listen to the fold by wickerbird

bruh like

perv

pairing: bf!huening kai x fem!reader summary: maybe kai is more of a pervert than he lets on. maybe you like it.

wc: 2.2k 

warnings: reader is fem!bodied and referred to as a girl multiple times!!! dont read if that makes u uncomfy pls! there is also: established relationship, both of you are horny af Thus the references to being a perv and whatnot, making out, LOTS OF BEGGING from both reader n hyuka kinda, dirty talk (praise with elements of degradation n humiliation), pet names (baby, angel, good girl), penetrative, No condom (practice safe sex lovelies), not rly breeding but breeding-adjacent (hyuka comes inside u <3), some stuttering i guess cuz kai is nervous n opening up his sexual horizons but it’s all cute and mushy, kai talks a lot in this he can’t shut up ur pussy’s too perfect babe

note: less plot than amazon wishlist sorry hehe i just wanted to write cutesy kai trying his hand at dirty talk with his perfect sexy gf (you)! i love him so bad guys i tried to portray him as best as possible but i might have failed miserably and if i did you’re allowed to egg my house ALSOOOO kinda rushed and not proofread and unbeta-ed im so sorry the ending SUCKSSSS

ALSO! if you were wondering why it seems familiar i based this ask off of the draft for this

“Can I kiss you?” Kai asks.

He always asks first, even though he knows you will always say yes. And you always feel so fluttery whenever he does, even though you’ve kissed him so many times now his lips feel familiar when they nudge against yours. It usually starts out like this—just the two of you on his bed, straddling his hips as he looks up at you. He says it’s his favorite perspective of you, which you’re not sure you understand. But Kai is always firm in his opinions of you, so you don’t mind.

“Please, please,” you say, and so he does, lips slotting against yours, soft, soft. Kai makes a quiet noise, reaches up to brush away your hair. His hands, so large and warm where he keeps them on your waist, just above your hip. 

“So pretty. My pretty baby,” he murmurs, and your heart sings. You bunch your hands up in his shirt, breathe him in. You want to bite him.

“Kai. Kai.”

“Yes? Hm?”

“Please. I want—I want—” The worst part is you can’t even verbalize what you want, either, but you’re squirming and panting on his lap, lips slick with his spit, and there’s honestly not many messages that those movements could possibly allude to other than I want your cock. “I—please, Kai, ah.”

“Gonna make me crazy,” Kai says, voice teetering on a whine. “Your noises. So cute. Want more, pretty? More?”

You kiss him again, drinking in his words, running your hands through his hair. Cute, cute. He’s breathing heavily, nose bumping against your cheek. Hours, you could spend hours just kissing him. Cute. You don’t realize you say it out loud until Kai makes a high noise at the back of his throat.

“Angel—so beautiful—I wanna—ah, can I, please—”

You take his wrist, guide his hand to the waistband of your pajamas. “Can you?” you ask, almost beg, your fingers trembling where they fold around his wrist. “Kai, please, I want you to touch me.”

You trail off when you see Kai’s expression, tentative and unsure. “Baby,” he whispers, tipping you down towards him so he can press a mountain of kisses against the column of your throat. His hand brushes over the hem of your underwear, soothing the divide between skin and bright pink lace. The warmth of his hand ghosts over you, where you ache the most, and you try not to sound too pathetic when you whine. “Baby, baby, shh, you know I want to.”

“Then do it,” you plead, your legs practically shaking with how badly you want it. Need it. You could hate him for not giving it to you. You could, but Kai likes good girls, and that’s what you are. What you want to be.

“Be a good girl,” Kai instructs, gently, his voice wavering still. There it is—Kai’s kinks slipping through the cracks. Finally, after you had to go through all the work to shatter it yourself. He’s still so shy about it, sounding so unsure when he talks dirty to you, but you can tell he finds it hot, with how red his cheeks get. “Not now, baby. Be good for me, don’t you want to be good?”

“Please,” you plead, completely ignoring him, inching the tips of your fingernails up and down his chest, his shoulders, his throat. You lean down until your face is practically buried in his hair, and you can feel his breath hit your tummy, his hands pressing down on your waist. “Kaaaaaiiiiii.”

But he only giggles brightly, face breaking into a smile against your skin. He loves this, gets off on this dynamic—you are normally the one taking the lead, but in here, like this, it’s Kai who gets to play with you the way he wants, coax reactions out of you with every touch. Treat you like a princess, be in charge, because it’s only in bed that he wants to. You can order him around during the daytime as much as you like, as long as he gets to fuck you up the way he wants.

“Want it that bad, sweetheart?” he murmurs, planting a kiss on your tummy. “So bad you’re practically gagging for it, huh? Want something else to gag on?”

You squeeze your eyes shut. “Shut up,” you cry, heart fluttering at the way he giggles right after. “Fuck me first, please, I want it so bad.”

Kai coos at you, rubbing his hands along the sides of your thighs. “I know, baby, I know. Let me flip you over, sweetheart, I’ll take care of my cute baby.” And so he does, gently lifting you off of his crotch and letting you land softly on your back; he slides you a glittering smile, then settles his hands between your legs once again. “Want me to finger you first?”

You nod. “Anything, want anything. Please. Just you.”

Kai hums. “Anything? What if I made you get– get off on my thigh, hm? I…” He trails off here, steadies his breath. You can see the way his gaze trails down your body, hungry, wanting. “What if I used one of your cute toys on you, took it away right before you came? Would you… would you still want that?”

“Don’t care, Kai, just want you—you can do anything, anything, please—”

Kai groans and buries his face in your neck, thumbing over your clothed cunt. “F-fuck, baby,” he rumbles against your skin, feeling his fingertips dip inside you, slippery with your wetness. “So worked up over— over just a bit of touching, fuck, what a cute baby. So horny for me, for my cock, right?”

You let out a moan, your hips bucking up to meet his fingers. “Mhm, yes, Kai. Give me, give it to me.”

“Okay, okay, I will.” Kai presses a kiss to your cheek, so unfitting and filthy compared to his fingers rubbing over you. He pulls back slightly to look you in the eye. You can sense the flicker of nervousness underneath. “I’m not gonna last very long. Probably. ’S that okay?”

“That’s fine,” you breathe. “I don’t care. Just… I just want you inside of me.”

“I can do that,” Kai chokes, and you laugh. “Could I– could I fuck you like this?”

“Like what?”

Kai pokes your waist. “Missionary?” he says like it’s an offer, the corners of his lips rising when you squirm. “I want to see your face while I fuck you. You always look so pretty like that.”

Your cheeks heat and you look away. “You’re a perv. But okay, sure.”

“You’re the perv. Got all horny when we we’re just making out.” He presses a wet kiss to your cheek. “What if I had just wanted to kiss you, huh? Just some pure, innocent making out.”

“Sorry. You get me all worked up.”

Kai giggles. “I know. Love hearing you say it.” He hums while he takes off his sweatpants, and you do the same—you’re still tugging off your shirt when you feel his fingers brush against the clasp of your bra.

“You desperate?” you tease, letting him take it off for you.

Kai nods solemnly, moving down so his bare hips are parallel to yours. “Hell yeah,” he says, but you’re looking so intently at his cock that you forget to laugh. “Quit staring, perv.”

“You’re so annoying,” you shoot back, but there’s no bite, and he only smiles, taking the base of his cock to align himself with you. There’s a bare second of quiet, where you can hear both of your breaths, bated and waiting, and you can see the desperation—the hunger—in Kai’s face.

“Can I put it in now, baby?” he breathes. “Please? F-fuck, please?”

Shit. You might go insane if he keeps this up, begging prettily for you before he even gets his cock inside. You whine and nod, breath hitching when his fingers graze your tits. “Please, Kai,” you whimper. “Please, yes, please.”

Kai grabs the base of his cock again and eases the tip past your folds, his heart beating wildly. He breathes heavily, his other hand steady on your hip, so large compared to your smaller frame. “Jesus fucking Christ. You feel so good,” he says, trying not to sound too whiny when he barely put it in, but you don’t even notice, trembling beneath him. His brows furrow, lost in your warmth, but he manages to muster a smile. “You okay, angel?”

“Yeah.” Your voice is high and reedy. Your hands bunch up in the sheets. “Put—more, more, please.”

“Sure, sweetheart,” he responds, sounding on the verge of tears, because he quite honestly is about to cry with how tight you feel already. He eases more in, slowly, letting you take it in inch by inch, relishing in the feeling. A few moments pass and your hips finally meet; you let out twin sighs of relief. Kai leans over to mouth at your shoulder, his voice dropping to a whisper. “Shiiit, baby, you feel fucking good.”

You only moan in response, almost drooling onto the sheets. Kai stays still for a while, letting you get used to it, marvelling at how wet you are.

“Shit, I could be inside you forever. Oh, fuck. W-would you let me? Hm? Ah, would you let me—shit—fuck this t-tight cunt everyday? Want me to be inside you all the time, right? Isn’t that right, baby?” Kai taps your cheek and you just sob, backing your hips against his desperately. Kai lets out a giggle, and it’s so high-pitched and out of place you would probably scold him if you were in any other state of mind.

Alas, instead you’re trembling beneath him as he pounds you, whining and drooling on the sheets because his cock feels so good. It should be embarrassing. It definitely is. But you can’t find it in yourself to care.

“You’re a f-fucking pervert,” you whine.

Kai breaks into a smile, so wide and so fucking proud of himself. You can tell, even through your hazy mind, and it makes your heart swell. “Shit, I must have a good fuckin’ cock if I got you all f-fucked up like this,” he murmurs, using his free hand to play with your nipples. “I love you so much, angel. Love making you feel good.” The filth falls so easily from his mouth that it’s hard for you to believe that not one hour ago Kai was struggling to even call you a good girl.

“Luh—fuck, love you too, Kai,” you wail, bringing your hands up to splay across your face. “Please, please keep going, f-feels so good—”

“You’re so shy,” Kai whispers, his expression melting into a grin. He reaches up, pinches your cheeks. “How are you still so shy, hm? Your pussy is weeping onto my cock and you’re acting like this? So cute. Wanna fuck you so hard.”

“You already are,” you whine, reaching up to slap weakly at his chest. “Fuck, why are you t-talking so much?”

Kai giggles again. “Feels so good, that’s why. Your pussy’s making my brain melt. Fuck.” He gives a particularly hard thrust here, then moves his hand to rub over your tummy. “’M gonna come soon. Love you—I love you so much. Where do you want it, angel? Inside?”

“Mmm—yeah, fuck, please.”

“Gonna fuck you til your pussy’s all white and mine, alright? Fuck it back into you so it stays there, ffff-fuck, baby, I love you, thank you, I love you so mu— fuck—”

Wet heat inside you and a soft breath against the side of your neck—you feel his head drop onto your shoulder before his hand reaches over to your clit. His hips shift and he pulls out, only to move down between your legs and give your pussy a soft, almost kittenish lick. “G’na come f’me, too, angel,” he murmurs around your pussy, and you can see the hints of a smile gracing his face when your legs close around his head and muss up his hair. “Come on, please, please, want you to come—”

He lolls out his tongue and buries his face deeper in between your thighs, and it only takes a few mor licks, sucks, and the steady pump of his fingers before you’re coming, legs trembling around his ears and hands tangled in his messy hair. Your hips buck up into the air but his lips still follow, chasing the taste, and you whine from the overstimulation.

When he pulls away, a string of spit follows. He can’t move far before you’re grabbing him and pulling him into a kiss, smiling against his teeth when he lets out a small oof. He’s on top of you now, hand cupping your cheek. 

“Love you,” Kai murmurs, kissing your forehead. “Love you so much. You okay? You’re making a face.”

You are. “Sorry—one of your plushies—Molang, I’m like, sitting on it—”

“Oh!” You lift your hips and Kai reaches underneath your torso to retrieve his blue penguin Molang pushie. He smiles down at you. “Were you on it the entire time?”

“No, I think it fell while you were eating me out and somehow ended up underneath me.”

Kai grins and nuzzles his face into your neck. “You were arching your back that much? Did it feel that good?”

“I think this concerns the amount of plushies you have, not your stroke game—”

“My pussy eating game, actually.”

You throw another Molang plushie at his face. It’s soft, just like his cheeks when he smiles at you and they get all squishy, just like his lips when you tug him down for another kiss.

I mostly wanted this acc to be specifically for art, not rly for anything else but i need to get this off my chest. Obviously if you’ve been on twitter, you’ve probably seen a lot (and i mean a LOT) of hate towards gay ships/shippers recently, (first w togachako, then w stsg) i wanna address all the weird shit thats been happening w jjk dudebros lately. Idk what it is but they’re rly upsetti spaghetti abt even the mere thought of stsg being more than platonic besties, going so far as to shoot down any hint of them being romantically inclined in the slightest - so i thought that i’d take it upon myself to provide poof that stsg has queer, romantic subtext since ppl are being extremely obtuse abt them, all for the sake of protecting their friendship from us evil gays. (other shippers do this too but im mostly focusing on dudebros bc they’re the ones primarily acting like assholes to us for no reason, like yeah, sure, some stsgs are extremely cringey & weird but that can be said for ANY shipper in ANY fandom. When you’re in a fandom as big as this, of course there’s gonna be some bad eggs, it’s inevitable.

ok so. !!DISCLAIMER!! i do not speak japanese, so if i say something incorrect then please correct me. i’ve done enough research to be sure that what im saying is right, but im only human, and sometimes, i might be wrong. so, take what im abt to say with a grain of salt. (just in case).

first off, it should be stated that gege akutami, the creator himself, is an avid bl fan (and ik what ur thinking, ‘oh, that doesn’t mean anything! just bc u read bl, it doesn’t mean you’re likely to write gay relationships into ur own manga!’ which is true, gege HAS said that he doesn’t want to write romance in jjk. HOWEVER, as much as i love stsg & see them in a romantic light, i do definitely think that the reason why their relationship feels so ambiguous is bc gege intentionally made it that way. i think he made their relationship up to the individual’s interpretation. And for ppl who’re thinking ‘why would he do that?’ well, he doesn’t like writing romance, right? so this is the next best thing he could do. and also i have to point out (in case ppl get defensive), gege literally does not and will never care if ppl ship stsg or not, again, he’s a bl fan and if anything - all of the evidence that im going to talk abt proves that he most likely ships stsg himself, so… 🤷‍♂️

2. i’d like to talk about s2’s op & ed which are HEAVILY romantically coded. If you don’t know, the op was written to be from gojo’s pov & vice versa with geto for the ed, the op in particular is a very special case. The song is explicitly abt reminiscing the past , wishing gojo had noticed geto’s sorrow sooner and it also mentions a ‘silent love’. the word ‘love’ being used here is ‘koi’ which EXCLUSIVELY means romantic love… now, since this song was specifically written with gojos pov in mind, doesnt it seem kind of weird to have the word for ‘romantic love’ in there?? (koi can be referred to as ‘young love’ or having a ‘crush’ on someone…. hm… ThAts WeIrD.) instead of using ‘ai’??? which would make more sense if stsg were just besties bc ai is more general and can be used towards friends & family.

and then ofc there’s the whole theme of ‘blue spring’. director park (who directed s1 & jjk 0) has stated in an interview that geto was gojo’s last warm spring of youth. now if you dont know, spring of youth/blue spring means a time in a young person’s life where they have hope and happiness… in animanga, it often means falling in love too… so judging by this, it seems very likely that gojo perhaps developed feelings for geto during their teen years together. Director park has also mentioned in an interview that gojo & geto’s relationship goes beyond ‘friendship’ & being ‘familial’. 👀

3. another clear indicator of gojo being in love w geto is the whole ‘love is the most twisted curse of all’ spiel he said to yuta. ‘but he could mean platonic love!!’ idk, considering yuta had romantic feelings for rika and hes discussing them with gojo & gojo knows this, dont u think it’d be a bit weird for him to mention geto here too? if they were just best friends?? (that’s not even mentioning the fact that gojo & geto’s relationship is supposed to parallel yuta & rika’s in jjk 0…)

4. and then ofc we have gojo saying his last words to geto, which were censored. now, correct me if im wrong but the ONLY times ive ever seen inaudible dialogue being mouthed to another character is when its a love confession mostly seen in romance anime. and like, there’s also no need at all for gojo’s last words to be censored in the first place. (although, i do suspect that his last words may play a major role in the future when he faces kenjaku.) what solidifies it for me being a love confession is that, 1. geto blushed after gojo said whatever it is that he said to him, (only in the manga tho, idk why they didnt make him blush in the movie but its whatever.) and geto replies with, depending on the translation, ‘at least curse me a little at the very end’ or ‘you should at least curse me at the end’. which heavily implies that gojo said something extremely sweet & heartfelt to him as his final words. and if thats not enough to convince u that gojo’s last words were indeed a love confession.. gojo’s eng VA HIMSELF, said that his last words when translated into english means three words… im not saying that gojo’s last words were specifically ‘i love you’ or anything like that, but i am definitely sure that whatever he said was a love confession/something very romantic in nature. bc why else would gege choose to draw geto blushing?? that wouldnt make any sense.

gojo also killed geto on the 24th of december, which in japan, is the most romantic day of the year & couples in japan treat christmas eve as kinda like a separate valentines day. even in the jjk manga recently, gojo offered to fight on dec 24th & kenjaku mocks him by saying how romantic it is… even gege himself acknowledges how romantic christmas eve is in japan, this enforces the idea that gege must’ve chosen dec 24th for a reason, bc why else would he have picked an extremely romantic date as not only the day where he fights kenjaku who is inhabiting geto’s body, but also making it the day geto died?? yall have to remember that all of this has been planned out by gege, none of it is a coincidence… he didn’t just come up with all of this on the spot, he’s been planning this stuff & thinking about it for literal years.

5. and finally, probably the BIGGEST piece of evidence there is, geto & gojo’s character songs. gege chose romantic break up songs for BOTH of them.. like im sorry but if stsg were rly truly only best friends, he would not have chosen those songs for them, it just doesnt make any sense.

conclusion: obviously, this probably isn’t every subtextually romantic thing about stsg’s relationship but these are all the things that i’ve noticed. again, if you see their relationship as purely platonic then that’s fine but don’t be assholes to people for seeing romantic subtext that’s quite clearly there. if i have missed anything out then please let me know and i’ll edit them into the post.

im mad enough to make 2nd post and I barely post ever. this show was never high tv but this ep rly spat in the face of everything i liked about it. usually i try to be positive but here you got random list of all things terrible in no particular order (vaguelly chronologic who knows)

ALSO I dont take them probably assuming they would have more eps and then scrambling to fit the story in one episode as decent excuse... the stakes they set up in ep7 werent impossible to fix with one ep, they just wrote terrible episode

ed's entire character arc of 2 seasons being rolled into tiny ball and thrown in the trash. and no he isnt slipping or spiralling again, it isnt him being hot protective husband, this is him, character who spent 2 seasons trying and failing to be better and finally decided that the healthiest thing to do is to just drop the lifestyle that brings out the worst in him and pursue simple life THROWING IT OUT after finding out its not as easy as he assumed and he would have to work for it??? incredible fucking message david jenkins, if being better version of yourself is just lil bit inconvenient its not worth it go back to your crappy ways.

and NO its not him slipping, the tone of this whole thing is very distinctly victorious. and also NO the path he took now is not in any way different or better than the one he left. there is even fun triumphant vibe to him KILLING PEOPLE which was always treated as sth BAD for him??? literally absolute nonsense

what the fuck was that plot?? why are all pirates arrested?? when all they did was sink those ships?? i know this show tends to be cooky and silly and cartoony, but this was just absolutely random unexplained jump of stakes.

WHERE THE FUCK are all the other husbands of jackie. this is barely valid complaint but this stupid ep rly makes it look like swede is her only husband and I dont appreciate it

why the unholly hell did they spend entire season actually setting up crew as important, give them their own opinions and relationships to their captains, have izzy even mention that THE CREW is what its all about.... and then have them barely have any speaking roles in this episode and 0 plot relevance

that fucking PLAN??? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT??? im sorry why the fuck did their plan include walking through the biggest swarm of brits while having mr noseless richie UNSECURED amongst them??? why even BRING HIM other than to have him there specifically so he can be the one to shoot izzy for future drama???

izzy. death.

i genuinely could be FINE with izzy dying if they wrote it decently. and id even be fine with it in this episode. if they made it fucking meaningful... but they had my man, mr famously skilled pirate catch random bullet because he is incompetent actually... bullet into the side of the body that ofmd physics say is survivable easily??? and then give 0 attention to it??

ed being there while he dies??? this truly makes me just feel like they killed him only so in hypoteticky s3 they can woobify poor ed some more... or even give him excuse to be narrativelly clean of any atrocities he does in name of revenge

but it makes no. fucking. sense. ed shluldnt be there saying ur my only family, ed has not treated izzy as family ONCE in this entire show, ed barely talked to izzy after first 3 episodes, he is NOT the person on that ship who cares about izzy the most of all. if anyone should be there while he fucking DIES its the crew. who has shown constantly through this season that they care about him, who he made whole speech about in THIS SAME EPISODE. im sorry frenchie did NOT carry izzy back on the ship to drop him on the floor and have ed who I REPEAT HAS NOT SHOWN HE CARES ABOUT HIM AS MORE THAN AQUITANCE SINCE LIKE EARLY S1 be the one to be there in his last moment.

I get izzy wanting to make amends but BOTH OF THEM SHOULD BE APOLOGISING, HE SHOULDNT VE BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS and ed shouldnt be framed as blameless in their relationship in izzy's last moment.

and what made me genuinely laugh was izzy saying that the crew is ed's family. they are literally NOT. everyone who was aboard the revenge either hates him or is scared of him, and I dont think they had enough reason to change their minds as ed hasnt rly spent any time with the crew and shown only care for stede. they are NOT ed's found family and this payoff and this found family line is so ridiculously not set up and not narrativelly deserved it makes me laugh.

overall absolutely ridiculizs episode it made me laugh and it made me angry and it also made me angry how quickly we move past that

as foretold, bang brave bang bravern was crazy good this week

it's just. gosh. for as much as i talk abt bravern being unhinged the fact of the matter is that it is actually SO restrained. ESPECIALLY for something in a medium that is already a little self-indulgent and referential. like for all of bravern himself's clear love for mecha there have been so few explicit references to other shows? and then this ep had so fucking many - ttgl (which - fucking hilarious to use it against a character KONISHI is voicing and then have that DD be fucking useless except for wanting to see some cool fights LSKDJFH) and flcl and symmetrical docking and rider kick and jeeg and gundam and the fuckin uhhhhhhhh exkaiser i think but i dont remember for sure its the same one that showed up in the earlier fight w superbia too. like w the other mecha on the roof framing. and probably about thirty more that i'm for sure missing or not recognizing or forgetting ON TOP OF all the obari posing and punching which have been sneaking into the visuals before this - but it was all for the purpose of having us watch this hype battle and get all excited to make the ending hit THAT much harder. and holding off the first gattai until episode NINE???? the thing we're all expecting to happen at any fucking moment, because there was no way that the souls of isami and bravern could've combined and actually resonated for a true gattai until that point????? like it's ALL in service of the story rather than wow cool robot even tho it IS a pretty damn cool robot. this show makes me feel like i did my homework and i'm acing the test AND I HAVENT EVEN WATCHED THAT MUCH MECHA TBH. LMFAO. all the "who is this show even FOR (eyeroll emoji)" comments back in like ep2 get funnier every week bc bravern knows its audience like the back of its hand and it gets clearer and clearer every week that its execution is fucking razor sharp. this show is SO SUCKING GOOD and I LOVE IT. that was supposed to say fucking good but sucking works too

the fucking NOISE superbia makes when bravern is like "don't u want to fight me when i'm EVEN STRONGER" took me the FUCK out

[gets beer sponsorship] [makes Consumption Of Food And Drink a tether point to Humanity] [out-cooks the cooking show] i'm gonna buy more kona beer (<- fucking hates beer)

fish jumpscare !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i honestly don't think i've seen any anime with a fucking ED DROP before. lmfao

lewis smith. you want so badly to be the protagonist. to be the rival. to be the one who dies to motivate the hero. to be the MECHA ITSELF. and yet you are the love interest!!! you are GOING to be saved whether you want it or not!!! you ARE rain mikamura. you ARE the heroine. Let Isami Save You. you've got a family of people who fuck with time in different and fun ways to save each other and its his turn now whether you like it or not!!!!!!!!

he rly did put that mask back on right before he died…………..subtext, cowards, so on and so forth

thanks bravern for inventing gay ppl. was surprised to get a literal love confession AND an almost-kiss here but tbh at this point i think isami could use a good old-fashioned hug more than anything else. like one of those that cracks his spine. poor baby rice cracker is goin thru it LMAO. also i keep calling isami baby rice cracker and i cannot stop myself anymore………..baby rice cracker…………

me after saying every week that this show has done something to my brain "guys i think this show has done something to my brain"

wow this post is allover the place moreso than usual. like i said earlier this ep was so fucking DENSE and GOOD that i'm gonna need some time to process All That. gosh. [bravern voice] BRAAAAAAVEEEERN!!!!!!!!!!!

15. Which Race is your favorite? Why?

16. Which Championship is your favorite? Why?

17. Which Quests were your favorite? Why?

18. Which Event is your favorite? Why?

19. Do you prefer Story Quests, Side Quests, or Limited-Time Quests from Events?

20. What part of the Main Story is your favorite?

so many of the questions r so good i just sent a bunch sorry 0//0

- Jaoi

dw they are meant to be asked XD

Which Race is your favorite? Why?

i dont rly have one off the top of my head but i liked the new jumping course with an actual points system. sso races lack too much in well-designed challenges so i think its a good update. i also like the dressage in theory but i havent really played it yet this year bc im too exhausted to think. i prefer champs to single player crosscountry races since it feels like an actual challenge.

Which Championship is your favorite? Why?

firgrove is the one champ i actually do for fun... maybe new hillcrest champ can count in there too, tho thats more like "do it just to see the drama when the top spots die in the swamp". im still getting used to valedale champ but i keep getting lost and confused, it has potential but i feel like its a bit too chaotic so u dont even know whats going on and its easy to get completely lost if u get too far behind the other players. the other new champs are fine too.

Which Quests were your favorite? Why?

prob the nightdust story. i really wish sso had animated cutscenes throughout the game. (now we have some, but the current writing is so boring and disconnected from the existing storyline that i cant feel anything about the cutscenes. it doesnt feel like its the continuation of the same story.) i also liked the part of the main story when elizabeth died and we were stuck with alex in pandoria for a bit, bc at the moment that felt pretty dramatic and we were in like a unique location and stuff actually happened that had some kind of consequence. but even if i say that, lisa's song thing in that scene was kinda out of nowhere (bc they had just redesigned the soul riders shortly before and released her new music but it didnt feel connected to the previous lisa we knew yet - who didnt actually sing in sso at all besides us playing that harp one time? so her singing to guide us out felt generic rather than heartfelt bc we didnt really have a relation to this version of lisa.) and i liked the saving herman stuff.... and the rania and saving the lake in mistfall stuff.... i liked when we went with the rangers into wildwoods for the first time too.... theres also a lot of funny smaller quests i liked, like the original big bonny quests, the jarlaheim mayor guy, ed field, flooding the baroness cellar, igor stuff, the bridge building guy whos scared of heights, idk, stuff thats not really important to the story but silly in a way that made me laugh. i dont think the current writers are likely to write anything like that tho.

Which Event is your favorite? Why?

for now i dont really know, im not enjoying any of them that much. i guess it will be interesting to see what camp western is like this time. i love yule and winter time in general as a person but i dont necessarily care that much about the sso winter event, i love the snow though. halloween trail ride is fun but i feel like the excitement of seeing it the first time is completely different than doing it repeatedly year after year. i mostly wish that they would shave down the events into much smaller things and focus on the permanent storylines, fleshing out existing npcs and side stories and areas, and on releasing new areas alongside the story taking our characters there. i think making the events have so much going on (except none of it is especially fun) was a bad choice that took too much time and resources from the core development of the game. ppl wouldnt complain much about having nothing to do during events if we got consistent new quests and other stuff unrelated to the events imo.

Do you prefer Story Quests, Side Quests, or Limited-Time Quests from Events?

story and side quests, i really dont care about the events (aside from that one ydris halloween when galloper was trapped in the tower. i remember walking up to the portal and hearing the party music fading in for the first time, and how mc actually got to use magic.... cool times, but i still dont think they should do stuff like this for events unless they have a really good idea and the resources to execute it. its better as part of the main story.)

What part of the Main Story is your favorite?

mostly already answered in a question above, i feel like prob my fav is when we went into epona and started discovering the whole CHILL thing and saving herman bc that had a lot of excitement and mystery building up (which then fizzled out due to bad management). i used to really like talking to the different npcs across jorvik bc they had distinct personalities and problems, and often its like, its actually a bigger problem connected to the larger plot, but what we hear is how that thing affects local people on a smaller scale and they dont even necessarily think about some grand evil plot, theyre just annoyed they have extra paperwork, or confused why their thing isnt working anymore. idk old sso writing was both silly and really fun and immersive.

hi queen! i was wondering if u could help me out.

i have been following LOA twitter since like nov but i have known abt LOA longer, however i only learned states with LOA twitter and neville + ed art. i truly love learning abt this stuff and hearing neville and ed's words. ive gotten some success but it just feels like i dont get anything noteworthy?

for ex. i got the job i wanted but i almost feel like i would have gotten it anyway. i manifested 10k somehow buttt it was my parents gifting it to me (unexpected they dont give me shit) but im not even counting it bc its in an investment account i cant touch

i had my worst college sem and got B's which i never get.

i prev manifested a good friendship with my friend who we were on and off but we just had our biggest fight yet.

my sp is still w a 3p + i feel not up to par applying for medical school

i feel like i see so many ppl applying this stuff and getting amazing grades, the sp, and their dream life in like weeks but lately, i just feel incompetent and like everything i touch is exploding in my face. sometimes i feel dumb bc im like am i just wasting my time reading abt this stuff when i could be taking fr action to better my life? its like ive been caught up in this daydream and im yet to see harvest. i fulfill myself with inner convos + feelings but for each success, i can also recall several failures. it rly feels like the only successes are getting is stuff that could have happened anyway when i want like the huge omg my life is objectively better bc of this type shit. i am so scared i am just wasting time and that's why my professional life is going down the hill for the first time ever. before id always be brilliant even if my relationships were trash lol. i guess my biggest question is where am i going wrong, how do i increase my faith in the process when i am getting mid results LOL

manifestation coming true in the outer world is supposed to feel like “it would’ve happened either way” bc it is natural, it’s how the world works.

i feel like you’re undermining yourself and dismissing the successes you got, stop undervaluing yourself and just apply.

imagine EXACTLY what you want i don’t care how impossible it may feel. imagine what you truly want, not what you think you should want.

Body image appearance discussion. tw for eds and dysmorphia and shit. and self harm and also sex tmi shit. idek. im contemplative bear w me

like basically i never was pretty as a kid or growing up. like idk i guess conventionally attractive people or if ur just "objectively" pretty ppl comment on that a lot if ur a girl like family members but i never really was complimented like that. if anything ppl just tore my appearance down in my family unintentionally or intentionally and i was bullied for my features as a kid and ppl commented on my nose a lot soooooooooo. i feel my really low self esteem just falls back into the whole like trauma of feeling like i shouldnt even exist bc of how i was raised and guilt instilled in u and all of the feelings of alienation socially and bc of my appearance and ethnicity and just who i was. i wasnt really pretty as a teenager either and when i was 18 and started actually exploring sexuality more idk i still felt like im not really pretty and its why i like never believe anyone who compliments me and i dont really get complimented on appearance much anyway so. and also the disordered eating borderline anorexia phase i had when i was 12-14 where i would like take ice baths and restrict and write my goal weight it was kind of fucked up ngl like i didnt rly damage myself physically like i didnt lose much weight but ik the mindset was very damaging and i just like did not feel good bc i had no energy bc i was starving myself LMAOOO anyway that definitely still carries w me even now even tho im better w it but still very much struggle w eating but thats more a depression dysfunctional thing i guess. and when i started getting more sexual i guess like i equate sex and love a lot sometimes i even feel like i cant be pretty but at least im somewaht attractive body wise and im good at fucking like is that crazy idk like sexual validation makes me feel loved and i dont feel like i am actually pretty or pleasant looking or nice looking so the most i can have is like my body is ok . and when i was a kid i used to want to cut my vagina lips off lmaoo cuz i iddnt know what outies were lmfao and shit and ive been having intrusive thoughts like that lately just bc im like really depressed and not having any sex and my relationship is not intimate anymore and i havent even masturbated bc ive been too depresse and i also think masturbating as a girl is kinda annoying like i wanna be in BED not like do it in the bathroom bc i have a big ass rabbit vibe that looks like an alien gun. like if u have a dick u can just jack off in the bathroom or something and its quiet yk???? but like w a vibe its ANNOYING. like i need to be completely alone and i live w someone so like thatsh ard. if i had a dick i would jack one off in the bathroom LMAO. im sexually frustrated and shit and feel like if im not sexual at all im just like ugly and something idk. But also not evne in the mood for sex bc im soooooo depressed. and also im very physical in romantic relationships but not w anyone else idk what thats all about. My mentality has always been if theyre being physically affectionate w me theres no way or little chance they can be mad at me. also i really hate porn and od not like watching it i havent really in yrs cuz i just didnt care for it after i started having long term partner sex cuz im crazy like that like i dont evendesire looking at other ppl when im in a relationship. yk. and i kinda disagree w porn just cuz ive seen waht it does to straight men and u hear so many stories. and it makes me uncomfortable to see ppl have sex i realized. i only like seeing myself have sex LMAOO. im like sexual but in a private way. and i have a weird relationship to sex and my body and shit. idek. its cuz im like ed core also not white also unconventional looking and idk was a late blooemr sexually a little so. IDEK. but yeah im trying to have a healtheir relationship to how i view myself but its fucking hard

Ignore this if you’re not comfortable answering, but what’s it like to not really focus on others bodies or weight? Like what do you think about or notice when looking at others? Asking because I’ve struggled with body image and dysphoria/dysmorphia and ed for nearly my entire life and it’s a lens I tend to view the whole world through, always scrutinizing bodies in comparison to mine even though I hate it. It’s interesting and refreshing to see someone who seems genuinely disconnected from all of that toxicity and I’d be curious to hear more about that sort of perspective I guess or just what it’s like

id say i mostly focus on/notice faces majority of the time. and outfits since im interested in fashion and also just overall mannerisms and how they move or carry themselves. i cant rly say what its like since its always been like that lol like i dont have anything to compare with so its hard to say since ive never rly thought about it u know? ofc my brain focuses on certain body parts if theres something i feel attracted to like im not asexual but i dont like analyze it like if i like what i see i just like what i see and admire it i guess like just normal human behavior lmao i dont know how else i would word it

sex ed season four... not surprised the writers had no idea it was the last season. it's definitely the weakest season. i still remember how hooked in i was by s1 and s2, and i was in love w otis and eric's friendship and deeply related to both their personal struggles. and ofc i love all the characters too: maeve, aimee, ruby (ofc), adam (yes him too ofc!!), viv (underused underrated), jackson (ditto), isaac (literally my husband) and jean (milf).

i think the season lost me bc of its setting? why is cavendish some sort of lgbt haven school. it rly pulled me out, felt v utopic. i loved that there were new trans characters---and that they had a v untypical dynamic. roman is a gnc trans man and abbi is a trans girl, and i expected they would have as close to heteronormative sex as possible but nope! (i personally found roman v charming, he's my bb boy. but wtf does he have his gf's name tattooed so big non his chest jesus) i liked that there was a deaf character, aisha, who is queer and poly...but all 3 of them were so lacking in personality. they felt like checkmarks :/ i liked cal's introduction to the story in s3 but they too feel like a checkmark. i know that they're nb, dysphoric, quiet, and like to smoke. that is sooo little info. even o---whose character was butchered and made into a villain post-production according to yasmine benoit, her creator---has a lot more personality. and ykno what, yeah o was very unlikeable. she looked smug and two-faced. me personally? i like that and i found her cool. it's still sad tho that it wasn't the intention at all, and that it makes one of the few ace characters in media into a manipulative dick whose coming out scene didn't feel genuine.

still glad maeve and otis broke up i rly couldn't stand them together anymore teehee no more push and pull, no more on-off!

eric meeting god was corny ok. wtv happened to realism. rly had to suspend my disbelief w this one. (lowkey also when the pastor went to the school ball. it feels too good to be true idk.) but it's fitting htat he wants to be a pastor. ruby should become a pr manager srsly. and she should date me. jackson and cal should get back together also. or not. i don't believe in hs sweethearts. (says the one who was classmates w elementary school sweethearts)

joanna was such an annoying character im sorry. why would you do that. and who tf is dan i dont remember him

anyway yeah you can tell it shouldn't have been the last season. i was happy to get a finale cus so many shows go on forever but yeah that wasn't a proper ending. oh well!

🔥🔥 Do you see AMC Loustat "ending up" together or something more open-ended?

like i said before i think the fact that amc vampires can have sex rly change the game...& i dont think they rly had a ‘open ended’ end so much as it was lestat crashing axl’s second get together and lew swooning back into his arms. i do think lestat & armand’s thing for eachother was something largely independent of their feelings for louis . that aside being ‘open ended’ is one thing when u cannot have sex, w the closest feeling of the erotic also being so deeply tied into sustaining ur existence [consumption]. the fact that the ricean vampires cannot have sex is an added tragedy on their ‘loss’ of humanity , a commentary on the fact that they are always desired but never allowed to act upon their desire [especially w claudia, robbed of the chance to even mature]. like book les had to take part in some freakshow science to get a working dick& thats p unique to him only iirc?. but when they can have sex & r raised / believe in their cultures that are largely extremely regressive wrt to sex ed [the bond of sex + a vampire bond ontop of that!], this certainly makes ‘free love’ a bit more difficult to sell.. cuz blood letting/consumption is still eroticized and is largely context-dependent & secondary to the actual act itself in amcverse in a way thats not clearly defined even in s1 imo. blood letting is context dependent as well in the books but its even moreso as a secondary to sexual acts they now can embark on.. like u have the little drink but then u have turning scenes , louis drinking from armand infront of daniel which is voyeuristic afff. its like r we meant to always read bloodletting as an erotic act in every context orrr. i digress. idk im not committed onto ‘open ended’ or not for them. i do lean a bit more toward solo endgame as a result of these factors but as i am w everything in an ongoing series.. willing to be proven wrong

weight loss + ed talk under cut

few weeks ago i was like "my favorite jeans i own which have never fit comfortably without shapewear finally just fit!" and since ive lost so much weight that theyre baggy and i have to wear a belt w every pair of pants i own and keep poking new holes into my belts, and now my fave jeans just fall off so easily i dont even unbutton them before taking them off.. but outside of like. the annoyance that im gonna have to rebuild a lot of my wardrobe or tailor a lot of stuff bc all my pants are now too big, i just.. ppl keep saying i look so different and im just not seeing it? i see that i dont rly have a belly anymore when i look in the mirror but thats about it. my sister wasnt even sure it was me when i picked her up at the train station but when i look at myself i feel like its just a minor change. like, it feels the same as looking at myself before and after putting on shapewear or just sucking in lol. maybe thats body dysmorphia idk?? anyway this stupid idea that if i just got thin id suddenly look totally like i want to look has fuelled my ed for all these years and now im just like damn i actually just fucking look like me i guess. i mean im not exactly "thin" or "skinny" but im literally like 2 pounds overweight rn like i v much look average.. maybe ive just spent so long manipulating images of myself, posing and sucking in and shit to look different, and like literally sucking in my stomach and cheeks to even look in the mirror bc i hated it so much, that i also just do not have a good idea of what i actually looked like a few months ago

im gonna break the 160s soon im so excited i think

tw tw ed stuf, numbers, specific stuff with me, do not recommend ofc,

just ramblings abt life tbh

idk if im going thru weird stuff emotionally or not but its been really easy to liquid fast whole days or not eat much during the week, when im around ppl its worse but ive reached a point where its getting easier and maybe thats kind of scary bc im prolly not getting enough protein bUT!!

when i am eating i never feel bad if its beef or chickeni just try to have a lot of veggies and low carbs if its possible and its like, it was hard but my body prefers this bc maybe some foods make me nauseous or maybe its just knowing that i hate feelong too full or full at all, so if i eat more i have to ease into it

but idk i am rly anxious abt stuff and just trying to live and do well at school ya know

at this point i get distracted so much with hobbies and small social stuff that i only have enough time for school and money for survival if i am working and doing schoolwork all the time, and during work even though I have infinite access to food and smoothies I force myself to drink water bc im always dehydrated anyway and the smoothies have always made my stomach uncomfortable. ill have small amounts tho, or some whipped cream w espresso in the espresso cups r so cute,

but anyway a week or 2 ago i was 160 or 162 but then my mom came into town and it was my partners bday so i was eating some stuff but still avoided a lot? but i did eat a lot of chocolate covered strawberries lmao they were good tho i dont regret (theyre technically still fruit rigghhhttt)

and i didnt rly we1gh myself but then i was 167 ish again at the end of the day but now im 161 so its weird but i just want to get past this for good and be in the 150s like i need to get to the normal/healthy weight at LEAST and keep my muscles since im starting to see them in some places.itll take a lot more work to have abs thoughhh, whatwvee gn sorry if you had to read thru my ramblings

oh also i got rly cute oxford type sketcher shoes and i really hope im able to land an internship / leads at the career fair in a couple weeks n i know the shoes will complete the look and i just want to be attractive and competent idk but i dont do school enough / fast enough rip

the amount of pulls you just said was insane sorry, did you just say 290 for ling/lee? and 170 for gavalter/pozy? absolutely insane that is some. wow. (can i say anything i hand mhy my wallet like it is free)

ok but yeah i can see like.... why. i mean. i love old man nearl i want him, i want him now so i can finally get started on my nearl family agenda and have to m9/mod3/maxlvl everyone in the nearl family (i love them little lovelies) and i have only done this with nearlter but blemi needs rocks and i hate rocks i hate farming 1-7 with a passion i have literally postponed farming rocks so much i have like 7??? un-e2'ed 6*s just bcs they need rocks (and also bcs they are not meta lol)

ur wallet is terrifying. anyways will u max pot the old man? i feel like u wld tbh but like complete guess.

and yeah most ppl will talk abt honkais story instead since it is pretty good, but i like the gameplay very personally, like... im a sucker for good hack-and-slash games (that i can play on mobile bcs idh a pc oop) that also dont require *that* much brain and honkai has honestly filled up that for me lol. its nice its flashy i press buttons its a win-win

but yeah before that, for the longest time, it was just arknights that stuck with me and its really obvious why bcs its a really good game (even now ofc tho sss pains me in every way possible) and i still do is2 all the time for fun even tho ive maxed out my candle level for weeks alr like hell yeah !!! i love this game!!! i burn out sometimes but i usually get back within one or two events (hence my incomplete guide ahead + the one medal missing from lingering echos + i only completed medal set for tw on the rerun) but yeah i love arknights and sometimes i wish i had more friends to yell abt it !!! watched the concert (the one with phenomenal agents and i was rly sad that i couldnt talk abt it to anyone properly)

ah once again sorry for the length, but i would love to hear what other gacha games you play as well ! personally i am a gacha game only person (my standards are a bit low sometimes) and i dont play much outside of gacha tbh. ah and of course, have a nice day !

i pretty much only pull on limited banners which is why i could put in that many for gavial and pozy without dipping into the wallet that much. ling and lee, on the other hand, THAT shit hurted my money. for my arknights pulls i basically set myself a number of rules that rely on the slight delay between CN and global that let me think out ops in advance and such. essentially, i allow myself one operator release between limited banners to actually invest in, based on how they look, their mechanics, and what i like in a character. so mlynar is my one between gavialter/pozy and omertexas/penance, simple as. GG was a previous "one." so was surtr. unfortunately this system does mean i have to skip characters that i do like- for example, i prio'ed GG over gnosis and fiammetta, who i both really enjoy as characters- because i ruled that GG has the most utility that i can take advantage of in my average playstyle and her global range is just too good at covering for my smallbrain moments. so for that reason, i normally have around 17 ten-pulls saved for each limited banner including the free ones that you get (meaning i average around 175 pulls since i throw in a few singles to make it nice and even.) ling and lee were an exception since mr lee just decided to fight me on it. to this day the only operator released on a limited banner that hasn't come home is irene and that's because i put foresight in myself and reminded myself that gavialter and pozemka would be upcoming in a much shorter gap than between ling/lee and specalter/irene, and i would regret it if i went all in for irene. the primary goal is always the operator who will be impossible to get at any other time of the year. yes i plot these things that far in advance like a general going to war. it's how i Survive . i've been doing it pretty much since i started when the limited to save up for was W.

i don't intend to pull for maxpot on mlynar for this reason. even with him sitting at my all time favorite character in the game, it doesn't fit my standard of pulling. eyes are ahead to omertexas and penance once he's home. though i do have idle plans to use any royal guard tokens i get on him. i would like him to be maxpot someday but given that i generally roll with the broad goal of collecting as many characters as possible, it's incompatible for the moment.

rn i indulge at feh and genshin at the request of my friends who do play them. i do enjoy genshin and it's a fun time killer- it's a shame the fanbase is So. i try not to indulge in gacha games unless they're recommended to me by friends, and arknights was, in fact, a rec when it was fresh enough (i think right after partial necrosis dropped because i had the frostnova lore explained to me as a hook.) i started right at the tail end of nian's banner. most of the vibeo games i play are non-gacha to avoid the hurts to my wallet that mr lee put on it. at least with arknights i can feel like i'm actually paying them for a good game PFSDLGH.....

uuuugh i fukked up my hip last night chasing a scorpion around the house and now my whole leg is sore and its giving me rly bad anxiety

like i was born with my entire pelvis tilted forward which causes my hips to not sit right in the sockets and makes me walk weird. it also makes my spine curve out on top and in at the bottom, it just generally makes my whole posture weird and painful. my mom asked the doctor abt it when i was a baby but they said it was fine, itd sort itself out

GUESS WHAT TF EXACTLY IT DIDNT DO

so then a few years ago i had xrays done and was told i have hip dysplasia, but its just been steadily getting worse. originally it was just the left hip that would randomly feel like it was trying to slip out with just normal walking, but now its both and it happens multiple times a day. fkn hurts. doesnt help that i basically have no muscle mass to hold everything in place bc i never get out of bed due to chronic pain, headaches, nausea, heart issues, etc...

i know i need to get screened for eds but i dont think my doctor even knows what that is or its relation to autism. i doubt ill be able to convince her to order the tests...