#boo seungkwan x you | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wooahaes · 1 year

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when i grow up

pairing: non-idol!seungkwan x gn!reader

genre: mostly fluff. childhood friends to lovers. very minor angst.

word count: 12.3k~

warnings: a minor fight between seungkwan + reader over reader’s shitty boyfriend (stated to not be mindful of their boundaries + just a shitty dude). some mentions of injuries. mentions of seungkwan being taunted as a tiny kid. food mentions. ask to tag! also minor proofreading tbh

daisy’s notes: fun fact this was going to end in a wedding originally! maybe i’ll write a short sequel at some point, but im happy with this as it is.

Boo Seungkwan, age four, was... Maybe a little bit of a crybaby.

At least, that was what the other kids called him--or they used to, until his mom came into the school to talk to his teacher with a tight-lipped anger at the way her son was being treated. Sometimes the other kids would taunt him for being so soft, for crying easily on his first day of school because he missed his mom. He was social enough nowadays, getting along with pretty much everyone else with ease. Sure, there was a tiny group who would still poke fun at him on the playground when he was a little too misty-eyed, but for the most part he was left alone. Still... It was mean, and Seungkwan couldn’t exactly understand where all of that came from.

Boo Seungkwan, age four, also knew you. You lived up the street from him, you were in his class, and you had a matching lunchbox and backpack set: dark blue with brightly colored dinosaurs covering the thing. Your backpack also had this little Totoro plush that hung from it, because he always was a little jealous because he wanted one, too. He knew you because he knew your laugh from across the room, always a little awkwardly loud, but he wanted to know what you were laughing at. He knew your drawings, always so colorful as could be when you proudly showed them off. He knew you and the way you skip home ahead of him some days, and he knew the way you could still be quiet at school (save for your laugh), but that you’d always yell happily when you saw your dad waiting for you... And a little less loudly when it was your step-mom, but only because she would gently shush you and remind you to be mindful of your neighbors. Then she would pull you into her arms and ask about your day at school. Seungkwan only knew because your house was before his, so he would always hear her talk to you as she slowly walked up the path to your home, hand holding yours.

(You’d always shyly wave at him, too, when he stopped for a moment to look at you, because Boo-Seungkwan-age-four already felt a sense of fondness toward you.)

So when he tripped on his way home one day, skinning his knee, he was surprised. Not that you were there at all, but... The fact you stopped, turning back to him with this curious look on your face before coming back to him.

“Are you okay?”

He was crying again, sobbing even. Crybaby rang in his head as he furiously shook his head, trying to come up with the words to say. To tell you no, that he was okay, but to still ask for his mom because she would make everything better...

You just stood before him, head tilting before looking down to where he was clutching his knee. And then you gasped, setting your lunchbox down next to him before pulling your dark blue dino backpack off of your back. “It’s okay! I can help!” You were beaming brightly, “Mama is a doctor!”

He thought that meant you would go get her, especially because your house was closer. Instead, you unzipped the little front compartment of your backpack, pulling out this tiny makeshift first aid kit that your step-mom must have put together. You kneeled down, opening it with this serious look on your face as you tried to remember the basic steps you had insisted on your step-mom teaching you, always so independent.

(Truly, there were only three: wet wipe to clean it, bandage to protect it until an adult could look at it properly, and a kiss to make it all better.)

So Seungkwan, now sitting off to the side with you, watched as you very carefully opened this little packet. “It hurts a little,” you said, opening up the wipe. You held out your other hand, “but holding mama’s hand helps me.”

Face still wet from his tears, Seungkwan roughly wiped at his cheeks with one sleeve before taking your hand. He held it tightly as you carefully wiped his knee. It stung, but holding your hand... helped, in a weird way.

With everything carefully cleaned, Seungkwan could finally see how tiny the gash really was. He almost felt embarrassed for being such a crybaby over it, but you didn’t call him that. You let go of his hand, looking deadly serious as you examined his knee further before turning to your tiny first aid kit. “Do you want the dinosaurs or the bears?”

Seungkwan just stared at you, completely confused.

“Hurry!” You said. “Dinos or bears?!”

He mumbled that he wanted the bears, whatever that meant, but he could see the disappointment in your eyes. “But the dinos are okay, too..”

Only for you to smile a moment later, giggling. “It’s okay,” you said, putting down one of two bandages into the box. “I like bears, too.”

Immediately, that set you off rambling about how your dad bought you this HUGE teddy bear for your room after you moved here to be with your step-mom. It was bigger than YOU which meant it was REALLY BIG and you loved it to death. Your tiny hands were careful in smoothing the teddy bear bandage over his knee, and then he watched as you leaned forward to plant a tiny kiss against it.

You turned back to him with a serious expression, “You HAVE to kiss it, or it won’t get better.”

Seungkwan wasn’t sure if that was true (his parents kissed his boo-boos better, sure, but maybe it was true since you sounded so confident in it), but all he knew was that he wasn’t crying anymore.

With his knee taken care of, you put away the kit into your bag and stood up. You held out your hand, and helped him up, not letting go. Despite the way you struggled with the first part of his name (which wasn’t a first for him--he noticed that a few other kids struggled with it a little), you proudly called him Kwannie and said you would walk him home. He wiped his face again with his sweater sleeve, and let you happily lead the way, talking about your favorite dinosaurs from the big book that your dad bought for you. And he felt happy when you looked at your dad, waiting for you to come home, that you needed to walk Seungkwan to his mom because he got hurt.

Your dad had kind-of laughed before he ruffled your hair, saying he’d be right there waiting for you. Seungkwan almost pouted and told you that he would be okay, but you turned back to him with shimmering eyes, still holding his tiny hand in your own.

Upon coming to his mom and introducing himself, you had turned serious again. “Kwannie got hurt on the way home,” you said, pointing at his knee, “but I helped. Please make sure he takes care of it because--” A pause to breathe, “--because he’s my friend now and I don’t want him to get hurt anymore.”

(Seungkwan, later in life, looked back on that moment happily. His mom still recounted the story with a laugh, so full of love for the tiny child who acted as if they knew how to treat a patient, yet still so polite with her. She’d always cite that as the moment she knew the two of you would be friends.)

Seungkwan, with one hand holding his mom’s, waved at you as you promised to sit with him tomorrow at school before turning tail and running back to your dad. He watched as your dad scooped you up into his arms, carrying you back inside your home as you happily shrieked.

Seungkwan, at age four, lacked the words to know for sure that he loved you. He didn’t know what it fully meant, or how deep his feelings for you would go, but he knew the happy feeling you gave him was the same happiness he felt when he was with his family or his other friends.

Love is happiness, Seungkwan, age four, decided. Love makes you feel happy.

Seungkwan, age eight, was old enough to walk to your house entirely on his own. So were you, which was why Seungkwan was waiting outside his home, head resting in his hands,sitting on his front porch. While his mom would have him do his homework before dinner (his dad liked to sit with him and help him), your dad would always have you do part of it as soon as you came home. He didn’t fully get it, to be honest, but you said something about how your dad liked helping you for part of it, while your step-mom would sit with you for the rest. You always claimed that you didn’t really need it, but Seungkwan wasn’t sure whether to believe you or not. After all, his parents were happy to help him when he needed it. There was nothing wrong with needing help.

But today was Friday, and Friday meant you got to have a sleepover at Seungkwan’s house. He spent all day figuring out how to make the best blanket fort and his parents promised pancakes tomorrow morning. He was giddy with excitement, growing more and more impatient as he waited for you. The new episode of your favorite show came on tonight, too, and he wanted to watch it with you instead of just talking to you about it on Monday or whenever you came over to play next. Plus! His parents said they might take both of you to the pool tomorrow! It was because his sisters wanted to go, but he was okay with that. It still meant that he would get to go swimming with you because it’s unbelievably hot outside.

The only reason he was waiting outside today was because both of his sisters teased him, and he was still mad about it. They said something about how he liked you, and Seungkwan couldn’t fathom what else they meant by it. Of course he liked you! You were his friend--his best friend. But they had laughed at him (strike number one), only to say it was obvious (strike number two) that Seungkwan like liked you (strike number three). Which was gross because you were his best friend! Like-liking you meant he wanted to do things like holding hands with you, which he already did because you were best friends, and... He wasn’t sure. Kissing? Yuck.

But Seungkwan saw you coming down the sidewalk, holding onto the straps of your backpack proudly, and all of that anger melted away like ice cream on the sidewalk. Ooh. That’s an idea... Maybe he’ll ask his mom for ice cream later. He was sure if he stood up that he would be able to see your dad watching you from down the street, making sure you got there safely. But he was too excited. He hopped up, rushing over to you and taking your hand, complaining about how he was about to die of boredom while waiting for you. You merely giggled, letting him drag you into his house. He called out to his mom that you were there, and she barely had the chance to warmly greet you before Seungkwan was already dragging you upstairs to see his cool new lamp that his parents bought him. Plus all of his toys were upstairs--the teddy bears and the action figures and the instruments and everything else--so where else would the two of you go? Outside again? It was too hot for that.

Seungkwan pointed at the large lamp sitting on his dresser. “I’ll show you it later. It’s better when it’s dark.”

You’d accepted his reasoning at face value, trusting him completely before turning your attention to the instruments in his room. His mom had bought him this little toy keyboard for his birthday that year, and you had pushed him to sing because you always loved hearing him sing. It devolved into more noise than music, but the two of you were happy.

Until his sisters told you both to keep it down because they had homework (gross--Seungkwan didn’t want to have that much homework ever). Which meant the two of you decided to brave the heat for the next few hours, because Seungkwan had pouted and said that the two of you would just go somewhere else. There was plenty to do outside anyway, and the two of you could come back in whenever you wanted. His mom called you back in eventually, asking for the two of you to help her and Seungkwan’s dad with making dinner. It was a subtle way to redirect you and Seungkwan’s endless energy somewhere else, but you were always happy to be helping.

Time always seemed to fly faster when Seungkwan was with you. After dinner, the two of you were sitting together to watch the new episode of your show together, his parents sitting in for a little longer. Eventually it was time for your blanket fort, which meant Seungkwan’s dad would help the two of you get everything set up before he and Seungkwan’s mom retired for the night. She had gone around to make sure all the doors were locked, and had gently pulled you aside to remind you where their room was (right down the hall) and that you or Seungkwan could come get them for anything if they needed it.

The last time the two of you had a sleepover, you had grown scared in the middle of the night and ended up going home when you were inconsolable. Seungkwan had felt bad watching your step-mom walk you home, but his mom was reassuring: some people simply got nervous when they were away from their parents for too long. It wasn’t his fault, and it wasn’t yours. Everyone was different. But this time you told her you were determined to stay the full night. Seungkwan wanted you to, as well, but he wouldn’t be mean or anything if you couldn’t.

With a movie coming to an end a little while later, Seungkwan perked up. “Oh!” He climbed out from underneath your blanket fort, bouncing with excitement for a moment, “Wait here!”

Seungkwan rushed up to his room, carefully pulling the lamp from its place. He came back downstairs, making sure to take slower steps than before in order to keep from dropping it. It was this battery operated lamp with a remote and a built-in timer, so the two of you could leave it on for a while since it’d go off by itself. He set it down in front of you, walking away to turn off all of the lamps and to draw the curtains shut even tighter. He came back to you, the only light in the room being from the television screen with its rolling credits, and sat down. He clicked it on a few times, and then the room was lit up with little stars everywhere.

You went wide-eyed and gasped, filled with pure excitement with the sight (and Seungkwan found himself smiling, overjoyed that he had made you happy). “It’s beautiful...”

This is love, too, Seungkwan thought to himself. Love was more than just feeling happiness around someone. It was sharing it, too. His face was illuminated by the lamp’s stars, and so was yours as the lights slowly rotated around the room. Love is sharing happiness.

Somehow, in all the shuffle, Seungkwan looked up and noticed that your favorite bear (the one he gave you, he proudly thought) was stuck underneath the coffee table. It must have been pushed over there while the two of you were having snacks, since you’d carefully cleared the area.

“Your bear...” He pointed out, hugging the dinosaur you’d given him for his fifth birthday close to his chest.

“Oh!” You crawled over, stretching out your arm to grab it and pull it close to you.

Only to pop up too quickly, bumping the top of your head on the bottom of the table, having slightly underestimated how much space you needed to safely get back. You gasped in pain, crawling back out fully and turning back to him with teary eyes.

“It’s okay!” He said quickly, gently talking to you to help calm you back down. The same way his mom would talk to him when he did the same. The same way you did, too, four years ago. He looked, fingers threading through your hair as he tried to see if there was a bruise--thankful he found none. He leaned forward, gently kissing the top of your head before he sat back down in front of you.

“It helps, right?” He said, recalling your very professional advice from all the time ago. Although maybe Seungkwan was starting to realize that it wasn’t magic...

But you just stared at him for a moment, before you burst into giggles. He puffed his cheeks out in response, a little miffed that you were laughing at him.

Only to regret it a second later. “I’m glad you’re my best friend, Kwannie,” you said. Another second later and you gasped, reaching over for your backpack. “I drew a picture for us!”

“For us...?” He watched curiously as you rooted around in your backpack, shoving things aside before you pulled out a folded-up piece of paper.

You nodded, slowly opening it up and smoothing it out. “Adults live together, right?”

You had drawn a nice little house with a rainbow above it. The two of you, clearly labeled just in case someone didn’t get it, stood in the middle in front of it, with drawn-on smiles as you held hands. Around you were smaller figures that Seungkwan figured out based on the number of people had to be both your family and his. There was also this little thing on the ground that looked kind-of like a cat... or maybe it was a dog. He couldn’t figure out which.

“So when we get bigger,” you continued, “we’ll all live together in one biiig house.” Your eyes were twinkling, far prettier than the ones from his cool lamp. “And we’ll get a pet. I started to draw a kitty, but then I remembered that you like dogs, so...”

He took the paper from you to study closer. “We can have both,” he said, studying it closely. He could see where the triangle ears had been made into more puppy-like ones. “And they’ll be best friends...” And then he sniffled, emotions already betraying him as he was overwhelmed with this pure joy for you.

Boo Seungkwan, age eight, thought that he loved you almost as much as he loved his family. You were his best friend, and he knew this at that moment.

This is what love is, right? Sharing happiness. At least, that was what he thought it was as he later fell asleep next to you, his pastel blue dinosaur tucked into his arms while the projector covered both of you and the room around you with stars. Your picture was tucked away nearby, and Seungkwan dreamed that night of a rainbow over a big house where all of the people he loved most were all together.

Seungkwan, age twelve, finally started to feel like an adult. That was why he liked to walk to your house after his after-school study sessions: because he didn’t get to see you anymore. His parents enrolled him in a boys school, which you continued on to attend a co-ed school in the area. He’d been a little bitter about it to begin with, but he was old enough to know that he could see you pretty much whenever he wanted to. He had a flip phone, he could call you whenever he wanted (except he had to be mindful of how many minutes he had, so he’d just call you on his home phone instead) to ask if he could come over. So coming over to your house was how Seungkwan chose to see you when everything else was over. He played basketball, too, so it kind-of meant it ate into his time with you... but he still made friends that way.

(But he still would proudly say that you were his best friend, which meant he liked you the most.)

The two of you did homework together most days. You would get home before he did from your soccer practice (although you always said whether you were any good at it was up to debate; but Seungkwan said he would be the loudest person in the stands for you at any and every game he could make), so he would just go straight to your house. He knocked, you would let him in, and the two of you would spread out your homework at your dining table and talk about whatever while you worked.

“There’s this new guy in my class...”

Seungkwan felt his heart sink a little. “Huh?”

“I dunno...” You were smiling a little, balancing your pen between your fingers. “He’s cute.”

But I’m cuter, right? Seungkwan pushed back on that thought hard. No need to play the jealous best friend. “And?”

“And what?”

“Is he just cute?”

You had hummed for a moment, thinking over the question. “I don’t know... He answered a question for me when I was struggling with it. And then, I dunno... He just kinda smiled at me.”

Seungkwan had never hated the fact he didn’t go to school with you more than he did now. “Does he go to your games?”

You looked up with this knowing smile, reading him so easily. With a teasing glimmer in your eyes, you rested your head in one hand, “Oh... Kwannie, are you jealous?”

“No!” He huffed, pouting at your words. “I just... He...” He didn’t know what to say. He was a little jealous. He missed being around you so much.

Instead of pushing him further, you just laughed. “It’s okay,” you said, foot bumping against his calf. “No one’s going to replace you. You’re still my favorite person.”

Until you find someone else, a tiny voice in the back of his head told him. He just kind of frowned, going quiet.

And then you frowned, too. “Seungkwan...”

“It’s fine,” he said. “I’m not jealous you have other friends.” Not other guy friends that you call cute, but... “I just miss being around you.”

“I know, but... I don’t like him more than I like you,” you said. “You’re always going to be my number one favorite person...” You kind-of smiled, “Just like how I’m your number two favorite.”

He looked up, brows drawing together. “Two...?”

“Isn’t your mom number one?”

He nodded. Right, but... “If we’re just talking about friends,” he shifted in his chair a little, “then you’re my number one favorite, too.”

The statement earned a shy smile from you in response, immediately making you change the subject back to the math homework that the two of you were supposed to be working on. Seungkwan liked that cute smile, though, even if he had to turn away from it to look at math. He liked doing homework with you, too. You’d help him with his English homework, he’d help you with history...

It worked. The two of you just fit together.

A few hours later, his mom called him on that little flip phone (Seungkwan still wanted one with a screen, but his parents said maybe when he was older--he didn’t need a distraction. But he could barely even text you or any of his friends on it. At least you had one of those phones with the slider keyboard thing) to come back home, and he groaned after he hung up the call. He wasn’t done talking to you, but you just reminded him that you could call him on the home phone after his parents have gone to bed. He promised he would just use his cell phone--he had the minutes, he just preferred saving them--and then reminded you of his upcoming basketball game. You already promised to be there with a poster for him with whatever he wanted on it.

Seungkwan walked home slowly, savoring a few minutes of alone time before he came back in. He set his bag down on the couch with the plan to move it later, already hearing his mom greet him and immediately give him instructions. There was already a cutting board and a knife waiting for him with a few vegetables sitting atop it. So he washed his hands, and then got to work with helping her as she rattled off dinner plans casually.

At one point, he stopped, conflicted in his feelings. He thought he knew, but... “Mom?” She hummed in acknowledgement, a sign for him to continue. “What is love like?”

His mom stopped what she was doing, turning to him with a certain tenderness in her eyes as she watched him for a moment. His sisters had boyfriends before (although that, in Seungkwan’s mind, was always different because it was gross to see them hold hands or kiss because ew, gross, he doesn’t want to see them do that). He’d seen his parents love each other, too, throughout his life in the quiet way that parents seemed to: carrying burdens together, helping one another with the hard things of being an adult... Yet it seemed his mother had just realized how big he’d grown. When did he get this old to start asking such big questions like that?

“Love is...” She paused, clearly thinking her words over carefully. “Love is hard to define.”

Seungkwan pouted. That didn’t help.

She could see that, and in response smiled to herself with this light chuckle. “Love is a lot of things, Seungkwan. Love can be when you see someone and feel a need to care deeply for them--as much as you care about yourself.”

“And?”

His mom continued with preparing dinner, gesturing quickly for Seungkwan to keep working as well. “You want the best for them. Sometimes it means putting aside your own feelings in order to help them.”

“And?”

His mom looked up again, setting down her own knife. “Seungkwan... You’ll know it when you feel it.”

Love is a feeling. Seungkwan could accept that one a little more, as obscure as it sounded.

And he knew that night as he started to drift off while talking to you on the phone that the warm feeling in his chest, curled up there like a kitten finding its home, was love.

Seungkwan, age fifteen, was your high school classmate again. Gone were the awkward middle school years.. Except the stupid bouts of jealousy whenever you talked to him about boys that you thought were cute. He was your best friend, you were allowed to like other people, but the feelings he harbored for you felt complicated and he always pouted over it later when he was alone. This wasn’t fair to you. Why couldn’t his feelings just be fair?

Except this time was worse. This time one of those guys asked you out. Not that Seungkwan would have stopped him: he didn’t think you liked him the same way he liked you. His mom told him that love meant sometimes putting someone else’s feelings above your own. That was why he was lying on your bed, waiting for you to come back upstairs with your snacks, listening to the CD that the two of you made together. You had begged for him to come help you figure out what to wear on your date with some guy who used to play soccer with you (it was some whole friend thing in the park, not officially as a team). Seungkwan, as much as it killed him, was happy to help you. That was what friends were for, right? You’d do the same for him.

He could hear the sound of your footsteps approaching and perked up, watching as you pushed your bedroom door open with your shoulder. “Okay. So...”

You made your way over, passing him a bottle of water before carefully setting down the two bowls of snacks you’d scrounged up. You then walked over to the MP3 player speakers, turning them down to avoid a distraction. Seungkwan just waited as you opened up your closet doors, lips pressing together thoughtfully.

“His dad is going to drop us off at an amusement park,” you started sifting through clothes, “and then I think we’re going to see a movie afterward, too.”

(Seungkwan, although he was very good at hiding it, started to stew a little in his own feelings. A movie? What if Yuchan kissed you? Then he’ll die because what if you and Yuchan were perfect together and you forgot all about Seungkwan?)

“So... I was thinking... Maybe something comfortable?”

“Like jeans?”

You glanced back at him over your shoulder before shrugging. “I dunno. I looked it up and there aren’t any water rides, but what if it’s too hot for jeans?”

“Then wear shorts,” Seungkwan almost wanted to roll his eyes, instead opting to busy himself with grabbing the bowl of chips. “I’ll check the weather.”

While you continued to fret over things, Seungkwan pulled up the weather on his phone to check. It didn’t seem like it’d be too hot, so jeans (or whatever pants you wanted) seemed like a fine option to him. But then you turned to him, clutching a pretty yellow and black striped shirt, and frowned.

“Seungkwan, what if he wants to kiss me?”

His heart skipped a beat at the question, and Seungkwan hoped that he looked nonchalant as he glanced at you before shoving a chip into his mouth. “If you want to kiss him, then kiss him.” Please sound normal. Please don’t give me away--

“But what if I’m bad at it? I’ve never kissed anyone before...”

Seungkwan looked up, tucking his phone back into his pocket. He could see the gears turning in your head. In the same moment he said “No,” you were already speaking up with a “Seungkwan, can you kiss me?”

His word sank in, and you pouted. “Why not? You’re my best friend. It won’t be weird if it’s you.”

Seungkwan felt the blood rushing to his face. “Because it’d be my first kiss, too.”

“So you don’t want me to be your first kiss, either?” You huffed, “Well, what if you’re bad at it?”

He opened his mouth to counter you, only to stop as the words escaped him. Seungkwan, age fifteen, thought you had a point. But Seungkwan, age fifteen, did not want to concede so easily. “So you think I’ll be bad at it?”

You let out a loud groan, head falling back. “If we’re each other’s first kiss, then it won’t be a big deal when we do it for real. If you really don’t want to kiss me, I’ll shut up, but I trust you more than--”

Seungkwan sighed, setting aside the snacks as he hopped up. He came over to you, only to realize he came... far too close. Closer than he meant to, but you still shut up and stared at him. “Just... Lean in and do it, right?”

That was what they did on TV. In movies. In books.

A moment later, you nodded. “Are you sure?”

And then Seungkwan nodded, confidence dwindling by the second. “I’m sure. Are you...?”

He was. If he sucked, then you’d tell him. He trusted you, too, after all. Seungkwan leaned in tentatively, uncertain in his movements... only for his forehead to smack straight into your own. The two of you immediately leaned back with a wince, your hand flying to your forehead as he squeezed his eyes shut. Years ago, you would have laughed at him and kissed his forehead to make it better. Now you would always just get embarrassed whenever he brought it up, reminding him that you were four and that he did it, too, before learning that kisses weren’t a valid form of medicine.

Surprisingly, though, he did hear you laugh a moment later. “Just... stay still, then,” you said.

He opened his eyes, and you reached up, gently holding his face in place before angling your own.

And then you kissed him. Seungkwan, age fifteen, did not want these few seconds to end. It was awkward, and your nose bumped against his when you went in for the kiss, but you didn’t shy away like he did when your foreheads smacked. Your lips were softer than he thought they’d be (and he was overthinking, positive that his were chapped because he lost his lip balm weeks ago and kept forgetting to get a new stick). But he kissed you back, uncertain in the motion, just to do it. To say that he kissed you, too. That it wasn’t one sided.

A few seconds later, and it was over. Neither of you knew what to say. He backed off, heart racing in his ears as he watched you.

“His favorite color is yellow,” you said after a moment, holding up the shirt you’d thrown onto your bed at some point. “So I thought--”

“Yellow suits you,” he said, hoping that you wouldn’t notice the hopelessly fond look on his face. He stepped back again, sitting back down on your bed. “Pair it with the black jeans. Don’t take a jacket. If you get cold, he should give it to you.”

“But what if he’s not wearing one?”

A fair point, but... “He will,” Seungkwan said. If he’s serious about wooing you, he’ll wear one just so he can give it to you.

Seungkwan, at that moment, thought that he loved you. And he loved you enough that he would let you go happily, your happiness becoming most important to him. Even if that decision choked him up, he would do it to see that happy smile on your face any day.

(You called him when you got home the night-of, saying that Yuchan did give you his jacket and that he almost kissed you when he walked you to your door. Seungkwan merely said he was happy for you, ignoring the ache in his chest as he curled up tight in his bed.)

Love, Seungkwan decided, was complicated.

Seungkwan, age nineteen, felt... complicated about a lot now.

You ended up dating Yuchan for two years, only for things to change as life became more hectic. School got harder, Yuchan became more dedicated to soccer and getting a scholarship with it, you busied yourself with trying to get into a good school. So was Seungkwan, actually. Weirdly enough, he didn’t realize how intertwined that process would be for the two of you. He wanted to do something with law school in the future (there was a reason he was on the debate team and good at it, and it was only partially because of his stubbornness), and you were either going pre-med for a career in nursing or maybe paleontology instead. You hadn’t decided yet, but as long as the school had a strong STEM program, you would be happy.

(Seungkwan joked that he should have known: those were two of your interests when you met. Dinosaurs and patching up your best friend who had his clumsy moments same as anyone else.)

And so the two of you ended up in the same school by happenstance. Seungkwan was one of the youngest in his year (the fact that you were a little older than him was always something you used to tease him), and on move-in day he was staring at his roommate, one Kim Mingyu. He was pretty damn chatty, which was okay, and he usually invited over the other two guys who live in their same suite. Seokmin was pretty nice, too, and he usually kept Seungkwan in conversations whenever he started to feel a little out of place. Minghao, a foreign student who came to study here because of the solid journalism program, was quieter--but that wasn’t a problem in the slightest.

What WAS a problem was the way you told Seungkwan that you had someone you wanted to introduce him to a few months into the school year. And when you showed up to the coffee shop the two of you had found within the first week, you were holding the hand of this stupidly hot dude who looked like a dick because he had his headphones hanging around his neck and wearing a beanie when it was definitely not cold enough for a beanie.

(Seungkwan, truthfully, was looking for reasons to hate him. But then you smiled at the guy after the two of you ordered, squeezed his hand, and guided him over to where Seungkwan was sitting, and he felt... guilty for doing so. Stupid hot boyfriend who makes you happy...)

“This is my best friend, Seungkwan,” you said to him, and Seungkwan took pride in the fact you introduced him first. “Seungkwan,” you smiled at him brightly, “this is Vernon! He’s technically an early graduate--something about his homeschooling program, he can tell you the details--but he’s in our year.”

Vernon gave him a polite smile and “sup,” before going on to say that he’d heard a lot about Seungkwan, actually. Another little thing for Seungkwan to take pride in. “They were telling me about how the two of you go way back. That’s actually why we haven’t met until now.”

Seungkwan looked at you in confusion. He knew that you’d started seeing someone a few weeks ago, but... You purposefully didn’t tell him who? Or anything about the guy?

“You’ve known me since we were four,” you said with a pout. “You would have told him so many stories about me. You did the same thing with that girl in high school!”

He did... For the exact same reason. While you did know the girl already, you had agreed to stay back until Seungkwan was ready to formally introduce you to her. That relationship didn’t last long to be fair, but he was terrified of all the blackmail you had over him. You, like him, had pictures, too.

“Plus... I dunno, I wanted to figure out where we stood,” you looked at Vernon with this soft smile on your face. Seungkwan thought he could see the love in your eyes, too.

Seungkwan cleared his throat. “I’m still going to tell him stories. He should know these things about you,” he said, a mischievous smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, “like your emo phase in middle school--”

Immediately, you whined. “Nooo! I know you have pictures!”

“And I’ll use them.”

Vernon, to Seungkwan’s surprise because of the cool-guy aura he seemed to carry, actually chuckled in response. “I think we’ve all got embarrassing stuff. It’s fine,” he said, and then spoke quieter to you, “It’s cute.”

And that ended up shutting you up with this really cute smile that Seungkwan had always found cute. “Anyway...” You turned back to Seungkwan with this look of concern for a moment. Yet the second you went to open your mouth, your name ended up being called out by the barista, leading you to quickly excuse yourself.

Seungkwan knew you’d take a few minutes to get your coffee to where you liked it. So he turned to Vernon right as the guy was about to strike up polite conversation, “I’m still their best friend, just so you know.”

Immediately, Vernon gave him this weird look, brows drawing together. “Sorry... What?”

“Just because we haven’t met until now doesn’t mean they like you more than me,” he said, crossing his arms. I come first, he wanted to say. I’ve known them since we were four. Remember that.

“Woah, dude, I didn’t say anything--” He paused for a moment, glancing over to where you were fiddling with sugar packets. “They’re cute. They’ve been talking about you a lot lately. If you’re upset they didn’t introduce me sooner, it’s just because they were worried you're gonna hate me.”

... You cared about his opinion that much? Seungkwan mentally smacked himself--of course you did. The two of you valued each other like that. “Oh.”

“Nah, man, I’m not gonna step on your friendship or anything,” Vernon leaned back in his chair. “I know you two are close. But they’re still my date, though....” Vernon was... way chiller than Seungkwan thought he’d be. He was sure most guys would have been offended. “But if you wanna be friends, I’m down. You seem cool. They said you sing?”

Seungkwan’s face was burning from embarrassment now, especially for trying to be petty and establish some stupid sense of dominance over him. “Yeah,” he said, feeling so small now. “I love singing.”

Vernon smiled a little, nodding along, “I’ve got a friend who’s been trying to get me to go to karaoke. Maybe all four of us could go sometime?”

... Admittedly, it was almost cute how Vernon just kind-of configured you into these plans. Probably because he knew that you, too, loved karaoke. You and Seungkwan had spent way too many hours growing up lying about doing homework when you were actually at a noraebang.

“I’d like that, actually.”

When you finally came back, it was to Vernon bringing up movies that he loved and Seungkwan engaging him in that conversation happily. And he could see the way you smiled at the way they were getting along. He got along with Yuchan just fine: so he could get along with Vernon, too. Besides... Vernon actually seemed pretty cool. Maybe in another life, they would already be best friends.

Seungkwan parted ways from the two of you as you said you’d be walking Vernon back to his dorm (meaning that you’d likely call Seungkwan later to talk), and he found himself hurrying back to his own. Mingyu was sitting at his desk, studying his notes from class with earbuds in, giving Seungkwan a welcome reprieve from being social for a few minutes. He found his own homework, breaking into a history textbook to start working there for the next few hours.

Later that night, you had called him while he was studying. Seungkwan could see you standing outside when he picked up, watching the way you happily waved one arm wildly at him to get him to come down. So he pocketed his keys, slipped into his shoes, and called back to Mingyu that he’d be back in a few minutes. He expected you to maybe tease him over the stupid shit he pulled with Vernon (he felt like Vernon would have let it slip, even though he didn’t seem offended), but instead you hugged him tight.

“I hope you know I love you a lot,” you said, “and I’ve wanted you to meet him since we started dating, but...”

Those bitter feelings slipped through Seungkwan’s fingers, melting away as he hugged you back. “You were scared he’d find something to dislike about you,” he sighed. “It’s okay. I like him.”

You stepped back, smiling brightly. “Really?”

“He’s nice. He obviously likes you,” he said with a shrug. “So he passes my test. But if he ever hurts you, I’ll fight him.”

You knew he would. It wasn’t the first time Seungkwan had said it, after all. “Just don’t steal him from me, Kwannie,” you patted him on the chest. “I almost thought I was your third wheel for a minute, y’know.”

... So maybe Seungkwan did get along great with Vernon. More than he really liked to admit. Fuck, Vernon was kind of perfect, wasn’t he? He was respectful toward him even after he tried to be all “myeh myeh I’m their best friend so you come second” like a child, and he fully understood that both of them were important people in your life...

“Thank you for not embarrassing me, y’know,” you said. “I mean, you still have videos from the time we tried to go rollerskating...”

(To be fair: so did you. Both of you quit because you were bad at it and got tired of falling, and spent the rest of your time in the arcade portion instead, being bad at games together.)

“I wouldn’t do that to you,” Seungkwan said. “Not this soon, at least. Maybe if he sticks around...”

It earned a laugh from you. That was how your relationship with Yuchan had been, too: there was a point where neither of you thought the embarrassing stuff would mess with your relationship too much. “I know,” you said. “I guess I just got in my own head. I really like him, y’know?”

He could tell. You looked at him the way Seungkwan was sure he looked at you--even though you never noticed. He bantered with you a little more, saying that Vernon would regret inviting both of you to karaoke when those plans came around, and made his way back inside. With a sigh, he flopped onto his bed, the noise enough to drag Mingyu out of his studies.

He chuckled. “I think it’s a little obvious how you feel.”

Seungkwan grasped, immediately reaching for the nearest soft thing to lob at him. And... It was that pastel blue dino plushie that he’d had since he was five. He used to hide it until Mingyu found it by accident while Seungkwan had been gathering his laundry. When he said it was a gift from you, Mingyu understood and said it was sweet how he held onto it so long. Which meant that Seungkwan would sometimes leave that dino plushie out when the others weren’t around. It comforted him to see it whenever he was getting stressed. Other times, the little guy lived in the top of his closet for safekeeping. Hell, Seungkwan had accidentally ripped the little guy’s leg and Mingyu had been the one who patched it up.

At no response from Seungkwan, Mingyu finally turned around, only to see Seungkwan staring at the dino plushie in his hands. “Why don’t you just tell them how you feel?”

“They’re dating some guy named Vernon now.” He ran his thumb along the stitching on the side. “I don’t think they love me back.”

Mingyu frowned, looking up to the clock on the wall, and then back to Seungkwan. “It’s not too late. Let’s go out,” he hopped up, shutting his books. “I’ll see if Seokmin and Hao are free, too.”

Seungkwan could feel that familiar ache in his chest--the same one he felt when you called him, giddy about your date with Yuchan--but softer than it had been before. You were happy. What more could he want?

This, too, was love. As long as you were happy, he could move on.

(And maybe he’ll like the girl Mingyu later offered to set him up with, swearing that he’d love her...)

Seungkwan was twenty-two when he had another major fight with you.

The first time the two of you fought, you’d been kids. He barely remembered what it was about, but it resulted in him not talking to you for a week (which was like a thousand years in little-kid time) until you finally showed up to his door. You sobbed and said you missed him so bad, and apologized a thousand times until he started crying because he missed you, too. The second time had been in middle school over something stupid and immature, and he remembered that the two of you fought bad enough that you stormed off until he bribed you to talk to him again via ice cream and a serious conversation (thank you to his mom, actually: she was the one who talked sense into him first). The third was in high school because you had hated his girlfriend at the time. He hadn’t let you speak, and told you to get out of his house, only to come back together again later that night--halfway between your houses. The two of you apologized to one another: him because he heard from a few hours later that you had fought with his girlfriend in the halls for talking horribly about him behind his back, and you because you should have told him the truth right away.

And now... Things were different. The two of you now lived together in a crummy apartment that felt too small for the two of you. You were studying to become a nurse after you graduated, and Seungkwan was following his plans to set himself up for law school. He’d managed to luck out with getting an internship at this law firm in the city before he was even in law school, Yoon & Hong Law Group. The two of you had gone out to celebrate with Vernon and Chan back when he got the call. When he went in for his first day, Jeonghan had told him it was because of his application that they let him in. They liked his drive, and they remembered being in his position not too long ago. He and Joshua weren’t the original Yoon and Hong (that was his dad and Joshua’s mom, who still headed the firm), but they’d take over the firm one day and they hoped that Seungkwan would still be part of that future. Where Seungkwan had been accepted, you were still waiting on replies from nursing schools.

While you and Vernon had only dated for about a year before that spark fizzled away (which was something Seungkwan couldn’t wrap his head around: how did it take a year for that to happen? Then again, a year stopped feeling so long after you became an adult...), the two of you were still friends. Somewhere along the way, Seungkwan started to consider Vernon as one of his closest friends, too--not number one, because that would always be you, but still pretty damn up there.

He remembered when the two of you broke up. He knew that both of you were talking about things seriously, because you loved each other, just not enough. Vernon had apparently asked if that meant you wanted to break up. You had said you still loved him, he said he still loved you, and then you both had to really examine whether you two loved each other romantically or just as close friends. Although it took a break to cope with your own feelings after mutually agreeing you’d be better off as friends, Seungkwan was glad that the two of you came back together... even if he still remembered the way you broke down crying when you came home to him that day. You’d sobbed into his shoulder that you still loved him, but you couldn’t love Vernon the way he deserved to be loved.

And Seungkwan, ever the dutiful best friend, held you through that storm until it had calmed. Then it was time for him to take care of you: to order dinner and put on movies and forget about your assignments together for a few hours. He’d even gone out to get the dessert you liked, only splitting it evenly with you when you firmly insisted. You’d rested your head on his shoulder and told him that the feeling sucked. He understood. He just let you cuddle him as much as you needed to.

Vernon later called him to ask how you were doing. When Seungkwan, having stepped onto the balcony to take the call, looked back at your sleeping back, he felt relieved. Vernon had been honest with him: the two of you needed time to get over the breakup. Seungkwan confessed he didn’t want to lose either of you as friends, and neither did Vernon. Neither did you. A few months later, things were getting back to normal again. You and Vernon had physically been close, but that was because you were always like Seungkwan: physically affectionate with any and every person you cared about. It was a little awkward in the beginning, sure, but Vernon happily returned your hugs soon enough and everything became normal.

Seungkwan, on the other hand, had also dated a few people. The girl that Mingyu set him up with didn’t last long. The others... were also short-lived relationships. The longest one he had over the past few years lasted almost half a year, but he’d ended it after having enough of feeling like garbage. It hadn't been toxic or abusive, but the initially playful jabs at his chubby cheeks or his body toward the end of the relationship had been enough for him. He valued himself too highly to put up with that bullshit.

Also, you’d been getting pissed: the last time they said that shit to him, you finally snapped (admittedly while drunk) that your Boo was cute and his ass was great and that they could fuck off if they weren’t going to appreciate him for who he was. They had gotten offended, and Seungkwan gladly chose you over them... even if the comment about his ass finally hit him hours later after he’d helped you to bed, and it stuck with him to this day

To be honest, Seungkwan thought his feelings for you would have gone away by now. The two of you had known each other for almost two decades. He knew he’d always love you... but like this? Where he looked at you and sometimes daydreamed of what could be if he’d stop playing a coward and told you how he felt? It was different. As much as Seungkwan wanted to tell you, he wasn’t going to jeopardize his friendship for it. Things were good.

... Until he went and opened his stupid fucking mouth and told you that he hated your boyfriend. He said outright that your boyfriend was a shit person who didn’t deserve you. He saw the way he spoke about you, the vulgar way he acted, and the way you’d swatted his hands away too many damn times because you didn’t want to be touched that way in that moment. This last time, Seungkwan had snapped at him for trying to bother you in your own home. You didn’t stand up to either of them, and your boyfriend left the apartment pissed off, which in turn made you pissed at Seungkwan.

“I just don’t see why you can’t be fucking nice to him!” You had snapped, fists balled tight at your sides. “You liked Yuchan,you liked Vernon--what’s so different about Donghae?! Why can’t you just be happy for me?!”

That had struck a nerve. “I am happy for you!” He snapped. “I’ve always been happy for you! But Donghae doesn’t respect you, and I’m not going to stand here when you deserve better!”

“If it bothered me, I’d tell him to stop--”

“You have! I’ve seen you tell him to stop--but he doesn’t respect you, so he doesn’t listen! You shouldn’t date some idiot who doesn’t respect you--”

Things had grown louder from there until you finally had enough. You were pissed off, and you barked back something about needing space before stomping out of the apartment. That had been a little over half an hour ago, and with a messy apron folded beside him, he was sitting on the couch, replaying the conversation over and over. He called Vernon, who came over with Chan, within the next fifteen minutes.

“Ah. Dude, you kinda fucked up,” was what Vernon said once he heard the full story.

“I dunno,” Chan frowned from his spot in the cozy armchair that you had picked out so long ago for the apartment. Most of the time Chan and Seungkwan would bicker over the smallest thing, but it was clear how much he cared about him from how serious he took things like this. “Donghae is an asshole. I’m just surprised he didn’t say it sooner.”

“I’m not saying he shouldn’t have said it, I’m just saying he shouldn’t have said it like that.”

Seungkwan was sitting on the couch. There was a cake, hastily made from a box mix, cooling in the freezer to get it done faster. I’m sorry I wasn’t nicer about your dick boyfriend probably wouldn’t fit on a cake. His phone rang, and it was his mom (the only time he’d ever be disappointed to hear from her, Seungkwan was certain). He excused himself to step out on the balcony, embracing the cold air to clear his head as he picked up. It started with her asking how he was doing, and he ended up crying before confessing he had another big fight with you. The first one in years, since the two of you didn’t fight often. Tiny arguments, sure, but that was different. He hadn’t heard from you in maybe an hour now, and he was worried.

His mom listened to his concerns, and told him what his friends had told him: that his heart was in the right place (especially since Seungkwan told her that he thought you weren’t being treated well), but that he just needed to communicate it better. Calling your boyfriend an asshole to his face was probably the worst way to go about it.

“It’s just complicated,” Seungkwan confessed, wiping hard at his face.

“Love always is,” was what his mom said. “You’ll learn that when you grow up.”

He let out a sigh before pouting. “I’m already grown up...”

His mother’s warm chuckle calmed him further. “You’ll understand that later, too. You should make sure that they’re safe.”

So Seungkwan did: he texted you to ask if you were. You didn’t respond, not that he expected you to reply immediately. You needed time to cool off. He followed up the text to tell you that if he didn’t hear from you within the next two hours, he was going to go out looking, and then pocketed his phone.

He had a cake to ice, after all, even if it might end up looking bad. Vernon and Chan had followed him into the kitchen where he frosted the cooled cake with white icing, mixing up pink and preparing a piping bag.

Chan had been the one to question it: “So... What’s the cake for?”

“Apology cake,” Vernon whispered. “For not saying stuff right. He’s done it once before.”

(It had been over an hour since you were gone. Seungkwan was going to finish this damn cake to distract himself.)

He’d managed to get a decent-ish looking border done, starting on the words when he heard the chime of the door. All he had done was an I’m So when he heard your footsteps, far lighter than the last time he’d heard them.

“Oh. Hey.”

“You good?” Vernon asked.

He could hear the rustle of a plastic bag in your hands. “Mmm... Maybe. I dunno.”

Seungkwan said nothing as he finished Sorry on the cake. That would do for now.

“Seungkwan?” He could hear you growing closer to him. “Um...” Out of the corner of his eye, he could see you look to Vernon and Chan. “God... They probably already know, so I’ll just say it. I’m sorry.”

He looked up. “Huh?”

“I shouldn’t have talked to you like that.” The bag in your hand rustled further in your grip. “I mean... You were right. He was a dick, and... I dunno, I left, and then he called me, and he kept saying all this stupid shit about how you never respected me, and... I just told him I was done.”

Seungkwan stared at you. “You broke up with him?”

“I mean... I probably should have when he stopped listening to me, but--” Then you looked at the cake. “Seungkwan, what are you--”

He stepped aside, letting you see the writing. “I’m sorry I got angry,” he said. “And I’m sorry I spoke to you like that. I think... We both got upset really fast.”

Which was true. Both of you had been stressed lately with everything else going on. That didn’t help with what happened today.

“Oh my god.”

“I know it looks bad--”

You shook your head, opening the bag to pull out a pint of cookies and cream ice cream. “I got you apology ice cream,” you had lightly laughed, only to remember the other two in the room with you. “Ah, fuck--I should have known you would have called them over... I should have bought more--”

“We still have vanilla,” Seungkwan said, “They’ll be fine.”

And despite their playful complaints, both were fine with that when you brought out the carton from the freezer. The four of you had your cake and your ice cream as a nice little indulgence after a stressful night. Seungkwan sent them off with the extra cake because neither of you wanted it. He quietly cleaned up, bringing the other dishes over to where you’d started to quietly clean them in the sink.

“I really mean it,” Seungkwan said. “I shouldn’t have talked to you like that. I’m sorry.”

You frowned at him. “Seungkwan...” You reached past him, grabbing the dish towel to dry your hands on. Then you stepped forward, wrapping your arms around him tight. “I know. We’re better friends than this, though... I shouldn’t have assumed you were being a dick when you’ve always been looking out for me. I mean... You care about me more than a lot of people, y’know?”

“You do the same,” he said, hugging you back. He always liked the way you felt so warm in his arms. Like everything would be okay if he just had you there. “I know I’m loved... But I don’t doubt it or get in my head when it’s you.”

It felt like a confession. You pulled away from him after a moment, hands now lingering on his upper arm as you stared at him for a moment. He almost saw something on your face, but you turned away before he could try to figure out what it was. You went back to doing the dishes, and Seungkwan wordlessly stepped in to help you with them.

Seungkwan thought to himself, in that moment, that he was doomed to always love you no matter who he saw. That the person he was looking for in every single person would always be you. But... if it meant the two of you stayed connected so deeply like this, even when you were angry at one another, then he would be okay with it.

Even when you fought, he would always love you. Maybe that, too, was part of love, as complicated as it was to admit that.

Seungkwan was twenty-four when things were... beyond stressful. Between law school being hard and nursing school draining you most days, Seungkwan felt like he barely saw you despite living together. If nothing else, he barely saw you happy most days. Neither of you really went out with anyone unless they were friends, careers taking priority over any kind of romantic relationship. But that was okay: the two of you had talked about that kind of thing over a rare dinner together. You didn’t want to bring anyone new into your life when everything was so busy, and he was too stressed to really let go with someone that wasn’t already close to him. The two of you were working hard, and all you could really do was support the other through it all. Sometimes it took the form of movie nights when he came disgruntled and unable to read another word of his text book or old cases, and he liked to think he was better at giving massages after long hours of you being in the hospital for things. God knew you should see a professional, but you were trying to save up and keep money in your account for rent and food and other necessities right now. When you were an actual nurse, maybe then you’d start occasionally seeing a professional.

It also came with the two of you venting to one another. He’d heard about the people that you worked with. About Dr. Choi, who was strict but seemed to have a soft spot for you because you brought him a latte once when he looked particularly exhausted. Seungkwan actually met another nurse you worked with--Jeon Wonwoo--when he went up to the hospital one night because you forgot your umbrella... Only for Wonwoo to have been leaving at the same time, offering both of you a ride back to your apartment. Seungkwan, despite knowing just how stressed your job made you, liked how happy you were with it. He thought it was definitely good for you, and you always loved to talk about how you were helping people--even as a student. There were shitty patients who disrespected you (and your fellow medical professionals), but your drive was in your desire to make other people happier.

It was Saturday now, a rare day where you came home hours ago from working. He’d moved his headphones off when you came in, only for you to wave him off saying that you’d talk after you got a little rest. He readjusted them, and went back to studying hard. He was tired, though, and he could feel his eyelids growing heavier. He had research he had to do earlier, and now he was catching up in reading for one of his classes... Two years and he still wasn’t done, but at least he wasn’t in it alone. He had you.

His headphones must have gotten knocked askew when he fell asleep over his books, because the knock at the door had been enough to wake him up. He pulled his headphones off, getting up to stretch on his walk over. He opened the door, only to find a package waiting outside that was addressed to you. Seungkwan brought it inside, making a mental note to refill his water bottle in a minute, about to call out for you when you rushed in.

“Don’t open it!”

He wasn’t going to, but he nearly dropped the damn thing at how loud you suddenly were. You took the box from him quickly, hugging it tight to you with one arm as you fished around in a drawer for the box cutter. Seungkwan realized that he had apparently blocked everything you’d been doing out for the past hour (or maybe he was just that deeply asleep for a bit), because there were suddenly way more blankets in there than the two of you usually kept... and you had stolen one of the chairs from the dining table, pushed the coffee table forward...

“What are you doing?”

You’d already sat down on the floor, opening up the box. He hadn’t seen you this lively since that late night study group around midterms, and that was because of all the caffeine in your system. You’d been beyond burnt out since then, working on countless assignments and going to work. Today had just been a rare Saturday where both of you were home, just giving you time to study and rest before next week kicked your asses once more.

“Can you bring the batteries?” You called out over your shoulder. “Triple-A. I need four.”

That didn’t answer his question, but Seungkwan did as you asked. Before he could see what was in the box, you stopped him, hand extended for the batteries.

“Go back to studying,” you ordered. “I’ll get you when everything’s ready.”

He didn’t move. He just furrowed his brow in confusion, wanting to question you further, only for you to huff in aggravation.

“Just trust me. Tonight’s... special.”

Seungkwan did as you said, including moving his chair to where his back was to you entirely. He could hear you moving around the apartment behind him, eventually answering the door again to get takeout (and immediately his stomach rumbled when he caught the scent of fried chicken from his favorite place). He almost asked if he was forgetting something important, but you just held up a hand.

“I’m almost done,” you told him with this cute smile on your face that was enough to make him agree to wait. “Okay? I’m almost done.”

It was cute how excited you were. It almost worried him, to be honest... It wasn’t his birthday. It wasn’t yours. Was he forgetting something big? Sure, it had almost been twenty years since the two of you became friends, but that friend-iversary wasn’t for another few weeks. The two of you already had plans for it, too: you were going to go to an amusement park and just pretend you didn’t have a thousand other things going on for a day.

When you finally came back to him, you had carefully pushed his assignment into the page he was reading before shutting his book for him. He couldn’t say no to you when he saw how happy you were. It was fine, too: technically he was a little ahead in his classes. He just wanted to give himself the best chances to succeed.

“Close your eyes.”

And he did, letting you slowly guide him from his chair. He couldn’t fight the smile on his face as your hands took his. With each slow step, he couldn’t help but wonder what you had in mind. At one point, you stopped, gently stepping around him to push him down onto his knees and then back--instructing him to just sit there for a moment.

“I just need a minute... So keep your eyes closed, okay? It’s a surprise.”

He listened, knees hugged to his chest right now as he listened to you move around the apartment. Something soft--one of those blankets, probably--gently thwacked him in the face at one point before it was immediately pulled away (and he almost giggled at the sound of your quiet swearing under your breath). He could hear the click of something plastic opening, and then the sound of you fumbling with those batteries, more plastic buttons being pressed...

“Okay. You can open your eyes now.”

He did, and the room was illuminated in stars. There was dinner on the table--his favorite dakgangjeong, an order for you, and various sides spread out--and the two of you were now sitting underneath a blanket fort that you must have fixed after you sat him down. You slid a little closer to him, taking his hands in your own.

“What are you--”

“Seungkwan,” you said firmly. “It’s been almost two decades since we became friends... but I remember we did this back when we were eight. And--I dunno. I guess I got sentimental. I know you’ve been stressed lately, too, and... I dunno, I just... It’s stupid, but I wanted to relive the first time I slept over at your house. And then I saw this thing,” you nodded toward the projector, “when I was browsing through random shit online, and then I got this stupid idea, and I thought it might just be a sign to go through with it...”

Seungkwan had never wanted to kiss you more than he did at that moment. Instead, he just choked up, tears brimming because of... all of it. All that was missing was the silly little drawing of the two of you and your families and your weird cat-dog-thing. But the dinner, the stars, the blanket fort...

“I love you.”

The words were out before he could even process it, and he realized what he just said. He grew more embarrassed, about to take them back. To say that he didn’t mean it like that, to try and save your friendship before he could destroy it with feelings that he thought were only one sided.

But he didn’t. He could see the way you looked at him. The way your eyes flickered down to his lips for a moment. Like magnetism, you drifted forward, about to kiss him when your forehead bumped against his again.

And he laughed. “Here,” he said. “Stay still.”

Seungkwan gently held your face so that he could angle his own, kissing you gently.

Seungkwan, at twenty-four, knew that he loved you. With every single beat of his heart, he loved you. You kissed him back, and he finally saw that you, at some point along the way, fell for him, too. The two of you weren’t two four year olds on the way home from school, where you took care of him and made sure he was okay. You weren’t eight year olds under a blanket fort, dreaming of living under the same roof with everyone you held dear to you, or fifteen year olds having their first kiss together because they were both too scared to have it with someone else because of the silly notion that they should know how to kiss before they did it. He was twenty four, and after a lifetime of questioning it, he thought he finally understood what love was.

You pulled away after a moment, eyes twinkling. He preferred the stars in them to the stars from that silly lamp. “I love you, too.”

And then you kissed him again, and everything felt right.

Love, he had learned, was a lot of things. The act of being happy with another person, of seeing their joy and treasuring it close to your heart. Of wanting them to be happy no matter what. To enjoy being around a person, and to yearn for their presence when they were gone for too long. Love was a feeling.

The act of accepting differences for what they are, of fighting but coming together because you cared about each other more. To put aside oneself in order to let someone find their happiness elsewhere. To surprise the other with something that might seem silly to other people, but meant the world to you. Love was an action, too.

But love? Love, he decided at that moment, is you.

And it was him, too.

taglist: @twancingyunhao @wonuziex @synthetickitsune

#wooahaes.fic #seventeen imagine #seventeen x reader #seventeen x you #svt x reader #svt imagine #svt x you #seungkwan x reader #seungkwan fluff #boo seungkwan fluff #seungkwan x you #boo seungkwan x reader #boo seungkwan x you

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wongyuuu · 7 months

Text

midnight regrets | bsk

pairing: seungkwan x f!reader genre: angsty kinda? but also fluff maybe? (drunk confession) word count: 848

this is part of my series, seventeen as songs from lover (ts)

Seungkwan ➝ Death By a Thousand Cuts I get drunk, but it's not enough ’Cause the morning comes and you're not my baby ↳ in which Seungkwan drunk calls you, his ex, and finally tells you all the feelings he kept to himself for months.

The clock on your phone told you it was just past four in the morning. Your insomnia had gotten to you yet again and this time it seemed like it had decided to stay. You did everything you were supposed to, ate better, avoided certain smells and foods that could trigger a migraine that could cause insomnia, but none of it seemed to matter.

In the last couple of days, you only managed to get a total of 5 hours of sleep. It was a wonder in itself that your brain still functioned, poorly of course.

With a groan, you turned on your side. You just wanted to sleep, like a normal person, for a few hours. Was that really too much to ask?

Your phone started to vibrate on your bedside, the blue light suddenly pulling the room out of its complete darkness. No one in their right mind would call you in the middle of the night. Not because you would get angry at them but because no one calls anyone at four in the morning.

Even if the number calling you wasn't saved a contact, it was one you remembered all too well. It was impossible to make your heart stay calm, to keep quiet. But your brain was telling you that there was something wrong.

It had been almost six months since you and Seungkwan broke up. After the final words had been said, you never saw him again. You returned his things to Vernon and he had left yours with your doorman. You stopped following him on social media and deleted his number.

The breakup hadn't been bad, per se. When you finally got down to it, you simply realized that you wanted things that Seungkwan didn't seem willing to give to you.

When you told him that you wanted to break up his only words were "If that's what you really want, I won't do anything to stop you from leaving"

It hurt so much because you felt like he didn't care at all about you and it was clear that your relationship had come to an end way before you finally decided it was time to.

Truthfully, you were still healing and you knew that taking that call was probably a bad idea. But what if something was wrong? What if he was in some kind of trouble?

After taking a deep breath, you accepted the call.

"Hello?"

"You weren't supposed to take the call," he said with a whine, words slurred.

You settled back against the pillows, relief flooding your body. Nothing was wrong, Seungkwan was just drunk.

"Was I not? But you called"

"But you shouldn't have"

You could see him pout, eyes closed, and furrowed eyebrows. You couldn't hold back the smile that spread on your lips.

"Why did you call, Seungkwan?"

There was a pause and a sigh.

Seungkwan always looked cute when drunk, though all of his friends would disagree with you. It was easy to hear to distinguish Vernon's voice saying he called yn and Chan's oh he's drunk drunk.

"I miss you so much" he cried "Did you know that? Every single day I wake up and you're the first person I think about. Sometimes something happens and it's so trivial but I want to call you and tell you about it. And sometimes I wonder where we went wrong and I know isn't an us problem, it was a me problem. It wasn't you because you weren’t perfect for me but I wasn't perfect for you. And I…"

You covered your mouth as if it would be enough to suppress the sound of your small sobs.

"I didn't want perfection, Seungkwan. All I wanted was you"

He whined again, a cry left his mouth and you swear that he fell because the next you heard was Chan's exasperated dude, be careful.

"I should have said something that day but your words hurt me, so I let my pride take over. I should have asked you why, at least. I do know why but maybe if I asked I would have come up with some sort of argument. And then you returned my things to Vernon because you didn't even want to see me. And you unfollowed me everywhere and I bet you deleted my number. Because you always said hi baby, when I called or Seungkwan? if you were worried. I miss you so much and I love you so much. I want to try again, can you give me another chance? Hm?"

Seungkwan wasn't the kind of drunk who couldn't talk, who was hard to understand. His words got a little slurred and he talked a little bit slower but you could understand every single one of them. His desperation was obvious.

"You're all I ever wanted. I'm sorry I can't say it sober"

You closed your eyes. Maybe you would regret your words but you still wanted to try, even if you and Seungkwan were destined to fail.

“If when you wake up you still feel the same way, we can”

taglist: @wonwooz1, @ryuwonieebae, @sobun1est, @mirtaspace, @feat-sun, @wonvsmile, @belladaises, @mhlsymlysn, @immabecreepin, @miriamxsworld, @aaniag , @sofix-hc7, @scarlet789, @moonlightgrleric, @r6njunlv, @mixling-blog, @k-drama-adict

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gyu-effect · 9 months

Note

“DID YOU JUST..BITE ME??” “NOT ON PURPOSE” with seungkwan because i can see him doing this ahahahaha

but that aside congratulations for reaching yet another milestone! i love your work so much so it makes me really happy to see your blog grow!

genuinely loved everything you wrote it here and thank you for the hard work. i really look forward to reading more of your works in the future and can't wait to see you hit another milestone.

PAIRING || Seungkwan x Female Reader

GENRES || Fluff, Humour, Friends To Lovers AU

WARNINGS || mentions of alcohol

WORD COUNT || 1.3k

A/N || asdfhjkl this was so seungkwan coded i honestly had a great great time writing this one! and thank you so much for your sweet words im so happy that you enjoy reading my works so much!

TAGLIST || @romeosbreastmilk @y00nzin0 @cecedrake2217 @ashkuuuu @candidupped @hanicore @alyssng @amethyistheart [if you want to be added to my taglist, fill in this form!]

[10:12]

the plan was quite simple. separate seungkwan from the group. take him to the balcony. confess and then kiss. you should have easily been able to do that, at least according to your best friend.

except that it wasn’t as easy as it had sounded so now you were still sitting with all your friends, talking and laughing with everyone like you definitely hadn't meant to kidnap your crush and take him to a secluded place an hour ago.

your eyes met seungcheol’s and he glared at you, silently asking why you still hadn’t executed the ‘fool proof plan’ (as he had called it). you raised your hand a little asking him to wait, before silently communicating with your eyes that you weren't exactly getting a chance to tell or even hint at seungkwan that maybe the two of you should head to a quieter place.

because after all, you couldn't just ask the person who was in charge of making everyone laugh to get up and leave the group.

"what's wrong?" you jumped a little when you suddenly heard his voice from beside you. you turned to your side and found yourself face to face with the one and only boo seungkwan, grinning at you slightly as he waited for your answer.

"what- what could be wrong?" you asked back, your voice a bit higher than you had expected due to the sudden close proximity. wincing, you cleared your throat once before speaking again. "what do you mean what's wrong?"

no sooner had those words escaped your throat, you mentally slapped yourself. why did you reply like that? here, your crush was being genuinely concerned (or maybe not but you knew seungkwan was a very caring person) about you and instead of replying like a normal person you asked him back what could be wrong.

way to go y/n. now you are definitely closer to him.

but luckily for you, seungkwan either had had a bit too many drinks or he was in an extremely good mood right now. he just flicked his eyebrows at seungcheol and then back to you before saying, "i meant, is seungcheol giving you a hard time? you both seemed to be having an intense staring competition." Then leaning in a bit closer he added, "we could, you know, maybe prank him or something."

"aghl." you said intelligently, patting your flushed cheeks. "i mean no! he- he's not giving me a hard time. i, uh, i have a twitching eye! yeah that's right. my left eye has been twitching for quite some time now so i was just telling that to cheol."

seungkwan frowned in worry and scooted closer to you. he looked at you with deep concern and you felt your heart flutter a little before your brain started overthinking again.

you are so delusional that you reinterpret everything he does y/n.

"left eye is twitching? i'm not superstitious but-"

"i know. " you cut him off. "it's a sign of bad luck. i need to be careful."

at this he let out a chuckle, a sound that always caused butterflies to erupt in your stomach. you loved the sound of seungkwan's laughter so much that you would have given up anything to be able to make him laugh like that all the time.

"i was going to say good luck." he beamed at you as though the twitching in your left eye was actually going to give you all the luck in the universe. "for a man it's a bad omen. but for a woman, well, my sisters have always told me that it means good luck and happiness are around the corner."

for some reason, him saying that gave you a huge confidence boost. but if good luck and happiness were waiting for you around the corner, then you would be very stupid to let it go, even if it meant believing in some superstition (your eyes hadn't twitched even once in the past year let alone right now).

"good luck, huh." you muttered before looking at seungkwan in the eye. the yellow lights that had been switched on instead of the usual ones lit him in a warm glow, almost giving him a fuzzy feeling and making him look like an angel. you realised that if you didn't do it now, you would never be able to do it.

quickly finishing the almost empty cup in your hand you said, “it's a bit stuffy here, isn’t it? want to get some fresh air.”

“sure. i don’t think i can stand soonyoung screaming into the karaoke mic anymore.” he said, finishing off his cup too.

you rolled your eyes despite the smile creeping up your lips before asking, “and who’s fault is that?”

he just smiled at you sheepishly (which was very hot according to you) and got up, extending his hand to you. you took his hand as he pulled you up, skin tingling at the contact. but you didn’t let that bother you much, as you followed him to the balcony.

the cold air hit your burning cheeks, which was a relief because seungkwan stood so close to you that you could feel the warmth radiating from his body. “so,” he began, leaning behind until his back rested against the wall (now this was actually very hot of him), “what did you want to tell me?”

you blinked at him stupidly. “tell you something?” of course you had to tell him something. you were supposed to confess to him. but how did he know about that?

“yeah. you and cheol seemed to be in some…ah, heated discussion at the beginning of the party.” he said, his eyes twinkling. you didn’t think that he had overheard your plan but nonetheless your cheeks burned even more. “you guys okay? wanna talk about it?”

“yeah.” you nodded, taking in a deep breath to calm your down your racing heart a bit. “we were talking about you actually.”

“me?” he feigned a look of innocence which wasn’t exactly hard for him. “what did i do? am i in trouble with you?”

“kind of?”

“don’t tell me it's because i like you.”

“no, it's because- wait what?” your eyes widened in shock, sure you had heard the last part wrong. “you- you like me?”

for the first time in the evening, you saw seungkwan’s confidence falter a little. he dropped his eyes to the floor as blush creeped up his cheeks. then slowly, he nodded as though agreeing to the fact that he did like you. “yeah. ‘m sorry, wanted to confess to you later on and in a better way but you look so pretty right now that i couldn’t help-”

your actions in the next few seconds surprised not only you, but also seungkwan. maybe it was the alcohol in the system, or maybe it was the fact that his confession had made you giddy but all of a sudden you grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled his body into yours, slamming your lips against his.

at first he seemed taken aback. but then almost immediately, he wrapped his arms around your waist to pull you in impossibly closer, lips fervently moving against your.

your mind was in a whirlwind. you could feel your heart thumping loudly in your ears, like as though this was what you had waited for all this time and yet every inch of you screamed for more.

slowly, you opened your mouth a little but accidentally closed it immediately, causing your teeth to graze his lips. a bit too hard.

seungkwan jerked away from you, as the two of you stared at each other in horror.

what have i done? oh my god, what have i actually done?

“did you just…bite me?”

“not on purpose!” you exclaimed, equally troubled by what had just happened. “i swear i didn’t mean to hurt you. i- i- it was my first kiss so i-”

“first kiss?” he asked, stepping in closer once again as he smirked at you now.

you felt embarrassed but still nodded. “y-yeah. it was my first time. really sorry.”

“don’t apologise.” seungkwan said sweetly, cupping your face as he brushed his nose against yours. “let’s try that again, shall we?”

#╼ 𝐅𝐈𝐂𝐒 #╼ [𝟏𝟎:𝟏𝟐]#╼ 𝐀𝐒𝐊𝐒 #kflixnet #seungkwan x reader #boo seungkwan x reader #seventeen x reader #seungkwan fluff #boo seungkwan fluff #seventeen fluff #seventeen x you #seungkwan x you #boo seungkwan x you #seventeen x y/n #boo seungkwan x y/n #seungkwan x y/n

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princessleechan · 2 months

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You’re the man! masterlist

⚽synopsis: After your university cut your soccer team to prioritize the men’s team, it’s natural you have a falling out with your then soccer-star-player boyfriend and impersonate your twin brother at the rival university to play on their men’s team. Wait, it’s not? Oh well. ⚽pairing: afab!reader x ot13 (??? Member) ⚽genre: humor, romance, crack, eventual smut ⚽series tags: MDNI, she’s the man au, revenge au???, cross dressing!reader, reader identifies anything but male, sports au, queer themes, university au, love-whatever the fuck kind of shape, tags will vary per chapter ⚽status: in development ⚽started: first chapter to come out 4/1 @ 6pm cst every weekday ⚽Tag list: please reply to this post, send an ask, or dm to get updated

Profiles #1, #2, #3

Chapters

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |

|6 (Written 18+) | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |

| 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 |

| 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 |

+more to come

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babyleostuff · 3 months

Text

BEING MC AT INKIGAYO WITH SEUNGKWAN AND FALLING FOR EACH OTHER

fluff 𐙚 headcanon + drabble 𐙚 idol!seungwan x gn!reader 𐙚 wc: 919

☁️ he’d immediately notice you on his first day, and from that moment on he wouldn’t be able took take his eyes from you ever

☁️ you wouldn’t even have to do anything specific, you could be standing and talking to someone else or literally chill on the sofa with your phone in the makeup room - boo would be just so endeared by you that he wouldn’t want to miss even a second, especially since deep down he’d know that you being MC’s together would finally come to an end

☁️ he’d be so so attentive to you, at some point you’d start noticing that you wouldn’t even have to ask, and seungkwan would immediately be there for you asking what you needed - even if it was something the staff could have done - boo would be the first in line to help you out

☁️ seungkwan, being the born entertainer that he is, would make you laugh 24/7, making the long hours on set so much more bearable and fun, to the point where at the end of the day you wouldn’t really want to go home (and hearing you laugh because of him and his jokes would make him feel so so fluffy and shy on the inside)

☁️ if you’d ever have a clothing malfunction, he’d instantly cover you with his body, looking away not to make you even more uncomfortable

☁️ you’d naturally get closer together quite quickly - your conversations wouldn’t be limited to work only, and you wouldn’t feel awkward when left alone in a room, on the contrary - you’d always feel like you could be yourselves when left alone, you wouldn’t have to act as you did for the cameras

☁️ for some it’d feel rushed or not thought over, but both of you knew that in your profession nothing lasts forever, and things could go as quickly as they came, so you tried to make every moment matter

☁️ his members would soon realise that you were more than just a work partner for seungkwan, he looked at you with so much adoration, softness, and he genuinely felt honoured to be able to MC with you - it was all so evident whenever he looked at you

☁️ the first time seungkwan knew that you were definitely more than just a friend to him was when you had to take a break during recording due to overwork - all he wanted was to be with you and make sure you had everything you needed, he wanted to hold your hand and support you - he wanted to do something

☁️ your favourite moments were probably when your hands touched each other, and you held them next to each other for a moment too long for it to be just an accidental touch, but you had to pretend otherwise so that no one would guess anything

☁️ honestly, seungkwan felt like a teenager in love again - he blushed at your every glance, he was grinning like an idiot when he saw your smile, he loved sitting with you in the makeup room during breaks and talk about the stupidest things - he hadn't felt so happy for a long time

your last day as the MCs’. the last day seungkwan will be able to spend with you.

should he ask for your phone number? invite you for coffee? should he talk to your manager and get permission to go out with you? god it was so stupid.

"kwan?" your voice broke him out of his thoughts, as he nervously paced back and forth in the hallway. he quickly took a deep breath, trying to put on the best smile he could. "yes?"

"thank you," you said, adjusting the numerous bouquets you held in your arms. “i can't remember the last time i had so much fun at work, you're the best," you laughed, bumping your hip against his. "i envy your members that they have you around every day."

"if you only knew how much i would like to have you every day," he thought, feeling his heart sink.

seungkwan couldn't help himself when a strand of hair fell on your forehead, and before he knew what he was doing, he gently brushed it behind your ear. "i had a great time too," he said, for the first time in a long time feeling at a loss for words.

he had to say something though - now was his only chance, and he knew that if he didn't do it, he would never forgive himself, he would regret it for the rest of his life.

"would you like to maybe-"

the moment he gathered his courage and started speaking, the director of the set came around the corner, looking at you with an irritated look. "everyone on set, now."

seungkwan felt like he was about to cry, tears stinging his eyes. well, now it was definitely over.

"i don't want to sound like a creep, but i left my phone number in your bag," you said shyly. "you don't have to call if you don't want to, i’ll understand, but i need you to know that you’re more than just a friend from work for me. i’m so sorry if that made you uncomfortable in any way, i just needed you to know that," you babbled, as if he wasn’t in seventeenth heaven hearing that.

before seungkwan’s brain could even register what was happening, your lips touched his cheek, placing a soft kiss on it.

"now come on."

taglist (if you want to be added, check my masterlist): @jeonghansshitester @soul-is-a-strange-kid @weird-bookworm @sea-moon-star @hanniehaee @wonwooz1 @byprettymar @edgaralienpoe @staranghae @itza-meee @eightlightstar @immabecreepin @whatsgyud @hyneyedfiz @honestlydopetree @vicehectic @dkswife @uniq-tastic @marisblogg @aaniag @daegutowns @carlesscat-thinklogic23 @embrace-themagic @ohmyhuenings @nidda13 @hrts4hanniehae @k-drama-adict @isabellah29 @f4iryjjosh @bangantokchy @mrswonwooo @bangtancultsposts @lllucere @athanasiasakura @chillseo @onlyyjeonghan @haecien @caramyisabitchforsvtandbts @hannahhbahng @valgracia @ohmygodwhyareallusernamestaken @mirxzii @hhusbuds @wonranghaeee @rosiesauriostuff @gyuguys @aaasia111 @tomodachiii

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kozukensgf · 2 months

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bf texts with seungkwan!

genre: smau, crack, fluff

character: boo seungkwan

warning(s): curse word

note: i just notice my prev seungkwan texts was kinda heavy 🙂 so heres another ver of bf kwannie 🥳🥳🥳

masterlist

part one | part two

#hazel posted #smau #seventeen x reader #seventeen fluff #seventeen imagines #kpop smau #svt fluff #svt smau #seventeen #seventeen smau #boo seungkwan #seungkwan #seungkwan x reader #seungkwan x you #seungkwan fluff #seungkwan imagines #seungkwan texts

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nonranghaes · 21 days

Text

seungkwan can't help but gaze at you now. the moment he came home and said he needed comfort, you'd set into action to comfort him. all you told him that you needed was to run to the bathroom and to gather some snacks for an impromptu movie night with him, and you'd be back to the couch soon enough to cuddle with him. now he was curled up in your arms, feeling the way you gently played with his hair, no longer paying attention to the movie you'd put on for him.

he knows what you'd say if he pointed it out, too. that he took care of you often, always thinking of you wherever he went. the time you had mumbled to him about how badly you missed him while he was abroad with his family for a short vacation (too early into your relationship for you to feel comfortable coming with him), he'd looked for little things to bring back for you. just to show you he'd thought of you often. he'd cared for you when you were sick, always so tender with you in a way that would net him teasing from his friends. seungkwan with you always seemed to be a different seungkwan that the rest of them were used to. you'd needed to rest once while at the amusement park, and he'd quietly sat with you, brought you water when you were overheating, and didn't roll his eyes or anything when mingyu teased him for doting on you so heavily.

"i love them," he had simply said, holding back the urge to roll his eyes--wasn't that part obvious? didn't everyone there know that he loved you? "we take care of each other." then a pause as he looked up at mingyu, "i'm sorry you can't relate."

it's been a remark he apologized for through laughter, thankful mingyu didn't take it too seriously (seungkwan, after all, was still seungkwan at the end of the day), but he'd meant the first part. he still does. he loves you. the two of you take care of each other.

you notice that he's watching you, and you stop playing with his hair for a moment. "everything okay?"

he just nods and snuggles in, pressing a chaste kiss against the underside of your jaw. "i love you," he says. it's always so easy to say it to you now, like bidding you good morning or good night.

you kiss his forehead, and let out a blissful sigh. "i love you, too."

#nonranghaes.thoughts #seventeen x reader #nonranghaes.svt #svt x reader #seventeen imagine #seventeen x you #svt imagine #svt x you #seventeen fluff #seventeen drabbles #seungkwan x you #seungkwan x reader #seungkwan x y/n #boo seungkwan x reader #boo seungkwan x you #boo seungkwan fluff #seungkwan fluff

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mingtinys · 8 days

Text

what dating seventeen feels like

pairing : seventeen x gn!reader

headcanons , fluff , misc

warnings : none

word count : 1.1 k

requested ? no

a/n: just a small collection of the things i love in life that i associate with seventeen

choi seungcheol

falling asleep on the couch and waking up in bed. chocolate-covered strawberries. the kind of love found in romcoms. expensive dinner dates and champagne.

cologne that lingers on your clothes and bed sheets. tight, bone-crushing, hugs. his hand almost always under the hem of your shirt, skin to skin (it grounds him). him letting you win when you play wrestle. cute aggression victim.

having a rock to hold on to amidst a raging current.

yoon jeonghan

diving under a crashing wave to find calm, gentle, water. rollercoasters with big drops. feathers. lavender fields. leaving the theater and realizing night has fallen.

always saying the same thing at the same time (it scares seokmin). naps on the couch. sending each other pictures of weird-looking animals with the caption "you" or "us." partners in crime. braiding his hair.

having not only a boyfriend but a best friend in jeonghan.

joshua hong

warm blankets, fresh from the dryer. pancakes and orange juice in the morning. raw honey. the scent of freshly baked bread. scented candles and wax melts.

lives up to the gentleman title. opens doors, bides by the sidewalk rule, lends you his jacket, etc. acts! of! service!! fighting over who pays the bill (he's actually ambushed your waiter to pay before you can even see the check). domestic, mundane, slice-of-life type of love.

a honeymoon phase that never ends.

wen junhui

walking down empty streets without a care in the world. morning cartoons. clingy cats. ice cream for dinner. frozen pizza with red wine. airport liminal space hours.

taking pictures of sunsets to send to each other. doodling on his hand. staying up until 3am accidentally. back hugs galore. resting his chin atop your head. him getting as close as possible when showing him something on your phone (i'm talking cheek smooshed up against yours). sleepy jun asking for kisses every morning.

living life in the moment because you know the future can wait for you two.

kwon soonyoung

energetic snow days. sledding, snowball fights, building snowmen. energy drinks and all-nighters. watermelon sugar. summer bonfires. the ambiance of muffled music through club bathrooms.

zoo dates. always wins you the biggest prizes at carnivals. his favorite place to nap is your lap. sweaty post-dance practice hugs. he gets pouty if you start a tv show without him. baking brownies at 3am. talks about you non-stop to anyone who will (or won't) listen.

excitement that isn't momentary or overwhelming. excitement that makes life meaningful.

jeon wonwoo

tulips blooming in the spring. waxing gibbous moons. amethyst. resting after a long, busy day. the scent of old, yellowed books. rhythmic clicking of a keyboard. warm, smooth, riverbank stones.

re-adjusting his glasses for him after every kiss. let's you design his character's outfits in video games. tells you about the book he's reading like it's gossip. he's always taking candid photos of you. quiet mornings. elderly couples who see you two are reminded of how they fell in love.

defining love not by how much it's said, but by how it's felt.

lee jihoon

thunderstorms that lull you to sleep. shiny, red guitars coming to life with smooth melodies. the crackle of a fire. rosemary. empty highways at night. lightning that strikes twice.

morning coffee dates at home. napping on his studio sofa while he works. quality! time! absolutely spoils you every chance he gets. pretends to act all cool when you catch him staring. writing songs for you. his hand routinely finds your knee when he's anxious. he prefers intimate and private acts of affection to the alternative.

cherishing all the little things that make your relationship important.

lee seokmin

wishing on dandelions. blue skies. morning dew on grass. golden hour. that burning sensation you get in your lungs when laughing too hard. iced lattes.

always asking permission to kiss you. so, so attentive. falling asleep on facetime. pillow forts. lots, and lots, and lots of nose kisses. him never wanting to leave you in the morning. "five more minutes" type of guy. his favorite feeling in the world is making you laugh.

finally knowing what it means to love someone so much you'd give the world for them.

kim mingyu

sleeping by a window with the sun warming your skin. hearing your favorite song on the radio. silky white sheets. first date jitters. first love. receiving a bouquet of roses.

admires you so, so, much. talks about you 24/7, much to his members' annoyance. (jk, they love you, they just like to tease him about it). literally a sponge the way he starts picking up your habits and slang. he's physically incapable of rejecting your puppy-dog eyes. likes to lay sprawled out on top of you. he'll often seek you out if he needs a little extra support.

the feeling that comes with knowing you've found "the one."

xu minghao

the autumn leaves changing. winter constellations. a solar eclipse. the quiet of a house before everyone wakes. those cozy granny-square blankets. white wine. laughing at scary movies.

wine and painting nights. him always making two cups of tea. art museum dates. swaying together to music in the kitchen. him secretly being a sucker for your doting. has your mannerisms memorized and prides himself on it. somehow always knows what to say when you're feeling down.

growing, learning, and experiencing life alongside each other.

boo seungkwan

warm, summer air. mystery flavored lollipops that somehow taste like every flavor all at once. rosy red cheeks.

teasing each other and inside jokes. nicknames like loser, stupid-head, idiot etc. (affectionate). hours long gossip sessions. kisses that taste of coffee and tangerine chapstick. stars in his eyes whenever you're doing literally anything. having his undivided attention.

resident happy pill and mood-maker seungkwan knowing he can let his mask fall around you without judgement.

hansol vernon chwe

watching city lights blur past in the passenger seat of a car at night. cereal at 1am. falling asleep while watching tv. poorly handmade, yet meaningful gifts. assorted candies. buying road trip snacks.

communicating with a single look. ice cream dates in the middle of winter. speaking purely in movie and tiktok references. late-night conversations that take a weird turn. (you've once debated if aliens would like pineapple on pizza). pretending not to notice how shy he gets when initiating physical affection.

loving the strange, bad, and hidden parts of each other as much as the good.

lee chan

the comforting buzz and motion of a subway at night. toothy smiles. watching reruns of your favorite childhood show. surprise parties. the first snow of the new year. concert lights.

driving at 2am, singing at the top of your lungs. random dance parties in the living room. getting noise complaints and giggling about it. pillow fights and board games, competitive, yet both trying to let the other win cause it'll make them happy. asking him to open jars. him getting exceptionally giddy to open said jars. (you're completely capable, but know he likes to feel needed).

making each other's inner child feel safe.

531 notes · View notes

bitchlessdino · 1 year

Text

TPC: Seungkwan and Jeonghan's friend swap Pt. 1

Full series

Pairing: Seungkwan x afab!reader

Genre: smut, mature themes

Word count: 4.7k

tags: awkward convos, mentions alcohol, shy!kwan, heavy pining, car sex, oral (give and receive), dirty talk, praise kink, pussy drunk!kwan, body worship, hair pulling, cum swallowing, squirting

Summary: Seungkwan likes Jeonghan's friend while Jeonghan is more than willing to be the perfect distraction to entertain Seungkwan's friend. Looks like they're switching besties for the night.

Please read on browser the app is being weird 😭

Tag list: @iwouldbangchan @1uvlywon

Seungkwan had every right to be nervous tonight. This would be the first time he was breathing the same air as you outside a campus setting and he couldn't be more terrified. He had tried curating the perfect ensemble, nothing too much, nothing too casual, and all paired with floral musk cologne to seal the deal. Yet despite all that effort, he’d still turn to his closest friend an irritable amount of times for a second opinion, probably curating sweat stains while he's at it.

“I’ve told you no for the 20th time didn’t I?”

“Yeah, I know," he mumbles through his nerves, "I just. I don’t want them to think I’m a total dork or loser.”

They roll their eyes before taking either side of his shoulder, attempting to shake the jitters out of him. “You are fine, don’t worry. Look, they’re right there just go talk to them.”

He spots you instantly just as they mention, already talking amongst a crowd of people with a familiar figure standing beside you, slowly fading the smile that initially began to form. “Shoot, they’re with Jeonghan. That guy can be so intimidating. I can't."

They furrow their brows, squinting in the man’s direction, “What, that Tim Burton character? He’s nothing, you're fine. Just walk up to them. Say hi, or something.”

Seungkwan shakes his head frantically, feeling anxious tingling in his hands. “No way, I will shit my pants with that guy around.”

“Then, I’ll distract him, hmm? So then you can talk to Y/n and have nothing to worry about.”

"Really," he ask, eyes sparkling in gratitude, "You'd do that for me?"

"Of course, I would. Now just focus on getting some privacy and I'll handle the rest."

Seungkwan took their word for it, seeing their reliability in progress as they scoop Jeonghan's attention away almost immediately, dragging him to a corner of that that Seungkwan couldn't even make out despite watching. That leaves you on your own, sipping on your beer while you hummed to the music absentmindedly. In little steps, he trudges toward your side, politely greeting you when you finally meet eyes as you both rest against the bar counter. "Hi."

"Hey," you nod.

And in an instant, silence for all to hear it, louder than any of the songs playing in the background. You leisurely drink the beer you were handed moments ago, quietly watching Seungkwan internally panic in the corner of your eyes. You anticipated the words to come out of his mouth next, clueless about what’s about to come next.

"Having a good time?" he finally asks.

To which, you shrug, "Just got here."

"Right. Of course."

It was like you were playing the quiet game from your adolescent years and somehow you were both winning. Both of you kept matching awkward expressions: the same tight-lip smile, scrunched-up eyes that feigned having a good time, and tense shoulders that didn't show any sign of going down. You couldn’t look more like strangers.

“So.”

This was killing him. He had to say something. Anything.“So, how do you know the host?”

You politely grin. “They were in my calculus class, we traded notes sometimes. You go to our college too, don’t you? We took Queer and Gender studies together. Seungkwan.”

He nods excitedly, finally seeing this encounter go somewhere for the first time. “Yes, that’s how we know each other. So, how was that class for you?”

“Interesting, I guess. Good, educational. You?”

“Same, same.”

And then some more of that dreadful silence. For Seungkwan, this was the worse possible situation he could be in. Here he was, standing next to the person of his dreams, striking out entirely. He’s almost already planning his escape, looking for a scapegoat to quietly leave you alone without him looking like some loner freak that can’t talk to people without sweating buckets. Maybe it was better off that it ended at that. One painfully clumsy conversation at a party neither of you will remember again. Yeah, he wouldn’t have to remember this again, when in fact he knew it’d be all that he’d remember for months. The moment he failed before he could even try.

“So” your awkward chuckles breaking out between every deafening silence, “obviously this is going…swimmingly. I thought it might be good to point out I don’t really go to parties. Just thought I would go since I was invited and Jeonghan really wanted any excuse to drink, so, sorry for not providing the most stimulating conversation.”

Seungkwan shakes his head reassuringly, somewhat relieved that he wasn’t alone. “I don’t really party much either.”

“I kinda got that.” You laugh warmly.

“Sorry.” Seungkwan laughs along.

“Well, at least neither of us is awkward alone.”

Seungkwan feels himself loosen up, relaxing his smile after seeing yours. He looks at you you finish and tosses away the can from the corner of his eyes before conjuring up that you perhaps wouldn’t mind. “True, could be worse. But if you want…Maybe you wanted to get out of here? There’s a pretty cliff that overlooks the city not far off from here.”

You scoff, brows furrowing in feigned suspicion. “Not gonna lie…Sounds like the beginning of a murder.”

His eyes shoot open, putting out his hands to shake in front of himself defensively. “I swear it isn’t.”

“That’s exactly what a murderer would say.” You lightheartedly point out.

“I’d say trust me but that doesn’t sound exactly reassuring either, huh?”

God, your laugh was infectious and your smile was impossible for anyone to emulate. If he could serve it on a platter, he's had it as a last meal, and all because of him. He almost couldn't believe it, you found him funny.

“You know what, I'll take my chances. I weighed my options: I either have a great time or hey, I’ll be famous on the news of my death. Maybe. So you driving?”

Seungkwan, only having a faint idea at the time, would be wrapped around your finger more than he already had been. How he was gonna make it to the scenic location in one piece behind the wheel, he had no idea. His hands trembling to clutch on, his eyes tried to stay glued on the road in front of him but were unable to rest the pounding, almost audible, heart rate from his chest. You were a mere foot away from him with the console in between, radiating heat that he couldn’t help but fixate on.

Throughout the entire ride, he is just conscious of your presence humming along to the song on the radio under your breath. He didn’t have to look back to know how nice you smell: a mixture of cinnamon, cardamom, perhaps vanilla; or know whatever you wore held up in the right places, clinging to your body like a second skin, because he already memorized it the second he saw you. He only knew you from a distance, and now an awkward encounter, but for him, this didn’t feel like some normal crush. It has evolved into infatuation, and if he’s not careful, obsession.

"And here we are!" Seungkwan unbuckles his seat as quickly as he could to finally get out of the car, catching his breath.

"Wow, you were not kidding. You can see our whole town from here!”

You follow right after him to stand by the cliff, seeing the streetlights and bright signs of local businesses blink in in midst of the dark air, flurries of pedestrians coming in and out of each of them. You take in the sights despite having lived here all your life, seeing how different it is from this high up. There was nothing quite like this you’ve ever seen. Seungkwan glances back at you, soon enough remembering a blanket he left behind in the back seat. He goes to retrieve it, your eyes not tearing away from the sky, and only notices his return when to spread it out on the grass. "Here. Sit."

"Thanks," you pop a squat next to him, returning your view to the bustle of the busy streets, "you take a lot of people out here?"

"Not really," he protests, " I just like to come up here sometimes in overwhelming situations--" this overwhelming situation he happened to bring along with him "--It's usually a private place for me and my thoughts."

You watch him from the corner of your eyes, peering at him curiously. "So, why bring me?"

"Thought you would appreciate it."

You hum at that, not suspecting such a simple answer but give him a look of gratitude nonetheless. You share the sky together in silence, a healthy distance in between. It's funny, the silence was all he worried about at the party previously but now he could finally bask in it. He was even finding it soothing for a change. It was just you, him, the city, and the wind. You blink up at the air in admiration, breath taken away by the sights and the untold stories they hold, a movie-eques scene right in the town you reside in. “Wow.”

“Isn’t it?”

Seungkwan kept this place to himself for a long time before deciding to invite you. There was nothing like the view from up here that could compare to anything he’s ever seen better…until he caught a glimpse of you basking in the night sky. He couldn’t imagine a more perfect night.

“The stars are actually really pretty tonight. Probably better because we’re further away from the city’s pollution.” You chuckle to yourself.

Seungkwan wasn't familiar with that kind of humor typically, but at the moment found it pleasant, endearing even. They were signs of you opening up to him. Before he knew it, he was speaking his own mind, thinking if there was a time to do it, it’d be now. “Well, I think you’re prettier, even in the polluted air.”

You turn to him slowly in thought, an unreadable expression on your face, causing Seungkwan to regret even breathing in your direction. “…was that supposed to work like a pickup line?”

His mouth drops to respond, words breaking apart in his brain for sentences long enough to finally stammer, “I was gonna stop at ‘you’re prettier than the stars,’ but it felt wrong to ignore your commentary on pollution.”

You take a moment to process his answer before bursting out into laughter, cupping your hand over your mouth. Seungkwan slowly starts to laugh with you, building up his awkward smiles into full-on chuckles seeing the sincerity in your smile. “You’re a lot funnier than when you put out Seungkwan. Really thought you were all looks.”

His eyes shoot open, falling in disbelief. Were you being for real right now? “You thought I only had looks to offer? You’re kidding.”

You give him a sheepish smile, “Sorry, that sounded offensive now that I say it out loud.”

“Oh! Not that. Um, did you just indirectly call me good-looking?”

You roll your eyes, amused that he was making you repeat yourself, thinking it was an attempt to inflate his ego. As if he didn’t already know. “Well, it wasn’t indirectly.”

That left Seungkwan blushing, timidly playing with the tip of his fingers like a flustered schoolboy before clearing his throat, and containing himself. He tries relaxing back on the ground, laughing off your comment, drawing your attention. "Wow, that one beer is really hitting you right now."

You snicker. "I'm totally sober now.”

Seungkwan swallows down his drool, almost drowning in your watchful eyes. Your wolfish grin settles on your lips only getting closer to him when you realize he questions you with utter sincerity. Your hooded gaze pierces through his wide one like a predator latching on his prey and he wonders how he got here in the first place. Every bone in his body was at civil war, either telling him to take the chance now or forever lose them in the face of cowardice. It was strange how you made him feel this way.

“Well, if you mean what you say, then I meant what I said.”

“Hmm,” you watch amused, “How I’m prettier than the stars?”

“Yes.” He barely manages to breathe out before he thinks otherwise. “More than just the stars.”

Your smile fades slowly, a tension that grows between your both and with an eye lock neither of you can break from. “Is that right?”

Your body only scoots closer, hands tingling clasp over yours and the distance between either of your lips only seems smaller and smaller. You can even smell his breath from so close, emitting a sweetness of orange soda, eyes falling shut moments before the pillowy texture of his lips would ghost over yours. “If I was lying…you’d know.”

Somewhere in the distance, thunder claps and a droplet falls on the crown of Seungkwan's head. Within seconds, the sky betrays him and rains on his parade, having you both jump up in reflex. Seungkwan scoops up the blanket in a swift motion and uses it to umbrella you both, “Come on!”

Your figures run off to shield within his car’s backseats, one wet shoe at a time. Seungkwan abandons the dirty blanket to the ground, shaking off the rest of the bit of the rain from his hair. Your giggles echos feeling his splash hit your cheeks. Seungkwan’s laughs follows suit, reveling in the pure joy you emit despite being rained on, almost intoxicated by the spontaneity of this situation. Never in his life did Seunkwan expect to be in such close proximity with the most tantalizing person he’s ever laid his eyes on only to be rained on the same night, yet still laughing like it was the most fun he’s ever had on a Saturday night, and in this case, it might actually be true.

“Where did that rain even come from?”

Seungkwan shakes his head, a brightly lit smile on his face. “No idea.”

You run your hands through your dampened hair, peeking at Seungkwan through your loose strands, who was occupied by the mess mother nature creature rather than be concerned with what almost occurred moments ago. Can’t say you were surprised, he was avoidant almost all night together. Had you not taunted him you would’ve never seen that other side of him so quickly, nor would he have confirmed the feelings he’s been sitting on for as long as you were aware of the existence of each other. You had a lot of thoughts running through your head but one stayed precedence amongst the rest.

“Well, that sucks. Looks like we have to he–”

You tug him from his shirt to crash his lips into yours, blood pumping through your veins and traveling throughout your entire body. You want to devour this man. You had to have this man. There was nothing else at this moment that you wanted. There wasn’t a thing stopping you from taking it.

You hold on to him for dear life, mouth engorging on his, feeling insatiable. You had yourself digging his body against the bumpy surface of the car door, feeling his lips gradually reciprocate and grasp around your frame. You tug off the jacket from his body, feeling the heat of his body through his soft and supple skin, now goosebumps forming under your touch. You melt against him, finding yourself home in his embrace, teasing his lips, feeling his tongue. God, you never wanted anymore. “Y/n…”

Seungkwan wanted you desperately. It was unlike anything else he’s ever felt and could be more grateful you felt something too. Your kisses are sweet, your body feels incredible against his, and moans far perfect than anything he’s ever heard, yet, he feels himself resisting. His arms grow stiff, now pulling away from you, and dark thoughts settle in. A pang of unwarranted guilt drives you two apart, and Seungkwan finds the perseverance to pull away, seeing your eyes flit in disappointment. He knew what this was, or possibly could be. You were in your youth, maybe seeking adventure, freedom, and perhaps things he couldn’t provide for you. He wasn’t ready to have you, only to lose you.

“Y/n, I don’t…hook up, but I just really like you, and if all you want is sex—and I might be really stupid for saying this—but I don’t want to be the one to give it to you.”

You sigh, “Seungkwan—“

“I'm probably being such a loser right now—“

“Seungkwan, I like you too. I really, really like you too.”

He blinks back at you with uncertainty, wiping eyes like some cartoon character, making sure he’s seeing and hearing things right. “Really?”

“How many ‘reallys’ do you need to hear?” You joke. “I am not here because I just want sex with you, I do, but I do want to do more than that with you.”

You reconnect your kiss, feeling him tenderly return and patting back your damp hair, and he smiles against your lips, “me too.”

He takes a breath to collect himself before returning your energy, a hand clasped to your face. He runs a hand over your back, settling in the small of your back, while your knee bumps repeatedly against the crotch of his pants, his grunts vibrating in your ears. He rolls his body into yours, hands inching above your ass, compulsively a gentleman.

You, on the other hand, weren’t so polite. Crawling on top of him against the leather cushions, you begin palming the fabric over his bulge, moaning carnally over his mouth and hearing him softly gasp the more pressure you release. His body goes limp under your touch, digging his well-groomed nails into your flesh, almost like a warning. “Y/n…”

“You’re so cute,” You gush, running a hand over his thigh, “It makes me wanna take you whole in my mouth.”

“F-fuck, Y/n. I—“

“I promise I’ll take care of you.” You gingerly take apart the close of his pants, pull them over to his knees, and rub the shape of his cock through his boxers.

Seungkwan gulps nervously, loosening the neckline of his shirt. “Well, since you promised.”

You give him an amused grin before pulling the boxers down and have his cock spring out, watching it twitch into view. Your jaw drops in awe, brushing your finger from the tip to base, sizing it in your hand. “Wow…”

“Now you’re making me self-conscious,” he nervously chuckles, “I’m kind of used to sex in the dark. Less judgment that way.”

“I don’t think you have anything to be worried about, Seungkwan.”

He laughs to himself in disbelief, “You’re just saying that—“

“I’m really not,” You insist sternly, “Man, I have to show you, don’t I?”

You fold your legs to center between his legs, head dipping down to reach his base, and your tongue gently meets his soft pair before licking up his shaft. That sent Seungkwan to a moment of shock, a moan caught in his throat. Your free hand creeps under his shirt, trailing your nails over his toned abdomen, feeling him flex in reaction. Kitten licks teasing the slit and around the perimeter before your lips wrap around the head, sucking until you’ve covered half the surface of his length. Seungkwan slouches, arching his back, propping himself against the door to be sure he has a view, damn was it a good view. “S-shit.”

“Your cock is so pretty, Seungkwan.” You kiss up his length, enjoying how his girth stretches your mouth when you hold his size, and squeezing around only to push it back out, having Seungkwan burst out in anguish, “And it’s all mine isn’t it?”

He pushes out a hard gust of air from his lung, feeling his heart pound against his rib cage while his cheeks turn a shy pink. His eyes flutter rapidly, getting in tune with the pleasure you put out, but is able to barely make out the image in front of him until he meets your eyes piercing right through him, rendering him soft and malleable. He tenses in your presence, legs periodically twitching, and sputtering nonsense like it's its own language. “All yours…fuck.”

Your laughter mocks him, bobbing against its shape. You had planned on deep-throating him until you’re sure you’re suffocating and found you successful when your vision blur, eventually a dribble of your saliva stretches from your chin to his cock as you pull away. “You’re so hard for me…I can even feel you in the back of my throat.”

Groaning rather loudly he instinctively jerks his hips in your mouth, hand running through your hair and guiding you gently, whimpering as you tell him sweet pleasantries that tickle his skin. Your eyes gaze up at his softly, lids dropping to create an allure, followed by the wet sounds of his length being plunged back and forth. The harder you pushed the longer your pupil would vanish behind your skull as you’re sinking down to his crotch, bobbing down until you’re gagging, coughing, and spitting his length out of your mouth out of necessity. You create a perfect gloss on your lips, your spit splattering out inconsistently as your hands replace your mouth's absence, a thick sheen coating him delectably. You were a mess, but even better, a mess for him. “You like that…you like me gagging on your cock?”

Seungkwan nods gratefully, curling a strand of hair behind your ear, “You look so good…taking me like that…feel good too…”

His drool continues to get stuck in his throat, palm drilling into the leather and he feels so close he can almost taste it. His hips twitch uncontrollably, his knees writhing to hold your head closer to him, and his voice finally gives in. “I’m…gonna cum…”

You take deep strokes, angling him on the center of your tongue. “Jerk it off for me. I want you to cum in my mouth.”

“Y/n, you’re killing me,” he whines.

You take one of his hands and cover it against yours, giving him control to change the speed, “Do it, I want you to see how much I want it…cum in my mouth please…”

Seungkwan felt like his mouth was pried open, gasping in relief as the tension caused by your eager hands and your obscene mouth rushed to the center of his cock and he jerks in pulses, bucking his hips in immense arousal, “Y/n…God…fuck! Fuck!”

Seungkwan pushes your head against the base of his shaft and hot streams of white shoot directly into your throat pipe. He forces his eyes open to watch you swallow his production with a smile on your lips, sucking the last bit of cum from the head of the cock, having spit and dribble border your cheeks. His body can finally rest, head hitting the window as he stroked your hair in pride and admiration, a permanent tired smile on his face, “You’re incredible.”

“Thank you,” You giggle and pull yourself up to catch some of the vicious liquid from your face with napkins from the cup holder. “We should probably get back soon. Let them both know we’re okay.”

He grasps your wrists in a sense of urgency, pink still on his cheeks but determination in his eyes, “Wait, I want to return the favor. Please.”

“You’re not tired?” You ask in concern, “You came a lot if I’m being honest.”

Hearing that, he shields his face, glancing down at his lap, “I don’t have much experience honestly, but if you’d let me, I’d really like to eat you out.”

“Well, okay then,” You chuckle anxiously before pulling down your pants.

You prop yourself in a comfortable position, where he had plenty of room to lie. He places himself in between to caress the fabric of your undergarment, thumbing over your inner thigh. You watch how shaky he is and you swear he looks like he’s never even been near one of these before. You finger through his hair, petting the top of his head. “Take it slow if you need to.”

“I know I look nervous, I just…I’ve thought about this more than I’d like to admit.” He confesses, momentarily parting his bangs.

“Mmh, have y—oh…”

He doesn’t let you finish, already settling his mouth over the wet spot on your underwear, licking it in hopes of getting a taste. His cheeks press against your thigh, hot tongue teases your heat through the cotton barrier between you and him, getting a sense of skill level. You groan down at him in encouragement, twirling his wet hair between your fingers.

Impatiently, he tugs the elastic from your hips and pulls them off your body. He faces your entrances, committing it to memory, and lets his thumb sink into your slit. He draws his jaw, mouth-watering as his digit gets slowly swallowed by your folds. He replaces it soon with an index, joining with his middle, and coats them, an anticipating mewl leaving your lips.

His patience visibly runs thin as his arms then slink around your legs and tug you against his mouth, earning your well-deserved gasp. He mouths your folds, tongue brushing between your divide slowly and carefully before he daggers your entrance, his nose pressing up against your clit. You prop your legs on either side of him, tensing up your abdomen, and your fingers run deep through his hair. You catch a hint of his bashful smile, sighing peacefully against your heat.

“The way I dreamt about worshiping this pussy…Worshiping you.”

You can’t help but let out a throaty moan, trembling under his care to every inch of your core. He heavy-handedly strokes your thighs, burying his face until he loses sense of his other surroundings, only knowing the pulsing sensation of your cunt on his tongue. You clench in your stomach, toes physically curling while your heel digs into your seat. “Mmh, Kwan…”

You muffle his moans between your thighs, his pants tickling your thighs. You clutch at him with a lack of remorse, the stripes he runs are impossible to ignore. Your moans raspy and sweet, overtook the sound of rain, fogging the windows with your hot breath.

You clench the back of his head to hold him still, unknowingly driving him to the brink of insanity. Breathing you in took more control than Seungkwan realized. As soon he got that initial taste, he knew he wouldn’t get enough of you, plaguing his head with your pussy and only your pussy. He’d be a slave to it, condemned to please it, and wouldn’t be satisfied if he didn’t get the same hair pulling, the same strained moans, or inconsistent buckling of your hips. He just wanted you more and more, using him how you see fit, making his sole purpose to catch your cum.

“Yes please, ride my face,” he gasps as you grind against his mouth, legs hooking him by his shoulders.

All you knew and could feel was the heat of his tongue, wrecking you senselessly. It was illegal to feel this good. If anything, you thought you had outdone yourself today, only to realize too late that Seungkwan would show you a fair match. If his mouth could do this, what could his dick feel like?

You shut your eyes, exasperated groans escape you. You cry out his name: feeling the harsh movement of your hips before your jaw is locked open and your aroused rambles flow out of you like water. “I’m—I—“

“Want you to cum all over my face…Please cover me…I want it. I want you to. Won’t you do it… for me?”

You feel a release and none like it before. Fluid sprays in all directions, urging Seungkwan to suck hard and flick against your bud faster. He laps up your climax, not minding how it ruins the interior of the car. Your body perks up from the seat until you’re empty, dampening Seungkwan's cheek, trailing down to his shirt from more than the rain, and filling his mouth with more than just cum. He moans into your core, collecting you in his mouth, and as good as it felt, you were stunned.

“I-I am so, so sorry. I didn’t know I could do that. I’ve, um, never squirted until now.”

You feel the shake of his head, fingers hooked into your walls, and still rummaging in you; Seungkwan picks himself up to face you. His kind eyes trace over the guilty expression on your face, and he leans closer, pressing a soft chaste kiss against your lips. “I don’t mind, because I want to see you do it again.”

#svthub #Seungkwan smut #boo seungkwan smut #seventeen smut #seventeen #Seungkwan #boo seungkwan #seventeen seungkwan #seventeen fanfic #seventeen x reader #seventeen x you #seventeen x y/n #seventeen scenarios #seungkwan x reader #seungkwan x you #boo seungkwan x you #seungkwan fanfic

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seungcheorry · 11 days

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morning after with svt.

COLLABORATION WITH @kozukensgf 🎀

suggested by anon, i wrote these drabbles and the amazing hazel wrote the texts. read these first, and then the texts. (:

texts with svt (morning after ver) can be found here.

seungcheol is too soft for his own good. whether he has feelings for you or not, he's the type to stay around for a bit and wait until you wake up so he can say goodbye properly. will probably decline your offer of breakfast though (politely, of course).

jeonghan likes to watch you sleep, so of course he stays around too. if he's not that busy, he will also wait until you're awake to leave - but differently from cheol, he will accept your offer to eat first. now, if he has schedules that day, he'll be out the door as soon as you open your eyes.

joshua is a cutie, so he stays too. he actually wakes up after you, chasing after the sounds you're making around the house. he will be the one to offer to make breakfast or take you out to eat. it doesn't matter if he has feelings for you or not, he considers you a friend? so of course he'll treat you right (the sex is just a plus).

junhui feels kinda awkward once he wakes up. he knows he doesn't like you enough to have romantic feelings for you, so the intimacy of seeing you sleep or taking a shower with you is too overwhelming. he leaves before you wake up, but makes sure to leave a little something for you before he does.

hoshi is a heavy sleeper after sex, so chances are you'll wake up first. he's more than happy to see you still beside him scrolling through your phone as soon as he wakes up. he's the type to run his mouth about anything and everything, bonding with you beyond your steamy times. he's such a darling, he just wants you to be comfortable around him.

wonwoo is quiet, the morning after. he isn't sure if he likes you like that, but he does like your company, your body, the way you make him feel... so it always hits him, after he has sex with you, that he should figure his feelings out. he stays with you for breakfast too, grateful for the way mornings are usually quiet around you. he leaves with a heavy heart before lunch though, but knowing damn well he'll come back to your bed soon.

there's no morning after with woozi, as he leaves in the middle of the night, both because he can't sleep and he doesn't know how to deal with the "aftwards", especially if he doesn't love you. he's not an asshole though, so he texts you an apology when he knows you're awake and tells you that it was fun seeing you again, and that you should definitely go visit him on his studio sometime.

dokeyom is similar to hoshi, i think. he just wants you to be comfortable around him, so he's just his sunshine form when he's around you the morning after. he also stays, for as long as he can/you will have him, but always tell you "hey, i can go whenever you want" - no, dokyeom, you can't. you want to stay. you know you do.

mingyu is the type to wake up earlier than you, take a shower (because of course he already feels at home with you), and then proceed to make you something to eat. he shyly smiles when you come find him in your kitchen. even though the relationship he has with you is mainly sexual, his mom didn't raise a player - so he'll pay you back for having him on your bed somehow.

minghao stays with you. there's this spoken thing between the two of you, where you're not truly fwb but also you're not mere acquaintances - so he's comfortable enough to sleep next to you, but draws the line when it comes to breakfast together. he's out the door as soon as he has taken a shower (alone, of course).

seungkwan leaves as soon as he wakes up, not because he wants to, but because he's most likely late for something. he definitely texts you later, thanking you for the night and promising to see you soon. might also send something to your house, like your favorite dessert or something, since he couldn't stay as he usually does.

vernon doesn't stay. if he doesn't have feelings for you he's more than grateful that you let him have his way with you and always make sure to not be a player, and that includes leaving (it's not right after though, he takes his time to calm down and if you are already asleep by the time he decides to leave, he wakes you up. he will never leave without telling you so).

dino stays because he wants to be with you. i can't see this sweet boy not falling in love or getting obsessed with you, so deal with it. will crack jokes just to see you smile in the morning, and already knows how you like your coffee/tea. his smile falters when you tell him you have plans for the day, a polite way to tell him he can't stay for too long.

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wooahaes · 1 year

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cause you’re my flower

pairing: non-idol!seungkwan x gn!reader, ft roommate!dk

word count: 9.3k~

warnings: angst, no happy ending. usage of the hanahaki disease trope + mentions of surgery (& hospitals). heartbreak, depictions of illness (via hanahaki), reader struggles with breathing some. vernon says ‘dude’ but its unclear whether its aimed at reader or toward chan (it can be easily read either way). minimal proofreading, my bad.

daisy’s notes: ok google play flower + fallin’ flower by svt. in my heart theres a sequel of reader n joshua + jeonghan (or just reader and seokmin tbh, both could work) slowly falling in love lol but i doubt anyone wants that fic

It all started with a tickle in the back of your throat in early winter.

In your defense, you’d just thought you were coming down with something. From the corner of a cozy cafe, you waited for Seungkwan with a burning hot cup of tea in a to-go cup between your hands. Maybe you’d make another cup when you went home--black tea, maybe, with honey for your health. Seokmin would probably give you a soup recipe if you asked and help you make it, too (the perks of having a lovely roommate). But that could wait, as you saw Seungkwan walk into the cafe. He spotted you, smiling and waving before he went to order his Americano. He’d asked you to meet him here, and yet you’d arrived before he did. You’d tease him about it later: you always seemed to be the one who showed up to places before he did (out of habit for getting places early, to be fair).

Soon enough, Seungkwan had sat across from you, making small talk while he opened the plastic. You’d been talking about work when you noticed the way he fumbled the straw, the plastic hitting the table.

Was he nervous...?

“Everything okay?” You tilted your head, as if it’d give you a better look at him. His eyes flickered up to meet your own, and you smiled. “You can tell me anything, you know.”

Seungkwan let out a sigh a moment later, annoyed that his nerves had triumphed over his attempt to act casual. “I went out on a date.”

For a second, your smile faltered. “Oh?”

“And it went well,” he said, pushing his straw into his drink. The ice clinked as he picked it up, taking a long sip before setting it back down. “She wants to go out again, but...”

“But?”

He met your gaze again. “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

In another life, you’d probably laugh at him. Tease him over being clueless before asking what they’d agreed on. But that damn tickle in the back of your throat made you cough, smile falling as you reached for your drink. Seungkwan, kind as he always was, had immediately moved to push it into your hands. He waited, watching you take a long sip of your tea until your throat felt soothed.

“Are you sick?” He frowned, brows drawing tightly together. “I should have asked before asking you to meet me--”

You waved him off. “I’m fine, Kwannie,” you forced your voice to stay lighter, as if nothing was wrong. “Don’t worry about me.”

Yet he pouted, “Have you been taking your vitamins? It’s cold out. If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll get sick...”

Again, you dismissed the thought. “I’m fine,” you pushed further. “So... Do you like her?”

His face flushed at the question as he averted his gaze, taking another long sip through his straw instead of answering your question. “She’s... really kind,” he settled on a moment later. “I think she really likes me.”

Who wouldn’t like you? You cast that thought aside. “That’s good,” you kept your tone even. “So... You’re telling me all of this because...?”

“I want to buy her flowers,” he said. “And I want someone to go with me, and Vernon can’t--not that I’d ask him. You know flowers. So...”

Despite that same damn feeling in your throat picking back up, you swallowed hard and nodded. “Of course I’ll go with you,” you said. “You didn’t have to ask me out to coffee to ask that.”

Seungkwan’s face flushed once more. “I...” He knew you had a point. “I just wanted to see you. Is that so wrong?” When you began to cough again, Seungkwan frowned, “I’ll get you some napkins. You should go home and rest,” he stood up. “Seriously...” He huffed, “We’re friends. You should have told me you weren’t feeling well.”

Truthfully, you didn’t know you were coming down with something. You’d been fine up until he asked you to come meet him, and even then it had only been that tiny tickle in the back of your throat. With napkins pushed into your hands, you bid Seungkwan farewell before leaving--but not without him saying he’d text Seokmin and demand that he take care of you. He was your close friend, that’s what friends were for (and Seungkwan could probably recount the times he’d helped Vernon and Chan when they were feeling awful, albeit from a distance with a mask on and a bag of medicine held as far from himself as possible to minimize the risk of getting sick himself). You’d promised him that you’d let him know when you were home safe and sound, because Seungkwan was a worrier when the people he cared about were struggling, and that had been enough for him to finally let you go.

When you came home, Seokmin had been looking through the fridge. “Seungkwan said you’re sick,” he called out without looking up. “I think I have a recipe--”

“Oh my god, it’s not that serious,” you said, slipping into your house slippers. “I might be getting a cold. I’ll make some tea and rest--it won’t be a big deal.”

Seokmin looked up. “Are you sure? I’ll make us soup tonight,” he turned his attention back to the fridge. “I might run to the store--”

You immediately began to sputter and cough again, something in your throat moving upward with each hack. Seokmin immediately rushed over to you, wide-eyed as he hit you between the shoulder blades as you leaned over the sink. Gasping for air, you continued to choke until something finally fell from your mouth: a wet glob of petals, bright yellow standing out against the stainless steel. You stood there, heaving as Seokmin wordlessly rubbed circles into your back as you caught your breath.

Fuck.

Hanahaki Disease. Of all the things your family was saddled with, this was the absolute fucking worst. While not purely related to genetics, there were the rare families that were more prone to the stupid disease. You’d never win the lottery, but you’d win this shit. Your mother had it once when she was a teenager, and so did her father, and her father’s grandmother because not every bitch in your family has been saddled with this shit. You’d hoped that you’d lucked out.

Considering you were sitting on an examination table and the plastic bag of those stupid yellow carnation petals you’d coughed up, clearly you had not. Seokmin had brought you to the doctor, insisting that you have someone out in the waiting room. And since you knew exactly who these feelings were linked to, you refused to bring Seungkwan or Vernon or Chan into this: two of them would spill shit because this was too big to keep secret.

“Surgery is an option,” the doctor said to you. In your pissed state, you almost wanted to snap back that you knew that because of your family history. But she hadn’t done anything to you, and you bit back any bitter comments as she continued to talk about how the procedure was entirely safe.

Your parents, luckily, had already agreed to pay for the procedure before you even brought it up. You’d called them after spitting up the flower, and your mother had said they’d pay for it to save your life. What you hadn’t told them was that you weren’t entirely sure about the procedure at the moment. You’d heard the horror stories both from family and people outside of it. Your mother had woken up and gone back to school a few days later, and she felt... nothing when she saw her former crush. He used to be her friend, and the surgery had been what led to their friendship ending. Your grandpa told you that he hadn’t regret itted in the slightest: the young man he’d been smitten for had moved on, he never saw him again, and he recovered well.

But you? Seungkwan was your friend. One of your close friends. How were you supposed to face him after surgery and feel nothing? At the worst, you might not even remember him since the recovery period differed for plenty of people. Your grandpa had told you that: his grandpa had told him when he was a boy that he forgot her face entirely, and that it was for the best. Better to live without remembering them than die gasping for another breath and choking up flowers. How were you supposed to tell Seungkwan that you couldn’t get close to him again? That this would be it between the two of you because if you stayed around him too much, you held the risk of it coming back?

You couldn’t. The idea of hurting Seungkwan was... hard to swallow. Or maybe that was also the petals you started coughing up again, your doctor quickly pushing a paper towel into your hands.

“Luckily we have medication that’ll help slow the process,” she told you, already jotting something down. “A surgeon will get in touch with you to help you figure out what comes next, alright? I’ll give you a call in a day once we get those x-rays back.”

You mumbled some sort of thanks before gathering your things. Seokmin rose once you re-entered the waiting room post-payment for your visit, and made his way over to you.

“I’m fine,” you said, continuing past him. “Gotta stop by the pharmacy.”

Seokmin’s gaze softened. “Well? What did she say?”

You waited until the two of you were outside. “I guess I’m getting surgery.”

“You guess?! You have to get it,” Seokmin said, “you’ll die if you don’t! You aren’t considering not--”

“I don’t know!” You hugged yourself tight. “I just--I don’t know. How am I supposed to tell Seungkwan I can’t see him anymore?”

Seokmin slowed to a stop, staring at you. “It’s Seungkwan?”

... Fuck, you weren’t supposed to say that. No one was supposed to know. But if you had to pick a person, Seokmin was trustworthy. He wouldn’t tell. Not until later, at least. And if you went through the procedure, you’d at least have someone who could keep him away, if not break the news for you...

Seokmin said your name, pity in his eyes. “You should tell him.”

“I can’t.”

Seokmin reached for your hands, gently curling his fingers around them. “You should,” he pushed further. “I’ll be there with you if you want me to be. But you should tell him. What are you going to do if you don’t? Just stop seeing him?”

Honestly, it didn’t seem like such a bad plan. A dick move, definitely, but cutting him out entirely and letting the news get to him secondhand? He’d never want to see you again after that heartbreak. It’d do the job.

“Don’t,” Seokmin said, knowing the look on your face. “We need to go to the pharmacy, right?”

You nodded, pulling your hands free from his. You started forward, only to feel the telltale feeling in your throat of flower petals again. With a tissue pushed into your hand from Seokmin, you coughed up a few petals before curling your fingers around them tight, hands shaking. Seokmin came back to your side, leaning forward to see that tears were brimming around your eyes.

Your name fell from his lips, and before you knew it, Seokmin had enveloped you in his warm embrace. “It’s okay,” he promised. “I’ll help you. You’re not in this alone.”

At least you had Seokmin. In the end, he’d be all you’d have, and you knew it. But you could manage with just Seokmin for right now.

“Seokmin said you went to the doctor.”

Seungkwan stood a little further from you, happily looking over the different flowers on display. True to your word, you’d come with him after promising that you were fine. The medication was working at temporarily slowing down the disease’s progression (thank you, modern medicine--you only choked up flowers every once in a while now), and you hadn’t felt anything. Maybe a little numbness in your chest, but nothing major. That was a normal side effect, apparently, to help with the whole flowers-growing-in-your-lungs thing. You side-eyed the stupid bouquet of yellow carnations, though.

Seungkwan called your name, and your attention snapped back to him. He’d come over, looking down at the flowers. “These are pretty.”

“You don’t want them,” you pushed past him. “If you’re going to pick carnations, you should pick the red ones. Or the pink ones, if you want.”

He’d stayed right where he was. “I don’t know,” he said. “These are pretty.”

“There’s better yellow flowers,” you said. “If she knows anything about flower language, you’d be telling her a big ole “nope, not interested.””

Seungkwan immediately turned away. “This is why I have you here,” he made his way back to you, already latching himself back onto your arm. “You’re the expert... What do you think? I want to give her something bright and pretty.”

You were far from an expert. You just... looked up flower meanings sometimes. Maybe it came from a morbid curiosity when your mother told you, after your badgering, what flowers she had (purple hyacinth--sorrow, a beg for forgiveness). You had looked up your own: of course loving Seungkwan would give you something pretty and bright like him. At least they were better than the red spider lilies (death) that your grandfather had coughed up.

“Are roses off the table?”

“Aren’t they too serious?” Seungkwan frowned at you. “This is our second date... I don’t want it to look like I’m moving too fast.”

“Then go for tulips,” you said, guiding him over to where a bouquet stood of pink tulips. “The pink ones would work.”

“Are you sure?”

If you didn’t know that Seungkwan was anxious, you would have rolled your eyes. He... really seemed to like this girl. There were legends that said if you could convince him to love you back, the flowers would go away on their own. But if doing that tore him away from someone else he already liked...

“Of course I’m sure,” you smiled at him. “She’ll love them.”

Seungkwan had smiled at you, squeezing your arm. “This is why you’re my best friend,” he said. “Besides Vernon.”

The disclaimer there made you smile. If he didn’t specify, you would have texted Vernon immediately. You turned your attention away from him for a moment, gaze caught on a bouquet of white lilies kept in a case. Seungkwan followed your gaze, his grasp on you easing up. He quietly excused himself to go speak to the florist, and you made up something about needing fresh air.

Standing outside the shop, you watched people trudge past. The paint on the bench was beginning to flake off, pieces of dark green and pale white petals coming off onto your fingers. You dragged your hand along the leg of your jeans, and pulled out your phone. You’d need to take your medicine in another few hours, before you went to bed. Once in the morning, once at night: the nightly dose kept you from waking up with petals in your throat (as well as knocked you out pretty well). It worked. It wouldn’t work forever, not when the disease became worse, but at least you had a little more time before you needed surgery. It gave you time to think about what really mattered now.

“Is something wrong?” Seungkwan had exited the store, bell still jingling as the door shut behind him. He held the bouquet in his arms securely, yet gentle enough to keep from crushing a single flower.

Tell him. You could practically hear Seokmin urging you to do so. “Seungkwan...” You felt your hope dwindle in your chest. Guilt. Don’t ruin this. Leave him with good memories of you. “What would you do if something happened to us?”

He frowned, settling into the spot next to you. “Did the doctor say something?”

“No! No, just...” You frowned. “Theoretically... if we couldn’t be friends anymore... Would you move on?”

Seungkwan watched you with careful eyes, mouth slightly agape as he struggled to answer the question. How would you answer that kind of thing? “You’re scaring me,” he said a moment later. “If something’s wrong--”

“Nothing’s wrong,” you insisted. “It’s just--I dunno, I watched a stupid movie the other day,” you lied, hoping he would buy it. “And I just kept wondering about what would happen if we couldn’t be friends anymore. It’s stupid.”

He let out a sigh of relief, back falling against the bench before he immediately smacked your arm. “You scared me! I thought you were dying!” He huffed, “You shouldn’t talk so seriously about a movie. Seriously...”

“You didn’t answer the question,” you pouted at him. “Would you move on?”

“No,” he said, “because you’re stuck with me forever.”

You rolled your eyes, fighting back a smile. “Uh-huh.”

“You love me,” he laughed, one of his arms slipping through your own. His cheek pressed against your shoulder. “Right?”

... Right.

Seokmin sat behind the wheel, fingers drumming against it as he slightly bobbed his head to the music. He still hadn’t told you where the two of you were going--only that you had to go with him because this was important. Important enough that he was driving to a different part of the city, listening carefully to each instruction from his phone’s map service. He told you that he’d explain when you got there (which was what he told you after he told you he’d explain in the car). Despite your slight demand that he take you out to dinner at a casual place in the area that Mingyu had been raving about, you trusted Seokmin enough to blindly follow him like this.

He pulled the car into a spot, quickly shooting a text to someone before he turned his attention to scrounging up the change to pay for parking. “Okay,” he said. “You said the surgeon called for an exam before setting the date.”

“Uh-huh?”

“And you told me that you were still on the fence about it.”

Stupidly, you had. Although, when you thought about it, it was good that you told someone. Your parents were completely set on it without giving you space to decide: Seokmin at least listened to you.

“I’m going to help you make up your mind,” he said. He pointed up to a higher apartment on the building. “My friends live there. I’ll introduce you when we get there.”

Once he’d paid the meter, Seokmin took your arm and guided you into the building. Soon enough, the two of you were standing in an elevator. You ignored the worried look Seokmin gave you when you coughed up petals into another tissue (this time your own--you’d stolen one of those pocket packs from Seokmin so he wouldn’t have to dote on you so heavily). The elevator whisked the two of you higher and higher before chiming, and Seokmin gestured for you to follow as he looked back at his phone. Wordlessly, you followed him down the hallway until he finally arrived at a door.

Before he could even knock, the door opened. A pretty man stood in the doorway, hair pulled back into the tiniest of ponytails as he warmly greeted Seokmin. Then his gaze met your own, and that warm smile fell a little.

“Is this them?”

Seokmin nodded. He said your name, before turning back to his friend, “this is Jeonghan. We were in a choir together in college.”

Jeonghan stepped out of the way. “I’ll let him know you’re here,” he said. “Just a warning that he doesn’t really remember too much, so... Please don’t stress him out too much.”

The two of you stood in the entryway as Jeonghan left, calling out for someone named Joshua. With a curious glance to Seokmin, you began to pull off your coat to leave behind as Jeonghan returned with another man--equally handsome in looks, with the gentlest eyes you thought you’d ever seen on a person.

“Hi,” he said, voice warm already, “so, uh... You’re the one with Hanahaki?” When you mustered up a nod, he extended a hand to you. “I’m Joshua.”

You introduced yourself in turn, giving Seokmin another weird look. “And... I’m here because...?”

“Hanahaki nearly killed me,” Joshua told you outright. “And Seokmin said you’re considering not getting the surgery. I’m supposed to tell you why it’s a really bad idea before you make up your mind.”

You immediately glared at Seokmin. “I thought you said you wouldn’t force me to change my mind--”

“And he’s not,” Joshua said, gently guiding you forward. “I wasn’t going to get them removed either. But things were... really, really bad. So I just want to tell you what you’re signing yourself up for.”

Jeonghan made a comment about making the two of you some tea, and you followed Joshua out onto the balcony for some privacy. He brushed a hand through his hair, settling into a cozy chair. There was an easel set up in the corner, empty of a canvas but stained with paint. Joshua followed your gaze to it.

“Do you paint?” He asked, and when you shook your head, he smiled. “I don’t, either. It’s Jeonghan’s.”

“And you two are...?”

“Friends,” he clarified easily. “Really close friends. Look... Seokmin told me a little about you. You’re in love with your friend, right?”

It felt weird for a stranger to say it out loud. But you settled into your chair, nodding. “Yeah. His name is Seungkwan,” you said quietly, “and I didn’t mean to fall for him, but I did, and now...”

The conversation died as Jeonghan stepped out, setting two mugs between the two of you. You thanked him, and waited until the balcony door slid shut again before reaching for your own mug.

“And now you’re coughing up petals,” Joshua said, taking his own mug. “I get it. I didn’t think it’d happen to me, either.”

“What happened?”

Joshua opened his mouth to speak, only to wince for a moment. “Shit--” He lifted a hand to his temple, rubbing at it before setting down the mug. You watched the way he went quiet, eyes squeezing shut. “I--I don’t know,” he said. “Jeonghan told me that there was a girl. I fell in love with her, she rejected me, and then I started coughing up flowers.”

You raised a brow. “He told you?”

The pain began to subside, and Joshua opened his eyes again after a moment before nodding. “He told you, right? I don’t remember all of it. Her name, her face... her favorite color.” He stared off for a moment. “Nothing. I’m apparently a rare case, but the doctors said it’s because I let it progress too far.”

“You didn’t see anyone?”

He shook his head. “I told Jeonghan I wasn’t going to. He’ll say I was being dramatic, and maybe I was, but... I didn’t want to lose her. I loved her,” his gaze didn’t meet yours again. “It wasn’t her fault she didn’t love me. Not all cases are fatal, I mean. Jeonghan says I had this stupid hope she’d change her mind because the guy she liked was a dick. My mom kept telling me that I needed to see someone. I think...”

He took a deep breath. And then he slowly exhaled, curling back up in his chair. The thick sweater he wore fell down over his hands, and those pretty pale brown curls were rustled by the cold breeze. But neither of you moved to go back inside.

“I think I was punishing myself. I don’t remember why, or how I came to that conclusion, but it makes sense. I was the one who fell in love with her when it wasn’t going to happen. I was the one who deserved to suffer for it.”

Something about the somber way he spoke shook you. Like he had resigned himself to death there, the heartbreak of a love so powerful not being returned had broken him. Maybe that was why you still weren’t sure about the surgery. It’d be admitting you were stupid enough to fall for someone who never liked you.

“So it got worse,” Joshua continued after a moment, lidded eyes staring down into his tea. “And worse. And then Jeonghan came home one day, and found me collapsed and gasping for air. He called the paramedics, they managed to clear my airway of the blood and flowers, and I was taken in for an emergency procedure to remove the flowers. If he hadn’t come home, I would have died...”

He didn’t need to say more. You understood the feeling well. If Seokmin hadn’t pushed you to see someone, you’d probably be in the same boat. A morbid part of you had to wonder if you’d be the same way: lying on the kitchen floor, cold tiles under your fingers as you gasped for one last breath of air.

“I’m a rare case,” he said, eyes meeting your own again. “Most people who get the procedure done before it progresses too much still retain all their memories. And I know there’s research still being done on whether Hanahaki always returns if you stay around the person, since a lot of people are reluctant to break ties when they’ve fallen in love with their friend. But if I could go back in time... I don’t think I would hesitate.”

“Have you met other people?” The question pushed out of you before you could process it.

He smiled at you warmly. “I’ve met you.” But then he laughed softly, “A few. No one I’ve liked yet, but I have hope. I started seeing a therapist once I was released from the hospital, and she’s helped me with everything. They say it’s really rare for Hanahaki to take hold twice in the same person--something about the antibodies created, I’m not sure.” He set his mug down. “But... I think Seokmin’s worried you’re trying to punish yourself, too. Just because you fell in love with your friend.”

You said nothing, arms curling back around yourself to hug yourself tight.

“It’s not a crime to fall in love with someone,” Joshua said slowly and clearly. “Just like how it’s not a crime he doesn’t love you back. I know you don’t want to cut him out of your life, but you need to do what’s best for you. You’ll love someone else one day. But if you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t live to experience it.”

Not all cases are fatal, you wanted to point out to him again. It goes away in rare cases.

Rare. Just like the disease itself.

He began to reach into his pockets, pulling out his wallet. “The therapist I see is a grief counselor, but she apparently did some major studies in helping people like us recover after the surgery. If you tell me your room number, I’ll send you a bear.” He slid the card across the table to you. “I figured you’d be tired of flowers.”

The thought made you smile. Without a word, you accept the card, pushing it into your own wallet to consider later. “I didn’t say I’d go through with it.”

“I know. Send me your room number. I’ll give you my number when we’re back inside,” he pushed back his chair. “It’s freezing out here.”

You scooted your own chair back, about to stand when Joshua turned back to you.

“When you tell him,” Joshua said, “make sure you tell him that you still treasure him. Okay?”

You stared at him a moment, brows drawing together.

“Jeonghan didn’t get to do the same before his own procedure,” he said quieter. “She was his friend, too."

(It wasn’t until then that you noticed the top few buttons of Jeonghan’s shirt were open, and you could see the faint incision scar up the center of his chest.)

Seungkwan had invited you over to a movie night--just the two of you. With your medicine kicking in, you’d agreed. Saturday night movie nights were a longstanding tradition, sometimes including Vernon if he wasn’t busy (and occasionally Chan, ever since you unbanned him from them (he had bad taste in college)). But tonight would just be the two of you, and you’d had a long day at work, so something about curling up with Seungkwan and watching something stupid seemed more appealing. At least the petals weren’t a huge deal. You could hide them if need be, but they hadn’t been acting up too badly yet. Maybe you coughed them up a bit more, which wasn’t great when you had to answer phone calls at work, but people were usually understanding when you made a quick apology and went straight back into that mask of professionalism. You’d fully be off while you recovered from surgery, taking off a few personal days leading up to it as well, and hopefully be fine to return soon enough. But you kept tissues on your desk and had grown better at coughing up the petals and immediately tossing them away before anyone could see or be bothered by it. Even Seokmin rarely noticed when it was acting up again.

And yet the universe seemed to have the absolute worst fucking timing.

“You didn’t have to say yes,” Seungkwan said from the other end of the couch as he watched you shift uncomfortably, coughing into your elbow while searching for your pack of tissues. “If you aren’t feeling well, you should be resting. I don’t know why you’re even at work right now. Your doctor should have given you the written excuse to get your boss off your back.”

“She did, I just didn’t use it. I’ll take off next week.”

Seungkwan rolled his eyes, turning his attention back to the drama on the screen--something he’d been meaning to watch. “I have extra vitamins you can take with you. Remind me and I’ll give them to you before you leave.”

The female lead had begun coughing up flowers dramatically on the screen, and you felt a sense of bitterness at the sight of it. You had seen this one already. She’d die in the end, right before the male lead could confess that he fell for her instead. It was the dramatic tragedy of someone suffering for their love. Talking to Joshua had been enough to push that thought out of your mind: you’d get the procedure done to remove your own flowers. The harder part, and maybe the part people didn’t talk about often, was the way to cut someone out. You’d read articles both for people like you and for people trying to get out of toxic situations in general.

They said that you didn’t owe anyone an explanation. To do it publicly to keep yourself safe. That this was a process you had to go through, too, and that it was okay to dwell... except for the timer you had on your own situation, but you still had a little more time. Some lists even said to block them entirely once everything was over, just to keep them away for good. Other people said to have a real talk with someone, to explain the situation to them in order to ensure your health in the future. Everyone said it was the hardest thing to do to tell someone that you loved them and that them not reciprocating meant you were struggling worse all because of stupid flowers in your lungs, but to make it clear that it wasn’t their fault (although you’d seen people bitter and angry on both sides, some claiming it was guilt-tripping, others claiming that it technically was their fault). There was a mature way to say “I love you, I know you don’t love me back, so we need to end this so that I can live” according to plenty of people. Some people said the distance helped once the conversation was over.

But every time you looked at Seungkwan, you felt an ache in your heart and a deeper one in your lungs.

“Does this ever bother you?” He said, not looking up. He picked up another piece of popcorn. “Seeing it treated like this?”

“It’s dramatic,” you shrugged. “People use illness all the time for stuff.”

“Still...” He sighed. “I can’t imagine what it feels like to be physically hurting like this. Heartbreak is hard enough. But coughing up flowers? Isn’t that worse?”

“It is,” you hummed. “That’s what my family said, at least.”

He sighed. “If this ever happens to you, I’m taking care of you until you recover. I promise.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Kwannie.”

He looked at you, offended. “I would be a great nurse! You know that,” he huffed.

You wanted to respond and say he couldn’t keep that kind of promise to you. But instead you turned over, watching the secondary male lead in a scene with his own love interest and the actual male lead eavesdropping. “What would your girlfriend think, hm?” You settled on teasing him, if nothing else but to shove your own feelings aside. “Taking care of someone else...”

“She knows I love my friends,” he said. And then you felt him smack your leg. “She’s not my girlfriend yet!”

“Yet.”

He looked sheepish at his slip of the tongue. “It feels a little too soon,” he said, turning back away from you. “I’ve known her for a while, but...”

“If you love her, you shouldn’t hesitate.” You curled up into yourself a little. “Life is short. What if something happens? You shouldn’t wait forever to tell someone how much they mean to you.”

“I know that,” he said, casual as could be. “That’s why I tell you all how much I love you.”

You cracked a small smile, almost telling him that he only did that because he was a big softie who loved all his friends (and liked being told in return that he was loved, too). Seungkwan was always the most physically touchy of your friend circle: that was why he was either hanging off of you or Vernon most of the time, more than content to be snuggled up to your arm or hugging you from behind during casual moments. It’s something that’s made both of you be mistaken for Seungkwan’s partner, sure, but you were always able to laugh it off both before and after you developed feelings for him.

(There was one instance of the two of you playing up the dramatics when someone tried to tell you that your boyfriend was cheating on you with the other person. Vernon had mouthed for you to slap him, and you’d stormed off only to meet back up in the car with a incredibly flustered Seungkwan who swore he couldn’t take the two of you anywhere anymore.)

“Yeah,” you said, half-heartedly as realization hit you again that these moments were fleeting. Soon you wouldn’t be able to see him anymore, not for prolonged moments. You couldn’t risk the flowers coming back once they were gone. “Love you, too, Seungkwan.”

Maybe one day you’d tell him just how much before you lost the feeling entirely.

You’d set the date. You’d gone in for the visit your surgeon had requested, which was primarily for them to take a new x-ray to check the progress. In another world, you’d be looking at the flowers on that results sheet and thinking that it was a pretty art project. But the reality of the situation was that the disease had progressed, and you’d be going in on Friday to have them surgically removed. Your parents had already come into the city with a hotel room booked for the week (the downside of your apartment with Seokmin being so small: you sure as hell weren’t going to boot him from his own room despite his offer, and your parents would rather stay somewhere closer to the hospital). You’d had dinner with them yesterday night after your appointment, talking through everything with them. Although your father would never know the feelings your mother described to you, he had been supportive as he could be while she talked you through the procedure for the third time since that first phone call.

Which was why you were now, on Wednesday, waiting for Seungkwan... and Vernon and Chan. Seokmin was sitting next to you, happy to play moral support as you broke the news. You’d figured everything out: you’d tell them about the procedure, and then ask for a day with Seungkwan tomorrow in order to experience something nice before you were stuck in the hospital for your recovery period. Except for the past where you broke the news that you could never see him again, that you loved him, and that you treasured your friendship and would never hold it against him that he didn’t reciprocate. Maybe Vernon and Chan would never speak to you again, too, but that was a fallout for later you.

Except you could see Vernon and Chan walking up to the restaurant without Seungkwan, and you knew for a fact that they would have come together.

“Seungkwan couldn’t make it,” Chan had said as he took his seat. “Didn’t he text you?”

(He did: his sister was in the city for the day and he rarely got to see her, so he apologized and said he’d talk to you tomorrow. You just hadn’t heard your phone go off, or you would have left with Seokmin far earlier and figured out something else.)

Seokmin could see the panic on your face. He said your name, hand grazing your arm as you pushed it away.

“I’m fine,” he said.

He lowered his voice, albeit it was useless considering how close the other two were, “You’re supposed to be taking it easy now. Panicking only makes it worse--”

“Makes what worse?” Chan asked, looking between the two of you. “Wait. Are you dying?”

“No--” You said, and at the worst fucking possible moment, you began to cough. “Shit.”

Seokmin reached for the napkins as you shielded yourself as best as you could, flower petals falling in a thick clump into the white napkin. The petals, while on your medication, were rare. Not gone entirely, and of course they’d pick this moment to act up.

Vernon stared at you, hand groping through the air until it hit Chan’s arm. “Dude.”

You could practically see two bulbs light up above each guy’s head. “Don’t tell Seungkwan.”

“What the fuck do you mean ‘don’t tell Seungkwan’?!” To your surprise, Vernon had raised his voice a little. He immediately lowered it after nodding in apology to the other patrons, “you have Hanahaki! You could die if--”

“My surgery’s on Friday,” you said, “so technically I won’t die.”

“That’s beside the point!” Chan stared at you. “You’re--Why didn’t you tell us sooner?! How long have you known?!”

You said nothing. Seokmin only looked at you.

“A few weeks,” you finally confessed. “But I’m fine and I’m getting them removed, so I’ll be fine. Just... I wanted to tell Seungkwan myself.” I needed to tell him I love him before I don’t remember feeling it anymore.

Vernon knew you, though. Chan might be a little oblivious at times, but Vernon had observed you and Seungkwan enough to know. He tore his eyes away from your own, and you could hear him mumble something about how this was awful timing. The thought made your chest ache.

This was awful timing? For who? For Seungkwan? Sure, you were pretty much dying right now and having to make sure you didn’t choke to death on flowers in your sleep--But, fuck, this was inconvenient timing for Seungkwan apparently. If you had it your way, you wouldn’t have ever developed feelings for him. But Seungkwan was sweet. He was your close friend. He was the one who came over and nursed you back to health a year ago when you had the flu, even if he scolded you for not taking better care of your health.

He’d probably scold you now, too. Seungkwan would have told you off for not telling him sooner, and then he would probably have let you cry in his arms because of how terrified you were underneath everything. The procedure itself was safe: the aftermath could be anything. Meeting Joshua had confirmed that for you. What if you were like him one day? Still living with your roommate, unable to remember the reason behind the scars on your sides (or down the center of your chest--you shivered to imagine what that would mean for you, and you refused to bring that topic up to Jeonghan who clearly would rather not talk about it) without pain? You’d looked it up before: the pain was a psychological thing... or, at least, that was the leading theory. Joshua was rare, people were still researching it in full, but they said it was in the same vein as people who lived through trauma only to not remember a thing because they blocked it all out. A safety measure out of your own control.

(Sometimes you wonder whether Joshua even wanted to remember.)

Hanahaki tore people apart. The fact that you were more prone to it only made you angrier at the world, at the stupid flowers stuck in your lungs. At yourself for being so foolish to fall for Boo Seungkwan when he was only ever going to be your friend.

Vernon’s gaze softened as he watched you, so quiet and acting so much smaller. Like a child, almost: uncertain of what would come next, but with only so much guidance that you could fully understand. The swelling, the stiffness, the different feelings around your incisions. But what about what really came next? The empty feeling when you saw Seungkwan again unless you pulled yourself together to tell him that he couldn’t see you again. Not for long, not without risking yourself. He’d heard the stories and was lucky enough that his own instances of unrequited love were met with plenty of chocolate and nights with his friends, watching movies and giving him a space to feel and breathe and think.

“So what do you want us to do?”

You lifted your gaze from where you’d begun staring down into your lap, meeting Vernon’s eyes. “I...”

“We’re not gonna tell him,” he promised, despite the look Chan gave him. “I mean, that’s your thing, right? It’s your thing to tell, unless you want us to tell.”

You shook your head. “I’ll meet up with him tomorrow,” you said. “And I’ll tell him everything.”

Chan looked between the two of you, realization slowly swallowing him whole. “We’ll come visit,” he said quietly. “Is that okay?”

“It’s not a huge deal,” you shrugged. “I mean. It’s surgery, but they’ll probably keep me in for a few days of observation before I can go home. Just... Don’t send me flowers.”

It’s a weak joke, but it earned a smile from Chan. With that, you decided to shove the conversation aside for a meal with your friends instead. It felt comforting to pretend that everything was okay, as much as you wished Seungkwan was there with you. It’d be nice to hold his hand under the table for a minute, just to know that he cared about you still. That, even after you walk out of his life for good, he’d still care for you in the future.

It wasn’t until you were back in the passenger side of Seokmin’s car that you called Joshua and asked if he was busy. That night, the two of you were sitting in the Hong-Yoon apartment so you could have a cozy night. As much as you wanted to go out for dinner with your parents, you needed to stay away from surgery talk (and, unfortunately for you, that was how your mother calmed herself down: going over the procedure out loud to try and reassure both of you that everything was going to be fine). Joshua had an arm draped around your shoulders, blanketing you in his warmth as the four of you were watching some drama they’d found on Netflix.

Seokmin left to use the bathroom, and Jeonghan shifted over so that he’d be resting against Joshua’s other side. A moment later, he lifted his head, eyes meeting your own. “It’s going to be okay,” he reached out, hand finding your own for a reassuring squeeze. “I recovered well. You’ll be okay.”

Wordlessly, you snuggled further into Joshua’s chest now that you didn’t have Seokmin anchoring you from the other side, still holding Jeonghan’s hand for a moment longer. You shut your eyes for a moment, just listening to the sound of Joshua’s heartbeat. “Which one of you was first?”

Quiet. The sound of the movie felt so distant, a mere mumble of background noise as Jeonghan let out a long sigh.

“He was,” Jeonghan said. “I thought I’d be okay. Then we had to call our friend, Seungcheol, to help us.”

Joshua wrapped an arm around you. “Do you want me to be honest?”

You nodded.

“They still hurt sometimes,” he said. “The incisions. I can barely see them, but they’re still there.”

Suddenly, your stomach turned at the thought. You squeezed your eyes shut a little more. “I’m sorry--I know I brought it up, but can we drop this?”

Neither said anything. You merely curled up closer to the two people who’d been strangers until days ago, yet already felt so safe to be around. They felt like an escape from what you knew would come tomorrow. Even when Seokmin returned, curling up close to this bundle of limbs and shared trauma, you only felt safer.

Seungkwan had asked her to be his girlfriend. You only found out because he’d blasted it on every social media platform he was on, only tagged with the caption ‘day one ❤️‘ alongside a picture of the two of them silhouetted with the sunset in the background. Any other life and it’d be sweet. In this one, you merely felt bitter as you finally sent the text you’d been sitting on all day.

it’s really important. can we meet at the usual spot?

The moment he gave you his confirmation, you left your apartment. The park wasn’t too far from where you lived, although you’d always prefer to take the bus to it instead. With your coat pulled over your hoodie, you made the trek by foot instead. This used to be your picnic spot with Seungkwan, although you could easily see him going on dates there instead. As much as you wanted to be happy for him, the stupid ache in your lungs and the tickle of petals that eternally seemed to be plaguing you (at least it would be until you took your last dose of medicine before surgery--a smaller one than what you usually took to avoid complications, but enough that you’d be able to sleep easily) served as a cruel reminder of what would never be. That this would be the end.

Yet you saw him sitting on that stupid bench the two of you always met at, the glow of a streetlamp bathing him in light and making him look stupidly radiant. Or maybe that was what love could do to a person. The moment he saw you, he stood up, coming to hug you tight.

“Vernon said you’re having surgery tomorrow,” he said once he stepped back, hands holding your own. “Is it true?”

... At this point, you couldn’t be surprised Vernon would at least let that slip. Maybe he’d been debating coming to see you, and Vernon told him outright how important it was.

His fingers tangled with your own as he brought you to the bench, sitting down next to you. “Is it serious?” He paused, and then vaguely gestured toward his mouth and throat, “is it... you know?”

Seungkwan knew of your family history. You’d lamented it to him forever ago, saying that you hoped you’d be lucky enough to be spared by it. When you nodded, his gaze softened tremendously.

“Do they know?”

You don’t, you almost wanted to say. It’s you. I’m sorry. “I don’t know if I want to tell him.”

“Do I know them?”

You shook your head, unable to verbally lie to him.

He stared ahead, visibly upset. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t notice it sooner. I’ve just...”

He’d been falling for someone else more and more with each day. Deep down, you couldn’t blame him for that. If you didn’t know someone was going through it, you’d probably be blissfully doing the same.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you,” he said a moment later. “Are you scared?”

“Terrified.” You tucked your hands into your hoodie pockets, leg bouncing. “I don’t know how I’m going to react.”

Seungkwan was good at faking smiles when things were rough, just to try and instill some confidence into someone who needed it. “You’ll pull through,” he squeezed your knee gently, and he left his hand there. “You’re strong. And... and when you get out, we’ll go out. Just the two of us. I’ll pay for our meal, and you can pick, and... and it’ll be thanks for helping me while you were struggling.”

Something about how genuine he sounded squeezed your heart tight, almost as if it’d pop with just a little more pressure. You looked up, “Seungkwan, I...”

I love you. I know you don’t love me back, and it’s okay. I’m sorry our friendship has to end like this.

And then he smiled at you, a little more genuine than before, just to reassure you. “It’ll be okay,” he said again, clueless to the storm inside of you.

Your words died in your throat. Instead, you just bit back your tears as you dove forward, hugging him tight. “I love you,” you said, a confession you couldn’t make directly to his face. “Thank you for being a good friend.”

His arms wound around you after a moment, squeezing you tight. “You’re not going to die, you know,” he said, laughing just a little. “It’s a safe procedure. I’ll see you when you wake up. Okay?”

Drifting back from him, you lied again, “Yeah. I’ll... I’ll see you then.”

With one truth spilling from your lips about going home and getting proper rest, the two of you parted ways. Despite the fact it only served to make your lungs ache worse, you jogged the way home. The sooner you were inside, the better. With the door shut and secured behind you, you let out a long sigh and then a groan of frustration at backing out yet again. You’d been pulling your jacket off when you heard Seokmin call out your name.

“Did you tell him?”

You sniffled hard, already feeling those tears welling back up. He opened his arms to you, and you almost tripped over yourself rushing to him as you broke down crying.

“I-I couldn’t,” you said between sobs.

And Seokmin could do nothing else but hold you tight, head resting against your own as he sheltered you through your storm.

Everything felt fuzzy.

The anesthesia hadn’t fully worn off by the time you were a little more awake. You’d answered their questions as best as you could while your head still felt full of clouds, but the procedure had been a success. The flowers were gone to good, likely going to get tossed out with the other waste and burned. Your mother recognized how completely out of it you still were, but you could see the relief on her face that you were okay. It took the sound of your dad gently coaxing her for her to agree to come back when you were far more lucid and well-rested.

At some point, Seokmin came in to see you. You barely remembered the encounter, but you stared at the teddy bear that sat nearby with a card being held between its plush paws (thanks to Seokmin’s efforts). It wasn’t from him, you’d later discover, but from Joshua and Jeonghan wishing you well (and making promises to see you again once you were discharged, maybe while you were recovering if they could make it during visiting hours).

Three days into your stay, you were fully aware and alert... and also recognizing the annoying tinge of pain that came from your incisions every single time you moved or even breathed. You could breathe clearer now, sure, but the ache was annoying nonetheless. Your doctor had been kind to you, understanding how tiring it could be to recover from the procedure. Your nurse, a tall kind man named Wonwoo, had taken your vitals. So when you heard a knock on your door, you were sure it was either whatever breakfast you were getting (you barely remembered your own order now), or your parents.

And after you called out for whoever it was to come in, you were met with Vernon’s face. He stopped where he stood, staring at you for a moment before apologizing and saying he wasn’t sure what to do. Chan was with him, too, hugging a big teddy bear that was clutching a ‘get well soon’ heart.

“You said not to send you flowers,” Chan said as he made his way over to you, and you accepted the stuffed animal with a thanks. “It was my idea.”

“Our idea,” Vernon rolled his eyes. Then he stopped, looking at the open door. “You wanted to see them. They’re awake.”

The guy that Vernon had been talking to walked into the room, pushing the door shut with an apology for hesitating. He started rambling about how he didn’t know whether you’d want so many people crowding you at once, sitting down at the edge of your bed as he started asking how you were doing. Were the flowers gone? Was the staff taking care of you? If you needed someone to speak on your behalf while your parents were gone, he would happily do it for you.

Vernon noticed the confused look on your face as this guy--friendly as he might be--kept talking to you. You’d answered his questions, sure, but you could see the way this stranger’s heart was visibly breaking in his eyes. His smile fell, and Vernon nudged him out of the way so that he could sit and talk to you for a few minutes.

“Is there anything we can do for you? I mean, we were gonna pool together for one of those edible arrangements, but I wasn’t sure if your doctor was gonna restrict any of it...”

Chan had apologized, saying he needed a cup of coffee--it was too early for him--and he left with the other guy.

Vernon pushed himself back into your field of vision, and you felt yourself flounder a little for words. “No restrictions,” you said, brain still catching up as you had questions. “Sorry, Vernon, do I know him--”

He shook his head. “Nope. Just, uh... Rest up,” he patted your thigh. “I’ll see you when you get out, yeah?”

When he stepped back into the hallway, it was to the sound of Seungkwan sobbing. Chan had already gone to him, holding him and waving off any concerned staff that had probably seen this kind of thing before.

One of his best friends didn’t recognize him at all. He knew that that meant when it came to Hanahaki.

Chan had patted his back gently. “It’s not your fault you moved on,” he said quietly. “You didn’t know. None of us knew they liked you back--”

Vernon could feel his heart sink in his chest as he made his way over. His own future with you (as well as Chan’s) was in the air--both knowing the weight of keeping you in their lives could lead to future pain for both you and Seungkwan. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I told you--”

But Seungkwan shook his head, the weight of his own decisions beginning to suffocate him. “You were right,” he started to walk away, his heart breaking all over again. “I shouldn’t have come.”

taglist: @twancingyunhao @synthetickitsune @wonuziex

#wooahaes.fic #seventeen imagine #seventeen x reader #seventeen x you #svt x reader #svt imagine #svt x you #seventeen angst #seungkwan angst #seungkwan x reader #seungkwan x you #boo seungkwan x reader #boo seungkwan x you

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sluttywoozi · 2 months

Text

Interlude No. 1 | bsk x reader

Interlude No. 1: Inspired by these pics and me wanting to marry Boo Seungkwan

Rating: M (18+) | WC: 2.6k | Pairing: bsk x reader | Genre: smut

Warnings: semi public sex, limo sex, marriage kink, fingering, mouth covering, cum eating/swallowing, cum as lube, hand job, oral m. rec., finger sucking, they both cry

Reader Notes: wears a dress, reader and kwan both wear makeup, has a vagina

“I can’t believe we did it,” Seungkwan pants ecstatically as he settles into the backseat of the limousine, clicking his seatbelt into place just as you do and grinning when he sees the partition is already up.

“I know, we’re fucking married,” you send him a watery beam, leaning into his side when he raises his arm and letting your giggles bubble up when you see him tilt his head back and take a deep breath. That means he’s trying not to cry too, and while usually he’s open with his tears, you know that sometimes once he starts, he can’t stop. He must know this would be one of those times.

Part of you wants to tease him, remind him how sweet his vows were and how very much you love him and how you can’t wait to spend your life with him, but you know that would make you cry too, and you don’t want to mess up your makeup any more than you want to mess up his.

That thought flies out of the window as soon as he cups your face and presses his lips to yours, murmuring, “I’m your husband,” in between kisses. He seems frantic almost, sucking at your bottom lip before sinking his teeth into it, making you whimper and shift closer.

You can’t get far with the seatbelt restricting you, and you’re about to depress the button to release it just as the limo pulls away from the venue. Seungkwan wouldn’t want you to be unsafe, so you move your hand away from the buckle and sink it into his hair instead, clenching your fingers in the silky locks when his lips move down to your neck.

As it is, you’re just grateful you decided on the middle seat, wanting to be as close to him as possible. It’s paying off now, with the sucking kisses he’s laying on your throat and the hand resting on your knee.

You changed into your reception dress before leaving the venue and that’s another thing you’re grateful for, because it gives Seungkwan even easier access to you. He doesn’t have to work your skirt up as much as he would have in your wedding dress, his fingers trailing along your inner thigh before you can even take another breath.

“Can I make you cum, honey? Please? It’ll be hours before I can get my hands on you again,” he sounds like he’s in agony, like he’s burning for you, and it takes you little to no time to nod your head and spread your legs wider.

He tugs your leg over his to open you up, making you gasp as you realize how wet your silk panties have grown. You gasp even louder when his hand covers you, his soft, warm palm pressing into your clit and his elegant fingers digging into your entrance. The silk is so fine and delicate, you can feel every touch like there’s nothing in between you, his hand grinding into your covered pussy as he murmurs in your ear.

“Never gonna get rid of me now, honey.”

“So wet for your husband, aren’t you?”

“Gonna cum for me? Hm?”

The friction feels incredible, but it’s not enough, and you know he knows that. He’s just taunting you by asking if you’re going to cum for him, because you’re both well aware that you will, just not like this.

“Kwannie, we don’t have enough time for you to fuck around,” you whine softly, glancing at the digital clock that rests above the partition. There’s only thirty five minutes left of the drive to the reception venue, he’ll need to get a move on if he wants any chance at getting his own release.

“I’m not fucking around, honey. I’m enjoying you like you deserve,” he says in response, though he does listen to you in part by slipping his fingers under your panties and letting them glide along your cunt.

“You have literally the rest of our lives to enjoy me. Please, just-”

A sharp whimper cuts off your words as he sinks two fingers deep inside of you, his knuckles flush to your pussy and his eyes locked with yours. “S’that what you wanted?”

His voice is hushed, deeper than usual, and it sends a shiver rolling down your spine just as he curls his fingers, the tips prodding into your sweet spot before you can even try to answer him.

The pleasure gathering in your belly steals your words, but you don’t think he really expected an answer anyway. He knows it’s hard for you to put together sentences when he’s got part of himself inside of you, whether it’s his fingers, his tongue, or his cock.

Fuck, his cock…

You want his cock so bad, your eyes flicking down and your hand releasing its death grip on your seatbelt to cover the growing bulge in his dress pants. You squeeze along his length, whimpering at the way he hardens under your touch, then whimpering again when he starts fucking his fingers in and out of you.

He’s gentle at first, thrusting slowly and crooking his fingers on every stroke in, his thumb pressing down on your throbbing clit as he finds his rhythm. When you clumsily unbutton his pants and pull down the zipper to tug his cock out, his pace becomes punishing, like he’s trying to distract you from your endeavors.

“Why won’t you let me…” You begin but don’t finish, breathless at the sensation of him sliding a third finger inside of you.

“It’ll make a mess,” he sounds almost as ruined as you, making you drag your eyes back up to meet his, wanting to see his face as he takes you apart.

He’s blushing, his dark brown hair messily falling over his forehead and his plush lips open as he takes in shuddering breaths. He’s so fucking pretty, your lovely, gorgeous, beautiful Seungkwan, your lovely, gorgeous, beautiful husband.

“What if I swallow?” You offer feebly, your words tinged with tears and desire as you grow closer and closer.

“Maybe. You cum first, and then we’ll see,” he says, his voice tight and his fingers relentless.

They’re barely fucking in and out of you now, just tapping and grinding into your g-spot as his thumb rubs tiny circles around your clit, and you can feel the waves as they lap at your shore, feel the heat stirring inside of you, every single touch stoking the fire. You try to keep your mouth closed, biting your lips and holding your tongue, knowing he usually makes you cum so loudly, the neighbors complain.

You’re sure the kind elderly driver has heard (and seen) his share of escapades, but you don’t want to add yourself to the list.

Unfortunately, you just don’t have enough self control to be quiet, your cries loud even with your efforts, so you take the hand of the arm wrapped around you and pull it up to cover your mouth. That’s the last indication you give that you’re teetering on the edge, though Seungkwan doesn’t need a sign to know that.

He knows you inside and out, loves every single part of you, even (and maybe especially) the parts you used to try to hide from him.

You don’t hide a thing now, and you never will again.

That’s why it feels so right to shout into his palm as he pushes you into bliss, his fingers squelching inside of you and his thumb ruthless on your clit. Your hips buck into his hand, your body presses against the warmth of his, and your eyes squeeze shut, tears leaking out of the sides as you float away on cotton candy clouds.

When you go limp against him and blink blearily, looking around the small space like you don’t know how you came to be there, he pulls his fingers out and slides them into his mouth, sucking your taste away like you’re something sweet to be savored.

You come back online a bit when he removes his hand from your mouth, your eyes finding the clock. You should still have twenty minutes left to suck his dick and freshen up, and before he can even open his mouth to ask how you are, you’re turning and finishing your earlier task of pulling his dick out.

He’s hard, so hard, and flushed at the tip, already leaking precum that you smear over his head and length, leaving him glistening in the low light of the limo. You try to bend down and swallow his cock, but the angle isn’t right with the seatbelt holding you back, so you dip your fingers between your legs to gather up your remaining arousal and use it to ease the glide of your hand on his dick.

Seungkwan groans deeply, likely both at finally having some stimulation and at the fact that you’re using your own wetness as lube. He has great stamina so it usually takes a bit longer for him to cum, but already you can feel him twitching and pulsing in your hand. It brings a wicked little smile to your face, knowing you’ll undo him in half the time normally required, and with his competitive spirit, you’re glad he’s got his head tilted back and his eyes closed.

If he saw the look on your face, he’d probably hold his orgasm back, just to show you he can.

You feel the limo roll to a stop, but it doesn’t shift into park, and suddenly, there’s a voice over the intercom.

“Ran into some traffic, folks. Looks like it’ll be an extra ten or so minutes, but I’ll get ya there, don’t you worry.”

You press the button and say brightly, “Thank you so much, Leonard!” before unbuckling your seatbelt and sliding onto the floor.

“Honey, your dress will get dirty!” Seungkwan frets, his hands hovering over you as if he’s about to scoop you up and pull you into his lap.

“I won’t be down here long,” you smile sweetly, leaning down to lick at the head of his cock before opening wide and working half of it into your mouth at once. He bites out muted curses, his knees spreading to make room for you and his hands clenching in his dress pants so they don’t mess up your hair.

Your mouth is one of his weaknesses, he always breaks for you so quickly, always fills your throat with his cum and kisses you so tenderly after, making giving him head an experience almost as pleasurable for you as it is for him.

The traffic means you can take your time, but you’d rather make him cum now and get fixed up so you can cuddle for a bit before the reception. You both tend to feel touchy and needy after sex, and though you know you’ll be together all night, you also know you won’t have a single free moment to yourselves until the party is over.

So you suck harder, bob your head faster, use your hand to cover what your mouth can’t take. You moan around him, knowing he loves the vibrations, and take one of his hands from his knee to wrap it around your neck.

You don’t want him to choke you (right now) but you do want him to feel himself move, feel your throat work around him, feel your sounds in more ways than one. He whimpers brokenly, gazing down at you with tears welling up in his eyes and his face tight with bliss.

He’s trying to be quiet like you were, and you think he might be even worse at it, his cries loud against the quiet hum of the limo. You reach up to cover his mouth and he sucks two of your fingers between his lips instead, the wet heat of his tongue reminding you how it feels between your thighs and sending a zip of electricity down to your clit.

You so wish you could climb up and sink down onto him, let him fill you up with his cock and his cum, but you don’t have a condom and you can’t have it leaking down your thighs while you celebrate with your family and friends.

You can be content with swallowing. This time.

It won’t be long, now, not with the way he’s bucking into your mouth in little thrusts, or the way his cock is jerking and spitting precum, or the way he’s groaning around your fingers, tears dripping from the corners of his eyes to settle in the creases of his lips.

“Cum,” you moan, or try to, around his throbbing dick, and that’s enough for him.

He stubbornly keeps his eyes on you even as his head tilts back and your fingers nearly slip from his mouth, his hips rolling up and sending his cock just a little bit further down your throat before white hot cum starts to spill out. You can’t taste it, he’s in too deep for that, but you can feel it as it drips down your esophagus, your throat opening and closing around him as you swallow and swallow and swallow him down.

He was near silent this time, somehow, and when you notice how red he’s getting, you realize it’s because he was holding his breath to hold his noises in. His lips part so he can gasp for air, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he blinks down at you, the look in his eye telling you he wants to ask Leonard to take you straight home.

Sometimes Seungkwan gets a little… territorial, covetous, over you after he cums, and as he reaches down for you, you feel the limo lurch forward, nearly sending you face first into his softening dick.

You climb back up onto the middle seat and reach for your bag before buckling your seatbelt back up, digging through to find what you need.

You’ve got tissues and wipes to clean yourselves up with, plus makeup and a mirror for necessary touch ups (and some gum, thank goodness). You pass a wipe and tissue over to Seungkwan, but he just stares at you blankly, apparently still too out of his head to figure out what to do with them. You shake your head with a fond smile, gently wiping his cock down and drying it off before tucking it back into his pants, redoing them carefully and smoothing out the wrinkles he’d pinched into them.

You clean yourself up next with a quick swipe between your legs, balling up the used tissues and wipes and putting them in the trash can inset in the limo door. Popping some gum into your mouth and then Seungkwan’s to get rid of the scent of bodily fluids, you glance over his face, noting that he should be fine with just a light reapplication of his cushion foundation and some setting powder.

You take care of him without thinking about it, fixing his makeup and then his hair before moving on to yourself. He won’t stop staring at you, his eyes misty again and his mouth wobbling.

“I love you so much,” he mumbles, watching as you restore your own appearance to its pre-interlude state.

“I love you,” you whisper, pressing your minty lips to his and settling back into his side when he lifts his arm for you. Soon enough, you’ll roll up to your wedding reception and enter as the Boos, but for now, you’re you and he’s him, and that’s all you could ever need.

AN: i love boo seungkwan that is all i have to say about this

jk! i'm thinking about doing a less formal series of interludes like this, little breaks of fluff and smut in between big life events. i think it could be fun and a way to write more with less pressure! feel free to send in asks with ideas and i'll start keeping a list 💖

My Masterlist

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