#but goddamn when I found out the lyrics and the context I was so fucking mad. thats some awful fucked up bullshit like I cant even begin
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I have incomprehensible thoughts rn about how many classic American folk songs are kinda fucked up (and many are "sanitized" for modern listening to be less fucked up), and it's wild that we just, teach these songs to children without any context or anything? like, clementine is about a miner's daughter DROWNING TO DEATH as he watches helplessly? Old folks at home is a fucking RACIST AF ass song written by a white dude in the perspective of a slave who has been freed who misses his life on a plantation? when John Henry was sang by miners it often had ad-libbed, graphic lyrics about having sex with women at the end of the work day (as a way to motivate themselves and get them through the hell that was mining in the 1800s), and a lot of our modern versions are just super sanitized? like I get its hard to explain a lot of that shit to kids but like, its often never revisited and those songs are just left as sanitized, incoherent childhood introductions to America when they actually all have great amounts of value and history when put into context!!
#I will die on this hill that American folk music is an important part of history and it makes me sad it gets left behind and sanitized#its original meaning should not be incomprehensible and forgotten. even if it is extremely ugly and vile; or even if its really dark and sa#like in order for the country to reconcile with its evil and paiiiinful past we need to ACKNOWLEDGE IT and stop trying to sanitize it#anyways. fun facts clementine was a favorite song of mine as a child and I still hold it near and dear to my heart. and dont get me STARTED#ON OLD FOLKS AT HOME#that song is soooo racist but I learned it in a cello positions book so I didn't know the lyrics or context for YEARS after I learned it#and I always thought it was such a hauntingly beautiful song cause musically IT IS. SO GOOD.#but goddamn when I found out the lyrics and the context I was so fucking mad. thats some awful fucked up bullshit like I cant even begin#and idk it makes me upset to think about the context but also I think it really important we recognize that was really the true atmosphere#at the time and that was our country. Stephen foster is an American folk legend and he wrote that awful racist song. he is great at his art#form but is not separate from his place in time. he was a racist even if he was progressive at that moment in hisotry.#and that is our country. and idk like I think that that adds even more pain to that song and it makes it even more painful to listen to#and thats why we need to not forget it and listen to it to fucking remember and acknowledge how we got here and what we came from#I hate that song and I love that song but I hate it and ughhhhh I wish I hadn't learned it on cello and loved the melody for years#cause its gross af. but also like#its where we came from so I shouldn't hate our history cause thats ignorant and not productive#anwyays#googoogajoob
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Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy
By: Queen
anytime i refer to them as gay I mean that with our silly human terms. obviously. an angel and a demon dont apply to our silly little terms.
im so gay :>
this is filled with typos and ramblings. i wrote this at 2:00am. apologies.
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this is a surface level rant on my part. honestly if i had the time and research skills id look up the context of why this was written and how its been used in media up till this point. honestly i might. either way its fairly surface level.
This song is heard when Crowley is going back to Aziraphale in season 2 after he found out about the book of life erasing thing. After listening to this song I have to say. THIS IS AMAZING. obviously the song is good its queen.
Crowley's songs are always queen songs and given the title and given Aziraphales regular dress and general pop culture knowledge i think we know who the “good old fashioned lover boy” is.
This is obviously a romance song but similarly to “A Nightingale Sang In Berkeley Square.” the lyrics fit their relationship so nicely!!! (as well as being an absolute bop. LISTEN TO THIS GODDAMN SONG. i like the part at 1:44. so cheery!!!)(also this is why Neil Gaimen is AWESOME such small details in the fucking SONG a fucking BENTLEY plays.)(its like 1:09am and im still up after not getting sleep last night and prob none today so ima go on tangents like this hehe)
“Dining at the Ritz, we'll meet at nine
(One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine o'clock) precisely
I will pay the bill, you taste the wine
Driving back in style, in my saloon, will do quite nicely
Just take me back to yours, that will be fine
Come on and get it”
like come on man. “Dining at the Ritz” its Aziracrows THING. their whole routine is dine at the ritz, Aziraphale eats and crowley drinks copious amounts of alcohol, Crowley is always seen paying the bill (or doing something of the sort), they drive in a cool fucking bentley (with a James Bond bullet hole window screen insert), and they go back to Aziraphales bookshop. and the “that'd be fine” matches Aziraphales general attitude when inviting Crowley back to his place in the 1st season and in older flashbacks. Now thats the most obvious. there are many other examples of lyrics that very conveniently match to them.
“Say the word, your wish is my command”
throughout history when Aziraphale and Crowley met up they did favors. whether it be making Hamlet successful, performing magic on the west end stage, getting holy water (“You go too fast for me Crowley.”YOU MF AZIRAPHALE WHYYYY) or magicing away some paint on a very old well kept jacket. they always do things like this for each other. focusing solely on Crowley's perspective he, throughout history, has always been the one to accept Aziraphales requests with little to no complaints. (until Armageddon i suppose)
even in season 2 he lets Aziraphale use his bentley. Although there is some bickering there, he still lets it happen. He doesn't sell books while Aziraphale is away and he even carries them around (the sleeve garters are a whole other thing in this scene)
now realistically the “good old fashioned lover boy” is, im sure, referring to both of them. also the song just feels gay. just listen to it. its gay. i swear.
Now. not saying it matches perfectly. obviously it doesn't but even the GO fandom links the two pieces of media on occasion(see second link). they are inexplicably connected, whether its false pattern recognition (i have currently forgotten the proper term for that. T-T) or intended by mr gaiman i think its so intriguing that the songs picked to play fit so nicely into the deeper narrative. this. is good media
“Write my letter, feel much better
I'll use my fancy patter on the telephone”
Essentially means smooth talking on the phone. Which you have to admit Crowley does to Aziraphale quite often. And Aziraphale writes letters. honestly its cute. specially im thinking of season 1 when Aziraphale is writing a note to Crowley while they are on the phone. its later in the season in the last ditch rush to stop the antichrist.
I used the bit of lyrics that fit them the best in the beginning of the rant. and time for my least convincing point. the vibe just fits them so well. the slightly old school beat with simple romantic lyrics. Its not anything overtly sexual. just the simplicities of romance. IT FUCKING FITTSSS!!!!
There is so much more but i dont want to make this 10000000000000000000 paragraphs long and i have other good omens stuff i want to rant about:>
just my opinion on a silly song that appears for like a minute in the show!
#good omens#ineffable husbands#crowley#aziraphale#queen#i am not okay#bad at tags#ineffable idiots#these two are going to be the death of me#it did this and got 2 days in a row with no sleep#this show is so good#song analysis#media analysis?#essay rant thing#i might be reading too much into it#but as a fandom that is what we tend to do#i suppose#Youtube
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Okay, since I see a lot of people either straight up panicking or saying that Caduceus’ playlist is straight up depressing (neither reaction I get)....I’m gonna offer a different reading of the songs here, how does that sound?
Death Bed Salesman - This is straight up about Caduceus’ family and his upbringing. His father even says some of the lyrics almost word for word in ep 96. Growing up surrounded by death and all the rituals created for the living left behind made Caduceus into the person he is. ‘This is how it has to end/So love somebody while you can’ like talk about a thesis statement for Caduceus’ outlook.
How are You Doing - Wow this song is pulling double duty. Caduceus is not a character who likes burdening other people with his own problems, preferring to keep a calm, polite distance between others and his feelings. The style of this song harkens over to Jester, it’s very bubbly and sweet sounding. Of course, this is also one of Jester’s primary issues (someone please tell the clerics they can be people with problems too). Now, if you do what I did and go watch the music video for this song, two things will stick out. One is the increasing ridiculous scenarios the singers find themselves in while going about their day to day lives juxtaposed against their ‘nothing’s wrong, everything’s fine’ lyrics. Two is the fact that these singers come out at the end of the song together, they have triumphed over the madness and nothing stopped them from doing what they wanted and needed to do. This song encapsulates early Caduceus, while he was getting a feel for the Nein and being drowned every other second, ultimately his contributions to the Pirate Arc were fundamental to the group’s success.
Vegetables - Honestly, this song just reminds me of that early conversation with Fjord in the Sour Nest. Caduceus is cooking omelets and just casually asks Fjord if he could look for veggies down in the torture chamber since it would ‘make a good root cellar.’ Fjord is so caught off guard by this request, and understandably so, he just repeats ‘Roots?’ Caduceus then just lists off root vegetables like Fjord’s an idiot. Oh, Cad. XD Honestly I like that the beat line is being made by vegetable chomping, it just feeds into the ‘Caduceus is a giant magical cow man’ vibes and I love it.
When the World is at Rest - Xhorhaus! In the middle of that street! Xhorhaus! In all seriousness, this song pulls double duty as well. ‘I miss the sun but the moons will do in a pinch’ anyone? The first and most obvious thing this song reminds me of is when the group is given the house and Caduceus asks, ‘are we putting down roots here?’ With the single act of planting that tree on the tower, Caduceus turned the house into the Mighty Nein’s home. Can’t get your deposit back after that, after all XD. I think of how this home in the dark has sheltered and protected the Nein so many times. I think of them befriending Essek and how that wasn’t part of the plan (you know, like Caduceus himself). I think of how their plans to end the war were hatched in darkness, how violated they all felt when one of their own was taken and when another was assassinated under cover of night, because the darkness had come to feel safe to them. I think of how much the Nein has blossomed since this house became their home, since they all had a place to go back to that was theirs. I think of how the Nein has given the world a breather, a chance to rest, all because they returned a beacon and befriended a traitor.
Wildflowers - So, there are a couple of interpretations of this song. One is setting a lover or loved one free from your own feelings and letting them go. Another is that the singer is trying to find a place to bury a loved one (’that home by and by’ around where I live and grew up is a roundabout reference to heaven). Honestly, both interpretations are apt for Caduceus. He does his best to not burden others with his worries and feelings, he was the one who stayed home, which granted his siblings the freedom they needed to leave, etc. The second interpretation fits Caduceus as well because we know one of his secret hopes is that the Nein will let him tend their bodies and graves when the time comes. And now I’m gonna put on my TeaHaw hat for a goddamn minute bc holy heck, this is such a good song for both of them, Caduceus reminding Fjord that he deserves freedom and his beloved sea again, Fjord teaching Caduceus to follow his heart and embrace new experiences. ‘I have seen no other/Who compares with you’ really fits their complimentary and praise styles with each other. Thank you, Tal.
Never did No Wandering - Don’t have much to add to what Taliesin said about the song. For once. I think of Caduceus’ loneliness in the Grove and his regret that he didn’t leave sooner. I think of how he could only leave in the context of duty, of just how much his duty as a grave cleric to Melora has defined and shaped his understanding of himself. I think of how long it took for him to voice his own desires and wants. I think of how he insists he isn’t wandering, that he is following a pre-ordained path. I think of how much work he still has to do when it comes to knowing what he wants and making peace with getting it just for his own sake. Also, hello more sailors.
When You Get to Ashville - Oof, so this song works both ways for Caduceus, both as the singer and the subject of the song. I think of him, home alone for ten years, wondering what was going on with his family, if they were safe (he knew they weren’t, he knew what it took to keep them from him), how he didn’t actually want to know unless he could help. As the subject, I see his family, having only been away for what was maybe two years for them, looking at the changes in him in awe and confusion. Nothing’s changed for them but boy howdy has Caduceus changed. The homebody has left the nest and saved them all and he very obviously doesn’t want to go home yet if at all. Caduceus has waited so long to get them back and to be a family again yet when the time comes, he can’t bring himself to return, as the singer implies about the subject. He knows his family will be there to catch him if he needs it but I think this episode is where it really hit him that he’d been trying to recreate a past that never could be again because he could never go back to being who he was.
Fuck it I’m a Flower - Another Caduceus anthem. Upbeat with a few melancholy lyrics. You can take it as the singer divorcing themself from humanity or you can take it as the singer using flowers as a metaphor for their growth into someone who becomes more involved (the singer goes from not marching to taking on other people’s pain from their place of safety to fully embracing the movement to change things while they can). I don’t have any context for this song but it really freaking reminds me of those protest photos where a protester offers a flower to the riot police (fuck the police). Caduceus is blossoming into a man who genuinely cares about the wider world and the people within it. Not just abstractly, which I would argue he did back in the Grove. But being up close to the ordinary folks in the Dynasty, in the Empire, the Coast, has given him a new perspective on not just his place but where he wants to stand. I think of Jester’s conversation with him back in Oh Captain Who’s Captain, the world is much bigger and messier than Caduceus could have ever dreamed. I think of Caduceus befriending and being kind to their crew and Avantika’s. I think of ‘Nott, you went to find help, we’re here to help.’ I think of ‘one day someone will pray for a miracle and that prayer will be answered because you showed up, that’s what this is all about.’ From rescuing Yeza to saving Giants to shattering the chains binding two of his friends to bringing peace to two warring nations to separating justice from vengeance, just look at where he is now: no longer passive or uncertain of how they can contribute to the world, Caduceus and the Nein have brought so much good into it. Caduceus knows where he stands now. Some people say that he’s the Nein’s moral compass and I disagree with that entirely, he’s become the courage to act on their moral compasses.
Oh Bury Me Not - Okay, so I know this is where some listeners start to get antsy with all the death talk in this song and the ones after it so breathe, it’s fine. Caduceus is a Grave Cleric, y’all. Tal says that this song is an expression of Caduceus’s religious beliefs, which, uh, yeah. There is no stained glass in the Blooming Grove temple, they do all their work outside the traditional structures of religion and civilization and do it gladly, etc. The ending Bury Me Not, okay, guys, Caduceus is the singer here, not the kid being sung about. It really drives home the Wildmother’s philosophy on death: when you’re dead, you’re dead and you have no say over what happens to the corpse left behind. I think of the corpse of the Great Hero and the founding of the Blooming Grove, the Menagerie, and the Kiln. I think of Caduceus’ onscreen death and how through it, he finds his path to the Kiln. I think of him reviving Fjord. I think of him and this island and how much of a perversion it is of the ‘natural order’. Also, just given how much Fjord has impacted has impacted Caduceus’ ideas of faith and signs and stuff, it’s so fitting that this piece is here. I also think cowboys and how Tal said he’d planned on using the Ocean Burial before he came across this, I see you, Tal.
September Song - So that build up, huh? I think of Caduceus and the Nein readying themselves for a battle to the death to save Yasha and stop Obann. I think of all the close-calls and near misses. I think of how every day, these people choose over and over and over to stay together, in spite of the coming winter, in spite of the obvious danger, in spite how much safer they would all be if they went their separate ways and planted their heads in the sand. I think of how that, their time, is the most precious gift any of them could give the others. This is not a sad thing, by the way. All these people, who have been so badly wounded by others, who are so skittish and so distrustful and so guarded, choose to stay together over and over again. No matter the hardship. They choose to spend their lives together, they choose to be better together and for each other.
22 (Over Soon) - Guys, this is 100% an Episode 95-96 song. 100%, no question in my book. I think of what Caduceus doesn’t say to his family. I think of what he does say. I think of how overwhelmed he is when the Nein saves them, I think of how he can only muster ‘It’s been a long time.’ (All these years) I think of him trying so hard to be given permission to stay with the Nein without explicitly asking for it, the subtext of ‘would you forgive me if I don’t come home yet’ threaded through his every interaction with his family. I think of how Caduceus hands the seeds over to his sister and tells her to be the hero the Grove and their family needs. I think of how easily and willingly he gave up what he’s called his destiny and charge since the beginning in order to stay with the Nein. This is Caduceus saying good-bye once and for all to the dreams of things going back to the way they were. I think Caduceus had been hoping that his family had changed just as much as he had. I think if they had, he might have gone back with them. But they haven’t changed and he has. So he can’t go home. Not yet. He cloaks his desire to stay with the Nein once more in duty but make no mistake, it’s desire that’s keeping him with them, people who may not understand him but who try and who are there and who accept the new person he has become. The build-up Tal was talking about? This is it. The moment where Caduceus first puts himself and his desires above what he thinks is his duty. The moment that Caduceus fully realizes how much he has changed and what an earth-shattering revelation it is.
We’ll Meet Again - Meetings and Partings have always had a special place in Caduceus’ arc, especially metatextually. He was the character who replaced another, who was rescued from his static seclusion by three of the Nein and who in turn rescued the three captive members. I think of how this song is a promise that, come what may, the singer will do their damnedest to return and make that promise a reality. I think of all the weird and wonderful people Caduceus has met in his short time outside the Grove. I think of all the shop keeps who just love this pink fuzzball and how many times they tell him to come back. I think about the Dusts, the meeting and parting and sanctuary they gave him. I think about Reani and Nila and how his kindness to them has come back threefold (Reani escorting his family home, Nila protecting the Grove). I think about Essek. I think about how driven Caduceus became to reforge the sword after Yasha was taken, to bring her home. I think of Caduceus prodding the Gentleman into reconciling with Jester. I think of his delight in the coincidences that keep lining up between him and Fjord. I think about Caduceus and Beau and how proud he is of her growth. I think of his declaration in the dome that ‘We aren’t done until we’ve saved each other.’
Enjoy It - And we wrap up our playlist with another Caduceus thesis statement: don’t worry about the things you can’t change, find the goodness and light in all of your experiences. If it’s meant to be easy, it will be and if it’s meant to be hard, it will be hard. You’re the green bean and you can choose to become jaded at the storms or enjoy the water flooding your roots. This song also fits the lightness we’ve seen from Caduceus since sending his family home. His big quest, his reason for leaving home, has been fulfilled (so he thinks, pretty sure Molaesmyr will be calling in the Nein’s near future) so now he can just sit back, relax, and fully enjoy the ride.
TL;DR - Growing up and moving on is hard and painful but it is also triumphant and necessary. Learning to be who you are and to place yourself on your list of priorities is a journey full of quiet work that few rarely glimpse. Caduceus’ whole arc has been about who he is and what he’s going to do with the strong moral compass he’s got - Is he going to continue to live in the world, even with all the pain, struggle, joy, and goodness that comes with it, or is he going to retreat from it, go back to his little patch of green and forget about it? All signs point to the former, not the latter. In tarot, Death means transformation and sweeping change even more than it does literal death. Caduceus’ playlist is all about the transformation of his self even as he remains true to his core beliefs.
#cr spoilers#caduceus clay#caduceus#cr playlist#caduceus playlist#ohmygod what am i doing with myself#this is what happens when i get annoyed#i write thousands of words about a fucking playlist#theyre good songs brent#theyre not depressing just bc they include death metaphors#there is so much love#and light#and beauty#and i really hope this helps others see that#critical role#cr2
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Ape Dos Mil Extended Chapter Notes
6 / 9 Pure Love
Hyperlinks appear in blue (underlined on mobile and the dashboard). The story is posted here. Direct link to this chapter is here.
As it turned out, when James had to go dark for 48 hours, it pushed Teresa deeper into the cave. James sat in a hotel room on the other side of town while Teresa bought a hotel. James looked into Isidro Navarro while Teresa got ready to make her pitch to the guy and expand her business to Europe. While she dined, James was on the wrong side of the day.
When I first introduced lyrics from Glassjaw’s “Ape Dos Mil” into the story in the second chapter, I mentioned it was the lyrics and mood of the song overall that inspired the story. This paragraph is borrows from the main verse of the song:
Yeah, it's over
You can bet in mid October
I will still be ranting 'bout most early May
Yeah, he's a winner
He's a goddamn sinner
While he dines I'm on the wrong side of the day
And I said, "I don't understand why I'm fumbling after"
You're the reason i cannot forget this season
Or the letter when you first referred to it
She was going to go her own way, make all the deals, gain more more more. James had to be down for that not just because he was in love with her, but because he had a higher purpose—thanks to the universe—when it came to Teresa. But James wished she didn’t go around ignoring all the signs of danger. He wished she didn’t walk around like nobody was going to break her heart or like she could elude death. Hadn’t she learned, losing Tony, that the #1 special on the menu in the underworld was breaking hearts, one way or another?
There’s a Mac Miller song, “My Favorite Part” with these words: You walk around so clueless to it all. Like nobody gonna break your heart. It'll be alright babe, see, me, I got you covered. I'm gon' be your lover, you might be the one.
So the line in the paragraph about queenpin Teresa walking around like nobody was going to break her heart is a reference to that. There’s also a line in the song that goes, The universe couldn’t keep us apart--why would it even try? Very soulmate-y but different in that for Jeresa it is because of the universe they are soulmates.
But nothing moved Teresa. She didn’t let up. She wasn’t going to confess to using, since she was going out of her way to hide it. She didn’t own up to the responsibility of being targeted and putting them all in danger unnecessarily because she had to have Europe.
The first line of this paragraph is sort of a reference to the album Still Nothing Moves You by Ceremony.
Teresa was screaming, to feel the pressure in her throat, to drown out the noise in her head, when she took to the neatly pressed blazers along the back of the closet. She ripped as many off the hangers as would go, letting the different shades of white pool at her feet on the carpet. The jewelry station was next—earrings, necklaces, and rings ripping into her hands before she decided there were too many for a few handfuls, picking up the entire velvet drawer insert tray and dumping it to the side, fully enraged.
When she swung her arm around, Teresa caught a glimpse of herself in the full-length three-way mirror. Her breath caught in her throat. She saw herself, and there, over her shoulder, was herself—the girl from Culiacán.
“You forgot the most important thing is survival. You have to get out of here,” the girl pleaded. “You have to go. Run.”
So, uh, I changed a lot from canon. In 5x07, the scene cuts soon after Teresa yells “Fuuuuuuuuuck!” and throws her phone. In the next scene of Teresa, she’s in the sitting area of her room doing coke, and when she looks up at the mirror across from her, that’s when she seems old Teresa in flannel.
I had this scene planned out in my head before 5x07 aired and I always thought, when Teresa found out Boaz killed George, she would react violently and destroy her closet. So here in the story, Teresa is still inside her closet when old Teresa shows up.
“I’m not leaving without them,” Teresa told off the girl standing behind her in the too big flannel.
A reply never came but when Teresa looked back in the mirror, the girl was still standing there with terror in her eyes.
“I’m not leaving,” Teresa vowed.
The girl watched her. Teresa closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. It was the cocaine talking, the two big hits she’d taken while already upset. She knew that. But the girl remained, watching Teresa in silence.
In 5x07, Teresa has this conversation with Avi. But if she’s shut herself in her closet, then this conversation becomes a face-off with her former self. I think I like that better, actually.
It also eliminates the whole exchange with Avi saying James ordered for the plane to be ready and that Teresa should get out of the country immediately. After everything they’ve been through I don’t buy that James would take it upon himself to make that decision for her, regardless of how worried and protective he is. Sorry not sorry, canon, but that just doesn’t make sense for these characters.
Teresa wasn’t sure if she sat there for minutes or hours. She paid no attention to how much light was streaming in through the window. In silence, the tears flowed and brought her back down to earth. She only knew a significant amount of time had passed when the white noise stopped ringing in her ears and a familiar burning feeling took hold in her chest.
That was the universe’s doing. It meant James was back.
She heard indistinct chatter from outside the closet in the main room. She listened closer. There was James’ gravelly voice, then a pause, followed by Pote, low and gruff. They exchanged words and then came a third voice, higher in pitch with a familiar Texas Southern drawl—Kelly Anne.
Teresa sighed. They were back. She’d never been so thankful for the hurt in her chest.
More changes to canon. James gets to Kelly Anne and Pote before Boaz and makes sure they get back to the safe house.
Here’s the thing. I hate the whole kidnapping plot of 5x08 and think it’s unnecessary. Much of the episode is spent on Pote grunting and yelling nonsensically, making lame threats. And what happens? Pote doesn’t save the day. Kelly Anne saves herself. I haven’t even mentioned the fact that Teresa calls Boaz and tells him she’ll give him the business (and she was not bluffing, by the way) as long as he lets Kelly Anne go.
Omg. The action of 5x08 is fine. We get to see James in green. But the actual story...the plot of it...what the fuck is the point? The majority of the episode is wasted on Kote (the season is pretty much #Kote of the South at this point) when really it should focus on Teresa, and on the Castel/Devon/Kostya stuff.
So yeah. I said hell no, unlike canon I refuse to let Kote take over in my story. The queenpin storyline gets abandoned completely in canon with no proper resolution for how Teresa gets back to herself. It’s like she goes from the queenpin, caring about nothing but the business, then suddenly remembers her true personality and is the old Teresa again.
And for what? All because of the kidnapping plot? No. Just no. I couldn’t do it.
Eliminating the KA’s kidnapping doesn’t eliminate the Boaz problem or the Kostya problem or the Devon problem. So I axed it.
She’d said the same less than a week ago in Berlin, looking over the city skyline. But this time it had no bite and sting.
There’s a song by Defeater called “The Bite and Sting” and the phrase in the second sentence above comes from that title. If for whatever reason you decide to listen to it, there’s a line in the song that goes We ain’t seen no Germans for days, because Defeater’s music is conceptual and tells interrelated stories over the span of their albums. The EP that “The Bite and Sting” is on, Lost Ground, is about a black WWII veteran. The song is about being in the war and that’s why the line I mentioned is there. Kind of ironic, because I was not thinking about the fact that Teresa said to James “say it” while they were in Germany.
Anyway, that was a longwinded explanation just to say: the context of the reference and the way the phrase is used in the sentence are not related.
Self-preservation had always been key for James’ survival, and over and over he threw it away for her. So his words hurt because they were honest, because they pointed out the mistakes she’d made when it came to him. But Teresa admired James for standing up for himself and showing his backbone. He was there for her—they were in this together—but he wouldn’t allow himself to be used. She had to prove herself, to somehow make amends. And she loved him for it, to be given the opportunity.
Because beyond striking the balance with herself, Teresa knew that if she wanted the pure love only soulmates who were lucky enough to find each other and chose to be together could have—not just tough love—then the days of shutting James out had to come to an end as well.
In the notes for Good Luck/Bad Days (a completely separate and unrelated story) I mentioned that one of the songs I ended up referencing, “Pure Love” by Hayley Williams was actually meant to be used in this story. I think pieces of the song fit better lyrically in Good Luck/Bad Days, but conceptually (are those different? I feel like they are different) it fits better here. So. That’s where the chapter title comes from.
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Okay so I'm balling over this goddamn song and destiel and I need to let you all know why so here it is: An Analysis of the Lyrics and Why They Fit Destiel Perfectly.
I just want to point out that Andrew Rannells (Whizzer) and Christian Borle (Marvin) perform this perfectly and I love them.
This is a very long post so be warned before you press that button.
It's important to have context so we can connect these two pairings together properly and bring more meaning out of this song like it deserves. So the main part of the synopsis says:
"Marvin, after Whizzer’s death, reflects on their relationship and how loving Whizzer has changed his life. Whizzer’s spirit come back, dressed as he was in the first scene, both commenting on how they changed each others lives and on the future they were robbed of."
Now let me just change some words here and we'll see how we all feel:
"Dean, after Cas’s death, reflects on their relationship and how loving Cas has changed his life. Cas’s spirit come back, dressed in his trenchcoat, both commenting on how they changed each others lives and on the future they were robbed of."
Are you crying yet? Don't worry we haven't even seen the lyrics yet.
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"[MARVIN]"
Now I'd like to start off by saying that Marvin has been with both men and women and he's struggled with his own internalized homophobia and has found it difficult to openly love Whizzer throughout the show.
The parallels are clear between Marvin and Dean.
"What would I do
If I had not met you?"
You can think of this two ways. One - What would Dean have done if Cas had not met him in Hell and saved him? Still getting tortured or more likely torturing others, an experience that he hated and wished to never live through again. The second (and I think better) way to think of this line is, when Dean met Cas on earth. How meeting Cas changed his life forever, opening him up to a whole new world of having someone who thought that he deserved to be saved and who gave up an entire army for him. Who proved his love and loyalty to him time and time again. So what would Dean have done if he had never met Cas on Earth? What if Cas never reached out to him after saving Dean from Hell?
A little bit later in this verse Marvin sings...
"There are no answers"
...in regards to this question. Because there really are no answers to what would Dean have done without Cas because we simply can't imagine it. The same goes for Dean. Cas has changed his life so much that it's impossible to imagine what his life would be like without Cas.
"Who would I blame my life on?"
When Christian Borle delivers this line on stage it's said with a small, sad laugh. Similar to how Dean uses humour to hide his feelings, Marvin does too.
"Once I was told
That all men get what they deserve
Who the hell then threw this curve?"
Despite everything Cas has done wrong, Dean and all of us know that Cas did not get what he deserved when the Empty took him. We believe he deserved to be happy with Dean and Dean thinks so too.
"There are no answers
But who would I be
If you had not been my friend?"
The word 'friend' here is what really ties it to Dean for me because they were friends first, they helped eachother through thick and thin before love started to seep in as well. Sure there was attraction from the beginning but it's about the fact that Dean's only shown to have one true, close best friend, and that's Cas.
"You're the only one
One out of a thousand others
Only one my child would allow"
Alright so this line I did struggle to link to destiel, I was thinking about Jack and Claire but they're Cas's children. But what if we think of the 'child' as Sam. Dean raised Sam so it's easy to see him as his 'child' and it's important to Dean that Sam accepts the people that he's friends with. This is even more important with Cas because Dean may want to have a relationship with him in the future and also Cas lives in the bunker... with them. Dean definitaly needs Sam's permission if he wants Cas to live in their home. It's clear that Cas and Sam are the people Dean cares about the most and to have Sam 'allow' Cas to stay in their home and share their space is something that's really important to Dean.
"When I'm having fun
You're the one I wanna talk to"
Cue every gif of Dean smiling while hanging out with Cas or talking to Cas over the phone.
"Where have you been?"
Where has Cas been for all of Dean's life? He completes Dean, builds up his self-confidence and assures him that he is wanted, needed and important. Just where has Cas been for all of Dean's life?
"Where are you now?
So on this note there's a beautiful key change into the next part and it just makes it so much more profound. (Also Dean has no gosh darn clue where Cas is, who tf is the Empty?)
"Who would I be
If I had not loved you?"
This moment is fucking beautiful. It's Dean finally speaking his truth and telling Cas, wherever he is, that he loved him. He loved Cas and that changed him for the better, made him into the person he is today.
"How would I know what love is?"
Dean has never been told so openly and honestly by anyone about how he is important, he's worthwhile and that he deserves to live a happy and full life, no one has done that besides Cas. No one has shown their loyalty and love to him in the most blatant and profound ways possible, giving up an entire army, rebelling against their own family, sticking by his side no matter what. Staying. How would Dean know what true love is without Cas constantly showing him what love means and what it feels like be loved fully and truly. Of course Dean has experienced love before, he's been in at least 2 other relationships (that I can think of off of the top of my head) but he's never felt love like the way he does with Cas.
"God only knows, too soon
I'll remember your faults
Meanwhile, though, it's tears and schmaltz"
Of course as Dean relives memories of Cas, he'll be reminded of all of his faults, all of the things he did wrong even when he thought that what he was doing was right (Leviathians, Lucifer). But for now, Dean will breakdown and cry and grieve but most of all he'll remember Cas and how much he loved him.
"[WHIZZER]"
Alright so Whizzer is a character who has never been shy about his sexuality, about how much he likes being with men. Similar to Cas who simply doesn't understand why people hide who they're attracted to until Dean came along and taught him differently.
"All your life you've wanted men"
I like to think that this line applies to both Cas and Dean and I'll explore that with the next two lines.
"And when you got it up to have them
Who knew it could end your life?"
This is getting a bit meta now. When Dean was so very close to finally speaking his truth on screen, he died. (And in some versions he does speak his truth but that's another story). There was no reason for Dean to die in the finale, who knew that when he finally shared that he loved another man he would be killed for no reason two episodes later.
This line can also be in reference to Cas's experience. When Cas was finally able to tell Dean that he loved him, when he finally gained to courage to not only share his feelings but also to have his happiness ripped away from him, he died. Dean and Cas both knew what was going to happen when Cas said those words. It wasn't a surprise, yet it still felt like one.
"[MARVIN]
I left my kid and left my wife"
This is the moment when I could not stop crying and thinking about destiel when listening to this song. Dean left Lisa and (totally not) his son in season 5.
"To be with you"
Of course it's a little bit of a stretch to say that Dean left Lisa and Ben solely for Cas (expecially since I think Dean realised his love for Cas in Season 7-8 so the timeline wouldn't make sense for me) but I like to think of this line from the perspective of Dean grieving Cas and looking back on how Cas changed his life. Of course he would remember that he left Lisa and Ben in order to be with Cas because that was 10 years ago and the memory is now muddled with grief, time and his now unwavering love for Cas.
"To be insulted by such handsome men"
This line just reminds me of the scene in the car when Cas and Dean are arguing (you know what I'm on about)
"[WHIZZER]
Do you regret—?"
Cas is asking Dean, do you regret loving me? Do you regret letting me into your life? Do you regret our friendship? It's beautiful to think that Cas feels vulnerable in this moment, he thinks that Dean regrets letting him into his life.
"[MARVIN]
I'd do it again
I'd like to believe that I'd do it again
And again and again..."
Now Dean's the one to build Cas back up, to assure him that he does not regret a thing. He's building up Cas's confidence and supporting him just like Cas has been doing for Dean.
"And
What more can I say?
[WHIZZER]
What more can I say?"
They're both lost for words, what do they say now? They know that they love eachother and they know that they won't be able to be together because of Cas's deal. What do you say in that situation?
"[MARVIN]
How am I to face tomorrow?"
Dean still has to continue living, without Cas. In 15x19 he's drowning himself in beer as he grieves the loss of Cas. How can he face tomorrow after Cas has confessed his love for him and then died in a matter of minutes? How can he face tomorrow knowing that saying that he loves Dean, that by having Dean know that someone loves him, is the happiest moment Cas has ever felt?
"[BOTH]
After being screwed out of today"
Haha screw...
"Tell me what's in store"
They're still looking to eachother for guidance and support despite the distance between them.
"[MARVIN]
Yes, I'd beg or steal or borrow"
Dean's turning to things that he can control in order to deal with his grief. Despite the finale ending I think it's widely accepted in the Destiel fandom that Dean would work night and day until he got Cas back from the empty.
"If I could hold you for
One hour more
[WHIZZER]
One hour more
[MARVIN]
One hour more
[WHIZZER]
One hour more
[BOTH]
One hour, one hour more"
Now that they know that they both love eachother, that they could have had everything they wanted if they just told one another. They're begging all of the higher powers that there are that they could enjoy what could have been for one hour. Simply relishing in the fact that they are happy and in love and that they are both wanted.
"[MARVIN]
What would I do
[WHIZZER]
What would I do
[MARVIN]
If I had not seen you?
[WHIZZER]
If I had not seen you?
[BOTH]
Who would I feast my eyes on?"
Once again I'm just thinking about the idea of that 'one hour more' and how they would constantly compliment one another and freely look at each other without shame or embarrassment and to just allow themselves to have everything that they wanted.
"Once I was told
That good men get better with age
[MARVIN]
We're just gonna skip that stage"
This can be seen two ways, one is that Cas simply cannot age and Dean is once again using humour to hide his grief. Or my favourite version which is that Dean never got to grow old with Cas, (I strongly believe that Cas would allow his vessel to grow old with Dean). Dean wanted to live a normal life, he wanted to get a job and stop hunting but most of all he wanted to grow old with Cas.
If you watch the live version of this song here: https://youtu.be/ZscL4LOLP7Y
You'll hear how Christian Borle's voice cracks when delivering this line.
The rest of the lyrics are repeats of lines that I've already covered.
And I'm done boys. Thank you for sticking with this very very long post but I needed to get this out somewhere.
I highly recommend watching Falsettos for yourself if you want to get a better insight into how Marvin/Whizzer and Destiel compare or if you just like the look of it.
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Billboards #1 1965
Under the cut.
Petula Clark – “Downtown” -- January 23, 1965
I love this song to bits. I don't entirely know why. Petula Clark obviously sings it wonderfully. There's that little bell that sometimes chimes in. There's a pattern to the song that makes it feel like Broadway, which is, of course, downtown. It's a fantasy version of a downtown in a big city. One thing I love about fantasy is a sense of place, and that's what this entire song is dedicated to. It's an unusual subject for pop music, and it's great.
The Righteous Brothers – “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling” -- February 6, 1965
How does one even talk about this song? It feels somehow eternal. This is Phil Spector's production at its best. But Bill Medley's singing is the point. This song is one of the greats.
Gary Lewis And The Playboys – “This Diamond Ring” -- February 20, 1965
Gary Lewis is Jerry Lewis' son. Unlike his father, he does not consist entirely of annoyance-producing molecules, but the song's not good either. In it, the guy's fiancee dumped him and he's selling the diamond ring. A boring, bland heartbreak song that belongs three years or so back.
The Temptations – “My Girl” -- March 6, 1965
My mom used to sing this song to me when I was a little kid. I think a lot of parents sing this song to their little girls; it's that kind of love song. Yet it's not irritatingly antiseptic. It's about true love. True love can be a lot of things. This song is every superlative you can think of. Brilliant in every aspect.
The Beatles – “Eight Days A Week” -- March 13, 1965
It's a good, but not great, Beatles song. Very fun, with a lot of interesting things musically, like the bassline (as usual) and whatever George Harrison does with his guitar.
The Supremes – “Stop! In The Name Of Love” -- March 27, 1965
Finally, Diana Ross actually sounds kinda pissed off. It's also got more of a rock edge. She's still begging, and not threatening to leave the guy's cheating ass. Yet, though there is no explicit threat, I feel like there is an implied ultimatum here.
Freddie And The Dreamers – “I’m Telling You Now” -- April 10, 1965
It sounds like this guy is exaggerating his English accent. Considering the British Invasion, probably. He cackles like a monkey on acid, which is the only interesting thing about the song, which is otherwise a bland love song. Though the cackle is interesting, that doesn't make it good. It's creepy. I don't like this one.
Wayne Fontana & The Mindbenders – “The Game Of Love” -- April 24, 1965
"The purpose of a man is to love a woman, and the purpose of a woman is to love a man." Whoo boy. Dated. But the song is 55 years old. Attempting to put that aside, the music is good. The lyrics sound pushy, though. Also it gets terribly repetitive at the end. Meh.
Herman’s Hermits – “Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got A Lovely Daughter” -- May 1, 1965
Was it once usual for guys to go to their ex-girlfriends' mothers to talk of their heartbreak after the girlfriend dumped them? This song is painfully "look how English I am! You Americans like to throw money at English pop singers, right?" It wears out its welcome quickly.
The Beatles – “Ticket To Ride” -- May 22, 1965
It's interesting how the Beatles seem to have matured five years in one. I can't imagine this group having performed "I Want to Hold Your Hand." The harmonies and rhythms in "Ticket to Ride" are far more complex, the sounds are more varied, and the lyrics are much more mature. His wife/girlfriend is absolutely determined to leave him, and he seems taken by surprise. Yet there are hints he shouldn't have been: "She would never be free when I was around." He goes on, "My baby don't care." Yet underneath there's the suggestion that she simply hasn't got it in her to care any more, because he's exhausted her. Layers of harmony and layers of meaning. It's an intelligent heartbreak song, and those are rare.
The Beach Boys – “Help Me, Rhonda” -- May 29, 1965
I know Brian Wilson was a musical genius but I usually don't like the Beach Boys. It's the lyrics. The narrator was dumped, now he's begging Rhonda to be his rebound. Lucky Rhonda. Then they sing "Help me Rhonda/ Help, help me Rhonda" about five dozen times. Not for me.
The Supremes – “Back In My Arms Again” -- June 12, 1965
Urgh. Don't listen to the Supremes' #1 hits close together. She's got her man back because she stopped listening to her friends' advice. In isolation, there's nothing wrong with that. After all the songs about rotten cheating assholes whom the narrator is desperate to keep, though, it's super uncomfortable. Also using the names of the two backup singers as the friends who give bad advice is in poor taste. And "Flo, she don't know, cuz the boy she loves is a Romeo"? You solely date Romeos! Taken alone, without the context of the other songs, it's good, though I still don't like the strange insult toward the backup singers. Taken with the rest of the Supremes' hits, though, I'm not happy. Especially considering these were all written by men.
The Four Tops – “I Can’t Help Myself (Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch)” -- June 19, 1965
The Supremes weren't the only people in Motown singing about being hopelessly in love with someone who treated them badly. That's what this song is about. I like it, though the line "I'm weaker than a man should be" is a bit wince-inducing these days. But it's an honest sentiment about how men often feel they're not allowed to be idiots over love, though that's a near-universal human experience. Anyway, good song.
The Byrds – Mr. Tambourine Man -- June 26, 1965
The original version of this song was by Bob Dylan, but the Byrds didn't like it, so they changed the sound and ditched a bunch of the lyrics. The lyrics they were left with don't matter at all. This is all about the music, especially the guitar. It's mellow without being soporific, groovy without requiring drugs to understand. It's nice.
The Rolling Stones – “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” -- July 10, 1965
The Rolling Stones were almost never nice. They went straight for the gut -- or gonads -- found all the nastiest things that people are afraid to say and embarrassed to feel, and hung them up on the front porch. "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction" sounds kind of silly today, since it's been played and overplayed so much. But that beginning riff still goes straight to the back-brain.
Two years before, pap like "Hey Paula" was clogging the airwaves. Funnily enough, it's the same subject matter: Goddamn I want to get laid. (The idea that Mick Jagger had trouble getting laid is pretty ridiculous, but anyway.) And then there's the critical bit about hating advertisements. They managed to stick a cultural criticism into a song that's about wanting sex. When you can't get no satisfaction, everything is annoying, and things that were already annoying to begin with start to feel unbearable. The Stones go harder in every way than any #1 before them.
Herman’s Hermits – “I’m Henry VIII, I Am” -- August 7, 1965
And here's the opposite. This song must be meant to be annoying, right? One of my friends and I used to sing it at our parents to drive them nuts, and that was before Ghost. It was their fault for exposing us to it in the first place.
Sonny And Cher – “I Got You Babe” -- August 14, 1965
Cher with Sonny is eternally confusing. Though their marriage didn't last, their love was real, and Cher was heartbroken when Sonny died. But anyway, the song. Sonny saying Cher has a "little hand" is goofy. Actually the whole song is kinda goofy, especially the beat that seems to be made of kazoos. Cher's got this powerful, deep voice, while Sonny has a squeaky little thing, but somehow they mesh. The sentiment is sincere, and a good picture of what it's like to be in a happy relationship. It's good.
The Beatles – “Help!” -- September 4, 1965
John Lennon was only 25 when he sang about being "younger, so much younger than today." But for the Beatles, that could have been two years before. They got so famous so fast and so young, I don't know how any of them lived through it. And that is what this song's about; Lennon called it a "public freak-out." But it's still universal. I love this song, and it helped carry me through some tough times.
Barry McGuire – “Eve Of Destruction” -- September 25, 1965
I remember when I first heard this song on the radio in the car with my mother, I asked her what "Old enough to kill/ But not for voting" meant. That's when I learned people used to not be able to vote until they were 21, though young men could be drafted at 18. I was absolutely stunned, and obviously it stuck with me. When you're a little kid, you tend to think the people in charge are generally fair. Then you find out that's not true at all. That's what this song is about, to me.
The McCoys – “Hang On Sloopy” -- October 2, 1965
Speaking of fair, I'm about to be totally unfair. I hate this fucking song. I had to play it endlessly in middle school band, and then I had to play it AGAIN in high school marching band. And the flute part in the arrangements was the most boring thing that has ever been conceived. I hate this song and I will not be listening to it or thinking about it more than this.
The Beatles – “Yesterday” -- October 9, 1965
Why do people in songs lose their significant others so often because they said something wrong and they don't know what it was? That can't be common. Anyway, this song is beautiful and sad. I'm kind of tired of all the covers of it though.
The Rolling Stones – “Get Off Of My Cloud” -- November 6, 1965
I'm listening to the original mono version of this, and mono sounds very strange these days. I keep wanting to check that my speakers are plugged in. Anyway, thanks to Jagger's marbles-in-mouth singing, I can't understand a word of this song except "Hey! you! get off of my cloud!" and I've never known the lyrics until now. And they're not important. Even the chorus isn't that important. This is all about the beat and the music, neither of which I find interesting for the entire length of the song. Not for me.
The Supremes – “I Hear A Symphony” -- November 20, 1965
A thoroughly happy Supremes song! I think Diana Ross is more suited to happy lovesongs than what she had been singing. She has a lot more emotion in her voice than she has before. The violins are lovely. I love this song.
The Byrds – “Turn! Turn! Turn!” -- December 4, 1965
I have always found this song slightly annoying. The Bible verse set to light pop thing doesn't do it for me. The music isn't anywhere near dramatic enough. This should be operatic, or heavy metal, or something else with serious weight. This is thin.
The Dave Clark Five – “Over And Over” -- December 25, 1965
This song is a bit of a throwback to three or four whole years before. It would have been good then. At this point, it's pretty boring. It's about going to a party he didn't want to go to, hitting on a girl, and getting turned down. The snare drum beat is very repetitive, and so is the melody. A big meh.
BEST OF 1965: "My Girl", with stiff competition. WORST OF 1965: "I'm Telling You Now"
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Absolutely Unnecessary Ranking of all the Aquababe Songs
Aquababes is probably the closest the Czech Republic will ever get to k-pop. Every year in March/May (yes, we’re past due this year!!) the magical time comes. Yes. The time when every single time you want to watch a video on YouTube, Aquababes start brainwashing you with a new annoying piece of shit that tries to pretend it’s music!
To give my non-czech followers some context, every year, Aquila, a company that sells water, sets up a giant casting luring in pretty girls to give them the magical opportunity to form a band with a lower lifespan than one of a new iphone. They record a song and release an MV in which they have to pretend water is the best fucking invention of all times. You then never hear of the girls again. Until now. It’s ranking time, bebeeeey!
Neříkej mi baby (2014)
youtube
Alright, listen. This was the first one. Nobody took it seriously. Honestly, this song slash ad annoyed the shit out of everyone for solid two months. The song is terrible, the lyrics don’t make any goddamn sense (seriously, when I found out Xindl X/Ondra Ládek helped write the lyrics i could not understand the FUCK he was doing when he came up with this!!!!), i dare to say gurls can’t sing very well since my trained ear hears a loooot of autotune, the dress would literally look good on NO ONE EVER and it all has this strange low-budget feeling... But hey, it was the first time and nobody took it seriously. Why the fuck not. 5/10, would play this on a wedding of someone i hate
Čistá jako láska (2015)
youtube
At this point we realized we, as society, have fucked up and there’s no escape. The second year in a row we got a water ad song stuck in our heads, the only difference being that this one rhymed LÁSKA with LÁSKA and LÁSKA. Hear me out tho. This is a good song. Musically speaking, it’s contemporary, fresh, and, i dare to say, that if it was sung by someone with at least a LITTLE interesting voice, it would hold up pretty well even in 2019. The only problem is the fucking lyrics don’t make any goddamn sense!!! WHO DID THIS! WHO DID THIS GODDAMNIT!!!! On the other hand, it’s the only video where the girls don’t look super awkward and kinda even nail the dancing ???? It’s definitely the best we’ve ever godden so i’m not gonna trash it too much. 8/10, would listen to it ironically
Nejsem další (2016)
youtube
At this point I obtained an adblock because shit was getting unbearable. This time we got a whole SHITTON of gurls who tried to sell us water. And sang another song to/about a guy. Or to/about water? I don’t know anymore, the second i heard “jsem nádherná přirozená, čistá krása, na tu chemie nemá”, my soul left my body. This time, the budget seemed to get slightly up, we got 6 girls, 5 outfits and -17 talent. Yay. Not saying girls can’t sing, but theres literally nothing memorable here except for the fact they’re all singing unisono and it’s not in sync. Also. Please. Don’t make them dance anymore. Stop their suffering. I beg you. -17/10, would purchase adblock again
Tvoje můza (2017)
youtube
I still remember looking at this for the first time and being like... the fuck..??? So this time we have 5 gurls on bungee ropes pretending they’re... waterdroplets? airplanes? Like, don’t get me wrong, I appreciate you heard my begging to not force dem gurlz into dancing, but THIS IS NOT WHAT I MEANT °u° Musically, the song is kinda outdated, this time, it’s not even catchy, it’s literally the only one i don’t remember the melody to. I hear too much autotune to believe they really choose the girls based on singing talent. And I, over all, just feel kinda sorry for the girls, who went through the demanding casting only to be dressed in the Ugliest Clothes TM and hang in the air in awkward positions. 0,5/10, i’m losing hope here.
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i’m not usually like this | shawn mendes
university au, shawn x goth gf
if theres anything you wanna see happen in this series, let me know!
masterlist | series playlist
It all started because he asked a simple question. “Do you ever wear anything that isn't black?”
I've heard this question many times in my life, from family members, to coworkers, to strangers in my classes. The context in which Shawn asked me, however, was different than normal; He was pulling off my sweatpants and noticed my dark underwear. I told him to shut up and proceeded to ride him into oblivion.
When I wasn't surrounding myself with a brick wall to keep me safe, when I was not being stone cold and expressionless, I was quite the sex fiend. I'll take it anytime, and just about anywhere. I mean, you already know the story of those three hours Shawn and I spent in my bedroom, knowing that my roommate was home. That's not even the worst of it. We've had sex in his car, my car, outside my car, my living room, his kitchen, a bar bathroom, and a stranger's dorm room.
Listen… Shawn Mendes is a man of many talents. If he wasn't my boyfriend, he would be a fuck buddy.
Anyway, he liked to tease me about my wardrobe choices just as much as he liked to praise me. Sometimes he would ask who I’m about to sacrifice to the dark lord, and other times he would thirst over my black skirt and tights. Even better, sometimes he put on his black floral shirt as an attempt to match my ensemble. But this story is about his teasing.
After going at it for an hour at his apartment (my thighs were incredibly fatigued and shaky), I had to get ready for work. It was easy to get out of Shawn's hold since he was so loose and sleepy. As soon as I was ready, I kissed him goodbye and left his apartment in spirits so high it was considered abnormal for me. How did I know it was abnormal? My manager kept pointing out how chipper I was as I answered phones and helped customers. When people notice, that’s when you know things are changing.
It wasn't until I stopped by Walmart after my shift did Shawn's words sink in. I do wear black all the goddamn time. My closet is 99% black t-shirts, button ups, pants, leggings, and even underwear! The 1% is when I'm slacking on doing my laundry, that's when I would wear white.
That's not to say I don't like other colors. I used to experiment with bleaching my hair and dying it blue or green. I was a sucker for neon eyeshadow, and I was an absolute slut for red lipstick. Things are fluid, nothing is ever set in stone.
I looked through some of the clothing racks, but it’s Walmart, so nothing really stood out to me. Then I found myself in the underwear department. I was trying not to laugh at myself in front of other shoppers, because this was mildly insane. Was I really considering buying Walmart lingerie to prove a point to my boyfriend? There were some decent options after all.
My eye caught a black, sheer nightgown with a matching g-string. I studied it for a minute before deciding that I had a lot of black lace already, and half of it wasn't even intimate apparel. The next set I noticed was a simple sheer bra and underwear, also black. Getting there, but it wasn't enough. There weren't any in my size, anyway. I dug through the racks until I spotted something girly.
The first thing that put me off was that it was pink… baby pink. It was another nightie, but it was made of sheer tulle instead of lace. There were little pink and red hearts all over the skimpy fabric, and it came with a lace thong. It was cute, but it was the least Me thing here. On any other day, I would not be caught dead wearing anything pastel.
That's exactly why I ended up taking it home.
I quickly raced back to my dorm, feeling like I had some dangerous weapon hiding in the bag I was carrying. I didn't stop to speak to anyone I knew, and I was very glad that Shawn wasn't currently on campus. However, he did text me asking me to spend the weekend at his place. It only added to the butterflies in my stomach.
“Stella!” I frantically called once I had shut myself in my room.
She came practically running, bursting through the door. “What happened? Who died? Oh - oh my god.”
I was facing the full body mirror that was leaning against the wall. I tried on the daring piece of lingerie, testing it out on whoever was willing to see me like this. Stella was the only person who had seen me in my underwear apart from my boyfriend. However, I still had the decency to cover my breasts with my hands because the nightgown showed a bit too much.
“You trying to seduce me, ‘cause it's working,” Stella teased, wiggling her perfectly sculpted eyebrows.
“Listen!” I turned to face her, trying to justify my outfit choice. “This was probably a stupid idea! It, it was an impulsive buy!”
“Dude, if he sees you in this, you're gonna end up pregnant.”
“Don't say that!” I looked down and twirled my body from side to side, watching the fabric swirl. I felt and looked a little too nervous.
“Seriously, you look hot. Just, y'know, maybe skip the heavy eyeliner and add more perfume. He'll link the scent to the time he had the best sex of his life.”
I chuckled and rolled my eyes. “I'll do the perfume thing, but I can't skip eyeliner. I need something to make up for all the pink I'm wearing.”
Stella nodded. “Yeah, that's another thing. I know this is something you wear when you wanna get dicked down, but you look so soft and adorable!”
“Shit, if you keep saying things like that I just might spend the night with you instead.”
~
It was night by the time I was at Shawn's apartment. He was in the middle of songwriting, and he wasn't alone. His friend, Teddy, was over. I guess she helped him write sometimes. The two of them were singing to themselves and throwing potential lyrics back and forth at each other. Teddy was frequently writing on a scrap of paper or typing on her laptop. Shawn was strumming his guitar, and sometimes he would glance at me and wink.
I sat silently on the couch and half listened to them brainstorm. I was glad I decided not to leave my Switch at home.
“You're so quiet, is something wrong?” Teddy pointed out. I don't know why I wasn't expecting it.
“Don't wanna bother the artists at work,” I said, keeping my eyes on my intense game of Smash Bros.
“She's like that,” Shawn told his friend. “She'll warm up eventually.”
“That makes me sound like an asshole,” I replied with a chuckle, and then I gasped as my character on screen got knocked out.
Still, I remained quiet as they continued their session. I stayed in the same spot on the couch, curled up and thoroughly entertained. Shawn insisted I sit closer though, considering that I was on the opposite end of the couch from him. He liked my company I suppose, even if I wasn't speaking.
Eventually, Teddy got her things together and left. She gave me a hug, said it was nice to meet me, and then gave Shawn a look that said “have fun you two.”
When we were finally alone, I went into Shawn's room, telling him I wanted to change into my pajamas. It was sort of true, I mean. I grabbed my overnight bag and dashed into the en suite bathroom. Normally, I would have started with taking off whatever makeup I had on, but I only had on some intimidating winged liner and mascara. I needed that tonight.
Fixing up my hair and spritzing on a ridiculous amount of perfume helped keep my nerves at bay. My stomach fluttered when I pulled out the frilly pink item of clothing. This just might be my demise.
Once I was dressed, I looked at my reflection in the mirror and placed my hands on my hips. A wise lady in a hospital drama said standing like a superhero helps increase confidence, so that's what I did. I tried to channel my inner dominatrix, despite the fact that I was probably very far from being just that.
“I'm a strong lady,” I whispered to myself, then I huffed out a breath.
I ruffled my hair one last time before going to the door. I had my hand on the knob, but I could hear the sounds outside this very room. I could hear Shawn's footsteps, I heard the bed creak as he sat down. I heard the sounds of his guitar.
My heart started to race. It was ready to beat out of my chest.
I don't know why the first thing I thought to do when I finally opened the door was to unattractively clear my throat. It's not like Shawn wouldn't notice if I quietly left the bathroom.
He looked up from his guitar, and it took a second for him to process what he was looking at. His eyes lit up, and his jaw went slack.
Awkwardly, I placed one hand on the doorway and the other on my hip. I didn't know what to do with my face, so I slapped on the mock composure. I looked at my boyfriend, unsure if I should say something or not.
“No way,” Shawn finally spoke, a grin forming on his face. He set down his guitar and moved so he was sitting at the foot of the bed. “Come here…”
His eyes were moving up and down my body as I timidly stepped towards him. The look on his face was full of surprise and wonder, like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. I mean, I was in skimpy attire and none of it was dark. Anyone who knew me wouldn't believe it.
Shawn took my hands when I was close enough, and he shamelessly checked me out. His eyes stuck on my tits just long enough to raise the tension in the room.
I was still finding my voice. I was probably more flustered than he was.
“You're too cute,” he told me, finally looking at my face. “When did you get this?”
“Today,” I said softly. “I don't know, I looked for something black… this was all I could find in my size.”
“I'm really glad you went with this. You're so cute. The pink makes you look almost innocent. Turn around for me.”
A shy smile crept up on my face as I slowly spun around. I quickly came to realize that I was willing to do just about anything he wanted. Wow, and I thought I was going to have power tonight.
“So adorable,” Shawn mused when I was facing him again. “You're the cutest fucking thing ever, you know that?”
My roommate had said similar things, but it hit me different hearing it from my boyfriend. My face was probably redder than the hearts on this stupid nightie, and Shawn could probably see that.
“I don't wanna be cute,” I mumbled, looking down at our hands. “I wanna be sexy.”
“Trust me, you're very sexy. I, I don't even know what to do. That's why I keep talking. God, you're so pretty.” His hand went up and stroked my cheek.
Stop fucking talking and just take me already!
The only way I could express that was by bringing Shawn's hands to my waist, giving him permission to touch me wherever the fuck he wanted. His breathing picked up a little more as he ran his hands down to my lower hips, reaching around to grab my ass.
I delicately placed my hands on his shoulders, and he leaned in to kiss my collarbones. He kept mumbling about how pretty I was, and it made me feel some kinda way. I could feel just how hot his body was getting being so close to mine, it made me even hotter. His hands moved up to my stomach, moving under the nightie, and running along my skin. My body felt so alive and ablaze.
“Your heart's going fast,” he pointed out, placing a hand on my chest. “You nervous?”
I nodded. “More than I'd like to admit.”
He smiled warmly, and then showed me his hands. Seeing them tremble gave me some kind of relief and an ounce of confidence. I made him feel like that. He was turned on because of me.
Shawn stopped me when I grabbed the ends of my nightie to take it off. “No. Leave it on.”
“Really?” I asked. “Won’t it be in the way or something?”
He shook his head, looking up at me with something like desperation in his eyes. “I… wanna do unspeakable things to you in this thing. We're leaving it on. Now get your ass on the bed.”
I would have fainted if he hadn't given me an order.
#shawn mendes#shawn mendes fanfic#shawn mendes imagine#shawn mendes blurb#shawn mendes smut#shawn x goth gf#if this gets a lot of notes im gonna yell#but i also wont be surprised lmfao#MAYBE there will be a part 2 idk yet#i know what will happen i just dont know if ill write it
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Revolutionary Girl Utena 4-7
Hm...Not quite as clean as last time, but hey. Less stewing, for better or worse. And God, shit just keeps happening.
Episode 4
Opening 10000@ chunked full of meaning. Similarly, lacking context for any of it right now, so that's s for later, .
Still trying to get over the bit where the two are in armor and look like they're about to come to blows before going in the same direction though.
Express the eternal beauty huh.
Also, Nanami you trfling what are you....
Woman can put her logic on a man huh...? Odd, but ok.
It's kinda amazing how much folks be putting on Anthy and not people who are actually, you know, who are actually to blame. Gotta get that Rose Bride who does....uh...Something. Girlfriend(?), Muse, Key to reVOLUTION???? Little talk o anthy. For literally everyone so far.
Though Miki at least seems to acknowledge her a bit.
When's Nanami's turn to fight.
Shadow Girls gonna make us feel mad dumb later. Feelin it.
Nanami jesus christ chill the fuck out. The most trifling bullshit I swear. Petty bullshit. Mind, Middle schooler so.
Ok, hey, that's a FUCK ton of snails. Like goddamn. Named them...? Uh... Uhhhhhhhh.
THAT IS A WHOLE ASS SNAKE WHOA HEY WAIT A MINUTE. Garter Snake but.
Makin the maxuse of those repeat frames and text.
Also, all night for the snake...?
An...Octopus....?
AN OCTOPUS? WHAT THE FUCK. YES NANAMI
A ballooon?
Miki, you literally know nothing about her.
Nanami soul crushed. Chuchu just..Trollin.
Seriously though, Anthy and animals that a thing?
Nananmi actually asking a relevant question. Why DOES everyone like Anthy so much out of nowhere? She's cute, but she's kinda reclusive so...?
Where'd Anthy learn that song? Didn't Miki write it...? Also, homeboy's sister? Found your shining thing huh?
Ending Also Clearly has some meaning that I'm not quite getting. Rose Bride Utena is...Kinda weird. Feels wrong? Gotta sit down with the lyrics for op and ending though. But yeah, both them rose brides feels...Odd. And it seems to be mirroring? So that's strange.
Do it for Miki's sake? Right and not for hers...?
Episode 5
Huh. Shadow Girls share VA with the teaming masses of school girls. Also, the budget for these fight scenes.
Why is it always the same three girls btw?
Does the Entire senior Student council just talk in riddles? Saionji was pretty straightforward but he's a dumbass apparently.
Awkward Confusing smiles abound. And this damn monkey again. I don't even dislike him he's just there. And those eyes.....
Wrote a famous song...? Uhhhhh. Sibs huh.
Destroyed the garden own hands? Miki did you do something to your sister? Oh hey caged bird little girl? Sure it's nothing.
And he left her (of no choice of his own cause fucking measles) sis got traumatized, and now idolizing that memory and his sister?
Is she dead or something? Have you talked with her? Also, where the hell...
WHAT ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH MIKI?
Utena: Please be a person Anthy I fucking beg you. This duel bullshit is dumb.
Anthy: Ok, but I'm your bride. I am down with this system my girl.
SHELL BREAKING. Wait a second, does this elevator thing happen right before every duel or revelation?
Are there only- hold up, dissolve the student council. Hey good on you Miki.
Miki: Aint this gonna fuck something up for people.
Touga: Aight, but hey if you feel it fuck the system kid.
Miki, just ignoring his sis and...what's with the dishevelment. Was she...? Piano room's not for HOLY SHIT WAS SHE FUCKING TOUGA
Sis looks just like you, But you're cuter. Uhhhhhhhhhhh
Touga, Only the winner get's to do what they want. And I banged your sister who you seem to hate, y u mad.
Miki: My sis used to look cute as an angel. You look like an angel btw
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Anthy: *BLANK EMPTY LOOK” OF COURSE I'LL STOP IF SHE TELLS ME I AM THE ROSE BRIDE
Touga: INCREASINGLY NUDE: Hey, REMEMBER THE ROSE BRIDE SHIT I JUST TOLD YOU. YOU GOTTA BE BUFF TO HAVE THE BRIDE BRUH
Two Steps: Miki I will Trash the System Touga Interrupt Fuck, I guess I gotta fight Utena in this barbaric bullshit. Due Time.
SHADOW GALS APPROVE PIRACY. Also, What do you want.
Dat Absolute Destiny Yeahhhhhhhh Settin the Mood. Someone's about to get Some kind of REVELATION. From DIOS. Or some such. Actually, Dios is pretty close to god (I may be super wrong here) but the possibly flipping nature of it all is I guess, some kind of truth thing since if it were pure skill, as suggested with Juri losing to Miki somehow, utena deffo wouldn't have beaten Saionji. So, Whoever has the better understanding of things get's the power of Dios? Thus the power to change the world? Seems straightforward enough. Though why Anthy has that power.
NEW DUEL THEME. DOPE SONGS What's the meaning cause man, they're apparently different per duel, as per (?????) which seems so so far.
Miki: I want the Bride!
Utena: YOU SURE THIS IS HOW YOU WANT IT?
Miki, SHE WANTS THE FREE
Anthy: SOULLESS EYES. For real, she needs to emote.more regular like. Seemingly likes Utena so....
Utena Wins, Defloration Complete. Beat, like that, one stroke.
Miki's Sis: I freaked out on stage and was never good. People thought I was though
Miki: I'M GONNA GO ALL OUT ON THIS DUEL SHIT YOU WATCH.
Utena: DO YOU NOT GET IT BRUH?
Episode 6
Ah, the good ole days when you could repeat frames like that.
Nanami almost dies, weird faceless stalker and car driver, mk
Nanami: SOMEONE IS TRYING TO KILL ME, LEMME JUST HOP ON THIS TABLE TO PROVE THE POINT.
Touga: I have Important s THOT s student council work.
Oh shit that hit her square in the face..
Utena: Trying to Kill Nanami Clearly.
That ball is lodged in her dome damn.
Utena: TOGAS A THOT, FACT
Touga: KILL THEM. KILL THE VERMIN
Anthy: Life is life. Leave it be.
Nanami: MY BROTHER WANTS ME DEAD. ANTHY IS BEHIND THIS. THAT WITCH SEDUCING HIM
Why does everyone think he'd kill his sister. Damn Nanami. What's your relationship that people buy it immediately.
A whole ass horse and...chickens?
Prince Appeared. Mitsuru Tsuwabuki....?????????? Watch for the name I guess.
Why...Why do they assume all these dudes are her type off hand? Like...
Oh hey he has a face and is a small boy ok. Uh...Hey, Are you prpositioning a child. Um.
UM
Shadow Gals what he fuck does curry have to do with it. Are y'all trollin.
Also, hey Nanami. Uh. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ACTUALLY DATING A KID? TO JEALOUS YOUR BROTHER? WAT
A Brocon. And a drama queen. Everyone is baffled.
What the fuck is he doing in the locker. Just...snapped her fingers. Under her desk. Man slave boy. Uh
uhhhhhh.
WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU COME FROM SAIONJI. Hidden Love
Hard Ignore.
Nanami: Who are you three idiots. WHERE DID THE BOY COME FROM.
Y'all about to throw down with a kid. And he's...He won, damn. PUT HIS BODY IN THE LAKE JESUS.
Nanami: Mitsuru is my boyfriend. I can treat him how I like.
Mitsuru: ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A BOYFRIEND
Is this...Is this a rosebride thing? Like a kinda fucky mirror jam?
Also, did Touga 1v1 a Bull and win? What the fuck? I agree Mitsuru, he's pretty cool yeah.
Be a Big Bro, not a boyfriend. No choice but to put her in danger again in order to get her to be what I want.
Where did that equipment come from.
WHAT IS WITH THIS SCHOOL. A KANGAROO? WERE THEY GONNA BOX THIS ASSHOLE?
So, Mitsuru as rosebride, Gotta Protec, get’s wrecked. So...Uh..Anthy....?
Boy fucked up that kangaroo. 1V1 me YOU PUSSY DO IT COWARD.
Nanami: Don't be an idiot jesus fucking christ. I CAN'T JUST LET SOMEONE USEFUL DIE FOR ME GOD.
Was...Was Touga the one fighting the Kangaroo...For Real? Why...Why was he...One PUNCH.
Mitsuru: Lemme be your bro please.
Episode 7
Ohp, Serious time out the gate ok. Guess 6 was a palette cleanser.
Juri: Dominant. Sure I'm buff but what for? God.
Juri Arisugawa? Alice Refs...? Seen that name used that way before. I'll watch for it.
Huh, the immediate mirroring with Utena is...odd?
Juri: Fuck Off Vice Principal.
Wait, was he hitting on...her...? Oh that's not.
Chuchu always with Utena? Huh.
Also Juri, Dominant as fuck, offing students left and right.
Oh, she's explaining things. Rosebride gives power to revolution.
Utena: Oh cool, super powers. Dope. Seems MAD FUCKING STUPID.
Juri: Yeah. Seems dumb right.
Ok, juri uh...Has EVERYONE Slapped Anthy thus far? Like...Ok? Does Everyone Get a Turn? Is...Is this a thing? It's kinda.
SHELL TIME. DUEL? DUELL?
End of the World: DUEL TIME
Is touga trying to kill Miki. What's with knives man? Miki. HOW MANY KNIVES. BLINDFOLDS
Juri: I don't believe any of this shit. I'll prove it's bs.
Old love. It's 1000000% not this dude. Don't you. Play me.
ORANGE ROSE AT CROTCH LEVEL WHAT? And she got denied I guess...?
SHES IN LOVE WITH SOMOENE AND ITS NOT YOU.
There was some love triangle shit, and girl is perpetrating.
MUSIC GONE. SHITS REAL
Jesus this show is just full of bullshit.
Ok, we had a moment with why utena is the way is she is, Juri Does not approve. Miracles are Bullshit, I will dunk you in the the fucking OCEAN.
Rabbits Dance all around huh. OK.
SHADOW GALS. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.
ABSOLUTE DESTINY TIME. TIME FOR SOMEONES IDEALS TO GET BUSTED I GUESS.
Also, like how the various wings on the garden go from vaguely angelic to kinda ominous. I mean the whole deal is sketchy as fuck, you don't just start singing about the apocalypse and ignore it. DARKNESS OF LIGHT DAWG. DARKNESS DARKNESS EVERYWHERE. KINGDOM HEARTS WISHES!
Also is that castle CG? It feels it but...
Juri: MIRACLES ARE BS BUT IF THEY'RE REAL SHOW ME THE TRUFACTS
Utena: NOT SURE ABOUT MIRACLES BUT WHATEVER I DON'T NEED THAT SHIT.
FIGHT. Oh boy new song.
Lucifers light...? Uh...All of this is ominous as fuck. Then a bunch of night and darkness gods.
Certainty of Death, Namely Light.
Sword Falls Just so to cut the Rose. Uh. Miracle....?
Uh...Juri Was Robbed.
Consistently though, the stronger convictions won. Juri was legit robbed, but she hesitated, so she lost.
Juri: MIRACLES ARE BULLSHIT AND MY GAY LOVE WAS NOT RESPECTED GOD
Also, Juri=Lucifer? For...The Student Council...? She does seem to be the one who least believes in this shit. She didn’t even duel utena for the rose bride like literally everyone else. She just wanted to prove Utena’s ideals wrong.
#Revolutionary Girl Utena#Liveblog#This Show is all up in the symbols like goddamn#Can't even have a doofy filler episode without QUESTIONABLE SEMIOTICS#Anthy Slides Further Into the Uncanny Valley.
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fuffy quotes, bands, books, movies that make you wanna cry, tv shows, fuffy fics
this is v v long so i’m putting it under a cut
ask me top 5 anything!
fuffy quotes, not really in order tbh (i’m not gonna lie i do not remember any of them clearly skjhaskldg i have three stale saltine crackers for a brain):
1. the “bad time, girlfriend?” line (i’m like 90% sure it was in bad girls?) because how textually gay can you get
2. the exchange where buffy’s like you killed someone and faith’s like i don’t care. because self-destructive angry female characters are my Brand and it was top tier angst
3. when faith’s going on about slaying gets her hungry and horny and buffy’s like “sometimes i crave a low fat yogurt” because it’s hilarious and also. gay
4. “want, take, have.” it’s literally the name of my fuffy playlist what more do you want from me
5. the dream sequence exchange in the bedroom that i Cannot for the life of me remember right now but i remember it making me Feel things
bands (i’m gonna do artists in general. also it changes every five minutes, this is a list off the top of my head that may or may not be accurate):
1. flatsound
2. the national
3. death cab for cutie
4. kevin abstract
5. margot and the nuclear so and so’s
books:
1. paper towns by john green
2. at the edge of the universe by shaun david hutchinson
3. leah on the offbeat by becky albertalli
4. station eleven by emily st. john mandel
5. i’m out of novels so i’m gonna say felicity by mary oliver, which has some of my favorite poems of all time in it
i’ve literally watched like. two movies. this entire year. and maybe three last year. i don’t watch movies i’m sorry i have no answers here
tv shows:
1. btvs, of course
2. chuck, which yes, is Problematique™, but i love it so much okay
3. psych
4. the x files
5. i’ve been watching miss fisher’s murder mysteries recently and i absolutely fucking adore it, so maybe that?
fuffy fics (i’ve read so goddamn many and forgotten to bookmark them so here, have a selection of the few i’ve remembered to bookmark) (also bear in mind that these aren’t really. in order of preference? idk man i have a hard time comparing fics. there are fics i like and fics i don’t, and i like all of these, so don’t put too much stock in the numbers):
1. even death is a shadow of forgetting, which is. so wonderfully deliciously angsty and it hurts me so much and it’s from faith’s pov which is. my biggest kink tbh. faith pov fuffy angst.
2. inevitability by @jenny-calendar, which is a great take on post-chosen fuffy. celia’s writing here is so lyrical and soft and lovely, and the fic is angsty and happy and healing and just. one of my favorite fics of all time. there’s a line that faith says at the end that i literally think about every day of my life. go read it.
3. unorphaned (in our northern lights) by @morningsound15 because hELLO WAKING UP MARRIED FUFFY. and if that doesn’t sell you, it’s incredibly written, it’s angsty, riley’s dumb ass makes an unproblematic and highly entertaining appearance, and again, it’s amazing.
4. just a counterfeit james dean, which is the fanfic equivalent of running a marathon (57k words. one chapter.) but god it’s so worth it. set aside an hour or two to read it, depending on how fast you can read, and do it. faith and buffy are roommates. it’s wonderful.
5. the chosen two series, which is another marathon (350k words, two fics), but absolutely worth it. the slowest of burns, the most painful of angst, wonderfully written. it’s a commitment, but it’s one well worth making.
honorable mention: imperfections, part of @jenny-calendar‘s braveryverse. it might be my favorite fic on this list tbh (which is no shade to anyone else; it just holds a v v special place in my heart), but it’s an honorable mention because it isn’t like. A Fuffy Fic. it’s a giles/jenny fic with fuffy in it, and, to me at least, a family fic. for me, the part about it that sticks with me is how deeply found family it is—and faith is very much included in that family. it features a wonderful exploration of faith’s character and part of that is in the context of her relationship with buffy, which is. so sweet. and soft. and just everything i’ve ever wanted faith and buffy to be. it’s an incredible fic in an incredible series, and everyone should read the entire thing. it’s amazing. i sound like a broken record here, but it’s literally just that good and you should go read it. go for the fuffy if that’s what grabs you, but stay for the all-round brilliance.
shameless self promo time: my multichap wip shadow of the day is like 98% of what i’m doing with my life right now, and i think it’s pretty damn good. go read that, too. angsty fuffy s4 rewrite. i’m proud of it.
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My Thoughts on Blue October: A Two-Way Personal Narrative
This post has no point or thesis it’s literally just me talking about music that I like because I think it’s interesting.
Anyways.
I was making a playlist for work the other day, and in the process I rediscovered some Blue October songs I have on my ipod. And then I rediscovered all of the Blue October songs I have on my ipod because...I have a lot.
And it’s pretty much my favourite music (for the most part).
Blue October was a weirdly prominent part of my youth, so it makes sense that I would have an attachment to their music (people tend to like the music they grew up with). But even then, re-listening to those albums fills me with a lot more satisfaction than other songs from my childhood/adolescence. From ages 11-16-ish, my favourite band was The Killers, with Blue October in second place. I still like a lot of Killer’s songs, and they have a lot of nostalgic value, but when I’m listening to Blue October’s music...like....it really, genuinely holds up to me.
Which is weird, because most of my current faves and older faves were either pop or soft-rock (with the sub-genre of “edge” in my early teens).
Blue October is classified as “alternative rock” which I think is just the professional way of saying “fucking wild.”
I’ve always joked that if some songs are “edge” then Blue October is “the whole knife.”
But that’s the thing; even though they’re understandably known for their kind of raw intensity, at least among the fan base, the albums tend to have a fair bit of variety both musically and lyrically. I often think of the lyric from “Inner Glow”: “So here's a preview shove it under old-new / Or call it rock or pop or bach or fuck / Goddamn where did we go wrong / Now there's a category for every song.” Even though the band is kind of unhinged in terms of genre, each album very much has its own personality despite the different tones of each song.
By the time Approaching Normal came out (when I was around 14) I had kind of put together a narrative with each album. It wasn’t really a clear-cut story based on the lyrics of every song, but rather a series of emerging themes and events that each album put extra focus on:
Consent to Treatment: Dealing with psychosis and frustration.
History for Sale: Continuing to struggle with mental illness while also thinking about romantic and sexual relationships.
Foiled: Appreciating and/or longing for loved ones.
And yes, I know that The Answers is technically their first album, but I only know 3 songs from that one and didn't love them enough to seek out the whole album.
Personal context: I started listening to Blue October at a relatively young age because they were one of my dad's favourite bands and he would blast their albums in the car. He correctly assumed that I, a sheltered 10 year old, wouldn't put together that some of the songs were about drugs and suicide. He would always skip the more sexual and violent songs though. He aint irresponsible.
So basically those first few albums just became part of my internal music library since I heard them so much. I remember the first song of theirs that I really noticed on its own was “The Answer,” and after learning that it was Blue October singing that song, my interest in them grew slightly more independent.
When I was about to enter my early teens, I developed an interest in psychology (most notably psychosis) after watching A Beautiful Mind. After that I became even more interested in the lyrics from Consent to Treatment and History for Sale, and grew more attached to these albums that I was already very familiar with and fond of.
Foiled was and continues to be my favourite album of theirs, though. It has the largest variety of music and a lot of the lyrics are really interesting.
I almost think it was kind of inevitable that this is the album that would get popular. “Hate Me” keeps true to their style, but it still has mainstream appeal. It’s...not the whole knife, but it still has a good melody and good lyrics.
“Into the Ocean,” which is my favourite song of theirs, is fucking perfect for mainstream appeal. It’s catchy, it’s pretty, it’s edgy, and it’s good. I HEARD IT PLAYING IN A HOTEL ELEVATOR LIKE A MONTH AGO. The song is so beautiful it’s almost enough to distract you from the fact that it’s about suicide.
It’s great.
The only song on the album that I would say is far outside of mainstream appeal would be “Drilled a Wire Through My Cheek,” but according to wikipedia, that made it onto the Saw III soundtrack, so there you go.
Foiled also might be the best showcase of the lead singer’s vocal talent. One thing that I really like about this band is how the vocals can be unbelievably smooth and wonderful, but the lead singer, Justin Furstenfeld, can just...fucking...flip his vocal chords inside out and fucking scream to a melody when the music calls for it.
It’s an amazing album that I would recommend to pretty much anybody who’s into punk or “alternative rock” or even just...music.
ALSO I have to talk about the s t r i n g s.
I legitimately think that Blue October’s music sounds so different and resonant because, even though it’s a lot of intense hard rock, there is so. Much. Violin.
Sometimes the violin will overpower the guitar, or maybe even straight up replace the guitar in some places. It’s unique and great and it sounds fucking amazing. I love that fucking violin.
So I��m really invested in both the music and the Narrative of Blue October albums by the time I’m 13-14sh; right when Approaching Normal drops.
This album is...different...ish.
Like, I don’t necessarily think it’s more intense than their other albums, but it’s...angrier.
Approaching Normal also apparent themes, much like its predecessors: the birth of a daughter and a crumbling marriage. However, unlike the previous albums, the lyrics on this one become a lot more literal. The writing isn’t as good as far as the words go. As for the music...eh. I like “Should Be Loved” quite a lot, but I feel like the vocal performance is at odds with the melody. Most of the album is either just okay or actively bad.
It’s...an uncomfortable album. The Narrative has become too overwhelming and I would argue too personal.
There’s less violin.
And
whoo boy.
Okay, I literally just found out there was a censored version of this album like 6 seconds ago because I’m looking stuff up on wikipedia, but, of course, me and my dad got the uncensored version because we’re not w i m p s.
So, thank fuck by this point in my life I had my own ipod and my dad listened to music on his computer, so we heard this album independently from each other.
Dude, I first heard the song “The End” at like 3 in the morning as a very sheltered and very very squeamish 14 year old.
I
could not sleep.
I literally took the song off of my ipod so I wouldn’t have to even think about it.
Yeah...this album didn’t get played in the car often.
It’s amazing how Foiled finally got the band off of the ground and then like 3 years later they come out with this album that is not nearly as easy to market. My local radio station used to have a show called “wired or fired” where they would play new songs and the audience would vote on whether or not it sucked. “Dirt Room” was featured on there and the reception was nooot positive.
So fast forward another two years and Any Man in America comes out.
I fucking hate this album.
Actually the sad thing is I technically like more songs on this album than on Approaching Normal, but I just haaaaate it conceptually and in practice.
The lyrics are even more literal and more personal than on Approaching Normal, and the Narrative picks up right where that one left off. The theme of Any Man in America is a very very messy divorce and custody battle that Justin Furstenfeld was going through.
It is a Hard Yikes.
The misogyny in this album is overwhelming. And you can argue like “hey...the guy has bipolar disorder and is just working through his emotional problems” or whatever, but...he still dedicated an entire album to basically cursing at this woman. But what really turns my stomach is how much this album can and will resonate with every joe-shmoe misogynist going like “yeah haha women suck the feminists are taking over make me a sandwiiiiiich” like alskdfkhgkajhdkfjskf I DON’T THINK THAT’S THE ALBUM’S INTENTION BUT IT WILL DEFINITELY SPEAK TO THAT CROWD EVEN IF THAT WASN’T THE POINT.
But hey, shout out to “The Money Tree” and “The Follow Through” for actually being good songs and also bringing back that violin.
So yeah. Blue October just kind of fell off of my radar after that, until another two years pass and I catch wind of Sway coming out. I was kinda like “eh, they’ve already jumped the shark,” but then I heard the single “Bleed Out” before the album’s release and...I didn’t love it, but I liked it. It sounded more like Foiled and less like Any Man in America. So I got on the hype train.
And I’m glad I did. I bought the album digitally and burned it onto a CD for my dad, and it was the first time in a while that he had an actual Blue October CD in his car, instead of just the best selection on a USB.
It’s the most tonally similar to Foiled, although I don’t think it’s as strong as that album. That could be a nostalgia bias, but I do legitimately think the melodies are less interesting... and that violin continues to get downplayed. I miss it. I miss the violin.
The Narrative continues, but thankfully the lyrics have gotten less literal. I would say the theme of this one is “healing and starting over.” “Sway” is a pretty ballad and I love “Angels in Everything.” The album as a whole is just...nice. But it still has some of that edge/whole knife thing going for it. The sex and drugs aint absent.
So I liked this album.
Fast forward another few years, to a Renee that hasn’t listened to Blue October songs in a while and also doesn’t really listen to the radio that much anymore. I’m randomly in the car with my dad when I hear a fucking Blue October song on the radio. A new one. I could tell it was them because Furstenfeld’s voice is very distinctive. Out loud I’m just like “Is...is this Blue October?????????” Partially because I didn’t know they had a new album out, but mostly because this was the first time I’d heard a new Blue October song get radio play in my city since fucking 2009 when “Dirt Room” was on Wired or Fired.
The song was “Home,” which was also the title of the album. My dad ended up buying it for me for Christmas that year. The album reminds me more of Sway than any other, but I do prefer more songs on it. “Heart Go Bang” is great and sounds like it came straight off of History for Sale and “I Want It” is fantastic in my opinion. I like “Coal Makes Diamonds,” I like “Houston Heights” and “Leave it in the Dressing Room,” and I really like “Home.”
(Still want more violin, though.)
I would say that the Narrative/theme of this album is love and family. This album was written after Furstenfeld remarried. Before Sway came out, his girlfriend apparently told him to stop being a piece of shit and get sober or she was going to leave and take their unborn baby with her.
So he did.
I really want to know more about this woman, because she’s kind of my hero at the moment.
The second last song on the album, “Time Changes Everything” feels like it’s about letting go of that battle he was fighting with his ex. It’s conceptually comforting, if that is indeed the case.
The funny thing is, I thought this album kind of put the Narrative in a nice little bow. Like, the most dramatic part is over and now this story can have a happy ending.
Which is why it came as an extra-super-double shock when I found out two days ago that Blue October released another album over a y e a r a g o.
This is what I get for not listening to the radio.
I have not listened to this album yet, and the reviews posted on wikipedia are positive but still mixed. Like, people saying it’s poppy and mainstream but also saying it still has edge, etc.
I’m a little afraid of listening to it, because I’m not sure what direction their music has taken, or if it’ll become too same-y to other stuff on the radio.
We’ll see.
When I finally listen to it I might post a review or something.
But from what it sounds like, the album is mostly positive in terms of messages and themes, and that’s comforting to me.
Okay.
Those are my thoughts on Blue October.
They...probably are my favourite band, despite the problems I have with some of their music.
I kind of made this post to put into words why/how this music is so important to me, but it’s genuinely hard to describe. I’ve done my best, but at the end of the day...I just really dig this music.
Anyways, if you for some reason decided to read this post without knowing much about Blue October music and want to get into it, I made a playlist of what I think are the best songs from each album because IIIIIII had nothing better to do. Apparently.
Trigger Warnings: A very large number of the songs are about mental illness and suicide, so watch out for that.
“Angel” and “Razorblade”: Sexual Violence TW (Good songs, but really intense)
“Hard Candy” and “Drop”: Drug Use TW
There ya go.
Enjoy.
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Marvin The Mischievous ~ A Septic Ego Series ~ Part 9 ~ The Finale
Whew.....here it is....the bonus finale to what has been a wonderful series to brainstorm, plan, write, post, and receive feedback on. Thank you all so much for reading and I hope this series has been as fun for you as it has been for me. LET'S GO!
TAGGING: @marvin-lee-magician and @anti-switch-glitch
Marvin the Magnificent smiled to himself.....not an evil, malignant, mischievous smile, just a really damn happy one. It had been a few days since The Great Tickle Revenge of 2018 had occurred, and honestly Marvin had never felt better within himself. It was strange. Everyone seemed to be spending so much more time together, people weren't split into pairs of people they were comfy with....everyone was close with EVERYONE. It was so lovely. Even Anti and Shawn, the recluses, had found themselves feeling safe and at ease when in everybody's company, and it meant that everyone was just so much happier. Marvin played with his cape as he stared into the distance, thinking of all the newest happy family moments they'd shared, feeling profound....until he was interrupted. I wonder if you can guess the one person guaranteed to cause a cheeky ruckus in this household?
'Sup kitty cat, been lookin' for ya!'
Marvin shut his eyes and let out an audible groan, which resulted in a delighted giggle from Anti as he plopped on the couch next to the magician.
'Why, so you can gloat again about my magnificent downfall?'
Marvin mumbled as he opened his eyes and looked to Anti, who dramatically gasped in the most affronted manner that you ever did see. He slung an arm around Marvin's shoulders, making the magician squirm and growl as he reverted back to a state of smirkiness in his reply.
'I meeean, ya can't really chastise people who tease ya since ya brought it o-'
'Brought it on myself YES I know!'
Anti giggled and flicked Marvin's nose playfully, making Marvin twitch and glare.
'Exactly! So, I can tease ALL I want!'
Marvin rubbed his nose and shoved Anti off him. Obviously he wasn't at all angry or annoyed with him, it was just their way of interacting. Playful fighting, banter, annoying one another, creating feuds over the dumbest things just because it was so much fun for both of them. Everyone's friendship with another person is different to how that person's other friends may interact with them, like Marvin had banter with Anti, Jamie meanwhile was constantly molly-coddled and babied and teased by the glitch; since Anti dubbed him 'a fucking human marshmallow'. Anti was sneering at Marvin, amused by his embarrassed blush and child-like stance of bad posture and folded arms on the couch.
'....friggin crimeny asshole poo-glitch....'
Anti raised an eyebrow.....before bursting into wild, happy cackles, which only made Marvin blush more. It was rare to hear Anti's real laughter when it was unforced, and to be fair Marvin still thought it was lovely....but he was oh so salty at how it was at HIS expense. Through his laughter and manic grin, Anti leant towards him and taunted.
'Whahat wahas that Mr ''P-Please I Can't Take Much M-More!''?'
Marvin hid his face in his hands, letting out a huge whine of despair as Anti managed to reign himself back to giggles, though his eyes had been glistening and threatening tears of mirth. He just found all of this ceaselessly hilarious.
'SHUT UP! YOU DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO HELP THEM, I NEVER GOT YOU!!'
Marvin exclaimed as Anti smirked, and it was true, Anti could see how it was true. But he remembered so distinctly when he and the rest of them had rescued Jackie....he'd wanted nothing more than to tease the magician, to watch him be tickled, to help make that happen. To be part of a scheme like that had just been too enticing to pass up.
'Oh but I wouldn't have missed it for the world, the chance to watch you squirm and shriek in ticklish madness was just so much fun! Yeah ya never got me, and ya never will, but any chance te see ya knocked down a few pegs is fuckin' awesome!'
Marvin's face was a burning crimson now, it never ceased to fluster him to see how enthusiastic people were when it came to tickling him. However....there was a little something that gave Marvin a lifeline from his embarrassment. Something Anti had said. Something that, in Marvin's mind, very much sounded like a smug challenge. Marvin started to smile; how bold Anti was to assume he was immune.
'Never.....is that right?'
Anti tensed....what was with this new tone? The man was instantly on guard as he watched Marvin's curled up form, hoping to anything and everything that he hadn't accidently given Marvin confidence. His hopes were no use though. Anti gulped when Marvin's face emerged, and the magician was grinning ear to ear. There was silence, stillness....then a pounce.
'NODON'TYOUDARE MARVIN YOU LITTLE SHIT!'
Anti tried to scramble off the couch, but Marvin was on top of him in an instant and reaching for his wrists with a maniacal grin. They were practically wresting, Marvin smirking and focused whilst Anti growled with threatening intent. Anti was cursing himself, goddammit WHY did he have to keep teasing? He COULDN'T let Marvin get away with this, but Marvin as we know....is a determined bugger.
'One way, or another....I'm gonna getcha getcha getcha!'
Anti's cheeks warmed up and he let a smile slip out at Marvin's tease, noticing how he used some lyrics of a song Anti liked. Hearing the words in this context caused the first waves of embarrassment to quiver in Anti's tummy, and spurred him to glare and snarl.
'I SWEAR I will tickle torture you for this! Stop while I'm giving you the chance!'
Marvin knew Anti wouldn't go down without a fight, it was so admirable. Even though the magician did feel a quiver of fear at the threat....the threat itself was proof that Marvin had the upper hand. Marvin knew Anti well enough to know that when he started making threats, that's when he was the most nervous. Marvin snatched Anti's wrists and shoved them under his knees to pin them, and cracked his knuckles in response to Anti's growl.
'Well maybe YOU should have taken a deep breath while I gave you the chance!'
Anti was struggling and tugging with all his might, but nothing stopped that mighty shriek leaving him when Marvin's claw-shaped hands dug into his vulnerable tummy. He was encased in mad cackles instantly.
'AAAHH! NAHAHA GEHET OHOHOFF MEHEHEEE!'
Marvin snickered as Anti writhed beneath him, the magician was always amused how Anti's reactions to tickling were THE most wild and sporadic out of everyone; not that it's surprising, given his wild character. As Marvin let his ''claws'' drag over Anti's stomach, and the thin t-shirt Anti wore offered no protection, he cooed teasingly.
'No can dooooo! Coochie coochie coooo!'
Anti's face lit up at the babyish teasing, and his arched his back whist wailing in ticklish agony; this was already evil and this was the first goddamn ticklish spot. Anti knew he was doomed.
'YOHOHOU BAHAHSTAHARD!! FAHAACK WHYTHEDAHAMNCLAWING?!'
Feeling Marvin's fingers just drag and scratch at the same time just made Anti flinch and quiver, it was quite the effective technique. Marvin kept it up as he crooned.
'Why it's my favourite tickly technique! After all, you're the one who called me a kitty cat! I'd have thought you'd be happy to feel my claws!'
Anti was shaking his head maniacally as the clawing reached his waist, making him buck and squeal as he babbled. He never knew something could tickle so much!
'NONONOHOHOHO IHIHAMNOTHAPPY NAHAHAT HAHAHAPPY!!'
Marvin pouted softly, but it was very exaggerated, as he removed his claws and put his fists on his hips.
'Awwww, well that won't do will it? I'll just have to try harder!'
Anti was making the most of his break, taking breath after breath as he tried to force his smile away, but for some reason his mouth just wasn't co-operating. He was grinning and shivering as he looked up at Marvin, still giggling from the atmosphere....almost like he WAS happy....ha! What a preposterous accusation, ahem moving on. Anti's voice had dimmed to a gentle, jittery form as he replied.
'N-Nohoho M-Maharvin, th-that w-wahas ahalready e-evil!'
Marvin cocked his head to the side as he giggled, eyes glinting.
'Oho Anti.....I think I need to help you redefine what TRUE evil is.'
Anti's blush was dark and prominent from embarrassment as he watched Marvin with eagle eyes, trying to anticipate something, anything. Marvin started lowering his head towards Anti's abdomen, making Anti squirm as his muscles tensed and twitched nervously. Then Anti shrieked. Marvin had definitely thrown build-ups out of the window today.
'NONONONO DOHOHON'T DOHOHO THAHAHAHAT!!'
Marvin giggled once more as he swiped his tongue back and forth along Anti's waistline, knowing how much this technique in this place drove him absolutely crazy. As he tormented Anti's soft, delicate skin, he growled playfully like a feasting beast.
'Mmmm, I never knew glitches could taste so good....'
Dammit dammit dammit, the animal trope AS WELL AS the lickling? Anti was in hell. Anti whimpered through his high pitched laughter as he squeezed his eyes shut to try and block out the wet, warm, tickly sensation; but if anything, it only became more amplified. It was like he was being sloppily painted, but the paint was warm and the brush was slick and immeasurably soft. Anti cried out.
'P-PLEHEHEASE YOHOU KNOHOW IHI CAN'T STAHAHAND THIHIHIS!!'
Anti squealed when Marvin wiggled the tip of his tongue over the skin playfully, then gazed at him amusedly as he purred.
'But you don't have to stand it, you're lying down!'
Anti let out a groan of despair at the pun, to think he thought things couldn't have gotten worse. Now Marvin had brought his detrimentally terrible humour into play. Marvin snickered at his own joke as he flicked his tongue under Anti's navel, making him squeal and buck adorably.
'YOHOHOU FUHUCKER!! YOHOHOU'LL REHEGREHET THIHIHIS!'
Marvin sighed.....more threats. Will he ever learn. He stopped and crawled on top of Anti, making the glitch gasp as Marvin glared at him; it was partly terrifying in all honesty. The magician looked fierce and fiery as he snarled down at Anti.
'And I'll make sure YOU regret it if you keep up those threats. I can make you submit to me.'
Anti's heart was pounding.....oh why oh why had he let his brain convince him that being cheeky to Marvin was a good idea? Anti KNEW how ruthless he could be. He KNEW that he wasn't to be underestimated or belittled. And yet, his subconscious convinced him to goad the magician anyway....and it was his subconscious that controlled his stammers now.
'I-I'll....s-still g-get you! Y-You can't TRULY defeat me!'
Except, this just proved that Marvin already HAD defeated him. Marvin smirked, now all he had to do was make Anti admit that he'd been bested.
'Still got that defiance....heh, I shouldn't really be surprised. If anything....this is just going to be so much more fun.'
Anti quivered as his gaze flicked over Marvin's excited expression, and he was already smiling as Marvin leant down and nestled his face into the crook of his neck. Anti was so tense. His mind was bubbling with questions. What was he going to do? Anti tried to stay quiet as he felt Marvin's warm breath move over his neck....dammit the suspense was actually killing him. This was, of course, something that Marvin was dragging out on purpose. The magician purred.
'Gotcha.'
Anti gasped and squeaked. No, he did not fall into hysteria, he simply was overcome by a stream of squeaky giggles as Marvin's sharp teeth started nipping and nibbling at his very sensitive, pale skin.
'F-Fuhuhuck.....M-Maharvihin......y-yohohou cahan't....'
Marvin snickered, which sent more chills through Anti's system, whilst dragging his teeth over his victim's vulnerable skin; he'd still managed to keep Anti's arms trapped beneath his legs too, he was pretty good at this tickle torture malarkey.
'But I already am....you might as well admit it Anti. You've lost.'
Anti flushed, filled with embarrassment since he knew deep down it was true, but before he could respond.....Marvin's fingertips came into play.
'AH! Th-thahat's n-nahat f-f-fahahair! P-Plehehease!'
Marvin's fingertips had joined the party and were drawing little shapes all over Anti's bared, sensitive sides; galaxies and nebulas and patterns and shapes, all of them sending jolts through Anti's nerves....making him crumble more and more every second. Marvin whispered in a wispy voice, that almost sounded tickly all by itself.
'Come now Anti, you know what I want to hear. It's just....a little confession.'
Anti weakly shook his head, even though he barely had an ounce of willpower left he was scrunching up his face as a way to distract himself from the evil feelings.
'I-Ihihi cahahan't Ihi c-cahahan't!'
Marvin was just....so happy. Hearing Anti become undone was sublime. To think earlier he was his vibrant bratty self was almost unbelievable, but it just goes to show how being ticklish can reveal every hidden part of you. In this instance, Anti's prickly exterior was a shield for his meek interior; he was a soft little turtle on the inside basically. Marvin was gonna tease that little turtle to death.
'Sure you can....otherwise, heh well, I don't have anything to do today, and this is quite a comfy position....'
Anti gulped as he squirmed and whined, but any energy for potential escape had long been used up, he was hardly even glitching too. His body was only exhibiting the odd crackle and shift by a millimetre, but other than that, Anti was just completely vulnerable. And he knew it.
'Y-Yohohou h-hahave toho h-have mehehercy ohon me!'
Marvin giggled softly, finding a soft spot behind Anti's ear that he latched onto with his teeth, all the while his blunt nails relentlessly teased the dips of his poor sides. He only had to utter two words....two words that made Anti realise, he'd honestly lost.
'Do I?'
It went on....Anti didn't know how long. Time didn't exist it seemed. It was just tickling, tracing, nibbling, tracing, nibbling, tracing, nibbling. Anti's eyes were watering just from his high-pitched giggle fits as he tried and tried to endure. However, with every passing moment, he just seemed to get more and more ticklish, and Marvin wasn't even using magic. It was just plain old tickling. Tickling, just in itself, is torture....classic tickling with deft fingertips....can never go wrong. Marvin was about to find this out, to his utter glee.
'OKAY! Y-Yohohou w-wihin yohou d-d-defeheated mehe pleasehavemehercypleasepleaseplease!'
Anti babbled, he honestly couldn't have handled any more, it was like he was being hypnotised via touch. His breathing was raspy and erratic, his gaze was glazed and focused on the ceiling, and his body was caught in a haze of jolts and shivers....but now....a calm had been reached. Anti sighed in relief when Marvin's fingers retracted and his arms were released from under his legs; Anti bent his arms, he'd almost forgotten he had these two limbs. As Anti regained his senses though....he realised that Marvin hadn't gotten off him. Oh no. Quite the opposite. The magician was cuddling him, and smiling at him.
'I win.'
Anti pursed his lips when Marvin giggled, snuggling into him....like a goddamn cat. Fuckin' affectionate piece of cute. Anti begrudgingly hugged him back, giving his back a little pack as he mumbled embarrassedly.
'Yeah...ya did.....'
He paused, which made Marvin look at him again curiously. What he said next though, meant Marvin was the one blushing.
'I'm proud of ya.'
Marvin couldn't stop smiling, and Anti felt a wave of satisfaction....even after all that, he'd gained an inch of the upper hand. He chuckled, then playfully shoved Marvin off him onto the carpet so his could stand up and brush down his clothes.
'HEY!'
Anti snickered as he looked down at Marvin, who was playfully glaring. However he soon grinned when Anti gave him a hand up, rolling his eyes. Marvin smiled as he watched Anti start to saunter from the room....oh if only he'd since the glitch's smirk as he spoke offhandedly.
'Ugh I was not prepped for sappiness today, to think i only came here to tell ya Jackie wants to go on a date with ya...'
Marvin's eyes bugged out of his sockets, whilst Anti cackled to himself. Marvin blushed, frozen in place. Jackie. Cute Superhero. Date. With him. Actual Jackie....smirky teasy pretty kind selfless Jackie-WHAT?!
'WHAT WAIT ANTI COME BACK?!'
Anti merely kept on sauntering, hands in his pockets and head held high as Marvin's flustered, jittery voice followed him. Ah, the sounds of someone yelling Anti's name in frustration or in vain...things were definitely back to normal.
DOOONNNEEE!!! Wow I can't believe it's done....genuinely though I'd love to know what you guys though of this finale AND the whole series! LUV YOUS XXX
#septic series#jacksepticeye#jacksepticeye egos#anti#antisepticeye#marvin#marvin the magnificent#marvin the mischievous#finale#final part#sfw#cute#platonic#ego fic#ego fanfic#tickle fic#tickle fanfic#tickle#tickles#tickling#ticklish#luv these bois so much
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Volume 5 OST
I don’t normally have such verbose opinions on the RVVBY music (it’s like writing a review for fiberglass insulation) I managed to sit down and listen to this album the whole way through. My feelings on these tracks feels like a culmination of all my feelings of previous RVVBY music. I won’t try to be lengthy about this but I got some solid thoughts.
First of all, can we just collectively agree to stop making every fucking RVVBY song put on Youtube use fan art? Like can we just get a solid fucking static picture of the volume cover art maybe? I’m sick of the mediocre ship art used for goddamn everything and it looks incredibly unprofessional. Also since these are RT fans you know they don’t give a flying fuck about credit.
The Triumph Not to kick this off on such an upbeat note but this is one of my favorite OP’s. Maybe my favorite. Maybe. I could not fully appreciate this song when the episodes were coming out because the opening itself was the biggest trashfire to come out of this show. Like, sorry I can’t get hyped up on 10 seconds of Ruby and Ren and Jaune sitting on a couch. Listening to it alone though? Big improvement.
Jeff Williams does this thing where he’s clearly way too proud of his proud choice and rhymes, and usually lines end with a big focus on stupid vernacular. Trust me, this will come up later. The Triumph manages to avoid that. This Will be the Day does as well because it’s a pretty hammy song with a better, more consistent tone. “Back to reality, back to the show” is an awful, terrible, horribly ironic line in the context of Volume 5, but it’s not as in your face as it could be, so it gets a pass from me. I also think “That’s when you learned you were messing with gods” is awesome, sorry. It could be more awesome if these characters like, seemed more like gods? And they don’t? So eh.
Then the second verse happens and it calls back to the first with “Yeah I’m a girl but I’m also a god” and I’m like, oh, so you’re just gonna- oh, okay then. Yeah let’s just beat the one good part like a dead horse, sure. That really ruins the song for me ngl.
It also manages to avoid the formulaic trend of post-second verse slow sappy breakdown. Time to Say Goodbye and Let’s Just Live do that and it gets old after a while. If you’re gonna give me hype music then stick with it. Not that Let’s Just Live really hypes you up.
Overall it’s like a 7/10 for me because it has a good pace and it doesn’t scream “look at how clever I am!” at every turn.
Ignite The song I was most excited for and the most disappointed by. I wrote about it here and I’ll try not to do anything more than summarize what I said there.
It’s obnoxious and the lyrics are way too dumb. Not funny dumb, not hammy dumb, nope, just dumb. It’s not even in the style of Yang’s usual dumbness, which by all accounts should now be under Armed and Ready’s foot since that is now the prime Yang theme. The major problem is how obvious these issues are. Like you can’t not hear how bad the writing is.
Then Lamar comes in, and I usually enjoy him since, like I said above, he brings with him some hammy, corny lyrics that manage to be fun. But he’s phoning it in here. He’s mumbling and tripping over his own words. God I didn’t even understand what mumbling truly sounded like until I heard that verse.
4/10 and I hate to write that on a Yang theme but this song is everything wrong with these soundtracks.
Path to Isolation Which brings us to my favorite annual game of “Count How Many Times a Weiss Song Uses the Word ‘Mirror.’” Spoilers: it’s a handful.
It’s fine. Weiss songs have always been fine. The worst thing I can say about them is that you have to dredge through their slow-ass, repetitive openings to get to the good part. 5/10
All Things Must Die aka “Slow And Brooding Villain Song That Turns Into a Rock Anthem #5″ aka “Sacrifice And Divide Did It Better But Even They Were Only So Good” aka “We’re Not Even Going For A Subtle Title Here.”
I don’t even know whose perspective this is sung from anymore. Like Cinder is our designated villain song candidate but she has like no autonomy this volume so that falls flat, meanwhile Salem still has no clear motivation. Hazel and Adam might be the most developed(?) bad guys this volume but this song has nothing to do with them. 4/10
This Time (From Shadows Part II) I’m writing about this one before Smile for a reason.
A song called From Shadows Part II deserves better, lol. Also given the fan art uses on the version I found posted, this is a Blake+Sun song? I don’t know. It starts with the beautiful piano solo from the original which was godlike and relaxing and also dramatic.
Lyrics are just shitty but in a shocking twist they’re hard to hear other than THIS TIIIIME in the chorus which...I’m fine with. I’m legit convinced that the fewer lyrics you can make out in these songs, the better. This all sounds rather nice and has a good flow to it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s kinda just trash. Absolute filler. Fluff. Churned-out melodrama to keep the White Fang kindle going.
Also I guess in hindsight it’s weird to have Jeff singing here since this song is supposed to represent Blake moving on with new resolve. Like before it was clearly Blake and Adam singing, but now it’s Blake and...Sun? Adam again? Like some non-canon reformed Adam? Idk. At least it’s tonally a good contrast to Part I. It’s easy to listen to the song without focusing on the lyrics which is rather soothing, but it’s still nonsense. 5/10
Smile (From Shadows Part 0)
No yeah I made that part up, but I think this song is a better From Shadows Part 0 than This Time is a Part II. I’m dead serious. They gave us an Ilia song and made it more interesting than her character is in volume 5, if not extremely on the nose.
Because my god, it’s on the nose. It’s just Ilia’s backstory about blending in to avoid all the pain your oppressors brought you and biding your time until you can rip the smiles off their faces...oh I don’t think that’s how Ilia’s backstory went. This is much darker. Very Count of Monte Crisco and dare I say actually interesting. It makes Ilia sound way more compelling than Blake while also making her out as a foil to her. Except I don’t know why the fucking hell the character presented in Smile would ever join the White Fang, especially under Adam’s authority, and then follow him so blindly. But I guess as of last volume’s OST we should be use to that disconnect between show plot and music lore.
7/10 for being accidentally interesting.
All That Matters
It’s....fine? Fine-ish. Obligatory slow and sappy song because ofc. Casey at least sounds like she’s in her comfort zone. It just doesn’t mean much to me.I guess it’s the theme of the girls being back together but I have my own issues with that, which is mainly that three of them were already reunited halfway into Volume 5 and it was only Blake’s arrival that really pushed them into sappy territory.
5/10 it’s not bombastically terrible enough to merit a lower score and not interesting enough to be higher.
I’m Her Daughter After All - RVVBY Volume 5 Official Score
I don’t know why this song is here because it’s an actual non-lyrical official part of the soundtrack, which is mind-blowing. You’d think Jeff was contractually obligated to have his blood’s voices dip their toes in every track.
It’s a nice medley of Yang’s themes, namely I Burn and Armed and Ready. It also makes you appreciate how Yang’s musical themes have actually evolved, unlike those of the other characters. Why do we have this Western thing going on? Qrow had it too in Bad Luck Charm. I don’t mind it since I think it’s kinda neat, but 6/10 for being a random score track.
Mayday! Lancers! - RVVBY Volume 5 Official Sc- wait
They did the score thing again. I don’t know why. I also forgot the Lancer scene actually happened in Volume 5 until I heard this. Like, Weiss did so little in Volume 4 that I’m attributing stuff that happened in V5 to last volume.
It’s fine? It’s nice to have a non-lyrical Weiss song, actually. 5/10
Armed and Ready ie The Appeal Of The Original Was Lost On Us
This song did not need a remix lol. Armed and Ready is actually damn good, is a great proper evolution of Yang’s theme that successfully moves her out of the shadow of I Burn, and was a really, really good climax to her recovery arc. This turns it into a dance remix, which ironically is the exact sort of thing the original moved her character away from. 4/10
Gold (Acoustic)
As I listened to this I realized it wasn’t just the original vocals played over an acoustic cover; Casey actually re-recorded the song. That’s blowing it out of the park for a RVVBY remix. Also it’s like, good.
I always liked Gold for whatever reason. I just thought it was uplifting and it did the nice thing where the lyrics are simple and flow well. The loud instrumentals had me unsure if it made for a good complement to the lyrics or if it was just a bad choice. This just sounds wonderful. Most importantly, it makes you really appreciate Casey’s singing talent. More than anything, she sounds absolutely comfortable singing this song. No stressed notes, no weird word choices, no ham. This is just a nice song and it’s my favorite on this album. 8/10
Let’s Just Live (Remix) “The Obligatory OP Remix Oh God Triumph Is Gonna Get This Treatment Next Year
It doesn’t go above my expectations but I like the new instrumentals. Reminds me of Stickerbrush Symphony. I think it’s much more fitting than in the original and is a true improvement on it. 6/10
The final issue I have with this album is this, and it involves some statistics. This is a 12-song album. That isn’t strange. But here are some numbers for you:
Ruby Songs: 0
Weiss Songs: 2
Blake Songs: 1 (2 if you count Smile)
Yang Songs: 4
Remixes: 3
Scores(?): 2
Just to put that in front of you. Remixes comprise 1/4th of the album, glorified scores are 1/6th, and Yang received 4 whole slots (one-third of the album!) while Ruby, the protagonist, got absolutely none. Nothing in this album is about just Ruby, and I think she kind of deserves that. I mean she did nothing this volume so whatever, but we didn’t even get Glorious Score Track Of Jaune Healing Weiss so that’s super strange. They didn’t even shaft her in lieu of anyone, she was just left out.
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working on 9/11: an exercise in keeping one's mouth shut. at least my poor trainer is gonna be trying to get through a week's worth of material today (we are so behind), so maybe there won't be too much chatter.
(one of the recent high school graduates in class was bitching yesterday about how his teachers and stuff would all have stories about where they were on 9/11/01 and all the Never Forget stuff, cause he was one year old obviously, and he was like "it's history! it happened!" and like... pointing out that even though he doesn't have a Where Were You When You Heard story, the aftermath has shaped his whole entire life, and -- idk, words are hard, i just really liked hearing someone acknowledging the historical importance while also being kind of irreverent about what has basically become a major religious holiday of Murrica-worshippers. I speak as an apostate of that religion myself. ;P)
Honestly, as long as I'm rambling about this, I may as well do my whole 9/11 ramble, or what I can get of it on a phone keyboard. So to preface, I was... I'm gonna obfuscate my age a tad and say fourteen or fifteen, but I was just hitting that stage of brain development where teenagers get really into questioning the assumptions that underpin their lives. In my case, I wound up really noticing just how fast everything moved and how suddenly all the adults around me appeared to lose their critical faculties. Over the next few years I lost a lot of what had been a very strong faith in the founding USian ideals; I still think it was a damn worthwhile experiment, but I now think your average human is too damn out-groupy and illogical to make any such experiment work long-term on a centuries-to-millennia scale.
Uh. Where was I? Right. So then, due to reasons, I spent large chunks of the Remodel of Doom researching the 9/11/01 timeline and so forth. I would not go so far as to say that "9/11 Was An Inside Job", but I was looking for a satisfactory answer to one very specific question, desperately trying to make the official story hold up, and I still haven't found one. (I was also writing what, in retrospect, was a perplexingly time-displaced Captain America/Avengers AU long before CA:TFA hit theaters, in which 9/11 took the approximate place of the Chitauri invasion. I'm still so damn chuffed that I called every major story beat in The First Avenger; that was honestly the moment, when I realized that in the theater, where I really started to believe in myself as a writer. The movie was of course far better written and more cohesive than anything I'd committed to paper, but I'd gotten the plot outline right, and that was a huge confidence booster for me. Not massively relevant, but Steve Rogers in the 21st century is forever tied to 9/11 for me, so that goes in the ramble. Might go back to that story sometime, actually... I say while not working on any of the sixty pilotfics I want to write... ;P)
So, uh, anyway, MCU-related digressions aside. That one question was "How did the government sources talking to the news media know that al-Qaeda was the terrorist organization to which the hijackers were linked before anyone even knew how many planes had been hijacked or where they were headed?" Because I remember very clearly -- I didn't know al-Qaeda from a hole in the wall (I didn't know *the World Trade Center* from a hole in the wall, I was actually picturing the New York Stock Exchange until the existence of the towers became relevant, and we didn't have a TV to unconfuse me), but the radio announcers were floating the specific name "al-Qaeda" specifically before the second tower even fell. Not a general suspicion of "Islamic terrorists", they went straight to al-Qaeda, and specifically in the context that al-Qaeda had *not* claimed responsibility for the attacks, phrased in such a way as to imply (but not state in a legally liable way) that it was already Known they were at fault.
Me, after years of chewing on that and drawing timelines, I've settled at the belief that it almost certainly wasn't "an inside job" in the sense of being performed directly by government agents posing as hijackers or government demolitions teams -- frankly, I don't think a USian focused on PR would have come up with those targets, we'd go for the Statue of Liberty and the White House or Congress like every disaster movie does -- but I do strongly suspect there were US agents grooming disaffected young men toward the idea, like how we used to (and probably still do) stoke local conflicts abroad in order to gain influence. And I am very certain that at minimum, somebody in an important decision-making position had A Plan: that if and when a newsworthy terrorist attack happened on US soil, the name of al-Qaeda would be floated, the populace whipped into a frenzy, the PATRIOT Act pushed through, and Afghanistan invaded. I doubt they had the whole PATRIOT Act actually prepped ahead of time, but the basic "give them al-Qaeda for a scapegoat and let them demand blood" -- I have never found any evidence I could use to make myself doubt that that plan existed and was implemented, and believe me, I fucking wanted to. :P
So yeah, that's what I've got of the 9/11 ramble I'm not going to deliver at work. One more side note. There's a verse of "America the Beautiful" that irritates the fuck out of me, because it goes on about "heroes proved in liberating strife", referring to the USian War of Independence, so George Washington etc, "who more than self their country loved, and mercy more than life". Loving your country more than yourself is all very well and good, but a soldier who loves "mercy more than life" is A SHITTY-ASS GODDAMN SOLDIER if not outright a pacifist, and either way quite likely dead! :P I get so fucking *mad*. The point is, as Sir Pterry said, to make the other poor bastard die for his country first.
So. But. Anyway. The part where this ties into 9/11. There was actually a picture book, because Murricanism is very much a major religion along the lines of mainstream Xtianity, gotta indoctrinate those babies young. (I'm feeling very snarky for obvious reasons.) But this particular picture book was the lyrics of America the Beautiful with stock photos of the amber waves of grain and purple mountain majesties and all that, and for that verse, they used a news photo of the Twin Towers with the smoke and some pics of firefighters and EMTs. And *that* got me right in the fucking feels, because I swear to god, man. It actually applies. If anybody does "love mercy more than life" in the line of duty, it's first responders. And I -- I wish it hadn't just been an excuse for another fucking pointless war, I wish that hadn't been the direction we spun it, because damn. Can you imagine -- I'm not sure I'm making any sense at all here, but can you imagine a world where instead of the runaway inflation of military spending and police militarization that we've got, a world where we turned toward aggressively funding paramedics and other social services? Thanking them for their service? Where saving lives was valorized instead of taking them. I wish I lived in that world. :S
um, yeah. thank you for coming to my ted talk, as the children say :S
#not sure how to tag this#9 11 fake tag#world trade center fake tag#twin towers fake tag#thinky thoughts
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Ngl I'm invested on your thoughts on the pokemon fic I sent you and I eagerly and patiently await your inevitable judgement
Let me put on my reading glasses to seem smarter. Ya know, I didn’t know how weird it’d gonna be writing a review on a fanfic when you are so, so not a part of the fandom. The fuck the fuck are they all on, the fuck the fuck what is going on.
Good thing is, my promise never laid in judging the fic itself. But, I can understand why you like it so much. And I now I am judging you! I get it why you like it so much. And before YOU dare to tell me you don’t, you fucking do. You are an absolute sucker.
It’s solid. It’s not the greatest thing I ever read, and if I were to critique the fic, I’d have things to say. But I am here to fuck with you and you alone!
From what I read, it’s a fic. I didn’t finish it, obviously. But at least it didn’t give a big cringe on the first chapter. That’s something! Hey, I bet you don’t mind wasting your time on BNHA even if you are predicting the plot, even if you see all the clichés, even if you are tempted to make Naruto jokes. In fact, you might even find joy in spending your time this way. Hey, I am not judging, but I am totally judging.
Should I guess the tropes that bring you joy? Should I divinate your personality based on a fic you didn’t even write? No. I am here to pass judgements, to be a dickhead, to demoralize you and dehumanize you.
The problem is...you are so vanilla about it, too. Like, there’s not even chocolate syrup on your generic vanilla flurry. You like things that are good, that are solid, nice and filled with a bit of high school drama. Who doesn’t? But like... maybe develop a bit of a personality? Just a little something something to hold on to.
Okay, on a scale from Sakura Chiyo to Ignis Scientia, how much a mom friend are you? Because don’t lie to me.
There is, apparently, some emotional weight for the story, and it’s one of the reasons why I refuse to say anything about fic and roast you and you alone. Because I had no clue what is going on and why. This was more of a challenge than I thought it would be, just not to google shit to understand what the fuck is going on. Apparently, sometimes there’s plot in fanfiction. I didn’t know that. Well, my mistake.
But are you there for the plot, though? Or because it gives you feels? Because I am willing to bet it’s the latter. Because it has goddamn song lyrics like in every chapter. Of course, it would. What else is there to give you serotonin but finding the song the author mentioned and be like OH YEAH I CAN FEEL IT THE ANGST. Jesus fucking Christ, how desperate are you for serotonin? Like the rest of us?
I am 100% convinced if you are insecure about your fic writing, you add lyrics from your favourite spotify playlist, hoping that people will listen to it and appreciate you for your deep and profound soul. JFC. You are an absolute sucker, Jonas Brothers have nothing on you.
I will not even ask why you are in a Pokémon fandom in this day and age. I will not deprive you of childhood that was taken from you, I am not your mom.
My favourite out of context quote from the fic, tho: “We found traces of a bunny girl’s scent.” [trace of a scent?]
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Re the post about HS1 and toxic masculinity, esp about the contrast btw the lyrics and the performance. Do you think this was intentional on Harry’s part, ie a marketing technique to make him seem available to women but safe; a by-product of him writing to an image of classic rock but being a feminist so the contrast stems from that; or the lyrics r just a by product of him being a young privileged white man who likes classic rock and his stage performance is just him being a non straight man
What a great set of questions - my short answer is - yes I think all those factors are probably in play (well except I think fandom wildly over-estimates his understanding of feminism). I also think it’s important to think about how his audience, which is almost entirely women, co-create the performance atmosphere.
Ultimately the idea I want to explore at the moment is that there isn’t necessarily a contrast between songs that treat women as objects and an environment that is very woman centred.
And I’m going to do it by way of analogy. I hate Love Actually - absolutely loathe it think it’s a terrible movie. My sisters adore it and watch it a lot. The Christmas of 2013 Lindy West wrote an amazing review of Love Actually and my Dad found it and read it out. And there’s lots great about that review, but it also identifies the core of what is wrong with Love Actually:
Colin Firth falls in "love" with Aurelia at first sight, establishing Love Actually's central moral lesson: The less a woman talks, the more lovable she is.
None of the women in this movie fucking talk. All of the men in this movie "win" a woman at the end. This goddamn movie.
And after we’d all talked about how the airport bit was stupid, but the school play was the most stupid, my Mum said: 'I understand why women like it though. I remember being young and feeling like I had nothing to say or give and wanting to someone to see through my shyness and awkwardness and realise how great I was.’ And I think she was absolutely right - both about the specific issue of why Love Actually was so popular and more generally about how to think about pop culture in a feminist way.
Because we all have to exist in this world - and in particular young women (in some ways whether or not we’re attracted to men) have to understand ourselves in the context of the horrors of heterosexuality as it’s constituted in our society. In a context where what it means to be desired by men is pretty awful, but being not desired by men is worse.
I don’t think there’s a contrast between the lyrics and the performance in Harry’s song - I think they go together. The point is to speak the language of heterosexual desire, so that women can imagine themselves as the object of the songs and feel desired and valued in a society that places so much weight on women’s desirability. By performing these songs in an environment of relative safety he is creating a space for (some) women to explore how they feel about their sexuality. To experience what it feels like to be desired, without any of the actual danger that comes of being desired by an actual man.
And look I don’t respond to any of this personally, and wouldn’t when I was 19 either. It makes me want to make a Dar Williams mix tape (beginning and ending with Another Mystery) and hand it out to every person going to a Harry gig. But it’s not about me.
I didn’t actually mean to focus on what I don’t like about Harry’s lyrics. I meant to move from that to say that I think he is probably giving parts of his audience something really valuable that he could not do without the bits that I don’t like. We need to see ourselves in art in order to connect with it and for it to help us navigate the world. Music that replicates the idea that women are sexual objects, but makes that a safe thing to be is probably useful to women at points in their life when music which insists that women are the subjects of the songs just wouldn’t connect at all.
#And I'm making that last point#as someone who took a very long time to see herself as a subject#and who used to identify as neither the object or subject of songs#but third parties who were mentioned in passing#that's how much difficulty I had seeing myself as having a place within the framework of desire set I had access to#Women who see themselves as the object of songs#are dreaming bigger for themselves that I used to#there's a question of how much Harry understands any of this#and I'd really like to talk to him about it and find out#but I think their experience as the objects of fandom#have meant that they have absorbed a lot of women's feelings about themselves and the world#and probably understand far more than they can articulate.#Anonymous
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