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anhed-nia · 6 years

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BLOGTOBER 10/23 & 10/25/2018: HALLOWEEN (2007) & HALLOWEEN II (2009)

By the time Rob Zombie made the bold move of remaking John Carpenter’s name-making classic HALLOWEEN, the horror rock-star’s directorial career had already proved to be incredibly divisive. His 2003 film debut, HOUSE OF 1,000 CORPSES drew a cult from among diehard fans of his music, but was largely panned by critics who identified it as a ramshackle, self-indulgent disaster. The movie was little more than a Frankensteining-together of Zombie’s favorite things, but he managed to follow it up swiftly with 2005′s semi-sequel, THE DEVIL’S REJECTS. With this project, he appropriated three of the principle characters from his cartoony, ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW-like first feature, and reimagined them as the redneck antiheroes of a story that plays like a cross between THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE and THE WILD BUNCH. While DEVIL’S REJECTS showed major improvements in terms of drive and focus, it still felt unsettled. It is an emotionally confused movie that has trouble deciding whether its tale is more tragic for the innocent victims of its psychopathic protagonists, or more triumphant, for the Rejects’ anti-establishment swagger and charisma. Rob Zombie displays a refined aesthetic sense, and seems sincere in his storytelling, but he didn’t have much time to let these things ferment into a more potent cinematic brew before he stepped up to bat again with his controversial remake of the beloved HALLOWEEN in 2007.

Reviled even by the likes of John Carpenter himself, Zombie’s dour, ponderous retelling of the archetypal slasher story was baffling to critics and genre buffs alike. Loaded up with clunky psychoanalysis that flies in the face of Carpenter’s original intention--Michael Myers is PURE NO-REASON EVIL, FULL STOP--this iteration of HALLOWEEN worked for few people besides Zombie’s hardcore stans. In spite of that very large and general problem, the writer-director was back again in 2009 with a sequel to his own remake. With HALLOWEEN II, he took two major creative risks: Bringing the ubiquitous Sheri Moon Zombie back even though her character died early in the first film, and centering the narrative on Laurie Strode’s psychological recovery, or lack thereof, from her original ordeal. It is easy to see how this setup would draw more complex and ambivalent responses. Mrs. Zombie’s appearance as the ghost of Myers’ mother, whose character is plagued by a lot of Jungian nonsense, was identified fairly as ludicrous by many viewers. On the other hand, Scout Taylor-Compton’s return as Laurie Strode takes a character who was little more than a cardboard cutout in the first film, and turns her into a convincing mass of trauma who undergoes a profound transformation over the course of this sequel. As with THE DEVIL’S REJECTS, HALLOWEEN II suggests that even while Rob Zombie can be an incredibly frustrating filmmaker, he still seems to be on to something. Even in my most stuck-up moments, when his smug use of slow motion and arias of unshocking cuss words make me want to forget everything I just watched, his movies nag at me in a way that I have a hard time describing. I’m just now starting to formulate an understanding of why.

Often, I find myself asking: Who is Rob Zombie? First and foremost, he is a professional nerd. His music, art, videos, and feature films are strung together by his scholarship in all things genre, whether he’s invoking Tobe Hooper’s snuff-like realism, or the innocent sitcom pleasures of the Munsters. Zombie is vastly erudite about horror, and really anything remotely culty. This is actually to the detriment of HOUSE OF 1,000 CORPSES, which is so bloated with pop culture references that it almost chokes out the movie’s dubious originality. But while he has that irritating nerdy compulsion to competitively show off what he knows, he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who buys and bags comics without even cracking them open. Rob Zombie is clearly, legitimately passionate; it’s heartwarming, and enough to make you want to root for him even when you don’t totally love what he’s doing. His craftsmanship is on point, too, as a multimedia artist whose talent has been abundantly evident since the early band flyer days. It comes as no surprise that he attended Parsons School of Design, and he occasionally shows his hand as an amateur film historian with a love for golden age Hollywood. So, whatever he wants you to think about his hellbilly stage presence, he’s clearly no hick, and no basement-dwelling dweeb either. He’s an educated artist with a background in New York City’s brainy ‘80s noise rock scene. It’s because of this that I find the worshipful attitude his films take toward their sociopathic murderers to be, well...kind of annoying. Why am I supposed to think it’s so cool, as the movies’ punk rock tone suggests, that the Firefly family tortures random bystanders to death for no apparent reason? Why doesn’t Rob Zombie know how tired the whole “scary clown” thing is, and has been for a long time already, even when it’s someone as magical as Sid Haig under the greasepaint? Why do I feel like Zombie’s interest in pimps and ho’s is deeper than just exploitation pastiche, which makes it potentially worse than if it were just a shallow affectation? The thought of this Massachusetts-born college boy fantasizing obsessively about being so crude and violent and salt-of-the-earth is kind of lame. So, instead of just, you know, being a hater as usual, I looked it up--and discovered that Rob Zombie’s roots are actually in the fairway. As Wikipedia aggregates from various interviews:

While raising their sons, Rob's parents worked in a carnival, but they chose to leave after a riot broke out and tents were set on fire. Zombie recalled the experience in an interview, stating, "Everybody's pulling out guns, and you could hear guns going off. I remember this one guy we knew, he was telling us where to go, and some guy just ran up to him and hit him in the face with a hammer – just busted his face wide open. My parents packed up real quick, and we took off."

Suddenly, it all started to make sense. Sure, the costumed popstar isn’t an undead cross between Jerry Lee Lewis and Charles Starkweather in real life, but he isn’t a complete poseur either. It isn’t immediately clear, from underneath his mountain of collectory movie references, that he is, more or less, writing what he knows. He isn’t just emulating his cultural heroes, he’s mythologizing his own childhood.

In view of this, the key to Rob Zombie’s movies is not an awareness of horror history and semiology; it’s actually all about outlaw culture. So, back to 2007′s deeply flawed HALLOWEEN. It’s a heavily bro-y movie, in its outsidery way, that breaks up the Dr. Loomis-Michael Myers-Laurie Strode love triangle, and focuses almost entirely on building a Myers biography. The fascinatingly sullen Daeg Neergaard Faerch plays young Michael, a fatherless boy on the verge of snapping from the relentless torment coming at him from all directions: his slutty sister, school bullies who fixate on his stripper mom (Sheri Moon Zombie), and his mother’s latest violent, depraved boyfriend. Michael follows the serial killer script perfectly, graduating rapidly from torturing animals to brutalizing other kids to annihilating his sister, her boyfriend, and his mother’s beau one Halloween night when his sibling chooses sex over taking her little brother trick-or-treating. He soon finds himself installed in a mental institution where he moves on to slaughtering the staff. Dr. Loomis (Malcolm McDowell) spends years evaluating the boy, though he is ultimately stymied by Michael’s profound lack of humanity. As Michael increasingly retreats behind the folksy homemade masks he spends all day crafting, the opportunistic Loomis gives up on him, instead committing his energy to a money-making true crime/pop psychology book about Myers. Flashing forward, we find the hulking adult Michael Myers (played by the 6′8″ wrestler Tyler Mane) getting ready to bust out of the asylum and wage war on his home town of Haddonfield. There we finally meet teen dream Laurie Strode, a spunky babysitter with a gaggle of gal pals who are perfect grist for the slasher mill. In the final leg of the film, Myers carves his way through Laurie’s social circle, in an apparent attempt to reunite with his sister: Laurie herself. Sheriff Brackett (Brad Dourif) reveals that when Michael’s despairing mother committed suicide years ago, he took her infant daughter and had her adopted out anonymously to insulate her from her family’s tragic history. Laurie, for her part, is unaware of anything other than her need to survive, which she only barely accomplishes.

Naturally, Laurie’s story is the weakest part of a movie that is otherwise so focused on male experience. That is, the experience of needing a father, the ambivalent and ambiguous craving for maternal intimacy, the trauma of having your masculinity impugned by your (fag-obsessed) peers, and perhaps even the undermining influence of academia and capitalism on a man’s natural-born strength and worth. When the newly-freed Michael Myers storms through a truck stop to begin his pilgrimage to Haddonfield, and Rob Zombie chooses to accompany this scene with Rush’s regal outlaw anthem “Tom Sawyer”, it tells you everything you need to know about this take on HALLOWEEN. Like the rampaging Firefly family in DEVIL’S REJECTS, Michael is certainly evil, but he also represents something essential about the formation of and reinforcement of one’s individuality in the face of castrating societal norms--something the carnies among whom Rob Zombie grew up would have found very relatable.

It’s worth noting here that, while the sexuality of the women in Michael’s life plays a role in his distorted development, he is not reacting to their sexuality in and of itself. Michael Myers is not driven by the kind of covetousness that we associate with the archetypal slasher, who gives sexually frustrated male viewers a vicarious thrill by punishing sluts and teases. Michael’s problem is that his mother and sister’s sexuality contributes to his isolation. His classmates use his mother’s profession against him, and that profession keeps her from being able to tuck him in at night. Similarly, Michael doesn’t get to enjoy Halloween with his family and the other neighborhood kids, because his sister is too busy getting laid. Michael is abandoned, even while he still has a home to return to, an outsider even in his own house.

This leads me to an important point about why the portion of the movie that is devoted to Laurie's struggle is so ineffective. It is a flaw in the film, but a virtue of the director: Normal, attractive teenagers are not Rob Zombie’s people. He doesn’t even participate in traditional slasher movie misogyny, he’s so far away from thinking about them. His movies are full of badass women who are fully possessed of their sexuality, and who wield it like a weapon against hypocrites and assholes, and this is always shone in a heroic light. Moreover, he delights in casting women of all shapes and ages, often assigning them immense personal power, as in LORDS OF SALEM, an enormously satisfying movie about society’s original persecuted outcasts: witches. Rob Zombie is deeply committed to outsiders, and his definition of them isn’t limited to banal lawbreaking--he also rejects conventional beauty and our cultural obsession with youth. His films are populated by all manner of human beings, and the farther away they are from looking like model material, the more likely it is that they’re meant to be the heroes. On that note, whatever you think of his movies, you have to acknowledge that they are almost never dehumanizing. Zombie is an accomplished actor’s director who gets a full spectrum of emotion out of his performers, and who excels at creating a feeling of camaraderie within his ensemble casts. It is this surprising sweetness, and compassion even for the victims of the villains he lionizes, that makes HALLOWEEN II so peculiarly effective.

If 2007′s HALLOWEEN was a remake on which Rob Zombie couldn’t resist draping some of his personal hangups, HALLOWEEN II is almost a completely original and separate entity from what one thinks of as the franchise started by John Carpenter. In it, Michael Myers is presumed dead but his body is missing--and indeed, his character is missing for much of the movie. We find a disturbed, scarred-up Laurie Strode living with her surviving friend Annie, and Annie’s father, Sheriff Bracket. Laurie is dealing, poorly, with a heavy dose of PTSD. Along with nightmares and flashbacks, she also has trouble just being nice to people, or accepting affection. Annie and her father’s attempts to be charitable with their adoptive family member are no match for Laurie’s increasing surliness and mistrust of the world. Once a good-natured and optimistic young woman, her appearance becomes vagrant-like (curiously similar to Rob Zombie’s own casual look), her attitude is more and more nihilistic, and she develops a drinking problem. I’ve always wanted to see a movie with a slasher-like narrative foundation, but that focuses on aftermath and recovery, and recent gimmicky efforts like FINAL GIRL and LAST GIRL STANDING did absolutely nothing for me. HALLOWEEN II--at least, the superbly-acted Strode part of it--is the movie I’ve been asking for.

The other part of the movie is also interesting--or more specifically, it’s as ballsy as it is flawed. The movie gets off on kind of a bad foot when a title card quotes an obscure psychology text book called The Subconscious Psychosis of Dreams:

WHITE HORSE - instinct, purity, and the drive of the physical body to release powerful and emotional forces, like rage with ensuing chaos and destruction.

This is the excuse we have for the fact that the ghost of Deborah Myers arrives with a white horse to compel her son to find his sister Laurie Strode, aka Angel Myers, to reunite their family, presumably in the afterlife. Deborah Myers is kind of a spectral cross between Glenda the Good Witch and the Wicked Witch of the West, at once welcoming and sinister, drifting in and out of Michael’s consciousness in the company of a sort of ghost of his childhood (Chase White Vaneck, who is no Daeg Faerch honestly). It might be easy to dismiss this anomaly as an expression of Michael’s mental illness, and his desire to experience an idealized version of his youth in which his mother still looks after him--except that later in the movie, during the final standoff, Laurie is shown to be physically affected by these spirits. Maybe the implication is that she and Michael suffer the same psychological ailments, but for them to share such specific hallucinations without speaking is borderline supernatural in and of itself. So, while Sheri Moon Zombie does her best with her impressive force of personality and compelling physical presence, it’s hard to say what this part of the movie serves. When I first saw the film, I was completely outraged by this, not only because it made no sense to me, but because it felt like a cheap ripoff of Sarah Palmer’s similar prophetic visions of a white horse in Twin Peaks. That was all I managed to make of it.

Today, I still don’t love it, but I have more trouble faulting Rob Zombie for trying to make HALLOWEEN his own, something more than a remake. He also does this by truly letting go of the Shape. The famous William Shatner mask was blown in half by Laurie at the end of the 2007 HALLOWEEN, and scarcely makes much of an appearance in this movie. Michael Myers is a disheveled drifter, literally haunted by his past, whose only real aim is to find a place to belong. It’s sort of funny, in retrospect: When John Carpenter made the first HALLOWEEN, he-by-way-of-Dr. Loomis declared Michael an empty shell of a person, someone who was simply born evil, as reflected by the empty-eyed mask he wears. For some reason, though, a whole legacy of directors just couldn’t resist trying to explain Myers away. The original HALLOWEEN II then says, “Well...what if Michael Myers is on a rampage because LAURIE STRODE IS HIS SISTER? What’s that you say? Why is that a reason to rampage? Ummmm...” And then HALLOWEEN 4 sees him pursuing other young female relations of his, and then in subsequent movies there’s an accursed rune, and druids, and immortality rites, and by the time you get to HALLOWEEN 6 you have this absurd stone soup of bad ideas. It’s a miracle that this franchise became such a thing. Rob Zombie makes the same fundamental mistake, but at least he tries it in the simplest possible way, asserting plainly that Nurture, not Nature, made Michael into a killer. Now, terminally lonely, he’s like a clown waking up in his trailer to find that the carnival left without him. Exiled from mainstream society, he seeks out what remains of his family, who, due to his own violent actions, has grown up more like him than he may have imagined.

I’m not saying I think this was the best thing to do with HALLOWEEN 2. Personally, what I crave in horror movies is something that is farther beyond explanation than this--something that gesturally resembles my life experience, but that plunges past the veil of mundanity into a deeper, darker world of primordial fears and urges, addressing things that unsettle me because I cannot rationalize them. For me, horror is definitionally incomprehensible, and Rob Zombie’s HALLOWEEN diptych is fundamentally sane. But, I think what I’ve discovered is that these movies are not proper horror movies, in spite of their relentless sadistic violence. They are outlaw fables, with more DNA in common with something like EASY RIDER, than with FRIDAY THE 13TH. It’s funny to watch myself coming to a compassionate understanding of these movies that are themselves about outsiders and rejects who are specifically deprived of understanding. My goal in all this was not so much to convince people of the value of these movies, which one might reject on any number of reasonable counts, but to explain to myself why I keep coming back to them. It isn’t to condescendingly heckle them, and it isn’t just because they’re often handsome-looking, or because they’re so emotionally authentic even when the narrative is less than compelling. It must be because, even when I’ve found him challenging, I can’t help seeing Rob Zombie as a person with vision, someone who heroically eschews common consensus on taste and sense-making--the consensus even among horror fans and his own cinematic heroes--in order to say what makes sense to him personally. Finally, he has begun to make sense to me, too.

#rob zombie #halloween #2007 #halloween ii #2009 #blogtober #remake #John Carpenter #sheri moon zombie #michael myers #laurie strode #scout taylor-compton #brad dourif #malcolm mcdowell #tyler mane #the shape #horror #slasher #outlaw culture

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fernikart57 · 6 years

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Lost Legends Headcannons

After reading Gravity Falls: Lost Legends. I have some headcannons:

Face It!

“Face It”, chronologically must happen between “A Tale Of Two Stans” and “Dungeons, Dungeons And More Dungeons”, Dipper in this chapter finally has the chance of reading the three journals, because in “Dungeons, Dungeons And More Dungeons” he’s reading Journal 2. Also, Ford apparently keeps his part of being away from the kids, save for this trouble, also this seems before Ford accepts Dipper’s friendship, it’s more he’s impressed of what Dipper did.

After “Face It”. Stan is mad at “Mr. What’s It’s Face”, after Dipper, Mabel and Ford tell him what happened, and makes fun of him of being frozen and tells him, that he’s grateful he wasn’t there, because Stan would have beaten the crap of that monster.

Also Stan is highly relieved that Mabel recovered her face and hughs her so tightly and in a sarcastic way asks Dipper and Mabel if they can stop getting in trouble, which obviously they answer that they can’t.

Stan makes fun of Ford, after discovering he dated a siren.

If this episode emited in TV. The Post-credit scenes would show Pacifica standing up to her parents and taking the photo like that ugly and Preston cutting her credit card and she smiling saying “It worth it”. Then it switches to Dipper and Mabel, are reading the magazine and are happy about Pacifica.

If Toby made it to the Crawlspace... how much you bet Stan found the Crawlspace between the 80′s-90′s? Stan’s past has a LOT of mystery.

Imagine Stan accidentally summoned “Mr. What’s It’s Face” by accident in the 80′s-90′s or 2000′s.

Imagine Stan running to look for Ford and also makes fun of him, because Mothman owes him money.

Mabel and Dipper tell Pacifica the FULL tale of the “Ugly Duckling” and tell also what’s the REAL moral of the story.

Comix It Up!

For me this chapter, chronologically happens between: “Dungeons, Dungeons And More Dungeons” and “The Stanchurian Candidate”. I don’t know, but the atmosphere of the episode, seems like... before the end of the world. Also Ford is not paranoid and ready of getting rid of Bill like he was since “The Last Mabelcorn”.

I’m glad to know Ford cares about Stan, even if this tale happens before Weirdmageddon. I wished to see this part of Ford before the finale, when the series was airing back in 2015.

Stan never got rid of “Lil’ Stanley”. I wish to belive, he still keeps it, even in the Shack and after this incident he showed it to Soos, in case, he didn’t keep it. Then it’s surprisinly amazing Stan remembered EVERYTHING of the first chapter of Lil’ Stanley.

Soos is Lil’ Stanley’s #1 Fan and he has one, signed by Stan. It’s his favorite comic.

Like @novantinuum suggested once. I truly love her headcannon of Stan creating Lil’ Stan while he and Ford are in “The Stan O’War II”, receiving help of both Mabel and Soos to publish online.

How much you bet Stan was in the same comics as Ford, Mabel, Soos, Wendy and Dipper early in the story? It’s more I made this post before, alking about it!

Continuing from that @zombieartist8 made a drawing of Stan meeting a guy named “Cash-Senpai”. In my headcannon Stan meets a Lazy Susan-chan, but is grossed, then he meets Cash-Senpai, but this were going well, until Goldie-Senpai appeared and a Love Triangle happened and Stan left both of them behind.

If Stan were in the Indestructibuddies’ comic. His name would be: “Mr. Mystery”, his powers are “Atomic Knuckles” and “Money Beams”, his catchphrase would be: “We put the fun in “No Refunds””. And unlike Dipper, Mabel, Soos, Ford and Wendy. Stan’s role is similiar like Catwoman, I mean, an off and on villain/hero, I mean, he uses his powers to get what he wants and can abuse them, but also Stan means wells and he also uses them to do good. I mean, at times he’s an antagonist and at times he’s a hero.

How much you bet Stan swore before in the previous comics? I headcannon, he swore in them and got lectured by the Dialogue Box.

One of first memories that pops from Stan, when he’s recovering his memories is “Lil’ Stanley” and he remembers how people actually enjoyed it in the end and thanks Soos for that. I mean, I wish Stan and Soos bonded while Stan recovers his memories and much of this could’ve happened.

I headcannon, Ford landed Shmad Shmagazine and crossed again with the Purple Guy and he somehow was defeated by Wendy.

Ford moved the chest to the basement after this accident.

If this episode had a Post-Credit Scene, probably would had been one of The Purple Guy appearing in the reality and causing havoc to Ford and he’s utterly fed up with this asshole. While Stan sees them fighting and is like... “whatever”.

Don’t Dimention It!

If this episode had a post-credits scene, would had been Stan and Ford bonding together while watching movies together.

Since Stan knows about Ford’s criminal status in the Multiverse. Like in “The Last Mabelcorn” with him and Dipper, Ford and Stan decide no longer to have secrets between them and they want to know what crimes each other commited, like Stan telling Ford about the Llamacides, how he even invented new crimes and Ford telling Stan, about how the Infinity-Sided Dice is illegal in 9000 dimentions, how he even has a mugshot/wanted posters in other dimentions and even shows him Journal 3, with a drawing of him and even about how he was banned from Lottocron 9 for counting cards. Without knowing, they end bonding over it.

The other Mabels have tears in their eyes and misses their respective Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford, when they see Stan hugging Mabel, after they defeat Anti-Mabel.

The other versions of Mabel want to have a hug of Stan and Ford, since they miss their respective Grunkles.

Stan actually knows Dipper’s real name, just he doesn’t remember it, since it’s like 2-3 days after Weirdmageddon ended.

Stanbel has Alex Hirsch doing his Grunkle Stan’s voice.

Obviously Anti-Mabel has Kristen Schaal’s voice, but with a german accent.

Stan doesn’t know, but he’s like an idol and hero for other beings in the Multiverse, since he was the man who defeated Bill.

Ford doesn’t say it, but he wanted to see Jheselbraum again, maybe they could have seen her, if it weren’t because they were looking for Mabel.

Stan and Ford’s roles are reversed outside their original dimention. Stanley Pines is now a great hero, the good twin and Stanford Pines is a criminal, the bad twin. Stan asks him once mockingly: “How does it feels being the bad twin?” much for Ford’s annoyance.

The Pines Boys In: The Jersey Devil’s In The Details

If this episode had a Post-Credits scene would be Shmebullock singing: “The Ballad Of The Stan Bros.”

If we had a miniseries/spin-off focusing in Stan and Ford in the Sea, the opening would be “The Ballad Of The Stan Bros”. Please, I wish a miniseries of them in the future.

This is Stan and Ford’s favorite adventure. It’s their fondest memory.

This adventure was only the beginning of Ford and Stan’s adventures in New Jersey going to explore the anomalies of the town, before that fatidical day.

Ford feels so bad and keeps reminding Ascott and Dickie’s words about Stan holding him back, when he loses Stan. Those are some of the toughts that hit Ford, when he’s hugging Stan.

Ford feels horrible when he remembers how he was able to still stick for Stan when they were kids.

When Stan is remembering. He asks Ford if his dad really loved him and still expreses those wishes of being loved by his dad. Ford tells him, that he never worth it and tells Stan that he really loves his twin so much and that maybe it’s time Stan let go those feelings and only focusing in their present, Stan follows Ford’s tip.

Stan and Ford remember the Jersey Devil and revisit him in, when they detour to New Jersey.

Stanley and Stanford have the best happy news, when they discover Dickie and Ascott are in prison.

These are all my headcannons.

#gravity falls: lost legends #gravity falls #gravity falls lost legends spoilers #gf spoilers #headcannons

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andsmile · 6 years

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varchie fanfiction masterlist

Hey people! I’ve been getting a lot of anons asking me for recommendations on Archie/Veronica fanfiction and I feel you, the struggle is real - our tag in AO3 is filled with Bughead!centric fanfics that have us as a background pairing. I’ve read some good ones and I’m happy to share, but I’ll also make a sort of… rant kind of thing in this post. Everything (links and rant) is under the cut.

Despite being a little less popular than other ships in the fandom, there are not so many ArchieRonnie fanfics out there because the readers don’t engage enough - myself included. You’ve been engaging with me when I post Lake Michigan and this is definitely fueling me to write more and faster, and I think it’s sad when I see some good fics out there with 1 or 2 comments, and we need to get better on commenting and reviewing them.

And I mean really commenting and reviewing, not only “pls update”, which is nice and all, but it doesn’t… I don’t know, it doesn’t excite us authors so much. When you read a fic, really comment on it, tell the author your favorite parts, ask them questions about the fic and the writer's process, engage (like you’ve been doing with me and LM) and I am sure more authors will pop and more fics will be written. I’m making a commitment to myself to engage more with the fics I’ve read and I hope you can do that too!

Of course, no one needs to feel obligated to review something if they’re not comfortable doing so, but it’s really good for us authors, it makes us produce more and it makes you have more material to read.

Now that I’ve said that, I’ll proceed to the links!

MULTI-CHAPTER

The Nice Guy & The Spoiled Rich Girl by AlwaysSpeaksHerMind

A collection of random one-shots centered around my favorite Riverdale pairing OR it’s not really a multi-chapter but it’s a collection of canon compliant-ish and AU one shots that are very beautifully written, I really love this fic.

Devotion by vaarchie

Clearly the Lodges’ extracurriculars skew toward the illegal, but this is the first time Veronica is caught in the backdraft – the first time her life is truly in danger OR an amazing angst-filled fanfic that tells the story of Archie and Veronica trying to survive some real danger involving the Lodges. You will cry. You will love it.

Life has a weird way of getting to the happy ending by Agentbadass

She never planned to encounter Archie Andrews again. She never wanted to see him again. Of course, she runs into him in a club OR Archie is really famous and finds out he has a kid with Veronica, product of a one-night-stand! It's very fun and rom-com like!

an Affair To Remember by Browneyesparker

Archie Andrews meets Veronica Lodge on a cruise, even though they are both engaged to other people, they wind up falling in love OR a new fanfic that has a promising AU plot.

Don't Be Mean by theeternalblue

Veronica never thought meeting Betty's high school friend could change her life so much OR one of my favorite fanfics at the moment, a pregnancy AU and a very light, sweet read.

We've had this day with each other from the very beginning Archikins by BikerChick101

A day in the life and snapshots of my favorite couple on Riverdale, mostly fluff, canon-ish until 2x09 OR a collection of canon compliant-ish one shots, super sweet.

Finding our Way by BikerChick101

Our secret moments, in a crowded room, they've got no idea about me and you OR a secret-Vegas-wedding situation in the middle of a very real Betty/Archie/Veronica triangle. Worth the read.

standstill by Brenxalex

Archie feels as if his life had somehow come to a standstill ever since she had walked away OR sad-boy-Archie-Andrews strikes again and makes you sad with him. Recently discovered this fic, am loving it so far.

Collapsing Couches by temerarius

Seventeen year olds Veronica Lodge and Archie Andrews are facing the biggest challenge they've yet to overcome - Veronica is pregnant OR another pregnancy-AU (seems to be a popular trope in varchie fics) that it’s worth the read.

The Holiday by jinglejanglejones

After two terrible breakups, Betty and Veronica switches homes for the holidays and stumble upon unexpected romances. But what happens when Christmas is over? Can their new found love survive? OR this is both Varchie and Bughead centric, but I had the best time reading this fic, especially the Varchie scenes.

streetlight sun by singsongsung

He senses her before he sees her, feels the air shift in the gymnasium OR this is a two-chapter fic that has stolen my heart forever.

The Blood of Family by James Stryker

FBI agent Archie Andrews goes undercover to bring down a ruthless crime lord but ends up falling in love with his daughter OR nice slow-burn multi-chapter with an interesting plot (on FF.Net)

Make it back to me by explorerundecided

(no summary) OR a fanfic that is so sweet, picking up from 2x06 and slightly canon compliant-ish (on FF.Net)

It's A Mad World by COTT FAN

Just when Veronica thinks she can escape from her past and start a life with Archie, her life takes an unexpected turn when she is kidnapped by someone from her past OR yet anothjer pregnancy-AU with an interesting plot (on FF.net)

Every Minute by ForASecondThereWe'dWon

Expanding on the events of the season one finale, Veronica brings Archie back to her bedroom OR the longest, hottest, multi-chapter smut you’ll ever need (on FF.net)

your soul by vickliebold

Could be more complicated, but it really wasn’t. The girl he loved didn’t feel the same, so he wrote a song about it OR my first Varchie fanfic. Angst, sad times, and what happens when you have another chance with the love of your life.

lake michigan by vickliebold

it would be a tragedy of epic proportions if they had never met OR Archie moves to Chicago and everyone is crazy! My second Varchie fanfic.

Watch it Burn Down by weheartscorose

Archie was supposed to be more than this OR another sad-boy-Archie trying to win his girl back. This fic is a companion to another fic, a Bughead!Centric one, and both are really good. Sexy-times are a must.

Babes in the Woods by MotherMaple

When Archie and Jughead find themselves stranded in a campground, Betty and Veronica offer them a place to crash OR both VA and BH centric, this fic was very fun to read from the start and all the ArchieRonnie parts are... swoon.

bring the sin by sopaloma

three decades. seven people. seven sins OR a character-study fic that pairs a character with a deadly sin. Archie is lust (chapter 01) and Veronica is envy (chapter 05). The whole fic is great - but the Varchie parts are even greater, if that’s possible. It’s definitely one of my favorite Varchie fics ever.

In The Name Of Love by ffxo

Archie's waited four years for a girl to say the L word but she can't OR a fun, dramatic AU where the gang lives in LA and Veronica has deep-seated issues. Definitely worth it!

Extended Riverdale by ffxo

Extended moments of Varchie's journey, all through season 1 of Riverdale OR I really love this fic, it follows canon and explains a lot of it, ffxo does an amazing job portraying stolen VA’s moments! In FF.Net there are more chapters.

The Greatest of All Time by Brenxalex

She takes his hand and as they glide along the ice OR a popular trope right now - the ice skating AU based on Scott Moir and Tessa Virtue’s story - but with Varchie instead. Definitely well-written and a full course if you’re into the trope!

ONE-SHOTS

will he hold your tiny face in his hands? by boos

Veronica has feelings about Betty, Archie has feelings about Jughead, and neither of them know how to deal with it. So they don't OR I don’t know if this counts as a varchie fanfiction since it’s Beronica/Jarchie as well, but I love their interactions in this, so...

slow dance by JollytheSad

A night of embraces OR smut one-shot without much plot, but we like reading sexy-times!

five times veronica almost had sex and one time she did by temerarius

veronica lodge’s past sexual experiences before archie have all been bad. these are all of them OR trigger-warning for rape and abuse, but it has a sweet outcome, and I loved reading it.

i will take care of you by camimendes

“have you been eating enough?” OR trigger-warning for eating disorders. A fanfic with a theme that is not explored enough.

crawl into my heart, take me apart by singsongsung

She finds him midday on a Wednesday, just after the bell for lunch OR my favorite Varchie one-shot, written by my love @singsongsung just after 2x08 aired. Sad times, cute times.

Basic Needs by ForASecondThereWe'dWon

A belated extension of Archie and Veronica's shower scene from S2E01 OR a detailed description of Varchie’s sexy times in the shower, swoon (on FF.Net)

hold me closer by anonymous_mystery95

All Archie wants is to take her out on a date, a perfect date. Their first date. OR Archie is a gentleman, Veronica wants to have sex, and oh-boy. The smut.

i see your true colours shining through (and that's why i love you) by anonymous_mystery95

Veronica never thought that a chance meeting on the corner of a busy New York street would change her life OR a soulmates!AU that probably is my soulmate, it’s so beautiful.

talk me down by beanie_betty

The one where Archie can’t sleep, Jughead just wants to sleep, and they both freak out about becoming dads OR it’s mostly a Jughead x Archie friendship with a side of ArchieRonnie, but very cute one shot.

Andrews, Party of Six by lodge_andrews

Or the four times Veronica Andrews goes into labor OR this fic is very sweet and domestic, got me really emotional *-* worth the read for sure.

can't stop this breaking loose by vickliebold

Archie teaches Veronica how to drive OR I wrote this one-shot post-2x16 when Archie got that car and Veronica started driving it!

VARCHIE-CENTRIC AUTHORS

theeternalblue has written a lot of Varchie-centric one shots that are all very good and don’t get enough credit.

vaarchie writes one shots and fic requests on her tumblr and they’re all amazing as well.

raven-dale also writes one shots and fic requests on her tumblr and you should all read them or prompt her.

vcrchiedale writes one shots and fic requests on her tumblr and you should also read them and prompt her.

If you have other recommendations, let me know and I’ll update this post after I’ve read them! My inbox is always open for you guys (:

#varchie fanfiction #fic rec #fic recommendation #fanfiction #riverdale fanfiction #varchie #archieronnie #archie and veronica #archie x veronica #riverdale #archie andrews #veronica lodge #fic masterlist

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musiclovingbitch · 6 years

Text

Incapacitated by Love

Summary: AU. Police Officer!Blaine

“I’m your ex, you are a cop, and I just got arrested for being drunk and disorderly”

~3.6k words

[A/N:Okay, so I wrote half of this fic before realizing that public inebriation is not actually a crime in New York anymore. But, like. I'd already written half of it, so. Fuck it.]

on AO3

Kurt stumbled over his own feet. “God, I’m so drunk. So stupid.” he mumbled to himself. He cut himself some slack though. It wasn’t like he did this regularly, and he had a genuine reason.

Today was exactly six months since their break up. And it just so happened to fall on a Saturday, so he couldn’t distract himself with work. All he could do was sit on the couch and remember. After watching Moulin Rouge for the second time and crying through most of it, he’d decided to get hammered. He wanted to forget, but the thing that no one tells you is that when you drink to forget, the only thing that happens is you get reminded of the thing you wanted to forget all the more.

“That’s my job, Kurt! I can’t just quit and find something else to do just because you’re scared!” Blaine had said on that damned evening.

“But it’s so dangerous, Blaine! Everytime you walk out the door I’m terrified you’ll never walk back in again!” Kurt had responded.

“I told you on our first date, I asked you specifically if my job was going to be a problem for you, and you said it wouldn’t be!” Blaine had accused, pointing a finger at him.

“That was before I fell in love with you, okay?” Kurt had shouted at him.

“Kurt, I love you too, and I understand what you’re feeling, truly, I do, but you can’t just expect me to change my life around.” Blaine had said dejectedly.

There had been a couple minutes’ worth of silence, spent staring at each other. Kurt had wrapped his arms around himself. “I don’t know what to do.” he’d whispered.

He’d seen Blaine tense and take a deep breath. He could never have expected the thing that would come out of Blaine’s mouth. “I think we should take a break.”

He didn’t realize he was crying until he licked his lips and the taste of salt filled his mouth. A car horn made him look up. Everything was spinning. He closed his eyes tightly and tried not to fall over.

“So, so stupid.” he thought aloud. He was really sad. He wanted Blaine. But he couldn’t have him. So he called Rachel instead. He wasn’t really sure how he managed to do that, but he wasn’t gonna complain.

“It’s all my fault! I let him get away, I didn’t even fight for us! And for what? My own insecurities? My stupid stupid stubbornness?” he said when she answered, in lieu of a ‘hello’.

There was a small silence before she spoke up. “Oh, Kurt. Are you drunk?”

“No. Yes. I don’t know. Probably. Everything is spinning. My heart hurts. And there’s this thing in my throat that makes it hard to breathe. I don’t like this, Rachel.” he said, his voice growing gradually more strangled as he finished his tirade.

“Do you want me to call Santana and get her to come over? You two can watch whatever you want until you fall asleep?” she suggested.

“No! The last thing I want to do is wanna fall asleep.”

“Indoor voice, Kurt.” she chided him, but he didn’t listen.

“Every time I sleep, hell, every time I close my eyes I see him. His stupid face, and his stupid expressive eyes, with his stupid triangle of an eyebrow, and his stupid, plump lips that take my breath away, and his stupid stupid smooth skin.” he voice kept getting louder and louder as he went on, but he didn’t notice or care.

“Okay, that’s it, I’m calling Santana, I’m sending her over.” Rachel says.

“Wait, wait, I’m not. I’m not in the apartment Rachel.” he says.

“What? Kurt, you’re drunk, alone, in public? That’s incredibly dangerous, what were you thinking?”

“I was trying to stop thinking, thank you very much.”

He hears her sigh. “Kurt, you’re yelling again. And, okay. Where are you? I’ll have Santana come get you and you’ll go back to your apartment together, okay?” she proposes.

“That does sound nice. It’s getting colder and I’m not dressed for it.”

“Kurt, where are you?”

“Uh…” he looks around, then staggers to the left, leaning on a random wall. “Wow, I’m really...drunk. Dizzy. Rachel, make the world stop spinning.”

“Just close your eyes and focus on your breathing, okay?” Rachel says soothingly.

“I don’t want to close my eyes. I don’t want to see his stupid face. His stupid, stupidly handsome face.” Just like that, Kurt finds himself tearing up. But he doesn’t let himself cry. He has other, more pressing problems.

“Uh, Rachel, I kinda...don’t know where I am.” he says sheepishly. He thinks, if he were sober, this would upset him more.

“God, Kurt. Okay, okay. Is there anyone around you can ask?”

“Uhhh...oh, yeah!” he exclaims. He walks over to the woman with the stroller.

“Um, excuse me, ma’am. Ma’am? Yes, hello. I was wondering, would you please tell me which street this is?” he asks her.

He ignores him, and picks up her pace. Kurt doesn’t think it’s a good idea to run, especially considering how upset his stomach is. He yells after the woman instead. “Please? I just wanna go home!”

He gets no response and sighs, walking over to a pole and grabbing hold of it to stable himself. He lifts the phone to his ear again.

“She wouldn’t tell me, Rachel. I thought moms were supposed to be kind to strangers. She even had her baby with her!”

“You approached a woman with a baby, drunk, at almost midnight, Kurt. What did you think was going to happen?”

“Hey, you were the one that suggested it!”

“You should have chosen someone else!”

“Well, I like babies okay? They’re cute! Is that a crime?”

“No, but being drunk in public is.” he hears a voice from behind him and freezes.

He turns around slowly and finds a police officer looking at him.

“Crap.”

He jumps back, startled, then proceeds to fall flat on his back.

“Are you alright?” the police officer asked.

“Yes, I’m fine, thank you.” Kurt said, having picked himself off the ground.

“I’m going to need you to follow me to the station.”

“What? No! I mean, I’m just trying to find where I am, so my friend can pick me up.”

The officer points behind him. To a street name sign.

“Oh. Well, thank you.”

“Sir, I’m going to need you to blow into this.” the officer said and placed a breathalyzer in front of his face. Kurt did, a sinking feeling in his gut. The police officer glanced at it and made a facial expression Kurt couldn’t discern.

“Sir, you’re going to need to come with us back to the station.”

“Oh.”

Kurt hung up the phone and put it in his pocket. The officer drew her gun out.

“Pull your hand out of your pocket, slowly.” when Kurt just looked at her dumbfounded, she added “Now.”

“I-I was just putting my phone back, I swear!”

Kurt slowly took his hand out of his pocket and raised it, palm open. The officer relaxed, took a pair of handcuffs from her belt.

“Now, since you’re being cooperative, I’m going to cuff your hands in front of you. Don’t make me regret that decision.”

“Okay.” Kurt said, resigned. This day was getting worse by the second. “Thank you.” he added.

The officer lead him to the car, where another police officer was waiting with her arms crossed. Midway through the ride to the station, a thought popped into Kurt’s mind. He gasped and moved forward. The police officer turned her head to him.

“What--what precinct are you?” his voice wavered, he couldn’t help it. Please don’t be 5th, please don’t be 5th, please don’t be 5th.

“Fifth.” the officer responded. His thoughts must have shown on his face, cause she frowned intently. “Do you have something against our precinct?” she asked, her tone a bit defensive.

Kurt shook his head, then stopped because it made his headache worse. “N-No. No, um. No. I’m sorry.” he said and resolutely stared at his hands until the drive was over. He felt like he was going to puke, but the alcohol in his system had little to do with it.

They took his handcuffs off, patted him down, and took his wallet and phone with them before they lead him to the holding cell. Kurt sat in a corner and tried to hide his face, less he be recognized. Deep inside, he knew it was inevitable, but he wanted to prolong it as much as humanly possible.

The cell door opened, but he didn’t turn to see who it was.

“Mr. Hummel.”

He flinched. His blood run cold. All this time, he’d been thinking about how humiliating it would be for one of Blaine’s friends to be here and recognize him. The thought that Blaine himself might be there had not even registered as a possibility to him. But apparently, the universe hates him this much.

“Kurt.”

Kurt took as big a breath as he could, gathered up all his might and stood up. He didn’t look at him, couldn’t look at him. The floor was way too interesting for him to be able to tear his eyes away from it. All the times he’d been here, he’d never noticed the pattern.

He followed Blaine to his desk and sat down. He refused to look at him still, and inspected his fingernails. Finally, after a solid minute of the feeling of Blaine’s eyes boring into his profile, Blaine spoke.

“I filled out your forms, you won’t have to do anything but sign them. Since this is your first arrest, and the crime you commited was minor, and also because you were cooperative, you’ll only have to pay a fine.”

Kurt nodded but didn’t speak. Blaine stared at him some more, then continued.

“You can call someone to bail you out now.” he said, then pushed the phone on his desk towards Kurt.

Kurt nodded once more, then called Rachel.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Rachel, it’s Kurt.” he said, and surprised himself at how quiet his voice came out. He cleared his throat and spoke a little louder. “I need you to come bail me out.”

“Oh my god, I’m so glad you’re okay! I heard the whole thing over the phone, well, before you hung up, and I was so worried, oh my god.”

“I’m fine, I’m fine, don’t worry. Can you please just, come get me?”

“Um...Kurt, Jessie’s still in rehearsal...I can’t leave Fiona alone.”

“Oh! Oh, yes, I...I forgot, I’m sorry. It’s okay, I’ll figure something out.”

“Should I call Santana?”

“No, I’ll do it, she’d kill you for waking her up.”

“Kurt--”

“Goodnight, Rachel.” he said, then hung up. He stared at the phone for a bit, the said

“Uh, I’m sorry, could I please make another phone call?”

“Why?”

“Um, Rach--uh, Rachel had her baby, and Jessie’s not home yet so she can’t come.”

Silence again. “I’ll take you home.”

“No, no, that’s not necessary.” Kurt said, shaking his head.

“ I insist.”

“I…” Kurt wrecked his mind trying to find an excuse. “You have work.”

“If you’d bothered to take one look at me, you’d see I’m in my civilian clothes. My shift ended fifteen minutes ago.”

“So why are you still here, then?”

“You know exactly why I’m still here. Let me take you home.”

“Santana can do i--”

“Santana will hold this over you for years. I daresay this isn’t something you’ll want to be brought up over and over again.”

Kurt weighed over the pros and cons in his head. There really was one option, but he wasn’t sure his heart would take it.

“Kurt, come on. Is the thought of spending half an hour in a car with me really that repulsing to you?”

Kurt huffed. Of course it wasn’t, that was the whole point, you stupid, stupidly attractive moron. “Okay, fine.”

“Wait here.” Blaine said and left. Kurt picked up the paperwork, skimmed it, and signed it. Blaine came back five minutes later with Kurt’s stuff in hand.

“Thank you.” Kurt whispered.

“Come on.” Blaine said, and Kurt stood up and followed him. They walked to Blaine’s car, parked a little ways away from the precinct’s entrance. They both buckled in, and Blaine started the car. “Same place?”

“Yeah.” Kurt said, looking out the window.

There were a few seconds of silence before Blaine spoke up.

“God, Kurt, what were you thinking? Do you have any idea how dangerous it is to be out in New York, at night, alone, and incapacitated? Anything could have happened to you!”

Kurt looked over despite himself. He looked at Blaine’s hands, the way they were clenched around the steering wheel. He looked at his hands and not at Blaine’s face, not his face, never his face, he couldn’t. He turned to look out the window again.

“I doubt I was drunk enough for the word ‘incapacitated’ to apply to me.”

“You nearly harassed a mother and her baby! At the very least, your judgement was impaired.”

Kurt couldn’t really disagree with that. He said nothing, blindly reaching over and turning the radio on.

That proved not to be the best of ideas, as every song brought with it a different memory from the three years he’d spent with Blaine. A Saturday morning making breakfast together, a Friday night where Blaine had spontaneously pulled him up and started dancing with him in the middle of dinner, a Tuesday morning where he had surprised Blaine with a coffee on his desk, numerous car rides where he and Blaine sang songs to one another and with one another.

For the second time in one night, Kurt found himself crying. He cried as silently as he could, but he was pretty sure Blaine had him all figured out. Finally, Blaine pulled up in front of his apartment building. Kurt unbuckled himself and went to open the door, but Blaine’s hand grabbed his wrist before he could leave.

“Kurt, Kurt wait, just…” he held onto Kurt’s wrist until he sat back down. “Will you please look at me?”

Kurt turned his head towards him, and if Blaine hadn’t figured out he was crying he sure knew now, but he didn’t look up. Blaine released his grip on Kurt’s wrist. A minute of tense silence passed, Blaine staring at Kurt, Kurt staring at anything but Blaine.

“I can’t.” barely a whisper, it was all he could muster up.

Blaine reached out his hand. Kurt was sure he was going to lift his chin up, force him to meet his eyes, but he didn’t, simply used his fingers to stroke back a few pieces of hair that had fallen on Kurt’s forehead, and wow, why did that hurt so much more.

Kurt let out a pained whimper and Blaine’s hand disappeared. Kurt sniffled, opened the door, and left.

He woke up the next day to his phone ringing.

“ ‘llo?”

“Kurt, oh my god, where are you, are you okay?”

“Yeah? I’m at home, in my bed.”

“I called Santana this morning to get an update on how you’re doing, and she had no idea what I was talking about.”

Kurt groaned. “You told Santana?”

“Kurt, what happened last night? Who bailed you out, how did you get home?”

“Um...Well. Blaine.”

“Oh. Oh no, he was there? Oh, I’m so sorry, Kurt.”

“It’s--it’s quite alright. I think. I’m not really sure I’ve fully accepted that last night actually happened yet.”

“Well, alright. I’ll leave you to it then. Call me if you need anything?”

“Of course. Thanks for everything, Rachel.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.” he said, and then hung up.

He tried going back to sleep, but the events of last night filled his mind, and that wasn’t an option anymore. One little detail, which hadn’t even crossed his mind yesterday, popped into his head, and he got out of bed with a gasp.

He dressed quickly, but meticulously. Then he went to the nearest ATM, withdrew the maximum amount of money he could, and headed for the subway.

Standing in front of Blaine’s apartment building’s door for the first time in six months was strange. He really, really hoped Blaine was at work.

Reluctantly, he used his keys to enter. He went up the stairs--six months later, the elevator was still broken--to apartment 6B. He took a steadying breath and went in.

Blaine’s scent hit him head on and he felt a prickling in his eyes. It was quiet. Blaine must be at work. Kurt felt relief wash over him. He stepped fully into the apartment and closed the door behind him.

He thought about just putting the money on the coffee table and leaving, but that would be too weird, and Blaine would probably be seriously confused. He headed to the kitchen and grabbed a pen and a post-it note.

He went back to the living room and sat on the couch. He placed the money on the coffee table and picked up the pen.

Blaine,

Thanks for everything. I think that’s the correct amount from what I remember of the paperwork. Let me know if it isn’t. I’m gonna leave the key under the doormat once I lock the door.

He dithered over whether or not to write the next bit, but he couldn’t not.

Love, Kurt.

He placed the pen on the post-it and sat back on the couch, willing the tears away. He looked around the room, taking everything in. He let his fingers wander over the litany of shirts on the couch. He bit his lip, and slowly brought one up to his face, breathing in deeply. He couldn’t hold back the tears this time.

“Kurt?” came Blaine’s voice from behind him.

Kurt scrambled to wipe his tears away, and let the shirt slip from his fingers.

“Um…” Kurt trailed off and cleared his throat.

“What… what are you doing here?”

“I… I, uh.”

Blaine comes closer, and sees the money and the note. His face hardens.

“I just, um. Needed to pay you back. I’m sorry, I thought you were at work. I’ll leave now.” he says and stands up, facing resolutely away from Blaine.

“Really, Kurt? Really?” he sounds betrayed. Kurt winces. “I don’t need your money.”

“Blaine, just. I know you don’t need it, but it wouldn’t be right, okay?”

Blaine didn’t respond, and Kurt really didn’t have anything else to say, so they stayed in silence. Blaine watching Kurt, Kurt watching the door.

“Why won’t you look at me?”

He sounded hurt, and fresh tears came to Kurt’s eyes. The question made him want to turn and face him, but he knew that one glance at the hurt expression Blaine was no doubt sporting right now would be the end of him.

“I--Blaine, I can’t.”

He moved towards the door. Blaine didn’t stop him. More tears came. He stopped with his hand on the door handle. Gulping, he took Blaine’s keys out of his pocket and slowly laid them on the little table next to the door. His breathing was ragged, but he didn’t know how to control it.

He opened the door and left.

He rushed down the stairs and out of the building, and took a moment to calm himself before heading back home. He just wanted to get into bed and pretend the rest of the world doesn’t exist.

His dream was short lived when a mere half an hour after he’d stripped off all his clothes and gotten in bed, he heard the loft door open quite violently. He jumped off the bed in alarm and drew back the partition curtain.

“ ‘Love’?” Blaine yelled. The post-it note was in his hand. “Really? ‘Love’? You can’t even look at me yet you have no problem writing ‘love’? No, Kurt, you do not get to do that to me.”

Blaine’s whole face was red, and there were tear tracks on his cheeks. But, god, he hadn’t changed at all. He was every bit as breathtaking as he was when Kurt saw him for the first time.

“You were the one that broke up with me!” Kurt defended himself, once the shock had worn off.

“No, I said we should take a break, you were the one that didn’t answer any of my calls!”

“I needed space too, you know. You weren’t the only one that needed to cool off. You called me three times in one day, and then never called again, don’t make this sound like you’ve been calling me every day and I’ve just been ignoring you!”

They stood there, both breathing heavily and staring at each other.

“Well, why didn’t you call me?” Blaine said after a while, his tone much quieter.

“How was I supposed to know you still wanted me?”

Blaine was quiet for a moment. “If you think that there will ever be a moment when I won’t want you, then you really don’t know me as well as I thought you did.”

Kurt really didn’t know what to say to that. So he said nothing. Instead, he reached forward, grabbed Blaine by the collar, and tugged.

Their kiss was as amazing as ever. Blaine’s arms wrapped around his waist, and Kurt smoothed his hands over Blaine’s shoulders. He really couldn’t help the tears that came.

Blaine pulled out of the kiss, and Kurt pushed his face against his neck, repeating like a mantra “I love you, I love you, I love you” against Blaine’s skin.

Blaine tightened his grip on Kurt’s waist. He leaned his head on Kurt’s.

“I love you, too.”

#spewing their words without menace #klaine fic

15 notes · View notes

pilindiel · 7 years

Text

Prompt 4: Hard Crime for @nakiriknife |AO3|

Pairing: JayRoy

Rating: T

Word Count: 1340

Excerpt:

“No,” I say as his face falls, “I'm marathoning Twin Peaks.”

I not-so-subtly try to check him out as I tilt back my empty can, trying to get the last few dregs of the embarrassingly weak amber liquid as I let my eyes wander. He's wearing his typical Letterman jacket, dark brown and ratty, over what look like the remnants of the dilapidated half of a business suit, his tie mussed up and shirt un-tucked. I hate to say it's sexy but damn, it's pretty sexy.

I hate that he can pull it off. Asshole.

Someone normal would say watching reruns of Twin Peaks is a crime, that season two isn't worth anyone's time especially when you look at the context of the show and what it stood for and how it fell into terrible relationship love-triangle nonsense.

Those people can go fuck themselves. James is a goddamn treasure and I will not have his name sullied while I am slathered in pizza sauce and beer.

Fuck you.

The bass line of Twin Peaks' intro resonates in my bones, like a thrumming heartbeat, and I chug back the last dregs of a Coors Light, the most delicious piss-water alcohol in existence. The blue snow-capped tip of the can is still sky blue, an indication of just how deliciously toxic and cold the damn thing is, and I swear I can taste the Rocky's as I throw my head back.

The knock at my front door doesn't make me jump like it would a normal person – I'm dulled, tired, and used to things much worse.

I have half a mind to just yell that the damn thing is unlocked, but I begrudgingly remember I left the deadbolt locked when I wandered home last night and sigh. When I stand, discarded crumbs fall from the front of my shirt and tumble to the already crusty floor and the carpet sticks to my feet, sticky from unnameable substances and spills, and I trudge to the front door with my empty can in hand.

If I keep my face sullen, maybe whoever it is will knock it the hell off and leave me the fuck alone.

I make sure the unlocking of the door is loud – sharp and shitty just like the lock itself – and muster up my most tired stare.

I'm met with the sexiest smirk I've ever seen, plastered against pale skin and dried lips. He's leaning against the door-frame in a pathetic attempt to seduce me and I make sure to make my stare even more pathetically tired.

“No,” I say as his face falls, “I'm marathoning Twin Peaks.”

I hate that he can pull it off. Asshole.

He quaffs his hair with his hand, sighing with a stupidly endearing smile that he knows makes me lose my resolve, and I roll my eyes.

“Fine, Jason,” I admit, brushing some crumbs off my shirt, “Let me get dressed.”

Things with Jason are simple, easy. Yeah, we get in trouble and I've gotten a few too many bruises from his hair-brained ideas, but the adrenaline rush, the burst of laughter from his chest and that damn smile.

Fuck if that ain't worth it.

I toddle into the bedroom and leave the door open, let him saunter his way in like I know he wants to.

“You have to tell me if were committing a felony before we do it,” I call over my shoulder as I toss my shirt off and slip into familiar leather and spandex, “Not that that’s going to stop us, but at least I’ll have all the facts.”

I hear his laughter from the living room, deep and meaningful, and I hate how my stomach flips.

Fuck that guy, I think as a smile twitches at the corner of my lips.

Blüdhaven isn't the hell-hole Gotham is even though they're so sickeningly close. It still has that nasty smog that Gotham does – the putrid heaviness in the air like darkness is the constant state of the city and the sun doesn't touch its skyscrapers – but it's brighter, like the city lights aren't blocked out by any lingering hatred of the city itself.

It's alive, and the lights dance across the water like reflections of stars we can't see as we go across the bridge on Jason's motorcycle.

I have no shame in wrapping my arms around his waist as he zigs and zags through familiar streets, my head still buzzing with discount beer and the thrumming heartbeat of a metropolitan skyline.

Jason takes a sharp turn and I jolt, holding onto him tighter as he barks a laugh into his helmet that I feel reverberate through the leather around his torso.

“Asshole,” I mutter, even though it makes me smile.

Jason parallel parks his bike, turning off the hum of the engine, and when I hop off I can't help but rub at the soreness on my lower back.

How old are we now? I've stopped counting birthdays at this point and I know Jason has too, but I can't help but feel my age on nights like this. My muscles stick more, my joints creak, and I know I'll feel like shit in the morning regardless of what we end up doing.

Jason turns to smirk at me, leaning against his bike, and I try to bite back my grin. He's trying so hard to look young, to be impetuous and uncaring like we used to be, but there's crows feet pricking at the corners of his eyes and his dimples are lined deeper, the making of wrinkles running up his cheeks.

I'm still in love with him, though. I wonder how long it's been but I can't manage to pinpoint the day. It's like he's always been there, a constant warmth at my side, and I try not to dwell on it as I cross my arms over my chest.

“Well? What are we doing here?” I ask over the thumping bass of the club next to us. The street is pretty empty of pedestrians for a Friday night even though cars are parked by happy little parking meters lining the street and I have to remind myself that normal people usually leave their cars and enjoy the city at night.

Of course, we aren't normal, and we never really have been.

“Hold out your hand,” Jason commands, keeping me in the dark.

I roll my eyes so heavily it's almost audible, but I stroll over to him, holding my hand out palm up.

Immediately Jason's hand opens and I can see his glee even through the mask covering his face. Hundreds of quarters fall into my waiting fingers, filling the air with a metallic tang, and I must be making a pretty impressive face because Jason is laughing, loud and boisterous.

Several of the coins from his hand tumble off of mine down onto the pavement, tinkling like rain.

“I fucking hate you,” I mutter. I know what he wants me to do; that stupid, childlike grin is unmistakable, and I want to smack it off his dumb, handsome face. I still stand there though. I want him to say it.

“This is stupid,” I grouse after a moment, fingers curling around the quarters in my palm.

“What?” Jason teases, strolling over to one of the parking meters and reaching into his utility belt to pull out another sphere of incriminating metal. He slides it into one of the hungry, waiting mouths of the parking meter and I hear it clang all the way to the bottom - the nasty, sickening sound of capitalism at its finest.

“You know this is illegal, right?” I say, petulant.

Jason looks over his shoulder when it marks another twenty minutes on the timer, and he's stupidly pleased. “It's not like it's a felony.”

I fall in love all over again as I laugh and I can't stop how wide my smile gets. Jason matches me and we spend hours on our task, lost to the hum of the city and the music pumping from crowded bars, and I can't think of a better way to spend a Friday night.

#jayroy #jason todd #roy harper #dc comics #nakiriknife #pil writes #I ACCIDENTALLY FINISHED THIS ON JASON'S BIRTHDAY #UM.....#HAPPY...BIRTHDAY???#i love you mari #i hope u've had a good night

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