#because as i've been saying for 5 years
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#choi san#jung wooyoung#kim hongjoong#ateez#i would evaporate if he ever smiled at me like that#or like any of this smiles#because as i've been saying for 5 years#his smile is really the most charming devastating endearing smile#he also looks like a disciple of Jesus here lmaoo#wy's jaw is nice
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I feel like I've seen several ppl in the tags recently find and binge dunmesh and I got curious how many ppl had similar experiences 👀👍
edit: if you started but did not keep up with the manga, that still counts as when you started reading ✌
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#im loving watching the fandom grow it has been a lotta fun#sorry if the options are weird im sick lol#u#I've been COSPLAYIN this shit for 5 years. so i started reading sometime before that obvs.#idfr specifics but wanna say I hopped on around the chapter 30-smth mark...?#I think i started it cuz i saw some posts about it and/or because i was already following EH scans for golden kamuy?#or did i get into GK because i was already into dunmesh? idr aaaaa
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Hellsing 2002 calendar illustration.
Ein wunderliche und erschröckliche Hystori von einem großen Wüttrich genant Dracole wayda Der do so ganz unkristenliche marrter hat angelegt die mensche, als mit spissen als auch die leut zu Tod geslyffen
A wondrous and frightening story about a great berserk called Dracula the voivode who inflicted such unchristian tortures such as with stakes and also dragged people to death
#hellsing#alucard#kouta hirano#translation was found in a comment by u/lazyfoxheart on r/Kurrent#fun fact this is the highest quality version of this image that exists online#i know because i've been looking forever for a version that's clear enough to actually read what hirano wrote under '1443'#but there weren't any so i had to take matters into my own hands#the real image on the back of the guidebook is only 2 inches tall so i had to take this with my smartphone and will my hands not to shake#anyway i'm pretty sure it's supposed to say Eğrigöz (the location vlad was imprisoned) so yeah. thank you hirano very cool#if i might rant for a sec it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure that out because i didn't have the guidebook at first#and in the images i could find online that part was just a blur that looked suspiciously like a person's signature and i was like. who tf#i was thinking matthias corvinus since he issued some political propaganda against vlad iirc but it didn't match his signature on wikipedia#then i thought it might be vlad II dracul's since he probably had to sign an agreement to send his sons over as hostages at some point#but that didnt seem right either so i kept skimming vlad's wiki page#and then i was like goddammit...hirano.....you just misspelled Eğrigöz didn't you.. ....#i maybe should've made a separate post dedicated to this instead of writing a novel in the tags but eh#the hellsing brainrot runs deep#also- i put it in the source link at the bottom of the post but the german inscription is copied off a real woodcut of vlad from 1491#except instead of depicting him as an adult hirano drew him as a child which gives the inscription a very different feel imo#the one final thing that interests me about this is the fact that hirano published this calendar in 2002#which is REALLY early in the series. like this was before volume 5 came out??#i have no idea why he decided to do a massive spoiler drop in a random piece of japan-only merch#sandwiched between a drawing of alucard as john travolta from saturday night fever and integra as a fish no less#it makes me really curious to know what the fan response to this was back then. like did people even know who this was#maybe im just an idiot and everyone back then was like 'ah yes its alucard as a 12 year old. how very informative'
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day 26
someday if i can figure out how the hell people get these things made i would like to do some little destiny & malice acrylic charms. i think those are so fun. and while i mostly want them for Myself i figure that if i DID figure out the process, i should maybe open up the option to anyone else that might want them, soooo...
informal poll: if i figure out how all that works, would any of y'all be into that, and approximately how many of you?
#day 26#year 5#my ocs#destiny chainsaw#malice winterfang#i know i've said i don't really like the idea of commissions and this isnt like a PROMISE or anything#i still have a lot of research to do before i commit to a shop of any kind#BUT. i think like a redbubble or something in that vein might be a manageable project#i mention stickers specifically because that seems like a very manageable thing to produce and ship even if i didnt go through like#a service to do so#particularly because i dont think id get a TON of orders for my niche OCs lol#but if i got some practice with something small like this it MIIIIGHT help me build up to making things for a larger market like...#say... well you know what i'm about over here lmao#we've basically all but gotten the official blessings of the powers that be to make homestuck merch without fear of reprisal at this point#ANYWAY that would be a ways off and be a much MUCH bigger project both artistically and in terms of like#me learning how Online Commerce works from the seller end.#BUT I HAVE BEEN CONSIDERING IT. and it seems to me that it would at least be relatively simple to sell like. prints of old art maybe#i dunno! like i said i'll see how the poll shakes out while i do a bit more research
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It's been a tough day guys. The guy I thought was my rival actually thinks a different guy is his rival. And the different guy thinks of me as his rival.
#this reads like a shitpost but it's something that really happened#guy 1 I've known for ~12 years and we've always been friendly competitors when it comes to academics#but because guy 2 is male guy 1 sees him as more of a threat#(both of us have known guy 2 for 5 years)#but guy 2 has apparently seen me as his rival almost since we met#reverse love triangle#my random stuff#shitpost#this also feels like something doofenshmirtz would say#i don't even know at this point
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maintenance guy just showed up at my door unannounced to check out something i reported yesterday...on the one hand loving this prompt service. on the other hand, give a broad some warning. i am in my pajamas and the place is a sty. but he might actually fix a thing that's been bugging me for over a decade, so that would be nice. not that that was urgent, obviously. so i would have appreciated a heads-up.
#i reported...let's see...5 things yesterday if you count the things i had reported previously that have always been ignored#he says he's going to fix 2 of them later today and he will escalate a third thing (which will require ripping out the floor so uh#i hope i'll have lots of warning for that lol)#we shall see. i will be so happy if he replaces my toilet seat though because#once many years ago shortly after i moved in i wrote on my butt in sharpie (long story) and then at some point after that used the toilet#and it stained the seat and like...i don't even know...eroded the coating...so it has looked REALLY GNARLY ever since#no matter how clean it is#so i never want anyone to use my toilet because it looks so disgusting#i've just been warning people about the toilet seat for the last 10+ years. ready to move on from that one youthful mistake#my posts#linked to
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it's like a fucked up Christmas Eve for me rn
#just one more sleep and then i can say#🎉 It's been 5 whole years since my momma killed herself 🎉#and eat sandwiches and drink pop while i watch movies#idk man. i think it's because I've been saving certain snacks for tomorrow that's got me all excited#I'm a very food motivated person in case that wasn't obvious lol
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maybe i should have gone into practical effects instead of computer science...
#when i was in middle school i used to use red and black pens + spit for blending to make it look like the backs of my hands were torn open#i can't believe it's almost 4am. i just spent 5 hours typing up an essay about MM's erik that i just fuckin privated bc i was embarrassed#AND I STILL NEVER SPELL HIS NAME RIGHT THE FIRST TIME AAAAAAAA#i was right but im going to save all my points for the fanfic im currently planning out and promptly NEVER GOING TO ACTUALLY WRITE#I say shoving my plans for my h2o s3 rewrite off the table#yes i skipped from s2 to s3 i had a BRILLIANT idea [season 3 h2o spoilers ahead be wary my mutuals who are still watching]#okay so you know how lewis goes to the american institute of marine bio in the middle of 3? since this is tied to my s2 rewrite fic i wante#to actually finally reasonably re-introduced dr denman to the story because i never liked that she just fucked off at the end of s1#despite WITNESSING the moon pool magic. so i made it so she runs into lewis while doing a presentation for the college and they have a chat#(because her JAW paper plays an important part in my s2 rewrite bc i imagine lewis is the kind of guy who SAYS he deleted every copy of#it... but ACTUALLY he secretly printed himself out a copy to study in private to compare to his own notes bc#[lewis voice] come *on* guys just THINK of the progress that he could make with this! [grabby hands in front of chest])#so yeah they have a chat and Linda kind of gives Lewis the opposite dilemma in s3 that Louise gives him in s1 about science and magic#since SHE knows about the moon pool and has been biding her time and she knows Lewis knows and Lewis is like ah... uh oh.#it will eventually tie into the idea it's not about forcing science and magic together or separating them#its abt respectfully and responsibly utilizing both to see their fullest potential. which lewis learned in s2 and Linda has... not.#BUT#later on she gets a call from 1 (one) ryan who is like 'hey so i heard u did environmental studies on mako for dr bennett a couple years ag#and i was wondering if you've seen anything weird there as im currently doing a-' and she's immediately like 'YOU SON OF A BITCH IM IN'#and he's like 'wha-' and she's like 'i have already booked my plane tickets we're going to have a great time we have lots to talk about :)'#and wheeee now they have someone who knows about mermaids on their team and it's the perfect way to bring lewis back to relevancy in s3 :D#it also gives me reason to have two bad bitches (linda and sophie) meet and get to know each other which is not a dynamic ive seen in#any of the H2O fics i've ever read so im very hyped to delve into how they'll play off each other#also charlotte is there so technically three bad bitches (only in my au Charlotte never lost her tail and is part of the gang she just move#because she felt like she needed to leave to really be able to find herself without being in her grandmother's shadow but she comes back bc#well... it's season 3 mako is sounding the fucking emergency alarms everyone is showing up sdkghkfjhg)#im also so so so hyped to show u guys who's coming back in the s2 rewrite because it ISNT denman and i think everyone thinks it will be :3c#(i said she when telling ppl to look forward to a familiar face... but can u blame me for getting hype she's one of my favorite characters!#i love u H2O#cruddy rambles
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petition for my parents to stop thinking i'm unprepared and being stupid with the idea of getting a pet
#i'm moving into a pet friendly apartment and i keep telling my parents i'm going to wait a year and see if i feel ready/like i have time for#a pet#and everyone's always going “but the money!” “but you don't know how much time you'll have!”#and i always have to remind them that i said i was waiting a year to think about this shit#and now my stepmom was telling me i can't have pets because my lease says no pets in the apartment#and i said i could i'd just have to tell them#and she kept going no and telling me a lease is legally binding as if i didn't know that when i fucking signed the thing#i'd just have to tell my apartment complex about the pet and sign a new lease when i renew it after a year#and i get it that my parents just want to help me and make sure i'm doing okay on my own#but i'm not incompetent and they're always treating me as if i can't be trusted to do the bare minimum#and i've been moved out/living on my own for 5 fucking years now#i clearly have some sense if i've made it this long without issue#sorry this is such a long rant i'm so frustrated#zip quips
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I am not exaggerating when I say I live with one of the worst cishet men I've ever met in my life and its horrible
Pretty big vent incoming in tags, just a warning. Feel free to scroll past /gen
#sorry i. need to vent#he is genuinely one of the most ignorant; stubborn; and absolutely manchild of a man I've ever seen#I'm not fucking lying when I say he gets pissy and shouts and complains about EVERYTHING#and I don't mean just occasional shouting and getting loud#whenever he's upset. its /loud/. very loud#first time in my 5 years of knowing him I had enough and snapped back at him because he was yelling at me-#-bc I supposedly do absolutely nothing around the house and I take horrible care of myself and dont care about anything#at least in regards to the house#and complains about why I'm deciding not to go to college and that he got a job at 15 while he's literally#in his mid 40's#so.#like.#I told him I'm still 18 and I dont want him to boss around my entire fucking life but he brought up the excuse again of-#-him doing all the shit I SHOULD be doing by his words when he was 15#first of all. like. to get things straight; we are not related at all not even in the slightest#he's my mothers bf; I don't know why he gets so pissy at me about MY life of all things#like Jesus Christ shut up challenge impossible#yeah I had a fun (/s) moment earlier where I went to clean my dish and he started to snap at me about how I-#-walk past the dishes every day while they're piled up and I should do them. meanwhile. they're literally not mine. ever#I get it yeah but. whatever. he kept going onn and on and on and got even more upset with me literally not saying or doing anything to-#-provoke him more#Ig he just doesn't know that!! wow!! I do actually care about my life and future!!!!#and that getting a job is not that easy or the same as it was 30+ fucking years ago!! wow!! who would've guessed!!!!#Like genuinely i am literally trying to get a job rn and shit and have been stressing horribly about it for literal YEARS#but yeah ignore that I guess ok sure buddy#god sorry i.. really hate him. a lot#I dont like to hate on people really; esp if im accustomed to them. but him. he. no <3#I will say I hate him w my full chest#vent#negative post
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Nah, this is the last fuckin' straw. I've uninstalled the app, left a bad 1 star review explaining these tone-deaf updates are killing the site and I encourage you all to do the same. I guess I'm desktop only for now but even the desktop site is on thin ice.
#rant#I've been on tumblr over a decade and this last year or two they've gotten EGREGIOUSLY worse#I feel so fucking trolled by the “Snooze Tumblr Live for 30 days”#“hey Liz what do you primarily use your new custom built $1500+ gaming PC for?”#I guess fucking girlblogging why do you ask#I also think they have bought 5 star reviews from people because randomly in the midst of all the 1-star reviews by jaded people#who have been around for over a decade#there's scattered 5 star reviews made by obvious bots with feedback saying nothing but “good”#god I'm so fucking sick of getting shafted by corporate conglomerates literally everywhere I turn
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Various images of things
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1. PIBBINS.... cheering clapping hooting hollering glorious applause everytime I see a pigeon in public#2. Birthday card that I drew for someone. .. kittys...#3. 2023's annual haul of tiny white pumpkins.. i get at least one white pumpkin every year around fall when they have pumpkins in stores#because I just love the color and texture ... bright white and smooth and cold and round.. kind of like a volleyball or something#4. A brief adventure into watching big brother (only earlier seasons of course as I hate all reality shows post like 2013 or something when#they became overly focused on social media and overproduced memeable phrases more.. like even though ALL reality shows have always#been extremely fake and annoying and mindless it's like..... newer stuff seems A Different Kind Of Fake or something) since whenever#I'm sick sometimes I find weird mindless things like that to watch (that one time I had bronchitis I watched all of Flavor of Love in my#half awake illness stupor and now everytime I heat up canned minestrone soup (mostly all I ate that week) I think of flavor flav since#thats just a weird brain connection I have now lol) ANYWAY.. I was sick and watched like 2 seasons of this and then thought it was too#uninteresting and obnoxious to continue (more like 1 and a half since I skipped the rest of one once only boring people were left) BUT this#one guy had a very mischevious looking face and he also said a few things (like the above captioned speech) that sounded like dialogue#some fantasy character would say.. so I took a screencap of him and edited him into a mischevious wizard i guess.?? idk I was sick lol#~your little friend has a poisoned tongue~ is just a very unexpectedly serious sounding wording for some random normal#frat dude looking guy to say while casually chatting on a reality tv show in like 2008 or whenever that was filmed lol#5. FLUFFY CLOVERS!! I'd never seen them be furry and soft before?? inchresting..#6. Noodle sitting in bed with the cat figurines looming above him... the council of kittys...#7. McDonald's full breakfast platter + asparagus + strawberries & cream (also of course this is old and I am now boycotting mcdonalds etc)#i try to group the images somewhat consistently like.. winter stuff with winter stuff or summer stuff with summer stuff#but I have so many random pictrues floating around on my computer that I never post that sometimes some are not organized or just#thrown into a set because there's nowhere else for them. Like the pigeon picture is from like 3 years ago for example lol#8 & 9 - I think I've posted these before but I just find them very interesting looking flowers. whenever they happen to be blooming#I'll pick up a few when I'm out on walks or etc. ... poof ball looking things#photo diary
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you wouldn't get it...
#we've been like this 🤞 since 2019 i listened to it all the time when i was depressed borderline suicidal listening to it always takes me#back to that time but it's fine now#i would listen to this and to parallels by big thief like back to back? for no reason other than i did it once so i did it twice and then#many other times#don't i make you feel alive#don't i give you a good home#and i can't say that i'll miss my human form much#etc#that one i actually didn't like listening to for like a while after because it's sadder 5 in the morning is just a random song😭#i could have just stopped listening to it but that's not me. i'm listening to it rn#wait. it's possible that i've made this exact post before. like last year...or maybe it was just a draft and i didn't post it...i dont know#m#and like i say: brf slt
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eeuuaghh i would like everyone to know that i apologise if i have not responded to your reblogs/mentions/posts on tumblr, i have really terrible social anxiety and for some reason people talking to me makes my nervous system think i'm being hunted for sport by a resident evil boss. sorry if i havent responded i'm not being rude i'm just having a panic attack :P
additionally: social anxiety is actually the reason why a lot of my old posts from late 2022 had weird spacing and spelling mistakes. i was too anxious to type properly
#sorry this seems like a random thing to post but it has been bugging me for a little bit now and i want to post it#and by a little bit i mean the entire time i've been on this website#as for the reason i have social anxiety: i went to a really terrible high school full of dangerous people-#-who were literally like. the worst most bigoted people ever. not everyone there was bad of course but 90% of them were-#-and that stunted by social development by 5-6 years and now every time someone talks to me i feel like i'm about to get murdered#also primary school was. bad. the other kids could sniff out the autism in me and didn't like me for it#this post isn't directed towards anyone specifically but also it kinda is because there's a DM from someone-#-that i haven't responded to in literally 8 months and every time i think about it i get anxious#i'm sorry!!! i'm not trying to ignore you on purpose and i want to say something but my brain literally will not let me out of fear :(#i'm not used to getting talked to directly so every time i do my entire nervous system starts screaming and running in circles#it's kinda ridiculous because it's like. come on. why are you having a panic attack over a message on tumblr it's LITERALLY just words on-#-a screen what are you freaking out about. but also it's like hhhhh unfamiliar social situation scary. help.#unrelated to that but i am very worried about what people will think of me and like i know i really shouldn't worry about that-#-because i can't control what other people think of me and it really shouldn't be any of my or their business. but also-#-i have legitimate trauma that backs my fears up and every time someone is even slightly critical towards me my brain just goes-#-''see? it happened again i TOLD you it would happen again. idiot. you shouldn't have said anything''#and then i hide and cry and lay in bed thinking about how i'm going to die until i suddenly snap out of it and think-#-''wait hang on why should i care. i love being a weirdo on the internet why should i let my anxieties stop me''#and then it happens AGAIN and it's just a viscous cycle at that point#be silly on the internet -> detect slight criticism -> think everyone hates you again -> go back on your bullshit after 3 days of crying#and it makes sense because that exact same pattern happened to me countless times as a child.#be silly in school -> get made fun of for it -> get hated for it -> rinse and repeat until you think everyone is dangerous and they hate yo#if i could put it in a metaphor it would be like me being a little rabbit who thinks everyone is a scary wolf because of their big shadows-#-even though they're all also rabbits and i'm just paying attention to the scariest parts of them because i only know what wolves look like#trauma does fucked up things to your psyche lemmie tell you#social anxiety#anxiety disorder#i'm literally the ''too scared to order food'' stereotype except it's not a stereotype because it's real and every time i look at the 7/11-#-at my campus i go ''hm but what if they hate me for the food i buy there'' even though they're LITERALLY SELLING IT what is WRONG with me#anyway um. social anxiety sucks and i don't mean to not reply ro everyone who talks to me i am sorr y
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.
#right. tag rant because i don't know what to say as an actual post#I'm going to go dress shopping with my mum tomorrow for a prom dress#and she insisted on me shaving my armpits#. i fucking hate shaving my armpits#i don't know why but it makes me feel so dysphoric even on days where i don't feel particularly masculine#and she told me “yes it's normal but the people at the shop and at your prom might not think that”#so?? I'm never going to see the shop people again.#and- well. I've known the people who will be at prom for 5 years. i don't think shaving will change any opinions#also it's hella uncomfortable to sleep without the armpit hair for me.#also like.... sometimes i want to look butch. and i don't have many claims to that#and I'm really proud of my body hair on days where i want to look butch or when i feel more masc#but I've been forced to shave and I hate it#my random stuff
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literally not my fault that i dont have a journal or therapy so you all have to see me oversharing on tumblr dot com
#tough tough night tonight folks!#blog like no one is watching right?#im going to sound so overdramatic and dumb but i neeed to share and fuck it it's my silly tumblr blog#it's just been a really rough couple of hours? days? months? years?#it's this stupid day it was my cousin's bday and as if i havent been jealous of her since she was baby she's always too fucking perfect#she looks perfect and she had this big nice party with more friends than I've ever had at any point in my life and it just makes you think#like at this point it Has to be something wrong with me right?#what does it say about me that i havent kept a single friend in 25 years? no one stays longer than what? 4-5 years?#i have to believe the only reason my one last friend and online friends still stand me it's because it's at a distance#and dont get me started on the love department bc no they dont like me like that no one ever wants me like that I've never#I've never liked anyone that likes ne back or that i have a serious cjance with and who cares if romantic love isn't everything the point is#that if you want it and everyone but you get it starts to feel so so so bad#okay I'll shut up now dont worry about me im holding on for dear life to the precious little handful of nice things in my life bc they are#they are fucking great#but i needed to have a pity party for a bit okay byeeee
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