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madrabit · 2 months

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Hey :3 can I request 8 + BoJance? 🫶

Hey, ofc you can request that! Sorry it got a little out of hand and turned into a slightly angsty 3,3k thing, but I guess that's short for me 🤠 (I am making no promises for the other prompts being as long, since this was actually sth I wanted to write for a bit now) I do hope you like it tho!

Here you can find the prompt list! Feel free to send me sth. And now, enjoy! 🩷

Send me a number and a Ship and I'll write you a kiss!

8. ... in secrecy.

"You really don‘t want to come with us?"

Bojan looked up from his phone as Jan stepped in front of him, wearing his leather jacket and a beanie, ready to go out. In the little hallway, he could see Nace put on his winter coat.

"Yeah, I'll stay here", he said, pulling up his legs onto the couch, wrapping his arms around them, one finger idly tracing along the fresh tattoo on his calf, careful to not touch the still tender skin. Jan just stared at him for a second, dark eyes following the movement of Bojan's hand. His face was blank, normally plush lips pressed into a thin line and Bojan almost started to squirm under his gaze, feeling like one of those butterflies pinned to a board. Usually he loved Jan looking at him, basked in the attention the other was giving him, but right now it felt like the guitarist was trying make him cave and give in. And Bojan would love to, he really would, but he just couldn't.

"I really think-", Jan started, his tone flat, but before he could go on, Nace popped up behind him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"And I think we shouldn't talk about this right now, Jan", Nace said calmly, squeezing Jan's shoulder, before he threw Bojan a soft smile.

"This is a stupid idea", Jan grumbled, a frown settling onto his face, but then his posture relaxed and he sighed, shaking his head slightly. He mumbled something else, something Bojan couldn't understand, which probably was for the better, before he turned his head to look at Nace, who just gave him the same warm smile, he had given Bojan earlier.

"We'll have to go now, we told Damon we will be there by six", Nace said, taking his hand from Jan and searching in the pocket of his coat for his phone, "Jan wanted to take a quick stop in Chinatown on our way home, do you want us to get you some takeaway?"

Bojan pulled his legs closer, shifting under Jan's still lingering gaze until the dark haired guitarist groaned and made his way out of the living room, two pairs of brown eyes following him.

"I'm sorry", Bojan said, voice small and unsure, but he knew Jan wouldn't hear it as the front door fell closed.

"We'll talk about this some other time, it's okay, don't worry Bojči", Nace sighed, ruffling the singer's hair gently before he, too, turned and followed after Jan, the sound of the door shutting the only thing echoing through the otherwise empty house right now.

The interaction left a bad feeling in him. Jan was angry, he knew that. And he had all the right to be, they had planned this all together, but Bojan had pulled back just last night, nerves getting to him. He had ended up tossing and turning, tiptoeing back to his own room in the middle of the night to not bother Jan and Nace too much and let them get the rest that they needed after a long day at the studio.

Bojan had thought it would be easier after moving to London. That he would finally be able to let go of social expectations, get out of the suffocating hold it had on him, break out of this typical teenage heartthrob corset that was constricting and didn't allow for him to breathe or make mistakes. Or live a life that was just a little bit out of the norm.

And in a certain way it did, not only thanks to finally being able to spend all of his free time with the people he loved most, but also their new environment, not having to hide himself away from the world.

It had made him relax, and in turn, it made his friends relax too. They didn't have to only deal with their own issues, but also Bojan's, especially Jan and Nace, who for some reason weren't only his friends but also more. Not that anybody except for Jure and Kris knew.

He sighed, reaching for his phone and tapped into his notes app, looking through the current lyrics he was writing, but knowing he wouldn't be able to write anything. So instead, he just resorted to scrolling through social media, looking at fanart and other things to take his mind off everything.

It didn't take too long until Kris and Jure came back, carrying bags of groceries through the door and immediately, Bojan jumped up to help them.

"Weren't you supposed to be having a shoot right now? Why aren't you with the others?", Kris asked once Bojan had taken a bag from him, making his way through the hallway and living room into the kitchen.

"I...", the singer started, but didn't know how to go on, so he stopped, staying quiet as Kris set the bag he still had been carrying down on the counter, turning to Jure to help him, but not before throwing Bojan a sceptical look.

"You're stupid, you know that, right?", Kris sighed, shaking his head as he started to sort through the groceries as Bojan set the last bag down.

"I know, you don't need to rub it in, Krisko."

"No, I don't think you do, but we love you anyway, so we deal with your dumbass", the younger said, putting a can of tomatoes into a cupboard, as Jure as snooping through the fridge for something to snack.

"Ow", Bojan mumbled, looking at the floor. His eyes fixed on the tiles, following the swirly pattern, just so he wouldn't be confronted with Kris's disappointed stare. He knew he was being stupid, knew he should have just gone with his boyfriends, shouldn't have been afraid to do what they had planned for a while now, what exactly did he have to loose?

Nothing.

Everything.

It wasn't that he was ashamed of himself, or of his partners, he would never, never, be ashamed of the people he loved. But he just couldn't. Just the thought of putting his relationship out there, for everyone to see, for everyone to judge, was making Bojan freeze on the spot. It made him want to pull back, afraid of the comments and hate he certainly would get, that had always been coming when he did something people thought was wrong, no matter what it was. There was always someone getting angry, shouting at him and making him feel bad about being himself.

"It's my turn to cook today", Jure suddenly said, having been quiet before while he was raiding the fridge. Now he was bouncing on his feet, already looking through everything him and Kris had bought before. "I think we're gonna make pasta? Are you okay with that?"

Kris nodded, taking of his coat and handing it to Bojan with a smile and a "thank you" as the shorter man held out his arms to take both of their jackets, slowly slinking out of the kitchen as the other two started planning dinner.

They ate crouched around the little coffee table. Bojan was watching a random nature documentary Nace had started this morning and that Bojan had then been very interested in, while Jure and Kris were talking, the youngest having a noticeable blush on his face.

As Jure had thrown an arm around Kris's shoulder, Bojan had made his way to his room, giving the both of them some alone time that they actually would've had if he would have went with Jan and Nace like he was supposed to. And not long after, he fell asleep in the bed he had spent maybe one night in since they had moved here.

Their house was small, barely big enough for five grown adults, but it was more than enough if these men lived in each others pockets anyway. Three bedrooms, a nice bathroom for British standards and a garage for them to use as a makeshift jam session space if they didn't want to go to the studio they also had rented. Kris had instantly claimed the biggest bedroom for him and Jure, insisting that they needed it and the youngest had almost made a whole list of reasons, until Nace, Jan and Bojan had just shrugged and let them have it. The other double room was small, so Bojan had moved his things into the last, single bedroom. Not that he had been spending a lot of time in there anyway, using the room more as some sort of walk in closet than an actual bedroom.

He woke up in the middle of the night, wrapped up in a blanket and with his phone on the charger, while he knew he hadn't been under the covers and fell asleep with another documentary playing. Slightly confused, he looked around, taking in the dark room around him. It felt weird sleeping alone now, after being used to sharing a bed with his boyfriends. He loved being cuddled, slept better when he was close to his loved ones and was being held. But right now, he wasn't sure if he should make his way to their room, crawl into bed like a little kid scarred of the dark.

It was late already, they would be sleeping anyway and Bojan didn't plan on waking them up right now, not when he didn't even know when they got home.

He rolled over, reaching for his phone, scrolling through social media, sorting through all the notifications he had gotten until one caught his eye. His heart immediately started to race, fingers shaking as he tapped into Damon's newest story.

If his heart was beating a mile a minute before, it now had stopped, as well as his breath.

The photos were incredible. Jan and Nace looked incredible. They always did, Bojan knew that, probably better than anyone else. Seeing the both of them together on a normal day made him stop for a second, unable to do anything else but stare at them with an expression that was so ridiculously in love that Kris had started to make fun of it every time he noticed.

But this? This was killing him.

Damon was a master at his craft, making sure everything was perfect, Bojan had seen him at work himself, had had a long session with him that had felt more like therapy than anything else, just as Kris had said before. So it was no wonder he would take perfect pictures of them, would make them look like they are meant to be together. Like they belong to each other.

They were beautiful, looking at each other with so much love, affection and devotion, that it made his heart overflow with the same emotions. His breath hitched, and he could feel tears well up in his eyes, threatening to spill over.

His chest clenched harshly and he just couldn't help but look away from his screen for a second. The pictures were amazing, more than amazing, they were everything, but there was something lurking at the back of his mind. A little nagging thought he wanted to ignore, wanted to drown out with the love and warmth he felt inside him.

The photos left no doubt on how close Jan and Nace were, how well they fit together and no one could deny that it looked a lot like a coming out post. Which it technically was, they had talked about it, how it would seem, what they wanted to show. Had talked with Damon about how to do it. They hadn't planned to make a statement, would just show their true selves and let people decide for themselves.

They had put themselves put there, for everyone to judge, to form an opinion, and they had wanted him to be with them. Had wanted to show the world that the same love they held for each other also extended to him.

And Bojan had pulled away, had told his boyfriends, the ones he loved most in his life, that he couldn't do it. Couldn't show himself like that, was afraid of what people would think of him if he gave up that part of himself, let everyone see who he was, deep down and who he loved.

It was a ridiculous thought.

He should've went with them. No matter what anyone would've thought. No wonder Jan was angry, Bojan would be too if he felt like his own boyfriend wanted to deny him, if it felt like he was ashamed of him.

His chest clenched again, hard and he had to concentrate to keep his breath calm, his eyes still stinging and he wanted to blink away the tears, but instead of disappearing, they fell, running down his cheeks and into the pillow that was barely used. He was stupid, stupid to only think of himself, to push all of his baggage onto Jan and Nace, let them handle not only their own fears, but also Bojan's anxious thoughts.

He needed to talk to them, right now, needed to tell them both just how much he loved them and how he wasn't able to live without the two of them by his side. How he would wither and break if he didn't have their love and support. But not right now, not when they were sleeping and not when the chance of Jan still being angry at him was hanging in the air.

Finally, after having Damon's story open and staring at the pictures for what felt like an eternity, tears streaking his face and a sob ripping from his throat, he tapped out of it, ready to throw his phone to the side and cry himself to sleep if he had to, when he noticed the colorful rings around both Jan's and Nace's profile pictures. Sitting there, right next to each other, which they hadn't been before. They were awake, they had to be.

Without thinking about it, Bojan locked his phone, wrangling himself out of the sheets and slowly made his way to the door.

The way to Jan and Nace’s (and his own, if they were being honest here) room was short, barely a few steps and slowly he opened the door a bit, pressing himself through the little space and closed it again when he was finally inside.

Two pairs of dark eyes were staring at him. Nace and Jan were both tucked under the covers, looking soft and warm, ready to fall asleep. And Bojan's chest clenched again at the thought of what he could have if he just asked for it.

"I'm sorry..."

The words fell from him before he could stop them, just like the tears still flowing freely down his cheeks. Bojan sniffled, wiping his wet cheek and then fiddled with the hem of his shirt. He shifted his weight from one foot to another, feeling small and vulnerable, ready to just sink away into nothingness if he would be allowed to.

"I'm sorry I didn't come with you", he continued when the other two didn't say anything, taking a small step towards the bed, "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said no."

Nace sat up, a sad expression on his face, probably mirroring Bojan's own pitiful and pathetic look and it made Bojan sob a little harder.

"I'm sorry for not being able to be honest", he pressed put, getting closer to the bed.

"For not being brave enough..."

Another step.

His eyes fixed on Jan. The guitarist's face was blank, features held in a carefully shielded expression. More tears ran down his cheeks.

"I didn't want this...", he said, his knees finally hitting the mattress, "I didn't want to make you feel like this..."

Jan looked up at him, still quiet, but there was a twitch in the corner of his mouth, a certain look in his eyes, that Bojan knew too well.

"I love you, both of you. So much. I didn't want to make you feel like I don't want you, don't need you, because I do. I need you so much that it scares me..."

He wiped his cheek again, taking a deep breath and before he could do anything else, Jan had leaned up, wrapped an arm around his waist and had pulled him down. Bojan toppled over, falling onto the bed and in Jan's waiting arms, couldn't tell sky from ground for a moment until he found himself laying between the two other men. Jan pulled him close, one hand cupping Bojan's cheek and wiping away tears.

"I don't want to have to hide you anymore", Jan says lowly, pressing their foreheads together. His face was serious, but warm, open and Bojan felt warmth spreading through him.

"You belong to us as much as we belong to you, as much as we belong to each other", the taller went on, letting his hand slip to Bojan's hair, tugging on it softly, "I don't want to keep this a secret, Bojan, I don't want to keep you a secret."

Behind him, the singer could feel Nace move, he felt an arm sneaking around him, settling on his waist, a hand slipping under his shirt to caress soft skin.

"I love you too much for that", Jan mumbled, petting his hair and rubbed their noses together.

Bojan nodded, his breath shaking even more and he felt like all his nerves were on edge.

"I don't want that either", he said, sneaking an arm around Jan’s neck, pulling him closer.

"I know you need time and that's okay", Jan said, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of Bojan's mouth, gripping his hair a little tighter, grounding the smaller man, "I just hope you know we are there for you, always."

Instead of answering, Bojan leaned forward, connecting their lips in a gentle kiss. Jan made a soft noise, shifting closer and deepened the kiss a bit, parting his lips and letting his tongue trace over Bojan's, slipping inside as the shorter man pliantly opened his mouth with a little sigh.

A shiver ran through him, as he felt another pair of lips ghosting over his neck, first pressing chaste little kisses to his skin that soon turned into gentle bites, latching onto the little mole right under his jaw.

At another, harder bite, Bojan pulled back, panting as he turned his head to the side, catching Nace's dark eyes over his shoulder. A big hand came up, resting on his chin and turning him a bit more, pulling him into a kiss of their own.

"I love you", Bojan mumbled against the bassist's mouth, nibbling on the bottom lip as Nace started to grin. The older leaned more into the kiss, scooting closer, so Bojan had full body contact with both of his boyfriends. And the warmth made him shiver, goosebumps forming all over his body.

"I love you too", Nace chuckled before he leaned in even more, pulling Bojan into another kiss, albeit a shorter one. Then he leaned back, shifting even closer and rolling Bojan forward, so he was partially laying on Jan's chest, plastering himself to the smaller man's back, almost burying him under him, just how he knew Bojan liked it best.

With a content little sigh Bojan snuggled onto Jan's chest, feeling a hand in his hair, slowly lulling him to sleep, but before that, he lifted his head, a sleepy smile spreading over his face as he saw Nace press a little peck to Jan's lips, both looking beautiful, soft and warm and so full of love it almost made Bojan's heart burst.

Sleep caught him easily that night, no laying awake, waiting for the sun to rise, so they could go on, pretending nothing was going on, so people could continue to talk and hate them for being who they were.

No, this was all he needed, being held by the loves of his life, content and comfortable.

#idk why this turned into this #anyway I hope you still enjoy it #bojance #bonace #bo(jan)² #jance #joker out fanfic #fanfiction #puppy and doggo #jan je bog #this is a lil angsty #puppy is anxious but whats new about that huh #madrabit's kiss prompts

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