oh also I wanted to ask, is some killjoy themed week with art prompts being organized during this summer? I've always wanted participate in one of these but I'm usually too busy so I was hoping I might finally have a chance this year! :D

RISES THE MOON

leon s kennedy x reader // 2 // the home away from home

leon regenerated before you, and he started looking for you in the tree line. eventually catching sight of you, the two of you made eye contact, but you didn't come to the campsite. instead, you ran off in another direction, and leon had to follow you into the fog.

genre: angst, attempted fluff

tags: leon tries to help you, touch starved reader, cuddling, nightmares, jill may be ooc- idk how to write her in this situation tbh 😭

warnings: nightmares, ptsd themes, mentions of bullying, violence and death

---

leon peeked into the small shack you inhabited in the woods. you had decorated it how you like and was quite cozy. you seemed busy, digging through your belongings that you kept in a chest. gently, the blonde knocks on your doorframe and you jump with a gasp, spinning around to see your fellow survivor. "sorry, i didn't mean to scare you." leon smiles sheepishly. "did anyone see you?!" you ask desperately, worry filling your eyes. "no, they were busy at the campsite." the cop furrows his brows, shuffling from foot to foot. "can i come in?" leon asks, keeping his voice soft. "i guess.." you mumble, remembering how desperate he was to help you. "nice place." his comment makes you a little flustered, and you look away bashfully. "thanks." you reply, sitting back down and continuing to sort supplies into med-kits and toolboxes.

leon sits behind you and crosses his legs, watching you carefully, something that made you grow nervous. "you have so much stuff." the blonde chuckles, hoping to ease your anxiety. "yeah... i used to hoard stuff for the other survivors before everything went bad." you shrug, "i see. perhaps we could help each other then." leon smiles, grabbing one of your med-kits to help. you let out a soft oh, glancing at the blonde on your right to carefully watch him. "hm?" he looks back at you and you fluster more, looking away. leon laughs a little, continuing to organise the kit how you were doing it. "you don't have to be so shy. i don't understand what's going on here yet, but i can keep you safe." leon says softly, glancing over at you again as he zips up the med kit. your lack of response makes the man nervous, and he gently rests his hand on your arm, hating how you flinch.

"i'll keep you safe, no matter what happens here. i'll help you and anyone else if they need it." leon's smile stumps you and you feel like crying. "you shouldn't even be here... if they find us then god knows what they'll do.." you whisper, putting your supplies away. "if who finds you?" leon asks, rubbing your arm softly. "them! all of them... anyone out there." you shudder, pulling your arm away as you move away slightly. "hey.. no one will hurt you, okay? i'll keep you safe. it's my duty, you have my word." he smiles sadly, pulling you against his chest to hug you. your breath catches in your throat, and you tense up. "it's okay. i'm gonna keep you safe." leon assures you, coddling your much smaller, malnourished form against his chest. you whimper softly, tears welling up in your eyes as you try to wiggle away from his burning touch. "it's okay.." leon soothes you, his fingers wiping away any tears.

eventually, you relax, clinging to his police vest with a few soft sobs. "is it really this bad?" leon whispers, his heart hurting for you. "yes..!" you cry, letting him hold you tightly. "hey, i have an idea." leon admits, and you hum softly, wet face staring up at him. "i can be your bodyguard so to speak, and my friend jill can keep you safe if i'm ever away." he smiles, seemingly happy with his suggestion. "i don't want anyone else getting hurt though.." letting out a small breath, you let his calloused, warm hand rest on your cheek, wiping away any tears. "we'll keep you safe and we have professional training in self defence. you shouldn't worry your pretty head." leon smiles at you, and you can't help but circle your arms around his waist to hold him closer. "thank you..." you whisper over and over again, a mantra that makes leon feel saddened for you.

"get some rest, you look like you need it." leon hushes your grateful rambling, and you fall silent as you huddle impossibly closer yet your eyes glance up at him for confirmation. "go on, i'll be here when you wake up. i'll keep you safe." the blonde assures you, and moves with you so he could bundle you up in your actually comfy cot. when the cop goes to sit down somewhere else, you sit up suddenly and catch his wrist. "don't go..." you beg, trying to pull him back to you. "please... please don't go..!" leon acts quickly as your breathing picks up. "okay, okay. i'll sit with you instead of on the floor." the officer smiles, heading back towards your bed.

when leon sits down, you can't help but try to press yourself under his arm so he would cuddle you. laughing at your attempt to slip under his arm like a needy kitten, leon wraps his arm around you securely. "you don't need my permission for this, y'know?" leon smiles, finding cute how you warmed up to his affection, however he couldn't help but also worry at your naivety to any positive touches. the officer felt like he had to protect you from any harms way, that he should hide you from the horrors of this world. but alas, all of it was out of his control and that was infuriating. "get some sleep." you hear leon whisper as he pulls your half asleep form up onto his lap and cuddles you against his chest. only humming in response, you eventually drift off and leon lets out a small sigh. "i'll keep you safe. i have to... it's my job!" leon speaks, despite knowing you can't technically hear him. "i have to make sure nothing happens to you whether it kills me or not. you're too precious." the blonde continues to monologue, before his own tiredness from a days worth of trials starts to get to him and he drifts off as well.

leon's brows furrow at the small noises that wake him up. he raises his head, neck aching from slouching over in and resting his head on you subconsciously. "y/n..?" he mumbles, becoming more awake when he realises your discomfort. you shuffle in his lap, distressed noises still falling from your lips. "hey, hey hey! it's okay, it's alright." leon shakes your shoulder softly, trying to be gentle with you. "y/n!" he calls a bit louder, finally jerking you awake with a startled inhale. you yelp and fall away from him, scrambling back with a wild look in your upset eyes. "don't hurt me! please don't hurt me!" you beg, keeping your hazy, tear-filled, sleepy eyes locked onto the figure in front of you. "hey, it's just me! it's leon, remember?" leon responds with a soft voice, slowly approaching you as if you were a wild animal. "leon..?" you whimper, blinking a few times and realising that it was in fact the blonde who looked deathly worried.

the man stretches out his arms for you, and you quickly rush for his comfort. you almost knock the poor cop over as you wrap your arms around his torso tightly. "it's okay, i've got you." leon lets out a small breath, rubbing your back as you cry against his uniform. "make it go away..! just make it all stop!" you cry loudly, hands gripping the back of the bullet proof vest leon adorned. "you're safe with me, i promise." leon offers instead, and you continue to shake with each desperate sob. "you poor thing... i'm not going to let anything get you anymore." leon sounds more sure of himself as you slowly calm in his warm embrace.

"please don't leave me alone." you whimper, feeling tired from crying. "i'm not going anywhere, okay? i'll stay with you for as long as i can." the blonde smiled, his fingers coming up to gently brush over your damp cheek. "i'm making it my duty to protect you whilst we try to figure a way out, okay? i'll keep you safe." you let out a sigh at his words. "thank you..." you whisper and the blonde laughs. "you shouldn't be thanking me." leon smiles, raising your head by your chin with his forefinger and thumb so he could look at you properly. you can't help but glance at his lips as he smiles at you, the air becoming more thick woth tension.

"there you are! jesus what the hell's happening in here?" a new, female voice that you didn't recognise chimed in, and the two of you jumped away from each other. "jill! thank god, are you alright?" leon smiles at the woman, and you follow him when he gets up to greet her. "i'm fine. who's this?" jill smiles at you softly. the aura around her was strong yet oddly comforting to you. "this is y/n. i'm going to be protecting them." leon declares to his friend. jill rolls her eyes. "he has quite the hero complex, doesn't he?" she jokes, whispering loudly as if leon couldn't hear her. you don't really respond, shuffling behind your new friend. "jill..." leon sighs, "don't worry, she's also here to help." you look at leon with uncertainty, and he smiles at you.

"sorry, didn't mean to be overbearing. i don't really know what else to do right now as it seems you're quite stressed. i'm jill valentine." the pretty woman extends her hand for you to shake, but you fully hide behind leon at her gesture. "be careful, they show signs of ptsd." leon scolds, and you feel a sense of comfort wash over your heavy mind. "oh! sorry... i'm still yet to find out what's going on here." jill laughs sheepishly, retracting her hand. "y/n, it's okay. jill's trustworthy." leon soothes you by taking his hand in yours, slowly coaxing you out to greet the woman.

"hello." jill smiles, now keeping her actions and tone soft to ensure she won't scare you. "hi..." you mumble, grabbing leon's wrist with your other hand for any sense of security. leon smiles, and looks back at jill. "jeez, they've really warmed up to you, huh?" jill jokes, and you're quick to jump to leon's defence. "he helps me!" you snap, but shrink back once you realise your outburst. leon rubs the back of your hand with his thumb comfortingly, and you relax slightly, but not fully. "it's alright. i didn't mean anything by it." jill raises her hands in faux surrender. "sorry..." leon says for you, as you seemed to have regressed to silence. "it's completely fine. nothing i haven't seen or dealt with before. i've got thick skin." jill smiles at you, and you feel your lungs deflate with relief that she isn't mad at you.

"come sit down, jill. we'll explain." leon gestures to the cot as you rest your head on his bicep. "sure." jill shrugs, following the two of you in, and settling down on the other end of the makeshift bed. when leon sits with his back against the wall, you curl up into his side, still uncertain of jill's company as the blonde speaks to her about what he's gathered so far.

AJSKDJLES you’re so nice!!! I was 100% using my birthday to manipulate you into giving us more headcanons lol but I wasn’t expecting you to actually get to it today! 🥺🥺🥰 take your time and no pressure but I definitely wouldn’t say no to hearing more about them making wild melodramatic accusations to make each other laugh in public because I can 100% see it. And I can totally see it starting on the surf trip because no one knows them so they’d just like try and embarrass the other? Amazing.

Sorry it’s a day late but I hope you had a great birthday bestie and enjoy the chaos of this wee blurb😂tbh I love this headcanon for them because it’s something they would totally do! But happy late birthday and I hope it was an enjoyable one!!❤️

Word Count: 1.6K

It started of a silly little game.

Keeping true to their word, the second they had graduated from high school and had those diplomas in their hands, JJ and Kiara wasted little time in planning the logistics of their surf trip around the world. So many places to go, waves to surf, sights to see—it was impossible to choose a place to start. However, thanks to Pope and his intense need to create a plan so his two best friends wouldn’t be thrown into the world as they “go with the flow”, he had organised a proper scheme.

JJ didn’t think it was necessary, and Kiara knew they wouldn’t stick to it. But they let Pope continue with it regardless.

Against their better judgement, his route and itinerary around Europe was insanely helpful for the couple as they ventured through the countries, excited to see places they could only dream about. Especially for JJ, it felt absolutely surreal that he was leaving the island, let alone travelling the world with the love of his life at his side. It was something he would never fully believe, but cherish in fear that he would wake up from this perfect dream and return to a shitty life in reality.

But as he turned to look at Kiara, her hair swept back by the breeze and her eyes watching the glittering city below in awe as they stood at the top of the Eiffel Tower, JJ knew that no matter how many times he pinched himself that this was his reality.

“If you’re about to make some cheesy joke about how the view is pretty but you’re prettier, I will throw you off this tower.”

JJ only grinned in response, shaking his head as he finally shifted his attention to the city view. They had just witnessed the sunset and it was one of the most breath-taking views either of them had seen, without a fucking doubt.

“Well now that you’ve stole my thunder and ruined it…” He trailed off with a sigh, but his smile only widened when he heard the soft giggle that escaped her lips.

“Whatever.” She muttered, her features softening as she leaned against the railing and took in the sounds of the streets of Paris.

“I can understand why so many people propose up here, it’s beautiful.” He admitted after a few moments.

Kiara only scoffed.

JJ turned to her, eyebrows raised. “You don’t agree?”

“Because there is nothing more romantic than having a bunch of other tourists watching one of the most intimate moments of your life whilst horns are beeping down below and the wind is blowing hair into your lip gloss.” She deadpanned.

Kiara was a romantic person when she wanted to be, but some gestures were even too much for her.

“Well when you put it like that, it’s no fun.” JJ muttered with a small chuckle, though he could see her point. “Does this mean I should keep the ring in my pocket and scrap the proposal?” He asked with a grin on his face.

Kiara rolled her eyes but she smiled. “Sorry to break your heart, babe, but if you got down on one knee right now, I would have no shame embarrassing you in front of all these people.” She said with a brief glance at the other tourists standing up here with them.

But JJ’s eyes gleamed at the sight of the challenge.

She didn’t have time to question him when he slipped one of the rings off, holding it in his palm before he cleared his throat and got down on one knee.

Her eyes widened as she looked down at him in confusion. “Jay, what are you doing—”

“Barbra Gertie Stonehend,” He started in a loud, boisterous voice to (successfully) catch the attention of the other tourists. “We have spent years together, helping each other through many hardships. I have been there for you since your bed wetting days when you were twelve, I have been there for you since you got your braces stuck in the railing at the zoo, and I have been there for you since your pet piggy was tragically knocked down by a bike. But now I ask that you do me the honour of being there with me at the end of the aisle by the alter?”

He finished his obscene speech, now holding his ring between his fingers and looking up at her with a faux hopeful expression. She pressed her lips together to hold in her snickers as she glanced around, seeing all eyes on them as they awaited her answer. And when her gaze returned to JJ, there was something quite smug shining in his eyes.

JJ had always been the best liar from them all, the way he would so easily be able to spout out nonsense at the drop of a hat. But she was just as competitive and determined as the blond, and willing to challenge him at his own game.

“Oh Bernie…” She sighed, hand placed on her chest as she looked down at him. “How could I ever marry a monster like you! Marge told me everything, I cannot believe you would expect me to marry you after you were the one that killed my pig!”

A few gasps could be heard from the crowd around them.

JJ urged himself not too laugh, though his eyebrows were raised in silent appreciation.

“Boo-Bear, it’s not what it seems! I didn’t mean to kill Vincent!” He urged, reaching out to hold her hands in his own. “I am more than a cold blooded pig murderer, please give me a chance!”

“I love you, my snookums, but I cannot!”

“Please, honey-bunch, don’t listen to Marge!” He cried out as she ripped her hands from his. “She is just jealous of what we have!”

“Then why are you having a child with her?!”

Kiara could’ve sworn she heard someone utter ‘holy shit’ under their breath but urged her face to remain neutral.

“It’s not mine!”

“Then who’s is it?” Kiara demanded, her hand clutching her imaginary pearls.

“My twin brother’s!”

“No!” Kiara gasped, feigning utter shock as she took a few steps back. “It cannot be Bobby’s…because he is the father of my child!”

Another series of gasps echoed amongst the landing.

“You…you were cheating on me with my twin brother?” JJ asked, finally standing up as he looked at her with a look of betrayal.

“I’m sorry, Bernie…” She whispered but JJ dramatically turned away.

“I can’t believe this,” He muttered before heading towards the exit. “I’m taking the dog and going home!”

“BERNIE, NO—”

“Goodbye, Barbra, enjoy your life with Bobby and his stupid exterminating company!”

Whispers murmured around the group and Kiara urged herself to keep a straight face as she waited a few moments before following him down. Once they reached the bottom, it took one glance at each other before they burst out laughing, tears streaming down their faces as they clung onto each other and walked back to their flat.

It was the start of an odd game they played for the rest of their trip. In the most random places they would play out insane scenarios, the aim to be as dramatic as they possibly could until one of them had to physically leave the scene before they burst out laughing. It was just a wee game to spice things up when they were out in public, plus it helped knowing they would never see any of these people again.

The word ‘Eiffel’ just had to be said and the game would begin.

And boy, was it entertaining.

There was the time they were in Austria visiting a vineyard, when suddenly Roberto was just sick and tired of holding back his secret affair he had been hiding behind his wife’s back. Little did he know his wife, Carla, had been sleeping with his secretary too.

Or the time they pretended to be spies on a mission whilst walking through a museum in Australia, pretending to mutter things to one another and even went to the extent of buying walkie talkies so they could suspiciously communicate from opposite sides of the room. That one kind of backfired because they did end up being thrown out by security.

Or the time they were in a small village in Turkey when it was suddenly revealed that Topanga would be leaving her fiancé, Johnny, for a prince that promised her wealth in power. However much to her shock, the prince she had been talking to was actually Johnny catfishing her.

Or there was the time they decided to re-enact the whole plot of Mamma Mia in Greece to see how long it would take people to notice how familiar the whole situation felt. It turned out it took people a tragically long time.

It was a stupid game that they adored and it followed them through the extent of the surf trip and even sometimes when they would returned home. Not to the same extent as they did in the past with fake identifies, but sometimes just odd scenarios to really fuck with their friends’ heads and keep them on their toes.

There was just something so satisfying about turning to each other, matching grins on their faces as they sat at the kegger and listened to some random touron talk about how nothing interesting ever happened on this island whenever she would visit her grandmother.

Ideas racing in their minds and all the possibilities of how they can make this night one to remember were jumping at the possibility to put on a show. With his eyebrows raised, JJ turned to his girl.

“Eiffel?”

“Eiffel.”

“HOW COULD YOU?! THAT GOLDFISH PIZZA MEANT EVERYTHING TO ME AND YOU JUST ATE IT AFTER EVERYTHING WE’VE BEEN THROUGH?”

After all, it started as a silly little but it always ensured chaos.

Recently, the author Gosho Aoyama has claimed that the ending of Haibara will be " Surprising" for everyone ?? What does that mean ?? It is not clear if it is a bad or good ending !!! Do you think that Haibara will never come back to her adult form as Miyano Shiho and stay as a kid.. and make a relationship with Mitsu ?? And if Haibara take the permanent antidote.. do you think that she will be punished and jailed since she was a member of BO?? or she dies in the end ??

Oh good God there is a lot to unpack here but thank you for your questions and I'm soo glad you brought them up! I’ll try to answer them as best as I can 😄

So yes, Gosho did say Haibara’s ending will surprise everyone but I also remember him saying Detective Conan’s ending will be happy. Not to mention Haibara is a veryyy popular character (if not the most popular female character on the show), so I find it hard to believe that she’ll just end up being killed off. I don’t think Gosho would do that to us.

Now when it comes to her remaining as a kid, I kind of talked about how I feel about it here . In short I believe she deserves to regain control of her life as Shiho and not remain as Haibara. Also this fan comic about Shiho explaining to Shinichi why she didn’t want to remain as Haibara is beautiful in every way and I think you should take a look at it. 

But to add to that, I refuse to believe she’s willing to remain as Haibara. Whenever people say she’ll get a chance to relive a proper childhood it irritates me 😂 I mean she’s still mentally an adult. I cannot imagine having to always act like a child, go to school and relive high school (diabolical if you ask me) when I’m mentally grown up. 

Personal opinions aside, there is one moment where it was hinted she’d be willing to stay as Haibara.  In the movie Captured in her Eyes she basically said she'd love to stay as Haibara IF she lost her memory. This is not canon and she did say after that she was joking but she tends to "joke" when she actually means what she says.

But since then, Haibara’s character has grown significantly. And these developments ⬇️ have me believing she's most likely going to take the antidote.

Jodie interpreted why Haibara refused the witness protection program was because she found a family in her friends. So with that logic, shouldn't that make sense for her to stay as Haibara? Ummm not really. She didn't just stay for the friendships, in fact she was so moved by Ayumi's words that she realised she has to face her fate and keep fighting. If she doesn't take the antidote, she's basically accepting what she was forced to become because of the organisation without facing her struggles and embracing her past. She'll technically be running away from her true self and erasing any link she has to her family whom she loves so much.

And tbh if Gosho decided she should lose her memory and remain a kid, I’ll be extremely disappointed. That would be a very poor and rushed ending and all her character developments would have been for nothing. Also I don't understand why some people equate her returning as Miyano Shiho to her cutting off the detective boys from her life. If anything, she'll probably continue living with the professor who she now looks up to as a father figure, while still remaining close and looking after the detective boys.

Now for the relationship with Mitsuhiko, I just can’t see how that can happen. He is a child for God’s sake! No matter how smart or responsible he is, he is still a CHILD. And whenever people say she should be with Mitsuhiko it makes me wonder, do they expect it to happen right now when she is still Haibara or are they saying when they eventually grow up? The first one is no way because she’s mentally an adult and he is a child and that is a crime waiting to happen. The second option means she’ll stay a child and I already expressed how I feel about that. Also I hate to break it to the AixMitsuhiko fans but Haibara loves all the detective boys like her younger siblings. She is the older sister / senpai of the group and she’s never displayed any romantic feelings for Mitsuhiko, nor do I think she’d develop them in the future simply because she views him as nothing but a baby brother.

Now on to the juiciest question that you asked, “Will she be jailed because she was an ex BO member?” I have a lot to say on this so please bear with me😁 

We now know that Rei was planning on handing her back to the BO in the Bell Tree Train arc (see here). Thankfully, that didn’t happen thanks to Conan’s big brain thinking making Rei believe that Shiho died. Now, he is yet to meet Haibara and discover the truth about her (I cannot wait for this to happen!) but when he does, this is how I imagine things will go down: 

He’ll despise her because he’ll think of her as a criminal who worked for the BO and developed a deadly drug. However, he won’t be able to hand her back to the BO since he was the one who confirmed her death. Handing her back would only have the BO question his credibility / loyalty and possibly jeopardise his future there. Therefore, he’s left with one option; take her into PSB custody and interrogate her. But, there’s no way Conan, the Kudo family and even quite possibly Akai would just stand aside and not intervene. At the same time, I doubt Rei will simply believe her if she said “she was forced to make a poison” (even Conan didn’t believe her when they first met). So how will he back off? These are my theories: 

I feel the tapes Elena recorded packed way more than just the drug’s true purpose. She may have also recorded what the organisation forced her and Atsushi to go through. And with the fact that Vermouth seemed to blame her animosity for Shiho on her parents, it is quite possibly Elena mentioned Vermouth on the tapes. If Haibara brings up those tapes and Rei heard them, first of all he’ll get closure (because he loved Elena as his own mother) and finding out about Vermouth’s link to the Miyanos, he can investigate them more. I don’t think it’ll be difficult for him to uncover the truth about her family especially since he knows Vermouth’s secret and that couldn’t have been easy.

If Haibara doesn’t bring up the tapes, I think Akai will step in by asking Rei to hand over Vermouth (since she’s an American citizen) if he wants to take Haibara. Rei would never agree to that because Vermouth provides him with invaluable help and support in the organisation, so he’ll be forced to let Haibara go.

And for my final theory, just like how the Kudo family struck a deal with Rei to work with Akai (I reeaallly want Gosho to reveal what their talk was about), they’ll probably do the same thing to protect Haibara and in time, Rei will learn the truth about her past. 

So basically in the end, I don’t think she’ll be arrested. I’d like to think once Rei learns the truth about her and her family’s past, he’ll be relieved to have received closure (because he loved Elena so much) and subsequently decide to protect Haibara. Also Gosho hinted Rei and Haibara will eventually get along so the probability of her being arrested is low.

Haibara’s ending is something I’m really looking forward to and I’ll be crushed if she isn’t given the ending she deserved (there is plenty of room for her ending to be ruined so fingers crossed that doesn’t happen). I picture her returning as Shiho, staying with the Professor, slowly warming up to Mary and Sera (I can’t begin to imagine how she’ll feel when she finds out they’re related) and maybe even go on to be a narcotics agent. Why narcotics agent? (All explained here ). When it comes to her love life, God knows what will happen, but the Mitsuhiko pair is highly unlikely to happen. Also, I don’t see why she has to end up with someone. Her happy ending doesn’t necessarily mean she’ll be with someone. In fact...

Having a family and friends she cares about. 

Being free to live her life without constantly looking over her shoulder

Confronting Gin for killing her sister and whatever history they shared (I’m so mad GinxSherry has fizzled out without being answered. I need to know the truth about their past!!)

Finding peace and accepting her past

....are all enough reasons to give her the happy ending she deserves to have.

I hope this long speech helped answer your questions 😂. I honestly enjoyed writing it so, thank you so much for letting me do this 🖤😁

Can i request maybe haz seeing you out playing with his niece and nephew in the backyard and he's talking to his mom about you being the one and getting a ring and she asks if he has one and he does and is showing it to his mom and its all fluff

this is possibly the softest request I’ve ever received. thank you for making me swoon over this entire concept lol. I'm really proud of how this turned out tbh. it's fluff central over here.

-- clearing out my askbox -- 

Harrison’s had plenty of nice moments in his life, but he swears nothing will ever beat this day.

It’s early July, and the sun is beating out across his back garden. The flowers seem brighter than normal, the grass greener too, and all of his friends and family are standing out in front of him. It’s his birthday, and you’ve organised a large get-together of everyone he loves the most in the world. He’d almost cried when you’d led him out onto the patio, blind-folded and completely in the dark to your plans, just to reveal the banners, and the people, and a rousing rendition of Happy Birthday. He’d known the moment that you’d squeezed his hand and asked what he thought, that you are, quite simply, the best thing to ever happen to him. 

Harrison loves you, with everything that he has. He loves you so deeply that it’s almost intrinsic, and he wishes he could cling to this moment forever.

“Are you having a nice birthday, love?” 

Harrison looks up, blinking a few times as he sees his mum beside him, a knowing smile on her face.

“It’s lovely,” he responds, chuckling as he digs his hands into the pockets of his shorts. “I think this is the best birthday I’ve ever had.”

Phil smiles, reaching up to pat his shoulder. “This was all Y/N,” she says. “She organised this whole thing for you.”

Harrison lets his gaze wander across to you, as he’s done frequently all afternoon. You’d started out by his side, but eventually, Charlotte had convinced you to come and entertain their cousins with her, and you’d been strong-armed into making the rounds with her instead. He’d watched as you’d chatted away with his sister, the both of you laughing like best friends until Charlotte had pushed you down onto a picnic blanket with his niece and nephew, winked, and left you to deal with them yourself.

You’re still out there, half an hour later, playing around with a wooden toy plane, entertaining two toddlers who are looking at you like you’re the world. You make small noises, imitating the plane as you zoom it around, entertaining the kids. Harrison can hear their bubbling laughter from across the garden, and he swears he’s never felt so content in his life.

“She’s perfect,” he finds himself saying. He forces his eyes away from you, a stupid smile on his face.

“She’s good for you,” his mum replies. “I’ve never seen you happier, Harrison.” There’s a brief pause. “I think she’s the one.”

Harrison bites at his lower lip, trying not to smile too widely as he nods. “Come inside,” he mutters discreetly. “Let me show you something.” He leads his mum back into the house, and they stow away in the linen cupboard. Harrison digs through the towels for a moment before procuring a large beaten shoe box. He rummages through it and then procures a black velvet box. “I got it last week,” he admits, passing it to his mum. “Do you think she’ll like it?”

Harrison’s mum gasps, her fingers carefully opening the box and exposing the glistening engagement ring. “It’s beautiful, Harrison,” she coos. Harrison’s surprised to see tears in her eyes. “She’ll make such a lovely bride.”

He blushes, taking the box back. Before he hides it away again, he takes a moment to admire the ring again. He’d been so nervous all day, dragging Tom into jeweller after jeweller. Neither of them knew the first thing about engagement rings, but the moment Harrison had seen this one, he'd known it would be perfect wrapped around your finger. He grins to himself as he pushes it to the back of the cupboard.

“I just hope she says yes,” he admits, scratching at the back of his neck as he walks out from the cupboard, his mum trailing behind. “I don’t know what I’d do if-”

“Oh, there you are! I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” Suddenly you’re in front of him, eyes wide with curiosity. Your gaze flickers out between Harrison and his mother. “What are you both doing in there?” You ask.

Harrison’s mum gives you a kind smile. “Just having a discussion,” she says. She presses her hand to your shoulder as she moves past you, adding, “Wonderful party, love. You did a great job.”

You mutter out a few words of thanks before returning your attention to Harrison, the two of you left alone in the hallway. “You’ve been acting quite suspiciously this week, Haz,” you point out, crossing your arms across your chest. “What’s going on?”

Harrison moves forward, his hands finding an easy hold on your waist as he kisses you softly, letting his lips linger against yours for a moment. You sink into him, the confusion on your face melting away as you wrap your arms around him.

“I love you,” he says, a whisper against your lips. “Thank you for everything you do for me.”

You let your hands move up to his curls. A light chuckle falls past your perfect lips, and Harrison swears it’s the most angelic noise he’s ever heard.

“Of course,” you say simply. You kiss him again softly. “I love you.”

Fancy ranting about why you love kit snicket?👀 tbh I never found her character that compelling but I’m extreme open to changes of opinion hhh? pls feel free to ignore this hhgkkgkg

oh my god i’m so sorry i’ve been super busy I only just saw this but ahhh I love this question ((also sorry if some of thisk doesn’t make sense, i just got off a 7 hour bus ride and I am sleep deprived)). also a tw here for some discussions of painful stuff like death, loss, grief, implications of suicidal thoughts (nothing graphic)

okay so that’s valid bc she doesn’t get a lot to work with in tpp BUUUUUT what you do get is very rich. so basically it’s all tied in with vfd and what they’ve done to the sugarbowl gen. every member of the sugarbowl gen has been ripped from their family extremely young and recruited into this organisation, forced into life threatening situations, kept from loved ones for long periods of time (like kit and lemony in atwq) and have sort of convinced themselves, to varying degrees, that it’s important because the organisation is important. with lemony, he’s disillusioned and disappears after heartbreak. with beatrice and bertrand, they decide to pull away and leave. with jacques, he buries himself so deeply into his work with vfd so that he doesn’t have to reckon with what they did to him. and then you have kit.

with kit, I think she isn’t as sold to vfd as jacques and can still be somewhat critical of it, but also recognises that she’s trapped and always will be at their beck and call, and it’s not easy to break out from this illusion of the mighty organisation she’s a part of. she’s a quick thinker, she’s a mechanic, she’s resilient, she’s quick-witted, she’s as good a volunteer as they come, and so they exploit that and use her gifts (like building the queequeg and having her make the poison darts). for the most part, she buys into vfd’s bullshit, but i think it’s a sort of defence mechanism where she knows that resistance is going to be harder than compliance, so she puts her head down and does the work.

and this leads her to do things that she maybe wouldn’t have done of her own free will, like aiding in the murder of olaf’s parents. we don’t know exactly what kit and olaf’s relationship was like, but from what’s given in their interaction in te, i think they were young sweethearts, i think kit did genuinely care for him, and i think that it was vfd that ordered the murder, and not beatrice and bertrand, as many people have implied. so, by giving beatrice and bertrand the darts, she chooses the organisation over her relationship, and it can’t have been an easy choice. this then re-ignites the schism, olaf becomes a firestarter and kit has to watch as her brother is framed by olaf for crimes he didn’t commit.

and then lemony dies, or so she thinks. i’m of the mind that kit never learns that her brother is actually alive, and dies thinking she lost him. and we know that family is one of the most important things to the snickets; “we snickets look out for their own”, and I imagine kit going beside herself trying to find ways to protect lemony from all the attacks, the frame jobs, the rumours, only to have it be too late, and she’s lost her brother forever.

and so she’s left there, mourning lemony, and all she has left of her family is jacques. and she loves jacques but his first priority is vfd, it’ll always be vfd. she has beatrice and bertrand, but they’ll leave to the island soon, and they’ll leave vfd after that, and be largely out of her life for good.

she starts building the queequeg and at last, her vfd work seems to be doing some good. she meets ink, monty’s latest discovery, and at last, it seems that other members of vfd are doing some good. and then she hears about the medusoid mycelium, and the illusion of vfd cracks a little bit more. she desperately tries to stop gregor from creating the mycelium, only for that to fail. another loss.

then, we don’t know the nature of kit and dewey’s relationship so again, going off what we have with the fact that she is pregnant when we meet her and that dewey’s last word is “kit”, not to mention the way that she explicitly asked about dewey’s wellbeing when she meets the baudelaires on the island, the implication is heavily that she and dewey are romantically involved. and I think she found a lot of solace in dewey. dewey, in his own way, had lost a lot, from his parents to his brother (joining the firestartera), to his own identity, all to vfd, and he understood where she was coming from in terms of being disillusioned but also being trapped.

and then the baudelaire fire happens, and it’s very clear to everyone that olaf was involved (whether he actually was or not is a different debate). so this is now 3 people who kit has loved that olaf has had a hand in their deaths. someone she loved killing other people she loved, and it’s the most painful thing.

we don’t know where kit is for the events of asoue, but regardless, she has to hear how other associates and friends have died or been killed at the hands of olaf, and each one hurts more than the last, because she can’t stop or slow down how many people she’s losing, and I think there’s an element of not being able to help but blame herself for his actions, because if she hadn’t helped kill his parents, maybe he wouldn’t be doing this.

and then jacques dies, and it’s the biggest blow yet. she just lost the last member of her family she had left, and she can’t cope, she stays in bed and decides that, despite dewey, despite her child, she’ll never leave her bed again.

what does make her leave, however, is vfd business; the message from quigley. she knows that she can’t even take the time to mourn her brother, she has to keep moving, and the pressure to carry the whole “good” side of vfd, to continue what her brother started, is on her shoulders, and that’s immense.

and so that’s when we meet her in tpp, and she is a broken person. she has lost so many people, been put through so much, had her entire worldview and foundation turned upside down, and she’s still doing all of this work, putting her life on the line over and over again, for an organisation that has done nothing but take things from her and hurt her, but there’s absolutely nothing else she can do. she’s pregnant and she can’t allow herself to be happy or excited about that because she just doesn’t have it in her. all she knows is that she has to get through this as quickly as she can, losing as few people as she can. her conversation with the baudelaires is interesting too, and is so exemplary of how she’s mourning; she remembers little details about beatrice and bertrand (like the feathers on bea’s shawl) and reminisces about how much the children look like them, and you can tell that it’s extremely painful to go through

she then leaves the baudelaires and risks her life again trying to rescue the quagmires, and it’s unclear whether it was a success or not but regardless, when she finally pulls herself up onto that stupid book raft she insists on making, she’s so so so so tired. she’s in labour, she doesn’t know what’s happened at the hotel denouement, she doesn’t know whether she’ll return to the city and find more destruction or not. i think the only thing stopping her from giving up while on that raft is the thought of her child and dewey, so she holds on.

she washes up on the island and the baudelaires are there, which means they’re alive, so that’s something. but then she hears that dewey’s dead. that the hotel went up in flames. that all that’s waiting for her in the city is more pain and more loss. and that’s the final blow, that’s the moment that she knows that there is nothing can happen that can repair the damage created by what’s been taken from her. she refuses the apple, citing fear that it would harm the baby, but I think the truth is that she couldn’t bear to consider continuing her life after all that’s happened, even if it means sacrificing a life with her child.

and then olaf shows up and he rescues her from the raft and she’s suddenly face to face with the reason for so much of the loss she’s faced. it was him who killed so many of her associates, her friends, her brothers. and she doesn’t forgive him, because she knows she isn’t big enough to do that. we can also hypothesise about whether or not olaf could be the baby’s father (i like to headcanon that she doesn’t know either way but it’s either dewey’s or olaf’s, and the stress of that makes this moment even harder). but she also doesn’t have the energy to be angry at him. she knows these are her last moments, and she knows that olaf was a victim of vfd, just like she was. so she touches his tattoo and chooses instead to recite poetry, because it’s easier than being angry, it’s easier than hating him. he recites poetry back, and then dies. and despite the fact that he’s hurt her so much, she did care for him once, it’s one more person she’s lost, when she didn’t think she had anyone else to lose.

and then she gives birth to her daughter, using the last ounces of strength she has left. it’s a horrendously sad thing, because i think she could have had the capacity to love her daughter, to be a good mother, but the pain won out and she stopped being able to want to help herself, if that makes sense. so she gives her daughter life, the only thing she has left to give her, and then dies.

I think it’s so staggering to think about this person, who could have lived a life full of colour and fire, and see her completely beaten down to what she ended up as in tpp. she’s a prime example of what vfd does, she’s the last one standing of her generation, and the toll that takes on her is immense. i think the juxtaposition of her recklessness and her grief against the fact that she’s pregnant and about to become a mother is even more heartbreaking. she’s such a compelling character and so gorgeously written, even though what we see of her is so brief. she’s a person who so desperately wants autonomy and control over her situation, things she’ll never truly have, so she does reckless things that endanger her life, to get that control back and because she truly stops caring about her well-being.

and it’s a little comforting i guess? i tend to project onto kit a lot because of some of my own life experiences and losses and i understand where she comes from a lot of time time and it’s such a difficult place and my heart just hurts for her a lot

i’m sorry that this was so long, i got carried away lol thanks for the question though!!

farawyn and borodred for the ship ask game thing?

thank you so much!! :)

okay i’ll start with borodred because for some unfathomable reason i actually got there first —

1. What made you ship it?

One of my favourite Types of ships is the Elder Statesmen Of War-type set-ups, where it’s less about people brought together through theatrical romantic gestures and more about the steadiness of people who are going through similar (immensely difficult) circumstances, who know that in their hearts they’re always going to put their duty to that cause first, but still seek out human comfort in other people who will understand what their priorities are and why.

I think there’s also a lot of similarities about the kind of helplessness they both face despite having this tremendous innate strength. Both of them still have to deal with family dynamics that are complex (made more complex by the war) and that can’t be fixed just by their own sheer will power; both of them die these utterly unnecessary deaths (not that death makes a ship but I think in this instance it actually points to the constant tragedy these guys face); and both of them are meant to be the principal figures of their families and people and are ultimately sidelined by the cruel mechanisations of war and the forward march of history or whatever wanky term there is for it — my apologies to ep thompson's ghost, dont haunt me bro.

Plus there’s obviously the interesting thread raised when Faramir starts bitching about Gondor and likens Gondor (and by very explicit extension, Boromir) to Rohan. That always made me go ‘Hmmmmmm, wonder what else Boromir liked about Rohan,’ lmao.

Anyways for me the ship is the equivalent of Star Wars’ Kanan and Hera or (my OTP to end all others) Luke and Wedge, just people getting by on love and duty and without big ol fancy romance.

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

The fanon, I think, really makes it, as with so many other LOTR ships. battlefield manners, by themightypen is essentially the definitive take for me on them — these two guys who are just so fucking exhausted, man, but still overcome by defensive love for their families, even if their (foster-)siblings are naïve fools. That I just love, love, love. Plus I think they’re unique for their ability to pretty comfortable explore the relationship between Gondor & Rohan in advance of the Ring War without having to stray too far into AU, which I always appreciate.

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Not really, tbh, except in that I don’t think Boromir is necessarily as laddy as people like to portray him. I’m happy to play into it in, say, my modern AUs because I think that’s a fun and sweet niche for him, but I am a bit 🤪 about Boromir as this kind of reckless, drunken playboy (not least because I think that’s a much funnier niche for Faramir to fill, at least when he’s younger). Chapter Four of Swaddledog’s Hearts and Minds gets my preferred Boromir characterisation absolutely spot on, I think.

And now, sigh, the ultimate OTP, Farawyn —

1. What made you ship it?

For starters, I think I am obsessed with Éowyn in a way I’ve never quite been obsessed with any other fictional character. I came to reading LOTR at this moment in my life where I was intensely frustrated about everything — trapped inside permanently (helplessly!) because of the pandemic, just starting a new political organisation that I truly believed in but that was still making me feel like shit, facing down an untenable about of work, and, fundamentally, really, really hating being a woman and what that means. And along comes Éowyn, who is bitter, who is cold, who is ANGRY, and who doesn’t perform joy or softness or gentleness just because people expect her to. She’s this seminal Woman Of War in so many ways, I think the kind of person a lot of us wish we could be. She’s got her emotional taps cut off at the source, she holds her head high and faces down unimaginable personal and political terrors, and at the end of it all still has this abiding love for her family that, I would argue, is almost unparalleled by anyone else in the book.

After all that, she gets this incredible moment of emotional catharsis (or what we expect to be emotional catharsis): “no living man am I!” She undertakes THE greatest martial act of the Ring War, and in that moment there’s this unbelievably sophisticated dialogue happening about gender (“Éowyn it was, and Dernhelm also”), and leadership (Merry finding his courage not because of the immediate scenario of the Witch-king, but because he’s spurred into it by Éowyn’s presence), and love and care.

And then we learn that no, actually, this glorious act of violence wasn’t the emotional catharsis we thought it would be. She gets to ride to war, she gets to throw herself headlong at death, and in the end that hopeless act of individualism isn’t really what does it for her. She’s still left desolate and despairing, and actually all of her problems haven’t gone away.

And then we need to rewind a bit, because along comes Faramir, who is gentle, and is kind, and does seem to believe in joy, but not because people expect it — actually it's made abundantly clear nobody expects it — but because it’s something quite innate to how he figures the world. And he’s a huge fucking nerd too. I have a lot of thoughts on Faramir’s flaws and why I find them endearing, which I won’t put here, but almost immediately you get this sense of a guy who’s quite melodramatic, good humoured, and very much not made to live in a time of war.

But he’s also clear-headed about war and what it requires (tactically, if not strategically, though that’s a post for another day), but who is kind of cynical and weary of it in his own unique way. And it’s a unique cynicism given his personal circumstances because he’s the second son of The great family of Gondor, he’s apparently — though with some big ol’ question marks hanging about the extent — very able to command some of the elite units in the realm, and what’s more than that, he’s got all these fantastical powers (the light mind reading to start, to say nothing of this apparently magical ability to command animals too. bruh.). By all accounts he should be this brazen hot mess, but he’s not. He’s desperate to claw his way out of this war-torn cage of expectation his people have for how a man should comport himself in time of war. Is it a little naïve? Sure. A little fussy? Absolutely. But does it point to that same desperation that Éowyn has? Yes! But also the practicality, like, neither of them are really enjoying the circumstances they live under, but good fucking god are they both able to Make It Work.

So finally we get to the Houses of Healing and what is the finest and most aggressively romantic writing of LOTR. Seriously, it’s so fucking much. It’s breathtaking. It reminds me quite viscerally of this fabulous quote from Les Mis:

The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories, that it has come to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now to say that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet it is in this way that love begins, and in this way only.

At some point I will devote more time to talking about the two reasons line, and the blissful Queen of Gondor speech, but I think to me that big, important line is: “And then her heart changed, or at least she understood it; and the winter passed, and the sun shone upon her.”

It’s not about Éowyn changing herself entirely (though, I think, it really does bear mentioning that she does change, and that’s every bit as important to understanding that scene as it is romantic), it’s about Éowyn coming to terms with how to live with herself as herself, and how to live in communion with someone else. She can’t just cut people out anymore, and she can’t just treat them as objects of infatuation as she did with Aragorn, she has to reckon with people as they are. And that’s sort of the moment where I knew I was about to plunge fully off the deep end with these two and never know a moments’ peace again, lmao.

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

Someone on here once called Farawyn a love letter to women and, by god, yes, exactly that. I love the capacity for emotional intimacy, that is beautiful in ways I can’t express. To me, though, my favourite thing is the promise of life they speak of. Not as in oh they shag loads and have babies (though not opposed to that, obviously), but in the sense that unlike Aragorn and Arwen, who are always going to be buried under/burdened with the crushing weight of history and tradition, Éowyn and Faramir are going out yonder those hills and they’re going to do some real cottagecore farming shit. Obviously with all the trappings of rank and nobility and whatnot, but they, unique to anybody else in the books, get to sow this new idea of what life should be. They are, outside of Aragorn, the single most powerful people in Gondor. Éowyn’s got the ear of a king, a steward (which is essentially a prime-ministerial deal here), and functionally her own prince (if the hobbits are to be believed when they refer to it as essentially hers). I suspect that, in life, there were remarkably few arguments she wasn’t winning, and that Ithilien probably trended towards the jumped up noble hippie camp Tolkien so desperately wanted Oxford to be (or, in other words — Cambridge, lol).

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Yeah, man, everybody stop treating Faramir like he’s a big fucking crybaby and Éowyn like she’s some kind of shrieking 2010-era tumblr girl.

One of the single most important lines defining Faramir’s character is when Denethor roasts his ass for always trying to appear noble and lordly, if you ignore every other piece of textual evidence we have about him, what part of that line makes you think Faramir’s some simpering daisy? And why would you want to link tremendous emotional intelligence and care with being too limp-wristed to function, lol??? Like I struggle loads with writing Faramir, because I have never once in my life tried to be noble or self-restrained, so find it hard to get into that mindset, but better, I think, to imagine him too closed off than to do this wilting flower song and dance lmao.

And stop making Éowyn out to be this over-emotional angst machine. She’s got problems, yes, and she’s sure as shit got a lot of angst, but at almost every point in the book where we’re overtly dealing with her emotions, she’s sublimating them into something else. One of the most serious times we see her cry is when she’s fighting with Aragorn about riding out, and after that moment she literally tries to kill herself. Those tears aren’t standard, man, that’s a real watershed (lol) moment for her. You have to read around what the text is saying to get a better feel why everybody’s constantly calling her cold and distant.

Hell/Heaven

Pairing: Ethan x MC (Dr.Anika Warren)

Words: 3.5k ..I just..went off w this

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, trauma, swear words??

Author’s Note: Okay yall so idfk what this is tbh. I just had an idea and went on to write 3.5k words about it. This is my interpretation of the  aftermath of ch.11. I genuinely don’t know if this makes sense or it’s just a bunch of words slammed together.

Also, I did not really proofread this so please do feel free to point out any mistakes. I’m sorry for the mistakes.

I’m scared of writing people OOC and I’m still learning so please keep it in mind.

Anyway, I did not make it two parts but it’s pretty long so yeah.

Anika’s thoughts will be in italics.

xxxx

 It had been almost 16 hours since the combined diagnostics team along with her friends barged into the isolation ward and told her that they had found a cure. Eight hours since Ethan said the magic words 

“Get up. There are no traces of the toxin in  your body.”

She had been lightheaded, whether it was from happiness or if it was from some weird side effect she didn’t know about was up in the air. She was still a bit wobbly.

In her 29 years of living, Dr.Anika Warren had not had such a whirlwind of a day. 24 hours ago ,she was barging into the senator’s room trying to stop an assassination. She didn’t know how she got caught up in a death trap but after that it was as if her brain had recorded every single moment with perfect accuracy.The whole thing was playing in a loop , the cannister being deployed, Rafael Aveiro, superman and ultimate idiot jumping in to protect her , Danny and Bobby Gunderson’s life leaving his eyes in front of her. She had watched a lot of people pass away in her career, and each one affected her . No matter how much she wanted to get used to it. But this was different, this was a man who was talking to her about how he wanted to afford a car for his daughter’s 16th. Bobby used to greet her with a smile every day, and even with minimal interaction she had gotten close to him.

And now his daughter won’t have a father, much less a car. And it’s because you were dumb enough to jump in to the room before having backup.

She pushed the thoughts away as she wearily walked through Edenbrook’s long corridors. 

Most of her friends had returned home in hopes of having some rest, but she couldn’t. Raf was still admitted, albeit not in a coma and she couldn’t just leave him. She didn’t want to leave anyway,trying to get as much done as she could to distract herself. She didn’t want to face her thoughts, which she would eventually have to when she’d go home. But for now, she was delaying the inevitable by trying to help any and every doctor she came across. 

“Dr.Warren? Why are you still here?”

Esme. I love her but dear god if one more person tells me to go home I’ll start crying in the middle of the corridor.

“Uhh, I’m just finishing off some work. You should be too , Dr.Ortega. Stop interrogating people and get to work.”

Wow when did I become Ethan? That was one of the most out of character things I’ve ever said. Looks like his personality is seeping into me. 

“ Um..Anika? You good? No offense but that really doesn’t sound like you. ”

Well..crap. 

“Then what does it sound like, Dr.Ortega?”

“ It sounds like you’re trying to put on a tough person persona to deflect questions”

This girl is way too smart. Am I the only dumb one here with no people skills or…?

 “ I just..I just don’t want to go home. And I don’t want to talk about it. Please don’t mind”

Please leave me alone please please please 

Esme shrugged but the look of concern on her face wasn’t gone. “If that’s what you want then sure. Take care of yourself, I’m not the one who almost died" 

 With that she turned around and left. 

Anika continued to make her way through the hospital. Her mind was racing with the possibilities of what could have happened. She could not stop thinking about how she trusted the senator, but most of all, one thing was repeating in her mind. 

So, Ethan Ramsey, are you single?

Ethan looked at me for a brief second

"I’m sorry… But no, I’m not" 

He had actually admitted his feelings on national television. Well, almost but the point still stood.

And yet it’s complicated. He’s not single but we’re not dating. What the fuck Ethan Ramsey? We doing Schrodinger dating or what? 

This was her hell.

"Dr. Warren?" 

This time, she wasn’t annoyed at her name being called. This time, it was more relief than frustration. 

"Anika..?” Ethan’s voice hit her once again. 

“Um.. Hi” she didn’t know what to say. Her face was flushed from thinking about the moment they shared after the interview, and all the subtle moments that had in the past few months. 

“You’re supposed to be home. But Dr.Ortega did mention something about you not wanting to. What is it?" 

Ah there it is. Damn you Esme. I mean, no but yes.

"It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it”

She tried to sound as normal and unbothered as she could. She didn’t want to even think about it, much less talk it out which would just make it much more real for her. She wanted to live in denial and pretend everything was normal for a while. 

 Her thoughts were interrupted by a sudden hold on her wrist. She snapped back into reality to notice that Ethan was pulling her somewhere. It was in the general direction of his office so she presumed that much but couldn’t help protesting the sudden force.

“Wai- Wha- Where are you taking me?!”

The reply only affirmed her presumption.

“To my office, Rookie. You’re clearly not well and you need to rest and if you won’t go home I’ll make sure you rest here.”

Why is this man so stubborn? I love him but why?

They were soon in his sparsely decorated office. Everything was organised with no stray papers or journals lying around which was usually the case with most of the other offices in the hospital.  Ethan sat her down on the couch and sat down beside her.

“Wait, I thought you wanted me to rest. What is this Dr.Ramsey? A plot to get me alone with you hmmm..?” She wanted to get alone with him. Ever since the confession the other night and him saying he wasn’t single, she needed some answers. 

“No. I just wanted to ask you about why exactly you didn’t want to go home. Dr.Ortega told me you looked disturbed and kind of in a trance and I got worried” Ethan said with worry clearly etched onto his face 

Why the hell is he so cute even when he’s worried? I’m so so in love ugh

His palm touched her face , snapping her out of her thoughts yet again. His gentle touch was something she wasn’t yet that used to, and he had been much more gentle and kind since the confession the previous night. He was acting so unlike the Ethan she knew and she had to get used to this. 

“Tell me , Anika. What’s wrong? Talk to me. I’m here.”

Memories of the previous few days flooded her all at once. Her poaching the senator from MK, him intruding on the diagnostics team meetings, Travis behaving so normally that she could never in a million years imagine him being such a …. psychopath. 

The phone call she overheard, her disappointment on how she trusted a politician who wanted the same things as everyone else.

She was spiralling, and she was spiralling hard. It was hard not to, she was feeling guilty. She wanted to go back and not agree to June’s idea. She wanted to undo the whole thing.

Ethan noticed her face contorting with the painful memories and he immediately took her into his arms and that was all it took for her to start sobbing. 

“ I just..I feel guilty Ethan. I shouldn’t have gone to MK, I shouldn’t have followed June’s advice. I shouldn’t have trusted a politician. And most of all I shouldn’t have ran into the room like some kind of a superhero in a Hollywood movie without having proper back up”

Ethan’s face was grim. He understood the guilt over going over to MK and stealing their patient, he had been feeling it too. But he couldn’t understand the other feelings, it would be impossible to. He wanted to comfort her, let her know that she did absolutely nothing wrong but he knew his words wouldn’t matter much. 

Ethan’s thoughts were interrupted by more violent sobs, she was breaking in front of him and he couldn’t take it. He hugged her tighter and whispered sweet nothings, trying to tell her that she was only trying to do something good. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong Anika, you were doing your duty. You wanted to help. It’s okay, you’re okay. You’re here. ”

He wanted to comfort her and never hear her cry again.

Anika on the other hand couldn’t stop. She felt bad, she felt bad when she thought about Danny and Sienna , when she thought about Bobby Gunderson and his daughter. “ Sienna probably hates me.." 

Ethan was taken aback by that comment, if he had noticed one thing about Dr.Trinh ,it was that she was someone you could absolutely trust. Her hating Anika was far fetched. ” She won’t, why would she hate you? She was so scared Anika, she was so scared that you would ….“ He couldn’t complete the sentence. He couldn’t even complete the though. 

” No, Ethan. Sienna loved Danny. And..and if I hadn’t..if I hadn’t..done something so stupid..he would still be here..they had a future Ethan, they really did..“ and she broke down into another fit of sobs. 

Ethan didn’t know what to do. He held her and helped her cry it out. Eventually the exhaustion hit her and she somehow fell asleep. He noticed though,that she had a fever. And was in the process of waking her up gently and giving her some medicine that the door opened. 

Naveen Banerji was worried. He was worried about Rafael , the paramedic he had somehow grown close to. He was worried about Ethan , his mentee and his "son”. But most of all, he was worried about Dr.Warren. She had taken the toll of the previous days hard and as soon as he heard that she was acting unusual, he wanted to find her. He couldn’t though and decided that the best way to approach this was to ask Ethan.  

He had just opened the door when he saw that Anika was with Ethan in the room, and they both looked very cosy. Ethan was in the process of giving her some kind of medication and he didn’t want to interrupt but it was clear that they had been having a moment.  And Anika looked deathly pale and after listening to a concerned Dr.Ortega about how she was a walking zombie and how he should force her to take time off work and seeing it himself, he decided to actually listen to Dr.Ortega and give Anika a week off. 

He silently closed the door as he did not want to interrupt and instead paged Ethan to come to his office. He not only wanted Anika to take a few days off work, he wanted Ethan to take care of her. He had never seen Ethan so happy with anybody before and it hurt him to see them push each other away. And if this was a chance for him to push Ethan towards his happiness, he would use it. 

Ethan had just finished giving Anika a tablet for her temperature and let her fall asleep again when his pager beeped. He walked briskly to Naveen’s office, curious to know why he called him. It was rare, getting paged by Naveen so he was a bit nervous. 

When he had entered and sat down, Naveen wasted no time in getting to the point. “ I’ve heard that Dr.Warren has been showing some trauma symptoms lately, and she has gone through a lot so I want to give her a week off” he said.

Ethan was happy, he wanted this to happen but he was confused as to why the chief had told him this .

“ Before you ask me why and how this concerns you, I want you to know that I want you to take care of her in this one week. And hence , I am giving you a whole week off too” Naveen finished with a smile on his face.

Ethan was surprised. He wanted to spend time with her, especially after his late night revelations. But taking a whole week off work was out of question. The diagnostics team would be two members down and he couldn’t let that happen.

“Naveen, that simply isn’t feasible. It’s already hard with a nurse down and a doctor down and me going would make it all the more difficult for the team.”

Naveen cut him off, he didn’t want to hear it

“ Son, just listen to me this time. I’ll take over the diagnostics team myself for the week and the workload can be handled. I want you both to take a while off and figure things out and that’s all I’ll say. Nothing you say will change this decision.”

Ethan didn’t have the heart to protest. Even though he was worried about how the team would function without two members, the fact that Naveen would take over eased him. 

Besides that, he really did want to forget the world for a bit and just hold her in his arms. The endeavour the previous day had shown him how much he cared and after that , he couldn’t keep her away. He almost lost her, and in those few hours where he had to put up a brave façade for the hospital while he was breaking inside were the worst few hours in his entire life. 

He didn’t know what he would do without her, just the thought of not having her jab at him randomly, do weird things just to annoy him and all of her little quirks which frustrated him to no end in the beginning which he had grown to love killed him. He needed her. 

He walked through the hospital to his office to find her awake and scrolling through her phone. This comforted him a bit as she looked tranquil and didn’t have the worry on her face like earlier. 

He entered the room and her face immediately lit up. This was something he would never tire of seeing , her smile. It made him feel all excited and warm. 

“ Ethan! I was waiting for you!” She chirped. He loved her voice and it automatically brought an easy smile onto his face.

He sat down beside her , absentmindedly stroking her hand and started speaking.

“ Naveen has ordered both of us to take a whole week off. He wouldn’t listen to anything. "  He said with a bemused smirk on his face. This whole idea of Naveen, was amusing to him. It was such an obvious attempt at getting them together that he couldn’t help but laugh at it.

” Wait what? What about the diagnostics team?! They can’t function with two members down. I mean they can but what if we get an important case?! What about my patients? What about your patients? This simply won’t-“

Ethan cut her off with a kiss. He wanted to do that for so long and looking at her get so worked up about the hospital was too cute for him to control himself. 

” Oh my ,Dr.Ramsey, so forward of you. I didn’t think someone like you could do something so scandalous" Anika chuckled between kisses and Ethan was too absorbed to even take offense to the statement.

Eventually, they got up and made their way to Ethan’s apartment. Anika had to inform her flatmates , everyone looking at her with raised eyebrows except Sienna , who she couldn’t look in the eyes. She also made sure to check up on Raf and Kyra, and shed a few tears looking at them. She was glad that both of them were alright because she wouldn’t forgive herself if anything happened to anyone. 

Ethan’s apartment was as she remembered, clean and monochromatic. At this point, she had visited enough for her to just walk straight in and start playing with Jenner without any hesitation. Ethan loved seeing her like this, in his home , comfortable. He couldn’t help but imagine a future where she would just live there instead of visiting. 

After taking a shower ,they started working on dinner. Ethan didn’t want to make her work at all but she was adamant about helping. Watching her move across the kitchen with ease made him happy. But he didn’t forget to make her rest, as she was still weak which was evident when she lost focus suddenly and fainted.  Ethan dropped his spatula into the pan and rushed to get her up. She had started to have a rise in her temperature again. 

“ You can’t keep doing this Rookie , you’re sick and you’re literally working yourself to exhaustion. Now just take your medicine and relax , okay? I’ll take care of dinner.” He cooed into her ears as he lifted her up and carried her to his bed. 

Anika obliged with a pout, not letting him go back without a proper kiss. She wanted him to stay but her stomach rumbling made it obvious that she needed food. And the only source of food was Ethan cooking and she had to let him go.

Her fever had subsided by the time he poked his head into the bedroom telling her that dinner was ready. She had almost fallen asleep, exhaustion taking over her but dinner was important.

I need to talk to him about the interview. And the night before. I need to talk to him about so much. 

They had dinner in relative peace, having proper substantial food after all the hospital food she had eaten felt good. They were I’m easy conversation and she didn’t have the heart to bring up the topic of feelings.

He will shut down , and I don’t want him to shut down. 

Only when they had completed eating and ended up in bed cuddling could she force herself to ask him. 

Just do it Anika. It’s not too hard. He won’t push you away. Trust yourself. 

“ Ethan?” She spoke up with a timid voice. In the hospital, she was the person who would talk back when anything was wrong or if anybody did anything questionable, but here she was out of her depth.

“ Yes?” He answered with an inquisitive tone.

“I wanted to ask you about something” she went on. “ Uh..um.. the interview when you said you weren’t single..” she took a deep breath. 

Come on , just say it. Why are you so anxious?! 

Ethan immediately tensed up a bit. He meant every single word he said, both in the interview and in the night that followed and yet, he didn’t know how to approach this.  He was looking at her intently , waiting for her to continue when she started speaking again.

“ Yesterday night, when you talked about how you regretted keeping me away and how you wished you didn’t do it… did you mean it?” She finished, bracing for impact. She was so sure that he’d push her away yet again and they’d have to spend the rest of the week in awkwardness that his next words took her a moment to register. 

“ I meant every single word , Anika” he said, bringing her closer to him. He kissed her forehead and continued. “ I meant it. All of it. You are the light in my life, my sunshine. When I saw you behind the glass, covered in that grease , my heart stopped. I had to pick myself up and put on a face for the team but I was breaking into a million pieces. Each time I failed to diagnose what was wrong , I remembered that I could lose you. And that broke me even further. There was nothing I wanted to do more than run into the room and hold you in my hands. I can’t live without you Anika, I don’t want to imagine a life without you. ”

By this point , both of them were in tears. They were hugging each other, tears flowing freely. 

“ I was so scared ,Ethan. I just wanted to be in your arms. And I was scared for Raf. When you told me we had lost Danny, I realised I couldn’t lose Raf. And every moment, all I wanted was to be with you. You’re the most important thing in my life , Ethan. And I was so scared to talk to you about this, so scared that you would push me away again.”

Ethan took a sharp breath. Pushing her away after all this was impossible. He hugged her tighter , letting her cry , letting himself cry it out. 

“ I won’t push you away. I won’t ever push you away. I’m all in if you are” he said, through tears. 

Anika looked at him and could see a vulnerable man. She could see he was scared too, to admit his feelings and to let his walls down and she was determined to never hurt him.

“ I’m all in ,Ethan. Forever. ”

That night was one of the best nights of their lives. They just spent it cuddling and talking to each other about their dreams, their aspirations and themselves. 

Ethan hadn’t felt so at ease in years. He was ready to take care of her forever. He had never imagined falling in love but now, he couldn’t imagine not being in love. 

And that night , they knew that the next seven days and the rest of their lives would be amazing. 

And this, was her heaven.

THANK YOU IF YOU READ TILL HERE.

Tag List? Sort of?

@drethanramslay @hatescapsicum @nooruleman @anonymously-cool @mrsbhandari @kaavyaethanramsey @apphia12 @queencarb @mvalentine @openheart12 @starrystarrytrouble

@crazynutella tagging @oofchoices @ohramsey if yall are interested

xxxx

yona 197 thoughts

Firstly, behold. I am alive. This chapter honestly made my brain malfunction for a good minute or so, I legit had something akin to a stroke. I honestly believe this chapter encapsulates what has gone wrong with Yona’s storytelling. I understand this is a ‘memoir’, but even backstories whose existence is to deliver exposition require decent consistent characterisation, and a balanced mixture of ‘show don’t tell’ mixed with foreshadowing to result in something... bearable. This chapter was legitimately almost unbearable to read because I think Kusa herself has lost the plot.

To organise my thoughts Imma just put some lil subheadings.

Yon-hi

You know what? Ever since chapter 190 I realised that Yon-hi didn’t have much of a character other than that of an exposition clown. So this lame wrap up on her character was bearable to read, because it’s not as if she had the potential to be anything more than a ye old exposition dump. It’s still frustrating to read her ‘acknowledge’ her own faults, which also make no sense since we haven’t seen a proper build up in a change of thoughts. Yes, she acknowledged her husband was a brute to a certain extent, but apart from this chapter I don’t see her recognising the IMPORTANCE of her position and how her passiveness is stopping her from wielding more influence to prevent tragedy that so clearly hurts her. Sure, she notices that as a country bumpkin amongst nobles she stands out, but even 10 years after the genocide of the priests she never once confronted her husband about it. Or anyone really. Why the change of heart now? The excuse that her husband and Kashi (whom she wasn’t really friends with in the first place?? Honestly I think she was just attached to her out of guilt for what happened) are dead doesn’t explain why she would suddenly have the urge to take some sort of action since the past decade proves she thrives in complacency.

Additionally her relo with her son... I don’t even understand it anymore. She claims she loves Soo-Won but then she writes a letter to her brother-in-law basically asking him to ‘watch out for him’ like MA’AM HE IS YOUR SON. What happened to the role she devoted herself to, as a MOTHER?? I honestly give up trying to understand it.

Il

Oh boi. I thought Yon-hi and Yu-hon had an awful characterisation but Il really takes the cake. I thought I could accept Il’s cowardice since it his duality has been hinted at throughout the whole manga, but honestly it makes close to no sense here. I’m surprised no-one decided to assassinate him the first few years into his reign. I would’ve done it tbh.

This chapter just brings more questions into his passive nature. Why the HELL did he just sit and wait around for something to happen after hearing about the future? Yes, as a religious devotee, he probably accepted the future as fact, but why didn’t he do ANYTHING about it? It seems like he banned weapons out of guilt of his murder, not to actually stop Soo-Won (since he ‘accepted’ that destiny of dying by his nephew’s hands). 

If he knew that Yona would not only face hardship from her position as a reincarnation, but her own freaking family, why didn’t he take counter measures? I don’t understand why he wouldn’t try to empower her so that when he would eventually leave her, she would be able to take care of herself. His attitude to Soo-Won also makes no sense too. If he already accepted he would die by his hand, why didn’t he ban/prevent him from visiting the castle? And if he already accepted his fate, why didn’t he just let the marriage go through anyway? He could clearly see that Soo-Won didn’t detest Yona and would care for her, Yona would be happy with him (provided the murder wouldn’t happen lmfao).

Oh and also, if he knew all these shitty events were going to happen? What was his excuse for not taking care of the country, leaving more than hundreds to starve, live in poverty and die? ‘I’m a placeholder and my brother must not become King. Also I leave everything to the gods’ divine will because I’m a really great religious follower uwu’. Not ‘I’ll properly communicate with my brother, nephew and court to make this country a better place while I’m here to prevent the mistakes of the past.’ He acknowledges he’s not a great King. Why doesn’t he acknowledge and humble himself asking for advice from his advisors. Like whAT

Il & Kashi

Poor Kashi lmfao. Kusa in this chapter really trying to convince us they had a loving relationship and Il was simply just trying to avenge his wife. Sure, let’s say Il did love Kashi. He did a really awful way of expressing it, to the point Kashi genuinely believed he only married her to make the designer baby that is Yona. And I don’t see proof of otherwise tbh. I guess you could argue that Il  & Kashi had some chemistry during the garden scene with Ik-Soo... but also Kashi was a ‘kid’ apparently so call the FBI lmfao. There are honestly no scenes or buildup that convince me that Il loved Kashi without the involvement of the divine. Kashi, maybe. I think she admired him but I see none of that from Il. Even when he flat out murders his brother, his defense isn’t ‘YO THAT WAS MY WIFE YOU JUST MURDEREDDD’ It was ‘THAT WAS THE MOTHER OF THE RED DRAGON’. I think these are self explanatory.

Also to that anti-Soo-Won translator who was saying how this line by Il basically disproves everyone who thought he didn’t love Kashi- it really doesn’t. If anything it just shows how terrible the writing has been for this arc because it’s nowhere near believable enough to accept as truth. Show me scenes where Il is actually.... showing affection and being in a loving and equal relationship with his wife smh

Romance

Il’s reliance on ‘love’ also makes no sense as well, and also highlights how problematic romance is in this series. Considering how ‘girl power’ this series is with Kouren, Lili & her bodyguards, Yona and even Kashi to a certain extent, it makes no sense that Il would choose to leave everything to a man who simply ‘loves Yona and will never betray her’. Like,,, did the events that transpired TEACH HIM NOTHING?? 

Sure only men can become Kings but it seems Queens have a significant position as well. And since Yona is the red dragon... wouldn’t like,, everyone know and respect and hold her on a higher level regardless lmfao like WHAT IS IL THINKING?? He knows that Yona ended up as a superficial spoilt princess as she grew older, but what did he do to rectify that?? n o t h i n g, except attempt to throw another man (Hak) to help solve the (future) problem.

A great grey point this manga has made since the beginning of the series is ‘Prioritising one individual will cause an entire Kingdom to fall to ruin’. So this is why I don’t understand Il’s actions. Yu-hon committed genocide for his wife, whom he loved (also a really poorly built up romance but this chapter ain’t about them), and APPARENTLY murdered Kashi too (dang it... such a weak and predictable outcome, I’m disappointed in you Kusa). Il killing Yu-hon caused Soo-Won & all the Yuhon stans to seek vengeance (although he also did kinda murder him for the sake of Kouka, but nonetheless her adored his father). SO WHY ON EARTH DOES IL THINK LOVE FROM ANOTHER PERSON IS GONNA SAVE HIS DAUGHTER. MAYBE FOR SOMEBODY ELSE BUT CERTAINLY NOT THE ROYAL DAMN FAMILY.

Also just because Hak clearly was devoted to and had affection for Yona, did not mean that Yona would feel the same way, which is arguably is ANOTHER IMPORTANT FACTOR IN A RELATIONSHIP. It seems like Il doesn’t give a damn about his freaking daughter honestly. But maybe who knows, Il has 500 IQ and decided to be passive so Yona would develop feelings for Hak. It was all part of his master plan, while he left most of his kingdom to suffer, no biggie.

Writing

This was such a painful arc to read. I swear Kusa tried to engage her fanbase by constantly making plot twists every chapter. Yu-hon is a good guy. SIKE he’s not. SIKE Il is kind of worse. SIKE Yu-hon bad and should never be one the throne. Il is an okay guy. SIKE he’s borderline religiously fanatic. SIKE Yuhon the crazy one. SIKE Il weird af because he marries Kashi to have baby dragon Yona. SIKE he actually loved Kashi he just DiDn’t MAkE HiS FeElings KnoWn.

Honestly that doesn’t even cover how inconsistent other characters like Yon-hi are either. Bleugh

Predictions for 198?

Maybe Yona will take it upon herself to rectify the wrongs done and pull herself together. Perhaps also do something more substantial than have a deus ex machina bunch of books deliver to information right into her hands. Also maybe show what Soo-Won thinks of this memoir? Surely he’s read it... if he hasn’t then like bye. This series is honestly breaking my heart with every monthly update I swear.

///might rant more later

snickers feverishly at myself for bringing in a 5th... who do i think i am? unstoppable? invincible? suddenly ripples my titanium plated pecs. maybe so. u can find her pinterest here n her playlist here. 

* margaret qualley, cis female + she/her  | you know bradley milligan, right? they’re twenty-four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, all of their life? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to looking for knives by dyan like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole snow angels trampled through by your father’s footprints, casually reading a newspaper that’s catching flame & stubbing a cigarette against the wing mirror of a parked cop car thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is november 11th, so they’re a scorpio, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt she/her  )

HISTORY:

bradley has this memory of meeting her grandmother for the first time n everything in the room was frozen still. even the air. she didn’t feel like she cld move n she got the impression this is how it’d always been in the milligan lineage. the only thing that was allowed to act of it’s own accord was her grandmother’s eyes as she tracked every slightest flinch of muscle. when her father left the room her grandmother reached out and took bradley’s hand n bradley looked at this like it was smthn she’d never seen before until her grandmother leaned close and all she could stare at was a nicotine stain on one of her front teeth. “he’s cold, isn’t he? he’s always been cold. i don’t think he’s mine.” bradley could tell from how tight she held her hand that he was. she could tell by the way she smiled as she said it, too. the way she felt obliged to smile back.

growing up in a huge white house in aquila drive w pruned hedges sounds idyllic n looks it too. swanky cars w tinted windows in the long driveway. always men filing in and out under the cloak of night wearing expensive suits n smiles worthy of a politician’s billboard. bradley’s mum alyssa thought so too n that’s hw she got into this whole mess tbh. tony milligan is very good at advertising. he cld package a jarred human heart as strawberry jam and convince u to spread it on ur toast if he wanted to. he could make u smile politely as u ate ur own. 

alyssa ws this very pretty blonde kind of mysterious presence in a room. everyone wanted to kno her story or fk her but noone rly treated her like a person more just like a puzzle to solve. john green syndrome alert..... literally manic pixie dream girled bt on turbo charge. there were vague whispers she’d run away from home when she appeared in town out of nowhere bt nothing concrete. tony decided he wanted to crack the case n once he set his mind to something there was no changing it. they wound up embroiled in a whirlwind romance. head over heels. he came at romance hard and fast as a freight train. alyssa knew he was into shady things but not quite the full extent of it n honestly she didn’t care bc she wanted security n a family to call her own n tony promised that. they were married within a year. 

tony came frm money bt he wanted to carve his own path n make his own legacy. destined fr greatness he’d tell her. we’re destined for greatness. it sounds nice doesn’t it! alyssa thought so too.

(drugs mention tw) slowly over the yrs he essentially forged his own crime organisation tht only grew. he opened a strip club down the seedier side of irving called ‘no angels’ n this became the front thru which his gang ran drugs in the back (predominantly coke n they pride themselves fr having a Superior Blend apparently) as well as laundering cash n this also was kind of their home base to hang

(abuse tw) their marriage increasingly lost it’s shine n alyssa came to realise she’d been sold a lie n she didn’t rly know this person or what he was capable of right around the time bradley was born. by then it was kind of like Wow i am rly in this n there is not an exit door huh. i won’t go into details bt things were not good at all. bradley witnessed n experienced a lot of things she shouldn’t have growing up. she didn’t understand why other kids drew home in all these different coloured crayons like they were bright places to be. she didn’t understand why everyone got so excited when the bell rang at the end of the day bc she just felt sick. she rationalised tht this was normal when she was younger bc sometimes kids talked abt the monsters under their beds giving them nightmares n she thought mayb they were talking abt their dads too. as she got older she realised tht actually her world wasn’t the same as anyone else’s n she also realised no-one wld ever be able to tell her why. she started becoming friends with the angry feeling in her chest tht she used to try and swallow around this time. often she’d wander the mall for a while to put off going home. smoke on random park benches. watch trains rattle thru town from the vantage point of a random rooftop. 

(abuse, missing person implied, murder implied & grief tw) when bradley was 12 she woke up and all of her mum’s clothes were gone frm their drawers. no shoes anywhere. a framed photo of them at the beach holding bradley as a baby vanished from over the mantelpiece. when bradley asked her dad what was going on, tony essentially said “it was exhausting her. being here. being your mother. she didn’t want to do it any more, so now she’s gone” n then he hugged her. little details leaked into the mix over the yrs. at one point tony dismissed her as having flown overseas to a foreign country to drink in the sun like she’d always wanted even tho alyssa always told bradley she liked the snow best (once she even walked outside as it fell in a thin lace nightgown when tony was out n when bradley said “mom you’re gonna get cold” she only tugged her down and made her do snow angels until her lips looked blue). the most significant memory bradley can never shake from her head is her mother cupping a yellow tulip at the park n saying she hated them. when bradley asked why she only turned and smiled at her as she stroked the hair from her face n then said “because they look so happy”. after bradley’s mum vanished a long flower bed at the bottom of the garden was suddenly overrun with dozens of freshly planted yellow tulips. whenever bradley looked at them out of her window she got this sickly feeling in the pit of her stomach like she was visiting a cemetery. she suspected what had happened to her mum (especially as rumours circulated within tony’s organisation abt alyssa being unfaithful with someone tht used to work fr him) bt she cld never bring herself to truly accept it. thus she ws stuck in this strange purgatory state of not-quite-anger at her mum for “leaving” and not-quite-grief.

bradley rly started to transgress in school after her mum was gone. alyssa was always kind of a character when she’d pick bradley up (wasn’t doing well n acted kind of ‘eccentric’ i suppose u cld say) so tony managed to spin it all as a child acting out in the wake of an unfit mother uprooting n abandoning. bradley became........ interesting. JKHGFSSKJGHFSGHSKFGHFG. she’d snap n resort to violence very easily. very desensitised to it. students were kind of scared of her tbh. as this progressed into proper high school she got in w the more rowdy popular crowd solely bc she was so fking.... wild for lack of a better word. rly would just do anything fr the thrill. had no sense of��‘i shouldn’t do this bc it’s dangerous’. partied harder than anyone. bit back harder than anyone. no filter. hung w a lot of guys honestly bc they had less morals n either found her scariness cool or wanted to fk <3

(hospitalisation, depression & drugs tw) she’s had. a few stints in psychiatric institutions fr various reasons tbh. missed a small chunk of her senior yr fr this but it wasn’t widely known just kind of rumoured. she showcases a lot of similar symptoms to her mum who struggled w severe depression (which was difficult to cope w when ur husband was often pouring ur prescription down the drain fr kicks) n in order to compensate fr the lows she takes a lot of things to kick them into highs. drinks n snorts too much. bradley i love u bt i’m begging u to seek healthier coping mechanisms......

as the yrs went on (especially once alyssa had gone) tony rly started trying to integrate bradley into the business side of things...... she literally. is named bradley bc he was expecting a boy n he was like well let’s still call her bradley. n had in mind she’d still fulfil the role he wanted her to of being his little protege so to speak.... both sexist n ugly all in one fell swoop...... an example of this is he literally. bought her a mint green switchblade for her 14th birthday n named it tinkerbell bc it would “die without attention” aka using it. tht sounds like a healthy gift to give a child tony congratulations sis <3

in an ideal world bradley wld have gone to uni to study psychology bc she jst wants to know how the fk her dad is literally like that bt she probably stuck around n is now managing no angels along with billy n marco (billy’s in her dad’s gang n is, u guessed it, a cunt, n marco is his sort of right hand man so to speak) bc tony’s in the closest neighbouring city overseeing a second ‘no angels’ opening up there to expand into a franchise n widen their income margins. bradley wld also be sort of used as a honey trap type deal once she got older if they needed to lure ppl places n sometimes still is bt it depends. the guys in the club all know not to mess w bradley bc she’s tony’s daughter n literally kind of scary herself sometimes bt there’s also this certain allure tht comes with being the boss’ daughter n it kind of comes across in how they act or talk abt her. yes i will kill them all n no i won’t feel bad abt it <3

think that’s kind of all u need to kno history wise... blinks one eye out of sync w the other..... runs to personality

PERSONALITY:

a phrase i wld always use to describe bradley in old intros is “like a cup of black coffee with one grain of sugar that u don’t taste until the last sip”. also dark chocolate. lime. liquorice. she’s an acquired taste n i feel like u either love her or u hate her. 

cannot express how unpredictably chaotic she is..... frequently throws a drink in a stranger’s face jst to start something bc she’s bored. loves to hurl cheese slices across the room so they slap onto someone’s face out of nowhere. likes smashing things. stubbing cigarettes out on faces in framed family photographs. will literally pick a lock n then smash the window besides it to defeat the whole purpose just bc she found how neat it was boring. does anything fr the adrenaline n thrill. gets into far too many fights n fights dirty. probably been thrown out of every bar in town at least three times. banned from a bunch too.

she’s witty bt she has a dark sense of humour..... can be quite mean.......... loves to roast ppl for no reason........ honestly has some nathan young frm misfits aspects in that sense like jst seems untouchable emotionally n like she doesn’t take anything seriously n is fking outrageous about it.....

has this quality abt her tht kind of scares herself sometimes. it’s like she recognises parts of her dad in her. she’s very perceptive (bc she’s had to be over the yrs trying to read every micro-expression of her dad’s to predict what’s next) n like emotionally intelligent in a way which is ironic bc her own emotions r just an absolute minefield.... bt. she can read people quite well. gets this eerily calm look abt her sometimes n it’s jst like god what’s. she thinking. what’s she’s gna do. i’m shaking. a cool n controlled kind of rage can often be scarier than the explosive type n bradley does that well. grits my teeth n tugs on my collar....

very strong on the surface. hates being vulnerable. has this ingrained idea that crying is childish or rly any kind of emotional display within herself. 50% not taking things seriously 50% angry. tht’s how she comes across....... internally? whole different story. bt ppl don’t see that.

very cavalier abt some things. will flash her tits n not even think abt it. jst very out there...... one of her closest friends is a homeless man named joe who wears neon purple fishnets on his head n loves to spit on ppl from over an underpass. finds eccentric ppl like this funny n surrounds herself w them. loves to be kept on her toes.

LOVES driving stolen cars down the wrong side of the highway. it’s a lot.

fiercely loyal to a fault to a select few bt if u wrong her personally this can switch pretty quick. quite a force to b reckoned w n will hold a grudge. bt like. if ur a Chosen One she’d bury a body for u no questions asked. 

WANTED CONNECTIONS

deals to u: bradley isn’t like full time into dealing bt she does do it sometimes.... treats it kind of like a hobby bc the lesser ranked can do tht shit as far as she’s concerned bt.. sometimes also jst gets bored n is like. why not. might be chaotic. mayb they’ll try to rob me <3 we love the thrill <3 or like..... if ur friends w her she’ll deal to u n no she will not do a friends discount <3 or if she does there will definitely be some sort of stipulation attached <3

high skl crew: if ur muse is local n ws an absolutely demonic hell spawn in high skl tht went to 1974547254 parties n was outrageously chaotic n rude then. bradley probably was friends w them <3 her friendships tend to be surface level bt they’d definitely go out a bunch bt whether they actually knew a lot abt her life is debatable bt we could explore options fr this

people who work at no angels: no angels is her dad’s strip club in irving that she kind of helps to run now. it’s kind of a shifty environment. the place where ud have an outrageous bachelor party. u go for the first time w a fake id n u get served bt u also get ur wallet stolen n ur convinced someone spat in ur drink n u also kind of think there might b a hit on u now after u made eye contact too long w a broad shouldered man smoking in a back booth. scary environment. testament to her dad as a person. maybe ur muse is a dancer there or works the bar or security or whatever u name it....

ma’am are u ok?: ur muse found bradley passed out across two bus seats one time in smudged dark eyeliner a silver slip dress n the world’s chunkiest combat boots this town hs ever seen. sometimes she winds up in spots like this when she goes too hard n it’s absolutely dangerous n reckless bt that’s jst bradley <3 mayb they forged an unlikely friendship frm this strange meeting or maybe even? dare i say it? a romance? opposite worlds colliding? good influence? let’s go crazy. release ur inhibitions. feel the rain on ur skin.

hook-ups: bradley’s cavalier abt this stuff..... very unemotional typically..... mayb we cld do an unrequited thing that wld be angsty n fun altho i won’t lie i don’t kno if she’d be the one to catch the feelings.... she rarely sleeps over bt once when she woke up in someone’s bed she hiked over to straddle them carefully as possible so they wldn’t wake up n then pressed her knife to their neck as a fun little surprise where she said boo when they opened their eyes.... she’s a lot clearly.

watermelon slugger, hiiii: bradley has this habit where she gets a bunch of watermelons n then goes to a rooftop n throws them over the edge to watch them explode when they hit the pavement.... maybe ur muse almost got hit by one once n were like WTF???????? another quirky meet cute moment like the bus one <3 can’t stop w them <3 maybe she randomly invited ur muse to do it w her when they were like. a stranger of f the street. she was bored. decided to adopt them as a science experiment. we cn elaborate on this probably....

ouch charlie: similar territory bt she also sometimes shoots pedestrians w a bb gun from rooftops. mayb ur muse wld always get hit by one on a certain route they walked n finally one day they saw her head ducking down behind a ledge n then they see her in the street one day n are like HEY IT’S YOU............. WTF? n bradley’s like ya i’m christ risen again it’s a lot to take in i know...

rly jst anything... mutually destructive friends... exes.... in one rp a character tried to get close to bradley so he cld write an expose all book about her n her family which i found so fking funny so i’ll request that again.... people she’s fought.... ppl whose gf/bf she’s fk’d n it’s caused enemy status.... someone whose place she broke into and shaved their eyebrows off in the night only to draw them on again in crudely thin permanent sharpie lines.... roommates cld be fun n sexy i’d love that actually.... jst anything rly. go wild. kisses everyone tenderly on cheeks.

I mean to ask this genuinely, no hostility, but can you explain how you correlate scp to being in a cult? I dont disagree, I just cant articulate the reasoning as to why I dont disagree, and would like to see where youre coming from with this. Also, could you tag it with cults or cult discussion or something similar, please? Thanks! Have a good day.

OK [cracks knuckles] I will try and keep this as short as possible, but you have to understand I’ve been observing the wiki in the wild literally since its inception, so there is a lot of stuff to consider. anyway let’s buckle up.

[EDIT: after finishing, this is obnoxiously long. sorry. I encourage people to read it though, because yikes.]

I base this theory on a set of guidelines set out for spotting if an organisation might be a cult. generally cults are religiously based; obviously this does not apply here. as far as I’m aware, nobody sees the SCP wiki as a religion (yet). because of this a couple of the points regarding spotting a cult are irrelevant (they concern things like separation from the Church which obviously doesn’t apply) but nearly all of the others (even some religious ones) can apply if we provide context. so without further ado:

Signs You’re In A Cult and How the SCP Wiki Literally Fits Into All of Them

let’s start with the most obvious:

opposing critical thinking

something that has long pissed me off about the SCP wiki has been its complete inability to think critically. staff will literally ban people for criticising them, and the parameters of “criticism” have only grown wider and wider over the years. anything that is the “party line” is sacred; nothing can be improved upon because it’s already perfect, and Staff Knows Best. any policy changes are law, and any dissenting voices are silenced – even among younger staff members (length of service wise, not age wise). I have seen staff put on probation or demoted for arguing against pointless or pedantic policy changes; I have seen people of all levels banned for arguing with staff. if this doesn’t happen right away, arguing with staff over their decisions will absolutely get a target on your back, and they will find a way to ban or demote you as soon as they can.

any criticism on the wiki is frowned upon unless it comes from the Major Staff Members – these are people at the top of the hierarchy who can do no wrong, and as you can imagine, they’ve done some shit. staff has always had a problem with elitism, bullying, and even abusive behaviour (blah blah blah #NotAllStaff, but the ratio is quite concerning) and any criticism of their behaviour or even pointing this fact out is dangerous if you want to remain on the wiki. hell, I know many people who are aware of this who don’t speak up because they’re genuinely scared of retaliation. a lot of staff are really nasty people, and because of this attitude they are beyond criticism.

isolating members and penalising them for leaving

the penalising them for leaving part isn’t strictly accurate, because as far as I know, nobody has ever been bullied or threatened into staying on the wiki. however, I do remember a while back (2011/2012-ish) when the Foundation RP community began to show up on Tumblr, and the wiki began to get a fanbase that wasn’t contained on the site itself. staff were not happy about this and to this day they still constantly try and get a monopoly on all off-site locations. they have an official Offsite Outreach Team (yes, that’s its real name) who “reach out” to communities on other platforms (YouTube, Reddit, Tumblr, etc) and set up an Official Presence there, and then they encourage everyone to use the Official Presence rather than the fan-made ones (which are often more established and better/more consistently run). there have been several off-site spats between staff and the fandom, because they arrive demanding the authority and respect they have on the wiki and get Big Mad when they don’t get it. just recently one (now ex) staff member, djkaktus, went absolutely primal on Reddit and banned a whole bunch of the community for daring to say that they didn’t like the new LGBT logo for pride month (many of these people were LGBT themselves and felt as though it was pandering/putting targets on their backs); several more years ago (2014, I believe?) I myself had a run in with the Outreach Team and it was one fucking hell of a headache that ended in a malicious smear campaign against me, so like. yeah.

as for isolating members, they do this via elitism. the above is an example of it (making everyone feel a sense of obligation or loyalty to the Official Presence), but a huge part of it has always been the elitist attitude prevalent on the wiki. the SCP wiki has high standards for writing (allegedly… I’ve seen some garbage on there tbh, same as any other website) and it uses this to bully and demean its users. criticism of writing is overly harsh but highly encouraged; anyone complaining that it was too cruel (which it often is) is ridiculed for being too sensitive. (staff have been working on this for years, but really nothing has changed; people have just gotten more between-the-lines about it.) this encourages a kind of desperation among new users to “rise up the ranks” and earn respect so they can be the ones dishing out the criticism instead; they will do so and then immediately act in accordance to their status, bullying others how they were bullied and sticking to their own “rank”. brief interruption: staff and bootlickers if you’re reading this and thinking of reblogging to defend yourself, the code word is yeet. if I do not see the word yeet in your reply I will know you have not read this thoroughly and tell me why I should then bother reading anything you have to say.staff themselves is incredibly removed and closed off from the rest of the community; they have a bunch of private chat rooms they hang out in, and inter-dating is common. they don’t tend to interact much outside the flock, and are the definition of cliquey. joining this rank is supposed to be an achievement, but really it’s probably the most dangerous place to be. I have seen so many staff members have literal, clinical mental breakdowns over the strain and treatment they suffer.

(there’s nowhere to neatly slot this in, so: I don’t know how many people have noticed this, but SCP fans, when you spot them on other platforms, are snooty. not casual fans, but those involved with the wiki? I can spot them from a mile away, because whenever the Foundation is mentioned, there they are, acting like they’re part of some cool club. some of these people are innocent (they’re just mimicking the behaviour of other members) but some of them really do seem to think that their site is somehow better than whatever site they’re on, and it’s really creepy to see.)

emphasising special doctrines outside of scripture

obviously this is religion-specific, but with context it can fit. if we take scripture to mean SCP lore, and special doctrines to mean differing headcanons, ideas, writing styles, etc… oh boy.

there’s something that’s often said on the wiki: there is no canon. buddy, there is. yes, you can write whatever you want technically, and you can disregard headcanons you don’t like and you can build on different things and theoretically people can just ignore your shit if they don’t like it, but that is not what happens. there is absolutely a canon, and deviating from it will get you downvoted into oblivion and even personally attacked. people will accuse you of the most ridiculous shit, like desecrating the wiki or betraying the universe or whatever. so where does the emphasising part of this come in?

why, it’s simple! if one of these special doctrines (headcanons or whatever) comes from staff or an Approved Member, it’s fine. go nuts. even if it’s something that anybody else would be absolutely slaughtered for, it’s fine if staff approves. there is no creative freedom on that wiki, and anyone attempting to carve a piece out for themselves will suffer for it. one of my close friends still gets hate for an SCP he wrote featuring heavy headcanons and building on existing lore about a well-known character, and some of this hate is because he didn’t set the fucking article out “how it should be”. 

seeking inappropriate loyalty to their leaders

oh boy. staff are god on that website. they’ll deny it, but they know it’s true. many of them are arrogant and, in my opinion, some of them are pathologically narcissistic. they think they are hot shit, and they encourage people on the site to believe the same. a huge majority of users on the wiki are high school students, so 15-18 years old. the next huge group are college-aged, so 19-22 or so. several staff members are in their mid-20s up to 30s, maybe even coming 40s or early 40s now. when you’re in your mid-20s, it’s very easy to look cool to a 15-year-old. it’s very easy to look at a young userbase and convince them that you’re hot shit, and that’s what staff do. they act like it; most users respond to it, and if anyone dissents? see point one.

staff have always had double standards. from the very beginning of staff, they have gotten away with a lot more than the average user. staff have been allowed to bully, ridicule, harass, dismiss, shit upon, and target people with reckless abandon, usually only meeting punishment when other staff members feel too inconvenienced by them. a lot of the time when they’re punished, it’s a lot lighter than it would have been for an average user (a month ban rather than a permaban, for example). this is seen as almost a point of hilarity for a lot of people, who think it’s cool and just a right you get when you’re staff. you know best, you’ve seen some shit – who can blame you for slamdunking a 15-year-old’s first SCP?

the amount of respect and adoration these people demand is ridiculous, and anybody daring to criticise them ends up on a shitlist. staff show up in other areas (Tumblr or Reddit) and expect that same amount of respect, even among people outside of the wiki who might just be casual fans. they act a lot more important than they are, and demand that everyone treats them appropriately. I’ve seen staff members throw shitfits because they didn’t get enough upvotes for their articles, and many staff members’ quality of work declines when they make staff, simply because they know that they’ll get easy upvotes as soon as people realise it’s a staff member who wrote it. downvotes are enough to get you put on a shitlist. 

publicly, their word is law. you are not allowed to debate with them in the forums if they put a “stop” on the topic; the same applies in the IRC chat. if staff says “stop”, you will be punished if you mention it again. you are allowed to discuss it with them privately, but I think that’s rather insidious, as staff have been known to twist facts and withhold information before. this gives them a public persona of always being right – and something else that cults do is silence dissenting voices so nobody who might agree can see other people saying the same things and feel encouraged/emboldened. 

crossing Biblical boundaries of behaviour

again, we’ll need to contextualise this. if Biblical boundaries are things like sins and all the stuff the Bible says Do Not Do, then in this context these are the wiki rules. staff (and their friends) will constantly cross the rules, as previously mentioned, and they will get away with it.

the wiki rules say “don’t be a dick”. I have caught staff bullying people countless times, and no doubt there’s more I haven’t caught. even out in the open, staff are argumentative, dismissive, rude, intimidating, and oftentimes plain nasty. the wiki rules say “don’t coldpost articles; get feedback”. staff is just out there throwing their shit onto the wiki and expecting an avalanche of upvotes in five minutes Or Else. policies are made that set parameters and staff changes them whenever convenient – for example, the long-standing rule that things that occur off-site are not the responsibility of the Disciplinary Committee (yes, its name.). unless, of course, it’s someone they don’t like. a major staff member bullies somebody on Tumblr? “sorry, it was offsite, not our problem”. someone staff doesn’t like gets into a brief spat on Reddit? banned for harassment. 

there are countless examples of this, from small things to major things like bullying, harassment, and even abuse (or enabling of abuse). staff will punish people for transgressions and then turn a blind eye to a fellow staff member committing a transgression that was ten times worse. they have even protected rapists and sexual predators in the past – another kind of behaviour common in cults, because that’s what happens when you combine narcissism and entitlement with total authority.

that’s the main bulk of it

but now the context has been established, here are a few more concerning things I’ve noticed (quickfire now):

cults shit on former members

and the wiki does the same. any staff member that’s grown fed up of the groupthink and the cliquey attitude and how nasty people are or who has been mistreated by staff themselves; any regular user who feels the same and vocally quits? shat upon. lauded as a bastion of whatever is wrong with the wiki. declared an Enemy and rallied against. it is so creepy.

cults use Us vs Them mentality, especially in language

broad declarations establishing a community and a community spirit in the face of adversity are common in cults. appeals to emotion and loyalty are used in a very manipulative way. catastrophising and fearmongering is common, too. I’m seeing this in how the recent drama with the legal issues is being handled. broad appeals to “defend the wiki”, hashtags being encouraged, emotional speeches from staff about how it’s a make or break situation… 

…and this is being reflected in the absolutely insane comments people are responding with.

this is a fucking writing website. the above is not a normal reaction at all.

the attitudes of regular users quickly grow concerning

people very quickly get obsessed with the wiki and it defines their lives. they seem to feel as though they owe something to it or they need to serve some kind of a purpose; many people try and “get the word out” and become voluntary spokespeople. they go around practically preaching, and I do not see the users of any other website doing this.

cults want full control over how they’re seen by outsiders

and the scp wiki does the same. as mentioned previously, when the fandom grew and spiralled off the wiki to other sites, staff debated for weeks over what to do. brief interruption the second code is shrek is life.they were not comfortable with the idea of the wiki having an independent fandom, and for years now they have been in constant struggle with offsite communities, trying to gain the same amount of control they have over the wiki. it’s impossible to do so thoroughly, and it’s clearly an annoyance for them.

cult leaders will let “lesser” members do their dirty work for them

and guess what staff does? rather than wade in there and get their hands dirty with internet arguments, they’ll sit back and let regular users dogpile on dissenters and say all the things staff shouldn’t be seen to say in public. note how even if this would violate the bullying policies, they’ll just get a warning so long as staff agrees. 

in conclusion

@ everyone on the scp wiki: yall know you’re in a cult, right?

How was it to be a volunteer in Italy?

In this post I want to describe my experience as an AIESEC volunteer in Bologna (I posted a lot during this period on my Instagram). My project was related to SDG4, or in other words Quality Education. The name of my NGO is EduChange. What I did in practice was teaching English and giving presentations about Poland and Polish culture to Italian children at the age of 9-10 (and once 14, but that’s a different story). I will put a line now, so that if you’re not interested you won’t have to scroll like crazy.

ARRIVAL

I don’t want to describe the whole procedure of applying, it’s very easy and nothing really happens. Before you leave you have two meetings - one in your local AIESEC and the other via Internet with the one you’re going to. My journey starts on January, 17th. In the morning I entered a bus to Kraków, from where I departed at 4pm to Venice, and then to Bologna. Venice welcomed me with rain (I got a little cold because of that, but Gripex saved my life once again) and so did Bologna. The whole journey took 26 hours (yes, I went by bus and you can’t judge me). Somewhere on my way my first host-mum, Mary, messaged me wishing me a good journey and asking if I was safe (and in this sentence you have everything about this woman - always kind and caring <3). A few hours later, my other host-mum, Chiara, who was supposed to take me from the station messaged me too. At the station I was welcomed by Chiara and Matilde, one of my new sisters (in general, now I have 3 sisters and 1 brother). In the car I met Davide, dad, and Carlotta, my other sister (or daughter, as some people would say). After a short conversation, I realised we were in the house of Mary, where I was about to spend next 3 weeks of my life. I was tired af, but it’s understandable, I think. I messaged my buddy, Marie Claire (oh, haven’t told you about her — a buddy is a person from bolognese AIESEC, who takes care of you, a kind of nanny I’d say) and my manager, Sofia. And then I had dinner and went to sleep. I was sleeping from 14.00 till 11.00 on Sunday. I had no idea what would happen next.

FERRARA

I woke up when nobody was at home. It was a bit creepy tbh. On the table I found a note “We’ll be home at 12, eat anything you want” (I didn’t, my stomach was still acting as if I were in the bus). When the whole family, it means — Mary, Andrea, Athina and Achille, came back, they told me “We’re going to Ferrara”. I thought “What is Ferrara?”. It’s a beautiful town near Bologna, where we spent an amazing afternoon. I didn’t know anything about this town, and even if Mary and Andrea tried their best as guides, I spent a whole evening using Google Maps to identify objects I had seen. Among them were the Cathedral, Palazzo Muncipale, Castello Estense, Palazzo dei Diamanti and Via delle Volte. I ate a delicious cake, which name I don’t remember, filled with Nutella. Achille kept complaining “Maddalena’s cake is the best!” (they all  ok, almost all called me Maddalena, which is Italian version of Magdalena). In the evening we played all three in the living room and I was texted by Serena, an English teacher from one schools I was going to teach in, also one of my best bolognese friends. With her message I became both excited and anxious about the next day.

FIRST DAY(S)

All the anxiety disappeared when I entered the first school. The children were so lovely and cheerful that I fell in love with them (in a good meaning ofc) instantly. On the first lesson I was just sitting and doing nothing. Then, Serena came, and I was helping her to answer children’s questions during a final test. Believe me, there were hundreds of them. I came home tired, but happy. And finally I became hungry and ate everything I was offered (I always have a problem with eating far from home). The next day meant another school. It was less pleasant as a building, as Mary described it - it looked more like a hospital. Nevertheless, both the teachers and the students again were pure love. In the canteen I sat with 5 boys, who were supposed to make an interview with me. I felt as if I had been watching Familiada live. Then, one of the teachers came to our table hugging one boy saying “Ask him as often as you can. He’s my son”. Lovely, isn’t it? XD In the next class two girls came to me, giving me a drawing (I have it still in my diary). When I asked in Italian if it was for me, I heard a loud, full of shock “LEI CAPISCEEEEEEEEE”. One of the funniest things during these first days is that nobody knew I spoke Italian, and seeing their faces as they discovered it was a very entertaining activity. Wednesday was my day out, I’ll describe it later. On Thursday and on Friday I went to the third school. I ended up in Athina’s class and believe me, it’s really hard to be in one class with your sibling. Fun fact, both English teachers in that school are Rosannas, which confused me a bit these days.

DISCOVERING BOLOGNA

Finally, on my free Wednesday I got an opportunity to go to the centre. I remember my heartbeat when the bus no.13 entered the centre, it was fulfilling of a dream I made as a 13-year-old girl. I walked through Via d’Azeglio and found myself in Piazza Maggiore. Do you remember that scene from Home Alone, where Kevin realises he’s home alone and walks along screaming as crazy? It was me at the moment (but I screamed internally, don’t be scared). I entered Basilica (which I loved and I came back there several times, even twice on the same day). When I went out, I met Marie Claire. She was my guide that day, we had a great time as she showed me Bologna and its 6 secrets (google it). Later I was supposed to go on an AIESEC meeting (there were 2 meetings and Global Village). I continued my trip around city centre from Saturday till Monday, even if the weather wasn’t as great as on Wednesday. Also, on Saturday we spent a few hours “occupando Italia in un Irish pub” with other volunteers. On that day I discovered KIKO Milano, which is now my #1 makeup brand, I’m addicted to it, sorry if I’m a disappointment.

WEEK #2

I was about to write “Nothing interesting really happened”. But damn, I survived a power shortcut in one of the schools, I ate a true Italian pizza and gelato for the first time, I prepared 120 minutes of lesson in 5 minutes because the teacher was absent, I got engaged into “International Mother Tongue Day” organised by one of my schools, I bought a pair of beautiful shoes, I started to enjoy my new social life (volunteers, ily’all and miss y’all <3) and I managed to organise my first trip completely on my own. If that’s nothing then I don’t know what it is. Oh yes, my famous trips, or as I heard from some people “you have too much money”. Let’s remember the first one.

ROME

No matter how hard I try to overcome it, the very first thing I remember about Rome is the pain in my feet. If you’re ever in Rome, please children, don’t go there in brand-new shoes and try not to walk 21,5 km in a single day. As a true Polish, I will start with complaining. I waited 1,5h for a bus and it didn’t have a machine to buy tickets, as they have in Bologna (Bologna-Rome 1:0). On Saturday, despite not the best weather, I made a beautiful trip from Basilica Papale di Santa Maria Maggiore, through Colloseum, Forum Romanum, Altare della Patria, Palazzo Colonna, Fontanna di Trevi, Piazza Navona, Castel Sant’Angelo to the Vatican City and its museum (I have an illegal photo from Sistine Chapel, but shh). My friends volunteers, who also were in Rome, wanted me to go with them to Trastevere, but believe me, I was dying. The next day I did the check out before 8am and I enjoyed empty Rome on Sunday morning, it was amazing. I visited Trinità dei Monti. It was almost empty, @turbinis​ told me I was very lucky, so I will make you see how my luck looks like:

INDEED.IT.WAS.EMPTY.AND.ONE.HOUR.LATER.I.CAME.BACK.THERE.AND.IT.WAS.FULL.OF.PEOPLE.

WEEK #3

In one class there was a Polish boy. Whenever I saw him, he was yelling “CZEEEŚĆ” and whenever I told something about Poland all the children looked at him in the way “Do you confirm what she’s saying?” This week also brought me two great memories with my bro, Achille. He was sick and out of school and this week he was supposed to be back. He was a bit depressed and thought he would have to study all night. Oh, I forgot about the deep existential question he asked me two weeks before: “Have you ever loved someone on this Earth?”. Deep, you must admit. Another time, he was watching cartoons. When his cartoon ended, they started a cartoon for younger kids. He got offended, switched off the tv and took off the battery from the remote control, because “he won’t watch things for babies”. I remember that one day I became extremely hungry and the next day I went to Café Zamboni (coming back from Pinacoteca, which was amazing btw) and ate so much, that I could barely walk XD. I started realising that I want to go to Erasmus here. It was also a week of Sanremo, I remember with laugh how Athina tried to show her dad the performance of Achille Lauro and poor babbo was running away from her and her phone (I was team Gabbani, although now, when I’m writing this, I hear a loud “FAAAAAI RUMOOORE QUIIIII”). On Friday I got compliments from Rosanna and Rosanna for being a good teacher. They really liked how I had substituted Rosanna#1 the week before. Having my wings grown, I started my next trip, using Frecciarossa for the first time.

NAPLES

Although you may not believe it, it was the first time I had seen the sea. Moreover, I saw it for the first time in the same place as did Elena Greco in “L’amica geniale”, but I realised it a few weeks later. Getting out of the hostel, I went down Via Toledo, Galleria Umberto I, Castel Nuovo to Piazza del Plebiscito. I swear, I will fight anyone who says that Naples is dirty/ugly/both. Also, everyone was telling me about thieves, but somehow I didn’t get stolen. After I finished a gelato on Piazza, I went to the sea. It was one of the most beautiful feelings I’ve ever experienced. I thought “Screw all the sightseeing, you will do it tomorrow. Enjoy the sea today”, and so I did. I followed Lungomare all the time, passing along Castel dell’Ovo to the Mappatella beach. As it was the first time I saw the sea, the beach was also a whole new experience. Kids, never ever go to the beach in winter shoes, did you know? Because I didn’t. Probably I would watch a sunset there, but I got a bit scared with all those theft-stories and I was in the hostel before it got dark (I watched the sunset on Piazza del Plebiscito though). On Sunday I went from Santa Maria del Carmine, via Via San Biagio dei Librai and Via dei Tribunali to the Cathedral, Piazza Nazionale and train station. I arrived in Bologna at 11pm tired, but happy.

WEEK #4

In the middle of my stay, I moved to my second host family. At the beginning it was a bit weird (just like every time you change your life 180°). Everything changed the next evening, when I stayed home alone with my sisters and their nanny. We had a great time playing games and joking. Although I’m still ashamed that I lose in Mario, which was the game of MY childhood :C. That week another AIESEC meeting took place. Even two meetings, because on February, 14th there was a Global Village. It was a great event, even if I couldn’t enjoy it till the end, because the next day I had to wake up early. For the train. Btw, it was a Valentine’s Day, wasn’t it? I received some sweet cards from my students and it made my heart melt. After school we met with Marie Claire, who showed me something that now I miss a lot - tigelle.

FLORENCE

I woke up with a strong “oh shit” feeling. But as I realised I’m going to Florence, I got up and got ready in 20 minutes. Everyone was still sleeping, though I woke up Chiara when I tried to open the door. It was a cursed day for trains, I think. The train to Florence had too few wagons (I was assigned #9, but there were only 7, though they let me in) and the train from Florence was 40min delayed (I got into precisely on time I should get off in Bologna). I spent a wonderful day, mostly contemplating Il Duomo. Seriously, I took 42 photos of it, which makes almost a half of all photos taken in Florence. I can’t resist to put here at least one:

When I arrived to Ponte Vecchio, I saw a beautiful exhibition of jewelry. Really, it was so beautiful, that I couldn’t stop watching it. I even took a photo of it. As I started to continue my trip I said to myself “Magdalena, you will regret it till the end of your life!” So I came back and bought one bracelet. For 130€. Do I regret it? No. Would I regret if I hadn’t bought it? Yes. I will even show it to you.

One of the most important highlights is the visit to Capelle Medicee - if you ever go to Florence, go there, it costs only 2€ if you’re below 25 (or 26 idk). I enjoyed an amazing view from Giardini Boboli, saw another Neptun Fountain (like, Italians, aren’t you done with them yet???) and took a rest in front of Santa Croce. As a nice finish, I watched the sunset by the Cathedral.

WEEK #5

That Sunday (yes, now I start with Sunday, why not) Chiara woke me up early in the morning and we went to Matilde’s training (she plays rugby and btw Athina plays tennis and Carlotta does skating, I’m really proud of them). After the match (Matilde’s team won ofc) we went to Chiara’s parents. Oh my, I had never thought that people who had never seen me before would treat me as if I were their granddaughter, because that’s what I felt. I don’t remember if I ever had such a dinner, in such an atmosphere. I miss nonna’s tortellini, no one will ever prepare me better ones. In the evening, we played Dixit (a bit of Katowice flashback), the best game ever and don’t even try to say something different. Monday and Tuesday were the days of saying goodbye, since next week these days were supposed to be free. On Wednesday I spent a nice afternoon/evening with Heloísa, my Brasilian friend. We both didn’t know then that we will miss going out so much. On Thursday and on Friday I was a bit sick, I don’t know whether it was just a cold, a beginning of flu or covid-19, which everyone believes me to have had. Nevermind, on Saturday I was completely well.

SAN LUCA

San Luca is a sanctuary located on a hill near Bologna. You can go there on foot, through 666 “portici”. So did I with my host-mom Chiara and Carlotta. It was a beautiful, sunny day. I remember Carlotta running fast up the stairs and being tired when we went down. My sister has a big, pure heart. She gave her chocolate to a homeless man. Also, on that day she became my daughter. At least for the woman in the souvenir shop. (If you ask about Matilde, she was on a soccer game with her dad)

WEEK #6 HOW IT ALL COLLAPSED

Here, I should describe my last week in Italy. But I won’t.

It all started on Sunday morning. I had bought train tickets to Venice and Rimini a few days before. Chiara said “Do you know, there are more and more cases of coronavirus in Venice, in the evening there will be an official communicate. Consider not going there tomorrow”. All I said was “Okay.”. But really, I had no fear of this virus, I even thought I would take advantage of it, because panic means it will be less crowded, no? In the afternoon I went to the centre. In Piazza Maggiore, Via dell’Indipendenza and near the Two Towers people were celebrating the end of the carnival. As I don’t like crowded spaces, I went for a walk near Via San Vitale and Strada Maggiore. As the sun started to set, I decided to go back home. I received a message from AIESEC members that all schools in Emilia Romagna are closed. “A whole free week, cool” I thought. But as the new messages appeared I realised, that there would be no Venice tomorrow. They wrote “Please, don’t travel”. But then it was not my problem. I wanted to get into a bus, but somehow all the bus stops were empty. I had to go back on foot. Have I mentioned that I lived about 5 km from the centre? So, it was a long walk. As I walked, I tried to think what I would do for a whole week as probably the girls will go to grandparents’ and Chiara and Davide have their works. With Chiara we made a decision, I have to go back to Poland. We contacted a few members, about an hour later I had new bus tickets on my phone. We went to a supermarket, it was as if a war was coming. 5 minutes before closing the shop was full of people. And empty on shelves a few minutes later. At 10pm we drove to grandparents to leave the girls there. It was one of the hardest farewells in my life. You can ask why, they are not even your family. Maybe because I remember Carlotta’s words, when they both occupied the whole sofa and I asked “Oh, there’s no longer place for me, is there?” she answered “There will always be a place for you here”. Maybe because I remember Matilde’s head on my shoulder when we were on the way. Maybe because I remember how grandma treated me as her real granddaughter giving me some food and her confitures to Poland. Maybe because all these people showed me more familiar love and affection in these 5 weeks than I received from my real family. Maybe because they still text me asking how I’m doing. Maybe.

I stayed awake till 3am, making my suitcase and handbags. On Monday I went to school, which was closed, to make a closing meeting and to say goodbye to my first host-family. I went for a last coffee and pizza to my favourite restaurant nearby and came back home. I watched tv all the afternoon and had a farewell-pizza as a supper (2 pizzas in a day, very healthy, Magdalena). On Tuesday at 6am I was in a bus heading to Prague and then to Kraków. Instead of watching the sea in Rimini, I was watching some fields somewhere between Kraków and my town.

To make a happy end, it was the time of my life, I’d write something better here but it’s almost 1:30am when I write this, so sorry :C

MTC + MTR: Pregnant Problems

@misaki-na asked: MTC and MTR as a (soon to be) Father taking care of their pregnant wife. You know, pregnant woman can be sensitive somitmes about their emotional state, or craving something in middle of the night, or these husband worried to much about what their wife doing like they afraid she will fall or slipped and hurt herself and the baby which is made her annoyed. Well, how are they taking care of their 7 or 8 month pregnant wife? Thankiesss

Sureeeeeeee

—

Samatoki

Has read the guidebook once and gave up trying to memorise it

But he has the go-bag ready and like he’s so prepared

Like he’s more prepared than you are and knows what to bring in case you suddenly go into labour

Has shouting matches with you because both of your tempers are pretty high

But then he cuddles you after and apologises if ever

If you have weird cravings, he calls Riou over to indulge you in them because Samatoki can’t handle it (like making weird shit)

And if you wake up in the middle of the night, he doesn’t complain and just helps you with whatever you need or helps you go back to sleep

He’s also very very protective, so nothing happens to you

Jyuto

Literally baby-proofed and wife-proofed the entire house

He’s very meticulous when it comes to keeping the both of you safe

Every sharp edge is covered and every socket is plugged (which annoys you, but you can’t blame him)

And he has the go bag ready because he’s prepared this way

And when you have your mood swings, Jyuto gets a tad bit annoyed, but he manages to keep is temper in check

And when it comes to cravings, he does indulge you, though the weirder ones he asks Riou to make them because he can’t stomach you eating it and having to taste it after

Anyway, he’s just a happy bunny and texts you regularly because he just wants to know you’re alright

Riou

Has read the guidebook more than once

Indulges all the nighttime cravings, even if they’re weird because tbh he wants to try it too

Definitely has the go bag ready and has everything prepared because he’s a good soldier

Whatever you need, he’s waiting on you, hand and foot because he’s dedicated

And then he’s the silence to the rage that is your hormones and he knows exactly what to do to calm you down

And is always there since his office hours just consist of MTC, so he’s doting on you like crazy

And very, very protective

But in general, he just enjoys taking care of you and is very excited about the kid

Jakurai

Probably not specialising in this, but he knows his shit and is probably prepared for anything

Will indulge the cravings, but would advise against the ones that are obviously sketchy

Has subtly wife-proofed the house in a way that you wouldn’t be annoyed

Shoulders some of your work so you won’t be stressed, but in a subtle way, just like organising your workspace or the little things that make you smile you know?

And then he would be able to anticipate your symptoms and would also use his doctor connections to find the best care possible

And then he would have the meds and whatever you need

Also gives killer massages and is the calm to your storm and knows exactly how to make you smile

Doppo

Panics a lot especially if you have a major mood swing

And if you get annoyed at the baby, Doppo is just trying to calm you down while simultaneously trying to keep himself calm

And he’s not there during the day, so he sometimes asks Hifumi to just accompany you wherever you go in general because tbh, he’s a mother hen that way and doesn’t want you to be in danger

And when he gets home he’s doting on you so well and just wants to make you feel safe

And you appreciate what he’s doing, even if it’s making you a little nervous, but you know he’s doing his best because he’s also pretty excited about having his own kid

Double checks the go bag everyday and it just gets heavier each day

Hifumi

Nervous excited wreck, not that much better than Doppo

Except he’s a shit ton more jumpy, and I mean jumpy

But he cooks you such great food that you rarely have any of your weird cravings

He can’t though help you in the middle of the night because of work, but he sure leaves food in the fridge and little love notes so that you feel like he’s there

And he would get up earlier for you and fight the lack of sleep because he cares

And he reads books to the womb because he’s a puppy that way and is really counting down the days to when you’re due and honestky can’t wait

Though he’s nervous, but in general the vibe is that he’s just so excited to be a dad and he will do the fluffiest shit

Hana and Taemin for the ship meme??

— ultimate ship meme! | @busanbunnie

—

Send in two (or more) names and I’ll fill all this out about the ship!

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs (they defined it)

How long will they last? - I think this is a very loving case of ‘til death do us part’, and their love even transcends AUs of all kinds and genres, honESTLY, MAYBE FOREVER

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - I’ll be bold enough to say I think it was like meeting The One? I wouldn’t say Love At First Sight, but something about them meeting struck me like two souls destined to find one another, actually finding one another. So, I think it happened relatively fast, but not too fast

How was their first kiss? - Considering Taemin didn’t use to kiss at all back then, on his side there was a lot of hesitation from there, and I can imagine Hana might have been shy about it, so it was a lot of careful testing the water, and then so chaste that all my teeth fell out and regrew immediately due to its sweetness and emotional power

Wedding:

Who proposed? - I don’t remember what I might have said for this section in other occasions, but I do believe Taemin would have been the one? I can’t promise he managed to keep it a secret from Hana because he probably involved Minhwan to figure out how to best go about it and also because he was panicking lmao, but in the end, they did, and it probably wasn’t very fancy, just a romantic moment in the bliss of domestic intimacy

Who is the best man/men? - Definitely Minhwan, like, yo

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - Gale might be available for the spot, she might feel inappropriate, but I’d hope they convinced her to it anyway (because she’d feel loved and honoured)

Who did the most planning? - I think both, although Taemin probably let Hana go off and do a lot herself while he stood by and followed instructions to the letter, 1. because he trusts her decisions more than he trusts himself in general, 2. because I feel like Hana would love organising it? so he’d absolutely let her, 3. he’s a disaster and we been knew

Who stressed the most? - Maybe Taemin? I feel like (obviously always correct me, pls, like, I wanna knOW) Hana would stress over technicalities, the wedding itself, invitations, the places, just the organisatory aspect of it, and Taemin would over actually being a good man for Hana to say yes to

How fancy was the ceremony? -Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - No one! Everyone who needed to be there was there, and then some: Hana’s family, Hana’s teammates, Gale, maybe a few coworker of Minhwan and Taemin’s here and there

Sex:

Who is on top? - *cough* Well, depends on what position they’re fee- okay, just, Taemin

Who is the one to instigate things? - They seem to do both equally, and spontaneously, just a healthy loving couple with a healthy, adoring sex life

How healthy is their sex life? -Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? -Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - I’m seriously confused by this question, like, every time? Am I supposed to provide, like, an average amount of minutes, I’m- somebody who has sex, please let me know lmao, nah, okay, I’d say, an average amount?

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - A b s o l u t e l y, because Hana and Taemin are nothing short of a healthy, loving, respecting relationship between two people who love and respect one another very, VERY FKING MUCH, and they’d both want to assure that both parties receive as much as they give

How rough are they in bed? -Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? -No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - Two! A little baby girl and a little LITTLE BABY BOY

How many children will they adopt? - We’ve never actually considered or spoken about this, but I actually feel like Taemin would consider? When it comes to seeing the opportunity to free a child from a childhood perhaps as dark as his had been, why wouldn’t he take it? How would Hana feel

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - They’re both quite hard-working people, so I feel like all these sorts of stuff they try to balance it out as much as possible, they work together because they’re a team and as such, everyone gets their turn

Who is the stricter parent? - I’m not quite sure, actually, I feel like they’d both spoilt them in different ways? Mostly with attention I feel, and utmost support

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - I feel like Hana would do a better job at it, because Taemin is a tad too apprehensive in this context; where Hana would guide and teach, Taemin might just... worry too much

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Resident cook, TAEMIN

Who is the more loved parent? - Gotta be honest, might actually be Hana. It’s just a natural thing that, if the relationship is well, there’s just the slightest bit of a tighter bond between a mother and her children, she’s spent so much more time with them and besides, who the heck wouldn’t love Hana

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - I feel like it depends entirely on their schedule; they’d probably try to go together, because they’re supportive parents who want to show that they’re there, but again, it’d depend entirely on work and whatnot

Who cried the most at graduation? - I think, Hana? == AND I DON’T BLAME HER, tbh I was probably there too, crying (although, neither are anywhere near the age of graduating yet)

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Well

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Taemin! It’s his *french voice* passiòn

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Not quite sure? Maybe Hana, because Taemin’s happy eating just about anything, and Hana’s got her Fave Snacks™ I’m assuming and besides, there’s a fat chance Taemin would have tried to spoil the heckers outta her

Who does the grocery shopping? - Whoever’s got the time, I suppose? OR EVEN BETTER, BOTH TOGETHER! Grocery Shopping Date™

How often do they bake desserts? - Not as often as they should >:(

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? -  Headcanon that they’re both meat lovers? What does the jury say?

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - OH HANA’S amazing at surprises, so far we’ve had quite a few scenarios where Hana was just “boom, I cooked for you” and Taemin had no idea, but what would be even funnier, is if they tried to surprise the other simultaneously, constantly trying to shoo the other out of the kitchen to get it done, and then in the end they figure it out and just... cook it together and it’s sweet and domestic and I love them

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - They both seem more fond of the stay at home variant? Like, they def go out on dates too, but Hana has quite an exhausting job and as someone who works on the computer, just for the eyes alone, not only her job as a mecha pilot is tiring, so I can see her being tired late and wanting to be cosy and Taemin loves cooking for them and I think they both just love to stay and cuddle

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? - H...m... maybe Hana

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Whoever gets up last, which is why we have to have a thread where they try to race each other to try and not be the one who has to make the bed and whatnot

Who is really against chores? - Taemin’s lowkey so lazy in this context, he does them, but, Christ, he’s gonna be so pouty about it, how does Hana put up with him

Who cleans up after the pets? - BOTH!

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Both?

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Depends entirely on who the guests are! It might be Taemin because they’re most likely either Hana’s teammates, family, or other friends so he’s worried about impressing them; or it might be Hana because the same people, but she actually wants to welcome them properly.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - HANA! I don’t know why, I’m just picturing her victory shout and her cheering and I love her

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Depends on whether they take ‘em together or not

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Whoever’s got the time! But I feel, for some reason, Hana is probably better with them: I remember we headcanoned them being quite big dogs, and Hana is used to handling things as difficult as a mecha and is physically more fit than Taemin (she’s so hot, fyi)

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - ALWAYS, EVERY HOLIDAY, EVERY OCCASION AND I HEADCANON HANA IS THE QUEEN OF DECORATIONS

What are their goals for the relationship? - Long days and pleasant nights, to continue being happy together, be there for one another, and just be the perfect couple that they are

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Depends entirely on what had happened the night before, but if Taemin takes to preparing breakfasts, especially for the kiddos, he’d leave Hana the luxury (also because she games so late into the night); plus considering the first almost year after either of the children’s births, she’d have to constantly get up during the night to feed them, BASICALLY SHE DESERVES TO SLEEP IN, and if they sleep in together, even better

Who plays the most pranks? - Please let this be Hana because I wanna see her pranking Taemin, PLS PLS PLS

Grace & Ava

Grace: you okay babes???! Ava: The furthest from without actually being 💀 Grace: Oh my god what even?! aren't you at that uni thing? Ava: For a few more hours yet, give me strength Ava: Last night was Ava: nah Grace: last night was a sorority girl horror 📽🎞 or like ??? Ava: Allegedly a thing but I've yet to see anyone rocking a skinhead without it being a Choice™ Ava: So, everyone else did go to the 📽🎞 last night but I pulled a sickie 'cos Ava: well, that can do one as a concept but also Ava: Are you sure you even want this? It's a whole saga, like 🙄😫 Grace: duh x 10000 Grace: there's nothing anyone can tell me about mean girls 🔪💔 we can skip 📽🎞 when I've IRL lived it Grace: & obvs! talk to me I'm BEYOND concerned Ava: There are no mean girls Ava: and I think the shit I pulled is beyond a Regina level even Grace: UM no way are you casting yourself 👑 thanks! what happened?! Ava: Sorry but you can try and come for the 👑 after I tell you Ava: So they get current pupils to show you around, do the tour, answer questions, do the whole programme with you, right? Ava: Must be good extra credit or whatever, anyway Ava: There's this guy, and the whole time there's this total...vibe, you know? And I'm not delusional or sad like that, its an actual thing but I know him, know of him Ava: so I know why I should just ignore it, but instead when everyone is out, I DM him Grace: excuse you bitch I'm literally reformed but like putting that ASIDE cos this is so much more IMPORTANT!😱😱 Grace: so are we talking a phoneful of regret or IRL walk of shame? Ava: We talked for a while, so I have literal evidence it wasn't just one-sided but truly do not wanna be that girl but like, I swear Ava: anyway, we did go out, properly and it was Ava: so good Ava: but then he had to go and now I have to die Grace: duh it was 😍😍😍 I know what a vibe means Grace: he has a gf yeah? honey we've ALL done it don't even stress he's obvs not that into her Ava: No its Ava: more complex Ava: there's Ava: well, he's married Ava: but he's not as old as that makes him sound but yeah, clearly quite into her Grace: Ew! What's with everyone getting 💍👰 Grace: if Janis gets proposed to I'm kmsing Grace: it doesn't sound that complex though babes, don't let this family fool you, 💔💍 is such a thing™ Ava: Can't see it myself Ava: they are cute though Ava: of course but I'm not out here doing that myself, that's Buster's bread and butter, not mine Ava: they have kids as well, two Grace: 🙄🤢 Grace: totally but we literally NEVER have to tell her or them that shh Grace: well that explains it 🤰👰💍 he probs doesn't even love her Ava: My lips are sealed Ava: One of them is like...6 or something and the other is a baby so there's like no excuse Ava: It didn't come to anything more than a kiss but I'm mortified Grace: 6? How old is he?! Ava: Again, not as old as that makes him sound Ava: 22 ish, in his last year Grace: THANK GOD! I was literally picturing like a hot 40 Ava: Somehow that would be less complicated Ava: Unless he was a friend of my parents or something but not trying to hit every cliche before I even start Uni Grace: UGH! remember when I went to the fair with that lad who turned out to be 19 & everyone lost it like I was being groomed 🙄 Grace: such a drama Grace: this seriously doesn't sound that bad Grace: either he's bored of her or having his 🍰 & 😋 Grace: who stopped it at 😘😘? Ava: Well, he did turn out to be a creep didn't he Ava: but he could've been a 15 year old creep as easily, I see your point Ava: He did Ava: his phone kept going off Ava: it must've been her Grace: yeah & like I totally worked it out for myself from reading the vibe Grace: same as you last night Grace: 😱😱😱 Grace: did he answer? did you literally have to sit there 🤐!!! Ava: I think I might've got the vibe seriously wrong Ava: well, no Ava: I don't know Ava: we were in a club, he couldn't Ava: but we left real quick and he hasn't looked at me today so that's been fun Grace: oh girl please Grace: trust, as someone who has gotten the vibe wrong WAY more times than we need to admit outside of this convo, you so didn't Grace: he's having a freakout, we've ALL been there too, yeah? Ava: Clearly Ava: 😂 Ava: Oh God Ava: I just need to pretend this never happened and peace Grace: come over Grace: we'll go out & make some new drama happen Grace: soon as you do, you'll know if he's bothered Ava: Sounds good Ava: If I didn't have two other Unis to hit before Summer officially starts 🙄 Grace: OMG you're so extra Ava: Rude 😂 Ava: Not as if I can go here now, is it? Ava: I'm burning through options, girl Grace: ILY for it 💜 Grace: did you wanna go there for real? Ava: Not hugely Ava: it was in my top 5 but its definitely not 🥇 Grace: 🤷💅 Grace: it was obvs a 🏆💋 so Ava: seriously Ava: though I'm probably gonna find out that he's made time for every girl on this program Grace: did you pick up on any other vibes? Ava: I don't think so Ava: He did say other girls were flirting with him though Grace: 😂 boys always say that Grace: literally will have been hitting refresh waiting on you 💬 Ava: Or, they really were and that was a subtle dig that I just ignored Ava: 🤡🤡 Grace: ugh don't Grace: nobody's looked hotter the morning after babes Grace: he'd be the 🤡 Ava: Minus the HP🗲 scar Ava: idk where that came from, which doesn't bode well for how trashed I must've been Grace: if he was as wasted maybe he doesn't remember & that's why he blanked you cos everything is Grace: 👋 been there Ava: I wish Ava: like I said, we know each other Grace: do you know his 👰? Ava: 😶 Ava: Just kill me now Grace: has he posted anything? Ava: About how much he 💕 his wife and kids? Ava: Fuck knows Grace: well yeah or idk how wasted he was Grace: anything to go on Ava: His 👰 would not approve Grace: if he doesn't have like a private snap he's no 💔 Ava: Wasn't my first question Ava: Probably does but bit late to ask now Grace: you literally could Grace: cringe but no more cringe than running into him playing happy families when you go get coffee Ava: I'm just gonna leave it Ava: Not a moment too soon Grace: 👌👌💜 Ava: When the alcohol leaves my system my head will be less 🤯 Ava: Standard Grace: his too though Grace: maybe he'll come to you Grace: 🤞 yeah or 🤞 no? Ava: I don't know what I want Ava: or feel about any of it Ava: It's better to just assume nah, a pleasant surprise is always better than disappointment Grace: mhmm Ava: Shut up Ava: I'm confused and hungover, I don't know anything 🙄😏 Grace: no shade Ava: I know Ava: This is too extra Ava: even from me, right Grace: you can wear the 👑 until I earn it back Grace: cos duh who's more extra Grace: me, this hoe Ava: 😂 I'm ready for it Grace: you gotta let me have it there's no 😘💖😍 in my 🔮 Ava: Not even a little? Grace: there was a little but it got too much Grace: too close to being like Grace: I can't Grace: I'm out Ava: I don't think it's all it's cracked up to be, honestly Grace: makes me feel like I'm cracking up Grace: no thanks Ava: Preaching to the converted today Grace: 🙌 Ava: I'll definitely come over some point this Summer though Grace: YAY Grace: I so need you Ava: I think me and the 'rents are going the first two weeks, then I'm going with my friends the last two Ava: so sometime in the middle to play with Grace: ugh if only my mum and dad were organised about anything ever Grace: god knows when or where they'll spring a hol 🙄🙄 Ava: All fun and games Ava: least you get more space these days, I guess Grace: if they're gonna be annoying I'll just bring you with 🤷 Ava: Three holidays would be a record Grace: hot older lad who?! 😂 Grace: Brazil is on another level Ava: If there's sun and sea, I'm happy Grace: you'll be sooo 😊 Ava: 😘 Grace: 💜 Ava: I did not think that would be such a rant Ava: IOU a coffee, I'll ping you the funds rn forreal Grace: As if! like I've NEVER done you that way Grace: shhh Ava: It's done Ava: Consider it a reminder we need a proper catch up when my head is less fried Grace: 👌👌 fine Ava: Don't be mad, it is essential some good happens today Grace: It's fine babes, promise Ava: Good Ava: I better try and finish this essay thing Ava: Or at least make a better start Grace: or at least get yourself a coffee & put some lipstick on Ava: Cheers, I know I look clapped 😂 Grace: shut up Grace: you do not! Ava: I wouldn't wanna chat to me either tbh Grace: Girl, stop Grace: this convo has been wild & I'm living Ava: I meant him, not you 😉 Ava: Only subjected socials to one pic, like Grace: well duh he wants to kiss you again not have a chat Grace: if you wanna talk you'll have to Grace: there's only one kind of convo lads ever start Ava: Hmm Ava: Have better luck with this essay than thinking of something worth saying Grace: what do you wanna say? Grace: like if you could just Ava: Christ Ava: firstly, what the fuck? Grace: he can't shade you for starting there Ava: Though I initiated it so, ugh Grace: he didn't have to go along with any of it Grace: his wife & kids were literally waiting at home for him so Grace: you like deserve to know if there are other girls or not Ava: What's more insane though Ava: asking around every girl on this course, or asking him Ava: There are definite drawbacks either way from where I'm sitting Grace: you said you know him, how much does he lie? Grace: asking him will be more than cringe if you can't believe a word, it'll be pointless Ava: I don't know him like that but Ava: I suppose I've heard that he's a typical lad in most regards so Grace: yeah Ava: but that's from one source so Ava: who's to say they're 100% reliable Grace: right Grace: I'll stalk the other girls, obvs am insane so Ava: No Ava: 'cos then I'll have to tell you who he is Ava: and it'll all get out of hand Grace: OMG do I know him??! Ava: How would you? Ava: 'course not Grace: then why does it matter if you tell me or not? Ava: I'll sort it myself Grace: Ava Grace: is it already out of hand? Ava: That'd depend on who you asked too Grace: I'm asking you Ava: I've got this Grace: promise Ava: 🤞 Grace: 👌

* ☆ ◞ KANG YEOSANG. CISMALE. HE/HIM. ◟ wait, wasn’t that THEODORE ‘THEO’ CHOI? they’re a TWENTY year old JUNIOR, hailing from SAN DIEGO, CA. i heard they’ve chosen to study VETERINARY SCIENCE while living at CORAL TOWER ( UNIT 415; ROOM B ). word around campus is that they’re LAID BACK & WELCOMING but also quite PASSIVE & UNRELIABLE. if you happen to see them walking to class with their earbuds in, they’re probably listening to BREEZEBLOCKS by ALT J. 

HEY WASSUP GANG ! 

didn’t take me long to get a second character did it ?? gee what a surprise 

anyways he is very different from hana so !!!! i’m v excited to play him tbh BUT — TW:  there are drug references* and parental death** mention 

H I S T O R Y 

he is from san diego !! a cute lil neighbourhood where ppl kind of knew everyone ?? so everyone knew when his (tw** )mom died from a heart attack when he was only fourteen 

it SHOOK the choi household — it was so sudden and it was very traumatic and theo really struggled a lot with it since he was there when it happened

he’s the oldest of three boys, the 2nd oldest being 16 ( 10 when she died ) and the youngest being 12 ( 6 ) so he really tried to step up when they lost their mom and helped his dad a lot but tbh it was super stressful bc his dad just wanted him to focus on school and ??? theo was like wtf i’d rather be there for my brothers but now he’s older he kind of sees his dad’s point

he got pretty depressed and ?? honestly just took a turn for a worst

they weren’t the most wealthy of families, and then with her death it caused quite a bit of financial struggle and so theo got into selling (tw:*)drugs when he was about fifteen which ... his dad did NOT like but at least they were paying their bills on time

he had a super rough patch between 15 - 18 where he wouldn’t be heard from for hours or days and he’d stumble back home on the worst comedown or hangover imaginable 

like boy did alllllll kinds of stupid it’s a surprise he survived tbh

he’d never let his brothers see him that way but he does regret that it got as bad as it did and his dad knew but he couldn’t really intervene in anyway and it’s not like theo would listen either

still, even tho he spent most of his nights getting messed up, he DID work hard at school and got a scholarship to nyu where he’s doing veterinary science bc ya boiiiii loves animals and tbh his mom always knew he wanted to be one since he was a kid so even if he grew out of that dream he was always gonna pursue it bc of his mom and he feels like he can make her proud

tbh that’s all u need to know background wise so 

P E R S O N A L I T Y 

very ?? loving tbh he has so much love and affection and he’s ready to hand it out to whoever wants it — genuinely loves physical contact too he will 100% be trying to hold your hand or lay in your lap whenever he can... he needs to learn not EVERYONE is ok with this tho

is kind of a hermit sometimes but more in the sense he can spend days alone in his room without any human interaction and be fine ??? like won’t even realise he’s done it but he's ALWAYS down for hanging out with people and socialising tbh he’s happy either way

he’s very good at hiding his depression, like you’d really never expect it from him he’s so smiley and has a super warm aura — definitely the type to try and fix everyone else in hopes it’ll fix him but some days if he is feeling especially low, he’ll shrug it off as being tired and just isolate himself in his room

he’s stoned A LOT, like expect 99.9% of interactions with him he’s probably blazed tbh — he definitely uses it as a coping mechanism for his depression. the only time he’s not high would be if he knows he’s doing something surgical or super important for class

a very go with the flow kind of guy and doesn’t really like pressure being put on him, ya boi doesn’t like S T R E S S and will just rather see how things go than worry about what could happen

the type to make best friends super easy but ?? doesn’t really put too much effort into relationships he’s quite bad

a proper peace keeper, if there’s any kind of conflict he’s in the middle trying to diffuse it and make everyone happy 

kind of a pushover but more bc he just doesn’t really care about anything and he definitely thinks life is pointless and nothing matters so ?? 

random facts // hcs

a pro joint roller — super quick, super neat, but can also make fun, creative ones to smoke too

skateboards around campus, usually bc he’s slept in late and needs to get to class quickly

pansexual af 

he gets panic attacks sometimes and if anyone sees he’s super embarrassed about it tbh but sometimes he gets flashbacks of his mom dying so :| 

speaks english, korean, and knows a lil bit of spanish

finds painting nails SUPER therapeutic so catch him with randomly coloured nails any day of the week 

is in the photography club !! and also the earth matters club 

he’s a neat freak !!!!! everything must be organised and clean or he can’t FOCUS 

definitely a bit of a ho .... he’d sleep with anyone and does tbh 

loves naps and sleeping in general

ok thatsss it !! i dont really have many specific wcs other than ? hookups and smoking buddies...... so ? maybe someone who lets him paint their nails, he’d LUV that but yes i’m down for brainstorming so click the heart for plots !! i’ll come 2 u but maybe tomorrow as i gotta sleep but maybe tonight too bc... i’m a mess