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#but the fact is that all this shit we've been going thru in the last year (before too. but especially 2023)
kimmkitsuragi · 9 months
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not to be like waah waaaah im so upset about my life while i have a nice and good life in general compared to so many people here but. i still feel like the art piece "here's the life i've always longed for". i keep thinking about my father almost crying talking to me on the phone at the election night. he kept saying he doesnt want me to feel like this country's fate is my only choice, and my life will not be ruined by these terrible people. but it feels like that sometimes. a lot of times actually. and i mean im trying to do things to change it really. but also im not trying hard enough. i get mad at myself for that. then i am mad that i live in a reality where i have to try so fucking just to have a chance of living in a decent reality. and what if i cant do it... i have to try harder i really have to apply myself i dont want to be a disappointment and a regret for my future self. i hope she is in a safe and beautiful place, not here. anywhere but here. please.
#yeah i cried while typing this keep scrolling#the thing is sometimes i think im just exaggerating everything in my head like. what's the worst that can happen right#but the truth is#I'm really really scared for this country's future. i dont know how bad it can be but it is already not good and still going worse#so. i dont think we are reaching when we panic about our future everyday#I know this is because I'm likely severely mentally ill but i cant live with this some days#the normal thing is obviously just. continuing to live#but the fact is that all this shit we've been going thru in the last year (before too. but especially 2023)#have pushed me to the point i was having panic attacks everyday lmao so like. yeah i guess it is fair that i want to gtfo of here#so compared to how ive been im really better#but still i dont apply myself the way i should. and it feels so bad because so many ppl worse off than me are pushing for their survival#everyday while im like waaaah wah i cant focus oh how will i get out of this country oh poor me wah :( lmao#girllll just work on it just do the things u must do. okay this whole post got way out of focus im just#writing my messed up steam of consciousness at this point idk#but. i cant help but say it's hard it's so hard to live everyday for me it's so hard to breathe sometimes#and i know that's a *me* problem. if i was not like this i could do so much#I should be doing so much#to get the life i want for myself. but it's so hard. i hope i wont die unhappy and full of regret#neg#🗒#okay i dont even remember what i wrote here exactly but it's probably the saddest post I've done in a long time#dont know if anyone actually reads it it's so embarrassing when i think abt it 👍 i dont even know where this came from#it's not even a Bad day
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ybcpatrick · 9 months
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Fun Fact: March 17th 2023 Smackdown, I still didn't have TV or stream, but people were uploading gifs as it happened and I was there blogging about it saying "This is my final reason" and "This is my joker origin story" and stuff because it was SUCH A FUCKING FEVER DREAM, I can't imagine if I had actually been watching it I probably would have screamed myself into a COMA.
smackdown from march 17th, 2023 was the second most insane television event i've ever experienced (like, only losing out to november 5th, 2020). it was like getting whacked over the head repeatedly in the best way possible. that night was so batshit crazy that reading my live play-by-play of it thru text was enough to convince my friend to start tuning in mondays and fridays. it was fucked. completely, utterly, diabolically fucked. it was AWESOME.
what stands out most to me abt that episode (aside from it being The Zowens Episode Ever) was the structure of it. this year, we've started seeing an uptick in episodes having like.. what i can only really call an "overarching plot". top of the night, we bring out our "main characters", set up their situation for the evening, then we check in on them periodically 'til we get our "resolution" in the last fifteen minutes. and like, i know this format has been used by wwe before in the past, but i've noticed it happening a lot more as of late, and i don't think there's a better-executed example of it than the march 17th smackdown.
like idk. it's late and i can't articulate my thoughts as successfully as i'd like, but i think that episode was just so well done. the introductory "couple's therapy" segment was banging, kevin, sami, and cody were PHENOMENAL there. the revelation that kevin had been refusing to work with sami all that time because he believed sami didn't want him? and sami's facial journey upon hearing that, realizing just how badly he's been fucking this up? CRAZY SHIT. SAMI FOLLOWING KEVIN TO THE FUCKING PARKING LOT WITH THE EXPRESS INTENTION OF TELLING KEVIN HE LOVES HIM. KEVIN DRIVING TF AWAY. SAMI'S RESIGNATION TO HIS FATE. CHECKING IN WITH SAMI THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT, AS HE PREPARES TO FACE OFF AGAINST JEY WHILE ALSO TRYING TO PROCESS THE KEVIN SITUATION + COPE WITH HIS "FAILURE" THERE. THE TENSION BETWEEN SAMI AND JEY WHEN THEY'RE FINALLY IN THE RING AT THE END OF THE NIGHT. "YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS YOU DIDN'T HIT HIM WITH THAT CHAIR FIRST." THE AMBUSH. THE MOMENT KEVIN'S MUSIC HITS. THE SHOT OF KEVIN TAKING OFF HIS HOODIE BEHIND THE USOS. THE BEATDOWN. THE FUCKING HUG. THE WAY SAMI STUMBLES BACK IN FEAR JUST BEFORE IT, THEN COMPLETELY MELTS INTO KEVIN WHEN HE CONNECTS. THE POP.
i'm gonna go to bed now but oughghhhg. march 17th smackdown ur my everything. it was just such a good episode of television it was so satisfying to watch it was. ahh ❤️🖤🩶🤍
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partynthem · 2 years
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dutch & belgian media are roasting this weekend’s am concerts 🫣 and I can’t help but agree with them, I thought they could find themselves again after the disaster concerts of 2018 but it seems like they haven’t yet - ngl it makes me sad because they used to be my favourite band
(sent the previous ask too quickly, sorry!!) (2/2) they were my favourites since my teen years so I’d still love to go to their concerts… but right now it seems like it would be a waste of money and time on a band that doesn’t even want to be on stage 🥲 a bit disappointing
tbh up until lowlands and pukkelpop i thought they seemed fine - like not Great, the shows definitely seemed like warm ups but they had decent energy and given the fact there's supposedly a 7th album coming and we've gotten no actual confirmation of it i guess it makes sense they'd use the shows before the announcement as rehearsal, even if that's kinda shitty to the people going to the first concerts. the shows so far have all been big arena/festival shows w more casual fans than not tho and it seemed like the vast majority of people thought the show was worth the time and money! i understand the disappointment after the disaster that was tbhc era but we're not even 2 weeks into whatever this new era is i really don't wanna start dooming it so early :/ cos they're still sadly my favorite band and i can't go thru this again already lmao they've only done 9 shows so far, i'd give them a bit more time before we start ragging on them... pukkelpop and lowlands from what i saw/read it seemed like they had a lot of technical difficulties and like alex was in a salty mood but hopefully that shit gets sorted out and the next shows are better and these were just a blip on what will be a long and fulfilling era.... i can't think abt it any other way or i'll drive myself insane. in these trying times i need my fav band to be my fav band and not another source of upset like last time lol. what did dutch and belgian media say specifically, i haven't rly seen any reviews/first hand accounts of the two shows since we had livestreams to see for ourselves
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kuiinncedes · 2 years
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hahhajhgjakdhfgjkfnb
#goddammit why am i surprised that my project partner up and finished the code without me lmfao#like fine whatever it's better than having a project partner who wont do shit i guess#but like she has to go thru and explain what she did and i just feel dumb and she has to do all this extra work kinda#it is nice that we're kinda done before break bc she's going on a trip so idk how we would've done stuff over break#it's not due right after break but the week after break is my week of rehearsals and week dedicated to glowstick club apparently lol#anyway whatever she explained her code to me and it made sense and i probably would've been slow af trying to write it together with her#over zoom bc i'm dumb and bad at coding <3#i guess i'm not really surprised that she did it tho i lied skldgfdk#it's just annoying that she does that and doesn't say anything about it but whateverrrr i'm not working with her for the next one :]#i rly hope she doesn't think it's bc i don't like working with her tho#bc i don't really like working with her lmfao#but i like her as a person mostly and i get to sorta work with her for the research project we're both on#remotely lol#but it's just :''') pretty irritating that she does this and has done it uhh multiple times across the two projects we've done together#anyway lol what am i even watch my next partner do this too lol#i worked with her on a project last semester and it felt pretty balanced so idk#maybe i'm just slow i Am just slow with coding skdghjhgfkldk#also my cat is in my lapppp <333#also she came into my room and spent the night with me last night T-T the fact that she still does this after i've been away for a while#baby baby baby scratching me rn lmfao baby <333#jeanne talks#oof my legs are absolutely falling asleep tho i gotta pick her up lmao
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I wanted to talk about Andy and guilt. It's something that plagues her through the movie. I wanted to examine why, and how she is so strong to keep going regardless.
After the kill floor, Andy snaps at Nicky and says, What did it get us? The world isn't getting better. I think she feels a great amount of responsibility for that fact, after seeing the world through such a long range of time. She has worked to due good throughout her immortality and she feels like nothing has actually changed. Luckily, she sees Copley's board at the end and understands the scope of the change she and the rest of her immortal family has achieved.
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Going to Lykon, if you've seen the timeline video of The Old Guard of Netflix, you'll have seen a maybe 3 second clip of Andy riding up to Lykon on horseback before a battle. She says, "Watch your back." He grins at her and says, "That's your job, Andromache."
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And then. Well. We know what happens.
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I wonder, does Andy feel guilt at the fact he got that final wound? They didn't know their immortality was finite, but still, she cautioned him to watch his back. Did he get injured because she wasn't there to watch it herself? I think that would tear her up inside.
And now for the big source of guilt: Quynh. Whether you view them as bff's, gf's, or wives (I'm partial to the last one myself), she is devasted when Quynh is put in the iron maiden.
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She eventually chooses to stop looking too, leaving Quynh down at the bottom of the ocean. I'm sure that wasn't an easy decision, and very much another huge source of guilt for her.
Then there's Booker. I have a tag for the two of them, the tired ones. They are both so tired. Sometimes, being around like minded people when going thru a bad situation can be a comfort. They understand. Other times, it is a snake eating its tail and spiraling into worse mentalities cause ones person's shit vibes too much with the other person's shit and then suddenly things have spiraled out of control. But I think Andy acknowledges the fact that they have both been stewing in guilt and depression when she says, "We've been doing a shit job of [living]."
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And, most importantly, she says, "Now get up."
It ties into the overall idea that living is hard and it comes with struggles and after 6,000 years of not only her own struggles, but taking on humanity's struggles, of COURSE Andy feels guilt. Of COURSE she is tired.
But! She still smiles at her family.
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She still takes the words of a complete, caring stranger to heart.
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She sees the vitality and strength in Nile and sees who she used to be, before she was so tired.
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While I've seen quotes saying Nicky is the heart of the team, and we saw Nile joke about Booker being the brains, I'd like to put out there that Andy is the team's spine. She holds them up. Bends without breaking. Carries the weight of the world on her back and continues on.
TL;DR: Andromache the Scythian has been through a lot and is still kind and persevering af.
(All photos are screenshots from videos on YouTube, can link videos if needed.)
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7. Syyskuuta. 2019 (2/3)
Everyone got in their own rooms. And nea started taking off Allu’s clothes.
“Sori ku lainasin.”
“Ei se mitää. Kun ei täällä niinkään noita peruskuteita tarvii.”
“Allu.. Meidän pitäs varmaan käydä suihkussa kun tota (köhköh) mun eilisilta ja ei pahal mut haiset hirveelt hielt.” Nea sais. Allu laughed and nodded.
“Jep. Mee sä vaan suihkuun. Saan hoidettua tämän mun vitun WinxClub voimilla.”
“Miten vitussa. Onks teil joku suihku taika?”
“Siis kun pystyn sytyttään itseni tuleen. Ja tuli sterilisoi pöpöt jne ja tässätapauksessa polttaa kaiken ylimääräsen mun kropalla...” Allu decided to demonstrate this trick and got up in flames. Everything that burned vanished as black ash in the air. When the flames were gone Nea started laughing her ass off, literally. Alex looked at himself and saw that he was naked.
“Vittu mä voisin joskus ajatella asiat loppuun...” Allu cursed and took fresh pair of underwear from his luggage. “Hei turpakii ja mee sinne suihkuu!” Allu couldn’t hold his own laugh.
“Haluisitko matchaavan asun Codyn kaa. Kun siis mulla ja codyllahan on antikristuksen etiketti eli me ei ees saada pukeuta, ainakaan kokouksissa, perus pukuihin. Se on pakosta musta missä on punasta ja sit edes jollain tavalla viktorian aikasta.” Allu kysyin ja meni nean kaapille #gentleman.
“No totta helvetissä. Mut nyt meen suihkuun.” Nea said. Alex kept digging thru nea’s closet that had different dresses, gowns to add to them and all from heaven to hell. Alex found a dolly black red dress and decided that it will do fine with yesterday’s other pieces, also this one covers the base of nea’s neck.
For his own wear, because of the little incident, he picked up a pretty confusing looking top and other pair of leather pants, and pretty tall creeper boots. As usual Alex tipped off his suit with small clip on chains and rings.
“Eloo!” Nea came from the bathroom, her hair had gone perfect with only blowdrying. “Älä liiku!” Alex said and run to get hairspray. He went to confused nea and started to spray on all the hair, nea couching. “Finito!”
“Aika nice. Mun pitäs viel meikata.” Nea sighed. She started putting on the dress and other’s that Alex has laid on the couch. When they were both dressed up nea took her makeup bag and turned to Alex who was standing meter away from her, bit taller than her.
“Mitäs vittua.” Nea asked seeing the tall shoes. “Pakko. Hih. Näyttää niin tyhmältä ku meen Tillin vieressä pätkänä kun se muutenki on sellane jätti. Anna mä teen sun meikin ni päästää nopeemi.” Allu said.
“Ethän sä osaa enää meikata.” Nea snorted smiling but Alex was already doing her base. The eye makeup was pretty basic, dark red around the eyes, thick blended black liner and thick mascara, and dark red lips with pretty sharp cutting contour.
“Tänään panostetaan ulkonäköön enemmän kun on nää ite palaverit.” Allu said and put some red on the corner of his eyes, same that he did on the end of last school year, inspired by ahs apocalypse.
They took last check on the mirror and Alex hooked his arm around nea’s hand who looked at him quoestoning. “Manner’s” Was his reply.
Both walked out of the room to till and cody waiting for them. Alex handed nea to cody who took her hand the same way, and himself, placed kiss on Till’s cheek. Alex and Till didn't walk käsikynkässä but nea decided to not ask about it. they were weird pair.
The four walked to the canteen, Cody and Nea first, Till and Alex behind them. Whole canteen quieted down for a moment and everyone bowed their head a bit. Nea turned to look at cody and was about to ask when she heard allus voice in her head. ”Even if quinton and such are the highest rank on a tree, in fact me and cody, the antichrist are the ones who rule here. I mean, we arent the bosses but our ideas and voice is higher than other's and if we wanted we could kill quinton and them all and be the bosses. but respect is everything. me and cody would be swimming in piss without them. they do the paperwork and not the dirty work but we do that.” Nea nodded and they got to their seats on the corner with Windows to both directions.
”There you go Mr.North, Mr.Fern, Mr. Lindemann (pieni paussi) and Mrs. Fern" The waitress says as she places breakfast trays in front of them. Nea was about to correct it but Cody patted her thight and the waitress left. ”Why did she think I'm your wife but Alex and Till were seperate?” nea Asked
”Because, Dear, they haven't seen you before and you are with me so they are told to call escorts and such by their, well person they are with.” Cody explained. Nea nodded slowly. ”But you aren't an escort dear. They just can't know.” He added.
They ate breakfast in silence and then left. They all went to Neas and Alexs room. ”We've got 30mins.” Till said, smirking at Alex.
”Oh shut it. You take 30mins to making out.” Alex scoffed. Till took a small glass bottle of some kind of whiskey and took a sip then handed it to Cody. Cody took a sip and handed it to Nea who looked at allu and then back to cody. Allu looked at cody angrily, who’s eyes seemed almost pleading.
”This once.” allu grunted. nea took the bottle and sipped it. She was handing it to Till as Alex grapped it from her and chugged the last of it. All of them stared at him eyes wide. ”What? I'm a devil bitch. I can disolve alcohol the way I want to in my guts.” Alex said. He was kinda pissed but played it cool. There was reason why he didnt drink and now there was reason he did. One, Alex didn't want to be part of the Order anymore. two, if he didn't like how the alco felt he could disolve it in his guts. three, he trusted Till to take care if something happened.
”Nea. please dont tell anyone back in finland.” Alex pleaded and threw the empty bottle to trash.
“We should get going. The earlier we are the better places we get.” Cody said, and took nea käsikynkkä. (siis mä en kestä.)
They went to conference room 3. Some people already were there. “Well cody you were wrong, some people have assigned seats.” Till said. The four started to walk to the front of the room.
There were rows of seats with tabled and on the front there were puhemiehen sellane jännä niiku pikkupöytä and on both sides of that, facing the others.
“That’s where the elite sits.” Alex said and swallowed. Anxiety kicked in, sitting there in front of about hundred people who look at you like a traitor who came back. Till placed hand on allu’s back and stroked it reasuringly.
“It’s going to be okay. Just concentrade on me and nea sitting here.” Till said and nodded to the direction of seats named for them on the front row.
“Why am I sitting here with you?” Nea asked Till. “Because you can’t be sitting with the elite but none of us want you to sit alone in the back with some (lowers voice) whores.” Till said.
“What if people think I'm your girlfriend.” Nea panicked. “That’s a silly question dear. I’ll mark you as mine and everyone coming close to you can feel youre mine.” Cody said. Nea got ready for another bite, but they could think till did that. Maybe he takes a knife and writes it on her. Cody leaned down and gave nea a deep kiss, making her feel literally owned.
“It’s not physical. It’s an aura.” He said. Nea nodded and more people started to flood in. Till and Nea took their seats, the way that nea had the side one so she didnt have to sit next to starnger. Alex breathed heavily and walked with cody to their places on the front. They didn’t sit down but stood behind the chairs.
“HEY! ISN’T THAT THE BITCH WHO WAS THROWN OUT OF THE ORDER BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO BE A MAN!?” Some man shouted. Everyone turned to look at him, fast enough to see how he flew with raging force to the wall and then out of the window. Gaspes where heard, mostly from escorts and newbies. Members know that you don’t fuck with the elite, or the antichrist. The window repaired itself and everyone turned heads to see how Alex had reacted, to find her hand stretched out, two fingers pointing to the window. Some people whispered but quit it as Alex’s eyes met theirs, some were already pale and scared. Alex put her hand down, leaning on the back of the chair, not saying anything. Nea looked at Till, who had a smirk on his face.
“EVERYONE!” Quinton shouted from the puhemiehen jakkara. Final people took their seat and quieted down, Elite still standing.
“Now we will forget that little incident here and concentrade on the reason why we are here. As some of you know, our ‘job’ is to keep world and humanity going, and repair our ways of living. But now we are at the point where action needs to be taked, or there wont be return..” Mr. Quinton talked in firm and strong voice, no microphone were needed, the acoustics of the room were good too.
“It’s safe to talk about this with people out of The Order, because they are enchanted to not be able to speak, descripe, write or anything involving sharing thing talked about in this room. (small brake) Climate change. We’ve all heard of it. Most of us have felt it, seen it. Northern europe’s climate has been unstable for years now. Winter comes even more late but stays longer. This year, we had winter coming back *five* times in time of spring. Our summer was cold, but changed to hell hot in minutes, multiple times a day. There is no control. It is like a child playing with weather machine.” People hummed in agreement, some let out gasps.
“This weekend are the starting conferences where we depate what’s our act on this and how could we stop this. Permanent damage is still done, and for good enough change, it takes a lot. At this point it is NOT enough to shut the light off in room youre not in. NOT enough to take the puplic transport. NOT enough to use electric cars, because those polute more than you think. Our seas and lakes are full of trash and shit. Our forests arent green and fresh, they are white and aluminium from the paper and cans. Our streets are not from stone and asphalt, they are a carpet of cigarette stumps and candy wrappers. Our paper collection is full of cardboard, biowaste full of plastic. We are at dead end if we do not act on this.” Quinton nodded his head and sat down as aplodes and some ‘wohoo!’s were thrown. The elite has sat down, but cody and Alex walked on front of the puhemiehen jakkara. It was quiet again.
“Some of you might understand how bad the situtation is that even i am asked back to the elite. (naurahdus) I’ve been in my private life monitoring everything going on with nature and climate. Haven’t looked good in europe. My brother here, Mr. Fern has been looking in this on American and australian continent.” Alex said, stepping bit to the side, showing it’s cody’s turn to speak.
“Yes. Australia is always been known as hottest continent of them all, we spend our christmas swimming in the ocean. Lately, the heat has been even higher, but sometimes eye-catchingly low. America and Asia has been seeing a lot of tornados, or otherwise unnormally windy days.” Cody said. He got applauses. They went to sit and Till looked at Alex with somewhat sad smile.
‘rather be without the attention. Negative or positive or fake’ Alex said in Till’s AND neas and codys head. The conference kept going. Elite members spoke about their research, they didn’t rise from their seat tho. After it was over, and main theme was run thru Quinto went to the front and announced that we will have a 15 minute break, then elite and members will meat without companions.
“What will I do?” Was nea’s first question as they got to al’s and nea’s room’s balcony, all four. Everyone took a smoke but Alex stayed without, he had stopped vaping too.
“I can introduce you to a nice young girlfrien, like actaual lover, of my friend.” Cody said. “You two should discudd fashion and makeup, shes into those like you. Grab a coffee and so on.”
“Okay.” Nea said. Cody took his phone out and called his friend telling the situtation. He could hear the girl beaming at the other end. “Yeah meet us in front of the conference room in few. Yeah thanks bye.”
“You’ve got a date!” Till joked and got playfully slapped by nea. They got out of the room and Alex seemed worried all the way to the room.
“Hiii Cody so nice to see you like this.” A young woman with a side-cut and pretty punkish style said and hugged him. “Same to you, Sindy.”
“So this is nea?” She asked happily as she looked at nea. Nea nodded and they changed names. “I came with All-Alex here. I’m not he-his companion or nothing just friends.” Nea stammered. Sindy took a glaze at Alex and had a mixed look of disgust and shaming on her face, but turned back to nea smiling. “That’s so nice of *her*. I bet you’ll love it here!”
“Don’t trust what she says about Alex okay. She is amazing but some people cant get over things.” Cody whispered to nea and gave her a quick kiss. Alex looked away, kind of trying to leave out of the group but John saved it, going to Alex and greeting him happily, giving a hug. John and sindy changed a kiss and us men left to the room.
“Okay! What you wanna do first?” Sindy asked. “Maybe a coffee? But i have to get my purse from my room first.”
“Oh no honey youdont have to, they give us everything for free, Order pays.” Sindy said, taking nea’s hand and seeing their way to the coffee place on the top floor. They ordered special coffees and went to sit down to the outside balcony with mesmeraising view. They get to know each other. Sindy’s face seemed to flinch everytime nea mentioned Alex, but she decided not to ask.
“So... How do you feel about this all? Like how Alex just came to you and used some demonic power on you?” Sindy asked, secretly hoping to get something to spread a bad word.
“Well.. I got spooked a bit to be honest. But then again it was pretty cool. It happened fast but with good night’s sleep i feel like i got thru it. It’s kinda weird all this luxury and etiguette but i kinda like it. I wa slike S H O O K when i saw cody here and alex told that it was like in ahs. I think i died for a moment when he kissed my hand and all that flattering stuff. Do you mind if I smoke?”
“No I dont, John’s a smoker too. But I get you at the ccody oart. He is charming. I actually met john thru him. I’m a makeup artist on tv industry and as cody being a fashion hoe he is we turned out to be very good friends.” Sindy said. They starter talking about makeup, fashion, girly things, boys, best coffee places, everything between heaven and hell.
“You’re so lucky to get liked by the antichrist. Like we did have two of them as higher chanches but when cody became the only one it’s kinda been a sea of whispers within us girls. I feel like it’s a bigger thing for us humans, as all that power reveals to us as so unbeliveable, when the demon gurls already know that shit.” Sindy laughed. Nea’s phone buzzed and it was text from cody, the meeting was over.
“Wow, two hours passed like a train.” Nea said as they started to get going from the caffee. ‘Meet in your room, Alex is at Till’s 😉' Was a new text from cody. Nea showed it to Sindy.
“Ooohh.. You gotta get some! (laughing) Alex and Till is a weird thing tho. What’s with them?” Sindy said, asked nea as they were walking to the hallway of their rooms, damn big place it was.
“No idea. They seem pretty close but then again, it seems like they have much disagreements. And that chain thing. Last spring me and Alex had this joke where he had a long chain and wore it just like that on his neck and we joked that he is my dog, only within friend group tho.” Nea said laughing.
“She can be a weirdo sometimes. But like when you look at Till holding Alex in a chain it just so ruins this ‘Alex North the antichrist’ thing. Like if she is so powerfull and able to rule everything and everyone how is some basic demon, who is powerful tho, hold her under spell like submission.” Sindy said, it wasnt hateful kind of voice but more likely gossiping voice.
“Yeah, been thinking the same. But sometimes Alex seems to correct Till’s doings with strong hand.” Nea laughs, before sindy could have said anything else their boyfriends came to hug them. Cody took nea in his arms, and so did john to sindy. Alex and Till where nowhere to be seen. They all said byes and seperated to their rooms. Cody kept kissing nea who stopped him for a moment.
“What did you mean by beliving in what sindy said about Alex?” Nea asked, thurthfuly curious. They sat to the sofa.
“Well... I’m not sure if Alex showed you this story in the class but.. There’s two antichrist for a reason, on man and one woman. Historical books say that those two spawns of satan are to be united and give birth to a baby woth power of them both, and that baby is to be allmighty of earth heaven and hell. But.. Times have changed and our reason is not to rule the world as bad and sadistic beings anymore, it is not much about satan and blood. So being here on the new age, around mid 2000’s Alex had been very womanish, just like you right now (wink), but as a person and single minded he is, felt that he is wrong body. In that time our people still went with the runic writing, and the oder was just made, still in mind to have that almighty who would be the order himself. When Alex gave up the dresses and winged eyeliners people started to be worried how is the plan going. And just to add, there never was anything romantic with me and alex, it was one reason why i didn’t give a shit on his gender change, but helped him. The old war and hitman stuff hevied on his shoulder and he lost his sanity alltogether. He went back to cia, fbi whatever and offered to kill masses again. The people there used his power for their advantage and let him kill with bare hands, no need to snap fingers and lick the blood on the shoes as there was no chance he would die from too slow action. When the elite got to know that, Alex was ripped back and tortured for what he had done, used his power wrong, on eof the worst sins. When fbicia wanted him back, the elite took his physical soul (?????) and gave him anither body, as punishment, a girl, that you knew as Aino. He grew up without remembering anything of this, but bit by bit in the last 2 years the memories came back. Rembering the reason he was thrown out, he didnt want back by any chance. At the start of this summer, so happened anyway, because as he joked, the situtation is that bad.” Cody finished his story time. Took a glass of water that was on the table.
Nea didn't say anything. she processed it all. what the fuxk. my life is a lie.
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kyunsies · 3 years
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MADCH MADCH <3
hello fam - I've had a weird day, I'm super happy I can take the time out to reply to you. always thinking of you though, I hope you're always having a great day. today's been a bit of a non day - a family member has to deal with operations and that's on top of me too so i've just felt a bit winded in life?
YES to you finally conquering that damn cold! do you feel properly replenished now? omg i hate sore throats too - okay i hope this doesn't give you nightmares but when i was a kid i saw a documentary about this terrible disease that manifests at its worst a bit like alzhemiers but it can hit anyone of any age and for the majority of people who get it... one of the first symptoms is a sore throat and i have literally lived in terror of sore throats ever since. but luckily it's a very rare disease. so basically, yes, i understand you.
OMG you know when you're like eight and you don't want to sleep and you're like no i will adult and stay up and it will be glorious - i'm like, CHILD YOU FOOL you could have gone to sleep XD and ugh no responsibilities?! i remember working most of the time when i was a kid and i kind of wish i had wreaked havoc? what was your childhood like? did you get to do lots of fun stuff? i know my mum wishes she had been able to spend more time with me when i was a kid and i'd like to have a family and i'd love her to be able to relax and just spend time with her grandkids? OMG well when you come to europe let me know and then i can show you around and give you a hug in person!
so we're mainly cofe here though cahtolic culture is still big and honestly i'm with you. like religion can be a great influence on you if it's not used in nefarious ways and can help you learn so much - like even if there are things you don't end up agreeing with at least you learn about then so you can make a choice for yourself as opposed to not really knowing anything? agree - people that are really boastful totally put me off, i just can't deal with it at all. but you're right, like it makes us so so hard to forgive ourselves for anything right? like, even if we've done nothing wrong and we shouldn't have to punish ourselves? like i swear i'm apologising for everything haha XD once someone pushed me off the tube and i ended up apologising like ON REFLEX? hasjdkahds XD but i really hope you have people around you that keep bigging you up too! if not i will keep bigging you up :D :D so you know that you are worth it.
i'm sorry you're not looking forward to your final year of uni! think you're almost there though - like this is the final stretch and you'll have like conquered everest you know?! and even if your landing at the end of it isn't as perfect the fact you landed at all means so much and that means you can stand up again and keep going! day at a time and moment at a time you know? i kind of had this moment today (hence my wierd day) when i was worry about everything and i literally sat there like - have i made the right choice and done the right thing and surely i've made the wrong choices in my life and do i actually have any talent cause if not people would actually like my stuff and i had to just be like... a moment at a time sometimes you know? like, just bit by bit and don't sweat the stuff you don't have to? idk i find it hard to do but i hope that helps you - like you'll surmount every little thing bit by bit and before you know it you'll have made it! you were born ready you were <3 <3
TINY SQUAD IS GO! the pant dilemma is truly a massive issue, like IDK how to deal OMG OK SO LAMPSHADING is like when you do big baggy like tops and then like leggings or tights or something skinny on the bottom so... you look like a lampshade? like i guess it makes you look cute and then also it's such an easy way to dress without worrying if you look like a kid that's wearing your mum's clothes?? ahsdjakdhsa XD
AHHHH YES BASIL ME TOO!! what scent did you end up buying? i'm sure it was lush - are your parents near you or is it like a massive special occassion to get to see them? YES agree with your take on musk though! like it feels like idk, something a 50 year old with a cigar in a stuffy country club would wear? like, there's no energy to it but not in a chill mellow way either??! like even if i was going to a dinner thing I would still rather not wear something musky? like i'd still rather it be something a bit sweeter? also like some musk perfumes can be SO STRONG? like i'm like - my nose is choking on this perfume XD
YES BLUE MOON SQUAD AAAAA it is literally one of their finest ever, it's always stayed on my top faves list by them. like ugh yes to the lofi stuff sometimes i just wanna VIBE and be in my feels but not so much i'm too angsty but enough that I'm FEELING feels ya know? what did you think of kiss or death? it really wasn't that kind of vibe but yh i hope they do more lofi jazzy stuff - also cause like not a lot of korean groups play with that sound a lot?
hello mädch's mom as always! nerer apologise for being late, always just happy to hear from you and i hope you are super super well and looking after yourself first and foremost! more than anything <3 (also i take ages to reply too ya know and omg this is so so long ahsdjakhdaskjdh)
love you lots and lots and lots xxxxxxxxxxxx
ANGEL ANGEL !!!!!!!! <3 i know i'm really late to this LKDFJS i've had such a busy week getting some overtime in and then visiting my grandparents' house so i didn't really have a lot of energy to reply to all of this BUT IM HERE AND i can finally give u a good response <3
firstly is your family member okay??? i hope so ;____; how was the rest of your week, and how was your weekend angel? i hope u were able to enjoy your weekend and that everything is okay in the family <3
but YEAH my mom and i are over the stupid cold ;_____; i hate colds,,,, they last way too long lol like i say i know the flu is a little more serious than a cold but i would rather have it for a day or 2 than being stuck feeling lousy for a whole week :( ALSO SLDKFSJDFKLJ OH GOD SEE we are both hypochondriacs ( that's not the best trait to have as a nursing major lol ) but tbh i'm really curious about this rare disease ????? :o sounds really scary tho goodness gracious i wonder what it could be ;____;
also god i was always awful at staying up late as a kid LOL but i know what u mean !!!!!! honestly there was only one time i can recall i had a sleepover with my friend in like the 3rd grade and we tried pulling an all nighter so i think we made it to like 5am but i had to go to bed omg i felt like such garbage LKDSFJ </3 it's just funny bc like as u get older u realize that staying up late is really nothing special and if anything u feel like a train hit you the next morning and adults are so sleep deprived as it is we just *try* to prioritize sleep SLDKFJSDKLJF :') you worked a lot as a child bub?? what kind of things did you do? i didn't start working until i was 15 bc most places here don't allow u to work until this age (unless you're in a family business i guess lol) but all the jobs i had in high school i hated so much ;_____; but my childhood? i would say it was relatively normal LOL like we say all the time i've had a single mom so life was really stressful for her but i always felt loved <3 i always had my mom <3 and we took trips to the beach with my family every year, it was our little tradition !! i went to san diego to visit disney, you know little trips here and there !! and then when i got into my sport and i started getting older my mom and i spent a lot of time and money investing into my sport so most of my weekends consisted of a lot of tournaments and driving far away for me to compete :') i do remember when i was really young like in kindergarten my mom's work was really far away from my school and we had a recital ; i was the "host" where i would introduce all of the songs and stuff and my mom didn't get off of work until like 6 and by the time she made to my recital, it was over :( she told me she cried a lot that night :( i don't remember her doing this (i don't even remember the recital all that much lol) but now that i'm older and i understand more about adulting, i'm sure she was so devastated thinking about it now :( anyways about visiting europe LOL I WILL DEF GIVE U A CALL AND LET U KNOW SO U CAN SHOW ME ALL OF THE COOL PLACES <333333
and about the religion ....... yes ;____; i think it's a great thing if a family decide that they want to do this when they're families; i hope to continue to practice it (even tho we aren't regularly going to church at all hhhh gotta work on that) but there is something about catholic guilt specifically that just makes it soooo hard to like, be easy on yourself? but ,,,,,, i guess it keeps me grounded :( in a self depreciating way ??? LDSKFJ I KNOW U UNDERSTAND ... it's weird for me to put into words ;____; and YEAH :( i think i'm getting a little better at this but i used to apologize all the time for things i never needed to be sorry for hhhh (still do) :')
and yes babe honestly i'm really terrified to start uni :( i think i have this weird anxiety issue i've had it ever since last year but i don't know why i'm so scared and anxious about things that haven't even happened yet ;____; are u like this too? is it normal? i wish i knew :( i guess i won't really feel better until i have made it to graduation, but i just want to do well this year. whatever i do, whether it's exams, or clinical rotation or my preceptorship, i just want to do well ;____; i don't want to do poorly, i want to make my mom proud and i want to work at a place i'll be excited to work at, and most of all i just want everything to work out ,,,, i wish someone could just sit me down and say listen i know what you're going thru is hard but you CAN get thru this and EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS bc no one in my family is in the health sciences (besides my cousin who is studying to be a doctor but she doesn't give a shit about what i do lol) so ;_____; yeah ,,,,,,,,,,, lots of anxiety and apprehension of the unknown :(
LSDKFJSD FOKAY NOW I KNOW WHAT LAMPSHADING IS LMAOOOOOOOOOOO yes i wear those clothes on lazy days LOL the thing is i'm really picky about the length of my oversized crewneck sweaters hhhh the can't be too long bc if it goes below my butt i look like i'm wearing rags LOL so i have to be careful :') but most days i do like, reverse lamp shading lDLKFJSDLKFJ i like wearing flowy pants with a more tight top or like baggy jeans with a tighter shirt or a blouse i can tuck into my jeans LOL but omg its so funny i didn't know what that was :') thank u for the explanation my love <3
OKAY BUT HALF THE REASON I DIDN'T RESPOND IS THAT i was saving this weekend to go to the jo malone store in my mall and !!! I GOT A NEW SCENT AND I'M IN LOVE WITH IT SO MUCH BABE ;____; you have to go smell it if you go there soon and tell me what u think !!!!!! it's called wild bluebell (here is the scent description lol) but the guy behind the counter helping me was soooo amazing and helpful like they really do treat u the best at the store and AH i’m so happy with my purchase <3 my wallet isn’t so much LDSKFJ but nonetheless i know i’ll have it for a long time :)
KISS OR DEATH !!!!! i actually really enjoyed it lol i have seen some ppl not really like the rapping so much but i loved it ;____; i’m super biased obviously LOL but gosh i thought they were all great and minhyuk + hyungwon killed the song for me <333 wouldn’t expect anything less from our monstas !!!!! and my mom is sending her love lol i tell her the work u do and she’s always wondering how ur doing :(((( same for my moots she always asks me about 2 in particular LOL she’s always asking me <3 i love u so much bubbie !!!! iM SO SORRY FOR BEING LATE MY LOVE again i always just want to give u a quality response <3 i love u the absolute most and i hope u had a great weekend !!!!!!! this is my last week at work before i have a week long break before i head for uni so :’) can’t believe i’ve done all this LOL :’) i will be happy to hear from u whenever u come back hun !!!!! TAKE CARE LOVE U <3 
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