starting a gofundme and whitehouse dot gov petition for Harlan to get A Fucking Hobby. maybe he should pick up knitting or antiquing.

"He gardens."

7x6 “Beyond the Wall” was

...just awful. Spoilers under the cut... 

This episode is sooooo f’ckin frustrating like ok 1. STUPID PLAN yes let’s just go catch one of these things that travel en masse and hope that we encounter one like what could possibly go wrong

Oh yeah and apparently time isn’t a thing, like unless they were standing on that rock for like a week... Isn’t it like a thousand miles oR MORE from the wall to Dragonstone??? So you’re telling me Gendry ran back and sent help, then a raven flew ovER 1000 miles, and Daenerys made the decision immediately, and then flew BACK 1000 miles in hours??? days?? This subreddit suggests that the time frame was four days. Still WHAT THE FUCK were they doing for four days on a rock in freezing cold weather

and can you say DEUS EX MACHINA cause that seems to be the show’s only plot device. Oh YAY suddenly Drogon appears to save Dany from the sons of the harpy YAY Suddenly the knights of the vale show up to defeat RAMSAY’S PERFECTLY SUPERB MILITARY STRATEGY (i am not over this obvi) YAY suddenly uncle benjin shows up to save Meera and Bran YAY SUDDENLY Dany shows up at the exact perfect moment, YAY SUDDENLY uncle Benji shows up AGAIN

and by the way, frostbite doesn’t exist??? like how long can you survive after being submersed in ice water without removing your clothes or drying off

the ONLY THING good about that episode is that i had never imagined Tormund and Gendry fucking but now I do

That time my players fought Cthulhu with a Tarrasque and an Airship.

So, at the request of a few people on a D&D forum I frequent, here's the story of how my players faced the summoning of Cthulhu and the subsequent attempt to stop it with nothing more than a stolen airship and a Tarrasque. This will certainly be an extremely long post full of homebrew shenanigans, spelling errors and vastly changing writing which I certainly don't expect many to read, but hopefully those who do will enjoy it.  Lets start with the players and the world to get some familiarity: Eressi is a planet with 2 major continents; the southern Kingdoms of the United Colonial Confederation (UCC) and the Imperialist National Coalition (now turned Empire) known as the INC. At each of the poles are immense areas of unexplored tundra that spread for thousands of miles. These areas are known simply to all civilizations as either 'The North' or 'The South', and are the most dangerous places in Eressi - not just because of the creatures that are said to dwell there, but the elements themselves.Both major continents stand in a cold war that has lasted for around 100 years. This has pushed both technology and magic to what can only be described as an arcane industrial revolution. Due to the huge oceans and dense fauna that covers both continents, airships and aircraft in general are widely accepted as the main form of transport, both personal and military. The party currently consists of: Adagio -Kenku Shadow Monk, one of many messengers fro the UCC. Maru -A Catfolk Pirate on the run from the UCC for 'terrorism and aggressive acts towards UCC military' Cie -A Human Wizard who arrived in Eressi by reality jumping seemingly through the Realm of the Elder Gods. Niklas -A Dragonborn Paladin of Bahamut from Aner Keep in the INC, home to the Dragon Riders of Aner. Vincent -A Human Gunslinger from the UCC. He went AWOL from the military after a fight went bad and now works as a mercenary for hire, currently under the employment of the INC. Oracle -A Tiefling Bard who recently met the group after being captured by cultists in the North. Originally from the UCC, her business is currently in revenge of the personal type. Barrowborn Irondrake -An NPC Dwarf Librarian the party saved from cultists and has since been added in as a much loved member of the group (even though I've tried to kill him on multiple occasions) Bellowbrand Irondrake - NPC librarian, brother of Bellowbrand Augustus Derlith -NPC Gnome Librarian Lizzie Benjin - Human Librarian Our party began their journey with specialized aircraft, personalized to their own tastes, but after unfortunate circumstances involving an unknown mass/creature infecting the denizens of Shadowfell, rather large explosions, and a pretty confused island turtle, they've currently decided walking seems to be easier to handle, though many are already starting to miss the safety of the sky. Upon reaching the ancient stronghold-turned-city of Blebuff, they first came into contact with a cult they eventually discovered to be devoted to the 'Dreaming God', which, after much digging, they discovered to be Cthulhu, a being residing the far realms of the Elder Gods. Naturally, after realizing they rather liked the world not consumed by madness, they set off to stop it. Our story takes place after the party had teamed up with a collection of investigators - known as 'Librarians' - in order to locate and stop the ritual summoning of the Dreaming God to the material plane. After working their way through a very twisted and warped underdark and successfully stopping a Pit Fiend using the weakened planes in the North to emerge and take revenge on Barrowborn and his brother for reasons yet to be explained, they ended up falling into the infected plane of Shadowfell "again". A hellish fight ensued in which one of the librarians lost the use of her legs, but luckily Maru managed to bury the swarms of infected undead and a gigantic Xenomorphus rex under a mile or two of earth before things got any worse. The party then finally made it to the R'an Coast - a frozen ocean, hidden from the world within the mountains of the North. Taking refuge inside a battered, old shack half buried in snow, the party considered their options and plan of attack. Both steam powered constructs the Librarians had were gone and one of them (Lizzie)  couldn’t walk due to the severe acid burns across her legs. It wasn’t looking good for them. Then, across howling winds, drifted strange, wistful music from beneath the two colossal structures protruding from the mass of ice. Like tendrils, they worked their way upwards into the sky, forming a one-thousand foot high eye that gazed across the cold wastes. Between the two structures floated a perfectly spherical, infinitely black ball, easily three hundred feet in diameter, that pulsed with every chord of the strange melody emitting from the camp below. It didn’t take the party long to figure out how the ritual was being performed. The arcane music sent ripples pulsing up between the eye, using it as a gigantic tuning fork to find the perfect sequence of vibrations that would shatter the sphere and tear open a rift to the Other Realm. Not wishing to risk any further delays, the group made haste in the blistering cold to the base of the eye, where a large camp had been established. A small collection of airships had been landed along the ice on the right of the camp; the left a maze of tents, mechanical parts and cultists, all moving back and forth through the walkways, heavily armed with rifles, pistols and flak armour. The group successfully infiltrated the camp nearby the ships, with Maru climbing aboard one to use as a quick getaway should they need it. Cie, Niklas and Vincent worked their way forward covering on another as the nature of the music revealed itself. A steel stage, forty feet wide and littered with ghoulish creatures greeted their eyes. Amongst them, stood a gothic bard, covered in hellish makeup and grinning wildly as she directed the gruesome concert. Below the stage, a pile of dead bodies grew ever larger as she pulled up more and more prisoners to sacrifice for the ritual.Suddenly, a Tiefling burst from one of the tents, and made to escape, before the bard clicked her fingers and froze her in place. Pulling her up onto the stage, she look toward the ghouls, their knives bloodied and their eyes hungry for flesh. Before she could react, the party leapt into action. Niklas and Vincent threw themselves onto the stage, opening fire and drawing blades before the bard turned and stepped through a dimension door, leaving them to deal with the ghouls alone. Cultists began running into the fray, opening fire with their rifles, catching Adagio as he shadow stepped onto the stage to assist Vincent and Niklas. Divine magic met piercing bullets as the Paladin took cover behind his shield, blockading the storm of fire from the now unconscious Tiefling. Maru loaded his new home made rocket launcher and began peppering the bard with alchemical bombs in an effort to keep her busy, while Cie sprinted off to begin taking apart the huge transformers sitting at the back of the stage, in a bid to cut the power from the speakers. The bard began hurling spells across the battlefield, laughing amidst the chaos before bringing down a flash of lightning that slammed into the dragonborn, sending sparks crackling across his armour. Looking down, niklas saw the Tiefling in her final moments. Tears rolled down her cheek from her one good eye, the other battered and broken from the spell, before she went limp in his arms. The bard cackled as more cultists threw themselves onto the stage, cocking rifles and forming firing lines at the Monk, Gunslinger and Paladin standing before them. She knew they were coming.Many hours earlier, Cie sent over a familiar to scout the area, which was quickly dispelled as it flew over the stage. Recognizing magic when she saw it, and expecting Librarians, the bard had set up a convincing trap: create the illusion of a Tiefling running away from the stage in a bid to draw out anyone who would be seeking to stop her, and crush those that appear under an iron boot. And it fell into place perfectly. Niklas looked down as the body of the Tiefling became mottled and rotten, revealing itself to be nothing more than an animated corpse under the influence of seeming. Picking her way through the alchemical thorns covering the ground from Marus bombs, she began to press the party to join her. After all, what could a meagre force of adventurers like them have that could stop her? A crack of thunderous metal sparked the air as she spoke, cutting her off mid sentence. As she stood atop the stage once again, she turned back to the battlefield before her. There, emerging alongside the dwarf brothers, both covered in blood, stood the Tiefling she had used in her illusion so readily. Oracle stepped forward, throwing back the arcane music with her own magical six string, her eyes aglow with the fiery aura of a bard scorned. “No more games Ivanka!” she shouted across the booming thunder and clash of music. “You want to play? Let’s play!” Ivanka clenched her fists in anger before summoning her own bass guitar; it’s edges bladed and spined with dark magic. Their hope restored with the addition of their new allies, the party leapt into action, opening fire on the cultists, ghouls and Ivanka herself with all the fury they could muster; knowing the world itself hangs in the balance. The fight was long and bitter, with the arcane bardic dual flashing across a battlefield strewn with bodies and bullets. Vincent and Adagio dodged round after round while duelling with the two remaining ghouls, before successfully dispatching them both in a flurry of blows and close range firepower. Niklas threw himself at Ivanka, knocking her down the steps leading toward the stage, before plunging his blade into her side with the divine power of Bahamut itself channeled into the blade. A resounding shockwave rippled outwards, both sides giving pause but for a moment before throwing themselves into the fray once again. Arcane explosions rang out as Cie took out a collection of transformers with her sniper rifle and the aid of the paladin’s Wyvern mount before wheeling around to put rounds in the chest of two cultists attempting to open fire on her. Niklas stood over the bleeding body of Ivanka, taking the sword and plunging it deep into her chest. As the life ebbed away from her, a gurgling retching began working it’s way into her throat. Niklas pulled out the blade as blackened ichor streamed from the wound, lashing out as if alive before working its way around the bard’s lifeless body. Before they could react, the cultists nearby began shuddering, dropping to the floor under the same strange affliction, before their bodies tore apart, birthing gibbering, multi mouthed horrors from within. Adagio grabbed Vincent, and reached out for Niklas as Ivanka too tore apart, her arcane form a conduit now for a creature from the Realm of Madness itself. As the mass of tendrils and mouths began to take shape and grow, the party realized they were too late. The screeching, gibbering aberration dredged itself forwards towards them as the music, now playing from some strange otherworldly realm, began growing all around them. Maru shouted over the din to the others and the party began clambering onto one of the UCC airships he’d managed to get running. The gigantic sphere began cracking; shedding itself between the two structures and collapsing into dust, before the reality around both it and the eye warped inwards, tearing a deep score in the fabric of the material plane. Beyond, infinite space; an empty void between stars steeped in a madness that clawed at all who gazed upon it. The ground beneath the airship split as darkness began seeping from underneath the ice. Clawed hands reached upwards, as the Xenomorphus Queen pulled itself out, bringing with it a host of screeching, howling infected that threw themselves across the landscape, blanketing the gibbering horrors in minutes and consuming them into the fold. Shadowfell had broken, and with the weakened planar state now at its worst, the party looked on in horror as the ice below them transformed into a chittering, screaming mass of black and bone. As one, everyone aboard the ship felt a crack of psionic energy slam into them as a titanic hand reached out from the rift. Grabbing one side of the structure, and towering six hundred feet high, the Dreaming God began pulling itself through the portal; its feet crushing the mass of black beneath them and sending a small tsunami across the remaining ice. Niklas pulled out the ancient stone tablet the party had discovered on Agh Aight, the Island Turtle the week before, and looked across at the madness coursing through the rift into the material plane. Feeling the direction of his god behind him, he shouted over to the others on board. “It’s now or never! I need help activating this. It’s the only thing we have now!”Cie ran over to Niklas, a look of determination in her eyes, before place her hands across the arcane sigils etched in the stone. “If we do this, it could kill you. Are you sure?” Niklas looked back at Cie, and across to Adagio and Oracle, their hands both on the sigil alongside his. “What choice do we have Cie? I have to fulfill my oath.” Adagio looked toward Niklas, and out towards the growing chaos. “Well, lets hope this works.”Cie and Oracle begin channeling what arcane energies they have left within them into the Titan Shard, it’s stone carvings beginning to fill with a deep mystical light at their touch. Niklas summons the last of his divine strength and steels himself for the backlash of the Titan Sigil’s activation with the aid of Adagio whilst Maru heads off towards the engines. The Titan Sigil cracked, bathing the group in a warm glow before crumbling into a fine dust in the now battered dragonborn’s hands. Wincing from his drained life force, Niklas nods to the others and takes off, using the cloak of levitation to get his as close as possible to the rift, before throwing the dust towards the emerging form of Cthulhu, muttering the incantations of the forbidden spell. The dust streamed forward like a bolt of lightning towards the vast titan now being engulfed and bonded by the black screaming mass below it, slowly beginning to take shape. NIklas looked up at the mountain of Cthulhu, its green skin shifting black, and watched in horror as the tendrils hardened, sprouting sharp spines across them. The Elder God had become infested with the nature of Shadowfell and the hellish horrors that had infected it. Pulling itself out of the rift, it strode forward, looking out across the mountains and letting out another psychic scream as it began drawing upon its new powers, before the world’s biggest attack dog burst into existence and latched onto it’s midriff. A monstrous roar thundered across the Ra’n Coast as the Tarrasque, manifested and bound to the will of the weakened paladin crashed into the ice. It’s claws tore at the ground, before finding purchase and dragging the newly born avatar of Cthulhu back toward the open rift. With a mighty swing, the god grabbed the ferocious titan, easily half it’s size, and threw it out across the frozen wastes. The Tarrasque skidded to a halt before catching itself and rushing its gargantuan bulk forwards to attack again. “What the hell are we doing?!” Maru shouted into the comms as the two titans slammed into each other. “We need to run!”Vincent gripped the helm tightly and began spinning the ship around. “If we run now, we risk losing everything. We have to fight!”The party held on as the UCC airship tilted sharply, banking back around to support the paladin, now hovering a good distance away, desperately trying to stay in control of the forbidden spell. “Oracle, you think you can grab him if I get underneath?” Oracle, still at a loss for words at what she had just witnessed, nods. “Yes! I think so, just get me close enough!” The Tarrasque bit down into the arm of the Elder God again, pulling it down and dragging it further toward the rift as the tendrils scraped across it’s armoured carapace. With another scream of psionic energy, a huge clawed hand slammed into its mouth, prying open the jaws before they gnashed down again, spraying black ichor across the god’s chest. It’s gaze met Niklas, before the Wyvern slammed its tail into the singure eye protruding from its head. An explosion of blood and viscera sent the beast into freefall for a moment, before the Dreaming God clasped a fragment of it’s mind around both the Wyvern and its master. Niklas found his vision blocked, his body frozen, before his mind focused inwards; his sanity ebbing away as Cthulu played with his mind. The Tarrasque continued to savage it back and forth, before being lifted off the ground and assailed by the spined tendrils, screeching in pain and they plunged deep into the weak spots between the chitin. Suddenly, Cthulhu’s shoulder buckled, but for a moment, as the shadow stepping form of Adagio slammed his fists with all his might into its collor bone. Niklas, sensing the brief distraction, pulled his mind free of the torment and found himself dragged onto the deck of the ship by Oracle.“Niklas, look out!” she shouted, before the tendrils slammed into the belly of the airship, sending splinters of wood and metal falling into the abyss below. “Just keep it busy! We can do this!” Niklas shouted, regaining control of the Tarrasque, and sending it clambering across the chest of the titan, savaging it before being thrown off and crashing into the icey waves below.Suddenly, the deck behind them both twisted, warping in on itself as reality shifted once more, bringing with it a host of gibbering, hissing monstrosities, that lunged across the deck towards the adventurers. The gigantic, bear sized insects scrabbled across the deck before latching onto Niklas and Oracle with reckless abandon. Gunfire burst from the cockpit as vincent opened fire on another one, before the dwarf librarian Bellowbrand, threw himself at it with both daggers drawn. “Hang on lad! I’ve got this one!”The creature shrieked before wheeling around and grappling the dwarf with its pincers, the tendrils secreting a paralyzing venom that the dwarf barely held at bay. Maru, now desperately using whatever chemicals he could fine to accelerate the engines, looked across at the other two librarians, Barrowborn and Augustus who were also below deck trying to avoid having the engines explode under the strain Vincent was putting on them. “Vincent!” Maru shouted over the radio “I think I’ve got a plan to get us out of here at least! Just give me the signal!” Turning to Augustus, he signalled for him to get the concoction ready. Bellowbrand, hearing his brother’s shouting over the radio looked to Maru, nodded, and drew his longsword. A monumental crash shook the ship at the Tarrasque landed on the ice, lashing out again as Cthulhu stepped away from the rift. Tearing into its leg, the monstrosity held fast, digging it’s claws into the ice and held it’s ground. The god, now slowly growing in power as it began warping the reality around itself, reached down and slashed across its face, gouging a deep groove in the heavy armour plates, but to no avail, as it’s titanic counterpart threw itself into the rift, pulling the Dreaming God with it. As the rift began to close, Cthulhu let out another roar of anger, grabbing onto the two monolithic structures and kicking back towards the Tarrasque, now drifting within the Elder Realm beyond. Vincent, seeing the opportunity, swung the ship around, facing the heavy engines towards the blinded, bloodied eye. “Now Maru!”The engines exploded in a burst of alchemical fire as the nitro concoction took hold, lurching the ship forwards as Cthulhu’s head rocked back from the firey impact. With a final thunderclap, the rift tore itself back together, reality realigning itself as the mists from the battle began settling across the mountainsides. Then a cacophonous psychic shriek filled the air, followed by a bellowing roar, as the bloody, battered form of Cthulhu lifted itself up, the deep leg wounds from the Tarrasques failed grapple dripping blackened undead onto the frozen ground below. With a hefty step forwards, the ground beneath it shook. Cthulhu was here to stay. Maru emerged from below deck alongside Barrowborn, seeing the chaos and heavy fighting still rife atop the steel floor of the ship. Without skipping a beat, he loaded another round into his bowgun and opened fire on the insectoid creatures savaging Niklas, before the sound of automatic weapons told him Barrowborn had found a shot into the cockpit and was assisting Vincent and Bellowbrand with the creature within. Oracle, freeing herself for a moment from the jaws of the hideous creature chittering between her and the cockpit, she took aim, sending a flurry of eldritch bolts cascading across its back, before a crack of a rifle punched a first sized whole in it’s abdomen and it fell limp on the floor. Cie reloaded and took aim again, emerging from below deck after looking after the wounded, ready to finish the fight. Gunfire erupted across the deck as one by one the otherworldly manifestations fell to bullet, sword, and brutal hand to hand combat. After a few more tense minutes of fighting a well place shot from Vincent saw the last invader collapse into a gooey mass on the floor of the cockpit before shifting back into it’s own reality. Reloading her bolt rifle, Cie looked out past the mountains to the Eye at the End of the World. “So what now? We can’t just leave it there!”Vincent looked across at her, blood-soaked and bruised. “I don’t know. We need more help to fight that thing, and we’re out of options” Nikolas leant in, exhausted from the fight, his armour littered with dents and ichor. “We regroup, and we work out our next move.” Cie nods solemly. “Fine” she said looking over at the others. “I think we need to speak to Dreven.”

Beyond the Wall / S7E6

OK so Let’s start off with the smaller story going on last night.

Arya and Sansa Arya confronted Sansa as expected and puts Sansa on edge clearly Sansa feel she is the only one who went through anything, but we all know better I for one feel Arya had the tougher route… blind, hiding as a boy, beaten up on a daily basis.. list goes on. Sansa also tipped her hand She won the battle of the bastards. So instead of counting the Knights of the Vale as part of the army they had which would have changed things quite a bit, she held them back and kept them a secret, cost a lot of lives just so she could be the one who won and saved the day. Just a power play by a spoiled child. Little Finger plays into her head some more and she finds Arya’s bag of faces, yeah a bit gross don’t they decay after a while? Arya proves herself smarter and superior keeping Sansa on edge go team Arya!

On to the Magnificent 7 (plus some Star Trek red shirts) Lots of male bonding going on between unlikely friends which was cool. Love Tormund and the Hound bonding, and the Hound making fun of Gendry’s whining and Tormund setting Jon straight on what pride preventing you from bending the knee will get you. The Wight Bear ( not to be confused with White(polar) as he is undead) attacks and Thoros gets hurt mortally, no did not die right away but was dying all the same. Also lose a few red shirts but that is to be expected. Finally, they beat up and capture a Wight Mission part 1 complete… casualties at the moment = red shirts not important. They are ambushed by a much larger Army but not before Gendry runs to Eastwatch.  They end up floating on an island of ice surrounded. Thoros succumbs to his wounds and dies, they also lose the rest of the red shirts. Gendry gets a raven to Danni who against advice from her advisor ( who she ignores often) she takes the Dragons and rescues the team except Jon = price of her trip North 1 gold Dragon. Jon in a total badass move, stands facing the Night’s King showing no fear ready to fight. Jon is swamped and left for dead until…dun dun dun  saved by undead Uncle Benjin.

Danni while mentioned above needs her own write up..

Frustrated by having the hots for Jon :p suddenly Jon is too small? LOL poor Tyrion, Jon is a giant next to him. But I digress it’s not your size but how immortal you are sheesh. Danni should strongly consider the mortality of her previous husband who was a big man. So she gets a raven and ignores the advice of her most trusted advisor who she seems to feel is betraying her and off she goes leaving with 3 Dragons to save the crew. She flies in to save the day and gets the crew even though the only one she showed any interest in saving was Jon. Viscerion gets an ice spear through the neck and plummets to his death in the frozen water. Jon also falls into the water and she leaves him for dead.

The crew is re-united save for Thoros, more bromance going on, Jon is wounded and ½ frozen. They head out on a ship with a Wight. Danni tends to Jon and gets to see first-hand his stabbed in the heart wounds. Yes Danni the tales are true he was stabbed to death. Danni has lost one of her babies to the Night’s King and has now shifted her attention to killing the Night’s King and Jon is finally willing to bend the knee although that will wait until he can stand ;)

Back to the world of forever winter – Viscerion is dragged out of the water and turned into a wight? Or an ice dragon? Odds are evening up especially since only the Knight’s King managed to kill a dragon.

Next Week the finale ☹

Should be long roughly 80 minutes

Predictions for next week

The crew meets with Cersei to show her a Wight and how impossible they are to kill

Cercei will agree to send troops but betray that promise hoping Danni’s army and the Night’s King’s army will kill each other

Tyrion will figure out Cersei is pregnant

Jamie believes in the army of the dead and leaves Cersei taking the army with him to go fight the battle.

Viscerion will break the wall down

Little Finger will continue to try to play his game

House Stark will find him guilty of treason against the North using information from Bran and Arya will execute him Frey style.

Jon will learn who he really is

Follow up commentary

Arya is Arya pretty clear the faceless men do not reveal their tricks. She did not actually complete her training to become No one therefore is a bit careless like leaving the faces where they could be found and telling Sansa she could put her face on.

Jon yes as a matter of fact there is a lot of freaking out on the internet from people saying the wolf head on the sword opened it’s eyes. Jon just splashed water on it. But that was. Jon oh thought I was dead? Nope I am back come on King boy come fight me.

Benjin was mortally wounded by the Wights and the Children saved him with Dragon Glass so he is essentially Night’s king v2 the controllable version. Yes he can be killed just as all Wights and even the Night’s King can be killed. And Yes they showed him get swarmed.

The Hound pointed that out with Thoros dead Beric wont be coming back next time he gets killed.

Tyrion is a true believer, Tyrion is also not a vicious cut throat like his sister. He truly believes there is a peaceful diplomatic way of doing things and that without using them the fear of the dragons will bring people around. So the dragons would get people to follow her through fear but her not resorting to them would get people to follow her through love. So he does have her best interest in mind but does not want anybody to die.

Dann  however does not read it that way because since his sister is a cut throat and Danni will keep losing if she does not act on Cersei, since Cersei will not have a peaceful diplomatic solution

Next week:

Did not see anything pointing to a major death… maybe Cersei will miscarry Little Finger could die as well

Yes the unsullied and Dothraki escort the crew to show Cersei the Wight no fight but Jamie and Bron will be impressed with the sheer size of the army

When last we left the Red Witch she was heading to Ashai. She eventually must return to die in those accursed lands Arya is likely going to kill her

Jamie will betray Cersei and leave with the Army and finally leave her. He will likely either be killed by Arya or die in battle and Arya will wear him back to kill Cersei

hey benjin absolutely no reason for it here but you want this super fancy chocolate bar?

"Oh!"

"Sure! I'm not usually much of a sweets guy, but fancy chocolate usually trends a little more bitter, doesn't it? Thanks!"

> I'm sure I don't need to tell you he won't take it directly from your hands. He doesn't feel the need to mention it either; he at least trusts that you won't try.

I'm surprised the dark carnival hasn't taken Harlan out for blasphemy. How does he get away with claiming to be a god?

"That's the thing about Harlan. He's smart. He knows how to play the game."

"The way he talks about himself, the way he has the twins talk about him... It's all just vague enough to let the masses fill in the blanks with whatever satisfies them best.

He'll tell you the messiahs are fallible and he isn't, but what's he actually trying to suggest? That he should replace them? Or that they sent him to correct their mistakes?

Doesn't make a difference to him. All he cares about is making sure those brain-dead carnival cowards are lapping up every word."

"And that's not even mentioning his powers. He calls it 'suggestion', pretentious fuck. It's goddamn hypnosis.

He just... burrows into your brain, and he bullies it into submission. Barely even has to try. It's like he can't say two words without another tongue finding its way to his shit-ass Hot Topic boot."

This has been floating through my head for a little while now. It’s Ben and Harlan, so… big cw for psychological abuse, obviously.

Outsider

Benjin has always found his ancestor's acolytes to be taxing company. Though few dare to interact with him directly, these devotees are a crushing presence in the young man’s life, each of them an eager extension of the Dominion’s eyes and ears.

But some company is even worse, and Benjin is on his way to meet some.

He can feel the Dominion’s heavy footfall behind him as he shambles on, herding him towards the sitting room they are bound for. It is all he can do to keep his legs moving beneath him.

Already, he can hear her, muffled cries leaking into the hall to send a chill down his spine.

She is an outsider. A member of the nearby town with no connection to the church.

The sycophants and the perpetrators are one thing. But this woman is a victim. Innocent in all of this, brought here to suffer for no fault of her own.

When her eyes fall upon him, Benjin knows exactly what she will see.

Captor. 

Tormentor. 

Enemy.

His hands, small and uncertain, close around the front of his shirt, body grinding to a halt just before the door.

His ancestor stops in turn, so close that Benjin can feel the man hovering at his back, but it seems he has some patience today.

With a throat like sandpaper, he pushes past the threshold.

Without the door to shield him, her cries feel that much louder, reverberating off the arched ceiling like a hymn.

Her eyes linger on Benjin just a moment before settling above him, and a ragged wail escapes her.

“Oh, god, please,” she chokes, terror steeped into her voice. “Oh god, oh god…”

A dry, panicked sob wracks the woman’s frame, and something gnaws at Benjin’s stomach. Nothing binds her to the chair she sits on, but he can see in her rigid limbs that her body has been commandeered. He knows exactly who’s to blame.

“Correct,” the man all but purrs at her, bringing a deceptively light hand to brush the back of Benjin’s head. “Begin.”

He tenses at the feeling, hands still clutching at his dress shirt as if it is all that keeps him standing. When he fails to move, the Dominion’s touch grows harsher, one finger pressing at the nape of Benjin’s neck.

“Now, boy.”

“Sh-She’s scared,” he manages to squeak, his own wide eyes connecting, briefly, with hers.

“Then this should be no challenge for you,” his ancestor rumbles, voice prickling with annoyance. Hand still cupped against Benjin’s head, he forces the boy forward, close enough to see the tear stains on the frozen woman’s cheeks.

Benjin shakes his head slightly, certain his heart is about to leap from his chest. “Why? She… She’s already scared…”

The Dominion does not answer. With a quivering lip, Benjin tips his head back to look at him, startling when he finds the giant peering down at him. There is a bitterness to his gaze, some dark, brooding bite that rattles the boy to his core, and he rips his eyes away at once.

“I… I won’t hurt her,” he says weakly, the bravery of his refusal perhaps undercut by the way he stares, terrified, at his feet.

Still, the man is silent. 

Several seconds pass, with only the woman’s panicked breaths and Benjin’s pounding heart to stir the suffocating air. Finally, the Dominion answers.

“Very well.”

Without warning, Benjin finds himself crashing to the floor, dropped into an unnatural kneel that folds his legs almost entirely beneath him. His ancestor steps around him to approach the woman, casting a glance back in his direction.

If before his gaze was sharp, now it is downright venomous. 

Benjin’s breath catches in his throat, fear and regret firing through his body like lightning. The woman babbles under her breath as the Dominion grips her head in one hand, eyes still trained on his descendant.

His grip tightens and the woman gasps in pain, saucer-wide eyes turning to Benjin with harrowed desperation.

She barely has time to scream before something

pops.

And with a soft, dying gurgle, the room falls silent.

Wordlessly, the giant raises the woman’s body and drops it before his descendant, regarding the mess on his hand with disdain. 

Benjin can only stare, shell-shocked and spattered with blood, at the tear tracks still visible on what must have been her cheeks.

“These are the consequences of your actions.” the Dominion announces, wiping the viscera from his palm. “Perhaps some time to sit with them will do you good.”

Her blood has already begun to pool beneath him. It ripples slightly as the behemoth strides away.

Benjin’s mind is numb, and his legs soon follow suit. He doesn’t know how long he is left to kneel beside the woman, but by the time his ancestor returns for him, he finds he cannot stand.

Not a word passes between them as the Dominion escorts him back to his room, holding Benjin by the back of his shirt when it appears he cannot walk.

The next time he is asked to use his powers, Benjin does not refuse.

ben how do u feel abt. root beer?

"I don't like stuff that's too sweet, so as far as sodas go it's on the better end. Not sure I'd ever reach for it though."

I mean, he knows him pretty well.

"Harlan projects. It's what he does. He projects so hard you start to buy into it."

"For the sake of my own fragile identity, let's not give any credence to what he thinks."

mallum harlans coming 4 ur ass because hes mad at ur pops

"Haha... What?"

"Aww, congrats, buddy. You really are one of us."

ben i love ur kitty cat hat

"AND IF I AM TO PERISH TOMORROW, I LEAVE THIS WORLD WITH AN IMPRESSION IT SHALL NEVER FORGET!"

"Finally, a legacy I can shoulder."

Heyyy ben <:)

"Look, just."

"If you're gonna talk to him, could you at least pretend to be doing something useful with it?

Find out if he's planning another psychological attack on my girlfriend, maybe? Whether our new pet idiot has anything to worry about? Anything even remotely helpful?"

The Thrilling Conclusion

With Zurven and Veylin out running errands together, Mallum was expecting to have the hive to himself for a while. 

When he turns into the living room to instead find Benjin in his spot on the couch, he barely tries to conceal the disgruntled hum that rises from his throat.

The purpleblood glances over his shoulder and raises two fingers in greeting. 

“Hey.”

“I thought you had class,” Mallum replies, throwing himself into the armchair instead.

“Cancelled. Professor’s out sick,” Ben shrugs, returning his gaze to the laptop in front of him.

A beat passes in silence, Mallum more bothered by the quiet than his counterpart. Finally, he sighs.

“I think… We should talk about this. About where we stand.”

Benjin cocks his head, though his eyes remain fixed on the screen.

“Is this… gonna be awkward for you?” Mallum starts, hoping to approach the question carefully. “I mean, me being with them?”

“I just kinda figured we were already dating,” he shrugs. “Y’know, by association.”

“What.”

“Did you not want to?”

Mallum stammers for a moment. “No— You— I mean, yes, I’d like that, just…” He gapes at him, brow furrowed. “You are so fucking stupid.”

I don’t think you would be able to give Ben a Swirlie

"He wouldn't."

"My horns wouldn't fit, first of all."

"And you are stronger than Mallum by some margin!"

"And I am stronger than Mallum. By some margin."

Why slugs, Ben?

> His only good parental figure happens to be one!

Apologies

“I should text Kat.”

You furrow your brow, prying your eyes away from the photos you’ve been editing on your laptop to look at Mallum on the couch. “Come again?”

“My matesprit? I just feel like–”

“Your ex-matesprit. You’re asking me if you should text your ex.” You fix him with a deadpan stare, which earns you an indignant huff in response.

“I didn’t ask if I should, I said I should.” He glances at the phone in his hand and frowns. “I just… I didn’t let her go peacefully. She… Deserves an apology.”

Though he sounds uncertain, there’s a determination behind Mallum’s eyes. He is genuinely dead set on doing this. You heft a weary sigh and shut your laptop, setting it on the coffee table as you drag one hand down your face.

“Okay. Can’t believe I have to say this, do not fucking text her.”

“Just an apology,” he repeats, as if that somehow makes it better. 

You take another deep breath and run a hand through your hair, tucking your head into your chest as you pause to gather your wits. “You think she wants that?”

Mallum screws his lips together. He almost looks confused, like he doesn’t know what’s possessed him to consider this in the first place. You lean forward on your knees, head propped on your hands.

“I mean, what, you think she wants to hear from the guy that consistently failed to leave her alone?” You don’t know all the details of Mallum’s old relationship, but you’ve gathered enough to understand the crux of it. “What’s that supposed to accomplish besides inserting yourself back into her life?”

He shifts in his seat, fins twitching as you speak. The silence hangs between you for a moment before he answers.

“It’d give her closure.”

“You’re giving yourself too much credit. She doesn’t wanna hear that you’re sorry, dude, she wants you to stay out of her life.”

Mallum’s eyes are still trained on his cellphone, your words apparently falling on deaf ears. You bounce your leg and tousle your hair again, chewing on air as you debate what to say. After a few seconds, you get up and move to sit on the couch beside him, pushing his hands into his lap.

“Listen, man. Speaking as someone who’s owed a lot of apologies they’re never going to get… There comes a point when you realize you’re better off without them.” In your peripheral, you see Mallum turn to look at you, puzzled.

To your surprise, he doesn’t say anything, simply waiting for you to continue. You scratch the back of your head and sigh once again. Are you really about to bare your soul to this guy?

“I’ve been… Hurt, you know? I mean, I’ve been hurt badly.” You swallow, finding your mouth has suddenly gone dry. “I’ve been through shit I can’t even bring myself to tell the others.”

Mallum doesn’t take his eyes off you. You squirm under his gaze, turning your shoulders and letting your hair hang down to block your view of him.

“Harlan may have told himself he wanted an heir, but I… I know what I was to him, man. I was a toy.” Despite your best efforts, a slight warble creeps into your voice. With one hand, you trace the scars on your palms, staring at your crooked pinky finger and blinking the mist from your eyes. 

That night feels so far away now. 

“I spent eight sweeps being tortured by them, Mallum. You saw me. You saw how broken they made me.” Even now, safe in your home, you find yourself fighting to stifle your tears. A Mahkir is not meant to cry.

“I did,” Mallum says quietly, voice laden with guilt.

“I don’t want an apology from them. I just want them gone.” Though there’s nothing to wipe away, you swipe the heel of your hand over your eyes. “And I hate to say this, man, but you are her Harlan.”

He stirs beside you, clearly uncomfortable.

“You lost the right to tell her you’re sorry when you treated every other apology like a part of your game. Whatever you want to say to her, it will do more harm than good.”

“Benjin?”

You finally turn your head back to him, locking eyes with a Mallum more sincere than you have ever seen him.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly, eyes searching yours. “I know that wasn’t your point. But I am. You should hear it from someone.”

You wipe your face again and nod, unsure how to respond.

He looks at his phone and swallows. “I don’t… Trust myself with this.”

There’s a pained look on his face when Mallum turns his gaze back to you.

“I need to delete her contact.” He tilts the screen away from him, towards you. “Can you do it?”

Your eyes settle on his hands, polish pushed to the edges of his nails as they’ve grown from the cuticles. You stare for what feels like ages, and then, with a deep breath, you take the phone from him.