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oriionours · 8 months

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Ghost of you Chapter one : Here I'm waking up

{Alexander realizes that he is going to die, he cannot leave thinking that Magnus will be left alone afterwards despite what Magnus seems to think.

Magnus has a big, pure heart, which needs to love and to be loved, so Alexander writes two letters, one to Magnus, the other to the future person who will replace him one day.}

He would eventually die.

Alexander Gideon Lightwood was going to die sooner or later.

It was a fact that no one could deny. He was a Nephilim, a mortal being whose life was constantly in danger because of his activity as a Shadowhunter. He was destined to end his days in the City of Bones, his ashes protecting the generations to come.

Until now, it was an idea that Alexander had always been at peace with. He had been brought up that way, it was an inevitable, unchangeable cycle. Of course, there were potential ways to thwart death. Becoming a vampire was one of those options, but it had never suited him. Alec couldn't watch his family, his friends, Jace die while he was left to live a more or less peaceful life alongside Magnus.

That didn't mean he didn't love Magnus unconditionally, that he didn't wish, deep down, to spend eternity at his side. But Alexander remained realistic, he would be unhappy. The idea that love overcomes everything else was a cliché that even Magnus didn't believe in. His boyfriend had never offered to spend the rest of his infinite days with him.

Of course, they had had this conversation many times, and Alexander had wondered about it at length. But no, he didn't feel he could do it. To see his family grow old, to have children, to die, to see those same children grow up and grow old and then die again and again was unthinkable for him. Max's death was still etched in his mind, and time would not heal this gaping wound. So would he extend it to all of his loved ones? No. No, he couldn't.

Magnus agreed with him. Being immortal himself, his partner understood better than anyone the weight of this burden. Not even once did he try to make Alexander reconsider. Both knew, deep down, that the Nephilim's demise was inevitable.

So yes, Alexander was going to die at some point.

Nevertheless, the Nephilim had not expected reality to strike him so soon. He had thought watching the wrinkles as the first traces of the passing of time, or even fearing a mission more important than another that would eventually strike him, but no. It had been his own reflection in the mirror, at the dawn of his thirties. There he was, masked under his thick brown curls, a white hair. It was not a big deal, Alexander felt good, he was still so young. But the pressure of his position as Head of the Institute, the problems of dealing with the Council, the endless obligations, the constant stress had obviously taken its toll on his body.

He had stood there for many minutes, staring at his reflection in the mirror, not knowing what to think or do. For some people, the appearance of a white hair was a real upheaval, a shattering of youth, the beginning of the prime of life. They tried to make the most of what's left of their lives, knowing that time doesn't wait for anyone. For others, it was a sign of rejoicing, the proof of an apparent wisdom, duly acquired by the passing of time, the natural cycle of life. And then there was the majority, the ones who noticed it, and then moved on, as if nothing had happened.

But for Alexander, the discovery of that single white hair meant none of that. His first thought was not the passing time, it was not panic, it was not fear, sadness or ecstasy.

No.

It was Magnus.

Alexander was aging. It was nothing, almost thirty years. But it was already a white hair, a grain of sand in the hourglass of his short existence. One day or another, he would die. And even if he was at peace with that idea, was Magnus? That was the only subject they never discussed together. Alec and Magnus often talked about how the warlock would be with him every step of the way, from his first wrinkles to his last breath. But they never talked about the aftermath, about what his companion's life would be like after his death. Yet, it wasn't for lack of trying, but Magnus always found a way to avoid the conversation. He kept to himself, or hid behind the frivolous jokes that only he knew so well the art and the way of.

There, in front of the mirror in their bathroom, facing that white hair, Alexander understood.

It was plain to him.

When Alexander Gideon Lightwood disappeared, Magnus Bane would be left alone. And Alexander was suddenly struck with fear at the thought.

That morning, Magnus was away. A pressing matter at the Spiral Labyrinth that would probably take him another day or two. And Alec could never be more grateful now.

He had finally left the bathroom, after calling Isabelle to warn her that he would not be coming in today. A sick leave. His sister hadn't asked any questions. His brother resting was such a rare event, that she simply thought that Magnus had returned. And here he was, all alone, sitting across from Magnus' desk in his apothecary.

How long did this go on? How long did Alexander sit in that chair, staring into nothingness as a thousand questions raced through his mind? He didn't know, but when he became aware of his surroundings, through the window, he saw the full moon hanging over New York.

Magnus would be alone. Alexander was sure of it. Oh, sure, Magnus had a lot of friends. Some of them are more important than others. Catarina, Tessa, Ragnor, they'd be there for him when Alexander will be gone, but eventually, when Magnus walked back through the door of their apartment, no one will be there to wait for him, to wish him a good evening, to hug him, to love him.

Alexander, in his younger days, had long thought that the prospect of Magnus ever getting a new life after his death would drive him crazy, would seal the end of their relationship. Today, after finding out this white hair, he hoped only one thing: that Magnus would not remain alone too long.

"We, warlocks, are keen to forget ourselves. The more time passes, the more we grieve, the more our hearts calcify. You, Alexander Lightwood, blew away the chalk that was beginning to choke my heart."

That's what Magnus had said to him once, at the beginning of their relationship, when the whole thing with Valentine and Sebastian had finally stopped, when they had finally been able to start something solid, something healthy. What would happen when he was no longer with him? Would his heart calcify for good this time?

This thought terrified him.

Alexander didn't know if his next move had been driven by pure impulse, but his hands began to rummage through Magnus' desk until he got his hands on some paper and one of his companion's old quills. Alec had always scoffed at this old-fashioned habit when ballpoint pens existed, but strangely enough, the idea of writing with ink and quill seemed more personal, more... pure. There was something ancient, timeless about reading handwritten lines with imperfect ink stains and smudgy, imprecise letters. Magnus always managed to write so delicately, so precisely, Alec knew in advance that his own handwriting would probably look messy. But he hoped, in his heart, that it would only make it more real.

Facing this piece of paper, Alexander held his breath. His quill in hand, a drop of ink stained the desk, slipping from the point he was holding awkwardly. What exactly was he supposed to write? He hadn't thought about it. It had been an impulsive gesture, a visceral need to leave a trace, not just something Magnus would one day find in his box. Alec had come to understand that it would never fit inside, but it didn't matter. A letter was an intimate token. Magnus would undoubtedly read it again and again, even though in the digital era, there would be a thousand and one ways for him to remember exactly who the Nephilim was, his eyes, the sound of his voice, all the little details.

With a trembling hand and a hesitant gesture, the quill touched the paper.

Magnus,

No. No it wasn't right, it wasn't appropriate. Magnus was not just Magnus. He was so much more than that, and if this letter had to be he last thing, the last Alexander's belonging Magnus would hold, Alexander couldn't possibly start with a simple "Magnus."

So he crossed out his first word, then after a moment's hesitation, rolled the paper into a ball to start again on a pristine parchment.

My Love,

It was more intimate, softer, full of the tenderness Alexander rarely offered in person. The Nephilim had always been better off with his gestures, less with words. It was Magnus who mastered them. Alexander was much more gifted for small attentions, gestures, kisses, rather than long romantic speeches.

Alexander tried for a long time not to think about the fact that what he was about to write would be the last words he would ever give to Magnus. Doing that now, when he was still so far from death (at least he hoped so), looked so weird. But he had to be honest, Alec knew he could die at any moment. On the battlefield, from an accident, anything could happen that he could not foresee. Shadowhunters were supposed to die young more often than not, after all. He just hoped that Magnus would receive this letter as late as possible.

Taking a deep breath, Alexander took a second to compose himself, then wrote. He wrote as if he would run out of time, as if he would need it to survive, to breathe, to make sure that Magnus would not be completely alone the day he would no longer be there to accompany him through his long sleepless nights.

My Love,

I don't know when you will read this letter. And quite honestly I hope it will be as late as possible. Because if you find yourself with this piece of paper in your hands today, it's because we both know that I am no more.

I can't imagine for a second the pain you must be feeling right now. Or maybe you waited until you got better to finally open it? I don't know, but all that matters to me is that you realize all the things I've never had time to tell you in person.

I don't think I'll ever forget the first time our eyes met at that stupid party in this very loft we now live in. Again, it was all Fray's fault, but if I had to thank her for one thing and one thing only, it would be for putting you on my path. It wasn't the right time, I wasn't ready to meet you, to accept myself, but somehow I think I could never have been prepared to meet someone as amazing as you. You are the most wonderful person I have ever met, Magnus, and I am deeply grateful for every moment we have shared together.

I can't tell you that I wish it would have lasted forever, we both know that it would be a lie. But I can assure you that I wish it had lasted longer.

I don't really know what I could ask you to remember, I would like you not to forget any detail of our history, but I also know that it would be deeply selfish of me. You can't possibly remember every little thing, every moment in the course of your life. It would drive you crazy. No, I want you to remember that I would have changed the world for you, that in a way we changed my world. Together, above all odds, make a place for ourselves in the Clave, make a place for you, and all the other Downworlders. We've come so far together Magnus, I can't be prouder, I can't thank Raziel enough for putting you on my way.

Every day with you by my side has been a blessing. I can already see you scrunching up your adorable nose, and I know it wasn't always perfect, but it was enough for us. You gave me more than I could have ever dreamed of, a happiness that I had given up far too early in my short teenage life. You made me a better, a complete, and a happy man. A Nephilim loves only once in a lifetime, and you were the one for me.

And now, I beg you, Magnus, I beg you to keep loving. Don't let my absence extinguish the flame of your heart. I am not asking you to do this now, take the time you need to heal from my absence. But allow love to guide your steps to fill the gaps left by my departure. You are an extraordinary soul, and whoever takes my place one day will realize how lucky they are to share your arms, your mind and your heart. Find the strength within yourself to live fully, to embrace each new dawn with the hope of renewed love. Never give up on love, because it is the thread that binds our lives together. You taught me that.

I know that unfortunately the day will come when you won't remember the exact blue of my eyes, that you will have to look at a photo of us, of me, to remember it fully. I know that one day you won't recognize my scent anymore, that you won't remember the precise tone of my voice. At this moment, it must seem unbearable to you. But when that day comes, you will be ready. You will be able to move on, to open yourself to other arms that will not be mine. And that is all I wish for you, Magnus.

Selfishly, I also ask you to never forget our history. Treasure our most vivid memories, and our passionate embraces in the sanctuary of your mind. Let them inspire you, remind you how beautiful we were together. Don't be afraid to remember the most intense moments, the joys and sorrows we shared. It is through these memories that my mind will live on, and it is through them that you will eventually smile and remember that life is worth living to the fullest.

Lastly, I want to thank you, from the depths of my soul, for everything you gave me. You gave me a life filled with magic and love, an existence where I felt truly alive. You taught me to embrace who I was at my core, to accept the darker aspects of my heritage, and to find the balance between light and darkness. You showed me that love has no limits, no boundaries, and that it can transcend all barriers. I don't know at this point if I could break down all of them, if I have really been able to change the course of history, but if not, I believe in you to do it with the future generations of Nephilims.

Magnus, my love, it is time for me to say goodbye. Know that my love for you will never die out, no matter where I am. It will burn like a star in the night sky, watching over you and protecting you for a lifetime, your lifetime. I never believed in all this before, but now I know for sure. I will not leave you, even if you no longer see me. I am proud of the love we have shared, of the history we have written together, I am proud to have loved you. I wish with all my heart that you will find again the happiness that we had tasted, that you will love again with the same intensity we enjoyed. And maybe this time, that person will be able to not abandon you as I am forced to do.

Live your life to the fullest, Magnus, and always remember that you are a force of light in a dark world.

With all my love,

Alexander Gideon Lightwood (Bane).

A few tears had stained the paper, making some of the words illegible, and Alexander wondered for a moment if he should rewrite it. But in all honesty, he didn't feel able to. His heart was pounding in his chest, he suddenly felt like he was suffocating. Had he really written a farewell letter? What was the point? He didn't feel better, he just felt worse than before.

But on the other hand …

It was almost reassuring to know that he would leave something for Magnus, that their last words would not be a futile argument, a simple good morning kiss on the fly, no matter what happened and no matter when he took his last breath, his last words would be those.

Alexander let himself fall back against the back of the chair, and put down the quill with a weary and trembling movement. He suddenly felt drained of all emotion. His eyes became vague, and he contemplated his companion's desk. The scents, the so fresh atmosphere which reigned there permanently. This room seemed frozen in time, but was it really? Would it still be the same in a few decades? And him, would he be unchanging in Magnus' mind? No. Alexander couldn't let himself spiral such thoughts. It was selfish, and stupidly painful.

But he couldn't help. He wished Magnus to find love again, to live life to the fullest, but would this person be able to do as well as he did? Alexander was not perfect, far from it. But he was certain of one thing: he loved Magnus, and he loved him the right way. How was he supposed to ensure that the person who came after him would do the same? Would they understand Magnus the way he understood him? Would they know how to read his moods and act accordingly? Would they be able to tell the difference between when he was drinking for the sake of a drink, or when he was trying to intoxicate his demons? Would they know how to intervene when he locked himself in the office for too long, losing track of time because he was too busy in exploiting one of his new theories?

Would he feel loved enough?

This simple idea twisted his stomach. Alexander could not imagine a world in which Magnus would not be treated with the preciousness, the respect, he deserved.

Before he knew what he was doing, Alexander gently pushed back the newly blackened parchment and picked up his quill again. With an angry motion, he wiped his eyes, then dipped the quill into the ink again.

To you whom I will never have the displeasure of meeting,

I want you to know that I have never hated anyone like I hate you right now. I know it's not fair, I know we don't know each other. And if Magnus chose you, it's probably because you're worth it, because you're a good person. So please forgive my misbehavior.

I guess if you are reading this letter, it means that Magnus had the strength to move on, to love again and to let a new person into his heart. For that I can only thank you, but I would like to give you some advice on how to love him properly. Don't see any plan here, any steps to follow. Just what I've learned during the many years I've been with him.

Magnus is an amazing, exciting and passionate person. I don't know if you are a Downworlder, a Nephilim or a Mundane. But you have to understand that he lived a hundred lives before you did, you are not the only person on his timeline, and while I sincerely hope for his sake that you will be the last, you have to remember that he has a past. Some periods have been joyful, others more painful. Don't make the same mistake I did, don't pressure him to give himself up to you. Magnus always seems to be a very open person, but deep down he has a lot of secrets. Give him time to reveal them to you one by one, think of it as a treasure hunt. I promise you it will be worth it.

Speaking of passion, you may have already realized that Magnus is a researcher, we call that a scientist in Mundanes? Something like that. Don't try to restrain him. You'll only add fuel to the fire, you'll only make him close in on himself. Take the time to listen to him, even if you don't understand everything, even if he's rambling, listen to him. He's spent too much time around people who wouldn't listen to a word coming from his mouth. If he stops by himself thinking he's being annoying, don’t let him do that. Push him to keep going no matter what. Sometimes he'll lock himself in his office all day. Don't try to get him out. Just remind him to come in for a bite to eat, take care of him when he forgets to do so.

By the way, his favorite dish is Soto. You will never be able to prepare it like his mother did, but suggest it to him on his darkest nights, it will make him feel better.

Magnus will never keep you from his office, he'll even be happy to know you're interested in his stuff, but take care. Some of his artifacts are as old as the world we know, others come from other realms. They have immeasurable power. If you were to hurt yourself with one of them, Magnus would blame himself. So handle them with care. But maybe you already know what I'm saying if you're lucky enough to be a warlock yourself.

You've probably noticed, but Magnus has a special kind of humor. He's sharp, sarcastic, please don't take it to heart. Magnus has suffered from his previous relationships, including the one we shared. He has a tendency to hide behind a smile that may seem bright to you, but remember it's just a facade. Learn to go over it, to read through it and everything will be fine.

Finally, remind him that he is loved, constantly. No one has ever told him this enough, including me. Words have such a rare power, as much as actions. So never hesitate to remind him how precious he is to those who love him, to you. Maybe you'll read this letter too early, maybe you're just at the beginning of a relationship. Don't be afraid. Go for it, it will be the greatest adventure of your life, because there is no greater honor than to be loved by Magnus Bane.

I would like to finish, however, by telling you that no matter how much time has passed since my death, no matter how long you stay by his side, you will not replace me. Just as I never replaced any of his former lovers, you will not replace any of them. Magnus loves unconditionally. There is a place in his heart for all of us, even the most monstrous ones. Don't try to restrain him when he brings up a memory of our relationship, of someone else. You will only drive it away from you. Allow him to remember, to share with you. Because in the end, that's all I am now: a memory.

I wish you both a lot of happiness. He deserves it, and I'm sure you do too, although we'll never meet. Thank you for taking care of him, thank you for loving him when I can no longer do so on a daily basis. No matter what happens, or who you are, I will look out for him, and for you.

With all my love and blessings,

Alec Lightwood

When Magnus returned a few days later, it was at Catarina's side. And after a few embraces, Alexander found the first opportunity to give his letters to the young woman with a significant look. Catarina questioned him with her gaze, but when her eyes rested on the two envelopes, she understood. No words were exchanged about it, nothing more than a game of heavy meaning eyes filled with sadness, love and affection. All of this disappeared the moment Mangus came back into the room with a glass in his hand.

Alexander Gideon Lightwood had always known that he would die, sooner or later. Nevertheless, he never imagined that he would leave so soon, only a few months after writing these letters, at the dawn of his thirties.

#my writing #malec fanfic #angst #angst with a happy ending #magnus bane #alexander lightwood #shadowhunters #the mortal instruments #fanfiction

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whenyouhearthedoorcreak · 3 years

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Fuck it, I wrote the goddamn essay

I'm far too invested in this series so heres my far overthought essay on Merlin as a Shakespearean Tragedy

Okay this is just a rough outline of what I want to talk about, but the basic premise is that merlinBBC lines up to be a perfect Shakespearean tragedy (ST)

The nine points of a ST ~

The Tragic Hero ~ Arthur is The tragic hero but Merlin also fits into it on a more personal level. Arthur is a man of great presence and station he fights all the monsters and dies in the end, He has this great destiny that lays heavy on his shoulders and he unknowingly drives the plot for most of the show (I just realised how much of this show Arthur just doesn’t know about? Like the entire plot is happening behind him and he’s just having a sword fight (sub thought, that is exactly how I would frame this if I directed a play of Merlin))

Good Vs Evil ~ Morgana sort of handles this all on her own? She is presented as the moral compass of the show and is then slowly manipulated into a position of villain although there is a more complex look at this being represented by merlin gwen and morgause but that would take an awfully long time to explain

Fatal Flaw ~ typically this is given to the Tragic Hero™ but because Merlin and Arthur sort of split the spotlight this is applied mainly to Merlin. Merlin is deeply and unshakingly loyal to Arthur and while this is initially and somewhat veiled as loyalty to his destiny and the future he’s fighting for, it’s easily evident from his actions in “the sins of a father” that he is quickly becoming more loyal to Arthur than magic and chooses Arthurs well being over the fate of magic kind.

Tragic Waste ~ this is the idea that the hero will die before completing all he could do, and if that doesn’t sound like Arthur then we didn’ watch the same show.

Conflict ~ the corruption of merlins and morgana from morgause and Killgarah is the real core conflict of this show, if those two characters had never been there none of this would ever have happened. While i would agree that they could have done it better the main theme of this shows conflicts in manipulation,

Dichotomy of villainy ~ we are left by the end of this show unable to really take a side because everything felt preventable, for this reason morgana’s death and Merlins victory still feels mostly hollow

Supernatural element ~ I feel like this is fairly self evident

Ambiguity of poetic justice ~ “good will always triumph and evil will always suffer” is the simple moral code that most writing goes by, however a ST subverts this, often having its good characters commit acts of moral ambiguity and the hero inevitably fails or dies in the process. This is doen in MerlinBBC with Merlin never fulfilling his destiny and Arthur never repealing the ban on magic. We can suppose given Gwen's scene during the battle of camlann that she will most likely repeal the ban on magic and raise merlin to the title of Court Sorcerer as is vaguely hinted towards given his position in her coronation scene.

Comic relief ~ STs aren’t all sorrow and hannes acts, they have their fair share of jokes and funny moments. We can see that in some of the more joky episodes, but also in things like That tavern scene.

The last piece of this tragic puzzle is the most obvious, the five seasons of Merlin are the five acts of a Shakespeare play. I've made a handy chart to understand what I mean. Because it's a t because its a tv show and therefore worried about viewers returning the act structures isn’t broken up perfectly, but it still fits fairly well. The thing that leaves people bitter about the end of this show, I think, is because they expected the show to settle, to find a rest in its ending, what we got instead was a camelot that (while still having a trusted monarch) was still in turmoil, and a shot of merli alone and sad 1500 years in the future still waiting for arthur.

What happened with merlin is that we never got the finally, “everything will be okay” moment and so we are left wanting

The themes of Merlin are a dichotomy of Peace and Equality Vs corruption and manipulation, this is displayed through the main characters of Merlin, Arthur, and Morgana, with each being manipulated and corrupted by Killgarrah, Uther, and Morgause respectively. This is shown best through the use of Forked Path. (which I weirdly can’t find any articles or anything for? Which is odd given how popular it is but anyway) the Forked Path happens anytime the characters are presented with two strict choices without much wiggle room, both of which could end badly in the long run but must nonetheless be chosen between. This is very clear with season two's story arc between merlin and morgana, in which merlin must either kill his friend to prevent a possible future, or let her win and risk the demise of albion. Merlin attempts to avoid this, temporarily disabling Morgana from enacting her plans and the like, but in the end he is forced to choose. Arthur is continuously presented with the problem of whether to trust and show mercy to magic. Morgana is presented with either killing Uther and freeing magic, or running from camelot and lending to the further persecution of the druids. The thing you might notice is that these are all linching on Merlin and whether or not he tells the truth, his silence provides false dichotomies for the other characters. This is the manipulation I mentioned earlier. Merlin is led to believe again and again that he Must commit acts against his morals to save Arthur and therefore Albion. But as no fan will hesitate to point out, he never really had to. This is a show of the trope of Self Fulfilling Destiny that's found in all tragedies since ancient greece. Merlin’s attempts to stop morgana directly lead to their conflict, his keeping his magic a secret to protect arthur ultimately leads to arthur's death (having only met “evil” sorcerers arthur never repealed the ban and so mordred sides with morgana). If Merlin had followed his own heart then all would have worked out well, but instead we see Killgarrahs manipulation stop merlin from acting in camelots best interest.

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bellamyblake · 3 years

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As usually I'm a big fan of your meta, I was wondering what you would say Bellamy and Clarke's biggest tragedies are and if they define them and how do you think they define them as characters? Thank you

ohhh, another very tough question! thank you, nonnie!

well i'd say that if you look from the outside perspective of things, that is the not fandom side of things, like if you pull yourself out from all of it you can quite clearly define their tragedies and what shapes them as characters and more importantly, why they are HEAD and HEART to begin with.

i think because it is not as much talked to on the show, their first tragedies and what shapes them tend to get quite undermined (that also is because the show really does bring so many tragedies in their lives as well, one crises over the other, so we tend to ask ourselves not only when does it end but where it began, right?)

and for me i think it all began both similarly and at the same time very differently, a paradox of sorts, just like the head and the heart.

both their first tragedies were about their parents.

bellamy loses his mother and feels guilt over it because he was the reason for it to happen, taking octavia to that dance, do you ever wonder how many times he probably asked himself in that year on the ark all alone-what if he had just stayed home, what if he never took her, right?

his mom's passing was his first major sin and that is one of the reasons why i was certain that if he, as a character was to die and if j/ason was any semblance of a storyteller, he had to bring his mom before the end and i was right even if he absolutely fucked it up. you had to go to that original first big tragedy/sin just like clarke saw her dad more than once right?

and i should add here that bellamy can't be entirely blamed for what happened. i think aurora herself knew this was inevitable it was just the question of when and how and bellamy ended up being the answer to those questions.

i think it wasn't just bellamy who stopped existing the day octavia was born-from then on his mom was a ghost of herself, a person as if sick with case of untreatable cancer-she knew she was going to die, she was living on borrowed time, how much?

nobody knew but i assume with time, seeing as how much bellamy loved octavia, she guessed it could be him who resulted in this and i still believe it'd have been great to see that last moment before she was floated that i am sure happened between her and bellamy and what they talked about.

anyway- that aside

so his first big tragedy was his mom's passing and clarke's was her dad's and those two deaths shape their stories going onward.

bellamy is all heart, he is all family, he is all about saving those you let into your heart and fighting for them no matter what. his tragedy is that he loves too much and in his love he makes mistakes because he just wants them to be okay but they never truly are no matter what he does, right?

he is a character looking within, both himself and everyone else-he loves passionately and dearly and it is to a point that can kill him and everyone else as it becomes reckless in its goodness-so those are both his blessings and his curse.

aurora set a model for him-family is everything.

i think one problem the show never truly managed to fix is that octavia and bellamy's protective streak over her sl ended in season 1. bob talks about it himself-it was finished and from then on it should've only ever extended to the others AND octavia but not just her. that works well in season 2 and 3 but then it regresses after her beating and HIS beating up over what happened and what he did for the good of the many that ended up leading to a massacre. and they never let him get rid of that constant self-beating that chases him from the moment his mom dies.

so we have bellamy, family, heart.

clarke's model is quite the opposite, set as an example by her dad who wants to tell the truth about the ark and let people decide, take care of THE many, not the FEW or just HIS family. clarke takes up on that model and she never stops fighting for it. on many instances she doesn't just fight for the 100, she fights for her father too and for what this belief that people deserve the truth and that THEIR people should be saved stands for, right?

so she is external, head.

and what i think makes both of them as characters and as a dynamic so unique and why people love the head and the heart parallel is THEIR meeting point.

ultimately bellamy and clarke fight for the same thing, coming from different angles. so bellamy extends his heart to not just his sister, but jasper, monty, monroe, harper, etc, all the hundred and grows to LOVE and care for them as HIS family, as part of one WHOLE and he FIGHTS for that family and Clarke looks on it logically, accepts the 100 as HER people now who she has to TAKE care of like her dad wanted to take care of the arkers and she intends to fight tooth and nail to do this.

apart from those first big tragedies that set the trajectories of who they are as people, as characters, i'd rather say for Clarke her first next big tragedy is killing Finn and Mount Weather and for Bellamy it is Mount weather and then the bombings of it that results in Gina's death.

Those two lead to two bigger tragedies and mistakes-one is losing L/exa for Clarke and the massacre for Bellamy as well as Lincoln's demise.

That is why by the time they reach season 4 I believe both of them are sad and d.epressed as fuck, say what you want about it but so many things in the dialogue point out to it, for Clarke it is so pronounced you can basically shudder if you take out just those lines of hers and frankly I think so is for Bellamy.

They believe they ultimately failed at their goal-they tried to do the best to save their kids/their people by killing other kids/people and losing others that they loved-they are so lost and alone that I think both of them in a way welcome the death wave and don't believe they should ever survive or outrun it.

And as much as I don't like the time jump it was in part a necessity. They couldn't keep being the same people IF we wanted to see them alive-they simply had stopped existing they were so sad, so they had to be buried in the ashes and reborn and they were.

How well it was done is another question but anyone who fails to see what happened to them isn't really paying attention.

So...that's all I guess LOL.

#bellarke #bellarkeedit #bellarke meta #bellamy blake #clarke griffin #the 100 #my ramblings #that nobody cares about #answered

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