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lu-sn · 3 months

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i know it's 300 years late to be making this post but man. i am still SO angry about mew

the setup was perfect!!! you have mew, this probably-aspec character who hits all of the checkboxes for prim-privileged-gay and seems fully unaware of that privilege, and you have boston, fully unashamed of his sex drive and his many sexcapades while still partially closeted, and they hate each other, okay. they constantly sling barbs at each other right from the beginning, and they're not friendly about it. mew thinks boston is an uncontrollable slut and boston thinks mew is a horrendously stuck-up prude and they're constantly judging each other. at the beginning of the show, they're two fundamentally incompatible people.

and then top comes along, and he's this character who's willing to put up a facade for mew -- willing to play the part of the sweet, unproblematic boyfriend -- but under the hood, he's a lot more like boston than anyone wants to admit. he's a piece of shit to everyone but mew, and he's slept around, and he openly likes sex. he wants it. he's struggling a little without it.

it's perfect because boston is a character that mew is fundamentally at odds with, and top is a character similar to boston that mew does not want to be at odds with. it sets up this huge clash of principles for mew, who is going to either have to learn to accept some of top's behavior and realize that boston might deserve that acceptance too, or he's going to be unable to accept some parts of top in a way that will hurt their relationship.

... or so you would think.

instead, mew gets to have his cake and eat it too: top cheats on him (and frankly, the circumstances of this cheating are suspect; top was basically manipulated into it), and instead of digging into why top did this, why top might feel compelled to secretly have sex with someone behind mew's back, mew lets top grovel at his feet for months, then takes him back while "forgiving but not forgetting". there's no attempt on mew's part to understand top or the cheating, only to corral top back into the persona that mew thought he was in the first place. and top lets it happen. by the end of the show, all traces of the "problematic" man he was in the beginning have been mysteriously wiped away. his cocaine problem is gone, his debilitating fear of fire is gone, and he is perfectly content in this relationship with mew where they have relatively little sex, even though mew is constantly making eyes at all of the new men who show up (cough cough boeing COUGH COUGH MIX) and even though this supposed straying on mew's end and the ensuing jealousy from top was a big factor in why top cheated in the first place.

and because mew didn't need to understand anything deeper about top, there's no way in hell he gains any sympathy for boston; he kicks boston to the curb and is obnoxiously righteous about it.

i've seen some comments that mew is not a hollow and unrealistic character for acting like this; there are many, many people out there who act just as selfishly as mew. i can't stand those people, and i can't stand mew, and in a sense that does make him a compelling character. so putting aside the fact that i would have much preferred to see him struggle with the crumbling of either his principles or his relationship... the arcs of the characters around him are definitely hollow and unrealistic, as a direct consequence of his position in the overall narrative.

let's look at boston for a second. mew, who you famously think is a stuck-up bitch, ends up catching the unwavering attention of top, who you want to get fucked by; you slowly manipulate top into cheating on mew with you, and you're gleeful about it. this is not a thing you'd do if you felt any sort of sympathy or friendship towards mew! you clearly disrespect the guy! you probably fucking hate him!

and then the guy you hate finds out what you did, and he threatens to out you and circulate revenge porn of you in retaliation, and he's the smuggest little shit about it while he promises to ruin your life and then ten seconds later flips masks and goes "but i wouldn't do it because i'm above that kind of behavior" -- and i would just like to poll all of you, and ask you: if a guy you disrespected so deeply came up to you and threatened to ruin your life while continuing to display all the traits you already hated him for, would you feel sad that he friendship-broke up with you and try to friendship-get him back? or would you, i don't know, hate him for all eternity?

once the cheating news breaks, the narrative tries to convince us, again and again, that boston feels bad and guilty about what he did to mew and that he doesn't hate mew and wants to be friends again. i'm sorry. i don't buy it. the boston we saw at the beginning of the show is not a guy who would grovel at mew's feet. so why does the narrative make him do it? why does the narrative kneecap his character like this?

it's for the same reason that all of top's problems disappear. it's because the narrative wants so badly to position mew as the good guy. mew did nothing wrong, they say, over and over again. look at how top and boston beg him for forgiveness. look at how terrible boston was for wronging mew but how right mew was for threatening boston back. look at how top erases all his own flaws just like mew said he could, and boston doesn't do the same, so top earns a spot in the friend group but boston loses his spot forever.

if the narrative had been brave enough to fracture mew's image a little, to acknowledge that he's a mean, messy hypocrite, i could have respected his place in the show as a whole. but they didn't. instead, they gave his character so much potential for growth and then squandered it all, and if that wasn't enough, they went ahead and neutered all of the characters around him, too.

#whew. i've exorcised the demon #i'm free :')#also i'm tilted that the mew-boston-top dynamic revolving around sex basically repeats itself with the mew-ray-top dynamic about drug abuse #and then the narrative borks that too #but this post is too long for that #only friends the series #only friends mew #only friends boston #only friends top

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lesser-mook · 6 months

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Let's Talk About Deku's girlfriend--- Re: What girlfriend?

Ain't nothing baddie status about momo, she's designed specifically for one purpose, best thing about her is she takes leadership roles from time to time (when ironically she wasn't shy at all in the first season), so this myth that her costume & her coming into her own as a leader is what Horikoshi meant to do but what really happened- is Momo was a snob, and loosened up.

The shy bits happened at random times when the cringe "uwu kawaii" gags had to happen.

But one of her first lines is checking Deku infront of everyone, there was nothing shy about her lmfao.

So when you really look over what actually mattered in these fights- she's filler.

Balsa Yonsa, Ema Guzman, Lila Rira (look em up youngins) those are baddies.

Momo is a bad oc made canon, the most she got to her was giving orders, spawning plot devices, and serving her actual purpose as the token 17yr Senpai-big sister waifu.

Horikoshi really tried to dodge the cap and give a reason as to why a school let this child wear that bullshit costume (and didn't upgrade to anything better neither, just added some stripes lmfao) and the most she got for a winter alteration was a goddamn cape.

LMFAO. Yeaaah, nice try buddy boi. All the studio mandated assshots, cleavage, crotch shots below perspectives- i'd respect the man more if he just admitted he doesn't respect most of his female characters. At all tbh.

Mirko's annoying ass showed up later but she got way more to do than ANY of the 1A girls in terms of badassery. I'll give mirko credit for being a plot-armored up beast, but how does that make any sense? That some random furry shows up & gets more clout in like what? 2 fight scenes than the 1A girls in 2 goddamn movies.

Trying to rationalize it with in-world reasons, EVEN SO FAR as to have that pos Midnight go on a talk show and justify it--

just looks desperate, too desperate to justify 1 guy's need to dehumanize his female characters no matter the cost. Could easily have her evolve her power to spawn portals like Elizabeth Comstock through her hands only or learn to expand portals on the ground via a circle vector like Full Metal Alchemist or expand on where exactly are these objects coming from- give her some unique lore

cause in the manga it looks like she's organically mutating these materials out her skin

in the anime it looks like she's pulling them from an alternate dimension.

See THOSE details, would make her a baddie, amping her power level, giving her more control over her quirk, instead of quirk dictating how she presents herself to the world.

AUTONOMY. But you see, the more a character has that, the less likely they are to be exploited like a piece of meat or an NPC.

And Horikoshi can't have that.

---------------------------

As for Ochako? Like i said on another post, her & deku's relationship peaked in Season 1 when their dynamic had actual conversations without a lot of interruption.

The other 18 extras shut the hell up and weren't given too much dialogue yet--- thus the story wasn't a clusterfuck and it felt more focused.

And Horikoshi was fresh, and wasn't panicking thinking "oh shit? I don't know how to actually write a couple what do i do? OH I KNOW, I'll have Ochako overthink her stake in Deku's life & then bottle her feelings for no reason"

AND THEN i'll establish that U.A. forbids students to have relationships which is just...THE LAZIEST method to guarantee that you can have your cake & tease 24/7 but and eat it too without having to develop anyone's relationships

Lazy lazy lazy.

So when the two were interacting in S1? the likelihood of a bullshit distraction was minimal, because the extra's were non factors.

Their little convo in Episode 6 S1 is still one of the most meaningful ship moments in the show for them.

But all you see in those bullshit wholesome compilations is the crap Horikoshi fed you for 6 years to distract you from the fact that AFTER Season 2-- those two not only didn't get any alone time to actually be further closer friends, but because the man refused to commit and develop their relationship....whatdoyaknow? They didn't have a relationship to speak of that would justify being a couple.

Ochako didn't even meet Inko, that cringe speech is technically the closest she got, Deku didn't meet her parents. They never had lunch together, played video games, trained together NOTHING nothing nothing.

BASICs.

So (rhetorically) tell me, what exactly Do.They.Have?

What girlfriend?

Deku was closer to Todoroki in terms of talking & how much time spent, (OVA's, Seasons, Movies) Todoroki has more of a relationship with Mdioriya and guess what?

He showed up AFTER Ochako in the show. Why couldn't Ochako be part of that trio? Despite having one of them most prolific powers in fiction? (tactile telekinesis)

Why is it the boys get upgrades after upgrades but Ochako's main/major quirk upgrade after that plane feat is in the goddamn finale of the ENTIRE story. ....because she talked about love with someone she has zero stake or obligation to, who was cutting her up trying to kill her.

Despite the contrary of my reply. I'm going to be honest op, there's literally nothing to talk about with these two or any of the girls. They're decoration, a wide variety for the rule-34 warriors & bottom feeders to take their pick.

That's their relevance to the fandom, who they like, and what they look like.

Who they are? When has that ever mattered.

Hence referring to Momo as a "baddest bitch", and I'm pretty sure that descriptor has nothing to do with who she is as a character.

The most you can say is: WASTED potential.

Or they "look cute", which is more honest to reality. Their reality of relevance to the fandom.

(Will space out the paragraphs & add more visual another time, this is just a last min dump)

#my hero academia #momo yaoyorozu #ochako uraraka #boku no hero academia #girlfriend?

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thunderheadfred · 3 years

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🤚The Second Worst (Pt. 1/?)🤚

Part 2 of my Shigaraki Thesis Headcanons. HC's // The Second Worst: 1 - 2

The half-mad ghost of Shimura Tenko is in love with you, and your life is about to become a tragic wreck. -- AKA here's when I gave up on bullet points and went off the fuckin rails

I'm self-conscious about writing so much, so uhhhh, please be kind, hahaaa. This is rather long and involved. Are these still even HCs or just a self-indulgent AU outline? There are some mysteries we may never solve.

This is on AO3 now, if you prefer reading there. Anyway. Minors do not interact.

- - - - -

You met Tenko before the League existed.

Believe it or not, there are a million ways it might have happened, but in the end: you were both bargain-binning in Akihabara.

You reached for a copy of a collectible bullet-hell cute-'em-up (near-mint! CIB!!!) and accidentally bonked hands with a complete stranger. He flinched about five million feet away from you. Ouch. You're just a nobody, quirkless and average, but you didn't think you were THAT repulsive.

(You're not. Hell, even if you were, this guy couldn't care less. He barely registers that you have a face.)

(Shigaraki is accustomed to getting in and out of this shop in seconds. He always comes in before anyone else and goes straight home. -- Is that really home? Is 'home' a real place? -- ANYWAY he's already pirated this shit, god, why does he even care? He doesn't need to be here. Father doesn't like it. Is that why he's here? Just to do something Father doesn't like? That's pathetic.)

He's had at least ten complete internal arguments with himself before he so much as looks at you.

You know in the tenth of a second he actually meets your eyes... this fucker is going to fight you to the death over this game.

- - - The death match ends in a draw. He was not expecting you to know the first fucking thing about this game. Nobody knows about it, even in Japan. Who the fuck do you even think you are? Oh, no, he's still taking it. But... maybe he can show you how to play it it. He'll give you a little taste, just to make you jealous. He's got his hoodie pulled down like he's going to commit an act of terrorism. What little you can see of his face looks twitchy and messed up. If you have any survival instincts at all, they're kicking in right about now. But... why not. You're not going anywhere with this dude unsupervised, so you suggest a crowded web cafe down the street. The cafe has the necessary console... but the retro gaming booth is laughably small. The TV is about four inches across and you end up having to practically sit in his lap. You were sure this guy was a nasty fucking creep, but he's................ only mostly terrible. Way too angry, for sure. Has no idea how to have a normal, friendly conversation. Inadvertently insults you every other sentence and seems to have a deep-seated persecution complex.

You'd prefer to be mad about the awful company, but... he's obviously deprived of human contact. When it's established that you two share a lot of media fixations, he calms down and starts treating you a little more like a human being. Or at least like a fellow elite.

Wherever he came from, he doesn't seem to want to go back. He keeps pushing you to play one more level, pretending he wants to beat your score. You feel kinda bad for him. You get the distinct feeling that his life is a disaster. He looks like he's never had a full night of sleep in his life. He trips your trigger hairs in that 'is he gonna follow me home?' kind of way, but... up close, he's a lot more depressing than scary. At the very least, you want to buy him a stupidly cute dessert. Just... as thanks. For letting you try out the game and stuff. It's not a big deal, so just pick a flavor, okay? The world isn't actually that awful, y'know.

It's not even that impressive... Definitely not a great cafe. But he takes practically a full hour to eat a single slice of strawberry cake.

When the hoodie comes down. He's all shriveled and dried out, like someone left him him in the desert to die. He chews on his peeling bottom lip and nervously scratches his neck. He doesn't thank you for the cake. Which is fine. It's not a big deal. Actually, you wish he would eat faster; you feel weirdly responsible for him now.

Under all that mess he's... gorgeous? His hair is stunning: a bright, gleaming silver that catches the light. His bone structure is flawless. If it weren't for all the scars and the misanthropic slouch, he'd look like a fairy fucking prince.

You were not prepared for that. In another life he could have been a model, the type of guy who would never even look at you. But something bad happened to him. Something... very bad. Do you even want to know? You have no idea how to ask. Has anyone ever been nice to him? It doesn't seem like it. Should YOU be nice to him? You sort of want to try. - - - This becomes a regular thing. This weird little secret. You should probably tell someone when you see him, just in case you don't come back one day, but you say nothing; how the hell would you explain why you want to see him so bad? You don't know his full name. Maybe he's on a watch list. When he gives you a long string of random numbers so you can schedule meet-ups (is THAT his e-mail, really?) he tells you to just... call him Tenko. Or whatever. It doesn't matter. (He sneaks out when Father is deep in his plots. As long as he comes home on time, it doesn't really matter where he goes, right?) He brings a different game every time. He has an insane collection. Where does he get the money for all this? You know he doesn't work. God, is it drugs? It's probably drugs. Wherever these hidden gems came from, he proudly shows them off to you, like he's never had an audience before. It's sort of cringe-inducing, the way he one-ups and rubs every little victory in your face, desperate for attention.

But at the same time, you are becoming too... something...to mind. Do you... like him? He's not funny, but he thinks you are. His mouth is huge when he laughs. He seems to hate everyone but you, and you've had to earn the distinction of being merely tolerable. Still, he gets really excited about random shit like the garage kit black market and haunted dolls and the price of weed on the dark web.

And... strawberry cake. The realization hits you both at the same time when the waitress brings one piece with two forks. God, what the fuck, are you... are you dating? Quick, think. You look forward to seeing him, and don't even mind sitting close to him anymore. Sometimes you push your leg up against him just to see if he'll still flinch away... and he doesn't.

You jealously notice the way he touches everything but you: with delicate precision, one finger at a time. His large, elegant hands always have a pinky up like he's aspiring for a fiefdom, and you wonder what his skin feels like. You go home and dwell on the way he plucks flowering weeds out of the pavement in front of the cafe. The way he stands rooted to the spot as you leave, just... looking at nothing, unsmiling.

You watch his lips too much, and not just because you want to buy him chapstick. You catch him gaping at you all the time. You thought he was just creepy like that, but maybe... Yeah. I guess you are dating him. Shit. - - - Okay, so, yeah. Bringing him back to your place was definitely a bad idea. You know you shouldn't trust him, even if he is... apparently... your boyfriend? Sort of? You still don't have his phone number. So. Um. What now? You order overpriced pizza and queue up a campy horror movie. What the fuck are you even doing. You don't really think he's going to murder you anymore, but... still. Is the suburban massacre scene gonna give him ideas? Turns out, no. He doesn't like gore, even when the blood is neon pink. He gets upset. Like, really upset. Shaky and green, like he might puke on you. He can't stop scratching that scaly spot on his neck.

Tenko, are you crying? Fucking hell, did you just trigger him? Of course he has a traumatic past, it's carved all over his face. You're so fucking stupid. You don't know how to make it right. You want to hug him, kiss him... anything. But he's never really touched you, and you're too afraid to push now. It ruins the whole night. He leaves without explaining anything. Doesn't even say goodbye. He just. Leaves. Maybe you'll never see him again. Maybe that's for the best. Your chest hurts. - - - He shows up at your door a few weeks later. You haven't heard from him since that disastrous movie night. You had pretty much accepted that you'd broken up with a boyfriend you never actually had. But no. Apparently not.

This time, he’s brought his own entertainment. He's holding a boxed set of some show you're not familiar with. You're distracted by these weird little half-gloves he's wearing, like a cyberpunk hacker. That's a new look, and even if it's a bit edgelord adjacent, he makes it look cool. You tell him as much. It's the first time you've let on how attractive you find him. He's wearing a tight black shirt with a deep, deep V-neck. That's distracting too.

He clears his slender throat and doesn't look at you.

You try to apologize for before, but he's acting like it never happened. What are you even talking about? Have you seen this OVA or not? Get out of the way and let him in already. You've watched three episodes now, but you still have no idea what this stupid anime is about. You can't pay attention to a single frame. All you can think about is how his arm has crept up behind your shoulders. A few inches more and he'll be holding you. Does he... want to hold you? You lean toward him so slowly your spine creaks. One molecule at a time. After a thousand years, your head slides nervously under his chin. His arm comes down, locking you in, fingers clutching your sleeve in a death grip. Even that snobby little pinky. His head tucks down into you hair. A sharp collarbone bites into your cheek. His heartbeat is hard, fast, and irregular. There's not a scrap of fat on him, and as you wrap your arm around his stomach, you think you see a twitch in his pants. Is that just you being desperate? Or... hopeful? This is really happening. --- Soon, you learn that Tenko is a clumsy kisser. It doesn't matter; the fact that he's kissing you at all is good enough for now. His lips are dry, but not half as dry as you expected. There's a slick of menthol helping things along; he's been using something medicated on his lips. Plus, his mouth tastes like he drank a gallon of mouthwash.

All this thrills you more than a little, because it means he came here wanting to impress you. Wanting you. Full stop. Underneath that minty sting is a strange, worrisome aftertaste, like something rotten. Your brain fires off an alarm. Stop kissing him. Right now. This thing will make you sick. But his hands nervously slide over your body... and you decide not to worry about it. Instead, you kiss him deeper. He makes a sweet, startled little noise. Your brain is a fucking liar. It occurs to you he's probably never done this before.

When you lace your fingers in his and try to pull one of his gloves off, he rips his hand away.

Don't. That’s the only explanation he gives.

No need to ask if it's a quirk thing or a trauma thing. Judging by how jittery he gets, it's probably both. You remember the way his hands almost float over objects without ever holding them. Maybe his touch is dangerous. Maybe that's why his face looks like that.

Maybe you should learn more about him before things go way too far...

No. It can't be that bad. Now that he's in your arms, everything frightening about him evaporates. He's vulnerable. He's alone. He's shaking a little. Has anyone else ever seen this side of him? You want to keep him all to yourself, just like this.

So what if he has to touch you with gloves on? You've heard of worse quirk-related inconveniences.

It's okay, Tenko. Do you want to keep going?

You put his hands back on you and wait for him to kiss you again. It doesn't take long.

---

You open his pants. He's long and thin, calloused even here. Every part of him feels untouched, unloved. You hold him tight and squeeze.

It doesn't seem to occur to him to please you in return. He looks afraid. Confused. You're sure you scared him earlier with the glove thing. Is this too much? No. He gasps and leans into you. The tiniest, broken please.

He cums in your hand right away, face buried in your shoulder, his eyes wet and hidden.

I have to go, he says. Over and over and over.

It's okay, Tenko.

You know he doesn't want to.

- - - - - (oops I wrote more)

#Shigaraki #Shigaraki Tomura #Shimura Tenko #Shigaraki x reader #Shigaraki x you #Shigaraki x y/n #gender neutral reader #shigaraki headcanons #mha #bnha #fred writes

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itsadamcole · 3 years

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birthday in december

fem!reader x adam cole

it’s reader’s birthday, and Adam plans a surprise party for her but things don't go very smoothly since he's still recovering from that insane Wargames match on Sunday ...

word count: 2.5k+

warnings: fluff, upset!adam, a little angsty, soft smut

— hi hi, it's my birthday so i decided to write a birthday themed imagine with my all time fave ... enjoy —

masterlist || request an imagine here

~ 18+ content below - read at your own risk ~

Adam’s POV

"Fuck this stupid brace," I shout, trying to hang up decorations for Y/N's surprise birthday party. I have limited mobility with it on but my wrist hurts when I take it off.

My whole body is still sore from Wargames on Sunday with the boys. We beat Pat McAfee and his group but it was a grueling match like it has been every year. Bruises are scattered across my body, my wrist is in a brace, and I am still extremely sore.

But I promised myself that I would get through decorating for Y/N's party. I invited her family over, plus the Undisputed Era, their wives, and a few of Y/N's friends from NXT. No one is here to help me so I'm doing this alone.

It sucks. I just wanted to decorate and get through today for Y/N. She's my girlfriend and I wanted to do something nice for her birthday today since she's helped me with everything since Sunday.

Eventually, I do get the "Happy Birthday Y/N" banner up. I almost fall off the small ladder I used to get it up several times.

I scatter balloons all over the place. They all say "happy birthday" on them.

Then I smell something burning in the kitchen. "The cake!" I yell, running into the kitchen.

Smoke is coming from the oven and, like a dumbass, I try to get the cake out with my bare hands. I burn my hand on the metal cake pan. "Shit!" I yell, rushing to put my hand under cold water. I dropped the cake in the process.

My hand is blistering up and Y/N's vanilla cake is on the floor. I lean down and put my head on the counter next to the sink.

Everything is falling apart. I can't even do a simple thing like make a cake or decorate the house.

After a few seconds of running my hand under cold water, I pull it out it the water. I wet a paper towel and wrap it around my blistering hand.

I look down at the cake on the ground. Maybe if it landed on the bottom then I would have been able to serve it. Instead, it landed with the cake down on the floor.

Frustrated, I kick the thing across the room.

"Woah!" I hear come from the doorway.

I immediately look up at who it was and see Y/N standing there.

Shit, I think.

***

Your POV

"Why are you kicking food around?" you ask, curious.

Adam sighs and says, "Because I tried to surprise you with a party and a cake. Then I burnt the cake because I was having issues decorating. Then I burnt my hand trying to get the cake out of the oven."

You look at his hand wrapped in a wet paper towel and walk over to him. Adam doesn't even look at you. You pout and take his burnt hand in yours, checking on the burns.

His hand is blistered and red. "Let me help you get this cleaned and bandaged," you say, smiling at Adam. "Please."

Without looking at you, he nods. You walk off to the upstairs bathroom to get some antibiotic ointment and a bandage wrap. Once you find everything, you walk back downstairs.

You find Adam sitting on the couch in the living room and you sit beside him. He looks upset as he looks down, avoiding eye contact with you.

After unwrapping the wet towel from his hand, you begin to apply the ointment on his burns and blisters. Adam hisses in pain. "Sorry," you quickly say.

He mutters to himself, "I couldn't even bake a simple cake without hurting myself."

You begin to wrap his hand and say, "You're still healing from that match on Sunday. You shouldn't have pushed yourself to do all this just says removed from the Wargames match."

Adam sighs and says, "I just wanted to do something special for your birthday since you've been helping me out since Sunday. That's all I wanted, and I couldn't do it."

Pouting, you finish wrapping his hand and say, "Adam, baby, it's my job to help you. You're hurting and I'm supposed to be the one taking care of you. The only thing I ever wanted for my birthday was to spend the day with you."

Adam finally looks up at you, tears in his pretty blue eyes. You feel your heart break in your chest as he says, "I just wanted to do something simple and special but this stupid brace and my stupid body got in the way."

"Baby, you sprained your wrist and had a long match on Sunday," you say. "I didn't think that you would be able to move by today let alone run around the house trying to make today special for me. I don't need a big party for my birthday. I just need you and me on the couch eating some ice cream and watching some of my favorite movies." You smile at him.

Adam pouts and says, "You've done so much to help me since Wargames. I just wanted to do something special for you, Y/N."

The tears roll down his cheeks and you can see how upset he actually is. You pout and reach out, wiping his tears away.

You cup his face in your hands and say, "Adam, I love you and I appreciate that you want to do something special for me today, but you make today special just by being here with me."

He blinks away some tears and he nods. Adam says, "I'm sorry I'm such a mess. I just wanted to do something simple today."

You carefully hug him and say in his ear, "Baby steps, Adam. You need to stretch out and get your muscles moving again, and not by running around the house."

Adam lets out a little laugh as he wraps his arms around your waist, holding you close.

The two of you sit like that on the couch for a second before you pull back. You smile at Adam and say, "Thank you for trying to make my birthday special. It means so much to me that you did try to do something for me today."

Adam finally smiles at you and he says, "I love you, Y/N. So much. Thank you for helping me out recently."

"I'd do anything for you," you say. "I mean it."

He says, "I know you would. It's what makes you such an amazing person, and it's what made me fall in love with you in the first place."

Right after you and Adam started dating, he was involved in a two out of three falls match against Johnny Gargano to retain his NXT Championship at Takeover: Toronto in August 2019. The match was brutal, and you took care of him then like you did now. Adam admitted a few weeks later that when you were taking care of him after his match, he knew he was starting to fall for you.

Flustered and happy that Adam isn't as upset anymore, you smile and say, "I love you, Adam. I'm seriously thankful that you tried to make today special even though you're still recovering."

Adam smiles back at you and asks, "Can I at least get a kiss for my troubles?"

Giggling, you say, "Of course you can."

You lean into Adam, kissing him lightly. He kisses you back just as softly.

The soft kiss turns into two and three soft kisses, before the kiss starts to get more passionate as you press your lips harder against Adam's.

Adam slides his hands to your waist and he pulls you closer to him as the originally soft kiss slowly turns intense.

Your hands cup his face as you kiss him.

His sneakily slips his tongue into your mouth, making you giggle against his lips before doing the same to him.

Adam starts to slowly push you onto your back on the couch, crawling so he's laying between your legs on top of you. The kiss is rough and passionate now.

You grip the sides of Adam's Undisputed Era t-shirt as you pull him against you.

His lips leave yours and attach to your neck. You let out soft sighs and close your eyes. "Adam," you say. "Baby, you're not physically well enough to do anything."

"Hm," he mumbles against the sensitive skin on your neck. "Says who?"

You smile and say, "Your body. You can barely do your usual activities without aching or being in pain."

Adam pulls back and looks down at you. "Y/N," he says, almost sternly. "I can have sex if I take it easy."

You almost laugh at how serious he's being before you say, "Come upstairs with me. I know it's my birthday but I have a surprise for you."

Slithering your way out from underneath Adam, you walk up the stairs. Adam follows behind you.

Once in your bedroom, you say, "Wait here." You grab a bag before walking into the master bathroom that's attached to the bedroom.

"What are you planning?" Adam calls as you change out of your t-shirt and leggings into the black lingerie set you bought yesterday.

You giggle and say, "Patience, my love. You'll see."

The black lingerie set is a lacy bralette that's pretty much see through with matching blank panties. You tie your hair up into a ponytail before leaving the bathroom.

Adam's jaw drops before he says, "Oh, damn."

He's sitting on the bed so you walk so you're standing in front of him. You say, "I had a feeling that you would try to overdo yourself today so I decided to buy this and help you feel better."

You stare down at your boyfriend as he bites his lip and says, "Oh, I am already feeling better."

"Good," you say, kneeling down in front of him. You reach up and unbutton his jeans. "I'm helping you feel better so you just lay there and look hot while I help you feel better."

You start to pull Adam's jeans off his body. He lifts his butt up and helps you get them off easier. His boxers come off with his jeans and you lick your bottom lip as you throw the pieces of clothing to the floor.

His eyes are on you as you take his member in you hand, pumping him a few times before licking his tip and taking him in your mouth.

Adam groans and grunts as you slowly begin to suck him off, using your hand to make up for what doesn't fit in your mouth.

You hum a little bit as his fingers find their way into your hair. You know humming a bit while Adam is in your mouth drives him crazy, and you want to make sure he feels good. So you do it several times.

"God," Adam moans slightly. "God, I love you. I love this. So freaking much."

Before he has the chance to release in your mouth, you pull back and stand up. Just to tease Adam, you do a little strip tease for him. He's propped himself up on his shoulders to watch you as you slowly undress in front of him.

He bites his lip as you finish. You push up his shirt so it comes off of him.

Carefully, you crawl onto Adam. You straddle his waist as you trace every bruise and little cut on his body that he got in the Wargames match. You lean down and leave little kisses on his chest as he moves and cups your face in his hands.

Adam's eyes meet yours and he leans up, kissing you. You kiss him back. This kiss is much softer and sweeter than the kisses a few minutes ago were.

His lips moves against yours for a few seconds before he pulls back, meeting your eyes.

"You have no idea how much I love you," he says, his voice dropping to a whisper. "I'm serious."

You peck his lips and say, "I love you too, Adam. More than you know."

A smile appears on his lips and you sit up, your hands on Adam's chest to keep your balance. You begin to grind slowly against Adam. The tip of his erect member is moving through your soaked folds.

His groans and little noises when you were sucking him off made you wet. You couldn't stand it anymore and you needed him. You still need him.

After a moment of this, you take his member and line him up at the entrance.

Slowly and carefully, you lower yourself onto him. You sigh softly as you begin to move your hips. You're careful not to hurt Adam's already bruised body as you move so your movements are slow but filled with passion.

With every movement, you slide deeper onto him. Soft moans escape your lips as you throw your head back, enjoying this feeling.

Adam reaches up and plays with your breasts, groping them.

Your breathing gets heavier as you move faster. Your moans get louder and you slide your hands down Adam's chest.

The room is filled with your moans and the sound of skin slapping skin as you move.

A knot forms in your stomach and that's when you know you're close to an orgasm. You feel your walls begin to pulsate around Adam.

Your moans get louder as you moan Adam's name and several profanities.

"Baby," Adam groans. "I'm about to come."

Biting your lip, you say, "Me too."

He says, "On three?"

You nod as you speed up your movements.

After a three count, Adam releases his seed into you and you release around him while he's still inside of you. You moan out his name, almost screaming it as you come.

You help yourself and Adam ride out your highs before you collapse onto his chest.

Both of you breathe heavily and you close your eyes, not having any energy to pull yourself off Adam.

It's quiet as Adam begins to play with your hair.

"Happy birthday, Y/N," he says, kissing your forehead. "Now it's time to give you my present."

You smile and look up at Adam, asking, "What's my present?"

Adam smirks and says, "Sex. All day, as many times as you want."

Biting your lip you say, "That's the best birthday present ever."

He doesn't waste any time in starting round two as he attacks your neck with kisses.

#adam cole imagine #adam cole smut #adam cole fluff #adam cole x reader #wrestling imagine #wrestling smut #wrestling fluff #wwe imagine #wwe smut #wwe fluff #imagines #imagine #nswf imagine #smut imagine #birthday imagine #smut

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kuronanox · 4 years

Text

A new beginning - Ichigo Kurosaki

It was another raining day in Karakura town for Ichigo, life was moving by slowly. He was thankful because it made him feel less old than he really was. The shinigami work was slow because the young rookies did most of the work and the hollows weren't big threats to the town.

It's been about 3 years since he had gotten into a divorce, when he heard that rukia had moved on with her life he decided maybe it was his turn also. It's not that Orihime was a bad wife it's just that the love wasn't there for him anymore. Of course he would always love her but not into the intimate way. He didn't take custody of kazui so his son lived with Orihime while he stayed back at the same place he grew up at. Although they both agreed there would be no bad blood between the two they both provide kazui with love and care.

Ichigo and Kazui were at the park when it started to poor cats and dogs outside, he remembered checking the weather and it was suppose to be sunny all day. He didn't bring an umbrella so they made a run for it and stopped by the nearest cafe to wait the storm out.

"Ichigo?" (Your Name) called out from behind the counter, he looks back with widen eyes to see an old friend. Someone he never expected to see. "(Your Name)." He says and smiles, it has been probably 8 or more years since she last saw him.

"I can't believe it's you!" She says and runs to give him a big hug. "What are you doing back in japan?!" He says with a big grin on his face as Kazui stares at his dad in confusion. He's never seen his dad hug a girl before besides his mother so the little boy looks at (Your Name) and takes in her features. She was medium height, and her hair was lightly curled with the light of the store shining on her hair she looked pretty. Kazui blushed as she then looks at him.

"Is this your son?" She asks happily and extends her hands out to grab the smaller ones. Kazui shyly hides behind Ichigo and Ichigo cooly just scratches the back of his head and nods. "Yeah this is my son."

"Oh! How's Orihime! I came back to japan 3 years ago and I lost everyone's contacts so I've been basically alone since." (Your Name) recalls as she seats them down and plates a few deserts for the two.

"Well, me and Orihime are no longer together." He says laughing to break the tension and looks at his son who was to busy throwing down the macaroons in his mouth to pay any attention. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that." She says smiling lightly so she could keep the atmosphere more light.

"Um well, it's nice to finally get to see you again!" (Your Name) says and takes a seat with the two. "This is my cafe by the way."

Ichigo takes a look at the surroundings, it was cute. He guessed this was her place because it brought him back to high school when they were really close. The place was artsy like she was.

"So you haven't seen anyone since you got back from America?" He starts the conversation again as she leans onto her elbows and nods.

"Yeah it's been so long, I decided to come back because I didn't like America as much as I thought I would. After you defeated ywach and everyone got married I decided to make a new life somewhere else but as years passed I didn't really meet anyone significant so I decided to come back to Japan."

Ichigo looks out the window and could only agree, he often wonder if he rushed into marriage or falling in love and wondering why it fell apart fast. "How's rukia? Still like her?" She jokingly asks whispering so the little boy next to them wouldn't hear.

"Oi shut it will you!" Ichigo sighs and rolls his eyes. "Don't lie! I miss her sometimes too."

(Your Name) smiles sadly and recalled when they were all so young. When Ichigo found out the Rukia and Renji were going to be wed he asked out Orihime. (Your Name) had fought side by side with them for the years that the world was threaten and never once she ever showed any interest on Ichigo because she knew that Orihime already claimed him hers so she stayed in the shadows and then the two got married so she left for a better life.

"How old is your son now?"

"He's 10, the little shit is growing fast." He smiles and ruffles the kids hair as (Your Name) smiles.

"I guess I've been gone for a long time."

"Yeah, I've miss you sometimes." Ichigo admitted as she looks at him. He was definitely older and more mature, the boyish haircut was gone now and he had very faint wrinkles around his eyes whenever he smiled.

"Me too. Sometimes I wish I didn't leave japan but I can't say that. I enjoyed America too."

They talked for hours till it was night and Kazui had fell asleep. "I can drive the two of you home, it's dark outside." She offered even though Ichigo refused a few times till he gave in and she closed the cafe down for the day.

"Still living at the same house? I forgot where it was."

"Yeah I'll show you the direction."

After the drive they bid a farewell. "(Your Name) can I have you new number?" He asks before she drove off. "Of course, here!"

He smiles and waved her off.

Overtime Ichigo would come visit the cafe and would just chill there. He would read there, study there or even help around when he was free. (Your Name) was happy she had some company, she missed everyone especially her friends in soul society.

It was a Friday afternoon and she was teaching Ichigo how to ice a cake. "I don't remember you good at baking back then?" He teased as he watched carefully and she rolled her eyes and threw some at him. "You know people change over time."

"I'm just saying!" He laughs as she carefully finishes the top and add the last bit of the topping. "So mister what about you?"

"What about me?"

"Have you changed?" She asks as Ichigo dumbfounded tilted his head and hesitantly tried to answer. He never really tried to think about it, has he changed over the year? Maybe his feelings have but him personally.

"My feelings have, but not really me." He answers blandly as she sets the cake in the fridge and makes her way to espresso machine to make a cup.

"I don't know, you seem like you changed to me. You seem less happy." She answers to him truthfully as he quietly stares at her and she gives him a small smile.

"Maybe we both are lonely but choose not to acknowledge the change."

Ichigo doesn't say a word and stares at her for a long time as she just keeps managing the business. "Well?" She asks him trying to hint that maybe it's time to move on from the past and move forward.

"I know how much it hurt when Rukia married Renji and when you basically decided to choose Orihime as your significant other without actually taking time to find out what you really wanna love, I'm not saying you don't love her but I'm saying the love is different." (Your Name) continues as she finishes the expresso off with some cream and powder.

"I guess kinda like me, I moved on from the past and came back stronger. Maybe that's what you need Ichigo, a fresh new start."

Ichigo sighs he was lost for words. Lost for words because she was right. After losing his powers for those two years he was miserable and after defeating ywach it felt like this was the last of his adventures and then everyone started to settle down and moving on.

"Yeah maybe you are right." He mumbles to her and she smiles and gives him a small hug. "You know I'm always here for you. Don't feel alone. I know I can't replace some stuff but I can help patch some pieces."

It had been several months after that conversation and he was learning how to heal himself and find self happiness and Ichigo was feeling lighter. On both their days they would go to the library and read poetry. Well Ichigo would try to analyze Shakespeares poem and (Your Name) would read besides him as they quietly enjoyed each other company.

A few times (Your Name) would go over and cook dinner for Ichigo since sometimes he would work late hours and forget about his meals. It was welcoming to see Yuzu, Karin and Isshin again. Today was different though, Isshin was off on a business trip and the twins were off to a friends sleep over.

"Are you sure it's okay? Wouldn't it be rude?" She asks Ichigo as they closed the cafe together and he nodded his head a big smile. "Yeah! Let's eat out tonight. You are always cooking, I guess this my way for treating you."

They picked a nice restaurant that served ramen because it was a cold night and she wanted something warm in her. As the months progressed she notice Ichigo was looking better and even talking more about himself since they were making up from all the lost time.

"How's Orihime?"

"Inoue? Awe her and Ishida are together!" He happily says and she smiles too. "Finally glasses dude told her his real feelings."

"That's great, I always knew he liked her."

"Yeah I told him to tell her actually." Ichigo sheepishly says and slurps up his ramen. "Really! Wow, so weird." (Your Name) laughs as Ichigo just laughs with her. "I won't let anything go in vain everyone deserves to be happy." He finally says.

After dinner they were going to part ways again but he grab her hands and asks for her to stay with him for the night. "U-um not like that." He says blushing like a High school boy, like he was 15 again. Ichigo thought she was going to refuse but surprisingly she agreed to.

"Yeah I'll stay."

After settling down for the night they sat on the couch side by side and scrolled through shows on tv. "Why is it so cold today." She says and shutters grabbing the blanket next to her. "Well we live pretty north." He answers as she rolls her eyes and lean into him for warmth. He hesitantly tensed up from the gesture but slowly loosen up and cuddled up next to her.

"Let's watch black clover."

"Sure, seems interesting." He answers her and she hums and watches in silence. Ichigo was so into the show that hours past by and he saw she was fast asleep under him.

"(Your Name)." He calls out and she turned the other way trying to get comfortable. Ichigo chuckles and picks her up before setting her down on the bed. "Good night."

The next morning she groans and covers her eyes from the shining light, it was still really early but the sound of birds woke her up and a heavy body next to her. Ichigo was sound asleep with his arm wrapped around her waist as she started to blush. "I feel like a teenager again." She mumbles as she study his facial features. Even after years passed by she still thought Ichigo was still handsome.

Ichigo eyes open as she yelps but he refrains her from leaving the bed. "Shh, it's so early." He mumbles in a deeper voice than normal and pulls her closer. "Ichigo, what are you doing?"

"I'm not stupid (Your Name) I'm making both our happiness come true." He sheepishly says and looks up to her. "W-What?"

"Rukia told me." He bluntly says and sits up the bed now. "Rukia? When? Where?" She says sadden that the smaller shinigami didn't visit her.

"A few months ago, she told me that you've loved me."

"Oh." She responds and looks down.

"I'm sorry, I guess I was to obsessed about what was going on I didn't notice that you were there for me, it's my fault. We've could have been together and you didn't have to move to America all by yourself."

"It's okay, you know stuff happens for a reason."

Ichigo smiles and pulls her in a embrace and hides his face in the neck. "Let's just start over. Both of us together. I don't mind."

(Your Name) looks up to his smiling face and also smiles

"I don't mind starting over either."

#Bleach #bleachbravesouls #ichigo #ichigo kurosaki #rukia #rukia kuchiki #renji abarai #orihime #ishida #bleach oneshot #bleach oneshots #bleach x reader #bleach one shots

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fictional-worlds-are-exquisite · 3 years

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thank you! i think you're genuinely the only person that has ever said they actually like the fact that my bathrobe is obnoxiously pink. and you're absolutely right, one of the things i like most about it is that it hurts people's eyes. i love it actually. if you ever celebrate halloween you should absolutely add your bathrobe to your costume. an amazing idea. since it has a mouse face on the hood it could be two costumes rolled into one - both a vampire and a mouse (if in the middle of the evening you get bored of one), which i think would be awesome. and you probably wouldn't get cold (is it cold in nz during halloween? because here it almost always is). we don't celebrate halloween in lithuania either though. which i'm a bit bummed about, because halloween sounds super fun. mostly because of the dressing up! but i did celebrate it once, when i was 11 or 12 maybe? me and a couple of friends decided it would be fun even if it's not really celebrated here. so we dressed up, even went trick ir treating (half the houses had no idea what was happening and also i pretty much froze to death because i was dressed as a dead bride and refused to put a coat on because then you couldn't see my dress) and also watched horror movies. 12 (or 11) year old me thought it was amazing.

oh yeah! i've broken a knife on 2 separate occasions i think. once i tried to get something out of between the blender's blades, used a knife and then accidentally turned the blender on (i'm so fucking glad it was a knife and not my fingers). so the tip of the knife broke off (the blender was ok tho). and the second time i have no idea how it happened. i was cutting up broccoli and the knife just fell apart??? i was so confused, because one second i'm holding a knife and the next it's just two pieces of a handle and the metal part, all separate. had fun explaining that to my dad. you sound pretty unlucky too! i mean, a cut every time you use a knife, but you don't even notice it at the time? i think it's just that knives are out to get us (it's my newest conspiracy theory). i actually get double vision too sometimes! mostly when i'm tired, but i just figured that it was because i have really bad eyesight

they definitely SHOULD teach about gender and sexuality in school. it's a really big problem that in a lot of places it's either not compulsory or not even in the curriculum. honestly, everything i know about sex ed or lgbtq+ i had to learn myself on the internet, because we only had one class when we were like 13 years old with a guest speaker and it was mostly biology and then a little bit about menstruation and pads for girls (i have no idea what they told boys because we were also separated). so sex ed definitely sucks a lot in my country and i bet it's the same in a lot of others, which makes me really mad

exactly!! it's so hard to tell whether i'm feeling romantic or platonic love sometimes! it's confusing. also i remember one time me and a couple of friends had a sleepover and the friend's, who was hosting, parents weren't home so we watched romance movies (scandalous i know). again we were maybe 12. and they kept going "oh he's so hot" and intensely watching the sex scenes. while i was looking away from the tv whenever sexy times were going on and commenting on how much i loved the house design and the garden. gee i wonder what that means. (still can't believe it took me this long to figure out i was ace)

the breakfast went very well though! it's so interesting how different traditions are everywhere. i hope your lunch and the rest of christmas day went well too! (also i forgot to ask last time, but what is boxing day? google says it's mostly a shopping holiday, is it that? we just call it the second day of christmas and it's pretty much the same as christmas day but there's no presents!) but yeah i hope you had fun with your extended family on boxing day!

having acid reflux sounds like it sucks. i love breakfast, it's my favourite meal of the day (when i don't have to rush that is) and i skip lunch a lot because i usually have no time for it (my schedule kinda sucks), so i usually try to have a bigger breakfast. but hey, peanut butter is good! so at least you can have something that tastes good for breakfast!

aaand i feel like this ask got away from me. sorry it's so long!

it’s because i have t a s t e. it may not be GOOD taste but it sure is...taste...and i am proud of it. and yes, i love the idea of adding my dressing gown to my costume specifically because it means i’m basically in my PJ’s. minimal effort. comfort to the max. living the dream. halfway through the night i’m tired of being the vampire no one invites in so i drop to my knees and start the mouse act. mice are good at getting in houses and getting to chocolate and such. the dream. also i absolutely would get bored of one costume within the space of a few hours knowing me, so that’s a plus. uhhhh halloween is october which is. mid-late spring so it really depends on the day. it might be a little cold, might be shorts weather. I rarely leave my house at night so I’m not an expert on nighttime temperatures sdflsdfjsd.

I used to wish we did Halloween here but that was mostly because I wanted lollies. Although I also liked playing dress up as a young kid so maybe very young me would’ve vibed with the costume aspect. I know there’s a photo of me when I was like, 5 and my best friend of the time dressed up as witches at some point, maybe we had our own little halloween. I also possibly had a halloween themed birthday party once as a kid? I remember the little gift bags having spooky things in them and also possibly a bat cake but my memory is too bad to remember for sure. aha that’s the problem here too, no one locally would ever think to buy lollies to give out so it’d just be like um. you can have an apple I guess? at least you had fun though! i respect the commitment to the costume despite the cold.

that is such a stressful story to read, i fear for your life. although i understand the knife breaking in that first scenario. that would be terrifying though. what if the blender launched it,,, nOPE. i’m very glad it wasn’t your fingers, that’s some horror movie shit. the second time is just,, it be like that sometimes. it was probably just waiting to happen. my parents have a cheese grater with a loose handle and it. falls off. every time. i dry it. with the dishes. and every time i fear for my life as the grating bit drops off towards my feet as i’m left holding the handle. i should expect it by now but i never do. I get scared every time it happens. knives are definitely out to get us, i fully support this conspiracy theory. oh yeah, tiredness doesn’t help with double vision. i kind of need bifocal glasses by now but I also don’t want bifocal glasses so i just suffer but I suspect having them would reduce the double vision. maybe. maybe not.

yup! i remember someone handing out tampons and pads at primary school, i assume after giving a talk about periods, idk. i do also remember a teacher pulling the girls aside and being like yo, this is what a period is, here’s a horror story about my daughter and a tampon, enjoy the trauma, go back to class. good times. we did actually get really comprehensive sex ed concerning most things at my high school but that is faaaarrr from the norm around here, clearly. although teenage boys are good at filling in gaps, in my experience. they’re like little sex encyclopedias that offer up information without you asking. i didn’t ACTUALLY want to know that but i do now, i guess, thanks michael.

dude. the ‘oh he’s so hot’ comments are so confusing. ‘hot’ is like a category of attractiveness that I’ve never understood. ‘isn’t he hot?’ what does that MEAN rebecca. i think i asked once if it meant like, attractive or good looking. and the person i asked was like, you know, hot. you just look at them and, you know- no i don’t know. what is this. i don’t think i’ve ever watched a sex scene with people my age though, generally i just zone out for them sdkfhskdfh. i feel like there’s definitely all these indicators when you look back like oh yeah, should’ve realised i was ace then, but it’s just. such a hard sexuality to figure out. not that other sexualities aren’t but you’ve got to figure out an absence of something when you don’t even know what the something feels like- it’s a challenge.

I’m glad it did! It is interesting, for sure. I’ve always been interested in how winter Christmas’s work. As a young kid I didn’t understand hemispheres...obviously...i was like 5...and i’d go out on Christmas morning to see if there was snow. and sometimes it’d be a bit chilly in the morning and I’d be like damn. we almost had some this year. it’s a shame our climate tends to be too hot for snow on christmas :// like no you tiny dumbass it’s summer you little idiot there will be no snow no matter what. everything ended up going super well here :). boxing day is basically just a shopping holiday, i don’t know if it has any significance in any other way, i’m sure it did at one point, but i know there’s always boxing day sales everywhere. I think it’s also a public holiday (?) to give people another day off work and that, but I could be wrong there. I know I also used to regularly go to the races (horse races) nearby that were always held on boxing day, it was like a 150 year old tradition or something until people in attendance started dropping and I think they finally shut it down a couple years back. I didn’t care all that much about the horses but they also had food and carnival-type rides and such for the kids which is why I loved it. also we tended to meet extended family there for a picnic lunch.

acid reflux is like the least of my problems sdfkjshdkf. it’s annoying but it’s pretty managed with medication, I have to watch certain foods and drinks but I’m used to it by now. I think it’s also what causes me to not be able to eat large amounts normally so I survive a lot on snacks and a reasonable sized dinner. works for me. but peanut butter is good! i’m glad i can have that! I used to also have vegemite but that’s a bit more of a push, it’s easier to stick with peanut butter.

also it’s fine!! my responses are always very long too sdfjhskdf.

#i got told i probably needed bifocals like #at LEAST 2 years ago #probably more #but realistically i'm probably too dumb to use them correctly i wouldn't look in the right place for close vision or whatever #i'd probably give myself a headache #also to this day i have never gone NEAR a tampon #the horror story gave me enough trauma thanks #anyway gonna go eat an ice cream sundae and suffer #might fuck around and make my lactose intolerance hate me haha #it'll be WORTH it #i say now #in an hour i'll be dying #it's fine #Anonymous

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tamiddyinyourcity · 4 years

Text

Its a lonely ass place already when i know damn well that no one else deserves me.

No one other than me.

Damn, my self esteem was high-ish before I met him.

At least to the point of, "You're fun, but I will leave to find someone I genuinely love."

I was less afraid back then, since I cared less

I saw him as just, geeky Patrick. Or well, Immature Patrick. The kind that never really made a move, showed any sort of emotional range other than nervousness and irritation most of the time, and couldn't even plan a date.

And when I was finally thinking, "I'm having sex with a guy who lacks stamina, nuts in six seconds, and doesnt exactly do much for me in terms of any actual emotional stimulation.... Yeah, i could find this in any random creep sliding in my DMs, and they'd probably last longer, too. So, i should just tell him I'm done, and either he offers a resolution, or i leave."

It wasn't an ultimatum, i did 100% intend to just leave him and go back to internet dating.

But surprisingly, it worked.

Sex got better. Way, way, better. Communication was easier. Got to be more vulnerable with him, without fearing that I'd get no response at all. We went out more on actual dates, both big and small. (Big as in traveling into the city or to his collegetown to meet his buddies.... Small, as in a night of mcdonalds, and then promptly seeing how many times we can make his bed creak and shake all in a single night together.)

And now, it's kinda back to a place that I can't even call Square One.

Its gone from "i feel terrible, lets dm this random guy i ogled at once or twice", to "hes cool," to "hes literally a trainwreck.... but fuck it, hes still an interesting person to hang and bang, just, clearly not living to my expectations."

To "oh cool, we bang a lot, we hang a lot.... lifes great", to "oh no.... we bang a little too much and hang a little too much... of all the people to catch feelings for, its gotta be the dipshit that doesnt know how to reciprocate it?"

To "things are OVER", to "nvm we friends again and just hanging.... what if we.... stared at the water... and you put your arm around me as we hung out.... haha just kidding.... unless?....."

To "oh look, a stable relationship with my favorite person. we hang out when we feel like it, talk things out, and we click really well."

......

And now several shitty breakups and moments of straight up abusive situations or verbal asswhoopins later, here we are.

I don't really like the idea of us being strangers, but, it kinda feels like it.

Not a huge fan of that.

......

Not sure where my self esteem is standing.

The more i write, the better i seem to feel, since i feel closer to understanding. To getting a resolution. Good things.

.....

I don't know, yet. I just can't... keep doing this. If he wanted to resolve things, he wouldve. But he told me himself that even if there was a resolution, he didnt want to find one. He simply gave the fuck up, and then wants to have his cake and eat it too.

You cant toss me out and admit that im nothing, and expect me to be perfectly fine with that?

You literally slam dunked a perfectly fixable relationship into the fucking garbage over your ego and lack of faith in improving anything for us. You got me fucked up. And then oh, watch you cry or make sad tweets about it, when you chose to give up yourself. Watch you oh so suddenly want to keep a gift that you sure as hell didnt cherish or appreciate enough to not break up with me, but you sure the fuck want it NOW, to go "but its my favorite gift! its so sentimental to me!"

Our relationship was even more sentimental than the shiny piece of paper i gave you, whyd you toss that out and not the gift, then, huh?

No one's gonna give you a pat on the back for purposely setting things up for failure with no effort on your part to improve things, you little shit.

....

Yeah.

Alright.

I'll just listen to some music. Peace out.

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