So I know we all love Jonathan, and he obviously loves and respects Mina as an equal, and he's generally a good person, especially given the times, but we should also remember that he's a Victorian man of a certain social standing in a novel contemporary to the times, and adjust our expectations accordingly instead of elevating him onto a pedestal as an idealized exception.

I'm not saying you can't feel frustration or disappointment, and of course we're going to interpret things through our own modern eyes, and no one should like the paternalism, but I think some parts of the fandom took the wife guy thing past memes and ended up projecting an overly idealized image of a progressive modern man with feminist values onto him and the text - and I understand why, but considering he is a Victorian man written by a Victorian man during Victorian times within a Victorian social milieu, it's not surprising, and honestly, it would be far more surprising if he did behave like he was written by a progressive feminist writer today.

Also, this is not a defence of his attitude and behaviour, but putting things into social and textual context, his paternalistic protectiveness towards Mina would, at the time, be considered a genuine kindness and respect towards women from men, so if Jonathan is supposed to be a good man who loves her, it makes sense he was written this way in a contemporary novel. I've also written at length about how paternalistic misogyny is very much tied to race and class, which I won't get into here again, but suffice to say, amidst the misogyny, a white Christian middle-class woman is at least seen as worthy of protection, a consideration not afforded to women with even less privilege.

Likewise, from a character perspective, given his own experiences with Dracula, it's consistent with his character and trauma that while he respects her intelligence, bravery, and skills, he doesn't want her to be directly involved with the danger of confronting Dracula directly, though we see how that ironically works out for both him and Mina, unfortunately.

Finally, while Stoker is obviously a bigot in every way, and it shows throughout the text, it's also important to remember that surprisingly, he and the text do not always agree with the characters' thoughts and actions, and all of these characters - including Jonathan - are meant to be complex and flawed. That's not saying you can't be upset about it, but not every terrible moment by the heroes in the book is meant to be read as a good thing where Stoker is just out of step with his modern audience.