Would[insert MASH character] fuck their clone?
Hawkeye
yes
no questions asked would 100% fuck his clone
if he asked any questions it would be 'can we make more of myself and start an orgy'
Trapper
yes
would ask the basic questions like 'what the fuck' and 'where in god's name did someone get a clone of me' but would stop giving a shit fairly quickly
would probably pull several pranks with the clone as well
B.J.
no
would probably spend several days trying to figure out if it counts as cheating but ends up deciding that he's not his own type
They'd spend the rest of the time setting up the Prank of All Time
Henry
no
they would go fishing and do nothing else for about 24 hours
no one knows why he's missing except Radar and he's too confused about to be able to explain it to Hawkeye
Potter
no
absolutely not
wouldn't even consider it a possibility
would probably paint a self portrait
Frank
no
would probably accuse the clone of being a spy in the most bigoted way possible
would DEFINITELY call the clone ferret face, needle nose, lipless wonder, etc (for the bit ofc)
Margaret
yes
their first interaction would be something along the lines of 'You're the only bitch in the house that I ever respected'
would probably end with a queer awakening
Charles
no
asexual king
They would simply complain to each other about Everything
Radar
no
is probably the reason the clone is there in the first place
If they teamed up they'd probably end the war early
And get every single other task done in the process
Father Mulcahy
no
Lmaoooo absolutely not
Asexual king: catholic boogaloo
Klinger
no
Would probably try to use the clone to go AWOL but through a series of comedic mishaps end up back at camp
would give Henry a stroke
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the thing is their whole relationship they have been choosing death(or at least the act of losing everything they hold dear) - every time they meet up, do something for each other, the arrangement - just everything has that risk attached to it if they were ever caught
1941 scared the crap out of Aziraphale - they were moving too fast and getting sloppy with their precautions - Crowley could have been taken away from him because Hell had just a single piece of evidence - and he makes damn sure that this is not going to happen
fast forward to Armageddon and somehow Heaven now has this information about their relationship, not from physically going to Earth and finding them like the demons did, but from somewhere within Heaven.
But it wasn’t until the Metatron said something in season two that Aziraphale realized Heaven actually still had the physical evidence of their entire relationship since the beginning - everything - they were still relevant to care about and maybe still being watched
and the only way to get access to it is going back to Heaven - throwing himself back into the game of Life or Death - He is very much choosing to live any way he can because there is no hiding anymore and he is going to make sure it is safe whatever it may take - for Crowley, for them
and it just so happens that choosing this is what tears them apart
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“Red team was so selfish looking past the cursed team like that” listen man they were thinking about it often, and had evidence they were cursed too. They were convinced they were cursed too. Bad (with Pierre’s help I’ll be honest) singlehandedly destroyed any sort of civil relations and good faith between the two teams and this shot Blue in the foot when they tried to make the case about them being cursed last minute, about trying to rig it in the cursed teams favor.
There was never a cursed team in the first place, it was all a tactic to build paranoia and that feeling of betrayal and to get them to tear eachother a part. And it worked super well! At the end, neither would listen to the other about their evidence, not with an honest open ear, not with the willingness to think the other team could be cursed. It’s not a case of ‘Red just refused to listen because they wanted to win more than they cared’ they thought they were cursed too - if they were selfish, then so were Blue in the same way.
Every time Red had tried to talk first early on, it was met with extreme violence - and with Bad consistently proving he’ll play dirty to win, they didn’t trust Blue enough to listen to them in the later game. Maybe they should have listened then. Maybe Blue have listened earlier. The game worked as intended to set them against eachother.
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Inspired by the Patron Desmond sends his ancestors to earlier points in time and fucks over half a dozen timelines:
Desmond wishes all his ancestors had someone to support them through their worst suffering without - you know, getting betrayed by them or watching them die.
So Bayek wakes up in the prime of his life in Altair's time and adopts this child who just watched his father die. When Altair dies, he and Bayek suddenly appear, both in the primes of their lives, in time to see the Auditore get arrested. Bayek, Altair, and Ezio are there when Edward's protecting the Assassins of Tulum and take the piss out of him. The crew plus Edward are there when Ratonhnhake:ton's village burns. They all sail to France on a whim and end up recruiting Arno. All of them appear in London to help out the Frye twins. And when Desmond gets kidnapped... the Assassins have an entire historical legion show up out of nowhere to help bust him out of Abstergo's clutches.
Kassandra keeps showing up, nobody's certain if she's with them all or not, but just... all of the main ancestors glomming together as one hugely dysfunctional murder family forged across time and space who all have the biggest soft spot for Desmond.
Desmond as their Patron has no power over this. This is happening solely based on his wish and he has no control who gets transported and gifted with immortality so even he does not know if Kassandra is also part of his immortality gang.
It’s Bayek who believes Desmond is a god and their patron, giving them this power to protect the world. Of course, there are times when he misses Aya and he wonders if this immortality is a curse. But then he hears the laughter of Darim and Sef before they run after him, grabbing his robes and asking him to tell them another story, grandfather tells the best stories! And Bayek’s lips curved into a smile. Perhaps the immortality is a curse but seeing the people he cares for and loves grow up and take the future for themselves will always be a joy that makes this curse worth it.
Altaïr would be the one to try and understand this immortality that they had. Would be the one to realize that they do die after their life runs its course but they will always be awaken in the same place together, back in their prime, with the memories up to their death. His first business would be to find his Apple and, after the long road he had to take to find the seals to open his library, he decided to set it up so that the next time he needed to find his Apple, it would be in the most convoluted way possible that only he would understand. It’s because of the Apple that they got to Firenze just as the Auditores were being arrested (they saved the day but it was a close call). Then Ezio’s Apple was placed on the vault and Altaïr felt a bit annoyed of how easy his Apple was secured so… he just plopped the Apple there as well.
It is Ezio who first thought of naming the glowing god that appears before them before they are resurrected once more Desmond. There’s something about the god with no discernible features other that his entire body glowing that made Ezio think of Desmond for some reason. Altaïr is the one who tries to search for this Desmond using both his and Ezio’s Apples.
Edward was the one man out. He wasn’t an Assassin yet but he had the makings of one. So they trained him. Bayek had done this three times already, he knows Edward Kenway is the key. Perhaps the next brother that will be given the curse of immortality. They stayed with him until he started to settle down in London, focusing on his family. They visited from time to time but they were not there to save Edward.
When they are resurrected once more, decades have passed and they could only try and save as many people as they could as the fires had already started. Including the mother of a young child by the name of Ratonhnhaké:ton. They stayed in the village for a few days, with the boy’s mother talking to Edward Kenway for a long time, ending with Edward learning of his son’s fate. So they leave the village to find him, to confront him. When Ratonhnhaké:ton was 13, he followed his mother out of the village and they meet once more. Haytham remains elusive and they suggested that they stay with the mother and son for a bit to ‘relax’, only for this to end with them teaching Ratonhnhaké:ton (and sometimes even giving tips to Kaniehtí:io.
And after everything was done, they sailed to France to support Ratonhnhaké:ton who received a letter requesting for aid from Lafayette. There, they met Arno Dorian and took him under their wings, helping him with his missions but only three of them at a time, for they have their own agenda for going to France. (And if this ends with Altaïr taking a Sword of Eden, well… that’s not really surprising).
Helping out the Frye twins had been second nature. Arno and Jacob met by accident when Arno had been buying one of the pubs in London (a financial focused habit he and Ezio had developed through the years) and Bayek thought they needed support (and guidance, so much guidance). By the end of it, they were sure that the twins would become like them as well. (And if this ends with Altaïr taking the Shroud of Eden… at this point, everyone already expects him to take custody over POEs)
It all ends with them moving into the modern day where they used their knowledge and experience to have a partnership with a group called Erudito. From there, it became easier to find the Assassins but their focus shifted when they heard of Desmond Miles.
And Ezio just knows… that this was the Desmond they were all searching for.
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