#at long last i have returned to revising these character study pieces
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under the wings
1. Polly would always always always remember the feeling of falling asleep beneath Fledge's feathered wings.
2. She'd been curled up close to his side with his coverts over her shoulders like a shawl. His pinions had stretched past her to break the night winds. She'd leaned into the crook of his wing, feeling softness on her cheek. When she turned over in the night, feathers brushed her from all sides, whispering against her skin.
3. If Polly could have wished for one thing, at twelve, at twenty, at sixty, it would have been the same: to live in that memory. If she might, she never would have emerged from her place beneath Fledge's tawny wings.
4. She loved her smuggler's cave because it was safe and small and hers. She loved all kinds of nooks and closets, window seats and beds with curtains and covers she could crawl under.
5. Digory never understood it. He himself liked wide open space and covering skies. "It's the same concept though, I think," Polly remarked once. "There's something lovely about the feeling of being underneath."
6. Polly was even, unfathomably, rather partial to certain bomb shelters, though she'd never have admitted it. How pleasant it was to fall asleep underground, curled up in a corner wrapped in a blanket, safe in the knowledge that she was too far down for anything to hurt her.
7. (And when she wasn't in a shelter and the bombs fell anyway, she squeezed her eyes shut and pictured tawny feathers all round her.)
8. Digory wrote her letters and she wrote back. His were full of ditches in the ground and hers of shelters, but they both liked to write about lions and the sky.
9. After the first war, it was easy for a pretty lady to talk her way into flying lessons with one of the hundred wayward pilots left over from the fighting.
10. He was a mechanic by trade, and he didn't mind unconventional women; but he told Polly she had no business in a cockpit if she didn't know her way around an engine. So, two summers after the war ended, she spent her mornings smearing oil across her ruffled blouses and learning how to make things fly.
11. (She would have married him, if ever he'd asked her- but he never did, and maybe it was for the best.)
12. As the years wore past, Polly met other little girls with ribbons in their hair. She told them stories and she taught them her magic, and when they cried she brought them into her hiding places the same way she'd once done with Digory Kirke.
13. They called her Aunt Polly - both those children that she cared for interbellum, and the ones that came after.
14. Once, Polly dreamed that it had been her instead. Aslan told her, you will be the grandmother of all the angels, and feathered wings sprang from her back. Once, Polly dreamed that it had been her instead of Fledge.
15. (She woke with the feeling of feathers still clinging to her shoulders, itching.)
16. During the second war, she worked at an aerodrome. Occasionally she flew with the training crews, but mostly she'd go out onto the tarmac after the sirens were done and stand in the shadows of airplane wings.
17. When Digory told her about the wardrobe, Polly went to his estate, pulled out all the coats, and shut herself in. She didn't have any notions of getting back to Narnia that way-- but she did it all the same.
18. Jill and Eustace made her laugh: Eustace, who hated heights, and Jill, who panicked in small spaces. Oh Lord, thought Polly, save me from the irony. She loved them anyway.
19. In the end, she died in a train crash and opened her eyes to something like fragrant, golden feathers.
20. And suddeny, Polly understood. They're weren't really Fledge's wings at all, were they?
#at long last i have returned to revising these character study pieces#i love polly so dearly. i have a million wishes for her life between MN and LB#this doesn't all connect together as well as i had hoped it would but hopefully the idea still comes across#my dear adventuress#game if you are#pontifications and creations#narnia#leah stories#edit: i lost point 15 somehow when i posted this lol but i fixed it
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ohhhh i love hearing abt ur process!
Btw do you live in a dorm or at home? And if you do live in a dorm, how do you deal with noise and outside stressors? When you have writer's block or you write something and it just doesnt 'fit' to you, what do you do from there? Is there ever a time you wrote and regretted going the route you went when there were multiple options during brain storming? How do you choose a character when you have a really delish prompt that fits for soooo many people? Have you ever given writing a break? How do you keep from having fandom burnout or losing interest in a fandom? How long does it take for you to write your daily asks/concepts (as opposed to your longer fics)? Do you use bullet points or do you prefer to write a hard draft that is more like the finished piece? Aaaand last but not least, what is your editing process like?
Omg omg thank you for so many questions aaaaaaa!!! >w< I'm happy you like to hear about my process!
Do I live in a dorm or at home? How do I deal with noise and outside stressors?
I live in a dorm. Noise and outside stressors don't bother me much. I have learned to tune such things out and coexist with it. I actually don't mind it; sometimes noise is comfortable. But for things like studying which require silence and focus, I often go to the library. :D I'll write there if I've finished everything on my academic schedule.
When I have writer's block or write something that doesn't "fit," where do I go from there?
I leave the scene as it is and move to another one so that I can come back and try again at a later date. Or I'll read through it and attempt to find where the "disconnect" starts so that I can either rework the scene, cut parts out, or trash it altogether. If I'm very desperate and attached to the scene, I'll write it to finishing even if it doesn't fit at first and then go back to review and revise it. And if I have writer's block with an overall piece, I'll write something else to give myself a break so that I can return to the wip with a fresh, motivated mind.
Is there a time in which I wrote something and regretted the route it went when there were multiple options?
Aaaa hmmm,,,, it's not fandom fanfiction, but in a work I wrote for my ocs I killed one of them off and I do regret it a little because her character wasn't explored as much before her death. >_< if I ever write more for that work, I would like to provide more insight into her life and what she was like through the eyes of the characters who knew her.
How do I choose a character when I have a really delish prompt that can fit many others?
I think about character dynamics, chemistry, themes, setting, and much more when deciding who to use for a concept. I tend to default to Scaramouche and Octavinelle when writing just because I'm so in love with them, but for plots like alpha!Vil with an omega!reader (which was originally an idea I had for Floyd, but I put Vil in the concept because it's much more delicious) I think about how it might work if taken a certain way with [insert character here] as opposed to another way with [insert character here]. The time loop concept was something I initially wanted to explore with Jade because he's calculating and ruthless, but then I thought it would be much better suited to a character like Rook for reasons that I won't list due to fic spoilers hehe.
Have I ever given writing a break?
I don't think I have done so before. :o the idea of it feels unimaginable because writing is such a treasured hobby of mine.
How do I prevent fandom burnout/losing interest in a fandom?
For me, it's a matter of enjoying the fandom at your own pace. I'm still completing book six in twst and I have yet to do Scaramouche's story quest in genshin (although I'm stalling because I still don't know what to name him T_T). Don't feel pressured to keep up with everything in your fandom circle. Also, taking breaks and indulging in other hobbies/interests helps me to avoid burnout or losing interest. And talking about the fandom with others can also help to keep your interest. It's always very fun to exchange thoughts and brain rot with others!!
How long does it take to write daily asks/concepts as opposed to longer fics?
Not very long! I can write a lot when I'm inspired. It also helps that the asks/concepts are like bite-sized snacks that can be enjoyed leisurely, so I just write my thoughts as they come to me.
Do I use bullet points or do I prefer to write a hard draft that is more like the finished piece?
It's a mix of both! My bullet points are often written in two ways: either they are detailed and eloquent or they are unhinged. This is one of my scene notes for tmdg (this scene has been scrapped, so it isn't a spoiler)!
As you can see, it's wildly silly. ^^;;;; but I read these notes and something activates in my brain like: I read you loud and clear, boss!!!! For the most part I try to follow my outline and the scene bullet points, but there have been many cases where I've done something different than what I originally planned because I felt it would be better.
What is my editing process like?
Lengthy. I read through the entire draft to proofread and then I take it scene by scene to look for other errors or things that I may want to revise/add at the last minute. And then I'll read through it again in its entirety to make sure everything looks good. After that, I read it again because I often feel nervous that I missed something. ^^;;; but I often view the final reading as a means of giving the fic a homemade lunch and a kiss on the cheek before I send it on its way. :D
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Accidents Happen - Last Words
Summary: An epilogue, or, the beginning of the rest of their lives.
Content: Cuddles, mention of blood and teeth, mention of alcohol, mention of drugs, mention of bad parenting
Word count: 2,817
{Part 7}
The best thing about their apartment, according to Virgil, was that it was directly opposite what he considered the best coffee shop in the city. It meant that he could study in the café until it closed, and then cross the road and crash on their couch if he missed the last bus. It was convenient, he said - although all three of them knew that he used it as an excuse to spend as much time with them as possible, especially during term time. Virgil didn’t like admitting it, but they all knew that he got a little lonely in his dorm room on his own.
Logan had ended up studying an astrophysics course on the other side of the country and wasn’t able to visit very much. Patton was closer, only two hours away by train and studying veterinary science, but even that distance was difficult to bridge more than once every few weeks given how intensive his course was.
Roman knew that Virgil lived for the holidays, when all three of them went back to their hometown and were able to spend weeks together.
During term-time, though, Virgil had to make do with the frequent calls and texts that came with a long distance relationship and rare meetings with Patton only. As such, he spent a lot of time crashing in their apartment, to the point that he may as well live there rather than his dorm.
If Remus were asked, he would say that the best thing about their apartment was that they were only a fifteen minute walk from the gym, where he had taken up not only boxing and kickboxing, but also judo, taekwondo, and jujitsu. Roman had no idea where he found the time to take all of those classes as well as work full-time in the tattoo parlour that had given him an apprenticeship. He had practically had a heart attack when Remus had come home one afternoon and announced that he was going to get qualified to teach children’s martial arts classes.
“When will you fit that in?” He had asked incredulously (although both Janus and Remus said that shrieked was more accurate).
“I’ll manage, Ro-ro,” was all Remus had said - and he had, too. Roman had had his doubts that Remus would be capable of keeping his more disturbing thoughts to himself for long enough to manage not to traumatise some poor kids, but so far no lawsuit had come crashing down upon them.
At first, he had thought it a fortunate coincidence that Remus’ apprenticeship was in the same city as the university at which Janus was going to study law, but when he had mentioned this his boyfriend and his brother had looked at him as though he had said something mildly stupid. (They did that a lot, actually).
“Did you really think I was gonna make Jan go to college without me? I waited until he got an offer and then started looking for something to do here.” Remus lifted his head up from where he had been lying across the couch, legs lazily bent over one of its arms.
Janus snorted and threw a piece of carrot at him, which he caught in his mouth. “That is not what happened. I told you that I was taking you with me even if it meant I had to force you into a suitcase and keep you under my bed like some contraband pet. Under threat of having to survive on smuggled cafeteria food, you started looking for a job.”
“That’s what I said,” Remus protested, tugging at the white streak in his hair. “You couldn’t stand being without me, so I applied for apprenticeships with all the stabbing parlours around here. They were really nice about the whole prison thing, actually.”
Roman didn’t bother mentioning that he had had no idea that Remus had any interest in art, let alone talent, until he had asked for company on the walk to work for his first day. That had been eleven months ago, just a few weeks after he had been released; Roman had returned to their apartment and mentioned his surprise to Janus, who had pulled a sketchbook from a shelf and allowed him to flick through it on the proviso that he didn’t tell Remus until his brother showed him himself. A lot of the work was dark or disturbing.
All of it was really, really good.
Remus had stopped self-medicating and started seeing a sleep therapist about a month after they had moved in. It had been a rough year - Roman’s room was right next to Remus’, but Janus was also woken by his screaming, and his room was on the other side of the small apartment - but the frequency of his nightmares seemed to have dropped. There were still nights that Roman was startled awake by his brother’s nightmares, still mornings when he entered the main room to find a dishevelled Remus that looked as though he had not slept at all, days where he went to wake Janus up so that he wasn’t late to his morning lectures to find the two of them curled around one another like puppies - but these had become much rarer occurrences.
Janus frequently said that his favourite thing about their apartment was that it was far enough away from campus that he didn’t have to worry about seeing people he took classes with all the time, but Roman and Remus both knew that he didn’t really mind his classmates. When Janus was in a slightly more giving mood, he would imply that his favourite thing about the apartment was its freedom.
Every other weekend, Janus took the train home to visit his parents - that had been their condition for allowing him to get an apartment rather than just staying in the student dorms - and every time he returned, he commented briefly that it had been nice to see his parents before spending the next two hours complaining about how pushy they were.
“We’ve barely even sat down to lunch and they’re already asking me whether I’ve been getting my essays done on time - it’s exhausting,” he whined, and Roman slipped his arms around his waist from behind and pressed a kiss just beneath his ear. He stopped whining almost immediately, preferring to turn around to use his mouth for more interesting things.
“All they care to ask about are my grades,” he moaned on a different occasion, walking into the apartment and dropping his coat in a pile by the door and then simply lying down in the middle of the floor. “And I remind them I have a social life too, and they ask if I’ve met anybody ‘more suitable’ to share a room with. Or anybody ‘without connections to known criminals’ to date. Or - oof, Rem, get off…”
“No,” was the response. Remus had taken the opportunity to just drop down on top of Janus and was now lying on top of him, deliberately going limp to make himself harder to displace. “You’re stuck now.”
“It would just be nice,” Janus complained, arriving home at two in the morning - he wasn’t expected until evening the next day: the trip must have been particularly unpleasant that time - and slipping into Roman’s bed rather than his own. “It would be nice if they cared more about me than the son they think they ought to have…”
“Shh. Sleeping now,” Roman responded, but he still rolled over and draped an arm over Janus’ torso and a leg between his legs. “Complain tomorrow.”
He did keep going back, though. Janus often ended his rants by commenting that they always seemed pleased to find that he hadn’t been poisoned by substandard cafeteria food or inedible cooking, and did seem to actually try to find his lengthy explanations of his subject interesting.
The freedom of living away from his high-pressure home was something that Roman understood, too. Nobody really minded if they didn’t put away laundry for a few days, for example - apart from Remus, who seemed to enjoy sitting in the dirty laundry hamper for ‘artistic inspiration’, and found his creativity damped when he only had clean clothing to squat in. Nobody cared if they went out for an evening together and didn’t get back until the early hours of the morning, or if they spent a lazy morning in Janus’ bed together, kissing, reading to one another (Janus liked it when Roman did voices for different characters; Roman loved hearing the excitement in Janus’ voice as he read something new), talking, sometimes just hugging. Except Remus, who complained sometimes that they were sickeningly cute. Nobody gave Janus a hard time if he stopped revising after only an hour and went to shower, saying that he just couldn’t focus any more that day. Nobody sent disappointed, judgemental glances at Roman if it took him more than a day to master a script.
The freedom was incredible.
But when one of them caught Janus in a particularly truthful mood, he would admit that his favourite thing about their apartment was the twins he shared it with.
He loved coming home after lectures to find Roman passed out on the couch, pages of whatever script he was trying to learn all over his chest.
He loved the evenings when Roman was out working, or studying, or auditioning, or trying to make friends, and he could fill two glasses with wine and watch a film with Remus, or gossip about the comings and goings at the tattoo parlour (the most disturbing thing Remus had ever gotten to submit a design for that might end up on an actual human being, he had told Janus delightedly, was a row of different kinds of teeth - human, shark, lion, cat, snake - puncturing the skin like needles going through fabric. His boss had commented that he appreciated the attention to the blood and torque on the skin), or chat about the stupid things people in Janus’ classes had said (honestly, if anybody genuinely thought an oboe was a giant cello, they deserved to be laughed at).
He loved the days when the three of them got to eat together, or went for a walk, or played games, or just lazed around and did very little.
He loved the gentle ribbing, the way the twins were constantly coming up with new nicknames for him, for one another, for their neighbours, for the kitchen appliances, for the regulars at the coffee shop across the street. A lot of the names were in no way repeatable in front of a sensitive audience. Only about half of those names came from Remus.
He loved it when Virgil visited and spent the night on the couch, and then made blueberry pancakes in the morning to thank them.
He even loved it when Remus had managed to set a bowl of cereal on fire at three in the morning, although he had requested that it not happen again.
The apartment wasn’t large, but it could have been an awful lot smaller. There was a bedroom for each of them (Roman and Janus did spend a lot of nights together, but they enjoyed having their own space as well), a main living room with a kitchen in the corner, a bathroom, and a final room that they used for laundry and storage. If Remus were asked - and even if he weren’t asked - he would say that the worst thing about the apartment was that the walls were relatively thin, and some nights he found that the nocturnal activities of his roommates it very difficult to get to sleep - though Remus’ phrasing had been rather less delicate.
Roman found that rather embarrassing. Janus had just smirked. They had both promised to try to keep it down after that.
Roman loved everything about the apartment.
When he had sat down and informed his parents that he was turning down his college offer, they had had a fit. What was he thinking? Clearly, he wasn’t: the stress of the last few months, of Remus’ shocking behaviour, had pushed him over the edge. Did he want to turn out like his brother? (He had had to work very hard not to start shouting when they said that). They’d been watching this happen, but this was okay, they’d get him somebody to talk to, and… He had turned the offer down as politely as he could. Trying to inform them that he had only applied to study classics because university had been practically all they had talked about with him for months without offending them had been unfairly difficult. When he had been making his choices and sending in his applications, Roman had assumed that this was what he had wanted to be doing; it was what they had wanted, after all, and didn’t they want what was best for him?
Looking back, that had been when his smoking in the woods had gone from an occasional fun thing to a stress relieving habit.
Instead, he had started looking for a part-time job in the city that Janus was going to be studying in, and had used some of the money that had been set aside for college to go halfsies on the deposit for the apartment with Janus. They had moved in two weeks after Remus had gotten out of jail; Remus had spent those two weeks secretly staying with Janus, and moved in with them immediately.
Roman didn’t go home much. The disappointed silences and the hurt confusion and the pointed looks and the way his parents seemed to blame his new attitude entirely on his brother’s bad influence made the place feel stifling.
Remus had only tried to visit their parents once since moving into their apartment, the first time Roman had visited. They had gotten in the front door and Dae had wrapped Roman up in a suffocatingly tight hug, then pulled away - and seen Remus. Her face had closed up. “You’re not welcome here,” she had said, and Roman would never forget the look on his brother’s face when she had simply pointed at the door.
They had both left.
Roman didn’t know why he kept going back. Each time, he tried to bring up Remus, tried to show their parents how much he had changed. Each time the air seemed to be sucked out of the room until somebody changed the subject.
They weren’t fond of the fact that he was dating a man, either.
He considered staying away completely when they announced that Dae was pregnant again.
He didn’t, though. When the baby was born, Roman was determined to be there for it. He had spoken to Remus about it, too, and they were coming up with ways for both of them to be able to take some of the pressure away from their new sibling.
Now, Roman spent his days working as a stagehand in a theatre on the other side of town, and took night classes in social studies. Remus wasn’t the only one that wanted to help people. He auditioned for shows whenever the opportunity came up.
He went on days out with his brother, got coffee with Virgil, hung out with Patton when he came into town sometimes. He went on dates with his boyfriend, hung out with the other people at the theater and in his classes. He made mistakes, apologised for them, didn’t make them again.
He wasn’t an angel by any means - but then, he wasn’t a demon either. None of them were. Sometimes they messed up, sometimes accidents happened, but that was okay. They were all human, after all.
And just then, they were three humans celebrating Janus passing his first year of classes. Roman had spent the day trying to make sushi, while Remus alternated between making unhelpful comments about how interesting it would be to try using something other than fish, like raw chicken for example (Roman had looked at him in mild horror), and making bukkumi for dessert after stating that there was no law saying that they couldn’t have a Japanese main followed by a Korean dessert and accompanied by very French wine, and that he should know because his best friend was a lawyer.
The main course was a bit of a mess, but Janus had been thrilled anyway. The didn’t light candles - Janus wasn’t entirely comfortable being close to naked flames - but Roman had made up for that by spending the previous day making entirely too many origami snakes, which decorated almost the entire apartment now.
After dinner, they piled onto the couch and Janus chose a crime show for them to watch together.
If this was what life looked like now, Roman thought, one arm around Janus’ waist and the other cradling a mug of hot chocolate, then he didn’t have any complaints to make.
Taglist:
@bloodymari-0666
#roman sanders#remus sanders#janus sanders#virgil sanders#logan sanders#patton sanders#AccidentsHappenAU#epilogue
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I would love to know three of your favorite fics in general. Either as comfort fics you frequently return to or just as really great examples of the craft.
Oh damn, that is a great question with an impossible answer, given that @starred-fics has 1,557 entries at the moment. I mean, I wouldn’t say all of those are same-level top-notch great, and a lot of them are from fandoms I very much have not been near for years, but I’d probably stand by a lot of the recs regardless.
That said...I will happily talk about a few recent great examples of the craft that I keep returning to, which is to say I hope you wanted Old Guard recs ‘cause I don’t have much else at the moment!
(If you wanted something from a different fandom, though, I will happily dig around older tags!)
“Explaining Is Losing” by sixthlight (whose many other AUs I have also definitely read and reread with glee): A modern/no powers/university AU, this one does a beautiful job of ticking all my boxes for what makes a truly great AU fic. Like, there are great stories that just sort of pluck the characters out of canon and proceed to have zero relationship with that canon—and I enjoy those, with the right author and ship, but they kind of read differently to me.
Whereas this fic nails its academia AU setting, with terrific banter and an engaging narrative style, but it also hashes out the characters and their relationships just right in that setting. Nicky and Joe’s enemies-to-lovers arc is obviously central and quite great, and while I’m hardly an expert I thought the smut was both fun and handled in ways that advance both the story and characters. I also love how the rest of the crew is woven in, too—without needing to bend sideways to justify the diverse ages or personal backgrounds like a lot of AUs in this fandom have to. (And without making any of the movie villains someone’s ex, which is a weirdly common trope in this fandom that I do not like.)
“Hineni” by AnnabelleVeal: Sometimes you find a thing that just feels like it was made for you, and this was a case of that. I don’t uniformly love headcanoning characters as Jewish but this fic does the concept of Jewish Booker so deeply right, making the revised backstory thoroughly canon-compliant (le Livre because People of the Book!) and making his Jewishness (and lapsed observance) extremely relevant to the person we meet onscreen.
It’s beautifully thought-through and written, and while I’m definitely on the record as having had fandom feels related to Yom Kippur previously, the line about the “Unetanah Tokef, with its litany of ways to die, half of which he's already done” certainly stuck with me this year.
“Broken Circle” by Wind_Ryder: An excellent piece of canon divergence that is as much character study—mainly of Nile, but her observations of the other are so valuable—as it is story. In a fandom replete with historical tales for obvious reasons, this one really stood out to me, and it does what it does in a way that feels totally in line with canon and yet perhaps even more ambitious. I don’t know that the Guard—or anyone—could singlehandedly end American white supremacy, but I love that this fic tries to think through how that could work, without the benefit of hindsight or superpowers or influence (and with only one white man on hand to boot).
Throughout the story, I also kept thinking about the quote from the end of the Watchmen TV series: “Considering what he could do, he could have done more.” And while part of the movie’s thesis is that the Guard’s work does have long-lasting and really significant ripple effects throughout history and geography, this fic makes an at times brutally eloquent case for more direct and sustained action that would be at odds with Andy’s “no repeats” policy.
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Ida Estelle Taylor (May 20, 1894 – April 15, 1958) was an American actress, singer, model, and animal rights activist. With "dark-brown, almost black hair and brown eyes," she was regarded as one of the most beautiful silent film stars of the 1920s.
After her stage debut in 1919, Taylor began appearing in small roles in World and Vitagraph films. She achieved her first notable success with While New York Sleeps (1920), in which she played three different roles, including a "vamp." She was a contract player of Fox Film Corporation and, later, Paramount Pictures, but for the majority of her career she freelanced. She became famous and was commended by critics for her portrayals of historical women in important films: Miriam in The Ten Commandments (1923), Mary, Queen of Scots in Dorothy Vernon of Haddon Hall (1924), and Lucrezia Borgia in Don Juan (1926).
Although she made a successful transition to sound films, she retired from film acting in 1932 and decided to focus entirely on her singing career. She was also active in animal welfare before her death from cancer in 1958. She was posthumously honored in 1960 with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in the motion pictures category.
Ida Estelle Taylor was born on May 20, 1894 in Wilmington, Delaware. Her father, Harry D. Taylor (born 1871), was born in Harrington, Delaware. Her mother, Ida LaBertha "Bertha" Barrett (November 29, 1874 – August 25, 1965), was born in Easton, Pennsylvania, and later worked as a freelance makeup artist. The Taylors had another daughter, Helen (May 19, 1898 – December 22, 1990), who also became an actress. According to the 1900 census, the family lived in a rented house at 805 Washington Street in Wilmington. In 1903, Ida LaBertha was granted a divorce from Harry on the ground of nonsupport; the following year, she married a cooper named Fred T. Krech.[9] Ida LaBertha's third husband was Harry J. Boylan, a vaudevillian.
Taylor was raised by her maternal grandparents, Charles Christopher Barrett and Ida Lauber Barrett. Charles Barrett ran a piano store in Wilmington, and Taylor studied piano. Her childhood ambition was to become a stage actress, but her grandparents initially disapproved of her theatrical aspirations. When she was ten years old she sang the role of "Buttercup" in a benefit performance of the opera H.M.S. Pinafore in Wilmington. She attended high school but dropped out because she refused to apologize after a troublesome classmate caused her to spill ink from her inkwell on the floor. In 1911, she married bank cashier Kenneth M. Peacock. The couple remained together for five years until Taylor decided to become an actress. She soon found work as an artists' model, posing for Howard Pyle, Harvey Dunn, Leslie Thrasher, and other painters and illustrators.
In April 1918, Taylor moved to New York City to study acting at the Sargent Dramatic School. She worked as a hat model for a wholesale millinery store to earn money for her tuition and living expenses. At Sargent Dramatic School, she wrote and performed one-act plays, studied voice inflection and diction, and was noticed by a singing teacher named Mr. Samoiloff who thought her voice was suitable for opera. Samoiloff gave Taylor singing lessons on a contingent basis and, within several months, recommended her to theatrical manager Henry Wilson Savage for a part in the musical Lady Billy. She auditioned for Savage and he offered her work as an understudy to the actress who had the second role in the musical. At the same time, playwright George V. Hobart offered her a role as a "comedy vamp" in his play Come-On, Charlie, and Taylor, who had no experience in stage musicals, preferred the non-musical role and accepted Hobart's offer.
Taylor made her Broadway stage début in George V. Hobart's Come-On, Charlie, which opened on April 8, 1919 at 48th Street Theatre in New York City. The story was about a shoe clerk who has a dream in which he inherits one million dollars and must make another million within six months. It was not a great success and closed after sixteen weeks. Taylor, the only person in the play who wore red beads, was praised by a New York City critic who wrote, "The only point of interest in the show was the girl with the red beads." During the play's run, producer Adolph Klauber saw Taylor's performance and said to the play's leading actress Aimee Lee Dennis: "You know, I think Miss Taylor should go into motion pictures. That's where her greatest future lies. Her dark eyes would screen excellently." Dennis told Taylor what Klauber said, and Taylor began looking for work in films. With the help of J. Gordon Edwards, she got a small role in the film A Broadway Saint (1919). She was hired by the Vitagraph Company for a role with Corinne Griffith in The Tower of Jewels (1920), and also played William Farnum's leading lady in The Adventurer (1920) for the Fox Film Corporation.
One of Taylor's early successes was in 1920 in Fox's While New York Sleeps with Marc McDermott. Charles Brabin directed the film, and Taylor and McDermott play three sets of characters in different time periods. This film was lost for decades, but has been recently discovered and screened at a film festival in Los Angeles. Her next film for Fox, Blind Wives (1920), was based on Edward Knoblock's play My Lady's Dress and reteamed her with director Brabin and co-star McDermott. William Fox then sent her to Fox Film's Hollywood studios to play a supporting role in a Tom Mix film. Just before she boarded the train for Hollywood, Brabin gave her some advice: "Don't think of supporting Mix in that play. Don't play in program pictures. Never play anything but specials. Mr. Fox is about to put on Monte Cristo. You should play the part of Mercedes. Concentrate on that role and when you get to Los Angeles, see that you play it."
Taylor traveled with her mother, her canary bird, and her bull terrier, Winkle. She was excited about playing Mercedes and reread Alexandre Dumas' The Count of Monte Cristo on the train. When she arrived in Hollywood, she reported to Fox Studios and introduced herself to director Emmett J. Flynn, who gave her a copy of the script, but warned her that he already had another actress in mind for the role. Flynn offered her another part in the film, but she insisted on playing Mercedes and after much conversation was cast in the role. John Gilbert played Edmond Dantès in the film, which was eventually titled Monte Cristo (1922). Taylor later said that she, "saw then that he [Gilbert] had every requisite of a splendid actor." The New York Herald critic wrote, "Miss Taylor was as effective in the revenge section of the film as she was in the first or love part of the screened play. Here is a class of face that can stand a close-up without becoming a mere speechless automaton."
Fox also cast her as Gilda Fontaine, a "vamp", in the 1922 remake of the 1915 Fox production A Fool There Was, the film that made Theda Bara a star. Robert E. Sherwood of Life magazine gave it a mixed review and observed: "Times and movies have changed materially since then [1915]. The vamp gave way to the baby vamp some years back, and the latter has now been superseded by the flapper. It was therefore a questionable move on Mr. Fox's part to produce a revised version of A Fool There Was in this advanced age." She played a Russian princess in the film Bavu (1923), a Universal Pictures production with Wallace Beery as the villain and Forrest Stanley as her leading ma
One of her most memorable roles is that of Miriam, the sister of Moses (portrayed by Theodore Roberts), in the biblical prologue of Cecil B. DeMille's The Ten Commandments (1923), one of the most successful films of the silent era. Her performance in the DeMille film was considered a great acting achievement. Taylor's younger sister, Helen, was hired by Sid Grauman to play Miriam in the Egyptian Theatre's onstage prologue to the film.
Despite being ill with arthritis, she won the supporting role of Mary, Queen of Scots in Dorothy Vernon of Haddon Hall (1924), starring Mary Pickford. "I've since wondered if my long illness did not, in some measure at least, make for realism in registering the suffering of the unhappy and tormented Scotch queen," she told a reporter in 1926.
She played Lucrezia Borgia in Don Juan (1926), Warner Bros.' first feature-length film with synchronized Vitaphone sound effects and musical soundtrack. The film also starred John Barrymore, Mary Astor and Warner Oland. Variety praised her characterization of Lucrezia: "The complete surprise is the performance of Estelle Taylor as Lucretia [sic] Borgia. Her Lucretia is a fine piece of work. She makes it sardonic in treatment, conveying precisely the woman Lucretia is presumed to have been."
She was to have co-starred in a film with Rudolph Valentino, but he died just before production was to begin. One of her last silent films was New York (1927), featuring Ricardo Cortez and Lois Wilson.
In 1928, she and husband Dempsey starred in a Broadway play titled The Big Fight, loosely based around Dempsey's boxing popularity, which ran for 31 performances at the Majestic Theatre.
She made a successful transition to sound films or "talkies." Her first sound film was the comical sketch Pusher in the Face (1929).
Notable sound films in which she appeared include Street Scene (1931), with Sylvia Sidney; the Academy Award for Best Picture-winning Cimarron (1931), with Richard Dix and Irene Dunne; and Call Her Savage (1932), with Clara Bow.
Taylor returned to films in 1944 with a small part in the Jean Renoir drama The Southerner (released in 1945), playing what journalist Erskine Johnson described as "a bar fly with a roving eye. There's a big brawl and she starts throwing beer bottles." Johnson was delighted with Taylor's reappearance in the film industry: "[Interviewing] Estelle was a pleasant surprise. The lady is as beautiful and as vivacious as ever, with the curves still in the right places." The Southerner was her last film.
Taylor married three times, but never had children. In 1911 at aged 17, she married a bank cashier named Kenneth Malcolm Peacock, the son of a prominent Wilmington businessman. They lived together for five years and then separated so she could pursue her acting career in New York. Taylor later claimed the marriage was annulled. In August 1924, the press mentioned Taylor's engagement to boxer and world heavyweight champion Jack Dempsey. In September, Peacock announced he would sue Taylor for divorce on the ground of desertion. He denied he would name Dempsey as co-respondent, saying "If she wants to marry Dempsey, it is all right with me." Taylor was granted a divorce from Peacock on January 9, 1925.
Taylor and Dempsey were married on February 7, 1925 at First Presbyterian Church in San Diego, California. They lived in Los Feliz, Los Angeles. Her marriage to Dempsey ended in divorce in 1931.
Her third husband was theatrical producer Paul Small. Of her last husband and their marriage, she said: "We have been friends and Paul has managed my stage career for five years, so it seemed logical that marriage should work out for us, but I'm afraid I'll have to say that the reason it has not worked out is incompatibility."
In her later years, Taylor devoted her free time to her pets and was known for her work as an animal rights activist. "Whenever the subject of compulsory rabies inoculation or vivisection came up," wrote the United Press, "Miss Taylor was always in the fore to lead the battle against the measure." She was the president and founder of the California Pet Owners' Protective League, an organization that focused on finding homes for pets to prevent them from going to local animal shelters. In 1953, Taylor was appointed to the Los Angeles City Animal Regulation Commission, which she served as vice president.
Taylor died of cancer at her home in Los Angeles on April 15, 1958, at the age of 63. The Los Angeles City Council adjourned that same day "out of respect to her memory." Ex-husband Jack Dempsey said, "I'm very sorry to hear of her death. I didn't know she was that ill. We hadn't seen each other for about 10 years. She was a wonderful person." Her funeral was held on April 17 in Pierce Bros. Hollywood Chapel. She was interred at Hollywood Forever Cemetery, then known as Hollywood Memorial Park Cemetery.
She was survived by her mother, Ida "Bertha" Barrett Boylan; her sister, Helen Taylor Clark; and a niece, Frances Iblings. She left an estate of more than $10,000, most of it to her family and $200 for the care and maintenance of her three dogs, which she left to her friend Ella Mae Abrams.
Taylor was known for her dark features and for the sensuality she brought to the films in which she appeared. Journalist Erskine Johnson considered her "the screen's No. 1 oomph girl of the 20s." For her contribution to the motion picture industry, Estelle Taylor was awarded a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame at 1620 Vine Street in Hollywood, California.
#estelle taylor#silent era#silent hollywood#silent movie stars#golden age of hollywood#classic movie stars#1920s hollywood#1930s hollywood#1940s hollywood
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The Ever After series
a.k.a. the Project that is ongoing for half my life
I only just realized something, and I should have paid closer attention to it. This year it’s the fifteenth anniversary of the Ever After series! This series is my longest, ongoing project to date, and started with a handwritten story that I diligently typed over on my computer whenever (I hoped) my mom wasn’t watching. She never was happy with my writing hobby, but I prove to be quite stubborn, haha...
This series is very dear to me, and this year I will start on the final story. In 2021 it will be completed, and that is just a very, very strange idea. It even makes me feel a little sad. I know I will still have plenty of stories to tell, but this series is just something I poured so much time and effort into, that I think it became part of me. As I grew as an author, so did the stories!
The beginning - Now and Forever
This is a real trip down memory lane! This is the very first version of Now and Forever! I was fifteen years old when I started on this first draft and it always was with me as I was writing it. I even took it with me on vacation, and spend many rainy days pouring over this little manuscript in Turkey.
I had just discovered Freedom of Speech fanfiction at that time and stumbled across this series called ‘For the Love of Trowa Barton’ (I think it was called that??), in which one of the Trowa fangirls of the archive collected stories written for Trowa. Later on this cutie became a dear friend who I even got to meet in real life (but that’s a story for another time, LOL). But that series of stories triggered me into writing a story for Trowa myself.
I completed the story and posted it, and at that time it was written to the best of my abilities. Fifteen year old me didn’t have the thought to turn this into a series yet. The story was well received, despite the serious plotholes and spelling/grammar errors. My English wasn’t so good at that time yet, but I was proud of what I had accomplished. So how did this one time story turn into the series it is today?
The error - Forgive and Forget 1.0
It was about two years later that I figured I’d write a story about Duo. The first part was about fifty percent written when I encountered a huge writer’s block. I took a break from fanfiction that lasted almost a year. I went on my study abroad, and it was there that I rediscovered my love for writing. I wrote a couple of stories in a notebook, and upon my return, dove into the files on my USB. I found the first part of the story I had written for Duo, and got determinded to finish it. And with that determination I rushed it. Badly.
I got some critical reviews that told me the story needed more work than I had put into it. I was not so happy with those reviews, but I later came to realize these reviewers were right. I did rush the story in a way that made it unrealistic. But the story was already complete and out on the internet, and my interests had turned to new ideas. So I left the story for what it was.
The birth of a series
Just a couple of months after finishing that first version of Forgive and Forget, I got the plotbunny for a story for Heero. The basic idea was to write a Heero version of Now and Forever. And in thruth, some of the plot elements are the same. At the same time I realized that this would be my third story with a format consisting of just a few, but long parts and that I could turn it into a series.
I fell in love with writing Heero’s story, and I think that when you read it you can feel that love. When I finished Every Moment I considered it my best story to date. The way it was received made me fall in love with the story even more and I was quick to realize that if I was indeed going to turn this into a series, the first two stories would need some work to be up to the same standard that Every Moment was.
Revisions
And so I sat down to edit Now and Forever. I expanded the plot, deleted and rewrote scenes, and turned it into the story it is today. It surprised me how easy the revision was. Forgive and Forget had to be a piece of cake.
But, boooy, was I wrong about that.
Already on the first page of the first part I hit a wall and I had no idea how to break it. The longer I thought about it, the harder it seemed. I simply had no idea how to turn the story as it was into something better. I decided to postpone the revision and started on Wufei’s story instead.
The Wufei phase
Up untill that point I never had written a multi-part/chaptered story for Wufei. So far it had just been a few ficlets and a one-shot, so I never got to dive into his character. And I discovered him to be so much fun! It resulted into a full-blown Wufei phase, and for sometime I really thought he had replaced Heero as my muse (sorry, Heero-baby! XD). I just wrote and wrote and wrote, and the story turned into a gigantic six-part monster. I got a little carried away, I guess. But -oh- it was marvelous!
After that I couldn’t resist writing some more stories for Wufei. I just had to get him out of my system and since I still had no idea what to do with Duo’s story, it was a good way to pass the time.
Forgive and Forget - the good version
But then I finally figured out how to tackle Duo’s story: I was simply going to rewrite it from scratch! I took some time to figure out which elements of the orginal story I wanted to keep and what should be changed, and then sat down to write. Four parts of the story have been completed so far, and I’m estimating that it will need another two!
I love the story so much more now, and it is rewarding to write this new version. Duo is a complex character and it’s a struggle sometimes to figure out how to write a scene. But I hope that when it’s finished, it will be just as good as the other stories I’ve written for the series.
The future
When Duo’s story is finished I have one more left to write: Quatre’s story. I already have a vague idea for the plot an hope to write a story for him that does him justice. So far, I’ve only written one-shots and short stories for Quatre and that needs to change. I’m looking forward to setting my teeth into him.
But with that final installment, the series is not yet over. Behind the scenes I’ve been working on a little surprise for you. I won’t reveal what it is until all the stories are up, so you have to be patient a little while longer! ;)
#myfanfics#myramblings#bobo-is-tha-bomb#Gundam Wing#Gundam Wing fanfiction#fanfiction#writer#fanfiction author#the fanfiction blog files
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Chasing the sun director’s cut
In case you don’t like FF.net for some reason. I’m posting the story here as well This is the Director’s cut version to a story I first posted here a few years ago. Enjoy (P.S This is a really long post)
So what do you need to know about this fic? It was based sort of on canon about 3 years ago. By that I mean it mostly tried to fit within "canon" with a few of the more unnecessary details tossed out. For example I didn't bother dealing with SaiIno so that doesn't exist here. Obviously if you've continued to follow the canon story line (I haven't) much more lore has been added via Boruto. I considered researching the current lore to further modify the story but in the end I decided against it.
If this story had to take place on a timeline it would have been maybe around two years after chapter 700 but whatever.
Disclaimer: There is an affair in this fic so y'know don't read it and get your feelings hurt.
I don't condone cheating in real life and if cheating occurred in canon I'd go "hey that 's a little weird for kid's story and its really out of character"
But this is a fanfic. And I think canon broke many of the characters so...
So without further ado, please enjoy.
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Shame engulfed him the moment he regained consciousness. Physical discomfort soon arrived mercifully distracting Naruto from his emotional distress. This was a hangover that would have made his godfather and Tsunade proud. After rallying the willpower to combat his pounding headache Naruto took a moment to assess his situation. Once again his mind returned to Jiraiya and words of wisdom from the toad sage bubbled up from the muddy depths of his mind.
If you ever find yourself waking up in a strange place after a night of hard drinking you need to try and remember three things. As soon as possible make sure you can remember where you should be, what you were doing before you blacked out and who you should be waking up with. Don't even move until you can answer at least two out of three of those questions.
Dozens of questions galloped through his head but Naruto willed himself to concentrate on Jiraiya's three. Bits and pieces of his long term memory resumed functioning and what he remembered brought a smile to his face.
He was in Amegakure. He was in the village's recently built Imperial hotel. He was here because he had been witnessing history. He was here for the first ever chunin exam sponsored by the United Shinobi Forces. The chunin exam was now a multinational biennial examination featuring hundreds of genin gathered from every shinobi village that was a current member of the ever-growing shinobi alliance. If that wasn't impressive enough it also doubled as a Kage Summit.
The kages of each nation of the alliance would come together to discuss worldly matters while the youngsters of their villages attempted to advance in the ranks. It was an unprecedented event and a significant step towards peace talks on a continental scale.
And it was all his idea.
Naruto sat up sporting a smile that ran from ear to ear. He had spent a tremendous part of his first years as Hokage working diligently to convince the others kages and daimyos to support this project. His smile widened to a grin when he recalled the grand festivities of the opening ceremonies. Indeed his hard work had paid off. So why had he had been black-out drunk again?
His grinned faded when the answer surfaced in his consciousness. Picking himself off the hotel room floor Naruto staggered over to the nearby couch. After drawing in a deep breath he thanked his lucky stars that the kages had voted against bringing their families to this first event for safety reasons.
"This is not exactly Hokage behavior" He muttered himself. Though upon further reflection Tsunade drank like a fish and she did a great job.
"I should ask her for tips" Naruto said with a chuckle that tapered off into a heavy sigh. "Now I'm talking to myself. What a mess."
A knock on the hotel room door reverberated through his entire body.
"Who is it?!" Naruto called out as he massaged his forehead.
"Sai."
"The door is open...I think"
The door indeed was open. Carrying a small briefcase in his hand Sai slid into the room with the quiet precision of a thief. Naruto annoyed by Sai's slow and methodical tiptoe towards him cut right to the elephant in the room.
"How drunk was I last night Sai?"
Sai looked his Hokage over. "Good morning, how are you feeling?"
"How drunk was I last night Sai?"
"Very"
"In public?"
"No."
"Good." Naruto studied his friend and current bodyguard. He glanced at the briefcase in Sai's hand.
"What's that?"
Sai placed the briefcase down on the coffee table before Naruto. He then deftly thumbed the briefcase's combination lock before popping it open and revealing the treasure within.
"This is Sakura's journal" Sai said.
Eyes widened Naruto asked. "Why did you have that?"
"You ordered me to take it from her room."
In response Naruto hung his head in shame.
Sai shifted uncomfortably on his feet. "So I take this to be a prank?"
Confused Naruto glanced up at his friend.
"I noticed you and Sakura had regained your past playfulness."
"You noticed that huh?" Naruto said with a snort.
"It is a shinobi's duty to pay attention."
"Well yes-this is a prank gone horribly wrong" Naruto said solemnly. He met Sai's gaze "Alcohol and pranking should never mix."
Sai nodded. "Yes, this is a very brave prank"
"A stupid prank Sai. From now on don't take orders from me when I am drunk."
Sai considered this for a moment. "So if you are drunk and we are attacked and you order me to save your life I should not follow those orders."
Naruto sighed. "Okay let's revise that. If I am drunk and I give you an order that could get us both killed, just don't do it. For example stealing from Sakura is very very very foolish. So don't follow foolish orders blindly, use your better judgment."
Sai nodded again this time in acquiescence. "I understand. So what do I do with this? She may have already noticed that it's missing."
Naruto held his hand out. "Give it to me. I'll give it back to her...when y'know the prank is over. I might as well go through with it now that I have it."
Sai hesitated.
"I won't tell her you helped me," Naruto said
Sai let out a sigh of relief and handed the notebook over to the Hokage. Naruto casually placed the book beside him on the couch before dismissing Sai from the room. When Sai's presence had vanished from Naruto's immediate senses he glanced at the journal. He stared long and hard at the journal as beads of sweat materialized on his forehead. With trembling hands Naruto picked up the journal and quickly scanned its interior. He noticed that each page was dated so he quickly skimmed to the latest entry. According to the date listed Sakura had jotted it down early last night.
Naruto began to read
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Jul 15:
"What do you want Uchiha-san?" Naruto slurred at me when I entered his room.
I suppose "Uchiha-san" was supposed to hurt me but it was he that flinched in the wake of this supposed slur. It was as if he had tossed explosives at me but he had been standing too close to avoid the shrapnel.
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With a loud groan Naruto put his face into his hands. Then he shook like a dog fresh from a bath. A long silence followed that he eventually broke with a heavy sigh. With a specific date in his mind Naruto returned to the journal.
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February 9th
It's hard not to be surprised by the appearance of the Hokage at your front door. In many villages such an event would call for bowing or the recitation of oaths and other such expressions of loyalty and subordination. I am however one of the few people in any village who is fortunate enough to be able to greet my Kage at the door with a warm hug. I then led him to the kitchen where I served him tea as if he were a neighbor stopping by for the latest gossip.
Naruto and I spoke of irreverent things at first. Simple chi-chat. Then the topic switched to our families well our children specifically. We found it amusing how none of the rigorous training we'd experienced in our lives had come close to preparing us for the trials of parenthood. As we talked, I found that I was very aware of how long it had been since we last had a private conversation. For years the majority of our interactions had been in the midst of a crowd. Festivals, school, group dates, missions, friends, fans, husbands, wives, children, there had been always someone else around. I'm sure we have talked on the phone over the years but those were not conversations worth remembering.
So for the first time in a long we were alone. Why this mattered to me I didn't know. But I didn't have too long to dwell on the thought. As I was serving him a second cup of tea Naruto asked me to be part of a historic event, his pet project a revamping of the chunin exams. According to Naruto the medical staff that will treat injured genin during the exam will be a coalition of different medics from different villages. Apparently my Hokage had it in his mind to suggest to the alliance that I lead this medical team.
Naruto seemed to be missing the obvious so I guided him towards it. Besides the occasional emergency I hadn't done any consistent medical work in years. Naruto's response was to reveal that the council had said the same thing when he had suggested my name. He tried to suppress the mischievous grin on his face when he told me "they gave me a list of better options"
I admit Naruto had played a good hand. The idea that there was an entire list of ninja supposedly "better" than me at the practice of medical ninjutsu was absurd. But this slight on me by the council was not enough to entice me back to active duty. I had stepped away from being a full-time kunoichi so I could raise my daughter.
"Well if your skills have diminished it's fine..." Naruto said. He knew he had struck a nerve and seemed intent to keep hammering at it. Time had done little to dull my skills but still, I told Naruto that either Tsunade or Shizune would be better fits at this time.
"Of course they are good fits...if you say no" Naruto said.
To that point, I had been saying "no" in a very polite way. However though inactive I was still a ninja and Naruto was my boss, my leader. If he insisted I go my continued refusal would be insubordination.
As if reading my mind he continued, "Sakura I am not ordering you to do this. I came here personally to ask that you to do me a favor. I am asking you this because I wish to rely on your..." He paused, I suppose he was searching for the right words. Eventually he looked me in the eyes and finished the thought "tremendously valuable expertise."
Yes Naruto played a great hand. I was far from immune to such high quality professional flattery. So I said yes despite the bit of maternal guilt. My parents could watch Sarada while I was away. I do not regret agreeing to leading the alliance medical staff but I do regret what happened next
I walked Naruto to the door and just as he had finished saying goodbye I kissed him.
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Naruto glared dumbfounded at the journal.
"That's all she had to say about that?"
He thought back to the kiss. The problem was that the kiss had been too good. No, that wasn't right, saying it was good created comparisons with the kisses he had shared with his wife. No, "good" wasn't the right word to use. Besides good wouldn't have affected him so much. This kiss had a lot of weight to it, a lot of history attached to it. It was exactly how he had used to imagine kissing Sakura would feel. It was something undefinable and his longing for it had been lost so long ago.
Hadn't it?
He drew in a deep breath calming his thoughts and his nerves. His perspective didn't matter. It didn't matter then it didn't matter now. If the kiss was meaningless to Sakura he could accept it as a fluke. Everything would be okay. All he had to do was confirm that the kiss meant nothing. Then things would go back to normal. He continued reading, skimming quickly through any entries that did not appear to offer any clues to the answer he was seeking.
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April 9th:
I've forced myself to face the reality of what happened. I admit that I'm somewhat embarrassed that it has taken me two months to process it all. It's taken a considerable amount of my mental resources to go over what happened, why it happened and what would happen next. The saying "better late than never" was truly appropriate for this occasion.
After the kiss I thought our friendship was done. I had stood frozen in my kitchen watching Naruto wordlessly stumble out the door. When I dared to breathe again, I considered going to his office and apologizing, I then thought about going to his home and apologizing to Hinata. But I didn't do anything. For a week or so I was draped in pessimism and doubt and I haunted my own house like a brooding spirit not quite sure whether it was dead of alive. When Sarada began to notice my occasional absentmindedness I realized I'd had to chase the distressing thoughts from my mind.
That is until today. This morning it hit me that I had gone two months without any word from Naruto. But that wasn't at all unusual. The reality is after two months I am not sure the kiss has changed anything. And really I couldn't hope for any more than that. That nothing would change, that the kiss would simply fade into history. The best case scenario for everyone was if it were ignored. Maybe that's what Naruto was doing while I brooded. He was letting it fade. I don't fear the end of our friendship anymore. That type of steel is not easily shattered.
So I am not afraid but I am bothered. The kiss had been nothing but a mistake yet it still lingered with me. When I allow myself to think about it my mind goes back not to the kiss itself but the moment our lips broke. In the immediate aftermath of the kiss I felt awash in sensuality. I felt a womanly glow from head to toe that had been missing in my life for a long time. How do I sincerely apologize for something that I enjoyed?
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Naruto's face navigated successfully from a look of surprise to astonishment, from astonishment to joy, from joy to shame, from shame to worry. However he hadn't the time to asses his emotions. Answers first, emotions later. He flipped through the pages of the journal again with another specific date in mind
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June 16: The road to Amegakure
Naruto had insisted on everyone leaving at the same time. His entourage including his administrative staff, the genin, would be spectators, everyone marched out of the village in unison creating the effect of a mini-parade. Villagers cheered on our departure and the faces of the genin flushed with pride and excitement.
Instant morale.
Being Hokage isn't just about being strong. You need to understand people. Naruto understands people. Very few realize that Naruto has put as much if not more effort into trying to understand others as he has into expanding his strength as a ninja. Whether he agrees or disagrees with your ideology, whether you are trying to kill him or not, Naruto tries to understand. It is an underrated aspect of his personality.
I have yet to speak with Naruto face to face since our last encounter. I am not sure if he's avoiding me or if I am avoiding him. All of our communications in the last few weeks have been via phone calls, messengers, or emails from his secretarial staff.
On a more enjoyable note, I used most of the day to refresh my friendship with Sai. To be honest things started out a little rocky since he had greeted me this morning with what I suppose he considered a compliment
"I've noticed that you've lost a lot of weight. I am very impressed, since you had Sarada and stopped being on active duty I never thought I'd see you this thin again."
I gave him a friendly tap against the skull with my fist. Our conversations from then on were much more amiable.
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June 17th
Met with Naruto, finally, unexpectedly.
We were a day away from the village hidden by rain and I had spent most of the morning being pleasantly surprised by the sights of the very scenic route we were taking. It seems the perception of Amegakure being located in the middle of a bleak, sunless, miserable depressing swamp was unfounded. This nation's best held secret is its amazing rural landscape. The rolling hills, the winding country roads. the ancient woodlands, I was quickly enraptured by the natural beauty and serenity of life in this foreign land. It was a wonder to me how such a serene atmosphere could blossom in a country that has been the battlefield for three shinboi wars. This country was a miracle to anyone who saw it through a historian's eyes.
Anyway I was strolling besides a lovely river when Naruto arrived. I had been caught up in my own thoughts that I hadn't sensed his approach. Time and old age had yet to work their magic on Naruto's speed.
He greeted me with practiced stoicism as we walked shoulder to shoulder. "Sakura I would like to converse with you."
Though I was caught off guard by his statuesque stiffness I consented to this impromptu meeting. I looked around the nearest shinobi was well out of earshot. This was as private as it was going to get.
I turned to Naruto but he stared forward his eyes on the trail ahead. He was at that moment essentially The Seventh.
Of the many brief but complaisant conversations I've had with Sasuke over the years quite a few of them were about the changes in Naruto. I wondered if Sasuke had noticed that Naruto was less boisterous, less energetic. Sasuke had noticed, but he hadn't been too concerned. As he put it, Naruto's change was the unfortunate cost of leading men.
"Nothing stays the same forever Sakura" Sasuke had told me.
From a practical standpoint I knew Sasuke had been right about Naruto, some change was to be expected, but how much was too much?
"I wanted to thank you for coming Sakura. This will be the first time that you've spent such a considerable amount of time away from your daughter. I know that will be hard."
I told him the truth that I missed her a ton already. That I knew if she were here right now she would have likely told the Hokage to his face that this parade of shinobi was silly.
I mimicked Sarada's voice
"Everyone walking to Amegakure like this is silly. Why does the Hokage wear that hat? It's silly. Mom you're silly."
I looked over at Naruto to see that he had managed half a smile. And just like that we were good friends again. I asked him if he had ever cried when leaving behind Boruto and Himawari.
He cleared his throat. "I may have teared up a little...once or twice"
Here was arguably the strongest man in the world admitting to tearing up over his children. I found the image sweet and I told him that. Visibly embarrassed he changed the subject.
"I just wanted to say that your village thanks you for your service."
I replied that if the village was ever in any serious need I would be glad to offer my services, that said if I were to be honest, I was only going to Amegakure because he had asked. I was doing him a favor.
"Now if can you do me a favor Naruto, please stop it with the too-serious face. I am finding it very distracting."
Naruto snorted and looked off for a moment. When he turned his attention back to me he had a familiar playful smile on his face.
"One day Sakura you will notice that I am your boss."
I parried back that I had no problem having him as my boss. I just preferred he talk to me with his normal face.
He conceded the point and carried on.
"I am just trying to say I am glad you came."
I revealed a bit of insight that had dawned on me when we left the village. I figured that part of the reason he had dragged me out of my home was so he can brag to someone about this grand historic event.
Naruto's face shone with childish delight. "Why would I brag about this? It wasn't all my idea."
Though Shikamaru had a hand in it, this was mostly Naruto's idea and it was not what people expected from him. Of course if there were a super strong tyrant or monster out there, people would expect Naruto to go out and punch him-it in the face. This was different, this was about ideas, culture, diplomacy, this was proof that he was not just a near limitless source of chakra.
After explaining my reasoning I looked over at Naruto to see him barely able to contain his glee.
So I continued. "I can see it now. We are going to get to this huge event and you are going to point at the crowd and say Sakura 'this is my baby.' Then I am going to say Naruto you are the coolest guy. Because that's what you want to hear me say."
He laughed. His laughter was contagious and I caught the bug moments after. Well I couldn't really fight it off if I had wanted. Unfortunately the laughter had to settle and things had to get serious. I noticed that he wasn't getting enough sleep.
"There are shadows beneath your eyes. You also seem a little restless" I said to him.
"There has been a lot on my mind recently" Naruto said.
It was an open secret that Naruto and Shikamaru had spent the better part of the entire year leading up to the exam burning candles at both ends in the office. The fruits of their labor were dozens of revolutionary proposals to present to the other Kages at the summit.
His voice lowered to just a cut above a whisper.
"You know what hasn't helped me sleep? Thinking about that kiss."
I felts some color spring up to my cheeks but I suppressed it. I think. I hope I did.
"You should be angry with me" I told him.
"I am not angry. I am just confused."
"You shouldn't be confused."
"I shouldn't be, but I am."
"Please don't be confused. It shouldn't have happened."
"It shouldn't have but it did."
"You shouldn't even think about it"
"I shouldn't but I do."
That was the totality of our conversation about this kiss give or take thirty to forty seconds of awkward silence in between each statement. I gathered my thoughts and then I, as softly as I could, reiterated that it had been a mistake-an awful mistake and I was sorry that I betrayed him in such away.
Naruto cocked his head to the side and looked at me. His eyes were searching. For what I don't know.
"Don't worry about it," he said eventually. "Let's consider it a joke between friends."
"A joke?" I asked.
"A private joke, something we can laugh about later...privately"
I agreed to these guiltless terms and we continued walking in silence. Naruto turned towards the river and it took me a moment to see what caught his eye. A trio of children steering their raft down the river.
"Sakura did you enjoy the daffodil valley we passed earlier today?" Naruto asked
"It was beautiful. There's nothing like it near Konohagakure."
"I knew you'd enjoy it."
I asked him how he knew that and he answered that he had recalled t I liked to go on walks and the valley seemed like the perfect walking spot. He was right, I did like walking and it was an almost perfect spot for a romantic stroll. Naruto then surprised me with what he said next.
"You should come back here. With Sasuke. You know-go walking in the moonlight."
That did sound nice if one ignored the looming fact that neither of us really knew when we'd see my husband next. Well I should say I don't know when I'll see Sasuke next. I am sure there are measures in place for Naruto and Sasuke to come in contact with each other in case of emergencies.
"You should bring Hinata here as well. You know go walking in the moonlight."
Naruto gestured towards the river. "She's more of a swimmer than a walker."
"Oh, well then take her swimming!" I said with much force than was appropriate for the conversation.
Naruto turned his attention back to me. He seemed very amused by my unexpected command.
"Would that be something a good husband would do?"
"Yes." I said while trying to hide the fact that I was embarrassed by my outburst. "A good husband should do everything he can to keep his wife happy."
"Oh, I didn't know that."
"Well now you know."
"So what does a good wife do?"
I told Naruto that a good wife should do everything she can to try and keep her husband from doing something stupid.
He chuckled, then he started to say "so how come Sasuke has-" but he stopped halfway through. I am not sure what annoyed me more that he stopped or that he apologized afterwards.
"Sorry..."
Curious I asked him what he was apologizing for and he shrugged.
"Sasuke is your husband..."
I knew that, we both knew that.
"Yes, and?"
He shrugged again.
"How come Sasuke has what?" I asked.
Naruto paused and then finished the thought. "That hairstyle...I mean..come on"
"I like it" I told him.
"You do? Ah I guess you kind of have to don't you?"
"What's wrong with it?"
"Nothing is wrong. You have a very pretty husband Sakura and you should be proud."
"Oh you're just a jerk" I said
Naruto laughed openly at my defense of my husband's flowing locks.
"You're just jealous" I countered.
Naruto's laughter wound down and the color in his cheeks bloomed.
"Maybe" he said just above a whisper.
I changed the subject.
"Are you nervous?"
"About what?" Naruto asked
"The success of these exams."
"The exams will definitely be a success. Whether they will have the lingering affect I hope that they will..." Naruto shook his head as his words trailed. "The exams were always a good idea. But under the disguise of improving relationships between villages it had become an excuse for espionage. Now going forward it'll be a celebration. We invite the rest of the world to our world."
Naruto scratched at his cheek and a boyish excitement broke through the surface of his face. "We celebrate our nations and our villages, but more importantly we celebrate our shinobi, if we celebrate the humanity of a shinobi maybe...Maybe I can show them the world the way I see it."
I pointed out to him that a troop of shinobi stomping through the countryside of a foreign land would normally be called an invasion. I interpreted that to mean that things had already changed significantly. Naruto seemed happy to hear that.
I think that it was clear to anyone on that march-especially those of us who had fought in the war that something special was going on here. I was contemplating on how much the world had changed when Naruto tapped my shoulder and turned my attention back to the river, the children had spotted us and they waved excitedly at us. We matched their enthusiasm, throwing both of our hands up in the air as we waved back. With his eyes still on the children Naruto remarked how much he wanted to believe Nagato had once stood on the same spot he was standing on. He wondered if, and he wanted to believe, that Nagato had admired and valued the beauty of this land as much as Naruto did now.
He looked at my expectantly and I searched myself for words of wisdom or comfort. At a loss for words I just smiled at him. He smiled back.
"We should talk more Sakura."
"Sure, but you'll have to stop being busy."
"Well..." he started.
"I get it" I interrupted. "You're the Hokage, and a father and a husband."
Naruto nodded.
"Plus I'm busy too," I added. "Sarada is a handful and a half."
"I'm sure" Naruto said.
For a few breaths we just looked at each other.
"I should go" Naruto said his voice a Hokage's voice now, measured and collected. The Seventh had returned and I was in the process of being dismissed
"Enjoy the scenery Sakura."
"Is that an order?"
He smiled. "A direct order."
"Well you're the boss" I replied.
"Oh you remembered." With that said Naruto quickened his pace to break away from me.
"Try and get some rest tonight." I called out to his back.
He slowed his pace for a step or two and then turned to me. "Jiraiya used to say there is no rest for the wicked Sakura. But maybe he should have said there is no way to rest with wicked thoughts."
This time I believe color did rise to my face but luckily Naruto had already turned away likely grinning like a fool.
I saw then that his intent was to tease me about the kiss, likely for the rest of our lives. He was a monster but we were still great friends.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Naruto placed his open palm over his face and groaned into it. What a time for his juvenile sense of humor to reemerge. The perverted antics, the pranks, the impulsive behavior, these were things he thought he had left behind in adolescence.
What kind of man...what kind of Hokage loses his mind after being kissed?
Naruto ran his hand up his face, across his forehead, and through his hair. That stupid kiss. He'd felt its lingering burn for far too many weeks now. How many nights had he shamefully awoken from sleep stunned at the good fortune that he hadn't called out Sakura's name while his wife slept. There were times when the ache was overbearing and he reached out to Hinata to satisfy the need. Their lovemaking would be furious then, fiery and explosive. But it was at best a temporary fix, the burn continued to cry out for a soothing salve.
Naruto laughed, any experience of shame, embarrassment or guilt he'd felt before was nothing in comparison to what he was feeling now. Despite the fact that he felt awful, he still needed an answer. So he kept reading.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
Jun 19th 11 PM: The road to Amegakure
Can't sleep
Why did that idiot have to say that?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Jun 21: 1:30 AM: Amegakure : Imperial Hotel
I came to Amegakure knowing two things. One, being a part of the Hokage's inner circle would land me in midst of celebrities, diplomats, kages, and pure blooded nobility. Two the entire event would be one long festival with the occasional breaks for the examination, the kage summit, and maybe sleep if time permitted. With consideration of these facts I made sure I packed the proper attire necessary for both formal and informal festivities. Despite my foresight I was not prepared for the level of celebration Amergakure had in store for us. I did not have any clothes with me or at home that could have matched the gallantry of the opening night party. However that fact didn't discourage me at all. Years ago Ino gave me the backhanded compliment of having a talent for doing a whole lot with very little. She was technically right but that insight didn't just apply to my sense of fashion. Doing so much with so little was the overarching theme of my life.
I reacquainted myself with an old classic. A short strapless black dress with open toed shoes that was simple but elegant enough for this sort of grand affair. That dress is my go to when I really wanted to look good, to be beautiful. I've never lacked confidence wearing it. Considering how long its been since I was last at a party that wasn't centered around a child I needed that confidence. The night started off well I flitted from conversation to conversation like a social butterfly all the while I kept an eye out for Naruto. He had been stalking the other side of the room with a paradoxical look of predatory stoicism on his face. He held the posture of a shinobi of great importance, relaxed enough to be approachable without subverting the fact that he could wipe out most if not the entire room if came to that. It wasn't until Gaara joined his company that the gentle light returned to his eyes. Besides Gaara or Sai the only person Naruto seemed to really have a solid report with was the man who appeared by his side to refill his champagne glass.
As I was making a mental note of that Naruto looked up from the bottom of an emptied glass catching me in a stare.
His mouth spread into a pleased grin and I felt mine do the same. We maintained eye contact from across the room until some VIPs invited themselves to Naruto's personal space. He greeted them and I turned away to search for a bite to eat. Before the party I had tried to embrace the guilt as punishment for leaving Sarada behind. It had been hard to sleep with the knowledge that my daughter was not within walking distance of my bed. How many nights did she crawl into my bed when the roar of thunder outside her window scared her? Countless. Then there the nights I went to her, when the silence inside the house scared me. She needed me and I needed her. Those were the facts.
But once the party started it didn't take long for me to surrender to the creeping notion that that I was having a good time. Especially when I was pounced upon by a group of medics from Amegakure. They were young men, energetic and enthusiastic about medical ninjutsu. They were the future of Amegakure's medical field and they knew it. They also knew Tsunade and they I knew had been her protege. Initially they picked my brain about Tsunade's methodology during surgery then we ventured into a fascinating discussion on the current breakthroughs in medical research, and then somehow we wandered into what it meant to be a medical ninja. How important were we really? Ninja who focused on the art of saving lives rather then taking them.
It was an enjoyable conversation though it was hard to avoid the fact that I was the only female in the group. I was also the only one in our mini party sporting a wedding ring. It didn't really surprise me at all when the occasional subtly suggestive remark was floated in between talks of medicine and anatomy. A few of them were them were testing the waters, gauging my interest or lack thereof. They where bold but young men, I deflected their inquiries with grace and politeness. Yes they were harmless, the real troublemaker arrived forty minutes into the conversation.
"Excuse me gentlemen may I speak to my medic for a moment."
The young medics scattered like lowly bureaucrats before a lord when Naruto butted into our conversation. Seeing the immediate consequence of his presence Naruto said rather sheepishly "I didn't mean for them to take off like that."
"Your medic? I thought I was working for the Alliance?" I asked
"No you're still min-the village's medic I am simply showing you off."
"Oh like a pony" I retorted.
"A prized pony" He chuckled.
A question occurred to me then but I kept it to myself. Instead I asked what Naruto wanted to talk to me about. He replied without looking directly at me that he simply wanted to know if I was enjoying the party. I was articulating my enjoyment when his eyes flickered suddenly. I sensed him look me over more than I saw the total movement of his eyes. That kind of subtlety of movement would have gotten top marks from Iruka. As I was trying wrap my mind around the implication of this. He excused himself politely but abruptly from my company. When he rejoined Gaara and melted back into a crowd of diplomats I assumed that would be the last I saw of him this night.
I was wrong.
When I returned to the floor of my hotel room a few hours later I found him waiting just outside my door.
"I left early" he said answering the obvious question in the air.
"And you came here?"
"No, I went to my room first."
"And then you pigged out on some ramen?"
"How did you know?" he asked.
I told him about the piece of noodle that lingered in the corner of his mouth. I reached out to wipe it away but I realized how much of an intimate gesture that would have been. This sudden onset of self awareness paralyzed me and my hand just hovered in the air between us.
I pointed to his mouth, "You've got some noodle on your lips"
"Oh" Naruto swiped at his mouth and I willed my hand down to my sides. I shook my head and wondered aloud how was it that Naruto had mastered senjutsu training but he didn't have the discipline to keep a healthier diet.
"It's really simple Sakura, I wanted to master senjutsu."
"Fair enough. So why are you here Naruto?" I asked
"Why did you kiss me?"
I let out a long slow breath before I answered. "You caught me at a bad time."
Skepticism clouded his eyes.
Words flowed out of my mouth. "Sarada was asleep, she wasn't going to wake up for another hour. The house is bigger than it looks Naruto. Sometimes it echoes."
I waited for Naruto to reply but he remained silent. He was wearing the face of the Hokage again.
"I was lonely. It was a mistake"
"Okay" He said dispassionately. "I understand.'
I had a question for him.
With my voice tinged with irritation I said "I've been thinking about it since it happened. When you broke up the enjoyable conversation I was having with the Amegakure medics, were you doing your duty and watching over your best friend's wife?"
He cringed and it broke his serious Hokage face.
"I am just wondering if you were protecting the virtue and honor of your best friend's wife."
Naruto cleared his throat. "I admit I noticed some of them flirting with you. I admit that. But imagine this, I do nothing, one of them gets fresh, all of a sudden I hear "shannaro" right before I see a Amegakure medic being transported across the room with a broken jaw via your first. Now Amegakure demands you be arrested, I decline their request, they declare war on us, I have to declare war on them. They attack us and our defense obliterates their forces. Losing the war affects their economy and they fall into a depression. If I was protecting anyone here it's Amegakure."
It was a deflection but it was a very amusing one. Amusing enough to sway me towards forgiveness. Whatever Naruto's intentions were at the very least I was sure they came from a good place.
"So you are not here to watch my door like a guard dog?"
He sighed. "Never even crossed my mind."
"Good. I can take care of myself."
He put his hands in the air as if to surrender. "I know, I know. I am sorry if it came across that way."
I smiled. "Now Naruto wouldn't fighting a war over me extend the cycle of hatred?"
He thought about this. He actually paused to consider this.
"There are exceptions to every rule."
"Doesn't your administration support pacifism?"
"Sakura it's closer to a non-aggression principle." He gave me a cheeky look that seemed to say "I've come a long way. Are you impressed?"
I was impressed for the record.
"Alright Naruto if by chance I assault a foreign ally, I give you permission to allow me to be arrested. If I happen to break a decade long peace treaty feel free to just let me go."
He said "I may not be able to let you go..." before he paused and quickly tagged on "as a Hokage I have an obligation to protect my people."
Something about the tone of the first half of his statement had an immediate affect on me. His said it low enough for it register as a whisper and it sent goosebumps running up and down my flesh. I responded with a general but true statement about how his loyalty to his people was what made him a good leader. I then slipped my key into the door and unlocked it just to do something other than stare awkwardly at him.
I heard him say over my shoulder, "You looked beau-nice tonight."
I turned to face him.
"Well you are just being kind."
His eyes softened. "No I am not."
"Thank you, I guess-its not bad for a mama huh? You also looked nice tonight, very handsome actually. If I were single well...I mean..If we were both single...y'know...maybe. Who knows right? If things were completely different than how they are now..."
The light chuckle of an embarrassed woman escaped my lips. I laughed at myself, at my anxiousness. I must have looked a mess because Naruto just stared at me. He appeared confused maybe even worried, as if I had broken the married man and married woman's neutral compliment pact.
"Sakura, may I ask another question?"
I nodded to him.
"Why am I having a hard time believing you?"
"About what?"
"The kiss."
He took a half step forward me. My instinctual response to this was to lean my back against the door for support. Of course it popped open and I stumbled backwards inside. I floundered for about three stumbling steps before I caught myself with as much grace as I could muster. I looked up at Naruto and asked, as if it was what I had in mind all along, if he wanted to come inside to talk.
He considered it for a long, long, long time. Then he smiled before backing away from the doorway, apologizing for his interruption, and announcing that it was best for him to go get some sleep.
I agreed and I even recommended a minimum of eight hours. I didn't let go of my breath until Naruto was gone and I had locked the door .
Overall, I can say I had a good time.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
With the journal in hand Naruto paced about his hotel room. He remembered the night of the opening ceremony very well. He had never seen Sakura looking as lovely as she did that night. Or maybe he had, maybe she had looked as lovely at her wedding. Back then, it hadn't been that long ago, he had felt legitimately happy for his friends and there was nothing more to it. There was definitely something more going on now, something more than friendly.
Naruto had spent the initial moments of the party disoriented, like a man regaining his sight after being blind for many years. Rather than allowing himself to be drawn to Sakura like a month to a flame Naruto deliberately avoided her. His tactic had worked until the Amegakure medics arrived to the scene. When they had surrounded Sakura, when she had happily become lost in the conversation and lost to the room. He felt something he had not felt in a long time.
At first it had manifested itself in amusement.
These guys are pretty lucky that Sasuke isn't here
As the conversation continued it became impatience.
Talking for so long to another man's wife those guys are pretty lucky I'm not Sasuke
As the conversation continued it became irritation.
If I were Sasuke, I would be using my eyes to ignite things from across the room by now
And then.
If I were Sasuke...
The visual came to him immediately, he saw himself henging into Sasuke taking Sakura by the hand, leading her away from the wolves and back to their room. Where he would breathe her in, taste her, touch her like she wanted to be touched. Naruto stopped the visual now as he had then with a vigorous shake of his head. He had been jealous, passionately jealous. And then what did he do? He waited for her at her hotel room. Somehow he'd gotten it into his mind that it was a good idea to be standing beside her right outside her room, him smelling of ramen and her of sweet perfume.
A moth to the flame.
When a husband is jealous, he worries that he might be losing his wife. Sakura was not his wife. How could he be worried about losing something he never had?
Naruto returned to the journal.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
June 25th:
Descriptions such as captivating or inspiring are what I've heard people use to describe a speech by Naruto. But those words fail to capture the intimate connection that takes between Naruto and his audience. Whether it's an impromptu rally to the troops or a scripted event at a formal venue his innate skill at public speaking always shined through. Today was no exception, Naruto's optimism, his compassion, his emotional intelligence were put on display and I found myself in silent awe.
We've known each other for so long and he still surprises me.
I hadn't planned on being a part of such a moment. In fact my intention was just to drop in and greet the Leaf students before they set off for the first stage of the exams. I was about to leave when Naruto arrived and he went to work quickly. Initially it started as one might expect "you represent the village, make your families proud, you are the future of Konohagakure." The genin of course gave Naruto the kind of attention one would give a living legend. But he really grabbed their hearts and minds when he told them a fable once told to him by Jiraiya.
It was a tale about a race of sage birds who dwelled deep within the darkest rain-forest in the world. Generations earlier the sage birds had secured this rain-forest as their homeland because of its abundance of resources and it's lack of predators. The sage birds had everything they needed in the rain-forest except consistent sunlight. Because the top canopy of the rain-forest blocked over ninety percent of the sunlight the sage birds learned to thrive on the forest floor. They lived peacefully, comfortably and without the need of flight. After some decades the sage birds had stopped teaching to their young how to fly and so soon enough many had forgotten this ability altogether.
There however came one sage bird who loved the sunlight. On the rare occasions that a stream of light managed to reach the forest floor this bird bathed in it's warm touch. When he heard tales of how his people used to fly he began to dream of soaring above the trees and being embraced by the delicious rays of the sun. This bird studied under all the sage elders, he unearthed the lost histories of his people, and he rediscovered the ability of flight. As soon as he had trained his body to be physically capable the sage bird took off into the air and burst through the canopy.
Unfortunately a storm had been brewing over the rain forest and the sage bird once again found himself shielded from the light. This time not by leaves but by ever growing dark clouds. Distraught but not deterred the sage bird realized he was certain of only two things. One, beyond those storm clouds awaited the warming glow of the sun. Two, he could not imagine a more joyous event than spreading his wings and being engulfed in that warm glow. With the dreams of gliding between sun-rays in his heart the sage bird soared right into the heart of the storm.
And he was never seen or heard from again.
After the story Naruto announced that there were a number of morals to the tale. It was traditionally a cautionary fable against impulsive behavior, against impatience, against arrogance and greed. On a deeper level still it was a simple observation on human nature, on how some people are never content or satisfied with what they have. Naruto conceded that all of these wise interpretations were valid. However when he had first heard the story from Jiraiya he had not considered any of that. He had in fact admired the bird, he thought it was courageous for the bird to risk the dangers of the storm for his dream.
Naruto had grinned broadly at the genin. He told them how as an adult he could see the wisdom of the traditional interpretations yet he could also still see the merits in his youthful interpretation.
"You will all learn soon enough that the line between courageousness and foolishness, selfishness and selflessness easily blur" Naruto told the students.
"I say consider this what if the life of a sage bird was far less than that of a human. What if I told you the sage bird spent most of his life learning how to fly and he knew he only had weeks left to live, no, days? Would it change the way you think about the story? Would it change the way you think about the Sage Bird?"
Naruto continued by telling the genin that there would be a moment during the exam where they would think to themselves that it was oaky to quit now. That they could just try again later. That the two years until the next exam would go by quickly. He went on to say depending on the situation this could be the most reasonable point of of view in the world. The wisest position to take. But they assume, and it was a reasonable assumption to make, that the exams would be around in two years. That they would be around in two years. Sometimes, he said, whether you know it or not you only get one chance.
"If you get that chance, the opportunity to fulfill a dream..."
He paused.
"Some birds are happy singing and dancing on the forest floor. That can be a happy and fulfilling life for many birds. But if you are the type of bird that dreams of the sun. You may have to face the rain and the thunder. It's up to you to decide if it's worth the risk."
The genin departed for the first phase of the exam with gallantry and vigor in their hearts. It was unexpectedly the Hokage that lingered tentatively in their wake. I followed him for a little bit as he walked about aimlessly around the campus grounds. When there was a comfortable distance between us and anyone else I matched his pace and nudged him playfully with my shoulder. I told him that I also got that bittersweet feeling every time the exams came around. Naruto appeared surprised by my presence for a moment. Then he chuckled warmly. "I'm glad you are here Sakura."
He then craned his head back, looked up into the sky and he said. "I wish Sasuke was here as well."
Despite the currently flawed state of my marriage and the currently awkward status of my relationship with Naruto, there would always be an "us" in some way or some form. "We," "Team Seven," would always exist. I suppose neither of us had anymore to say about my husband so we continued walking for awhile.
Naruto sighed. "When I was younger I would try and break every single rule if it got me some attention. Then I felt like there wasn't a rule I wouldn't break to protect my friends. Now, well life can be so complicated. I am starting to think-"
He glanced at me, unemotional.
"-No I do think that maybe the only way to keep it simple is to keep to the rules."
Not knowing exactly how to respond I said, "Funny how things change."
Naruto caught my eyes,"so you think I've changed?"
I considered the question for some time before answering. "I think-your priorities, naturally, have changed a lot but your heart is always in the right place."
Naruto gave me an odd mixture of surprise and hurt mingled with appreciation. I can only assume in hindsight that this had been the first time anyone had acknowledged Naruto's change, at least to his face.
"I couldn't be the Hokage and still be...I had to mature into the kind of man a Hokage should be."
"Oh you've matured? I hadn't noticed." I said teasing him.
He looked at me with amusement in his eyes. "I am mature, I read books in my spare time."
I asked him what kind of books he read.
"Literature" he said a grin forming on his face.
"Oh what kind of literature?"
"The classics."
"Like what?"
He looked off to the side. "The Lighthouse-on-the-Mountaintop. Its not a well known book but it's a classic."
I laughed out loud. "You just made that up."
He snorted. "Sakura do not be jealous that I am more well read than you are."
"You are not!" I challenged. "Who is the author of The Lighthouse on the Mountaintop?"
"Questioning your Hokage is insubordination" He replied.
"Have mercy on your lowly subordinate Hokage-sama" I said wiping tears of laughter from my eyes.
After a quiet moment Naruto turned to me with a smirk on his face and said, "What did you do to me?"
I asked him what he meant by that. So he leaned in close and whispered conspiratorially. "Ever since you kissed me my mind has been cluttered with unnecessary thoughts."
Abruptly Naruto's stomach collided with my fist.
"That's the kind of joke you want to crack in public?" I whispered back to him.
Naruto half laughed, half coughed as he double over at the waist. Still trying to catch his breath, Naruto plopped down onto the ground to collect himself. I did likewise and I sat facing him
He continued laughing "You know how long its been since someone has hit me?"
"I didn't hit you that hard." I said now slightly embarrassed.
He laughed again and I was struck by nostalgia.
"Naruto, don't change too much okay?"
"That is a promise I can't make." He said pointing to his hat. " He sighed and smiled at me.
"Some things may change Sakura, but you will always be sorta scary to me."
I scoffed. "And you will always be an idiot to me."
He grinned. "That's fine. I don't think I mind that at all."
It was one of Naruto's better grins. It flashed and reflected the Amegakure sun and I was infused with a vibrant energy that I think will carry me through the rest of the day.
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June 27th:
The second stage of the exam took place in Amegakure's version of the Forest Death. The village hidden in the rain had in it's back pocket an immense swamp-like arena that according to the locals had been the only part of the village to be untouched by the civil war. Apparently it was too hot and humid, and the smell too pungent to house rebels or loyalists at any stage of the war. I suppose if anyone could find value in the swamp it would be the Aburame clan. The vast array of hideous insects that claimed the swamp as their home would have surely delighted them.
Knowing from firsthand experience that the exams weren't designed for comfort I still felt genuine pity for the genin having to wade through all that muck. Luckily they were up for the challenge. The harsh environment offered the genin their first opportunities to truly shine as a shinobi and many of them took advantage of the spotlight. The highlights of the second stage, the moments where the genin put on displays of courage, toughness or pride, were broadcast to all the villages of the Alliance. But the general populace only got the replays for this portion of the exam. The entire event however was streamed live to the big wigs and VIPs.
Once again I was in the room with VIPs. The usual suspects were there, the diplomats, the captains of industry, kages, daiyamos. It was a star studded room with six long tables set up with a variety of specialty snacks from all of the villages within the alliance. The dozens or so monitors on the walls showed the genin, giving it all, putting their egos and lives on the line and the VIPs simply nodded approvingly or clapped politely when something amazing happened. There were long stretches of time were the room was so quiet that you would have thought you walked into a library. Although I'd earned the right to be there I still didn't exactly feel like it was my crowd. I tried my best to keep the peace so to speak but I had underestimated the potency of Amegakure's candy flavored liquor. The delicious drinks, in combination with a plucky young genin showing serious guts, got me in some trouble.
"SHANNARO!"
I threw in a fist pump to emphasize my less than refined behavior.
I was pretty sure every head in the room turned to me. From me the crowd then turned, to my mortification, to Naruto. Naruto who had been in a group featuring Gaara and nobles from the Land of Fire and Earth looked over at me and I turned away sheepish. I kept my head down and made a beeline for the tables and grabbed myself a small bowl of mixed fruit. I was spearing some blueberries with a fork when Naruto appeared beside me.
"Sakura"
"Sorry I got caught up in the action." I slurred without looking up from my forkful of berries.
"Right...that's why I am here to scold you for your barbarian-like behavior."
Looking up at him, I was surprised to see the touch of amusement on his face. I started to apologize. I tried to make the case that I couldn't help but be moved by the display of young valor on the screen before me, but Naruto interrupted me.
"You okay?"
"Fine." I said catching myself from swaying.
"I see. You know it's funny I just realized that I never really thanked you."
"Thanked me for what?" I said catching myself from swaying.
"My fight during the final rounds-all those many moons ago. Before all hell broke loose" he sighed. "I heard you in the crowd, through the noise of the crowd. I don't think I told you how much I appreciated that."
"Naruto we were friends, we were a team, you would have done the same for me."
Naruto nodded. "Still I'm not sure you understand how much that meant to me...at the time. I should have thanked you."
I patted him on the shoulder, "Naruto there's an old saying what's understood never needs to be explained."
He smiled. "Is that so?"
"By the way aren't you supposed to be scolding me?"
"Consider yourself scolded."
I shook my head head. "But Naruto politically speaking as our leader you should consider kicking me out for embarrassing you."
Naruto scratched at his chin. "If I kick you out it would be me admitting it was wrong to have you here."
"Oh! You are thinking politically" I said with alcohol laced cheer. "If I stay it would imply I'm here because you want me here-despite my behavior."
"It would imply I enjoy your company."
"On the other hand Naruto, it may also imply that you have an impudent subordinate around you that you can't control."
Naruto shrugged, "or it would imply that I enjoy your company and people will have to deal with that."
I studied him for a moment. At that moment I truly wanted to believe what he said was true.
"Do you enjoy my company Naruto?" I asked. "Really?"
"Of course."
I couldn't contain my smile even if I had tried. But then I looked over Naruto's shoulders to see some of the Raikage's entourage side-eying me. "I think I annoyed them."
Naruto rolled his eyes. "That's their problem. My problem is that-technically in a situations like this the Kage have to be...circumspect."
"Naruto...I mean this with all due respect, But you're vocabulary has come a really really long way." I declared. "I'm not saying you were a dumb kid but-I'll just say this, the gap between your strength from back then to know is parallel to the gap in your vocabulary from back then to now."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
"It is. It really is. I am very impressed with you right now."
A soft laughter escaped Naruto's mouth. "They've got really tasty drinks here don't they?"
"Oh my gosh they do" I aggressively agreed.
"They can sneak up on you though."
"Yep" I said taking in a deep breath,
"As I was saying Sakura I as the Hokage -have to be circumspect but..."
"Way ahead of you Naruto. I'm not the Hokage. So I can cheer for our kids-on your behalf. Since that is your will than I shall comply Hokage-sama."
Naruto gestured towards Gaara's direction with his head. "Come and join us."
As Naruto led me towards the center of the room I ignored the glares of those who preferred to show support for their ninja in prudish silence.
"That genin was very impressive wasn't she? You know she reminded me of someone." Naruto remarked.
"Did she?" I asked. "I wonder who?"
Since I was following Naruto I couldn't see his face but I knew he was smiling. I'd like to say I managed to restrain myself from any additional outbursts for the rest of the night but that would be a lie. I am not the type of ninja to go counter to the will of my Hokage.
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All of it came vividly to Naruto's mind. Their laughter, their easy conversation, the warm glances exchanged. He could remember it all without much effort. A child, a young man would make ridiculous interpretations of those memories. A wise man, a leader, could see those moments for they are. Of course he and Sakura got along well there were years of friendship to back that up. Of course she made him smile, of course he enjoyed her company, she was a close friend.
Except she kissed him
It was her kiss that had started to twist his perspective. What was she thinking? She gave him some answers to that question but he didn't know if he believed her. Why couldn't he believe her? Her actions had forced him to doubt her-doubt her what? What was he doubting?
So many stupid childish questions. But he needed the answers, no matter how stupid or childish they may be.
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June 29:
The life of a medical ninja is such that startling discoveries are routinely made in emergency rooms before the sun has even had a chance to crack a peek over the horizon. Fairly confident of the results of a night of research I made a beeline for Naruto's room. Only to find a line waiting outside his door. Luckily as I arrived Sai stepped out of the room to presumably inspect the line. I let him know I had an urgent message to deliver and Sai did not hesitate to usher me through Naruto's door to the dismay of the others on the line.
"He's being fitted for a custom robe right now, it's a gift from the Amegakure council, but since you say it's urgent..." Sai mentioned as he led me through Naruto's bedroom door, without bothering to knock. We walked in on a scene featuring two geriatric women fussing over the Hokage. Ignoring our sudden presence in the room they stretched cloth measuring tape across the width and length of his body.
Oh and Naruto was dressed only in his boxers.
Surprise flashed on his face when he was saw me but he reined it in with impressive swiftness. Then he addressed us as if were a normal occurrence for people to burst into his room.
"Is there a problem Sai?"
Sai related quickly that I had some urgent news for him. But by the time Naruto turned to me I had completely lost my train of thoughts. Or I should say my train of thoughts had left me behind.
"What is your news Sakura?" Naruto asked.
I told him that I had two questions for him first.
"Are you wearing silk boxers?"
He nodded, embarrassment briefly coloring his face.
Silk boxers, form fitting, obviously a wife's gift to her husband. Hinata had gone shopping for these boxers and picked them out knowing his exact measurements, knowing for sure what looked good on him. These thoughts simply bloomed in my mind as pure facts rather than speculation. Exposed to these facts I should have been amused or indifferent to them but I found myself in a confusing state of ambivalence.
I went on to my next question.
"If you spend most of your time in your office how is that you are in better shape now then you were during the war?"
Naruto's eyes shone with sudden mischief when he looked at me. He explained that it wasn't enough to simply train one's mind for politics. The village head had to be in top physical shape at all times. So his exercise routine was as vigorous now as it had ever been. When one of the elderly tailors wrapped a measuring tape around Naruto's right arm. He flexed and his arm confessed to the room that it was indeed heavy with well defined muscle.
The old woman hanging on his arm cooed playfully while Naruto locked eyes with me.
"Not bad for a papa huh?" Naruto asked with a grin.
At that moment an odd comparison came to my mind. Sasuke and Naruto's body matched their personalities fairly well. Sasuke was, wiry, lean, elusive. Of the two Naruto's overall body had a bit more mass, he was sturdy, sinewy, dependable.
"I have to say I am very impressed by how you've kept so fit" Sai said abruptly bringing me back down to earth.
Naruto gave Sai a look that seemed to express surprise at the fact of Sai still being in the room. He thanked Sai for the compliment and returned his attention to me. "The message Sakura?"
I glanced at the old women. Naruto took the hint and they were politely escorted out of the room a moment later. When they were gone I asked Naruto if it had been necessary for him to have been measured while in his boxers. Seemingly confused by the question Naruto replied that the old women had insisted so it must have been necessary.
I kept my thoughts about that to myself. There were more pressing concerns now anyway.
I informed Naruto that at that moment there was a genin team in the emergency room that had been deemed too injured to continue on with second stage of the exam. The genin team had claimed that they had lost their scrolls to a team from Kirigakure who entrapped them in a poisonous mist.
Naruto noted that Kirigakure had a considerable reputation for the usage of poison.
"Was it an unnecessarily lethal dosage?" He asked.
I told Naruto that the genin hadn't been poisoned the way they thought they had been poisoned. They had instead been attacked with a nerve agent.
Naruto asked if I doubted the genin's story. I did not. Indeed there was enough traces of the poison on them to say that someone had used a poison technique. But their symptoms had not matched what should have happened to victims of such an attack. What they had described seeing was C-rank technique that caused coma like paralysis within seconds of exposure. But the normal process for that is that first one's lips and tongue deaden, then comes dizziness and vomiting, followed by numbness and muscle paralysis.
"It's quite a frightening process. But it's fairly common" I said to Naruto.
"What really happened to the genin?" He asked.
I explained.
The genin had remembered salivating profusely then losing consciousness and then coming in and out of sleep dimly aware that most of their muscles had gone completely numb. I checked their clothing and found a very small concentration of a unique toxic compound that was not found in any known poison mist technique in use. The genin had somehow been tagged with the substance beforehand.
"So the poison mist was a coverup. To mask the actual attack. Those kids were being experimented on?"
"It looks like that." I said solemnly. "It would have taken some time for the substance to seep in from their clothes onto their skin. The poison mist attack was probably timed to match up with that."
I added to the bad news. "These genin might experience some long term effects once the recover. Most of it will be psychological."
Then I piled on some more. "This is new Naruto, I've never seen this before. And in larger doses an advanced variation of this has the potential to be devastating on a battlefield."
"It's your impression Sakura that this was developed after the war?" Naruto inquired.
"I would think so."
I saw something flash in Naruto's eyes, something caught between hurt and anger. Then as quickly as it came it was gone. "Can quick-acting antidotes be created?"
I hesitated
"In your opinion" Naruto added.
I answered sincerely. "I haven't looked into it too deeply but I have some ideas. There are other poisons that may actually be used as a countermeasure since they block acetylcholine receptors that..."
Naruto put his hand up. "You can keep the technical details Sakura. When we get home you can lead a research team to develop antidotes for this or any future surprises Kirigakure may have."
I hesitated again.
Naruto grinned. "You've brought some very critical information to my attention. I was right to put my confidence in you."
I told him that I was honored and flattered but I'd have to decline. I would share my thoughts with Tsunade and Shizune but I reiterated that I was committed to raising my daughter full time.
"And that is admirable. It is truly is. But maybe some kind of schedule can be worked out..." Naruto said.
I asked who would take care of Sarada while I was working.
"When Sasuke comes back..."Naruto started
I cut him off. "When Sasuke comes back he won't stay. He doesn't stay."
"In time...I'll talk to him."
There was an unspoken "again" at the end of that statement. But I found myself wondering in a amused way what could Naruto possibly have said that Sasuke couldn't see for himself when he said goodbye to his wife and child every few months?
I rattled off some obvious truths to Naruto. As hard is it might have been to believe I was not the wounded bird in my marriage. Sasuke needed to go out to find himself. Yes, he would come home to a stable family to reset but needed to find the answers out there, answers that couldn't be found at home.
"That's a separate issue. Right now, I can't help but feel that you are wasting something special. You are special Sakura. One day you will wake up and notice this but it'll be too late!"
By then I was infuriated by the path the conversation had taken.
"I don't need you to save me Naruto?"
Sounding tired Naruto said, "Sometimes Sakura there is a pretty large difference between what you assume about my motivations and what my motivations actually are."
I snapped at him. "Does Hinata wake up every morning to this lecture?"
"Apples and oranges" Naruto growled.
"How do you figure that?"
"We're talking about two different people. What makes her happy might not make you happy, what you makes you happy might not make her happy."
"And you think you know what makes me happy?" I shouted at him.
"I know what used to make you happy and that used to be medical ninjutsu."
"Maybe you are not the only one who has changed Naruto!"
It was then that Sai chimed in.
"It's interesting. Naruto has sacrificed his personal time including time spent with his family to dedicate himself to being a Hokage. Sakura has sacrificed her desire to practice medical ninjutsu to dedicate herself to her daughter. Similar ideals two different destinations."
I locked eyes with Naruto for a moment and then we both turned to Sai.
"Sai you're still here?" Naruto asked.
"Was I not supposed to be here?"
I knew exactly what Naruto was feeling. I had been so focused on the conversation I had completely forgotten that Sai had been in the room. I replayed the conversation in my head almost in a blind panic. I was terrified that something intimate might have been said in Sai's presence.
"Was that supposed to be a private moment?" Sai asked
Naruto's face was then caught in some odd transitional state between being himself and so being frustrated and being the Seventh and taking it in stride. The Seventh won out.
"Anyway thank you Sakura. This information that you've presented is invaluable."
With as much rigid formality I could muster I managed to squeak out some form of "it was my pleasure."
Naruto cleared his throat before announcing that he would definitely have a long talk with the Mizukage. After that we were dismissed. I was at the door when Naruto called out to me.
"Sakura if you can honestly say you don't enjoy it anymore, I'll let it go."
I didn't answer Naruto. I didn't have an answer for him. I continued through the door. As we stood outside of Naruto's room Sai turned to me with a very pleased look on his face and said; "I enjoy when we as a group have these frank and introspective discussions. It implies a closeness in our bond that I truly appreciate."
At that point I was too emotionally raw to contemplate what Sai was talking about. I agreed with him and called it a day.
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July 1
Not sure what to make of what just happened. I was helping prep the emergency room for the coming preliminaries when I saw Sai patrolling the area. The moment he caught sight of me he had rushed over.
"He seems very troubled. Perhaps you can help." Was all Sai said before gesturing for me to follow him.
"He" of course was Naruto. Sai brought me to the featured restaurant in the hotel where we found Naruto sitting alone in VIP section clicking away at his laptop. I mentioned to Sai that Naruto didn't seem all that upset.
"Do you know what he hates the most when he is working? When someone breaks his concentration."
Sai pretended to trip and knocked a lone glass from an empty table to the ground. The glass shattered against the ground, breaking the quiet stillness of the restaurant. Naruto's head snapped up and his blue eyes blazed with shadowed intensity. When his eyes focused on us they cooled considerably.
For as long as I've known Naruto it was generally never too difficult to figure out what he thought or how he felt about most things. However, the reality was that the more passionate versions of his emotions rarely broke through the surface. During our childhood the first impressions many had of Naruto was that he wore his heart out on his sleeve. If that was the impression you got of him you'd be right and wrong at the same time. Or perhaps it's better to say your insight would have been shallow. The water on the surface of Naruto's lake was crystal clear, transparent even, but it ran deeper than you could imagine. If you paid attention you'd realize he knew how to govern his passions to an enviable degree. If he wanted you to know he was angry you would see his anger. If he didn't want you to know he was sad you'd see a near genuine smile. What he expressed emotionally was completely contingent on what Naruto felt really mattered in any given situation. Countless people had imagined they had Naruto figured out from their first impression of him, and he would of course surprise them, time and time again.
I include myself in that group.
After Sai helped a staff member of the restaurant clean up his mess. Naruto beckoned us to his table.
"Just in time for lunch."
As we ate I couldn't help but notice that Naruto was being unusually quiet. I pointed this, among other subtle signs of his frustration, out to him but Naruto deflected my observations. As we neared the end of the meal Sai blurted out what I had been dancing around. "Naruto you seem upset"
Caution came upon Naruto's face. "I am fine."
Before either of us could respond Naruto gestured to a passing waiter who was carrying a tray of drinks. He then asked if either of us wanted a drink.
"A little early for that don't you think." I remarked.
He laughed and told me that I sounded like Shikamaru. This did not deter him from ordering a cup of wine.
"You should watch yourself with the drinks in this village Naruto. They can sneak up on you."
Naruto smiled. "Your concern is noted."
He then took a mouthful of wine.
By the time we had finished lunch Naruto had made the decision to confide in us. Well he told us as much as he could considering that what was discussed at Kage summit's was supremely confidential. It'd been obvious to the public that factions had sprung up among the Kages, mini alliances within the Alliance. Some of the new Kages from the more recent villages had decided that it was in their best interest to curb Naruto's influence on the shinobi world. So they undermined his proposals forcing him to have to present them again after adding significant concessions or amendments he rarely cared for.
"When I was saving their lives they loved me. Now that I have ideas that may change their lives they are scared of me."
"Some people want peace on their own terms" Sai said to Naruto.
It was very profound point. Unfortunately Sai continued to talk.
"Have you considered that your influence can reach beyond the Kages, to their council, to their people? With your status as a living legend many shinobi would prefer to be in your shadow rather than that of a typical Kage who is clearly inferior to you in strength. You can create factions in their village setting up the foundations for a coup d'etat. In two years time at the next summit meeting you reveal to the Kages that they can either submit to your will and stay as figurehead rulers of their village or they can face the humiliation of being stripped of their power by their village council."
Naruto leaned back in his seat. "I had not considered that Sai probably because I am not Danzo. Sometimes I forget that you used to be in ROOT."
"I am just presenting the obvious Naruto. The easiest route for you and everyone to lasting peace would be to either single highhandedly or with Sasuke's help wipe them all out in a magnificent display of power at the next summit, except for the Kazekage of course, then you declare yourself the Hokage of all Kages and have Sasuke as your-"
I interrupted Sai with a kick to his shins from beneath the table.
"Sai's just trying to help" I told Naruto.
Naruto nodded patiently. "Sai's not that far away from what some people think I am capable of. That's the frustrating thing about politics...it's still a war just without bloodshed."
After lunch we were dismissed by the Seventh. Sai and I loitered at the table for a moment but Naruto's focus was now completely on his laptop. We'd gotten as far as the entrance before I doubled back to Naruto's table. Upon reaching him I jumped right into my rant. I told Naruto a brief story about Tsunade's work ethic. Whenever Tsunade was working on a difficult project and things weren't really clicking for her she'd end the night by saying "I have not failed I've actually discovered five hundred ways that won't work." The night after if things still didn't go well she'd say "I have not failed I've actually discovered five hundred and one ways that won't work." She'd keep on going like that until she found the way that worked.
Naruto tilted his head away from the screen just enough to show that he acknowledged my presence.
"I know you will find the right way Naruto because I still believe in you." I blurted out to him. "Well I'm sure a lot of people still believe in you. I am definitely not claiming that I hold exclusive belief in you Naruto, I just wanted to remind you that I am still among those who still believe in you. And there are many who do."
Naruto turned away from the screen a grin making its way across his lips.
"I am trying to figure out how to order you to stop."
"Stop what?" I asked
"No it's impossible, you just do it naturally."
"Do what?"
"Being around you makes me feel very nostalgic. Sakura-c..." He swallowed his words, cleared his throat, swallowed again and chuckled.
"Thank you for the kind words Sakura. You may go now."
Once again I found myself in Naruto's presence with nothing meaningful to say to him. I left and reconnected with Sai outside the restaurant. After talking it over for awhile. We agreed to keep a closer eye on Naruto.
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The problem was nostalgia. For whatever reasons, conscious or unconscious, lately whenever Sakura was around the air became heavy with nostalgia. After rising from the couch and stretching his limbs, Naruto drew in a deep breath. It was perfectly understandable he thought, perfectly natural if he were honest. Certain moods always descended upon him during chuunin-exams. Certain events triggered certain memories and those memories seldom come without baggage.
He let out a breath. Neji came to mind. Neji often came to mind when he attended a chunnin exam. His memories of their fight, of Neji's death, of Neji's life, they always carried what? Sorrow, regret and gratitude in their wakes. In somewhat similar fashion since Sakura had kissed him old feelings had resurfaced.
Naruto ran his palms across his face. Feelings, no he wouldn't go that far. Fantasies-memories of an old love? Love? No, not even that. Unrequited infatuation? Yes of course. Like a tired old man he was replaying-reliving the springtime of youth. Naruto laughed to himself. Gai and Lee would be proud.
He took another deep breath. The stress of the summit and the excitement of the exam had led to the reemergence of a past life. Was something similar occurring with Sakura? She did mention that he had caught her in a bad mood. Was a perfect wave of stress and nostalgia the explanation for the kiss? A possible answer but not a satisfying one. Desiring satisfaction that he wasn't even sure he could find returned to Sakura's journal.
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July 3
First time in two days that I've had the free time to write. Despite the harsh environment the kids really battled hard in the second stage and so too many genin end up passing on. The consequence of this has been an unprecedented and epic multi-day event of randomly selected one-on-one matches. Generational talent had been put on display during the preliminaries and any red-bloodied shinobi could only be excited for the level of skill we were sure to see at the finals.
Still even as we look forward to seeing more of the winners we should still acknowledge those who hadn't be as triumphant. When the preliminaries had ended I found myself treating a despondent genin from the Konoha. Although he'd managed to make it out of a close and engaging fight with only bruised ribs his loss had bruised his self esteem. While I was examining him for any possible head injuries he started to cry. After administering some kindness along with a sedative, I got him to confide in me. Despite having come this far, the boy felt like a failure, a disgrace to his team and village. He'd taken his loss hard so as I treated his ribs I gave him some advice that I'd gleamed over the years.
What I have learned in my life is that there was no such thing as failure to a person that had no lost his guts, character and self respect. A ninja that does the best he or she could do under a given circumstance is a true ninja. Besides there never existed a ninja who succeeded at every objective before him. The great ones however understood that glory came in the rising after every fall. As I talked the boy had remained quiet, when I looked to see if he was being receptive to my words I noticed the wide eyed expression on his face. I followed his gaze beyond my shoulder only to turn to find Naruto.
"Sorry to interrupt" he said staring at me. "It's been awhile since I've watched you work."
I looked a bit to see all the medics and technicians had stopped to stare at him. No one had anticipated that any of the Kages would come down to the medical rooms.
He asked me about the genin. I revealed that as of today no one had suffered any permanent injuries, and there were no casualties either. Naruto found this to be excellent news. I added that I was still a little concerned about him. By the looks of it he was still not getting enough sleep.
He smirked while narrowing his eyes playfully "I appreciate your concern but sleep is a luxury for a Hokage."
I raised my fist. "Naruto if you insist on not getting adequate rest. I'll put you to sleep myself."
He laughed, and then following his cue the eavesdroppers chuckled.
"I will definitely take that into consideration. I am sorry to have concerned you, but I will be fine."
"Of course you will be fine sir, you are the strongest man I know" I said.
Naruto glanced at the still wide-eyed genin. "Take good care of this one Sakura, I need guys like him. Gutsy guys. The future of our village is bright with ninja like him around to support me."
With that said Naruto left and after a few breaths the awestruck genin asked "That was the Hokage right?"
"Yep" I said.
The genin cried again for more joyous reasons this time. A young medic from Takigakure approached me tentatively and asked "You can call your Kage by his first name?"
I hope the next time Naruto wants to tell me he is okay he'll call rather than drop by the medical labs. It took me ten minutes to get everyone back to work.
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July 5th
Naruto and I have fallen into some strange kind of routine. At least "routine" is the only word I can think of at the moment to describe these successive encounters. There is a pause before the final rounds of the exam but we see each other frequently between the summit meetings. And yet we barely utter more than a few phrases to each other.
Maybe I am being too generous calling them actual interactions. Especially if the majority of them consist of us passing by each other as we head off in opposite directions. He would be the Seventh then, surrounded by important people chattering in his ear. They would stop at random intervals so Naruto could make some concise authoritative statement to no one in particular. The moment he stopped talking the chatter would start up again.
Whenever I got close enough to this cavalcade Naruto's eyes would cut towards me and I'd see a smile dance at the corners of her lips. I don't know why but I don't say "hello", I don't wave, I simply meet his gaze. And in the time it takes to draw in a breath we've turned away from each other.
The discreetness of the entire exchange is fascinating but odd. I'm not sure how to describe the tangible undercurrent of these moments. Is it it residual awkwardness from the kiss? Why would it manifest itself like this? The strangeness of these banal moments is that they somehow leave me terrified and elated.
I am a grown woman, a wife and a mother, what is wrong with me?
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Naruto stared at the journal. He contemplated destroying it or perhaps it would be better to order Sakura to destroy it. Could he do that? Could he ask that of her? Anyone who read the entry he just read may get the wrong idea. Was he getting the wrong idea? No, not after that last entry. With the damning evidence down on paper it all seemed obvious.
But where did this, where did it all come from? It still didn't make any sense. He kept reading.
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July 6th:
Quiet day today, thankfully. Heaven willing the rest our time in Amegakure will be as rational. Speaking of the village hidden by rain, I realized today that it hasn't rained a bit since we entered the village. I guess we're lucky for that. People may find it odd but a part of me was looking forward to experiencing some of this village's infamous gloomy weather. I've always found there to be a sad beauty in rainfall. I admit it's strange but to me the rain is quite beautiful to look at especially as it hits the surface of a windowsill. Little drops from the heavens, are they diamonds or teardrops? It depends on your mood.
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July 7th:
I just had a dirty dream.
I haven't had a dirty dream in a long time.
I am a grown woman, married, with a child. My days of dirty dreams should be long behind me. Yet it seems I had underestimated the effects of seeing Naruto half naked would have on me. In the dream I wore the same black dress that I had worn at the opening ceremony except that I was now matching it with knee-high black leather boots. I strutted right into the Hokage's office like I owned the place and no one in the receptionist's area had the nerve to say anything to me. When Naruto saw me come in he looked like he was ready to jump up from behind his desk.
I brought a lone finger to my lips gesturing for him to be still and be silent. I quietly locked the door behind me and then I sauntered over to him. With one sweep of my hand I knocked Naruto's laptop, his lamp, and most of his papers off his desk. I laid down on top of it with my right leg bent and my left extended.
Naruto placed his hand on my knee and ran his fingertips slowly along the inside of my thigh. I moaned softly when he leaned forward and kissed me on the side of my neck. I shivered when his fingers found their way beneath my dress and traced along the edges of my panties. They patiently took the scenic route towards my core. I called out his name and in response Naruto kissed my neck again and bit gently into my skin.
I reached out and pulled his face roughly to mine. His hand slid into my panties.
He whispered my name into my mouth slowly and with promise just as fingers slipped inside me.
Then I woke up.
With my heart pounding and my breathing ragged I ran towards the shower. I spent a while in the shower.
I am not sure how I will able to look Naruto in the eyes today.
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Putting the journal to the side, Naruto marched to the kitchen, poured himself a cup of cold water, and then proceeded to dump the water over his head.
The truth now.
He had never stopped being physically attracted to Sakura. Growing close to Hinata had not made Sakura less appealing to him, it hadn't made her hideous. But his attraction became a distant one. When Naruto saw a picture of a beautiful woman he could objectively feel that the woman was alluring or captivating without feeling the pull, the longing to be with that woman. He could have said the same for Sakura for years now. Attraction without the desire for more than he had.
But then the kiss. Just with that it was as if recalling specific details of a once vague memory.
The desire for more returned. No it hadn't simply returned. It had returned with a vengeance. The attractions of his youth, wanting to get a kiss from her or take a peep at her in the baths carried with them an underlying innocence. All of that was a product of wanting to get to know her, to get close to her, to be by her side. His attraction had once been limited by experience. When you knew how it feels to have a woman's body press against yours, when you know firsthand how the female body can soften and sigh and accommodate you, the feeling of her body syncing with yours and what it means to get lost inside her...
Once you know...It made attraction a very different beast. Naruto swiped at his wet fce with his arms. He wondered if Sakura made love with her eyes closed or did her partner get to see her eyes cloud with desire. Did soft moans escape her lips or did she cry out in ecstasy?
He poured himself another glass of water, dumped it over his head, and returned to the journal.
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Jul 8:
I look Naruto directly in the eyes whenever I see him. If I look anywhere else I flashback to him in his boxers.
Not looking forward to sleeping tonight. If I have another dirty dream I'll wake up feeling guilty again. If I don't have another dirty dream I might wake up disappointed.
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Jul 9:
Tonight started off well enough. But of course as expected with my luck recently, it took an unpredicatable turn. The Kage's meeting ended early so Sai and I were invited to have dinner with Naruto and we were soon joined by the Raikage and the Kazekage. As we shared food and drinks we covered every predictable topic under the sun. I found it adorable how Naruto's eyes lit up when he spoke of Himawari and Boruto. He was a proud papa. Eventually we moved to more familiar grounds, the past. Or more specifically the chunin exam Naruto, Gaara, and I had participated in. Gaara ended up apologizing to us over his actions for about the hundredth time since we had become friends. A few gulps of wine made Gaara insistent so the only thing either of us could do was gracefully accept his apology as if it were the first time either of us had heard it
Then things got strange. Naruto had inquired about Bee.
"He's in love," The Raikage had frowned. "Well to be more accurate he's obsessed."
Naruto took this revelation with amusement. The Raikage was not as happy about it. Quite frankly he seemed somewhat irritated by Bee's antics during his apparently fevered courtship.
"It's all he talks about at dinner tables or mission briefings." The Raikage declared.
"Bee did strike me as a romantic" Naruto stated.
"Really? I think this came out of nowhere. I don't remember him ever desiring to be in a-commited relationship."
"Such desires do not materialize out of thin air. He always had it you just never noticed." Gaara told the Raikage.
"Actually" Sai began. "It could have been spontaneous. No one is immune to the sudden arrival or departure of desire."
"That's an interesting point Sai" I said. "It's possible Bee may have had a sudden change of heart."
"Change for the worst." The Raikage sighed. "It's like he's lost his mind."
Taking this cue I told the group an amusing bit of medical history. Centuries ago love sickness had been listed as a medical condition. Of all the passions listed love was considered the most violent and troubling of all. Though not fatal it had considerable mental and physical effects on the people.
"So what did our ancestors think was the cure for this condition?" Naruto asked me.
"Well according to the scrolls when no other means will take effect. Let the patient go off and be with his lover."
"Sounds effective." Naruto said with a smirk.
"If I were perfectly honest...I don't know what Bee sees in her." The Raikage groused.
Naruto nodded. "Well what's that old saying, 'the heart has its reasons, which reason does now know.'"
Gaara aglow from his last cup of wine glanced across the dinner table at me and then Naruto. Sighing contently he announced, "Shukaku and I were a little surprised when we heard you married Hinata, Naruto. You had fought really hard to protect Sakura during our fight both of us thought you'd two would get together."
Naruto was seated to my left and I turned to him just as he turned to the right. I waited for him to comment but I suppose he'd been waiting for me to comment because Gaara's statement was met by absolute silence.
So of course Sai jumped, "That is interesting because I too once believed Naruto held strong feelings for Sakura."
Naruto addressed the table.
"I still do have strong feelings for Sakura...just not in the way you once thought Sai. Life is complicated. There was a confusing mix of emotion, angst, anger and hormones flying around our team and when you are young you think you were feeling one thing and it isn't until you get a little older that your realize it might have been something else."
Sai seemed to consider this. "So you are saying your feelings weren't real?"
"Sakura and I discussed it and we concluded that my feelings at the time may have stemmed from something other than love. Something inferior."
"Compared to Sakura's love for Sasuke" Sai added.
"Let's just say my feelings were not as big as her love for Sasuke."
Naruto laughed good naturedly. "So its easy to see why Sakura never considered me."
Despite my better judgment I said. "That's not true. I did consider you. I mean it did cross my mind."
"Really?" Sai asked.
Naruto returned his attention to me. His eyes were as steady as his voice.
"Sai, I think Sakura is just trying to spare my feelings."
He stared right into my eyes as he talked.
"Sasuke was-is the only love I've known that is true. But I did consider Naruto."
I was addressing the table as well but I didn't break our eye contact.
"Naruto was the strongest of the three of us-not just in a physical sense. In the sense of keeping himself together. Naruto is sweet and kind and he just naturally tries to take care of those around him. Of course I did consider Naruto but..."
I paused.
My brain might have been in overdrive but my mouth was still way ahead of it. The words formed in my mouth before they registered in my thoughts.
"Well...He didn't need me."
I broke our eye contact and stared down at my hands. It took me a moment to regain the courage to look back up at him.
"I wanted to be needed."
I barely heard Sai's voice over the sound my blood, rushing to my ears, I'm not sure what he said. I stared into Naruto's eyes with such intensity the only color I saw was blue.
"...So just like Hinata needed me." I had heard someone say.
And it took me a half a second to recognize it had been Naruto's voice. He broke our eye contract and turned back to the rest of the table and dispelled the tense atmosphere with a jovial smile. Naruto was one of those rare people who could alter moods with the twitch of his lips and and the twinkle of mischief in his eyes.
"In the end it all worked out for the best. We're both with the loves our lives, we're still friends, everyone is happy."
Sai nodded. "There's also a saying that true love like cream in homogenized milk will always rise to the surface. "
"I am not sure anyone has ever said those exact words Sai but the sentiment is sweet" I laughed.
The entire table broke out into laughter. No one laughed with more enthusiasm than Gaara whom right up to Sai's "quotation" had a guilty, embarrassed look on his face. It's obvious that he had no idea that his casual statement would have opened up such a can of worms. So of course he eagerly accepted this lighter tone. The conversation shifted to safer grounds as we snacked on dessert. After some cake and icecream our little party broke up for the night. In the process of bidding everyone goodnight I let it slip that I was going to the medical labs to pick up some notes I had left behind.
Well what happened at dinner was quite an emotional experience for me. But that turned out to be just the tip of the iceberg. What happened next was for better or worse the emotional highlight of the night. In the lab there were a handful of medics and technicians looking over some equipment. No one who would be really surprised to see me there during the night shift hours. I went to my office and waited for the inevitable knock on the door. It came about fifteen minutes after my arrival.
I took in a deep breath before calling out that the door was open,
Naruto eased into the room and shut the door quietly behind him. I waited for him to say something else but he simply studied me.
"There was no reason for me to lie" I said anticipating his thoughts. "Not this time..."
He didn't respond but I noticed his breathing was irregular. It was relatively shallow and swift, not usual from someone with Naruto's level of fitness or his demeanor. It was subtle though and would have escaped the notice of most people. But as a medic it would have been harder for me not to notice. He was, I realized, making a very good attempt to relax himself and regain his composure. What I could not tell by his breathing was if he was angry or simply hurt.
I stepped closer to Naruto and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Nothing has changed Naruto."
He licked his lips, "I don't even know if I believe anything you say anymore."
"What?"
"I hear you but I can't tell..." The impact of his gaze on me was so intense that I took a half step back. "When you kissed me it-."
He cut himself off mid sentence and he let his eyes roam around the office.
"Why did you come to your office instead of going to your hotel room?"
"I figured you would want to talk. I thought I'd save us the trouble of having to explain you knocking on my door during the night."
"You thought you'd save us the trouble?"
He smiled.
"Am I that predictable Sakura?"
"It depends. When you get your mind to do something, you tend to just go and do i-"
Naruto interrupted me by pulling me close and giving me a long lingering kiss. I suppose if he wanted me to shut up that was one way to get me to do it. He broke the kiss and pulled back. I think now, in hindsight, that he was gauging my reaction. I was a little too stunned to speak but my body knew exactly what to do. I arched closer to him and Naruto dove in for seconds. This kiss was an explosion compared to the last two kisses. Urgency replaced sweetness when his lips covered, well I should say claimed my own. An anything but tentative tongue brushed past my lips and explored the world beyond. Once I got over my initial shock I responded with equal ferocity knocking the Hokage hat right off his head as I drove my fingers into his blonde hair. Then like a river meeting the sea I simply flowed into him.
Instinct and need drove me to edge both of us towards my desk. I was just about to push Naruto on top of a pile of injury reports when I heard heavy footsteps in the lab outside the door. Somebody coughed and we froze. Naruto's hands stalled on the first knotted button on my dress and my fingers stilled on the waistband of his pants.
We stood there for a minute, holding on tightly, breathing each other in. The footsteps faded away.
I think I made a noise between a giggle and a sigh right before I said, "That should not have happened."
"I shouldn't eat ramen, I shouldn't drink, I shouldn't kiss you. Sakura tell me why all the bad stuff are so addictive?"
I lowered my voice to a raspy tone. "In my professional medical opinion I think you just have an addictive personality. You get a taste of something good and you just want more."
Naruto gave me a wolfish grin. "I think you're right doctor I just can't help myself."
Heaven help me I giggled again when our lips met for a third and fourth time.
When the chuckles subsided Naruto pulled back. We just looked at each other, neither of us saying a word. I reached out and gently caressed his face, outlining his whiskers with my fingertips. In the silence of the room the moment passed and reality settled in for both of us.
"I think we've crossed a line." He said.
We released our grips on each other. Naruto glanced at the desk I followed his gaze. I believe it dawned on us both at the same time what would have happened had we been in a less public area. In the moment of silence that followed we readjusted our clothing, smoothed out our hair and buttoned what had been unbuttoned. All these actions occurred beneath a shared cloud of guilt.
Soon enough Naruto back to respectable form with his hat on and his spine straight and I found to courage to apologize.
He shook his head, apologizing to me "I should be...better than this"
"We both should be better...than this" I conceded.
Naruto walked towards the door but stopped with his hand on the knob. "Before I met you, I wanted to be the Hokage. I don't recall much about my life befor that dream was part of my life. I can't even imagine what a Uzumaki Naruto who didn't want to be a Hokage would look like. I knew from a very early age that nothing, nothing on this earth would get in the way of my dream."
He look over his shoulder at me. "Sakura you and I are very similar. Was-Am I wrong to think that?"
I felt a hard lump in my throat and I did my best to swallow it. "We are similar in many ways."
Naruto waited a beat before adding, "I thought so."
He studied me for a moment before leaving. No more words were exchanged, no secretive touch, no discreet eye contact-no goodbye smooch.
I took a moment then to assess myself. I waited for guilt, and shame to engulf me. They came in time. I felt shame when I thought of Sarada and the kind of woman I wanted to be in her eyes. I felt guilty when I thought about the vows that I had made and the promises I had broken if not physically but mentally. I regretted that my life had reached a point where the kiss of a man other than my husband would leave a song humming in my veins.
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Naruto recalled the moment after the second kiss when Sakura had pushing up against him. It was then that it had dawned on him what was happening. At that moment in time he had wanted nothing more than for it to happen. It was like losing himself to Kurama the way he had lost his senses.
In the aftermath, while he was in his room and with reason returned to him, he found himself overwhelmed by guilt. He considered calling to his wife. Coming clean to Hinata, letting her know what had happened, how he felt. He wanted to tell the truth. But what had been the truth? What could he tell her? Was it lust, love? When did he fall in love with Sakura? When did he have time to fall in love with his busy schedule?
He didn't call her. He was supposed to make her happy, supposed to keep her happy, that was his role as a husband. He had an obligation to Hinata, she was his wife, the mother of his children, his greatest fan. He hated to disappoint her.
Naruto had no intention of breaking up his marriage. However in a moment of clarity, even when his lust had abated, he was aware that the temptation to go back to Sakura was a real one. It was something more that just a physical reaction. This feeling though familiar frightened him. It frightened him more than any enemy combatant ever could.
Naruto laughed as he flipped the next page in Sakura's journal, he was in the same position that he had been many years ago. Of his feelings he was sure of Sakura's he could not be certain.
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Jul 10:
Infidelity is an ugly word.
An even uglier act
Nothing good can come from it.
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Jul 10:
There were times while Sarada was at the academy that I would lay down in bed and think to myself. There must be more to love than this. If I were to find something more in the arms of someone other than my husband would that really make me a monster? Perhaps
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Jul 11
Naruto forgets that he and Sasuke are also alike. Sasuke also had a dream that no one would get in the way of. Sasuke lived out his dream and has yet to forgive himself for its completion.
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Jul 12:
If I can just keep everything contained to my private thoughts. Then it isn't all that bad. If it's all a fantasy than I haven't betrayed anyone.
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Jul 13:
Sai came to me while I was on my lunch break.
"He's upset again."
We got to Naruto's hotel room just as Gaara was stepping out. The Kazekage closed the door behind him with a heavy sigh. I threw questions at him. I managed to only get a vague and cryptic answer, which was all things considered a victory.
"The further we get from the war the easier it is for idealism to be replaced by everyday."
It wasn't much but it shed a little light on what I could expect from Naruto's mindset. We entered the hotel room to find Naruto scolding his laptop.
"I needed the revision yesterday! Not today, not tomorrow, not next week, I needed it yesterday!"
Shikamaru's voice came through speakers. "I'll try and get it to you tonight."
"Don't try, get it to me Shikamaru! Get me that revision because I am drowning here and you are supposed to be my lifeboat!"
Naruto slammed the lid of the laptop shut. He turned to us his eyes wild with passionate fury.
"What do you want?" He grunted.
Before we could say anything Naruto cut us off with a wave of his hand.
"Actually no, I am headed out. I need some air."
Sai stepped forward. "Are you leaving the hotel? I have to alert securirty when you leave..."
Naruto shook his head. "I don't have time for that"
"But the Alliance has set rather definite regulations about moving around-"
Naruto interrupted Sai with a spat.
"If there is someone out there who is strong enough to kill me Sai what can you or Amegakure's security protocol do against him? I'd have to protect you guys! You guys would be burdens to me. You are useless Sai, can't you see that?!"
I slapped Naruto across the face with my open hand. It wasn't something I consciously thought about doing. It just happened and I heard Sai gasp.
"Ask me again if I think you've changed." I said to Naruto.
The Seventh stepped back. He was hurt, he was humiliated. But mostly the slap had startled him. He put his hands up toward his face and looked at me with sad puppy dog eyes. I've hit Naruto so many times over the years and I think this was the first time I had ever truly hurt him.
He wasn't alone. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks
After a moment he closed his eyes and when he reopened them he offered me and Sai an oddly composed stare.
"Anyone who is still in this room when I get back will be stripped of their rank."
He maqrched out of the room leaving me and Sai alone.
"I suppose we should just give him some space for now" Sai mused. He was surprisingly unfazed by what just happened. I took a bit of confidence from that.
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Jul 15:
"What do you want Uchiha-san?" Naruto slurred at me when I first approached him.
I suppose "Uchiha-san" was supposed to hurt me but he was the one who flinched at his own words. As if he had tossed explosives at me but was standing too close to the explosion to avoid the sharpnel.
Unlike Tsunade and Lee, Naruto was a mellow drunk. A certain amount of liquor made him docile, it made him slower. Booze always seemed to curb his personality. However, it also made him less inclined to guard some of his more private thoughts.
"They've got really tasty drinks here don't they?"
"It's something else" Naruto answered.
"Sai told me you apologized to him. He also said that you were brooding in your room."
Naruto had been sitting in a reclining chair on the balcony of his room when I entered. We were on the thirtieth floor so he was staring out into the horizon with a bottle of sake at his side.
"I do not brood Sakura. I am reflecting on my life."
"You are drunk."
"I reflect better when I am drunk."
"Well brooding, reflecting, I am here to cheer you up."
"You really shouldn't be here" he said.
I asked why not.
He looked me up and down in an exaggerated manner and said, "Because like you said I am drunk. And you might think you know what I need. But I know what I want."
He fell abruptly silent, as if he felt he had said too much. He turned away embarrassed.
"Sorry about that. That was-I don't know what that was."
I stepped deeper into the balcony. "That was you being drunk. It doesn't matter though I probably trust you more than anyone."
Naruto offered me a skeptical look. "Really, even after what happened in your office?"
"I am fairly sure I actively participated in that incident."
"I might drunkenly fondle you."
"Only if I let you."
Naruto's right eyebrow rose suggestively.
"No."
"It would cheer me up though."
"You are a married man Naruto. I am a married woman."
"Yeah we were married two days ago in your office and look how that turned out..."
I conceded his point as he sipped from the bottle.
He then sighed. "I'm sorry about the other day Sakura. I was projecting my own uselessness on someone else. Projecting is the right word right?"
I answered that though the usage was correct the context seemed questionable.
"I am failing as the Hokage Sakura," Naruto told me as if it were the most obvious news in the world.
"How can you possibly think that?"
He explained that when it was becoming clear that Naruto's time to be Hokage was fast approaching he asked Shikamaru to calculate the chances of a war breaking out during his tenure. Shikamaru came to him the next week with troubling news.
Naruto quoted Shikamaru's exact words to me very dramatically.
"These are all estimations of course. But based on the current political climate as long as you remain as strong as you are for the rest of your life there will be less than twenty percent chance of a war breaking out between the villages while you live. If you lost your power or died of natural causes in office there's a Fifty five percent chance there will be a war between at least two village within fifteen years of your death or loss of power. War will break out within one year if you are assassinated and Sasuke is still alive."
"Sasuke would probably not react to your assassination in a reasonable manner" I told Naruto.
Naruto snorted "A fine mess for my successor to clean up."
Naruto had asked Shikamaru to elaborate on the report. And his future councilor did. It seemed the fighting hadn't stopped because of any serious idealism forged by camaraderie discovered during the war. The reality was nothing at the moment had been worth fighting for to risk Naruto and Sasuke intervening. At best in a conflict between nations or villages Naruto and Sasuke could stop a fight and humiliate the combatants in front of the entire world. At worst if either Naruto or Sasuke picked a side during a conflict the other side faced the prospect of complete destruction. The scales would realign themselves when one of them died. With better odds they would take more risks.
"So I thought to myself I have to change the way people think about certain things. But I needed to do something without being the big stick hovering over everyone. Without being the weapon that Nagato left behind to keep people in check. I needed people to be open to change without me having to flex first."
Immediately after becoming Hokage, Naruto had Shikamaru began to work around the clock to come up with ways to further the international peace movement. However whenever Naruto presented some of his ideas to other Kages, the newer ones especially, the Daimyos, or other heads of state, they talked over him, they talked down to him, they talked through him. They talked to him about economics, history, geography, they had many legitimate reasons and many excuses to paint him as just an idealistic dreamer. A very strong dreamer though, worth meeting, worth respecting for his battle prowess, worth going to for protection if need be, but a dreamer nonetheless. So they did their best to keep information from him, to leave him confused and misinformed, they chuckled right in his face if he was caught lacking in knowledge of the current topic of discussion. In some instances he had found himself feeling as if he had been transported back to his "deadlast" days in the academy.
"To change a political climate you've got to be political right? I needed to think like them, I needed to be able to maneuver around words and people, to read between lines like them, I need to know what they knew. I worked hard at that for a long long time. I learned how to be a politician Sakura, and I used what I learned over the years to get this chunin exam."
"It's a tremendous achievement," I said.
"You would think that. Except that it's scared some people. Some of the kages don't trust me anymore. They think I have too much influence on the world stage. Sakura this whole time I thought I was working with them towards achieving the chunin exams. It turns out I had been fighting them, I fought with politics instead of my fist to get this. There's more tension now then there was when I got into office. All these years and I've made it worse."
He took another swig of sake.
"With the way things are now if I die tonight within fifteen years there is a better than fifty percent chance of a war breaking out. That means Boruto, Sarada, Himawari will have to fight, they'll have to watch their friends die. What is the point of anything I've ever done if I can't even keep our children out of war Sakura?!"
I asked Naruto if he thought he could stop wars forever. He didn't think so, but he had pledged to himself that he would at least minimize the possibility that his children would experience the horrors of war.
"I am the Hokage, I should be making a better future for the next generation."
I mentioned to him that I thought he had been changing the world by just being him. To me he had been changing the world before he even became Hokage. I told him how Sarada will look to her father and try to decipher what being a shinobi really means. She'll learn from him that a shinobi loves and protects her village and her family and she should never give up on them. When she comes to me for the same thing, I'll tell her that a shinobi tries to understand others, even her enemies. That compassion is not a weakness and love is a strength. Both of our answers will come from our personal experiences with the same man. Hopefully Sarada will pass this example on to her children, just like Boruto and Himawari will pass it on to their children. Ino's children, Shikamaru's children, Konohamaru's children hopefully they will all pass it down.
"That sounds like the Will of Fire" Naruto said.
I insisted that it was different. This was new. The First was only thinking about Konohagakure. If one percent of the people who felt Naruto's feelings during the war pass it on to their children and they pass it on to their own. one day then what it means to be a shinobi will be completely different than what Hashirama even imagined. And the world would be a better place for it.
"Hopefully" Naruto said. "Maybe you are giving me too much credit Sakura "
"No I don't think so Naruto. You are actually the coolest guy."
Naruto tried to suppress a smile, but he did not quite make it.
"Hey don't hide it from me, I like that smile."
He grinned. He then brought the half finished bottle of sake to his mouth but stopped himself and placed it back down on the ground beside him.
"Thank you."
"No, I should thank you for inviting me here. I really enjoyed working with medical ninjutsu again. Naruto I really do love being a medic."
"Give me a phone, I'll reinstate you as the lead medic in Konoha right now."
It made me really happy to know that Naruto believed in me so much. I said that to him. But I had to decline. Sarada needed me, I may be an ineffectual wife but I've devoted myself to being a great mother.
Naruto started to say something, but seemed to think better of it, "...I understand."
"I've made my choices and I'll stick to them."
Naruto looked at me, considering. "Sakura, are we going to have an affair?"
I was standing still and yet somehow I almost tripped over my own feet.
"Who said anything about an affair?!"
Naruto shrugged. "No one has said anything about an affair. There's just this thing going on between us."
"A thing?" I asked.
"A thing. And it keeps me up at night."
He paused.
"I didn't mean for it to sound like that."
I draw in three deep breaths. Then I gave Naruto my opinion on our "thing."
"It was like you explained at dinner. Life is complicated. There was a confusing mix of emotion, angst, anger and hormones flying around when we were younger. It could be happening again. I had been feeling really lonely lately and Naruto had been feeling very stressed. The circumstances we found ourselves in, created fantasies in our minds. Fantasies that we might be able to turn the clock back, return to a time when we were young and fresh and innocent and we only had our dreams. When we feel any sort of distance between ourselves and our spouses we build intimate connections with people whom we believe we might be able to relive our lives, it's an impossible but attractive dream."
Naruto stared at me his reddened eyes wide. "Wow, you've given this a lot of thought."
"I-I've been thinking things through since the scene in my office. I don't want to make a mistake based on poor judgment and wishful thinking." I said.
"So if we were in love, right now, it wouldn't be a mistake?"
"It would still be a mistake" I pointed out. "We would simply have a better excuse for making a mistake than we do now."
"You are smart Sakura you should have been Hokage."
Naruto looked me over again. This time without the exaggerated lust that was meant to scare me off. When he spoke again his voice had changed, it was kind and generous and cheerful, like the Naruto of old.
"You know the truth is, it would have never worked out between us. You would have been mean to me all the time."
I smiled. "You would annoy me all the time."
"I bet you snore Sakura."
"I do not snore!"
"Not only do you snore you hog all the blankets."
"I bet you eat in bed and leave crumbs all over the place," I countered.
"You don't even know how to cook ramen do you?"
"You don't know how to eat anything besides ramen do you?"
"It's obvious Sakura, you and I were not meant to be."
Naruto smiled. The slightest kindest smile. He looked at me the same way he had looked at me while standing on my doorstep in Konohagakure months ago. I knew then that I was in love with Naruto. I was on the verge of my own emotional breakdown. But the moment wasn't about me, It was about Naruto. We chatted and laughed some more our conversation colored meticulously in between platonic lines. Eventually he began dropping hints that I should leave. I suspected he had some more "reflecting" to do so I dragged the conversation until he announced that he intended to go to bed. I didn't believe him but I couldn't babysit him.
Before I left I said to him that he really had no need to redefine himself to be a good Hokage. If anything he should redefine what it means to be a good Hokage. He nodded to me in silent acknowledgment of the statement. I do not know if my words had any impact on him or if he simply just wanted me leave. I left reluctantly and I retreated back to my room where I granted myself the opportunity to shatter properly.
I had told Naruto the truth when I said that he had caught me at a bad time right before I kissed him. I had been indeed, at that moment, vulnerable to his presence. But as history has proven its when I am at my most vulnerable that my relationship with Naruto clarifies itself. I can admit it to myself now I kissed him because I love my stupid Hokage. As much as it sounds like the plot of a trashy novel I am a woman, mother, wife, who is in love with her boss. I didn't tell Naruto this because he would want to know how, and why now? After all these years, after all that has happened. What could I say really? Could I really tell him it's because of the way he looked at me. Naruto probably doesn't even know he does it.
I am reminded now of cryptic remarks uttered to me by Tsunade randomly for years when in her most inebriated states
"Naruto still looks at you like you're a woman."
She would ay this to me and I would simply nod my head at her. How else was Naruto supposed to look at me? I was a woman after all. I didn't get it, I had stopped paying attention long ago. Then he invited me to be part of the chunin exams. Naruto stood at my door and his warm eyes washed over me. He didn't just simply see me as a woman like Tsunade had said. I was a mother, I was a trusted friend, I was someone who had talent, who had skill, someone who he admired, someone beautiful and sexy, someone who was worth being looked at with love by someone like him.
That wasn't the first time he had looked at me that way. I can remember now bits and pieces, moments in time, the look had been there. It had always been there. I kissed Uzumaki Naruto, my friend, my Hokage, a married man I now love, six months ago, and fifteen years too late.
After the war I had concluded his feelings for me were rooted in his rivalry with Sasuke, that made more sense to me at the time than anything else. And it made things much easier. No would get hurt if that were the truth. So for years this was our truth. Naruto was happy with Hinata and I was happy with Sasuke, everyone got what they wanted.
So what right did I have to love Naruto now?
In years these kisses will be harmless kisses between friends. This will again be our truth and it will become the truth. Naruto will continue to be happy with his family, and I will be happy with my family.
Everyone will be happy.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Of all the emotions that swelled beneath him anger was the first to break through. In a fury Naruto slammed Sakura's journal on the coffee table. He then sat back on the couch and waited for his rage to settle. Whom was he mad at? Himself, Sakura, the universe?
Love he had always known was a powerful individual driving force. But was a person driven by that force obligated to respect the personal force driving another? This is what Naruto had considered in a far less sophisticated manner years ago when he had first seen signs of Sasuke reciprocating Sakura's affection. Sakura was in love. Naruto was in love too. There was an obvious conflict. When Naruto considered Sakura's love. When he considered how it had remained intact through various trials and tribulations. When he considered how much she was willing to sacrifice for Sasuke. He didn't think he could win, he wasn't even sure if he wanted to win. Why cut Sasuke from a potential source of happiness? Truth be told he admired the depth of Sakura's feelings. In many ways he could have related. So for the first time in his life Naruto conceded defeat without trying his best.
When Sasuke had gone on the first of his many journeys Sakura measured their friendship for any sign of hard feelings. Naruto downplayed his intentions and she was left with her assumptions. He didn't fight her on it. It didn't matter whether they, her assumptions, were true or not. The results would be the same. Perception became reality and he opened his heart to alternatives.
Naruto sighed as he lifted himself off the couch
An alternative had presented itself. And he fell in love again. No, it had been a different feeling with Hinata, he didn't fall, he accepted love. He wanted to protect and take care of her. He wanted to be there for her. It seemed inevitable. He thought it was mature, a mature love that would carry him through the rest of his life. He made a home with Hinata. They had established a future.
As Naruto headed to the bathroom memories of his visit to the Uchiha household floated to his mind. Even before the kiss when they were just talking about the chunin exam the familiarity had been there. But he was being disingenuous. Familiarity wasn't the right word to use. It was chemistry. The conversation had been like a dance, he dipped, she dipped, they matched each other's stride, it was fun. He gone over to give her a briefing of sorts, a mission with objectives and it was fun. When it was over he hadn't wanted to leave. He couldn't stay so he just took a moment to look at her. She noticed his look, closed her eyes, lifted her head and their lips collided.
In hindsight there had been other moments like that in the past. Of course none of them had ended with a kiss but the atmosphere had been similar. Brief moments during birthday parties, village festivals, and the occasional double date. A glance here, an affectionate touch there, the occasional playful conversation, a smile seen from the corner of his eyes. Platonic moments of course since they were old friends.
Naruto turned the tap in the bathroom sink and allowed the cold water to pool in his hands. He splashed the water across his face and the bracing cold shocked his system.
He had reset. Now it was time to decide what kind of a man Uzumaki Naruto was.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Sakura was disheveled in appearance and emotion when she entered Naruto's room later that evening. She noted immediately that he appeared to be in no better shape at least in his outward appearance. Any sleep he had gotten had not been a restful one. But at least he wasn't wet.
"You were out in that rain?" Naruto asked.
"Yep. It's cats and dogs out there" she replied. The downpour had hit her out of the blue. Within minutes, she was soaked through. Now water dripped from her hair onto the hotel room's carpet.
"Out for a walk?" He asked.
"Trying to clear my head. Should have brought an umbrella."
The chunin exams had not been easy on either of them. But it was almost over. When they got home in a few days, when they were around the safety net of their friends and family things would go back to normal.
Naruto had been standing near the glass doors that led out into the balconly. When she started to move deeper into the living room Naruto stopped her by putting his hand up.
"I am sorry" He stated.
She stared at him quizzically"For what?"
Naruto pointed to the notebook that lay on the coffee table.
"I stole your journal from your room. I read it."
She charged.
Naruto slipped away from her blow in a blast of chakra.
Now standing a few feet away from her he said, "As sorry as I am and I am truly sorry. I can't let you kill me Sakura."
She turned to him her fists clenching. "It'll be okay as long as I restart your heart within four to six minutes.."
Naruto scratched at his cheek. "Let's talk about this reasonably."
"Reasonably? You ass!You broke into my room and stole my journal!"
"Okay there's nothing reasonable about what I did. But still let's talk."
She turned away from him and walked towards the balcony. She drew in three quick breaths while watchig sporadic raindrops collect on the glass doors.
"Sakura...I needed to know."
"Well now you know. And it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't change anything. What was the point?"
"I had to know" Naruto repeated.
She turned to him. "And?"
"And I fell for you again, no maybe I never stopped loving you I don't know. Maybe you are right, maybe its was triggered by stress or some other psychological thing whatever. All I know is it's real, my feelings are real."
"And what good do all these revelations do for us?" Sakura asked with her eyes misting over.
"With everything out in the open we can now proceed accordingly."
Naruto straightened his posture and drew in a massive breath.
"Sakura it's very simple we are going to ignore it all. Live our lives as if none of this ever happened"
"It's that easy?" Sakura asked.
"I never said it would be easy Sakura I said it's simple. The answer to this problem is a simple one, living it out is hard. In time it'll just fade away like a hard to remember dream."
"Poetic" Sakura smiled. "You know I used to believe that feelings couldn't change."
"Sakura even if it's true that feelings can't change, the fact is they can be ignored. "
The Seventh walked over to the coffee table and picked up the notebook. He took a few steps towards Sakura and extended the journal out to her.
"Sakura the path I've walked has given me Boruto and Himawari. If I were sent back and given the choice I'd walk down the same path again. I'm sure you feel the same way about Sarada."
"Absolutely." Sakura took notebook from him, and in the exchange she perceived the wisdom of Naruto's words. Though there was a slight coldness in them. An accurate if not harsh assessment of their reality. Clutching her journal in her hands she understood that Naruto was right, her options were crystal clear. Love or loss, similar words, four letters, one syllable each.
"You know I think I was scared" Naruto said.
"Scared?"
"I knew how you felt about Sasuke. But I could have confessed anyway just for the closure if nothing else. But it's easier not to knock than to have the door close on your face."
"You were scared? You mister defier of impossible odds, the legendary Stubborn Fox of Konohakagure?"
Naruto shook his head, "I never liked that nickname. Yeah I guess I was scared but I knew it would work out for the best and it has."
"What would you have said to me?" Sakura inquired.
Confusion masked Naruto's face.
"If you had back then, if you had a chance to tell me how you felt, what would you have said?"
Naruto turned away and chuckled. "I wrote it down you know...back then, I had it all down. I used to practice in front of a mirror. Then I throw it out."
"Do you remember any of it?"
"I don't understand..."
"I think this will help." Sakura said. "It's closure..."
"Closure?"
"Trust me."
After a moment of contemplation or hesitation Naruto began "I would have said-I would have said that Sakura I spent a lot of time trying to read your mind. I can't read it but I still try all the time. I think I know what would make you happy. But I can''t really know. Can you really know everything about someone else? Probably not. You Sakura, you don't know much I want to love you..But I know how much I love you. I know that if were together I would get on your nerves, and we would fight a lot. And I can't be the type of cool guy that you want. But I know that I can love you constantly with everything I have. Because I want too. I know I am selfish and I am greedy, because I want to be the one to make you happy, I want to wipe away your tears, I want be the one to make you smile."
Naruto paused, interrupted seemingly by a sudden memory. He then sighed "And that's what I would have said to you."
"What do you think I would-How would I have answered your confession?"
"I expected you to say 'thank you for your feelings Naruto. I appreciate them but I am in love with Sasuke.'"
Sakura drew in a deep breath and looked Naruto in the eyes. "Thank you for your feelings Naruto. I appreciate them but I am in love with Sasuke."
Naruto studied her but said nothing.
"Naruto am I telling the truth? Can you tell? Do you believe me?"
"I don't" he said, his voice slightly cracked.
With her heart beating with a rapidness that frightened her. Sakura deftly slipped her wedding ring off her finger and placed it down on the coffee table. She looked back at Naruto.
"I'll face the rain. For a touch of the sun" Her voice quivered with such vulnerability, that it made Naruto ache. Looking carefully he could see the resolve and passion of her stubborn nature burning behind her eyes.
"Ah" he sighed. "I remember why I love you."
Naruto lifted his hand and glanced at his fingers. He slid the ring from his finger, walked stiffly over to the coffee table, and put his ring down next to Sakura's. He cupped her face with both hands and kissed her once, briefly, before he put one hand behind her neck and the other at the small of her back, pulling her into a deeper kiss. Sakura reached over, running a hand from his arm to his chest then down to rest on his waist line.
With no desk in the hotel room, Naruto reasoned he would have to make do with a bed. Walking her backwards he guided her towards the bedroom. They stumbled out of the living room running into furniture and almost tripping over each others feet multiple times in their frenzied need to cling to each other. Locked in a ceaseless kiss they bounced against the walls of the hall leading to his bedroom until they pushed through the door.
They finally broke apart when they were mere steps away from his bed.
"We're here" Naruto laughed.
"Almost didn't make it" Sakura laughed back.
Naruto reached to her and started slowing unbuttoning her clothes. Anxious she licked her lips as her dress began to slip from her shoulders. When he reached the last button he whispered her name. A question not a statement, an opportunity for her to pull back and retreat.
She pressed her hand against the back of his neck and brought his mouth to hers. So the dress fell to the floor leaving her in her boots bra and panties. Naruto picked her up as if she were light as a feather and laid her down on his bed. With one hand he removed her bra. His tongue moved down her torso before he slipped off her panties and finally her boots. Sakura stretched out in his bed completely naked and Naruto straightened to take the sight in. She took pleasure in the fact that he liked what he saw. It was her turn now so she reached up and undressed him kissing every inch that was uncovered
When he was fully nude she kissed his chest and dropped lower pausing briefly at his nipple then inching closer to his belly. When her tongue caressed the tip of him his whole body grew rigid.
"Sakura" he said. Not really knowing why. Was he trying to stop her? Was he encouraging her. He didn't know, his brain wasn't functioning properly.
She took him in her mouth. As deep as she could before sucking hard all the way back to the tip.
"Okay" Naruto heard himself mutter. He rested his hands on her head. This time for sure to encourage her. He ran his fingers through her hair as she worked her mouth up and down his shaft.
"Slow down Sakura" he warned after a few more blissful moments.
She either didn't hear him or she didn't care. She began humming so her lips vibrated as she worked her way down the shaft to the groin and his eyes started to lose focus.
"Sakura I am going..."
Sakura pulled up. "It's alright I want you to.."
She went back down to take him in again but this time he pulled away almost falling completely off the bed.
"No, no, not yet." he said to her.
He kissed her and let his hands cup her breasts. He kneaded her gently as he maneuvered her down onto her back. Then he nudged her legs apart and knelt between them. He bent down and his tongue parted her lips. She arched towards him. He braced his hand on her thighs and held her steady as long deep thorough licks aross her hypersensitive nub set her on her fire. His pride swelled when she began to babble gibberish at him. Nonsensical phrases and wordless moans with his name interposed between them filled his ear when his tongue circled her. In time she strained upwards with her fist clenching his hair and her head thrown back. When her legs wrapped tightly around his head and her body quaked he knew he had her.
Naruto pulled up over Sakura and he rained he kisses down on her face as she caught her breath. He then kissed around her breasts the left and the right, each nipple hardened the moment his tongue slipped over it. Abruptly she reached down and grabbed him by the back of his head
"Okay it's been fifteen years of foreplay Naruto. I want to feel you" She growled.
He grinned. "
When he entered her she was soaking wet. He pulled out almost all the way and returned with one great thrust. At first he wanted to tease her a bit but when he was sheathed completely in her slickness he felt the overwhelming sensation that this was where he belonged. He closed his eyes and the weight of the world seemed to lift right off his shoulders. Years of weariness melted away from his body. He felt a soft hand caress his cheek and he opened his eyes.
Sakura looked up at him. "Hey, let me in."
He smiled as their gazes locked. Naruto moved in and out in a slow steady rhythm. Deeper, harder. inch by heated inch he buried himself inside her. She squeezed him using her inside muscles to pull on him. He shuddered feeling the fire build. He shook it off willing himself to maintain control. He took her shoulder in his mouth gently grazing it with his teeth and sucking on it until she gasped out loud.
He felt her body tighten and relax against him. She was tipping over the edge losing herself. He smiled knowing for sure that he had her again. But then she wrapped her legs around him bringing him impossible closer, and she kissed along his chest and neck
He lost it
His steady rhythm collapsed into a frantic frenzied pace. He sent her over the edge but he followed right after. Naruto shuddered violently as he came inside her.
When he could think again Naruto dropped his sweaty forehead down to hers. "Sakura"
"Yeah?" She said riding her own wave.
"That's two to one."
"I see."
Sakura braced her elbow onto the bed and placed her open palm against his chest. She pushed while simultaneously sliding out from beneath him. Suddenly Naruto found himself flipped onto his back.
Sakura straddled his body. She took a hold of him in her hand and within a few gentle strokes he was hard again.
"All I know is I'm going to put you to sleep"
She guided him into her. Then she plunged downward fully impaling herself onto him. Sakura contracted her muscles around him. Then she moved her hips once testing. Naruto's eyes squeezed shut and his fingers dug into the skin of her buttocks. She braced her hands on her knees and lifted her pelvis, then dropped it back down again slowly, rising and falling.
Increasing the intensity she braced her hand on his shoulders and increased her pace. She positioned herself in a way that Naruto could more effectively rub against her. Pleasure slammed against her as she rode him with fast movements of her hips. Naruto threw his head back on the pillow his face twisted in pleasure and it only encouraged her further.
She tooks his hands and leaned back creating new friction at a new angle. Naruto was sweating profusely now desperately tried to regain control before he lost it completely. He had to make her go first. He locked his hand on her waist as his body leapt beneath her. His body bridged upward violently, Sakura wrapped her legs tightly around his buttocks, grabbed his shoulders and held on, riding him furiously. Naruto's body buckled. If he was going to go he wouldn't go alone. He used every ounce of willpower he had to latch on to her body and he thrust upwards relentlessly. Sakura dug her nails into his back as she emitted a silent scream and she abandoned herself to a series of continuous explosions. As her body rocked against his Naruto erupted into her and fell back onto the bed climaxing with a deep guttural moan.
He almost gave himself over to the light. But he thought to himself that the night was still young, He wasn't one to give up that easy. He shook the fog from his head when he felt Sakura nibbling at his ear.
XXXXXXXXXXX
Naruto woke several hours later.
In fact when he woke up he woke all at once with his eyes popping open and him being keenly aware of his environment. He felt more refreshed and alive than he had in some time. It was the complete opposite of the hangover fueled morning the day before.
"I told you I'd put you to sleep" Sakura said.
Naruto turned his head and looked at her. Sakura sat up in bed with her knees pulled up to her chest. She appeared to be wide awake.
"More like you were trying to give me a heart attack."
She grinned. "I would have revived you."
"Did you sleep at all?' He asked.
"I woke up a few minutes before you did. Don't worry I slept like a baby as well. You did real goooood Naruto."
He laughed. "That's good to know."
She turned away and drew in a deep breath. "We should probably talk about...everything."
"We should," he replied.
Sakura began to speak. "Around Sarada's fourth birthday Sasuke came home and it was an usually extended stay. He brought her a ton of books and read to her every night for four consecutive months. This was their father-daughter time together and I rarely intruded. By the time he left again he had gone through all the books. She enjoyed them all but there was one that was their personal favorite. Sarada always requested it by name, and after reading it Sasuke always came out of her room with reddened eyes. I thought it was sweet."
Sakura paused. "When Sasuke left Sarada asked me to read her the book. The book was about sailor who left all the people he cared about because he was called by the sea. The sailor had a song that...Well there ws a verse then went um-"
She sang.
"I'm leavin' my famly, leavin' all my friends. My body's at home, but my heart's in the wind."
Sakura sniffed before continuing. "So please call my missus. Gotta tell her not to cry 'Cause my goodbye is written...By the moon in the sky."
Sakura paused once again. "I almost wept in front of Sarada, I would have hated myself if I had. I've never let her see me cry. I finished the book, tucked her in, went to my room and cried into my pillow. It might have started then because the next morning things felt different. Sarada she adores her father as she should. I know why he does it and I pray for his safety every night"
Swiping her her hand against her eyes Sakura continued. "One day, a few years ago, I woke up, I had breakfast, I took Sarada to to school and I was walking home I realized that it didn't hurt anymore. Well not like it used."
She turned to Naruto and tapped her heart before tapping her forehead. "You might have noticed that it takes a long time before the news can get from point A to Point B"
Naruto grasped Sakura's hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed the back of her palm as he stared at the ceiling. It seemed to him now that he had always been a selfish man. He was lucky in the fact that many of the things he had most desired in the world had created positive outcomes when he satisfied those desires. He wanted to save Sasuke, he wanted to be Hokage, he wanted a sustained period of peace.
"Do you still..." Sakura said.
Naruto blinked. "If I was dying of thirst Hinata would cry so I could drink her tears. She made me feel loved in a way I had never felt before. It was powerful."
"What do you feel now?"
"Loved, and scared."
"Scared?"
"Yeah but in a good way like a roller coaster."
Sakura sighed. "Are you comparing me to a roller coaster?"
"I told you before you're kind of scary Sakura-chan."
She closed her eyes as twin streaks of tears slipped from beneath the closed eyelids.
He continued. "I think love is supposed to be kind of scary."
Sakura smiled as she wiped at her eyelids.
"Don't smile like that. I might fall for you more."
"Is that even possible." She asked.
"I don't want to risk it do you?"
Sakura gave his hand a little squeeze before interlocking their fingers.
"Hinata is my wife and I've got nothing but good things to say about her. But my relationship with her, it's not you and me."
Naruto pulled Sakura down to him and wrapped his arms around her. Sakura placed her head against his chest.
"We can't be together you know. It'll hurt t0o many people" Sakura said.
Naruto said nothing as he placed his hand against the back of Sakura's head. His mind was desperately searching for solutions and remedies to these rising issues. Nothing he had thought so far was anywhere near satisfactory. Everything ended with pain and heartache.
"But you're the Hokage. If you send for me I'll have to come."
Naruto remained silent.
"You heartbeat sounds like a melody" he heard Sakura sigh before falling asleep again.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Naruto met Sai at the door.
"You are finally awake."
"Not feeling so hot so I decided to stay in bed."
"Will you be able to make it to the final summit meeting this evening?"
"Of course"
"Good, I've gotten a message from the Kazekage. He's been asking around and it seems that the Kage are set to approve your revised proposals."
"Oh."
Sai studied Naruto's face.
"I thought you would be happy. You are getting what you wanted right?"
"At a price, some feathers were ruffled."
Sai shrugged. "Well what will be, will be, as some people may say. Let us enjoy the moment because for now the world is in theory a more peaceful happier place."
Naruto nodded. "Yes you are right Sai."
Sai smiled. "May I come in?"
"No" Naruto said. "I am going back to bed."
Sai glanced over Naruto's head beyond the crack in the door into the room. "Well have you seen Sakura? I didn't see her go back to her room after she went into yours."
Naruto looked his friend in the eyes and with composure befitting of a Hoakge he asked, "Did you check the medical labs? She mentioned something about a night shift to me last night."
"I see."
"You must have missed her when she left." Naruto said. The realization that he had forgotten he had asked Sai to call Sakura up to his room caused his stomach to flip.
But in contrast to his troubled insides on the surface Naruto was cool and collected.
Sai frowned. "That's a bad thing for me to miss. Someone coming out of the Hokage's room. You should have me replaced for my uselessness Hokage-sama."
Naruto caught himself before he flinched. "No Sai...I didn't mean..."
Sai grinned. "I am teasing you Naruto. I am positive I didn't miss her because she spent the night in your room. But don't worry I am the only one who knows and the good thing about no longer being in ROOT, I get to personally choose what secrets are worth keeping to myself."
Naruto shook his head. "You don't have to hold these kind of secrets for me Sai."
Sai considered this. "There is a village far in the east where not telling secrets is an act of respect. These people feel that revealing painful secrets isn't a sign of intimacy, it's an act of aggression. You tell secrets not for the good of another but to make yourself feel better. To absolve yourself of your burdens. It's an interesting concept though bizarre to us."
"It is bizarre" Naruto agreed.
"Yes it is but its still interesting. Anyway if you want me to judge you I will. But since you two are my friends I will just hope for your happiness. "
With that said Sai excused himself. Naruto waited for a moment before closing the door. Already he was spinning a web of lies to cover himself.
As he walked back to his bedroom the thoughts of all the things he and Sakura had been putting at risk weighed him down with each step. The seeming loss of their family's love, the loss of respect of their friends and colleagues, all of it terrified him. How could anything good be built on the foundation of so much potential destruction? Naruto stepped into his bedroom feeling a spasm of anxiety. He felt out of place as if he walked into an alternate world. Any happiness he found in this room ran contrary to the world he had built outside these walls. This was something separate from his actual life, something that conflicted with what his life was supposed to be.
He looked towards his bed. Sunlight drifted in through the transparent curtains and washed over Sakura's sleeping form. Naruto watched her sleep for a moment. She had most of his sheets wrapped completely around her. He chuckled to himself, she really did hog the blankets. One of her hands reached across the empty side of the bed as if she were searching for him. Moving swiftly Naruto slid beneath the covers beside her. As if aware of his presence, Sakura cuddled against his side her fingers splayed over his torso, her cheek resting on his shoulder. She smiled a brilliant smile.
Naruto covered her hand with his and pressed her palm against his chest so could feel the steady beat of his heart. He inhaled her scent as a shaft of light from the window warmed his face. He closed his eyes, in time his breathing matched hers and a gentle peace settled over him.
His mind cleared and he felt convinced that this was real and it was meant to be. Even if in the end it would turn "meant to be" for this one moment only.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Hope you liked it let me know if you did. If you have any questions about the changes I've made feel free to ask, I may have an answer. The original story before any revisions will be found in the next chapter.
The song lyrics from Sarada's book is from Shiver me Timbers by Tom Waits
P.S NaruSaku 4 life
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Important Economic Trends During Anarchy
2021 – Let the Games Begin
12. A Christian Secession – “Double Double toil and trouble”
The Demented Marxists (DM) have the cauldron at the rolling boil stage. A few weekly highlights included Arizona calling out their National Guard because of the catastrophe occurring along their Mexican border but Biden and his merry band of DMs say everything is fine. The DM’s favorite harpy, Dr. Fauci, announced Xi “Masks forever!”. Our military is now politicized with Critical Race Theory (all whites are bad) being used to remove political conservatives, now to be treated as domestic terrorists. Biden has appointed his panel of liberals to recommend expanding the U. S. Supreme court from 9 to 13 justices. Why only 13?
If they are going to make the Supreme Court a source of mockery, perhaps they should increase it to 90. Afterall, the DMs and BLM have successfully eliminated “blind justice” and replaced it with mob rule and intimidation. An illustration of the DM’s definition of capitalism, the BLM Founders have become wealthy shaking down major corporations including sports organizations. When does the Marshall arrive to be the adult in the community and wipe out the bad guys?
With Hong Kong now fully “integrated” into China, Xi is sending large sorties of fighters and bombers into Taiwan air space. Meanwhile, Russia has amassed 80,000 troops along the Ukraine border. The explanation given is that Trump was unpredictable but Biden is known. Does that mean “owned”. Which is more important to these characters, money or power?
Shakespeare Plays. Most of my years in high school that phrase signaled something to be endured in English class. But his writings took on a new meaning when I saw my first live Shakespeare play with professional British actors in a professional theatre. I have been hooked ever since. While I am not a student of his plays, I seek them out because I enjoy them. My preference is his comedies but even his tragedies are enjoyable because Mr. Shakespeare interspersed humor in odd places in them. He knew his audience. He poked fun at everything.
This past week, if not this year, has reminded me of the famous scene in William Shakespeare’s play “Macbeth” where the witches gather around their cauldron to stir up the trouble to be endured by the characters in the play. Those witches are hyper-active today. I can hear them chortling as they chant “Double Double toil and Trouble” while stirring their boiling pot.
Talk about boiling pots, the NBA announces its number of viewers is estimated to have dropped to around one-half of the pre-BLM level. Some former NBA fans have been quoted using a different phrase “Shut up and dribble”. While quite descriptive and clear in its communication, it does not have quite the same ring as Shakespeare’s famous witches’ quote.
Another popular phrase heard in the discussion about the NBA is “Go Woke and Go Broke”. Apparently, the NBA Commissioner is concerned because he said this week that the BLM phase was about over. Do you think he meant his players would shut up and dribble or was he commenting on the fact that the three self-described Marxist BLM founders have become multimillionaires? Woke folks are hard to understand.
In contrast with “Wokeness”, a group of artists in Cuba have created and performed a song that has become amazingly popular. It is called “Patria y Vida” (“Homeland and Life”) and lauds freedom while celebrating George Washington. Can we send the BLM folks to Cuba?
Meanwhile, Portland continues to be a war zone. The police are the equivalent of unarmed rangers and the downtown area is, well, destroyed. Beyond heartbreaking, one church had been feeding 1,000 homeless folks but has been forced to stop because they are spending their money on repeatedly repairing their building from the riots. Is this still America? When do the adults show up and re-establish sanity? No wonder there is a movement in Oregon to merge most of that state with Idaho. The Idaho legislature has voted to consider it. A sign?
1. Keep watching the activity about the fraudulent election last November.
a. The Michigan Supreme Court ruled that the Michigan Secretary of State exceeded her authority when she approved a variety of changes to the state’s election laws. Was the “certified” election in Michigan a fraud? YES.
b. The Arizona legislature authorized recount of 2.1 Million votes in Maricopa County, Arizona is about to start.
c. Wisconsin’s legislature voted to investigate the 2020 election. All the DM’s voted against it. Odd behavior for anyone convinced the election was honest.
d. The Georgia Secretary of State is blocking the review of the Fulton County (Atlanta) Georgia actual ballots by the auditors. Odd behavior if there is nothing to hide.
e. Lawsuits have been filed and counter filed by Mike Lindell, Sidney Powell, and Dominion (the voting machine company). Stay tuned, much more to come.
100 days into the DMs’ coup (am I the only one that feels like it has been 100 years), here are some quick observations of events that will impact our economy:
1. This week it was reported that the rate of inflation in March was 1%. That is an annual rate of 12%. Talking heads reading their teleprompters reassured the public that the rate of inflation was going to calm down as we move through the year. After all, the DM’s are in control using economic techniques refined in Venezuela. What could go wrong?
2. Biden and his fellow DM’s continued to push their twin infrastructure bills. The DM’s have us on a path of massive spending to make the national debt “manageable” via devaluation of the Dollar which the consumer experiences as inflation (rising prices). In contrast the Trump Administration had the USA on a path of rapid economic growth which would thus enable the payment of our national debt. The contrast in pain is enormous. Churchill once said that “Believing you can tax and spend to create prosperity is the equivalent of standing in a bucket and trying to raise it by its handle.”
3. In a truly capitalistic economy, the brake on this run-away train would be applied by the 10-year Treasury. While it continues to fluctuate 1.50% to 1.70%, I do wonder what the rate would be if The Fed was not distorting the financial market via Quantitative Easing (QE) - The Fed buying our government debt. Even in the face of QE forecasts from various sources estimate that by the end of 2021 the 10-year Treasury will be 2.5% to 3.0% and mortgage rates will increase to 4.0% to 4.5%. That is a low mortgage rate but a huge increase over the lowest rate last fall.
4. This week NAR released a study on the land market in 2020 which highlighted that the land and the residential markets were the two real estate segments that did well in 2020. The others suffered significant losses. The residential market experienced significant increases in prices. The NAR report indicated that land prices were more stable but they did not dissect the land market into its different segments. Our database indicates the segments experiences varied greatly.
In the land market, I am hearing the same conversations I have heard just before each of the last four recessions. Environmental regulations have gotten worse and approval times are lengthening.
Remember, higher interest rates mean lower real estate prices. We are in the peak of this real estate cycle. Every previous time I have witnessed bubbles burst, shortage become surplus seemingly overnight. Unsustainable things continue until that unpredictable moment when they stop. In a financial crisis “Cash is King”. Get prepared.
A great piece of land remains The Best investment long term unless the DMs get us to full-fledged Marxism. Capitalism builds wealth, Marxism/Socialism consumes it in self destruction. Pray for a return to honest elections in the USA. God is in control. Men make plans, but God ALWAYS wins as Paul describes in a letter written while he was imprisoned in Rome.
“I want you to know, beloved, that what happened to me has actually helped to spread the gospel, so that it has become known throughout the whole imperial guard and to everyone else that my imprisonment is for Christ; and most of the brothers and sisters, having been made confident, dare to speak the word with greater boldness and without fear.”
(Philippians 1:12-14) New Revised Standard Version, Oxford University Press)
Stay healthy,
Ned
April 22, 2021
Copyright Massie Land Network. All rights Reserved.
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Ida Estelle Taylor (May 20, 1894 – April 15, 1958) was an American actress, singer, model, and animal rights activist. With "dark-brown, almost black hair and brown eyes," she was regarded as one of the most beautiful silent film stars of the 1920s.
After her stage debut in 1919, Taylor began appearing in small roles in World and Vitagraph films. She achieved her first notable success with While New York Sleeps (1920), in which she played three different roles, including a "vamp." She was a contract player of Fox Film Corporation and, later, Paramount Pictures, but for the most part of her career she freelanced. She became famous and was commended by critics for her portrayals of historical women in important films: Miriam in The Ten Commandments (1923), Mary, Queen of Scots in Dorothy Vernon of Haddon Hall (1924), and Lucrezia Borgia in Don Juan (1926).
Although she made a successful transition to sound films, she retired from film acting in 1932 and decided to focus entirely on her singing career. She was also active in animal welfare before her death from cancer in 1958. She was posthumously honored in 1960 with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in the motion pictures category.
Ida Estelle Taylor was born on May 20, 1894 in Wilmington, Delaware. Her father, Harry D. Taylor (born 1871), was born in Harrington, Delaware.[8] Her mother, Ida LaBertha "Bertha" Barrett (November 29, 1874 – August 25, 1965), was born in Easton, Pennsylvania, and later worked as a freelance makeup artist. The Taylors had another daughter, Helen (May 19, 1898 – December 22, 1990), who also became an actress. According to the 1900 census, the family lived in a rented house at 805 Washington Street in Wilmington In 1903, Ida LaBertha was granted a divorce from Harry on the ground of nonsupport; the following year, she married a cooper named Fred T. Krech. Ida LaBertha's third husband was Harry J. Boylan, a vaudevillian.
Taylor was raised by her maternal grandparents, Charles Christopher Barrett and Ida Lauber Barrett. Charles Barrett ran a piano store in Wilmington, and Taylor studied piano. Her childhood ambition was to become a stage actress, but her grandparents initially disapproved of her theatrical aspirations. When she was ten years old she sang the role of "Buttercup" in a benefit performance of the opera H.M.S. Pinafore in Wilmington. She attended high school[6] but dropped out because she refused to apologize after a troublesome classmate caused her to spill ink from her inkwell on the floor. In 1911, she married bank cashier Kenneth M. Peacock. The couple remained together for five years until Taylor decided to become an actress. She soon found work as an artists' model, posing for Howard Pyle, Harvey Dunn, Leslie Thrasher, and other painters and illustrators.
In April 1918, Taylor moved to New York City to study acting at the Sargent Dramatic School. She worked as a hat model for a wholesale millinery store to earn money for her tuition and living expenses. At Sargent Dramatic School, she wrote and performed one-act plays, studied voice inflection and diction, and was noticed by a singing teacher named Mr. Samoiloff who thought her voice was suitable for opera. Samoiloff gave Taylor singing lessons on a contingent basis and, within several months, recommended her to theatrical manager Henry Wilson Savage for a part in the musical Lady Billy. She auditioned for Savage and he offered her work as an understudy to the actress who had the second role in the musical. At the same time, playwright George V. Hobart offered her a role as a "comedy vamp" in his play Come-On, Charlie, and Taylor, who had no experience in stage musicals, preferred the non-musical role and accepted Hobart's offer.
Taylor made her Broadway stage début in George V. Hobart's Come-On, Charlie, which opened on April 8, 1919 at 48th Street Theatre in New York City. The story was about a shoe clerk who has a dream in which he inherits one million dollars and must make another million within six months. It was not a great success and closed after sixteen weeks. Taylor, the only person in the play who wore red beads, was praised by a New York City critic who wrote, "The only point of interest in the show was the girl with the red beads." During the play's run, producer Adolph Klauber saw Taylor's performance and said to the play's leading actress Aimee Lee Dennis: "You know, I think Miss Taylor should go into motion pictures. That's where her greatest future lies. Her dark eyes would screen excellently." Dennis told Taylor what Klauber said, and Taylor began looking for work in films. With the help of J. Gordon Edwards, she got a small role in the film A Broadway Saint (1919).nShe was hired by the Vitagraph Company for a role with Corinne Griffith in The Tower of Jewels (1920), and also played William Farnum's leading lady in The Adventurer (1920) for the Fox Film Corporation.
One of Taylor's early successes was in 1920 in Fox's While New York Sleeps with Marc McDermott. Charles Brabin directed the film, and Taylor and McDermott play three sets of characters in different time periods. This film was lost for decades, but has been recently discovered and screened at a film festival in Los Angeles. Her next film for Fox, Blind Wives (1920), was based on Edward Knoblock's play My Lady's Dress and reteamed her with director Brabin and co-star McDermott. William Fox then sent her to Fox Film's Hollywood studios to play a supporting role in a Tom Mix film. Just before she boarded the train for Hollywood, Brabin gave her some advice: "Don't think of supporting Mix in that play. Don't play in program pictures. Never play anything but specials. Mr. Fox is about to put on Monte Cristo. You should play the part of Mercedes. Concentrate on that role and when you get to Los Angeles, see that you play it."
Taylor traveled with her mother, her canary bird, and her bull terrier, Winkle. She was excited about playing Mercedes and reread Alexandre Dumas' The Count of Monte Cristo on the train. When she arrived in Hollywood, she reported to the Fox studios and introduced herself to director Emmett J. Flynn, who gave her a copy of the script but warned her that he already had another actress in mind for the role. Flynn offered her another part in the film, but she insisted on playing Mercedes and after much conversation was cast in the role. John Gilbert played Edmond Dantès in the film, which was eventually titled Monte Cristo (1922). Taylor later said that she "saw then that he [Gilbert] had every requisite of a splendid actor." The New York Herald critic wrote "Miss Taylor was as effective in the revenge section of the film as she was in the first or love part of the screened play. Here is a class of face that can stand a close-up without becoming a mere speechless automaton."
Fox also cast her as Gilda Fontaine, a "vamp", in the 1922 remake of the 1915 Fox production A Fool There Was, the film that made Theda Bara a star. Robert E. Sherwood of Life magazine gave it a mixed review and observed: "Times and movies have changed materially since then [1915]. The vamp gave way to the baby vamp some years back, and the latter has now been superseded by the flapper. It was therefore a questionable move on Mr. Fox's part to produce a revised version of A Fool There Was in this advanced age." She played a Russian princess in the film Bavu (1923), a Universal Pictures production with Wallace Beery as the villain and Forrest Stanley as her leading man.
One of her most memorable roles is that of Miriam, the sister of Moses (portrayed by Theodore Roberts), in the biblical prologue of Cecil B. DeMille's The Ten Commandments (1923), one of the most successful films of the silent era. Her performance in the DeMille film was considered a great acting achievement. Taylor's younger sister, Helen, was hired by Sid Grauman to play Miriam in the Egyptian Theatre's onstage prologue to the film.
Despite being ill with arthritis, she won the supporting role of Mary, Queen of Scots in Dorothy Vernon of Haddon Hall (1924), starring Mary Pickford. "I've since wondered if my long illness did not, in some measure at least, make for realism in registering the suffering of the unhappy and tormented Scotch queen," she told a reporter in 1926.
She played Lucrezia Borgia in Don Juan (1926), Warner Bros.' first feature-length film with synchronized Vitaphone sound effects and musical soundtrack. The film also starred John Barrymore, Mary Astor and Warner Oland. Variety praised her characterization of Lucrezia: "The complete surprise is the performance of Estelle Taylor as Lucretia [sic] Borgia. Her Lucretia is a fine piece of work. She makes it sardonic in treatment, conveying precisely the woman Lucretia is presumed to have been."
She was to have co-starred in a film with Rudolph Valentino, but he died just before production was to begin. One of her last silent films was New York (1927), featuring Ricardo Cortez and Lois Wilson.
In 1928, she and husband Dempsey starred in a Broadway play titled The Big Fight, loosely based around Dempsey's boxing popularity, which ran for 31 performances at the Majestic Theatre.
She made a successful transition to sound films or "talkies." Her first sound film was the comical sketch Pusher in the Face (1929).
Notable sound films in which she appeared include Street Scene (1931), with Sylvia Sidney; the Academy Award for Best Picture-winning Cimarron (1931), with Richard Dix and Irene Dunne; and Call Her Savage (1932), with Clara Bow.
Taylor returned to films in 1944 with a small part in the Jean Renoir drama The Southerner (released in 1945), playing what journalist Erskine Johnson described as "a bar fly with a roving eye. There's a big brawl and she starts throwing beer bottles." Johnson was delighted with Taylor's reappearance in the film industry: "[Interviewing] Estelle was a pleasant surprise. The lady is as beautiful and as vivacious as ever, with the curves still in the right places." The Southerner was her last film.
Taylor married three times, but never had children. In 1911 at aged 17, she married a bank cashier named Kenneth Malcolm Peacock, the son of a prominent Wilmington businessman. They lived together for five years and then separated so she could pursue her acting career in New York. Taylor later claimed the marriage was annulled. In August 1924, the press mentioned Taylor's engagement to boxer and world heavyweight champion Jack Dempsey.[36] In September, Peacock announced he would sue Taylor for divorce on the ground of desertion. He denied he would name Dempsey as co-respondent, saying "If she wants to marry Dempsey, it is all right with me." Taylor was granted a divorce from Peacock on January 9, 1925.
Taylor and Dempsey were married on February 7, 1925 at First Presbyterian Church in San Diego, California. They lived in Los Feliz, Los Angeles. Her marriage to Dempsey ended in divorce in 1931.
Her third husband was theatrical producer Paul Small. Of her last husband and their marriage, she said: "We have been friends and Paul has managed my stage career for five years, so it seemed logical that marriage should work out for us, but I'm afraid I'll have to say that the reason it has not worked out is incompatibility."
In her later years, Taylor devoted her free time to her pets and was known for her work as an animal rights activist. "Whenever the subject of compulsory rabies inoculation or vivisection came up," wrote the United Press, "Miss Taylor was always in the fore to lead the battle against the measure." She was the president and founder of the California Pet Owners' Protective League, an organization that focused on finding homes for pets to prevent them from going to local animal shelters. In 1953, Taylor was appointed to the Los Angeles City Animal Regulation Commission, which she served as vice president.
Taylor died of cancer at her home in Los Angeles on April 15, 1958, at the age of 63. The Los Angeles City Council adjourned that same day "out of respect to her memory." Ex-husband Jack Dempsey said, "I'm very sorry to hear of her death. I didn't know she was that ill. We hadn't seen each other for about 10 years. She was a wonderful person." Her funeral was held on April 17 in Pierce Bros. Hollywood Chapel. She was interred at Hollywood Forever Cemetery, then known as Hollywood Memorial Park Cemetery.
She was survived by her mother, Ida "Bertha" Barrett Boylan; her sister, Helen Taylor Clark; and a niece, Frances Iblings. She left an estate of more than $10,000, most of it to her family and $200 for the care and maintenance of her three dogs, which she left to friend Ella Mae Abrams.
Taylor was known for her dark features and for the sensuality she brought to the films in which she appeared. Journalist Erskine Johnson considered her "the screen's No. 1 oomph girl of the 20s." For her contribution to the motion picture industry, Estelle Taylor was awarded a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame at 1620 Vine Street in Hollywood, California.
#estelle taylor#classic hollywood#golden age of hollywood#classic movie stars#classic cinema#old hollywood#classic movies#silent era#silent stars#silent cinema
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prompt: i write all these stupid love songs about you and then i tear them from my journal and hide them away in a box with your name on the lid. maybe one day you’ll hear them. (unsenttextsuggestion)
its cute how she thinks she can hide things from me, yozora thinks as she mulls over the contents of the box. there's a scatter of ripped paper around her on the floor as she rummages through more litter in the container. it's painted black and gold, with a crescent sticker stuck on its lid. her kashiwazaki overlord was never one to stand by marking things with subtly.
of course she would've noticed it. her eyes ran through words on scrap pieces. the prose -- it's cute. like, sickly sweet kind of cute. some of the words come off sharper and aggressive, but in them yozora can still see the tenderness, light and pure and radiant, just as similar to the owner of the notes herself. she snorts at one, trying not to notice her flushed complexion as she stuffs it back in the box. it wasnt the first time she'd seen them; sometimes she’d liken herself to visit them, when she needed a bit of self-love in the quiet and dreary afternoons, her ego stretched thin by her mind’s loathing behaviour. needless to say, this definitely wouldn't be her last, either. yozora had already found herself addicted to her companion’s love.
haste made for waste, yozora tells herself, collecting the scatter and putting them back where they’d belonged. she only had so much time before her secret admirer got back, after all. lovely, she imagines, unable to help herself from stopping the compliment slipping through as her friend's image naturally came to mind. box in two hands, a slide stores the blonde's secret collection away, tucked neatly in a shelf found underneath her bedroom’s window sill. yozora’s delicate work made it seem as untouched and unremoved as it originally appeared to be. now all she had to do was soothe her burning cheeks, and everything would return to normal.
*
it was almost unfair how sincere her lyrics were. each rip torn at the papers' seams were unexpectedly fortunate, the lines yozora would craft from shifting them around forming neatly, new poetry crafted from fragments of another. something told yozora that her instructions were premeditated, but her gut instinct told her otherwise; after all, sena would never be this careful, the bumbling beast.
stupid cute idiot, she thinks, revising her friend's script again. she would know where the pieces would go, if she tried to pay attention to them. ink bled through paper, and remnants remained on their edges, blotted and broken. but it was way more fun to piece the phrases together to create something dastardly new. when she found herself done, it would be like a cacophony of memories, of all the times sena went through the song writing process, coming up with words and dreams that yozora herself could never admit to sharing. a symphonious torture, yes, that was what it would become, and a mischievous warm smile made its way to her lips. she was only lucky that her carefulness had gotten her this far in the past -- now, though, as she copied the words one by one into her book, she would have all the time in the world to peruse them to her own delight.
*
to say that her plan made her face red was... an understatement, now, in another frame of mind. after running through her notes line by line, a project she’d tended to almost every evening by now, yozora was surprised she couldn't even look the blonde in the face anymore. shed always had a problem with eye contact, that much she found herself sure, but even the best of her tricks couldnt help her as she’d turn her eyes away, even from the vague sight of her friend.
"you're acting really weird lately," sena observes one night at dinner. yozora thinks its funny how she’s invited to eat with the family unlike their previous servants. sort of like a housewife. "is everything alright? you know you can tell me anything on your mind."
yozora refuses. it was much too personal for them and for her. "it's none of your business," and she bites her tongue before she could say 'meat', glancing carefully at her love’s father. pegasus was never fond of that nickname, even though she thought it suited her princess just fine. "--but thank you." of course, she had to observe her manners. "i appreciate the offer."
a useless whimper, the girl puffing up her cheeks in retaliation. yozora fought the urge to smile.
*
the most recent entry, the most recent scatter of paper. she couldnt seriously have wrote that, could she? yozora could hardly believe it.
earlier, she'd made the mistake of matching them as the author had intended, before mixing them into pile. and just entertaining the possibility of those four lines, intent after another, was enough to send her under the covers even hours later, when her eyes weren't focused on pieces ahead of her. so brash, so unrestrained. wanting. yearning. how bashful it reduced her to, as her mind hummed over the words again, a repetitive melody she couldn't simply get rid of. she was only lucky sena rested upstairs and fell asleep early before she could be bothered to hunt for the servant today, as yozora holed herself up in her own little room. she needed isolation, she decides, foreseeing herself blushing red again, with equal intensity in the future.
if she was to continue her own project like this, she had to ensure more moments of privacy for herself.
*
no knocks, just the door opening. yozora counts her lucky stars (just one, and she was right in front of her) that she hadn't been singing just yet, merely playing a few chords. "i’m here to listen," sena announces, a cheeky smile on her face (too cute). her butler shifts her eyes away from the room's entrance, but scooches closer to the wall; a mistake, as it gives her friend some space on the bed to sit on.
"what're you playing?"
"nothing of importance," yozora shrugs off, not meeting sena's gaze, pretending to retune her instrument. she wondered if the girl would buy into her lie, turning the knob only slightly in her fib. but it didn't seem that way when she’d given her pet a good glance, the star’s brilliant beam shining back in her face.
yozora swallows a breath, looking up. "don't you have some studying to do? a game to get back to?"
"studying?"
the servant notices her momentary slip up, and for a moment yozora debates keeping herself still like a frightened animal. instead, she rolls her eyes, and that gets their conversation to pass over the mistake.
"ah, but the new title that came out earlier today--"
good. sena's attention had been grabbed. "it was just way shorter than i thought it was going to be! what a let down. and they didn't even include a cg for cecilia, but they put in two more for lisa?!"
the princess huffs and folds her arms. for a moment, yozora wondered how lovely it would be to pull her in close for comfort.
"oh no," she replied, resting on her guitar, words dripping with sarcasm. "its not like cecilia's the main character, or that she hasn’t been in any other title before or anything, thus having more screen time than any other character in the series." a miracle, it was, that she remembered the series elements at all.
"are you kidding me?"
her friend's eyes come alive with untold fury. yozora secretly wanted more.
"that should give them more reason to put more scenes with her in it! being in several games shows exactly how much we the fans like her!" by the sheets, sena pulls her fingers into a fist. "those cowards! i’d already gone to their forums and gave them a piece of my mind, though!"
"and so you're here to bother me instead?"
so long as she herself was being cold, the servant figured, it would be in due time before her mistress would leave her undisturbed.
"of course! i wouldn't want to miss what my best friend was up to these days!"
ugh. best friend.
"sorry, i dont know who that is," yozora mocks, wrist flapped off-handedly. "maybe you should check another room, for once. you'll find someone there."
"that's so mean!" (the telltale pout from sena. what a look.) "why cant you just take the compliment i give you?"
"compliment?"
her sideways glance appears more sly and dark than she'd wanted it, but the facade was entirely calculated; so yozora wouldn't be caught under scrutiny blushing like a lovestruck schoolgirl. that sinister aura was to mask her fluster. "you talk like its a privilege to be your friend."
"it is one!"
"more like a burden. come see me after you've grown up enough to take care of yourself."
of course, her servitude had always been a sore spot for sena, on the account that she wouldn't be seen as independent enough in the household. no, she didn't need to be to begin with, but now there was a reason for the star to hold some guilt. because it was yozora behind those duties now.
"i can do it just fine, thank you very much."
"you say that but you sure aren't showing it, meat," the butler remarks with a straightened back, fingers flicking at her guitar's strings. a strum. "try that again when you've found something else to do."
it turns out to be enough.
with a "hmph" and a toss of her hair (a soft wave of starlight, so pretty) sena gets off the bed and leaves.
wonderful. it would've been a perfect exit, except she forgot to close the door behind her.
again.
not that yozora minded getting up and chasing her beloved’s footsteps to shut it.
*
so, that song. that rearranged poem of scraps abandoned and hidden and lost.
well.
singing it had proved almost too tough to bear.
no matter how yozora found herself rearranging the letters, folding her notes' pages in half in an attempted rewrite, the thought of her unlikely confession had always bubbled up in a swarm up in her chest, bursting painfully against her lungs. and in those moments of frustration, she'd wanted to scream to the world in one chorus of finality, a head-spinning moment where she'd forget all her admirer's intentions behind it, just so she could put her emotions past herself, and wave off the project for having completed it so.
she couldn't, of course, without actually performing the piece live in front of her. a recording would be too insincere, and living through those seconds again in an editor was a nightmare that yozora had opted to spare herself from. it had to be done live, she persuaded herself, even after rational convincing just prior minutes before. at any moment now, her mistress would--
--footsteps trailed towards the entrance. then, the door swung open.
the concert hall was but sena's bedroom, and the guitarist had been unprepared to perform for an audience of just one. of course, changed out from her butler's outfit, the blonde did wonder what her best friend, off-duty, was doing in her room.
"yozora? what--"
the fingers the girl had on her strings were slow in shifting, underlining the tautness within its player.
"i-i was getting ready for something," yozora replies, finally turning around to greet her listener with a reddened face. there was no way for the star to have missed the guitar in her hands, cradled in a comforting hold in the girl's arms, and her digits never leaves its surface when she gestures towards the corridor using a shift of her head. "close the door behind you. i-it's not like this was meant for anybody else..."
in absolute curiosity and confusion, sena complied.
there had been a small space in her mistress' bedroom where a beanbag had been set aside. and though yozora often frequented it during her short breaks or moments of respite with her friend, so too would sena take advantage of its cushion just once, the duo shifting from the center of the room over to an open corner.
"o-okay, so what's this about...?"
"w-well, i..."
it was in a stammer that the vocalist lost her words. and in duress, she defaulted to some lines familiar, lines that would put her back into gear with the delivery of her performance.
after all, she couldn't afford to be worried about her lyrics, stolen as they were sorted through. not now.
"s-shut up and listen."
a gentle chord. fumbling of fingers on nylon, and a pacing of steps against the carpet, on the spot.
with one short breath, yozora parts her lips and allows the melody to flow through her, keeping her gaze shortsighted. vision blurred, the world spinning; it was how she imagined the leak of her emotions to feel, the room growing warmer with each sway of her torso, each swing of her head to one corner, then the next. her heart and her tempo were racing in unequal measures, the girl drawing out each line, keeping in mind to uphold the adagio of a ballad.
and all the while, she didn’t have to wonder if she was the only one burning up in embarassment. body language was all the performer needed to read with her star kept within sight; raised cheeks, lips hidden behind a fold of her palm, each major fidget was enough of a signal to yozora that, at the very least, her audience was captivated.
for those few minutes, the girl decides, that was all she had to be.
she doesn’t trip up on her lines as she once expected from herself. there’s something in her performance she falls back upon, hours of practice culminated in a single moment, supporting each harmonious line, every tremble of her chords in her throat as she forces notes through second by second. it gets easier the further she performs, and the moon finds herself smiling after a minute, somehow registering the majesty of her craft while she’s delivering it to its intended receipient. it’s cute. like, a sickly sweet kind of cute. her love nearly overflows as she churns out the lyrics, slow, smooth and simple, bubbles of joy tucked away at the back of her mouth, near threatening to rise and take over her words as giggles had she chosen to stop. that realization of how silly, how foolish, how honest and vulnerable her song and dance was making her-- it could’ve swallowed her up whole in midst of her performance.
but yozora is made of tougher material, and with a gentle tap and piviot of her feet upon wool, she stops, with one final hum and a prayer for her success behind closed eyes. there’s nothing but the sound of her guitar strings reverberating in the air for a few seconds; it’s only when the wait for a response gets too much to bear that the girl opens her eyes, to finally put sena into focus, sena, right, the love she was confessing to, the one she couldn’t pay attention to this whole time--
the world stops for a moment when their eyes meet, faces awash with crimson and heat. neither of them move, still as statues save for a couple of blinks. yozora is out of words -- she’d already used all of them in the song, eaten up every other resource of her brain to keep herself functioning in that heart-pounding, adrenaline-rushed moment -- and her grip relaxing on her instrument is a beckon for her other to say something, something.
her response comes in a lean backwards, into the bean bag, bloating it up to hold her when yozora can’t. there is a mix of fear, shock, joy and anger all at once in those eyes, eyes that the girl can’t help but continue looking into, despite the fact that she’d wanted so desperately to look away in that moment, just as she often did in most others. the words take sena another moment to form, and they trickle out as a whisper, “when... when did you find them?”
and the guitarist didn’t need to be asked twice about the star’s secret stash. “i’ve known of it for a while,” she replies, finally tearing her eyes off her admirer. there’s something lodged in her throat as she continues to speak, yozora trying not to stutter over her words. “h-honestly, you should try to hide that box better. it was easy to find it while i was cleaning up your room, you know?”
“the-- the curtains should’ve hid it...”
a low murmur, one that yozora barely catches. when sena rises, takes a few step to draw close to her servant, that drum beat grows louder in the performer’s ears. she spots a wavering frown from the blonde and a burning visage to match. delicate fingers, fragile and soft rest on the woodwork of the guitar, and they nearly meet yozora’s tight grips. she fights to steady her breathing, just as she sees her star struggling to justify her sudden approach.
“a-anyway, y-you sung them all wrong...! i-i honestly don’t know how you managed to jumble them up so bad, a-and the melody’s completely off-- the line delivery and everything--”
there was a part of yozora that had wanted to argue back, mention the amount of effort that she’d spent piecing together the broken puzzle pieces, solving a jigsaw that didn’t need to be solved. and on most days, in most circumstances, she would’ve opted for such a retort. but the graze of skin against her own and the trembles, the quaking from her mistress -- was sena offering to deliver the songs in their most primal nature, as she had originally intended?
that clamouring for her guitar seemed to be telling. it’s nearly violent the way yozora thrusts the part of entertainer onto her confessed, restraint audible from the way she hisses out her challenge, trying not to trip on language, “t-then you show me, i-if you want to pick at my creative genius that much.”
“m-mm,” sena responds, taking the instrument in tow, agitation simmering down to a quiet. “j-just watch.”
yozora shifts, retreats, almost hastens her steps as she makes her way to the throne of the audience. and sena checks the scale on the instrument, humming anxiously and pacing on the spot --
the moon wonders, after taking her seat, if that had been exactly how she’d looked just a few moments ago. she contemplates this while avoiding bringing to light that memory itself, leaning forward, watching her other prepare herself.
she doesn’t have expectations, didn’t come in with any the moment she stepped into the room. but listening to her star’s opening lines, it was difficult to say that yozora had been entranced by the confession. sure, a poet her mistress might’ve been, pen marked on paper, but when vocalized paired with a shaken melody, something felt off about the performance. in a way that was telling it needed refinement. in the same way her mistress had always been raw, pure, unabashedly passionate.
it takes the girl everything just to stop herself from laughing, realizing the truth of that adorable personality shining through against all things.
the way her angel, too, had opted to block out the world with a shut of her eyelids. static movements where yozora herself had gone with the flow, felt free -- no doubt lived in her head that it was like watching an amateur’s performance right before their debut, but even then she couldn’t fault her star for her unbridledness. it had been in the spur of the moment that she decided to forge an act together, after all. and line by line, yozora starts to put the pieces together once again, in a different order this time, each keynote with its phrase once disassembled now under reorganization in her memory as she listens. against her fingertips, she feels it, the soft texture of ripped edges worn from handling. a smile graces her face as she tunes in.
though her amusement had subsided, her embarassment -- and heartwarmth -- had not.
only when the last of the songs were complete did it strike yozora as odd, how they practically traded confessions and left themselves devoid of proper confirmation, of responses. it was enough for her expression to wry, eyes trying to match her near-lover’s own if only to convey this perplexity in the moment. when sena finally resumes her sights, yozora makes deer caught in headlights out of her.
“m-meat...”
“w-wh-what is it? j-just so you know, i-i’m not performing them again...”
the star might as well have been the sun by now, glowing so bright with feelings said -- yet bond unconfirmed. she breaks their matching gazes, throwing her own to the side, clutching the guitar with noticable effort in her embarassment. it almost brings yozora to smile again, as she rises, pacing forward; that instrument was hers, and she was to collect it, but she had something else she’d wanted to see if she could retrieve in that moment.
footsteps slow to a shuffle. folded arms. her heated visage was only reflecting her centerfold.
“y-your delivery could use some work, in my opinion.”
“h-huh?”
“b-but more importantly,” yozora hurries, and puts her hands on sena’s, if only to stop the rebuttals she knows would follow had she hesitated. their traded fevers only worked to dizzy the girl moreso than she already felt faint, the servant taking steady breaths in lieu of her mistress’ fraying composure. “-- t-that just means...”
“-- ...”
“...”
though a silence persisted between them, it was past a few seconds that sena nods, pulling her gaze up from the carpet. a hum.
“y-yeah. i... i love you too, yozora.”
now it’s the moon’s turn to tremble, finally falling, humbled by her beloved careful and precious words.
“... i-- i love you too. ...meat.”
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MY ALBUMS OF 2019
Redsoapbox is five years old this weekend, during which time I have blogged over 150 reviews/interviews/opinion pieces. Many of these, together with my work for Wales Arts Review, New Sound Wales, Buzz magazine and From the Margins, make up the bulk of my debut collection Pop Hack. A revised and updated version, for the first time in print form, will be available by Christmas ( Watch out for updates on the blog). One of the annual features that I’ve most enjoyed compiling is my choice of Album of the Year and it’s that time of year once again folks. Before revealing this year’s shortlist (as has become the custom, the winner will be announced as the clock strikes twelve on New Year’s Eve!) here are the previous recipients of the award.
2015 - Trouble In Mind: Jodie Marie
2016 - You Can’t Go Back if There’s Nothing To Go Back To - Richmond Fontaine
2017 - Zero Moon - David Corley
2018 - Asking For Trouble - Dan Bettridge
So, it’s delicately poised at Wales 2 the Rest of the World 2. Here’s my 2019 shortlist -
Fontaines DC: Dogrel
‘Dublin in the rain is mine / a pregnant city with a catholic mind’. And so begins Dogrel, the irresistible debut from young tyros Fontaines DC. Frontman Grian Chatten, his rebel yell influenced by the cities rich literary tradition and the dramatic song staging of Shane MacGowan, throw’s a flurry of big punches early on in a successful attempt at shock and awe. “Big”, “Sha Sha Sha” and “Too Real” are all thundering tunes that rattle your cage. The first time you play this record, it’s possible to believe that you’re listening to an all-time great album unfold in real-time. Ultimately, though, Dogrel burns itself out before the close, but there’s no doubting it remains a powerful debut and a certain contender for album of the year.
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The Delines: The Imperial
Hot on the heels of their critically acclaimed debut Colfax (2014), Willy Valutin and his country-soul combo issued a limited-edition bonus album Scenic Sessions (2015), the unexpected result of a summer recording session initially booked with the sole intention of cutting the group’s next single. The band had already set aside a dozen or so songs for their second album proper, which was scheduled for release in 2016, when fate took a hand. The band was halfway through recording their new album when singer Amy Boone was knocked down outside a convenience store in Austin and seriously injured. It suddenly looked as if Scenic Sessions, once intended as little more than a superior stop-gap, would become the final chapter in the Delines story.
One thing was sure, there was never any possibility of Vlautin drafting in a new singer. The Richmond Fontaine frontman had only formed The Delines in the first place as a vehicle for working with Boone, delighting in the qualities she brought to her interpretations of his downhearted ballads. With his alt-country outfit Richmond Fontaine officially disbanded, Vlautin concentrated on re-working his latest novel, counting down the days until his friend was ready to return to the studio. Thankfully, after nine surgeries, Boone was able to re-join the band and work re-started on The Imperial. It was, of course, well worth the wait - The Imperial is an impeccable collection of heart-breaking character studies, Boone’s well-worn, country-soul whisper vividly bringing to life the despondent tales of Vlautin’s three-time losers. “Cheer up, Charley”, “Holly the Hustle” and “Eddie & Polly” are stand-out vignettes, but there is no filler here. The Imperial is a solid gold comeback.
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Armstrong - Under Blue Skies
I reviewed this sublime re-issue on TBM/Country Mile (with no less than 8 extra tracks!) for New Sound Wales. You can read it here - www.newsoundwales.com/cd-reviews/armstrong-under-blue-skies/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ochnWdLJN3Q
Night Flight: Night Flight*
Night Flight’s debut album, notwithstanding a terrific review in PopMatters, seems to have gone somewhat under the radar, which is a deep disappointment given that it’s an outstanding piece of work. The band wisely used their two excellent pop/rock EPs Wanderlust (2017) and Carousel (2018) as a departure point for an elegant and emotional debut that is best heard with the lights turned down low and a whiskey chaser near to hand. Although sometimes compared to Elbow, Night Flight are more akin to a seventies soft-rock band. Their beautiful new single “Mexico” makes you believe that AOR can be king again in the 2020s.
* the loophole I’m using to include the album is that although it was available to stream in December 2018 it wasn’t released on CD until this January.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UuOk2Wgr_KM
Swimming Tapes: Morningside
I’m sorely tempted to just write see Night Flight above and save on the man-hours! In fact, London’s Swimming Tapes’ beautifully manicured dream-pop, particularly on tracks like “Passing Ships” and current single “Mirador”, positions the band somewhere between The Beach Boys and Real Estate in the great scheme of things. There are, however, comparisons to be made with Night Flight – the classic songwriting, rooted in pop’s pre-punk past, for one, the fine-grained musicianship, another. I saw them play a wonderful set at Swn in October (as I did Night Flight the year before) before a smallish crowd. The times will change, though, and the race is on to see which of these bands plays a stadium tour first.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFSTJdkZMtw
Purple Mountains: Purple Mountains
Back in 2009, David Berman singer/songwriter with cult Americana outfit Silver Jews pulled the plug on his critically acclaimed band after twenty long years and six assured albums. Nothing very strange in that, you may think: Bands run their course, musical differences set in and people fall out. Except in Berman’s case, there was an altogether more unusual motivation for his walking away from the music business. Posting on the group’s message board, Berman “confessed” to the fact that he was the son of the union-busting lobbyist Rick Berman, a man dubbed by CBS’ 60 Minutes programme as “Dr. Evil”, due to a career spent representing the likes of big tobacco. The singer described his father as a ‘despicable man, a human molester and a scoundrel’, declaring that he’d previously thought that the band could provide ‘a refuge away from his world’. He jokingly promised to turn his hand to ‘screenwriting or muckraking’.
Except it was anything but a laughing matter though, as the opening track “That’s Just The Way That I Feel”, from Purple Mountains memoiristic debut makes painfully clear – ‘Course I’ve been humbled by the void / Much of my faith has been destroyed / I’ve been forced to watch my foes enjoy / Ceaseless feasts of schadenfreude’. Berman had long been battling depression and the album’s lead single “All My Happiness Is Gone” painted an even bleaker picture of Berman’s state of mind – ‘Lately, I make strangers wherever I go / Some of them were people I was once happy to know… I confess I’m barely hanging on’.
Tragically, David Berman was unable to hang on to life. He was found dead in his Brooklyn apartment this summer, three days before Purple Mountains were due to embark on a scheduled tour of North America. The medical examiner’s verdict: suicide.
Does it matter in the end that Berman’s last work and testimony represents a career-high, or that his music as a whole will survive until the time comes when our species is swept back into the sea? It’s worth calling attention, however, to Berman’s thoughts on his last communication with us - ‘Mine is not a cry for help, but an offer to provide a kind of it’.
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Silent Forum - Everything Solved At Once
The long-awaited debut album from blog favourites Silent Forum is an absolute stormer. A full review can be read at https://www.walesartsreview.org/
You can also read my brand new interview with the band at
www.newsoundwales.com/interviews/silent-forum/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1U92eAaNr04
Peter Bruntnell: King of Madrid
Peter Bruntnell has been around a long time with, depending on how you figure it, somewhere between 10 and 14 albums to his name. I can’t claim, though, to have ever heard a Bruntnell record (although there is a possibility of having chanced upon a track on an Uncut freebie down the years) until this year’s sublime “King of Madrid”. And even that was a fluke! As a Juror for the Welsh Music Prize (WMP), I get to listen to any albums released through the qualifying period by Welsh artists, and Bruntnell’s album appeared, along with eighty or so others, on the 2019 longlist. It didn’t take me more than a track or two to realise that I was listening to an album that might be the AOTY, never mind Welsh AOTY. The opening track, the soaring, six and a half-minute sweetener, “Broken Wing”, is a master class in songwriting and the album as a whole reveals a true craftsman working at his absolute peak.
You might be wondering, given the glowing recommendation above, why there was no sign of King of Madrid on the recently announced WMP shortlist. It turned out that Uncut magazine’s claim that Bruntnell was born in Wales, made when nominating his Nos Da Comrade (2016) as their Americana AOTM, was, sadly, incorrect. Bruntnell, as you might have guessed from that album’s title, had spent much of his life in Wales, but having been born in New Zealand and residing now in Devon, he was not eligible for the honour this time around. The silver lining for me, of course, was that an artist that I’d missed out on for many years was finally on my radar. Make sure he’s on yours!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUi1oxhlr6U&list=RD_AXJlX0zPZs&index=2
The Murder Capital: When I Have Fears
The Guardian may describe Dublin’s finest as purveyors of art-punk (and there is certainly no denying the force of nature that is “More is Less” or Feeling Fades”) but for me, The Murder Capital’s atmospheric debut is a cast-iron case of Indie-Noir. When I Have Fears is hugely impacted by the suicide of a close friend (an official band statement confirms that every lyric on the album relates in one way or another to that terrible event) and singer/songwriter James McGovern should be saluted for somehow navigating his way through unbearable pain to deliver a singularly devastating record. What also impresses about When I Have Fears, is that it’s in no hurry to get from A to B – some tracks weigh in at nearly seven, slow-paced minutes. This doesn’t always work, but I applaud the grand ambition at play here. The album finishes big, too, with both “How The Streets Adore Me Now” and, particularly, “Love, Love, Love”, which wouldn’t be out of place on Joy Division’s Closer, being colossal tracks which signpost the band’s extraordinary potential.
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Oblong: Hollalluog
Llanelli’s bilingual post-punk trio Oblong may well be the most underrated band in the U.K. Their debut album Brilliant…Gwd (2016) was fast and furious from start to finish, with one melodic masterpiece following another. Incredibly, they repeated the trick on Hollalluog (which translates as almighty) with storming tunes like “Giro Day” and “Light Sleeper”, both contenders for track of the year. And yet they still failed to secure themselves a slot on the shortlist for the 2019 Welsh Music Prize. If you do nothing else after reading this AOTY list, give this band a fair hearing, you won’t be disappointed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lsLW0ZAgVVQ&t=114s
Amy Speace - Me And The Ghost Of Charlemagne
When you’re described by Folk Radio as ‘one of the great contemporary Americana singer-songwriters’ and when the much-admired Mary Gaulthier claims that your work has reached ‘a level of absolute mastery’ then you can’t just put out an album once a year for the sake of it - you have a certain reputation, a standard of excellence to maintain. Just as well then that Speace’s latest album more than lives up to the hype. Produced by Neilson Hubbard, featuring regular collaborators Kris Donegan and Will Kimbrough on guitars and Eamon McLoughlin on violin, Me And The Ghost Of Charlemagne is a beautifully crafted, tenderly sung record that, thanks to Speaces’ lyrical dexterity, always hits home. Stylistically, Speace has much in common with the legendary Mary Chapin Carpenter, especially in terms of song texture/structure and vocal tone, as can be heard on the wistful title track below. It’s an album rich with new material, but the cover of Ben Glover’s “Kindness”, rightly held back to the close, will not soon be forgotten.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTECsSBawGM
Liz Brasher - Painted Image
North Carolina’s Liz Brasher is a marketing department's dream - a star in the making from the moment you see her. More important than how many units you can shift (someone fetch the smelling salts for the a&r reps) is, of course, the quality of the music itself. Brasher’s 2018 Outcast EP left no-one in doubt as to her potential, but the guitar-toting chanteuse has really delivered the goods on her debut album. Gospel, soul, country, pop and blues are all combined to memorable effect on Painted Image. A stellar career awaits.
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Ida Estelle Taylor (May 20, 1894 – April 15, 1958) was an American actress, singer, model, and animal rights activist. With "dark-brown, almost black hair and brown eyes," she was regarded as one of the most beautiful silent film stars of the 1920s.
After her stage debut in 1919, Taylor began appearing in small roles in World and Vitagraph films. She achieved her first notable success with While New York Sleeps (1920), in which she played three different roles, including a "vamp." She was a contract player of Fox Film Corporation and, later, Paramount Pictures, but for the most part of her career she freelanced. She became famous and was commended by critics for her portrayals of historical women in important films: Miriam in The Ten Commandments (1923), Mary, Queen of Scots in Dorothy Vernon of Haddon Hall (1924), and Lucrezia Borgia in Don Juan (1926).
Although she made a successful transition to sound films, she retired from film acting in 1932 and decided to focus entirely on her singing career. She was also active in animal welfare before her death from cancer in 1958. She was posthumously honored in 1960 with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in the motion pictures category.
Ida Estelle Taylor was born on May 20, 1894 in Wilmington, Delaware. Her father, Harry D. Taylor (born 1871), was born in Harrington, Delaware.[8] Her mother, Ida LaBertha "Bertha" Barrett (November 29, 1874 – August 25, 1965), was born in Easton, Pennsylvania, and later worked as a freelance makeup artist. The Taylors had another daughter, Helen (May 19, 1898 – December 22, 1990), who also became an actress. According to the 1900 census, the family lived in a rented house at 805 Washington Street in Wilmington In 1903, Ida LaBertha was granted a divorce from Harry on the ground of nonsupport; the following year, she married a cooper named Fred T. Krech. Ida LaBertha's third husband was Harry J. Boylan, a vaudevillian.
Taylor was raised by her maternal grandparents, Charles Christopher Barrett and Ida Lauber Barrett. Charles Barrett ran a piano store in Wilmington, and Taylor studied piano. Her childhood ambition was to become a stage actress, but her grandparents initially disapproved of her theatrical aspirations. When she was ten years old she sang the role of "Buttercup" in a benefit performance of the opera H.M.S. Pinafore in Wilmington. She attended high school[6] but dropped out because she refused to apologize after a troublesome classmate caused her to spill ink from her inkwell on the floor. In 1911, she married bank cashier Kenneth M. Peacock. The couple remained together for five years until Taylor decided to become an actress. She soon found work as an artists' model, posing for Howard Pyle, Harvey Dunn, Leslie Thrasher, and other painters and illustrators.
In April 1918, Taylor moved to New York City to study acting at the Sargent Dramatic School. She worked as a hat model for a wholesale millinery store to earn money for her tuition and living expenses. At Sargent Dramatic School, she wrote and performed one-act plays, studied voice inflection and diction, and was noticed by a singing teacher named Mr. Samoiloff who thought her voice was suitable for opera. Samoiloff gave Taylor singing lessons on a contingent basis and, within several months, recommended her to theatrical manager Henry Wilson Savage for a part in the musical Lady Billy. She auditioned for Savage and he offered her work as an understudy to the actress who had the second role in the musical. At the same time, playwright George V. Hobart offered her a role as a "comedy vamp" in his play Come-On, Charlie, and Taylor, who had no experience in stage musicals, preferred the non-musical role and accepted Hobart's offer.
Taylor made her Broadway stage début in George V. Hobart's Come-On, Charlie, which opened on April 8, 1919 at 48th Street Theatre in New York City. The story was about a shoe clerk who has a dream in which he inherits one million dollars and must make another million within six months. It was not a great success and closed after sixteen weeks. Taylor, the only person in the play who wore red beads, was praised by a New York City critic who wrote, "The only point of interest in the show was the girl with the red beads." During the play's run, producer Adolph Klauber saw Taylor's performance and said to the play's leading actress Aimee Lee Dennis: "You know, I think Miss Taylor should go into motion pictures. That's where her greatest future lies. Her dark eyes would screen excellently." Dennis told Taylor what Klauber said, and Taylor began looking for work in films. With the help of J. Gordon Edwards, she got a small role in the film A Broadway Saint (1919).nShe was hired by the Vitagraph Company for a role with Corinne Griffith in The Tower of Jewels (1920), and also played William Farnum's leading lady in The Adventurer (1920) for the Fox Film Corporation.
One of Taylor's early successes was in 1920 in Fox's While New York Sleeps with Marc McDermott. Charles Brabin directed the film, and Taylor and McDermott play three sets of characters in different time periods. This film was lost for decades, but has been recently discovered and screened at a film festival in Los Angeles. Her next film for Fox, Blind Wives (1920), was based on Edward Knoblock's play My Lady's Dress and reteamed her with director Brabin and co-star McDermott. William Fox then sent her to Fox Film's Hollywood studios to play a supporting role in a Tom Mix film. Just before she boarded the train for Hollywood, Brabin gave her some advice: "Don't think of supporting Mix in that play. Don't play in program pictures. Never play anything but specials. Mr. Fox is about to put on Monte Cristo. You should play the part of Mercedes. Concentrate on that role and when you get to Los Angeles, see that you play it."
Taylor traveled with her mother, her canary bird, and her bull terrier, Winkle. She was excited about playing Mercedes and reread Alexandre Dumas' The Count of Monte Cristo on the train. When she arrived in Hollywood, she reported to the Fox studios and introduced herself to director Emmett J. Flynn, who gave her a copy of the script but warned her that he already had another actress in mind for the role. Flynn offered her another part in the film, but she insisted on playing Mercedes and after much conversation was cast in the role. John Gilbert played Edmond Dantès in the film, which was eventually titled Monte Cristo (1922). Taylor later said that she "saw then that he [Gilbert] had every requisite of a splendid actor." The New York Herald critic wrote "Miss Taylor was as effective in the revenge section of the film as she was in the first or love part of the screened play. Here is a class of face that can stand a close-up without becoming a mere speechless automaton."
Fox also cast her as Gilda Fontaine, a "vamp", in the 1922 remake of the 1915 Fox production A Fool There Was, the film that made Theda Bara a star. Robert E. Sherwood of Life magazine gave it a mixed review and observed: "Times and movies have changed materially since then [1915]. The vamp gave way to the baby vamp some years back, and the latter has now been superseded by the flapper. It was therefore a questionable move on Mr. Fox's part to produce a revised version of A Fool There Was in this advanced age." She played a Russian princess in the film Bavu (1923), a Universal Pictures production with Wallace Beery as the villain and Forrest Stanley as her leading man.
One of her most memorable roles is that of Miriam, the sister of Moses (portrayed by Theodore Roberts), in the biblical prologue of Cecil B. DeMille's The Ten Commandments (1923), one of the most successful films of the silent era. Her performance in the DeMille film was considered a great acting achievement. Taylor's younger sister, Helen, was hired by Sid Grauman to play Miriam in the Egyptian Theatre's onstage prologue to the film.
Despite being ill with arthritis, she won the supporting role of Mary, Queen of Scots in Dorothy Vernon of Haddon Hall (1924), starring Mary Pickford. "I've since wondered if my long illness did not, in some measure at least, make for realism in registering the suffering of the unhappy and tormented Scotch queen," she told a reporter in 1926.
She played Lucrezia Borgia in Don Juan (1926), Warner Bros.' first feature-length film with synchronized Vitaphone sound effects and musical soundtrack. The film also starred John Barrymore, Mary Astor and Warner Oland. Variety praised her characterization of Lucrezia: "The complete surprise is the performance of Estelle Taylor as Lucretia [sic] Borgia. Her Lucretia is a fine piece of work. She makes it sardonic in treatment, conveying precisely the woman Lucretia is presumed to have been."
She was to have co-starred in a film with Rudolph Valentino, but he died just before production was to begin. One of her last silent films was New York (1927), featuring Ricardo Cortez and Lois Wilson.
In 1928, she and husband Dempsey starred in a Broadway play titled The Big Fight, loosely based around Dempsey's boxing popularity, which ran for 31 performances at the Majestic Theatre.
She made a successful transition to sound films or "talkies." Her first sound film was the comical sketch Pusher in the Face (1929).
Notable sound films in which she appeared include Street Scene (1931), with Sylvia Sidney; the Academy Award for Best Picture-winning Cimarron (1931), with Richard Dix and Irene Dunne; and Call Her Savage (1932), with Clara Bow.
Taylor returned to films in 1944 with a small part in the Jean Renoir drama The Southerner (released in 1945), playing what journalist Erskine Johnson described as "a bar fly with a roving eye. There's a big brawl and she starts throwing beer bottles." Johnson was delighted with Taylor's reappearance in the film industry: "[Interviewing] Estelle was a pleasant surprise. The lady is as beautiful and as vivacious as ever, with the curves still in the right places." The Southerner was her last film.
Taylor married three times, but never had children. In 1911 at aged 17, she married a bank cashier named Kenneth Malcolm Peacock, the son of a prominent Wilmington businessman. They lived together for five years and then separated so she could pursue her acting career in New York. Taylor later claimed the marriage was annulled. In August 1924, the press mentioned Taylor's engagement to boxer and world heavyweight champion Jack Dempsey.[36] In September, Peacock announced he would sue Taylor for divorce on the ground of desertion. He denied he would name Dempsey as co-respondent, saying "If she wants to marry Dempsey, it is all right with me." Taylor was granted a divorce from Peacock on January 9, 1925.
Taylor and Dempsey were married on February 7, 1925 at First Presbyterian Church in San Diego, California. They lived in Los Feliz, Los Angeles. Her marriage to Dempsey ended in divorce in 1931.
Her third husband was theatrical producer Paul Small. Of her last husband and their marriage, she said: "We have been friends and Paul has managed my stage career for five years, so it seemed logical that marriage should work out for us, but I'm afraid I'll have to say that the reason it has not worked out is incompatibility."
In her later years, Taylor devoted her free time to her pets and was known for her work as an animal rights activist. "Whenever the subject of compulsory rabies inoculation or vivisection came up," wrote the United Press, "Miss Taylor was always in the fore to lead the battle against the measure." She was the president and founder of the California Pet Owners' Protective League, an organization that focused on finding homes for pets to prevent them from going to local animal shelters. In 1953, Taylor was appointed to the Los Angeles City Animal Regulation Commission, which she served as vice president.
Taylor died of cancer at her home in Los Angeles on April 15, 1958, at the age of 63. The Los Angeles City Council adjourned that same day "out of respect to her memory." Ex-husband Jack Dempsey said, "I'm very sorry to hear of her death. I didn't know she was that ill. We hadn't seen each other for about 10 years. She was a wonderful person." Her funeral was held on April 17 in Pierce Bros. Hollywood Chapel. She was interred at Hollywood Forever Cemetery, then known as Hollywood Memorial Park Cemetery.
She was survived by her mother, Ida "Bertha" Barrett Boylan; her sister, Helen Taylor Clark; and a niece, Frances Iblings. She left an estate of more than $10,000, most of it to her family and $200 for the care and maintenance of her three dogs, which she left to friend Ella Mae Abrams.
Taylor was known for her dark features and for the sensuality she brought to the films in which she appeared. Journalist Erskine Johnson considered her "the screen's No. 1 oomph girl of the 20s." For her contribution to the motion picture industry, Estelle Taylor was awarded a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame at 1620 Vine Street in Hollywood, California.
#estelle taylor#silent movie stars#silent era#silent hollywood#golden age of hollywood#classic movie stars#classic hollywood#silent cinema
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Swapped | Game!AU
Companion piece to Omorfos Kosmo
Studying is not efficient in groups. It never was, and perhaps it never will be. You absolutely hated studying in groups. It was even more annoying when the person who had asked your for help decided to let his volleyball teammates tag along. You understood how hard it was to book a study room in the library, but you didn't think he was going to bring so many people with him. You sighed for the nth time as you idly scrolled through your laptop as you listened to them squabble over the correct English term.
"For the last time, I'm telling you that's not how you use that word in English."
"No! But if you read the definitions, it makes sense!"
"Goshiki, Shirabu, don't be so loud in the library," Semi sighed yet again. He glanced over at you. A part of him felt bad that they had invaded the study room you managed to book. Although you had already consented to it prior to the volleyball players knowing you'd be there, he still felt a twinge of guilt as you had purposely sat at the very corner of the room in order to not disturb them. It wasn't as though you didn't know them, you surely did, after all, you were one of the candidates for the manager position. But you had ultimately ended up choosing your own club activities over volleyball, much to the disappointment of Tendou and Goshiki, both of them know you can play volleyball after all.
"[F/N]-chan," Tendou cooed your name, and Semi watches in amusement when your face scrunches up in annoyance and you unwillingly remove an earbud. "Yes, Tendou-senpai?"
"You can speak English right? Help us on correcting our grammar."
"Senpai..." you sighed, "I'm not your tutor, I'm helping Tsutomu-kun."
You purposely say his name loud enough for him to hear you from the other end of the room and you raise your eyebrows at him. He gulped and muttered, "Excuse me, Shirabu-senpai."
The setter watched with a smug smirk as you went over his worksheets and you give him a thin smile, "Why is it that you're still messing up the same stuff I taught you just a few moments ago?"
"Shirabu-senpai said I was wrong on those parts! I told him I wasn't and-" Goshiki stops complaining though when he sees your narrow your eyes at the setter. Something about him always rubbed you in the wrong way, maybe it was because he was so blatantly rude sometimes, or just blunt. Too blunt. You rolled your eyes, unknowingly doing it right at him before turning back to Goshiki.
"Here, if you do this..."
Shirabu's smug smirk fades away upon seeing your attitude. Semi watched as the second year setter basically regarded you the same way he would to Goshiki; annoying, troublesome, meddlesome - those are just some of the words he'd probably use. But when Goshiki leaves your small little tutoring island, he seems a bit happier, his steps lighter as he revises yet another English assignment. But you appeared a bit more tired, as though tutoring Goshiki was literally draining the energy out of you.
I just wanna go home and play Omorfos already. You pouted as you idly scrolled through your laptop again. You were expressionless as you read over notes and watched video lectures on certain topics that were stumping you. Tendou was seated in front of you, not bothering you, but clearly doing his work and occasionally asking you to revise his English. Which didn't make much sense to Semi, because last time he checked, Tendou was the best of the third years in that subject.
"Ne, [F/N]-chan," Tendou asked and you looked up from your notebook, adorably tilting your head to one side, "Do you play any games?"
Almost immediately, Semi sighed and muttered, "Why would she play games? She's a straight A student and she's in choir."
"I do," you responded, taking everyone by surprise. It was no secret that the entire volleyball team played MMORPG's together, and it was definitely no secret that they slowly dragged the other sports in Shiratorizawa to join them. Tendou's eyes lit up with mischief and curiosity and he asked, "What kind?!"
"Handhelds," you responded. Not a lie, but certainly not the whole truth. You give him a small smile, and asked, "Why do you ask, Tendou-senpai?"
"Mmm, I thought it'd be neat if you joined us in playing a new MMORPG."
"A new one?" you parroted. You were pretty sure you knew which one he was talking about though. You've heard Goshiki excitedly talking about it once and you almost choked on your lunch that day. You were forever grateful that no one besides Kenma and Tsukishima knew of your gaming habits. I can't even imagine how the volleyball dorks would respond if they knew I played Omorfos as well.
Tendou nodded eagerly, and he said, "It's called Omorfos Kosmo. It's a pretty new MMORPG, it's pretty fun! There's like five different classes and the gameplay is really cool too! There's like-"
"Let her study, Tendou." Ushijima cuts in. He glances at you and you blink in surprise. Huh, he hasn't said a word all day now that I think about it. Must be really into studying.
"But Wakatoshi! If she can't be our manager, wouldn't it be neat if she could play games with us and be our strategist?!"
"But I'm the current strategist," Shirabu muttered and Tendou laughed, "Not for long. I gather intel at a much faster rate than you do."
Shirabu frowned and he muttered, "That's because you have that one mercenary friend of yours."
"Oh yeah, Ying is the absolute best, she's even helping me master crafting!" Tendou exclaimed happily. You stared at him in slight shock, although you were desperately hoping none of that was being portrayed. Hold. On. The person I'm helping with crafting is... Guess. No way, that means... You wanted to hit yourself in the face. I should have known that there was something overly familiar with him. Oh my god, and I've been so rude to just call him Guess... Wait, but there's no honorifics in that game anyways.
"[F/N]-chan?" Tendou called your name again and you finally snapped out of your thoughts and you looked at him, properly, this time and he smirked, "What's wrong?"
Immediately your face scrunched up in disgust and you muttered, "Nothing, you're distracting me from studying, Tendou-senpai."
"But [F/N]-chan!!"
"Tendou, leave her alone, she clearly feels uncomfortable," Semi finally spoke up. The look of relief that flashed across your features did not go unnoticed by the former main setter and he gives you a small smile which you returned tenfold. Tendou pouted as he made his way over to Semi, "But Semi-Semi, it's so fun teasing [F/N]-chan."
"She was clearly uncomfortable," Semi repeats with a sigh. He'd never understand Tendou.
Ying: You're in a good mood today Guess.
Guess: Ololo, you can tell?
Ying: Yes, you've been singing into the voice chat for the past hour.
Guess: You should sing with me. Let me hear your lovely voice Ying!
Ying: I don't have a mic, so nope. I'll just deal with listening to you.
You watched as Tendou's character jumped around randomly as he bothered other people in town by running around them in circles. You stared at your computer screen, a part of you was too tired to do any real training, but another part of you really wanted to figure out that AI for the new raid boss.
Guess has entered the voice chat.
"Ying," Tendou called your in game name softly, and you were surprised by the tone of his voice. It was always so loud and, if you could describe it as such, eccentric that this soft tone was something you weren't used to.
Ying: What?
"Can you confirm for me that you're a female?"
Ying: . . .
Ying: I am. --"
"I mean, well," Tendou sheepishly laughed, "My guild mates don't believe me."
Ying: Geez, what do you want me to do?
"I don't know, talk to me."
You hesitated and looked at your mic and then typed in, But no mic.
"Yingggg, I want confirmation," Tendou whined. You laughed, and quickly retorted, You won't lose anything if you don't get confirmation though.
"Well, no," Tendou sighed, "Is it weird if I told you I'd like to meet you in person?"
Ying: Yes.
Ying: Sorry Guess.
Ying: >< I'm just not comfortable with that.
"I guess I crossed the boundary limits, huh?" he chuckled and he asked, "What am I allowed to know then?"
Ying: I'm a first year in high school somewhere in Japan.
"Oh? So you're younger."
Ying: Should I call you senpai?
"Ew, no," Tendou laughed, "I like it how it is. Just calling each other by our names."
Ying: Haha, okie. Well, I have dinner, I'll talk to you later Guess.
"Bye bye Ying."
You logged off the voice chat, completely shutting off your laptop in the process as you threw on your Shiratorizawa jacket, only to pause. You looked at your hands, noticing the jacket was much longer than you last remembered and you blinked.
So did I shrink? Or did my jacket grow? You flailed your arms around and looked around your dorm room. Mm, but too lazy to fish out another jacket. This is probably one of the volleyball members. You gently took it off and inspected it, and you nodded upon noticing there was no choir logo on it. Oh yeah, definitely a volleyball member's. Oh well, I'm sure I'll run into Goshiki at the dining hall.
"That's not your sweater," a dorm mate commented as they passed by you. You pout and you shoved your hands awkwardly into the pockets. You were wearing a mere black tshirt and gym shorts underneath and you sighed, "I know, I probably mixed it up at the study session earlier today."
"Well, good luck finding your sweater."
"Thanks," you muttered as you made your way towards the dining hall.
"Ara? What'd you do to your jacket, Shirabu?"
"It's. Not. Mine," he muttered in between bites. It was one of the rare times the entire volleyball team grabbed dinner together, and of course, Shirabu's jacket went missing. The jacket he currently had on him was a bit too small for him. His entire arm wasn't covered, with the skin just before his wrist exposed, and of course, the embroidery of "Soprano" was listed on the right shoulder.
He had originally worn it all day until someone in his dorm had pointed out that they never knew Shirabu had a girlfriend, let alone one in choir. The poor boy was so flustered and confused, it wasn't until he took it off that he realized it wasn't his.
Goshiki sat down, and his eyes widened, "Isn't that [L/N]'s jacket?"
"Is it?" Shirabu asked as he raised his arms. He didn't bother taking it off though, the air conditioning was too strong to take it off. Goshiki nodded and he said, "I need to tell her, she's been bothering me about it since she noticed."
Shirabu raised an eyebrow and asked, "Does that mean she has mine?"
Let's see... Tsutomu said that he's eating near the back with the volleyball members... I was planning on getting just a to-go box and leaving right after, but... you stared at your sleeves. Yeah I guess I'll have to return this and hope they have my jacket.
You quickly dialed up his number, waiting for him to answer, but was instead met with a slightly different voice.
"Hello?" you cautiously asked, and the person responded, "Oh, Goshiki went to grab more food, and left his phone here. We're sitting at the very back."
"Oh... uhm, okay," you dully responded, extremely confused with what just happened. On the other end, Semi places the phone down, and looks up as Goshiki comes back, "[L/N] called."
"Ah! She did!? Did you tell her where we are?" Goshiki asked as he frantically pulled up your name on his messenger. He sees Semi nod and he lets out a breath of relief. "Oh thank god, I was worried that-"
"Tsutomu," your voice cuts him off, and the entire volleyball team is staring at the way the jacket hung off you loosely, and you glanced around, "Do you know whose-"
"That's mine," Shirabu muttered from behind you. He had also went to grab more food and you turned around, only to be face-to-face face to chest with the setter. You took a step back, and you glanced at him and your eyes widened, "Ah, that's my jacket!"
"Yes, I figured as much," he responded as he placed his food down. He shrugged the jacket off and handed it over, "Here."
You nod, gently taking his off and passing it to him in exchange for yours and you muttered your thanks. You slipped on your jacket and you mumble as you glance at the sleeve, "It's a bit longer now."
Shirabu flushed pink and looked away, and you teased, "I wonder why."
"Sh-shut up!"
Your laughter shocked most of the team and you waved a lazy good-bye, "I'll see you guys around. Good luck on your future matches."
"You should come watch us [F/N]-chan!" Tendou smiled lazily and you turned back, flashing them a quick smile, "Maybe I will."
Bonus:
"What's wrong [F/N]? You've been pulling at your jacket sleeves for a while now," your dorm mate asked as she sat down to eat with you. She noticed your cheeks were slightly pink and she teased, "Oh? Did something happen with Tsutomu-san?"
Almost immediately, the pink tinge was gone and you blanched, "Oh my god. No. Tsutomu is like my brother, what in the world?"
"Then?" she asked and pointed her spoon at you, "You've been acting kind of weird since you got your jacket back. What's wrong?"
"No it just..." you hesitate and shook your head, "It's nothing."
Your friend frowns and sighs, "Okay, whatever. I'll let you off this time."
You gratefully smiled at her, but every time you brought your hand back up you couldn't help but feel slightly embarrassed.
God damn it, I kind of like the sleeves longer now.
"Shirabu," Ushijima called their setter's name with hints of concern laced in it. The copper haired setter looked at him in surprise and the captain asked, "Are you feeling okay?"
"Yes, why?"
"Your face is all red!" Tendou teased and continued, "Is it because of-"
"It's not!" Shirabu furiously denied it. But he couldn't help but admit, that his jacket did smell slightly nicer for the rest of that evening.
#jenbean writes#omorfos kosmo#haikyuu game au#hqlit#haikyuu#reader insert#game au haikyuu#haikyuu game verse#companion piece#tendou satori#shirabu kenjirou#goshiki tsutomu
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#VoicesofYA
The marvelous Hetal Avanee (one of my fellow Pitch Warriors!) tagged me last week in a challenge called #VoicesofYA created by writer Caitlin Lambert. Here, at last, are my answers to the ten questions on writing and YA books (two of the things I love most in this world).
ABOUT THE WRITERS
What draws you to YA?
I’ve been asking myself this for a while, because it’s a question often posed to YA writers. To me, there is so much potential and possibility in YA. When you’re a teenager, you’re figuring out your identity and the world is open with so many paths to take. And teenagers feel everything so deeply, so there’s plenty of room for emotion on the page. They are honest and dig deep into issues as they figure out themselves and the world around them. I also love how the YA book world paves the way in being more inclusive of diverse voices and backgrounds. (Yes, there’s still a long way to go, but I’m also encouraged at the diverse voices that are appearing on bookstore and library shelves, and I want to read them all.) I love the energy in YA books, and how quickly they move—especially in SFF! YA books are a sheer delight to read.
Describe your writing process. Do you like outlines and structure, or seeing where the story takes you?
I always do at least a little outlining. I need to know the gist on the characters I’m writing about, and what I’m writing toward. So, I’ll need at least some idea of the ending, and I try to have mapped out the other major plot points of the story (inciting incident, point of no return, midpoint gamechanger, dark night of the soul crisis). But, especially during early drafts, I give myself permission to explore any ideas that strike me while writing. I keep my rough drafts to myself, and this lets me have the freedom to explore my world and characters, without troubling whether the words are perfectly connected or would make sense to someone else. Having that freedom in the first draft does make for a lot of work when it comes to revision, yes, but it’s also helped me stretch my mind and open myself to ideas that never occurred to me in my first outlines. In my Fire manuscript, some of my best plot twists, and the best villain, came to me only after I was more than halfway through that rough draft.
How long have you been writing? Where are you in your journey?
I’ve kind of never not been writing. As a child, even before I knew how to write, I’d draw picture stories, sheet after sheet after sheet, without any words. Or, I’d draw elaborate pictures on the inside cover of my coloring books, and make up elaborate stories about them as I worked. In third grade, we wrote little books and made covers out of construction paper, and my story folder was the largest of anyone’s in class (I had to wrap both arms around it when we brought them out for writing time, so all my little books wouldn’t come spilling onto the floor). In high school, I knew I wanted to become a writer when I grew up … but I didn’t really know how to get myself there. I studied creative writing in college, but it wasn’t until after college and grad school that I really buckled down with a vision of making my writing dreams into a career. I joined SCBWI (Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators), made more writing friends and found critique partners, and starting writing as much as I could and even querying. I have a couple shelved manuscripts (one of which I may go back to—I won’t talk about the very first one, though!). My next manuscript however, a fantasy inspired by ancient Babylon, got me into Pitch Wars last year (in a very roundabout way, more about that here), annnnnnd, it recently won the YA category in the 2017 New Voices in Children’s Literature Tassy Walden award! I also have my beloved Fire manuscript, which is close to being complete, a new project that I’m starting to revise … and another idea knocking around my brain, because my mind likes to keep things complicated. Heh.
What do you need to write? Coffee? Music?
Music always helps! I love movie and video game soundtracks, and often pick one or two for a particular project and listen to it on repeat for hours while writing and editing. I’ll also make Pandora stations for particular projects as well.
If you could offer one piece of advice to another writer (OTHER THAN “don’t give up”), what would it be?
Write the story you need to tell. Write what appeals to you! Yes, it’s good to pay attention to the market and what is currently selling and where the gaps are—but ultimately, you have to be passionate about your story. After your craft skills are honed and polished, your passion for the story will determine how strong it can become, and your enthusiasm will be evident on the page and carry over to the readers. There’s often a lot of talk between writers about what’s selling and what isn’t, what’s “trending” and what’s “dead.” Last week on Twitter there was a statement going around, someone insisting that YA contemporary was “dead,” and I saw some rising writers worried about this. It’s always alarming to hear that that genre you write, the one that calls to you most, isn’t selling. But amidst these tweets were reassuring words from established authors, who while writing their own books had heard similar ominous words. But they persisted in the stories they loved--and now we know them and love them too.
It seems there’s often someone knocking the marketability or quality of a particular genre. When I was taking my creative writing classes in college, my professors were adamant that we write only short literary fiction for adults. That was the only type of literature they thought had any merit. But you see, I was always a YA writer--I just didn’t know it. Even in these classes, though, my stories were about teenagers; that’s where my mind goes. “Write about something else,” I was told. “Write about different agents, different circumstances.” But I didn’t want to. So rather than changing what I wrote, I changed my surroundings. Soon after finishing grad school, I joined SCBWI and connected myself with other YA writers who could help me get where I needed to go. So don’t let your writing path be derailed by what you’re afraid will or won’t sell, or what someone else says you should be writing. Instead, look to connect yourself with the writers and industry folks who can help you get were your writing heart longs to go.
ABOUT THE BOOKS
What book still has you reeling from its plot twist? (*no spoilers please*)
Jeff Zentner’s The Serpent King. Ohhhh, if I ever meet him ...
What books are you most anticipating for this year?
Kathryn Ormsbee’s Tash Hearts Tolstoy. I. NEED. THIS. BOOK. From the moment I first heard about it, I needed this book in my life. Is it June 7th yet?
Sandhya Menon’s When Dimple Met Rishi. So many people keep talking about how great this book is and gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I want it now.
Kiersten White’s Now I Rise. The first book (And I Darken) basically ran all my feels through the meat grinder last year, but of course I have to read on to find out what happens next. It’s cathartic, it really is.
In your opinion, which YA book/series has the most unique premise?
Ahhhhhhh, so many my brain is short-circuiting! Okay, I think Mackenzie Lee’s This Monstrous Thing is the most creative approach to a retelling that I’ve ever seen, working with the historical context of the real Frankenstein text to create an alternate history for the novel. Bonus: Steampunk! (And, in a time when I keep hearing people claim that steampunk is “dead.”)
What is your all-time favorite quote from YA lit?
From Stephen Chbosky’s The Perks of Being a Wallflower: "And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.” It kind of sums up everything I love about YA books--that sense of unlimited possibility and potential.
What book do you most hope will have a movie adaption?
Roshani Chokshi’s A Crown of Wishes! Gorgeous, gripping book, and I can only imagine how brilliant it would be to get this world on a huge screen. Someone please do this, yes?
Next Up: Maria Hossain and Lindsay Hess!
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