#but if it doesnt get better and it's always only my fuckups all the time always then why the fuck should i stay here
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i was wondering if youre so inclined if u would mind explaining whats so good about disco elysium? all i ever see ppl say is that its communist and theres old gay men which is like. well cool but that doesnt tell me anything about it actually. it seems like a lot of reading but its not like thats stopped me before (<- read all of orv on your reccommendation and hasnt stopped thinking about it since)
disco elysium is just a really meaningful piece of work. For starters, the prose is beautiful when it's not being funny as well, the world is rich and intricate and fully believable, and the characters are deeply compelling. Disco Elysium has you playing as an amnesiac detective coming out of the tail end of a more or less suicidally thorough bender a completely different person. It's up to you to pick what kind of person he is, but you can't choose to be Not a fuckup. You're still just a fuckup. You're always a fuckup.
I really found the way disco elysium dealt with mental illness to be super refreshing and honestly the most cathartic almost any media has been on the subject, for my personal tastes. I find a lot of media where mental illness comes into play leans either too indulgent or too saccharine for me. By indulgent i mean it really wants you to buy into How Sad we're supposed to feel about our character's mental state. And by saccharine I mean stuff that's focused almost exclusively in portraying mental illness in an almost hurt/comfort way, for lack of a better term. Disco elysium is not about the poignant, tragic beauty of mental illness nor is it about taking this character on a journey of Coping and Healing, although you could definitely play it closer to one way or another. Disco elysium is a game about being at war with your own brain and body, but also you still also need to work because. Well. It's your job, dipshit. It's humorous, it's crass, it's completely off the wall, capable of balancing the absurd and mundane in severe extremes to result in the realest feeling portrayal of mental illness I've come across. It handles addiction in what I'm sure is a similar way, but I can't speak as much on that subject because I don't have any firsthand experience with being an addict despite my best attempts to develop some sort of chemical dependency in the last two years.
But also yes, the game is very much about communism. Everyone saying that is absolutely correct but I think it's hard for people who haven't played it to understand just how About Communism it is. The author of the game and the novella its based off of is a self-proclaimed communist from estonia. This is not a western perspective on communism, nor is it a truly soviet one. It's a perspective on communism from someone who grew up in a country that was occupied by the soviet union multiple times and only regained its independence in 1991. It's a really fascinating thing to engage with because it just approaches politics so differently than any western stuff I've seen.
The game is in many ways miserably depressing and wholly pessimistic, but it's not the pessimism of the truly misanthropic doomer, it's the kind of pessimism you find in someone who is looking for any reason not to be pessimistic and just not finding any. It's a narrative that looks into it's main character, and looks into it's own world and is desperately searching for any reason to believe there's hope there and coming up empty handed every time but, god damn it, still looking. I think that right now something with that sort of message is important. It's a piece of writing that says to it's audience 'things are bad and getting worse, and we can't pretend otherwise, but this is your world. live in it.' And also it's really fucking funny. It's really one of those things I think as many as people a possible should experience. You won't find anything else like it in the world right now.
#one time back during the earlier covid months not too long after my last halfhearted suicide attempt#i got bored and decided to take some acid. but then my dad asked me to move the car off the driveway for some reason. and i couldnt do it#because i was tripping too hard to remember how to operate a stick shift#and all i had had in my body that day other than the acid was macadamia nuts and sprite#thats what disco elysium is about
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A few shinkami headcannons because I love them more than anything
Shinsou has a growth spurt and practically towers over Denki by their second year (for all intents and purposes, Shinsou has always been in class 1A)
Denki grows a little bit but not that much, he’s not complaining though, he gets Shinsou to grab stuff on the top shelve for him or has him hang up posters in higher places in his room (the only downside is that he has to get on his tippy toes for kisses but usually Shinsou will just bend down like a good boyfriend)
They go on dates every Sunday, It’s their day and it doesn’t matter what they’re doing as long as it’s just the two of them
They could be studying or doing homework or exercising or anything really and they’ll call it a date
The rest of the class knows better than to try and contact either boy on Sunday
“Normies worship Jesus on Sunday but I worship Shinsou” - Denki, at one point in time
Shinsou loves playing with denki’s hair, he buys different kinds of hair clips just to put them in denki’s hair
he just likes how the colors pop out
He especially likes to see purple hair clips in denki’s hair
Tbh it doesn’t have to be hair clips, it could be a scrunchie or a rubber band or a headband; as long as it’s purple it does wonders to shinsou’s heart
Denki likes playing with shinsou’s hair too but more than that he likes seeing Shinsou in yellow clothing
Shinsou doesn’t wear bright colors a lot usually sticking with black or cool tone colors
But when he does wear yellow, Denki just gets all mushy no matter how small it is
It could be yellow earrings or socks or something and Denki will wear a love sick expression all day
Despite being in the hero course, Shinsou still gets incredibly insecure about his quirk and how some people only see him as a villain
Denki, without fail or hesitation, tells Shinsou what a great hero he’s gonna be, he talks about how Shinsou is gonna inspire a new wave of underground heroes and how he’s gonna be some kid’s Aizawa one day and how proud he is of him (The first time he said that, it makes Shinsou sob. It makes denki cry too bc he’s a sympathetic crier so they just lay in bed holding eachother)
He also tells Shinsou how no matter who’s the number one hero, Shinsou will always have first place in his heart. And that Shinsou is just as much as any other hero out there and even a little more because he’ll be underground
Denki just loves his boyfriend so much and whoever planted the idea that some quirks are just made for evil is going to get electrocuted >:(
Denki will also pepper Shinsou in kisses saying things like ‘you are so kind’ ‘you’re an amazing person’ ‘I love you so much’ ‘You’re my hero’ and just a bunch of stuff so by the end of their heart to heart Shinsou is feeling a lot better
Denki gets insecure about how ‘dumb’ he is and how he’ll probably just end up hurting civilians or himself before he hurts a villain
Shinsou hates how that’s how Denki views himself because Denki is one of the kindest people in the world and doesn’t even realize it like the first time Denki told him that insecurity, Shinsou looked at him and was like ‘are you..you’re serious? Denks, You’re one of the most clever people I know’
Whenever Denki mentions it, Shinsou he just squeezes the blonde and lets him cry out his frustrations before telling him that ‘he’s not an idiot or stupid and that it’s okay not to understand something as fast as others and that it’s okay to learn differently and it’s okay’ (Shinsou will always try not to cry but a few tears fall anyways bc he just wants denks to be happy without feeling like he’s a fuckup)
Shinsou never lets Denki call himself an idiot or stupid, even in a joking way.
They don’t fight a lot because of their personalities like
Denki is a people’s person and is really in tune with other’s emotions and by default is a pacifist unless otherwise
Shinsou isn’t a people’s person but he’s observant due to his quirk bc of how he’s been treated in the past, he’s also good at picking up on people’s body language
Most times it’s just small disagreements and even then they communicate the best they can and try to compromise
If that doesn’t work then they’ll give each other space so the disagreement won’t turn into something ugly
They’ve only fought once and it was the worst (and best) thing for them
The fight happened after a mock rescue mission goes wrong and there were weeks of stress and tension leading up to it
It was messy and bad like really bad
“I just don’t get why you have to run into danger!” Denki screamed. The whole dorm could probably hear them but he didn’t care, not when his boyfriend was looking at him like he just lost his mind.
It was supposed to be a simple training exercise. Simple. Go in, defeat villains, rescue the ‘hostages’. It was not that simple.
*insert how badly the mission went and Shinsou ran towards the danger to help or smth idk*
It gets pretty rough between the two of them because they’re both pretty emotional people
Shinsou thinks denki doesn’t want him to be a hero and denki thinks Shinsou doesn’t want to be with him
It’s a lot of insecurities + stress + yelling
Denki is the first one to break, he’s a lot more emotionally sensitive than Toshi and everything is just crashing down and he hates it
“Do you just not want to be with me?!” He cries, unable to keep the tears at bay any more. He hates arguing with people, especially when that person happens to be his boyfriend. He gets it, he does! Toshi is training to become a hero and so is he but that doesn’t make it easier. Doesnt stop the shot of fear whenever he watches the other get hurt, doesn’t stop the late night self deprecation, doesn’t stop the anxiety he gets whenever he sees Toshi run head first into danger.
But he gets it and somehow it’s a bitter realization.
Because Hitoshi’s priority is the job they signed up for and Denki’s is Hitoshi.
The fight ends with tears on both their parts and they call it a night, too tired to scream anymore
They sleep in their own rooms that night
The next morning they agree to take a break, not a full break up, but some time away. Space away from each other to prioritize and think.
(Now ive seen fanfics where everyone picks denki over Shinsou and i hate that so fuck you, class 1A are both their friends and they’re all family and try and to help each other I will die with that statement)
Surprisingly the two most helpful people are Bakugou and Kirishima
(Actually not that surprising, they’re the longest couple in the whole class, dating immediately after Kamino)
Bakugou and denki have a heart to heart
“You’re both dumbasses” Katsuki sighs heavy, passing another tissue over to the sobbing blonde. He’s not good at these kinds of things, but Kirishima told him he could help the electric blonde more than he could so here he is. “You gonna tell me what’s wrong or just cry?” He asks, not without a hint of worry though. He pretends to ignore it.
So denki tells him everything and his insecurities
Oh. Yeah, Kirishima was right.
“You think I’m an idiot” Denki mutters quietly, harshly rubbing his eyes.
“No” The older blonde shakes his head, plopping down on the bed next to the other. He doesn’t turn to meet yellow eyes, his own trained on the All Might poster hanging directly across from them. He feels Pikachu’s curious gaze on him so he decides to elaborate more, knowing the sooner he helps the sooner he doesn’t have to deal with this anymore. It’s totally not because he’s gotten soft. Absolutely not.
“Trust me, Zombie Eyes looks at you like you put the fucking stars in the sky. It’s disgusting to watch.” He crinkles his nose in disgust earning a small laugh. “People like him and I, we gotta work twice as hard. Not saying that no one else does but it’s different.” He stresses the last word. “People like Ei or Deku or even you, people already see you as good so all you gotta do is get stronger. They don’t question your character, your morals, they don’t look down on you for having a weakness. People like Zombie Eyes and I though?we gotta work hard just to prove that we’re good. That we were meant to become heroes. Every action we do is put under a microscope and analyzed.” He explains.
“We’re assholes by default, It’s how we were raised. Not saying it as an excuse though. He was in the shitty system and I had shitty parents, no adult taught us shit like love or how to properly deal with feelings.”
Stupid Deku tried with him but he didn’t even know how to deal with his own much less some angry blond kid’s.
He takes a deep breath, pushing back faint memories of his childhood. The younger hasn’t said a word but he can tell he’s listening so it’s fine. “We can’t just turn off how we are. If it’s frustrating for you and Ei, It’s worse for us. Like we know logically that we’re good people, that we changed but that’s now how our brain sees it. We push ourselves because that’s all we know how to do, it proves to us and everyone else that we bled for our spot here. That we made it. Having friends is hard because we compare ourselves to them and draw our own conclusions to their actions. Being nice? Our brain says it’s a trap. Showing some human fucking decency? Our shitty brain says it’s an act. Being in a relationship? Laughable. We’re just villains pretending to play heroes to everyone else.”
He takes another deep breath, forcing himself to look away from the poster, flashbacks to their first year briefly passing in his head. Okay yeah, not going down that route. He looks over, making eye contact. He wonders if this is how Kirishima feels whenever he’s trying to cheer him up. Wonders if it’s just as hard. This better be worth it, everyone has been miserable. (Shitty thing about having been through life and death situations together is that everyone has bonded and become close like a family so when one of them is sad it’s like everyone is fucking sad.) (He loathes it because even he gets worried.)
“But despite that he still loves you.” He says softly, almost whispering like he’s telling the other a secret. “Fights his demons to hold your hand and all that shit”
Shinsou loves him? Loves him?
“How do you.. how do you know?” Denki whispers, throat sore. “We fought so badly last night, we were screaming at eachother.”
“He treats you the same way I treat Ei.” He answers,
“He changed his priorities around to try and accommodate for another person in his life, you became more important than training or studying. He takes days off to be with you, cuts his studying short if you need a break. It might not seem much to others but for him that’s huge. He came in with this one track mind but then you came along and he scrambled to balance everything. And then you two got your shit together and started to go out and I’m pretty sure he got scared”
“Scared?” Denki asks, the thought almost funny to him.
“I did.” Bakugou admits as Denki’s eyes grow wide.
“I was petrified. When Ei started to become more important than hero work, I freaked. It’s not that loverboy is choosing being a hero over you, It’s because he doesn’t understand that he can have both. He thinks everything important is a choice- that if you want something you have to give something up. He chooses hero work and he loses you. He chooses you and he loses hero work.”
“But he’s not going to lose me or hero work”
“Kinda sounded like you did give him an ultimatum though”
The realization hits him like cold water.
Shinsou gets a similar talk with Kirishima
It helps, a lot
They don’t immediately go back to eachother, instead spending the week with their everyone else and just taking time for themselves
Shinsou knocks on Denki’s door Sunday morning and they finally talk things out
It’s also the first time they say ily!!
Anyways after that fight they work harder on communicating especially when it comes to things like hero work
It’s not perfect bc their dumb traumatized teens but they’re trying and they know their lil family will always be there
I haven’t slept but yes thanks for sticking around if you’re reading this
If ur interested in shinsou’s talk with Kirishima lmk
#shinkami headcannons#shinkami#drabble#snippets#shinsou x kaminari#shinsou hitoshi#shinsou#denki kaminari#kaminari#my hero academia#kiribaku#Kirishima#bnha bakugou
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we finished the bleach anime. it was alright, the ending definitely suffered from the problems every shounen anime inherently does towards the end. i hear the manga actually continues to escalate after this, i might be interested in seeing what that looks like since i hear the anime is coming back. im pretty disappointed in a couple things though. we didnt get to see nel again, which is just utter bullshit. after she transformed, she had her little fight and Lost. and then we never saw her again. i consider that a plot hole to be honest. to my knowledge, we didnt even see orihime heal her. she was a fantastic and fun character, she needed more time to be her self. her little self, if you ask me. another thing, they killed gin like right after the first time he ever did anything. he was such an empty character and they never explained him. why would a kid decide to do what he did? what happened to make rangiku love him so much? this dude basically threw his whole life in the trash to pursue one single goal that he could have achieved if he just opened up to the other soul reapers. i cant decide if this was always the plan for his character, or if kubo just forgot about him so long he decided to make him a secret good guy. like, oh this bad guy has never done anything bad... i guess he's a good guy now? he never got any resolution to his character even though the twist was actually pretty cool and it could have been awesome if they bothered to explore it for an episode or two. but they really didnt, it was just a shallow twist even though i sorta saw it coming. i was always defending him to my mom cause he rly never did anything. she hated him cause he was a douche but you have to be kind of a dick to roll with aizen so... anyway the visoreds really fucking suck. we hardly even saw any of them release their zanpaktou, and even though they were incredibly cool characters they never did anything. hiyori was an amazing character, with a lot of personality and great jokes. who never did anything. she was literally around only so she could job to ichigo once or twice in training, and fail at every single thing she ever does. shinji was the most developed visored, and he didnt do anything. his release was cool but we never saw his bankai. when they revealed that he was a captain, it was a really big surprise! but he never ever measured up to the best of the current captains. kenpachi would destroy him. byakuya would destroy him. he might be able to win against toshiro or the badger guy, but i kind of doubt it. he has to have a bankai to be a captain but he never even tried to use it on aizen, who he has a fucking super grudge against. the dude ruined his life and permanently changed his friends. he got him sentenced to death! but shinji couldnt do anything, anything at all against aizen. to be honest, he seemed a lot weaker than mashiro who was an actual joke character. then, and i consider this another plot hole, they game kaname a resurreccion. the fact that he, as a visored, has a bankai and a resurreccion strongly implies that EVERY visored has one. including ichigo himself. and shinji, hiyori, mashiro, all of the visored crew. so the fact that we never see any of the visoreds bankai OR resurreccion..
why even have them fight? we have interesting characters who dont fight in this show, why even bother? i dont get it. the coolest and best character in bleach, in the whole show, turned out to be ikkaku madarame. who initially appeared to be a fuckup only meant for ichigo to waste an episode or two on. the guy has an interesting set of priciples, he has a distinct goal and not to mention a really cool underused bankai. we only saw it once, but it was amazing and it really suits him. he was such a cool guy and he doesnt get to do anything either. he had 1 real fight against an arrancar who to my knowledge wasnt an espada. but hiyori? nothing. she fought a couple fractiones and couldnt even beat any of those alone. not even 1 of them. those fractiones probably had better backstory than she did. urahara was really mysterious through most of the show. im not sure if i really like his motives more than i liked him as a mysterious force pushing the plot forward for unknowable reasons. yoruichi was never ever explained, like at all. her motive was just that she wanted to help urahara. like i get rescuing him from his death sentence, i get wanting to help the visoreds. but she left everything for him? she really never got to be her own person after that. she was a shallow character. and another super power character who never lost, but doesnt have a fucking bankai! what!!! if she or urahara whipped out their bankai the show would have just been over. seriously they always could have beaten aizen, up until he became a monster by fusing with the hogyoku. even then probably! they NEVER lost a single fight!!! how am i supposed to believe they couldnt play a bigger role, or even solve the problem themselves? i dont even think i ever saw them seriously injured. they're invincible, over a hundred years old, definitely have bankais but never use them... but they spend all of their time manipulating people into doing their work for them.
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Thoughts on the “Trisha Drama”
I’m going to preface this with my previous thoughts of both sides. I didn’t know who Trisha was until after I found out about the vlog squad about a year ago. I didn’t mind her, i thought she brought out an interesting perspective to the group. Then I thought she was literally off her rocker.
I loved the vlog squad bc I found them in a really difficult time in my life and they kept me from getting too deep into a depression. While I saw some of their mistakes, I saw the best in them all and hoped for change or at least some kind of accountability.
This is gonna be really long and idk if anyone is even gonna read this/care lol but Im just so frustrated with a lot of the people that are into the vs. Like after really looking into everything that happened, I felt kind of ashamed to be backing the vs bc they’re doing some fucked up stuff tbh.
So lets do a basic rundown of mistakes made.
Mistakes in their public relationship:
-Trisha: made sexual jokes about jason’s friends, started arguments about her insecurities instead of starting a conversation.
-Jason: made sexual jokes about girl’s a decade younger than trisha (and 2 and a half decades younger than him), would complain about having to go do things trisha liked doing and would pout the whole time (i.e. disneyland and a couple of the hamilton viewings), would egg on trishas insecurities, literally dumped her on a daily basis and call her crazy when she voiced said insecurities and then would basically get back together within an hour and practically give everyone whiplash, also talked about her weight and eating habits CONSTANTLY (fucking dick)
-David: inputted himself in their relationship, recorded their fights and encouraged their toxic behavior to both his friends and his audience
Mistakes in the “official” breakup:
-Trisha: talking about jason’s ex and kids, comparing david to ted bundy (a lil wild but tbh not that big of a deal bc no one actually believed thats what she meant but anyway), the brandon thing (we’ll come back to this)
-Jason: continuing to make jokes about fucking a 19/20 year old despite his gf saying she didn’t like it, not putting an end to David “pressuring him” to making said jokes, the brandon thing
-David: ignoring his “friend” when she said not to put something in his vlog, putting his image and career first
Mistakes after:
-Trisha: constantly going on rants about david and Jason.
-Jason: staying in contact with trisha secretly. (ill get back to this too)
-David: putting his image above all else.
Now we’re going to get into some uncomfortable hot takes. I’m gonna get a whole lotta hate from stans but tbh idc anymore
The Brandon Thing (I’ve done some digging since her video exploding at Jeff):
-Brandon began a relationship with a high schooler. She was underage the first time they had sex. There’s receipts and timelines set up. I’d recommend Petty Paige’s Youtube video on it for specifics.
-Lot’s of vs fans say she only brought it up when her and Jason ended so that meant she didn’t really care, but I’d like to point out that she has stated (on more than one occasion) that she voiced her thoughts on this multiple times to the group in Private and no one cared. Y’all are always going on about how she should say whatever she has to say in private but when she does and is ignored, what then? Just a thought.
-Let’s also bring the rest of the vs up in this. How come none of them ever said anything? They’re the ones still out here tolerating him. Pretty hypocritical. I’m not gonna aim anything at the girls bc none of them have Brandon in their videos but the guys? Jeff, Jason, David, Todd and I think Scott too, have all had Brandon in at least one video. They’re out here talking shit about Trisha amongst each other but are friends with a predator? Lmao Okay, cool.
Jason Keeping in Contact for months:
-This was dumb.
-As someone who has suffered from mental health issues and has been in a mental hospital and suffered from attachment AND abandonment issues, Trisha would’ve been better off had Jason ended things and kept them that way. Instead, he ended their public relationship and friendship. He kept her a secret from even his “friends” and then dragged on their “friendship” for months. For what? He should’ve just given her her things and closure and kept it pushing.
-On that, why did he keep her belongings for so long and refuse to give it back until she said something public about it? He ignored her calls and texts about her very expensive things for weeks. Then she made a video calling him out on it, and she got her stuff back.
-I’m seeing a pattern here, aren’t you?
The Jeff Thing (did some digging on him too...by digging i mean google):
-This one makes my blood boil for several reasons. ESPECIALLY AFTER TODAYS VIDEO. It rlly put everything into perspective omg.
-The starbucks story that Trisha told was the same everywhere: ‘I saw Jeff at Starbucks and said hey. He ignored me and was such a pussy he left his order at the counter after having paid.’ His masculinity is SO FRAGILE that he twisted it into ‘I’m not gonna be fake with someone who fucked over my friend. Can’t fuck them up either tho lol’ and ‘i’m not gonna make shit easy on you, i’m gonna make them feel weird’. What a baby lmfao
-His assault joke rubbed me the wrong way. I know Jeff’s schtick is the whole “I was in jail for a few months and I was a drug dealer I’m big and scary” blah blah blah. Listen, I’ve met men that have been in jail longer (he was in for only 4 months he once said I think) and had worse upbringings than he did and HAD to do some of the shit Jeff was doing (which lemme remind yall, was on his own accord). The men that I know that have lived similar and worse lifestyles than Jeff, would never and I REPEAT NEVER, make a joke about assaulting a Woman over “fucking my friend over”, when the situation was what it was. Which was: an exposé, basically. That’s some petty shit, it’s for the birds. (Also, Todd and Jay’s jokes about the assault joke? Ain’t it. They were just as bad as Jeff’s original joke.)
-Do y’all know what Jeff’s been to jail for? He tried to assault someone that worked at a 7-Eleven after he and his dumbass friends were fucking around in the store and got yelled at and ended up assaulting a woman walking by.
-He also talked about her mental health issues. Maybe he wasn’t talking about her specifically, but it was REAL specific. He said that it was crazy that a “psychopath” that’s been in a mental hospital still had a platform on youtube. That they shouldn’t have one. Trisha made a really good point of, “some could say the same about your time in jail.” Because they could. And mental health can be managed. So can your outrageous anger issues, Jeff. This was really ignorant on his part.
-I also want to remind everyone about the time he said he didn’t understand how men could be sexually harassed. That all you had to do was say no.
-He says he likes to “make things awkward” and make everything a joke when really he’s just being ignorant and doesn’t want to get real hate when he gets inevitably called out
Trisha’s “Dirt”:
-Trisha doesn’t know anything that the rest of us don’t. We’re just all IGNORING it. Why? Bc David’s charming and Todd and Jeff are pretty? Ridiculous. This is the last vlog squad post i’m going to make because I’m done. So the following is going to be a rundown on the “dirt” on them that made me come to the decision that I wouldn’t be supporting them anymore. I’ll also put my own thoughts and comments underneath in case y’all are curious. Staying silent about these situations is the same as complacency.
-Brandon Calvillo: Covered this but to reiterate, he dated a high schooler and slept with her/dated her knowing her age. He then lied about it in a video to cover his tracks.
*I am well aware that she was months from being 18. This doesn’t make it okay. What does a 26 year old have in common with a 17 year old? And just because this is the first girl we know about, doesn’t mean she’s the first at all or even the last.
-Durte Dom: He was accused of assault at vidcon.
*This hasn’t been confirmed. But it also hasn’t even been discussed. This girl is getting hate from vs stans and the vs have stayed silent. I can understand not wanting to show attention to people who make accusations for clout, but assault is serious and should at the Very Least be acknowledged privately or legally bc it could be considered slander. Don’t let your fans (or your friend’s fans) do your dirty work.
-Jeff Wittek: He has major anger issues. Makes jokes about assaulting women after actually having assaulted one in the past (accidentally but doesnt take away from what he did) and has made jokes about sexual harassment against men not being viable
*tbh he has a “pretty white boy complex”. Meaning he knows that he can say and do what he wants and most people will let it slide bc he’s a pretty white boy. No education needed.
-Jason Nash: Is friend’s with a predator, is quite possibly setting an awful example to his kids, namely his daughter.
*Listen. I’m a feminist, a woman should be able to decide what to do with her body after she turns 18. But being groomed and hit on by grown ass men when you’re barely legal, ain’t it. If you want to and feel ready, there’s nothing anyone can do to stop it BUT 9.9 times out of 10, that fucks a woman up in the future. One day, she is going to see her dad hitting on a 19/20 year old Tana and see that her dad’s 26 year old best friend dated a 17/18 year old and lied about specifics and might think that’s normal and how men should treat her. I won’t support that shit.
And as for all the other member’s of the vs, they either don’t care enough about what their friends or friends’ friends are doing, or they’re not bothering to even consider it’s happening and that isn’t cool either.
Be better.
As for Trisha, she’s had her own faults and fuckups, no doubt about it. I’m not a big fan of her content but i FELT for her. Her name has been dragged through the mud because of this more than anything else and it doesn’t sit right with me when her only real fuckup in THIS situation was bringing the ex and kids into it the way she did. Everything else either could have been avoided or she had a right to say to the public since they put everything about the relationship out in the open as much as she did. If Jason and David had reached out and admitted their own mistakes and asked her to stop talking about them online the way she was, she probably would’ve chilled out. What happened, what they and their fans (us) have done has been nothing short of traumatizing, no doubt. The way these 30 year old boys (Jeff, Todd, Scott and Jay) are reacting to her? They’re the real joke if we’re being honest.
Note: I’d also like to say that if you do still support them and have differing views than I do, I’ll respect you and your views no matter what. Everyones entitled to their opinion and thoughts. These are just mine.
#trisha paytas#vlog squad#jeff wittek#david dobrik#jason nash#durte dom#brandon calvillo#scott sire#most of these men are manipulative af#as much as i love zane matt and heath#they dont speak up either#neither do any of the women which is borderline heartbreaking#rant#I did my best to make everything clear but if theres any confusions or questions or if you just wanna have a discussion about it lmk#Discontinuing Speak Now.
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Episode #6: “because Sweyn’s Baddies are COMING” - Jones
My bitch ass glasses broke so I’m more than happy to be doing a challenge that requires my ears. Maybe wil my eyesight so poor my hearing will get better to compensate who knows. Even if we lose I’m in a Gucci spot to survive.
Tribal was a success. With the first tribal done I’m happy trust is built and I can stop being paranoid.
With that said I think I’m in a good position going forward as I have an alliance and we’re probably reaching a merge or a swap soon.
my plan of action for my tribe since we legit havent got Anything on the doc yet (me n michael have an excuse..) is to make it seem like im doing more than i am. oh im gonna work on it soon! i’ll do this soon! like its all about seeming like im contributing.. when i aint LAMDKNDG
me n michael made a f2 altho it breaks my heart to say its just for the sake of my survival on this dumbass tribe.. theres no way malik flips on me and with michael as my f2 i can essentially force him to flip on danielle if he wants to stay which is like perf rn since i dont really trust her..
i miss my close allies tho lol. like ryan is my #1 n its unfortunate he isnt getting a chance to make more bonds considerig we need those bonds for his idol to make a big move.. hopefully mercia loses again and wes goes tho? it evens it up to 6 sweyn vs 6 mercia and i think itll swap again before merge and hopefully ill be with ryan/rhys/jones :)) my social game is good rn i think.. i just gotta lay low with physical and downplay strategy so im never the target. hard w/ these personalities tho. X
SOOO THIS CHALLENGE IS FUCKING HELL!!! U KNOW WHAT WOULD BE BETTER? IF OUR WHOLE TRIBE FUCKING DID SMTH!!
like im actually gunna go fucking mad.. its songs. yah its hard to identify bc theyre distorted and overlapped but theres no excuse not to get at least artists.. or even one song. malik n michael can barely do that.. LIKE YEAH I HAVENT DONE THE BEST BUT IVE GOT 2 SONGS THERE RN AND IDENTIFIED NICKI + XTINA SO! BLOOP! im gunna kill myself.. poor dani. its especially painful knowing ill try to get her out if we lose LMAOAOAOA but i mean.. (: oh well!
This challenge can litterally chomp on a dick. No. I hate it. I dont want to do it. Like BEGONE.
Honestly its so hard, and like i dont listen to pop so im struggling with it. Hopefully we win, but I feel safe if we go to tribal.
At this point I am so upset because I feel useless because all the ones I know have been picked and idek if anyone took my suggestion seriously. If this round ends my game, I’m going to be so upset!
We’re pretty much fucked unless a miracle happens
I've been a bit nervous about my position and stuff in the game and I'm trying to catch up socially with a lot of people and stuff. I'm doing what I can on a five person tribe and hope I can work on hard on getting as far as I can in this game. I have a feeling we merge next round so that could be cool. I wanna make it far as I can this game, I'm trying to be active but UTR so hopefully it works.
WE WON FIRST PLACE AGAIN AND THIS TIME I WASNT A FUCKUP WOOOOOOOOOOOOP WOOP
I’ve been talking to David more and I helped out a lot with this challenge so I’m hoping he won’t want me out next time we go to tribal.
THREE IN A ROW, BABY. Feels good to not have gone to tribal since Jose's elimination. Also an added bonus that I basically carried our tribe to win today, not a big deal, LOL.
Also, with the reward, I've now got a vote steal advantage. This is HUGE for me. I have a group of people I wanna work with in this game and if this group is down in numbers at any point, this vote steal can come in handy.
that challenge was a damn mess but i'm just glad we made it out alive. sad Canute lost though ugh i'm sending all of my positive energy to Scott so he can make it through.... hope we merge next round that would be cute; i'm ready for more action in this game
im gunna kill my self . :) WE LOST. AGAIN. :) NOT MY FAULT. AGAIN.
n now i gotta deal with fucken awkward 2-2 tribal lines when i have a f2 with michael and a love for malik.. but bc dani is good at challenges her ass wont go and thats so annoyin but u can bet ur ass ima try somethin if i have to bc i dont trust malik to keep me safe vs her whereas michael will.. if i have to flip on malik i will
why me tho like im a good person. i dont deserve this. why couldnt i be on a competent tribe. LMAOAOAOA.
THANK GOD WE WON IMMUNITY if we lost I probably would’ve spontaneously combust Bc I love??? My current tribe??? I love Madison too and It sucked we voted her out Bc I actually adore her but she wasn’t doing a lot.
I just love this tribe and if we had to vote for each other again I’ll lose my marbles. Maybe we can work more together going into merge if we get there? I hope so, because Sweyn’s Baddies are COMING
Well, we lost once again and I’m upset about it. The challenge was super hard for us and we struggled. It seemed like everyone wasn’t really putting in all they could as they just said “I forgot” I was like oh!! cool!! This tribal, I’m not crazy worried right now. I trust Scott a lot at this point because he doesnt have a reason to lie to me by telling me that I’ve been holding up the tribe because... I have been. I think the move this week is to vote out Malik. We’ll see whats going on but I really think we might be doing that this week. Hopefully there’s a merge soon because I need to fucking be by myself!!!
My ass is for sure on the line tonight. I know that Malik is targetting me for being weak and all that so rn I’m just trying to get Scott 100% on board with voting me and Malik 100% certain that he is safe with me just in case there’s an idol and maybe if I’m too in my nerves and scared I have no qualms with throwing a vote on dani incade of a tie
youtube
You know what they say, another week safe,
That one didn't seem so easy, partially cause I sucked at it and mainly because I sucked major balls at it. But hey Mo and David saved our asses so yeeeeeeeeeeee boi. And not only that we also got reward but not really cause the only thing I got was a jpg image, and so did Felix David and Mo according to them which means either one of them is lying or Wes has it. Either way I guess it's not the end of the world.
So now Canute is going to tribal I wonder how that is gonna play out, a part of me wants Dani and Michael to be safe but another one wants rocks but at the same time another one would be jealous cause I wouldn't be a part of it and I could use some rocks in my life. Either way that's it for now folks now if you excuse me Felix wants to kidnap me and introduce me to the spooky facebook wikia comunity, spooky shit indeed.
So WOOOOOOOO this is the first tribal of the season that i'm not attending which is amazingggg and feels so good to finally have a break!! Plus like I honestly LOVE my tribe rn bc everyone is so iconic and fun and we even made a charlie's angels thing bc its so iconic... ugh love them BUT if it came down to tribal I think I would be okay still since i've really worked on rhys and we have a 3 dude gay guardians alliance of me, rhys, and ryan even tho im not even gay but they dont need to know that...
my boy scott is in tribal rn but i hope he comes out okay!!! if he doesn't well oops idc bye bitch but if he does then yay!!
Tonight I am absolutely terrified I think the votes are gonna be on Malik but you just never know so my best plan is just to hope for the best and campaign to stay I’m not just gonna sit back and get eliminated especially this close to a merge situation where I know I’ll be in a good position to make it far.
im legit gunna die im so nerv and i shouldnt be. LIKE. I TRUST THAT MICHAEL HAS MY BACK. AND MALIK ISNT VOTING ME. SO IT SHOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO GO. BUT I DONT THINK THAT FOR SOME REASON. all i can think of in the back of my mind is what if michael and dani flip on me and its 2-1-1.. but theres nothing i can literally do bc if i vote michael and stay our relationship is gone lol
ughhhh i should just be positive but its so hard bc even if malik goes.. i feel awful LMAAOAOOA but like. uhm. yes ): i feel awful
Scott as much as I like the guy I can for sure see he lets his emotions dictate how he plays and while that’s not necessarily bad it’s difficu when you’re trying to blindside someone and he could just run and tell Malik so the nerves are here and out to play hunny
My thing is I think it’s is going to go to rocks. Which is why we were worried about that when linus left but it’s real. Dani we don’t wanna vote each other, hell everyone says they don’t want to vote me which is always weird for me to hear but if that’s true good if they’re all voted me then nasty.. but I don’t want to vote Dani and I definitely don’t want to vote Scott..so that kinda leads to Michael which I don’t want to vote either but I have reasons: the main reason is the past couple of challenges he’s done the worst in, and if we need to survive incase there’s no swap or merge then we need all the strong members here.
I feel a bigger bond with Dani and Scott vs Michael who I feel is cool but I don’t feel we’re clicking on a better level. And it’s not even a tribe thing it’s literallt what I feel could save us from tribal, and how don’t i know if Dani and Michael won’t vote me out right after Scott leaves? So basically what’s happening is it’s likely going to be a 2-2 on Michael and Scott, and I’m not changing my vote. So I’ll likely go to rocks and lose but that’s ok. I did my best and it could be a stupid move but I don’t wanna risk Dani and Michael voting me out if we lost again, because I’d hope Dani wouldn’t but you never know. So rocks here we come!
Malik is voted out 3-1.
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Positivity
Today will be great,
And i know i have to stay chipper.
I need to take time,
And relax every now and then.
I put too much on myself,
And i worry all the time,
But thats okay,
As long as i relax sometime.
I know it will be hard,
And i know its going to be a long time,
But i have friends to help me,
On this long hard road.
Although life seems sad,
And i feel so alone,
I have friends to guide me,
Along this seemingly lonely road.
My family doesnt know,
How upset ive been.
Its okay that they dont,
They dont need to worry anyway.
I have to open my eyes,
And really look around.
That way i can realize,
Exactly what ive found.
I have found friendship,
And i have found heart,
I have found life again,
Deep in this part.
I just have to be patient,
Nothing happens quickly.
Good things are worth waiting for,
Even if it seems to be,
That time makes it worse.
All i need now,
Is a plan for life.
A rare spark of optimism,
In this dark and dreary life.
I have to look,
And hold onto the light,
No matter how far it falls.
And i need to know that the light,
Will always be there to guide me,
Even if it isnt in the way i would hope.
I have to hold onto my hope,
And the life that i live,
Because i have to remember.
I have to remember everyone that would be hurt,
If i did something bad,
And over reacted.
Life isnt over,
Its only just begun.
It just takes time,
And patience.
Someday things will be okay.
But, until then,
I just have to wait.
I have to find help,
And hopefully it works,
Because i have to be strong,
If not for me,
For everyone else.
I should worry about myself sometimes,
Even though its not my nature,
And i have to start liking myself,
As hard as that will be.
I have to realize that i am many things,
But bad is not one.
I am a nice person,
And apparently,
A good looking one.
Im not as overweight as i think,
And i am not a terrible person.
Im not a fuckup,
Who cant get anything done.
I am useful,
And i have meaning,
And i need to stick around.
There are people who need me,
Even if they dont know it yet.
I can still dedicate myself to helping others,
But i need to help myself too,
Even if i cant see it,
The help may come from within,
It may come from one of the guys,
It may come from a girl,
But i know,
That one day,
I have to be better.
Because you never know,
I just may need,
To help you.
FIN
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Jellybean, forger of friendship, and dnd god dont read this
I dont like heights.
Theres no mind numbing terror, or panic inducing fear, just thoughts. Bad ones. Whispers as soft as the breeze blowing above a building, or gales that howl like they must when a falcon dives for prey.
Ive always wanted to fly. The freedom, the exhilaration, the knowledge that i could go anywhere, do anything, and no one could catch me.
I dont me fly as in soar, i mean fly as in escape. Escape school, escape parents, escape crushing expectations and disappointment and my own inadequacies in a perfect parabola off the edge.
It’s cowardly, i know, and wasteful of my friends’ investment, of my parents’ investment, but ive come to terms with my cowardice long before this point.
Late at night, i sometimes look out the window and think about it. About flying, about dying, about how easily one could bleed into the other. I think about taking a leap of faith.
Ive never stepped out, ive never even touched the roof of the house.
I still think about it though, and doing so pulls up a writhing mix of longing and fear and shame in my chest.
Ive read stories about flying. Birdmen, homestuck, all sorts of poems and lyrical prose. Sometimes it makes me feel better.
Sometimes it makes me want to jump.
Sometimes its both.
I havent tried. Not yet. I have more stories to read, i have friends to talk to, i have my own stories with their own characters and motifs and plots and arcs still locked in my head. If i die then not only do i rip out pieces of my friends, but i kill my kids.
I have a responsibility to those kids. If i cant live for myself quite yet, then at least i can live for them. They deserve to be heard.
Maybe thats why i havent written about them yet.
Selfish? Maybe. But at this point its better than the alternative.
Im glad i have friends, and stories, and decent internet access. Theyre solid anchors they keep me from floating up into a world unbound by others and their perceptions.
People give me flack for daydreaming sometimes. For being spacy, for spending too much time on my phone or computer or in a cottony cloud of detachment and not enough studying. My parents, in particular, always lecture about the future, and how i will build it (for me? For them? For the family? Its all blurred, as if the ink making up our contract has bled through the paper until everything is a soggy, unreadable mess). I have to get my act together, i have to care more, put more effort in, i have to work harder or else im going to fail later on, i cant coast like this, or i’ll never have a happy future, i have so much potential, why am i wasting it on daydreams and unsubstantial children’s games and inconsequential conversations with others, your brother could work hard, he could focus, why cant you
(he did. He also had to go visit a college counselor, and he changed majors soon after freshman year, much to their fury. Hes cautious around them when he wasnt before, almost strained, like i am now).
(hes not fucked up about it. I dont know if im overreacting or not. Regardless, the breeze wont shut up so i guess it doesnt matter)
I dont think they realize how much im struggling to stay in the present.
I dont know if i should tell them. Probably not. Theyd say its all in my head-of course it is, but the intent still stings.
They love me. They believe they do. They are trying to give me opportunities they never had. They arent abusive or anything. I know this. I know, but i still feel like a fuckup, like a lazy piece of shit, i am really, i should be studying right now, but im typing instead, this needs to get out, i need to put this into words or the sludge will eat me apart.
I want to fly so much. It hurts to look up or down, to see it so close and yet so far away. Like the ultimate wanderlust, almost.
Not yet. Im not going yet. I have friends who care. I cant do that to them.
I have a job to do. I have people to protect, in a way.
I wont die. Not fucking yet.
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