Model and Designer for piarles 😘🙏
20. model and designer
Pierre can't sleep.
It's becoming a habit, which is not boding well for his stomach lining considering how much more coffee he's been drinking because of that fact. Pierre just...can't sleep. There's not much he can really attribute it to, except for maybe the fact that he's a few months out from the big debut of his whole new fashion line--the latest Louis offshoot he'd been fortunate enough to helm. This is years of his life at stake: all that school and groundwork, all the bleeding and pricking and crying he'd done to find himself here, surrounded by fabric swatches laid out haphazardly at the desk kitty-cornered in his bedroom. There are stacks of photos and torn-up magazines out on his kitchen counter. His whole apartment is now a perfect parallel to his workplace: covered in ideas, wall-to-wall.
Hm. Maybe that's why he's becoming an insomniac.
Instead of paying the thought any more attention, though, Pierre slips out of bed and pads over to his desk chair, grabs the nearest sketchbook of his and flips to a blank page. It's not quite dawn, but there's more light than there was a few hours ago--enough to see what he'd left behind.
Charles is out cold. Completely asleep, drool and all. He looks innocent in ways that no photographer would ever be able to capture: forehead smoothed out with sleep, body curled in on itself slightly in the absence of someone next to him. Pierre gazes at him, sketchbook heavy in his hands, and feels the guilt in his stomach like a knife. He'd only invited his lead model over tonight for a review of their plans for the first walk-through with the clothes. (They have to move right, after all: Pierre needs to see his work from all angles in motion before he can be comfortable putting it on stage, even for a dress rehearsal.)
He hadn't planned for two bottles of wine. He certainly hadn't planned for Charles in his lap, warm and pliant and so, so easy as Pierre had given him direction: take this off and open your mouth and hands and knees. The memory of it makes Pierre's throat tight. So good for me, he'd mumbled after, mouth pressing just under Charles' ear, and the yes sir he'd gotten back had thrown him right out of his own mind.
He grips the sketchbook tighter. There's no way this can ever happen again, he knows--once is a mistake and he'll keep it that way.
From the bed, Charles snores lightly. It's a soft sound: sweet, almost. Pierre's chest is so tight he swears he must've forgotten how to breathe.
"Oh, Charlie," he whispers to the quiet of the room, "what have I done?" Nothing good, he's certain. Pencil in hand, Pierre tries to redirect his thoughts to the work laid out on the desk behind him--dresses with angular cuts, wide-arm sleeves, the jagged lines of a belt that's been nagging at the back of his mind since he'd axed the last round of the designs from his main book.
What he ends up with is this: Charles, in charcoal, curled up in his expensive sheets. The most damning evidence of his lapse in judgment, and he can't even bring himself to rip the sketch to shreds because it feels like a waste--a waste of beauty, even if it's a beauty he can't have.
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Called it.
I think they did multiple things right with the bullying storyline in this week's ep of Dangerous Romance - to start with:
having Sailom be perceptive enough and emotionally capable enough to know that his friends would need some open, honest discussion with and apologies from the people who bullied them, in order to move forward.
having Sailom demonstrate - for both his friends and the audience - the value he places on his friendships by insisting that Kanghan at least make an effort before Sailom was willing to actually pursue a relationship with him.
having Sailom set this not just as a condition, but as a test for Kanghan - is Kanghan the kind of person willing to work to repair injuries he caused, or will he balk? And if he's not willing, is he the kind of guy you're going to feel safe trusting your heart to? We already know Sailom is smart enough to listen to his instincts and do the mental calculus when it comes to whether he feels safe with Kanghan, and this is important additional data for him.
I'm not ... necessarily ... faulting the writers on all of this when I compare Pran's actions in Bad Buddy to Sailom's actions here in Ep 7, because I feel like Pran's almost complete lack of processing re: Pat's bullying behavior and what happened between Pat/Engineering and Wai/Architecture is kind of consistent with Pran's overall characterization. Pran hides what's going on and desperately tries to maintain his secrets, behavior that he's learned from dealing with his mom; he's known Pat longer than he's known any of his friends at college - even Wai; and he also just flat-out doesn't have the kind of high emotional quotient that Sailom does. I love Pran a lot - a lot of my intermittent drive to commit violence on Pat is kicked up by the fact that there are several times when he makes Pran sad, so I threaten to remove his lungs with a spoon - but I also notice there are times, particularly in the beginning of BB, when Wai has to walk Pran through not only typical social interaction but through processing and understanding and accepting his own emotions. Wai and Pran are primed for the kind of complete breakdown of their relationship that influences Wai's (very bad) decision to drop that curtain at least partially because when Pran lies to Wai about what's actually going on and pushes him away in order to keep his secrets, Pran loses the very person who we've seen help him navigate sticky interpersonal situations (a role that, on the other side, Pa fills for Pat). It's a cycle of breakdown that feeds on itself.
ANYWAY, what I do fault the writers on in BB is that the narrative, itself, does a miserable job of recognizing that any of these apologies and reconciliation work are necessary - at no point does the narrative come up with any other way to point out to Pran, "You know, maybe your friends are mad because you're surprise!dating a guy who spent a lot of time getting together with his friends in order to kick the shit out of them and make their lives miserable in various ways? Oh, and, who skived off to go to a concert instead of working on the mutual project they were supposed to be participating in." Not even Wai, once they're speaking again, has this particular conversation with Pran. Or, I don't know, make it a conversation with Pa and Pat, where she explains why of course Wai doesn't like him. Instead, down the memory hole it goes.
From discussion I've seen around and about, I feel like a lot of people expected the same thing to happen in Dangerous Romance. But the fact we've circled back around to it gives me hope that I don't just have my clown shoes on and we're also going to circle back around to some of the other issues that are explicitly simmering in the background, like Kanghan just hauling Sailom around by the wrist to wherever he wants him every time he gets jealous. Or the fact that even though Sailom keeps trying to insist that money can't buy everything, he's getting undercut not just by Auto wanting drinks and air conditioning and whatever else Kanghan's money can buy them, but also by the fact that Kanghan's money not only very much has bought Sailom - who's sold himself into a kind of indentured servitude to pay off his family's debts - but also has installed him in the bedroom right next door to Kanghan's.
Or like Kanghan's behavior pattern of just opening Sailom's door whenever he wants and walking in like he owns the place and can go anywhere he wants - a pattern we've already seen changing in this ep, when, sure, he acts like he's going to open the bedroom door in order to get Sailom to respond to him, but he then not only waits to be invited in but makes it explicit that him coming in is contingent on receiving an invitation.
Meanwhile, another thing I felt like the show did well with the bullying storyline this ep was the fact that Auto and Guy had different, individual responses to the apologies and overtures from Kanghan and his crew, and Guy was allowed to take longer to process his feelings and decide whether to have any kind of relationship at all with Kanghan. I had a bad moment at the beginning of the soccer game when I worried that he was going to be painted as unreasonably obstinate by the narrative, when no, he actually doesn't owe Kanghan any kind of forgiveness or interaction just because Kanghan apologized. Fortunately, they were just giving him the time and space that character needed to process and make decisions, and I really liked that.
It wasn't particularly surprising to me that the final barriers broke down in the face of a common enemy. Both of them wanted blood from Team Yellow, the enemy of my enemy, and all. That's one of the places that I felt like BB at least managed to shorthand some of the interpersonal work that would have needed to be done - by giving them a common project. Nobody on that show was able to use their gd words, but at least they could work at building bridges through actions like mutual projects.
Anyway, I've already seen at least one person comment "Wai wishes he could" on a gif of Guy finally telling Sailom to go get his man, after the soccer game, and yeah. I bet Wai did wish he could have gotten 1) an apology and some upfront reconciliation attempts from the guys who physically assaulted him and his friends as well as harassing him at and potentially endangering his job, 2) a best friend who understood that apologies and bridge-building were both deserved and needed, and 3) the necessary time to process those actions and his feelings about them.
I'm glad to see the improvement, Dangerous Romance.
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Swaddle Serenade - River Ward x Fem! V Reader
tags: effects of childbirth, unresolved grief, happy ever after, unconditional love, postpartum
word count: 1.3k
synopsis: V and River are solid. The Ward family gains a new member.
a/n: first is here, second is here, we are reaching a finale of the Babe of Night City saga 😭
The warm slip of sleep was definitely calling your name, but this time heavier than before. You remembered when you flatlined for the first time in your life, not a fan of it, and felt your body become lead as your breathing slowed to something unrecognizable.
That feeling was slowly creeping in, coaxing your arms holding your son to relax because River was quick to swoop in and cradle him.
"V," River soothed against your temple, and though you tried to respond, your mouth felt to heavy to function.
"V," his voice gained more traction, sturdier in his throat as you felt him straighten up behind you.
His free arm curled around you stiffened, trying to sit you up though you were now deadweight.
"Valerie!" His voice was harder now, something that'd immediately made his son flinch and start to cry.
River looked over to Takemura and Viktor by the door. "Vik, fuckin, come help her! Joss!"
He called out for his sister as Viktor rushed to your side, taking your shoulders and laying you flat on the floor.
"What happened?" Joss ran back in, dropping the heater she went to find and kneeling to hold your cheeks. "River, what the hell happened?"
River shrugged, moving to sit up on his knees. He cradled Phoenix closer, trying to soothe his son from startling him. "I-I don't know, she was fine a second ago, she was smiling and now she won't wake up."
Vik leaned in and pressed his ear to your chest, hoping to hear a heartbeat. In the deepest depth of your body, you felt his skin against yours. The grease from his hair made it feel slick brushing along your skin.
"She's still here, her heart's really faint. I have some bounce back in here." Viktor began rifling through his bag, hoping to find the adrenaline he needed to revive you.
"V," River's voice cracked as it echoed through to you. You could imagine his eyes welling just like they had when you told him you were pregnant. "Come on, baby. Come back to us."
His hand went for yours, squeezed it tight before bringing it to his soft, warm lips.
"V," a voice deep within your subconscious broke through. "I hate to admit it, but that's a cute little bastard."
Johnny. Of course Johnny was always readily available at your absolute worst hour.
"He's right, chica," another voice, something so close to a distant memory piped in as well. "That's a cute little hombre you got there. Good genes."
If you had a voice, you'd chuckle. Jackie fucking Welles complimenting your child was something you'd never think of in a million years. How many steps you'd taken to get here now and just away from Jackie, it felt like a whole life since his death.
"Where's that bounce back, Vik?" River asked impatiently, leaning forward to press his ear to your chest.
You so readily wanted to fold your hand to the back of River's neck, hold him there like you used to before his heavy body squished your baby bump.
"I'm looking, I'm trying." Vik's scrambling through his medicine bag turned frantic. "Come on, kid, fight."
Takemura took a step up to the situation, baring down at you from the foot of your body. He patted at his suit pockets before finding what he was looking for.
"Move out of the way," he ordered to River, readying the bounce back needle and jamming it directly in the center of your chest.
"You take care of them, V. They need you." Jackie's voice echoed through you as the darkness began to float away. "Say hello to Mama and Misty for me."
"Give 'em hell, V. Don't get knocked down again. Be that fucking rockstar." Johnny quipped as you felt yourself snapping back into your body.
Suddenly, your eyes pried open as you inhaled a rattled wheeze.
"Call that fucking ambulance, Takemura." Joss ordered as you blinked and tried to regain your bearings.
You barely had a moment to figure out how you ended up on the floor before River's lips collided with yours, then trailed up the slope of your nose.
"Don't fucking do that again, Val. Shit," River said, exasperated breaths easing from his lips.
Your hand reached up to tease your fingers at the front of his shirt. "I don't plan on it," you croaked, hissing at the sudden pain clicking back into place.
You squinted an eye to see Phoenix, nuzzled in the crook of River's arm while he bent over you, trying to not shed more tears into your hair.
"Gave us a fucking fright, V." Joss said, patting softly at your cheeks before scooting away for River to help you up slowly.
"Yeah. Christ, V. Warn us next time you wanna do that," Vik added, massaging his own chest as if he were about to follow then folded his hand to his forehead. "I gotta call Misty."
You groaned, sitting up into River's hold before resting your forehead to his shoulder.
"Don't go back to sleep yet," River urged softly, his nerves obviously shot.
"Don't be so comfortable then," you retorted, working through the gravel now lodged in your chest.
The adrenaline stung deep into your tissue, making your whole chest burn along with your hips and ass. The pain definitely wouldn't let you sleep for some time.
-
River squeezed into the hospital bed next to you, hanging his leg over the edge to allow you more room. He curled his arm around your head, leaning in to stare at your sleeping son held in your grasp.
"He's got a full head a hair, V," River said, taking his index finger to trace Phoenix's wispy hairline.
You smiled, nodded softly, while your eyes began to sting with the threat of tears. It was shocking that you almost left him behind after just getting him.
You were stressed upon reaching the hospital, ready to hear the worst news of your life. It wasn't often you had such a long string of good luck, it was bound to run out at some time.
But it was just a condition of malnutrition, which River took personally since he cooked every single day. The doctor claimed it was a combination of malnutrition on your part and the trauma of childbirth.
Now though, you were just told to rest easy.
You opened your mouth to say something, but couldn't find the words to convey how you felt. You leaned into River, tilting your body into him.
He was your person after all. And he was still around.
"He looks so much like you, I just wanna eat him," you tried but it sounded so wrong leaving your lips, unsure how parents managed to express their love for their children.
Your eyes blurred with tears the more you stared at your son's soft face, his cherubic cheeks and long lashes that rested against his dark skin like his father's. "I miss him already."
"Aww, V," River soothed, nudging his nose to your temple before resting his lips in the same space. "It's okay, baby, he's here."
You sniffled, of course that was true. You were staring at your little fighter now, but you pulled a hand away to fold against still-round belly.
"I know," you whispered, moving your hand to rest against Phoenix's chest. "I just...held onto him for so long."
"And you have all his life to hold him still," River tried, his fingers combing your hair away from your face. "We're not going anywhere."
You shut your eyes and pulled Phoenix in close to rest between you and River. River looked down at his son then reached to caress his metal thumb under your eye.
You looked at him, your bottom lip ready to jut out but you bit it back. "Marry me."
River's brows raised at your words, his lips quirking into a smirk. "V..."
"I love you," you said, reaching your hand up to grab his. You intertwined your fingers between his. "I know it's kinda late since you're not getting any younger, but..."
River leaned over Phoenix and caught your lips to stop you from talking. "I was gonna say, that you took what I was trynna say. You're not getting rid of me."
----------------------------------------------------
nope, nope, no, no, no, no, no you didn't see it, i didn't see it. this didn't exist, happiness is futile. i was never here.
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