#apparently i dont call enough
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Happy three years everybody!
As always, there’s a lot to say on the occasion, so pop in at the end of the post for the tl;dr if you don’t have time for my detailed diatribes, haha
Boy, time flies, huh? Feels like the second anniversary was just yesterday, but maybe that’s just the several long hiatuses getting to me. I’ve been scarce on uploading anything anywhere for a while now, even though I promised I’d actually pick up the slack this time around. What gives? Well…
For one, college hell, and for two, a lot of unfounded anxiety about putting my art out there. Allow me some theatrics for a moment and I’ll actually get back to the comic at hand… I’ve never had an exceptionally supportive environment for making art. It wasn’t suppressive, not in the slightest, but it also wasn’t… encouraging. It was always treated as a hobby or a distraction rather than something I was allowed to be fully proud of, especially because a lot of my art focused on more cartoon-y and fantasy ideas, rather than still life studies and painting (which people generally outside of the art sphere tend to value more, arbitrarily). Couple that with a childhood full of being bullied over minute shit you hadn’t even considered could be an issue before, and you get a teenager hellbent on never sharing his interests or ideas with anyone, mostly due to the fear of rejection.
I’ve grown, thankfully, but that paranoia and fear doesn’t go away overnight. As I’m sure you all know, Meowchela was the one who originally encouraged me to post this comic, and the only reason she succeeded was because she was the first person in a long time who listened and engaged with my interests and my art in a meaningful way. It’s kind of obvious her friendship had a profound impact on me, and I’d cite her as one of the reasons I was even hopeful enough to apply to an art college in the first place! This comic, and that bond with another person, proved that maybe these things I’m so passionate about weren’t duds, and weren’t something I had to keep to myself.
So, fast forward a few years. About three years, in fact.
During one of my classes, right before this hellish two weeks of exams started, one of the class assistants talked me into showing my comic pages to one of my professors. He’s generally a pretty open guy when it comes to new mediums, but I’m always… apprehensive about showing my less “traditional art”-y things to professors, but, he ended up being genuinely proud of it. Specifically, I showed him pages 85-87 (because they’re my favourites) and, he didn’t read the text, just the visuals were enough for him to say “good job, keep it up” (which is HIGH praise from that guy). When I mentioned I’ve been meaning to simplify the visuals because I didn’t have time to work on the comic very often because of college and classes, he dismissed it on principle. I was honestly caught off guard. Heavily paraphrasing, he suggested that worsening the visuals for an arbitrary deadline was counterproductive to making something that’s Good™.
That’s kinda stuck with me. For a good few years now I was more focused on optimisation rather than visual improvement for the comic, and though it HAS contributed to better visuals in some ways (cutting corners sometimes makes for a less pointy and jagged end result), it’s kind of weird I’m treating an art project that way, isn’t it? I set a lot of… arbitrary deadlines and standards for myself, in the form of expectations and what I “should” or “shouldn’t” be doing at certain stages in my life. I’ve thought of Dread Not as a passion project second and a stepping stone first, if I’m being honest. As if it was too… fandom-y and derivative to be treated with more gravity than that, like it’s an immature project because I was still a child when I came up with it. As if it was something I’m making to Build Up to Something Else, something Bigger and Cooler and More Important, and… the more I think about the future of Dread Not, and even my future career options, the more I realised that’s, ironically, a really immature way to think about it.
If there’s one thing going to this art college has taught me, is that there’s no “right” way to make art, and there’s no “right” way to success as an artist. There’s no clear-cut paths, just more commonly treaded roads, but even those are heavily overgrown. Why should I try to box myself into thinking I have to make things from complete scratch to be taken seriously? What’s so bad about Dread Not as a story and as a comic that’s caused me to vaguely keep it under wraps when conversing with people in my day-to-day life? Why wouldn’t I put all these skills I’ve acquired to improve and expand this project that’s Right There, WAITING for me to finally get off my ass and get pages out there again?
I wish I could say I’ve used all this time away in a particularly clever way, but I really haven’t - at least, it feels like I haven’t. My art has undoubtedly improved over time (though admittedly the art for this post was Very rushed, fuckin exams), and while I’ve been working on projects in the background, chipping away at them in a VERY disorganised way, I haven’t been posting that progress anywhere, and I haven’t made any good progress on my biggest project, Dread Not, because of the other ones. And, honestly? Admitting that kinda stings. This comic means a lot to me, and I wish I actually gave it the time and attention it deserves instead of letting it sit out hiatus after hiatus because I keep failing at structuring my time.
So, my new plan is a little more abstract: find a way to work Dread Not into my school schedule, and slowly build a habit of working on it more often. No clue how long that’ll take, but I think it’ll be worth it to consider it as an option, and hopefully finally end these long, drawn out hiatuses with short bursts of uploads in-between. HOPEFULLY. Building habits was never my strong suit, so please bear with me while I figure this out in what will probably be the most hectic upload schedule in this comics history, which is: no schedule at all.
From now on (until the end of Act 1), I’ll upload pages when they’re ready, and depending on how the weeks go and how complex the page is, they could be weeks or days apart from one another. Hell, some might even take a month to finish if school stuff gets REALLY hectic (god knows Hellish Exam Week number 1 and number 2 won’t be giving me much time to work on the comic), but I’m determined to do this. I want to be able to put my all into this project again!!
(And hopefully finish Act 1 by the end of this semester…)
TL;DR: College is giving me life lessons I didn’t expect, and because of them I’ve decided to give myself a non-existent upload schedule for Dread Not: Pages will be posted when they’re ready, and the spacing between pages could wildly vary depending on circumstances and the actual complexity of the page itself.
As always, thank you for being here, thank you for reading, and thank you for being patient!
If all goes well, there will be new content very, very soon.
#dread not#dreadnot#dread not au#dreadnotau#not comic#kris#schedule update#again#apparently i was calling this last hiatus a pseudo hiatus?#oh silly past me. this was a full blown hiatus jesus fucking christ#but yeah no i love being at this college dont get me wrong#its just that i have like 3 exams to prepare for the next two days ALONE#so like!!!! wish me luck!!!!! for christs sake#yknow i was planning on actually Dedicating Time to the art for this post#but uhh. haha. a little thing called the consequences to my actions caught up to me#fuckin psychology exam today that i had to cram for last night#i think it went ok? who the fuck knows at this point#but for tomorrow and the day after that i have digital shit to finish some theory to cram AND an ENTIRE PAINTING#that i didnt even START YET#and its an autoportrait. as if i wasnt suffering enough i have to stare at my ugly mug for hours#AGAIN. BECAUSE I HAD A DIFF AUTOPORTRAIT TO FINISH FOR LAST WEEK#im in spain without the s yall pray for me
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i hate being an adult i hate money i hate bills i hate healthcare and health insurance
#im fine im just upset that it is VERY likely i'm going to have to front $700 of my own money for work reasons this week#bc nobody at work will help me resolve this!! apparently! i'll be paid back eventually but not for a few weeks#and that i may run out of a prescription while i'm on my trip and i was trying to get it filled and have been bouncing around on the phone#to find out that it's the insurance company that won't pay for it until june and i dont want to pay out of pocket#i'll live til then and i may actually have enough til then (i need to just physically count all the pills; i just knew it was running low)#but i'm so frustrated that after i hung up the phone with CVS that i just cried a little#i'm not gonna call the insurance. the last thing i want to do is deal with those guys when i know it's not going to kill me if i run low#(i have been taking half doses to stretch the bottle. is that advised? who knows! but i've done it before and it aint killed me)#i'm just. sigh. nothing going right for me this week#there's also ANOTHER medication that was supposed to refill this week but didn't because it had no refills left. i should've got it today#sooooo i had to call that pharmacy and that doctor to basically beg them to refill it asap or at least send me a sample#i also wont die if i run out of that one (already taken half doses to stretch it this week) but contrary to the other one i will notice thi
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wow somehow got to 100 follows here...hi..... hi guys..... i think asks r open if anyone has little drawing reqs.... or actual asks idk u_u
#i wanted to run a poll a while ago actually abt thoughts on how to describe jimmys hair colour#amongst other things...#like i personally subscribe to the copper hair thing. but apparently some people think blonde#strawberry blonde maybe but blonde? no way.... that santa guy calls him orange at one point doesnt he#it is strange that with different hairstyles like. copper is the closest u get to ginger...like... why....#anyway. hope u enjoy my dumb doodle blog... i have wips im working on so ill post them at some point i guess...#i also tried to do more of that thing i posted with the bullies recently but erm i will probably not do every clique like that LOL#so if u wanted to see specific charas u can ask. there are only a few charas i dont like enough to draw and theyre the usual suspects#LOL. bye
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congradulations assholes
u all finally got that stupid ass victory that u ppl so lovingly beg for absolutely no reason other than just to find more petty excuses to boost ur ego and outright splat any other ppl from different teams on site as if any of u dont know how to play like fair for once in ur pathetic fucking life and admittingly i do feel bad for shiver too since she actually had smth that i could agree with for once (vanilla aside) and that u assholes pretty much decided to be absolute jerks throughout the whole damn thing all cuz im on her team as if splatfests and final/seasonalfests in general were never meant to be taken srsly in the first place and overall to any stupid ass stans/spawn campers out there i wish u all a very happy go fuck urself for basically never giving me a fair fucking chance for once whatsoever and for honestly being the worst fucking idol f**base to ever exist in general so yeah
#lunas rambles and shit :3#splatoon 3#yeah of fucking couse im adding this tag just so those assholes can know wtf im taking abt for once since all they ever do nowdays#is bitch and whine over the most ridicuous shit imaginable all cuz other teams want to win too and that ur stupid ass fav idol or some shit#doesnt have to win every damn time since u already won before but apparently u assholes decided that wasnt enough for some reason and#basically went as far as to blame handshake for winning fair and square as if u cant do anything beyond counting stacks instead of the#actual numbers and also proceed to splat any member of any opposing team u come across without even having the decency to let them have fun#and do their thing for once which is overall the main fucking reason why i really#fucking despise frye stans so fucking much to the point where i sinseraly hope u idiots lose the finalfest too since its basically what u#pieces of fucking shits deserve for having so called “”“”good sportship“”“” towards shiver and big man teams and#not even being fucking bothered to actually have a good time for once regardless if u win or not since u all missed the whole point#of splatfests in general and piss me off sm to the point where i just fucking hope u all lose every other splatfest from here on out and#continously bitch and whine over the most minor thing possible while ur fucking at it since its all u really care abt anymore atp instead#of actually having fun like a normal human person for once#and even tho that scene after the results was admittingly wholesome too i still feel bad for shiver anyways since i dont really care abt the#latter options all that much and that this is just a fun silly what if scenario anyways so yeah#im gonna start posting this now and dw ill be sure to block any stupid ass annoying frye stans on site anyways since theyre basically just#the absolute worst f**base of pretty much any splatoon idol in general if u ask me
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its shocking how my stance that culture isnt an excuse for harm or oppression is so rare. like forgive me if i think racial grouping suited only to help me decide on whether or not a person can be reasonably abused is fucking stupid. forgive me if i think abuse isnt culture and you can still be connected to your culture without excusing abuse.
#culture is literally just the format in which you live your life#you cant escape it#theres no such thing as being “westernized” people usually just mean that a poc has become racist#or globalization#calling poc “westernized” for doing shit like being queer or being into fandom is fucking batshit#because youre exposing you dont think were human enough to like those things too#i promise you scottish people before the internet would have found emos as ridiculous as my brown parents do now#it isnt a white people exclusive thing to be alt#or even political actually#apparently an atheist arab is so shocking to westerners that the mere idea of us existing is racist#but nevertheless#racism is everywhere
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i've done SO much adulting this week i've called insurance for drs on my plan, looked at low cost therapists, got a hold of AND sent for medical records from BOTH offices, looked at food resources, looked at emails, had a breakdown, and now a small creative project!
someone tell me their proud of me pls or i'll explode
#so monday is my reset day: laundry. clean up a lil. catch up on a show#tues i called insurance and did the therapy list#(havent contacted bc i need to call insurance to see if mental health is a part or no)#wed i rotted lol#today has been everything else:)#both tues and today was food but apparently i dont have enough so thats for tmr lol#emails w drs stuff and i cleaned it out a bit#breakdown bc mom and roomie (which like. hoooooooooo boy i wish i knew what was going on in his mind)#i put on my bop playlist and threw on my kandi to deter! :D idk if its working yet#n i gotta fix my sketch books metal ring binder#its like. catching on the back end n idk? so im making a lil embroidery floss tie together for it:)#OOH and im eating w/o being prompted today!
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sometimes life w a v high pain tolerance means im still in pain but quiet abt it to not bother other ppl and sometimes it means im in such horrific pain for literally no reason (there is a reason oft just related to afab insides so ppl dont care) but i have to go to work anyways bc calling out is bad and somehow its ‘so brave’ to work while wanting to die as your insides torture you it feels like youre burning alive and your organs are breaking but hey we gotta go earn that dough right
#raiiot#it hurts so bad rn i wanna just cry and break down but i have work tonight#it hurts to breathe too which doesnt help me#i honestly dont even know if my pain tolerance is high or if i just got told my pain didnt matter#so much growing up and by docitrs and everyone that Im just not reacting to it#bc the reality is my wanting to die because of pain has been a constant since i first got my period at like 7-9 years old#and being told by doctors and my parents that im faking it for attention or i need to get over it or that idk what pain is jhst means i#started not saying anything bc being in pain and crying a lot was already bad since id get yeled at for crying#but being called a liar and being in trouble for it and the additional suffering just really sucked on top of it so it was ‘easier’ to say#nothing and try to ignore it and pretend i wasnt in pain for others benefit since they thought i was lying anyways#which is even funnier since now if i mention it theybsfill think im lying#so if im ignoring it or honest abt it i#still apparently a liar ig lol#the only pain other ppl in my fam have experienced is the oral pain funnily enough but they screamed abt cried abt how nobodys ever felt#pain like they have over a need for ONE root canal. i needed 9 and numbing didnt work#thats the first time they ever realized i maybe wasnt lying avout the pain. was when they got told thaf. but they still treat me like i am
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To the woman who made me cry in work tonight:
I hope you rot
Xoxo
To the woman who saw me crying in the bathroom who told me "some people are fucking bastards who shouldn't be let out. Don't worry pet":
I love you
And I hope you have the best life.
#i dont get paid enough#i hate working in a restaurant#but alas#she's blocked on our booking system now#and she's not allowed back#bc my managers are wonderful#ill not repeat what one of them called her#im sad i missed his outburst#bc apparently he was livid#and she snuck out the back door#so she knew she fucked up#but aye#be nice to your servers#i feel like ive been through the wars#just bex things
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*
#ok now that I’m reading takes about the Celine thing I kinda get it#I don’t think Taylor was malicious and I’m sure she was just flustered and excited and had tunnel vision#but I do also see the other side about not acknowledging Celine#and calling Lana a legend while another (actual) legend was right there overcoming enormous personal struggle to be there#and I can see how that seems like a dick move to others#(one of the few times I ever agree with anything Lainey says lol)#sucks that it happened#luckily the news cycle will move on#dont think Taylor is evil at all but it was just unfortunate timing and a misstep#do I personally care? no#frankly I thought using the awards to announce her new album would have been the bigger perceived misstep of the night#but apparently I am not chronically online enough
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I wish GI wasn't trying to push people (kinda specifically longer players) away from the game, like damn. I really hope new players are watching closely and not just deciding "there are haters" or "complainers." Some of the things, like the age old where's the end-of-game road map, have been actual game needs that haven't been addressed for years. Game needs, guys. Idk, if you still call some people haters/complainers, then I'm probably gonna call you a bootlicker lol
#also three pulls for three debate clubs is actually insulting and no. we were not happy about it last year either#i hope the CN community causes such a ruckus that they fix the artifact loadout bullshit#GI actually needs to apologize and ive said some wild things elsewhere like they need to give a free 5* character but honestly i just want#to see that theyre are listening to the fucking players. we fund their game and/or promote it with playing and community on platforms#they wouldnt have BILLIONS of money without the pkayers and they are not doing QoL things or fixing busted characters or the artifact#loadout that is going to be more trouble than useful. end of game information. lost weapons to timed events - im lucky i have cinnabar#spindle in case i get Albedo but i dont have that Festering sword or Jade Cutter? and both are apparently great for Furina and im pissed#that they just wont be available ever again. they heed to put them in the shop like they do the skins and im so serious about that#theres so much more#it just makes me sad bc i do really like genshin but im probably gonna move on after this all blows up or when nothing happens at all#genshin impact#my posts#oh right my frustration is with the community on the mihoyo app bc even just saying you think this is a good thing will bring in the REAL#bootlickers telling you youre ungrateful for three debate clubs lmao. i have never called it copium before but i think that if youre calling#players ungrateful for being mad that GI's appreciation for a year of playing and/or spending money is worth three 3*weapons then youre a#boooootlicker with a sad fucking addiction. seriously cope harder bro lol#i really just want them to fix the artifact loadout that shit is buuullshit. and of course i want Aloy’s constellations. they should have#been there September 2021 ffs. and i like Dehya. i like playing her too. im not meta enough to notice things i guess but hyv should have#listened to players about her.#this shouldnt be a staff of homa moment guys. that bullshit actually made change happen for the better like why are you mad at the demand#QoL things???? why are you just ok with no actual patches patching anything???#ok i gotta be done. the tags are the actual post damn lol
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man. apropos of nothing, its fucking crazy having been a pokemon fan just about literally my whole entire life and Still feeling like a stranger in the community
#like yea its my one thing id feel comfortable classifying as a special interest to me. would Still look like an idiot talking to ppl KDJGN#yea i know a lil about the games; love pmd its my everything. but im not Nearly smart enough it feels like.#like i dont know anything abt the mangaverse. theres human characters people would kill for and to me theyre just#That Guy That Was There Once. apparently they have character arcs?#and despite growing up on the anime i dont know shit abt that either. it fucken. went on without me.#and now theres guys There that i dont know too! and people talking like its obvious stuff! calling em names ive never heard!#girl im a stranger in my own house!!!! what!!!#piktalk
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.
#hm actually that first tag may be triggering or smth so let's get this under the cut#how many tags does it take to do that i wonder#shall we try three and hope they will be enough or#i am very. thoroughly. sick. of wanting to die#it's just so EXHAUSTING guys#usually im more distractable than this but noooo it's been most of today#just there. existing. as a appealing possibility.#doesn't help that i have an imagination neither#so many possibilities! ha. (<- bitter)#tw suicide#tw sh#and i literally lost count of the number of times i harmed today. that hadn't happened yet#i did have two meals today! which probably didn't help the harming situation. but a net win imo#im just. sick of not being normal.#and i should care more than i do about harming. logically i know i should. but i don't care largely and i barely feel the pain.#there was one i thought briefly might send me to hospital but the bleeding did stop with pressure so it was fine#unfortunately one of my regular coping mechanisms/stims (playing the piano a particular song/way/whatever) is apparently becoming a trigger#for harm? i dont know why but this is very inconvenient probably if i care#my brain is a very messed up place to be in at the moment. i wish to check out of it permanently if you please#i did think for a while i might have to call lifeline again but the worst passed#and ha! when my parents ask how im going i am vague adn they think im fine#in reality? i am psychologically drowning and getting stressed over the fact that they rae returning home soon#realistically i will probably be safer as a result but also more stresses on all sorts of different points#woot woot#.....tomorrow's sunday oh no#if im feeling then like i am now i will not be able to go to church because i will not be safe to drive.#joy comes in the morning? i hope?#if i cannot go to church my brother will probably come and stay with me. don't know if i want that or if i don't. would probably entail#telling him about the fact that ive attempted and also been harming. which i keep chickening out of telling him. yay.#if you get this far anyway yes you can probably tell i need prayers.
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there's a good handful of horror movies i struggle to tell apart bc their names are all synonyms for each other. the one word adjective title trend of the 2010s did great damage to a genre whose titles were always struggling with the fact that there's a limited number of scary words in the English language
#sinister and insidious i only learned to tell apart within the last month bc one of them is bad and the other one is pretty good#the amount of times i have referred to malignant as malevolent. which is a different movie#then this year there was nefarious whose titledrop in the trailer made me laugh out loud at the movies bc we're apparently still doing this#in the next couple years im sure we're gonna get a movie that just puts the thesaurus down and calls itself Evil.#avpost#if you watch enough scary movies i feel like you can just learn the entire scope of Scary English Words#hell you dont even have to watch enough movies . just read the titles and youll pick it up
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several people telling me nightmare in silver was going to be the best episode of season 7 and I've gotta be honest...didn't do it for me. if it weren't for warwick davis I'd have rated it lower, but it's not going to be that high I predict
#still gotta rate journey to the centre of the tardis + crimson horror#but hmmmmmmm#it felt like lots and lots of things were smooshed together and subsequently none were afforded enough weight#and i must have missed it but i dont get why it takes place on an amusement park or why the apparent emperor of several planets#pretends to be a random guy called porridge who willingly stuffs himself in a box to trick carnival-goers#im watching nu!who#im watching eleven who#ALSO IT'S THE EPISODE WITH THE INFAMOUS LINE a mystery inside an enigma squeezed into a skirt thats a bit too tight
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i love when reality gently unhinges in fanfiction. someone naturally smells of something like cinnamon, jobs are more interesting than they really are, living arrangements are more interesting than they really are because someone can live in an interesting place when the housing market doesnt have to exist, time can fast forward, people can live through they things they probably wouldnt normally, towns are more interesting, people are more vibrant and alive because theyre not as torn down by life, i like reading about lives with a fuzziness around the edges, a pliability among circumstances that can put a story just west of reality. i just love that life is more interesting in fiction, unapologetically and usually without even acknowledging that
#(you dont need lube either in fiction land apparently lmao)#but yeah i just i never realized how much i loved fiction thats based in reality just enough like theres a book called mosquitoland#where a girl hitchhikes by greyhound and its obviously unrealistic to a high degree but its just real enough#its one of my favorite books
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if i never had to use amtrak again that would be the best day ever
#AMTRAK IS SO FUCKING STUPID#THEY fucked up on a trip i was on a while back and gave me a voucher for it which was great!#but the voucher is apparently ONE USE ONLY???#so if im taking a trip thats less than 300 bucks (which i AM) then basically fuck you you lose the rest of that money#AND THEY DONT MAKE IT CLEAR THAT ITS ONE USE EITHER#so i used it for a 29 dollar ticket. a TWENTY NINE DOLLAR TICKET. when i had 300 bucks to use.#so i LOST 271#i called them and talked to them and they were nice enough to give me a new voucher for the 271 so i didnt lose it#(bc when i asked WHY they have one use only vouchers the guy literally said uhh idk why. so i was like if u cant explain the reason behind#it it literally shouldnt be a rule)#so now i have a 271 voucher and i would like to use it all but one trip isnt 271 so i wanna book multiple trips at once to use it all#BUT THAT IS LIKE IMPOSSIBLE???#THERES LIKE NO FEATURE THAT ALLOWS ME TO BOOK MULTIPLE TRIPS AT ONCE?#so i called AGAIN to ask someone how#and they were like oh we can do it for you!#i was like great! and started going through my travel details and the lady was like cool we have a train at 6am. and i was like ??#the website said theres one at 10:55 i want that one i dont need to be there at 6 am and she was like oh well we cant book that bc its#not an amtrak train its a capital corridor train#LADY WHAT THE HELL#WHY IS THIS SO DIFFICULT#I JUST WANT TO BOOK MY STUPID TRIPS AND NOT LOSE MY MONEY!!!!#needless to say.#i fucking hate amtrak#do not reccomend#drive people the exorbitant gas prices are worth it if it means you dont have to use fucking amtrak sdjflkg#mack rambles
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