Because I am literally never not thinking about weird meta, blurring lines between reality and narrative, and the whole concept of actors becoming their characters, I am now entertaining thoughts of a Shadow of the Vampire-style story wherein a late-2010s-style all-female The Lost Boys remake gets derailed when the lead actress suddenly starts not showing up to shooting because she's sleeping all day...

Monster of the Week: The Undead!

From spooky scary skeletons to the original zombies, let’s have a look at the undead who have risen around the globe! This will not include vampires (which I have already compiled a post on) or ghosts (which I plan to compile a post on.)

Note that many of these can best be understood -- or only understood -- in their original cultural context, and I encourage you to continue your research if the lore interests you.

Skeletons/Skeletal Creatures

I am, for whatever reason, enthusiastic about skeletons. There’s a drama to them. They look like they’re perpetually grinning, or grimacing, which makes them oddly relatable. As an artist, I’m always thinking about them as the framework for poses. 

More importantly, there’s one in all of us -- sorry if that made you uncomfortable -- which makes them a universally recurring being in global folklore. Let’s take a look at just a few.

Gashadokuro

Literally translating to “rattling skull,” the Gashadokuro is also called Odokoru (giant skull) or simply “the hungry skeleton.” That basically tells you all you need to know. 

These big boys (and I mean REALLY big) wander around the countryside at night. Their name derives from the eerie rattling noise produced by their giant skulls. As chill as this may sound, the Gashadokuro is not actually chill at all, and if you come across them they will not hesitate bite your head off. This may seem like a jerk move, since they don’t even have a stomach, but they need the energy of the living in order to sustain themselves.

Like most undead fellas on this list, the Gashadokuro has its origins in the real world. They are thought to originate from the mass-graves, usually of those who died under violent or inhumane circumstances, the supernatural byproduct of countless skeletons. 

The first Gashadokuro was thought to have originated after a specific bloody rebellion, in which the bereaved, sorceress daughter of a samurai summoned a giant skeleton from the mass grave of the rebelling soldiers and used it to attack the city. Queen behavior, if you ask me.

Santa Muerte

Image Source

Let’s conclude this portion with my favorite skeleton (excluding Baron Samedi, who doesn’t count, as he is often depicted as a man, or a man with a skull-like face), the goddess/folk saint Santa Muerte.  

I still have a lot to learn about the rich folklore surrounding Santa Muerte, but to my understanding, she was born of a combination of pre-Columbian Indigenous religions and Mexican-American folk Catholicism. 

Depicted as a skeleton in beautiful, feminine attire and considered to be embodiment of death, Santa Muerte is a healing and protective figure. She is beloved by legions of worshippers, despite condemnations from the Catholic church, and symbolizes a culturally positive relationship with death. 

Despite appearances, she is a life-affirming figure.

Zombies and Reanimated Corpses:

The Draugr

When we hear “zombie,” we don’t traditionally think of “Norse mythology.” And yet, the Nordics had their very own zombie mythos, boasting some truly terrifying undead.

It is said that they first emerge from their graves as little more than wisps of smoke and a stench of decay, before adopting a humanoid form that boasts superhuman strength, the ability to change size at will, and the ability to shape-shift. 

They aren’t mindless -- far from it. They boast an anthropomorphic intelligence, which makes them all the more dangerous.  

As to what drives them from their graves? Jealousy and bitterness towards the living. Relatable, honestly. 

The Jiangshi

(Note: I wish they were all as adorable as the one in this gif.)

This Chinese hopping corpse may have evolved into more of a vampire by Western influences, but it was originally far more zombie-like. And a unique zombie at that. 

Due to rigor mortis, the Jiangshi hops stiffly from place to place, holding its arms straight out. What’s even more singular is their origin. Try to guess. Go ahead, try. You won’t be able to.

The Jiangshi is what occurs when a bereaved family, lacking the proper funds to send their loved one’s body back to their ancestral land for burial, hires a necromancing corpse driver to reanimate the cadaver and guide it as it hops back to its resting place. They’d travel at night to avoid or minimize decay, either prodded by a stick or to the beat of a drum.

Other ways to create a Jiangshi include improper burial, suicide, or possession.

Looking upon a Jiangshi is said to be bad luck, and presumably very unpleasant. However, the real problem is their insatiable appetite. 

But fear not: if you see an unhealthy looking fellow hopping towards you with pasty, possibly decaying skin, you can protect yourself with mirrors, the hooves of a black donkey, or the wood of a peach tree. They can also be scared off by the sound of a crowing rooster, though that would require a bit of planning, and the cooperation of the rooster in question. Which, knowing roosters, is unlikely. 

Haitian Zombies

All legends of the undead have roots in real tragedies, but this one is particularly upsetting -- and the source of the zombie legend in the Western world today.

The enslaved people of Haiti believed that death would set them free, sending them back to an idyllic version of their homeland unburdened by colonialism. But only if death came naturally. Suicide would turn them into mindless husks, carrying out the drudgery of their captors. A haunting parallel to the practice of slavery itself. 

The concept was introduced to a contemporary audience by the 1932 film White Zombie, which sees a white “voodoo master” (who clearly didn’t know anything about the actual Voodoo religion) using witchcraft to create obedient slaves. He eventually uses this (ahem) “”voodoo”” on a white woman to try and force her to fall in love with him. 

With the term “zombie” in public consciousness, it became an applicable allegory for all of society’s ills, and can now be used to refer to anything from mob mentality to consumerism. But few are as haunting and as disturbing as its origins.

Videos on zombies: 

The Origin of the Zombie, from Haiti to the US

Where Zombies Come From

100 Hundred Years of Zombie Evolution in Pop Culture

Best Contemporary Zombie Movies*

*That I know of. Will update with more.

Night of the Living Dead - Though White Zombie introduced the term, it was arguably this film that popularized zombies as we know them today, particularly as an allegory for herd mentality and consumerism. Its successors, including Day of the Dead and Dawn of the Dead, prove similarly influential. 

The Evil Dead Trilogy - Established that zombies can be fun, while also serving as an allegory for various societal problems. Also features undead that are refreshingly ravenous and evil without necessarily being mindless.

The Re-Animator - These days, the average zombie movie pushes the bounds of creativity is “make ‘em faster!” The Re-Animator’s take on the genre, however, would make Mary Shelley proud. Based loosely on the Lovecraft story, “Herbert West - Reanimator,” the films greatest triumph is its ability to have fun with its grisly premise, and compel the audience to have fun, too. It’s also a cautionary tale about why it’s important to be careful while getting a roommate. 

Shaun of the Dead - I’m not kidding. This film is great, and shows that you don’t need a serious tone to be heartfelt, scary, or provide a thought-provoking social commentary. Way back when I was a sixteen-year-old college freshman, I turned up to class as a zombie cheerleader, and my psychology professor recommended Shaun of the Dead to me. She’s a woman of impeccable taste, and it did not disappoint. 

28 Days Later - Before Cillian Murphy gave us Tommy Shelby, a gangster so pretty he could give Al Capone a sexual identity crisis, he was proving his mettle in the zombie-addled UK. For 2020 reasons, watching him wander the abandoned streets of London with a questionable haircut feels very topical. Add a stellar performance from Naomie Harris, and there’s a reason it sent me into a bisexual panic it’s considered a modern classic of the genre. 

Little Monsters - An egregiously underrated flick, featuring a kindergarten teacher (who happens to be, you know, Lupita Nyong’o) protecting her class during a zombie outbreak. A must watch if you want a zombie movie with a powerhouse lead, a happy ending, and perhaps the most badass kindergarten teacher in cinematic history. 

Monster AU:

Since it’s Halloween, let’s post this son of a bitch that I’ve been holding onto for months!

So, basically, it’s ‘AU where most characters are some sort of Magic Creature’. Because fuck it, you know? The story itself is kinda canon-parallel, but I haven’t thought out everything.

Anyway, first I’m starting off with tidbits on various creatures and stuff instead of straight into the story!

Ed and Al, and Hohenheim – Dragon

Technically Ed and Al are half-Dragon/half-Human, but due to Human Adaptability, Monster/Human Hybrids come out full monster(Monster/Monster Hybrids are rare, but would have abilities from both).

Ed and Al are also bumped up in age, being 18-ish. (so are the rest of the teens but whatever)

First up is the Monster Lore:

Dragon Magic is remains dormant until Awakened(because would you trust the unbridled chaos of a toddler with the ability to set stuff on fire?). It’s designed to be Awakened by another Dragon(usually a parent/guardian) after hitting puberty-age. Ed manages to find a loophole in this.

Dragons have three forms. Full Dragon, Human Disguise, and ‘Midform’(Human with Draconic features like wings, horns, claws, tail, and some scale freckles). Most Dragons feel most comfortable in Midform. While the Midform is still Human-sized, the Full Dragon form gets bigger with age! Ed and Al are young so they’re about the size of a small horse, but Hohenheim is 450-ish and enormous.

While they have the standard Dragon abilities of flight and fire, they also have general spellcasting abilities. Speaking of, another Dragon Ability is to either resist/deflect Magic, or enhance it, depending on if they want it used on them or not. It can even work subconsciously. For example, Ed and Al trust Winry, so her using Magic on them will always work, but they will resist spells from random people. This is another thing that gets stronger with age, as Ed and Al only have high resistance, but it’s difficult to find a spell powerful enough to get through Hohenheim.

Dragon Hoards are also a thing, but not in the usual gold/jewels way. Think of the Unusual Dragon Hoards art. A Dragon picks an item and creates a collection. When the instinct first kicks in, the Dragon will gather up as many items as they can find and just pile it up somewhere and not let anyone in. It calms down after a day or two. Ed’s hoard is actually friends because he’s a dork like that, but it gets difficult when he suddenly has five people in a cuddle pile and gets Very Upset when they try to get up.

Dragon Magic is Unique in it’s Source. Most Magic has an external Source(Fey have Nature, Witches have Spells, Vampires use others’ blood, etc.) A Dragon’s source is their own Life Energy. Using Magic will use up their Life Energy, but it replenishes itself with time, rest, and food. Despite being tied to their Life Energy, it’s very difficult to die from overusing Magic, as the Dragon will likely pass out from exhaustion before it gets unstable.

Very long-lived, but not Immortal. They age at the same rate as Humans until their twenties, and then aging slows dramatically. For example, Hohenheim is 450-ish, but is equal to a 30-ish year old Human.

Also! Colors! The colors of a Dragon’s scales are not genetic. It’s determined by the emotions they feel when their powers are Awakened. Ed is red, a color of passion and love, Al is green for a sense of belonging, and Hohenheim is white for freedom. (Accent colors like on horns and claws and such are still their usual gold)

On to character-specific tidbits:

Ed and Al

A lot of their story mirrors Canon, in that Hohenheim left for reasons unknown, and Trisha ends up dying. They do kinda get on a ‘maybe we can cook up some necromancy?’ idea, but that’s shut down real quick.

Ed still loses his leg somehow, because that’s constant in all my Aus.

Instead of focusing on fixing their shit, the boys are instead trying to figure out what the hell they are. Because, like, no one really knew that Hohenheim was a Dragon. They knew he was more than just a Witch, but they didn’t know what he was. He did tell Trisha, but neither of them told the boys. And since Dragon Magic remains dormant until Awakened, they’ve experienced minimal side effects. None of which are common Monster traits.

So they’re studying different Monsters in a hope to figure out what they are. The plan if they run across Hohenheim is to ask what they are and also punch him(Ed says punch first then ask, Al says ask and maybe punch.)

This does lead them to working for Mustang.

Hohenheim

His story also probably mirrors Canon. I’m not entirely sure what all goes down or how Father functions in this AU(I think I’m doing the ‘evil twin’ thing again, in which case I’m making him a black dragon for contrast!).

Him leaving is definitely still connected to this, though when he’s not actively working on that he uses the whole ‘Dragons can negate most Magic and are rare enough that people don’t have special defenses for them’ thing to help people out. Especially Monsters that get kidnapped for various reasons.

Hohenheim is also less depressed in this AU! Like, obvs he still has some issues. But being 450 years old is a lot more common so he doesn’t have that Angst™ hanging over him. Nor does he have the Angst™ of said Immortality being gained through a bunch of murder, since it’s just his natural lifespan. So we get to see more of his not-depressed side.

Winry – Witch

Monster Lore is short this time. Witches in this Universe are highly debated about whether they are Monsters or not, as they are basically just ‘Humans with the ability to use Magic’. Different people have different opinions on it.

Winry(and her family) consider themselves more on the Monster side, doing doctor stuff for all sorts of creatures.

Of course Automail is still a thing, and of course the Rockbell family is well known for it. Specifically, they make Automail that also hooks into a Monster’s Magic, and will function as they do. For example, Ed’s still missing a leg in this AU. So when he switches between Human, Dragon, and Midform, he needs his leg to change too.

Ling, Greed, and Lust – Vampires.

So, a few character tidbits before the Monster Lore:

Ling:

Despite being a Vampire, he’s still the same age as Ed. He was only Turned a couple years ago. Reasons for that are… not fun. It involves an abusive ex, becoming friends with Greed and Lust to get out of that, and ends in a ‘only way to save his life is to make him a vampire’ situation.

Before that he was just a Witch. Kinda neutral on the ‘are Witches ‘Monster’ or ‘Human’?’ debate, but Monster-friendly.

Greed and Lust

Much like my Groupchat AU, the Sins Crew and Father are mostly not related except for these two, and the Sins did work for Father for a while but they’ve all kinda fucked off. (The Sins crew do mostly stay in contact though).

Used to be Human(maybe Witches?). They were from a noble family about 200 years ago. Greed was Turned thanks to political drama, and was kicked out of the family. Lust willingly went with him.

While they’re around 200, due to Vampires being a bit frozen in time, they’re only a little older than Ed and Ling.

They operate this Universe’s version of the Devil’s Nest, which is a Montser-friendly bar.

Some Vampire Lore applies, some doesn’t.

They don’t have to be ‘invited in’(But they typically stick to societal rules of ‘don’t break in like a jackass’)

Sunlight and Garlic sort of bother them, but not like in some lore. They’re designed to be nocturnal, so being out in the sun is like ‘wtf???’ to their senses. Same with Garlic, which can easily overload their sense of smell(but so can any strong smell)

They can be burned by silver

The no reflection/can’t be photographed thing is sort of true. Old mirrors and cameras used silver. Nowadays mirrors use cheap metals and photo/video is digital, so they show up.

Religious symbols are tricky. It depends on how much the Vampire and the person warding them off believe in said religion.

Vampires have an ‘Enthrall Enchantment’, but it’s not, like, straight up hypnotism. It just kinda makes the person they’re biting feel a bit good and fuzzy and not really in pain. It also helps heal the bite afterward. I’ll discuss this more later.

Vampires need blood, but it doesn’t have to be Human blood. It’s just safest because Monster Blood can have various side effects.

Werewolf blood causes an effect similar to alcohol.

Fae blood causes a different prank each time(minor stuff, like turning your hair purple for a week)

Blood from Monsters related to Religions(like Angels or Demons) are actually poisonous.

Dragon blood causes a large power boost.

This is the Loophole Ed found for Awakening Dragon Magic.

The blood they drink has to be relatively fresh. ‘Straight from the tap’ is best, a vial of blood is good for a few hours

There is the question of ‘do Vampires need blood to live?’.

Technically? They get very weak if they don’t, especially in the Magic Department. But they usually die from said weakness than outright ‘not getting blood’.  

Vampires are Immortal as long as they continue to drink blood. even to the point of self-healing if they have enough.

Technically, a Vampire doesn’t need to eat or sleep if they have a decent blood source. However, it is better for them if they do as they can last longer between ‘drinks’.

Much like the other side effects I listed before, different blood lasts longer. Dragon blood would last longer than Human blood, for example.

Mustang –  Faerie (Fire-based)

An odd choice for him, but I’m running with it!

Time for Monster Lore:

All Fae love legal loopholes and the bullshit technicalities.

Usually Faeries are somewhat allergic to metal(especially iron). Occasionally there are ones that have no issue it, but it’s super rare.

A Faerie’s Magic Source is some form of nature. Fire-based ones have the ability to sort of create their own source(they can magically light fire to become their source). Think how stuff works in ATLA. Water users need a body of liquid, earth users need earth, but fire users can kinda make it themselves in decent conditions.

They’re still effected by other Elements though. Mustang’s whole ‘useless in the rain’ thing is still a problem. Even more than Canon. Like, he won’t die if put in water(the man has to shower sometimes), but it does make him very low-energy and overall weaker. He does not like swimming.

Also! Faerie Wings!! Gotta have those! The colors resemble a Faerie’s respective Source Element, but aren’t made out of it, so no literal fire wings. They do glow a lot when using powerful Magic. They can also be ‘put away’ to pass as Human(or just for convenience of not knocking shit over in narrow hallways).

Character tidbits

One of the few Fae that don’t have an issue with metals.

Between that, and the fact that the wings are usually ‘put away’, most people assume he’s just a Witch. He doesn’t correct them as it does make him more liked.

He subconsciously feels a connection to Ed and Al due to his Fire Magic nature picking up on their Dragon Fire. It’s one of the reasons why he tolerates their shenanigans(the other reason being that after about ten minutes getting to know them he was like ‘okay you’re my kids now’)

mini things on other characters that I don’t have story for yet:

The rest of the Sins Crew:

Envy is a shapeshifter(of course).

Pride is some sort of shadow monster(again, of course.)

Sloth is one of those Dream Eater Spirit things? You know what I’m talking about. He spends most of his time asleep in the Dream Realm.

Idk about Gluttony or Wrath yet.

Mustang’s Team!

Idk what everyone is yet, but they’re all Monsters of some sort.

Hawkeye is absolutely something with wings tho because HAWKeye!

Not sure what Mei is. Maybe just a Witch, but maybe something more? (obvs on her mom’s side though).

I also want to put Lan Fan in, but I’m not sure where or what she’d be? I think what happens here is that she was friends with Ling, but then his whole ‘bad relationship and becoming a Vampire’ thing happens. She feels guilty for not protecting him from that, and they end up going separate ways for a while, but they’d end up reconnecting at some point.

Story Plot Points!

The whole thing kinda kicks off because Ed and Ling are dating. Yes. Really.

Like, they get to that point in the relationship where Ling invites Ed over and is like “Okay, so I’m not actually Human?”. Because that’s a talk people have to have at somepoint

Ed’s like “cool me neither?”. He further explains the whole thing of how he knows he’s a Monster of some sort but doesn’t know which kind.

He then proceeds to ask a fuckton of questions about Vampires because he hasn’t studied one in-person before, and he noticed Ling goes against the typical rules(can’t go in sunlight, must be invited in, etc.)

As they’re talking on this, Ling mentions that different Monster blood has different effects.

Ed’s thought process is that he could use this to narrow down the search for what kind of monster he is by seeing the effect his blood has on Ling.

Ling’s… hesitant for several reasons.

But Ed insists and makes it very clear that he’s okay with it.

This is where the loopholes kick in!

As Vampire Magic uses the blood they drink, it also counts as the Magic of that creature. So Ling using Ed’s blood qualifies as Dragon Magic, and since the Enthrallment is in effect, that kickstarts Ed’s Magic.

This causes a panic as Ling’s Magic is suddenly a hell of a lot stronger and the Enthrallment is a lot more intense.

There’s also panic because once they stop that part, Ed’s just like ‘Holy FUCK I feel GREAT!’, but Ling knows he shouldn’t feel that good right now and he’s overheating. He’s like ‘Okay, that good feeling is probably you hallucinating or something so let’s go into the bathroom in case you throw up?’

And then Ed just kinda bursts into flames? Luckily they were already in the bathroom so Ling just kinda douses him in the shower.

Next day they head back to Ed’s place (He and Al live with Winry in this AU?). And they explain what happened. They agree that they have a decent lead here, but they need someone more knowledgeable. And, well, Ling knows some people.

Ling takes them down to the Devils’ Nest. As mentioned, Greed and Lust run the place.

They talk to Greed mostly. After explaining everything, he tells Ed to try something. Said thing ends with the boy breathing fire.

Greed’s just like ‘congrats kid you’re a fucking Dragon!’.

Greed and Lust share various tidbits about what they know about Dragons, but admit that there’s probably a lot of stuff they’re forgetting or just straight up don’t know.

They explain the whole ‘dormant Magic only activated by Dragon Magic’, and the probable loophole.

They also explain that once Ed finishes the ‘Awakening’, he’ll be able to ‘Awaken’ Al’s Magic easily. (Though Greed does offer to recreate the loophole(Al is very flustered but currently declines))

Speaking of, they do warn Ed that there’s a bit more to go through. Mostly that he’ll have three forms, but the first time he transforms will be involuntary and painful. Best way to deal with it is ‘when you feel your back start to itch like crazy, take some strong pain meds and lay on your stomach’.

By the time they get back home, Ed’s starting to feel that. So he decides to just go to bed early, and everyone else just kinda tries to sleep too. (like, he says he’s fine and they don’t hear him screaming so he’s probably good?). Ling also stays, but since Ed wants his space for this he stays on the couch.

Next morning, Ed comes down and everyone is fuckin floored. They’re staring but he doesn’t notice at first because he’s very hungry and raiding the fridge for everything.

Basically, since his Magic was supposed to be awakened years ago, his body kinda stopped growing, resulting in him looking a bit ‘stuck at 15’. Now the Magic is making up for lost time, so it’s a somewhat literal ‘puberty hit him like a truck’ situation. (Ling and Winry are both like hearteyesmotherfucker!

Like, you know that picture comparing Ed in the early episodes of fma:b to the later episodes and being all ‘look how much he grew!’? That, but overnight. Ya boi got kinda tall. He’s still shorter than Ling but he’s taller than Winry. (With the potential to grow taller now!)

One of the reasons for the height is that he’s in his midform, aka: Human with Draconic features. This includes his legs being digitigrade, so it’s kinda like he’s constantly standing on his toes. (His Human form is technically shorter because of this).

They also focus on the Dragon-y features more. Like the wings, and the horns, and the tail!! His eyes are the slit-pupil thing, and while his teeth have always been kinda sharp he now has full on fangs. Then they also notice his arms transitioning from skin to scale, starting at the elbow until his hands are claws. (his regular leg also does this from the knee down). His ears are also pointed and scale covered, and he has a few scale freckles on his cheeks.

They have about five minutes of normal before something goes weird. Because suddenly Ed is being ridiculously clingy but is seemingly unaware of how weird that is and cannot seem to explain why.

They’re like ‘why are you hugging me?’ and he’s like ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’. And like, if they try to step away for a minute he gets very Upset™

Somehow they manage to make it back to the Devils’ Nest to ask Greed. The group finds a seat on a couch and at this point Ed’s in full cuddle mode, just hugging the three of them and laying across them and he’s kinda like a cat on catnip.

When Greed gets within five feet, Ed suddenly shoots up and stares at him. He freezes, waiting for Ed to make a move. When Ed nods, he takes a step closer. When he takes a second step, Ed pounces forward and drags him into the cuddle pile.

Greed is mildly confused, but explains to the others that this is just the ‘hoarding instinct’ kicking in, and he’ll be back to normal soon enough.

Since he’s not allowed to leave(Ed is stronger than he looks and also even if Greed could leave Ed’s fucking face is too much), he kinda tells Lust to take over running the bar for the day.

The whole ‘get within five feet and Ed shoots up’ thing happens with her, but Greed calms Ed down by saying ‘it’s okay she’s a friend’.

Of course, when she goes to leave, she finds that while she was out of range of Ed leaning over to grab her, she didn’t notice the tail around her leg.

She gets dragged in, and while Greed tells someone else to take over(from a distance), he also suggests they take this party upstairs.

Al says a thing about ‘can you stop flirting for five seconds?’. Greed responds with a ‘while I would love to invite you to my bed for other reasons, now is not the time’.

Al gets oddly flustered by this

They’re trying to figure out what the connection is between all of them that makes them part of Ed’s Hoard. Lust asks more directly ‘why the fuck did you drag me into this??’. And Ed just points to Greed and says ‘He said you are a friend.’. as if it makes complete sense.

Turns out that Ed’s hoard is friendship. And combined with the fact that(despite his grumpiness) he gets easily attached, it took little for Greed and Lust to be considered friends.

Everyone does have the freedom to leave, and sometimes they do because they need to get up and stretch or use the bathroom or grab a snack. But whenever they do Ed just sits up and stares at the door until they come back.

By the next morning, Ed’s kind of back to normal. Like, he still has the instinct in there and all, but everyone can do their own thing and Ed’s a lot more calm. He’s also very embarrassed about the whole thing.

Of course, Ed and Al remember they were supposed to drop by Mustang’s office a few days ago. Mostly because they get a call like ‘are y’all okay?’.

Ed shifts into the Human Disguise form to head down there, but everyone still notices something is up because he’s suddenly the same height as Hawkeye.

They’re all like ‘okay kid. Drop whatever tall spell you found this time’. Ed just grins maniacally and says ‘it’s no spell! I look like this now!’. Al confirms it, but is realizing how obnoxious Ed’s going to be about the height.

They explain that they figured out what the hell they are, and Ed shows off both the full Dragon form and the Midform.

Obvs the team asks how they figured it out, and Ed explains that Dragon Magic is dormant until another Dragon Awakens it, but they found a loophole.

‘Wait, a loophole? What loophole?’, “Uh… a Vampire using my blood?’, ‘Did you get attacked by a Vampire?!’, ‘No, it’s a friend and I asked him to because different monster blood has different effects’, ‘and you were okay with a guy just getting all up in your personal space and biting your neck like that?’, “Well, he’s the kind of friend where I’d be okay with him‘getting all up in my personal space and biting my neck’ anyway.’. ‘Oh.’

Yeah. They didn’t know Ed was dating anyone, much less a guy. So that’s a conversation.

When asked why it’s just Ed who went through the whole thing while Al’s still ‘normal’, they say that they’re mostly waiting to see what all happens to Ed and how to deal with it.

Although, Ed does point out that if they don’t do it soon it’ll probably happen accidentally since it’s basically a ‘next time he uses Magic on Al situation’.

Then Ed’s like ‘Or, you know, you could always ask Greed to ‘recreate the loophole!’. Al gets very flustered again and is just like ‘willyoushutthefuckuppleaseohmyfuckinggod’

Overall, they’d like some report on what else they find out.

Next plot goes on to ‘testing out powers’. Specifically. The boys want to test out the ‘resist and enhance’ aspect.

They bring in Ling and Greed for this, killing two birds with one stone and also studying the Vampire’s Enthrallment at the same time.

Of the various things they’re testing:

Resisting the spell

‘enhancing’ the spell

differences between the resist/enhance skill of an Awakened Dragon vs. not Awakened

if the Enthrallment Enchantment is different between Vampires(and between who it’s being used on)

Ed and Al also already came up with a ‘payment method’, since they’ll be asking Greed and Ling to use up a bunch of Magical Energy to do this. Said payment is, of course, blood. Ed will ‘pay’ for Ling, while Greed and Al get to ‘recreate the loophole’.

We’re going to jump right into my Al/Greed Rarepair because fuck it it’s my fanfic and I pick the ships!

So their banter has been going back and forth for a bit. Like, at first it was just Greed flirting and Al getting flustered, but once Al gets into the rhythm he can kinda flirt back but neither really realized it was more than banter until now

Al realizes it because of what they figure out about the Enthrallment. Because it effected them differently and the emotions it brought forth wasn't anything unfamiliar. Like, Al found Ling’s Enthrallment to be comfortable, because he’s a friend. But Greed’s made him fluttery and giddy and all that. Meanwhile, Ed felt the opposite.

So when they are alone and he has Greed biting his neck, Al ends up going in for a kiss.

And while the feeling is returned, it leaves Greed somewhat flustered and confused. He manages to distract Al with the ‘you’re probably gonna catch fire in a minute so maybe deal with that first’ thing.

Next time they really see each other is after Al’s turn with the ‘puberty hit him like a truck’ situation, but Greed’s kind of… he’s still a little hesitant and confused about things so he’s giving Al space, but Al doesn’t know that so it’s like ‘is he avoiding me?? Why??’.

Al even wonders if it has something to do with his Midform, and tends to stay in Human Disguise more often around Greed.

Next time they’re alone for a bit they end up talking that out though. And also making out I guess.

Okay! So! A Lot of other plot stuffhappens.

Like, probably things like meeting other characters and also the rest of the Sins Crew, finding out about various fuckery going on. I mean, I did say that while the Sins Crew all kinda left, Father himself is still an Asshole™ and doing some major villain stuff.

So they find out all that and a bunch of other things too. I haven’t thought all that out yet.

Out of the stuff that I have planned out though, the next thing to happen is Ed getting a little kidnapped. Idk exactly ‘why’, other than ‘some assholes are grabbing random monsters’, but who knows what they’re doing with them it’s not important.

Anyway, Ed’s already on his way to break out, when he happens to run into Hohenheim.

Oh boy is that a trip. I mean, first off we have them just being ‘why the fuck are you here? Why am I here? Why are you here?!’ and just generally being that pointing spiderman meme. After the initial shock, Ed’s kinda ready to punch, but then Hohenheim just says things that Ed didn’t expect.

Like, Ed expected Hohenheim to just be some asshole who never cared. But he’s immediately concerned about Ed and seems to, you know, care about him.

The thing that really hits him though is when he says something along the lines of ‘Let’s get you out of here and back home. Your mother’s probably worried about you!’.

He realizes ‘oh god he has no clue’. And then he realizes ‘oh god I’m going to have to tell him’.

And like, I’m not gonna get too into that Angst Fest™, but there is kind of a minor breakdown because how else do you react to that news?

But that whole thing is enough to make Ed stop and think things through and overall give Hohenheim chance.

They then end up going on their own adventures while Ed tries to get back home.

And of course various strange bonding experiences happen along the way

A lot of that bonding is learning about Dragon Tricks. Especially flying because while Ed kinda figured out a little bit he hasn’t had anyone with wings(or at least the same kind of wings) to really teach him.

During one flight Ed suddenly catches a familiar scent

obvs everyone is looking for Ed, and he manages to find Ling, Greed and Lust

Ed does a literal flying tackle at Ling and knocks him over. There’s a minor fight because Ling doesn’t realize he’s not being attacked but you know.

After hugging the fuck out of Ling, Ed tells Greed and Lust to get down there too. Greed’s like ‘hell no I’m not getting on the ground to hug you!’ but he forgets about the tail. Lust gives in.

They ask what the fuck happened and Ed’s like ‘where do I even begin??’

At some point Hohenheim had popped up and is like ‘maybe start with introductions?”

then you get the comedic thing of the Vampires looking up, and then continuing to look up, and then being terrified of the giant fucking dragon.

Ed’s just all causal like ‘so, uh, I found my dad?’.

Walking into the nearest town is fun

Ed’s kinda clinging to Ling because goddamn it he was lonely!

At some point Ling kinda starts to stumble a little and Ed’s concerned. Greed says ‘he’s fine he’s just and idiot’.

Basically Ling hasn’t had any blood since the last time he drank from Ed. Which was a while ago at this point, so he’s kinda getting a little weak. Not dangerously but imagine the feeling of pulling an all nighter without caffeine.

Ed offers, but Ling brushes it off by saying if he took a drink now, then Ed would be the one weak and stumbling so it doesn’t make a difference, it can wait until they get a place to stay for the night.

Not putting up with that shit, Ed transforms into Full Dragon and offers a ride. Ling’s a little bit like ‘really??’

Greed’s kinda jokingly like ‘why don’t I get offered a ride?’. Ed says ‘well, when we get back home you can ask Al.” Greed opens his mouth to make a joke, looks over to Hohenheim, and decides he really should shut up.

Lust is kinda like ‘hey. Why are we walking into town when we have a large Dragon that can carry all of us?’

Hohenheim’s answer is ‘First of all, I am not a taxi service. Furthermore, if people saw a large Dragon land in the middle of town, they would freak the fuck out.

Ling falls asleep on the way back.

They manage to get a hotel room in the next town they come across. Ed and Ling get their own room, of course.

They go to do the whole ‘blood drinking’ thing, but Ling’s still very hesitant.

Ed has noticed this a lot and at first he figured it was the typical ‘I’m new to being a Vampire and hesitant to do something so weird/taboo/etc.’ thing, but now he’s getting the feeling its something else and ends up asking about it.

So, big trigger warning for that whole ‘abusive relationship’ thing I mentioned way back in the beginning. But, like, that’s kind of what’s up. Like, his Ex used to use the effect of the Enchantment to be manipulative. And Ling’s kind of afraid of accidentally doing that to Ed.

Ed just points out that 1. he knows when Ling is using the enchantment and knows how to separate his feelings from it, 2. the enchantment itself doesn’t make him feel all love-y (he brings up the whole ‘testing it with Greed’ thing as proof, since it didn’t spark any romance with Greed.), and 3. Ed is a Dragon. His own Magic can cancel out the Enchantment if he chooses to do so.

The whole thing does get Ling to relax about it. It’ll still take a while for him to get comfortable using it on Ed, but now Ed knows to not try doing anything romantic while under the Enchantment.

Okay! On with that! The group eventually gets back to home base and they meet up with Al and Winry and whoever else is a friend at this point.

Ed fucking tackle hugs them, of course.

After that Al and Winry notice Hohenheim and they can’t even figure out how to process that they just gesture like ‘what the fuck?’

Ed explains what happened and they’re kind of like ‘you know what fine.

Time for more family bonding with Hohenheim talking to Al for a while.

Time for another Rarepair because this is my fic and I choose the ships!

So, like, Mustang meeting Hohenheim.

Mustang’s just like, staring for a bit. And it’s not helped by the fact that Hohenheim has no sense of personal space when he’s investigating other creatures(because he’s a nerd and that’s what he likes to do).

Mustang is flustered to the point that Ed and Al actually notice and are like ‘bruh what is up with you?”

Obviously he lies as tries to say it’s a reaction to a large source of fire magic. Ed and Al are like ‘really? Because you never do that around us.’

Someone (Probably Hughes) eventually calls him out says ‘magic reaction my ass you think the guy’s pretty!’

Ed and Al are confused by this revelation but are kinda chill with it? Mostly they don’t know how to feel so they’re just going to be chill out of confusion. 

That’s all I got on the plot so far because fuck it.

@themusespace- So I did World of Darkness versions for Rhia, and a shorter one for Catwoman! I’ve had it going little by little for awhile and finally got it done tonight! Under the cut for length:

RHIA So, you brought up Gangrel as a choice for Rhia and that’s a good one. Since you’ve already got that, I’ll cover some other options---Toreador, Brujah, and Banu Haqim. Toreador because, well, you can find a reason that a Torrie would Embrace ANYONE, really. Maybe hippie chic was really in one year and they selected Rhia as their new Bohemian muse, or any number of possibilities, really. In any case, I see as a Toreador who takes a less conventional route with what she finds artistic and beautiful, finding more aesthetic glory in the natural world than man’s creation. Perhaps she’s stuck in an ever-fruitless quest to try to capture said beauty in some form, going from one artistic medium to the next--painting, sculpture, even music---to try to convey in creativity what she finds in nature, or maybe she’s content to merely be enraptured by the natural world as it is without trying to emulate it. Either way, she’s surely at a great risk for getting caught in the sunrise! The Brujah option is because they’re as passionate as the Toreador, but with an emphasis that’s typically on freedom, justice, and rebellion. Theoretically, a Brujah can be passionate about anything (or nothing and just a rebel without a cause) so long as they’re radicals about it, but I find they’re most often pushing back against the status quo rather than zealously enforcing it, and that seems to have Rhia vibes to be. So if her style is more than skin-deep, I could see her having been Embraced by a Brujah who appreciated such views. If you wanted to go darker, there is, finally, the Banu Haqim aka the Assamites. I know it seems an odd pick but hear me out. I had NO interest in these guys for the longest time because I just knew them as the assassins of the vampire world. That was it, just “they kill people real good and really like diablerie” and that was just not interesting to me. Being able to be the best guy at murder/fighting/power/etc whatever in the room has never been an interesting character trait for me, and I figured they were just for RPers who wanted a heavy combat focus and to be the Most Badass for bragging points, so I was just...meh about them and regularly forgot that they existed.  Then, recently, I learned a bit more about them. The Children of Haqim are the judges of Kindred society, meting out punishments to vampires who deserve it, and more than that, are often asked by other vampires to act as impartial judges due to their unaligned nature. They have a great passion for justice, and are drawn to feed from those deserving punishment. This passion takes the form of the Clan Compulsion of Judgment, compelling them to punish anyone seen to transgress against their personal creed, taking their blood as just vengeance for the crime. Whether that person is friend or foe, they have to struggle against this urge greatly if they wish not to act on it. And they’re far more dangerous to other vampires than to humans---one of their laws is to protect mortals from vampires (though it is still acceptable to use them as a food source) and to treat humans with honor (though again, feeding is okay), and their clan flaw is an addiction to the blood of other vampires. This addiction, coupled with their laws about humans and their compulsion to punish those who transgress their codes of justice, makes it hard for them to fit into vampire society at large, but in recent nights, they’re become one of the Camarilla clans. Also in recent nights, they’ve started Embracing women and people who are not of Middle Eastern origin, which previously they did not. Speaking of who they Embrace, Assamites typically try to Embrace someone who will be "useful" to the clan as a whole. This most often means someone who be willing to fight and die for the clan's (or at least their sire's) goals. However, during the long period that the clan labored under the Tremere blood curse, people may also have been Embraced for knowledge in a specific (often obscure) area. Typically this had something to do with sorcery or medical research involving blood, but may also have included more obscure areas of research as well. Assamites typically choose people with somewhat obsessive personalities for the Embrace. As they are typically involved with either hunting down miscreants or conducting obscure research, they tend to be highly motivated individuals. This often results in Assamites picking individuals who are fanatically devoted to a cause, religion, theory, or activity. The various caste flaws and the training they undergo after the Embrace tends to accentuate this even more. Thus Assamites can be said to select childer that will be eager to chase down their prey no matter how long it takes or how far they must go. That prey may be a physical target, an obscure piece of knowledge, or even pursuing the perfection of an art form. So if Rhia is particularly driven regarding something that could be of interest to the Assamites/Banu Haqim, then that combined with a sense of justice and honor, if she could become devout and ruthless enough to kill for it, could make her a candidate for an Embrace. It would not be my first pick for her, but it’s a possibility if you wanted to go darker and edgier.  In addition to the Warrior caste that most people are familiar with, there is also the Sorcerer and Vizier castes, who play a greater focus on mental attributes. Viziers and Sorcerers are less focused on the physical skills of their childer, and thus more likely to Embrace women. The number of women Embraced waxed and waned based on the overall attitude towards educating women. In periods where women were rarely taught to read or write they naturally took fewer women. However, even in periods where few people were educated, a Vizier might take someone for their skill with art or social acumen, even if they were a total illiterate. Similarly, a Sorcerer might Embrace someone who showed some innate knack for magic, even if they could not write their own name. As for what they do, Sorcerers are pretty self-explanatory, being practioners of the clan’s version of Blood Magic.  Originally this magic was based off ancient Mesopotamian priestly rituals and the Persian cult of Mithras, but modern Sorcerers now incorporate the ecstatic Hindu devotion to Kali and Shiva, Chinese feng shui, and Islamic alchemy and astrology as well. Sorcerers usually need to send themselves into some sort of altered state of consciousness in order to focus their magics. This may involve consuming drugs, whirling themselves into a trance, ritually wounding themselves, or even more stranger methods. The Viziers are the scholars of the clan and are rather like the Toreadors, lusting after  knowledge or artistic perfection instead of magic, pursuing their chosen lore or art with the tenacity of a pit bull. While the Toreadors sink into hypnotized contemplation, the Viziers frenzy with their creative compulsion. So if either of those sound up Rhia’s alley---I don’t know if there’s a particular art or subject she’s passionate about, or if she’s magically inclined, but she seems like the type of person who COULD be--these seem likelier options than the Warrior caste. I would still go with Gangrel or Toreador first for her, and also they’re easier to understand, have less special hierarchy and history and other shit to keep up, etc.  Her tribe as a Garou (werewolf) is easy---Children of Gaia, one of my favorites, OR the Fianna.  The Children of Gaia are the most peaceful of the Garou, and work for understanding between the tribes in hopes of defeating the Wyrm through a unified front. Defending Gaia is far too important to lose sight of in constant skirmishes over differences! During the War of Rage, when other Garou were trying to wipe out all the non-wolf Changing Breeds, the Children of Gaia tried to stop their brethren from this and initially refused to fight their fellow Fera (wereanimals) and even accepted refugees who came to them seeking shelter. However, when the Fera started exploiting this by sending in agents who were in fact there to slaughter their would-be protectors, some Children of Gaia joined the other Garou in masacring the other Changing Breeds. Similiarly, when Europeans began to colonize the New World and the European Garou learned of the “Pure Tribes” in the Americas, the Children of Gaia advocated for an alliance with them, rather than mimicking the human colonizers by taking what these American Garou had from them or attacking them. They’ve also worked to try to ensure that the attrocities of WWI and WWII never repeat, and have historically been advocates of causes in the human world  such as free speech, civil rights, and women's rights, which reflects how their own culture as werewolves is FAR more egalitarian than almost any other tribe except perhaps the Bone Gnawers.  One major example of this egalitarianism is that the Children treat their metis well and in fact will take in the metis from other tribes who don’t want them. A metis is offspring of two Garou. It’s part of The Litany---which is Garou law---that Garou shall not mate with Garou, and instead must take their mates from among humans or wolves and hope that one of the offspring will be a Garou. The reason is because while the offspring of two werewolves will indeed always be a werewolf, they will also always be sterile, deformed, and stuck in Crinos form (wolfman/hybrid form) until they achieve their First Change (usually around puberty) and thus must be raised in secret away from human eyes. Metis, as living proof that two Garou have broken the Litany, are often looked down and shunned in other Packs, and have to struggle to prove their worth. The Children, however, believe that the child should not be judged for the sins of their parents, and will raise the metis of other tribes as their own. It’s also very common for Black Furies, who are all female, to give their male children to the Children of Gaia. Hence how they stay all female! As a note, having a lot of baby metis around also helps them discourage Garou/Garou matings--- any pup who's been looking too longingly at a packmate (same or opposite sex, it doesn't matter) often finds themselves babysitting a whirling, shrieking ball of claws and fur to teach them just what they’re in for if they give in to such incestuous (as it is seen in their culture) desires.  While the Children’s values are based around peace, mercy, and unity above all else, this doesn’t make them pushovers as some think. They may be pacifists, but they’re still werewolves, and they still have the Wyrm to fight, so they’re not absolute paficists, they’re WARRIOR pacifists. And when their Rage is roused, it is just as terrifying as that of any other Garou---perhaps more so because they keep it so pent up. A lot of people think that hippie werewolves are a stupid concept, but I disagree---real wolves aren’t inherently violent creatures and, like the Children, are only going to fuck up something, whether it’s prey or an intruder, if it’s a necessary thing. And SOMEBODY needs to provide a softer counterbalance to the numerous other extremely war-like tribes. The Fianna are a tribe of Celtic origins. Some come from Spain or France or the Balkans, but they’re most associated with places like Ireland, Scotland, and Wales. And there are plenty in the USA, having come there with Irish immigrants during the Great Potato Famine. The Fianna believe themselves to have originated from the union of a passionate Gaillard (I’ll explain what those are after I talk about the Fianna) and Danu, an aspect of Gaia which they see as the mother to both the Fianna and the Tuatha de Danaan, and they celebrate many Celtic Pagan religious holidays such as Beltane. They aided their Irish Kin against Cromwell, and many supported and even aided the IRA.  The Fianna are known as great partiers and great warriors both. They’re one of the most extroverted tribes, rarely turning down an invitation to let their hair down and indulge in their favorite pleasures. Creativity through music or craft is encouraged and prized among the Fianna, and they have created some of the most beautiful and fantastic treasures of the Garou. The Fianna are also hopeless romantics, always falling for humans and their fellow Garou alike. The latter creates metis, of course, but ironically the Fianna are particularly hard on metis as they view their deformed bodies to be a sign that their spirits are also twisted. The Fianna desire to live life freely, but that includes the desire to be free of flaws, and thus they reject those that are different or “flawed” like the poor metis. I’m not saying Rhia would have to think like that---especially since I see her a Lost Cub, which I’ll get too soon too---but that’s just their general culture.    So, each Garou has an Auspice. It’s what their role is, and defines a lot of who they are. Their Auspice is determined by the moon phase they were born under. So like the zodiac, but objectively very real. I think Rhia would be either a Theurge or a Galliard. Theurges were born under a crescent moon, and are the shamans and mystics of the Garou. All werewolves are part spirit and part flesh, but the Theurge in particular are attuned to the Umbra (spirit world) and have many Gifts and Rituals that only they can do, as well as being able to craft fetishes (as in magical objects and talismans, not sexual kinks) They emphasize wisdom, and in a battle, they are more likely to serve as support compared to other Garou, but it is worth noting that even the coolest, calmest Theurges are still Garou, and burn with Rage deep within. The Galliards, also called Moon Dancers, were born when the moon is gibbous, and they are the bards and lore-keepers of the Garou, serving as their keepers of oral history and performance artists. Besides acting as lorekeepers, historians, and prophets, they are also depended upon to act as a source of inspiration in times of desperate need, or for celebration in those rare and wonderful times of fortune. Given her being a bit of a rebel, from what I clean, she might also be a Ragabash. Ragabash are born under the new moon, and their role is to be a trickster and the questioner of the old ways, the wise fools who play the contrarian, always asking “but why is it this way?” and questioning tradition to ensure that it can still stand up as useful and just in the current times. act as a voice of dissent or devil's advocate with far less fear of punishment than the Garou of other Auspices. In a society as traditional and conservative as that of the Garou Nation, a free-thinking individual with the right to speak his or her mind is absolutely important, whether to encourage change or to reaffirm the current position through the challenges he or she provides. They have the least amount of Rage and thus are often cooler-headed than their packmates, but unlike the mystic Theurges, they show this by being playful, playing pranks not to be nuisance (though many are thought of as such) but impart lessons. Those of the new moon are often skilled scouts or assassins, as the "hidden moon" is associated with stealth and secrecy, and use this to help their packmates find their quarry, or to elude their pursuers. They may also use humor to lighten the mood or break up arguments, often acting as an "omega" to turn hostilities toward themselves. I think Rhia works well as a Homid and Lost Cub. A Homid is a Garou born in human form to a human mother or a Garou mother in her human form (as opposed to a Lupus, born in wolf form to a wolf mother or a Garou mother in her wolf form) and will grow up as human until their First Change. So, how is it that a human (or wolf) has a Garou child? Either one parent was a Garou, or one of their parents was a Kinfolk. Kinfolk are humans or wolves who have Garou blood. They are the USUAL result when a Garou has a child with a human or a wolf; they only get a Garou if they’re luckily. So like, maybe one Garou out of a litter or one Garou out of all the kids they have, if even that. The rest? Kinfolk. And the Kinfolk’s children (or pups) will be Kinfolk too, and so will their children, and so on. Most Garou keep careful track of their Kin, since mating with a Kinfolk produces a higher chance of a Garou child, but all too often, the family lines get lost, and you can get a bloodline of Kinfolk with no idea they’re Kinfolk, and then randomly one of their kids gets born a Garou, and they will also not know this until their First Chance. These are called Lost Cubs. So I could see Rhia as such, either a Lost Cub born to a family that has long forgotten a werewolf is a real thing, hence getting raised by her very strictly religious Grandmother.  ( You’ll notice I keep referring to Rage with a capital R. Rage  mystical wellspring of primal anger granted to the Garou and some of the other Changing Breeds by Luna, the moon spirit.  It allows them to move at great speed, shrug off mighty wounds, and change forms quickly, as well as powers some of their Gifts, which are basically like magic spells or extra abilities. A Garou without Rage cannot change shapes. But it’s a double-edged sword, as they also must beware their Rage overaking them in Frenzy, a violent and bloodthirsty uncontrollable outburst.) Finally, for her type as another Fera (Changing Breed, other wereanimals) I’d go with the Pumonca, the cougar Bastet (werecats) of the Americas. Most are Native American, but that’s a general trend, not a rule at all. The Pumonca, also called Stormwalkers,  are restless wanderers and guardians of the land, constantly on the move to protect their sacred home. They spend their entire lives traveling from place to place, looking for signs of Wyrm taint in the spaces in between. It is their task to meander, to take their time, and to notice the world around them. However, this is only restricted to the Americas, because no Pumonca would ever leave her continent---and it fact, they CAN’T. Each Bastet has three Yava, three secrets about their type, which can often be used against them by anyone who learns it. The Yava of the werepumas are: -A Pumonca is one with her land; if she leaves it for more than a full moon cycle, she will die. -The essence of poisoned land (toxic waste, radiation, sewage) is deadly to a puma. Immerse him in its toxins and he will quickly perish. -All beasts fear the puma. No horse will bear her, no dog will follow her. The great cats are her Kin and they befriend her, but no other animal can approach without terror. Due to their history with the Wars of Rage, in which the Garou tried to wipe out all non-wolf wereanimals,  many modern Pumonca are bitter, confused, and angry, and most are looking for a way to serve Gaia that lets them keep their pride and dignity intact. The lucky ones forge ties with other groups, but most just wander aimlessly, fighting the Banes of the Wyrm however they can so long as no one wounds their pride too terribly. Pumonca have a penchant for spreading stories and lore wherever they go. In the past, these were typically tales of great deeds, whether of Garou or Pumonca or anyone else who tickled their fancy that were shared at the camp fires with those who where interested. Nowadays, however, these stories are often bitter tales, because of the aforementioned history, and their anger can make them difficult for some to work with. As independent nomads, they have no organization as a group either. I can see Rhia as a wanderer with a sad ancestral history who is just trying to do her best with what she has left and also take in all the beauty and wonder that the continent has to offer. 

CATWOMAN So, my first thought for her is Ravnos, and that’s unfortunate because the Ravnos have some very problematic origins that I can’t get past. The Ravnos are tricksters, traveling hucksters and charalatans who specialize in deception and theft, with their clan’s trademark discipline being Chimerstry , the creation of illusions. Their clan weakness is that every Ravnos is a criminal, every one has some kind of vice they can’t resist when the opportunity is presented, which could be being a jewel thief for Catwoman. Since being a thief is Catwoman’s primary trait, the sole consistent thing across all her incarnations, of course she should be a member of the clan who is all about thievery. The reason I say the Ravnos are problematic is that they’re also meant to be of Roma origin. So, yeah, White Wolf based an entire clan on all the shittiest stereotypes about Roma people as being thieves and criminals. I think that later editions have fixed them---the company sincerely has been trying to clean up the shitty stuff of previous decades, from what I understand---and cut the Roma association entirely from them, at least I hope they have, but the Ravnos beginning as walking racial stereotypes just personally leaves such a bad taste in my mouth I personally avoid them altogether. But just because I would never make one, does not mean it doesn’t fit Selina, it absolutely does. Especially since one of their other clan disciplines is Animalism, which lets her keep the cat theme too, she could have a whole army of kitty accomplices doing her bidding! And that is pretty cool, I can’t deny. If I were going to find an alternative to being a Ravnos for her, I think a Toreador would be a wonderful fit. Anything can be an art, including thievery, and Selina’s particular brand of cat burglary is DEFINITELY an art. Like she’s not a common thief, she goes after extremely valuable, extremely well-protected gems and jewelry, often with a feline theme, there’s beauty in what she targets and artfulness in how she manages to do it---which is always with STYLE. Her obsession with jewels and cats both work for a Toreador who admires beautiful things, and her graceful, acrobatic style works well with the Toreador discipline of Celerity, which grants a vampire supernatural speed and reflexes; heck, even just the lowest level gives her something appropriately called “Cat’s Grace”  that lets her  automatically keep her balance. And being a Toreador could also be why her on again off again romance with Batman, her attraction to the dangerous Dark Knight despite being on opposite sides of the law, etc. That kind of dramatic, conflicted love story sounds like total Torrie bait to me. She logically should be SOME kind of Bastet, I just can’t specifically think of what!

Game 330: House of Usher (1980)

                House of Usher

United States

Crystalware (developer and publisher)

Released in 1980 for Apple II and Atari 800

Date Started: 27 May 2019

Date Finished: 27 May 2019

Total Hours: 5 Difficulty: Moderate (3/5) Final Rating: (to come later) Ranking at time of posting: (to come later)

A few months ago, commenter Dungy alerted me to a little-known 1980s developer called Crystalware. Around the same time, their catalog of games, all dating from 1980 to 1982, went up on MobyGames. House of Usher was listed as an RPG when it first went up, but it has since been revised to “action/adventure.” I played it anyway because I found it hard to categorize. It’s one of the oddest and most original games I’ve played since starting this blog, although that doesn’t mean that it was “good.” I’m really not sure how I feel about it.

The game is based loosely on Poe’s famous 1839 short story, and it begins with an appropriately gothic tone. A few strains of Bach’s “Toccata and Fugue in D minor” appear behind the title screen, which swiftly dissolves into an image of a mansion in a thunderstorm. Lightning bolts flash across the screen with accompanying sound effects–all impressive for a 1980 title. After about 30 seconds of loading, your character appears on the front walkway of the titular House of Usher, and the game begins.

             A briefly animated introduction is unusual for 1980.

            The player starts with a stamina of 999, no courage, an offense score of 25, a defense score of 50, no wealth, 150 pounds in weight, and a gun with several dozen bullets (or a bow with arrows; the game and manual are inconsistent).

            Beginning in the front yard.

          It is 18:00 when the game starts; you must achieve one of three winning conditions by 06:00 or you lose. This only takes about five minutes in real-time. Your stamina also decreases rapidly during this period, but unless you over-burden yourself, it stays behind the timer.

           Running out of time is a common way for the game to end.

         Your task is made all the more difficult by a routine that ensures items, treasures, and monsters appear in randomized locations, although the layout of the mansion remains fixed. There are only 7 commands to the game: four directions of movement (using, unintuitively, the 1-4 keys), fire your weapon in the direction you last moved (5), use a carried item (6), and drop a carried item (7).

            Doing a little inventory management.

           The three winning conditions, any one of which brings up a winning screen, are:

           Collect 1,000 wealth points

Increase courage to 1,000

Solve the mystery

             It’s worth a quick review of “The Fall of the House of Usher,” which I’ve always liked least among Poe’s work. An unnamed narrator goes and stays at the dilapidated mansion of his friend, Roderick Usher. Roderick’s sister, Madeline, also inhabits the house. Neither is doing very well, mentally or physically. Madeline is suffering from some kind of paralytic catatonia, and Roderick as a consequence is a pale, nervous wreck. After a few days, Roderick announces that Madeline has died, and gains his friend’s help in interring her in the family tomb in the basement. For the next few days and nights, the men are plagued by noises, visual hallucinations, insomnia, and a general worsening vexation. At last, they come to the realization that they in fact buried Madeline alive–an epiphany accompanied by Madeline herself, bloody and emaciated, having crawled out of her living tomb, suddenly appearing at the door and falling into her brother’s arms. The siblings collapse on the floor, both dead, Madeline apparently from the effort of her ordeal and Roderick from terror. The horrified narrator flees the house just before it splits in two (along a crack that the narrator previously noted) and sinks into an adjacent lake.

There are lots of interpretations of the story. Depending on how you read it, you can see Roderick and Madeline as incestuous, or vampires, or ghosts, or whatever. However you interpret it, it seems a strange source material for a video game, but not only did it produce this House of Usher but also a 1984 platformer.

             The game adds some lore elements. There’s no “Virginia” in Poe’s story.

           In this game, the player can visit around 40 rooms, although you’ll never hit even half that in a single session. Some of the rooms are drawn from the book, like the crypt and the guest room. Others are simply imagined from such an estate. The layout is complete chaos, as my Trizbort map shows:

                  The layout of the House of Usher (click to enlarge).

           Partly responsible for the chaos are a handful of “maze rooms,” including the “secret passages,” two “catacombs,” and a “cell block,” all of which connect rooms quite far apart and in somewhat random directions. All of these special rooms have borders on the rooms’ interiors that draw randomly every time you enter, sometimes allowing passage through the room, sometimes blocking it.

           Trying to navigate the “cell block” is mostly a waste of time.

           Many of the rooms have pieces of furniture or other objects represented by large grey squares. Bumping into these items produces random results. Sometimes you get a message or bit of lore about the house. Other times, there’s some positive or negative consequence. For instance, bumping into a grave in the graveyard can result in a message about a heavy breathing heard nearby, the player falling into a grave and finding treasure, the player falling into the grave and getting seriously wounded, or a hand grasping at the player’s leg and causing a loss in courage. Bumping up against the piano in the conservatory might cause it to play (and put you to sleep for an hour) or snap shut on your fingers.

         A bad outcome from bumping into a grave marker.

          Smaller grey squares are randomly scattered throughout the rooms, representing items. These might be treasures of various values and weight (e.g., pouches of gold or silver, pocket watches, statues, copper kettle), melee weapons that increase offensive skill, or items of armor that increase defensive skill. Occasionally, you find nutrients or potions that you can use later to restore stamina. They might also be harmful items like spider’s nests, ghosts, or human heads which do various bad things to your statistics.

            A helpful item.

          Finally, monsters occasionally appear, including mummies, corpses, slimes, scorpions, and “hatchet men.” The game gives you a few seconds’ warning when you enter a room with a monster, and you have that long to try to line up shots. Most creatures take several hits or shots to kill. If they manage to get within melee range, they usually deplete your stamina too fast to defend.

           A giant scorpion appears in the wine cellar.

         I couldn’t quite catch the shot in-flight in my combat with this mummy.

           For all their limited graphics, I find the rooms a lot of fun with their different configurations and fixtures, suggesting possibilities perhaps too advanced for a 1980 title, yet intriguing and evocative all the same. One room, the “room of death,” actually shrinks slowly after you enter it, squishing you between the walls if you’re not fast enough. Why didn’t Poe put one of those in “Usher”? That would have livened up a dreary story.

          I have to get to that top doorway to escape the Room of Death.

         The easiest way to win is to get courage to 1,000. It only takes two or three enemies. You just have to find them. On one play, I had them in the first two rooms and won with many hours to spare. Winning by finding treasure is harder because you have to carry it. As your encumbrance goes up, your stamina depletion also increases. After a few hundred pounds, it runs faster than the clock.

The hardest way–at least until you figure it out–is by solving the mystery. It’s also perhaps the only satisfying way. I haven’t done it yet, though I feel like I’m on the right track. Here is “The Mystery” as given by the game manual:

               Part 1

Son coeur est un luth suspendu;

Sitot qu’on le touche il résonne.

Part 2

While, like a rapid ghastly river,

    Through the pale door

A hideous throng rush out forever

And laugh–but smile no more.

Ververt et Chartreuse Belphegor

Directorium Inquisitorium

Part 3

. . . there did stand the lofty and enshrouded figure of Lady Madeline of Usher. There was blood upon her white robes and the evidence of some bitter struggle on every portion of her emaciated frame . . .

               The two lines of “Part 1” are the epigraph of “The Fall of the House of Usher,” presented before the text. They mean, “His heart is a lute suspended / As soon as one touches it, it resonates.” 

The lines of the first part of “Part 2” are from Poe’s “The Haunted Palace.” “Ververt et Chartreuse” refer to two separate 1734 poems by Jean-Baptiste-Louis Gresset: “Vert-Vert” and “La Chartreuse.” “Vert-Vert” is a comic poem about a parrot; I have no idea what “Chartreuse” is about other than it’s a liqueur. Both poems are mentioned as existing in Roderick’s library in “Usher.” So are Machiavelli’s Belphegor (1549), about a demonic prince coming to Earth to find a mate, and Nicholas Eymerich’s Directorium Inquisitorum (1376), a manual to help inquisitors investigate and prosecute witchcraft.

“Part 3” is a direct quote from the conclusion of “Usher.”

The best I can figure is that they’re instructions for a specific order of rooms, probably starting with the conservatory, where you can nudge the piano into playing a tune. The haunted lines that begin “Part 2” may refer to the graveyard or crypt, both of which are a short distance from the conservatory. One move away from the graveyard is the “summer house” and various plants, which might have something to do with the “green-green” of vert-vert. One screen away from the summer house is the vineyards; chartreuse isn’t a wine, but the authors would have had to work with the allusions they could find. From the vineyards, it’s only a short distance to the “seance room,” which could have connections to either demonology or fighting it. (There’s no library, or else I would have assumed that all of the books might be associated with it.) Touching the table in the seance room has a chance of sending you through a “vortex” to a random location in the house.

Unfortunately, if my logic hasn’t fallen apart by then, it does afterwards, as I can find no good location to conclude the path. In the book, the quoted scene takes place in the guest room, but I’ve tried that (it’s pretty far from the seance room, unless you’re lucky with the vortex) to no avail. I’ve also tried ending in the other various bedrooms. One potentially-promising room is the “red room,” which has a humanoid figure on one of the items of furniture, but I can’t get anything to happen there.

              I feel like there must be something to do in this “red room,” with its figure on a bed (?).

            I fiddled with other potential paths. Another goes conservatory (Part 1), graveyard (Part 2 first), garden paths (vert-vert), wine cellar (chartreuse), seance room (Belphegor), chapel (inquisitorium), and then to any of the possible end rooms. This is a lot harder because the rooms are spaced farther apart and you can barely make it in time. Another possibility, of course, is that you’re supposed to get things to happen in each of the rooms (or some of them), but no I can’t figure out the combination no matter what. The game manual promised a $100 prize to the first person to solve the mystery. I assume someone did. Until the solution comes to light, I’ll just have to be happy with my courage-based win.

            Not the most satisfying of the ways to win, but a win nonetheless.

           It’s best not to belabor the GIMLET on this one, since it’s not really much of an RPG. It gets a 14, doing best in “gameplay” (4: quick, replayable, challenging) and “quests” (3: multiple ways to win), but scoring 0 on the important “character development” category, since all development is by inventory. Even the inventory-based “development” is questionable because the game is over so fast you’re more likely to time out than to actually employ that chain mail against a mummy.

             The manual had decent production values, and of course the promise of a $100 prize.

            If Crystalware’s first outing is notable for its originality, it would definitely continue in that tradition. Between 1980 and 1982, the developer put out games set in ancient Sumeria, modern Egypt, the Iran-Iraq War, Arthurian Britain, a Westworld-style fantasy land, and several science fiction settings. MobyGames currently tags seven of them as RPGs: Beneath the Pyramids (1980), Escape from Vulcan’s Isle (1981), King Arthur’s Heir (1981), Fantasyland 2041 A.D. (1981), Sands of Mars (1981), Crypt of the Undead (1982), and The Haunted Palace (1982). These are all tentatively on my list pending confirmation of their RPG elements.

The titles are mostly credited to Crystalware owners John and Patty Bell, although Mike Potter is credited on the Atari 800 translations. Crystalware apparently started as Crystal Computer, a physical store in Sunnyvale, California, that transitioned into game development and publishing.

                          After its brief heyday, the company seems to have taken some odd turns. My Google searches turn up John Bell now associated with “Crystalware Defense and Nanotechnology” in West Virginia, although he seems to have returned to gaming with a virtual reality title called World of Twine scheduled for a 2019 release. As I work through the load of Crystalware titles dumped onto the list, I’ll try to contact Mr. Bell and find more about the inspiration for these unusual settings.

             source http://reposts.ciathyza.com/game-330-house-of-usher-1980/