Moving! Moving in two months! Working on moving when I was literally doing this shit exactly a year ago! *SCREAM*

Concerning Mental Health (Stay Tuned for Something Related to Classical Music)

I have talked about this in a previous post, but it didn't get a lot of attention. Allow me to try this again: *ahems* My name is Charlie Evangelista, and I am seventeen year old high school student who plans to major in Music Performance and German when I go to college. I have also suffered from severe anxiety and depression for the past three years now. Oh, and I'm also transgender, which brings along stigma, hate, and adds salt to the wounds of anxiety and depression. There have been times when I've felt better. There have been times when I felt like the world has turned its back against me. Right now, the latter has become more common. As a musician, this has posed a big problem. Sometimes, I don't have the motivation or energy to practice because my anxiety or depression decide that I can't do it. In rarer times, I feel like giving up on music altogether. Here's the frustrating thing: whenever I feel like I'm getting better, I become worse again. Let me give you some more personal history: I have been seeing a psychiatrist and therapist for a few years now. Let me just get this out of the way: my psychiatrist is a piece of crap. For one, crappy customer service. The other thing is a little more serious, even fatal. Here's how psych meds work: when you try a med for the first time, the effects really don't start kicking in until maybe 2-4 weeks (it can happen in less than 2 weeks, but that depends on the effectiveness of the medicine). The problem is that there are a crap ton of meds out there, and they don't all work on everyone, even if they have the same condition. The purpose of these meds is to change the medical makeup of your brain in order to decrease (not get rid of) your mental illness.

I am still on the search for the right meds for me. As a result, my psychiatrist has been giving me new meds after new meds every two weeks. This is NOT good because every time you change meds, your body takes a while to process it. When you change them continuously, this can lead to adverse mental effects, especially if the meds were not meant to work for you in the first place. If you can't figure this out already, I'll cut to the chase: this trial-and-error search for the right medication can be not only frustrating, but can worsen mental health conditions. On the bright side, my mother is trying to change psychiatrists. Hopefully that and finding the right medication will happen soon. Concerning my therapist: I can't begin to describe how amazing she is. She helps me get through my issues and find ways to cope and even solve them. She's really friendlly and understand my point of view. She is someone who is patient and kind and...yeah, I'll stop rambling: she's awesome. There's just one problem: I haven't been able to see her as regularly. Why? One reason is scheduling issues, but the main reason is finance. She costs a little over than $100 per hour. Crazy right? I know what you're asking: why don't you just find a cheaper therapist? Yeah about that. First off, I mentioned that I already like my therapist; it will take a lot of convicing for me to change therapists. Second off, it's kind of hard to find a therapist who specializes in anxiety, depression, and gender dysphoria within my area that is cheaper than her. So yeah. Oh, and by the way, this is not just a problem for me: mental health here in America is expensive (then again, health in America is expensive). The cost of my therapist is sadly typical among mental health professionals. Insurance often doesn't cover mental health professionals. Let's not even mention the fact that our government is doing nothing on lowering the cost of mental health or providing resources to its citizens. In fact, the only time mental health seems to become an issue of interest is during the wake of a mass shooting or other act of violence committed by some white dude (side note: most violent people do not have mental health conditions, and most people with mental health conditions are more likely to be a harm to themselves than others through self-harm and suicide). My point? If you thought healthcare in America is crap, then you haven't seen anything with mental health. This is a huge problem. People with mental health conditions can be treated. They can be healthy. They can have hope. I want that, and so do many people with mental health conditions, yet we don't seem to be getting the help we need. Here's what needs to be done: We need better ways to get the right medication for the right person. This trial-and-error method can prove to be disastrously detrimental to one's mental health if handled incorrectly. We need better ways to fund mental health and make it more affordable to people who are in desperate need of it. We need to relieve the stigmas of mental health conditions so that people who have them won't be ashamed and can feel like a contributing member of society. We still have a long way to go on mental health. I know I'm a classical music blog, but this is an important issue that I and many of our beloved composers have gone through. Mussorgsky (and others) have suffered from alcoholism. Beethoven, Schumann, Tchaikovsky, Rachmaninoff, de Lassus, Gesulado, Dowland, Berlioz, Glinka, Bruckner, Arensky, Wolf, and Ives had depression. Bruckner had OCD. Schoenburg had triskaidekaphobia (irrational fear of the number 13). Shostakovich contemplated suicide. Berlioz, Schumann, Tchaikovsky, and Wolf attempted suicide. Clarke and Warlock took their own lives. These issues need to be brought up not only to our classical music Tumblr community, but to the world. Just think: if our favorite composers got the help they needed, maybe they wouldn't have suffered so much. The same goes for all of my fellow classical musicians and enthusiasts, as well as people who may not fall into this category. Let's all do something. If you have the money and time, donate and volunteer to non-profits who are contributing to the cause of mental health. Contact your local representative (city, state, or US) and tell them to do something about this. And stay tuned: I will have a post sometime in the future following this. It will be concerning our own little advocacy group.

A Letter to Myself - Living with Bipolar

I was diagnosed bipolar 7 years ago, when I was 22 years old. During that time I was confused, hurt, terrified, and most of all crying out for help. Living with my parents at the time, there was little I could do other than take control by taking my medication and doing as much research as I could online. 

All I was given by my doctor to combat this mental foe was the generic for the anti-depressant Celexa because it was all I could afford on part time salary. It’s been with me ever since. So my then-boyfriend and I did what we could to research so we knew exactly what we were dealing with and ended up buying a book titled “Bipolar for dummies.”  

I was scheduled for a psychiatrist appointment that year, three days before my birthday and in my mania I refused to go because “I was controlling it just fine.” 

I was wrong. I was always wrong. 

Posting information about my condition online earned me the shiny badge of “Crazy” by my friends and “Misdiagnosed” by my family. I felt like I had no one in my corner, so I would handle it myself.  This lead to a crazy and burn effect that had me moving out of my parents house and effectively losing the friend group I was currently hanging with because I “was scaring them” and “a loose cannon.”   Well 2012 rolls around, I’m 24 now and I finally go see that psychiatrist, and get told in my very first appointment,  that my job is the worst thing I could possibly be doing to myself (3rd shift), I need to stop drinking pop outright because it’s screwing up my brain, and that ”If I don’t get this under control by the time I’m 30 it will hospitalize me.” 

I’ve lived with that ever since. My then-boyfriend and Mother both proceeded to tell me it was a “self fulling prophecy”  and not to worry about it. Oh but I did. I do. It’s not something I have ever been able to get out of my mind, even more so with my 30th birthday rolling around in the next few months.  It’s scary, it’s terrifying, it feels like a death sentence. 

But it must be said, I saw that doctor twice before I stopped seeing him. Upon my second visit, I expressed concern to him that I wasn’t able to do anything creative and I needed to for my job. I tried to explain that these medications made me feel dead and His rebuttal was that “Art isn’t important and I would simply get used to it.” 

So with 26 rolling around, I was running out of time to have insurance, and thus I ended up having to stop taking my medication and the therapist I was seeing I never got back in touch with. I would just handle my mental illness with no help at all. I thought I could do it. I swore I could.  

I was wrong. 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve bounced from feeling like I could take on the world to wishing that I could just fade away and things would be “better” if I weren’t here. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been suicidal. How many times I’ve deemed life “too much” and just wanted to be done with it.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried, how many times I’m curled up in a ball on my living room floor and declared myself worthless, stupid, useless and every other negative thing I could think of. 

I can’t tell you how many times this has happened because it would take too long to list. But I persist. I preserve. I’m still here. 

Well as time goes on, my then-fiancee’s mother (who is a nurse practitioner) tries to help by prescribing me some medication for my condition which lands me in a week off of work due to side-effects and uncontrollable tremors or being unable to sleep at all. 

The medication roulette has never gone well for me. 

As time moved on, one of my friends from previous friend group mentioned, returned and gets me a job at a sewing shop down town. I finally think I’m at a place in my life where I’m okay.  

Again I was wrong. 

The supervisor hates, and goes out of her way to psychically corner me and talk down to me. I spend most of my days with my hat pulled down so no one can see me cry.  My then-fiancee’s mother interferes again and given me sleeping medication and medication for anxiety. 

Work eventually gets so frustrating between fighting with the previously mentioned friend and catty co-workers that I end up doubling up doses on the anxiety medication and my celexa. 

I end up out of work for weeks due to illness or over dose. I don’t really know at this point. 

This job ends when the owner of the shop calls the cops on me and reports me as a “dangerously unmedicated bipolar” suspiciously the day after I told him I was going to look for a different job if something wasn’t done about the fighting within the shop. 

I haven’t had a formal job since. 

That November, of 2014, my then-fiancee and I got struck my on coming traffic in an accident and it broke my pelvis.  Black Ice is a bitch when you living in wintery areas.  So my then-fiancee told me to focus on my art and he would handle the finances.  

So that’s exactly what I did. I poured myself into my art and my sewing and found more success in costuming than anything else. 

Don’t get me wrong. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried over my art. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried over “how I failed him” or how “I feel useless at the one thing I love.”  

But I had the strangest thought this morning, looking at my hand full of more pills than I’ve ever taken in my life.  

Here I am, 29 years old. I’m going to a new psychologist, one that I adore. I’m married to the man I love; My best friend who has been through everything with me from the very start. My art isn’t my main source of income, but my sewing is and it’s doing a fine job at that. People love my work enough to pay me work. People wear my work proudly.  The shirt designed I’ve posted online are bought internationally, however few that may be people all around the world are still wearing art that I produced. 

So there I am, staring at my hand, full of pills, and I take them without question. 

I hate pills. Never in my wildest dreams as a child did I think I would end up taking a mild cocktail of medication just to function. 

But music sounds better today. Music sounds bright today. My work looks respectable today. My work looks like something I can be proud of.  The world feels lighter today; lively today. 

My 30th birthday is January 23rd. 

I don’t know if my bipolar is “under control” and I really don’t care. 

Because right now, I’m stable and I’m still alive. 

Hey guys, throwaway for obvious reasons - sort of ashamed to be honest. Just a heads up before I get into it - there is a lot to unpack here. Thanks in advance for the help, following along and being patient.​I'll just start with the essentials. I've suffered from severe mental illness on and off from about 15-16 years old until now, where I'm 28. The worst of it being depression which at its worst results in me being catatonic and bed-bound, and even on better days where I can function, feeling pretty anhedonic (not really able to feel much of anything).​This has gone largely untreated for years, mostly because I was probably in denial and tried to push through it. I did do a few courses of meds in my early 20s but nothing extensive, and have been in therapy as well - again, not for long. The worst stint was where I was largely bed-bound for almost 2 years - pretty much a shut-in.​That, coupled with some trauma and neglect growing up meant I was just a non-starter on relationships growing up. My mid to late teens were spent playing video games as an escape and grappling with a lot of darkness.​On the bright side, if you were to look at my life on a chart, I have been trending on in an upwards direction. In high school, I wasn't a "popular" kid per se, but I definitely was invited to some parties. I began lifting weights at 19, try to keep active and have hobbies (can't always due to being wiped out by depression), and have actually had a few women interested in me, and even gone on a few dates with some pretty attractive women.​However, my inexperience really hampers me. I've largely been able to counter a lot of other social stunting - my anxiety was so bad that I couldn't even talk to people and stuttered, now I can have conversations completely fluidly. Despite this, there is a clear realm where I am super inexperienced - dating and intimacy.​I lost my virginity about a month before my 25th birthday. We were in the same sort of intellectual discussion group on Facebook, and frequently were in the same convos and talked in there. I added her randomly, and she later admitted she only accepted because we had mutual friends - two guys I went to high school with, one of them being her cousin.​I invited her out, and we had a brief fling. I met her brother, she invited me to a party with her friends, and we went out a lot and had a lot of pretty steamy car sex. She was pretty attractive, but both had our demons. It was done within 3 months - she ghosted me and I think she was seeing another guy on Tinder towards the end of it, because she mentioned another guy she was talking to she met from Tinder, but me being naive didn't really put two-and-two together.​It really fucked me up, and I was depressed before while with her, but it put me in a pit for a few months.​In retrospect, I definitely made a lot of mistakes - obviously my inexperience makes it so damn hard because I'm trying to learn about intimacy & sex, but in addition, there's the insecurities, sexual curiosity and experience of sexuality to contend with. I spoke to her later and she said she suffered from depression as well and was going through a lot. We were somewhere between FWB and being in an actual relationship, but I think just the maelstrom of my stuff and hers just didn't work, plus her (self-admitted) immaturity, insecurity and manipulation (I think she was 21 when we started dating and seeing each other).​Now, obviously, a lot of what I'm going through is psychological - I have a psychiatrist appointment in 3 weeks and will be organizing to see a psychologist shortly.​Beyond that, I don't even know how to even start getting into the dating scene. My good high school friends didn't know I was a virgin until I was about 24. A few close friends I've told that I've only been with one girl were shocked to the point of not believing me. Some have tried to hook me up with girls, but my anhedonia and lack of sexual drive when depressed are probably the things that prevent me from that initial step, then the rest of the mental crap takes care of the rest. Once I get work through some of my mental funk though, how do I even get out there?​I seriously feel like a stunted child in that respect (in many ways I am). My first everything (kiss, sex, BJ, holding hands, you name it) was with that girl who ghosted me. All those milestones that most people go through, teenage relationships, exploring sexuality, flirting, physicality, literally pleasing a partner are all just...unknown to me. There isn't really a "sex therapist" or "intimacy therapist" out there. I'm so strangely touch and intimacy starved.​I know a relationship or sex won't heal me of my depression, but it's definitely a large part of the human experience that I'm missing out on. Despite being depressed, I've always strangely had a touch of optimism. Part of me really feels like I can get better - I've had some awesome, attractive, smart women be interested in me, and I've probably confused the hell out of them by blowing them off due to being so down, in pain and I guess insecure. Friends have described me as super charismatic (definitely am when I hit my stride) and funny, and that's also why they were shocked to find out I had so many issues with women.​Then the other half of me thinks I'm going to just grow up being that broken weirdo who can't connect or experience intimacy.​I'm almost tempted to commence therapy and just book flights to Thailand and just go on a sexual tear to get some experience, but I don't think that'd be mentally healthy for me.​I'm out of options and would love your help! Thanks so much :) via /r/dating_advice

12 Ways to Keep Going with Depression

About once a week I hear the same question from a reader, “What keeps you going?” The short answer is lots of things. I use a variety of tools to persevere through my struggle with depression because what works on one day doesn’t the next. I have to break some hours into 15-minute intervals and simply put one foot in front of another, doing the thing that is right in front of me and nothing else.

I write this post for the person who is experiencing debilitating symptoms of depression. The following are some things that help me fight for sanity and keep me going, when the gravity of my mood disorder threatens to stop all forward movement.

Find a good doctor and therapist.

I have tried to beat my depression without the help of mental health professionals and discovered just how life-threatening the illness can be. Not only do you need to get help, you need to get the RIGHT help.

A reporter once referred to me as the Depression Goldilocks of Annapolis because I have seen practically all of the psychiatrists in my town. Call me picky, but I am glad I didn’t stop my search after the third or fourth or fifth physician because I did not get better until I found the right one at Johns Hopkins Mood Disorders Center. If you have a severe, complicated mood disorder, it is worth going to a teaching hospital to get a consultation.

Be just as choosy with your therapist. I have sat on therapy couches on and off for 30 years, and while the cognitive behavioral exercises were helpful, I didn’t begin making real progress until I started working with my current therapist.

Rely on your faith — or some higher power.

When everything else has failed, my faith sustains me. In my hours of desperation, I will read from the Book of Psalms, listen to inspirational music, or simply yell at God. I look to the saints for courage and resolve since many of them have experienced dark nights of the soul — Teresa of Avila, John of the Cross, Mother Teresa. It is of great consolation to know that God knows each hair on my head and loves me unconditionally despite my imperfections, that He is with me in my anguish and confusion.

A substantial amount of research points to the benefits of faith to mitigate symptoms of depression. In a 2013 study, for example, researchers at McLean Hospital in Belmont, Massachusetts, found that belief in God was associated with better treatment outcomes.

Be kind and gentle with yourself.

The stigma attached to depression is still, unfortunately, very thick. Maybe you have one or two people in your life who can offer you the kind of compassion that you deserve. However, until the general public offers persons with mood disorders the same compassion that is conferred on people with breast cancer or any other socially acceptable illness, it is your job to be kind and gentle with yourself. Instead of pushing yourself harder and telling yourself it’s all in your head, you need to speak to yourself as a sensitive, fragile child with a painful wound that is invisible to the world. You need to put your arms around her and love her. Most importantly, you need to believe her suffering and give it validation. In her book Self-Compassion, Kristin Neff, Ph.D., documents some of the research that demonstrates that self-compassion is a powerful way to achieve emotional well-being.

Reduce your stress.

You don’t want to give into your depression, I get that. You want to do everything on your to-do list and part of tomorrow’s. But pushing yourself is going to worsen your condition. Saying no to responsibilities because your symptoms are flaring up isn’t a defeat. It is act of empowerment.

Stress mucks up all your biological systems, from your thyroid to your digestive tract, making you more vulnerable to mood swings. Rat studies show that stress reduces the brain’s ability to keep itself healthy. In particular, the hippocampus shrinks, impacting short-term memory and learning abilities. Try your best to minimize stress with deep-breathing exercises, muscle-relaxation meditations, and simply saying no to anything you don’t absolutely have to do.

Get regular sleep.

Businessman and author E. Joseph Cossman once said, “The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night’s sleep.” It is one of the most critical pieces to emotional resiliency. Practicing good sleep hygiene — going to bed at the same time at night and waking up at a regular hour — can be challenging for persons with depression because, according to J. Raymond DePaulo, Jr., M.D., co-director of the Johns Hopkins Mood Disorders Center, that’s when people often feel better. They want to stay up and write or listen to music or work. Do that too many nights, and your lack of sleep becomes the Brussels sprout on the floor of the produce aisle that you trip over. Before you know it, you’re on your back, incapable of doing much of anything.

Although pleasing our circadian rhythm — our body’s internal clock — can feel really boring, remember that consistent, regular sleep is one of the strongest allies in the fight against depression.

Serve others.

Five years ago, I read Man’s Search for Meaning by Holocaust survivor and Austrian psychiatrist Viktor Frankl and was profoundly moved by his message that suffering has meaning, especially when we can turn our pain into service of others.

Frankl’s “logotherapy” is based on the belief that human nature is motivated by the search for a life purpose. If we devote our time and energy toward finding and pursuing the ultimate meaning of our life, we are able to transcend some of our suffering. It doesn’t mean that we don’t feel it. However, the meaning holds our hurt in a context that gives us peace. His chapters expound on Friedrich Nietzsche’s words, “He who has a why can bear almost any how.” I have found this to be true in my life. When I turn my gaze outward, I see that suffering is universal, and that relieves some of the sting. The seeds of hope and healing are found in the shared experience of pain.

Look backwards.

Our perspective is, without doubt, skewed during a depressive episode. We view the world from a dark basement of human emotions, interpreting events through the lens of that experience. We are certain that we have always been depressed and are convinced that our future will be chock full of more misery. By looking backwards, I am reminded that my track record for getting through depressive episodes is 100 percent. Sometimes the symptoms didn’t wane for 18 months or more, but I did eventually make my way into the light. I call to mind all those times I persevered through difficulty and emerged to the other side. Sometimes I’ll take out old photos as proof that I wasn’t always sad and panicked.

Take a moment to recall the moments that you are most proud of, where you triumphed over obstacles. Because you will do it again. And then again.

Plan something fun.

Filling my calendar with meaningful events forces me to move forward when I’m stuck in a negative groove. It can be as simple as having coffee with a friend or calling my sister. Maybe it’s signing up for a pottery or cooking class.

If you’re feeling ambitious, plan an adventure that takes you out of your comfort zone. In May, I’m walking Camino de Santiago, or The Way of Saint James, a famous pilgrimage that stretches 778 kilometers from St. Jean Port de Pied in France to Santiago de Compostela in Spain. The anticipation of the trip has fueled me with energy and excitement during a hard stretch of my life.

You need not backpack through Europe, of course, to keep moving forward. Organizing a day trip to a museum or some local art exhibit could serve the same purpose. Just be sure to have something on your calendar other than therapy and work meetings.

Be in nature.

According to Elaine Aron, Ph.D., in her bestseller The Highly Sensitive Person, approximately 15 to 20 percent of the population is easily overwhelmed by loud noises, crowds, smells, bright lights, and other stimulation. These types have rich interior lives, but tend to feel things very deeply and absorb people’s emotions. Many people who struggle with chronic depression are highly sensitive. They need a pacifier. Nature serves that purpose.

The water and woods are mine. When I get overstimulated by this Chuck E. Cheese world of ours, I retreat to either the creek down the street or the hiking trail a few miles away. Among the gentle waves of the water or the strong oak trees in the woods, I touch ground and access a stillness that is needed to navigate difficult emotions. Even a few minutes a day provide a sense of calm that helps me to harness panic and depression when they arise.

Connect with other warriors.

Rarely can a person battle chronic depression on her own. She needs a tribe of fellow warriors on the frontline of sanity, remembering her that she is not alone and equipping her with insights with which to persevere.

Five years ago, I felt very discouraged by the lack of understanding and compassion associated with depression so I created two forums: Group Beyond Blue on Facebook and Project Hope & Beyond. I have been humbled by the level of intimacy formed between members of the group. There is power in shared experience. There is hope and healing in knowing we are in this together.

Laugh

You may think there’s nothing funny about your depression or wanting to die. After all, this is a serious, life-threatening condition. However, if you can manage to add a dose of levity to your situation, you’ll find that humor is one of the most powerful tools to fight off hopelessness. G.K. Chesterton once said, “Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.” That’s what laughter does. It lightens the burden of suffering. That’s why nurses use comedy skits in small group sessions in inpatient psychiatric units as part of their healing efforts. Humor forces some much-needed space between you and your pain, providing you a truer perspective of your struggle.

Dance in the rain.

Vivian Greene once said, “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

When I was first diagnosed with depression, I was sure that the right medication or supplement or acupuncture session would cure my condition. Ten years ago, when nothing seemed to work, I shifted to a philosophy of managing my symptoms versus curing them. Although nothing substantial changed in my recovery, this new attitude made all the difference in the world. I was no longer stuck in the waiting room of my life. I was living to the fullest, as best I could. I was dancing in the rain.

References

Rosmarin, D.H., Bigda-Peyton, J.S., Kertz, S.J., Smith, N., Rauch, S.L., & Björgvinsson, T. (2013). A test of faith in God and treatment: The relationship of belief in God to psychiatric treatment outcomes. Journal of Affective Disorders, 146(3): 441-446. Retrieved from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S016503271200599X

Hildebrandt, S. (2012, February 6). How stress can cause depression [blog post]. Retrieved from http://sciencenordic.com/how-stress-can-cause-depression

Frankl, V.E. (1959). Man’s Search for Meaning. Cutchogue, NY: Buccaneer Books.

Aron, E. (1996). The Highly Sensitive Person. New York, NY: Carol Publishing.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/12-ways-to-keep-going-with-depression/

12 Ways to Keep Going with Depression

About once a week I hear the same question from a reader, “What keeps you going?” The short answer is lots of things. I use a variety of tools to persevere through my struggle with depression because what works on one day doesn’t the next. I have to break some hours into 15-minute intervals and simply put one foot in front of another, doing the thing that is right in front of me and nothing else.

I write this post for the person who is experiencing debilitating symptoms of depression. The following are some things that help me fight for sanity and keep me going, when the gravity of my mood disorder threatens to stop all forward movement.

Find a good doctor and therapist.

I have tried to beat my depression without the help of mental health professionals and discovered just how life-threatening the illness can be. Not only do you need to get help, you need to get the RIGHT help.

A reporter once referred to me as the Depression Goldilocks of Annapolis because I have seen practically all of the psychiatrists in my town. Call me picky, but I am glad I didn’t stop my search after the third or fourth or fifth physician because I did not get better until I found the right one at Johns Hopkins Mood Disorders Center. If you have a severe, complicated mood disorder, it is worth going to a teaching hospital to get a consultation.

Be just as choosy with your therapist. I have sat on therapy couches on and off for 30 years, and while the cognitive behavioral exercises were helpful, I didn’t begin making real progress until I started working with my current therapist.

Rely on your faith — or some higher power.

When everything else has failed, my faith sustains me. In my hours of desperation, I will read from the Book of Psalms, listen to inspirational music, or simply yell at God. I look to the saints for courage and resolve since many of them have experienced dark nights of the soul — Teresa of Avila, John of the Cross, Mother Teresa. It is of great consolation to know that God knows each hair on my head and loves me unconditionally despite my imperfections, that He is with me in my anguish and confusion.

A substantial amount of research points to the benefits of faith to mitigate symptoms of depression. In a 2013 study, for example, researchers at McLean Hospital in Belmont, Massachusetts, found that belief in God was associated with better treatment outcomes.

Be kind and gentle with yourself.

The stigma attached to depression is still, unfortunately, very thick. Maybe you have one or two people in your life who can offer you the kind of compassion that you deserve. However, until the general public offers persons with mood disorders the same compassion that is conferred on people with breast cancer or any other socially acceptable illness, it is your job to be kind and gentle with yourself. Instead of pushing yourself harder and telling yourself it’s all in your head, you need to speak to yourself as a sensitive, fragile child with a painful wound that is invisible to the world. You need to put your arms around her and love her. Most importantly, you need to believe her suffering and give it validation. In her book Self-Compassion, Kristin Neff, Ph.D., documents some of the research that demonstrates that self-compassion is a powerful way to achieve emotional well-being.

Reduce your stress.

You don’t want to give into your depression, I get that. You want to do everything on your to-do list and part of tomorrow’s. But pushing yourself is going to worsen your condition. Saying no to responsibilities because your symptoms are flaring up isn’t a defeat. It is act of empowerment.

Stress mucks up all your biological systems, from your thyroid to your digestive tract, making you more vulnerable to mood swings. Rat studies show that stress reduces the brain’s ability to keep itself healthy. In particular, the hippocampus shrinks, impacting short-term memory and learning abilities. Try your best to minimize stress with deep-breathing exercises, muscle-relaxation meditations, and simply saying no to anything you don’t absolutely have to do.

Get regular sleep.

Businessman and author E. Joseph Cossman once said, “The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night’s sleep.” It is one of the most critical pieces to emotional resiliency. Practicing good sleep hygiene — going to bed at the same time at night and waking up at a regular hour — can be challenging for persons with depression because, according to J. Raymond DePaulo, Jr., M.D., co-director of the Johns Hopkins Mood Disorders Center, that’s when people often feel better. They want to stay up and write or listen to music or work. Do that too many nights, and your lack of sleep becomes the Brussels sprout on the floor of the produce aisle that you trip over. Before you know it, you’re on your back, incapable of doing much of anything.

Although pleasing our circadian rhythm — our body’s internal clock — can feel really boring, remember that consistent, regular sleep is one of the strongest allies in the fight against depression.

Serve others.

Five years ago, I read Man’s Search for Meaning by Holocaust survivor and Austrian psychiatrist Viktor Frankl and was profoundly moved by his message that suffering has meaning, especially when we can turn our pain into service of others.

Frankl’s “logotherapy” is based on the belief that human nature is motivated by the search for a life purpose. If we devote our time and energy toward finding and pursuing the ultimate meaning of our life, we are able to transcend some of our suffering. It doesn’t mean that we don’t feel it. However, the meaning holds our hurt in a context that gives us peace. His chapters expound on Friedrich Nietzsche’s words, “He who has a why can bear almost any how.” I have found this to be true in my life. When I turn my gaze outward, I see that suffering is universal, and that relieves some of the sting. The seeds of hope and healing are found in the shared experience of pain.

Look backwards.

Our perspective is, without doubt, skewed during a depressive episode. We view the world from a dark basement of human emotions, interpreting events through the lens of that experience. We are certain that we have always been depressed and are convinced that our future will be chock full of more misery. By looking backwards, I am reminded that my track record for getting through depressive episodes is 100 percent. Sometimes the symptoms didn’t wane for 18 months or more, but I did eventually make my way into the light. I call to mind all those times I persevered through difficulty and emerged to the other side. Sometimes I’ll take out old photos as proof that I wasn’t always sad and panicked.

Take a moment to recall the moments that you are most proud of, where you triumphed over obstacles. Because you will do it again. And then again.

Plan something fun.

Filling my calendar with meaningful events forces me to move forward when I’m stuck in a negative groove. It can be as simple as having coffee with a friend or calling my sister. Maybe it’s signing up for a pottery or cooking class.

If you’re feeling ambitious, plan an adventure that takes you out of your comfort zone. In May, I’m walking Camino de Santiago, or The Way of Saint James, a famous pilgrimage that stretches 778 kilometers from St. Jean Port de Pied in France to Santiago de Compostela in Spain. The anticipation of the trip has fueled me with energy and excitement during a hard stretch of my life.

You need not backpack through Europe, of course, to keep moving forward. Organizing a day trip to a museum or some local art exhibit could serve the same purpose. Just be sure to have something on your calendar other than therapy and work meetings.

Be in nature.

According to Elaine Aron, Ph.D., in her bestseller The Highly Sensitive Person, approximately 15 to 20 percent of the population is easily overwhelmed by loud noises, crowds, smells, bright lights, and other stimulation. These types have rich interior lives, but tend to feel things very deeply and absorb people’s emotions. Many people who struggle with chronic depression are highly sensitive. They need a pacifier. Nature serves that purpose.

The water and woods are mine. When I get overstimulated by this Chuck E. Cheese world of ours, I retreat to either the creek down the street or the hiking trail a few miles away. Among the gentle waves of the water or the strong oak trees in the woods, I touch ground and access a stillness that is needed to navigate difficult emotions. Even a few minutes a day provide a sense of calm that helps me to harness panic and depression when they arise.

Connect with other warriors.

Rarely can a person battle chronic depression on her own. She needs a tribe of fellow warriors on the frontline of sanity, remembering her that she is not alone and equipping her with insights with which to persevere.

Five years ago, I felt very discouraged by the lack of understanding and compassion associated with depression so I created two forums: Group Beyond Blue on Facebook and Project Hope & Beyond. I have been humbled by the level of intimacy formed between members of the group. There is power in shared experience. There is hope and healing in knowing we are in this together.

Laugh

You may think there’s nothing funny about your depression or wanting to die. After all, this is a serious, life-threatening condition. However, if you can manage to add a dose of levity to your situation, you’ll find that humor is one of the most powerful tools to fight off hopelessness. G.K. Chesterton once said, “Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.” That’s what laughter does. It lightens the burden of suffering. That’s why nurses use comedy skits in small group sessions in inpatient psychiatric units as part of their healing efforts. Humor forces some much-needed space between you and your pain, providing you a truer perspective of your struggle.

Dance in the rain.

Vivian Greene once said, “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

When I was first diagnosed with depression, I was sure that the right medication or supplement or acupuncture session would cure my condition. Ten years ago, when nothing seemed to work, I shifted to a philosophy of managing my symptoms versus curing them. Although nothing substantial changed in my recovery, this new attitude made all the difference in the world. I was no longer stuck in the waiting room of my life. I was living to the fullest, as best I could. I was dancing in the rain.

References

Rosmarin, D.H., Bigda-Peyton, J.S., Kertz, S.J., Smith, N., Rauch, S.L., & Björgvinsson, T. (2013). A test of faith in God and treatment: The relationship of belief in God to psychiatric treatment outcomes. Journal of Affective Disorders, 146(3): 441-446. Retrieved from http://bit.ly/2Ggg5z3

Hildebrandt, S. (2012, February 6). How stress can cause depression [blog post]. Retrieved from http://bit.ly/1LsAHkN

Frankl, V.E. (1959). Man’s Search for Meaning. Cutchogue, NY: Buccaneer Books.

Aron, E. (1996). The Highly Sensitive Person. New York, NY: Carol Publishing.

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