#but maybe i'll try again i dunno!
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sigh. alright
#just me hi#i'm rolling up my napsack for emergencies#i will be so deeply upset if it does turn out tumblr will be selling to ai lol#this is my favorite spot.. sigh#oh wells! the top keeps spinning#i think i'll try neocities again >:3#i quit real hard a couple months ago tho bc it started Really getting into my brain lmao#like to a degree that i personally considering concerning hfvhs#i couldn't sleep i was thinking abt it so hard + i couldn't stop drawing stuff for it and also i had a whole dream about the issues i was#having hfbshfsh#but maybe i'll try again i dunno!#i just have trouble with uploading images so i dunno#i don't think i'll post on insta very consistently ever again lmaooo#sometimes i'm tempted but That Is The Devil Talking#i barely cared abt that app and it still screwed w/ my brain a bit hfsh#idk. maybe deviant ? ik they did the same thing but at least they have opt-out now :^#plus there's the organizational folders.. i love those things hfvhs#artstreet is very cool very swag but it's imperfect in a couple ways that obstruct it from moving to no. 1 in my eyes lol#hhhhm#really i could just use pillowfort that seems to be pretty similar#but it's not the Same and that'll be what stops me lmaoo#/anyway i'm just talk-talk-talking into open air lol#who knows maybe nothing will happen hbvsh :)#//but ye!! i'm gonna go headbang now Ciiiaooo ~+~ !!
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This audiobook is 21 hours long. It took 9 hrs to just to get interesting.
#The Expanse#Leviathan Wakes#the only reason i kept at it for 9 hrs is because I've had friends tell me that they think i would like it#i really don't know why i didn't dnf a while ago#i tried to read it a couple of years ago and gave up#i read more now than i did then so i thought I'd try again#dunno if I'll finish 60% of the novel in 3 days before it's due but maybe#thank you library and libby
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sometimes I feel like I've come a long way and sometimes idk
I started writing a self-indulgent thing about Luffy punching someone who was cruel to me, and cringed so hard I left the document alone 2 sentences in
but I can write and post fic of a reader getting gangbanged by my favorite pirates without a problem???
#yeah sure I'll write fic of romancing and or fucking 17 foot tall furries with no problem but touching on a personal topic? lmao#its weird because I've written about SH stuff but something about this one doesn't feel the same#maybe a part of me still feels like I deserved it and that's why I can't write it. I dunno. I dont think I did.#anyway. I will try again another time
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my big tablet FINALLY crapped out forever and im stuckwith my tiny little intuos.............. world is hell.....
#its not the end of the world i'll get used to using the intuos but it feels VERY weird lmao#frank.txt#its fine tho maybe i need 2 focus on drawing w pen n paper again. but also Ough.... thats Hard#im gonna try and save up for a new tablet tho. im broke so it'll take a while but at least i have a tablet atm#even if. it is v weird to use#n e way. the big tablet was dying for a WHILE so whatever...#dunno if i wanna go w huion or xp pen. the xp pen tablet was good like. when it worked
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I NEEED to go back to making art that makes it ABUNDANTLY clear that theres something wrong with my brain BUT NOT in a cool or stylishly interesting way. i need to do it in a way that makes people say "hm." and walk away
#sowwy ive been kinda going through it in my fine arts major rn can u tell HJKSDHKFd#ive been feeling like. scared. and paralyzed by marketability and branding.#i cant stop thinking about how other people will see my art. but not like in a good way#when i was younger i thought about it in a good way. like hee hee hoo hoo the act of looking connected us hee hee#but rn i keep thinking about it in like this wretched like consumer product mindset? ouhhghhhhh el problema es el capitalismo#and like maybe this works for some people. to think like this. to make art like this. its what my professors push me towards#not intentionally. they dont say it out loud at least. im not sure if they know or not some of the irony#my professors are nice and pretty smart and talented and i like em. but sometimes i wonder like. the push for us as students to make like#marketable 'avant garde'? stuff thats safe but pretending to be weird and out there#i dont mean to sound pretentious. in general i play it too safe myself (spent too much time as an edgy 10 year old with my#parents freaking out over my shoulder because they think the fact that i drew an anime character frowning means something serious LOL)#but i dunno man. my least interesting art with the least amount of care thought or effort always gets so much more attention in school#nowhere else oddly. online? people like my more passionate but seemingly frivolous art (oc art etc. not frivolous to me but yknow how it is#same with irl artists and other industry people outside my school. whats going on in my school LOL#i know from experience i cant push myself into a supposedly marketable brand. if i try to make something sell it will not.#i dont know why. maybe theres an invisible essence buyers can tell when i didnt care jkfsldjdfrds#but my teachers LOOOOVE the stuff i put no passion in its so bizarre orz but i gotta relearn how to ignore half of their advice#i used to be better at it. but i also only used to ignore like a quarter of their advice. maybe i need to amp up how much im ignoring#that sounds mean. they have plenty of good advice. but also plenty of advice thats clouded by their own biases#and i gotta relearn how to sort out this stuff again. i forget every few months for some reason#you know i always think ouuhhhhh i act so neurotypical ouhhhhhhhhh im outgoing i talk to strangers all the time i seem confident#im so masked IM SO MASKED but then i go a couple weeks where every conversation i have has people looking at me like#i have two heads and neither of them are speaking their language. and then i descend into madness like this HJKLDSHJDS#i'll be fine i'll figure it out. i need to stop trying to get a good grade in being a 'cutting edge' conventional artist <3#i need to just. draw my cartoon characters in peace 😔😔😔
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How's this for a new tag game:
Imagine that you, like a Jane Austen character, are getting five thousand a year – only, it's not money, it's something else, and you get to pick what it is.
You can't have money or anything that's used like money (such as gift cards or loyalty points.) Whatever it is, it's all coming to you within one year, and you'll have to take all five thousand of it.
What are you picking? Put your thing in the tags.
#first I thought I should probably pick something expensive I could sell like cars or diamonds#but where am I putting all those rabidly accumulating cars since I doubt I can sell them as fast as they come#and I feel like trying to sell 5000 diamonds as a regular person will put you on some kind of government watchlist for organized crime#so I dunno about those after all#maybe I'll be taking 5000 lottery tickets? some of them have to net me something#what I'd really like to have is 5000 guinea pigs... but again where am I putting all of them#tag games.
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do you ever do a nice excel spreadsheet testing your tension at regulated times to show Dr "you're just anxious, do more sport" that your feeling of rapid heart rate might be caused by the hypotension you have (aka some kind of dysautonomia). And you discover that hey, this machine checking my tension & pulse show a bit too much the symbol for not-right heartbeats
or is it just me?
#and then he's going to gaslight me because i do get anxious in front of the doctor#and i have anxiety#dysautonomia#i'm running out of new doctor to try out#no doctors take new patients#guess i'll die ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#arrhythmia#maybe its a weird heartbeat due to anxiety#but then again he could dunno give me anxiety meds??#love how he started off acting like he believed me#but it was the presence of the (female) nurse and his (female) student that had him acting nice
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I don't Get Pokémon eggs. I've only ever taken care of one but that's besides the point.
Why do so many of them look like that? Is it a slow-evolutionary development so that egg-eating species can't properly develop, since the eggs will look like their own always??? The only difference is the colour of the flecks. Green, orange, purple, red, and I'm pretty sure I've heard people talk about blue ones before, but that might just be a rumour.
So for colourblind species, it would be easier to not touch the eggs, since they've got the same pattern of flecks and the same shape. It's also used as a way to trick other Pokémon into raising their young.
But then in some regions I've read that the eggs match the Pokémon that's in them? What gives??? Why is it different? The only egg I've ever taken care of first hand was one of the generic ones, purple flecks. It's just very confusing, and I don't really know why it's different in different regions.
People have also described eggs as less of an actual egg and more of a cradle for baby Pokémon, which I don't understand either! Isn't that what an egg is? Does it not actually develop the Pokémon inside? It must do, surely. Maybe the Pokémon is developed mostly while the egg is developing inside the mother, and once the egg is laid it works like humans do? Newborn human infants are in what we call a fourth trimester, where they still have to finish developing. We come out earlier than other species because our heads are too big to fit otherwise, and we'd either get stuck in there or destroy our mothers' reproductive system by the time we manage to get out. So yeah no, not exactly the way you wanna come into the world. Instead, we develop three trimesters in, come out earlier, and then finish the fourth trimester outside of the womb, our parents then care for us for the fourth trimester until we can start developing key skills like walking and talking and moving things around.
Are Pokémon eggs the same? Where they're developed in the womb for the first few trimesters, then are out into the eggs to finish developing?
But like, nobody's ever seen a pregnant Pokémon. Is it that they develop their offspring so fast at the start and then immediately put them into the eggs? I can't imagine a Pokémon is pregnant for more than a few hours at a time, surely, with the rate that eggs can be produced if you're not careful. So maybe the egg stage is the longest stage, but the infant Pokémon inside is already almost fully developed?
We have a module in Pokémon development and breeding this semester, I really hope they go over this. I don't want to have to watch old videos of professor elm explaining this. I'm sure he's lovely, but his voice goes through me.
#unreality#pkmn irl#pokemon irl#rotumblr#rotomblr#i wonder if jacq is answering his emails so close to the start of the semester or if he's too busy to see them#i want to know what the difference between a pokemon egg and a boiled egg is too#like eggs are different to pokemon eggs arent they? where do they come from? am i going crazy?#maybe i havent been oaying ebough attention in class#then again they keep sending me on that treasure hunt in Naruva.#i dont want to go camping and battling Mr Clavell#my treasure is being able to pass my classes without dropping out#though i dunno#maybe this year i'll try it for real#i might find some of the answers I'm looking for
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WIP
Ahhh I always know I'm sick when I get a sudden burst of energy and motivation to do a lot of art and have too much on my brain ':)
#I do not think that's normal please help#If I'm being honest I think that's my body trying to recover's energy#But like...#I wanna draw...#And all that energy and motivation is like.. right there#Then again maybe I'm just funky#W.I.P.#I'll probably post this later today or something I dunno#I don't usually post WIPs to Tumblr LOLL#I'm not used to it. I'm used to having Instagram stories#But ah#Gotta get used to it lol#jay draws
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i like these two busts :)
#art#my art#oc#i haven't been able to get Anything done#but i Have been going through my files looking for/rearranging/renaming stuff so#//wanna draw Oath again but i don't wanna just draw another bust ;-;#maybe i'll try doodling him digitally for once. hmm#i dunno. doing things is hard lol
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...
#been thinking about trying my hand at rolyplaying again#i never really got my foot in the door woth any community previously so a part of me wonders why i should even bother#since it didn't really pan out well before#but i dunno#shit looks kind of fun?#so maybe I'll see if i ever get past the creation state of it#i hate how my phone refuses to autocorrect my typings in tags#ffs i meant to type 'roleplay' in the beginning and now it'd be a real pain to fix it
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RULES: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! and then tag as many people as you have WIPS.
Tagged by the ever-awesome @authortobenamedlater Thank you!
Wow, this is actually a first. I don’t have any new WIPs from the last time I did this one. AND I’ve actually crossed the oldest one off the list and started posting some of the others! *high fives self*
Well, I guess we can just look at those and cross a few off the list officially, then!
Sexy Time Wraiths are totally in this year *nods* 😛 (The Flash)
ZOMG finish this already won't you plzzzz 😭 (The Flash) “Cupid’s Kiss” (NSFW) (Caitlin/Eobard) finished
Is it a threesome if two of the people are different versions of the same person? 🤔 (The Flash)
Ah yes, knee-deep in utter filth and humor, just the way I like it 😳😂 (The Flash) “The Price” (NSFW) (Caitlin/Hunter|Zoom) in progress
The blue lady ships it 😛 (Halo series) Answered last time
Slow burn and I’m loving it, nobody asked for a time reference in every chapter but I’ve been doing it anyway 🤷♀️😉 (Halo series) Answered last time
Yeah, so this way I don't have to feel bad about shipping myself I mean the Reader with the entire frickin’ team *adjusts halo* 😇 (Halo gameverse)
Let’s be honest, he’s probably going to knit her a scarf (Halo series)
I wasn't sure if I should make a funny scene out of a war crime 👀 Guess I'll have to AU the war crime part out, yep *nodnod* (Halo series) Answered last time
Yeah so if Spartans went into heat, I’d probably write it like this... (Halo gameverse) Answered last time
...or like this (Halo gameverse, different game) Answered last time
...or possibly like this (Halo series) 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️ Answered last time
So that leaves the ones in bold that are getting ready to have a new chapter added or who haven’t yet had their first chapter posted. I also removed one that I really have no plans to ever write and officially post. Honestly, y’all have heard me talk about all of the ones that are left so I don’t blame you for skipping this one this time around. 🤷♀️
I’m not really sure what it means that I have NO new ideas for any fandom right now. It’s a bit scary, actually. But, on the other hand, if I can finish the ones I have in progress, then if it does mean I won’t be doing any further writing, well, at least I can close up shop knowing I did my best to not leave anything undone. 🤷♀️
If you’d like to do this one, then you know what to do. *boops your nose politely* 😉
#fanfic wip ask game#wip ask game#ask game#i'm just so tired#it feels like there's just not enough energy left to power the fangirl part of my brain these days#it's all i can do to try to finish these in progress#i just feel driven to Be Done#i can't walk away with so much i want to conclude#but there's nothing left for new ideas#maybe when halo's second season starts i'll feel inspired again?#there's the final snowells week coming up too and i want to participate in that#beyond that though is just darkness stretching to nowhere#i dunno#this is not a happy place to be#ageless aislynn
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everything is shit i feel like shit, hatred in my heart and soul
#sorry to vent but also i'm gonna do a vent fuck you#i've been feeling so blehhh this past week#and like. yesterday afternoon and today i felt like things were getting better#and the something like. rlly minor happened and like. it's entirely thrown me off again and i hate it!!#i don't know. *how* to make things better cos it's almost entirely like my mental state fucking up#rather than like. actual events i can focus on#i've just been so. ://////////////////#and like. yes there was probably an event that kind of. made things worse#but it shouldn't have been that big of a deal#also i'm so fucking tired all the time!! if you know me you know i don't get up past like 11 each morning#so i'm fucking getting enough sleep. why am i like this#i just. feel like shit. even going on fun little walks isnt helping anymore#i dunno. like i said things were getting a bit better. i finally managed to get myself to go to the gym which i hadn't for over a week#that helped a bit. and work acc went well today and yesterday#i'm just. ehhh i hate that something so minor can throw off again and now i hate everything and i want to scream#sorry as well that ik i'm leaving a few people hanging when it comes to replying to messages#i'll try to get round to it just like. no energy. feel like shit. you know#just. i hate that i'm feeling like this i want to be productive i want to do stuff cos ik that's gonna help#and i actually was starting to build up good habits but it's just all fallen down recently :((#i dunno. maybe i've got fucking reverse seasonal depression or something (not actually this is called a joke)#cos my winter was rlly good#or that's just. the way of life. if things are good for a while they then have to be bad again for balance#which i understand but don't like >:((#anyways. yh. shit sucks. i hate that i am being like this. screaming crying throwing up etc.#bear with me a while till i can find my feet again#marchibald's
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owhhh okay i think i'm p tired ... gn in advance y'all
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#tired not as in Sleepy i mean the other Tired but i'll be fine TvT#anyways aaa ebg ends soon !! like a day or two !! so uh :squints: to all those who have sabotaged me ily very very much and really#appreciate it sm TvT LIKE HELRPWJDJSJ ik i shld feel :(( <//3 yes but also knowing i was actually like. y'all make the game fun ... TvT#yes yes so uhhhhhh help im heating up IDHSIWJEKS (shy)#OKAY so to sam & lune esp bcs damn y'all hate me fr 💔 /nm n ofc cal lettē n that 1 anon im p sure is anoushka (embarrassed if im wrong but#yes <3 IDHSIDNS) tyvm friends TvT aaaaaaa ebg isnt over yet but im feelin a lil ack these days ehehhehehdhehdh so yeah#i feel like i havent rlly gotten much sabotages compared to my fellow mutuals who r playing JDUEWHIJWJS so ya just a rlly HUGE ty to u guys#it means a lot to me even if it prolly seems like smth small >< ✨ aaaaeeeeee#i prolly won't send sabotages as much anymore tho bcs i'm feeling tired now TvT wont elaborate but yes WHEEZEHWRWIDJSOSKAOSPAJDKANSOAO#nah idk maybe im just overhtinking again or wtvr i dunno man but just not feeling it rn again brrrrrrrrr#ill head to sleep b4 3 am !! yesterday was b4 5 so now will be b4 3 hopefully ehe#please Do Not perceive this post /nf /lh ODBWIDNWKDJSK now goodbye B)#dw later today when its actually proper morning or afternoon im sure ill be fine again B)) always am#tw vent ish#i hate feeling this way brrr i always try to focus on the good positive and happy but#yeah :')#if i start distancing myself again rirhwiwhdiehkde i'll most likely be fine so no need to worry at all abt me or wtvr ^^#i doubt anyonr will even see or read this post (?) but if u need pls know i rlly genuinely do appreciate it jdhsjd ilysm aha :') 💖#TvT i just bottle my feelings up a lot okay ORHRIEHEIEHKAJS and i feel like ive been doing that again for quite a long time so im just#kinda breaking rn again :') ill really be okay soon tho for sure 🫶🏼#tw vent#im like 90% sure no one will even notice this so its fine if i just post this ya rhe
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Paused my queue and started using it as a secondary drafts box but I think I'm gonna try and go through it & unpause it. I'm sorta getting confused on how to use this site and need to return to my "roots"
#Half the things I reblog I dunno how to tag anymore#I also sorta miss/like spacing out posts like I'm always on or something idk#I used to come on to tumblr schedule abunch of stuff for my queue(1 a day) and then vanish for months#I even sorta did that when I was running a blog#I scheduled whatever here and didn't super bother w/ it#& had a whole post schedule for the other blog so I could make posts ahead of time and schedule them#That's not to say I didn't sometimes just post things while I was on but I also had a tag for that on that blog#nor am I saying I'll disappear for months here. just that I might start queuing posts again#Idk I just feel really disorganized everywhere so maybe I can try to organize here a little bit#I just sorta feel like if I go back I'll be doing it wrong now that I've seen how several other people do things here...#also I'm a whole heck of a lot more self conscious then back then#(I sorta blame specific fanspace(s) but also I mainly blame the bird app)#personal thoughts#Messages from the swamp#<- I guess
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.
#it's time for me to ask for a refill on my antidepressant scrip but I'm like. is it working for me lmao#I'm still sleepytired so it's like... maybe I SHOULD be pushing for other tests lmao#but again it's like. the US 'healthcare' system being what it is.. if I'm just gonna end up diagnosed with chronic fatigue then I didn't#need them to assign me a 'pre-existing condition' that'd fuck me over if I ever needed to change insurance lmao...#and like all of the 'obvious' stuff has been ruled out... it's not a vitamin deficiency it's not iron it's not magnesium#tbh not even sure this antidepressant is doing much for me lol maybe I should try a different one...#maybe I'll get a refill and then pretend like I think it stopped working for me to switch to something else lmao#like. I dunno what am I supposed to be feeling like on antidepressants...#the times are still trying that's for sure#but is that a me thing or is that a the world is sucking thing... you know... lol
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