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desticuleconfessions · 3 years

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hey desticule. so i have a supernatural-themed girl best friends story that i’ve wanted to share for a long time, especially because none of my irl friends ever rly understood the gravity of this experience w/o the context of spn. there’s a lot of fun parallels to stuff on the show, and its given me like years of brain rot and therapy lmao. so i really deeply appreciate this page as an outlet, thank you so much to the mods for making it. anyways uh. here goes. sorry it’s so long.

[tw: queer trauma, religious trauma, mental illness]

okay so. in 3rd grade i met this girl. we'll call her kate. we became best friends, as in our names were never spoken separately, we did (and won) every science fair together, she came skiing with my family every winter, i stayed with her family at their beach house in the summers, our younger siblings were friends, etc.

our birthdays were exactly 6 months apart (jan 22/jul 22) so we literally believed that we were celestially intertwined.

we wrote a novel together in 8th grade. her family is baptist, we attended massachusetts catholic schools. i would go to church with her family when i slept over, i held hands and said grace with them at meals. they are all tall and blonde and beautiful. classically angelic. i am south asian. i remember introducing her to harry potter in the 4th grade, her mother hadn't let her read em because it was "blasphemous", but i snuck her my copies and she would read them during lunch n recess and keep them in my locker. sorry this seems like a lot of unnecessary detail but it will be important later.

anyways we both got into doctor who and subsequentally supernatural (s1-8?9 at the time). i specifically remember getting her into supernatural. i also remember her instinctive disdain for destiel when i talked about it, i was showing her a meta or fanfic i think, and i talked her through undoing some of her christian household’s internalized homophobia (fully assuming we were both straight at this point) (we were fucking 12). we'd do the whole "bitch" "jerk" thing, i (the older one) affectionately called her 'sammy', her phone password was dean, mine was cas (and they still are). on my 13th birthday, she gifted me a samulet, which i still wear to this day. (additionally, she gave me a vonnegut 'so it goes' necklace one year) (thats not vital but) (goes to show the extent of my dean coding) (im also an aquarius lmao). im highly protective of her. i carry extra rubber bands on my wrist for her. i keep our money and phones in my jacket when the school takes us skiing. i sit next to her in the halls during lunch and organize her binder. on an 8th grade field trip, a boy made a gross comment at her and i broke his nose.

so we start high school together at coed catholic school nearby, i join debate, make a friend also into spn, she's bi. she asks kate out over text. kate's mom sees this. things turn.

now the rest of these things happened over the course of a couple months and due to my trauma memory loss, i have no idea how accurate some of these memories are so uh. don't hold me to them.

- her highly religious mother is not happy with this obviously. at some point, she brings a priest home and tries to have kate exorcised.

- at this point, we learn that kate is schizophrenic; it never seemed to create noticeable issues before bc her home life and childhood was a perfect happy dream (not an assumption, her words).

- she's still coming to school, sporadically now, i bring home her work, spend hours helping her.

- when she comes to school, she has seizures: sometimes we're fortunate enough that they happen in a class we have together. she freezes up and the teacher empties the room. i refuse to leave. i hold her hand and softly sing her favorite song and sometimes she comes back to me. sometimes she doesn’t and the bell rings and the teacher forces me to leave and let the nurse handle it.

- another time they announce a medical lockdown (to keep ppl out of the hallway if someone is being escorted to an ambulance) while im in catholicism class, i immediately know it’s her; she fainted in the pool during swim team practice.

- i stay awake for 6 days straight bc i read online that sleep deprivation induces some of the same symptoms as schizophrenia and if i could understand what she was going through, i could help her

- she shows up at my house w both of her parents 15 minutes before the winter ball, begs me to go bc her parents will only let her if i go. so i do. her mom lurks by the gym doors with the chaperones. during a slow song, kate and debate girl start to slow dance, i grab our friend’s hand, drag him in front of them so her mom can’t see and make out with him.

- i wanted to tell her to stop but i was too afraid i would lose us, that it would seem like i was homophobic or i was jealous, but i knew her in my marrow and it didn’t seem like she was in love or into the relationship, it was willful self destruction

- we talked in the last few years, she confirmed this.

- at some point, she says she’s sorry she didn’t tell me about the voices before.

- when we talk, she’s not her anymore, she doesn’t remember our inside jokes, our codes, i can feel her being slowly ripped away and apart in real time

- i have a vivid memory of arguing with her and her telling me im not real, that her mind made me up, while occasionally speaking to something? someone? else in the room. i hold her hand and point to the matching thin scars on our thumbs and try to convince her im real.

- she eventually drops out entirely, taken to some mental facility that im not entirely sure wasnt conversion therapy (it was definitely a religious facility) (and conversion therapy was not outlawed in new hampshire until 2019) and im not allowed to see her.

- every now and then i get cryptic distressing emails or texts from her.

- one in particular has the subject, “youandiwalkafragilelineihaveknownitallthistimebutineverthoughtidlivetoseeitbreak” which is the first line of the song ‘haunted’ by taylor swift (our shared favorite)(the summer after this happened we collectively decided we needed a new swift Our Song and chose ‘breathe’). the body of the email read “what the hell have i done”

- i pray for the first time in my life, every single day for a few months, in different languages, at temple with my parents, in the chapel at school

- on a club trip, i get a call at 2am from her, crying, asking me why i didn’t help her, why i didn’t stop her, that it was my job to protect her

here’s something i wrote about her, three yrs after:

I wasn’t careful enough and she caught quickly. She burned so close and so bright that for long afterwards, I could not see. And like that, she was gone. I walked into the chapel. Mea culpa. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa.

[that last line is from the latin version for a catholic prayer called the act of contrition, it translates to “through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault”]

in the fall, i hear she’s starting at a small baptist school almost an hour from her house. she is dating the principal’s son. the principal is also her pastor.

in my second year of college, i have a bad acid trip in a snowy park in december. i put my hands into the snow and when i look at them,i see blood. i see her body in the snow adorned like it’s a funeral

i still have dreams about her. sometimes i meet her in a grassy field, flying kites and i invite her to my wedding. in others, i catch a glimpse of her ponytail and catholic school skirt and chase her up eight flights of stairs and when i grab her hand, she turns to ash.

at some point in a separate argument w my parents in which they went through my texts and found out i wasn’t straight (amongst other things) my dad says:“i knew i should’ve listened to [kate’s dad] when he told me the things you would talk about. he knew what you are. and he took his daughter away from you.”

last christmas we met up and drove around together, she tells me that for years she thought i hated her for letting me down and for abandoning me, and i literally have the dean winchester in ‘sacrifice’ five stages of grief when sam says “you know what i confessed in there?” because i could not even begin to fathom that she ever blamed herself. it had always been my fault. i had failed to save her. i corrupted her and i failed to save her.

anyways she’s fine now, she’s okay, im okay, we’ve talked and unpacked and we’re alright. but uh. yeah. that happened. the parallels make me crazy. now they can make you crazy too.

‎

#tw: queer trauma #tw: religious trauma #tw: mental illness #wow #that is ... a lot #i'm glad both you and she are okay #mod cas #confessions #desticuleconfessions

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ageofevermore · 4 years

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1-100 baby, let’s do this!

1. What is you middle name?

Mackenze (mackenzie not fucking mackenz ro)

2. How old are you?

16 (almost 17)

3. When is your birthday?

December 26

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Capricorn

5. What is your favorite color?

Purple

6. What’s your lucky number?

7. Do you have any pets?

8. Where are you from?

New Jersey (i mean i’m african america + german + irish)

9. How tall are you?

4’11

10. What shoe size are you?

9 ½

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Over 17 ...

12. What was your last dream about?

i have the weirdest fucking dreams ever, but im pretty sure it had something to do with my going back to in person school but ending up at ikea and then their was a Princess bounce house and i saw a little girl i know but then i ran away because i missed my marketing class and cried bc we were drawing octopuses and i got an F... like what the hell is that?!

13. What talents do you have?

none :)

14. Are you psychic in any way?

i mean i have been known to predict a pregnancy...

15. Favorite song?

WAP? (i have a lot man)

16. Favorite movie?

I HATE movies, but like anything Marvel

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

Idk man, Tom Holland?

18. Do you want children?

Yes, 100%

19. Do you want a church wedding?

Lol, no thanks

20. Are you religious?

Nope

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Yes! It’ s one of my favorite places (that sounds horrible but like, i’ve just always enjoyed it their and find it mesmerizing? Also Greys..)

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Yes, but like really old ones who i don’t even know the name of, oh and the cop from one of the Spiderman movies :)

24. Baths or showers?

Showers

25. What color socks are you wearing?

I’m not wearing socks

26. Have you ever been famous?

Nope

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Yeah

28. What type of music do you like?

Country, Showtunes, Pop, some Rap, Alternative

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

I don’t own real pillows, but i do have a body pillow and like a throw pillow...

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

On my side of my stomach

32. How big is your house?

It’s a ranch, not that big. 3 bedroom, 1 ½ bath

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

I don’t eat breakfast

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

A nerf gun...

35. Have you ever tried archery?

Nope

36. Favorite clean word?

Orgasmic

37. Favorite swear word?

Twatwaffle, Cuntasaurous, Bitch, Dick, Pussy, Fuck

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

Around 48 hours

39. Do you have any scars?

Yup (my favorite ones my boob one bc its the only one i got and it wasn’t because i was being a complete idiot…)

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

It wasn’t a fucking secret this boy is obvious as all hell

41. Are you a good liar?

Yes

42. Are you a good judge of character?

Yeah

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

Yup

44. Do you have a strong accent?

I don’t think so

45. What is your favorite accent?

British

46. What is your personality type?

Mediator INFP-T (mind 64% introverted, energy 63% intuitive, nature 63% feeling, tactics 75% prospecting, identity 75% turbulent)

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

idk

48. Can you curl your tongue?

Yes

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Middle!

50. Left or right handed?

Right

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Yes, get the fuck away from me demons

52. Favorite food?

PASTA

53. Favorite foreign food?

chinese ..?

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

Messy and i hate it

55. Most used phrased?

The fuck?

56. Most used word?

Fuck

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

Could take 5 minutes could take 2 ½ hours, and i never wear makeup so don’t even try to start with me about how it takes hours to do makeup, i just genuinely enjoy sitting under blazing hot water in the shower

58. Do you have much of an ego?

I mean, i dont think so?

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Suck

60. Do you talk to yourself?

yes , i have like two irls and they never wanna hang our already have plans so im my own company 97% of the time

61. Do you sing to yourself?

ALL THE TIME

62. Are you a good singer?

No, i mean i’m good, but i’m also nowhere near professional

63. Biggest Fear?

Being alone, being rejected...

64. Are you a gossip?

I mean, i do enjoy some tea time, but i also feel anxious half the time when tea is being spilled lol

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

...American Assassin? Is that dramatic? Endgame? Whats a dramatic movie?!

66. Do you like long or short hair?

LONG LONG LONG

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Bitch, i can’t even name like 12

68. Favorite school subject?

English

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Extroverted Introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

71. What makes you nervous?

People...

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Yes, tf, if you aren’t I don’t trust you

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

No, if i did I would be correcting people 73 times a day when they say my name

74. Are you ticklish?

Sometimes, in some places. I can turn it off

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Lol, i mean, maybe?

77. Have you ever drank underage?

I am the queen of drinking at family parties

78. Have you ever done drugs?

No, but i wanna get high.

79. Who was your first real crush?

Justin Bieber, but like Harry Styles was two weeks later...i was 6

80. How many piercings do you have?

5 technically

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

Yes

82. How fast can you type?

Yes

83. How fast can you run?

I don’t run, tf

84. What color is your hair?

Brown

85. What color is your eyes?

Idk, they were blue, then they were green, then they were hazel, now i think they’re just brown :(

86. What are you allergic to?

Human interaction… but no my favorite flowers, Lilly’s

87. Do you keep a journal?

88. What do your parents do?

My mom was a teacher, and my dad used to work at the DMV

89. Do you like your age?

No, you don’t understand how badly i want to vote

90. What makes you angry?

Ignorance and Selfishness

91. Do you like your own name?

No, but it’s been growing on my ig

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

Yes! I have two lists, one of names I love and another of names i’d be willing to agree to if my partner doesn’t like my favorites.

Girls; Olivia, Amelia, Hazel, Leila, Charlotte, Cove

Boys: Brett, Lincoln, Landon

Unisex; Anderson, Montgomery, Maverick, Ocean, Blake

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

Girl

94. What are you strengths?

Avoiding my problems like they don’t exist

95. What are your weaknesses?

ADD, anxiety, depression, i mean sorta PTSD i guess surrounding some situations

96. How did you get your name?

My dad named me after Kirsten Dunst (Kyrstin), and my middle name is Mackenze bc Marie is a family name but my mom said ‘lets be original’ bc literally like 6 girls in my family have the middle name Marie

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

No, but my great great great great great grandfather created the brick press

98. Do you have any scars?

Yes

99. Color of your bedspread?

Pink

100. Color of your room?

Grey

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olivias-cardigan · 6 years

Text

100 Questions!

Tagged by the best @bitchin-promises, love ya ally!!

1. What is your nickname? lex lol

2. How old are you? 16

3. What is your birth month? november!!

4. What is your zodiac sign? freakin scorpio

5. What is your favorite color? mustard

6. What’s your lucky number? 9

7. Do you have any pets? no i wish

8. Where are you from? texas🤠

9. How tall are you? barely 5′3

10. What shoe size are you? 6.5/7

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? probably like 10 but like i only wear my birks and prime knit superstars

12. Are you random? i dont know what this question means but no ??

13. Last person you texted? my friends jess, miah, and katie!! katie is visiting and we are going to the mall later :)

14. Are you psychic in any way? nope ha

15. Last TV show watched? orange is the new black

16. Favorite movie? my sister asked me this the other day and i said hercules so we are just gonna stick with that

17. Favourite show from your childhood? hannah montana, suite life of zach and cody, KIM POSSIBLE, that’s so raven, drake and josh

18. Do you want children? not for a WHILE but yeah

19. Do you want a church wedding? i haven’t thought about it, i’m technically christian but not really that religious ( i'm keeping ally’s answer bc thats me)

20. What is your religion? ^ (like my preschool was at a church and i went to vbs every year as a kid but like my family has never been to church)

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? for myself? no *KNOCKS ON WOOD*

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? alMOst

23. How is life? pretty decent my dude

24. Baths or showers? showers all the way my mom kinda ruined baths for me. she was like “it’s kinda like just sitting in your own filth” and now i can't

25. What color socks are you wearing? dark gray

26. Have you ever been famous? BAHAHA no

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? um it’s not like i want it but its not like i would hate it, ya know?

28. What type of music do you like? pretty much everything -- rap, pop, 70s/80s, indie

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? nope

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 3

31. What position do you usually sleep in? on my side but then i wake up on my stomach so i dont know man

32. How big is your house? two stories

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? nothing whoops

34. Have you ever left the country? no :(

35. Have you ever tried archery? its seems so cool!! but no

36. Do you like anyone? not at the moment except for joe keery

37. Favorite swear word? shit probably i say that 24/7 and in all these different accents

38. When do you fall asleep? its either like 9pm or 4am no in-between

39. Do you have any scars? yeah volleyball and softball are a bitch

40. Sexual orientation? straight

41. Are you a good liar? i don't think so

42. What languages would you like to learn? spanish

43. Top 10 songs? I CAN’T DO THIS

44. Do you like your country? yep!

45. Do you have friends from the web? yes and i love them all dearly 💓

46. What is your personality type? well i'm estp so

47. Hogwarts House? when i took the test on pottermore i got hufflepuff but like i feel like i am more ravenclaw so i dont know

48. Can you curl your tongue? yes ma'am

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? stanley uris

50. Left or right handed? right

51. Are you scared of spiders? they are my favorite but like i can kill them

52. Favorite food? salad DONT @ ME

53. Favorite foreign food? pupusas are SO GOOD OMG

54. Are you a clean or messy person? super messy

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? oh jeez i dont know??

56. What color underwear? blue

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 10 minutes for school like an hour if i want to look nice

58. Do you have much of an ego? i wouldn’t call it an ego as much as stubbornness

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? suck biting is just wrong

60. Do you talk to yourself? all the time

61. Do you sing to yourself? I ACT LIKE IM FREAKING WHITNEY HOUSTON AND SOUND LIKE SHIT

62. Are you a good singer? no like i am probably the worst singer you have ever heard

63. Biggest Fears? rats

64. Are you a gossip? um little i guess

65. Are you a grammar nazi? i can be it depends. like their, there, and they’re C’MON

66. Do you have long or short hair? its like medium its at my collarbone so

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? yeah

68. Favorite school subject? math all the way

69. Extrovert or Introvert? extrovert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? no i wish

71. What makes you nervous? public speaking like i'm fine once i get up there but i will worry about it for like a week

72. Are you scared of the dark? if i'm outside then yes

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? sometimes but not to be rude

74. Are you ticklish? very!!

75. Have you ever started a rumor? i hope not

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? no

77. Have you ever drank underage? like a sip

78. Have you ever done drugs? nah

79. What do you fantasize about? one day going to different countries

80. How many piercings do you have? three on each ear

81. Can you roll your R’s? yes and let me tell you, my spanish class is impressed

82. How fast can you type? tumblr has made me a much better typer omg

83. How fast can you run? I'm not super fast but extremely competitive

84. What color is your hair? light brown

85. What color are your eyes? hazel

86. What are you allergic to? peanuts, sesame seeds, basically every type of tree and grass

87. Do you keep a journal? i tried but i have the worst issue of never sticking to things

88. Are you depressed about anything? not right now

89. Do you like your age? i would if i COULD DRIVE OMG I WANT MY LICENSE

90. What makes you angry? when people try to argue about things they know ZERO about (fun fact: in english we got to write a persuasive article on whatever we wanted and i did mine on limiting ignorance)

91. Do you like your own name? sure

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? no but my sister was like three and my brother and i were playing life and she shoved one of those little people that go in the cars UP HER NOSE OMG

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? both!!

94. What talents do you have? i don't know you tell me

95. Sun or moon? sun

96. How did you get your name? my parents just liked it i guess

97. Are you religious? not really

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? no

99. Color of your bedspread? oh jeez its like all these patterns with different shades of blue and purple (I want a new one)

100. Color of your room? light blue/mint

tagging: @holyhollland, @kylokiwi, @leahs-anxiety, @stanleysbird !!

#ask games #!!

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lzhui · 7 years

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i'm sure you'll do great! you said before you like the witty ones so there'll probably be more of those to have fun with in secondary schools haha how did you decide to choose english? or was it more kinda chosen for you and you rolled with it?

i do like the witty ones but im also a sucker for the cute ones :3

so originally i wanted to be a science teacher believe it or not, i was going to do biochemistry as a degree so i when i was choosing my alevels (idk if u are familiar with them where u are in different parts of the world but those are the specific choices u take before uni at age 16-18) i chose biology, chemistry, ict and english lit bc i just really enjoyed it and it was natural for me to take english bc id die of boredom without it lmao.

however, my school screwed up my choices so i had to make some adjustments and dropped chemistry and took up religious studies instead which i was PSYCHED abt bc i love rs so fckn much, still one of my fave subjects. anyway i still did biology but honestly throughout the first year was excruciatingly boring, like i was falling asleep in class? n i thought.. i cant sit through 3 years of degree for this then spend the rest of my life doing this, i lost all interest.

so after a mini existential crisis i looked at my options n it clicked like... why dont i just fckn do english ?? it was so easy, the choice to switch over to english was so natural that i couldt believe id wasted all that time doing biology bc i am fckn So Good at literature and i love it so much and ive always loved it and it just made so much sense.

so in a way it wasnt even my first choice, just like a hobby i kept doing bc i loved it, then circumstances led me to realise i can actually do this as a career and be happy and yeah. thats about it

ask me anything?

#i cant imagine myself doing biology now... wild #Anonymous

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notthetoothfairy · 7 years

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He’s Got You High

For @a-simple-rainbow. ♥♥♥

She wanted something based on this post: Kurt sends an email to his TA while high on pain meds after a wisdom teeth extraction.

read on AO3

Blaine is in the middle of his theatre history class when his phone signals a new email in his inbox. Discreetly hiding the phone from his instructor’s view by keeping his hands behind a stack of textbooks on his desk, he goes to his email folder and checks the sender.

It reads, Kurt Hummel.

He has to bite his tongue to stop the smile forming on his lips. Kurt is a sophomore, only a year behind Blaine, and takes improv and stage combat class with Blaine. He’s also a student in one of Mme Tibideaux’s more advanced voice studio classes that Blaine miraculously got to be the TA for this year.

To say that Kurt is Blaine’s favorite student would be an understatement – in fact, hopelessly crushing on him is probably more accurate.

It’s not like Blaine is planning to do anything about it, at least not while he’s Kurt’s TA. It would be inappropriate, unprofessional, and probably also really awkward, especially if Kurt isn’t interested.

So, he’s not fooling himself into thinking that Kurt’s email will be anything out of the ordinary. Probably a note of absence or questions about the final exam… though, as Blaine notices with a frown, the subject reads “Paper Eggstension”. Autocorrect maybe? There’s no way Kurt’s spelling is that bad, Blaine has read and graded most of his MUS105 papers.

Glancing at the teacher to ensure he’s still unobserved, Blaine opens the email, intrigued and a bit concerned now. He scans the first few lines and – oh, wow.

Everyone at NYADA knows Kurt is full of surprises and he’s certainly made an impression on Blaine more than once but this…? This has Blaine blushing, giggling under his breath, shaking his head fondly and wanting to check up on Kurt all at once.

To: Blaine Anderson

From: Kurt Hummel

Subject: Paper Eggstension

---

Dear Mr. Blaine,

sry, I forgot your last name because Rachel calls you Mr. Dreamboat! And y would I use your last name anyway? You told us to call you Blaine. Thats a nice name. Blaiiiine.

You said other stuff too. Like that we could send you our MUS105 paper before we send it to Mme Tibidibideaux (I wish she let us call her Blaine too) but only if we dont miss the deadline. Now I gotta tell you: No can-do. But I have an excuse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know you don’t believe. But you should. Cuz Blaine, u see – I got my teeth removed. The smarty ones. The wisdom teat. Anyway. I got them out. It was brutality. So much pain, worse than when I watched you unfairly lose Midmight Madnesssss against that senior douche, whatever the fuck his name is again. You should have won Blaine. You were better. I think Rachel bribe the judge bc she went out with senior douche… what is hid name? Bobby? Barney?

But PLEASE could I get a few more days, could you ask Mme T.…??? I really wanna do well bc… you see, Mme T., she scares the hell out of me. Ha that rhymes, triple! Cuz I’m awesome. Yes, I am. You can just accept that as fact or you can also go out wih me and see how awesome I am for yourself, your choice (but pick the latter!). But anyway please please pls pls pls can I hand it the paper a bit later? I really cant submit something bad -- and Im afraid they pulled out my brain with the teeth!!!!!!!! I can’t write a well paper without a brain!

My doctor says Ill regret writing emails while Im hai (thats German for shark, funny fact) so I’m gonna stop and hope that you will say yes! Please bro? Oh! Brody. Brodouche. Midnight Madman. Destroy him next time! (He broke up with Rach, he deserves it.)

Thank you, Mr. Blaineboat. I really like you.

Kurt xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Blaine reads the email three times before deciding that he should wait until after class to type out a response. In the state he’s in right now, he’ll probably do something stupid and just write back, Yes to all.

He wants to, of course. He’d give Kurt an extension on his paper and say yes to a date with him in a heartbeat but… he knows he’ll have to convince Mme Tibideaux, sort out his personal TA-student dating policy (and maybe ask around if NYADA has an official take on it) and make sure Kurt really meant to type this and didn’t just do so in the spur of the painkiller-induced moment.

The class can’t end fast enough but as soon as it’s over and Blaine finds a quiet corner in the library to think of what to respond, he blanks, drafting several replies but ending up deleting all of them.

“Goddammit,” he mutters to himself. “Just write something.”

In the end, “something” doesn’t really compare to Shakespeare but Blaine figures that at least he won’t risk his job over it, either.

And maybe, just maybe, Kurt will catch the ambiguity in his words.

“What are you working on?” Rachel asks when she comes back to the loft, arms full of grocery bags that Kurt hopes are filled with veggies for him to make soup with. He seriously craves eating something that isn’t liquid but mushy veggies drowning in hot water really is the maximum of cheating when it comes to his pained cheeks. He knew it was a bad idea to get both upper wisdom teeth out the same day. But it’s too late to complain. At least he has a best friend who brings him soup.

Kurt sighs at the laptop in front of him.

“My paper for Mme Tibideaux,” he responds. “You know I love Sondheim but interpreting his work while physically injured makes me want to kill him.”

“He’s in his mid-eighties, Kurt,” Rachel tells him. “Let an old man be.”

“Ugh.” Kurt rubs his eyes. “The meds are making me tired, though.”

“Why do you even bother writing the paper when you got an extension from Mr. Dreamboat?”

Kurt frowns at Rachel. “Extension? When would I have gotten that?”

“In your email?” Rachel frowns back. “Come on, don’t tell me you chickened out just because you’re in love with him. He’s still our TA, he could probably do something about that deadline, so-”

“I don’t remember writing an email.” Kurt goes to student email and punches in his username and password. “Or getting one back, for that matter. Like, wouldn’t I rem-” He blinks in surprise, catching Blaine’s name in his inbox – twice, even. How high was he, exactly? “Wait, what did I…?” Clicking on the email, bits and pieces come back to him, and he suddenly grabs the couch cushion next to him, holding onto it for dear life. “Oh my god, no.”

“What?”

“Rachel.” Kurt feels the blood draining from his face. “Oh, Jesus, please tell me I didn’t write that…”

He scrolls through the quoted email below Blaine’s short responses (Dear Kurt, thank you for telling me! And yes, of course! I’ll talk to Mme Tibideaux, and get back to you once I know more. Get well soon! All the best, Blaine, and the more recent Dear Kurt, I got a yes from Mme Tibideaux, you’re getting one more week! Best, Blaine) and cringes when he reads the first line.

“I did. Fuuuuuck. Oh god, now I wish Sondheim could kill me.”

“Again, the guy’s, like, 85…” Rachel says slowly. “And why would you- whoa, is that your email to Blaine?”

Kurt doesn’t answer, instead opting to hide his face in his hands.

“You did not tell him we call him Mr. Dreamboat.”

Kurt whimpers.

“You did not ask him out!” Rachel squeals.

Kurt lets out a miserable whine.

“Oh my god, Kurt, you did not tell him you like him and signed the email with a dozen kissing faces!!!”

“WHAT?!” Kurt’s hands fly back to his laptop. He didn’t re-read that part. “Oh my god! I ju- Rachel, I can never go back to that school. I’m such a failure at life, Jesus Christ.”

“You’re very religious all of a sudden.”

“Don’t just sit there mocking me,” Kurt begs. “Tell me it was all just a bad dream.”

Rachel gives him a look of deep, genuine pity. “I really wish I could but I doubt my eyes can never unsee that email. Also, I know you wrote that while you were high on pain meds but I am a bit upset you never told me you didn’t like Brody. Might have saved me some trouble.”

Kurt rolls his eyes at her. “You honestly believe I never brought it up? What do you think we were we having that flea-market chair argument for? And don’t even pretend like you would have called it off with him just because I said something.” Rachel opens her mouth to speak but Kurt shakes his head violently. “It doesn’t matter, anyway – what am I going to do about this?!”

Rachel shrugs. “Kurt, it’s out there. All you can do now is roll with it.”

“In my grave, you mean?”

“In class. To which we’re going tomorrow since you’re so much better already,” Rachel tells him sternly. “Judging by Mr. Dreamb-”

“We can’t call him that anymore,” Kurt says quickly.

“Fine.” She sighs. “Judging by Blaine’s reply, he’s not bothered by it. Who knows, maybe he’s flattered. Or happy about it. It’s not every day you get an email from a cute guy confessing he’s crushing on you.”

“Yeah, right,” Kurt mumbles into the sleeve of his sweater. “As if I stand a chance with him.”

“No time like the present to find out,” Rachel says with finality. “Now, I’m making you soup, and you’re going to put on some Sondheim so you can work on your paper with some fresh insights and maximum concentration.”

It’s a nice thought – but Kurt doesn’t get anything done that night.

Blaine carefully keeps his eyes on his notebook when Rachel and Kurt walk into his class.

He was expecting Kurt to come back today (and no, he did not google how long it takes for people to recover from wisdom teeth extraction – he just asked Sam, who had gotten it done right before moving to New York), and he might have put a little extra effort into looking good today. He never got a response from Kurt, so he figures the guy has either silently acknowledged the paper extension, avoided Blaine for a number of possible reasons or forgotten about the exchange entirely.

Whatever the motivation behind it, Blaine will not despair over it. He’s Kurt’s TA, and as such won’t try anything anyway. NYADA doesn’t seem to have any policy against TAs dating students but nevertheless, he doesn’t want to put either them in an awkward position.

Which doesn’t even take into account the fact that he still doesn’t know whether Kurt remembers asking him out, whether he actually meant it, or whether he intends to ask again.

He might want to wait until Blaine’s no longer his TA as well. That’s alright with Blaine. After all, there’s a month left to this semester, so he can wait. He totally can.

He looks up from his notebook with a smile.

“Hi everyone,” he greets the class. “How are you doing? So, the deadline for your papers is Friday so I hope you’ve all sent me your drafts in case you want me to read them.” He can’t help but let his eyes wander to where Kurt is sitting. “Unless there were any reasons to hand them in late.”

Kurt blinks really quickly at the sudden eye contact, and lets out a nervous laugh.

And Blaine realizes he really totally cannot wait a whole month to get answers to his questions.

Before he can stop himself, he adds, “Everyone with extensions on their papers, please come see me after class.”

Of course, that’s just Kurt, but the class won’t know. Okay, Rachel might know, seeing as she elbows Kurt so hard it almost sends him flying off his seat. Kurt almost doesn’t seem to notice it as he’s busy staring at Blaine with a bit of a twitch in his eye.

Blaine suppresses a groan. This isn’t the plan. What is he doing?

“Blaine, I am so sorry!” Kurt exclaims in misery when the rest of the students slip away after class is over.

He’s beyond glad that Blaine didn’t make him sing any of his pieces today because apart from already being nervous whenever Blaine does ask him to do that, today his anxiety probably would have been the final straw. He might have run off or broken out into tears in front of everyone.

Blaine looks at him with a small smile. “You’ve got nothing to apologize.”

“Uh, yes, I do,” Kurt says stubbornly. He’s beyond mortified; the least Blaine can do is let him apologize properly. “I really didn’t mean to-”

“Oh.” Blaine looks down on the pile of sheet music he was stacking. “Yeah, right. Uhm, seriously though, I know how bad pain killers can be, I don’t blame you for-”

“Oh thank god, you know it was the pain meds,” Kurt breathes out in relief. “I was afraid you’d think-”

“No worries,” Blaine cuts him off. “It’s alright if you didn’t mean any of it.”

Kurt hesitates for a second, and gulps as he takes in Blaine’s slightly shaky hand movement as he stuffs the sheet music into his messenger bag.

“If…?” he asks quietly.

“I mean that,” Blaine says, eyebrows furrowing slightly. “Sorry, that, of course.”

Kurt’s at a loss. He’s getting mixed signals, and just judging by the last bit of the exchange – if that was the only thing that had happened, his stupid email and the fact that Blaine is his freaking TA forgotten – he might even be encouraged to inquire further.

But he can’t just admit to meaning all of it, right?

He settles for the safer topic. “So you wanted to speak to me about my paper?” he asks.

“Uh, yes.” Blaine smiles, though he still looks distracted. “I just wanted to ask you whether you had any questions about the material since you couldn’t join us for the last two sessions.”

“I…” Kurt shakes his head. “No, I think I’ve got it covered. Rachel caught me up.”

“Alright. Well, if you have any questions, you can send me an email.”

“Or not,” Kurt says quickly. “I think I’m swearing off emails for a while.”

Blaine laughs, the sound warm and pleasant in Kurt’s ear.

“Right,” he says. “I know this is a bit awkward but… it could have been worse. You could have written that to Mme Tibideaux or Miss July.”

Kurt is so relieved that Blaine is able to joke about it that he replies with a mindless, “Yeah, except I wouldn’t have told them I liked them, so…”

Blaine gapes at him, and Kurt realizes a second to late what he’s implying yet again.

“Oh,” Blaine says. “I, uh-”

“I’ve got to go,” Kurt cuts in, ears burning. “Can I go?”

“Uh, uhm, well, yeah, of course,” Blaine stutters.

As Kurt turns around and gathers his stuff, he can hear Blaine mutter something to himself. Kurt’s almost out the door, when Blaine calls out, “Kurt?”

Kurt turns around gingerly. “Yeah?”

“I really didn’t mind.”

“Okay...”

“Like, really really.”

Kurt wants to scream, But what does that mean?! Instead, he takes a deep breath, collects his thoughts, and says, “Okay… see you in improv, I guess?”

Blaine nods quickly. “Yeah. Later, Kurt.”

“Later, Blaine.”

Blaine is early to improv class, even though it’s all the way across campus. But he didn’t stop for his usual coffee, grabbed a salad to-go instead of lunch with his friends from his dorm, and also maybe, possibly hurried to get to class because Kurt is usually early to everything.

Blaine is the first to arrive, though, so he grabs his usual seat and gets out his salad. He’s about to slice the egg when he hears Kurt’s voice from outside the classroom.

“Talk to you later, Rachel.”

“Okay. And, Kurt, remember to ask-”

“Bye now!”

As soon as Kurt’s through the door, his eyes land on Blaine and he freezes.

“Uh, hi,” he says. His cheeks are slightly red, probably from the cold weather outside. “You’re – uhm, early.”

“Yeah.” Blaine looks down briefly, willing himself to just go for it this time. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“Again?” Kurt bites his lip. “I thought-”

“Kurt, when I said yes in the email, I meant yes to both.”

“Both?” Kurt frowns. “I don’t-”

“Both questions. Or requests, I guess.”

Kurt’s eyes widen. “You mean…”

“Yeah, I mean,” Blaine says with as much conviction as possible. “At first, I didn’t want to say anything because, you know, TA and all, but… seeing you in class, knowing, or well, hoping that you meant it, and… I don’t know, I couldn’t wait those four weeks until the semester is over. So I asked you to stay after class but then that felt super shady, too, so… I don’t even really know what I’m doing right now.”

“Do you know what you’re saying, though?” Kurt asks breathlessly.

“Well…” Blaine can’t suppress a grin. “Unlike some people, I’m not on pain meds right now, so, yeah, I’m pretty sure I have full control over my words.”

Kurt glares at him but it’s mostly façade, especially considering he’s still looking like Christmas came a bit early this year, and Blaine… well, Blaine is floored at the thought of being the one to actually make him look like that.

“Well, apparently those pain meds at least made me confess something neither of us could admit to sober, so…”

“Hey, for the record,” Blaine says, getting up to stand in front of Kurt, “I fully intended to ask you out once the semester was over.”

Kurt’s eyes are locked on Blaine with sheer intensity, and Blaine isn’t proud to admit it makes his knees a bit weak.

“Really?” Kurt asks, clearly intrigued, then sighs. “So my email was completely unnecessary.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Blaine says. “I got so many laughs out of it.”

“Oh god, shut up.”

“No, I mean, it – eggstension?” Blaine chuckles. “Wisdom teat? There were some good ones there.”

“What part of shut up-”

Waiting really isn’t Blaine’s strong suit, he realizes, as he leans in to kiss Kurt, four weeks too early to be completely professional, yet about half a year too late considering how long he’s had his eye on him.

Kurt’s protest is muffled against Blaine’s lips, and dies down completely once they press closer together to get better access. They part for air briefly, and Kurt whispers, “When I got up this morning, I would have sworn this would be the last thing I’d ever say, but I’m pretty proud of myself for writing that email now.”

Blaine licks his bottom lip, chasing the faint taste of Kurt there. “I’m glad you wrote it, too.” This whole thing between them has lasted about a minute but he wants more so badly he feels like he’s physically incapable from drawing Kurt back in and kissing him again.

They keep at it until other students start to trickle into the room, and even then they share meaningful glances and press their ankles together between their chairs.

Between all the talking and kissing, Blaine didn’t get to eat his salad, so about halfway through the lecture, his stomach starts growling.

Kurt turns to him with a grin. “Forgot to eat?”

“I guess I was distracted.”

“Hm, by what, I wonder?” Kurt asks cheekily.

Blaine eyes his untouched salad in amusement. “I guess I got pretty egg-sited over this boy I like.”

It’s totally worth all the frustrated elbowing he gets in response.

#a-simple-rainbow #klaine fic #klaine #klaine fanfic #klaine AU #klaine prompt #my klaine fics #THIS IS SO SILLY YET AGAIN #I'M SORRY RAINBOW I APPARENTLY CAN'T WRITE NON-SILLY ANYMORE #but shhh Blaine really loves puns - pass it on #(there might be typos too - they're all unintentional unless they are part of Kurt's email :P)

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