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florencewritez · 4 years

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The cycle

AN: hope yall doing good, i am tired and listenting to kids by mgmt and only kids by mgmt.

WC: 1543 Words

WARNINGS: lowkey toxic relationship but lowkey the point. alexs jumper gets ruined

"I can't wait to do this again." That's what he'd said the last time we broke up, messing with his hair and casually scrolling through his Instagram. I'd rolled my eyes at the time, saying it was the last time he'd ever see me long enough to say a word to my face. He didn't even look up from a screenshot of a football match, barely even hummed.

At the time, I'd believed my words, pushing past a very confused Alex holding two cups of tea, mumbling an apology before I slammed the front door closed and fell to my knees crying. I hadn't stopped crying till a deliveroo driver had to awkwardly sidestep past me and asked if I was waiting for the food. The taxi drive home had been silent, only noises being my sniffles and incessant typing on my phone.

Y/n: I broke up with George for real this time.

Will: You always say that

Will: By the way did you spill tea on Alex? He's very upset about some expensive hoodie being stained or something

At the time I'd left Will on read, sending Alex a half hearted apology with a few hearts and clicking off my phone. It was then the taxi man turned in his seat and asked if I had had a rough day. I just nodded back, sniffing extra loud for dramatic effect. Yes, I had the worst rough day ever. First, George forgot we had a date, again, and I had to go to his flat to remind him. Then it turned out he'd forgotten to book the damn restaurant and we had to just go back and order takeout. It started with a simple comment of "Maybe we'd be eating actual Italian food and not fucking dominos if someone had remembered to book the restaurant," and spiraled into an extremely heated and quick argument that I can't remember half of. It was just spitting words in each other's faces, not meaning any of them, a crappy movie playing in the back. At one point, Alex came home and attempted to solve things with reason. Of course, such things aren't welcome during stupid fights and he quickly made himself busy with 'editing' in his bedroom.

By the time I'd stumbled in my apartment door, giving a half assed explanation to my very stoned roommate, the idea it was over cemented itself in my head. This time, I'd told myself, biting my lip till it bled, this time I'm not going back.

Easier said than done considering we're in the same friend group and have to consistently film together.

James: Hey y/n, Will wanted me to ask you to come over to his today to film if you're free

Y/n: Yeah I'm free. What's he need me for?

James: Probably a reddit video knowing him though the fact he asked all of us over is a bit suspicious, not to mention he made me text you instead of doing it himself

Y/n: What do you mean he asked everyone over?

James: Haven't you seen the groupchat? Alex, George and Mia said he asked them too. Knowing Will he'll need us for two minutes and then abandon us to edit or something

Y/n: Oh how lovely :)

And now I was here, sitting on Wills couch in between a very scared looking Alex and my ex of two days, listening to Will explain his video idea in great detail. I wish I could lie and say I was listening ever so carefully and definitely not hyper focusing on how George's fingers kept brushing against me accidentally as he moved to drink, wasn't taking notice of ever slight movement of his leg, inching ever so closer to mine. Every so often I'd dare flicker my eyes to his, always at the exact moment he happened to be looking my way. I'd just stick with Mia I told myself, hand curling into a tight fist and gulping, Mia would understand.

"Right so I'm going to film quickly with Mia first because she has to mind her nephew later, can't be late. Shouldn't be too long though so no one get any ideas and leave," Will announced, stating a wiggly Alex down at the last part. Mia stood up, saying she was fine with that. I gave her a pleading look, begging her to stay, to make an excuse and make someone, anyone else, go first. She only gave me a guilty smile back, following Will up the stairs, patting the watch on her wrist. Of course Will chose to film the one day Mia wasn't free for the day.

As soon as they were gone, Alex and James shared a look and quickly excused themselves to the kitchen, Alex nearly tripping over himself as he scurried away. Great friends I have.

For a moment, an awkward silence filled the air, heavier than any scientist thought possible. I gulped and tried to subtly move to where Alex had been sat before but only managed to make a disgustingly loud noise as the leather squelched under me. Curse the summer heat and it's strange sweat noises.

George looked at me properly for the first time, stupidly perfect blue eyes settling carefully on mine. "You look nice."

I squirmed. "Thanks. New skirt."

"Yeah I know, I bought it for you last week." Ouch. I physically cringed and heard George sigh beside me. "Can we talk?"

Crap, the true signal the cycle wasn't over yet. There was always the beginning, crazy and wild and perfect, the pinnacle of a young couple in love in the city. Then came the coziness, nights out turning into nights in and bars turning into movie nights. After that came the fizzle down period, usually lasting for about two weeks before one of us snapped and said it was over. A week later, someone would say can we talk then two minutes later it was back to heavy making out and laughter as the cycle begun again.

Of course this time would be no different, what was two days ago me thinking? This thing with me and George had been going on for nearly three years now, pissing off friends and fans alike with our mysterious relationship status. Still, it suited us pretty well huh?

So, I let out a breathe and nodded, curling my legs under me as I turned to face him.

"Okay fine," I agreed, resting my hand on the couch just near enough his for him to notice. "But only if we take it seriously this time."

He nodded, smiling softly for the first time I'd seen that day, lips turning up at the end and my stomach went all dopey, any hesitation melting away. He'd always have that effect on me it seemed.

"I'm sorry for forgetting about our date, I've just been pretty stressed lately with my upload schedule and stuff and it slipped my mind. It won't happen again." Of course it won't. Every-time we broke up, we never repeated the mistake again. Maybe one day, we'd run out of mistakes to make and things would be the perfect couple we wanted to be.

"And I promise I'll be more reasonable next time something upsets me. We should have mature conversations about stuff like this, like normal couples do." And I would if it meant never feeling that strange tightness that had filled me the past two days without him. One day, we'd get it right, I was sure.

"So does that me-" I cut him off with a quick peck to the lips, laughing when his eyes widened.

"Will you be my boyfriend George?" He didn't reply and only repeated my peck, my hands coming to rest in his hair as I deepened it to something more. "Do you think we'll actually make it to the end?" I asked between kisses, mumbling dangerously close to his lips, having swung my legs over his already.

"Jesus Y/n we haven't even been dating for two minutes yet, might be regretting my decision already." I chuckled, knowing that was his off handed way of saying 'yes of course'. I leaned back in, feeling his hands pull my waist closer before we heard an extremely loud sigh.

"Right next time you break up, wait until I put on something cheap yeah?" Alex groaned, turning back around and walking straight back into the kitchen, carrying two cups of tea again.

I couldn't help but burst out laughing, leaning my for head against George's and relishing in the warmth that came with the contact.

"You know there's a new club open near here. We could go later?" His hands somehow found themselves intertwined with me. It was the same thing over and over again, the same old cycle.

I smiled. "My roommates gone for the night, you can stay at mine after."

It was the same cycle over and over and I lived for it, every part of it. One day, we'll get it right and maybe most of the excitement comes from wondering it this is the time we do everything perfectly. A spark in his eyes reminds me I won't care anyways.

I'm addicted to the cycle as long as it's with him.

#memeulous #memeule #george memeulous #eboys #eboys one shot #eboys x reader #imallexx #alex elmslie #willne #james marriott #george memeulous x reader #memeulous x reader #fanfiction #x reader #short #flowritez

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1052

surveys by lets-make-surveys

1 - Who was the last person to knock on your door? Were they there to see you? Nina usually knocks briefly in the evening to let me know it’s time for dinner. Other than my ex in the past, I don’t let anyone stay in my room for long. Knocking and peeking into my room is enough.

2 - Have you left the house yet today? If not, do you have plans to leave the house later on? No, as it’s only 10 in the morning and I don’t really have a reason to be out somewhere this early. I might go out to buy presents for more relatives, but that’s only if I feel productive enough today. We’ll see.

3 - What’s your favourite brand of chocolate? What type of chocolate bar from that brand is your favourite? The older I get the more I feel like gagging from the idea of chocolate bars lol; they’re all just so sweet. These days my top three would be Hershey’s cookies and cream bar, Whittaker’s chocolate peanut butter bar, and Twix bars. I also love Reese’s, but they aren’t bars.

4 - Have you ever met someone in person who you first met on the internet? Do you have plans to do that anytime soon? Yes, I’ve done this before and I’ve recounted the stories on here multiple times. As for the second question, yeah I technically do? I’ve only met my workmates online so far, so I’m constantly looking forward to the opportunity to finally meet them all in real life.

5 - What was the last thing you used a blender for? I’ve never used a blender. We don’t even own a blender.

6 - Have you ever got into an argument with a stranger on social media? Do you remember what it was about? Yeah, but I don’t even remember what it was about anymore...I do know it was this year, and the person deleted the comment that I replied to not long after.

7 - When was the last time you cracked your joints? Is that something you do often? Now that you reminded me, I just did. I do it at least once a day, whenever my fingers start to feel tight and tense.

8 - What time is it right now? If you weren’t doing a survey, what else would you be doing right now? It is 1:52 PM. I’d be heading to the mall to buy more presents, but I don’t feel like getting out of bed yet. I’d also do embroidery, but my online orders are taking a while to arrive :( My online shopping app says I'll be getting them by Jan 3rd, but the shipping tracker says it’s already being shipped from China to here so I’m looking forward to receiving it this week. I hope that’s the case; otherwise it’ll miss the point of being my hobby this Christmas break.

9 - If you had ten minutes to run around an empty supermarket and fill your trolley for free, what’s the first aisle you’d go for? The fancy meat/fish section. Then I’d go to the condiments/spice section, then frozen food, then chips.

10 - Aside from Tumblr, what websites do you visit the most and why? YouTube, because I find videos a soothing distraction; Twitter to keep me updated on local and international news; Reddit for quirky posts; and Wikipedia so I can continue learning trivia I’ll never have to use but want to gain anyway.

11 - Has COVID had any impact on your Christmas plans this year? What’s going to change or be different to normal? My dad is home for Christmas this year, which is one silver lining from Covid. But my relatives living abroad who usually fly back to the Philippines for the holidays obviously won’t be able to this year, so we’re not gonna have a packed family reunion like we normally do. Everything else is the same, but I think the biggest thing about this whole thing is that I can barely feel Christmas coming this year. I think it’s going to feel like such a plain Friday this week; and that makes me a little sad.

12 - What’s your favourite flavour of cake? Are you any good at making that kind of cake? My favorite flavor is chocolate, but my favorite kind of cake (which I enjoy a lot more than general chocolate cake) is cheesecake. I cannot make either, nor can I bake at all.

13 - Do you prefer sweet or sour candy? Sweet. I hate any sour foods with a passion lol especially sour candy; it is my absolute least favorite taste. I don’t find anything enjoyable or fulfilling about it.

14 - What colour is your favourite fruit? Is this a fruit you eat often? Already made my feelings for fruit clear on this blog, haha.

15 - Is your favourite restaurant an independent place or a chain? What is it that you love about it so much? It’s a chain, like most popular restaurants here. Independent places are a little hard to come by, to be honest. They make the best katsu I’ve ever had; and I also like that despite being a chain restaurant, the ambience is still quite sophisticated and date-friendly so I always feel like I’m treating myself whenever I eat there.

16 - Are you genuinely a fan of Starbucks or do you think it’s all hype? I personally enjoy everything about Starbucks. I like their coffees, their Frappes, the ambience in their coffee shops, their playlists, and their line-up of mugs and tumblers. I’ve always felt right at home in their shops and out of all the cafés I’ve been to, it’s always their baristas that have been the nicest.

17 - Do you own a Christmas jumper? What design/pattern does it have on it? No, I don’t.

18 - What’s your favourite fit/style of jeans? I was obsessed with mom jeans throughout 2020.

19 - What was the last non-essential item you spent money on? Overpriced coffee and a sandwich.

20 - Are you currently under any COVID-related restrictions where you live? Are people generally following the rules? Public places are super strict with requiring everyone to wear a face shield and face mask; before entering any establishment, people’s temperatures are taken and everyone’s also required to take a contact tracing form. Anyone under the age of 21 still isn’t allowed to go out for the most part, though I think there are some exceptions now because I see kids younger than me already going on out-of-town trips again. Some places that are big on tourism like Sagada, Batanes, and Baguio are still closed off from the public; those that have since reopened, like Boracay, follow strict protocol and everyone going there is required to undergo a swab test. Everyday Filipinos follow the rules; it’s the politicians and police force who don’t, which feels disgusting to say.

21 - What did you last leave the room you’re in to do? A package arrived for me so I had to pay for it. It was the phone case I ordered for my cousin.

22 - Have you ever read any self-help books? Did you find them useful? No. I don’t really believe in that genre, so I never felt pulled to buy a book.

23 - What’s your favourite programme on the Food Network (if you watch it)? If you don’t get that channel, what’s your favourite food/cookery show in general? All things Gordon Ramsay, man. MasterChef, Hell’s Kitchen, and Kitchen Nightmares are all *chef’s kiss* The Great British Bake Off is also great and something I like watching when I want to wind down :)

24 - Do you still watch cartoons? From time to time.

25 - Who do you know with the most number of siblings? Would you ever want to live in a huge family? My grandpa was one of nine siblings, if I’m not mistaken. I’m not sure if I know a bigger set than that. Unless my family was filthy rich, I would not want to have such a big immediate family.

26 - Are you a fan of garlic bread? Sure. I tend to ask for others’ too, heh.

27 - Do you own any personalised clothing? What’s the reason for getting it? No, not a fan. Two years ago we had a huge family reunion on my dad’s side and we had to wear these cheesy shirts that said “[Last Name] Reunion” with some cheesy motto at the bottom. My parents hated it, which made me feel better about my own feelings about the shirt lol.

28 - Is anyone else in the same room as you right now? What is that person up to? No, it’s just me here.

29 - What colours are you wearing right now? Does your wardrobe contain a lot of those colours? White, maroon, and scarlet. I have a lot of white and maroon; not so much of scarlet as I find the color too bold.

30 - Do you like adding condiments to your food? If so, what are some of your favourites? Yes. My food always needs to have soup, condiments, or sauces; otherwise I tend to feel the dish is too dry. I like mayonnaise, banana ketchup, hot sauce, and lechon sauce.

1 - What have you been up to so far today? Is that a typical thing for you to do on this particular day of the week? I’ve taken a couple of surveys and started binge-watching segments of my newest Korean reality show discovery, 2 Days 1 Night. The breakout actor from Start-Up and the newest love of my life HAHAHA is a cast member on the current season of 2D1N so I’ve been all over the show today. It’s hilarious; I can hardly believe I’m only discovering the show this late.

2 - Did you get a decent night’s sleep last night? How many hour’s sleep do you consider a decent amount? It was around five hours, which isn’t a lot to me. I usually sleep 7-9 hours these days, but I might wreck my body clock during the holiday break because I want to keep being awake and do the things I haven’t been able to do because of work.

3 - What is one silly thing that really gets on your nerves? Seeing pickles in a burger.

4 - Who was the last person you saw who wasn’t family? What did you guys end up doing together? The friendly Starbucks barista from yesterday; her name was Princess. We didn’t do anything lol, she just took my order and was super friendly about it, and she also gave me the Starbucks planner that I chose to redeem.

5 - Do you prefer hot or cold drinks overall? Cold. I avoid hot drinks now haha. Ever since I had that incident with the takoyaki, I’ve been too scared to let any hot food or drink touch my mouth.

6 - Do you own a decent set of waterproofs? If so, what do you use them for the most? If not, do you think that would be something you’d find useful? I don’t know what this is referring to, and I’m too lazy to Google right now. I’ve only ever known this word as an adjective, whoops.

7 - Do you have any plans for the rest of the day? Take more surveys, and maybe have another cup of coffee. I’ll also have to get started on a daily report I submit for work every weekday morning so that my load will be lighter tomorrow. Our office is technically on shutdown until January 4th, but some clients require a daily report every day and I’ll have to shoulder that with another co-associate. It sucks, but at least it’s the only thing I’ll have to do for the next two weeks.

8 - How often do you get your hair cut? When hairdressers were closed due to COVID, did you try cutting it yourself at home? I only go to the salon once a year, and I already did it this 2020 when I chopped off my hair and got bangs. Yeah, whenever my bangs start to get too long I either ask my mom to trim them or I do so myself.

9 - What did you wear the last time you left the house? Is that different to what you’re wearing at the moment? I walked Cooper half an hour ago and I just stayed in the same clothes I’ve been in all day, which was a tank top underneath an oversized hoodie and a pair of shorts.

10 - Would you rather have a relaxing beach holiday or a more active holiday in the mountains? The beach would be perfect right now, but I think my answer changes every time this is asked and I’m pretty sure I picked mountains the last time HAHAHA. I just realized being in the mountains would give me the same cooped-up feeling I’ve been having from staying at home for such a long time, and it might not be the best and healthiest trip for me...the beach definitely sounds more freeing and therapeutic.

11 - Do you know how to tie a tie? Nah, never learned. I’ve never been good at tying anything up, period.

12 - How old were you when you first had a sleepover at someone’s house? Did you miss home? I was 15 or 16; I’m not entirely sure anymore. Not at all, I was so excited to have been allowed to go to my first sleepover.

13 - How often do you spend time with your extended family? Under normal circumstances, we’d visit my grandma and cousins on my mom’s side once every few months or so. It was pretty regular since they’re just a stone’s throw away. But obviously we’ve since had to drastically cut our get-togethers back, and I’ve only seen them around three times since the beginning of the year. My dad’s family lives pretty far south, so I only get to see them once or twice a year even in pre-Covid days; not much of a difference there.

14 - When you get up in the morning, do you have a set routine? No. I just wake up feeling dread and have no choice but to wait for the weight in my chest to subside.

15 - Do you remember the last time you cried? Were they sad or happy tears? Yesterday in my car, in the mall parking lot. Sad tears.

16 - What do you have planned once you finish this survey? Look for another one. I misseddddd taking surveys and I plan on taking a crap ton of them this Christmas break. I may also be called for dinner, so there’s that.

17 - What was the last thing you cooked? Did you cook from scratch or just heat something up? I dunno if it counts as cooking, but I just made the DIY ramen kit that I received as a Christmas gift from the branch I was originally an intern at. Everything was already prepared in the kit and all I needed to do was boil water for the noodles and prepare the broth. Turned out surprisingly good.

18 - Are you a fan of hot chocolate? Do you like it plain or do you prefer to add things like whipped cream or marshmallows? I love hot chocolate and will order it sometimes, but given my aforementioned fear of hot beverages I always wait for it to considerably cool down hahaha. I like my hot chocolate plain.

19 - What caused your last injury? Cooper’s nails.

20 - How many tattoos and piercings do you have? Do any of them have an interesting story behind them? Just a piercing on each of my earlobes. No interesting stories...yet.

21 - What kind of flowers do you like the best? When was the last time someone bought those for you? I like peonies, though I’m not sure if my ex ever gave me a bouquet that included those.

22 - What’s the smallest thing you’ve ended a relationship over? I’ve only been with one person and I dated her twice, but I was never the one who ended the relationship either time so can’t really answer this.

23 - Would you rather order a starter (appetiser) or a dessert? Or would you be able to manage a full three courses? Three-course meal, pls. I’ve only experienced it once, when my parents treated me to dinner during my cruise gift for my 18th birthday; it was great and every dish was made amazingly well.

24 - How do you get most of your news, if you pay attention to it at all? I catch the evening news every weeknight because we keep the telvision turned on during dinner. I also get to read articles on social media.

25 - Have you or a member of your family been diagnosed with COVID yet? None that I know of, thankfully. It’s always been someone that a relative knows, but so far none of us have gotten it.

26 - Are you a vegetarian? If so, what persuaded you to stop eating meat? If not, is it something you’d ever consider? No. I have been considering it for years, but I truthfully don’t know if I could give up meat.

27 - Do you prefer rice or pasta? Rice.

28 - Is anything you’re wearing a gift? Who bought it for you? No.

29 - What’s the dominant colour in the room you’re in at the moment? I guess white, since my walls are white and that’s the first thing you see when entering my room.

30 - Did you do laundry yet today? If not, do you need to do any before you go to bed? Not my chore to do, but it was already done a few days ago.

#survey #surveys #multiple surveysss

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lookwhatilost · 5 years

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i finished my second watch of bojack s6 p1 and here’s a predictably massive post of some thoughts/observations abt it

spoilers under the cut obviously

the “fuck” of the season definitely came in a moment that i didn’t expect, but i rly liked how it was used. like, it was a callback to when gina dropped it in the last season –– something that traumatized her vs a reaction to her PTSD symptoms. a lot of people seem unhappy w it but i think it’s more powerful than people are giving it credit for being

the gatsby reference in e3 rly brought to mind that there are, like, a lot of gatsby tie-ins w this show and i never rly pasted them together mentally bc of the ubiquity of the “rich guy is utterly depressed and alone” trope. like, the imagery related to the pool, the shallow parties, the yellow car, the spacious but empty house, the billboards staring him down as he drives when he’s hallucinating in s5. charlotte/daisy being a weak parallel in that he had feelings for her when they were younger, held onto them for years, only for her to be married when they reconnect, but it’s worth mentioning that the glow stick balloons were green.

someone on reddit pointed out that jameson’s baby in e1 had physical traits associated w fetal alcohol syndrome. like, short, upturned nose, eyes that are far apart, and low ears. it’s hard to say if it’s intentional, but he’s drawn w a lot more detail than a lot of the other babies i’ve seen in the show. if it’s purposeful, like, that’s amazing attention to detail

i liked how the season opened on a planetarium flashback, because honestly, the immediate aftermath of sarah lynn’s death is definitely kind of glossed over in s3 when it initially happens. and though i suppose the added information isn’t terribly surprising (like him lying abt the events that lead up to her overdose and minimizing his own role in it as much as possible), it did make me wonder why i hadn’t thought abt it before

bojack rly does show signs of serious growth in the 6th season and it’s cool to finally see him move forward w/o simultaneously backsliding in other ways. a lot of his good actions in previous seasons were only rly things that benefitted him. and there are a lot of examples of it, but i think the one that stuck out to me the most was w his therapist. when he fell off the wagon, it’d have been rly easy for bojack to look the other direction and walk away like we’ve seen him do before. realistically, he has no real incentive to care for doctor champ’s wellbeing if he’s no longer staying at pastiches, but he checks him into rehab anyway, and when doctor champ throws his insecurities in his face to be hurtful, he immediately identifies it for the petty jab it is instead of letting it fuel his negative thoughts and using it as an excuse to dive into self-destructive behavior. honestly e6 was the emotional high water mark of part 1, even though it wasn’t the kind of gut punch that the dramatic, narrative focused episodes of bojack tend to be

i’m glad that the writers finally /did/ something w todd that made him feel like an actual character instead of jst a device for the comedy part of the show. i used to watch this show w a friend and we always used to say that todd had very little depth given the amount of screen time he occupies and seeing them move away from that was refreshing. his struggle w jorge is very relatable as someone whose parents have always pushed me towards things i didn’t sincerely want based on their expectations and desires for me vs my actual opinions of what success and happiness would look like for myself. but, on the other side of the coin, there’s finally a little bit of confrontation of the fact that todd’s erratic behavior and shenanigans are very taxing things for people who care abt him to deal w. and todd is rly the only character who’s somehow defied the show’s formula in that he never faces accountability for the things he does. like, he’s enabled PB’s impulsivity many times and drove him to bankruptcy, care of PB Livin’, and it’s a detail in the show that’s never truly been acknowledged or talked abt at all. he fucked PC over when he wouldn’t follow through w his sham marriage to courtney, and it was met w a cheesy speech from her abt how he needs to follow his heart and do what he thinks is right. it always struck me as a weird oversight, and to finally see someone take him to task for how taxing his behavior can be was refreshing. his only other “depth” was the asexual stuff and honestly? that is stupid and does not actually count for anything

if it didnt warm your heart when PC named her daughter ruthie then you dnt have one. i wasn’t as invested in her narrative as i’d have liked to be, but its good when PC is happy and that’s what everyone wants

IM SO GLAD JUDAH IS BACK. also i still hope he and PC end up together (and maybe she has a viable pregnancy this time w him a la sex and the city charlotte but that’s a little too cornball sappy for this show). generally rly enjoyed how characters from previous seasons were incorporated this time around. but i dnt want them to bring back vincent adultman jst to spite everyone who’s always saying “bring back vincent adultman”

pickles is still my least favorite character even tho the surprise wedding episode was probably the one i found the funniest. realistically i wanna see things work out for PB but his relationship w her is obviously not the move for him, and she’s also the worst

i like diane and guy together, they have rly good chemistry but i also have a bad feeling abt where things are headed w them. he seems ambivalent abt how principled she is and the scene where his son comes to the party and he makes her leave when he could have jst introduced her as a party guest if it even needed to happen at all... there was jst something off abt it. like you can definitely see the cracks in the foundation already and it’s disappointing

the scene btwn PB and bojack where bojack says to him “but i understand that feeling of needing to bottle up your guilt, not burden other people w it. you think you’re protecting them from your toxicity, you convince yourself that you’re being selfless, but it comes out in other ways and it infects everything” hit close to home bc it reminded me of someone i used to bond over this show w and like... whew

i rly love how the dominoes are being set up w the reporters (even tho their his girl friday shtick got old fast) bc the way things are culminating, the story getting out is liable to expose bojack for everything. if they approach penny and she talks to them abt what happened, she’s liable to tell them that bojack and sarah lynn went to ohio to find her in the time before sarah lynn overdosed, and the pictures that her classmates took of them could establish a time frame. he was in new mexico when he was supposed to be filming secretariat, and that knowledge could lead to them finding out that he’d been digitally replaced in the movie. when this information gets out, it’s very likely that gina will dogpile onto it w the truth abt what happened on the set of philbert, since trying to conceal her ptsd is actively hurting her acting career bc of the reputation she’s developing as a problem actress, and even though she dznt *want* to be “that girl that got choked by bojack horseman”, she won’t have a choice if she can’t get jobs otherwise. i guess there’s always a chance that penny and charlotte won’t talk to them, but now that hollyhock knows about what happened in new mexico, either way his personal life will be hurt by this. i’m not sure what’ll happen to him professionally, since there’s a recurring point the series has been making w famous people never being held fully culpable for their negative actions, and it’s a dicey thing for them to approach w a character that many viewers find sympathetic without ending on some myopic note abt cancel culture (whether intentionally or by popular interpretation) but im excited

i also hate how my obsessive watching and rewatching of this show meant that the intended pete repeat reveal (like, you’re not supposed to recognize him until his identity becomes obvious through the prom night story) was sort of compromised for me bc i recognized his voice and the second he introduced himself, i placed him IMMEDIATELY but it was still such a great scene. it’s the most tense i remember feeling when watching and an all around great cliffhanger

the final line of e7 comes off as some rly grim foreshadowing–– “it looks like you found solace in our show. stay if you’d like. in 30 minutes, we start over”. but it’s such an incredible line in context. my god, i fucking love this show, you guys

#i might add more to this later but for now

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one-true-houselight · 5 years

Photo

[image description: A pencil drawing of my Dungeons and Dragons character named Johnathan. Johnathan is a lanky human man with short hair that is styled vaguely upwards. He is wearing a cuffed shirt with diagonal stripes, leather body armor that fastens on his right, forearm guards, and fingerless gloves. He has long, slightly fitted pants, a belt, and boots. On his right hip, he has a pouch with the bottom of a flute sticking out of it. We can see the string of a necklace around his neck, but whatever occupies the string is inside his shirt and armor. He has his right hand behind his back and is gesturing with his left hand to the written words: ‘Hi Fantasy Reddit! I’m Johnathan, Ask Me Anything!’. He is smiling at the viewer. /end id]

Hey look, it’s my new character!

As a way for me to get into this character and write the appropriate backstory for my wonderful DM @stella-clara, I’m going to do as it says above: Ask Me Anything! Below the cut I’m going to put questions and answers of stuff I want to cover, and if you have questions you want to ‘ask’ him, feel free to send them my way!

Q: What’s your story, Johnathan?

A: Now, that’s a very broad question. I have many stories. I have the story of how I found my boat, the story of the time I broke my arm when I was 7, the story of when I accidentally brought home a possum...

Q: How was your childhood?

A: Well, about as good as can be expected. There’s sometimes not much to do as a kid, you see, so I came up with slow activities to fill the day. My parents were great, they taught me a lot of things that help me on my ships. I mean...I don’t know how to explain this, but there was always a sort of odd air in my house. I assume most places are like this, like there’s something happening beyond the range of a kid’s understanding, you know? Like I said, probably pretty common, but it something I always kind of picked up on. I have an acute sense for this kind if thing, which is frankly pretty annoying.

Q: So, it seems like you were close with both of your parents.

A: Yeah! They were both great. My dad was a clerk at a shop down the road, and sometimes brought that home to me. My mom taught music around town, including me. Music is a big part of who I am...I don’t know if it’s because I was a little closer to my mom, or I was close to her because of music? Anyway, I can actually play the flute, the lute, and the viol! Which is pretty cool.

Q: How often do you play those?

A: Well, I usually play the flute because it’s easiest to carry around, you see. I can stow it away if I need to attend to some rigging or whatever. And my crew mates love my music...most of the time. I have a bad habit of doodling with my flute in stressful situations, so they threaten to throw my spare flute overboard every once in a while.

Q: Spare?

A: Yeah, I have two. I got a second to use in dangerous situations, to lend out, or whatever. This one...my main one I guess...my mom gave it to me. She always played it through my life, and I always admired it. See these carvings? That was my shit right there. And when I got ready to go off for the first time, she gave this to me, and told me it would always help me know who I am. You know. Fun stuff like that.

Q: That’s lovely. How are your parents doing?

A: Well, they’re both dead. No no, don’t worry about it, it wasn’t particularly tragic or anything. My dad died a few years after I left, so about five years now, and my mom passed about two years ago. I haven’t actually been able to get back to go through the house since she died, but I did visit both a few times before they each went. It was all in their sleep, there was at least some warning for both. I’m rambling, sorry. I’m hoping I can get back soon.

Q: Can you play us something?

A: Unfortunately, Fantasy Reddit is still fairly text based, given it’s just pieces of paper that people run around. I do shows sometimes, though. Try to make it to one of those!

Q: What’s that around your neck?

A: Oh, this? Piece of sea-glass from my first trip on my first ship. We were going to help deliver supplies to victims of that awful storm ten years ago? Well, we stayed a bit to help rebuild and such, and I was helping some of the adults watch the kids at one point. We all took turns, it was a good change of pace. There was one kid, about 6, whose parents died in the storm. I apparently looked just like her dad, so she gravitated towards me. She only called me dad the first time she saw me, but seemed to realize I wasn’t pretty quickly. But she still found comfort in my presence, you know. And I’m there, 18 years old, thinking I know everything, and here’s the thing. The destruction I saw in that town was enough to knock that out of me real quick, but to have this kid, this tiny human forced to become singular that young? It took my breath away.

I know the question was about the necklace I’m getting there.

Anyway, so she usually hung with me, and sometimes would come into where repairs were happening, and of course the whole crew also adopted her as well. She was the only orphan from that storm. Can you imagine? We helped clear the roads so they could get their usual supplies through; that’s why we came over water, because the roads were blocked. After about a month, we were ready to head out. The town was starting to come back to life, and they didn’t need us anymore. When we left, there was a huge celebration to thank us, and she gave me this piece of sea glass, saying it would be my lucky charm. So I got it made into a necklace first chance I got, and I wear it all the time now. It’s a good reminder of what I’m trying to do in this world, you know?

Q: How’s the girl doing now?

A: Oh, Diana? She’s great, I see her every few years. She’s apprenticing on a ship now, and is already a better sailor than me!

Q: What made you decide to start sailing?

A: I lived in a coastal town all my life, so it was always around. And the idea of traveling like that always sounded freeing to me. I joked about finding slow activities to fill the day, but for me, staying in one town was never really how I saw my life going. And I’m not knocking people who do that, of course. Everyone’s different, you know? But the sea always had new things, and led to new places and people. Just being on a ship makes me happy, you know? I would sometimes play songs with the waves and the creaking of the wood.

Q: Do you ever get nervous?

A: Asking me if I ever get nervous is like asking a normal person if they ever breathe, you know? Everything makes me nervous. Talking to you, right, now? Nervous. Walking through town? Nervous. I’ve learned to control it and cope with it, but it’s always there. I mean, I’ve almost died like, 238 times. I can get through it, but afterwards I go lay down and scream for a while.

Q: How are you with that sword?

A: Are you flirting with me? Because I’m not opposed. Oh, both. Cool, we’ll talk about that first one later, but this old thing? I’m alright. My parents taught me how to handle myself, and I’ve used both this and my dagger a good number of times, and I’m still here? So I guess not bad?

Q: What do you drink?

A: Nothing. Well, nothing alcoholic, I guess. I don’t drink nothing, then I’d die. You know what I said about being nervous all the time? Well, I used to deal with that with drinking...let’s just say I was told I ‘ruined parties’ enough to look into that. Also, my captain having to talk to me was another clue. I have much better mechanisms now, don’t worry.

Well, that’s all the questions I have! If you’ve read this far, you may have noticed that Johnathan resembles a real life funny-bard. That is intentional and you KNOW my ass is going to have fun with that. Send in questions if you’d like, and have a lovely night!

#mine #dnd #artist described #accessible

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theamberfang · 5 years

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Journal 101

Something I realized is that I didn’t even acknowledge that I wrote my 100th journal entry yesterday. I do recall thinking about it, but it quickly slipped my mind after I jumped into writing about other things. I just don’t really have any sentiments to share about such a milestone; at least, I didn’t find it significant enough to pay it any mind.

Now that I am though, I suppose it’s pretty neat that I had maintained daily journal entries for a hundred days. And... that’s about all I have. Writing these has just become my normal, so it doesn’t really feel like anything special has happened. That could be something to celebrate in-and-of-itself though. It’s great to have a healthy ritual become something normal, and for it to feel abnormal to even think about not doing it. Here’s hoping that maintaining these journal posts will lead to other healthy habits.

My very first waking moments were pretty interesting today. While I was still only half-awake, I pushed myself up from my bed with my palms in a way that gave my wrists a really good bend and stretch, which resulted in a couple of loud pops. Though it resulted in some very mild pain for a bit, I felt like whatever happened left my wrists feeling a lot better for the rest of the day.

It could be that the onset of my wrist pain was caused by swelling - which was caused by repetitive typing and mouse-clicking actions - that misaligned some stuff within the carpal tunnel. Even after resting and letting the swelling go down, some stuff may have still been misaligned. Until today that is when it all snapped back into place. This is my best guess anyway. Even if this isn’t the case, I believed it deeply enough to briefly consider playing Nuclear Throne again, so it should be a solid placebo regardless. Fingers crossed that this means I’ll be able to increase this blog’s productivity again.

I say that, but I should keep preventative measures in mind. There are little things I’ve learned over the past few weeks, such as pulling my hands away from the keyboard between sentences. Even if it’s just a few seconds each time, these moments of reprieve for my hands is better than keeping my fingertips on the keys. It’s barely noticeable, but I think my finger muscles - which are connected to tendons in my wrist - flex and strain whenever I put them on the keys, even when I’m not actively typing. They’re standing at attention basically. Keeping this up for a few hours each day for a couple of months or so seems to be what led to my wrist pain.

With that in mind, I’ll put more thought into how I schedule my writing. Large one to two hours blocks of writing is what led to this predicament. Well, instead of trying to schedule in breaks by the minute or something, maybe I could try to stick to a particular pattern. I’m thinking of trying to commit to a 10 minute break for every 20 minutes of writing, giving me 30 minute chunks to continue scheduling with. I’ll try to apply this pattern to an hour’s work on IDA tomorrow.

Speaking of “tomorrow,” I think I’m actually getting around to having that 25 hour sleep cycle work. At the least, I went to bed yesterday at around 1100 which was an hour or two later than the day before. I also feel like I might be able to stay up until noon before going to bed. Hopefully it works out so that my sleeping schedule ends up back in a place where I can think more seriously again about participating in support groups or doing work around the house or any other things that I can’t really do in the middle of the night.

Oh, and before I finish off this post, I do want to say I succeeded at taking a shower before my family started going to bed. It reminded me that, in the messages we’ve continued to share over on Reddit, Wan tried to give me a bit of advice regarding my dysphoria. It didn’t turn out to be remarkably helpful for me, but I appreciated that he looked up the topic to try and give me some genuine help. The gist of it was to do things that would distract me from my own body, and while the particulars of his advice weren’t especially applicable, I noticed that the way I bring my phone into the bathroom to have music play has been helping in the same manner. I initially began showering with music just for the sake of it, but it’s cool to realize it had been more actively helping me all along.

One last thing I just remembered - this was a thought I had while showering - is that I could write a post on this blog dedicated to addressing any old friends/acquaintances that would come over when I provide a link on Facebook. The idea is of a similar nature to the whole “write a letter to my dad here, then provide him a link.”

I think I had mainly just been expressing this idea in my “extended goals,” but the core of it is that there could be a few people that think more highly of me than I expect. I’ve spent much of my life being an anxious, depressed mess, so the default assumption had been that “no one would really care if I just disappear.” Just by reading that, it should obviously be more a product of depression than actual truth. I really shouldn’t trust the thought anyway, and it could be beneficial to reach out to people.

Something I do need to be careful of is how I’d respond to the possible eventuality of no one responding. Just because no one responds by sending a message to me here on Tumblr or over on Reddit (because I’d likely drop my username there as well), it doesn’t prove the idea that “no one cares.” I mean, not everyone uses these sites, and Tumblr in particular has a strange reputation, so essentially asking people to join these platforms just to talk to me might be a bit much. There’s also the possibility that people just miss it over on Facebook, and I can’t let myself make a big deal over it.

As for what I want to say? I’m not entirely sure at the moment. I suppose explain why I apparently disappeared as far as most anyone on Facebook knew. Essentially explain the suicidal depression which led to me dropping out of school. Amidst the in-and-out therapy for that, I figured out I was transgender, which would explain the name change on Facebook. I’m pretty sure I had changed my first name there without any sort of explanation; it’ll be years late for such an explanation, but whatever. I kind of figured it was self-explanatory in the first place.

Anyway, now is when I’ll cut things off. Not because my wrists hurt or anything, but because I can’t really think of much to say anymore. This has been my longest journal in awhile. Well, my right wrist is a tiny bit strained at the moment, but hopefully this long journal hasn’t caused the return of problems that I thought were fixed. I probably should have implemented the 20/10 pattern to this very journal instead of putting it off until tomorrow now that I think of it. Woops.

Tomorrow Goals:

IDA; 10 minute break for every 20 minutes of writing

Journal; same dealio

#daily journal #personal #meta

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