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flowerisevil · 1 year

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The life they gave away | FemOC Hightower x Harwin Strong,

summary: when will they can do it again?

a/n: English is not my first language so expect for grammatical and typographical erros (I'm not joking srsly my english is not great).

warnings: angst love, age gap, arrange marriage? (not really sure if I can call it like that)

Being the oldest daughter of the King's Hand is very exhausting at a young age she has to learn how to be a "decent" girl, she always read books, learns new things, study history, and everything because that's what her father wants.

"Agatha" she looked at the girl who called her, her younger sister Alicent.

"The carriage is already here, Father want our presence in the Keep" she explained again as they ride the said carriage.

When they arrive at the castle Alicent was immidiately drifted away from her she said she's gonna look for her bestfriend Rhaenyra, the princess of the realm. She walked around the castle being here always when she was a little girl she already knew the route around the castle.

She walked inside the kitchen and saw a lot of servants there preparing some foods, her eyes scanned the room and looked for someone she knew here, Romilda the oldest cooker here.

"Romilda? what's with all the food?" she asked while giving her the book she asked for.

"Oh it's for the knights Lady Hightower, the Queen Aemma said that we should give them snacks for today it was an urgent order so were being quick" she said and go back to work.

"I will help" she said and started to do works some servants protest but she still insisted, she have nothing to do here her father is still in a meeting, and her sister is with the princess, so instead of just roaming around why don't she help them?

She baked breads and cookies she used her late mother's recipe that she thought her before, she gave Romilda one of it to taste test.

"Agatha this is delicious" the old lady compliment making her smile reach to her eyes, she was flattered as the other maids tried it and they all agreed.

"Thank you, it's my mother's own recipe" she said and started to bake more.

She wiped the sweats forming in her forehead, she loves baking but god she didn't expect this amount of bread to be baked but she can't complain she asked Romilda of how many possible bread she have to bake and she happily agreed when the lady said a specific amount. After baking all of it she put it all in a big container.

"I'll come with you, please" she begged.

"Ask your father first Lady we can't let you out the castle without his permission" Lucinda nodded and run fast until she reached the council meeting room.

"I would like to talk to my father please" she said to the knight that was guarding the door, the knight nod and opened the door letting her in.

All eyes turned to her as she entered the room and whispered to her father.

"Father I will help the servants to give foods for the knights in City Watch, please let me come with them" she pleaded. Otto gave her a familiar look when his answer is a no, she nod in defeat and was about to leave.

"Let her Otto so she can also see the City, you're daughter is no kid anymore" She heard the King said.

"She's still a young girl, your grace but if that's the king's order I will allow it, you can go" Agatha smiled widely and muttered a thank you to the King.

She was smiling from ear to ear, and walked back to the kitchen she told Romilda that her father already allowed her and the lady happily guide her to her carriage, Agatha also insisted to bring breads with her in the carriage.

Her ride was quiet but deep inside she was so excited after eighteen years she can finally see the City she grew up on. But sadly she can't explore it, after minutes she heard a knock in her carriage it was Romilda, they have arrived at the City and where the knights took there rest for some minutes. She helped them put the foods on the table that was served she can see some of faces are shock probably some didn't recognized her or some are surprise to see her.

She roamed her eyes around and it was settled to a big tall man he was talking to someone, she scanned him he's wearing a knight armor and a sword on his right side, he looked so scary like someone who you wouldn't want to mess with.

On the other hand Harwin was talking with his brother gathering information about the daughter of the King's Hand.

"Fuck off Harwin" Larys said completely annoyed because of his brother.

"Come on brother, I just want to know her"

"Does it look like I have talked to her? Also if you want to know her go talk to her but I will warn you, Otto is not an easy guy brother" Larys reminded him, he only rolled his eyes.

He's not scared to approach her he just don't want to scare her off.

He looked for her and saw her talking to Romilda a cooker from the Keep she was also helping her with the foods, she took the container from the old lady and happily brought it on the table, everyone ate and laugh and saying thank you to the servants, she looked at Agatha and saw her looking at the baked breads and cookies, she kept looking at it and back to the people.

Agatha was nervous, why does no one was eating her breads and cookies? she continues peeling the skin of her fingers, she turned around and stayed inside her carriage she decided to just stay there until they go back.

A hard knocked startled her inside, she opened it and saw Romilda narrowing her eyes at her.

"What are you doing here? The people are looking for you!" Romilda scolded.

"They do?"

"Of course they said that your pastries are delicious" Agatha jumped out off the carriage like an excited kid and fixed herself before walking to the people waiting for her, everyone complimented her.

"This is great my lady!"

"Truly one of the best cookies I ever had"

"I could eat this all day and still ask for it"

And a lot more compliments, she felt appreciated and welcomed, her father told her baking is a waste of time but she didn't believed it and continue doing it because to her baking and the cookies she made is a memory of her late mother to her.

"Thank you, I'm happy that all of you liked it" she said and smile.

She see some knights inviting other people to eat with them always offering her pastries to them,

"Now I need to know what's the recipe behind this amazing cookies" she slightly jumped when she heard a voice behind her, it was the knight she saw earlier.

"Oh! it's my mother's recipe, Ser?" she trailed waiting for the familiar guy to answer her,

"Harwin"

"Ser Harwin, I learned it from her" she added, Harwin can't help but to admire her smile, eyes, her entire face actually.

"I'm Agatha by the way" she introduced herself trying to be friends with the knight.

"I do think a lot knew you, you're father is the King's Hand" he said and took another bite on the cookies he was holding, her cookies was really great that's why he immidietly told everyone to give it a bite.

Agatha just smiled at him and turned around helping the servants again.

"I would stay away if I were you, Otto will surely wed her to some high Lords" He glared at his bitter brother beside him.

His eyes followed her as the girl entered the carriage.

"If she looked back means were gonna meet again" he thought to himself.

And she did looked back.

She smiled sweetly at him and waved a goodbye, Harwin did the same he waved back like a kid to her, she is an amazing woman.

Harwin watched her climb up to her carriage and wide smile was plastered on his face he can see the disgusted look his younger brother's throwing at her but he didn't care.

The god must really love him because they make his dream come true, it was night when he decided to visit and hunt some wild animals in the forest, he was eyeing for that white horse but it ran away he go after it but it lost in his vision.

"Fuck" he muttered to himself, he panicked when he heard some twigs rumbling sounds like he has an accompany.

He followed the source of the sound and suddenly it stopped.

Agatha was walking around the forest to gather some fresh air but she felt like someone is following her, getting alerted she hid from the big tree and wore her hood there she saw a man coming out from the dark, she took her dagger and tackled the man.

She pushed the guy to the ground before pointing the dagger in his throat.

"Who are you and why are you following me?" she asked, she can't clearly see the man beneath him cause other hood was too big for her head.

"Lady I'm sorry to-" she realized who's the voice from and instantly took off her hood both person was shock.

"Harwin?"

"Lady Hightower?" they both said at the same time.

She moved away from him realizing how awkward there position was, she fixed the dress under the long hood and Harwin also did the same, shame covered her whole body and just walked away.

Harwin followed her until her reached at the very end of forest, it was a cliff Agatha sat there making her legs swing.

"It's dangerous for you to be out here" Harwin said sitting beside her.

"I just want some fresh air you know, it's been a rough day" she smiled her eyes was glistening from the tears that's forming on the side of her eyes.

"You know people say I'm a great listener" he jested and acted fake proud about it, she laughed at him.

"Why? Has anybody already open up to you Ser? or it's a different thing that you're hearing?" she joked back she tilted her head to the side, teasing him.

"You'll never know" he answered and they both laughed together, her eyes disappear everytime she laughs which is an odd thing because her eyes aren't that small.

When their laughs faded the lady sighs.

"My father, he wants me to go in the North and wants me to be a nun which is I don't understand! He wants Alicent to be wed to some high lord but for me he want me to be a fucking nun? it's not like I hate them but I don't want to be a nun! Sevens my father is so weird, when I told him I don't want to and that I want to get wed and be a Queen or a high born wife he laughed at me" her strong features soften as she remember the words her father gave her.

"He said I'm not pretty enough for a lord to marry me or asked my hand in marriage, he said I'm not pretty as my mother nor my sister...." she said almost turning into a whisper.

"What the fuck is wrong with her father?" Harwin thought, every knight was literally drowned to her beauty when she arrived at the City he have to threaten some of them to not make a move to her so he can have her for himself only.

"I really wanted to be a Queen someday you know, I want people to look up to me, respect me I know it sound silly but still...I also want to help them, the people.... " He adored her reasons but Harwin lost his hope in her words, being a Queen is something he can never give to her, he's a heir but not a King.

"It's no silly even I want to be a King though it's impossible but who gives care? we dream what we want" he tried to cheer her gladly it worked the girl beamed at him.

Harwin and Lady Agatha shared a lot of bonds the next few days, they shared a lot of information about themselves and Harwin couldn't be any happier finally Agatha knew and acknowledge him, he knew a lot of things about her, she loves baking, reading, and painting she also has a great voice.

Meanwhile, Agatha is also happy about the accompany the knight is giving her, she loves how carefree Harwin is something she could never be, the knight awakens something inside her that she never recognized but whenever she's with him she somewhat felt happy.

The love between them grows as time goes by and they're not the only person who took a notice about it.

"So you and Ser Harwin?" Alicent teased her, they're in their assigned room and prepare to rest but her little sister had invite her in her chamber.

"What about him?" she asked while turning the pages the book she's gonna read for her, her focus was interrupted when the door of her sister's chamber opened and revealed the princess; Agatha stood up and bow her head for respect.

"No, there's no need" Rhaenyra chuckled and held her shoulders slowly pushing her down to sit again, and then the two young girls started poking her.

"You never told me there's something between you and Breakbones, hmm" Rhaenyra teased and poked the sides of her waist and Alicent did the same.

"There's no something between us Rhaenyra" Agatha said not looking at them but just at her books as soon as the playful smile appeared in her lips the two other girls squealed and giggled loudly, she panicked a bit and sign them to stop.

"Do not make any loud sounds we might wake up the whole Keep" she reprimanded the two.

But even herself she can't help but to feel her inside from thrilling, Harwin was truly handsome but it's not only his looks that made her like him, despite from her nickname he was a gentleman and seems like the perfect type of a man who will submit to her, to his lover. The idea of a man being dedicated to her makes her inside beam.

"Both of you should rest, Queen Aemma wouldn't want to know that the princess is late for her bed" She reminded them, and leave the room

She was walking through the empty halls to her chamber when a hand grabbed her arms and dragged her somewhere, she looked up to see Harwin wearing his city watch uniform.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

Harwin didn't answer until they reached outside the castle Harwin pushed a mystery door and it revealed them somewhere near the lake.

"Can you walk more?" Harwin asked her with a wide smile in his face, before she can even answer she heard Harwin whispered something under his breath before carrying her in a bridal style.

"Ah- I can walk Harwin" she raise her voice, the knight just chuckled he continue to walk until they reach at the top of a mountain, star was visible in the sky and the moon is full and bright..

Agatha was astonish of the scenery in front of her, she slowly sat on the grass she didn't mind if it will stain her dress, she looked around and saw Harwin looking up and admiring the beautiful sky too.

He looked so fucking beautiful the stars reflecting in his deep blue eyes is ideal, his long curly hair in a half bun, his strong posture everything about him is flawless, that's where she realized she have fallen in love with him, Ser Harwin "Breakbones" Strong, the strongest knight in the Seven Kingdoms, the man she dreamed of.

"Harwin" she called him, he turned his head to her and walked closer to her he stopped few feet away from her but Agatha walked closer, closing the large distance between them.

"Thank you" she said and smile and small tear forming in the side of her eye, only now did she feel that she was important to someone, that someone see her, know her truly.

"You deserve more than this to be truthful" Harwin tried to kiss her forehead but Agatha grip her collar and sealed her lips to him, she can feel how Harwin froze, she caress his hair to calm him.

And there under the moon, not only the gods but so are the stars and the moon itself witnessed their love for each other.

"Someday, if the right time comes I'm gonna marry you and make you mine" Harwin whispered between their passionate kiss.

"I'm already yours" she answered.

////

Day passed Agatha was happy with Harwin but they need to keep their love between the two of them I mean that WAS their plan only if the princess and her sister aren't that so smart.

"I never expected the both of you to be together!" Agatha hushed the loud princess.

"Princess Rhaenyra, Lady Alicent promise me you will keep this personal, me and Agatha still need time" Harwin explained, the two girls nodded understanding him.

Rhaenyra stood up as soon as her personal shield, Ser Criston Cole called her the knight said that her father is asking for her audience.

They all watched as the young princess walked out of the garden, Agatha insisted on going with her since she will also have to talked with her father.

Harwin and Alicent was left at the garden the girl coughed to gain Harwin's attention, when he looked at her she exhales and spoke

"Ser Harwin I trust you with my sister please make her happy" she said with a smile but the smile was something else like she's...... sad?

"You're sister makes me the happiest man on the whole Realm and I only intend to give back what she deserves" Alicent was amused by his words Ser Harwin truly is one of a kind man, no wonder her older sister fell for him, Alicent know that her sister will need Harwin, one day she will have to left Agatha and do a duty her father want.

Alicent can't help the tear that escaped her eyes, she instantly looked away while wiping the tears off her.

"Lady? Are you alright? did I say something wrong" Harwin grew worried but she just shook her head.

"No no I'm just happy for my sister" it was a half lie, that's not the reason why she's crying but she was happy for her sister.

////

Agatha was walking back to her chamber not planning to go back at the garden to meet her lover and sister, she immediately closed her door and locked it.

She didn't mean to eavesdrop the small meeting between the King, her Father and the Princess, the Queen is now dead, she's been dead for three days but the King didn't have the courage to tell the people and her daughter, she died from a childbirth..

She was worried for Rhaenyra but also sad because the Queen has been a great mother figure to both her and Alicent, she heard a soft knock in her and opened it, it was the young princess Rhaenyra, the girl immediately hugged her tightly and breakdown to her.

"Mother's dead...." she whispered, her cries are followed with Alicent's footstep as soon as she saw Rhaenyra crying she already know that she have heard the sad news.

Alicent wrapped her arms to hug her bestfriend, they both entered her room and comforted the grieving princess, after couple of hourd passed Alicent called by their father she excused herself to both of them before leaving.

"How are you feeling?" Agatha asked as she stroke the white hair of the princess, she sat up and wipe her tears.

"I am not okay but both of you are here so it's more great you two bring so much comfort in me..... especially Alicent" the last word almost sound a whisper but didn't go unnoticed by the Lady, she was no blind and it's clear as sky the little romance that her sister and the princess is having, from leaving and entering their chambers together with smile and loving stares at each other, from always looking out for each other, the hugs, small hands gestures, teasing small kisses, it all connected to the older Hightower, they were inlove with each other romantically.

"She's special to me.., Alicent" Rhaenyra said and grabbed her hand squeezing it.

"I can't help but to fall for her, she made me feel valid, and loved though my father never failed to show love to me but hers is different, Alicent- she's...... she's everything to me" the princess added, Agatha can almost see how her pupils gets bigger while confessing her love for her sister, and slowly a loving smile formed on the princess' lips.

"I am inlove with Alicent...and she feel the same way we've been hiding our relationship for almost a month" she confessed.

Agatha knew from the start, just as she said she's not blind nor stupid or maybe the two young girls are just too obvious.

"You both deserve each other and I am happy for both of you and I will do everything I can to protect you both, it just saddens me that I have to hear it from you and not from my own sister" she faked sad and dramatically held her chest like it's hurting, Rhaenyra laughed and softly smacked her arm.

Agatha was happy that these young girls have found themselves and their happiness.

But women aren't free to love who they want in a society that's lead by men....

"No I can't do that!" Alicent shouted to their father as she reject him.

The King's Hand, your father Otto Hightower have always lust for a higher position, even his current position now didn't satisfy him and the only position who's higher than his is the King.

So when he realized he can't have it perhaps one of his future grandsire can, that's when he called for a family meeting in their tower.

"You do must I say! I am your father-"

Alicent and Otto are fighting in front of her, she just her father as he offer your younger sister to "comfort" the sad King til it leads to something but of course her sister rejected him, she can't do that to the princess, her secret lover.

"I can't do it father I can't!" and that's where Otto grow tired convincing her sister and turned to her.

She is his last chance....

Otto didn't want her to be the Queen he always saw her as unworthy because of her weak attitude but truly her father never knew her and her desires for the high title, her plans for the Kingdom, everything.

And she's not going to lie, her father's plan will lead her to somewhere and if lucky she can be the next Queen which she always dreamed of, she knew how much she wants to be the Queen and now the opportunity is in front of her, she have choices.

First she can reject his father and her father would let him, let's say Otto kind of favors her more than Alicent when it comes to this decision weird yes but what can she do? and then her younger sister is forced to do what their father wish, second, accept it.

And she choose the one she would benefit, the second one.

With that she can be the Queen and she can protect Alicent and Rhaenyra she will make sure that they will have a happy life while their young and she can help the people who need needs help.

The kids in Flea Bottom, families there and women who endured all kind of abuse just to survive their daily lives......she wants to help them and to make it come true she have to be the Queen first...

"I'll do it but in one condition" she said.

Alicent looked at her older sister and shook her head trying to say that she doesn't have to do this but Agatha already decided, she will do this one way or another.

Otto let her do what she wants she said that she would make the King marry her but not by bedding him, she would never stoop that low. She will go to the King's bed and comforted him give him sweet words saying how brave he is.

She knew the King, she knew how vulnerable and sensitive he is, she knew what the right words to use for him to like her, she will made him feel valid, understood, and more.

"You're greater than you think My King" Agatha said and rub his back, he just got into an argument with his brother again and Daemon insulted him for how weak he is as a King.

"A great father and a King the people couldn't ask for more do you hear me?" she caressed both side of his face and make him look at her.

Viserys is a great man she would not deny it but he is weak to be a King he's soft heart, his lack of strategies on everything, and vulnerability is his weaknesses.

"How can you still see me like that?" Viserys asked.

She was lost in his eyes not because it was beautiful but because she can almost see Harwin's eyes on his, she was lost and her mind completely went to him.

To her love....

But she didn't let that mess this up, she smiled sweetly at him "Because that who you are and you deserve all the love a person can give you..." she said.

She hoped her words brought comfort to him because she really want to comfort the sad King but she also wished it worked on him.

And it did.

Later Viserys talked with her father and asked for her hand in marriage of course her father agreed instantly.

The news was delivered to her by her sister Alicent she smiled to her, Agatha turned around at her as the tears starts pooling to her eyes.

This is what she wants right? to be the Queen? then why the fuck she is crying?

Well maybe because of the fact that she just realized that she will have to leave Harwin, even though her marriage with the King is pure political Agatha wants to be a dutiful and faithful wife.

"Sister I'm sorry...." Alicent hugged her from behind.

"I have to talk to him"

"Can I ask you something Agatha?" She looked at her young sister and nod "If you love him then why are you doing this? You could just say no to our father and you know well he will be okay with it and force me to marry him instead but you didn't"

Those questions was repeated to her now, but now it was the love of her life who's asking.

"Why did you offer yourself if you can just say no?" was the exact words that leave his mouth.

She wanted to protect Alicent and Rhaenyra is one of her reason but she have a specific reason why did that.

She also wanted to be a Queen....

It's was her dream, it's what her heart wants, she loves Harwin so much other than everyone but he's no King, it sounds selfish yes but being in her situation where men decides for your fate is exhausting, with this marriage she can get away from her father's order and she can even help women in the realm.

She want to rule, to have power, for people look up to her, for people to listen to her. She wanted all of that and Harwin can't give that to her.

///

"I need this Harwin you know that" she said and pulled his hand to place it on her cheeks.

The soon the news reached his ears he immediately went to her and they both went at the top of the mountain where he brought her. Where Agatha first felt the love that Harwin have for her.

Of course Harwin understands her, he knew how much she wanted this what she would trade to be the Queen, he just didn't expect that this day would really come.

"I will always wait for you" Harwin reminded him, his eyes starts to water but the strong wind wipe it away.

"Don't.... please....you have nothing to wait from me I'm never coming back to you"

"Why? I can be your mistress if you want, please there's always a way Agatha" Harwin begged and cupped both side of her cheeks.

"I love you Harwin please know that"

"Then why are you doing this to me?"

"Want is different from need, I need you but I want to be the Queen and I chose to where I can do something"

The silence covered them, her hands on his shoulder while his in on the both side of her cheeks. Harwin was staring at her, her eyes that's covered with teard and sadness, her lips that has a small comforting smile.

He love you and he will understand every decision you make, he wants you to be happy even if it means that you have to leave him.

"I do not deserve your love..." her chuckle turned into a sob as she stood up and starts to walked away.

It's the truth she didn't deserve his love, he will give up anything for her but she won't do the same, their like an asymptote line,no matter how closer they get fate will always find away to separate them.

While Agatha thinking she doesn't deserve his love nor anyone's love Harwin didn't think the same instead he thought that maybe if he showed her his love for her then maybe it will be enough for her to stay.

For her to choose him...

"You deserve everything Agatha you have give every part of yourself to everyone, you also deserve for someone to give you a part of themselves and I'm willing and will always be willing to be that person" Harwin said and kissed her forehead.

That was the most saddest form of touch they both felt.

No matter what decision Agatha will make Harwin will always love her, with or without something to return.

"I really want to think it that way but I just can't....I't doesn't feel right maybe because some people just really don't deserve to be happy like genuinely happy and unfortunately I am one of them" The day she and Harwin became together she thought she can finally have a genuine and happy life because after years finally someone loved her, a love without needing to return for it, a love without needing to give back but maybe all of that was just a thought.

Maybe the gods forbid her for being happy if is so what did she do to deserve a such thing? why does she have to crave for power and not love?

"I'm sorry.... really I am, I want to come back but I can't anymore I wanted this Harwin I want you to know that there's no one to blame on this not my father, Alicent or even my betrothed" she added.

Her betrothed...

Harwin thought that words will be refered to him someday, "Agatha's betrothed".

"Did you regret meeting me?" Agatha asked suddenly. She wanted to know, did he? after this would he tell himself that maybe of both of you didn't crossed path this wouldn't happen?.

"No, and if in different times this would happen again I would still always choose to cross my path with you because I love you, I love everything about you, your kind souls, eyes, smiles, lips, words, I love your decision whether it's right or wrong I love you Agatha so no I never regretted every single thing we had" With his words Agatha broke down.

She hurt him and what's worst is she can't do anything to mend his pain.

She can't say anything other than sorry because that's all what she can do right now, to apologize to him.

"In different time I am begging my love, next time if we ever cross our paths again choose me..." Harwin softly said and hugged her.

He was now crying cause he knew after this everything they have will be thrown away and forgotten, he will go back as a knight and her will be his Queen.

"I will my love, I will" she only answer they both stayed in their place afraid that if they pulled away no one in between them will know when they can do this again

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