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#can we agree this is the funniest post I've ever made and go home please
a-chaotic-ananas · 2 years
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they're only champagne problems if they come from the champagne region in france, otherwise it's just sparkling emotional damage
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basement-critics · 5 years
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I watched "I Have A Complaint" so you don't have to...
Okay so I know @carmensandiego-againstonision already did one for this video, and if I knew how to link the post I would, if you haven't seen her's please do, but I have some things I want to add to the video as well.
• Starts off saying they have a bone to pick with the planets and life. And that this video is a vent video so they can "vent their sorrow and pain"
• Says that they didn't mean to look like Archie from Riverdale, but you can pretend they are Archie complains at you
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(Okay I don't even like Riverdale, but you look nothing like Archie, like at all)
• Claims Mercury Retrograde is fucking up their life, also states they are a skeptic in all the astrological stuff. But are starting to believe in Mercury Retrograde because "everytime Mercury is in Retrograde shit starts to go down hill for me"
(Or could it be that it's just a bad day/week and you are looking for something outside of yourself to blame it on?)
• "Every small little inconvenience that could happen to me is happening to me"
(Oh snap, it's almost like you are an adult)
• Says they are losing their shit over this
• For the first time I've ever heard, they call themselves Kai
(Looks like Greg finally wore you down huh)
• It all started a week ago, when their car didn't work right. Their power steering shut off, but they made it home safely, where they told Greg and he went to look at the car. And it worked fine for him
• Says stuff like that happens often, they will be trying to get something to work but it won't, and then Greg will use it and it works fine
(Same fam, it's just a thing that happens to everyone)
• That was the first sign, and the first inconvenience
• Says they were feeling weird for a while
• They had trouble talking to people, and they had to go into a meeting where they had a hard time getting their point out, and they felt dumb because of it
(Again same, I did this today in English 1. It happens to everyone)
• More little things like that started happening but they don't go into detail
• Then they started to feel bad and sick, so they scheduled and appointment with the Doctor. Then they make a point to say how they never go to the Doctor even when they are really sick
(Yo that is so not healthy)
• So they go to the Doctor, but they only have an 8 am appointment
(Oh no, an early appointment that means you can get done earlier and get more stuff done later in the day)
• Greg had to drop them off
• And then they had a bunch of extra time after their appointment "which was awful by the way"
(Oh no, some time to yourself)
• They are salty about having to go to "a women's health clinic" and said it wasn't the funniest thing and they almost cried the entire time they were there
(Okay I get that this could cause dysphoria I do, but Lainey you have to realize you have the body of a women. If you need to go see a Doctor they are going to put you down as a woman regardless of where you go because you are biologically a woman and that affects your care and your medication you can be put on a lot. Also if you knew this was going to bother you, why not try going to other health clinics. There are general health clinics that aren't gender specific)
• They finished their appointment early and decided to walk to Starbucks that was a mile away
• But oh no, it was up a hill and it was cold out
• They got their Starbuck "so all in all, not that bad"
• The clinic called them and told them they had an infection and need to be on antibiotics
• The antibiotics are making them sick
(Like they do with everyone)
• They say it's not fair to be on a medicine that makes you sicker than the illness it's treating and they are depressed about it
(Which I can agree with, but that what antibiotics do. They make you sick, that's a well known thing)
• The first and foremost indicator of the Retrograde is that, they and to run errands, and it was hard and they had to do it themself
(I've been running errands by myself since I was like 14, it's not hard)
• They decided to treat themself with a Green Tea Frappuccino from Starbuck, because they don't get Starbucks often
(Sure you don't Lainey, sure. *looks at all the videos where they have a new Starbucks cup*)
• Then they dropped their Green Tea Frappuccino
• Lainey almost had a break down in the Target parking lot over a spilt drink
(It's a drink, from a place that burns their tea and coffee so you can't taste how low quality it is)
• Their alarm hasn't been going off all week so they had to rush out the door and didn't get to eat breakfast
• Lainey stops at McDonald's and orders food and a coffee
• So they order, and pull up to the window. The woman handed them the bag, Lainey says they do not remember, to this day, taking the bag from woman, like it's a complete black spot in their memory
(LAINEY GO TO THE DOCTOR, THAT IS NOT NORMAL)
• They get their coffee, and sit there waiting. The woman comes back and asks Lainey if they need anything else.
• Lainey tells the woman they haven't gotten their food yet, so the woman goes and gets Lainey another order
• They go park so they can get their maps up and their food ready so they can drive
• And they see they have two bags off food in the seat
• They say they feel like an asshole and that they can't take it back, and how they never want to go back to that McDonald's again
(Like I get the feeling like a jerk part, but hey, free food)
• They almost broke their ankle by tripping over the stuff all over their dirty house
• They laid on the floor for 30 minutes afterwards
(1, clean your house. 2, you are a mother, if you fell and hurt yourself then so will your children. 3, you are a mother of 2 children, you shouldn't be laying on the floor for 30 minutes while your kids were doing God knows what)
• "It still hurts, to this day"
(Because it happened that week Lainey)
• They then show us their gross feet
(I don't know if their feet are gross by normal people standards, but I really hate feet so all feet are gross)
• They say their emotions are going haywire and they are sad about everything
• If someone looks at them the wrong way they feel like they cry
• They feel betrayed all the time as well
• They also say they are lonely, and that Greg is working all the time
• So they lay in bed and cry
(Again, mother of 2 small children)
• They cry themselves to sleep almost every night
• They feel like everyone is ignoring them
• They get upset when people leave them on read, even though they do that to everyone
(Okay Lainey, this is coming from a genuine place. Please, please go get help. Being sad all this time, crying all the time, being on the verge of a break down all the time, is not normal nor is it healthy. You may have a hormone imbalance, or you may have an undiagnosed mental illness that you really need help for.)
• Says that in 6 days they won't feel like this anymore because Mercury will be out of Retrograde and they will "be the happiest bean to ever bean"
(They keep usuing really cringing language like this, it's like a middle age mom trying to fit in with her kids and their friends)
• They are doing a binder video soon where they compare an expensive binder to a cheap one
• And even though they already have an expensive binder, they ordered another one to use and ordered a cheap one
• The cheap one is dangerous because they feel like it is going to crush their lungs even though they put in their measurements
• Their expensive one was supposed to ship in 1-6 days, but it got delayed. When they emailed the company they got a code for free shipping in their next order
• Claims that they need it soon because it's urgent
(1, free shipping in your next order? Hell yes. 2, you are a YouTuber who makes your own schedule and doesn't upload daily, it's not that urgent)
• They can't talk about the last thing, even though it was supposed to be the craziest thing that they have ever found out in their life and really proved the Mercury Retrograde stuff
• They say it's not normal for things to be like this, so unless they "pissed off the magical sky spirit" they don't know what's going on, but they want it to stop
• There have been other minor annoying inconveniences that have happened, but nothing so important to remember
• Lainey says that once Mercury goes out of Retrograde it will all stop and life with go back to normal
• They like to complain
Conclusion
Lainey, I really think you need some help. You are overly emotional all the time from the sounds of it, and that's not healthy for you. Also, this is stuff that happens to everyone, this kind of stuff is normal. We all have bad days or weeks, that's just how life works. Don't look to blame something outside of yourself, when it's just life, these problems happen to almost everyone, sure it's annoying, but it has nothing to do with Mercury Retrograde.
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defunctzombie · 6 years
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Greetings, sorry for the sudden ask, ummm.... Can you summarize tamago no hi volume 3 please~~? I've read the translation for vol 3 chap 1&2 but I can't seem to find anything beyond that and I'm dying to know what happens after Weiss proposing to platin for them to disappear from the rests for a week.
Okay. I don’t know if you have access to any pictures or not, so I’ll just repost the summary of the whole book I wrote a few years ago. I was at one point working on the spinoff of this title Gravitation (and summarizing bits of this to at least get the story out there; this isn’t my title), but I got hit with the worst luck in the world and developed a lot of medical issues and had to put translating on hold. But I can at least give you an idea of what’s going on with this story. :D
(I apologize in advance if I’m not romanizing the names the same way as you are used to, or if this summary is a little different that what you’ve read.)
Tamago 3 starts right at the end of Tamago 2. In vol 2, after the mermaids, there’s a chapter about Jade. That little baby he picked up (back in the first volume I think) is still following him around and calling him mama. After a big monster fight, Weiss asks Jade to make a contract with her. But something happens, and his egg like, explodes. Or says he’s dead.
Volume 3 opens with them scrambling to get Jade back to the egg source. They teleport using Platin’s power and get there, but Platin collapses from the strain (this is important for later). Jade’s egg is either healed or replaced, thanks to the little baby, and there’s a little ‘good-bye’ moment. :( He comes back out of the egg tank looking like an older man. He makes his promise with Weiss, and is turned out to be a silver wolf (that looks EXACTLY like Koma from Yami ni Toge, tee hee). Platin is worn out, and keeps out of the next monster fight, but wakes up and says “Where is Jade? Who’s this old guy?” and there are some laughs. This is where the 4koma I put on tumblr is from. (When I find the post, I’ll link it here.)
The last 2/3 of the book are a storyline called Privacy. Remember how when Or met Weiss, he thought she was his dead mentor? Well we get to see a little more of that story. The group is having a battle, when Platin seems more worn out than usual. Or is helping him when a monster attacks, but Weiss steps in the way triggering a flashback of Hori, Or’s mentor. We see that Or was basically a suicidal hellion, but Hori made friends with him and ended up giving his life to save Or. Meanwhile, Platin storms off.
Weiss finds Platin in a hot spring, and because she’s a nut ball, rips off her clothes and joins him. She gets freaked out when she sees blood in the water, and runs over to Platin thinking he’s injured. In one of the funniest panels in the book, Weiss feels Platin all over and discovers that he “doesn’t have one”. (You know, down there. XD ) Just as Jade shows up thinking he’s going to catch a peek at Weiss bathing, Platin transports himself and Weiss away to his secret place, the lake where he was born.
Platin tries to swim away and hide, but Weiss demands an explanation (you know, about the lack of certain parts and bloody water). He says no and buzz off, she says she’ll just go tell everyone that Platin is really a woman. Platin explains that’s not the case, but he admits he gets a period and had to get away from where the others were because they would be able to smell the blood. (Remember kiddies, Japan is not afraid of making period jokes on TV or in comics.)
After Jade can’t find Weiss, he goes back and tells the others. He shows them a bloody piece of Platin’s clothing, and of course Or freaks out thinking they were attacked. Or guesses that Platin used his power to teleport them away to safety in Platin’s homeland, and the crew decide to go after them. Or has to ride on Atrum’s back, though, because he never made a promise with Weiss and couldn’t transform (there’s something about promising Hori here, and how they all question why Or lives if Hori died).
There’s a flashback to how Or and Platin met at Platin’s home lake. Platin is drawn without a mask, and looks like a prettier Rakamu (from Doku no Aji). Or notices his purple eyes, and passes out from an injury, noting that his first words to Platin were “beautiful”. Platin explains to Weiss that he is NOT female, but instead an XXY male. There are no women in the dragon species, only XY and XXY. XXY can get pregnant, but there aren’t very many of them (something like one every 20 years). Platin knows that he’s going to be attacked by the XY dragons, and right on cue one does.
The XYs name is Mercury, and he and Platin seem to know each other, like maybe they fought before. Mercury insists that he will take Platin’s first child, but Platin adamantly refuses and they fight. At first, Mercury thinks Platin is refusing because he likes Weiss, but then Or and the others show up. Or wants to know what’s going on, with that creepy Naono smile that says “tell me or you’ll get it”. Mercury starts taunting, realizing that Platin likes Or. Or tells Platin that Platin belongs to him, while at the same time Mercury says “you are my woman”.
Or gets wide-eyed, and says “woman?” right before Mercury knocks Or’s skull open. It sets Platin off into a rage, and Platin agrees to battle Mercury in a few days (for some reason Mercury is perfectly fine with waiting). Meanwhile, Weiss and the others retreat to take care of Or. Once he’s back awake, Weiss explains the whole deal. Or seems depressed, and goes to talk to Platin in Platin’s lake. Platin initially refuses to come out, until Or orders him. Or wants to know why he kept all this a secret, and Platin says it has noting to do with him because they can’t be mates. Or agrees that it’s probably not possible, but the whole time his mind is lamenting how he can’t be with Platin anymore. He notes that their last words were that they can’t be together.
Or then goes into a slump, staring out the window like he’s lost. Jade wonders why they’re just sitting around when Platin could be getting killed, to which Or answers that it’s not any of their business because they’re not dragons and this is what Platin wanted. Weiss flips out, questioning Or if it’s fine for Mercury to rape Platin, and that Or is seriously thick headed if he could go all these years without realizing how Platin felt. Or snaps and says he can’t give Platin a child so he has no right to be by his side. Weiss and Jade squabble over Gaito having babies, and Weiss starts flipping on Jade for forgetting about Rouge, her son (see volume 1). Atrum steps in and reminds her that it’s Gaito -men- who can’t have babies. Or remarks that it doesn’t matter anyway, because Platin is a dragon. Jade makes a comment about how Platin can’t do it anyway because he has no parts (I love the new Jade).
Weiss reminds Or that having babies shouldn’t matter because the two love each other, and Or remembers how he made Platin cover his eyes so that he’d be safe while they travel (I guess purple eyes are rare and can cause trouble). Or admits that Platin is his everything, and the group transport off to save him.
When they get there, they find Platin half dead and about to lose, because Platin absolutely refuses to mate with Mercury. Mercury starts taunting Or (before realizing he is there) and how Platin is weak for holding onto someone who just left him. Mercury says that Or has no right to interfere in the dragons’ affairs, when Or speaks up and tells him he’s right. But he does have a right to interfere in Platin’s affairs, and changes into a golden bird. Turns out he was able to make a promise with Weiss because she got Hori’s egg (I think, it’s a little vague). After a battle, Mercury admits defeat and leaves. Platin is shocked, but grateful. Weiss then reminds him that he is loved.
Two weeks later, Weiss is looking for Platin and finds him being spoon fed by Or. Or is very lovey-dovey now, and Platin is a little embarrassed. Weiss wants to talk to Platin in private, but Or says no, telling her that there are no more secrets between the two. So Weiss blurts out that Platin is pregnant. She goes into a long winded talk about how Platin was still female when Or saved him, and that Gaito sperm are some kind of super sperm that can conceive with other Gaito and dragon people (and there’s an actual drawing of sperm and eggs, more crazy Naono humor). Needless to say the boys are all stunned, except Or who just goes over to Platin and takes off his blindfold. Platin admits it’s true because he didn’t revert back to male right away, and Or just hugs him in what has got to be the cutest panel ever. He then says that above all else, he’s thankful for Platin being alive.
The book ends with some humor, with Weiss calling the two “mamatomo”, kind of translates into mama buddies, and Platin revealing that the baby will take 3 years to be born. They leave to return to Weiss’ hometown, this time making Jade carry all Platin’s luggage. When Jade complains, one of them says “What? Elderly abuse?”. Atrum comments that Weiss smells good, and she blushes and yells that it’s only the soap.
So the two oneshots “Tamago No…” and “Tamago no Hanashi” probably make a lot more sense now. I kind of like how nowhere in the book is it mentioned that the two slept together, just BAM! pregnant. Reminds me of a Disney movie, except with men. XD
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