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#arcade bars are so fun but i had the weirdest experience of my life in one
holocene-sims · 8 months
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next // previous
july 8, 2021 11:00 p.m. barcadia
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make-it-mavis · 3 years
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Homesick (Entry #27)
(cw: drugs/addiction) ----------
01/13/88   4:05 PM
Hey.
I had a lot to think about after that total clustercuss. 
Once I came down enough from my high to start feeling sick, I threw the blanket over Fix-it and left. Not in a mushy way or anything, more like tossing it over a chair or coat rack. I would have stolen it and added it to the pile, but it reeked of him. That’s not what I want to smell while I’m falling asleep.
The arcade opened the same as any other day, which felt strange given the surreal horrors I’d spent the night battling. I definitely took some wounds away from it, in the way of the worst hangover I’d had in my life. Chills, headache, puking, all the standard stuff was there, but I’d never had mental effects quite like that before. My moods were spinning as much as my head. They were so intense, yet so cold all at once. Minute to minute, I’d be laughing ‘til it hurt, then hyperventilating, then punching the bark off the trees, then crying so hard I couldn’t stand up -- yet it all felt dissociated from me. They were physical symptoms of emotion, but the emotions themselves just weren’t there. I was just numb.
Eventually, I passed out. I fell asleep craving nothing more than the quenching release of GC.
One more, I told myself. Just one more.
What I told Fix-it was the truth -- I didn’t want to corrupt. I did want to avoid it. But what I said before about the risk feeling far away? That only got worse, moving forward. My brain said that if I had gotten this far, I was tolerant to it. I was tough. I could take just one more and be fine. If I didn’t take another, I’d be left with a bad taste in my mouth. If I didn’t take another, I’d be giving up one last chance to experience the freedom and euphoria that the first hit gave me. The second one couldn’t be the last. I couldn’t end on such a horrifying note with nothing to wash it down. I couldn’t be ready to face my reality again dragging that around. I needed just one more. Just one.
So, once I’d woken up and had some more time to pull myself together, I drew another portrait, from memory this time. I’d drawn Fix-it so many times perfecting my disguise of him, it was like muscle memory. I guess I just didn’t want him to be one of the first faces up on the wall, otherwise I’d have drawn him sooner. But at that point, I didn’t have the patience to track anyone down to model for me. He’d have to do.
I set out for Tapper’s, portrait in hand. But halfway there, the weirdest and creepiest thing happened. Remember in my buff trip where I’d lose little chunks of time?
That started happening in real life.
One second, I was crossing Game Central Station. One flash of blue later, I was standing outside the bar, having just gotten off the train, with no memory of the time in between, and drumming pain in my head. I knew that was weird and definitely not a good sign.
But it was okay, because I wasn’t going to take any more GC after this last hit.
I entered the bar and sat in my usual spot. The atmosphere seemed somehow even drearier than before, even darker, as if Tapper had dimmed the lights. I wasn’t about to let it get me down, though. I whistled for Tapper. To my surprise, he didn’t come over right away, despite it being a slow night.
He wiped down a counter a little ways away. When I whistled, he took a deep breath and sighed through his nose. He didn’t even look at me. I got the sense, though, that he wasn’t trying to give me the cold shoulder. He just seemed so reluctant to even acknowledge me, so avoidant, as if being pressed on something he didn’t want to talk about. I actually had to get up and go sit in front of him for him to actually talk to me.
“What’s the problem, sad sack?” I asked. “You’re supposed to be happy to see me.”
Tapper stopped cleaning, took another deep breath, and looked me in the eyes with a sad sort of scrutiny. He asked quietly, “Mavis… is there anything you’d like to say to me?”
My heart skipped a beat.
“...No?”
“Really,” he furrowed his brow. “Nothing at all.”
“I’d…” I trailed off for a second, before pulling out the portrait and placing it in front of him. “I’d like to say ‘Pleasure doing business with you!’”
For a second, he froze in inspection of the portrait, and then sighed harshly. He leaned the heels of his palms wide on the counter’s ledge and nodded at me. “I know, Mavis.”
My insides turned cold, but there was no use fighting or running away. I lied to him in full consciousness, knowing that it would hurt my well-intentioned bartender and business partner that I am very fond of. I made my bed. I make many beds. Sometimes I have to lie in them. 
So I sat down in my metaphorical bed, and lied some more.
I tucked my chin. “Know what?”
“Quit playin’ dumb, kid,” he sneered a bit. “And take off those damn shades. You’re not foolin’ anybody.”
I was genuinely confused. “I’m not wearing shades.”
I flinched as he reached over and, with a single motion, snatched away the aforementioned unusual darkness in the room. The lights hadn’t been dimmed. I had just been wearing shades without even noticing -- surely an embarrassingly amateur attempt at hiding my blue pupils from the public without use of my brush. If I know me, I’d say it was more for the walk to Tapper’s than the actual conversation with him. But I don’t think I would have taken them off before speaking to him, anyway. I think I felt worse about that than I did about actually lying to Tapper in the first place. At least the first time, I gave him enough credit to be a convincing liar. This was just stupid.
“Oh…” I blinked against the light. “‘Kay.”
Tapper leaned his elbow on the counter and squinted at me. Then, he sighed. “Yep. That’s what I thought. It’s dim, but it’s there. You couldn’t even wait for your eyes to fully fade before coming out to look for more.”
I caved. I took a deep breath through my nose, leaned on the counter and started munching out of a nearby bowl of pretzels. “So. How’d you find out?”
“Ralph told me.”
My pupils might have been blue, but I saw red. “He did what.” 
“But he wouldn’t have had to, Mavis, with you showing up like this. The shades, the eyes, the-- the--” he looked at the portrait, grasping for words. “Whatever the hell this is.”
“Excuse me? That’s Fix-it Felix Jr., you dope!”
He just spun the paper around and showed it to me. It was not the image I remember drawing. It looked like it might have been a drawing of Fix-it once, but the lines all got drunk and staggered around the page in cliques. It looked like I drew it with my eyes closed. 
“Wh…”
“It’s over, Mavis. I’m puttin’ this deal on hold.”
I can’t say I was surprised. But I was pretty disappointed. The deal had been a good one -- quick, convenient, and benefitting my favorite bar. But once it was over, my brain didn’t even give me time to be upset. It dove right into figuring out how to get my last hit by other means.
I was quiet for a minute, before popping a pretzel in my mouth. “On hold?”
“My walls still need to be filled. I still like working with you. I still like you, kid,” his eyes faded, “but I should never have given you credits, not right now. I should have known better than to think a promise would keep you clean. Now you’re out there getting high with the credits I gave you. I might as well put poison in your root beer.”
I didn’t know what to say. Nothing he said was untrue. I just looked at him severely, waiting for him to finish.
“Now, listen,” he pointed his index finger against the counter. “You go get help. You go get clean. You process all the stuff you gotta process. You give it time. A lot of time. Then, and only then, can we talk business again. I won’t singlehandedly fund your addiction, Mavis. I can’t be responsible for that.”
Something about that rubbed me the wrong way. I pointed a pretzel at him. “It’s not an addiction. I enjoy it, sure, but I don’t need it. I’m still me. I’ve still got full control of my brain.”
He didn’t look up from cleaning the counter. “Oh yeah?”
“Yeah, Tapper.”
“Then what the hell are you eating, kid?”
“Pretz--” I stopped dead. There was nothing in my hand. There was no bowl on the counter. It’s kind of funny to look back on, but at the time, I got a chill up my spine. It really was worse than I thought. 
I suddenly felt I had to leave. I grabbed my crappy drawing and hopped from the stool. “Alright, well. It was fun while it lasted, Tapper. Seeya round.”
“Mavis.”
I stopped.
“You’re gonna have to swallow your pride. You need to get help. ‘Cause I want you to come back. And if you keep walkin’ down this road,” he paused. “You ain’t comin’ back.”
I just sighed through my nose and started walking. “Yeah, I’ve heard it before.”
Just when I thought he was done, he said loud enough for me to still hear, “What if you heard it from him? What would he say if he saw you like this?”
I’d spent all my lowest hours with a conflicting gratitude that you couldn’t.
I didn’t slow down. I just dragged a faint groan in the deepest part of my throat.
“He’s not the boss of me.”
I saw another flash of blue. Next thing I knew, I was stumbling a bit on bricks. I was in the dump back in my game, and there was an anxious anger boiling in my guts. Wreck-it had made one too many decisions for me. I decided I’d been far too kind to him, I’d shared too much with him. I had to share my feelings one last time. Ugly ones.
I climbed over a small peak, and I saw him. He saw me.
At once, we both yelled, “YOU!”
Then, “ME?!”
He barked, “You dirty little liar!”
I barked, “You big fat narc!”
We advanced on each other, while he growled, “I oughtta whip you across the map!”
“I oughtta stuff your throat with bricks! Why do you keep messing with my life?! It’s none of your Dev-damned business!”
“Oh, it became my business the second you lied to Tapper! I let you stay here just ‘cuz you didn’t want to be alone, I helped you get out there when you were too scared to go, I brought you to see someone who cared about you when you needed it, and what do you do?! You lie to his face so you can go get high! What’s WRONG with you?!”
We stopped just a bit outside of his arm’s reach. I wished so badly that I could fly, so I could float eye-level with him. Having to look up at him sucked.
“I didn’t WANT to go! I wasn’t READY! You dragged me out against my will -- what do you want in return, a freakin’ medal?!”
He gave a full-body eye roll. “No, I don’t want anything! I didn’t want anything! All I wanted was to help! And all you had to do was-- was NOT do exactly what you did! Easy!” 
I seethed. “EASY?!”
“EASY!”
“I have not had,” I grit my teeth, “a second of ‘EASY’ since-- since--” I couldn’t even say it. “You have no idea of the things I’ve been through! You have no freakin’ idea what this is like!”
“Yeah! ‘Cause I’m not allowed to ask about it, remember?!”
“I can guarantee, I can bet my very pixels on it -- if you had to deal with even half of what I have, you’d be blubbering like a 650-pound baby!”
“643!” he spat. “At least I wouldn’t be spinning lies and stuffing my pixels with buffs like you, you little sewer rat!”
“Oh, ho, ho,” I laughed, “That’s just adorable. Buddy, let me tell you -- if you were in my shoes, you wouldn’t have even lasted this long. You’d have gotten us all unplugged.”
“Oh, gimme a break.”
“It’s true! You’d have gone and corrupted a long time ago! If you had to deal with HALF of what I have!”
An upset look sparked in his eye for a second, but he quickly countered, “No, see, that wouldn’t happen, because unlike you, I don’t make my own therapy with-- with--” he gestured sharply, “I’unno, substances.”
“Oh, I see. So, the fact that you go to Tapper’s every single night’s got nothin’ to do with that, huh?”
He clenched his fists. “Don’t even start. I go to Tapper’s because I like talkin’ to Tapper.”
“No, you’re nursing something,” I gave a sickly-sweet smile and took a half-step forward, and I saw his foot twitch back. “You’re drowning some sorrows. What are they, huh? You sad? You lonely? You want things you know you can’t have? You want to change things that can’t be changed?”
“No,” he growled.
“Yeah,” I nodded, knowing I’d struck emotional gold. “You feel trapped.”
“No,” he grit his teeth. “I don’t.”
“Yes, you do!” I laughed, just about ready to derail and completely unhinge. “Everyone does! Because, guess what? We are. All we do is chase things that make us feel like we’re not. And you know what the cheapest, most reliable escape is? Intoxicants.”
“Stop it.”
“So let’s just cut the crap,” I marched forward, and he shuffled back, “If you had nothing, absolutely nothing to bring you joy anymore other than your drink, and you had to lie to get it, you’d lie a million times! You wouldn’t even bother with Tapper if he didn’t pour out your sweet medicine so you can lap it up like the thirsty boozehound you are!”
I just barely dodged his fist.
He roared and slammed his huge meaty cudgels again and again, and I weaved and jumped and slipped out of the way. It was almost the same routine as ever, but his rage was like nothing I’d seen in him before. I grabbed a brick and sprung up to crack it on his head -- I succeeded, but pain stabbed into my brain when I tried to launch from his shoulders. I tumbled against his arm and spilled down onto the bricks. I tried to push up, but the pain in my head held me down. The binary in my eyes crackled away just in time for me to see him standing over me, both fists raised, fire in his eyes.
I just closed my eyes and braced for impact.
It didn’t come. When I looked again, his arms were down, and he was checking me over in a distasteful sort of way, like I was a machine that mysteriously stopped working. I guess he was disturbed to see my usually impressive acrobatics reduced to... that. His chest heaved with anger, but he was clearly pulling the reins.
“Look,” he said quietly, raising his index finger, “let me make one thing perfectly clear: I told Tapper… for Tapper. I brought you out to see Tapper… for Tapper. I like Tapper. I wanted to help him. And I wanted you outta my home. ‘Cause you and I,” he gestured between us, “are not friends. I didn’t even want to get mixed up with you in the first place, and I shouldn’t have. ‘Cause clearly, I wasted my time. You don’t wanna get better. You just wanna keep using everyone, right? You love that. Especially now that everyone feels sorry for you. They think you’re some kinda… kinda tragic poster child for addiction. Well, guess what? I don’t. I think you’re a shady lil’ double-crosser who has no problem taking advantage of sprites who love her. And then you act like you only did what anyone else would have done. Like everyone shares your crappy worldview, or whatever. Listen -- yeah, I do drink when I go to Tapper’s. But, newsflash, not every sprite who drinks is as miserable as you are.”
He kicked a splash of bricks over me, and they hit like a barrage of punches. Then he turned to leave me lying there, calling back as he disappeared over a rise: “Now get out of my home. And stay out.”
I didn’t. Not right away. I just stayed there, lying against the bricks, waiting for my headache and the pain of the brick shower to fade. And, I’ll admit, I felt like crap. Not for what I’d done, exactly. Just for where I was. How I’d gotten there. What drove me to that point. What I was like before all this. Wreck-it was right about one thing: I was miserable. But I wasn’t always.
There were nights where my nonexistent sleeping schedule would keep me awake while you slept. I’d lie there remembering my first nights in the woods, with the sharp grass and the cold baths and newfound loneliness. And then I’d look at where I ended up, safe in a soft bed kept toasty warm by the relentless heat of your body next to me. And I’d just feel so happy over how far I’d come.
The cold, hard bricks under my bruised body were a far cry from where I’d been with you.
For a while, I lied there alone, trying so hard to banish thoughts of those nights from my head. They were so far above me by then. I didn’t want to look up and see how far I’d fallen. 
After a decent wait, the pain in my head clenched enough to flash me down to the bottom of the bricks. I wasn’t sure if I lost time or just warped. A second later, I flashed into Game Central. 
It wasn’t remarkably busy. The atmosphere felt pretty safe, relative to how it had been. For the first time in a while, it felt safer than my game. So I wandered aimlessly. I sat on the benches, I paced, I watched one of those weird dragons from Joust fly by and wished I could chase it. My brain just flooded with nagging thoughts of how I would obtain that last hit of GC. They grew more insistent by the hour, but I was mostly coming up short. Normally, I would hunt the buffs down myself, but I didn’t feel ready to venture into other games again, not other than for meeting my one dealer. But I had nothing to offer her anymore. I was stuck. As my body began to shake, withdrawal approaching fast, I knew I had to come up with something quick.
So many times, I’d lose a chunk of time and find myself sitting on a bench in front of where your game used to be, staring down the dead, black hall. I’m not entirely sure why. I obsessed over the emptiness of it. The wrongness. It hurt so badly to look, but you know when you get a tooth knocked out and your tongue won’t stop running over the empty spot, even though it just makes you bleed more? It was kind of like that. 
I could see wandering sprites looking at me. Of course they did. They didn’t like what they saw, either -- supposed accomplice of mass murder looking at where the murderer himself used to live? Definitely drew some glances. Most were just morbidly curious, it seemed, as if waiting for me to lose it. Others glared and shook their heads, making angry gestures in conversation with their friends. But the last category really caught my eye. A good amount of them showed anxiety. Some watched, wide-eyed. Some exchanged worried whispers. Some even tried to hurry off to their games inconspicuously. At first, I marveled at how stupid they all were. I wondered what it would take to get it through their thick heads that I genuinely had no interest in hurting anyone. I wondered if it would even be worth the headache. But then, something dawned on me.
I’ve always been a master at working with what I’ve got. If I couldn’t soothe their fear, I could at least make it work for me.
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weirdlizard26 · 5 years
Note
For the ask meme? All of them.
jay,,,
give me a sec to edit this post ok
1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?
wine glasses are like reading glasses except you wear them while drinking wine
i’d say water bottles but only the ones that can handle heat and stuff and not poison your drink with plastic or whatever
2. chocolate bars or lollipops?
i havent had a lollipop in a good while so thats my choice
3. bubblegum or cotton candy?
havent tried either but boy i’d love to try just a little bit of cotton candy at leastonce
4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?
bro,,,,,, that was like 10 years ago, how am i supposed to remember that,,,,,,,
5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?
i usually drink soda from plastic cups but honestly? nothing beats the experience of sipping that sweet sweet ambrosia from the bottle,,, but also i’d love to try soda in a can some day!
6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?
idk what half of these would look like but sportswear always wins in my book
7. earbuds or headphones?
ok i actually googled whats the difference and im more of an earbuds person! theyrejust safer i think and it makes me kinda anxious when im home listening tomusic and cant hear anything going on around me
8. movies or tv shows?
tv shows! well, unless the episodes are like 40 minutes or a full hour because its hard to focus for that long kfjsndkfs
9. favorite smell in the summer?
pavement after rain and also. grass.
10. game you were best at in p.e.?
haha thats a funny joke you made there *starts crying*
11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?
just a couple of meat+cheese+mayo sandwiches! if its summer mom cuts tomatoes or cucumbers for us and as they start getting more and more expensive we replace them with pickles!
12. name of your favorite playlist?
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
sorry i couldnt choose!
13. lanyard or key ring?
key ring!
14. favorite non-chocolate candy?
aaaa i love fruit flavored ones!
15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?
aaaaaaaa i dont remember if it was elementary or middle school but we were assigned this really cool ukrainian book that ive actually read before they assigned it. well, nobody here will recognize it but it was Тореадори з Васюківки by Всеволод Нестайко and it was about 2 boys who were best friends growing up in the countryside and they went on adventures and had fun and their friendship made me so happy,,, i guess i was all for cool friendship portrayal even back then! it was mostly laughs and jokes but some moments were actually serious and hit me really hard and i remember them to this day actually
16. most comfortable position to sit in?
its a myth, sitting was created as a personal attack on me
17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?
my trusty old sneakers!! theyre all black and the sole is very soft and nice
18. ideal weather?
when the sun is out and its just warm enough to show off your new graphic tee and also very soft and nice
19. sleeping position?
i just lie on my left side like a fool
20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?
notebook!
21. obsession from childhood?
TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!!! AND DANNY PHANTOM!!!! i even made a ghost fighting costume once,,,, tho it wasnt much of a costume, it was just fingerless gloves i cut out of paper. they were extremely uncomfortable. but very effective in fighting ghosts!
22. role model?
kfjsdnfk i have a bunch! might sound weird but one of them is bdg i think??? and the other 2 are some online acquaintances whom im too afraid to interact with more often than i do
23. strange habits?
repeating silly lines i hear on tv / in anime/cartoons? and also i never touch food with my right hand unless its plums?? and there are more but. you know. bad memory.
24. favorite crystal?
all of them!!!!!
25. first song you remember hearing?
my grandma used to sing this to me over the phone
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUPnqqPXQsw
26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?
go for a walk!
27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?
slep
28. five songs to describe you?
we are the people by empire of the sun
home by cavetown
strawberry blonde by mitski
smile like you mean it by the killers
afterlife by arcade fire
29. best way to bond with you?
wash your hands very thoroughly and make jokes
30. places that you find sacred?
i see nature i go crazy from how much respect i have for it
31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass andtake names?
*wearing hinata cosplay* im here to play volleyball and kick your ass and as you can see ive already played today’s match
32. top five favorite vines?
road work ahead
a avocado!! thanks!!!!!
REBECCA THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK
i fell can you help me :(
that vine where ukulele sounds like human voices and people sounds like ukuleles
33. most used phrase in your phone?
idk how to check that??? sowwy
34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?
the stomach meds ad they keep showing on tv
35. average time you fall asleep?
3am? 4am? idk for sure
36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?
t-trollface…
37. suitcase or duffel bag?
havent used either (cause ive never traveled anywhere too far away) but the latter looks pretty and i feel like it would fit more stuff
38. lemonade or tea?
depends on my mood!
39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?
dont kick me but im not sure if ive ever tried either ;w;
40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?
the school’s cat who hates most people actually kinda warmed up to me even tho im terrible with animals
41. last person you texted?
jay uwu
42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?
afabs cant have both huh
but i want both. please give me both.
43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?
all of these sound nice but my lazy ass will always go for hoodies
44. favorite scent for soap?
aaaaaaaa im allergic to a lot of soaps but i like flower scented ones
45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?
i love all of them dearly but lately ive been more into superheroes i think. im not sure really sure what exactly i feel
46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?
something really really long
47. favorite type of cheese?
there are different types????
48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?
i hope im a pear
49. what saying or quote do you live by?
become a good person. thats all.
50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?
i dont remember what it was but i remember i was with my friends and we couldnt stop laughing for several minutes and ive never felt happier
51. current stresses?
UNIVERSITY FUCK OFF!!!
52. favorite font?
i like comic sans
53. what is the current state of your hands?
they arent doing so hot tbh, my dermatitis is back again
54. what did you learn from your first job?
i dont have one!
55. favorite fairy tale?
gonna be honest chief, i dont remember too many of them ;w;
56. favorite tradition?
on new year’s we turn the lights off, light up a candle in the kitchen, laugh at president’s speech and only then starts eating
57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?
getting over a lost friendship, passing high school finals and uni entrance exams and coming out to my best friend
58. four talents you’re proud of having?
singing!! being able to learn how to do most things pretty quickly!!! and i cant think of anything else but honestly these two are quite enough for me
59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?
uh oh! guess what! i dont have a catchphrase and im very self-conscious about it!
60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?
im torn between sports anime and slice of life
61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?
because humans dont have wings we look for other ways to fly
from haikyuu
obviously
62. seven characters you relate to?
tsukishima kei from haikyuu
mae borowski from nitw
apollo justice from ace attorney
flame princess from adventure time
donatello from tmnt
sokka from atla
kageyama shigeo from mob psycho 100
63. five songs that would play in your club?
mr brightside, bohemian rhapsody, smile like you mean it by the killers and allof haikyuu ops and eds
64. favorite website from your childhood?
if social media counts, vkontakte i guess?? i didnt really go anywhere else and it still exists and i thriving so im not sure if it should count fkjsndkjf
65. any permanent scars?
yeah, the one from my very first vaccination from when i was a few months old i think and also some traces of when i had chickenpox
66. favorite flower(s)?
idk a lot of flower names but i really like tulips
67. good luck charms?
dont have any at the moment but i’d love to get one!
68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?
whatever fish mom used to buy when we were kids >:(
69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?
bro my memory isnt good enough to remember those,,
70. left or right handed?
im a righty but i had to become a lefty for like a month when i broke my pinkie
71. least favorite pattern?
i like traditional ukrainian ornaments
72. worst subject?
history :P
73. favorite weird flavor combo?
ice cream + fries
74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?
idk how pain levels work but i try not to take meds unless the pain is interfering with studying
75. when did you lose your first tooth?
idk but i had a box full of my teeth for so long they turned to dust and i had to throw it away
76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?
RHNGRHGNRHGRNH EVERYTHING except for freshly made mashed potatoes
77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?
if its green it can stay
78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?
have never had either of those and i hope i never will cause they sound gross!
79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?
i dont have a license, so.
80. earth tones or jewel tones?
kfjsndfks depends on the mood tbh!
81. fireflies or lightning bugs?
fireflies!
82. pc or console?
i WISH i had a console but this is too broke for that,, i played a couple of times tho and it feels more fun than pc!
83. writing or drawing?
please dont make me choose, ive abandoned both and its making me feel bad
84. podcasts or talk radio?
podcasts :O
84. barbie or polly pocket?
idk what polly pocket is but barbie rules!!!
85. fairy tales or mythology?
i feel like sometimes fairy tales are kinda like watered down myths so i have a right to say i like both
86. cookies or cupcakes?
my heart goes to cookies
87. your greatest fear?
finding out im faking any part of my identity
88. your greatest wish?
get through whatever’s going on right now
89. who would you put before everyone else?
mom
90. luckiest mistake?
when i recorded an undertale medley and got a few notes wrong but it actually ended up sounding better than originally
91. boxes or bags?
boxes!
92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?
fairy lights……
93. nicknames?
never really had many? my bff calls me mr smith sometimes but thats all i can think of fkjsdnfs but also! steve used to be my nickname before i decided my life my own and i get to choose my name
94. favorite season?
spring ;w;
95. favorite app on your phone?
sudoku
 96. desktop background?
Tumblr media
 97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?
my own and my mom’s
 98. favorite historical era?
eh im not very fond of the past because not every time period had soap
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19, Ginhiji
Soulmate au prompts, number 19: the soulmates are reincarnated and keep finding each other throughout their lives
“That guy over there is totally checking you out,” Okita said, a mischievous smile on his face.
“Which guy?”
“Table in the corner, blue jacket, weird hair. See, he keeps looking over here. I think he likes you!”
Hijikata scowled. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Aw, come on, Hijikata-san. Would it kill you to have a little fun once in a while? I thought that’s why you agreed to come out with us tonight!”
“I agreed to go for a few drinks at a bar. You brought me to a nightclub.”
Okita laughed. “Hey, it’s a nightclub with a bar in it though. Speaking of which, I’m gonna go up for a refill. Be right back.”
“Mhm, sure.”
Hijikata took a sip of his own drink, listening to the club’s too-loud music system blaring out yet another upbeat pop song, and wondered if he should just go home. He knew Okita would never let him hear the end of it if he did call it quits now, but he really didn’t think this kind of place was for him. Maybe he’d be better off at home.
“Hey,” a voice said, interrupting Hijikata’s thoughts. When he looked up, the man with the blue jacket and the weird hair was standing in front of him.
Hijikata groaned internally. Okita had been right- another thing he was never going to hear the end of.
“Can I help you?” he asked, trying to strike a balance between ‘appropriately polite’ and ‘I’m really not interested, go away’.
“Yeah, uh…” the stranger hesitated. “Ok, this is gonna sound weird, but, have we ever met before? I feel like I know you.”
Hijikata raised an eyebrow. “I don’t think so.”
“Are you sure?”
“Pretty sure.” 
“Your face just looks so familiar to me,” the other man said, staring hard at him. “It’s driving me crazy trying to place where I’ve seen you before.”
If this was some sort of pick-up line, it was the strangest one Hijikata had ever experienced. He set down his drink and stared back, mentally searching for somewhere he might have seen this man before.
“I don’t know, man, I really don’t think….hang on.” Hijikata frowned. He was remembering something, something very faint. A series of semi-clear images flickered to life in his mind- a white house by a lake shore, a column of black smoke against a picturesque sunset sky, a window box full of yellow flowers, and an old wooden sword.
“I do know you,” he said quietly. “I’ve dreamed about you before.”
The other man’s eyes widened. “Oh my god. That’s it, that’s where I’ve seen you before, in those dreams.”
Hijikata frowned, thinking. After a moment, he glanced up, looking for Okita- he was still at the bar, chatting with some of the other club-goers. But he could be back any moment.
“Come with me,” Hijikata said, making a spur-of-the-moment decision and grabbing the other man’s hand. He pulled him through the crowd, walking quickly, and headed for the club’s back exit.
“Wow, dude,” the man in the blue jacket said as they made their way out into the alleyway behind the club. “Not even gonna buy me a drink first, huh?”
Fortunately, Hijikata had enough experience dealing with Okita to recognize that playful, teasing tone of voice.
“Shut up. I’m just trying to find somewhere quiet where we can talk.”
They reached the end of the alley, and Hijikata hesitated, wondering which way they should go. But before he could come to a decision, the not-quite-stranger stepped forward, pulling on his hand. “This way,” he said. 
Hijikata should have been wary of that, of letting someone he’d just met lead him to some unknown location. But he wasn’t, for some reason. He followed, without question.
“What’s your name?” he asked as they walked.
“Sakata Gintoki. What’s yours?”
“Hijikata Toshirou.”
Gintoki led Hijikata through a few twists and turns, finally ducking into a dead-end corridor that had once led to an old arcade that had closed down years ago.
“Here. No one should bother us here.”
“You know this is technically trespassing.”
“So?”
“I’m a cop!”
“Oh. Well, it should be fine if you do it, right?”
Hijikata sighed. “No, that’s not how it works. But it’s fine, it doesn’t matter. I don’t think anyone will mind.”
“Nice. So,” Gintoki said, sliding down the wall to sit on the cold tile floor, “we’ve both dreamed about each other before. Like, multiple times. What does that mean?”
Hijikata sat down next to Gintoki. “Have you…have you ever heard the stories about…soulmates?”
Gintoki blinked. “Uh. I mean, yeah. You don’t think that’s what this is, do you?”
“I don’t know.” Hijikata shrugged. This was definitely the weirdest conversation he’d ever had. “What else could it be?”
“Maybe we’re mortal enemies.”
“Oh. Maybe.”
“But, probably not. The more I think about it, the more I remember from the dreams. Most of them seem…nice, I guess. Nostalgic.”
“Well, if this is really, like, a soulmate thing, they might not just be dreams. They might be memories, from past lives.”
Gintoki was silent for a moment, staring at Hijikata again. “If that’s true, then in all our past lives, we were together,” he said.
“I guess so.” Hijikata shook his head. “This is so crazy. What are we even doing here…?”
“Do you want to go back?”
“…No. Not back there, I didn’t mean that. I just want to understand how this whole thing works.”
“Well, let’s start by talking a little,” Gintoki suggested. “We can worry about the grand mysteries of the universe later. Let’s start with us, right here, right now. Sound good?”
Hijikata took a deep breath.
“Yeah, ok. So talk, Sakata Gintoki. Tell me what you’ve been up to this lifetime.”
Thank you so much for the ask! This is a fun concept to play with, for sure. I think both Gintoki and Hijikata would have a little bit of a hard time accepting the whole reincarnation thing at first (especially in a more modern setting), but once they got to know each other better, they wouldn’t care as much. It’s enough to be together with your soulmate, is how I think they’d feel : )
Prompt from this list!
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