid, and we all know how that one goes. 

Even when we talk about ANF as a whole, it’s usually a discussion about Emo Clementine or how Gabe should’ve had a better character arc or just how gosh darn gorgeous Javi is or how Conrad is actually the best character and totally should’ve been a romance option because Javrad is the true OTP of ANF.

But that’s a topic y’all aren’t ready for.

Anyway.

I know that there are those out there who, like me, like David for what he is and his character development throughout ANF. I’m not going to act like I’m the one person in the world who likes him because I can’t be. 

However, it seems like every time I get an ask that involves David [and isn’t Livid] is hateful or otherwise negative a good 95% of the time.

That, on top of being a predominantly s4 blog, is why I haven’t talked much about David or admitted that I like him as much as I do.

But now the cat’s out of the bag.

CJ has a hidden love for David Garcia.

It’s true. This jerk is my big problematic fave.

And I can already hear it now: 

“CJ, how can you actually like David after he treated everyone so poorly and took AJ away from Clem?”

Oh, I don’t know... how can anyone love Kenny after the way he treated everyone so poorly and was a real prick to Clementine after Sarita’s death? 

Why does anyone love Minerva after she got Tenn/Louis/Violet KILLED and Clementine bit? 

Why does anyone like Nate, who literally murders an old, wounded couple and is overall an insane son of a bitch?

That’s why we’re here, ya dingus.

To figure this out. 

In preparation for this, I actually went and did some digging on what people think of David. I thought, “Maybe I’ll find some character analysis’ or posts that share my thoughts.” 

After reading a bunch of threads about him on various websites, I concluded that 99% of them look the same:

[ Also, where are these people who support David against Clementine? Because I did not find them, random person on wikipedia. I must not be looking in the right places. All I found were Kenny defense posts on your David thread. Riddle me that, random person on wikipedia whose name I scribbled out but just realized I missed the “edited by” rendering the scribble pointless!]

This did nothing but increase my anxiety about making this whole post because I’d rather not have paragraphs like this sent to my inbox for the next twenty years. 

But, I’m doing it anyway. Obviously. 

I have a real love-hate relationship with David, in case you couldn’t tell.

I should hate David. I really should.

I mean, I don’t like Kenny, and I fucking loathe Lilly. They’re two characters that have a lot in common with David, so logically, you’d think that I’d group him in with them and hate his dumb face. 

But I don’t. 

Even though David is an asshole. 

He likes to do things that really piss me off, then turn around like “I can’t change because I’m a soldier” as if changing and not doing bad things is completely impossible for him!

David breaks a grieving woman’s arm after her husband dies, takes AJ away from Clementine after kicking her [a 13-year-old] out of their group by herself, gets more upset over how his glass got broken than over his wife’s cut hand, constantly fights with and puts Javi down, barely mourns Mari’s death, and a number of other things.

I know change is hard, David, and you have a lot of trauma from being a soldier, but that’s not an excuse to do bad things! I firmly believe that with enough effort, love, and support, you can slowly get better! I really hate you, you infuriating man!

But I also love him.

....But I also really hate him.

Do you see my dilemma?

And y’know what? I got plenty to say about all the things he’s done. 

David is a fascinating character. 

Even now, going back up and rereading what I wrote, I have to urge to jump in and be like “Well, okay, I actually have a theory on why he did that...” as if I’m ready to defend him from myself. How does that work?! 

Well, okay, not necessary defend him in the way of justifying why he’d break that woman’s arm or anything, but instead show that he’s a gray character who is much more complex than people give him credit for. I have the urge to explain David’s character as a matter of character analysis and discussion, not pretend he didn’t do anything wrong or make excuses for his unhealthy and problematic behaviors.

Does that sound familiar?

David Garcia is to me what Kenny is to a lot of people.

I have a theory on why he married Kate in the first place when they clearly weren’t compatible as a couple! I have theories on why he was quick to boot Clementine out but look the other way when Lingard got high on their meds! Explanations of why having him and Gabe alive in the end is the better ending!

oh god everyone is going to hate me haha-

I have it all, and maybe one day I’ll sit down and write an entire in-depth character analysis of David if anyone is actually interested, but right now I just want to understand why I like to him in the first place because it makes no sense.

Since day one, it’s boggled my mind as to WHY I’ve always found myself leaning in favor of David. 

With every episode that came out after e2, David was the character who always piqued my interest and I found myself wanting to side with him just to see what would happen. Why did I still like him even though he kept doing things that I knew were wrong? Or that pissed me off?

Why was I furious when I reached my ending only to have David end up dead?

Why was I so pissed that this character, who drove me INSANE for most of the game, died?

Is it because I see a part of myself in him? Is it because of his character design, the performance of his voice acting, and his overall writing? Does it have anything to do with his backstory and relationship with Javi? Is it because I’m actually one of those people who see someone like this and think “hey I can fix you!” but don’t know it? What is it?

Why is David Garcia my “Problematic Fave” of TWDG?

Continued in [2/?]

“ Dear Blackthorne and Gallagher,

I guess, thank you for shaping me into the person that I am today. During these four years, especially this last one, I’ve become someone that not only my family could be proud of, but a person who others could trust. I’ve grown up, especially a lot during my last semester. I’ve met people who won’t just be allies in the future, but genuine friends. And I even met someone important to me, something that I wasn’t expecting to happen until... I guess never. But I have someone and it’s thanks to you, Gallagher. Thank you, for everything. I’m glad that I’ve been able to attend my family’s sister school.

- Emmett Blackthorne  “

With the letter in hand and lighter in the other, Emmett stood before Gillian’s statue, smiling at it. With the flick of a switch, he set ablaze to the letter, watching as his short note burned before him and Gilly. “This begins, a new era,” he said to the statue, as if she was there, as if she was listening. “For both Blackthorne and Gallagher.”

graduation & state fair

To hear his name called and his walk up to get his diploma, it was everything that Emmett was expecting. To gathering his fourth year friends to get a picture with him, a picture that would be placed in a frame next to his bed. To getting a picture with just him and Vida ( @venividavici ), that would soon become his phone background for two weeks before he changed it to just Vida. To his family, that all stood tall and proud, all eyes of the graduation attendees on the notorious family that pulled their youngest member into a huge hug. Emmett Blackthorne has become the first in their family to attend both Blackthorne and Gallagher, thus marking the start of a new era.

His family’s manor wasn’t that far from Gallagher, it was actually an hour away from Blackthorne. Driving past his old school, he remembered how as child he believed that he would go there and graduate from the place just like those before him. Now, he was happy that no one else had to be subjected to what the school had to offer, even if it pained him to admit to it. Maybe that was why his father and uncle worked hard to show him love and compassion, so that when time came for him to attend Blackthorne, that the school would affect him deeply like it did for many others. After all, Emmett was the start of a new era, history could not repeat itself.

He didn’t come home alone, there was Landon ( @specdracers ) who showed up a week later with his belongings and a huge grin on his face. His grandmother welcomed him without a problem, always loving the idea of having more grandchildren. It was always a wonder how someone like her met his grandfather, a man so emotionally unattached and distance. “Your grandfather is a good man,” she said to him once after the older man yelled at a sixteen year old Emmett for slacking during training. “He just wants what best for you. And unfortunately, how he shows that isn’t in the best way.” Even she was aware of the cycle that his grandfather was forced into, how the older man was trapped and couldn’t his way out. Or maybe he did find an opening and it was his grandmother, the first person to show him compassion and to give him a chance. A tunnel that would lead him to freedom.

Landon’s stay was appreciated in the household. The two boys played video games, hung out outside of the manor, helped his grandmother cook, trained with his uncle, and played D&D. An activity that was kept under wraps after a year of playing, it was now known to at least seven people. Four out of the seven he didn’t even tell himself! Despite not knowing how to play, Landon fit right into the group. From his grandmother’s pleas for not attacking murderous trees, his uncle wanting to fight the murderous trees, his grandfather’s grunts, and his mother’s snide comments. This was the side of the Blackthorne family that people didn’t get to see unless they were trustworthy enough, and his friend fit into the category of being trustworthy.

Of course, he couldn’t forget about Vida. The pair who texted every single day, FaceTime until late at night, and who made plans to meet before Berlin. Trips were made to see each other, to hold on and act as if this was their first time in a relationship. To the many pictures that he constantly took of her, kisses left on top of her knuckles, kisses that turned into more in the back of his car, and then quickly having to get themselves back together before heading back inside. It was then that his hand would find it’s way to hers, fingers locking together to show that he wasn’t leaving her, that he was here to stay. Maybe he realized it before, months before the beginning of their relationship, that Vida made him feel safe and at peace. That being with her was the best thing that could’ve happened for him and when it did, he was set for life.

To spend time with his two faves, Emmett tugged the two into his car and drove the trio to the state fair. It had been years since he last attended so it was the perfect to come back. With someone who represented his new allies and the other who represented a future full of happiness, this was a new era. They played games and won prizes. ate a lot of food, got on a few rides, and even got on a ferris wheel cart. The three walked around as if they were normal civilians, that they weren’t hiding the fact that in less than a month, they were heading to Berlin for more training. As if the didn’t know how to break a person’s arm or know how to hot wire a car. No, they were just three young adults enjoying themselves and their youth. Something that they deserve to have; peace.

This was his last semester before adulthood truly began. Berlin was his last chance to see his friends before he had to say goodbye to them for whoever knows how long. For now, he was going to bask in his youth, in the fun, in a life that he has known for so long before he had to grow up. And honestly, he was happy to be the person that he was today.

birthday trip to greece

After seeing Landon off, Emmett was back to being the only grandchild within his family’s home. It was then that his stomach churned with having to tell his family the truth about his future, a decision that he made for himself just a few weeks ago. It was nerves that ate away at him, telling him that he needed to say something or else he would forever be deemed a coward. A cowardly Blackthorne, the first of his family. And maybe he was acting cowardly as he sat at the dinner table, silent despite the words sitting at the tip of his tongue. No matter how much he wanted to say it or how close to the edge the words were, nothing was said as he heard those words from his grandfather. “One day, you will be the next leader of our family and you will continue to uphold family traditions.” He felt like shit after that.

The best part about time before Berlin was the planned birthday trip for Vida, since her birthday was the week prior to their internship. The couple decided that spending time together in Greece would be a lot of fun, a week with just them and no interruptions. So, they packed up for both Greece and Berlin, saying bye to their families a week earlier than expected. It felt like they were on their honeymoon trip, going to Europe together and being in love. Was he in love with Vida? Honestly, Emmett wasn’t sure. Love has always seemed like something that he would never experience. While his parents were able to find each other and were so deeply in love, the concept never seemed like something he could obtain. But then he met Vida and like, really met her. Not just someone from another well off family who he knew of. But as an actual person who he could open up in front of and be himself, his true self. It was… nice.

When they arrived, of course they went straight to the hotel and fell asleep due to their long flight. But as soon as they woke up, that was when the fun began. Sight seeing, shopping, going to different restaurants, taking pictures together, making out, having sex, and just that couple shit. With her hand in his, Emmett felt so safe and on cloud nine. Being able to walk and talk like normal people, well, rich normal people, was out of the ordinary for them. No need to look over their backs or having to worry about watching someone, they were two young adults enjoying their “honeymoon” together.

At night, the duo tried to stay up as late as possible. Because as soon as they fell asleep and woke up, they were one day closer to going back to their regular lives. That shouldn’t have been a problem but Emmett found himself loving this side of them, not wanting to let it go. But alas, they only had two more days left before having to fly off to Berlin. Don’t worry, those days were spent accordingly with romantic dinners and him being the biggest simp out there.

During their last night in Greece while Vida was sleeping soundly, Emmett got out of bed and picked up his phone, heading straight for the balcony. Well, this was his moment to finally say something. Clicking on the name of his desire on his phone and placing it up against his ear, he stood there, waiting for the other person to answer.

“Emmett,” came his grandfather’s voice. “Why are you calling me so early in the morning?”

He swallowed his spit, trying to figure out the right words to say. “I, um—”

“Is everything alright in Greece? No one has attacked you?”

“No, sir.”

“Has the Torres girl done anything to you?”

“No sir and her name is Vida.”

“Then what is the problem?”

Once again, silence took over, his nerves from just a week ago making an appearance. He was never the nervous type, whenever he was, it was rare and only during such crucial moments of his life. Such as anything that had to do with grandfather’s genuine approval. And this very moment, was probably the most that has ever been nervous. “Grandfather,” he began, finally finding something to say. “I haven’t been honest with you or anyone in our family really.” Or even with himself for that matter.

“Well, what is it? We both know that I—”

“I have decided to work elsewhere instead of with the family.” Silence on the other line as Emmett just let the words out and free. “I know that I’ve been training for this day and that everyone has been looking forward to it, but I just want—”

“Emmett…”

“— to try something out on my own without my name—”

“Emmett…”

“— being the reason why I got a job and because my family—”

“Ji-Hun.”

Emmett froze at the sound of the Korean name that his mother’s family gave him. It was only ever used by his mother, her side of the family, and sometimes his grandfather. But only when his grandfather was being serious (honestly, when wasn’t he serious?). “How long have you wanted to say this?”

“I’ve had these thoughts for a few months now,” he answered honestly, back leaning up a against the wall. “Didn’t really give into the thoughts until last week. And I wanted to tell all of you, I really did, but… I don’t know, the fear of disappointing you just took over.”

“Disappointing— why would you think that you would do that?” Once again, he was silent, not sure of the right words to say. It was his grandfather’s sigh that filled in the space. “Ji-Hun, I am not disappointed in you because you want to do other work, but I am disappointed in you for keeping it a secret for so long. We’ve raised you better than this.”

It was during this that the act of smoking seemed appropriate, as it would fit the mood and settle his nerves. “I know and I’m sorry. I just didn’t know how to bring it up without feeling like a traitor to the family,” he said, expecting to have the older man stop him but was met with silence on the other line. “You’ve been preparing me every single day since I was child to work in the family business, it’s my destiny to work with everyone.” There was a hard ‘but’ that could be felt at this point. “And don’t get me wrong, I’ve been waiting for this day to come because I’ve wanted to be just like you, I wanted to make you out of everyone proud of me. But I wasn’t doing it because I wanted to. Or maybe I was doing it for myself but as the years went by... it just didn’t feel right anymore. I want to do something for myself, no one else. I’m not doing this for you, grandfather, I’m doing this for myself.”

There was silence for a few seconds, but it felt like hours had gone by. Until his grandfather finally spoke up and he... was so understanding. It was a shock, listening to the older man tell him that it was okay, that Emmett was okay and that he wasn’t a disappointment. This was his way of breaking the cycle, the never ending cycle of forcing someone to do what the family believes to be right. Maybe it was his because of his father and uncle’s influence, the two older man wanting Emmett to live a life different from their own. Or maybe it was his grandmother who didn’t like Blackthorne’s influence over her husband and sons. Or maybe, deep down, his grandfather has always wanted to break away. He just never had the chance to do so. Not until the birth of his grandchild, that was when he knew, that this could all end. 

From there, his grandfather asked him questions. Where did he want to work (”MI6, going there with Vida.”), is he prepared to work from the bottom up (”Of course, I can do anything, I’m a Blackthorne of course.”), and his plans with Vida (”You’ve been spending a lot of time with her.” This was the first time that he has heard his grandfather tease him.). The call lasted for an hour, the two opening up to each other for the first time in forever. Genuinely listening and expressing their feelings, laughing with one another, joking, JOKING with each other. Who would’ve thought that the head of the Blackthorne family could joke around, Emmett didn’t. 

It was his grandfather who had to end the call, realizing that it was nearing almost two in the morning for Emmett (fun fact: he is NOT a night owl, he only stays up if he’s going out.). Just before ending the phone call, his grandfather said one last thing, switching over to English. “I love you, Ji-Hun, and remember, I’m always proud of you.”

A line that Emmett has grown up saying for years and years saying, but hearing it from his grandfather made him emotional. A single tear fell down his cheeks, followed by a chuckle. “I love you too, grandfather.” With that, the two hung up, leaving him alone at night. Alone where he let more stray tears fall, a smile on his face. It was then that a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders, something that he has been struggling with for some time now. Once all of the tears had fallen, he went back inside to a still sleeping Vida. 

Getting into the bed, he pulled the other into him, the two molding together. All was well with him as he laid beside someone who reminded him of home and a family that was supporting him in his decision. 

It was Emmett Blackthorne who was the beginning of a new era for both Blackthorne and Gallagher. 

A Fluff By Any Other Name

Word Count: 1.8K Category: One-shot, Domestic Family Fluff, Husband Dean, Reader Insert Mommy, Sam And Dogs, Practical Jokes, Meet Cute   Rating: Teen & Up Character(s): Dean, Sam, You, a Newborn, a Nurse Pairing(s): Dean + You Warnings: None Author’s Note: *This is a re-post minus tags and links in an effort to get it to show up in searches*; more post-story Overall Summary: Sam arrives at the hospital to meet his newborn niece.

Dean was waiting for Sam in the hallway.

“No flowers?”

“Uh, she hates flowers. Figured I’d ask what she wants for dinner, run get it.”

“Maybe I would’ve appreciated the flowers.”

“You know, I’m going to let this go, because you’ve had a long day, but not as long as hers, so—”

“Ask me.”

“Ask… what?”

“You know.”

“Dean, did you sneak some morphine, or whatever they’ve been—”

“Ask me what your niece’s name is. Actually, no - ask me what it’s not.”

His voice hadn’t ratcheted down to the deep-deep levels of pissed off - and, to be sure, there were several subtle variations Sam knew well, having been on the receiving end of all of them - but Dean was definitely serious, and had crossed his arms for good measure.

“I legit don’t know where you’re going with—-”

“The dogs. All your foster dogs. You took the good names.”

“Okay, now, that’s— I started volunteering way before she ever got pregnant, before you two even got serious, come to think of it. And I just chose a bunch of names that I thought of off the top of my—-”

“I picked up on that, yeah - around the time you used Jessie. And on that real jumpy, kinda twitchy one, which was extra weird. And was a boy.”

“Wait, wait - that was such a sweet dog, and besides - you really would’ve wanted to name your daughter after my dead fiancée?!”

“Oh, everybody’s dead, Sam!” Dean whisper-hissed. “And, no, not necessarily, but I do wonder what Jessica’d think about that…. about that…. what damn breed was that thing?”

“A mix.”

“Of?”

“A pooset and a corgat.”

“Sam. The hell.”

“A poodle-basset hound mix and a rat terrier-corgi mix shared a special hug—”

“So it’s a poocorgaset.”

Sam stared.

“Corsetpoogat.”

Sam brought a hand up, slowly rubbed his temples.

“Can I pull from the rest of the real names? I mean, ratbassgipoo is turning my crank.”

“But always the poo.”

“Of course always the poo, what the hell good does -dle do anybody?”

The nurse cleared her throat - she was leaning into the hallway, a leg and foot still in the room. “We’re done. Everything’s looking good. She said for you guys to come on in, but if you’re in the middle of…..”

“No! No, not at all. Hey, and this is my little brother, Sam. Sammy, this is our nurse, she’s been here the whole time, basically delivered Macka… Mmmuh… my kid.”

She raised her eyebrows at that, but smiled, extending her hand and shaking the one offered, introducing herself as Dean slipped past them.

“Uncle Sam, huh?”

“Uh-huh…. oh god, I just now realized that!”

“Eh… could be worse.”

“Yeah?”

“You could have a name that your nurse had to re-write on the birth certificate five times - twice for misspells, then again because she ran out of room. Me. I’m that person. We’re talking about me, here.”

“What was the fourth? Since there was a fifth?”

“Oh, well, that one? Can’t take credit for - under ‘father’s name’, the proud papa got a case of the jitters and wrote your father’s name.”

“Jeez, I’m so… I’m so sorry…”

Sam would’ve sounded sincere if he hadn’t burst out laughing, but she immediately joined in. And though he didn’t know it at the time, he would be sincere with her many more times than not, and he’d be getting plenty of it in return. Starting that night, when he’d ask if she’d be interested in getting coffee sometime. She would be tips-to-toes sincere when saying she hoped to hear from him soon.

They’d still keep bursting into laughter, amongst and in between the sincere times, over a million different things through the years. There’d be the breath-stealing kind, prompted by the action of more amusing-than-scary hunts; the gasp-induced kind, stemming out of nervous relief over the hunts that weren’t; and her favorite, the bent-over, knotted-into-cramps kind, resulting from drunken Dean tales of hunts long past. And then his favorite, when the Winchester kids were raising hell, and there was nothing to do but laugh.

This time, this first time, after the birth of their niece, in the moment they’d met, would ultimately get ranked as the best, though it was followed closely by the tear-tinged round that erupted after another first, when they heard the justice of the peace say the words “husband and wife”.

But that’s another story.

For now, Sam closed the door quietly before tip-toeing to the bed, bending and giving you a kiss on the forehead. He glanced over to the bassinet and back, saying, “Nice work.”

“Work is right.”

Dean was seated in an armchair next to your bed, unlacing his boots, but paused and looked up at this, tacking on a clarification. “Work is damn right.”

You winked in acknowledgment before speaking again. “So listen, while I’ve got you both—-”

“We in trouble already?” Dean asked, changing his seat from the chair to the opposite side of the bed, perching near the end.

“—-I wanted to make sure you knew that I haven’t totally lost my marbles with the name, and I know that’s what you’re both thinking.”

Sam opened his mouth, ready to protest, but Dean just held up his hands in a sort-of surrender.

“Babe, I know I said I’d be fine with whatever you chose, but we ain’t lied to each other yet, and wow - it’s horrible.”

“I really wish you wouldn’t worry. It’s an old family name, and, I mean… we could squeak a nickname out of it… probably… you know how some of these Gaelic names are, it’s hard to tell how to pronounce them on sight.”

“So how’s it pronounced?” Sam asked.

“Get ready,” Dean muttered.

And Sam’s jaw dropped briefly as something largely incomprehensible - possibly worse than the name was on paper - came out of your mouth. “Sis?” he said.

“Bro?”

“That’s beyond horrible.”

“Yeah, it is. It is a vicious eyesore that she won’t be able to spell for who-knows-how-long, it makes ears bleed, and I’m a garbage parent for it, though I will point out her father was zero help.”

Now Dean’s jaw dropped, but clearly in faux offense. “I resent that - ‘cause every name I said I liked….”

“….every name we agreed on, that we loved for her….”

“….was already a dog’s name.”

You and Dean turned your heads in unison, leveling looks at Sam.

“I can’t have taken up all of them—-”

“Mary.”

“Jane.”

“Which also took out Mary Jane.”

“Erica.”

“Charlotte.”

“Bobby, which took away ‘Bobbie’.”

“Sandra.”

Dean wrinkled his nose, prompting you to roll your eyes.

“Right, right - not your fave. But we even would’ve been fine with Anne.”

“I haven’t named any of them Sandra or Anne,” Sam pointed out.

“No, but you did name that fire-engine-red cocker spaniel, the one that wouldn’t stop crawling into my lap, Anna - which was a real cute move, by the way,” Dean shot back.

“We’d already 86′d Anna, on your request, and I still haven’t heard that whole story,” you said, jabbing a finger into Dean’s chest before jabbing it in the air at Sam. “The one that really pissed me off? And I get to be pissed off because of the disaster that currently is my—”

“Whoa!” Dean interjected.

You gave him brief but pointed side-eye before getting back to fussing at Sam. “Millie. You took Millie. And she was an adorable dachshund, an absolute doll, but, I mean, come on.”

The tone of your voice had changed, leaving the realm of good-natured teasing and stepping into something akin to disappointment. It wasn’t lost on Sam, who looked to his shoes, swallowing. Then he let his gaze drift to the bassinet, keeping it there even as you went on, though now with gentle care.

“But I get it. We get it.”

“Get what?”

“That menagerie of furry fluff. Thinking they’re it. Only kids you’ll ever have.”

Sam was completely focused, spellbound by the rise-and-fall of the tiny, striped-blanket-bundle’s easy breaths.

Dean’s voice now, definitely deep, definitely serious, definitely one of the subtle variations Sam valued above all the rest, the slightly scolding one that hid a bottomless well of love.

“Can’t know the future, Sammy. I know sometimes we have, but…. nothing’s in stone. I sure as hell didn’t picture this for me. Ever.”  

Sam nodded - it was true, just didn’t feel like it.

“And even if it was? Written in stone? Find another big-ass hammer, grenade launcher, whatever - lay waste, kiddo,” you added.

The baby suddenly jolted herself with a sneeze, causing a reciprocal jolt across her audience. She shifted a little, smacked her lips a few times, didn’t show the first indication of waking up, that anything in her brand new world was even slightly out-of-sorts. Her uncle briefly thought on the realization of how hard he’d fight to keep her in such a place as he brought his eyes back to her parents.

And was surprised to find them grinning.

“What?” Sam asked.

“Check out her bracelet,” Dean said.

Sam looked to you, received a nod.

“Go ahead,” you said. “She won’t notice.”

She didn’t, but did get a hell of a grip on a finger of the hand that moved her arm, so he slid the bracelet around with a few fingers of his free hand. Sam fought his own grin as he tucked her arm back under the blanket. Well, mostly - he opted to leave her hand out, let the grip remain for as long as she was willing to hold on to him, then raised an eyebrow at his shoulder-shaking, snickering brother.

Dean kept it up as he edged to the head of the bed, scooting in next to you best he could in the cramped space, quieting only when he let his eyes close, no need to see as he tilted on his side, laced his fingers through yours like he’d done a million times before, the metal of matching angel-blessed bands briefly clinking.

“So your nurse… she was in on this?” Sam asked you.

You shrugged. “Except the father’s name snafu - that part was 100% true.”

Eyes still closed, Dean briefly gave a thumbs-up, took your hand again, went back to his dozing.

You shook your head at him a little, though a smile was on your face as you went on. “She’s the whole package, my man.”

Sam smiled, too. “Yeah. I noticed that.”

“Thought you might.”

“Speaking of thoughts, what made you think of it? Not the prank, I mean—”

“Turns out, my great-grandmother had a nice, simple, easily pronounceable, no-brainer spelling, peach of a maiden name.”

“And the story on this middle name?”

“She’ll prove herself worthy.”

“Hardy-har-har,” Sam replied flatly, but still with a smile.

“It was the first name on both our lists…”

Even in the dim light, you saw his eyes go shiny.

“….and, we hedged our bets - figured even if you ran out of ideas, you’d never name one of your fluffs after yourself. Thought we’d do it for you.”

.

Author’s Note #2: There’s some fun background behind this story (such as the bit about the crazy name prank & how the story came to be in the first place), and if you care to know it, look at the end of the original post of this story, which you can find via my Master Story Post (see below)!

Want more stories? My Master Post is linked in my profile, and it tells you about getting on the Tag List, too! If for whatever reason it gives you trouble, don’t hesitate to send an Ask and I’ll link you.

Re-blogs and feedback are fuel for a writer’s soul - please do let me know if you enjoyed. 😘

Vent time

Alright so I kind of went off about this on twitter but I’m going to do it here too because...I spent my supply of craps to give and to be honest I just need to get this out in the open because we might have people that don’t know some fun facts about ME in the UtaPri fandom Shall we? First off I started in the UtaPri fandom back in January of 2014 so for those of us that need to know that is right smack bang between S2 and 3.  It was around this time that I had done my research (and by that I mean “Read Wikipedia”) to kind of get some ideas on the characters.  Of the ones that might have stuck out it was members of QUARTET NIGHT and specifically Ai Mikaze that grabbed my interest at first.  BTW yes I am bolding relevant parts of this story because I feel some of us FORGET these things to spin narratives and I’m not about that so let’s continue. So during 2014 I watched S1 first from the DVD I bought off of Amazon and then Season 2 I watched on Crunchyroll.  One thing I remember is that before I watched that (using the old school “fan mail” system that @staff needs to give us back) I had been talking with someone about one of the members of QN and that was THIS GUY

(By the end of this post I might level of Boss Man) ANYWAYS I had been warned (Because I said Ren at the time was my least fave for being “playboyish”) that Myu would be worse...well for some jacked up reason He turned into my favorite character in QN (or at least 1a with Ai).  He still remained a favorite even after S3 and the reason...I can’t explain...it was one of those weird things that there was something about HIM that I liked but recently its been figured out that characters whom are “royals” or “meganes” (Hi @kaiser-author-san-iii) are faves of mine and Myu can fit into both categories Now...we need to get to the point of this cos I go around the block so many times its not funny During Season 2 we met “A Trio of Amateurs” whom are later called HEAVENS and I was like many people and wanted to see them get thrashed and they DID lose and we know their history.  I had watched that season (and season 1) twice because one was for this blog and the other was more for YT when I did Anime Reviews on there (And I might get back into that soon...stay tuned) and I remember that the first time I was happy that HEAVENS lost and the second time I think I was still “kind of” happy but I wished for somewhat of a different outcome...sadly there are no different endings in this Anime! Season 3 gets interesting because it was a season basically that was going to feature “MY BOYS” (Sorry Reiji K.) in QN so I could get a primer on them.  Now at some point (I forget when so don’t ask that) either during this season or after) I had seen post that had ALL OF THE ROUTES FOR ALL OF THE CHARACTERS...I read ONE OF THEM!  I wanna say it was...All-Star and Ai specifically but if you ask me to remember ANYTHING about it I don’t...memory is gone about it. The thing is as we know this was the season that people on here THOUGHT would be the end of UtaPri (despite in Episode 2 of said season one of the STARISH boys mentioned HEAVENS) so there was that.  This became a thing also when during an ask someone got someone mentioned there had been a visual for a 4th season.  Now this was confirmed somehow BEFORE THIS because someone on the wikipedia page stated that Seasons 3 and 4 would be in 2015 and 2016!  If you go look on my blog there is a post from 2014 I did where apparently someone mentioned this so...that was a thing! Season 3 ends with them getting ready to announce the winner of the Triple S election between STARISH and QUARTET NIGHT when who shows up?  HEAVENS AS A 7 MEMBER GROUP! Now here is where things get interesting for me in the fandom At this point I am not a BIG FAN of HEAVENS like I am now but I was definitely curious.  In my head I knew they couldn’t just have them show up for one episode and then be done...that didn’t make sense from a story perspective because even if they are “Antags” them losing in the first episode and then leaving doesn’t make a whole hell of a lot of sense!  Maybe in SOMEONE ELSE’S weird “STARISH/QN-centered fanfic” but for the purposes of THIS STORY...nah fam! (BTW I say that and you can argue this whole series was going to be some weird STARISH fan fic with acid trips galore so...eh!) Now here is where the turbulence with me and the fandom really comes in For the course of Season 4 (when we realized it was STARISH/HEAVENS) there was a part of me that wanted to play neutral but there was a BIGGER part of me that wanted to root for HEAVENS and part of that is because all my life I had been an underdog...I’m 37 years old and have had so many health issues its not funny so I root for the underdogs that might have no prayer but I root for them because I WANT them to be happy and to see them get their happy ending.  Its boring rooting for the favorites you know? So during the season I would watch the episodes through a website that livestreamed Tokyo MX and I think I only missed two episodes on there...the first one and I forget the other one but I know there was one I had to watch subbed which I HATED!  The reason is because for me its better to try and learn a language through hearing it and not reading subtitles...why do you think I now own a copy of the KnB movie unsubbed! With the way Season 4 was going to me there were two possible endings 1.  STARISH wins (which they did) 2.  HEAVENS wins and something ELSE happens Lemme explain that bit So during the season it was the “Duet Project” and it was the first one that Raging was basically in charge of which was kind of cool because you go through three seasons of Shining and he grates on you something fierce.  Well during the season we learned that RAGING has a bit of a problem with putting his hands on people and that some of the members of HEAVENS aren’t exactly in the best of states mentally.  Poor Shion had a breakdown during “Visible ELF” (I capped that because I called it “Visible EVIL” when I saw it on Tokyo MX...OOPS) and then of course we found out that The Otori’s father is an abusive piece of crap that needed CPS on his backside!  Now that was a fun “3 weeks of hell” to relive because you see EVERYONE got mad at Eiichi for what happened to Otoya and I get it...I really do but what was angering me A LOT was that this was a very jacked up pattern where the rest of the fanbase was ignoring anything “bad” that happened to HEAVENS members just because they didn’t like them.  Okay factually if we took this to another series I couldn’t stand TRIGGER at the time (things are changing slowly) so when they lost or had bad things happened...yeah I was happy as a pig in slop.  The thing to remember though is that was me watching 1 season of i7 and now we have s2 coming at some point so HEY it might work out but the point is that is gonna take a little time...1 season with them vs. how long with HEAVENS?  Yeah you see how this goes right? When HEAVENS lost I was mad not so much because they lost (Okay I WAS mad that they lost but here is the reason) but because it felt like their story deserved a happy ending.  We learned that ,for HEAVENS, the time in Raging Entertainment was more like a prison than a workplace so I was hoping AT THE VERY LEAST to have an ending where HEAVENS lost the Triple S but at the same time he would lose HEAVENS because Shining heard about what happened with them at his hands and would reveal that he discussed with Eiichi that HEAVENS would leave that agency after the SSS and go work for him...and I STILL think it could happen but anyways So all of this happens and this is...3 years ago right If you want to call me a “HEAVENS fanboy” 3 years later fine and I’ll take it but here is the thing When you are a fan of a group now since...a little before Season 4 and you want to see them do well and the fandom as a whole be pissed off when HEAVENS don’t start getting the merch like STARISH or QN (even when you yourself are a QN fan) and that doesn’t happen with the excuse in 2019 that “We need more time” I’m sorry...that excuse doesn’t work with me!  You got HEAVEN SKY now and the Shuffle Dramas...get to listening and stop being a biased fanboy/girl of the main two and start pushing for HEAVENS a little more!  You will not make me change that statement either because here is the thing:  I know people have been bullied off of here or even had to change accounts on discord because of the acidity of the fandom at times. I will flat out tell you this too When I saw the trailer for the movie that dropped today that was cool (even if the HEAVENS entrance reminded me of “puppets on a string” more than “Angels”) but when I saw the visual my joy became ANGER because ,when they did it, they shoved HEAVENS all the way in the back but few people in the IN fandom got mad about that on twitter...now we know why because even though on twitter the HEAVENS rep is better than on here (by a lot too which is disgusting) there is still a very vast majority that are STARISH fans and I get it...I really do!  HEAVENS as a 7 person has only been around for 4 years and STARISH has been around longer but why in the holy hell don’t STARISH fans internationally start sticking up for HEAVENS fans and be also trying to understand why we love them?  I thought the UtaPri FANDOM was supposed to be a FAMILY but I swear talking to people sometimes I’d rather turn to my immediate left and talk to a wall because despite me explaining it once in a YT video I don’t think people get why I am so passionate about HEAVENS getting the support of the fandom.  I’m sorry for loving a group that it seems a lot of people just want to see go away but I’m NOT SORRY for running my mouth about this because let’s understand this I NEVER wanted to have arguments in the fandom but all I wanted people to do is FUCKING LISTEN!  GO LOOK AT THAT VISUAL AND TELL ME THAT HEAVENS DESERVES TO BE SHOVED IN THE BACK BECAUSE OF WHATEVER REASON YOU WANT TO GIVE! Anyways I’m done and good night

Fic Round Up 2018

I did this last year and it was fun, so it’s time to see how this year stands up: 

-Total year-long word count: 291,102 (about 40,000 more than last year)

Word count by fandom: - too lazy to do this but I’m going to assume that almost all of them are BSD 

Fics completed: 56 (down from 65)

*for the fics posted I’ll only post my faves except the chapter fics, which I’ll post all of since there’s not a lot.

Drabbles: - word for a threat that’s also a surprise prompt (skk) - don’t you dare shut me out prompt (skk)  - you’re trembling prompt (atsushi and kyouka friendship)  - what happens if i do this prompt (skk)  - teenage dazai realizes he might like chuuya oh no (skk) - not really a drabble but still a post -- bsd bake off au - chuuaku week day 2: soft (chuuaku)  - things you said when we were the happiest we ever were prompt (chuuaku)  - things you said with no space between us prompt (skk)  - things you said while we were driving (skk)  - things you said after sex prompt (chuuaku) 

Oneshots: - let me help you, skk - Dazai notices Chuuya’s sleeping problems.  - Aftermath, skk - Dazai tells Chuuya about a mission gone wrong.  - are you home?, skk - Chuuya trusts Dazai to help him when he needs it, but not completely.  - the opposite of alone, skk - Chuuya can’t sleep, so he texts Dazai.  - Spiralling, skk - Chuuya always wondered if Corruption would tear him apart.  - hope that something good will happen next, skk - Dazai + Chuuya + talk in a cabin - Constancy, skk - the day Chuuya came home with a diagnosis, Dazai considered moving out. - tired, skk - Dazai hates Chuuya post-Corruption.  - Pick Up the Pieces series, skk - Chuuya gets tortured, he and Dazai decide to help each other. - lend me a shoulder, chuuaku - Dead Apple missing scene where Akutagawa helps Chuuya. - Perseverance, skk - figure skating au part 2, Olympics!  - Satisfaction, skk - figure skating au part 3, Worlds!  - Storm, skk - Dazai and Chuuya and one blanket in a snow storm.  - Yokohama: Unsolved, skk - Dazai and Chuuya are ghost hunters.  - Untraceable Children, skk - Psycho-Pass au, They meet after Chuuya kills an inspector.  - Spilled Ink, skk - parallel universes au feat. the stuff from Beast - Holding Pattern, skk - Never Let Me Go au (organ harvesting rip)  - isn’t life hard, kunichuu - Kunikida thinks Chuuya is a good man. Chuuya knows he isn’t.  - you’re safe here - Atsushi comes out to Dazai.  - Bad Patients, Yosano & Dazai - Yosano treats Dazai.  - At First Sight, skk - First mission fic!  - Fairy Lights, skk - Dazai realizes Chuuya has never celebrated a proper Christmas.  - for one man, sskk - SSKK in the aftermath of Dazia’s death. (Beast au)  - Everybody Lives, kunikidazai - Kunikida believes he can save everyone.  - to satisfaction, chuuya/ango - Ango wants to thank Chuuya.  - Birdsong - When Chuuya was younger, he sang to the moon. (Chuuya & Kyouka siblings) - Never Enough, chuuaku - Chuuya knows what Dazai does to Akutagawa, but he doesn’t know Akutagawa. 

Chapter Fics: - This Autumn Will End - Yosano wants to heal, but all she’s ever known is hurt.  - Fighters, chuuaku - Chuuya and Akutagawa’s developing relationship

Works-in-progress: 3 -Gifted - skk, experimental research facility au - only human, skk - Special Abilities Department Chuuya AU. After Dazai escapes the Port Mafia, Chuuya is sent by the government to gain his trust. 

This year I wrote and posted: 56 fics and 2 in-progress fics 

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? I never expect to write as much fic as I end up writing. 

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? Some of the gen-fics. 

What’s your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? I have a lot of them actually but the ones that come to mind right now are the two later stories in the Revival series because figure skating is fun to write about. The first one was written in 2017 but I put a lot of work into the two that were written in 2018 and I hope to add to the series later. 

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? The Soukoku Trope Bingo fics and the ADA Week fics (like this one) were all territory I haven’t written for the most part (except the figure skating fic.) This Autumn Will End was also a risk because I’d never written Yosano in that much detail before. I got to know the new characters I was writing a bit more as well as the genres. I also learned that no one likes my kunikidazai LMAO but people are willing to give my lack of knowledge in some areas a pass. I also learned that I can write a lot of things I didn’t think I could. It’s just difficult. 

Your best story of this year: Aside from “only human,” Aftermath. It’s not a big au or even a long fic but I’m proud of it and I think it helped me write more fics this year in which Dazai and Chuuya’s relationship grows to become more trusting. 

Your most popular story of this year: only human, which isn’t surprising! It’s the fic I’ve written the most words for and its a multi-chap so people are exposed to it over and over again. 

Story of yours most under-appreciated by the universe, in your opinion: Everybody Lives. I think this is the one fic where I was nervous about what I was writing but felt tentatively proud of at the same time, but it didn’t get a response. I don’t know if it’s because it’s kunikidazai and not a lot of people are reading it, or if it’s because it’s bad kunikidazai. Either way, I still don’t know whether or not it deserves appreciation but I guess I can say it’s under appreciated. 

Most fun story to write: Yokohama: Unsolved. I mean...any story based on Buzzfeed Unsolved is gonna be a good time. 

Story with the single sexiest moment: adrenaline. Like I said last year, I’m a bad judge of this. This fic doesn’t have any sex in it at all, but listen that scene where Chuuya threatens Ango in Dead Apple...just...yeah. I would pay with my life too. So it’s kind of like that but with a gun.  

Most “Holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story: you know what? Even among the kink bingo fics I never got here. Compared to last year that’s kind of disappointing. 

Story that shifted your own perceptions of the characters: only human made me think about Dazai as a character more and made me realize that I like things about him. 

Hardest story to write: This Autumn Will End (which could also actually go into the category above for Yosano) because I had never written so much about Yosano’s character AND it was long AND it was an au and I didn’t know if people would like it. Also, Holding Pattern was a fic I had to write and erase and rewrite a lot of, more so than other fics. Also Never Enough was part of a rolling remix so figuring out how to remix the fic before it was a bit hard, but once I got an idea things flowed. 

Biggest disappointment: all of the top Chuuya kink bingo fics. Aside from that gunplay fic, I’m perfectly happy forgetting all of those things exist. 

Biggest surprise: Pick Up the Pieces series. Was meant to be a one-shot for whumptober, ended up being skk relationship development and I kind of still think about it and how it fits into other stories and how I’ve characterized Chuuya and Dazai in general. 

Most unintentionally telling story: Only You and Drowning 

Favorite opening line(s): -“I wonder how many times you’re gonna almost-die before someone gets fed up with your shit and lets you.” (Only You)  - “Ghosts don’t exist, but I’m not above using them to scare Chuuya.” - Dazai Osamu, interview, March 2018 (Yokohama: Unsolved) 

Favorite closing line(s): - “Why do I do it? To cope with depression................and it’s fun to see Chuuya get scared!” - Dazai Osamu, interview, June 2018 (Yokohama: Unsolved)  - “In a strange way, despite being a coward, Dazai had also been brave. Chuuya would be brave in his own way, too.” (Holding Pattern)

Favorite 5 line(s) from anywhere: - “No!” Chuuya took a shaky breath. “Of answering questions. Everyone always asks me questions, or tells me what to do, but no one talks to me and I’m tired of it because other people actually talk to each other and I keep seeing it and I want it, but you won’t give it to me.” (only human) - “I’ve never met someone who works so hard,” Dazai continued, “to be the person they want to be.” (Only You)  - “Hello?” Dazai called out. “Is anyone here? We’re a couple of not-scientists and we need someone to explain things to us.” (Yokohama: Unsolved) - “You act like someone who knows how to love.” (Never Enough)  - “He feels oddly detached from his body, the pain and Dazai’s hand around his wrist being the only things really grounding him, keeping him from thinking that maybe he’s just a shell and that Nakahara Chuuya doesn’t exist at all.” (At First Sight) - “Back then, a hand had reached out and freed him.Ever since, he’d had to do pretty much everything himself.” (Pick Up the Pieces, I can’t count LMAO) 

Top 5 scenes from anywhere you would choose to have illustrated from anywhere - Chuuya pointing the Dominator at Dazai in Untraceable Children.  - Chuuya destroying the tank in Pick Up the Pieces.  - Chuuya during or after his free program in Satisfaction.  - The ending scene of lend me a shoulder.  - Dazai and Chuuya with their hot chocolates in Fairy Lights.  - I’m sure there’s more but it’s hard to think. 

Fic-writing goals for next year: Finish only human and/or Gifted and write the mutli-chaptered Psycho-Pass au because I have it all outlined which is a first but I haven’t written it. Also write more skk figure skating fics! I also want to create a world/au that people will be interested in talking about but idk what that is yet because even though I love au’s I’m also not great at that sort of thing. 

secrets (michael clifford)

summary: you find out your husband michael is cheating on you but you have a secret of your own that you’ve been hiding from him that only further complicates things

category: angst

word count: 1.5k

a/n: this is one of my faves :)

masterlist

It wasn’t like you didn’t know. Michael hadn’t been very discreet; coming home late with lipstick stains and hickeys you didn’t leave, smelling like expensive perfumes you didn’t own, receiving suggestive texts you didn’t send. So you didn’t know why you broke down crying after finding lingerie that definitely wasn’t yours under your’s and Michael’s shared bed. You knew your husband was cheating on you. You had known for a while now. But this, this was the first confirmation you got. Everything else was simply circumstantial evidence. But this crumpled up lingerie was definitely not a surprise Michael was planning to give you. So you broke down.

Michael said he was going to be at the studio for the day. You were expecting the house to be empty, which is why you didn’t feel Michael’s gaze as he watched you pick up the lingerie by the smallest string and throw it in the trash with a forceful swing. He came back home to surprise you with lunch, only to be greeted by your sobs and broken heart as he peeked through the small crack of your bedroom door.  You sat on the floor with your back against the bed, head in your hands as sobs racked through your body. Hot tears streaming down your cheeks and whimpers escaping your lips. Michael hadn’t seen you this upset since before the wedding and he felt an ache in his heart.

Of course he still cared for you. He tried to convince himself everyday that you were all he needed and all of his vows were still true. But every night, he would be met with a new woman with a new adventure and he just couldn’t help himself. In the morning he would hate himself for it; but at night, he couldn’t stop himself.

He looked back at you feeling horrible knowing he was causing you this pain. He knew he had to confront you. This had gone on long enough and he had been horrible to you. To his wife. He knew this confrontation would lead to him promising to stop, and he knew he was going to regret it later, but he went into the room nonetheless.

He decided to play dumb.

“Y/N!” he gasped. “What’s wrong?” 

He rushed over to your side, taking a moment to decide whether or not he should hold you. He slowly wrapped his arms around you, afraid you’d just push him away. But instead, you wiped your tears and looked up at Michael with a weak smile. 

“Nothing, Michael.” 

You moved away from him, stood up, and started walking towards the door. With your back facing him, Michael didn’t know what you were feeling. More importantly, he didn’t know how to react.

He decided not to push it as he heard you take a deep breath and turn around to face him. “Why aren’t you at the studio?”

“I- I came back with lunch.” Michael stuttered. 

“Mmm, great!” You turned on your heel and walked out of the room. Leaving Michael at the foot of the bed, as confused as ever.

The next day, when Michael was actually gone, you called your best friend over to inform her of your situation. You had told her of your suspicions so she knew of Michael’s infidelity, and you really needed someone to talk to at this moment.

“You said what?!”

 “I told him it was nothing.”

Your best friend looked at you with a confused face before stuttering out, “Wha- I- Why?!”

“Because…”

She stared at you, waiting for you to continue. You sighed in response when you couldn’t find the proper words to describe to her the situation. 

“Y/N, you can’t just let him keep hurting you like this. You have so many reasons to believe he’s cheating on you, and you just found a huge piece of evidence that can’t be denied, so it’s not like you’re about to approach him with a stupid hunch! He’s hurt you long enough, Y/N, and you can’t keep brushing it under the rug like it’s nothing. This isn’t what marriage is supposed to be like!”

You shakily sighed. “I know.” Tears brimmed your eyes, and Y/F/N noticed. 

“Oh Y/N…”

She brought you into a hug as you sobbed into her shoulder. “I’m so scared, Y/F/N.”

“I know, but it will be worth it in the end,” she pulled you away from her to look you in the eye. “Just imagine, no heartbreak, no stress, no Michael hogging the sheets in the morning.”

You cracked a smile as she let out a small giggle.

“But I don’t know if I’m ready to leave him…”

“Y/N, maybe you won’t have to. I mean, I’m just asking you to confront him about this and maybe you two could work things out. I personally think you should leave him, but I know how much marriage means to you and I’ll respect whatever decision you make.”

“You’re the best, you know that?” You smiled through your tears.

Y/F/N beamed at you and hugged you once more. 

“But… in the case you should get a divorce, I will be here every step of the way. I mean it should be easier since you don’t have any kids connecting you two, right?”

Your gaze dropped. 

Y/F/N noticed and pressed, “Right, Y/N?” 

Your lip began to quiver and the tears were back again, confirming your friend’s thoughts. “Oh no, Y/N.”

“I should be happy about this! Why aren’t I happy about this?!” You sobbed.

“Oh Y/N, this just makes things more complicated… But it’s okay! How far along are you?”

“Two months.”

“Well now you just gotta think about three people’s future instead of two. What’s best for the baby?”

“He or she needs their father.”

“I knew you were gonna say that.”

“But I need my space from Michael.”

“That is also true.”

“I don’t know what to do, Y/F/N!” You cried out, grabbing your hair in frustration.

“We’ll figure this out, Y/N. You’re not alone. I’ll be here for you. Always.”

A few weeks had passed since Y/F/N had found out about your pregnancy. And you still had not said a word to Michael. Of course Michael had noticed you being distant and he knew exactly why. But he wasn’t willing to bring it up only for you to explode at him. He was just too scared. And so were you. 

You had no idea what to do. You wanted your baby to live with their two parents and have a perfect family and a perfect life and you knew that wasn’t going to happen. The closest thing to that would require you giving up your own happiness. But you’ve thought about it and realized that you would give up anything for your child to be happy. The only reason you’ve hesitated is because you’re scared that Michael would hurt your child as much as he hurt you.

The past few weeks were far too suspicious for Michael to not be curious. He had to know what was going on in your mind. So when you called Y/F/N on the house phone because your cell phone ran out of battery, he picked up the phone in the kitchen to listen in on your conversation. He knew it was wrong to be eavesdropping, but there was something going on with you and he was getting to the bottom of it. 

For twenty minutes, he listened to you and Y/F/N talk about each other’s days and laugh at a few jokes. He didn’t hear anything worth noting, so he was about to hang up the phone before he heard, “So, have you told Michael yet?”

He immediately put the phone near his ear to hear your response. 

“No… not yet.”

“Well have you decided what you were going to do?”

“Yeah, I think I have.”

He could hear you sigh over the phone.

“I’m going to tell Michael about the baby.”

THE WHAT?!

“I’m going to give him a chance to clean up his act and be a part of the baby’s life. I don’t want them to grow up without a father, you know?”

“You don’t have to justify yourself, Y/N, I totally get it.”

“But I will leave Michael if I have to. If it’s what’s best for me and the baby.”

Michael’s heart was beating out of his chest as he heard the news. He’s going to be a dad. The mother was questioning to even stay with him and he had to find out by eavesdropping. How had he fucked up so badly?

He could hear you and your friend exchanging goodbyes and he hung up the phone quickly and raced up the stairs to your bedroom. You had just hung up your call with Y/F/N before you opened the door only to be face-to-face with a wide-eyed and out of breath Michael. 

“Hey Mich-” You began to greet but he cut you off with a sentence that drained all the color from your face.

“You’re pregnant.”

here is part two

but also 13, 14, 16

                                           LET ME RANT ABOUT THE RPC

13. Have you ever thought about leaving rp? What caused it? What changed your mind?

              I mean... Yeah? Yeah, I have. Sometimes I go on long hiatuses or take breaks but ultimately this is ( oddly enough ) a form of coping and stress relief for me. For as long as I can remember ( like. 10+ years. ) I’ve been rping. Even before that, like playing house and stuff. It’s a form of release for me, for things that I feel and it’s a productive and not destructive ( most of the time ) way of doing so. Besides, RP helped me become a better writer and a better person. I’m constantly learning.

14. Do you think rp has had a positive or negative affect on your life or you as a person?

            I... Think? Both. I’m an optimist at heart, or at least I’d like to think so, so I like to think that most negatives have a positive. You just have to search for it. I think it’s not for everyone for sure, especially the people who take things super super seriously. ( within reason of course, there are things that SHOULD be taken seriously but not stuff like ‘ur writing my fave not the way i think they should be written, y’know? ) But overall, I’ve met my 2 best friends here, I’ve met so many other wonderful, lovely people, and I’ve found a flock of some sort. Sometimes things here get to be ridiculous but there’s a reason I haven’t left yet, and it’s that. Even if I got off of tumblr, I’d still be rping. It’s part of my life now.

16. If you could change one thing about rp on tumblr, what would it be? Why?

            Elitism is a problem, and I know it’s easy for me to say that because I have the ~fancy graphics and the ~fancy icons, but I also know what it’s like to be on the flipside. I would definitely do away with that because there are PLENTY of brilliant writers who either don’t have access to photoshop / a photo editor or simply don’t want to. Talented artists. Wonderful writers. Genuinely nice people who are getting shoved aside because they don’t have the same “THING” as everyone else. There’s also a definite bias in gender identity, if ingrained in it or not. The canon cis males normally get all of the attention -- and I know this, because when I had Arin people would flock to me by the literal hundreds, whereas on my other female or gender nonbinary muses just... Didn’t get that? And it sucks, it sucks a lot. A lot of people preach about being inclusive and respecting female/trans/nonbinary muses but when it comes down to it they’ll only really go out of their way to talk to the males. Which sucks, and which needs to change. There’s a lot of natural bias because of society as a whole, and playing a female/trans/nonbinary OC... Like. I got lucky with Aria because for some reason people like her but I’m not nearly as lucky with any of my other muses that fall into that category. And it sucks. While I’m at it, it’s very clear when someone sends someone else anon hate and when someone sends it to themselves, and it really sucks that those people can’t just be like “hey, I feel bad, I need validation”. I used to do it too. That’s just. A side note.