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imsupposedtobearesponsibleteen · 5 months

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I was put in a less than ideal situation and I'm mad about it

Hello, before I start telling you this story, quick tw; themes of suicide, self harm, bipolar disorder, and mental health services.

For the record, I have bipolar type 2, and I live with 3 girls. I'm a trans guy (this is relevant later, as is the next piece of information). For the past 5 weeks, my housemates have all been a little bit off. Couldn't put my finger one what, or why. this was, but they were. For the past 3 of those 5 weeks, the three of them have barely spoken to me, and the most I've managed to get out of them is "the next time you're in the living room, open the windows."

So, on Thursdays morning, i woke up to banging on my bedroom door and 2 men yelling. I check my phone, its 2am and I have 5 missed calls from a withheld number. At this point, I'm scared and confused, but know that if i don't answer my bedroom door, whoever is yelling is gonna come in my room (I have a funny thing about people in my room). I open my bedroom door to find 2 paramedics stood there. No hi, hello, no "we're here because of A, B, C," what I'm met with is "we know you have bipolar, are you taking your meds?"

At which point im like, what the hell? like what is this? whats going on? start from the beginning, what?

One of them then asks me if I know why they're there, and I'm like, well no, obviously, it's 2am and you've just woken me up whats happening?

The same guy then proceeds to tell me that the ambulance service have had a phone call from someone saying I was planning on taking my own life and that I was actively and "seriously" self harming (they were his words not mine, I don't believe that the way someone self harms or depth someone goes is a relevant factor in severity, but elitism in struggling i guess is where this guy was coming from?).

At which point i have to stand there and tell him I am fine, none of this is true and all of what he's been told is unfounded, baseless and a bit of a shock on top of the one I've already had.

The issue is, these paramedics are now doing a welfare check. They can't have me say "I'm fine" and then just leave at this point. So I'm put in the back of the ambulance and we sit there outside my house, and he does my obs. He starts to complain about how high my blood pressure and heart rate are, at which point I remind him of the situation that is currently happening to me and not him. I then have to speak to the crisis team and I get given a crisis appointment at 10:30 am.

I get on the bus at like, 8:15, but while I'm waiting, I send a message to the group chat for my house saying, "can someone please explain what the hell happened at 2am because I'm really confused and rattled."

I then have to explain the entire situation to them, who say that I shouldn't have been put through any of that. The only good thing that came out of me going there was figuring out that my GP had actually given me the wrong information about how to take 1 of my meds, so I'm happy about that so I can take it properly.

On my way back home, I get a reply. "We were concerned about your safety so rang 111 (non emergency general advice medical line in the UK) who told us to ring 999 (the UK solution to 911) so we did."

Bearing in mind that these people have bearly acknowledged my existence for the past month. Hardly. So I ask, "well, none of you have said you were concerned or anything really so like whats the deal? why didn't you ask?" They all see my message. Nobody responds. So I ask again, "none of you have expressed concern or worry, nobody gave me a heads up about the fact you'd rung 999 and Im very shaken and this entire thing could have been avoided if someone had asked, and none of you did, whats the deal?"

Turns out the three of my housemates and the rest of the wider friendship group have been talking about my mental health behind my back. One of them that I live with has admitted to going to university mental health advisors and other people about me and my mental health without talking to me first.

The exact quote "I didn’t decide to ring an ambulance out of the blue to traumatise you, I had been gathering professional advice for weeks on what to do, I met with a mental health advisor who told me to ring 111 asap and the rest was me following professional advice, I was doing what I was told was the correct procedure." In an earlier text she'd said, "I really hope you take on an active role in your own recovery and engage with the support from the uni."

A few things about these 2 statements; number one, I am receiving professional help from a psychiatrist and other professionals outside of the university, hence my bipolar diagnosis and stuff. There has been an assumption made that I'm not receiving help and I don't agree with it, and I can't quite tell if this comes from a place of "you're bipolar, why would you engage?" or if this comes from a place of "I haven't heard you talk about support in our 1 brief conversation about your bipolar so I'm assuming you dont have any." Either way, this comes off as passive aggressive, and shocking someone in a traumatic situation does not push them towards help, it can push them away from it.

Secondly, "I didn't do it to traumatize you." I'm telling you, you traumatized me. Intent isn't impact. The correct response to me telling you that's what you did is communication and acceptance, not deflection.

Thirdly. Lets not lose track that in all of this, i got the shock of my life on thursday morning, but my mental health has been a topic of discussion behind my back and without my consultation or consent for weeks. Nobody bothered to to tell me what was going on for weeks. I feel violated and like I can't trust anyone anymore.

The last thing is, there is no "professional advice on what to do" in this situation. I'll tell you why, the only person that can give me proper mental health support and advice in my situation is my psychiatrist and my GP where appropriate. The "professional advice on what to do" is based one a one sided opinion from a person that did not bother to ask me first and is sneaking around behind my back. If the mental health professionals who are genuinely involved in my care thought there was some sort of issue, trust me, that would have been acted upon if it hasn't already been.

I brought up the fact that I'm a trans guy at the beginning of this, and you are probably wondering what that has to do with anything is this scenario. The reason is, i go by my name with the people I live with and with a number of the charities I do work with, but I haven't got round to changing it legally. That affected the conversation I had with the paramedics because I then had to go through the entire process of telling them about that. Was not a conversation I wanted to have at 2am on a Thursday morning in that situation. I appreciate my housemates calling me my name, but they know my deadname, in that scenario I'd have rather them just have used that to save me the trauma. On top of that, my housemates don't know my student ID number, so if the person that referred me to mental health in the university (which I am going to decline if I get the email because I don't need their support given what I have already) I doubt they'll get in touch because I'm not sure they'll be able to find me because my name on the register is my legal name.

#mental heatlh #mental disorder #mental health #mentally ill #mental health awareness #bipolar 2 #bipolar disorder

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