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#but you won’t call back.”
its-my-whump · 8 months
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Whumptober 02
“I’ll call out your name, but you won’t call back.” | Delirium | “They don't care about you.”
You don't need to read the whole story. Everyday can stand for its own. And that poor soul has to suffer through every single one of them, I promise!
Hummingbird 02
(Story starts here)
There was the hart partition wall, than the cool tilts and now it felt... soft. Everything around was more soft, than it had been. Cotton touching his cheek. It was warm like him, too warm. Fingertips brushed over tightly nitted texture.
That were the first things that came to his hazy mind. A quiet humming somewhere above, but it sounded like being muffed by something, or far away.
His shoulder sank into that soft surface. He was laying on his side. His body was rocked gently, a static sound lolling him in. Something was moving. But it was so hot in here.
The humming was cheerish, sounded friendly, but far away.
Sam tried an attempt to open his eyes. They were so heavy. It was dim, little artificial lights, big sources of light passing above., everything blurry. Than the pain came, a pulsing in his head rushed in. At the same time a shiver overtook him. He felt freezingly cold all of a sudden. With a moan he tried to move away from the moving sources of light and the pain, closing his eyes again. Suddenly he felt sick to his guts. Or he just registered, because his body finally arrived in reality? It felt like he was coming down from the flu. His stomach was empty, this kind of sick-empty without appetit. His clothes stuck to his body, he felt soaked. But he must have cooled down again and now was shivering slightly under the blanket, he just realised its existence.
Every muscle in his body seemed to be made out of lead. Rearranging his position was near to impossible. Another moan escaped him by the attempt. His head was hot and definitively going to explode soon. Everything was so blurry. He thought he was laying on a rocking boat.
The humming had shifted, was a bit louder now. A big, warm thing... a hand brushed over his forehead. It was grounding, it felt good, it was comforting in his state. Sam tried to open his eyes again. With every blink he registered more of his surroundings, but details still vanished in his blurry vision. He was looking through a fog. His body was rocked by another cold wave.
Apparently, he was in a moving car, not a boat. The little artificial lights, he had seen, were indirect lighting of a consol and the big one's were streetlights passing over. So he thought. It was more like a dream, or watching a movie with half closed eyes.
It was dark outside. Sam was on the backseat, his head on the passenger side, his feet behind the driver. Slowly his head put the pieces together.
'He had passed out in the club. Maybe, he was in a taxi on his way home?' His mind reasoned. "Home?" He whispered more to himself, then out loud. But his mind was too confused. He wasn't even sure if it was a question for directions or a wish. Sam felt miserable and really sick. Another shiver shock him, but his hands were clammy and digging into the blanket for some stability. A whisper from the front seat. He couldn't really make out the words or the meaning, but it sounded something like. "All.. these... years, I c..ll out... name, but y... won't c...ll back, till t..day." But that was making no sence. Maybe the radio was playing and he mistook it. His head was just too clouded anyway.
The hand on his clammy head was still slightly ruffeling his hair, it was heavingly cool on his hot forehead. Sam felt so miserable, he inwardly was longing for a hug. But he had no family anymore or a girlfriend right now, so his own arms wrapped themselves around his shivering torso against their own leaded heaviness. "Home?" His hazy mind formed and pushed over his tembling lips.
'Wait!... A Taxi?... But why would a randam driver touch him for comfort?'
Suddenly Sam's eyes widened in panic. The thought making its way to his muffed brain. His only natural reaction was to go completely stiff under that hand. He couldn't see for the hand was blocking his view of the driver. 'This wasn't a taxi. The interior was too fancy, the fabric too expensive. Taxiseats had another surface, easy to clean. Who's car was this?'
The hand on his head had stopped moving, as had the car. Around the passanger seat, through the windshild Sam could see a foggy red light. His heartbeat was hammering inside his chest, the slight shivering had suddenly turned into his whole body shaking from adrenaline. His breathing sped up too. He couldn't control his body going into full panic mode.
It was now or never. With his feet he pushed the blanket away to the other side of the backseat and his arms went up defensively. But his muscles were stiff, his arms and legs unnaturally heavy, his movements much too slow. He hadn't had really pushed the foreign hand away, as it only had stopped moving midair a few inches away from him. Sam's left grabbed for the doorhandle above his head, but his system was still flushed with whatever was in that drink and he was exhausted from puking his guts out.
The hand, that had been soothing, comforting, grounding him mere moments ago, was the exact opposite now. It came for him, but instead of pulling his hand from the door handle, it went straight for his left upper arm and wrapped around it like a vise. It pushed down on his already existing big painful bruise from his fall and encounter with the rumble on his work shift last night.* Instandly Sam's hold on the doorhandle losened and his complete arm went limb, when white hot pain exploded. His scream was muffeled, while he jerked his head towards his left shoulder fighting to controll that pain. Desperate puffs didn't really help to get through this cruel moment. He needed a second to brace himself, than flightmode took the upper hand again. He trashed and kicked, trying to pull away. The grip around his arm tightend, but Sam knew, this was probably his only chance. In his violent struggle, he bumped his own head against the rear passanger door.
The pounding in his skull had been overtoned by his panic reaction, but now it was back. He was dazed all of a sudden. His free arm went to his tuft reflexively. Over the concert inside his head he hadn't registered, that the hand around his already bruised arm was gone.
A sting in his left tight and the last remains of fight left him. His pounding head went into a stupor in seconds and he felt his heavy muscles getting even heavier. It was scary, but soothing at the same time. He couldn't react anymore, he couldn't fight, he couldn't move at all anymore. And he just didn't want to. His hand slipped from his head and fell down flabby. He didn't feel it hitting the floor of the vehicle. It wasn't a part of him anymore. His hammering heartbeat seemed to have been cut into half by whatever was injected in his leg.
His surroundings got blurry again. A last aspirated "Home?!" escaped his lips. Sam wasn't able to move his neck, so the only thing he really could see was a diffuse figure behind the wheel out of the corner of his eye, the head was looking at him, maybe some movement in his face. Sam really couldn't tell.
"Home? They don't care about you. Actually, there's nobody who cares about you out there. But don't worry my little hummingbird. I do."
The fuzzy traffic light changed from red to yellow. The man was humming and scarly it sounded soothing again.
The yellow blop turned green and than everything turned black.
TBC
Hummingbird previous / masterlist
*explained later (05)
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sometimesraven · 8 months
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While We Wait
Whumptober No. 2: “I’ll call out your name, but you won’t call back.” Delirium | “They don't care about you.”
Fandom: The Sandman POV Character: Reader (non-gendered original dream character) Whumpee: Reader and Delirium
You were once his brightest dream. Now you cling to the shreds of hope while the rest have abandoned his crumbling realm.
Fortunately, you have company tonight.
AO3 Link
"They don't care about you."
You were his, once. You kept the dreams of countless mortals within you. And you are empty. Your Lord did not return. Dream of the Endless is missing, and you are empty, and you want to give up. You want to follow the other dreams, but no realm will have you the way the Dreaming does. Perhaps it is time for this dream to end for good.
"You know about that, right? They sleep and dance and fuck and the colours are bright so you kind of just slide around like a bad jelly and they don't even want to poke you because that's gross, you know? The jelly isn't even good."
His sister has taken to visiting you. She seems lost, though- perhaps that is her default state. You aren't sure. Dream never introduced you to his family.
"I think I'm jelly too."
Her hair is dull, today, though dotted with silvers and golds to match your once-perfect home in the stars of his realm. She is wrapped in an oversized, tattered blanket that smells of stale wine and cheap perfume, but when she offers to share it with you, dangling upside down from nothing in particular, you cannot help but drift into its warmth, hanging with her in the topsy-turvy ruins of the Dreaming.
"Dream is mean sometimes, but I don't think we're jelly to him."
Tears are shimmering on your cheeks. A few drip from your chin as if you are the right way up, and she licks one from your cheek.
"He's not supposed to be a fish, you know? But he is. So he'll find his way, and then we'll be cake again."
Delirium speaks in the tongues of the dreaming mortals you know well. She speaks in stardust and silver blood, and her voice carries the beat of your crystalline heart across the plains of darkness.
"Nibling?"
You like it when she calls you that. A reminder that you are, after all, a child of the Dreaming, and the Endless will always be connected.
"Don't turn into stardust, okay? You're too shiny to be the sky."
You smile, and say nothing. Perhaps the dream can continue, for another endless night.
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kalira · 8 months
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Moonlit Eyes
Written for @whumptober Day 2! (theme: “I’ll call out your name, but you won’t call back.” prompt 2: Delirium prompt 3: “They don't care about you.”)
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T; 900 words Tomoki, Adam/Mizuki, (one-sided Tomoki->Mizuki)
Tomoki listens to Mizuki's song, her laugh, meets her eyes and knows . . . however close she may be, she's far, far out of his reach - her heart and her eyes turned towards another world.
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stagefoureddiediaz · 2 months
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So I have a wild theory that Ive had since the end of s6 about Marisol moving in to Eddie’s for some reason (home Reno at hers being the obvious one) and then refusing to leave (I joked back then about Marisol stalking Eddie because of the way the diy shop meeting was filmed and how it would be an interesting storyline for Eddie and Chris and the play on feeling safe in one’s own home and safe in who you are - building into queer Eddie - esp with Chris worrying about his dad being safe previously) but @copyninjabuckley just reminded me that Marisol first appeared in ‘home invasion’ and now I’m not so sure my theory is all that wild because the title of the episode they first appear in always means something in the long run!!
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skyward-floored · 8 months
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Whumptober Day 2: Thermometer, Delirium (“I’ll call out your name but you won’t call back”)
This one has similar vibes to day 1, but it was originally for a different later-on day so that’s why (if you know the prompts, you can probably guess which!). Also there’s no actual thermometers here, but I definitely used the prompt as inspiration lol. Sorry Sky.
Warnings for: being out in the heat too long, an implied head injury, and a character thinks briefly about how it wouldn’t be so bad to die.
Read it on ao3
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Sky couldn’t remember why he was here.
Blinding sun shone in his eyes, even when he shaded his face with his hands, that made the pounding in his skull twice as worse. The glare made it impossible to see across the desert he was walking through, and his eyes hurt from squinting. Sand blew past his face, tripped his steps, and the heat rose off of it in waves, making it hard to focus on why...
...why what, exactly?
Sky shook his head, unable to remember, and kept walking. There wasn’t anything else to do, after all.
He’d been walking for ages, and the temperature had risen sharply as he’d gone, making sweat pour down his face and drip down his back. His sailcloth had long been put away in his pouch, and as tempted as he was to remove more layers, he didn’t want to be vulnerable to attack, or exposed to the blinding sun any more than necessary.
Not that it mattered much. There was no shelter anywhere.
Only sand. Endless sand.
Sky squeezed his eyes shut a moment, the uncomfortable sting from their dryness worth the temporary respite from the sun. He only had a few sips of water left, and as much as he wanted to gulp them down, he needed to conserve them so he could make it back to... to somewhere.
...to someone?
Sky swallowed, the motion barely relieving the dryness of his throat.
He was alone, but it hadn’t always been like that, had it? He did faintly recall being in a desert like this before, but... but maybe he’d always been wandering out here by himself.
Alone in the desert, with no water and a headache that only got worse.
He kept walking.
There wasn’t a cloud in the sky above him, no respite from the sun that beat down on his head. A scorching wind sometimes brushed past his bangs, kicking up the sand, but bringing no relief whatsoever.
Sky’s legs dragged more and more the longer he walked, his clothes soaked in sweat. He gulped down the last few drops of water he had, but it didn’t do a thing to quench his thirst. His head pounded, his headache worsened from the bright sun and pulsing behind his eyes, but Sky couldn’t even close them. Whenever he did, he always tripped soon after, and pulling himself back up got harder each time it happened.
A sound suddenly caught his attention, one that wasn’t just harsh wind or shifting sands. Sky dazedly looked up (when had he lowered his head?), and his eyes widened at the sight.
There were trees a short distance away, trees and tents set up around a large rock that reached up towards the sky. They all provided a glorious amount of shade from the sun, and in the middle of it all was a large pool of water.
Sky stared, then felt his aching face stretch in a smile.
Shelter. Shade.
Water.
He let out a raspy laugh, and began to run towards it, stumbling in the sand as he went. Finally, civilization, and a respite from the awful heat. Somewhere to rest, to figure out why he was wandering through the desert, why he felt like he shouldn’t be alone.
Sky was so fueled by the sight of something other then sand that in his excitement, he suddenly tripped on the large dune he’d been running down. His legs were too exhausted to recover, and he fell forward, arms pinwheeling.
Sky’s yelp was quickly cut off as his face hit the sand, and he tumbled down the rest of the way, limbs flying and sand getting on every bit of him that didn’t already have it.
He finally rolled to a stop with a groan, his exhausted body even more tired from the fall. He felt bruised and dizzy, and the same spot in the back of his head that kept pounding was blazing with pain now, but the reminder of water got him to fight through it, and Sky took in a steadying breath. Once his head finally stopped spinning, he carefully raised it, trying to focus on the oasis again and reorient himself.
Nothing but empty sand met him.
Sky stared, eyes widening as he lurched to his feet and looked around with increasing desperation. He could no longer hear the splashing of the water, see the leaves of tall palms rustling with a cooling breeze, just... sand.
Nothing but sand.
There had never been any oasis. It was just his mind, desperate for something to cool itself off with, tricking him.
Sky closed his eyes, a wave of despair crashing over him. It was so intense he nearly fell over, and he felt a frustrated cry build in his throat. He’d been so close, to shelter, to water, to people... but no, there’d been nothing to be close to at all. Just his dehydrated mind playing tricks.
He shook his head, and swallowed back the sting in his eyes as he reopened them. A dull feeling settled over him as he stared at the empty sands, and he sighed, the sound raspy and weak.
Nothing to do but keep going.
He began to walk again, and he couldn’t bring himself to scan the horizon for help any more. Maybe there just wasn’t any shelter anywhere.
Maybe the desert had no end.
Waves of heat rose off the sand, making the horizon impossible to make out no matter how much Sky squinted at it. The sun was right around its peak, scorching its rays onto his head, and Sky took his sailcloth back out with shaking hands and rested it over his head to protect his face. It barely helped, and he knew his skin was already peeling from burns, but he kept it there anyway. The faint sweet smell coming off of it was comforting at least.
He wondered why it smelled so nice. He couldn’t remember.
The sun seemed to stall above his head, getting no lower. Sky’s stomach began to roll unpleasantly, his dry throat crying out for water. He wasn’t sure why he kept walking honestly, when it would have been so much easier to just stop, but something kept his feet moving, even despite the pounding in his head.
A laugh floated by on the wind, and Sky blinked, a flash of pale hair in the corner of his eyes. He thought he saw a man approach him, covered in armor, but when he looked again he was gone.
The light grew more orange, his shadow squirming like snakes over the dunes. Harsh wind stung at his face like bitter words, and a wolf laughed at him when he stumbled, barks ringing in his ears. Something with fiery hair challenged him to a fight, but when Sky drew his sword to face it, there was nothing but a distant laugh in his ears.
He kept his sword out after that, using it as more of a walking stick than anything. Apologies spilled from his lips, for scuffing her steel and getting sand stuck in her hilt, but he didn’t know why. She was just a sword, wasn’t it?
Something circled lazily above his head, and Sky squinted at it, pausing as he tried to figure out why the shape seemed so familiar. Something outstretched to either side, a tail in the back...
Red flashed in his vision, and an intense hope caught in his chest as a memory surfaced.
“Crimson?” Sky breathed, watching the bird swoop around, wings stretched towards him as if it was coming in for an embrace.
Then it abruptly changed course and began to fly away.
“No— nnno no Crimson no, come back—!”
Sky bolted after his loftwing, but barely took a step before tripping in the sand, sending him sprawling. He desperately looked up, but his bird was long gone, lost in the blue sky.
It had left him. Everyone had left him. The scarf, the leaves, the golden hair, even his sword— Sky sobbed and tried to get up, but he’d finally reached his limit, the loss of his bird one loss too many.
He collapsed, muscles worn, heart aching, and his vision went dark.
(...)
A faint whisper tickled his ears.
Sky breathed out a soft moan, too hazy to try and listen. It was a gentle voice, one that made his chest hurt for some reason, but everything was disjointed, dark color smearing around the inside of his eyelids.
The voice repeated itself, but he couldn’t focus through the darkened void, too weak, too faint. But the voice continued, kept trying, and eventually Sky could hear it enough to just barely make out what it was saying.
“...Link...”
It was if his name was spoken through a heavy fog.
Sky still didn’t move, feeling utterly drained. It was like a weight had been dropped on top of him. Even when he thought he heard something move nearby, he remained still, listening silently as it approached. The sounds were strangely distant, but he listened to them anyway, unable to do much else.
The footsteps stopped, and Sky could feel that he wasn’t alone.
Maybe it’s a monster finally come to finish me off, he thought distantly. The idea was almost a welcome one, and he exhaled, sure that he’d feel a blade cutting into his heart any moment now. Then maybe he could truly rest, and join everyone who had left him.
“Sleepyhead, it’s time to get up.”
The familiar nickname abruptly cleared some of the fog that had descended in Sky’s head, and he forced his eyes open through the grit encrusting them.
Warm yellow met him, not like the painful glare of the desert sun, but a kinder, cheerful shade. Like gentle spring sunshine, with a silver glint from the moonlight. Sky blinked, and felt a huge surge of emotion as he looked up into crystal-clear eyes, their middle a blue even brighter than the sky.
“...Zelda?” he croaked, and she nodded from where she stood next to him.
“Sleepyhead, you need to get up,” she said in a teasing voice, and Link closed his eyes again, already exhausted from opening them the first time.
“...I can’t... Zelda, I...” he whispered, and he felt a light touch on his cheek, fingers gently caressing him.
“Open your eyes, Link.”
He obeyed, and Zelda smiled at him again, her form strangely hazy in his vision.
“You’re close to help, Link. It’s not much further, you can make it. I know you can.”
“I can’t,” he repeated in a whisper, wishing he could do as she said, but unable to gather the strength.
The sun had wrung out any energy he had, sapped by sweat and heat and the endless pound in his head. Sky belatedly realized it was much colder now, but the temperature switch was of no relief to his worn and wearied body. The air was now freezing instead of burning, and he barely had the energy to shiver, the cold leeching any remaining strength he had.
He was deathly thirsty, his stomach still hurt, and he still couldn’t remember why he was in the desert in the first place, or what he’d been doing beforehand.
Link closed his eyes again, a sudden wave of despair crashing over him through the confusion and haze.
“I can’t,” Link trembled out again, and tears would have sprung to his eyes if he’d had any water left in his body. “Z-Zel, I can’t.”
“You can,” Zelda replied in a voice equally firm and soft. Link couldn’t stand to look at her.
He kept his eyes closed, and then something moved at his side where his pouch was. He stayed still as it moved, then felt something soft fall over his shoulders, a familiar perfume drifting into his nose.
“You can, Link,” Zelda repeated, her voice encouraging. “I’ll be with you for every step. Don’t fall here. It’s time to get up.”
Link exhaled, and looked into Zelda’s eyes, watching the way the moonlight made them shine.
“Is that a command from my goddess?” he whispered in a barely-there voice.
“No. It’s a request from your friend,” Zelda said as she leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his hair. “Now come on, Link. It’s time to keep going.”
Something alit inside Link’s chest at her words, something weak, and faint. But it was warm, and Link clung to it like a drowning man, curling around and snatching at it, and suddenly felt as if he had some of his strength back. Not a lot, barely any, and he doubted he could even raise his sword... but he could move.
He wasn’t going to die alone in the desert. He wouldn’t fall here.
He would keep going.
Link clutched at his sailcloth with trembling fingers, and turned himself off his side and onto his hands. Then he moved to his knees, and ever so slowly, body shaking with the effort, got to his feet.
He stood for a moment, trembling in the moonlight, afraid to move for fear that he’d fall over. But Zelda’s words rang in his head, and he breathed in, tightening his grip on the sailcloth. Then he took a single swaying step, and then another, and another, legs trembling like those of a newborn loftwing. Walking through the sand seemed more impossible than earlier, and once he began shivering, it was even worse.
But every time he faltered, every time he nearly collapsed, wanted desperately to stop and just rest... he saw a shine of yellow hair ahead of him, a glint of blue eyes... and he kept going.
All through the night he plodded along, boots slipping in the sand, clutching Zelda’s words to him as tightly as he clutched the sailcloth.
Something at his back gave out an occasional weak pulse, and Link matched his steps to the faint rhythm. The horizon began to lighten, orange streaks shooting through the sky, and somewhere in that time, Link stopped shivering, the temperature rising again as he trekked endlessly across the sands.
Step, after step, after step.
He kept walking.
The sun broke over the horizon, making his eyes sting from its brightness. His footsteps weaved uncertainly as it cast orangey rays across the sands, voices warbling to him on the wind, cheering him, jeering at him, words both indecipherable and clear as ice.
A red haired man yelled at him after spending all day with Zelda, and a tall woman fiercely berated him, making his ears sting. The armor looked at his sword with dislike and anger while a bunny twitched his whiskers, the very grass and trees laughed, dusk fell and cried out as he struggled against the darkness, his parents looked at him with pride and grief and Mia wove around his legs as she begged to be picked up—
Link belatedly realized he’d fallen to the ground, still-cool sand pressing against his cheek.
Zelda’s voice had gone quiet, no more yellow hair to follow, no voice urging him up. Link breathed out, his strength gone. The faint flicker he’d regained was utterly spent. His body had been pushed to its limit, and he’d gone as far as he could. He’d given it his all.
He couldn’t keep going.
The darkness started to creep up on him again, but it felt colder this time, deep, reaching out to drag him down with its claws. Link shivered and wanted to brush it off, but he couldn’t even raise his arm.
I’m sorry Zel.
The claws hooked into him, began to cover his vision, sending darkness over his sight, but as they did, Link thought he saw a flicker of color out in the sand.
A yell rang faintly in his ears as he closed his eyes, footsteps pounding the sand. More yells joined the first as Link relaxed, and the sand brushed his other cheek, though it felt remarkably smooth and gentle as darkness swept over him like a wave.
For some reason, he felt perfectly safe.
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daylighteclipsed · 2 years
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actually it’s kinda funny how KH1 ends with Riku telling Sora to take care of Kairi and then Sora completely does not do that and searches for Riku refusing to go home at all without him
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sheppardsmckay · 8 months
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Whumptober2023
No. 2: “I’ll call out your name, but you won’t call back.”
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totallyradicalmucky · 9 months
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These guys
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highdefinitions · 10 months
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ghouls wear whatever masks that were being actively used during their summoning for formal events btw. so like phantom and aurora would wear the masks they wear now. swiss would wear the silver one with the mouth cut out. dew would technically have the choice between two. are you getting what i’m saying? are you walking with me??
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quietlyimplode · 8 months
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the language of flowers and silent things
Whumptober 2023: Day 2 - “I’ll call your name, but you won’t call back”
Warnings: despondency, discussion of murder
Word Count: 1.9k (gif not mine)
Summary: Natasha’s mother tells her stories on borrowed time.
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A/N: can be read as a stand alone, this one is a lot in a way I’m not so sure how to describe.
Masterlist
Whumptober Masterlist
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1984
RUSSIA
“You are so loved,” her mother whispers to her, brushing the small wisps of hair away.
“I’m sorry I won’t be there for when you take your first steps, or for any other milestone,” she breathes.
The baby yawns, sleeping soundly, unaware of the tears on her mother’s face.
“Not for your first words, not for first friend, or first love.”
Again, she caresses the girls face, softly touching down the ridge of her nose; “not for your wedding, or for your children.”
She sniffs and sighs.
“Not for anything.”
Tired eyes open and close as she’s jostled in position.
“I’m sorry, my love, I am so sorry.”
Gentle kisses along her fingers, the small chubby hands of an infant, as they reflexively curls to hold onto her mother’s hand.
“I carried you into the world, I didn’t want you the whole way, and now you’re here, I can’t let you go.”
Slowly, she places the baby down in the makeshift bassinet, their meager belongings around them.
“We have tonight though,” she says, laying next to the box, their only blanket surrounding the baby as she suppressed a shiver.
“And I think, I want to tell you all the stories I know, about me, about the man who is your father, about where you’re going and your history. You’ll have to remember all of it, because I fear they’ll never tell you.”
She takes the baby back out, backing into the corner, wrapping the blanket around the both of them.
“Natasha, your father is dead, I killed him.”
She kisses her again, unable to look at her.
“I wish it was different, that half of you wasn’t tainted by him, but maybe it’s not such a bad thing, maybe you have the good parts of him, his tenacity, his fight; maybe his good singing voice.”
She draw the girl closer, glad that she doesn’t understand.
“It’s why they’re coming for you, you see, as punishment, I kill their son, his family takes his only heir. Even if half of you… is me.”
The woman closes her eyes.
“I wish I made better choices, my love, I wish, he was a better man; born to a better family; but they are not good, I don’t know what they are going to do with you; but I’ll come for you; that I swear.”
Natasha’s eyes open, the darkness surrounding them.
Eyes closed again to soft words and a lullaby.
“Sleep, my love, sleep.”
Eyes watch in the darkness, opening and closing as the voice lulls her back.
Continuing the song, gently she touches her girl’s face, memorising her cheeks.
“The house lights go out; the birds are quiet in the garden, fish fell asleep in the pond.”
Eyes close again, the pull of sleep too much for her little body.
“The moon shines in the sky, the moon is looking into the window,” she continues.
She looks up, no stars, no moon in reality.
“Close your eyes now; sleep, my love, sleep.”
Her eyes close as she says the words, knowing sleep won’t come for her on their last night together; she wants to be awake for every moment of it, tell Natasha everything she can think of, make up for a lifetime in a night.
“History is important, my Natasha. I wish I could give you something to remember me by, but all I have is words. I hope your memories hold me, maybe my voice or words.”
Waiting for the tears to dry in her eyes, she sniffs and continues. Maybe it’s because she wants her daughter to know that she’s not alone in the world; even if she’s not sure that’s true.
She wants her to know that she comes from a strong line of women.
“My mother, your grandmother, was a seamstress. She was a hard woman, but not bad, I think, or at least she didn’t mean to be. She could mend anything. We used to sing together, and I’m sure it’s what brought your father to the shop. She could tell a story, and would tell this one much better than I can.”
She wishes the world had been kinder; that her mother was here to tell her what to do next, to maybe tell her to fight and not give up, not be a quitter.
She just doesn’t have it in her. Not when she’s still suffering from birth, can’t walk more than a few meters without pain, let alone take on his family.
“My father, your grandfather, died when I was little. It seems fathers have not served either of us well. I met yours, or rather he came after me, seeing me working in my mother’s shop.”
She breathes.
“I was flattered at first.”
Stopping as the memories of him following her home, the unwanted attention, and the courting.
“Until I wasn’t.”
She sighs.
“By then, my Natasha, it was too late. I was his, and he treated me as such.”
She pauses.
“I had no family, no friends, to help me. So I went along with it. I didn’t know. I didn’t know his family trafficked children. I didn’t know they collected girls for the Red Room…I didn’t know.”
Natasha moves as her mother tightens her grip, almost unconsciously holding on tight to her baby.
“I think they’re going to put you in there.”
The fear of her child being placed in the company of monsters pains her in a way she’s never felt, and she doesn’t quite understand it.
“But if I run, they’ll find us. So our only option is to play along. I give you to them, and I’ll come for you, okay? I’ll figure it out, I’ll get you out, buy your freedoms, but if I’m dead, no one can do that. Do you understand?”
She wishes she did, she wishes this could be tattooed on her skin.
Her grief deepens.
Reality catching her in the likelihood of being able to take down the Red Room, of being able to find her daughter in the shadows of Russian hegemony.
“But if I don’t, I hope you make better decisions than I did and not give your love to those who don’t deserve it. Only those who deserve your greatness, my love.
Where you’re going…. They do not love Natasha, don’t fall for their lies as I did.”
She can’t help the tears that fall.
“Try to stay true to yourself, protect yourself.”
She takes the photos the nurse took of them out. The two small Polaroids the most precious of possessions.
“I’d write this in a letter if I knew it could stay with you, but it’s just a photo of me and you. It’s a reminder. I’ll come for you.”
She removes the blue ribbon from her hair, the thick velvet of it soft as she wraps the picture inside.
She tucks it into the swaddling, hoping in any way that she’s able to keep it. Anything to keep a part of her close.
“I’m so sorry I failed you, and you’re not even a week old.”
All the tears she’s been holding back, all the grief comes flooding through her, pain like no other at the hopelessness of the situation.
The sounds wake the baby and they cry together; grief enveloping them.
.
The baby girls of the Red Room are so small.
Katerina has a specific job, take care of the little ones. She hates it here but doesn’t trust anyone else to do it. Torn between care and wanting to help the girls who have no hope, and leaving; knowing all she does, she comes to work each day with dread and longing.
She sees the bigger girls in their lines and matching uniforms and she wonders if they ever have a chance to just be children.
She doubts it.
They tell her to leave the babies in the cots. They don’t want them to be attached to adults. They need to learn to stop crying at an early age.
It a part of an experiment; a barbaric one, Katerina feels.
The new girl comes in a swaddled blanket, it’s threadbare and worn but seems well taken care of, darned in patches. Carefully she unwraps her, finding a small blue ribbon and a photo.
She doesn’t know the woman, but she knows love when she sees it, the blanket, the ribbon, the photo. Carefully, she wraps them all together and places them into a cupboard, if she can hide them well enough, maybe she can keep them for the little girl, tell her one day that she was loved.
She knows the lies that the Red Room tells the girls, how they are unwanted, abandoned, given up, but for almost all of them, it’s not the case.
She knows for this little one, this is also not the case. Katerina knows love when she sees it.
She changes her nappy, and gently places her into the cot, then turns to tend to one of the other twenty children in her charge.
.
The wet nurse has always been kind to her.
Though only technically for the babies, five year old Natasha runs into the baby room to find her.
“Miss Katerina,” she sobs.
Katerina turns, the girls stops short in front of her, and her heart sinks, she knows that any other five year old would seek a hug.
“What’s happened, Natashka?”
Fat tears drop down her face, bottom lip wobbles and she cries silently.
Only children who have been taught not to cry out loud, cry silently, Katerina has learnt.
She kneels so she at the little girl’s level.
She brushes red curls out of her face, and offers a hanky.
“Take a deep breath.”
Natasha does exactly what she’s told.
“Does everyone have a mother and a father?” she sniffles, sad eyes looking up, like she knows the answer.
“Did I?”
Katerina doesn’t know what to say.
But she has the right things for it.
Looking into a cupboard for something she hid years ago, she turns her back on the girl and finds what she was looking for.
“You had a mother,” she whispers.
“She left these for you.”
She hands Natasha the picture and the ribbon.
“Natashka, look at me.”
Sad eyes look up, tears still falling as little fists hold onto the ribbon.
“They can’t know.”
She holds the girls shoulder tight.
“They can’t know.”
She takes the picture and the ribbon away, and Natasha reaches for them angrily.
“They’re mine!” she exclaims.
“And what do you think they’ll do with you, with these, if they find it?”
Angry fists clench again, and her face goes red.
“I want to see them again.”
Katerina feels likes she’s done something wrong here.
“I shouldn’t have shown you.”
She puts the picture and the ribbon away.
“You have a mother and she abandoned you,” she reframes. “Forget about her. She’s not coming for you.”
Natasha stares.
“No,” she growls.
“I won’t.”
“You need to,” she insists.
She sighs.
“You need to be combat class now, they’ll come looking for you.”
Natasha crossed her arms.
“Yeah, use that anger.”
She pushes her towards the door.
“Whoever told you about mothers and fathers, go punch them in the face.”
Shutting the door after her, Katerina takes a deep breath.
She’s fucked up.
Small girl comes to her crying and she does the one thing that might kill them both.
.
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vicontheinternet · 6 days
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You should’ve see my face when I read ‘feminine’. This is why you will never get me to join that fandom. Do they not know that Shonda Rhimes is a BLACK woman who has made it her mission to be the sole reason why loving v Virgina doesn’t get overturned that woman lovers her a swirl. You’re not going to get a same race relationship out of her for main character. Also Micheal is John’s cousin why would he be white.
And let me stick this one here talking shit about this fandom I’ll drop this screenshot here. Let’s not try to remember what twitter thread or tweet this was from it’s two years old. Saying that Simon was a dark skin lead is crazy and they knew that not what op meant by dark skin women
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#anti bridgerton#anti bridgerton fans#bridgerton#fandom racism#don’t read to much into to the tags#and ppl wonder why rege jean page left and won’t come back hell marina left because she had to put herself in a mental hospital#but this is the fandom she cultivated and wanted ig#if she wanted a more ‘tame’ fanbase she would’ve adapted a regency era book from a black author not one that was racist#but then again she did create greys anatomy and we all know how that fandom is#they wanna say the quiet part out loud with tiptoeing around so bad#every regency era show with black fans are racist because the buccaneers ppl hate alisha bø’s character for breathing#and someone on tiktok just abt called the mixed dude a slur and told the main character to go with theo so she could live a fantasy#remember when ruby baker (marina) said that the ppl behind the show did nothing to protect amongst other things#and ppl said she was being ungrateful and were chewing her up unintentionally proving her point#you can only see ppl calling and being excited for you characters to die of suicide for so long before it gets to you#remember when ppl were arguing with ppl who said it would be in bad taste to kill off marina via suicide#when her actor was going through mental health struggles then those same ppl when they found out she was leaving#got excited because it meant that the show was sticking to the book and going to kill her off even tho she left for mental health reasons#possibly brought on by this horrible fandom
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oxideblack · 8 months
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All of Q’s friends keep trying to reach out to him and it’s making me so sad :(
like he’s not going to respond, he!s not going to come back, yet they keep throwing him life rafts and olive branches in the hopes that he’ll grab on and come back to them.
Dream called him hot in that TikTok to try and welcome him home. Karl is leaving hearts in his chat in the hopes that he’ll notice and return his messages. They still care about him, even though he’s been hostile and antagonistic towards them.
someday they might realize their efforts are in vain, but someday Q might realize what he’s lost and come back to them… we can only hope for the better outcome :(
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elysiumcalled · 24 hours
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Next time somebody at work asks if I can help I’m just saying no idfc anymore
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fyorina · 3 months
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there is nothing more heartbreaking as an older sister for your younger brother to call you at 3:30 am drunk and crying because there’s too much pressure on him and too many high expectations that he feels like he’s not living up to and not being able to do anything about it 🥲
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asurrogateblog · 27 days
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if I know any one thing in life it’s that this is a bad omen
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