#but now that i am again i can't stop
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GEEZ LOUISE I REALLY GOTTA STOP FUCKING OVER TOMORROW-ME 😑
#Cypher#i did it all the time when i wasnt the host#but now that i am again i can't stop#and now i have to deal with the consequences
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"Stop saying Crowley won't help Aziraphale in S3 he'd go back to him in a HEARTBEAT and nothing would stop him" I get it no one likes the idea of Crowley being bitter after what happened for a long period of time but like can we at least acknowledge that he's currently going through probably the most emotional pain in his life since falling? Can we agree that he's opened his heart entirely - something you couldn't pay him to do unless the world is literally ending and he's desperate - to Aziraphale, and got shot down? Can we understand that he did it AGAIN only to lose Aziraphale again? Not that what Aziraphale did isn't without Crowley's own shortcomings (hiding the truth of Heaven's cruelty from him) but like,,,,
The appeal here isn't Scorned Crowley Doesn't Love Aziraphale Anymore, or Never Wants To Help Him Again, the appeal here is Crowley learning enough self respect to not just walk back right to Aziraphale like nothing happened after Aziraphale has had a pattern of consistently refusing him. Going years ping-ponging between "We're not friends I don't even know him" to "That's what friends are for right?" and "We're friends, why would you even say anything?" and "Friends? We're not friends. We are an angel and a demon!"
Like I get it, Crowley is a heartbreakingly forgiving person. Of course he's gonna forgive Aziraphale, I'll be surprised if he didn't forgive him by the time he walked out the bookshop door, but gdi he could at least grant himself the luxury of being at least a little irritated for longer than however long it takes to make a globe and some books float and angrily cry out to God in his flat. But due to the change of pace and dynamic that is establishing part of the conflict for Season 3, I just really like the idea of him for ONCE prioritizing himself and being like "Okay, fine. We'll get back at it when you're ready, then," instead of just taking Aziraphale back like his words and actions meant nothing to him, when clearly they have an effect on him.
What is Aziraphale going to learn if Crowley just accepts what he did so quickly, like he always has the entire time they've been friends? Idk maybe I'm just projecting too much darkness on their dynamic but I mean, if the pattern of Aziraphale pushing Crowley away/disrespecting him one day and then being fine with his friendship the next + Crowley never stopping to be like "Hey, that's not cool, at least give me a little credit" or smth was fine all along and will continue to be fine in the future, then why, after 6,000 years of being friends and loving this demon, can Aziraphale still not accept that Crowley is just fine the way he is, and instead got excited to promote him to an angel in a heartbeat once the opportunity presented itself? You can't blame all of it on Heaven when Aziraphale has demonstrated his free will/defiance to Heaven so many times. Or, I don't know, I guess maybe we can? Maybe I'm just craving too much angst to the point where I'm letting it cloud my analysis of canon. Idk.
#derpy speaks#good omens#good omens 2#no i dont think crowley is gonna ever hate aziraphale for what happened but he's allowed to be angry#he's allowed to be done with it all. he's allowed to be exhausted. just look at his face when he drives away.#meh. idk. but i dont know how i'll feel if crowley just INSTANTLY accepts aziraphale back in a situation involving#idk - ''hey help me stop the new apocalypse''#at least. without like. SOME pushback? it can even be something small like ''are you SURE you want ME to help you? do you really need me?''#doesnt have to be a straight refusal but i'd like SOME kind of action to show that crowley is putting his foot down for once#he deserves that self respect#do NOT reply saying that im insinuating that aziraphale is actively malicious or doing it on purpose.#everything he has done up until now is his own complicated response to all the trauma and guilt he's been through#but despite that crowley is STILL allowed to be upset... it's messy. i can write a whole paper about how this whole thing#is just unfortunate on both ends. again. we didnt get queerbaited we got communication baited 😭#but help me out here. am i just too fandom-brained to have these expectations from the story?#is there something obvious im missing that is making me sound like a complete asshole here? do i need to get my head out of the gutter?#someone please explain it to me if so because whatever it is‚ i can't find it#not queued
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Hiya! May I ask for a fluff alphabet for Price, if you haven't done that already. Since I saw in a recent post you only do 8-9 letters at a time now (which is okay!), may I specifically ask for: A, B, C, F, G, H, N, & Q? Thank you! 💗
Hey there! Sure you can! I've been in the mood to write something for Price anyway, so this came at a good time ^^
Fluff Alphabet for Price
A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?
On the one hand, he really loves going out to do something with you. Something along the lines of the occasional short hike, taking care of your shared garden or even just taking a stroll through the city, taking in all the sights and finding new ones you weren’t previously aware of. Those are things he likes to do when he’s been home for a while now. However, if he’s gotten home not too long ago then he’d much rather just stay in and sleep a little bit. Will want to cuddle you or just have you be his background noise. Don’t be mad at him if he dozes off while you’re watching a movie together, he’s just extremely tired and needs that rest.
B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?
He admires how resilient you are. Price knows that life isn’t easy, that it always makes an effort to throw one impossible thing after another at you, but you never seem to give up. No matter how rough life gets, no matter how often it knocks you down, you always get up, dust yourself off and continue to smile. Even if it really took its toll on you, you strive to make your life better. Although it may get you down when you’ve had the worst day of your life, you still won’t stay down forever. You do what you can, and that’s what Price loves about you.
C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?
When you’re sad he’ll give you a hug, provided you’re okay with it. He’s a very good hugger, his hugs are very comforting and warm. Afterwards he’ll put on your favorite movie or series and watch it with you. If enough time has passed and you still feel down, then he’ll cook something you really like. Although he knows he can’t make the sadness go away forever, he’ll try to temporarily cheer you up. If you need to talk, if you need some advice, he’s also your man. If you have a panic attack then he’ll try to calm you down by taking you to a location with few people. Price can talk for a while if he needs to, so he’ll ask you to focus on his voice. Might also give you a rather simple task to take your mind off of things, such as counting backwards from 100.
F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?
If it’s you, then he would forgive pretty easily, as long as it’s not something too big. If you accidentally knock down a mug he likes, then he might sigh and be annoyed, but he’ll forgive you. If you cheat on him, then he won’t. He’s usually calm and collected, even while fighting. Sure, he could be aggressive towards you and snap at you, but he loves you, so he tries not to. It’s sort of obvious when he is annoyed, his sentences become much shorter and he’ll actively try to get away from you. Won’t yell at you, won’t do any erratic movements either, but if he’s too angry then he’ll simply walk away from you until he’s calmed down.
G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?
Yes, he is aware and he is very grateful. How could he not be? You have the patience of a saint when it comes to him. He knows it’s rough to be with someone who is part of the military, he’s away more often than not, but you still decided to stay with him. You cook for him when he’s tired, you draw him a bath when he’s sore, you reassure him when he feels like you deserve better than him. You’re so much more than what he deserves, he doesn’t feel like he could ever repay you for everything you’re doing for him. He tries, though, but it’s never enough. Price could give you the universe and it wouldn’t suffice.
H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?
Aside from the obvious, such as military intel, he doesn’t really hide anything from you. Price doesn’t see the point in keeping secrets from you. You’re together, aren’t you? You deserve to know just about anything about him. He might not tell you everything from the get go, but once you’re close enough you can ask him about anything. You wanna know about his time as a private? Sure. How he came to be a captain? Yeah, he can talk about it. Just ask and he’ll likely tell you. But in the same vein he hopes that you trust him enough to tell him just about anything as well.
N icknames - What do they call their s/o?
He doesn’t really use very many nicknames. Just the classic ones, such as “love”, “sweetheart” and “dear”. Sometimes he feels the urge to call you “sunshine”, but he usually represses that since that’s what he’s called his soldiers before. As much as it would fit you, he tries not to bring work home. He likes to call you by your name too, though. But aside from that there’s nothing he really calls you.
Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.
He can keep calm in just about any situation, so he won’t lash out on you. He has an air of authority to him, so it’s not too often that someone is being a dick to him. And that extends to you as well. Price is a well respected man, so not very many people will come up to you and demand something from you. You, too, will be respected by most people, he’ll make sure of that. Regardless of whether you’re shy and timid or loud and boisterous, no one will bad mouth you. Price can fight, he will protect you. He will also fight for your honor if he needs to. He may have self restraint most of the time, but no one should ever talk badly about his partner.
#cod#cod x reader#john price#john price x reader#I didn't think I'd receive any more requests for the fluff alphabet but I don't mind either#I think a hug from Price could heal broken bones#okay that's an exaggeration but I do believe that his hugs would be so very healing. he's warm he's tall he's strong#what more could you possibly want? I've been talking about hugs again a lot as of late haven't I? but I just can't help it they're so good#I hate it when men touch me but I'll make an exception for some of the cod men. I am just so touch starved#some praise from Price would also make me feel better. just a small “you're doing so good love” and I could keep going#I've also commissioned someone to draw Price for me. once I have the full tf141 set I'll post it#I already asked her to draw Ghost and Soap#now only Price and Gaz are missing#I asked for the four of them with a turtle each. turtles are just such cute and precious little creatures#definitely my favorite animals. I wish I could give one a little kiss on its head. but alas there's salmonella to worry about#anyway Price with a turtle. cute. show stopping. very much needed in my life#I don't care about canon they will be turtle owners and love and care for them. they will build them nice things and take pictures#they send each other unsolicited turtle pictures
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push it
"What have you done to me, Penelope?"
“I–but I have not done anything!"
“Then that is the problem! Because I want you to do so much, and have written of you, endlessly written of you, and wrapped myself in thoughts of you and it has done nothing to ease me. Day and night and morning and evening, all I can think about– all I can think about– is you. You have haunted me. So do not talk of how– how I have avoided you out of revulsion, when it could not be farther from the truth. When all I want and all I have wanted is you.”
“Me?” she asked, almost dumbly. Feeling as though a lamb for slaughter and he were the knife, how he would sink into the soft underbelly of her, spill her loose. And how she yearned for it.
“You.”
OR:
Instead of writing travel logs, Colin's entries in his journal are erotica. And, of course, Penelope finds out.
#polin#bridgerton#penelope bridgerton#colin bridgerton#brown eyed penelope superiority#every penelope i have ever written has been a size 18 MINIMUM#so if you're here for 14k of smut and soft tummy appreciation uh. . .i gotchu#also#did i post this once and then deleted it immediately after? sure did#but now i have determined that i am only in the polin tag to post fics#dolly's baba yaga era has officially begun#extra double bonus points if you can guess where the title came from#aaaaah push it- push it good!#push it push it to the limit limit cause we're in it to win it#you can't push it uuuuundergroundddd you can't stop it screaaaaaming out#push it to the limit! (limiiiiit)#push it in slow then mi pull it out back#push it in and twist the knife again#you'll never get it inside! push it back down!
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hear me out I like zeff/yasopp I think it's great but just hear me out sora right? Mrs Vinsmoke instead of poisoning herself to fix her babies. She poisons her husband, killing him. She takes her daughter and runs away to the east blue.
She finds the nice humble island with a small village known as syrup village. She has a nice little home and delivers her babies in the village and raises them on her own. They're all completely normal well adjusted non-emotionally stunted children with their own passions and hobbies. Ichiji literature and poetry, Niji gardening and plants Sanji is still cooking and Yonji is sports mainly baseball Reiju ballet.
she befriends a lady named Banchina she likes to visit her once in a while and brings her son usopp to play with them. They get closer like really close Sora is catching feelings practically having a second sexual awakening with this woman. She doesn't know what to do She didn't even know she was bisexual until now. That's how trapped she was in that miserable miserable marriage
Banchina is a lesbian (insert lavender marriage backstory right here we know the lore yasopp is being gay somewhere this ain't about him) she fell for this woman the minute she saw her she was head over heels. Gorgeous, beautiful. She needs her She wants her. She pursues her
They kiss, they start seeing each other more often they get closer they're in love
NOOO THIS IS SO CUTE ILOVEITILOVEITILOVEITILOVEITILOVEITILOVEITILOVEITILOVEITILOVEIT-
The whole lavender marriage thing with Yasopp and Banchina is just amazing to me, tbh. I adore them. And Sora deserved so much better,, She deserved to escape from that hell and get a wife fr fr. And in this concept we're like, SO adding Childhood BFFs to lovers Sanuso right??? Right???
Because I can't stop thinking about Sora raising the kids on her own in Syrup Village and they all have their little personalities and passions. And Sanji still loves to cook and is the sweetest thing that has ever existed. Honestly, he might not get his stubborn and strong personality from Zeff but he could most definitely get it from his brothers. 100%. If in this concept they act like normal siblings I can assure you they are arguing 24/7 (but they're very protective of Sanji because you will have to kill me before I give up my headcanon of the brothers actually loving Sanji a lot). So yadda yadda yadda he meets Usopp and they are best friends and they grow up together and they are boyfriends and the story is similar to the original except that there's no Zeff BUT Luffy does end up making these two idiots join. Except that they're boyfriends already. And the story doesn't change because they already look like boyfriends in canon.
But this isn't about them because I like women more!
Okay so Sora is the sweetest mother in the whole world but since she has to raise the kids on her own she also has to act tough sometimes and you know,,, It is a hard job when you have,,, 5 kids,,, Poor woman. But she loves her little angels SO much it's insane and they love her even MORE and they all help in their tiny little home in the village somehow. Tiny little family that is not so tiny because those are 5 kids. Girl,,, I just know Banchina would want to help her somehow. Usopp doesn't have that many friends and Banchina thinks it's a great idea to go visit Sora and the kids so Usopp has somebody to play with. And even if it's a bit hard because his personality clashes a lot with the brothers, he gets along the most with Sanji. Instant best friendism because Sanji looks so sweet and quiet and sensitive and Usopp goes full superhero mode on him. My pookies,,,
Honestly, Banchina is so real for falling for Sora right away. Because. You know. Have you seen Sora? I think Banchina admires her a lot because sometimes it's hard for her to raise Usopp on her own without Yasopp around and you're telling her Sora can do that same thing with 5 kids??? And Sora falls for Banchina too because. Again. Have you seen her??? And she is also so fun to be around and so so helpful!
Wouldn't it be extremely sweet but angsty if they started to fall in love, meeting even when the kids aren't around and doing chores together, but Sora feeling guilty because she thinks Banchina is actually married married to Yasopp? She doesn't know anything about the lavender marriage yet,,, And Banchina doesn't want to ask personal, intrusive things, so she doesn't know more than "They escaped from a bad place" about Sora and her kids. She guesses she doesn't want a romantic relationship now-- But she does!! Of course she does!!
Banchina is just,, So sweet to her and so so helpful and thoughtful. Sora isn't used to this much kindness in her life,, You have to keep in mind she basically got out of an abusive relationship and it's the first time somebody actually wants her for herself and not to use her. Banchina always wants to cook for her and help her with her groceries and look after the kids when Sora wants to take a nap. And I think Sora also would see her with Sanji cooking, stopping fights between the brothers and playing with them (also fixing their stuff bc I hc that Banchina knows her ways when it comes to like, mechanics and art and such), and talking for hours with Reiju and dancing with her. Sora is so in love,,, She has never felt like this before. She didn't even know she liked girls. But she doesn't want to make any sudden changes for the kids,, Again,, Or ruin what they have. So she stays quiet.
And Banchina loves painting, by the way. Obviously, because I say so (and bc I want Usopp to have a deeper reason to love art). So Banchina is always drawing Sora, at first absentmindedly, and later on she realizes the only thing that inspires her is Sora,,, She has always been looking for that. A true passion and stability and knowing she can trust somebody to stay and to offer her their heart so she can paint it. She's a bit intense when it comes to helping Sora, maybe, but she wants to be helpful! And Sora is always taking care of her too and her health!! Looking out for her and being oh so gentle and fun to be around. Sora is the sweetest but she's also a bit of a tease and her laugh is the cutest thing Banchina has ever heard. But yeah,,, Neither of them wants to confess even though they've almost kissed,,, A lot of times.
Okay,,, But wouldn't it be cute if Sanji and Usopp's crushes on each other started very early in their friendship and Sora and Banchina realized they have to be honest about their feelings thanks to their kids??? Because they both ask for advice from them about how to tell somebody you like them, and when they're both like "If you truly feel like it's meant to be you'll know... You need to follow your heart and be honest..." they know they have to finally be together together. They wouldn't tell their kids right away because they think they need to get used to more to this dynamic first and it's a big change. So they stay quiet and keep it to themselves. But, you know, Banchina and Usopp basically live with them now at this point so it's hard not to know.
Also,,, Can't stop thinking about Sora being a badass and knowing Judge is the most horrible person to ever exist BUT still having issues with relationships because of his fault? She still has this feeling of like, thinking she's worthless and needs to do more and more and more? And give give give? And Banchina helping her all the time and sharing the burden and seeing all the pretty things Judge found ugly in her,,,, It does wonders for her heart. And Banchina also realizes that she doesn't have to be alone and can share her passions and true feelings with somebody finally??? What if I cry.
Aghhhh. I absolutely adore this. The kids grow up and do their own things and Usopp and Sanji go with Luffy and they are all happy and there's no angst! And once they're alone they can be cottagecore middle-aged sapphics in their little village.
Lil note: Somebody choose a shipname bc I am awful with these things thank you-
#and we're not killing the moms here because i am a good person#OMG YOU KNOW 'BEGIN AGAIN' BY TAYLOR SWIFT???? THAT'S THEMMMM FROM SORA'S POV#remember when i said zeff/yasopp was like hahaha old sanuso?? well this is better bc they're women and i love women#anon i am kissing you right now i love you you don't even know i owe you the world#I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT THEM#banchina sends letters to yasopp about sora btwww#usopp like. years later: our moms were totally dating right#sanji: what?! no--- no... right? oh. oh they were dating yes#one piece#black leg sanji#usopp#vinsmoke sora#banchina one piece#vinsmoke reiju#vinsmoke ichiji#vinsmoke yonji#vinsmoke niji#so many siblings damn#ask-bean!
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If— by Rudjard Kipling + Jonas Vingegaard at the Tour de France
2023, Stage 16 ©Team Jumbo-Visma | 2023, Stage 6 ©Thibault Camus/Associated Press | 2022, Stage 11 ©Thibault Camus/Associated Press | 2022, Stage 18 ©Vincent Kalut/PN/Cor Vos | 2021, Stage 11 ©Getty Images | 2022, Stage 11 ©EPA
#cycling poetry#cycling#tour de france#studied this poem in high school like ten years ago and it's been rattling around in my brain ever since#went on a little 'jonas at the tour' photo deep dive and am once again in my feels about this man it's fine#also once again the quality is toasty and i don't understand it but whatever#help i made one poetry edit and now i can't stop#jonas vingegaard
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i'm trying my best but my best is so bad. It is so bad
#sick again...#i feel like i am having all the symptoms but testing negative for covid. i've already had the flu this year so WHAT is it now#love to get sick every 3 months. it's fun for me#i can't even get the stuff done i need to i am so tired and even when i'm not sick i am so exhausted#there has to be some way out of feeling this tired every day for the rest of my life. i have to be able to figure it out#the burnout just doesn't stop ever. i am so tired
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forgot to post this
#knockout#transformers prime#tfp#tfp knockout#this is my first time drawing transformers and i ended up with 119 layers of coloring#i had fun but i do not look forward to any more alien gay robots on my virtual canvas for at least a few months#(immediately goes to draw him again)#to be fair this time it's gonna be humanization#i already started it and have surprisingly hard time designing him clothes. while character design is like. my profession.#no i designed him allright. the thing is#i know he wouldn't wear that if his life depended on it#and i also can't design smthn he WOULD wear becouse I WOULDN'T and it gives me a hard time fairly judjing if it is okay or a crap#ok this tags getting out of control sorry ig#it's just 4 am now and everyone else is asleep. i need to rant SOMEWHERE ok??????#yes i become very chatty when sleep deprived. idk what you should do with that info#and when I'm NOT sleep deprived i just. never fucking talk. how tf me workin'.#ok i stop now#good night or good morning or whatever
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today's repostober comes with a lot of words. because if i remember correctly i restrained myself from writing an essay at the time i made these. because look. all of the ut cast but especially papyrus belong in the harvest moon 64 world. i don't care if crossovers are cringe (are they? no don't answer because i really don't care). these are my two favorite video games and they go together like pb and j.
anyway first we have papyrus drinking water after water after water at the bar. this is an incredibly time consuming but free way to get unlimited energy to upgrade all your tools to the max on the first night. hypothetically. if you feel like spending. idk......20 hours or so of your life doing it......(he does) (sans does not). because not only is it free as in, costs no in game currency, time stands still inside the bar and in this game time IS MONEY. also "aren't you the healthy one?" is what the bartender says when you order the glass of water and I've only read it about one hundred million times in my life
a weird exploit exists at the horse races in which you can prepare to place an extravagant bet but withdraw it at the last moment. you pay nothing but the game considers the bet placed all the same. so you bet he will figure that out and take advantage of it!! seriously though, i just love the idea of the situation being a bit switched from the way it was in undertale. sans has a bit of a hard time finding his place in this weird surface world. (and yes i think he would stress about bills. what of it.) papyrus somehow finds his way into the hearts of every single person in the village. he is at the top of his game and everyone loves him!!!!!!!
#man i am getting myself excited about this crossover again#everything fits together perfectly. it's a beautiful puzzle and the answer is papyrus#ALL THE GIRLS HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM just like the real harvest moon#that's very important to me shhh just let me have this#all the characters and minor characters have places in this crossover i just didn't draw about them :)#oh. oh man. i am obsessed with the way papyrus can stop time by going into the bar and sans is aware of this yet can't do anything about it#HE HAS ALL THIS TIME NOW. AND H HE. ISN'T TRAPPED. WHAT'S HE GONNA DO??????#you can't just switch off that part of you that's given up due to circumstances. oohhhhhhh no you have to unlearn that helplessness.#and on the other hand all your problems don't magically disappear if suddenly everyone loves you. papyrus has a lot to figure out too.#so fun to turn in my head and put together the pieces
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#tdo*#2 tschulljung kann ich da bitte mal die Regieanweisung für sehen danke#legit screaming#once again Moritz stopping by to do some light Acting™ in the evening#gawd#obviously he needs no introduction. man kennt sich.#can't even tag this bc Leni still has the tag blacklisted and I am Matuschekblogging for her eyes only#(this has been in my drafts since February and I am desperately trying to be better this year about making gifsets#and then letting them rot forever and then deleting them)#ANYWAY was about to say with the recent Sönke Möhring announcement I'd be positive we're actually THIS close#to getting Moritz @Traumschiff. unfortunately RTL owns his soul now and he'll never be free#smh tho he could be a main character on Traumschiff instead of some quirky sidekick on rtl🙄
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continuation to this post:
Meg who unintentionally and absolutely illogically gets worried when Lester gets sick after the ghoul incident and he doesn't really understand why would she do that
until he does
#meg will fidget with literally anything and stare at him non stop#and ask him so much questions which is strange (why would she ask so much questions; why she asks him to make a stop; why she stares at hi#as if he will disappear; why she frowns so much at him? he is fine?)#so she asks him questions OR doesn't ask them at all just looking at him because he is tired and sick and how for the fuck he i—#—what if he will die? she can't lose him not again he almost died je was so pale she can't lose him again its going to he her fault—#and lester doesn't really understand why she seems so unnerved but tries so hard not to show it until he stops to yk stretch or smthng and#and practically blanks out and all he can hear is his little sister's voice why it is so small why it sounds so scared is she crying why—#why would she cry he is fine why is his cheeks wet ow that hurts and then he gets conscious and realises after a pause what had happened an#and sees meg that is so so scared and oh gods im sorry i didn't mean to scare you whats wrong why are you crying—#oh#and lester will get it after some time and try to make sure that she is okay that my dear meg is not your fault i am fine just a#a little tired and its okay shhhh#i am a sucker for when lester is sick af#the author is also sick with harsh flu is had fever (39°C) for 2 days straight but now is getting better#toa#lester papadopoulos#meg mccaffrey#sunflower siblings#love them#and they love each other#platonically
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Mah? Why is there porn of the Ken Penders Echidna Puppet on my dash today??! Do they know? I'm being haunted by his presence.
#I've stopped watching the show anyways because the whole 'supporting israel' thing pissed me off really#I can't. I can't do it again.#I really can't. Archie Sonic as much as I love it gives me blummin' headaches so bad#I can't fucking juggle any more poorly placed political messaging attatched to Knuckles. Especially not DIRECTLY RELEVANT TO RIGHT NOW#You guys have fun. I need to lie down#Stare at a hot JPEG of my man Zero. I need to remember who I am inside for a moment hol up#(slowly the JPEG alligns over me and you realise my transition goal was always Zero MMX)#Mmmmmmmmm. Good big bushy blond ponytail goodness.#I'm having a menty b
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i really need to finish this one day
#one of my fave ideas but i keep getting stuck or starting over. third time's the charm hopefully#anyways. posting it as an excuse to rant because i'm losing my mind over this rn for no reason#incoherent but i just need to Talk or my brain won't shut up#you ever think about how fucked up it is that aoi feels guilty over what happened. i do. i think about her a lot#he can't even look at me. we aren't even blood related but he still had to go to jail because of me. i still love him#in reality none of it is her fault. it shouldn't be about doumeki in the first place. baby girl you were 15 when it happened.#you can say that yashiro is cruel in his dismissiveness (on the surface) of doumeki's trauma but you can see where he's coming from#you got a glimpse of what your sister was going through? of what i went through? and now you're sooo guilty over it? and who does it help?#doumeki's so focused on his own feelings that he ignored aoi when they were living together. “saves” her by pure chance#proceeds to focus on his guilt and ignore her again. if yashiro didn't get involved she'd be sitting in the rain for god knows how long#yet she still loves and to some degree idolizes him#yashiro and aoi both saying that doumeki isn't the type of person to be a yakuza too. doumeki's good doumeki's better than that#and then ch 24 happens. where yashiro says that he's going to throw up and doumeki's response is “i probably won't stop even if you do”#“guess i am like my father after all” and yashiro still goes “you're not. you're pure and im the problem”#(touches doumeki's face. rare gentle gesture. he's gentle afterwards too before leaving. man.)#he's not cruel enough to repeat what he said in the earlier conversation and he doesn't actually believe it anyway#but i wish yashiro was cruel there. it shouldn't have been about doumeki and his feelings. again.#something about yashiro throwing a knife at another person and it flying back at him huh#for all the talk about how doumeki supposedly romanticizes yashiro it really is the other way around. always has been#which is a whole other conversation but yeah. everything about aoi and yashiro in relation to doumeki makes me so fucking sad#but this is also what i mean when i say that aoi doesn't haunt the narrative per se but still has this weird presence?#she's in the parallels. she's in the brief but important mentions. she's in the ���your sister was lucky she had you”.#wips tag
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Kris Guštin moments as girl in red songs but this time I actually explain why
(some of the lyrics are cut off bc of the crop so open the pics if you want to fully see them)
1. we fell in love in october: being an Apokalipsa fan
"Looking at the stars / admiring from afar" - looking at the band from the crowd, not yet a part of it
"At least i know, I am here to stay" - retrospectively (or not) knowing that this band is It for him, for one reason or another
"You will be my world" - looking back since Apokalipsa grew into Joker Out which DID end up becoming his whole world
2. Body And Mind: Damon Baker photoshoot
saying that the photoshoot was like a therapy session, letting his guard down and being vulnerable during it and thus in the resulting pictures as well
3. midnight love: saying he is always in the shadow of his father or bojan
"Say I'm not your consolation prize" and "I can't be your second best / close but not your favourite" - he is almost always talked about in relation to either his father or Bojan (maybe wanting to be seen as his own person)
4. Apartment 402: laying on the studio floor
this one is just silly, he is on the floor (again) because he fell there
5. it would feel like this: him playing piano
the song is mostly a piano and Kris does sometimes play piano
6. two queens in a king sized bed: writing vse kar vem
"All my time is yours to spend / let me wrap you in with my skin" and "The closer, the better it gets / so let's stay right here / until forever disappears" - extremely vse kar vem coded (Kris did write some of the song so I'm counting it)
7. bad idea!: his general existence
"Darling, you're so pretty, it hurts" - tell me that line was not written about him
"Was such a bad idea, I can't get enough" - him saying that he is his own Katrina (someone who hurt you but you keep going back)
8. girls: being a lesbian icon
this is less about Kris and more about the fact that the lesbians love him (but I think he would agree that girls are pretty)
9. say anything: his fuckass ig captions
"Say anything to me" - he will just say Anything. let's not say.
10. 4am: having to-do lists and disliking changes to the schedule
"I'm thinking too much again" - the same anxiety vibes as him having a to-do list and liking being on time and disliking changes to the schedule
#yeah i'm doing this again.#this is the most lesbian thing i have ever done and i've had a crush on a close friend for over 5 years#joker out#kris guštin#i spent way too much time on this and now i can't stop thinking about him. send help#also this is like. my opinions and viewpoints etc i am not trying to say 'oh this is exactly how he feels and thinks'#if kris is a man then why is he so lesbian
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someone please tell me a remote job that an idiot can do that pays like $100 an hour.
#haha. i wrote up a whole vent post about how much life sucks and i wanna stop existing#but i threw that bad boy away bc y'all don't need to see behind the curtain lol#uh seriously though. if you know anything an idiot with no education or experience could do remotely. please god let me know#i am tired of living like this but looking on those job websites only serves to make me sort of... suicidal. like i can't do that right now#also i'm sorry i have a lot of asks again and i don't have the energy to answer right now.#i honestly would like to just lie down and forget i'm a person. but alas. i can't do that.#sigh#diaerie#dep
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this man just broke my heart
#have you ever cried and sobbed throughout hour-long work zoom meeting#wanting to scream 'what's the fucking point in all this bullshit when Toni Kroos is retiring'#well I have now#toni kroos#how do I stop crying?! my eyes just keep pouring tears#how am I supposed to watch CL final knowing it's his last match?#I mean I won't see anything through the tears again#RM you better win it!#and I can't believe I'm saying it and I'm forever Furia Roja supporter but#Germany NT you better win the Euro#that man needs one more trophy to the collection#real madrid
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