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lefttigerobservation · 3 years

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(Photo by https://unsplash.com/@alexasoh)

i'm gonna be honest w/ y'all first: this month was Not at all productive. i had major school work & an all-round lack of motivation, but nonetheless, i got things done! and i'm pretty proud of myself for making minute progress anyway <3

basic statistics!

words written: overall, +/- 19 114! (TFG: 11 506)

total (A4) page count: as usual..... very long..... :) i'm waiting for it to load and it's Crawling up the 300 portion. 366!

thing i'm proudest of doing: finally putting into words this one thought i had Ages ago about how zephyr kinda feels... left behind? considering all her friends are married/ have kids/ have a partner/ have something other than work (as much as she loves it) to drive them? it just felt very. rooted. and i love that passage.

things i Need to do: still need to attempt to write at least a hundred words a day. school & shenanigans have been Too busy and covid is still kicking my ass <3 motivation!! need to get that. and hoping to finish chapter nine & start chapter ten by the end of september... aiming to finish chapter eleven and start chapter twelve by the YEAR END AA.

comments and shenanigans!

i feel like a pretty good summary of my current writing schedule is that "this is fine" dog meme with the plants surrounding it. you know?

BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING: i'm letting myself take breaks. i used to pressure myself (and still semi-am considering i want to finish tfg Next Year <3) to keep to one wip when now i realised i don't have to Write another, but i can Plan it.

hence! say it like it is has a revival! with all new characters, an actual plot, and queer folk! because i can :)

i'm genuinely excited to start developing them before i go back to my usual schedule with tfg <3

tfg related comments: i really love zephyr's ability to make me absolutely in shambles,,,, /lh & also, i spent like ten minutes yesterday solely thinking about lucille being a dumbass and it warmed my heart. when you get little sleep, that's the answer: think about your ocs. i dare you. do it.

my heart goes out to scottish girlfriend abigail who is, also, a mess. they fit well together for the time being <3 while lucille doesn't understand feelings and is lonely af <3 i feel so sorry for her lmao......

and that's it this month! i'm sorry to keep it so short, but i am... fatigued. i hope y'all are as excited as i am for the rest of my work to come <3

#writeblr #tfg #the female gaze #monthly writing updates #writing update #august 2021 #writing ch9 #writing ch 9 #writers on tumblr #writing community #lefttigerobservation

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amalgamezz · 7 years

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Anon who submitted the post here (also, thank you for that). I appreciate your response to my submission, especially you taking into account the experiences of abuse survivors. I do see where you're coming from. I'm averse to the narrative that we have to "heal" Jumin with our love, or that his mental illness and awareness of his wrongdoings prevents him from being an abuser - it doesn't, and my abuser was the same way. I'm planning to make a detailed post soon to fully explain my thoughts.

Warning: Abuse TW, kinda hella long post, some graphics content.

Nonny, I can see where you are coming from.

Still, it’s very hard for me to deem him as an abuser because deep down inside, I don’t think he genuinely means any harm to you?

I mean, this guy, who normally respects the personal space of a cat, being an abuser?

The incident of the hacker, the arranged marriage and Elizabeth 3rd running away within one route was so intense that it was sort of pushing him over the edge. I’m pretty much interested to see how Jumin x MC relationship would develop if the chaos didn’t happen.

Oh, wait..

I think I just described the Xmas DLC..

BOI. He asks for permissions to escort you, to hold your hand, to give charity in your name, to go out with you, to hug you. He lets you make decisions on the next step of your relationship. He then asks for permissions to bring you home. This guy here is all about consent and healthy relationship. Must I- I really deem him as an abuser? I- I just can’t.

Back to the main topic, I suppose we are having a bit of difference in defining “an abuser”, but that’s totally alright.

I truly appreciate your feedback and response to my posts. Thank you for letting me know your thoughts. I completely respect you and your view on this subject and I will be more careful when approaching it from now on.

I’d like to clarify that I’m not encouraging anyone to love your abuser.

Obviously, V’s love for Rika doesn’t really help their relationship. So yeah…

I’m also quite concerned by the fact that Jumin doesn’t realize that he himself is having a very unhealthy relationship with his father. To the point that he might even be emotionally abused by him.

He actually sounds like being controlled by his father is a very common thing.

Anyone sees the keyword there? He is expected to do anything for those people who are close to him?

To the point that expressing his own emotions doesn’t matter and isn’t expected anymore?

Chief Han is 100% disgustingly abusive and manipulative here.

“If you have an ounce of gratitude about working in my company, shouldn’t you at least consider the marriage partner I’ve selected for you?”

BOI. This convo brought back soooo many memories.

Story time:

(Please excuse my French in this part)

Chief Han reminds me a lot of my dad. Ever since I was young, he always wanted to decide whatever I do with my life. He forced me to go to an art class one day, then forced me to take a piano course another. Saying it’s for my own good even though I gave no fucking interest in them. Then there was one time he strangely got super obsessed over graphics designing. He knew his age didn’t allow him to learn it well on his own so he just signed me up for the course instead and told me to take it so that I could do the work for him. Man, he just didn’t take NO for the answer.

“You are still young. I know what’s the best for you.”

“I bore and raised you. It’s only natural that you will listen to me.”

“If you have an ounce of gratitude about spending my money, shouldn’t you at least consider doing what I ask you?”

Everything is fucked.

I’m not sure how Jumin could survive all this, but after repressing my emotions for over 15 years, one day I finally did it. I finally lashed out at him.

Crying, yelling, insulting, waking up, violence exchanging, waking up.

Because it was all a fucking dream.

The feeling was satisfying, yet fucked things are still fucked, because it was just a dream and I never have the courage to do it anyway.

Even now, I only talk to him when necessary so no, I’m not encouraging you to love your abuser because obviously, I myself cannot even stand seeing him.

The only reason why I put up with Jumin’s shitty behaviors until the end of his route is that he actually acknowledged his wrongdoings and he was willing to change for the better even with a low pace. Because what’s the point of apologizing but keeping committing the same mistake, no?

Evidently, his Valentine DLC showed that he came out of his control issues and I’m proud of him for that. Time and encouragement, that were all he needed.

Of course, not anyone can be that patient. Again, Jumin’s Route is not for everyone. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, it’d be better to avoid it and please be considerate of your mental health first before anything else.

Please understand that I’m not forcing anyone to love Jumin. Believe me, Cheritz went all out to make me love Seven but it just doesn’t work like that. Seven’s Route was very emotionally draining for me and I don’t think I can even do it the second time.

(Another disclaimer: I don’t hate Seven. We are just not compatible in terms of lovers and it would be more beneficial for both of us if we only stay at friends/best friends. If you guys love him, then keep loving him with all of your heart. Make him happy. He deserves it.)

TL; DR:

I know I’ve made four long discourse posts but they are hardly a discourse anyway and only served to bring you this same message:

Nonny, I understand your view on this subject and I, by no means, have any intention to disrespect you. I’m very sorry to hear that Jumin remind you of your abuser and I’m not here to ask you to condone his actions or force you to love him either. I don’t expect you to agree with me on everything here, but I only sincerely hope that you would acknowledge his struggle to become a better man and that he deserves to be happy in life just like any other characters, rather than being a joke to more than a half of the fandom.

#ask unc #anonymous #jumin discourse #abuse tw #omg #i did it again #another post at 5 am #what is sleep anyway #042017 #unc.talks

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