respite at boilprawn shack (feat my tarnished, Bastille)

Boilprawn shack at dusk

What's that? Another Elden Ring dungpost doodle about how much my tarnished loves shrimp?

Hmmmm. The Road to the Erdtree often uses ingame screens for environmental backdrops, which means... there's a shack somewhere that served as the fictionalized Ranni Fan Club created by Blaidd. (At a glance, it looks like the Boilprawn Shack, but the covered door is on the wrong side.)

I have to find it.

Some boilprawn shacks I've been letting simmer

“A Grafted Scion that drops Larval Tear is disguised as a Giant Crayfish patrolling around the gazebo between Rose Church and Boilprawn Shack. There are four Giant Crayfish in this area, three of them are sleeping and one is patrolling. The disguised Grafted Scion is the one patrolling.”

hmm.... grafted scion... in liurnia with a larval tear... trying to be low-key... attempting to get to rennala maybe for rebirth?

How to fix Elden Ring - Margit Everywhere System

Elden Ring has proven to be a massively popular, massively well crafted video game that has captivated the masses, especially after so many games with similarly impossible levels of hype behind them simply failed to deliver. However, it is also true that Elden Ring has many flaws that one simply cannot turn a blind eye to, such as uncooperative camera when fighting particularly large foes, poor moveset balance for bigger weapons, and the conspicuous lack of a button that lets me scritch Blaidd behind the ears.

Arguably the biggest of these issues, however, is the sheer repetition of frankly boring bosses. In a game the size of Elden Ring, it’s completely justified to reuse and repurpose content to some degree. What is unforgivable, however, is that developer FromSoftware reused the single worst couple of bosses over and over instead of the fun, engaging ones. Researchers at Harvard, Oxford, and Raya Lucaria have joined forces to do a thorough study regarding this topic and have concluded that for every 5 minutes spent playing Elden Ring, the average player will encounter two Erdtree Avatars, three Tree Spirits, and one and half Valiant Gargoyles. Considering this game can easily go into the hundreds of hours if one were to spend time exploring, engaging in multiplayer, and overall just organically experiencing the game, it results in an overwhelmingly gross amount of bad bosses fought per square inch. In fact, the study shows that there could be an Erdtree Avatar behind you right this second!

Fortunately for gamers worldwide, there is a solution to this problem: The Margit Everywhere System.

It’s simple: We replace all repeat instances of Erdtree Avatar, Tree Spirit, and Valiant Gargoyle with another Margit fight, each time with some sort of contextual gimmick that changes the way he fights slightly. As Margit is one of the most well rounded bosses not just in Elden Ring, but in FromSoftware games as a whole, this would mean that the player not only gets to have a fresh experience each time, but also that these repeat fights would be built on a solid foundation that doesn’t look like someone forgot to set the bones on a big monster model and decided to give it Scarlet Rot explosions to make up for it.

Regarding this idea, we have the following comment from lead developer, Miyazaki Hidetaka: “Please don’t hurt me, lower the gun, I have a family and [...] yes yes I accept, we will include this system now please remove this blindfold, I’m scared, I haven’t heard Tanimura’s screams for a few minutes now, what did you do to hi--”, in which he enthusiastically expresses his approval for the System and will endeavor to incorporate it in the next big patch, Elden Ring Patch 1.06.

The Margit Everywhere System is still in the development phase as of the writing of this article (23/03/2022), but so far, FromSoftware has been kind enough to give us a sampler, so keep your eyes peeled out for this next update in the Lands Between, Tarnisheds!

Margit, the Fell Omen - The base game first encounter with Margit, unchanged.

Mirgat, the Omen Who Fell - Found in the depths of Stormveil Castle, where the Ulcerated Tree Spirit was. Lore found in a missable item thirty hours away from where the player is expected to fight Mirgat explains that, after fighting the Tarnished near the Stormgate, Margit tripped on his own tattered coat and fell down all the way to the bottom of Stormveil, and can’t find his way out. That’s also why he starts at half HP.

Margarita, the Drunken Omen - Margit after going one bottle of Alcoholic Crimson Tears too deep whle enjoying some snacks at the Boilprawn Shack, where no Omen has gone before. Eschews the use of weaponry to instead fight with the powerful martial art, Drunken Omen Fist, making his moveset extremely erratic and his breath extremely smelly, making the Tarnished build up Madness and Poison if they stay close to him for too long.

Mergot, the Off-Duty Omen - Margit in his day off, prunning the branches of the Altus Plateau Minor Erdtree. Wears a big straw hat with a long pink ribbon given to him by his kids, the Fell Twins, for his birthday. He was not expecting to see you today! Instead of summoning his Holy Weapons (straight sword, dagger, warhammer, and spear), Margit instead summons his Holy Lawn Tools (shears, shovel, rake, and lawnmower) to do battle with you. Defeating Mergot, the Off-Duty Omen rewards the player with Aspect of the Crucible: Sacred Lawnmower, which allows the Tarnished to replicate Mergot’s deadly Holy Lawnmower attacks, and is reportedly going to snap PvP in half for 6 months until they nerf it.

Morgatling, the Omen Who Has Had Enough - Secret superboss version of Margit. To fight Morgatling, you must 1) defeat Malenia, Blade of Miquella without rolling once, 2) defeat Mogh, Lord of Blood without using Crimson Tear Flasks, and 3) defeat The Warrior without jumping once. Margit, having had enough of this, unleashes his strongest incantation, created by a mysterious, reckless branch sect of the Golden Order known as the Powder Kegs: Holy Gatling Cannon. Defeating Morgatling, the Omen Who Has Had Enough rewards the player with Golden Order’s Phalanx - Sacred Gatling Cannon, which actually just sucks as when used by the player.

All these new Margits, and more, await the Tarnished in the Lands Between when patch 1.06 of Elden Ring goes live. Elden Ring was released on the 25th of February of 2022, and is available for purchase in Microsoft Windows systems, PlayStation 4, PlayStation 5, Xbox One, and Xbox Series X/S.

What if we kissed at Boilprawn Shack (and we were both guys)

ah ever since i discovered the boilprawn shack every time i start the game i buy 5 prawns for me and sell 3 prawns to the merchant near Fort Haight because I know he’s hungry. This does nothing but i gotta roleplay, see, and (rambles)

Elden ring: before and after finding the boilprawn shack