Kaz and Inej obviously get married one day because she’s religious and Kaz wants the tax benefits + he wants to make her happy, and I just know when that day comes Kaz takes HER last name

No but literally, do you think I am an automaton? — a machine without feelings? Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong! — I have as much soul as you — and full as much heart! And if God had gifted me with some beauty and much wealth, I should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now for me to leave you

Just had the realization that literally Kaz’s entire life goal is a last act of love for Jordie…….sick and twisted 🚬

To be clear, this is not me trying to be a bitch nor am I pointing fingers, but I just think that the cognitive dissonance required to say “wow it’s so sad that young girls these days are asking for face creams and anti-aging materials for Christmas 💔 we’re failing our daughters” and then immediately go “actually wearing a full face of makeup is empowering and a feminist choice because I’m a woman making the choice ☺️” while refusing to admit—or care—that as a class our actions do affect other women/don’t exist in an echo chamber is alarming, to say the least.

Post-Crooked Kingdom Kaz having to reckon with the fact that his life long quest for revenge on Pekka Rollins has actually just made him more miserable, and even though now it’s fulfilled and Rollins has paid for what he did, Kaz is still right where he was at the start: an angry, abandoned boy who misses his brother, except now he’s no longer alone is something that can be SO personal actually

My theory as to why some people don’t like Chappell Roan is because she sings about sex in a way that’s not ~ flowery ~ and ~ metaphorical ~ and because she’s a lesbian doing this specifically, it makes people uncomfortable because lesbians are expected to be all “uwu girls are so pretty and cottagecore” so it makes them uncomfortable when we don’t act like that

I start giggling and kicking my feet when I remember that Kaz and Inej are in love with each other. Mwah I love them <3

My thesis of The Crows as Taylor Swift Albums because I’m on a long car ride right now and I don’t have anything else to do lol:

Kaz: reputation. This one is self self-explanatory. Reputation fronts as a very dark, edgy, revenge filled album, which it is, BUT under the surface, it’s actually a deeply emotional/romantic album, which is just extremely Kaz. LWYMMD is at the top of my as of now purely hypothetical Kaz magnum opus playlist.

Inej: Speak Now. Speak Now is a album that’s about growing up and picking yourself up after you’ve been wronged, which is definitely Inej. One of her best qualities is her strength, resolve, and ability to maintain her faith and hope. I love her <3

Matthias: This was the hardest because I was torn between Midnights and Fearless, but I’m going to give it to Fearless. As Taylor herself says, it’s an album about the “fearlessness of falling in love” and about entering a new stage in your life, which is literally the thesis of Matthias’ whole arc.

Wylan: folklore. I feel like this is also kind of self-explanatory, but folklore is a very dreamy album that’s filled with lots of depressing things, yes, but it ends on a bit more of a hopeful note. It’s also a very isolated album in vibes which is definitely Wylan. Before he lets himself get close with the other crows, he’s very alone. Wylan Van Eck, army of one and all.

Nina: Red. Red is an album that goes from incredibly upbeat songs to incredibly depressing ones which is very Nina. It’s a fun album that uses these upbeat songs to offset/mask all of the sadness which is definitely Nina.

Jesper: 1989. Besides the fact that 1989 is just a very upbeat album with lots of fun dance songs, it also explores sadder topics like loneliness and feeling like you’re not enough, but it’s not always noticed at first listen because of the fun tempo. That’s very Jesper, who uses his fun loving persona as a kind of deflection.

Also, bonus: Kanej is evermore, Helnik is Midnights, and Wesper is Lover

If We Were Villains is NOT the same as The Secret History btw. TSH is at its core satire. IWWV is a book plotted to represent the rises and falls of a Shakespearean tragedy. The only similarity is that they both: take place on a college campus and that someone is murdered. (Also TSH is a why-done-it while IWWV is a who-done-it.) They’re both wonderful books by talented authors but. Be so fr right now

“I should be at the club” this “I should be at the club” that. Well for ME, I wish I were out of doors—I wish I were a girl again, half savage and hardy and free…and laughing at injuries, not maddening under them! Why am I so changed? Why does my blood rush into a hell of a tumult at a few words? I’m sure I should be myself were I once among the heather on those hills

I know we talk a lot about how absolutely heartbreaking chapters 26 and 27 of Crooked Kingdom are, (and we’re right for that) but we should also talk about how FUNNY it is that ch. 26 ends with Kaz dramatically telling Inej that if she ever cared about him, not to follow…. (and then dropping that BANGER of a line “Inej was wrong about one thing. He knew exactly what he intended to leave behind when he was gone. Damage.”) followed by ch. 27 opening with Inej following him and basically thinking “pft DoN’t FoLlOw okay sure 🙄” They’re so funny. Soulmates <3

Imagine saying If We Were Villains is just a “bad The Secret History knock off.” Imagine not understanding that IWWV is a modern Shakespearean tragedy and follows the five act structure of those tragedies. (Act I: exposition, Act II: rising action, Act III: climax, Act IV: falling action, Act V: catastrophe). Imagine not understanding that the characters in IWWV are supposed to be twisted versions of roles in Shakespeare plays. Imagine thinking that it and TSH are the exact same, even though the only real similarities are that someone is murdered at a liberal arts school. Imagine not understanding that. Could not be me!

The fact that people in the Barrel probably refer to Kaz and Inej as a duo as “Dirtyhands and his Wraith” is so iconic and sexy

“Oh having Lolita as your favorite book is a red flag” “liking x is a red flag” please take a media literacy course I’m begging you

I think one of the problems with booktok (and there are many) isn’t that they’re reading YA books, it’s that they are 1) reading BAD YA books and 2) not reading anything else that challenges them. Because reading YA isn’t bad or doesn’t make you stupid. The problem is when you have grown adults who ONLY read books meant for teenagers and then go around proclaiming them literary masterpieces. I am a well-read young women who reads a wide variety of books, but you know what, I adore Six of Crows and The Hunger Games. I’d say that those are both genuinely well-written YA books with something to say, (especially THG) but even if they aren’t, that’s fine! Not everything has to make you contemplate life. But—and you can call me pretentious here if you want to—you should be at least occasionally reading things that make you think/match your level. Because no shit that people have bad reading comprehension skills and impose an absolute black and white morality on everything when they’re only reading Coleen Hoover or ACOTAR or whatever YA book is popular right now. And this isn’t to say that there aren’t good YA books, because there are. (SOC, The Hunger Games, and The Book Thief come to mind). The problem is just that those books are still for teenagers at the end of the day. You do need to challenge yourself just a little bit. Pick up Wuthering Heights or something. I don’t know! Maybe I’m just a pretentious bitch, but I’ve said my piece.

Boris Pavlikovsky, my best friend Boris Pavlikovsky