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stachmousworld · 4 years

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Punishments (Universe A)

Can also be read as a stand alone.

Summary: Tony tried to protect his baby brother and end up facing his demons. Will this new family be like Howard and Maria or will they sooth his pain?

REMINNDERRR

Two baby siblings: Kareem and Ahmaud.

Two older brothers:Darius (his baby is named after Anthony) and Joseph

One older sister Janice

Part 1 - Part 3

Tony had playing with some Legos when it happened. First, there was a loud thump, followed by a few seconds of silence before the sound of glass crashing on the wooden floor could be heard from upstairs. He stood still, fear paralyzing each of his limb.

The Legos in each of his hands were now hurting him, but he couldn’t relax nor unclench his fingers around the plastic toys despite the blooming pain. Then, again, a moment of silence followed by some hurried footsteps toward his direction.

As the door opened, his baby brother, Kareem, entered the room, eyes widen in fear and guilt, lips wobbling. His entire little frame was trembling as he tried to repress his tears. Tony slowly opened his arms, not knowing what else to do and let the little one hug him tight. He closed he eyes and breathed in the scent of his baby brother. The Legos finally fell on the floor.

The sound of the baritone voice of their Babbo resonated in the entire house. Tony tightened his arms around his baby brother as terror struck him straight in the chest. He had trouble breathing, everything around was blurry.

“Kareem!” Babbo screamed looking angry, hands on his hips.

The mirrored image of Howard made Tony gulped. He opened his mouth to apologize for his brother but closed it quickly. He couldn’t talk back to Sir. It would have been seen as an insult.

Babbo took a few steps towards them. Tony reacted fast and came in front of his baby brother. His head held high, eyes staring straight into his Babbo’s. Whatever would happen, he wouldn’t let Howard – No - his Babbo do anything to Kar’. He had already taken some hits, Stark men were made of iron after all. He could defend Kar’. Tony was his protector and big brother.

So, he inhaled sharply and braced himself for the hits.

“Tony? What are you doing? And Kareem don’t believe that hiding behind your brother is going to help. You are not avoiding your punishment.”

Tony’s eyes widened in pure fear.

“Don’t Sir. Don’t hurt him. I’ll take his punishment…” The rest ended in inaudible babbles. Tony flinched and took a step back when he felt a hand on his jaw. It was it. He would strike him on the face, like Howard. I can take it…I can take it…

“Tony?”

He shook his head, sniffing hard.

“Kareem, call your mom and tell her it’s about Tony.”

Light footsteps running away. Babbo sighed. “I should have told him not to (a high-pitched yelp echoed in the stairs) run with his socks on. She is going to kill me, for sure.”

Tony flinched, coiling into a fetal position. Memories flashed through his mind, Howard handing him a hot tool, Maria watching with disdain, Howard slapping his face when he cried… his mind fell down the rabbit hole, trapped under the web of years of abuse, sadness, empty love.

Tony felt on his skin all the bruises, cuts, panic attack. All at once. At a certain point, he was sure he could smell burnt skin from his palms, and he screamed as the phantom pain resurfaced.

He wasn’t aware of his mammina’s presence in the room, nor their interaction. His mind came back to the first time he visited his Howard’s lab. Tony had been so thrilled to watch him work and have the possibility to show him his dog robot.

He will be proud of me, little Tony thought happily. He has to be.

What Tony hadn’t foreseen was his dad’s anger at seeing a perfect functioning dog robot. Jealousy had run through Howard’s veins and he’d lashed out. He had grabbed his hammer and crushed the robot, his booming laughter echoing in the room at Tony’s obvious distress.

Jamie, Tony had named the dog. After the best Howling Commando soldier: James Buchanan Barnes. Tony always had a preference for him instead of Captain America. It scared him to think that Captain America could be friend with his father and would deem Tony as unworthy as his dad thought. Tony didn’t want to think of all the punishments, he’d receive from Captain America. He was so strong and powerful.

So, Tony pretended to not flinch when Howard mentioned Captain America and even faked his enthusiasm at hearing stories about him, but at nighttime, he’d place his captain America bear in his drawer, and would hug his Bucky bear tighter in his arms while sleeping. Bucky would protect him, like he did against the bullies beating down Steve Rogers.

He started crying and sobbing on the floor as he reached for the parts of Andy. The wails of his little dog robots stabbed him in the heart. “I’m sorry, Andy. I’m sorry,” he repeated, his voice growing loudler.

“Stand up, boy, you are pathetic!”

Tony stayed down trying…trying to get all the limbs of Andy. Eyes blurry and hands shaking so badly it took him twice more time to gather everything. Suddenly, Howard snarled and stomped harshly and repeatedly on his hands.

A heart wrenching scream resonated in the room.

“What the hell, Cameron! What have you done?” she whispered.

“I don’t…I swear to God, I didn’t do anything.”

“Think back. I’m sure there was something you did, even unconsciously to terrify him”.

Cameron paced around before stopping. He suddenly turned around and stared straight in his wife’s eyes.

“Punishment. He told me to “hurt him” instead of Kareem”. Cameron lurched forward, gagging. His breathing was getting heavier. “Oh my God, he thought I would- ”

“Babe, calm down. I know it’s difficult, but you need to be there for him. I can’t do it alone. If I take care of him alone…”

“He’ll think I’ll hurt Kar’, and then him.”

“That’s my man. You’ll have to take care of him and talk to him. He needs to see that you are not Howard.”

A whimper came from Tony at the mention of the name. Cameron swore under his breath. his wife took his hands in hers and looked straight in his eyes. “Now go to the bathroom. He’ll need to take a good and hot bath. Be prepared…don’t joke, in his state I’m not sure he’ll understand.”

Cameron steadied himself and walked out. He only turned to witness his wife kneeling on the floor, singing.

Che bella cosa e' na giornata 'e sole n'aria serena dopo na tempesta! Pe' ll'aria fresca pare già na festa Che bella cosa e' na giornata 'e sole. Tony’s flashback stopped. He was still in his dad’s lab, but the strike never hit its mark. He opened his eyes and saw the figure of Howard looming over him, feet high, eyes gleaming with evilness. He gathered what remained of Andy, cradled it and stepped aside, grimacing at the wet sensation in his pants. New tears appeared. I’m not a baby, I’m not a baby, he sobbed, as he tried to dry his pants, but messing up. Blood was smeared on the fabric.

Ma n'atu sole, cchiù bello, oje ne' 'O sole mio sta 'nfronte a te! 'O sole, 'o sole mio, sta 'nfronte a te! sta 'nfronte a te!

Tony stood straight and looked wildly around him. He just…there was a voice, singing their song. Mammina, he screamed. Mammina. He ran frantic around the lab looking for her. He only stopped when he noticed Howard moving again. Then Tony started running again, while Howard was chasing him. A scream escaped his mouth as he dodged dangerous tools and blocked all the insults. Tony wasn’t sure he could understand them anyway, with all the blood rushing to his head deafening all background sounds.

Quanno fa notte e 'o sole se ne scenne, me vene quase 'na malincunia; sotto 'a fenesta toia restarria quanno fa notte e 'o sole se ne scenn

Tony tripped and crawled clumsily away from Howard. A hand gripped his ankle and he lashed out. Howard’s hand slipped away. Tony scrambled to his feet, eyes on Howard who looked menacing. But he wasn’t looking at him. Tony turned around and sighed in relief. Mammina’s body stood still and calm, eyes solely focused on Howard, but her hand on Tony’s shoulder was soft and welcoming. He reached for her side and buried his face in her stomach. She caressed his head and pressed soft kisses on top.

“You can do it Luce dei miei Occhi. He can’t reach you. No more.”

Howards first blow at Mammina went straight through her. Howard staggered and fell through her and Tony as if they were ghosts. Tony looked at her in awed.

“You too can do it, Tesoro. I will never let anyone hurt you in your head. Never.”

His fear melted away at the confidence and love thrumming in his body. As Howard stepped forward to hit him, he passed through him, too. Howard’s face made Tony giggle. He watched Howards hurtling tools in his direction, only to have them go through his body.

“You have the power to do everything, here, Tesoro. Make it your peace.”

Even at his young age, 8 years old, Tony understood her words with the understanding of someone who had lived many years. He nodded.

The changes were instantaneous. The lab morphed into his room in Mammina’s house. He heard his baby brother giggles and his older sister, Janice, arguing with his older brother, Darius.

Babbo was joking with Mammina while she was cooking.

Ma n'atu sole, cchiù bello, oje ne' 'O sole mio sta 'nfronte a te! 'O sole, 'o sole mio, sta 'nfronte a te! sta 'nfronte a te!

Tony came back to himself exhausted. He couldn’t move one limb and didn’t want to. The flowery perfume of Mammina was too calming, her warmth and strength allowed him to be loved, freely. Mammina had never judged him for making mistakes or taking her time. She always was happy to see him. Like his brothers and sister. Weirdly enough, they seemed to have taken a liking in him and yet never expected anything from him.

Tony stayed on her chest, as she sang again and again, their song. Soon enough he could hear Janice, Yanick and even Kareem’s voice singing to him.

“My baby, it is time for you to open your eyes,” She murmured softly.

He shook his head, pressing it deeper into her cleavage.

“Don’t you want to take a good bath, with your toys. I’ll prepare a good hot chocolate with cinnamon, Chantilly and Speculoos, with a dash of caramel, and some cookies with big chunks of dark chocolate.”

Tony almost jumped out of her embrace to run to the bathroom with a renewed energy. Only now, he remembered his misadventure. He had peed on himself. Flushing heavily, he tried to hide, only to be scooped up by Darius. He stopped moving and hid his head in the crook of his neck.

“It’s nothing Tonio. We all had accidents; it happens. Not to me of course, I’m a man (his mom and Janice snickered) but. You should ask Janice about yesterday.”

“Hey!” Janice screamed indignantly. “It was an accident and you promised to never talk about it.”

“Put your pride aside, baby girl. You wouldn’t want me to tell your little c-r-u-s-h about it.”

A furious growled erupted from the 13 year-old-girl. Darius took his cue and walked briskly to the bathroom. Kareem laughed encouraging him to go faster. He opened the bathroom door and closed it on Janice face. The last thing they saw was her red face. Darius made a grimace, which should resemble Janice, took a high-pitched voice and reenact the previous scene. Tony giggled softly head still in Darius neck.

“Do I even want to know?” Cameron asked, looking tired.

“Nope. Anyway, I did my job and delivered a grumpy Tonio. Mom said she’d bake some cookies and a hot choco (Cameron whooped) for him”.

“Meh. I’ll send Janice negotiate with your mom.”

Darius looked away. Cameron sighed. He scratched he beard as he thought.

“What about Kareem? No. He is too small, and your mom has him controlled. What about you?”

“I’m still grounded.”

Cameron threw his hands in the air and grumbled.

“I have 4 kids…” He stopped in his tracks. “4 kids.” He repeated slower.

Darius shook his head, recognizing the usual shenanigans being set in place in his dad’s head. His faith in his own abilities were quite impressive, if nor a little concerning. He never succeeded when it came to their mom. She always found out.

Tony whimpered in his arms and tightened his legs around his hips. Cameron stopped rambling and glanced sadly at him. He walked slow and loud towards them, enough for Tony to hear him, and avoid any panic attack like earlier. He shivered at the thought. He prayed to never be as hopeless.

“Tonio, can you look at me?” Cameron said with a low voice.

“No.”

“Ok. Why do you not want to look at me?”

“Hurt me…”

Darius eyebrows rose to his hairline. Hurt him? One look at his dad confirmed the suspicions he also had. He kissed Tony’s head and whispered to his ear.

“Tonio, you know that I would never hurt you, nor lie to you, right?”

Silence.

“Dad had never hurt me. He had never hit me. He may raise his voice, but never to insult. He is not like that.”

He let Tony mulled over what he said. Until a tiny voice replied. “Why Kar’ looked afraid?”

Cameron rolled his eyes amused.

“He knows Dad told him not to run in the house with his socks. He was afraid because he’d get grounded, like me. No TV, no games and no protests for naps. Even though I’d like to have naps, mom won’t let me get one,” Darius finished pouting.

“Oh please, you wake up at 10am every day, you don’t need a nap.”

“Lies and Slander! My days are productive, thank you very much, and I need a nap.”

“Productive? You are on vacation. You don’t have to do anything. And if you want that nap, I’ll talk to your mom.”

“So, no nap for me.” Darius concluded dramatically.

“What is with you and the lack of respect! I can make your mom agree with me.”

Darius snickered. “You can…what?” He scoffed. “When mom is going to know about you ‘making her do stuff…”

Tony was now fully relaxed. He giggled at the interaction, head peeking out of his brother’s neck.

“Sorry, Tonio, but mom needs to know about that.”

Darius put Tony down and rushed outside. Cameron screamed after him, only stopping when his wife’s voice was heard.

“He told you what! Cameron Benedict Jones!” She yelled from downstairs. He stayed stuck for a second before jumping in action. He closed the door and rushed towards Tony.

“Tonio, if you love me, you’ll get into the bathtub as quick as possible.”

His panicked face may have been what sent Tony into full joyful laughter. Cameron didn’t stop to enjoy his little boy happiness and helped Tony out of his pants and shirt. Once fully naked, he scooped him and placed him slowly in the bathtub. At the same time, the door opened violently.

Cameron forced himself to stay calm and moved normally. As normal as he could considering the breathing dragon in his back and his boy mocking him in front of him.

“Hey dear! We were just having fun.” He said, his voice trembling.

Tony laughter was still ringing in the room. Cameron craned his neck and glanced behind himself. His wife’s small frame was trembling. A few snorts escaped her mouth.

“Hey! Not you, too! First Tony, then Darius, and you, my wife!” He yelled, indignant.

Tony hid his face in the foam of the bath. Cameron let himself smile and relax a bit.

“You are really too easy to frighten, my precious husband. But I won’t forget what you said to Darius.” She finished in an ominous voice. Cameron gulped. She walked toward them, leaned to kiss Tony foamy face, then kissed Darius softly on the forehead.

“I never forget.” She muttered, before leaving.

The fun didn’t last long. A few minutes later, Tony was again nonverbal. He didn’t even try to play with the toys anymore and instead was gathering some bubbles around him. Cameron refrain himself from sighing. Really, why did he have to be the one to do that? He wasn’t even good at speeches like his wife and he tended to say the wrong things. And with his anger simmering under his skin, itching him to beat the hell out of Howard, he didn’t know if he’d be able to stay diplomatic. The bloody face of Howard passed his mine. He rejoiced in it. Darius would do it. He’d kill Howard. Jailtime or not. It would be worth it.

“Tony? Do you want to talk about what happened earlier?”

“No.”

Well, what a start.

“Tonio, we have to talk about it, you know it. You’ve seen us resolving conflicts before. That’s what family does.”

“You are not my family.” He said sadly. Cameron ignored the pang of pain in his chest that vehemently contradicted what Tony just said. He helped Tony out of the bath, drained the water and grabbed fuzzy towels. He wrapped his little boy in them and then squeezed him in his arms.

“Blood doesn’t make family. I was adopted. My parents died when I was a toddler and I had the chance to find a good family. Like you too. I know it is not the same, you still have Howard and Maria (He praised himself for not spiting their names. His wife would be impressed that’s for sure.) but we can be your adoptive family. Plus, you spent most of the year with us, anyway.”

Cameron kissed the top of Tony’s head and felt tiny arms around his neck, embracing him tightly. My precious boy, Cameron thought, cooing internally. Now came the hardest question.

“What were you really afraid of?”

Tony tapped his fingers on Cameron’s shoulder. He didn’t reply.

“Tonio, you scared me – us, earlier. I thought we’d have to go to the hospital. You really scared me within an inch of my life. I know that I did something to hurt you, and I wish to know what, so I won’t do it again.”

“When Howard is mad he…he raised his hand to punish me. I thought you’d the same to Kareem. But I’m his big brother and I’m supposed to be his protector,” he said firmly. “I did it because I wish someone would do that for me. But…I’m too weak. I could have never protected K’. You didn’t even hit me that I was ran away.”

Cameron bit his lips and closed his eyes tightly. His heart broke at Tony’s words and his hatred for Howard swelled up.

“I don’t want to hear those words out of your mouth, Tony.”

He unwrapped Tony’s arms from around him and cupped his tiny, red face. “Tonio, what you did was selfless. You fought your own fears, putting yourself in danger to protect someone smaller and more fragile than you. You were ready to get punished for him and jumped to his defense straight away. You did great. But…I’m not Howard, Tonio. I will never hit you. I never hit any of my children and will never. It disgusts and pained me to think that Howard could do that to you.” Tony opened his mouth probably to deflect the praise. Cameron shushed him.” No matter the reasons. It is not legal and normal for a parent to beat their children.”

Tony’s eyebrows were furrowed. Cameron let him mull over what he just said. He knew it would take more than few words to prove it to him, but they, as he entire family, would do everything to allow him a somewhat normal childhood.

As he watched Tony’s face transform under various emotions to settle on hopeful, he let the little bubble of love grow in his heart.

Everything would be okay. They’d make sure of that.

(What a beautiful thing is a sunny day,

The air is serene after a storm!

The air is so fresh that it already feels like a celebration.

What a beautiful thing is a sunny day!

But another sun, even more beautiful, oh my sweetheart,

My own sun shines from your face!

This sun, my own sun!

Shines from your face; it shines from your face.

When night comes and the sun has gone down,

I almost start feeling melancholic; I’d stay below your window.

When night comes and the sun has gone down.

Created by Alfredo Mazzuchi, but mostly known thanks to di Capua

Mother masterrliiiisssstt ✨✨✨🐱‍🏍

#mcu #marvel mcu #tony stark #Kid!Tony Stark #black family #adoptee #adoptive family #characters of color #black characters #black dad #black mom #tw: child neglect #tw: panic attack #black children #part 2

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nihilhumani-blog · 7 years

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The one where they raise the red flag over the Reichstag (summer mix 2017)

LINK HERE

1. Jorge Ben, “Meus Filhos, Meus Tesouro”, África Brasil (1976). A pretty simple song. Jorge Ben has this knack for investing the quotidian with a kind of profundity, and I just love it. The gist of the song is an imagined conversation with his children in which he asks them what they want to be when they grow up. The most poignant, beautifully-sung line in this song translates literally to “I want to be a soccer player!”

2. Philip Cohran, “The Minstrel”, On The Beach (1967). Massive Afrofuturist groove from ex-Sun Ra sideman. According to Allmusic, some of the people playing on this went on to gigs as diverse as the Agharta band (Pete Cosey) and Earth, Wind and Fire (Don Myrick). The thumb piano that anchors the groove is a creation of Cohran’s that he calls the frankiphone.

3. Gene McDaniels, “Tower of Strength”, Tower of Strength (1961). Great performance of a classic Bacharach and Hilliard tune. That falsetto is to die for.

4. Broadcast, “Goodbye Girls”, Tender Buttons (2005). Never got into this band when they were more popular (even though I probably should have). Those goofy antique synths are so joyously raucous, just barely in time, and Trish Keenan’s vocals are as delicately celestial as they’re cracked up to be. This flows nicely from the McDaniels tune — it falls somewhere between a Northern soul stomper and Young Marble Giants.

5. Amps for Christ, “Colors”, Circuits (1999). Glorious rendition of an ancient Scottish folksong. I have a real special spot in my heart for AfC — they got a good deal of attention in the indie rock press in the mid-oughts but, fairly unique among bands that won Pitchfork’s heart, they came not ought of the basement of some Chicagoland suburb but from the late 80s/early 90s SoCal powerviolence scene, a heterogenous outgrowth of US hardcore punk that took inspiration from British grindcore, Bay Area thrash, Sabbathian sludge and injected a much needed dose of good politics into the scene at a time when hardcore’s leading lights were sporting Fred Perry and Freikorps haircuts. Main dude Henry Barnes handled circuits for Man is the Bastard, who are simply one of the greatest bands the United States has ever produced: a heady mix of prog rock, US hardcore, the burgeoning “noise scene” (which was more-or-less in its infancy), thrash metal and god knows what else. As Barnes got older, his music got mellower in some ways, more intense in others, and remained fiercely committed to a better world (with a sardonic sense of humor to boot). It’s hard to say enough good things about them.

6. The Roches, “Runs in the Family”, The Roches (1979). Turns out that that all-women, multipart-harmony-heavy, Dustbowl-folk revival thing started not with Mountain Man’s terrific Made The Harbor (2010) but about three decades earlier with the Roches. This is a weird little record, kind of a mixed bag (and produced, bizarrely, by Robert Fripp, whose unmistakable Frippertronics fit surprisingly well). But some of the tunes are just stunningly beautiful, and this is one of them. The harmonies are heartbreaking and just unconventional enough to keep from turning into saccharine mush. Also I’m a big fan of any folk song that can organically work in a line as tearjerking but nerdy as “I can’t change the law of averages”.

7. Roscoe Holcomb, “I’m a Free Little Bird”, The High Lonesome Sound (1965). Listen, I know we’ve all had enough of that “white working class” mythology so beloved of both wings of capital, Trumpers and liberal imperialists alike. Think of this not in terms of “authenticity” or as a paean halcyon days of (white) class collaboration in America but as a virtuosic and joyous celebration of life that draws its strength from the well of the multinational US working class.

8. The Vibrators, “Whips and Furs”, Pure Mania (1977). From that corner of early punk that was self-consciously retrograde, a mud-caked revival of rock’n’roll, comes this nugget. It opens by quoting a Sly and the Family Stone classic — at that point already a decade old — and hits the heights of harmony with a line about a lothario who “drives a black Cadillac [with] whips and furs in the back”. Real fun pulp mag vibe here. Those ambitious little bass runs top off an already perfect song.

9. Godley and Creme, “Sandwiches of You”, L (1978). Restless, complex, delicate, sophisti-pop from the weirder half of 10cc. I really don’t even know what to say about this: it’s so accessible, funny and bizarre but it also sounds like Gentle Giant playing the Looney Tunes soundtrack. Amazing record. This will forever remind me of driving to rural Kernersville, NC in the middle of the night for work at the massive FedEx warehouse there.

10. Todd Rundgren, “Long Flowing Robe”, Runt: The Ballad of Todd Rundgren (1971). For a guy who’s done some of the weirdest records in the pop music canon, his more straightforward tracks are remarkably approachable and familiar. Although even this song is, all things considered, pretty weird: it kicks off with a clavinet (more associated with Stevie Wonder than power pop), and it includes prominent bongos and cowbell, Rundgren’s infinitely-multitracked falsettos, and a strange combination of thudding proto-metal drumming and delicate fingerpicking. But it’s also simultaneously a perfect pop song about being lonely whose chorus you can memorize before you’ve heard the full song for the first time. My dad reports that this remained a huge jam at Southeast High in Wichita in the late 70s.

11. Jefferson Airplane, “Watch Her Ride”, After Bathing at Baxter’s (1967). The sound of the Summer of Love becoming heavy metal. A paranoid but tender freakout that clearly points ahead to NWBOHM-style metal while remaining somehow heavier than metal — there’s hardly any distortion on the guitars, but they’re so resonant, their jazzy chords seeming to linger in the air forever, that they end up sounding more powerful than the filthiest drop-tune. Spencer Dryden (nephew of antifascist film star Charlie Chaplin) turns in a great drum performance.

12. Squeeze, “Hard to Find”, Cool for Cats (1979). Underrated gem from Squeeze’s second record. There’s a marvelous contrast between the white-knuckle new wave of the verse and the brief intrusion of good vibes in the chorus with handclaps, lovelorn vox, Glenn Tillbrook’s throaty cry, and bluesy arpeggios that sound like nothing so much as King Crimson (!).

13. The dBs, “Love is for Lovers”, Like This (1984). Stellar, weird powerpop (from Winston-Salem!). This is from their third record, after one half of their great songwriting duo (Chris Stamey, who pops up later on the list) had left. Still, Peter Holsapple could write a mean tune on his own. His yelp in the chorus is magnificent, so full of boyish charm — even in recent live performances, he sounds exactly the same when he sings it. True story, he came into the restaurant that I used to be a cashier at (he still lives in the Triangle, if I’m not mistaken), and I immediately said “holy shit, you’re Peter Holsapple!”, and he goes “this literally never happens”. My dad has some good stories about seeing them live when he lived in Raleigh in the 80s.

14. Orange Juice, “Holiday Hymn”, The Glasgow School (compilation 2005, originally recorded live 1981). My favorite “indie-pop” group of all time. My listening diet when I was 15 was about 80 percent grindcore, 20 percent jazz and it became about 75 percent indie pop after my dad bought me this comp. on a whim. This isn’t actually a “signature OJ” song; it was unreleased for a long time (as far as I can tell), and it’s actually a cover of a Vic Godard song (member of the class of ‘77 punk group Subway Sect before he became a noted soul revivalist). But it’s a perfect song for them to cover; that needling soul bass and the angular Byrds-playing-funk guitars work so well. “Today all the girls / will see our fire begin to glow / today all the girls / will recite Jean-Jacques Rousseau” is a very pretty, if mysterious, little line.

15. Captain Beefheart, “My Head is my Only House Unless It Rains”, Clear Spot (1972). It’s a little unfair that Don van Vliet could be one of the most influential, pioneering rock musicians of all time (Trout Mask Replica 100 percent deserves its reputation) and also have penned a Van Morrison-style soul ballad so deep it makes Van Morrison look like the Bee Gees. This sounds like a slightly offbeat, if dark and powerful, ballad, until about a minute in, and then suddenly the tension that the verse and the pre-chorus bridge build...just goes awry, in the prettiest way. The chorus turns out to be not only not-a-chorus — it only occurs once! — but one of the most subtle, propulsive riffs ever crafted.

16. Kim Fowley, “Mom and Dad”, Automatic (1974). This guy is such a Hollywood sleazebag that his Wikipedia page literally lists his occupation as “impresario”. And yet, this gorgeous fingerpicked Lou Reed-ripoff is one of the most straightforwardly-affecting records I’ve heard in my life. I barely knew who this guy was when Jonathan Woollen announced his death via Facebook and posted this track, and I swear I could barely hold back the tears after the second playback. As much as I hated Lou Reed, I deeply loved Lou Reed, and this is maybe the most Lou Reed thing ever written by someone other than Lou Reed.

17 Kyu Sakamoto, “Sukiyaki” (single, 1961). According to Wikipedia, one of the few “non-Indo-European language songs” to ever crack the Billboard top 100. Even if you don’t speak a word of Japanese — I don’t — its virtues are manifest — an effervescent tune that apparently takes the generic form of a lovelorn pop song but was composed as an anti-fascist protest of the post-WWII US-Japan alliance.

18. Sneakers, “Like a Cuban Crisis”, Racket (1992, originally recorded mid-70s?). It’s hard to imagine something that appeals to me more in descriptive terms than an angular, punchy power-pop group from NC featuring Chris Stamey (dB’s, whom we heard earlier) and Mitch Easter (Let’s Active, feature on previous mixes). And they really live up to the description, from the sparkling twin guitars of the opening riff to the perfect (non-)chorus, and bonus for the genuinely funny satire.

19. Witchfynde, “Leaving Nadir”, Give ‘Em Hell (1980). A jammer from that brief period of the NWOBHM during which a gorgeously-arpeggiated, powerpop-ish intro like the one this cut sports and a pounding, palm-muted verse could comfortably co-exist.

20. Linda Ronstadt, “Heart Like a Wheel”, Heart Like a Wheel (1974). A classic country-rock record — the country-rock record?! — that was once immensely popular, even winning a grammy, but which has so fallen by the wayside amongst the cognoscenti that I don’t feel bad about putting it on a mixtape. It’s a subtly-weird track. After a vertiginous piano opening reminiscent of a solo Bill Evans date, Ronstadt begins the song by detailing, then abruptly disavowing, a simile for the human heart. The song never quite coheres….there’s a beautiful chorus, but one that’s cut short by an extended instrumental break featuring heart-rending cello (?) — but that makes it all the more addictive — how can you hear that (much-delayed) chorus just twice?! Another record that inexplicably reminds me of North Carolina, even though Ronstadt was the scion of a wealthy manufacturing family from Arizona who had, far as I can tell, no special connection to NC.

21. DJ Screw, “Every Day, All Day [South Circle]”, Chapter 226: Million Dollar Hands (1995). A change-of-pace superficially, but that melancholy melody line forms a natural transition from the Ronstadt track in my mind. Absolutely classic, unrelentingly-bleak mid-90s chopping and screwing. The South Circle track is a merciless g-funk cut to begin with, but the Screw remix is a monolithic thing of beauty.

22. The Brides of Funkenstein, “Disco to Go”, Funk or Walk (1978). Hilarious yet deadly-serious, powerful yet loose P-Funk spinoff. This reminds me of swimming at the apartment pool when my parents divorced dad moved to the heart of downtown Kansas City to be near his work; this record was one of the few that we could all agree on as a family to put on the boombox during afternooon swims. This was back when downtown was inhabited by the kind of straight-up phreaks who stuffed hardcore guy-on-guy pornography into their neighbor’s mailboxes apparently just for the hell of it (finding this sort of thing in the mail among the form responses from fan mail I’d sent to Vinny Testaverde is one of my first memories). E-I-O-diss-CO-to-GO!

23. Trinity and U-Brown, “Nice Up the Yard”, (single, 1982). My favorite riff on the “Boxing” rhythm ever released. Something about this just crackles with youthful energy and energy. Almost totally-unknown — this is off a comp I pulled off the internet called DUB HOT DUBS several years back, and I can’t find a single thing about either of the artists, but still, totally classic.

24. Linton Kwesi Johnson, “Fight Dem Back”, Forces of Victory (1979). Militantly progressive Black British reggae. One of the funniest and, yet, most deadly-serious songs ever recorded.

25. The Dils, “Sound of the Rain”, Made in Canada (1980). Marxist-Leninist powerpop — nuff said. Name a catchier tune whose chorus begins “I don’t listen to the cops / I wish they all were dead”.

26. Fairport Convention, “Cajun Woman”, Unhalfbricking (1969). One of the slighter — but catchier — tracks from a top-10 record for me. Fairport, at that point featuring two of my favorite artists of all time (Linda Thompson and her husband Richard), turned in a massive, spiritual brit-folk-revival LP that was also stuffed with oddities like this zydeco-jammer. Like many Fairport tunes, the rapturous boogie is cut with a surprising gravitas. That slightly discordant note in the chorus is perfect.

27. Magma, “Üdü Ẁüdü”, Üdü Ẁüdü (1976). There are some of those “underground canon” records that are fun to listen to, that tickle your brain, that are intellectually exciting. And then there are some that, even though they’re sung in a made-up language and performed by a French band 32 years before you first heard it, feel so familiar that it’s as if they were written by dear friends. That joyous background whoop at 1:51 is one of my favorite moments in recorded music. A pulsating, polyrhythmic, deliriously joyous mass of music that seems to prefigure “Brothersport” down to the details.

28. The Fans, “Giving Me That Look In Your Eyes”, Giving Me that Look In Your Eyes EP (1979). Feckless, extremely-active Bristol new-wave-cum-powerpop. This reminds me of Vampy Weekend a little bit, actually, just in terms of how dizzily sucrotic this is. Unfortunately they didn’t realize very much other stuff but most “throwaway bands” manage only one great lost single — the Fans had several. If you dig this, have a listen to the equally-great “You Don’t Live Here Anymore”.

29. Alice Coltrane, “Sivaya”, Transcendence (1977). How are hipsters not all over this? Immediately accessible, burning-with-soul, post-apocalyptic prayers to god from one of the most respected jazz musicians of all time. It’s really hard to express how simultaneously and simple and deep this is; there’s something especially beautiful about this ragged, loose beauty when you know exactly how complex and brutal her music could be.

30. DJ Screw, “It Was All a Dream [Shaq]”, Chapter 11: Headed 2 Da Classic (1996?). Mention of the original Shaq record is something of a snarky in-joke amongst people that know anything about basketball or music, but this cut — while manifestly unoriginal — is genuinely beautiful and the Screw mix accentuates the deep vibes. Shaq’s not a great rapper but there is some real solid production on this and the big-workin-class-dreams-come-true bit tugs at the heartstrings.

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