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savoies · 3 years

Text

uuu - jamie drysdale.

summary: friends to lovers.

word count: 2k.

warnings: one bad word?

a/n: this is so self indulgent and maybe one of the best/longest things i have ever written. enjoy!

taglist: @hartsyhart @nhlpetey @mitch-slap @frostythegoalman @ryanssuzuki @aria253264 @josty @kaitieskidmore1 @kiedhara @laurenairay @teenagekook @alxvlasic @hockeyallthetime @barzy-baby @officialgritty @bowenbyram @mems06 @joshsandersons @connormcdavo @maattamatthews @pierreslucdubois @selenophileangel @boqvistsbabe @ana-maa @stars-canucks @quinnhughxs

tagging some buds: @npatrickz @beauvibaby @heybarzy @tkachuk-yeah @cozycozzy @2manytabsopen

(*credit to gif owner*)

You and Jamie had met through a mutual friend. Since then both of you had been inseparable. Spending every single waking moment together. Stuck at the hip as your friends described it. Arms linked up as all of your friends hung out together. And when your mutual friends made plans to hang out it was always "will jamie be there?" or "will y/n be there?"

Jamie was great. You always had your fair share of best friends. Some back stabbing you in the back while others just moved away. But you have never had a connection with anyone like the one you had with Jamie.

Talks till 4am, finishing each other's sentences, or saying what the other was thinking cause the other was afraid or embarrassed to do so. Those are just some of the things you loved about your friendship with Jamie.

When he wasn't playing hockey you would sit in front of your tv and watch as many episodes as you could of the current show you were both obsessed with. Of course stuffing your face with food until you were physically sick, hunching over at a stomach ache. Every morning waking up in each other's arms in the most uncomfortable position. But it didn't matter cause you were in each other's warmth.

I mean of course you did have a dream or two about kissing or going out with Jamie but he didn't need to know that.

Both of you sat on your roof looking at the stars and listening to music.

"This song reminds me of you." He spoke up as a lively melody filled your ears.

"Funny you say that baby duck cause I actually have this song in your playlist cause it reminds me of you."

"Ok first of all you know how i feel about baby duck and second of all this just proves my point of us being on the same wavelength."

"Well i'm still calling you it even if you do hate it, i mean it is what you are." You looked at him with a smirk on your face knowing how much the nickname annoyed him.

"So like what if i just push you off the roof." He narrowed his eyes at you.

"James you want to kill me." You gasped.

He rolled his eyes at your other nickname for him. He shrugged his shoulders. Now it was your turn to narrow your eyes at him as you placed a punch on his shoulder.

Laughter was heard throughout the night as hours passed of you guys just listening to music and enjoying each other's company.

~~~

You sat at your friends house as she told you the latest drama going on with her on and off again boyfriend. You of course most of the time staring at your screen and smiling like an idiot.

"Y/N are you even listening?" Your friend said irritated.

"Of course I am." You lied as you looked up at them.

"Doesn't seem like it. Get me out of hereeee." Your other friend read out loud your text from your exchanged convo between Jamie to everyone.

"Ok fine no i wasn't. I already told you I think you should leave him, you can do better." You told your friend and narrowed your eyes at your other friend.

"Easier said than done. Not like all of us have a boy wrapped around our fingers just one call away." She looked at you directly.

"What are you talking about?" You asked, utterly confused. You weren't the best at reading signals when it came to dating. Honestly you were pretty oblivious.

"Wait are you serious, have you seen the way Jamie looks at you?" Your friend replied.

"Drysdale and I are just friends." You laughed nervously pushing away the not so friendly thoughts you've had about him.

"That's what they always say." Your friend who read over your shoulder responded.

"Shut up." You slapped them on their head.

"I am leaving because I feel like I'm getting attacked." You said as you gathered your belongings.

"She's going to see Jamieee."

"You guys are annoying, you know that." You huffed as you stepped out into the chilly night.

"Love you too." Your friends replied as you closed the door.

~~~~

Weeks had passed since that conversation with your friends. And as you thought about it, it all seemed to make sense. Well not the part of Jamie liking you but maybe you did like him a little. Ok maybe a whole lot. But it's not like you could just come out and tell him. You loved your friendship more than anything. And you wouldn't throw it away for some silly feelings.

Both of you sat on the couch in silence. Something you did regularly. It was your very own therapy. Thinking of what was wrong (or something that was going right) in life and then telling each other.

But you couldn't tell him this. At least not any time soon.

"Ok you first." Jamie spoke up breaking the silence.

"Well uhm nothing new really, I guess you're still annoying." You laughed.

"Hey!" He said shoving you with his shoulder as you sat on the couch side by side.

"Your turn."

"Well uhm I'm going on a date." He spoke up nervously avoiding eye contact.

"Oh my gosh Jamie that's amazing." You told him. I mean hey if he was going on a date it meant that you didn't need to worry about the dumb feelings you were experiencing and you could bury them deep.

"Yeah I guess." He laughed nervously smiling softly at you.

~~~~

A few days had passed since his date. Honestly he was avoiding you. Not really sure what he was feeling. He missed his best friend though. So he drove to your house and made his way to your room. He had knocked a couple of times at the front door but with no answer he used his key that you had given him for "emergencies". Soon with walking into your living room he understood why there was no answer. Loud music was vibrating through the small apartment from your room.

As he walked closer to your room he saw you dancing or more like jumping up and down to some catchy beat coming from your phone. (which your neighbors soon would complain about) But he loved seeing you this happy and carefree that the things he had been feeling soon faded away.

"Jamie!! Come dance with me." You yelled over the music.

"No no it's ok." Jamie said not really being the best at dancing. You went up to grab him spinning him around a couple of times and soon both of you were dancing around your room like crazy maniacs.

Both falling on your bed breathing heavily as the dance party had tired you out.

"What are you doing here?" You asked him confused since he hadn't called.

"Well I missed you." He spoke up softly using his elbow to lift himself up and face you. Your heart rate picking up as those words processed in your mind and you really hoped that he couldn't sense it.

~~~~

Your friends decided to walk around and go for coffee. So here you sat between some of your friends as Jamie was waiting in line to get your usual order.

Jamie saw you laughing at something your friend said. Your eyes creasing at the corner as you smiled hard. The smile he so dearly loved.

He wasn't going to tell you this but his date wasn't the best. The girl was amazing. But he caught himself talking about you rather than himself. He apologized profusely for wasting the poor girls time and all she said was that you were special. And indeed yes you were. To him you were everything he ever wanted in a person. In his person.

You looked up to meet Jamie already staring at you and you offered him a small smile and awkward wave. That smile he loved so much. And that is when Jamie realized that he was crushing on you hard. Your friend who had stood with him waiting for their coffee as well looked at him staring at you.

"You know she likes you too." They had said. As he looked at them questioning if it really was that obvious.

So now as he got both of your coffees he walked back to you.

"Ahh there is whom I love." You said as you made grabby hands for your coffee.

"How rude, and here I thought you were talking about me." He huffed.

"You know I love you but I do love my coffee more, now come sit before one of them takes your spot." You looked at your friends.

"Well i just don't think it's fair to spread yourself against two chairs to save seats." One of your friends said.

You stuck your tongue out at them as you laid your head on Jamie's shoulder and drank your coffee happily spending time with your friends.

~~~~

And then came Saturday. Jamie had asked if you wanted to go get ice cream and of course you couldn't say no. So after getting in his car and hugging him you told him how you missed him even though you had seen him less than twenty four hours prior.

Both of you trying to block the sun as you ate your quickly melting ice cream.

Some dripping on your shirt as the melting ice cream dripped from your spoon.

"You got a little something." Jamie had laughed.

"Good thing it's your shirt." You grabbed some napkins as you rubbed off the sweet treat.

After some time Jamie spoke up. "I like you and not just as a friend, you don't have to give me a response right away but yeah i just had to tell you." You looked at him shocked to say the least. Your friends were right and honestly all those feelings that you so called "buried" came all at once filling your stomach with butterflies.

"Well baby duck lucky for you I like you too." You said as you leaned over and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. And the rest of the day was spent with huge smiles on both of your faces.

~~~~

A few weeks later both of you sat on your friends couch. Holding hands. You guys weren't official just yet, trying to keep everything slow and not rush into things. Your friends of course had betted how long it would take for you guys to get together.

"Ok honestly if you guys are gonna be this lovey dovey and shit i think i might just head home." Your friend who had finally broken up with her boyfriend spoke up.

"Omg i forgot to tell you, Jamie has this friend who's like super cute, no offense babe..." you said.

"None taken." He said as your friends around you laughed.

"... And he's super nice. I'm sure Jamie can introduce you.

"Yeah, I think he's single." Jamie replied. Later on you guys played some board games, watched some netflix, and just talked about life.

"Ok ok i have to know when did you realize you guys liked each other." Your friend looked up from her sitting place on the floor.

"Uhm I think i saw signs over time but maybe when some people kept on insisting we weren't just friends." You narrowed your eyes at your friends.

"Hey look we were right so a thank you would be nice." They shrugged their shoulders.

"Mine's kind of embarrassing but when all i talked about was Y/N on a date." Jamie cringed.

"No way dude."

"Is that why you didn't want to talk about how it went, it all makes sense now." You looked at Jamie.

"Poor girl."

"In my defense I apologized many times and she said it was ok." He lifted his hands in defense.

You laid in each other's arms as the hours passed by happy at how things were going.

#hockey boys #hockey #jamie drysdale x reader #jamie drysdale #team canada x reader #team canada #hockey fic #hockey fics #hockey blurb #hockey blurbs #hockey imagine #hockey imagines #anaheim ducks #san diego gulls #happy birthday to me!#ari's birthday tag #ari writes

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himbeaux-on-ice · 3 years

Note

Sorry! Lehner had around a 10 minute rant today about how he feels like the NHL lied to the players about loosening up the restrictions placed on teams and forced teams to get the Covid Vaccine. ESPN and the New York Post released an article about it today.

(this is a follow-up on this ask)

Ah okay, I found a TSN article about it, which covers the fact that he also apologized for some of his remarks (mainly comparing the restrictions to being “like prison” which is a bit cringe when you’re a millionaire in a free hotel, yeah), and also significantly clarified some of the intent behind what he was trying to say at the presser:

I’m gonna put my full thoughts this under a cut because it’s ended up running pretty long and rambly, but tl;dr: after considering his more precisely clarified points here and with the perspective I know he’s coming from, I can honestly see and empathize with what Lehner seems to be expressing here about how the NHL has chosen to handle player vaccinations and informing them about what that means for the restrictions on their lives, and I actually don’t disagree with his criticisms overall. Some of the phrasing could have been better, but he’s acknowledged that too.

All in all, it sounds like the NHL may have done a poor job of honestly managing expectations around what vaccine rollout would mean for the extra restrictions placed on the players and their families with each team, and that they’re also up to some version of their usual NHL schtick of prioritizing some platonic ideal of Competitive Parity (remember “the Vancouver Canucks will play a 56 game season”, anyone?) above all else, even when that is no longer realistic and/or comes at the expense of the short-term and long-term mental and physical wellbeing of the players. Classic NHL.

Right, so, long thoughts are down here. Also gonna copy the majority of his comments directly because I think it’s worthwhile for people to read exactly what he said:

"As I’m frustrated like a lot of people in the world right now everything didn’t come out of today’s press in the right way," Lehner wrote. "Main point is that we need to start take the mental health important as well In this situation. It has a huge impact on everyone in society right now. To put competitive edge before well being of people's lives is wrong. As I said, people are struggling with many different things mentally and we need to consider that, as well. Then, being lied to makes it worse."

I love hockey and the league has done a lot of good things," Lehner continued. "But this missed the mark. My bad to say it’s like prison and I apologize, but with mental health issues that are developing in the world, it develops problems mentally. We will see exactly how this affects everything with time. I don’t mean to offend anyone. I hope we can all work together to help people that suffer through mental help from this going forward. I’ve heard how a lot of people are doing through this as people talk to me about it."

During his briefing, Lehner said that the league has misled the players about how vaccination will lead to the loosening of restrictions.

"They told me yesterday that they're surveying all of the teams to see who has taken the vaccine and who has not taken the vaccine and they're not going to change the rules for us as players until all of the teams have a fair [amount] of [vaccinated players] at the same time, so there's not a competitive edge," Lehner said. "And that made me go crazy, to be honest."

Lehner said the league is failing to look at its players as people first and lied to them about taking the vaccine.

"These are human lives and people are struggling with this stuff a lot in society and we are humans just as everyone else," Lehner said. "So there's a twofold problem for me here - the first one is we got promised something to take something that not necessarily everyone wanted. So that was lie - a blatant lie. Second, to put competitive edge over human lives in terms of going back - and I'm not saying we're going out to a party or whatever, but we had a meeting when the season started, at the beginning of camp, that pretty much told us we can't go outside of our house, can't do anything, can't go to the grocery store, can do nothing on the road. You can take a meal out of the meal room and go sit up in your room, don't be with your teammates, don't do this, don't do that. Nobody thinks about the mental impact."

The Gothenburg, Sweden native says his peers are struggling through this pandemic season.

"I know people will say, 'Oh, you're millionaires' and this and that or 'What about these guys?' but we care about that, too, man," Lehner said. "No matter what people think, this is a society problem. But when government, corporations, NHL, whoever are taking decisions in terms of irrelevant things like competitive edge over the human being? It's not okay."

It seems pretty clear to me from this article that his main issue isn’t really with getting the vaccine or being required to do so (my understanding is that it is still opt-in for all players, not mandatory. It’s that he doesn’t view the League as having provided players with a realistic expectation ahead of time for how being vaccinated would or would not change their daily reality. That they were led to believe that getting vaccinated would lead to things that didn’t end up happening, and therefore weren’t empowered to make an informed choice about when to get vaccinated.

The way he describes it, the League was not clear enough ahead of time about the fact that individual players being vaccinated would not make them individually exempt from league-wide restrictions, and this created a feeling of false hope about what getting vaccinated would mean in terms of not just having to stay in your house or hotel room literally all the time. If you were looking forward to getting vaccinated because you were led to believe it would mean finally not having to live in that isolated, mentally draining environment all the time, and then only found out at the last minute or after the fact that no, you actually still have to keep following all these rules that are making your life so isolated and difficult, that’s gotta be pretty emotionally jarring. If you were a player who was a little unsure about getting vaccinated quite yet (for whatever reason, including possibly being in a risk group for side-effects or just not wanting to get waylaid for a week with the smile symptoms it induces during a crucial stretch of games), but decided it was worth it for the tradeoff of getting back to a life that was less of a strain on your mental health, and then got told AFTER you made that decision and got the shot that no, that tradeoff isn’t happening the way you were made to expect it to, I think it would understandably piss you off.

It also sounds like part of what he has taken issue with is that, from the sounds of it rather than ease internal restrictions on a team-by-team basis as determined by each team’s vaccination rates (which would mean that if for example the Wild had 95% of their team vaccinated, the Wild only the Wild would get to start living a life with slightly less restrictions), the League is instead opting to say “no, we’re only going to ease the rules for EVERYONE at the same time once all teams have reached similar numbers of vaccinated players and staff to ea other, because we would see having different rules for different teams as giving some of them an unfair competitive edge”.

Lehner takes umbrage with this approach, because he thinks that focusing solely on “competitive edge” by making more-vaccinated teams keep having to live incredibly isolated lives (even isolated from vaccinated teammates) is a case of the League prioritizing parity over the toll that barely being able to interact with other people or leave their houses is taking on players’ mental health. And I can really really understand his point here. We have all seen what quarantine has done to our individual mental health, and even if they are millionaires, those impacts also exist for the players.

I actually just recently re-read the Athletic piece about the intense mental health and addiction struggles Lehner has gone through and done the incredibly difficult work of getting help for in the last five years. This man has fought incredibly hard and done a massive amount of therapy and other work to sort out his head, deal with his demons, and get himself to a place where he can cope and wants to be alive. That kind of recovery journey is a battle which will continue for the rest of your life and requires constant maintenance practices (again, speaking from experience). He also spent most of this season not even getting to be around the team at all, stuck at home recovering from a concussion (which usually involves doing frustratingly little and waiting around impatiently in dimly lit rooms for your brain to heal). And now, upon returning to the team, road games mean more time spent sitting in a room trying not to be bored out of your skull, while possibly also having to have some limits on things like screen time as a post-concussion precaution.

Imagine being somebody like him, who has spent a lot of time working very hard to build up a lifestyle and a system of coping mechanisms in recent years which have allowed him to live a healthier and happier life, to then be thrown back into an isolated and highly restricted new lifestyle where probably at least half of all those habits and norms and support systems are taken out of reach, that has to be incredibly difficult (I’ve experienced something similar myself this year). Especially when you haven’t been able to even go and be with the team in the dressing room, or probably even do anything with your family that classes above “mildly strenuous”, because you’re out for six weeks recovering from a concussion, which is its own mental and physical health battle. And then, you are apparently given the impression from the League that “hey, if you’re willing to get vaccinated, that will lead to you being able to return to some semblance of a life that is less taxing on your psyche”, and you agreed to do so even if you were perhaps cautious about getting the vaccine before, because you’d rather accept whatever risk comes with the shot than gamble on keeping your sanity together for however much longer this isolation drags on, only to then find out that “actually no, even if your team and staff is entirely vaccinated you still have to spend most of your time sitting alone in rooms trying not to sink into a spiral of dangerous depression until other teams in other states with different vaccination programs are also immunized to similar levels, and our only real reasoning for holding that mental relief out of reach is mostly based on ‘competitive parity’”.

Yeah, I absolutely understand why he would feel very frustrated and even betrayed by that course of action! For Lehner, it’s not about competitive edges or the game on the ice, it’s about having made the decision to get vaccinated at this time with the understanding that it would allow access to an at least slightly less mentally taxing lifestyle, only to find out later that the League seemingly never intended to follow through on providing that despite you holding up your end of the deal. And it sounds like he is speaking for a number of other players beyond just himself who are also struggling with their mental health in these conditions. Even if he himself is managing to cope because of what he’s learned in his recovery, he would certainly be well-positioned to recognize signs in the people around him that they are struggling in ways that may be similar to what he went though before, and know how dire that can spiral into being.

Look, I don’t think Robin Lehner ever expected to be allowed to go out and lick people’s eyeballs or wander the supermarket maskless once vaccinated, but you heard the description of how intensely restrictive the NHL’s rules for players off-ice lives during COVID are. They are far more intense than the rules being enforced for non-NHL individuals in many of the same cities and states, because the NHL is trying to bring risk as close to zero as possible. And if you were a player told that being vaccinated was going to reduce contagion risks enough to mean that right away the NHL would finally let you and your teammates from “can’t go anywhere or see anyone, eat your dinner in your hotel room and try not to be depressed about it” to “you can go to the store with a mask on. you can eat meals with your also-vaccinated teammates. you can visit your parents or siblings while social-distancing/masking. you can spend free time around other people and/or in more public spaces without being chaperoned constantly by team staff. you can sit next to your also-vaccinated teammates on the plane/bus. you can hang out with them in their room”, and THEN later were told “sorry, we’re not actually going to let you do that yet. not for COVID reasons but rather because we worry not being totally miserable shut-ins will give you a competitive edge over that team in another state who aren’t getting vaccinated as quickly”. That has to feel like a slap in the face in terms of how much the league actually cares about your well-being or about being honest in its role in your personal medical decisions. Perhaps when he says “forced” he is expressing a feeling of being stuck between choosing “either get vaccinated or let your mental health keep degrading in isolation”, only to find out that making the deal doesn’t get you the relief you were promised.

Idk I feel like I’m repeating myself a lot here trying to circle in on my precise point bc my brain is a little scrambled today, but like. If the players made their decisions to consent to vaccination (at this time, with whatever version of the shot was offered, under whatever circumstances they may have going on personally or medically) based on one understanding of the situation, and then NHL really said “lol NOPE actually that was a false premise” and changed things after the fact, that’s kinda an informed consent issue and I think he’s right to call it fucked up! And everything he says about how mentally taxing such a super-isolated lifestyle is honestly only repeats worries I myself had right from the moment the “stay in your hotel room alone” rule was announced — that the League may be underestimating the toll (especially with some of the long road trips this season) that forcing players to live in total isolation like that was going to have on individual wellbeing and team morale.

Robin’s comments this morning could have been put better, but as somebody who has ADHD and who knows about bipolar disorder, I know emotions for folks with brains like ours can run fast and intense and sometimes lead to not always planning out every word as precisely and you might later have liked to once that moment has passed. The fact that he apologized for the less tactful part of the comment and sought to clarify his words tells me he’s thought a lot about this and wasn’t happy with how he expressed his thoughts initially. Also, while his English is very good, you can sometimes forget it isn’t his first language, Swedish is — some thoughts don’t translate exactly as they sounded in your head. That said, also Robin Lehner one of the more outspoken NHL players about mental health issues in recent years, and he also doesn’t seem like the type of guy to mince his words or tiptoe around a point — I’m not surprised he’s the person expressing these concerns about mental health, and I’m not surprised he was a bit blunt about it either lol.

All in all, it sounds like the NHL did a poor job of managing expectations around what vaccine rollout would mean for the players and their families, and that they’re also up to their usual NHL schtick of prioritizing some platonic ideal of Competitive Parity (remember “the Vancouver Canucks will play a 56 game season”, anyone?) above all else, even when that is no longer realistic and/or comes at the expense of the short-term and long-term mental and physical wellbeing of the players. Classic NHL.

(also: the New York Post is a right-leaning sensationalist rag 90% of the time. take all spin it puts on things with a grain of salt)

#long post #god I hope this makes sense my brain feels like a potato chip #also yeah I don’t judge people too hard for having slight cautions about getting vaccinated right away or with certain ones #when we don’t know their medical details medications risk factors etc #people deserve to be able to make decisions of informed consent when it comes to things like that and if the NHL has not been affording that #well. that is messed up #asks #anon

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ferbiederbie · 6 years

Text

First Encounters

(( sorry this is late! it’s been. crazy at work. BUT HERE WE GO.))

That first night on board the CV Serakos seems like it passes very quickly, to Tabris. That might be because she’s expended so much energy and eaten so much food, of course, but it doesn’t really matter. What does matter is that she finds herself in Arella’s room with a cot to sleep on until they can “figure something more permanent out”, which is fine, she’d be okay with a linen closet. She remembers talking for maybe like five minutes before her head hits her pillow and she’s out.

The next morning she's sore, and groggy, but after a bit of stretching she feels better. She spends the day exploring more of the ship, but on her own, discovering the different nooks and crannies available to anyone with the flexibility to fit in to them.

That evening, she spars once more with Cassandra, and it feels amazing to do so. She hasn't realized before now how much she needs to expend her excess energy, and it's a bit like having a good, long stretch after being still for weeks. Even if, afterwards, she flops down on the ground in exhaustion.

She doesn't see Wild Bill until dinner time, and he won't even look at her while they eat. He excuses himself before the rest of them finish and leaves, like before. Canuck makes a plate for someone named Cog and leaves it for him… somewhere. Tabris never meets him.

It becomes routine, for the next few days, and Tabris falls into it, with Karma beside her. A week passes. She shares Arella’s room, and gets to know her as she does.

“You know, we go a lot of different places.” the reapafarian comments one night, as they sit up together before bed. Arella has been reading, but she puts her Comm down when she speaks.

“Yeah, I figured that.” Tabris answers. She's petting Karma and scrolling through the extranet on her Comm. She's moved a lot of her stuff from Wild Bill’s ship, her bag, her clothes… Some of it is still there. She'll get it before he leaves.

“It's nice, you know, seeing everything. I thought, for a long time, that I would be on my own planet forever. That I'd never see so much of the universe.”

“I get that. I felt like that sometimes, too, before I left.”

“Mm. Sometimes, though? I miss home. I didn't have much there, not any family, but I miss little things. How the air smelled. Or the way the moon looked when it set. We're very similar! I think, you and I. Because we both left looking for something.” she smiles a little.

“I mean, I was just looking for adventure.” Tabris shrugs. “What about you though? Like, I hear that your, uh, people have sort of a thing about death, so…”

“Mm, it's just sort of a belief, I guess? Like it sounds bad if you call it a ‘thing’. It's not like I wanna go out and start killing folks. It's just there's this whole… cycle you follow. I'm good, so I go out, and I bring death to folks who aren't good. And when they're dead they go back and try again, and maybe they'll be good next time.”

“Reincarnation. That's one reason to train as a merc, I guess.”

“Yeah! It's like a responsibility sort of. Not everyone can do it. So that's why I left, and joined Canuck. What about you, though?”

“I just told you why I left my planet.” Tabris stretches out on her cot. “Adventure. You've seen one side of Helioph, you've seen them all. It's pretty small, I mean… we only have one language and, like, a single dialect. The universe is too big and cool to spend my life there.”

“Oh…” Arella twitches her antennae and looks at her Com. “It's just, it seems like there's more to it than that. It feels like you've been looking for something.”

“Eh.” Tabris rolls onto her stomach. “I look for a lot of things. I lose shit all the time.”

“Mm…” her roommate sighs softly, and goes back to reading. Several minutes of silence pass, before Arella speaks up again. “Did you talk to Wild Bill yet?”

Ah. There it is.

Tabris groans, and rolls onto her side, clinging to Karma, who takes up most of her cot. The Sekhound whuffs in his sleep. “No, I haven't. Why should I? He's the jerk. I'm not apologizing to him.”

“Oh, haha, no, don't do that. He's definitely the one who's wrong.” Arella giggles. “It's just that I don't know if he'll say sorry if you keep ignoring him.”

“So who needs him to say sorry? I'm fine where I am. After this, I probably won't ever have to see him again.”

“Is that what you want, though?”

“Uh, yeah. He's a dick.”

“Tabris…” Arella straightens up and leans over to look at the other girl. There's something strange in her iridescent eyes, like she's worried, like she's unsure. “Is that really what you want?”

And Tabris… Doesn't answer, not right away, because she has to think about it, now. Because it would be so easy to just ignore Wild Bill until he leaves and then carry on, and she might be okay with that, but right now… right now she kind of… It's possible that she misses him, just a bit.

They weren't best friends or something like that, but there'd been some kind of… weird bond, between them. An understanding. She knew what he was and she didn't actually care, and he seemed like he got the sort of things she talked about, didn't try to make her stop picking pockets. He should have been just a ride to somewhere else, a convenience, but it's possible she had come to see him as a friend. Fuck, she definitely saw him as a friend, and now…

Goddamn him and his shitty attitude. Why did he have to ruin things?

She clings tighter to Karma and nuzzles into the short fur at his neck, eyes closing. She hears Arella sigh, softly, but it's an apologetic sound.

“It's okay, you know. To want to be friends with someone. I'm sorry he said what he did. I think he's afraid.”

“Afraid of what?” Tabris scoffs, voice muffled by her hound.

“You? Himself? I don't know. I can't read minds exactly, I just sort of… sense feelings. He feels scared. And angry, but not at you, I don't think. Maybe a bit, but not bad. I don't know.”

Afraid. Of what? Of having friends? Tabris has never heard something so asinine before. But still, if that's what it is… god, he's an idiot.

She shifts, clambers over Karma, and stands. The Sekhound grumbles softly and shifts, stretching out further and taking up more of the cot. Tabris pulls on her coat and tugs her hair up into a loose bun.

“Where are you going?” Arella asks, blinking curiously.

“To kick someone in the fucking mouth.” Tabris mumbles in response, and sweeps out of the room.

She finds him in the cockpit, where he’s been pretty much every night this past week. She’s not sure he’s actually slept at all, although she guesses he must have, because humans don’t do well when they don’t sleep.

The door is closed, and Tabris doesn’t bother knocking before she steps inside. Wild Bill is sitting at the helm, eyes on the starmap before him as he steers. She stands in the doorway and watches him for a minute, arms crossed over her chest. She wonders if he knows she’s here, but figures he probably must have noticed by now. He doesn’t say anything. She walks forwards. Apparently she’ll have to be the one to instigate conversation; Wild Bill is still too much of a stubborn jackass.

“Hey.” she greets, quietly.

She sees his shoulders tense when she says it, and she can almost hear his jaw working together in immediate stress.

“Hey.” he says back, and even that sounds strained. “Thought y’were Cass.”

“Why her? Why not Canuck?” she asks, crossing the room and sitting down slowly in the chair beside him. He still hasn’t looked at her.

“Too light. Quiet. Canuck ain’t ever entered a room and not immediately started talkin’, ‘less he was worried ‘bout dyin’ ‘cause of it.”

“Okay, true. Why Cass, instead?” “She likes standin’ around bein’ quiet.”

“That’s true, too. Except when we’re in the gym. She’s pretty loud when she yells…” she curls her tail, crosses her legs as she sits. Sighs, softly, because it could almost be them back on his gunship, if not for the size of this place, the different decor. And the tension in the air. “So… listen. I was talking to Arella…”

“Girl’s gotta quit messin’ in other folk’s heads.” Wild Bill growls out, and it sounds much more like him than his previous words.

“I don’t think she can exactly stop it. And she just wants to help. I mean, sometimes it’s annoying when she says things I don’t want any attention brought to, but she’s been nice so far. That’s beside the point, though. I was talking to her about… you know, me staying here and stuff. After you leave.”

“Mm.”

“She said she was… that she thought things between us were… ugh, this is so dumb, okay? I’m really mad at you still. Maybe not as much before but, what you said really- fucked me up. Like, I know we weren’t the best friends ever or anything, but I did think we were, you know. At least sort of friends. It really seems like we get each other, you know?”

“...guess so.” he sounds reluctant to even admit it. Tabris presses on, regardless.

“And, like, I don’t have a whole lot of friends- or I didn’t before, whatever- but I’m pretty sure that friends aren’t supposed to say shit like ‘you’re a liability’ to one another! That’s a really shitty thing to say, especially because it isn’t true at all.”

“Kid-” “No! Uh-uh!” she’s leaning towards him, and she waves a hand at him to silence him. “It’s not your turn to talk! Because you said some really awful shit to me, and that’s not fair. And I get it. I do, I mean, I understand sort of how you must be thinking. Like, ‘if I’m mean to her she won’t get attached, and I won’t get attached, and she can leave me alone and I can be a hermit again’. Arella said you were scared of something, and I don’t… I don’t know. It’s okay to be scared of things but I don’t think you should let it make you act like an asshole. I don’t think it should make you ruin things because you’re afraid. And I know you don’t want to apologize probably but I really think you should. I’m not a liability and I feel like you know that, and I’m really tired of walking around and pretending like I’m not pissed as hell and like I don’t care at all about what you think because maybe, possibly I sort of do.”

He’s silent, staring down at the steering column and holding the controls tight.

Tabris takes in a breath, lets it out slowly, and then leans back in the chair. She lets the silence hang between them for a few moments, and then turns her head to look out the windshield. The stars look so beautiful, still, and they’re so far out she can’t see any hint of station or habitable planet. Not even a satellite.

“...I thought we were maybe becoming friends, just a little.” she continues, quieter, now. “And I figured if I just ignored that and pretended I didn’t care, I’d feel better eventually. But I don’t feel better, at all. And I get you don’t want me to come with you, and that’s… not fine, but it’s whatever. But I still… I wanna know.” she looks at him directly. “Do you really think I’m a liability?”

He’s silent, and she isn’t sure he’ll answer her. His eyes- still so damn tired, does he never rest?- are focused intently on the starmap where their course is plotted. His hat casts shadow on his face. She wants to snatch it off of his head to get a reaction, but she restrains herself. Finally, he lets out a small, quiet sigh.

“...Tabris.” not ‘kid’ again, which she does appreciate. He’s toed that line pretty well. “What I think don’t really matter in th’first place, ‘cause yer doin’ fine without my opinion’r’whatever. Ain’t a way you can go with me after all this, either way, but if… yer wantin’ t’know that badly, then I think you-”

He doesn’t get to finish this time either, but not because Tabris interrupts him; this time, it’s because there’s a sudden shrieking alarm, so loud it startles her out of her seat and onto the floor. Red lights flash all around them.

“What the fuck is that?!” Tabris is on her feet in seconds, eyes wide.

“Proximity alarm.” Wild Bill is all business as he reaches over to tap a few buttons on the console. He closes the starmap and pulls up something else, a circular panel where their ship appears as a small holo. Two smaller red images appear behind it, closing in fast. “Somethin’ got too close.”

“Quite right.” the voice is undoubtedly that of Zefforus; Tabris can even hear the tell-tale cooing of birds in the background. Moments later, an image of him pops up over the console. His birds are all settled in around him and she can see the red lights are flaring up there, too. “I’ve detected two gunships approaching from east of our heading. They have thus far refused all attempts at contact, so I’m under the assumption that they are hostile. I doubt I’m mistaken.”

Wild Bill curses loudly. “Where’re they from?” he demands. “Where’s Canuck?”

“Okay wait, I’ll go get him.” Tabris turns and lopes for the door, then jerks back as it slides open and Canuck pushes in.

“What’s ‘de trouble?” he asks, striding forward with long, heavy steps. Cassandra follows behind him, and Arella, and Karma pads into the room at a hurried pace and shoves his head into Tabris’ middle, sniffing her waist, like he’s trying to assure himself she’s alright. She runs her hand between his ears and turns around.

“Two hostile gunships approaching.” Zefforus explains to Canuck. “They’re marked for the Green Storm mercenary group; I don’t suppose we have an open contract with them, perhaps?”

“We don’t.” Canuck growls out.

“Mm, I thought so. Then my best guess would be, whoever specifically is after Her Imperial Majesty, they have hired guns to do their dirty work. I suppose we can’t say much, since she did the same with us, although for altogether more necessary reasons. Ah, they’re getting rather close. I’m drawing energy from the third engine and raising the shields entirely, I don’t much care for the look of their weaponry. The ship models are rather new and I imagine they’re prepared to fight…”

Tabris inhales sharply. “So what do we do if they start firing?” she asks. “I mean, this is a cargo ship, right? They’re not supposed to have weapons, right?”

“Oh boy, ‘dey sure aren’t.” Canuck turns to look down at her, and grins widely. “But ‘den, we aren’t ‘de normal sort of folks that’d be using one, are we? Don’t worry, dear; we’re ready.” he leans over beside Wild Bill and taps a few buttons, and a new screen appears. There’s no image, just a solid blue line.

“Cog?” Canuck speaks. “We got company. Everythin’ alright down ‘dere?”

“Mm. All of the guns are optimized for defensive fire.” comes a voice, unfamiliar to Tabris, although she’s spent almost two weeks aboard this ship. It’s masculine, and dry, and she can hear the whirr of machinery in the background. “I’ve redistributed the energy from Engine 3 into the shields; captain, please ask the Professor to kindly refrain from attempting to do so until he has my express permission.”

“I’m sure he didn’t mean anythin’ by it, but I’ll tell him. Thanks, Cog.”

“Cog!” Arella floats closer. “Are you doing okay? We haven’t seen you in awhile. Do you like the ship?”

“Arella, there are more pressing matters, currently.” says the voice. “...but it is a very nice ship. Nicer than the last. You have my thanks for necessitating our move. My new quarters are considerably less cramped.” the line drops, then. Arella beams.

“Wow okay, that’s weird. So… what?” Tabris furrows her brow. “Are we safe, or? What? Like, if they start shooting…”

“Then we’ll shoot back.” Cassandra places a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry. Two gunships are not match for us.” she pauses, and then narrows her eyes. “Which seems obvious. Green Storm isn’t run by idiots. They’d have to know that.”

“They likely do not know who it is they are dealing with.” the door slides open again, and Empress Orochi glides inside, with Kanashi not far behind. They’re wearing less elegant robes than before, but they still both carry swords. Kanashi has her hands on the hilts of her, eyes narrowed, as if she might be able to fight the gunships from inside, with just her blades. Tabris appreciates her bravery.

“We were very cautious with who we told about our plan of escape.” the Empress continues. “It is very likely they have no idea who you are. This ship is not marked with your symbol, after all.”

“Well ‘den.” there’s a growl in Canuck’s voice, even while he’s grinning, and it would be really unsettling if they weren’t on the same side. “Let’s give ‘em some clue about who ‘dey’re dealin’ with. Zeff!”

“I’ve asked you not to call me that.” the Professor appears on screen again. “Although I suppose it doesn’t really matter. What can I do for you, Canuck?”

“Can ya open up communications to ‘dose ‘dere gunships? Don’t need ‘em to talk back. Just need ‘em to listen.” he glares down at the two red dots on the proximity screen, as they come up alongside the ship. Tabris hears the faint groan of the gunship hull shields brushing almost experimentally against their own.

“Perhaps. Give me a moment to- ah, child’s play. There we go. You’re online.”

“Alright. Thanks. Now… You folks are with ‘de Green Storm group, eh? I don’t know if ‘dey ever told ya both much about who ya might be goin’ up against, if you’re newbies or old blood at ‘dis, but I’m givin’ ya fair warnin’ before ya do anythin’ ya might regret.” Canuck’s voice drops lower, grows darker. “You aren’t dealin’ with ‘de normal sort of group. My name’s Canuck; maybe you’ve heard of me? And ‘dis here group is ‘de Red Leaf merc band, and I’m shootin’ sure you’ve heard ‘dat name.”

There’s silence from the other end; the two red dots have stopped along the ship. Tabris looks, and can barely make out their shapes against the dark of space. She suspects they’re using some sort of visual cloaking. Do all mercenaries just steal that shit?

“‘Dis here is your one warnin’. Get lost, go on back to your boss and let ‘em know who ‘dey’d be fightin’. Maybe ‘dat’ll cool ‘deir jets some. I dunno how much you’re gettin’ paid for ‘dis job, but I want ya to think about if it’s worth more ‘dan your lives.” he swipes his tongue over his tusks, and snarls. “‘Cause if ya go up against me, I guaran-fuckin’-tee you’ll regret it. Not for long, ‘dough.”

He waves a hand, and the communication beeps as it ends.

Canuck sighs heavily and leans back, reaching up to smooth the hair along the ridge of his neck where it’s bristled. “Well now. Here’s hopin’ ‘dey take ‘dat warnin’ serious.”

“It might not have been a good idea to tell them exactly who we are.” Cassandra comments quietly.

“Maybe. But maybe it’ll stop ‘dem from tryin’ somethin’ stupid.” he answers.

“You all but admitted to our presence.” Kanashi hisses softly, and then shakes her head. “But I suppose it’s likely they already knew. Jsska,” there’s a curse even the translator can’t make out, “who would have known? We were so cautious. I swore we killed the last of the attackers during out escape.”

“I detected no living heat signatures at the time.” Zefforus comments. “But rektilias body temperature is somewhat volatile, and if someone were only wounded, and not dead… well, I wasn’t working with the most in-depth scanning equipment. I had only just come on board and hadn’t yet had the time to modify what I needed to…”

“Nobody’s blamin’ you, Zeff.” Canuck responds, crossing his arms over his broad chest.

“Don’t matter.” Wild Bill growls out. “Point is, they seem like they know. Just two gunships ain’t much fire power…” his eyes are focused on the proximity map. Tabris looks at it, too, sees the red dots just hanging there, like they’re trying to decide what to do. She almost hopes they don’t run. It seems like…

“Might be better off just shootin’ ‘em down.” the pilot says. “Keep ‘em from goin’ back to their boss and sendin’ reinforcements.” his fingers twitch, and Tabris thinks maybe he’s itching to grab the gun controls himself. She doesn’t think it’s pure bloodlust, although he definitely enjoys a fight. More, she thinks he might actually be concerned. There’s a cold sort of rational behind that thinking. Tabris can understand it.

“‘Dey haven’t done anythin’ yet.” Canuck answers. “Maybe ‘de name’ll give them somethin’ to think about. ‘Deir boss, too… ah! See ‘dere?” he points to the map; the two dots dip down, and then retreat rapidly, until they disappear from the screen entirely. The alarm, which Tabris has almost grown accustomed to now, stops blaring. The silence that follows is incredibly unsettling, and she slides her arms around Karma’s neck to comfort herself some.

Wild Bill doesn’t look satisfied, but he does huff out a sigh and relax, just a bit. “I’m gettin’ us outta here.” he grunts. “Get Engine 3 back online soon as y’can.”

“Some distance would be good.” Cassandra sighs. “I don’t think we’ve seen the last of them. Or the worst they have to offer.” after a moment, she looks to Arella, Tabris, and Karma. “Come with me. I feel trouble coming; we’re going to the gym. I want to be sure we can handle whatever happens.” she looks at the Empress. “You and your advisor can join us, too. Refresh your skills with those swords of yours. Canuck?” “Yes, dear?” Canuck looks down at her. She puts her hands on her hips.

“Start back on your exercise plan. You’ve been slacking off.” she turns, and makes her way out of the room. Arella giggles, and floats off after her; Kanashi and Orochi have a quiet conversation between themselves, and then follow. Canuck sighs and pats his stomach. He looks smitten, and it’s kind of disgusting.

“Ah jeez, how’d I ever get so lucky?” he murmurs.

Tabris makes a face, and then looks to Wild Bill. He’s hunched over the controls, bringing up the starmap again, and pressing buttons to get them on their way. He looks very serious, focused, and there’s a crease between his brow that makes her think he’s worried. She wants to say something to him, wants to tell him to continue what he was going to say before, but Canuck is here now, and, well- it doesn’t change anything anyway, does it?

“Tabris!” Cassandra’s voice echoes down the corridor and she flinches. With one final look at Wild Bill, she turns, mutters “come on” to Karma, and hurries off down the hall after the group.

Canuck sits down in the chair beside Wild Bill and sighs softly. “Well, ‘dat was fun.” he murmurs softly. “...now I know I like bein’ an optimist, but I don’t think we’ve seen ‘de last of ‘dem, either. I’m guessin’ my name probably only bought us some time. How far out are we still?”

“Four days.” is the answer; he doesn’t sound like he’s happy about it at all.

“Mm.” he scratches his chin. “...well. ‘Dat’s fine. If ‘dey come for us, we’ll deal with it. I’m not worried.” he pats Wild Bill on the shoulder and the smaller man flinches at the strength of it. “What do ‘de Green Storm have ‘dat we haven’t seen before, eh?”

Wild Bill clenches his teeth, and does not reply.

The truth is, he’s sure they’re going to find out.

#alien #wayfaring strangers #tabris

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