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#anyway proof number 2: like. most of her early season lines
g00ngala · 1 year
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hi hannah. drop ur rise opinions if u haven't already by the time u see this. or just general tmnt opinions. xoxo
OH HENRY I CAN ALWAYS RELY ON YOU
this is gonna have to be under a cut too i have a lot . I'll do rise specific opinions bc I have so many opinions all the time so send an ask if you want other tmnt opinions
one: THE "CANON" HEIGHT CHART IS AWFUL.
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this is the most ridiculous height chart i have ever seen. As a person who is in real life 4'9. APRIL IS NOT 4'8. she looks like she is of average height compared to other humans around her, and when you are below 4'10 it is NOTICEABLE and in fact it's very rare you'll meet anyone who is shorter than you that isn't significantly younger than you. also in this picture her proportions are off anyways? her body is usually slightly bigger. donnie is smaller than he should be in this picture and you can tell because he's roughly leo's size and both his head and plastron appear to be smaller than leo's which to me indicates they made his sprite smaller so he'd appear shorter. mikey's heels aren't even lined up correctly in the picture and he appears taller than april in it even though the numbers say he's shorter. this chart really seems like they picked 6'0 for the raph height because it seemed like a tall enough height and based all the other heights off that regardless of whether it makes any sense. i sincerely doubt that this was made by the creators of the show, despite being "official". it's just a lazy tweet from some social media manager for engagement and I refuse to acknowledge it.
two: PEOPLE ARE WEIRD ABOUT SPLINTER. HE IS NOT A BAD FATHER. it's like camila noceda all over again. splinter in rise is a complicated and intentionally flawed but good person. he's not nearly as neglectful as fans portray him to be. most people cite the demolition derby episode as proof, but to me this doesn't say that splinter neglects his kids. what's going on in that episode is that as his children outgrow what he can typically provide, he is losing his ability to relate to them and he's trying less hard to actively spend time with them as they become more independent. this is especially with donnie because donnie's interests are not typically something he can meaningfully engage in. additionally, due to his upbringing he doesn't really understand that donnie is the kind of kid that needs out loud explicit praise, so he doesn't typically give it. what donnie expresses in that episode is that he does enjoy spending time with his dad, and that he needs that kind of reassurance about his worth. splinter responds to this, and adjusts his behavior because he cares enough to make active changes for his sons. people also point to raph and say that he had to raise his siblings/ was parentified which is honestly baseless. raph doesn't really start getting that whole complex about protecting the team until mid-late season 2 when he is the leader of a vigilante team and their lives are being threatened. in the early season 1 episodes and in flashbacks he's clearly just as much of a dumb kid as the rest of them, and it wasn't splinter's parenting that made him grow up too fast but instead the world ending threats that were trying to take out the people he cares about.
also stare at these images for a half hour minimum and tell me he's neglectful. that's right shut up HE LOVES HIS BOYS HE DESTROYED THE ANCIENT SCROLLS WHEN THEY TOLD HIM TO LET HIS SONS BE MARTYRS HE ALWAYS JUMPS IN TO FIGHT WHEN THE THREAT IS SERIOUS BE QUIET!!! y'all really cannot handle it when parents of color show any signs of being complicated people on tv
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okay NUMBER 3: nearly every single fanon portrayal of casey jones jr makes my blood boil. people are so much more interested in recreating the dynamics from the bad timeline than actually exploring how casey would interact with the others post movie. first of all he's not one of the youngest if you look at his design and his behavior and think about it for 2 seconds he's obviously meant to be around april's age. secondly the reason he calls present leo sensei at the end of the movie is because he's reliving the very recent loss of the leo he looked up to not because he sees current leo as a mentor. if you watch the scene where he yells at current leo, he's obviously taking on an authoritative role in the conversation where leo looks more like a child being scolded. also casey has FACIAL HAIR HE'S NOT 15. point is let casey jones jr be the strange and off putting college aged weird older brother he was always meant to be amen
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salty--alien · 3 years
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[Criminal Minds 4x17, "Demonology"]
I'll never forgive CBS for trying to convince us shes not gay... anyway here have some art I made
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tlblah · 4 years
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Question: Is there an overall timeline the Comission controls or are they affected by the time travel as well??
I was rewatching season 2 and a couple of things grabbed my attention that made me wonder if it’s a plot point or a mistake.
The main two points that really got me thinking about the Commission and the timeline is the whole scene with Diego and Herb in the Infitite Switchboard
First point: When Diego mentions Hazel, Herb says “Who?”
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- That answer sent me mind spinning with questions. We would assume everyone knew who Hazel and ChaCha were since they were from the commission sent to kill Number Five. You would think that because they failed to kill Number Five, and Hazel shot the Handler, he would be known to most. But Herb doesn’t know him, which leads me to think either
1. Only the case worker in charge of the apocalypse would know about Hazel and Chacha (which is doubtful bc Herb seemed to a close coworker, with only Number 5 separating them so they may have discussed what was happening over lunch. That seems like Herb)
2. Maybe no one knows Hazel shot the Handler (which is also doubtful bc the handler doesn’t seem to be the kind to keep her mouth shut when it came to name her attacker) but I mean they didn’t really fail in their task. Though Hazel did fail to kill Number Five, their main goal was to maintain the apocalypse, which did occur so technically 🤷🏻‍♀️
3. Does time travel really mean jumping from one universe to the other? I will expand on this by focusing on the next point
Second Point: Herb doesn’t remember that JFK was shot
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Continuing from Herb not knowing who Hazel was, he doesn’t seem to know the JFK was shot and killed in 1963. Which is confusing considering they’re meant to keep the main timeline from diverging which means
1. The timeline has changed. Which I mean we knew, BUT with Herb not knowing about JFK does that mean that everything the Umbrella Academy does, it actively changes the main timeline as well?
2. I was under the impression that there was a main timeline that the commission knew and sought to keep under control. One that even if the Umbrella Academy fucked up they would act to correct and put back to normal. But with Herb thinking the correct timeline was Vanya going off, does that mean even the correct timeline can change without either party knowing?
3. And if that is true, how can the commission know the Umbrella Academy fucked shit up. Obviously the Handler knows the Umbrella Academy was the cause of her downfall but does she know that their original timeline had JFK shot and the current time had the explosion? And if that’s the case how can they be after the Umbrella academy if they don’t know what it was supposed to be if the main timeline is changed. This is so fucking confusing.
I guess what I need answer to are:
1. Is their a main time line the comission aims to control?
2. Can that timeline adapt without them knowing?
3. Is there a certain management level that realizes that the timeline has changed versus lower level employees like Herb previously was, that knows that there has been a change versus those that don’t even realize the timeline has changed?
4. Is every time jump that Number 5 does, a jump to another universe?
I had assumed that since assassins also time traveled to keep the timeline according to plan, it didn’t affect the time line but maybe it’s only Number 5s time jumps that really change the timeline. I had always assumed his first time jump didn’t count as a change in the timeline because jumping forward in time only affected him, but now that I think about it, him jumping forward changed everything in the past. Because every action he would have taken in the past was henceforth erased from the timeline. He jumped into another timeline where Vanya was the bomb. Bc remember he was the closest to Vanya. She would set out sandwiches for him every night, which means he might have been able to make her feel less isolated even if just by a little bit.
Number Five’s second jump was not sanctioned by the Commison and was not made by the briefcase as he stated that his formula was wrong (ie teen body/old soul). He jumped forward in his personal timeline but back into his siblings timeline, creating another branch of a universe. One where he was actively trying to stop the apocalypse but simultaneously pushing it forward. He changed the 2nd universe/timeline he’d created when he’d jumped forward, so this is the 3rd timeline/universe
His brief work at the comission created a small pocket of the 3rd timeline/universe. I.e the day that never was. Before he popped back into the 2nd universe but this time properly with a time briefcase which I’ve decided henceforth is the only way to safely time jump.
And yet up to this point it’s been assumed that the Apocalypse was always meant to happen as stated by the Commission. So nothing has technically changed, though we don’t know what the original timeline was meant to be (we aren’t even going to begin to mention Reggies timeline bc that goes off into another divergent. You can read my thoughts on that here.)
Then we go to his third jump, which is now backwards in time. I don’t think he was thinking of an actual place and time bc he botched up the jump and scattered them through time. But the stress level was high so we can’t blame him. Anyways that causes a new timeline, with a new apocalypse.
Now this is where we have another divergent. This is where Herb doesn’t remember that JFK was shot and who Hazel is. This is only proof that when Five jumps, the whole timeline changes. Unless it was a mistake which is why I need answers.
So we have the new timeline with a new apocalypse but Hazel comes in at the last minute and goes back in time with Five, using a proper time travel briefcase BUT not a sanctioned time jump, which causes another timeline branch. One where the past has been affect by the Hargreeves, Ben is able to diffuse Vanya, JFK gets shot (as per the previous timelines and all the Hargreeves know about said assassination) the kid now has powers and Lila has been MIA since finding out the truth and running off with a time briefcase. (we aren’t even going to begin to wonder what hell she has created)
Either way, the Hargreeves have now time jumped forward to a 2019, but a new 2019 with a Reginald that knows about them and chose not to repeat the past. Now since they did have a sanctioned jump I think they are in the same timeline. The didn’t have any further impact on this current universe/timeline than what they did from 1960-1963, but their jump didn’t send then into yet another timeline despite what they might think. I’m not sure they could ever make it back to the original timeline/universe. At least I’m not sure until we get more answers about the main universe/timeline and what the Comission really is.
And because of said question, could it be that since Herb didn’t know about the original timeline (where JFK was originally shot and the Hargreeves caused the apocalypse) he didn’t send them to the right 2019 universe/timeline. He sent them forward to the current 2019 timeline of this, what 6th (?) Universe/timeline branch?
(Let’s map it out real quick bc I’m lost)
1. Original timeline
2. Five jumps forward in time, Vanya is the bomb. He find the eye
3. Five jumps back, arrives after his father dies but before the apocalypse
4. The day that never was, is short lived, before Five jumps back to #3
5. The Umbrella Academy jumps back to the early 60’s. Vanya is the bomb
6. Hazel time jumps Five backwards a couple days and Ben deactivates Vanya, JFK gets shot, but also the past has been changed regardless.
7. Mini time branch, all the siblings are killed, along with Lila, and the handler until five jumps back a couple seconds. Similar to the 4th time branch in that it’s a pocket of a universe that disappears with a time jump)
(Yes, my brain hurts from trying to keep everything in order. I just want answers 😭)
Me trying to figure out this fucking timeline
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*******Edit********
I just thought about the Handler and her deal with Number Five. Honestly, we all knew she was gonna stab him in the back even if she did get him and his family back to the future. BUT what future was she going to send them to? Would she have sent them back the OG 2019 timeline? Or was it always going to be the new/current timeline and a new 2019? Questions to think about 🤔
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seriouslycromulent · 4 years
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Soooooo ..... Zachary Levi and I are a thing now (*wink*)
Back in late 2015, early 2016, I found myself on a Zachary Levi kick after watching him on Eva Longoria’s short-lived comedy series “Telenovela.” I thought the show was funny and had some actors whose worked I’ve enjoyed for years, plus some actors who I was discovering for the very first time. Zachary showed up on the series in the unexpected role of a studio head with a serious case of workaholism who was attracted to Eva’s character.
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Yes, he looked hot in that scene where he carried her in his arms after being outside in the rain. And yes, it was intentionally shot to look like the cover of a romance novel, and it succeeded. But what really caught my attention about Mr. Levi was when he serenaded Eva’s character, hoping that she would marry him go with him to his cousin’s wedding after only dating for a short period of time. (See clip below.)
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Now I knew Mr. Levi could sing, and although I had not watched it at that time, I knew he was technically a Disney prince in the film Tangled and millions of people had already learned to swoon over him in animated form. But as I said during my mini-obsession then, he didn’t really get my motor running. At best, I thought he was adorkable and sweet.
But when Zac performed that number on “Telenovela,” I could suddenly see why so many adored him. That voice was like butter, and when combined with his self-effacing sense of humor, general charitable nature, and natural smolder (*wink*), he’s got a lot to make the crowd go “Well, damn!”
Following my “discovery” of his lovely voice, I decided to get tickets to see She Loves Me for my birthday back in 2016. Even though I’m not a big fan of romantic comedies, I do enjoy those older rom-coms from the 60s-70s with actresses like Doris Day, where the comedy is often in the form of unlikely coincidences or cases of mistaken identity. And would you know it, She Loves Me was so good, I went back to see it a second time (thank you TodayTix!). And this time, I stood by the stage door and promptly photographed and recorded everyone in the cast as they went down the line humoring us little people with easy banter and autographs. 
You can see more of how that went in my post here. Sorry if most of the images are blurry. 
But I got to meet Mr. Levi, embarrass myself in front of him, and walk home in shame said embarrassment that would last a good fortnight. I didn’t share those pics of us together because despite showing the woman I asked to take the photo how to use my camera -- it was so easy, I’m not sure how she didn’t understand, you literally only had to just touch the screen -- the photo is too dark and out of focus to share as proof of that moment. 
Well, since I was still inwardly kicking myself for making Zac feel weird from my awkward stuttering, I allowed myself to follow him on Twitter and keep my distance like a good non-stalker. 
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Fast forward to the month of November 2016. I’ve now seen Zac on Broadway 3 times thanks to his role in a strictly limited production of Sunday in the Park With George starring Annaleigh Ashford and Jake Gyllenhall in October. They added an extra show at the last minute, and yep, my credit card is still charging me interest on it. No regrets. 
But as you may recall, November was the now infamous US election that will ring through history long after countries no longer exist, and in the aftermath of the results, Zac showed himself to be less than ... “aware” of what was actually happening in America before or after the election, and I decided to unfollow him on social media.
Still a fan, sure. But I knew if I wanted to stay a fan, I needed to keep my attention focused on his work. Not his politics. 
Over the course of 3 years, I watched him “Heroes Reborn.” I finally watched Tangled. I hated his death in Thor: Ragnarok (still do!). I nursed my heartache over the death of Fandral with his role of Billy Goldrick in Psych the Movie. I squee!ed in excitement when he was announced as Shazam for the DCEU. And I respected the hell out of him when he decided to be more and more forthright about his struggles with mental illness. 
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But ultimately, I’ve kept my distance from Mr. Levi since 2016. That is, until now. 
What’s changed? I finally got around to watching “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.” Yes, I kept hearing good things about it. But sistas are broke these days, and stupid Amazon Prime doesn’t let you just purchase the series to watch it online by itself. No. You have to subscribe to their subscription service like a chump. 
I investigated the possibility of using someone else’s subscription to watch the series, but so far, I couldn’t find anyone to let me try. Sooooooooo ... I signed up for the 30-day free trial, and I’m going to cancel the subscription before they can charge me for the first month. I have 2 weeks left. Ha! Suckers.
Anyway. I watched Mrs. Maisel and immediately loved it. And when Zac showed up, immediately loved him too. And yes, he broke my heart in his last scene in season 3, and I’m still not over it. 
Regardless of my coping mechanisms, my obsession with Zac has been renewed. And for the last 2.5 weeks, I’ve been either re-watching things I’ve seen him in (She Loves Me on BroadwayHD; Psych the Movie; clips from his talk show interviews on YouTube) or watching things he’s been in that I’ve never seen before (Geeks Who Drink game show series; Weiners; First Date captured through a brave, but shaky pirate cam on YouTube; that clip of him in Office Uprising). And I’m not even close to done. 
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I’m going to ride this obsession until I’m completely Levi’d out. Over the next week, I plan to watch Alias Grace on Netflix; re-watch Tangled (I own it actually); Shazam! (of course); and every YouTube video of his InstaStories Q&As and his comic con Q&As I can find. At some point, I will get sick of him. I just know it.
And when I do, I wonder if it will fall before or after I attend Awesome Con in D.C. in May. Yep, I already bought a ticket. I’m determined to get a half-way decent photo with him this time. Here’s hoping the trip won’t break the bank.
Anyway, that’s all for now. This post is already long as hell. I just needed to give this obsession room to breathe, and explain why you may see me reblog a lot of images and clips featuring Zac over the next week or so. So consider yourself warned.
Remember: No regrets.
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twdmusicboxmystery · 5 years
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Mailbag Fan Question and Oh the Possibilities!
Okay, this came out the week before the finale aired but I never got around to posting about it. There’s the obvious suspicious stuff, which I’ll point out, but doing research on the details, I also found some interesting connections.
So part of the Mailbag Fan Question post for the finale was, “What happened to the remaining hospital staff at Grady Memorial?”
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Let's appreciate the fact that I don't think this came from a TD-er. It probably came from someone in the GA, which means we’re not the only ones who’ve noticed the oddity of Grady being left standing and what to know what’s up.
Why include this in the fan mailbag right before the finale? Obviously we didn’t see Grady in the finale or anything about it. So why put this here? They get thousands of fan questions and generally only include the ones that are asked the most or are super relevant to the upcoming episode. And of course thy don’t reveal any spoilers. So again, why have this question?
You could argue it’s to remind us of Grady's unfinished story line. Between this and all the suspicious tweets the Grady actors have written over the years, it’s obvious Grady will become relevant again at some point. That alone doesn’t prove we’re right about Beth being alive, but let’s be real. She was the ONLY character that had a meaningful arc at Grady. The ONLY one privy to all the things going on there or who learned anything meaningful from it. If Grady is going to become relevant again, then Beth is going to become relevant again.
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But again, why give us a Grady Update now? Again, the actors have tweeted things out over all the seasons, so why is AMC choosing this moment, this finale to post this?
Obviously we can’t say for sure, but I think it’s just more proof of how close she is. They post this before a finale that had Alone parallels, a blond walker who got an icicle in the eye, Christmas themes, and Daryl staring at Beth’s picture. Not at all what I would call a coincidence. I’m thinking more and more that we’ll see her early in S10 (kinda like we saw Morgan early in S5). I think all of this points to that. While we may have a long hiatus ahead of us, I think we’ll see Beth in the next handful of episodes which, in the scope of the show, really isn’t far away at all.
Now let’s look at the answers. First, let me credit those in my group who hashed all this out for us. They include @frangipanilove, @bethgreeneprevails, @thegloriouscollectorlady, and @wdway. This is a collection of their thoughts and mine.
First of all, it says that the Grady people perform an apocalyptic musical. Do you really think “music” is a coincidence? Even putting Beth aside, the last episode the Grady staff were in is called Coda, which is a musical term. But we can't really put aside Beth because she was the songbird on the show. The only one who literally sang.
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They also say the musical is called Mammalton. I would've known that reference but luckily other people in my group did. It's a play on the show, Hamilton which is a famous off-Broadway musical. More on that in a minute.
Then it says Mammalton is the story of mammals taking over and forming their own democracy following the collapse of society. That strikes me as pretty much exactly what was happening at Grady. Society collapsed and this group of people was trying to create a new society on all their own. Of course, it was extremely flawed and not much of a democracy, but still. So perhaps this is a way of saying that Grady is still standing, and that maybe it created a better society after TF family left. Hmm. Wonder who could be leading that.
I also had the thought that it might be a play on the word, Slabtown. Even though Mammalton is a play on the name, Hamilton, it sounds a little like “Mammaltown.” In a way, that might give some insight in the title, Slabtown. If the “town” part simply represents a particular society, then Slabtown signified that this society bread only death, rather than hope, and was a subtle clue to Beth’s fate in 5x08.
Then there's the songs that are mentioned. "Stay Alive," "The Dead Commandments," and "The Gory of Tonight (reprise)." These, too, are plays on titles of songs from the musical Hamilton. The songs from the play are called, “Stay Alive,” “The Ten Duel Commandments,” and “The Story of Tonight.” 
Come on now. Stay Alive? Can we get any more obvious than that? The Dead Commandments. Obviously, it's a biblical reference to the Ten Commandments, but remember that we saw pictures of baby Moses and the burning bush on Father Gabriel's wall in Strangers. You know, right before we saw Beth on the Grady story line?
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And it strikes me as a progression. Moses was separated from his true people and family as a baby. The same thing happened to Beth back in S5. She became separated from TF. Now we have reference to the Ten Commandments. Moses didn’t bring the Ten Commandments to his people until years later (*ahem* time jump *ahem*) after he’d reunited with his real family. So seeing Baby Moses pictures in 5x02 foreshadowed Beth’s separation from TF, and Ten Commandments referenced before the finale may foreshadow…her return.
The Story of Tonight has less obvious ties to TD, but the “gory” part is obviously a general TWD theme. I did look into what the song is about and it’s about revolution and fighting for what you believe in, even when it’s not by far the easiest thing to do. So it works well with TWD.
So this “Grady Update” would be super suspicious just with what I’ve said so far, right? But naturally, there’s more. As I looked into the musical Hamilton, something else occurred to me. Another connection between this and something else AMC put out this season.
They’ve used two real paintings as part of their promotion this season. There’s this Thanksgiving picture, and then this Crossing of the Delaware picture. In both cases, they superimposed TWD characters onto the faces in the picture. I’m going to reference the Crossing the Delaware picture today. 
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Our group has discussed it back and forth quite a bit and tried to read TD stuff into it. We’ve been moderately successful. But reading through the plot of Hamilton, the musical, I made a huge connection.  
So, a little background for those who aren’t familiar. This painting depicts a famous event during the American Revolution, when George Washington crossed the Delaware River (an extremely dangerous crossing) on Christmas Eve and surprised his enemies at dawn. It was a major victory because they took the enemy's camp while the enemy were still asleep and half drunk on Christmas wine and were able to completely overtake the camp without a single loss of American life. I think a few of the enemy were killed, but not many. It's a very famous story.
In my group, we found this interesting anyway because of the Christmas references here, the river (water) and of course the founding fathers suggest DC. And of course in the finale, TF did cross a river, albeit a frozen one.
So what does this have to do with this mailbag fan question?
Well, the plot of the musical Hamilton is basically about Alexander Hamilton. It's a play that tells the story of his life through true historical events and the eyes of other founding fathers, who are all part of the play. I connected it to the painting of George Washington, because during the famous Crossing of the Delaware, Alexander Hamilton was Washington's aid-de-camp, which means he was Washington’s right-hand man.
So this reference to the musical Hamilton and the picture of George Washington crossing the Delaware on Christmas Eve are connected.
Reading through the plot of Hamilton in more detail, there’s a few suspicious things. Rick’s face is the one on George Washington’s in the picture, right? Well, if Hamilton was Washington’s right hand man, who does Hamilton represent in this analogy? You’d think it would be Daryl because Daryl has always been Rick’s right hand guy. In short, it’s not. Hamilton is Beth. Let me explain why.
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1. Hamilton isn’t actually present in the famous painting. Most of the others in the boat with Washington don’t represent real historical figures. They’re more like composites of people involved in the American Revolution in some way. Many of them have varied cultural clothing to represent different countries and factions who took part. So Hamilton, though he was there historically, is not actually represented in this famous painting. (Beth is not there with TF right now.) Plus, Daryl’s face is on another character in the boat, (the one near the front) which specifically is NOT Hamilton, so Daryl can’t be Hamilton.
2. Reading through the synopsis of the play, there’s a whole section about a man named Charles Lee who is granted a command by George Washington, but turns out to be a terrible field commander. After Washington fires him, Lee goes on a tirade against Washington, claiming that he’s an unfit leader. Hamilton wants to challenge this man on Washington's behalf, but things get complicated. I was just thinking that sounds an awful lot like what happened at Grady with Dawn and Capt. Hansen. Unfit leaders, challenges, duels? Major parallels there.
3. When Hamilton dies near the end of the play, he’s shot in a duel. He ends up in musket duel with someone he truly doesn’t want to kill. So when they turn and fire at one another, he misses on purpose (kinda like Beth stabbing Dawn when she must have know that wouldn’t kill her) and is in turn shot himself (just like Beth.) Interestingly, the final musical number in the play is called, “Who lives, who dies, Who Tells Your Story.”
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In short, I think it’s safe to say that Beth = Hamilton in this scenario, which makes even more sense because Hamilton was used to answer a question about Grady. If the musical is about Hamilton’s lives and battles, then applied to Grady, it pretty much has to mean Hamilton = Beth.
So the short of this is that both these things—the Grady Update and the Crossing of the Delaware picture—point to Beth’s imminent return.
The long of it is that this has me spinning in tons of directions. It’s all just conjecture and head canons and predictions I have absolutely no way of verifying right now, but I can’t help myself. Given that Hamilton is Washington’s right hand man (Rick in the picture) and that I’ve always compared the Dawn/Hanson dynamic to a Beth/Rick dynamic (details HERE) and the fact that Grady was practically part of Rick’s hallucination right before he disappeared… 
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And then there’s THIS POST I made a million years ago about how this shot from Coda shows that Rick, Daryl and Beth will be on similar leadership levels…
I’m just thinking more and more that it makes sense that Rick and Beth will end up in the same place. That would make all their parallels make perfect sense. And while I 100% think she’ll be a leader in her own right, wouldn’t it be super cool if she met up with Rick and sort of stepped into Daryl’s shoes as Rick’s right hand person for a while? That would REALLY put her and Daryl on the same level, wouldn’t it?
Not to mention…Legs? Beth? Red Machete? Rick?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Okay, okay. Again, this is all conjecture and my imagination is running away with me. Just wanted to point all this out because I think they’ve give us some heavy foreshadowing here and even if I’m not interpreting it entirely correctly, it’s super-important for S10. Thoughts?
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diverdaddy · 5 years
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Set It Up: The Christmas Rush Part 2
Pairing(s): KanaDiaMari, NozoNicoEli Word Count:   12 770 Chapter : 2/2(?)
The 2nd chapter of the christmas collab with @nozoroomie is up! 
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The halls of the mall are semi empty as Eli Ayase enters the mall. She arrives early that morning to get the store open and running for the day. It’s another busy day for the christmas season and she cannot afford to be unprepared. Thanks to the other manager’s specific and wonderful closing routine, Eli knows that the store will be in tip top shape. All she and Kanan will have to do is a walk around of the store and setting up the tills and they’ll be set to open the doors for the business day.
As she’s walking down the halls on her way to Chacci’s she finds said co-worker is an early bird today too, thankfully. She smiles a bit grateful for that- her last part timer that worked opens with her was a late riser and was almost always late for their shift. Kanan’s the perfect opposite of them and it adds to her list of “reasons I enjoy working with Kanan Matsuura.”
Kanan stands in front of the store with a friend, and as Eli walks closer she can tell it’s the blonde girl from the chocolate store. What was her name again? Mar- Mariah? No, that’s the one that sings the christmas song, what was Kanan’s girlfriend named again- Mari! The one Dia says she’s dating!
Eli feels sheepishly embarrassed for forgetting that little tidbit for a hot minute.
“Kanan, and uh, Mari, good morning!” Eli smiles as she walks up to the couple who turns around to greet her in return.
“Good morning, Eli!” Kanan returns the smile, and Mari seems to beam at the sound of her name.
“Buongiorno!"
Eli gives herself a small mental pat on the back for remembering Mari’s name correctly. While they aren’t exactly friends, they’ve made small talk a couple times in the past and Eli doesn’t want to seem rude to someone she considers an acquaintance at least.
She notices Mari’s dressed up in the familiar purple uniform of Oharrero’s and takes note that she’s probably waiting for her coworker before opening up the shop. With that she glances over Kanan’s outfit and sure enough, it’s another keeper for sure. The green and red horizontal stripes of her overalls? pajamaralls? They looked so comfortable, and combined with a tiny hint of tree lights and that tight fitting white t-shirt underneath its a deadly holiday combination of both sexy and cute. Eli really needs to steal some fashion tips- this girl? You've heard of elf on the shelf, now get ready for Kanan's passion for fashion. She could probably rock a paper bag if she added some kind of festive decoration to it.
“Ready to open in a short moment?” Eli asks with her polite smile.
“Oh yeah! Gimme a sec.” Kanan grins and turns to Mari to say her goodbyes before they both get to work.
She busies herself with unlocking the sliding glass panes to open the store up for her and Kanan. As she does, she ends up a little closer to them and can overhear some words being said. Mari laughs a bit with Kanan and pulls away.
“Okay, I’ll invite Nozomi and Nico today and I’ll let you know if they’re gunna come, okay~? See if you can get Dia on board. Love you babe~” Mari gives her girlfriend a small wave before walking to the chocolate shop.
Eli hears those names mentioned and her curiosity goes from zero to a hundred in an instant. Inviting Nozomi and Nico? Get Dia on board? What could they be doing that involved her crushes and her other coworker?
Well she guesses it could be a lot considering Kanan and Mari are Dia’s best friends. It’s probably nothing more than a get together with friends. Deciding it’s not worth lingering on the thought, Eli pushes it to the back of her mind and gets into the workplace mindset.
She and Kanan enter and commence their walk around- they have fifteen minutes until the mall is officially open and so it’s up to them to make sure the store is presentable and ready for the rush of customers purchasing things for christmas. She realizes it hasn’t been that often that she’s got to work on shifts with Kanan and her alone, especially since most of the time Kanan was scheduled to join her and Dia on shifts. Today it’s the other way around, since Dia asked to come in later thanks to a planned brunch with her little sister and her girlfriends.
Eli decides to form a bit of small talk and get to know Kanan a bit more.
“So,” She starts, catching Kanan’s attention from the wall of expensive zip up sweaters, “How long have you known Dia?”
Kanan has a small hint of surprise in her eyes as her smile widens from the question.
“Grade school! We grew up together alongside our mutual friend-- my girlfriend, Mari.”
Kanan says it as if it’s one of the best things in the world and it warms Eli’s heart.
“I see.” Eli smiles warmly as she begins to count the till, making sure the change matches up with the required $150 that is meant to be left inside of it at the end of the night.
Kanan fixes up a couple of sweaters on the hangers and decides to keep speaking, wanting to confide more to her elder coworker.
“Dia is our best friend. To be honest, we’ve kinda been crushing on her for a long time now. Even when we started dating- we’ve always thought it’d be great if she could be apart of it too.”
Eli pauses her counting and her gaze immediately goes to the navy haired girl. Did she hear that correctly? The both of them have a crush on her?! Now this is some good, juicy love triangle gossip if she’d ever seen it. And Eli had seen a lot, on the big screen that is. Except it’s more like the triangle is Kanan and Mari mutually loving each other but also really loving someone else- So it’s less of a standard love triangle and more of an amazing polyamorous one. Like the ones she can’t watch on the big screen.
Eli decides that this is the perfect opportunity to pry.
“Have you guys thought about.. If she’s into dating two people?” Eli has to think about her question and Kanan seems a little. Disheartened.
“Sorta. Well, Mari made a lot of jokes about it in the beginning to the point where Dia doesn’t exactly believe us when we try to talk more about it, you know? She tries to joke less and be more serious these days, but because she’s so aloof and funny, Dia doesn’t really take it seriously.” Kanan laughs sheepishly and Eli nods, kinda understanding.
“Well, what about you?” Eli asks curiously, “Have you tired asking her out too?”
Kanan side steps a little and rubs the back of her neck, blushing.
“I uh. I try sometimes. When I show off- she gets reallll flustered around me cause she thinks I’m hot. But it’s like-” She pauses and laughs again, “I guess I’m not as brave as Mari and can’t really say it outloud like she can. I want to-- I want to a lot. I can say it to Mari but when i try to say the words “I like you” To Dia I just-”
That’s when Eli sees it. The look of a lovesick puppy. Kanan’s cheeks heat up in a way Eli’s never seen outside of interactions with her girlfriend every now and again. It makes her heart grow at least three sizes bigger. She’s rooting for these three! She can’t help it- she might not know Mari but if what Kanan says is true she can only imagine she wears the same lovestruck gaze Kanan does when talking about Dia.
“If it means anything, I think hearing it from you might make Dia take it a little more seriously.” Eli finishes up counting the cash and smiles reassuringly at Kanan, “She’s very fond of you, despite your fashion choices.”
Kanan laughs heartily at Eli’s teasing.
“One day, she’ll join us. And we’ll get that photo proof and Mari will have it blown up and framed inside of our cottage by the sea.”
Eli laughs. Damn- this girl really thought her future out with them. It’s literally the cutest thing she’s heard all day.
“What about you, Eli?”
“Hm? What about me?”
Kanan walks to the counter and leans on it, grinning up at her cheekily.
“So, anyone special you got your eye on?”
Kanan looks super mischievous and Eli hopes her cheeks haven’t tinted pink(they totally have.)
“Not- no, not exactly.” She replies, glancing away from her to the accessories rack.
Kanan waggles her eyebrows. Eli closes her eyes, feeling her gazes bore through her. She’s starting to understand what Dia means about Kanan being a handful in her own charming way.
“There’s some- well, a couple people who I’ve been interested in but.. Well, I have no time for it, really, and I don’t think it’d get further than acquaintanceship anyway.”
Excuses. All of them are excuses. Eli’s just a coward who can’t approach attractive possibly lesbian ladies. Unsurprisingly, Kanan can see through all of them like Elle Woods in the court, Eli is gay and European. She pushes herself off the counter and walks over to a display closer to Eli’s line of sight.
“What makes you think that? Have you ever tried to hangout with them or get their phone numbers?”
Eli can feel the air sucked out of her lungs at the idea. Kanan assumes too much of her- she couldn’t do that until they were at least a level 5 acquaintanceship and to get there would require Eli to actually take up Nozomi on her offer and visit the shop while she’s working (which, she has admittedly, not tried yet.) She laughs dryly.
“The only time I’m ever social is when I’m at work here with you girls. And well, I guess with my little sister.” She mumbles under her breath, “and sometimes my little sisters girlfriend..”
Kanan kinda pities her. Slightly. Eli looked like a functional lesbian when they first met, but now that she thinks about it? Disaster lesbian. The Eli peg on her mental chart of lesbians has moved and been solidly placed in that category.
“I’m kinda surprised! You look like the type of girl who would be a social butterfly, or at least someone involved in social activities.”
Eli shrugs a little.
“Looks can be deceiving. I was sorta cold and distant in school as a kid, and by the time I got to college I just sort of. Had no idea how to communicate informally around my peers. I’d get invited to go out to parties and stuff but the one time I went back in high school, it just felt awful. Super overwhelming and scary. I hadn’t really been to a party outside of family get togethers and it was all so different.”
There’s a twitch to Kanan’s eyebrow as she listens intently to Eli.
“But I don’t really mind. Parties aren’t my scene, I’m okay with that.”
It’s only five minutes until they’re open for business when Eli takes a quick look at her watch, so she decides that’s a good spot to end their conversation. Saved by the bell-- just in time.
“Five minutes left, let’s get ready to open the doors.”
“Ah, yes of course! I’m gonna turn on the radio, do you want AM or FM?”
Kanan walks behind the counter and picks up the small portable radio, watching as Eli goes to open the doors for the christmas rush that was coming their way. This plan could be a little harder than expected.
Eli folds some new sweaters that came in when Dia walks into the store ready for her shift. It’s just as she predicted- Dia walks straight up to Kanan with disgust plastered all over her face when she sees the girls attire for the day.
“Kanan Matsuura, what in the world are you wearing!? This is Chacci’s, not Santa’s workshop!”
Eli just can’t help it. With the new information she got this morning she has to see this through. She’s made it a personal goal to try to witness any and all growing feelings Dia could potentially have for her childhood friends. She folds the next sweater a bit slower to keep up with their small conversation.
“Oh come on, I’m wearing a normal t-shirt today!” Kanan laughs as Dia’s face grows more red.
“You know very well that’s not what I’m talking about.”
Despite how much Dia protests Eli can tell that she’s never really genuinely upset. It was amusing watching the two of them before, but now? Even more so, and the blush that dusts over Dia’s cheeks when Kanan is being her adorable self in those outfits makes Eli smile from ear to ear behind the stack of sweaters she’s folding where no one can see. Kanan and Mari were going to have another girlfriend in like, no time at all. Eli is already betting herself $10 that the two of them will succeed before the new year.
Eli folds the last sweater, and once she’s done a customer grabs her attention. A young woman, only a few years older than herself needs help with finding a couple christmas gifts. So Eli takes her to a couple different sections before they both land on the ‘Merry Chaccimas’ one. They have some of their bestsellers in that section, and Eli puts on her best customer service voice as she recommends the different fits to the woman.
The woman leaves the store happy with two of the higher quality blouses they sell in cute christmas designs and Eli surveys the store again to see Kanan and Dia had taken their conversation closer to the back of the store, sorting new products and pricing them. But what was this? Eli squints to see them better and-- oh my. They were standing much closer to each other all of a sudden.
She sadly can’t hear what they’re talking about all the way in the back of the store, so she decides to ignore it for now while she checks up on the counter. There’s some assorted clutter there and it’s a nice thing to focus on. She’s in the middle of tidying up the wrapping paper and ribbon when Kanan’s voice travels far enough to reach her ears.
“Is the Kurosawa Dia really going to turn down a challenge? I thought she could do pretty much anything.”
Did Eli just hear that right? What was this? Her ears perk up and she looks over to the two of them again. Her eyes as big as silver plates and ears tuned in like a radio for that juicy hot gossip.
They’ve moved a bit closer to where Eli was standing. Dia looks more than personally offended by Kanan’s statement, and then there’s Kanan with a smug confident grin on her face like she just won something. What was going down between them? Eli can only make blind guesses. Maybe Kanan finally confessed? Maybe she was going to confess? Wait Dia just finished putting away a pair of pants before turning her whole body completely towards Kanan, stepping completely into her personal space. Eli screams in silence as Dia lifts her hand closer to Kanan’s face. The tension, the suspense and finally the kiss-
Dia’s hand stops at Kanan’s shoulder before she jabs her very pointedly in the shoulder with her finger. It must’ve been pretty hard to, even Kanan who’s shoulders looks like they’re hard as marble winces slightly at that attack.
“How DARE you make such an assumption. Do you even know who I am!?”
“I just said your name a mome-”
“Then you know better than ANYBODY that I’m not going to back down. I’m going to do this-- and I’m going to win. Understood, Kanan?”
That’s when it falls into a more logical place, Eli’s seen the competitive side of Dia before but this is a whole new level. What’s Dia so determined to win? The small smile on Kanan’s lips looks like more of an uneasy one now, but it still has that hint of smugness that Eli can’t quite place. Its like Kanan agreed that Dia would win, but she wasn’t the one losing either way.
“Understood! I get it! You’re down for it!” Kanan tries to laugh it off but when Dia takes her hand away and goes back to the clothes, she see’s Kanan reach up to rub the spot she jabbed. Today’s the day Eli witnessed Dia Kurosawa dent a small bulk in the marble statue that is Kanan Matsuura. Whatever competition they have going on has to lead up to Dia getting together with Kanan and Mari. She’s betting on it.
“Anyway, Mari and I will fill you in later. I’ll be going to see her on my break to see if she got Nico and Nozomi to come so we’ll go from there.”
Eli hears that name again- Nozomi. That was the name of the pretty girl working at Oharrero’s. The really pretty one who dropped off chocolates Dia left at the store. Good god Eli really is a gay mess. She truly feels like a disaster lesbian. First she was daydreaming and cheering on her co-workers soon to be romance, and now she was back to thinking about that girl again, Nozomi...
Eli’s always known she’s been gay, but she never really acted on it. She’d delve into the depths of the internet and try to meet more girls online but being anti-social made it difficult for her to hold conversations with many of them. She had tried it all.. tinder, plentyoffish, match.com, but she rarely got past making a profile. She’d even tried going to a gay event at the college campus cafe once, but she couldn’t even bring herself to enter the door to the shop.
So she stuck with admiring pretty girls from afar, and it worked. For a while. Until she saw them working across the way. It started with the black haired girl- who Eli wants to say is Nico, given conversations she’s heard, but she has no confirmation on that- and it wasn’t long after before Nozomi joined the staff.
God it’s hard for her not to admire them on her shifts. She fantasizes about buying snacks from there just to get a closer look at their beautiful features. How pathetic- fantasizing about buying sweets to marvel cute girls instead of actually going to do it.
Sadly, Eli Ayase is a cowardly gay and could never. Besides they’re probably not gay. Even though she saw them holding hands leaving work one day and they totally blow kisses at each other. She’s seen it. But they’re definitely not gay. Or into her. They’re just gals being pals. Do they even know she exists? (a stupid thought- at least Nozomi knows she exists).
She pushes her gay crisis thoughts down with a small sigh and remembers work and her important task of managing the store.
She turns around to put away the gift wrapping supplies when she realizes Dia has come behind the counter to sort hangers from the changing rooms and such on the table behind her. (How long did she daydream for?).
Eli takes a quick look around and the store, not failing to notice it’s dead right now. Perfect. Eli decides to strike up conversation. A small distraction from the girls across the hall.
“What do you think of Kanan’s outfit today?” She starts, watching as Dia almost snaps the plastic hanger in her hands. She looks at Eli with a pointed stare.
Eli stares back at Dia with that knowing smile, and Dia literally wishes she could say something. Anything. But she respects her too much and Eli knows it.
“We will not comment on That.” Dia states flatly.
Before Eli can tease Dia a little more Kanan approaches the counter.
“Is it okay if I take my break now?”
Eli takes a quick glance to Oharrero’s and sees that it’s the shorter black haired girl working there today.
“Sounds good, give me a second to get you some cash-”
“Don’t worry about it today Eli, I got you covered,” Kanan beams and leans onto the counter closer to Eli and continues in a quieter voice, “Mari promised a bunch of free samples for us today.”
Eli blinks and smiles.
“I’ll have to thank her later on then.”
Before Kanan leaves she makes brief eye contact with Dia. She gives her a small wink and cheeky smile and then she’s out the door and on her way across the hall. Dia glowered a little bit and Eli’s curiosity comes back, but she says nothing.
There’s not a lot do in the store now. Eli and Dia sort out the rest of the hangers on the table together when Dia decides to speak up.
“You know, there is a place you could thank Mari personally.” Dia starts, bringing them into a topic of conversation.
“When she’s working..?” Eli says with the hint of a question
“Well if you’re going to be a smart then yes, that’s one way to.” Dia almost rolls her eyes and Eli can’t help but feel like she’s a part of Dia’s inner circle. She’s gotten a reaction like that from her! She’s succeeded!
Eli laughs and smiles.
“What were you really going to say?” She prods.
Dia waits a moment, examining Eli for any further teasing.
“Mari is going to be hosting a christmas party at her place. She hosts a holiday party around christmas and she’s decided to do a big christmas party this year. Don’t worry, it’s not on the actual day. A couple days before hand actually.” Dia says it as if she’s remembering all the small details, but looks at Eli with a soft smile.
“I think you’d like it- There won’t be too many others there and Mari tends to have a lot of fun...events.”
Dia looks as if she’s holding back saying some juicy details- maybe from past party experiences. She just has this face that says she wants to elaborate on what they consist of. On one hand, Eli wants to ask her what kind of events they are, but on the other hand she’s surprised- she didn’t expect to be invited to hang out with Dia at her friends party and- well, it is a little coincidental that she explained how parties aren’t exactly her thing to Kanan only hours before hand.
She feels a little sad that she’s probably going to decline.
“Events huh...” Eli decides to at least pretend she’s pondering going to the party. For Dia’s sake at least.
“Oh yes! Nobody is required to bring a gift and yet Mari likes making sure everyone gets a little something? She calls them wrapped party favours. Last year she gave my little sister the exact plush toy she had been eyeing in the window of the toy store here. I couldn’t believe it- Ruby hadn’t mentioned it to anyone and yet... And yet!”
Eli smiles to herself because the way Dia talks about her friend is so wholesome and sweet. It seems kinda like she likes them as more than a friend. Actually, Eli is completely sure about it. Or she’s putting way too much thought into this ever since Kanan mentioned it (she’s definitely put a lot more thought into ever since Kanan mentioned it.)
“Your little sister gets invited too?” She asks curiously.
“Oh well-- yes. She’s friends with Mari as well. She has a small circle of friends outside of us, and they happen to be friends Kanan lived near as a kid. It’s weird, but we’re all connected somehow and we’re all very good friends.”
Dia has such a soft smile and Eli understands why Kanan and Mari love it so much. Dia is a very, very cute girl.
“But anyways, the party-” she goes back to the most important footnote of the conversation. “Would you be interested in coming along?”
“Ah- I will, uh.” Eli’s trying to find the best excuse. What can she even say? ‘Sorry, I can’t because I have plans to stay at home and watch christmas movies alone and eat a whole tub of icecream all by myself while my little sister goes on her christmas date at her girlfriend's family’s christmas party?’ That is literally an excuse for Dia to pressure Eli into going to the party even more.
She swallows. She literally has nothing to do instead and she’s not a confident liar. Secret keeper? Sure. Liar? Well.
Saving her from actually answering, Kanan comes back with a bag of chocolates and a huge grin.
“Here you go Eli! And Dia, guess what!” She looks ecstatic- the definition of a happy little working elf.
“Hm? What is it?” Dia asks.
“Nico said yes! She messaged Nozomi and Nozomi’s down for it too! This year’s party is going to be great!” Kanan beams even more.
“It will be fun to have some new faces around for christmas!” Dia smiles delighted. Finally, some good fucking news.
“Right!? Mari’s hyped it up a lot to them and the moment she said this year there was going to be karaoke, Nico seemed to instantly agree. Apparently-” Kanan’s voice becomes background music.
Dia said the parties weren’t really that big, and they were fun. If it was only a few select friends and the cute girls that Eli’s been ogling  were going to be there. There really couldn’t be any harm in going, right?
Kanan and Dia discuss things a bit more before a customer walks over to them and asks if she could use the changing room. Kanan happily heads over to the changing station with them.
Now that Dia and Eli are alone again Eli decides to voice her decision.
“So... what day is the party? And could I have the address?”
“This saturday the 22nd, at the Ohara Mansion at 17 Cherry Tree Lane.”
Sure enough, after a long internal debate about going to a mansion christmas party, Eli finds herself on the front steps of the giant building. Mansion. She shouldn’t have agreed to going to a mansion of all places for a small christmas party.
But she did. And she’s here. In the nicest festive wear she could find (she does wish she had a more Kanan-like outfit, but the moment Dia’s lips said ‘Mansion’ Eli instantly went into presentable mode.) A simple long sleeve shirt with a cute snowflake pattern in a cute, light blue shade (her green one was in the wash and everything else she had didn’t quite scream christmas) followed by a cute and simple plaid skirt. If plaid doesn’t tell anyone at this party she’s here and she’s queer then she doesn’t know what will.
She’s perfectly on time, as one should be when going to a party (she assumes, she’s really guessing from her chick flicks). She isn’t sure whether to knock or ring the doorbell, but she imagines that knocking on the door when nobody is near it might be a bit useless. She locates the doorbell immediately and presses it.
Within moments Mari’s at the door and her eyes practically sparkle as she stares down at Eli. Wait- stares down? Eli blinks up rather surprised to see Mari is at least half a foot taller than she was before. A quick glance over shows Mari in a somewhat. Well. If Kanan’s fashion was bad according to Dia, Eli can only imagine how she feels about the voluptuous snowman and it’s “sexy and I snow it” caption beside it. Glancing downward she sees the dangerous looking christmas shoes Mari wears and suddenly her height change makes complete sense.
She really hopes Mari doesn’t break her ankle when she trips.
“Ayase-san! Welcome! Come right in, you’re one of the first few guests to arrive!” Mari steps to the side to let Eli into the colossal household. Before Eli can take a step further though, Mari stops her.
“Hold up! You’re under the mistletoe~”
Eli’s eyes widen in surprise and she looks around helplessly until she sees it- right on Mari Ohara herself. Directly inside the little loop of blonde hair she likes to wear. It looks like its solidly tied in and Eli can feel a nervous sweat beginning to form. She barely knows her and she has to kiss her?!
“E-erm.” Eli mumbles.
Mari breaks and laughs.
“It’s joke! Don’t worry, I won’t force you to give me a smooch if you’re not comfortable with it Ayase-san. You’re one of the three newer guests to the party so if you don’t want to, you don’t have to!”
“T-Thank you.” She smiles a bit awkwardly as she continues past Mari, slipping off her boots, “Thank you for the invite as well.”
Mari beams as Eli decides to take in her environment. She can tell they take the holidays very seriously in the Ohara household. On every door frame and banister were decorations galore- some were a variety of christmas lights, some were fancy garlands with decorative little ornaments hanging from them. In almost every corner was a fancy christmas themed object of sorts- the most visible things were the miniature christmas trees and their themed ornaments (Eli swears she saw one that just had a bunch of ornaments that were photos of Mari and her family. It’s actually very cute.)
And then there was the giant golden statue in the middle of the room that looked like, no. It was a Mari statue, decorated in a christmas sweater and reindeer antlers on its head, and it even had a red nose attached somehow too. What exactly had she walked into?
Mari leads her into the house after she takes off her boots and directs her to where the party will be held- the main living room. Elis eyes widen and she gasps in wonder at the delightful decorations. There’s a long table by the window filled with punch and snacks of all sorts, a gigantic christmas tree with a star on the top (and another image in the star- a photo of Mari? good lord.) the ornaments are a decorative red, green, gold and silver and the lights aren’t super bright leds, but beautiful dim and golden. Honestly, Eli can’t believe how wonderful the place is- she feels like this isn’t just somebody's house.
A voice pulls her from her thoughts and she turns to find Dia sitting on a sofa with a shorter, red haired girl next to her. She seems a little startled by Dia’s greeting but her eyes are all on her. It only takes one glance at those wide green iris’ for Eli to make the connection between her and Dia- that’s Ruby! Eli smiles and decides to head over to that spot.
“You made it Ayase-san!” Dia says happily, “On time too! That says more than the other guests.”
Eli would object but it does seem a little odd nobody has arrived at the correct time. Then again, parties seem to be a casual get together so Mari might not be a stickler for guests being a little later than the planned time. Mari comments on how she’s going to see if Kanan’s ready and that she’ll be back in a few minutes, and that clears up where her other coworker is. She’s happy to know they’re both here and she wouldn’t be alone in a strangers house waiting for them.
She and Dia fall into small conversation. Dia properly introduces her to Ruby, and while Ruby seems a little shy, she’s a delight to be around. She loves to knit and has a huge interest in sweets, particularly hard candies. She makes a mental note of that.
Mari returns shortly after, taking a seat with the group and commenting that Kanan’s just finishing getting ready and will be down soon. Dia and Ruby decide to grab a couple snacks from the table and that leaves Eli alone with the Oharrero’s employee.
Eli decides to dive right into interrogation.
“Ohara-san?” Eli says, turning her body to face her. Mari is attentive and smiles.
“Call me Mari~” she responds with a grin, “What’s up? Did you need anything?”
“Please call me Eli then!” She responds in kind, continuing to speak, “I don’t really need anything in particular. I just kinda wanted to ask about your relationship with Dia.” She glances to the refreshments to make sure Dia is preoccupied. “Kanan’s told me a brief history, but I was just curious about how you feel.”
Mari is surprised by the question, but if there’s a blush on her face it’s practically invisible.
“I’ll give you the longer version another time, but all I can really say about it right now is I plan to change our relationship somehow tonight. Hopefully for the better.” She flashes Eli a playful wink and it brings out the first of what she hopes is many laughs.
“Is that Eli?! You made it!” A new voice comes in and before Eli can even identify the speaker, there’s a loud shriek.
“KANAN MATSUURA WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS.”
On the staircase on the other side of the room, Kanan wears a red and white themed christmas suit of sorts? It’s definitely a suit, it’s a proper suit jacket but with short sleeves, and instead of having pants it’s a pair of matching shorts. She wears almost knee length red and white striped socks matched by converse with a red backdrop followed by snowflake patterns. The little christmas trees on the fabric of the clothes add more of a colour pop, even the tie matches the suits fabric, and honestly its. Well, it’s a lot. Eli appreciates Kanan’s sense of style (or lack thereof) but she wonders if there’s more to the outfit choice than its christmas spirit and stylish accessorising.
Eli watches as Dia goes through the seven stages of grief almost instantly. Ruby looks concerned but there’s a slightly amused smile threatening to show itself. Kanan can’t help but laugh as she adjusts her santa hat.
“Awh, come on Dia! It’s christmas! Mari gave me special permission to adorn this outfit tonight~”
“Kanan Matsuura you are going to be the death of me.” Dia says exasperatedly before turning to Mari with a pleading gaze. “Mari Ohara, tell me you didn’t.”
Mari, immovable as she is, flashes her a peace sign.
“It was all Kanan wanted for christmas this year! I couldn’t say no!”
Eli wishes she was filming Dia’s face as her lips formed a tight line and her gaze burned into Mari’s. She turns to Ruby and Ruby looks up at her, wondering what her choice will be. Eli’s tempted to visit the popcorn bowl just to snack and watch the younger girl as she decides whether she’ll spend the night here or not.
Her decision is made for her when the doorbell rings, signalling the arrival of other guests.
Eli sort of loses track of time. She’s aware two people have arrived together- two more unfamiliar faces. They greet Mari with cheek kisses as if it were an everyday thing before moving like magnets towards Ruby. Eli learns from Dia that they’re her younger sisters friends and companions (A fact that surprises Eli a little bit- her little sister has two girlfriends before her? Eli almost pities Dia.) The shorter, chubbier girl is named Hanamaru while the taller, lankier and goth looking one calls herself Yohane (a self given nickname, according to Dia.)
Shortly after them is a group of three girls, two who were Kanan’s other childhood friends. Chika and You grew up on the same street as her and Chika and Kanan’s families have been friends since before they were born. Their other friend, Riko, has only been attending the christmas parties for a few years now, but as used to it as she should be she’s still pleasantly surprised by the size of the mansion like Eli is.
Which, somehow, with all these new people arriving, makes the huge building so much smaller. Eli’s beginning to feel the onset of that familiar anxiety she feels when being in large groups. She moves to the refreshments table, pretending to eye all the goodies as a tactic to keep her mind off of socializing with the unfamiliar girls. Dia’s gotten lost in a conversation with the the girl named Riko and somehow Kanan has ended up chatting it up with Dia’s little sister and her girlfriends. Eli’s only other option is Mari, but she doesn’t seem to be around at the moment?
As she has that thought she realizes why that is.
“Okay everyone! Looks like all our guests have arrived!” Mari calls from the entrance of the room and Eli’s eyes land on the guests she’s been nervous and excited to see all night.
Mari’s coworkers have arrived, both together and Eli is almost floored by their appearance. No christmas party is truly complete without everyone enjoying the festive sweaters and Nozomi and Nico are no strangers to it. Nico wears a sweater with the body of an elf starting at the collar of the sweater. It makes it look as if she herself is the elf and its humorous and adorable all at the same time. Eli notices the scrunchies in her hair have holly and little jingle bells tied to it and god. Waiting awkwardly in that odd span of time just to see how this girl could rock the ugliest of christmas sweaters was worth it. She wonders if its her makeup that helps complete the look- it looks so simple and yet so elegant- Nico definitely knows what she’s doing to make those eyeliner wings look on fleek and Eli doesn’t even know if her contour is makeup or natural- in this lighting it’s really hard to tell.
That’s only Nico though-- Nozomi on the other hand has taken a page from Mari’s book. Her hair is tied in a beautiful long braid with little holly decorations weaved through the strands to match Nico’s, but the sweater is something else entirely. The chest part of the fabric is covered by mittens and the text reads in bright red ‘Tit’s the season.’ It’s awful. It’s a seriously corny joke. Eli might not even be fond of it if it wasn’t for the fact one of the cutest girls here was wearing it.
She has no idea how she’s going to make it out of this party alive. She reaches for the punch, pours herself a cup and throws it back, drinking it all in one gulp before pouring herself another cup. When did she get this thirsty?
In her haze of admiring her crushes and drinking punch, Eli finds herself back in the spot she’d been sitting in before. She idly watches the two of them out of the corner of her eye and she see’s Mari share a laugh with the both of them. Nozomi’s eyes crinkle adorably as she giggles and Nico’s match and god- agreeing to this party is either the best idea she’s had in months or it will kill her on sight (much like Kanan’s outfits for Dia.) In her staring she fails to notice that the two have started walking over towards the couchs where she sits and she hasn’t even looked away.
At this point Eli really wishes she would be taken out, in a date way or a sniper way, she wasn’t very picky right now. She definitely just got caught staring. She brings her attention downward and decides hey, her punch is probably a much better topic to focus on at the moment. She looks down and peers into the cup and its.. empty? When did she drink her second glass?! She vaguely remembers bringing the cup up to her lips as she was watching the Oharrero employees and- well. She realizes she probably took another one big gulp in that moment. This is embarrassing.
The spot next to her sinks and Dia has taken the spot next to Eli. She looks a little defeated- or exhausted? It’s hard to tell at the moment. She smiles a bit sympathetically at her and Dia only sighs. She’s aware other people have decided to sit near them and Dia’s defeated gaze only perks up, a fire igniting inside them as she smiles politely.
“Toujou-san! Yazawa-san! It’s great to see you could make it too.”
Oh my god Eli really has to stop spacing out- she thought the two of them were across the room still and now they’re already taking seats with them. She’s unprepared! What’s a good conversation topic? What happens if they point out she was staring? Does she have any excuses prepared? Oh god- she’s doing it again. She pushes the anxious gay baby thoughts away and makes a new goal for the party; no more spacing out. Ignore the cute girls- stay present for any and all conversations she’s included in and make it out of this alive with her pride damaged as little as possible.
She’s aware they’ve greeted her and she can feel her muscles robotically moving to wave a tiny bit. She says hello and puts her arm down. It feels like this itself is an out of body experience and she feels so awkward. She prays that they don’t notice.
Dia strikes a conversation with the three of them and Eli is. Vaguely aware of the topic. They’re talking about the mall. She can hear her replies and she’s taking in everyone’s words but it feels so forced. She feels a little uncomfortable. She can feel the walls of the mansion slowly closing in on them all and the air is getting a little harder to breath. When did the room get so small? Did everyone suddenly move closer to them? She glances around to be sure but there’s quite a distance between her and the other guests who have taken seats on other various furniture pieces surrounding them.
The sensible side of her is gone and she realizes that it took very little time for her to begin spacing out again. This is hopeless. At least Dia is here to keep conversation between the four of them going.
As she thinks that Dia suddenly pauses her conversation and stands up, glaring in the direction of Kanan.
“Ruby don’t you DARE put on Kanan’s tie! I refuse to let her cursed clothes go near you!” She’s pushed herself off the couch and over to them. Kanan and Hanamaru start to laugh while Ruby pushes herself into Yohane to make sure that Kanan’s tie really doesn’t touch her.
Eli’s eyes widen and her smile becomes a little tense as she realizes she’s been abandoned by the one person helping her power through talking to her crushes. Nico watches Dia move in amusement and Nozomi’s lips move and words come from her mouth and- oh! oh shit, she’s talking to her!
“S-sorry?” Eli mumbles a little helplessly. You’ve heard of Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, now get ready for Eli Ayase the red faced lesbian. The embarrassed blush that lightly dusted her cheeks all night suddenly becoming a giant beacon of bright red.  
Nozomi only smiles that lovely soft smile and Eli feels like she could melt into the damn couch.
“Is this your first Ohara christmas party too?” She asks again.
This is her chance. She can feel it- her anxiety is screaming at her but she forces it down once again. She takes in a small breath and speaks, hoping her reply is more confident than cold.
“It is.” She says. She can feel it- her prides patting her on the back. Her brain cells kiss and cheer while her heart is beating louder and happier. She did it! She spoke to the cute girls at the party!
Now it’s time to see if she can keep the conversation going.
“This is-  i-it’s my first christmas party I’ve ever been to that didn’t include my extended family.” She feels a little embarrassed and mumbles a little quieter “Actually it’s more like the only party I’ve ever been to without my extended family.”
“Really?!?” Nico replies a little loudly but she looks very shocked- alarmed even, “Are you saying you’ve never been invited to christmas parties at all?!”
“Oh! No- no no. That’s not it. I mean-” Eli laughs a bit fumbling with her words, “I don’t really go to parties at all. I get invited to things here and there but I’ve never gone to anything until now really.”
God she hopes they don’t find that lame. Nico looks at her with a little disbelief while Nozomi hums. She nods a bit as if to understand something not spoken.
“I wondered- you seem like an introvert.” She says it a bit bluntly and Nico nudges her a bit as if she’s said something offensive.
Eli kinda laughs at that. Nozomi really hit the nail on the head with that comment. She reaches her hand up to brush a strand of hair behind her ear before looking at them with an uncertain smile.
“Is it that obvious?” She asks a little sheepishly.
“Only to Nozomi.” Nico responds immediately and reassuringly, “This girl can read anybody like the palm of their hand- Literally. She’s a fortune teller.”
A cup of something has manifested itself into her hands and Eli realizes that someone has walked over to them with a tray of drinks- wait, a server?! What kind of party is this? She thanks the waiter and realizes there’s a good amount of heat coming from the cup and the aroma of hot chocolate fills her senses and soothes her entire soul. Maybe Mari is looking out for her somehow- sending a waiter with her favourite hot beverage is definitely helping her keep this conversation alive.
She remembers the last bit of Nico’s sentence and looks at Nozomi with curiosity and a crooked smile. A fortune teller! That’s pretty neat!
“Fortune telling?!” She says with a voice that dies to ask more about it.
The violet haired girl laughs and waves her hand.
“It’s nothing impressive, just basic fortunes for questions about the future, careers, school,” She looks at her with this gaze that’s somehow very different from all the ones she’s seen before as she says the next word, ”Love,”
Love. Eli wonders what kind of love fortune she’d get if she were to ask Nozomi about it. The temptation to ask her for one is real but she knows it’d be pretty rude to ask for such a personal fortune in the middle of a party.
“That’s amazing!” Eli decides to say, conversation finally coming easier to her. She looks to Nico with bright eyes filled with wonder, “What about you? Do you have any hobbies like that?”
Nico smirks and Eli swears she can see Nozomi shake her head.
“Absolutely! You’re looking at the soon to be number one idol Ni-”
“NICO-NII~” Mari interrupts and finishes as she puts her arms around Nozomi and Nico’s shoulders and puts her head between them. “You girls having a good time~? I see you’re chatting it up with Eli!”
Nico looks offended for being interrupted and Nozomi looks like she was trying to hold back a laugh. Then Nico notices it. The little plant inside Mari’s hair loop.
“Mari, is that mistletoe in your fucking hair?!”
“You bet! Now pucker up and plant one on the cheek!” She directs her to her cheek and grins. “I��m the tallest thing here and the rule is as long as you’re under it you must smooch!”
Looks like Mari’s not shy with people she’s closer to. Eli feels a little special knowing she wasn’t forced to do it while these two are. Nico, while hating it, doesn’t protest and gives her a peck on the cheek. Mari then turns to Nozomi ready to tell her to do the same, but Nozomi has a different idea. Instead, Nozomi lifts her hand up to tilt Mari’s chin just a bit lower with her hand. Mari looks flustered for a brief moment, a little confused about what’s about to happen until Nozomi plants a short, chaste kiss directly on Mari’s lips.
The party practically freezes as everyone notices The Mari Ohara has been smooched on the lips by someone who isn’t Kanan. Conversation pauses and Eli wishes- oh how she fucking wishes- that she was Mari Ohara in that moment. Kanan whoops when Nozomi pulls away from Mari with a cheeky grin. Mari comes to and laughs, pushing herself up.
“Dang Toujou, I would’ve reapplied my lipgloss if I knew you were gunna go for the lips~”
“What can I say Marichi-” She glances over to Eli when she says this, but its brief, “I’m full of surprises~”
The small group laughs and Eli joins in, finally feeling completely relaxed in the party setting. There’s a blush dusting her cheeks and she lifts her cup up to take a sip of her hot beverage. She closes her eyes and lets the content feeling wash over her.
With that over Mari announces for everyone to get hyped because it’s time for the christmas karaoke contest! Mari will select four people to draw two names from a hat and the people who are picked will become the drawers teammates. Each group will choose a christmas song to sing and the team that gets the best score on the karaoke machine is the winner!
Dia, Yohane, Chika and Nico are selected to draw the names from the special karaoke hat. Yohane goes first, sticking her hand into the hat and drawing two pieces of paper. Chika follows suit, quickly picking her two. Dia dives in next and that leaves the last two names for Nico.
“Okay girls! Open it up, tell us who’s gunna be with who! Then we’ll take five minutes to decide our christmas carols before the competition begins~” Mari says with a grin.
“Ah! Lily! Mari! Guilty Kiss is reunited for another year!” Yohane looks over to Mari, who brings her arm around Riko’s shoulders and pulls her close. Riko, though mildly alarmed, smiles.
“HEY! YOU! RUBY! I GOT YOU GUYS!” Chika shouts and looks excitedly to her friends. Dia’s little sister jumps from surprise, but her eyes reflect nothing but excitement. You salutes.
Dia opens her papers and she looks mildly surprised.
“Oh! would you look at that. Looks like I’ve got Hanamaru and-” her tone of voice changes as she leers at the tall festively dressed girl, “Kanan.”
Kanan beams and Hanamaru claps her hands together.
“I guess that means I got you guys.” Nico turns to Nozomi and Eli with a half grin, “Don’t worry- you’re both in great hands with a karaoke star like me~”
“You say that but we won’t know until we hear the others sing now will we?” Nozomi says in a teasing tone. Nico sticks her tongue out at her and the two of them share a laugh.
Eli swallows a bit nervously as the girls disperse into their groups. Nico’s playful expression suddenly dissolves and becomes serious. She lifts her hands and gestures for both Nozomi and Eli to come in close. Nozomi gets it instantly but it takes a few more gestures towards Eli from Nico for her to realize what she’s asking.
“Ah! Sorry!” Eli moves closer to them and huddles in close. She can feel Nico’s arm come around her shoulder to bring her and Nozomi closer so that nobody could hear what they were saying and- is that a hint of honey? It smells like honey, cinnamon and maybe even a hint of vanilla? God, what festive scents were these two wearing?!
“Okay listen up- I knew this was happening and already demanded for the set list of songs to choose from. Mari gave them to me no problem but scanning these girls, it’s easy to see who will choose what song. So it’s up to us not to choose the same song and rock it, alright?” Nozomi and Eli nod once and Nico continues, “Great, so I already know Mari’s for sure.”
“My only wish?” Nozomi asks with amusement in her voice.
“My Only Wish.” Nico confirms.
Eli blinks as she thinks of what song that is.
“Oh! The Britney one!” She says, a tiny proud smile on her lips.
Nico looks almost endearingly at Eli and there’s something about it. She feels like Nico just came to a decision somehow. She blushes a bit under her gaze and avoids looking directly into her red eyes.
“Yeah, the Britney one! So, we gotta get them with something just as good and pop sounding- but not Mariah Carey.”
“Eh? Why not?” Nozomi asks kind of hushed, “How do we compete with Mari’s team if we can’t sing that?”
“Because team over there,” Nico jabs her thumb at Ruby’s group “Has the one who was talking about how it’s her favourite christmas carol so they’re definitely going to sing that. Have you seen her? She’s an adorable ball of cute and there’s no way the butch girl and the orange haired girl will say no to that.”
“Aah, I see I see.” Nozomi frowns. “Well, what song do we sing then?”
Nico and Nozomi look to Eli for a suggestion and Eli kinda blanks. What could combat a wonderful pop song by famous ladies at christmas time? Certainly not an old timey tune. What kind of christmas carols do the boy bands sing around this time?
It doesn’t take Eli long to think of an option.
“Erm.. Maybe Beautiful Christmas by Big Time Rush? It isn’t super popular, but if we use a boy band song we could have a chance.”
Nozomi’s eyebrows rise and Nico thinks about it. They ponder Eli’s choice and Nico slowly nods. She likes the idea the more she thinks about it.
“That could work. You’re right, it’s not popular, but I think we all know it, right?”
“Yup! I remember it.” Nozomi replies, “Think we can sing it better than they can?”
“Are you kidding?!” Nico says with a smirk, “We’re gunna make it more popular after this party.”
They pull out of their huddle and Eli giggles, unable to hide her amusement. She’s kind of excited to see how they do- she hasn’t sung in front of a big group since her family reunion earlier this year so she hopes it’s a great time. It’ll be her first of what she hopes is many karaoke times with these girls.
The other groups are ready and there’s a quick lottery game to decide the singing order of each group. Chika gets the longest straw, so their group will be singing first. Followed by Dia, then Mari’s and finally, them. Nico grumbles, hating her terrible luck but Nozomi pats her on the back saying the best are always saved for last. Eli smiles a bit when Nico leans into her and her chest feels warm. Their relationship is really wonderful. Part of her aches to be apart of it too, but nevertheless, she’s content to see them happy and affectionate with one another.
The competition soon begins and as Nico predicted, the first song by their group is Mariah Carey’s christmas hit. They rock it and get a pretty decent score before handing the mics off to Dia’s team. They surprise a few people with their choice of jingle bell rock, but it’s absolutely adorable watching the older girls and the younger one jam to the tune as they belt out the words. Finishing up for the other teams is Mari’s and of course, as Nozomi and Nico knew they would, they sing Britney’s christmas ballad to a perfect t. Their score is an all time high apparently and Dia looks as if she’s unhappy already knowing her team is either in a hard second or an unfortunate third place. Eli wants to laugh- that girl really does get way too into the spirit of competition a little too much.
She really hopes they don’t mind third place once her team takes the winning score.
The microphones are handed to the three of them. The other nine girls seem surprised by their song choice and that fuels the competitive rush that grows inside of Eli. She wonders if she’s just absorbing some of that energy from Nico, because this girl radiates absolute confidence for their group. Their colours are chosen for the lines and verses they’ll get to sing outside of the chorus and soon the tune begins.
Being a former ballet competition dancer had its perks in her youth- she may not have been social with peers, but she learnt at a young age how to get through stage nerves. She stands with Nico and Nozomi and before long the three of them are singing along to the words. Eli gets absorbed into the moment, focusing on the lyrics and singing loudly and proudly. Her voice echoes throughout the room and while she can’t pay attention to the audience, she adores how Nico faces her instead of the screen with the lyrics.
They get to the chorus and for a brief and wonderful moment, it feels like its just her and her crushes. Eli feels like the three of them are in some weird kind of limbo, singing a cheesy boy band christmas song and having a good time with just one another. They get really into their performance and Eli isn’t too nervous or embarrassed at the end of it when Nico and Nozomi drape their arms around her and they laugh together.
“Holy shit! How come you never told us you could sing that great?! You were fantastic!” Nico’s face is red from the exertion and their labored breaths are synchronized as the machine finishes tallying their score.
“OOH! We have a tie! We’re gunna need to pick a tie breaker song!”
The three look at the machine and sure enough, their team tied scores with Mari’s. The three of them lock eyes and as a consolation prize, the remaining six girls get to decide what the tie breaker song would be. They’re all huddled up around the machine screen while the others wait patiently. Since there’s only three microphones, the groups decide to do a tag team competition; two girls from each team will get to sing a part of the song together at the same time and swap out until the ending chorus, where they’ll all try really hard to sing together with their limited microphones.
Soon the song is chosen and both Nico and Nozomi push Eli up to sing the first verse against Riko. The two make eye contact briefly before the look to the screen and the words “Last Christmas” pop up. Eli smiles. It’s her favourite version too- Cascada’s.
The begin to sing and Eli shows Riko no mercy. She swaps with Nozomi, high fiving her and handing her the mic as she steps up to compete with Yohane. They have a little more fun with it, bringing their mics closer and singing so competitively you’d feel like they were competing on the voice. The next verse is handed off to Nico and Mari who, albeit a little dramatically, conquer the second last verse before the rest of their teams are brought up. Nico and Mari hold their mics while the teams sing and once the song ends, the room is filled with a lot of laughter and applause.
By the end of it Eli’s contently between both Nico and Nozomi as the score is calculated and she really doesn’t care. Mari’s team could keep the prizes if it meant she would continue to have this much fun alongside her crushes. She’s lost in the way it feels having them so close, the warmth that comes from the two of them and the pure happiness she has.
This is the best (first) party ever.
As a fun cool down they decide to sing a few more songs, with solo performances and different teams coming together. Somehow everyone convinces Eli to sing ‘Where are you christmas’ and Faith Hill’s version has nothing on hers. By the end of it Nico’s actually shed some tears and is desperately finding something reflective to make sure she didn’t smear her makeup too much. She looks over and see’s Kanan somehow comforting Dia over her loss, offering the girl a cookie cut into the shape of a santa hat.
Dia takes it and nibbles on it when Mari announces they have to make some space for the next activity. The guests get up and assist with pushing some of the furniture to the side and Kanan goes off into another room, bringing You for some assistance.
When they return they have what looks like two level changing posts- like something you’d find in a gym, sort of, and then a long, red and green decorated pole. Kanan and Mari begin to set it up and within seconds Eli’s put it all together- They’re all about to limbo.
There seems to be a catch when Mari comes out with a few pillows.
“Good thing we all wore sweaters we can stuff this into! otherwise Santa limbo wouldn’t be as fun!”
Oh my god. They’re going to pretend to be santa and limbo. Eli is ecstatic- this is so much better than she anticipated the game of limbo to be and she feels like this is going to be one of the funniest games she’s ever witnessed. She’s still pretty closely huddled to Nozomi and Nico and Nico wears the most sour expression Eli’s seen to date.
“That thing is gunna look hideous under my sweater. Nozomi I don’t like this.” Nico mumbles in an unamused tone.
“Aww, but you’ll look like an adorable chubby little elf! And who knows, you could win since you’re the shortest one here!” She laughs at her own joke and Nico glares.
“You know what Nozomi? For that I’m gunna kick your ass at this game.” Eli can feel Nico moving away from her and Nozomi in favour of grabbing a pillow to start the limbo.
Everyone gets a turn and the game starts out pretty great, but turns into a catastrophe the moment they set the bar lower by three levels. Mari’s heels have become her ultimate weakness as they slide out from underneath her and she lands flat on her back, her belly knocking the pole down instantly. When she gets up she trips and falls directly onto Dia, who falls right onto Kanan, who lands perfectly on the floor and cushioning the two of them from a dangerous fall. Eli makes sure to get a quick snapshot on her phone before Dia, beet red in the face, squirms out from between the laughing girls. Chika and Ruby both do the exact same thing and puff the santa belly out too much, sliding the pole off before they could bend back more. Yohane got knocked out in the first round, but she roots for her other girlfriend as she maneuvers perfectly. Kanan, Nozomi and Eli don’t last longer than the first three rounds and Eli sits in the losers section with her watching as the game slowly narrows down to its semi finalists: Hanamaru, Dia, and Nico.
The pole gets dangerously low and all eyes are on Dia. She’s significantly taller than Nico and Hanamaru and her determination to win could end up being her downfall. Hanamaru herself doesn’t look to bothered, but Nico looks. Well. She���s happy she’s gotten far but she realized partially through the game that she’s proving Nozomi is right by winning this. She pats the pillow stuffed under her sweater and turns in the direction she and Eli sit and glares at them before she goes in for another turn, clearing yet another level of the lowered pole.
When Dia goes up next, she unfortunately pulls a Mari and slips. She falls directly onto her back with a loud thud. The pole falls on top of her and she’s booted out of the game. Eli can’t hide her little giggles as Dia moves to the losers couch next to her to grumble about the game being unfair to the taller members.
“Don’t sweat it Dia, you did great!” Kanan says with a positive smile.
“Yeah! For one of the taller girls, you really lasted so much longer than we thought! We assumed you were going to lose right in the beginning.” Mari jokes and Dia glares in her direction.
“You underestimate the power of a Kurosawa. Unlike Kanan here, who doesn’t doubt my drive to win.” Kanan feels a bit of pride at that statement and Mari laughs.
“Oho! You say that but you have yet to complete the biggest challenge of the night- giving me a kiss~” Mari points to her mistletoe and smirks, “You’re like, the only one here who hasn’t given me one! It’s rude! This is an activity too you know! You gotta kiss under the mistletoe!”
Dia opens her mouth to object and then closes it. Then opens it again and blushes. Eli’s eyes are glued to the scene next to her and she practically forgets about Nico and Hanamaru dueling it out under the limbo pole as she watches Dia figure out what to do with the situation. She watches Dia take in her scenery, noticing Mari is behind the couch and draped between her and Kanan. Eli see’s the look of an idea come to her and an even bigger blush forming on her cheeks and watches as Dia reaches past Mari to grab Kanan by her christmas tie, pull her in closer and plant a small kiss directly on her lips.
Mari practically falls backward, losing her footing from the imbalance of her reeling backward off the couch and not catching herself in time. She lands on her butt for a third time and she almost screams in delight. Eli beats her to it, gasping only loud enough for Kanan and Dia to hear her. She covers her mouth to refrain from making anymore noises but Nozomi and a couple others look over to see Dia pulling away from Kanan, both of their faces bright red. The corner of Kanan’s lip quirks upward is disbelief and Mari pulls herself up from the ground to look at Dia in disbelief and awe.
“Excuse me!? Did I just see what I think I did?!” Mari practically shouts, catching the attention of everyone now.
Nico, who is under the limbo pole, drops to the ground from the surprise of it all and ends up losing the game (something she intends to argue about later, when the commotion has died down.) Ruby’s eyes sparkle with almost as much excitement as Eli’s do while the others look on mildly surprised and a little confused.
“You bet you did. The rules of the mistletoe is you have to kiss someone under it. There was only Kanan under it, because you’re wearing it. Challenge won. Now excuse me.” Is all Dia says as she stands up and decides now, of all times, is the best time to use the restroom real quick (but Eli knows a gay panic when she sees one and Dia’s going to give herself a brief moment alone to do just that).
The commotion seems to fade into the background as everyone celebrates Hanamaru’s win from the limbo game. Kanan, still stunned, sits on the couch with her hand going to her lips while Mari decides to grab Hanamaru her prize before scampering off to find Dia and question her some more on those loopholes. Eli can’t stop the smile on her face. It’s huge. This is literally everything she could have wanted from a party and she feels absolutely blessed. Nozomi seems to notice and she nudges her a bit.
“How long have you been waiting for that to happen?” She grins as she asks the question.
“Since the day I got invited to this party,” Eli admits a little sheepishly, “Kanan filled me in on a lot of things and I’ve sort of been rooting for them ever since. Dia’s very inexperienced and you can tell she’s always wanted to be some kind of thing with them. It’s not evident, but it’s there, you know?”
Nozomi nods because she knows. She knows all too well about someone being very inexperienced and wanting to be some kind of thing with someone. She looks at Eli with a stare that says she knows a lot more than what Eli might think when it comes to inexperienced gays pinning for people. Eli continues speaking, not really thinking about her words.
“Makes me kind of envious, you know? I’ve always wanted a girlfriend and suddenly my coworker has two potential ones who want nothing more than her to be with them too.”
Great! Eli just practically outed herself to this girl in more ways than one. Her eyes widen and she can feel the colour draining from her face as she watches Nozomi’s eyes illuminate and make all the connections she really, truly hoped wouldn’t happen for months after this party. The colour comes back in a full, bright santa suit red and Eli wishes she could fade into nothingness as Nozomi gazes at her. Nozomi leans closer and Eli finds herself wanting to lean back a bit, but she’s frozen. She has no idea what to do.
“She doesn’t have to be the only one getting two girlfriends at once.” she says in a voice like a whisper, pulling back only to wink and causing Eli’s face to ignite into even more brighter shade of red.
She blinks once. Twice. Her mouth opens and she gapes for a moment. Was that correct? She heard that correctly right? She can’t confirm it because everyone around them isn’t paying attention to the two of them and Eli’s mind is spinning with thoughts.
“What.” Is all she manages to squeak out, not even in a questioning tone.
Nozomi laughs and stands up, holding her hand out for Eli’s. Eli hesitates before reaching up and taking it. Nozomi glances over to see Nico is distracted with the other kids, wanting to get a retry out of them. She pulls Eli along towards the glass doors by the refreshment table, deciding their conversation should be a little more private. For Eli’s sake, really. Eli lets herself be pulled away and as they reach the glass doors she notices Mari has returned, hand in hand with Dia and a big bright grin on her face- Something tells her that Mari got exactly what she’s been wishing for this christmas in that time alone with Dia.
It’s chilly outside, but not bad. Her face is so hot Eli can’t even really tell that it’s cold at all. They stay a few feet away from the door, standing on the stone patio together. Nozomi lets go of her hand and turns to face her, smiling affectionately.
“I’ve been trying to pin you somewhere on my gaydar- I knew you were either bi or a lesbian, but I think you just confirmed it for me.” She says it in a playful tone and Eli wishes she could just stick her head into the ground.
She feels both intimidated and relieved. Thank god her gay ass is obvious- it’s helpful for her to know this as she does try to show and express it. She does wish she had a gaydar like Nozomi’s- it’d be easier to find other lesbians and get into the gay scene.
“I wish I could read people as well as you could.” She laments with an awkward smile, “It would’ve saved me a lot of unwanted conversations and maybe given me the courage to try a few more things.”
“Like the ones you want to have where you come visit me or Nicocchi at work?” she can’t stop her teasing and Eli almost puts her face into her hands.
“God was I that obvious to you two?!” She almost cries and Nozomi can’t stop her laughs.
“We ended up creating a game over how many times we caught you looking over at us! I’m in a five point lead right now~”
Eli wants to shrivel up and die. She hates this. She came to the party to have fun with her crushes, not accidentally out herself only to learn that they could tell she felt something for them the whole time.
“God I’m so embarrassed.” She mumbles, shyly pulling at a strand of hair that frames her face. “If I wasn’t so socially awkward I probably wouldn’t have embarrassed myself this badly.”
Nozomi’s laughs have died down and she wears that warm smile again.
“Well, if you ever want more social practice, you know you can always come find me. I wouldn’t mind spending a day with you helping you with social cues and how to not stare too much at girls you’re crushing on. Maybe some time after christmas when we’re both free? We could even try to rope Nicocchi into it.”
Eli laughs this time, her blush dwindling down a bit. Her embarrassment is gone seeing Nozomi is completely comfortable with this and is in fact flirting with her. She wonders what that may mean for them. Maybe she would get two girlfriends tonight too? It’s hard to tell- Nozomi definitely seems to want to have something more with her, and whether its a friendship or a relationship, Eli really doesn’t mind.
“I think I’d like that a lot.”
Nozomi’s smile only grows as she closes her eyes and laughs. She looks relieved- kinda like she was putting herself out there asking that question. Eli’s heart beats harder, playing with the idea that Nozomi may have been nervous asking her that. She opens her eyes and Eli can’t tell if it’s the cold or just embarrassment that brings the rosy pink colour to the other girls cheeks.
“It’s a date then!” She says, leaning up to plant a small kiss on her cheek.
There’s a loud slam on the glass door and Eli doesn’t even get the opportunity to enjoy the kiss as they hear a muffled shout of “I WIN” coming from inside that sounds like Dia? They look over, their faces still close to see they have ten spectators watching them from the inside. Dia’s practically glowing with pride and has earned a few laughs from the others. Nico watches on with a smug look, raising her eyebrow at the two of them (which somehow makes Eli feel a little more embarrassed than being watched by the other girls.It’s a mystery.)
She begins to wonder if that could be the reason why Eli was invited in the first place. If Nozomi and Nico could easily read her, then there’s no doubt that Dia could as well. Was she really invited to celebrate the christmas cheer with everyone here, or did they set it up? Was it all just one big set up to get Eli to actually talk to her crushes? As she wonders about this with a fond smile on her features, something cold and wet lands on Eli’s hand and she looks away from the window and instead upward. Was that..?
“Was that a snowflake?” Nozomi asks aloud, also looking up.
It catches the attention of everyone inside of the building enough to get them to open the door and peer outside. Sure enough, the snowfall begins to grow and grow by the second and soon Eli and Nozomi begin to get covered in a thin layer of snowflakes. There are gasps of delight at the surprise weather change and Mari cheers excitedly, announcing that it might just be a white christmas after all. Dia, having more sense tells Nozomi and Eli to hurry inside before they become soaked.
They do so immediately, Nozomi taking Eli’s hand and bringing her back inside, where they enjoy the rest of the party at the Ohara mansion together with their coworkers, new friends and new found loves.
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webcamfox440 · 3 years
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Fruit Of Grisaia Steam Restoration Patch
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Grisaia No Kajitsu Game
The Fruit Of Grisaia Steam Restoration Patch
The Fruit Of Grisaia Uncensored
The Fruit Of Grisaia Steam Restoration Patch
Fruit Of Grisaia Restoration Patch
The Fruit of Grisaia Steam Restoration Patch Adds back adult content from the 18+ release (r37934) to the Steam version (r34972). Is there anyway to patch the steam game so that the unrated version will play instead? I've played through Grisaia no Kajitsu steam version, and honestly I'd say it's pretty good even when people say the H-scenes are important. Though i do want to buy the game on a steam sale and also be able to get the 18+ content.
FAQ: A Grand Entrance for Visual Novel Grisaia: Phantom Trigger
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For the most up-to-date information about the status of our project, check our project updates on Kickstarter!
The Fruit of Grisaia 18+ Steam Patch I already know, that such a patch does not exist, wich means, this isn't my question in particular. But I informed myself about this topic and found the 'Imouto Works Patch' wich was taken down.
R18 patch:: The Fruit of Grisaia General Discussions. Content posted in this community. May not be appropriate for all ages, or may not be appropriate for viewing at work. Don't warn me again for The Fruit of Grisaia.
Does Grisaia: Phantom Trigger have H-scenes? Will there be an 18+ patch?
Grisaia: Phantom Trigger was created and designed as an all-ages game, and therefore features no sexually explicit content. Accordingly, no restoration patch will be necessary, as the digital and physical versions will contain the exact same content. That being said, the manga adaptation features more adult-oriented content, as do many of the supplemental items we are offering (i.e. the artbook and tapestries).However, please do note that the series does feature scenes of intense violence and language.
Last updated: March 06, 2017 18:06
Will Phantom Trigger have dual language support?
Yes! Just like the Corona Blossom series, Phantom Trigger will support display of both English and Japanese game text, as well as the display of both languages simultaneously.
Last updated: March 06, 2017 18:06
How many volumes will Phantom Trigger have?
Phantom Trigger is an ongoing series, with each volume comprising of a largely self-contained story. Currently the first four volumes of the game are in development, but the total final number of entries in the series is yet to be decided.
Last updated: March 06, 2017 18:06
Will one of the stretch goals be a PS Vita port of Phantom Trigger?
We’re very aware of the size and passion of the Vita fanbase here at Frontwing, and would love for Phantom Trigger to come to the Vita. However, as Phantom Trigger is an ongoing series, we feel that the possibility of a Vita port would best be considered once the series can be delivered as a single complete package (and indeed, it wouldn’t be feasible for us to release episodically on Vita for a number of reasons). We’ll absolutely revisit this topic when the series comes nearer to completion, so be on the lookout for that!
Last updated: March 06, 2017 18:06
Do I need to play the original Grisaia trilogy before I play Phantom Trigger?
While Phantom Trigger does make reference to characters, events, and concepts from the original Grisaia trilogy, and knowledge of these will certainly enhance the Phantom Trigger experience, the series is designed to be enjoyed by longtime Grisaia fans and newcomers alike. The Fruit of Grisaia and The Labyrinth of Grisaia are available on both Steam and Denpasoft from Sekai Project, and the Steam version of The Eden of Grisaia is scheduled for a March 2017 release.
Last updated: March 06, 2017 18:06
Who is the main character of Phantom Trigger?
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Aoi Haruto is the main protagonist of the Phantom Trigger series. However, some portions of the story may also be told from the perspective of other characters.
Last updated: March 06, 2017 18:06
Will physical English copies of Phantom Trigger and other goods be available outside of Kickstarter?
We currently do not have any plans to offer Phantom Trigger goods outside of this campaign, and the localized items funded by the campaign will be exclusive to it.
Last updated: March 06, 2017 18:06
Will there be crowdfunding campaigns for future volumes of Phantom Trigger?
Grisaia No Kajitsu Game
We are still undecided on this topic, but we have found that platforms like Kickstarter and Indiegogo are the best and most convenient way for us to make physical copies of our games (as well as other goods) available for purchase from fans outside of Japan. We’ll have more to announce in the future!
Last updated: March 06, 2017 18:06
How will shipping be handled for the campaign? Why does it cost the amount it does?
The default shipping method for the campaign is international SAL shipping from Japan. This is the most affordable method that will still get your rewards to you in a reasonable amount of time. Albino 3 free download mac. Ffdshow. If you wish to upgrade to EMS, please contact us directly and we can help you out with that.The shipping costs are based on the actual SAL shipping charge plus the cost of packaging and labor for shipping. The shipping charges are not inflated in any way.
Last updated: March 06, 2017 18:06
How do I purchase add-ons?
Add-ons will be purchasable in BackerKit after the campaign! You can increase your pledge by the cost of the add-on and you will be able to use that money in BackerKit for add-on purchases, or you can pay for the add-on directly on BackerKit after the campaign.
Last updated: March 06, 2017 18:15
Can I pay with PayPal?
Unfortunately, Kickstarter does not support PayPal as a payment method. However, if you make a pledge at any tier, you can upgrade to a higher tier on BackerKit after the campaign, and use PayPal on BackerKit to cover the difference. Please do keep in mind that if limited rewards sell out during or after the campaign, you will not be able to upgrade to those tiers in BackerKit.
Search Torrents Browse Torrents Recent Torrents Top 100 All Music Audio books Sound clips FLAC Other Movies Movies DVDR Music videos Movie clips TV shows Handheld HD - Movies HD - TV shows 3D Other Windows Mac UNIX Handheld IOS (iPad/iPhone) Android Other OS PC Mac PSx XBOX360 Wii Handheld IOS (iPad/iPhone) Android Other Movies Movies. Fraiser complete series download torrent. Search Torrents Browse Torrents Recent Torrents TV shows Music Top 100 Audio Video. Frasier Complete Series. Uploaded, Size 69.35 GiB, ULed by Anonymous: 3: 5: Video Frasier Season 1 DVD Rip. Uploaded, Size 4.11 GiB, ULed by Ickle-Stu: 2: 0. Frasier is a psychologist in Seattle who has a call-in talk show for helping listeners with problems. His brother, also a psychologist, but with a more traditional practice, also lives in the city. Their father, a retired policeman, lives with Frasier in his somewhat upper-middle class ('The Elliot Bay Towers, on the Counterbalance') high rise.
Last updated: March 06, 2017 18:47
What about physical copies of the original Grisaia trilogy/spinoffs in English?
UPDATE: A stretch goal for this has been added! Check here for details: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/frontwing/a-grand-entrance-for-new-vn-series-grisaia-phantom/posts/1846833
Last updated: March 31, 2017 07:58
The Fruit Of Grisaia Steam Restoration Patch
I didn’t back the campaign, can I get the discounted Grisaia Complete Box? If you are a backer of the original Grisaia Kickstarter campaign from Sekai Project, or if you purchased the Japanese version of the Complete Box from J-List, we can add you as a backer so you can have access to the discounted price. Please email proof of contribution or purchase to [email protected]. Can I switch my pledge level? If you backed the campaign on Kickstarter, yes! However, you cannot switch into limited-quantity pledge levels. How much is shipping for add-ons? BackerKit has a new system which allows us to set shipping costs based on the actual amount and weight of add-ons ordered! This means that your shipping charge will depend on what add-ons you have in your cart and how many. Please note that the Grisaia: Phantom Trigger Manga and the Grisaia Complete Box ship separately from other items and therefore have their own separate shipping charge which does not stack with other items.
Every route in The Fruit of Grisaia has a different length and structure and follows a completely different path. Even events that are seemingly independent of any route happen differently, such as the summer festival only happening in Amane and Makina’s routes, and everyone going on their own vacations in Michiru’s story. While the common route leans very heavily on comedy and rarely shifts to a more serious tone, the individual stories shift quickly into the darker tone, although even this varies between the characters. The biggest thing that all of the routes have in common is that they all have at least one flashback, and although the flashbacks are always important, the length and nature of the flashback also varies wildly from one route to the next. Amane’s flashback is the longest by far, making up the majority of her route, while the others’ are mostly there to fill out their backstories, with most of the route then focusing on how Yuuji plans to redeem them. Each route contains a single choice between a good end and a bad end, often close to the end; however, Michiru’s choice happens unusually early in the route, with an early bad end or a much lengthier good ending.
The Fruit Of Grisaia Uncensored
Some scenes, mostly flashbacks, use a full-screen text box.
The translation job is outstanding in its own right. Conversations flow smoothly, without any lines coming out as awkward, unnatural or translated too literally from Japanese to English. I noticed a single typo in the entire script, in the form of a single incomplete sentence. There’s also a few small, scattered sections with voices and no text, which is a problem considering the voices are all Japanese. Generally, these are single lines that I can understand with my basic understanding of Japanese, but there’s one particularly nasty sequence near the end of Michiru’s route which has what amounts to entire monologues without text, with only Japanese voices and an empty text box. It seems to me like a somewhat glaring oversight in an otherwise stellar showing.
The sex scenes are some of the better ones I’ve seen. They don’t seem particularly forced, and they are actually somewhat important to the game, primarily for Amane’s route. Even if the dialogue surrounding them is somewhat cheesy (and it is), their presence doesn’t detract from the overall experience. More specifically, Amane’s route would be definitely lacking something important in the all-ages base Steam version, especially in one particular scene which would lose a lot of its impact if the sex was off-screen.
The music is generally good, and the tracks are used to fit the situations well, but none of them particularly stood out to me. The exception is the opening theme, “Shuumatsu no Fractal”, or “The Final Fractal”, by Faylan (also known for singing the openings for the console versions of BlazBlue: Continuum Shift Extend, Chronophantasma and Chronophantasma Extend, as well as the BlazBlue: Alter Memory anime series, among other things). Every character gets their own ending theme, and much like the rest of the soundtrack, while they’re all good, none of them stood out to me in particular. As for the voice acting, it’s the same problem as with other visual novels; since I don’t speak the language, I can’t tell if it’s particularly good or bad.
The sprites can move freely around the screen, to great comedic effect.
The Fruit Of Grisaia Steam Restoration Patch
The visual presentation is unusually good for a visual novel, as well. The sprites freely move around the screen, expressing the action remarkably well for static images. This is used to great comedic effect and is particularly funny to watch while the auto-skip is active. In addition to standard CGs, there are also super-deformed ones (SD, or “chibi”, in case you don’t know the term), also with slight animation, used for humour. Even in regular scenes, when the ocean can be seen in the background, there’s a very slight animation in the light hitting the water – something very easy to miss, but a show of attention to detail that I appreciate.
If you want to read The Fruit of Grisaia, prepare for a major commitment; when I finished, my playtime was just under 70 hours, and that was me reading quickly. Download epanet 2.0. If you want to listen to the full voices, or read through the entire common route more than once, your playtime can easily go much higher than that. However, there’s no need to, since the three choices before the routes branch off have no bearing on the story, and the heroines’ route present themselves one at a time; if you refuse the first route, the second choice will branch off into another route, and so on. Since everything is based off of single choices, it makes it very easy to not miss anything once you’ve seen everything in the common route. The text skip is also one of the fastest I’ve ever seen.
The Fruit of Grisaia will run you $39.99 USD for either the 18+ version direct from the Denpasoft website or the all-ages version on Steam. Somewhat on the pricey side (although still less than CLANNAD), the relatively high price is worth it if you have the time to invest. At times the story is lighthearted and funny; other times, it’s sad and depressing; and sometimes, reading it can be downright stressful. This isn’t a visual novel where a walkthrough is needed – be sure to save on every choice, and you’ll be able to see everything the game has to offer no problem. This is a nice change from the overbearing complexity of others like Little Busters and CLANNAD (and don’t even get me started on Fate/Stay Night), though it doesn’t change the fact that it’ll likely run close to 70 hours, if not more, to finish all of the routes. If you don’t like visual novels or romance stories, you can probably figure out that The Fruit of Grisaia isn’t the game for you; as is the norm with visual novels, the format itself, as well as the sheer length, makes it impossible to recommend to everyone. However, if you do like visual novels and romance, I see no reason not to check out The Fruit of Grisaia if you haven’t already.
Step through the gate into a new, meaningful life.
Fruit Of Grisaia Restoration Patch
Review copy provided by publisher; fan-made restoration patch used
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lodelss · 5 years
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Leah Sottile | Longreads | July 2019 | 25 minutes (6,186 words)
Part 2 of 5 of Bundyville: The Remnant, season two of Bundyville, a series and podcast from Longreads and OPB. 
  I.
Bill Keebler dumps a sugar packet into his coffee and calmly explains that the government is after him. They’re always watching him — constantly surveilling his every move, he says. He’s even at risk here, inside a Denny’s attached to a Flying J truck stop, about a half hour outside Salt Lake City.
He’s also pretty sure that Bundyville producer Ryan Haas and I are federal agents, posing as journalists. “I’m gonna be honest with you, it wouldn’t surprise me if both of you pulled out a badge,” he says. 
Just after 4 p.m. on a frigid February day, Keebler, 60, shuffles toward the back corner table we’d staked out for the interview.  He’s about a half hour late, uttering his deepest apologies for getting the time wrong. He’s never late, he says. 
Keebler is a raspy-voiced Southerner with skin that looks brittle from working in the sun all his life as a horse wrangler, ranch hand, hunting outfitter, and construction worker. At Denny’s he’s wearing a sandstone-colored canvas work jacket, and his hair sprouts from underneath a khaki Oath Keepers hat, which covers a shiny bald spot on the top of his head. He smokes a lot. Drinks a lot of coffee.
On the phone a few days before, I told him that I’d read the court documents for his case and was surprised by what I saw. I wanted to hear his version of what happened in June 2016 on the day three years before when Keebler believed he was detonating a bomb at a building owned by the Bureau of Land Management, only to find that the bomb was a fake given to him by undercover FBI agents embedded in his militia group.
The bombing itself was shocking. But the part that surprised me at the time was that, despite having pleaded guilty, serving 25 months in jail, and being released on probation, most of his case was still under federal protective order. Keebler’s attorney told me he’s not allowed to say why. I’m at the Denny’s hoping Keebler might be willing to tell me anyway.
In reading about what happened that day in the desert with the bomb, I learned — through the few court documents available — that Keebler was close friends with LaVoy Finicum. He’s the rancher who was a leader at the Malheur occupation, in Oregon, and was shot and killed by authorities after fleeing from a traffic stop.
But before we can talk about that, we’ve got to calm him down. He nudges his head in the direction of a young waiter, walking in a loop around by our table. Under his breath, Keebler says, “We’re being watched.” 
“Right now?” I ask. 
“Yeah.” 
“By who?” 
“A fed or an informant,” Keebler says. 
Haas asks if he means the Denny’s server, who’s walking by to see if we need any refills on coffee. That’s the guy, Keebler says.
If there’s so much at risk, why meet us? Why tell your story?
“Because if I don’t it’s going to die with me,” he says. “I’ve been on borrowed time for years.” He says he survived cancer, a massive heart attack, and “four heart procedures, looking at a fifth.” That’s not to mention the other stuff — things much harder to believe but that Keebler swears up and down are real, like the federally organized hits on him by the gang MS-13 while he was behind bars.
So I assure him: I’m not a fed. Google me. And I tell him he’s in control of what he says. If I ask something he doesn’t want to answer, something he thinks might get him in trouble, he doesn’t need to respond. He agrees, and for three hours, Bill Keebler gives his side of what happened leading up to that day in the desert with the bomb — a version of the story in which he is the hero, the government is the enemy, and where America is so rapidly nearing its demise, he can almost taste it. 
***
In the three years since the Bundys mobilized a force to take over the Malheur National Wildlife refuge in Oregon, the world has morphed in ways I couldn’t have imagined. For one thing, Donald Trump became the president of the United States. He has increased his attacks on media, stepping up from calling the very newspapers I write for “fake news,” to neglecting to hold the Saudi Arabian government accountable for putting into motion the murder of the journalist Jamal Khashoggi.
In June 2019, Trump — in a meeting at the G20 Summit — laughed with Russian president Vladimir Putin about journalists. “Get rid of them,” he said. “Fake news is a great term, isn’t it? You don’t have this problem in Russia. We have that problem.” And Putin responded: “Yes, yes. We have it, too. It’s the same.” They both laughed. 
Oft-cited research collected by the Southern Poverty Law Center has shown that since 1996, anti-government activity surged when Democratic presidents were in office. Militia groups that claimed to see proof of tyranny thrived in the 1990s — specifically when Vicki Weaver and her teenage son were killed during a standoff with federal agents at Ruby Ridge in 1992, and when the feds stormed into the Branch Davidian compound in Waco, Texas, in 1993. 
In President Obama, the anti-government movement saw the embodiment of tyranny: someone upon whom they could project their worst fears. They called him a socialist globalist Muslim who, after ascending to the highest seat of power, would bring Sharia law upon the people. There was no proof or evidence to support this. But that didn’t matter to them.
Under Trump, suddenly, anti-government groups are pro-government. Nearly everything about Trump’s rhetoric — from questioning Obama’s nationality, to draining the swamp of elites, to building a border wall, to pushing for anti-Muslim legislation, to zealous nationalism — is lifted from the anti-government handbook.
“It blows my mind. The Patriot militia movement, anti-government movement — however you want to refer to them — under Obama was so concerned about tyranny and executive power … and yet they’ve been some of the most vocal advocates for Trump unilaterally grabbing and exerting executive branch power,” said Sam Jackson, an assistant professor in the College of Emergency Preparedness, Homeland Security, and Cybersecurity at the University at Albany-SUNY. Jackson researches the militia movement — he wrote his dissertation on the Oath Keepers. 
“If Obama had talked about declaring a national emergency … they would have been up in arms in a heartbeat,” he said.
So what gives? How do the anti-government go pro-government? 
“It makes it really hard to take them at their word,” Jackson told me. “It really makes it seem like all of that was just rhetoric that they deployed in pursuit of other goals that perhaps they perceived would be less popular amongst the American public — whether that’s Islamophobia or anti-immigration or whatever else they’re really interested in. It seems like perhaps now they’re willing to talk about these other things more blatantly than they were in the past.” 
***
Bill Keebler tells us he was born in Mississippi and grew up in Georgia the descendant of a long line of military veterans. During the Cold War in the early 1980s, Keebler says he enlisted in the Army and served in Aschaffenburg, Germany. There, he says, he was on the frontlines of the fight against communism. And it was also during this time — he claims — that he placed third in the 1984 World Championships in Kung Fu.
It’s clear that he’s not the guy he used to be — or at least that the person I’m seeing before me at Denny’s isn’t the fighter he is in his head. Keebler claims that, after winning that championship, he created his own style of martial arts, called “Jung Shin Wu Kung Fu” before a “board of masters,” but the Bundyville team wasn’t able to confirm this.
After years of working on farms and ranches, Keebler found himself in Utah — far, far from home — where he worked as a hunting outfitter, trained horses, and says he became a member of the Utah Oath Keepers. Around Tooele County, Utah, he was so well-known as an ardent prepper and varmint hunter that the Salt Lake Tribune ran a story on his coyote hunting skills. In one scene in the story, Keebler crouches in underbrush and wears camouflage that’s been drenched coyote-urine scent. 
In 2011, he was running a hunting outfitting business called Critter Gitter Outfitters and often posted photos on social media of his excursions into the wild. In one, a muscled, tanned Keebler poses with a baby deer he’d rescued. 
Keebler spends a lot of time on the internet — has for years. Online, Keebler makes lots of dad jokes and even more jokes where a woman’s demise is the punchline. In one video he shared on his Facebook page, a blond woman in a white robe pleads with her husband until he hands her the keys of a black SUV with an oversize bow on the hood. When she starts the car, it explodes, the man smiles, and the words Merry Christmas, Bitch fill the screen. 
By 2013, Facebook had become a place for Keebler to vent about Obama — “I call him O-bummer,” he told me during one phone call — where he openly shared his belief in an encyclopedic number of conspiracy theories. “FEMA camps are everywhere, Muslims and illegals are taking over, Obama is the biggest Traitor this country has ever known, No Jobs, 16 trillion in [debt] and no relief in sight,” he wrote one February morning. “Anyone protesting Obama is assassinated and turned into a monster by our own media.”
None of this is true — his sources are websites that are notorious for generating fake content. His words dipped in and out of coherence, in and out of overt racism. “Our jobs have all gone over seas to other country’s as they get Fat off our money and we send them aid, weapons and anything else they desire for free. Jets, food what ever they want because we OWE it to them somehow,” he wrote in one such post. “I have been patient, tolerant and offended too much for any more. I am an American, have lived as I will die as my ancestors did, As A FREE MAN. I speak fucking English and you can press 1 and kiss my ass ya muslim, communist Jackasses! If this offends you then I have succeeded in my intentions.” 
He signed off on another post: “Stay safe, armed to the teeth, prepared and with God. Bill Keebler.”
Later that month, he wrote that “Someday SOON chit is gonna happen and this country will l;iterally EXPLODE, and when it does it will be a very messy situation… soon BOOM, we will explode. Hope you are prepared.”
Keebler hunting coyotes in 2011. (AP Photo/Al Hartmann – The Salt Lake Tribune)
By spring 2014, Keebler seemed to have a new personality altogether. He wrote near-constantly about what to do when SHTF (prepper-speak for “shit hits the fan”). He signed his posts “th3hunt3r.” He breathed in false information about the Bureau of Land Management killing endangered species and exhaled posts about the hypocrisy of not letting Cliven Bundy graze his cattle. 
Much has been written about the algorithms employed by sites like YouTube, which keeps users on the site — generating more and more advertising dollars — by directing them toward more extreme content. Reporters and analysts often reflect on how this affects young people. But the algorithmic drive toward extreme content has taken hold with a much older generation, too, with guys like Keebler. Online, they can fantasize about who they’ll be when the end finally comes. They water their ignorance and hatred at an online trough with others who think just like them.
In April 2014, Keebler sprung into action after seeing a video on Facebook of a confrontation between Bureau of Land Management agents and protesters who’d assembled at the Bundys’ side — that video I mentioned way back at the beginning of this story, of Ammon Bundy being tased in the midst of a chaotic confrontation. Keebler loaded up his camper and drove several hours south to Bunkerville, Nevada, where he says he set up a mess hall and provided supplies.
“Well, I made it to the ranch, all is well, getting settled in, been intersting so far, and I aint shot no one, YET! lol” he wrote on his Facebook page on April 10 after he arrived. 
Once there, Keebler solicited money online to help pay for supplies. He claims he kept hot tempers under control. 
“I stopped some people wanted to shoot people,” he says to me at the truck stop. “One of them got mad about it and put a gun in my face. He wanted to start the war. … He said, ‘I’m gonna fire a shot just to get it started.’ … Things were that close. Volatile.”
Keebler also takes credit for ejecting Jerad and Amanda Miller — who would go on to murder two police officers in Las Vegas and die in the midst of a shoot-out with officers inside a Walmart. He claims that if it wasn’t for him, Bundy Ranch would have been a bloodbath. Less than a year later — according to Keebler’s defense attorney’s presentencing memo — an undercover FBI agent was embedded in Keebler’s own militia and then began to regularly talk about stepping into action, about blowing up federal agents and federal properties, and scouting a mosque as a potential target alongside Keebler. 
And yet, Keebler never kicked that guy out. 
  II.
After the militias assisted in preventing the BLM from seizing the Bundy family’s cattle, Keebler left feeling excited about the movement. He lived on Bundy Ranch for about two weeks. “To me it was one of the biggest events in this country … short of the Boston Tea Party,” he says. “It was a wake-up call.”
“After the standoff and everything, we had momentum,” he says, offering his mug to the waiter for a refill. “It started because Cliven Bundy, but we started a movement that had the potential to be tenfold what it was.”
When he came back home to Utah, he quit the Oath Keepers. He proudly recounts a story about trading heated words at Bunkerville with the group’s founder, Stewart Rhodes. Keebler claims he asked whether Rhodes would accept “radical Islamic Muslims” into the group; Rhodes said the Oath Keepers doesn’t discriminate. Back at home, he started his own militia: Patriots Defense Force (PDF). 
At the height of its membership, PDF had just seven members including Keebler. They held “field training exercises” where they’d shoot targets. They’d talk about raising “backyard meat rabbits” and chickens, and living off-grid. Mostly, they were a bunch of preppers. 
But before PDF was even formed — even had a name — the FBI began to monitor him, according to court documents submitted by Keebler’s defense team. They began immediately upon his return home from Bundy Ranch. The Bureau eventually embedded three confidential informants in his militia and three undercover agents, including two men who went by the names Brad Miller and Jake Davis. Miller and Davis  — people Keebler believed to be other God-loving Patriots — were sworn into PDF in May 2015. Excluding Keebler, the FBI agents, and informants, there were — at most — three members of PDF. 
According to the defense, one informant was paid $60,000 for his undercover work inside the militia. The stories the FBI agents gave to Keebler must have seemed like he found a gold mine: Davis told stories of his expertise in hand-to-hand combat; Miller positioned himself as an expert in mining and explosives. Another FBI agent played the part of a successful business guy interested in funding a militia.
Unlike all the other times Keebler imagined the government conspiring to snoop on him, this time they actually were — but he was so focused on the “deep state” that he didn’t seem to notice what was happening right in front of his face. 
As the FBI surveilled Keebler, he frequently spoke about martial law. “Under marshal [sic] law, Mr. Keebler expected the federal government to turn against the people…” His attorney wrote in his sentencing memo, “He envisioned house-to-house gun confiscations and the government putting ‘undesirable’ and ‘unsalvageable’ people in FEMA camps.”
By fall 2015, Keebler was meeting with LaVoy Finicum. Finicum, too, had been excited by what he had encountered at Bundy Ranch: a group of citizens who believed in Cliven Bundy’s conspiracy theories about the federal government coming to get him. 
Finicum, after seeing Cliven Bundy successfully get away with shirking his grazing costs,  had recently violated the terms of his own BLM grazing permit — accruing fines for grazing his cattle out of season. Finicum spoke to Keebler about fortifying his property in case of a situation like Bundy Ranch — or maybe even Ruby Ridge or Waco.
“At the Bundy’s we got there after the fact. If we knew it was coming, we could be there prepared,” Keebler says. Finicum was expecting the same. He’d stopped paying his grazing fees after going to Bundy Ranch and assumed the BLM would come get him, too. “We were going to stop them from taking the cattle,” he says. “Now I don’t mean ambush assault and kill and shoot. None of that crap.” 
Keebler walks Haas and I through the plan: When the BLM came in, apparently the group planned to dig out the road the agents came in on with a backhoe — making it impossible for them to leave. Miller pushed for the group to instead explode the road, he says. Keebler said that was crazy, and the two traded words over it. 
The group, without Finicum, drove toward Mt. Trumbull, where the government says Keebler got his first view of a building owned by the BLM — the remote property that, months later, he aimed to destroy with a bomb. 
Over the course of our interview, Keebler mentioned several arguments with Miller. But he always let him stay. 
If he was so extreme, such a loose cannon, I had to wonder, why keep him?
Because Miller, Keebler says, paid for gas to go to Arizona to meet with Finicum, and Keebler alleges, even to Washington State for a secret ceremony in which he was inducted into a Coalition of Western States militia by Washington state representative Matt Shea.
According to Keeber and his attorneys, federal agents were basically bankrolling his militia. And the way Keebler sees it, those same federal agents forced him to blow up a government building. 
“The FBI covered Mr. Keebler’s expenses on many similar trips. The FBI also made repeated and timely donations to … keep it (and Mr. Keebler) afloat,” defense attorneys wrote. “In the end, Mr. Keebler did exactly what he was induced to do: he picked a target and ‘went on the offense.’”
“They were hell-bent determined to do something, and I guess I kind of let it get in my head,” Keebler says. “Maybe if we did something to kind of let them know that it’s kind of like a warning signal.”
***
Central to the Patriot movement are many, many theories about people its members believe are involved in a vast conspiracy against the American people. In my reporting, the most common names that came up in Patriot conspiracies (aside from Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama) were BLM agent Dan Love, who led the Bunkerville round-up at Bundy Ranch in 2014, and Greg Bretzing, who was the special agent in charge of the FBI’s Oregon office during the occupation of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge. 
After the events at Malheur, Bretzing retired from the FBI, and he now works in security, safety, and corporate affairs for a private company that builds barges and railroad cars. “So, are you plotting a conspiracy with Dan Love against the Patriot movement?” I ask him one morning last winter, sitting in his office.
Bretzing laughs. “No, no. I do know Dan Love.” 
Bretzing worked for the FBI for 22 years, for much of that time on terrorism cases, both international and domestic. I want to know how the FBI views and defines international extremist groups differently than domestic ones. The biggest difference, according to Bretzing, is the law.
“There’s clear statutes against violent acts for political purposes or to overthrow a government,” he tells me. The FBI has squads devoted to domestic terrorism — but Bretzing said membership in any group isn’t what will get the feds on your trail. 
“Anybody’s political beliefs, religious beliefs, First Amendment rights — none of that is an issue,” he says. “You can be a member of any group you want to be, and it can be a pro anything or an anti anything group. That’s fine. It’s when those groups then take steps to commit violent acts or to break the law or to defraud — that is when the FBI or other law enforcement starts to look at them.”
Someone has to break the law — or look like they’re going to break the law — to get the attention of the FBI. Bretzing is clear: The FBI does not go on fishing expeditions of people it doesn’t like. 
I tell Bretzing about the Keebler case; it didn’t ring a bell. But when I tell him more about it, he says it reminds him of a notorious 2010 case in Portland involving the would-be “Christmas tree bomber.” In that case, a young man named Mohamed Mohamud believed he was detonating a bomb that would have caused large-scale fatalities of civilians attending the city’s annual Christmas tree lighting ceremony in the center of the city. 
When Mohamud attempted, twice, to ignite the bomb — which was provided by an undercover agent — it didn’t go off. He was arrested immediately. Mohamud’s attorney argued his client was entrapped. Prosecutors argued the violent religious extremist ideology was already in place; they were preventing him from acting on it. He was convicted in 2013 for attempted use of a weapon of mass destruction and sent to prison for 30 years.
“Having undercover agents inside is important to both effectively gather the evidence and to ensure that nothing violent actually does take place,” Bretzing tells me. “If you look at the tapes on Mohamed Mohamud, many, many, many times the undercover agents say, ‘We don’t have to do this. This is not something that has to be done, we can put it off … Are you sure you want to do this?’ Constantly ensuring that this is something that the individual is pushing, not the government. But the reason it’s important to have an agent inside is if an agent wasn’t there with this individual, then [they would] be taking these steps on their own.
“The public would rightfully be unhappy if then a violent act occurs and we didn’t do all we could do to stop it,” he says. 
But, how can law enforcement agencies be so sure people will go on to commit acts of violence? And what’s the right way to go after domestic terrorists? 
I ask Karen Greenberg, the director of Fordham Law School’s Center on National Security these questions. For years, she’s been examining cases that show an intersection of national security, policy, human rights, and civil liberties issues. 
Greenberg is extremely cautious of creating overarching laws that target domestic terrorists. “Washington is looking for is a domestic terrorism statute — that will be a federal one, which we don’t have. We have one for international terrorism, and it’s quite broad in its application,” she tells me. “Part of the reason is they want to be able to have greater surveillance powers.”
To apply that to domestic terrorism cases, she feels, is “a very dangerous road.” 
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I call up Michael German to get his perspective. He’s a fellow at the Brennan Center for Justice now, but in the 1990s, he was an undercover FBI agent inside militia groups in Southern California and the Pacific Northwest. I want to get a sense from someone who’s been undercover why the feds might home in on a guy like Keebler. 
German says that in the years after 9/11, successive attorneys general amended guidelines that gave the feds greater flexibility. They were allowed to open investigations into people they might not have bothered with in previous years. They might look into a guy like Keebler even if they weren’t sure he was committing any crimes. That sounds like the opposite of what Bretzing told me, I say. 
“It sounds like from what you’re telling me after 2002 and after 2008 it became maybe a little bit more permissive to go on fishing expeditions of people that you don’t ideologically agree with,” I say to him.
“Right,” he says. FBI agents want to believe they don’t do that, “but clearly evidence shows the opposite.” German rattles off a list of cases and explains to me, “There was a case in Southern California where an FBI informant eventually got sideways with the FBI and came forward acknowledging that he had been directed to probably target Muslim communities in Southern California.” The agent “used listening devices to record people’s conversation when there was no suggestion they were actually involved in any kind of criminal activity,” he says. “So the difference is now that’s allowed.” 
German says the FBI doesn’t need an indicator of criminal activity anymore in order to watch a person. All they had to show was that an individual needed to be watched because they fit into the parameters of an established FBI’s mission to stop terrorism. That is, maybe they could commit a terroristic act someday in the future. 
“They have continued using that tactic and initially it was mostly used against Muslims but has broadened out because it’s a successful tactic as far as the FBI is concerned,” he says. “My concern with that is you’re targeting the lowest-hanging fruit.”
“I know from my own investigations that there are actually people out there plotting serious attacks who have obtained weapons, who have recruited people who have violent pasts, who are willing to commit violent crimes,” German adds. “Why we’re focusing on people who were so incapable and using the resources of the government to improve their capability of doing harm, rather than focusing on people who are engaging in violence, it’s hard for me to understand that that’s a legitimate use of government resources.”
For years, Greenberg has kept a close eye on international terror cases unfolding in U.S. courts, often with elements that feel similar to Keebler’s: A person believed to be associated with al-Qaeda is surrounded by informants and undercover agents, and the person of interest is given a bomb to ignite in the name of an international terror group. 
“So the FBI’s defense on this, and it’s worth thinking about, is ‘Look, I could have been al-Qaeda. I could have been an al-Qaeda operative trained and on-message. … If I could get him to do it, don’t you think an al-Qaeda guy could have gotten him to do it?’ And it works with a jury. It works. Because they say to the jury, ‘Would you have said yes to this guy?’”
  III.
In February 2016, one month after Finicum was shot by authorities after fleeing the traffic stop in Oregon, the members of Patriots Defense Force met at a Carl’s Jr. near Keebler’s home. One way this meeting had been viewed was as a planning session for the group’s next steps — ones that could have potentially led to violence.
Put another way, entirely: Keebler’s defense attorney framed this as a meeting at a fast food restaurant with two FBI agents — one of whom taunted him as a coward and pushed him toward action — and a government informant.
According to court documents, at that meeting Miller mocked Keebler, saying that the Patriots and PDF were just a group of “Facebook fuckin’ Nazis” who have a lot to say on the internet, but never take action in real life. 
Keebler, in response, suggested the group do some reconnaissance of potential targets in Salt Lake City. Miller — who, don’t forget, was there as an undercover FBI agent — suggested targeting Muslims. According to his attorney, Keebler told Miller he didn’t how to find any. Miller then offered to google a mosque, and the group drove there in two cars. 
Keebler says that once outside the mosque, agents asked him why he wouldn’t bomb it. Keebler claims he pointed to the buildings around it. “I said, ‘I’ll tell you why you can’t. You see that big-ass building behind you over your left shoulder?’” he recalls. “I said, ‘That’s one reason you can’t. You’re never getting out of this place. Second: Look at the terrain.’ 
“People were walking around coming in and outside, and started playing basketball. And I said, ‘You see that? Those are kids. There’s women and children playing basketball and shit.’ Like, y’all have lost it.” 
So, the group moved on. The caravan drove past an FBI building and a Bureau of Land Management office. Miller suggested that they send a mail bomb to it, or use a truck bomb to blow it up. Keebler, again, resisted — and the recon mission ended.
Around this point, even Davis, the other undercover agent, was unsure about the tactics he and Miller were using with Keebler. In text messages presented in court by Keebler’s defense, Davis wrote to his handler, Steve Daniels: “So I was thinking on the drive home. I hope we didn’t open Pandora’s box in a way by taking [Keebler] to a mosque he might not have found on his own. With the case winding down on our end I am worried about our liability if he happens to go back sometime on his own.” 
In another message, Davis wrote to Daniels: “I’m all for pushing him, but we can’t sound more radical to him.” Davis expressed concern that it seemed like he and Miller would leading the recon mission: “To me, that’s what it sounds like we are doing,” he texted. 
In another text, Davis noted that pushing Keebler was “grinding” on him. “I wanted to push [Keebler] outside his comfort zone to take his temperature, not lead him to something,” he wrote. “I am not down with giving him all the ideas like when [Miller] told him that we would have to mail a bomb to the BLM office … or drive a car bomb up to it. We can’t be putting crazy ideas into a crazy guy’s head.”
Daniels said he’d listen to the recordings. “I haven’t got the mail bomb stuff. (Yikes),” he wrote. 
Illustration by Zoë van Dijk
If it sounds like Bill Keebler was pushed to an act of domestic terrorism by the government itself, that’s certainly what defense intimated during court proceedings. And I tried to get the government’s side of this — filing a FOIA request for the full context of these text messages. But after half a year of waiting for those documents, I still haven’t gotten a response. So I’m stuck with what Keebler tells me, sipping his coffee as he worries our waiter is watching him.
After 26 months of surveilling Keebler, he was handed an improvised explosive device by one of those undercover officers — the same one who said he had an explosives background — and a detonator. Together with the agents, they made the long drive from Keebler’s Utah home, several hours south in the rough desert of Northern Arizona, to an empty BLM building. 
Arguably, along the way, Keebler had plenty of opportunities to say stop, turn around, let’s not do this, I can’t. But he didn’t. And when the bomb was placed at the building near Mt. Trumbull by the undercover agent — near where the Bundy’s ancestors once tried to make a home — Keebler’s finger was the only one on the button. 
Court documents show differing views on what Keebler was willing to do if people were inside the building. In sworn testimony, Daniels told the court that Keebler and Miller discussed what to do if BLM officers were inside, and Keebler “made a comment of: ‘fuck ‘em.’”
He hit the button three times. An explosion went off, but Keebler was too far away to see that his “bomb” was actually a fake, and the sound he heard was a concussion grenade deployed by the FBI. His lawyer called his intent to destroy the place a “serious property crime.” The government called it a bombing. 
***
I ask Keebler what the federal government, ideally, would look like to him. After Bundy Ranch, what did he decide he’d like to see change? 
He says not only does he want the federal government to stay out of the business of individual states, he wants it to be purged of the people he believes are ruining the country. The “deep state,” he says. 
“Everybody knows they’ve outlawed prayer in school,” he says. “You can’t do the Pledge of Allegiance in our schools, but now we got Muslims praying in the hallways in our schools and in our classrooms, and teachers are now making kids dress up like Muslims. And —”
“Where is this happening?” I stop him.
“A number of places. Yeah. They have taken over whole cities. 
“They want to stop prayer, they want to stop all the American stuff. The Boy Scouts and everything. Make it Islam. They’re out there on the streets right now with hundreds of them bowing, they’ve shut down whole roads, and the cops are standing over them making sure nobody interrupts them. Are you serious? It’s what Bradley tanks are for. You get about 50 rednecks with four-wheel-drive pickups and we’ll end that problem.” 
Keebler is advocating for something that sounds like intimidation at best, and slaughtering Muslims in the streets of America at the worst. And it’s all informed by his conspiratorial worldview. Maybe this is the kind of talk that brought the FBI to him.
“They have their own cops now,” he says. They’re arresting Christians, he says, and I’m shaking my head at him. It’s on the internet, he says. “You need to do your homework.”
“Do you think the federal government is involved in that?” Haas, my producer, asks. 
None of this is based in fact, but that doesn’t matter to Keebler. “I know damn well they are,” he says defiantly.
It should be no shock at this point to tell you that Keebler is an ardent Donald Trump supporter. He loves him. 
“Obama’s not even a black. He’s not African American, he’s Muslim — Kenya or some shit,” Keebler says. “The agreement that they put him in as the president is that he would make way for more Muslims to be up again in the United States. That’s what’s actually come out recently.”
“But who says that?” I press him.
“One of the news — some reporter somewhere,” he says. 
“Soros is financing a lot of it,” Keebler says, calmly, like this is a normal thing to believe and I’m thinking, again, about how people can pick ideas like these up from Trump now. 
It seems like this is what happens when conspiracies become the language the powerful use to communicate to disenfranchised people aching for a target — an explanation and a reason — for their discontent.
“A lot of this is about the New World Order. Look at the pedophilia going on right now. …  It’s all over the internet.” Keebler looks from Haas to me and back again, shocked at our ignorance. 
“I can’t believe y’all don’t know none of this stuff,” he says.
But what would be the point of “knowing” something that isn’t real? 
****
Before we leave Keebler, I ask him about the bylaws of Patriots Defense Force — which were presented as evidence against him in his case. 
I was particularly drawn to the “alert levels” that spell out how members should react in various stages of emergencies. In the worst-case scenario — a level 5 or “black” situation — the bylaws tell militia members to prepare for the absolute worst: “Get gear, family and haul ass to pre-arranged rendezvous point, or bunker down,” it reads. “THE BALLOON HAS GONE UP!”
“What is the shit hits the fan scenario?” I ask.
“During the Obama administration,” he says, “if he calls martial law I’m not gonna wait till he comes to my town. It’s too late. That would have been a shit hit the fan.” 
“So what’s the difference now?”
“I think if Trump declares martial law, it would be in a more controlled manner. He’s not coming after Patriots. He’s not coming after militia,” he says. 
“Do you mean he’s not coming after white people?” I ask.
“No. No, see there you go pushing the racist bullshit,” he says, despite the fact that, for two hours, he’s been talking about Muslims in the most hateful terms I’ve ever heard in an in-person conversation.
“What do you think happens if the Democrats impeach Trump or some kind of charges are brought?” he asks us. “What do you think happens? It’s over. All bets are off,” says Keebler.
“What does that mean?” Haas asks him. 
“All bets are off,” he smiles. “Take that for what it’s worth. People are wanting retaliation. They want revenge, they want payback for a lot of things. This abortion crap. What happened to LaVoy. What is happening to our children. What has happened to our streets. What is happening in our schools. People want retribution.”
***
Bill Keebler says he’s never even heard of Panaca, Nevada. Never heard of a Jones, or a Cluff or another bomb in the desert the summer he tried to bomb the BLM building. I’ve learned tons about the Patriots from talking to him, but nothing more about Panaca.  
We spend the next week driving through the mountains, through deserts, through towns built by polygamists and pioneers. I see the appeal of life out here. Of disappearing into the wild and forgetting about the rest of the world.  
But no matter how many times I use my job as an excuse to disappear into parts of the West I wouldn’t otherwise go to, I always end up feeling a sense of relief when I’m back, sitting in traffic in a city again. 
I’m thinking of Keebler the next day, at the TSA checkpoint inside McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas. Where people say goodbye to their family members and start to weave through a long, snaking line, there’s a man who looks as rumpled as Keebler — but isn’t white — seated with three police officers standing around him. 
It’s a busy Sunday, there are people and kids waiting in line, watching this scene. Things seem calm, albeit weird. And then the man raises his voice. I’m close enough to hear him yell something about the Constitution, about liberty. And the officers stand him up and restrain his wrists behind his back, then lead him away. The line slithers on.
But something’s different. At the front of the line a TSA agent barks orders: Stand side by side. Walk slowly. As we progress two by two, a thick black dog led by a Homeland Security agent sniffs everyone in a circle. I hear the guy being led away shout something about “We, the People.”
The orders continue. Show your ID. Put it away. Shoes off? No, shoes on. Take out your laptops. Use two bins for all your stuff. Stop. Walk. Wait. 
It’s a language we all seem to speak in a dialect that’s always changing, for reasons we don’t know — but what we understand is that this language doesn’t include the words that guy was saying. Or, what he is now likely still saying somewhere else in this airport, in a secret place or room we also know, but don’t really.
I think about Keebler, how I could see him in that same situation here, and how he’s been called a terrorist, and yet still, there’s all these things we don’t know about the government’s role in his story. His case is sealed tight. Why are they keeping it so opaque?
I’m still not convinced a guy like Keebler really could carry out an elaborate bomb plot without ample help. But even so, there’s one thing in court documents that I kept coming back to: that in the hours after Keebler believed he detonated a bomb, as he drove back to Utah, amped up on what he’d just done, he offered a declaration. According to the government, Keebler said after the bombing, “This isn’t about LaVoy, it’s what he stood for.” 
In Panaca, police reports said Jones mentioned LaVoy Finicum in the same breath as his bomb. And now here, with Keebler, there he is again. 
All these years later, the ghost of LaVoy Finicum continues to push the Patriot movement forward. And yet all this time I’ve been reporting on this movement, I know so little about him. He was the guy who was killed by police, who no one heard hide nor hair of before Bundy Ranch. But what did he actually believe and why is it so persuasive? 
I can understand how people who have questions, who never get answers, form their own explanations. How out here in the West, so far from where the decisions are made about how this society works, people can’t figure out how to access the information they need. Everything about Keebler’s case feels Orwellian. He’s a racist, and it’s easy to write him off. But I see now how writing him off means patrolling what he thinks, and that policing certain thoughts — no matter how gross — means a denial of certain rights. 
At the airport, I don’t ask questions about which of my liberties are being violated when I go through the security line. I don’t scream and shout about the Constitution when I’m loading my laptop into the bin. Or when I take off my shoes. Or when I put my hands above my head in a machine that seems to suggest it can see through me for things maybe even I don’t know are there.
***
Leah Sottile is a freelance journalist based in Portland, Oregon. Her work has appeared in theWashington Post, Playboy, California Sunday Magazine, Outside, The Atlantic and Vice.
Editors: Mike Dang and Kelly Stout Illustrator: Zoë van Dijk Fact checker: Matt Giles Copy editor: Jacob Gross
Special thanks to everyone at Oregon Public Broadcasting.
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paulisweeabootrash · 5 years
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First Impression: Say “I Love You.”
Going forward, I will be adding a piece of information that should have been in these reviews from the beginning: how I'm watching them.  With the proliferation of different streaming platforms has come the advantage of a huge number of anime available but also the disadvantage of not necessarily knowing what is where.  Not to mention, plenty of things aren’t available on streaming, or have had multiple different releases (foreshadowing of a topic for later this month!) that need to be distinguished.  Today’s topic, though, is just something I've had sitting around on DVD for a while unopened after I bought it cheap used, although it’s apparently currently on both Crunchyroll and Hulu.
Say "I Love You." (2012)
Episodes watched: 4
Platform: DVD
Mei Tachibana is not a trusting or sociable person.  She has no friends; home and work are the only contacts in her cell phone.  She only grudgingly tolerates high school, which for her consists of being unaware of and disinterested in who her classmates are while putting up with their harassment and whispered mockery.  Outside of school, she works part-time at a bakery and otherwise keeps to herself at home.  When a classmate who constantly makes rude comments about all the girls tries to look up her skirt, she spins around to kick her harasser — and instead mistakenly kicks the harasser's friend who was trying to get him to stop.  That friend, Yamato Kurasawa, is her opposite, a popular (not as in high-status or trendy, but as in widely-liked) boy who seems to be extending to Mei the very genuine kindness she doubts anyone has.  The plot takes off at the end of episode 1 when he pretends to be her boyfriend to repel a bakery customer who is stalking her — complete with kissing her and saying he loves her.  "I protected you from a stalker by suddenly kissing you" seems like a... questionable action for a genuinely nice guy rather than a "nice guy" to take, but okay.
Although Yamato's behavior works at repelling the stalker (unfortunately, "I don't respect you but I respect that you "belong to" someone" is a cross-cultural phenomenon), Mei doesn't really know what to do with that experience, but accepts that Yamato has now sort of inserted himself into her life.  He starts to invite her to hang out with his friends, and she hits it off with them.  Mei even sticks up for one of those friends, Asami, against bullies mocking her appearance, and also turns out to be more perceptive about Asami and Nakanishi (the one who tried to look up Mei's skirt in the first place) having feelings for each other than they were (or were willing to admit, anyway).  However, she also learns from Asami that there are rumors that Yamato will kiss any girl without having feelings for her, which leaves Mei fuming about what she calls Yamato’s hypocritical behavior.  After Mei attempts to observe how he behaves with a girl rumored to be his first love, Yamato goes in for more unsolicited kisses and explains that different kisses convey a range of different feelings.
At this point, at the end of ep. 2, I’m feeling two things.  First, I’m annoyed at Yamato’s pushiness which seems to be a romantic trope in a lot of anime.  Second and more so, though, I’m intrigued by how relatable this is because I think I recognize the feelings of both of the main characters, as should many who remember their early romantic relationships.  "I can't tell if this person is flirting or just being nice to me: the show" is maybe too harsh a description, but only a little, because I’ve had these exact crushes.  I remember having had Mei's feelings, mistaking the pleasure or gratitude at someone being nice to me for love.  I remember having had Yamato's feelings, mistaking being attracted to or intrigued by someone for love (he certainly doesn't know her well enough by the end of the first two episodes for it to be much of anything else).  Neither is a good basis for a relationship, and I fear based on the fact that reviews on MyAnimeList include lines like "it doesn't try to break any boundaries" and "very little character development" that the show will neither show conflict due to this nor show clearly Mei and Yamato growing from crushes to love.  Now, I'm in no way scolding the author for this on some kind of moral basis.  Crushes are a legitimate part of life, and a solid basis for a drama set in a high school.  I'm just saying, my experiences prime me to brace for a trainwreck in this situation and pulling off a believable happy resolution will require some character development.
But I’m optimistic because I kept watching to the end of the disk: we get, if not development, at least some more interesting dimensions to our characters soon enough.  As Yamato reveals some backstory to Mei, and as we the audience hear the perspectives of other characters, it starts to look like the two of them are not opposites but instead two different kinds of shy/unassertive people: Mei withdraws from others to the point of hostility, while Yamato becomes a people-pleaser and, in his own words, a “chameleon”, to a fault.  As they falteringly start to date, the show is certainly not just "the hot guy" and "the loner" implausibly getting together, as the negative reviews characterize it.  Mei is struggling to navigate not just having some kind of trusting relationship with someone but also the difference between her cautious and "proper" expectations of a romantic relationship and the way Yamato and other “popular” students separate affection and sex from love.  She still thinks he is devaluing what a romantic relationship is supposed to be like, but from his point of view, his behavior seems to flow understandably from a sort of strategic doormat-ness.  Yamato and Mei are still viewed by other characters as just "the hot guy" and "the loner", however, and have to deal with people trying to break them up — one a girl with whom Yamato has had pity sex, the other a boy who’s just... an utter asshole — but thankfully it doesn't seem to be setting those characters up as season-arching villains or something, which could get tedious or derail believable relationship development.  So although I still have those feelings about the plausibility of their relationship going in an overall happy direction, I suspect those reviews are selling it short and intend to finish the season at least (there's a second season and a spinoff, too, apparently)...  Not a ringing endorsement, but let's see where it goes.
-----
W/A/S:  2 / 2 / ...4?
Weeb: Except for the occasional Japanese trope like misunderstanding a nosebleed as proof of being aroused, this show is probably not just understandable but downright relatable for those who have navigated, or had friends who had to navigate, broadly cross-cultural high school experiences like forming relationships, either friendly or romantic, and dealing with the circulation of rumors.
Ass: Minor and played in a way that, in context, shows off the POV of creepy men as creepy instead of being fanservice.  Most sexual content is (as I feel like I say a lot here) just teenagers talking in a way that is pretty believable, and none is explicit.
Shit (writing): An accurate shit score really should be assessed at the end for this one, because it depends on how the story arc goes, I think.  It's good so far but could go off in several different good or bad directions.  I feel like there could've been more development of Mei's slow-growing ability to trust people, because her warming up to Yamato's friends by early ep. 2 or explicitly stating that Yamato makes her trust people more by the end of ep. 3 seems a bit rushed.  But since I'm not familiar with the source material, for all I know, it could've just been the least-bad way to reduce it to a 13-episode season.
Shit (other): The opening theme is very pleasant, and the animation accompanying it is well-drawn but low-movement — something that continues throughout the whole show.  Most shots are very static, with a single barely-moving human against static background.  There's the occasional individual screwed-up looking shot of a character's face (usually when trying to reduce detail when they're far away), but it mainly stays consistent and faithful to a distinctively shoujo art style, with much more attention, it seems to me, paid to making faces detailed and realistic than other styles.  I also just want to take a moment to appreciate the scene in ep. 1 that perfectly illustrates the feeling of being shaken out of your own thoughts.  After a montage of shots showing her lonely morning commute, Mei is standing on the platform at a train station, staring off into the clouds in the distance and trying to ignore a group of her schoolmates giggling at her, the background music swelling like something dramatic is about to happen... only to be interrupted by the arrival of her train.
Content: No note needed.
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Stray observations:
- Yamato asks enthusiastically to come with her when she gets a haircut, then comments that he and Mei seem to have similar taste in clothes and that he's disinterested in the women who hit on him frequently... in an American show, these details would be alarm bells that Yamato is gay, not further highlighting that he's interested in Mei as a person, which is what I think it's supposed to do here.
- Why the hell does the DVD reset the language to the default English dub every time I finish an episode?
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carryonuptheandes · 6 years
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2 November – Copacabana and Lake Titicaca
It was an early start for a 7.30am (so I’d understood) departure from La Paz bus terminal. On arrival, after getting through the offers of buses to other places (in Bolivia, the bus company staff hang around/outside the bus station shouting out their destinations in a free-for-all), I arrived at the bus company desk to learn that I could have had another half an hour in bed.
After a long windy climb to get out of the bowl of the city, it was slow-going through the suburbs as we got stuck in the jams caused by everyone buying their flowers and food for the cemeteries. I had been warned about travelling on the Día de Los Muertos thanks to traffic chaos and more drink driving than usual. It turned out that I was lucky and four hours or so later we descended into Copacabana. The highlight (for an anorak at least) was the narrow lake crossing between San Pablo and San Pedro de Tiquina, where we alighted to take a passenger boat and the bus took one of the precarious looking vehicle 'ferries', basically a short platform that, using long wooden poles, were lined up in parallel on the opposite side to form a queuing system for the single ramp, where the buses and other vehicles would reverse onto land.
I checked into my vegetarian eco hostel, but being aware that 'eco' is a very freely used word here. I was to learn that it was vegan and even had to smuggle in the bottle of wine that didn’t get opened in La Paz thanks to my stomach. After too many Bolivian dishes of beef or chicken and at least two of pasta, potatoes and rice (not to mention the lasagne that was served with chips and rice), I was craving some decent vegetarian food. After getting my hopes up a few times over finding falafel and hummus during the past few weeks, I was finally in luck!
Copacabana, after which the Rio beach is named, is a small pretty lakeside town and a popular weekend escape for paceños (La Paz folk), and a backpacker stopover for people like me heading to the nearby Isla de Sol (Island of the Sun). Since Bolivia lost it’s coastal territory to Chile over a century ago in the War of the Pacific, Lake Titicaca is their seaside, which was certainly evident from the number of locals enjoying the beach, be it in pedal boats, inflatable cylinders, being pulled by speedboats, or simply flying kites. With a lake temperature of less than 15C there wasn’t a lot of bathing though, so boring!
Something that really saddened me here was the amount of litter, there were plastic bottles, cups, cans and other rubbish everywhere. This wasn’t new to me – to throw your litter out of the bus or taxi window is common in Bolivia – so I was used to this problem. However, seeing so much litter around the sacred Lake Titicaca, was really shocking. The local Aymara people believe that the lake controls the climate and that the founder of the Inca empire rose from these waters. Not only was there plenty on the beach, I was really shocked to see the piles of rubbish lining the side of the Cerro Calvario (a hilltop religious site occupied with crosses and shrines) on the lakeside; it was an incredibly depressing sight and such a contradiction of religious folk who treasure the lake and the land on which sits the site where they burn candles and make offerings to the Pachamama, the Mother Earth. There were stalls selling small models of luxury homes and smart cars which the locals buy and offer in the hope that they will be granted them in future.
Also in Copacabana I visited the cathedral to check out the Virgin of Copacabana, the patron saint of Bolivia, and making the town the most important Catholic pilgrimage destination in the southern Andes. In front of the cathedral I got to witness the decorated cars lined up with families waiting for them and their car (including the engine and inside) to be blessed with holy water (beer and liquor).
I visited the Poncho Museum, run by a completely balmy woman, and enjoyed coffee or beer on the waterfront, from where I was to experience an incredible sunset sky with bright rays of light that suddenly appeared from nowhere. I spent my last evening in Bolivia with a cold sunset beer before enjoying another round of trout for dinner, something very popular around the lake. Here I met a German guy travelling from Colombia to Patagonia in just three months, crazy man! My final night was spent in a hostel run by the super bubbly Florencia who certainly likes to chat; she was very happy to have a guest who speaks good Spanish and was very amused when I pointed out that the 'destiny' column in the guest log book should actually be 'destination'!
I walked the 20km or so to the end of the headland at Yampupata, opposite the Isla del Sol, passing through some hamlets and skirting pretty coastline, and bumping into a group of friends or family heading to the cemetery, laden down with food and offerings. I had to turn a blind eye to the plastic bags and bottles lining the fields and lakeside! It had been a number of weeks since I’d done any hiking so felt good to get my legs moving again, especially considering that I would be on the Inca Trail in less than a week.
After haggling down the tourist fare I accepted an offer from a random local to transport me in his clapped out boat over the 10 minute crossing to the Isla del Sol, where I stayed for two nights. The island, before the arrival of the Spaniards was one of the most religious sites in the Andes, considered to be where the sun and moon were created; today it still contains some remnants of the Inca empire. Currently it is only partially open to tourists; the north half of the island has been closed for over a year to tourists, following one of the two northern communities destroying new tourist cabins constructed by the other community. I failed to establish if the partial closure is for safety reasons or if it’s since one community is preventing the other community from benefitting from tourist spend. Anyway, it’s a shame since the walk across the island is said to be very beautiful; I could see the main town set around a pretty looking crescent shaped bay.
On entering the island I was asked by a young girl if she could have some of my Coke; I gave her the rest of the bottle and then had to firmly turn down the requests from her cheeky brother and mum to buy souvenirs. I later took pity on one of many other souvenir sellers randomly positioned on the paths.
I went crazy on my Isla de lo Sol stay and booked a queen bed room in a lodge with beautiful views of the lake. The nights were cold (down to 6C), accentuated by storms and heavy showers during the evenings and overnight. A number of locals have told me that the ‘rainy season' has arrived early this year; the Isla provided more proof of this! The island is famed for sunrise over the snow-capped Cordillera Real mountains north of La Paz and the sunset over Peru, but all I got to see was a thin strip of brightness through the clouds, but with dramatic lightning over Peru. So, while the daytimes were generally sunny, the Isla del Sol didn’t quite live up to it’s name!
It was fascinating to watch the locals, often with their donkeys, passing the lodge on the way to or from the bay below, from where the Copacabana boats docked. This was the means for getting goods onto the island; locals and donkeys would be weighed down with the latest deliveries as they climbed the steep island paths. I saw a few guys carrying construction materials and realised the incredible challenge of building a place on the island, as confirmed by the owners of the new lodge in which I stayed.
It was a very relaxing stay on the island, with of course a few (short) chilly swims, three in total, plus one on the mainland, at the end of my hike before the boat crossing. At around 4,000m above sea level, these will likely be the highest swims I ever do. I enjoyed some short hikes on the island to different bays and to the main viewpoint, although some the ascents were hard going with the thin air. Also I found some great restaurants from where to admire the views of the island and the (cloudy) sunsets. On my final morning I got to meet a fellow Midlander also named Paul!
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binarytinker-a-blog · 7 years
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really  LONG  CHARACTER  SURVEY.     RULES.  repost ,   don’t  reblog  !    tag  10  ! good  luck  !     TAGGED.  @vrepit-sa     TAGGING. @shurimanisms, @flareforged, @greenestxpaladin and tbh i can’t be arsed to tag more after all th a t
BASICS.
FULL  NAME :  Katie Holt / Pidge Gunderson NICKNAME :   Katie / Pidge AGE :  fourteen BIRTHDAY :   unknown ETHNIC  GROUP :  caucasian (the holts are probably some complete disaster of lineage lbrh) NATIONALITY :   american. LANGUAGE / S : english, morse, binary if she thought about it, a scattering of several different programming languages (nothing low-level like assembly languages though), a smattering of altean quite literally scared into her SEXUAL  ORIENTATION :  asexual. ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION :  might be aro? tbh she’d be happy with just someone to sit and do tech/geek things with so yeah, aro makes perfect sense. RELATIONSHIP  STATUS :   nope HOME  TOWN / AREA :  is central northern america a thing because that’s the feeling i got from the little we saw of the holt’s plae. CURRENT  HOME :   the castle of lions PROFESSION :  general technologist? of the paladins, stealth and infiltration
PHYSICAL.
SKIN:  very pale, easy to sunburn but still a healthy shade despite how much time she spends indoors/out of sunlight EYES :   highkey amber, gold in the sunlight and almost brown along the inner edges. FACE :  it’s round and soft, but also thinly lined, easy enough for her to be mistaken as a boy (and used very well against the Garrison) LIPS :   they’re the kind that don’t reveal their curves until she grins, cheshire in manner in that they don’t draw attention away from her face. they’re thin but not to the point of not existing. COMPLEXION :  surprisingly, given her age and habits, pidge’s face remains pretty clean and clear. BLEMISHES :   any birthmarks she has are tiny and hard to notice unless you’re looking for them. for the longest time, she’d had one on the arch of her foot, but it faded away at some point during her childhood and almost none of her others have. SCARS :  she’s got a couple fine lines on her hands (old motherboards were notorious for having sharp solder points on the underside and pidge has torn her hands up on quite a few during disassembly). from taking apart tech on earth. she’s thus far managed to avoid collecting new ones since becoming the green paladin. TATTOOS :  n/a. HEIGHT :   5′2 ? i think WEIGHT :   she probably weighs 110lbs soaking wet. BUILD :   her build is slim, very nondescript. the curve to her waist and hips are easily hidden in clothing and any curve to her upper body disappears once she’s geared up. FEATURES :   glasses. round ones that perch on the tip of her nose and manage to serve as a way she can look severely at someone without being blind. ALLERGIES :   greening the cube doesn’t give any details, but i imagine pidge deals with quite a few allergies to outdoors environments; pollen from multiple sources, making it difficult, if not impossible, for there to be a season that affects her less than normal USUAL  HAIR  STYLE :  she brushes her hair, but otherwise leaves it be, letting it be a slightly messy mop that hangs around her face. USUAL  FACE  LOOK :   n/a USUAL  CLOTHING :   if not in her armor, pidge prefers loosely fitting clothing for ease of movement, but doesn’t have much preference for the colors of such.
PSYCHOLOGY.
FEAR / S :   she doesn’t have specific fears, mostly, but at this point in time, she’s scared to death of not being able to find her father and brother. scared of finding out that they died. scared of not being able to put her family together. scared of losing the family she’s made in the castle. ASPIRATION / S :   she wants to find her father and brother, yes, she wants to go home, but... she also wants to see the universe. she wants to explore. she wants to see what’s out there. POSITIVE  TRAITS :   intelligent | excitable | quick-witted NEGATIVE  TRAITS :   stubborn | irritable | insensitive MBTI :   Logician (INTP-A) ZODIAC :   gemini? i think? it fits, anyway, so i’ll keep it for now TEMPEREMENT :   melancholic. SOUL  TYPE / S :   thinkier | hunter | helper ANIMALS :   beaver. VICE  HABIT / S :    picking her fingernails, chewing on the ends of pens while thinking, absently picking at scabs or new calluses. FAITH :  theistic but not ascribing to a religion? GHOSTS ? :   until there’s proof, nope AFTERLIFE ? :   ^ see above. REINCARNATION ? :   maybe there is, maybe there isn’t, no one knows yet ALIENS ? :   voltron is literally an alien weapon piloted by five. POLITICAL  ALIGNMENT :  not the galran empire. EDUCATION  LEVEL :    probably took some college level courses for kicks and grins before getting into the garrison. probably lied about her age for the garrison; definitely dealt with college level classes there.
FAMILY.
FATHER :   samuel holt MOTHER :   colleen holt SIBLINGS :   matt holt EXTENDED  FAMILY :   unknown NAME  MEANING / S :    katie is diminutive of kate/katherine, most commonly means pure. holt comes from wold/wald, and means a small forest or forested upland. pidge is likely a borrowed slang word short for “pigeon hole”, a place for messages to be left for later/a home for a pigeon. gunderson is a patronymic name derived from several different sources, but “son of "gondri" or "gundric", a once common old French personal name from the germanic elements "gund", battle and "ric", poser” is the commonly accepted meaning. HISTORICAL  CONNECTION ? :   old english for katie holt, norwegian/german/french for gunderson
FAVORITES.
BOOK :  she can’t just pick one. pidge had a library of books she left behind at home. it’s a combination of scifi, fantasy, and textbooks. she has a handful of in-depth guides for common linux/unix distros and for android in general. MOVIE :   again, she can’t just pick one. while her movies are as varied in interest as her books, katie didn’t keep nearly as much of a collection. 5  SONGS :  considering her music library spans several tens of gb, there’s no way to pick five to be favorites. it varies from month to month DEITY :   n/a. HOLIDAY :   she’s always loved christmas. snow outside, the windows frosted over, hot chocolate in hands. she and matt deep in concentration over some project or another MONTH :   december SEASON :   if she had to pick, she didn’t mind fall and early spring. her allergies kicked up a mighty fuss, but the weather was nice. PLACE :    green’s hangar. WEATHER :   even though pidge didn’t mind typical fall/spring weather, she much prefers the dark clouds and heavy rains. it’s soothing to ear the rain pouring down while she curls up with her newest project. SOUND :   rain on the roof over her head, the gentle hum of a computer well functioning, that single solitary bios confirmation beep. SCENT / S :    you know that smell when you first open a package of electronics? it’s crisp and almost burns the nose, but not quite, and quickly fades as you maneuver it into a system. a book freshly opened after being on a shelf for years, the dust, aging paper, and ink. petrichor. TASTE / S :    fresh strawberries, just red and not quite overly sweet yet, milk chocolate FEEL / S :   smooth and cold, machined metals emblazoned with coppers and plastics, faint vibrations under fingertips as a fan whirls to speed or a motor settles into a steady rotation. ANIMAL / S :    cats. felines in general. NUMBER :  she likes too many numbers, but to fall back on anything would be ones and zeros. COLORS :   golds and greens, dusk meeting a forest as the sky fades from orange to dark blue-violet. the stars shining in the sky.
EXTRA.
TALENTS :  hand to hand combat, computers and their defenses, stealth, understanding the gist of unfamiliar systems in moments. BAD  AT :  being sensitive of other people’s feelings, being tactful. TURN  ONS :  lmao what TURN  OFFS :   see above HOBBIES :    writing programs, modifying green, dissecting altean and galra tech to find out how they work, find out if she can make them work for her, and reassembling them to find out if she can make them work again TROPES :   deadpan snarker, hollywood hacking (something i’ll try not to overboard on bc i actually Hate it), motor mouth, military brat, teen genius QUOTES :     “I know.”, “That’s me.”, “Nice work, Tailor.”, “I got him! [beat] I don’t got him!”
MUN QUESTIONS.
Q1 :   if  you  could  write  your  character  your  way  in  their  own movie ,   what  would  it  be  called ,  what  style  would  it  be filmed  in ,  and  what  would  it  be  about ?           A1 :  honestly? it wouldn’t be chronological. it’d be bits of life, scenes you’d see in passing. moments of bonding between her and her teammates, moments of family time, little background things. i love just seeing a peek into lives. not the whole life, just.... bits and pieces, parts of the whole that make the whole easier to understand. Q2 :   what  would  their  soundtrack / score  sound  like ?           A2 :   it probably wouldn’t make much sense put together. a mishmash of anything and everything under the sun, from enigma to icon for hire to linkin park i guess Q3 :   why  did  you  start  writing  this  character ?           A3 :   i got hooked on voltron. binged the first season. binged the second the day it came out. started rewatching it with the bf, decided to take the plunge Q4 :   what  first  attracted  you  to  this  character ?           A4 :   a tech geek. a tech geek that was, yes, still somewhat stereotypical but not made fun of. mostly just a tech geek. and then the girl bomb right as i decided ‘ok so pidge is a really girly looking guy’ and that was it  it was over i was caught Q5 :   describe  the  biggest  thing  you  dislike  about  your  muse.           A5 :   i actually.... like pidge just fine the way she is Q6 :   what  do  you  have  in  common  with  your  muse ?           A6 :   too much. though she’s probably smarter than i am (i can bs a lot of her basic knowledge though..... soon. ) Q7 :   how  does  your  muse  feel  about  you ?           A7 :    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Q8 :   what  characters  does  your  muse  have  interesting  interactions  with ?         A8 :    almost any character. pidge will run her mouth if talking with fellow tech geeks, probably still will with people who aren’t tech geeks, tends to ask too many questions even of people she probably shouldn’t be too friendly with (sendak). Q9 :   what  gives  you  inspiration  to  write  your  muse ?         A9 :   right now? everything. engima’s ‘the gate’ is what kickstarted it all, so there’s a lot of that in her specific writing playlist. Q10 :   how  long  did  this  take  you  to  complete ?           A10 :   two hours lm a o i get easily sidetracked.
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lodelss · 5 years
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Bundyville: The Remnant, Chapter Two: The Hunter and the Bomb
Leah Sottile | Longreads | July 2019 | 25 minutes (6,186 words)
Part 2 of 5 of Bundyville: The Remnant, season two of Bundyville, a series and podcast from Longreads and OPB. 
  I.
Bill Keebler dumps a sugar packet into his coffee and calmly explains that the government is after him. They’re always watching him — constantly surveilling his every move, he says. He’s even at risk here, inside a Denny’s attached to a Flying J truck stop, about a half hour outside Salt Lake City.
He’s also pretty sure that Bundyville producer Ryan Haas and I are federal agents, posing as journalists. “I’m gonna be honest with you, it wouldn’t surprise me if both of you pulled out a badge,” he says. 
Just after 4 p.m. on a frigid February day, Keebler, 60, shuffles toward the back corner table we’d staked out for the interview.  He’s about a half hour late, uttering his deepest apologies for getting the time wrong. He’s never late, he says. 
Keebler is a raspy-voiced Southerner with skin that looks brittle from working in the sun all his life as a horse wrangler, ranch hand, hunting outfitter, and construction worker. At Denny’s he’s wearing a sandstone-colored canvas work jacket, and his hair sprouts from underneath a khaki Oath Keepers hat, which covers a shiny bald spot on the top of his head. He smokes a lot. Drinks a lot of coffee.
On the phone a few days before, I told him that I’d read the court documents for his case and was surprised by what I saw. I wanted to hear his version of what happened in June 2016 on the day three years before when Keebler believed he was detonating a bomb at a building owned by the Bureau of Land Management, only to find that the bomb was a fake given to him by undercover FBI agents embedded in his militia group.
The bombing itself was shocking. But the part that surprised me at the time was that, despite having pleaded guilty, serving 25 months in jail, and being released on probation, most of his case was still under federal protective order. Keebler’s attorney told me he’s not allowed to say why. I’m at the Denny’s hoping Keebler might be willing to tell me anyway.
In reading about what happened that day in the desert with the bomb, I learned — through the few court documents available — that Keebler was close friends with LaVoy Finicum. He’s the rancher who was a leader at the Malheur occupation, in Oregon, and was shot and killed by authorities after fleeing from a traffic stop.
But before we can talk about that, we’ve got to calm him down. He nudges his head in the direction of a young waiter, walking in a loop around by our table. Under his breath, Keebler says, “We’re being watched.” 
“Right now?” I ask. 
“Yeah.” 
“By who?” 
“A fed or an informant,” Keebler says. 
Haas asks if he means the Denny’s server, who’s walking by to see if we need any refills on coffee. That’s the guy, Keebler says.
If there’s so much at risk, why meet us? Why tell your story?
“Because if I don’t it’s going to die with me,” he says. “I’ve been on borrowed time for years.” He says he survived cancer, a massive heart attack, and “four heart procedures, looking at a fifth.” That’s not to mention the other stuff — things much harder to believe but that Keebler swears up and down are real, like the federally organized hits on him by the gang MS-13 while he was behind bars.
So I assure him: I’m not a fed. Google me. And I tell him he’s in control of what he says. If I ask something he doesn’t want to answer, something he thinks might get him in trouble, he doesn’t need to respond. He agrees, and for three hours, Bill Keebler gives his side of what happened leading up to that day in the desert with the bomb — a version of the story in which he is the hero, the government is the enemy, and where America is so rapidly nearing its demise, he can almost taste it. 
***
In the three years since the Bundys mobilized a force to take over the Malheur National Wildlife refuge in Oregon, the world has morphed in ways I couldn’t have imagined. For one thing, Donald Trump became the president of the United States. He has increased his attacks on media, stepping up from calling the very newspapers I write for “fake news,” to neglecting to hold the Saudi Arabian government accountable for putting into motion the murder of the journalist Jamal Khashoggi.
In June 2019, Trump — in a meeting at the G20 Summit — laughed with Russian president Vladimir Putin about journalists. “Get rid of them,” he said. “Fake news is a great term, isn’t it? You don’t have this problem in Russia. We have that problem.” And Putin responded: “Yes, yes. We have it, too. It’s the same.” They both laughed. 
Oft-cited research collected by the Southern Poverty Law Center has shown that since 1996, anti-government activity surged when Democratic presidents were in office. Militia groups that claimed to see proof of tyranny thrived in the 1990s — specifically when Vicki Weaver and her teenage son were killed during a standoff with federal agents at Ruby Ridge in 1992, and when the feds stormed into the Branch Davidian compound in Waco, Texas, in 1993. 
In President Obama, the anti-government movement saw the embodiment of tyranny: someone upon whom they could project their worst fears. They called him a socialist globalist Muslim who, after ascending to the highest seat of power, would bring Sharia law upon the people. There was no proof or evidence to support this. But that didn’t matter to them.
Under Trump, suddenly, anti-government groups are pro-government. Nearly everything about Trump’s rhetoric — from questioning Obama’s nationality, to draining the swamp of elites, to building a border wall, to pushing for anti-Muslim legislation, to zealous nationalism — is lifted from the anti-government handbook.
“It blows my mind. The Patriot militia movement, anti-government movement — however you want to refer to them — under Obama was so concerned about tyranny and executive power … and yet they’ve been some of the most vocal advocates for Trump unilaterally grabbing and exerting executive branch power,” said Sam Jackson, an assistant professor in the College of Emergency Preparedness, Homeland Security, and Cybersecurity at the University at Albany-SUNY. Jackson researches the militia movement — he wrote his dissertation on the Oath Keepers. 
“If Obama had talked about declaring a national emergency … they would have been up in arms in a heartbeat,” he said.
So what gives? How do the anti-government go pro-government? 
“It makes it really hard to take them at their word,” Jackson told me. “It really makes it seem like all of that was just rhetoric that they deployed in pursuit of other goals that perhaps they perceived would be less popular amongst the American public — whether that’s Islamophobia or anti-immigration or whatever else they’re really interested in. It seems like perhaps now they’re willing to talk about these other things more blatantly than they were in the past.” 
***
Bill Keebler tells us he was born in Mississippi and grew up in Georgia the descendant of a long line of military veterans. During the Cold War in the early 1980s, Keebler says he enlisted in the Army and served in Aschaffenburg, Germany. There, he says, he was on the frontlines of the fight against communism. And it was also during this time — he claims — that he placed third in the 1984 World Championships in Kung Fu.
It’s clear that he’s not the guy he used to be — or at least that the person I’m seeing before me at Denny’s isn’t the fighter he is in his head. Keebler claims that, after winning that championship, he created his own style of martial arts, called “Jung Shin Wu Kung Fu” before a “board of masters,” but the Bundyville team wasn’t able to confirm this.
After years of working on farms and ranches, Keebler found himself in Utah — far, far from home — where he worked as a hunting outfitter, trained horses, and says he became a member of the Utah Oath Keepers. Around Tooele County, Utah, he was so well-known as an ardent prepper and varmint hunter that the Salt Lake Tribune ran a story on his coyote hunting skills. In one scene in the story, Keebler crouches in underbrush and wears camouflage that’s been drenched coyote-urine scent. 
In 2011, he was running a hunting outfitting business called Critter Gitter Outfitters and often posted photos on social media of his excursions into the wild. In one, a muscled, tanned Keebler poses with a baby deer he’d rescued. 
Keebler spends a lot of time on the internet — has for years. Online, Keebler makes lots of dad jokes and even more jokes where a woman’s demise is the punchline. In one video he shared on his Facebook page, a blond woman in a white robe pleads with her husband until he hands her the keys of a black SUV with an oversize bow on the hood. When she starts the car, it explodes, the man smiles, and the words Merry Christmas, Bitch fill the screen. 
By 2013, Facebook had become a place for Keebler to vent about Obama — “I call him O-bummer,” he told me during one phone call — where he openly shared his belief in an encyclopedic number of conspiracy theories. “FEMA camps are everywhere, Muslims and illegals are taking over, Obama is the biggest Traitor this country has ever known, No Jobs, 16 trillion in [debt] and no relief in sight,” he wrote one February morning. “Anyone protesting Obama is assassinated and turned into a monster by our own media.”
None of this is true — his sources are websites that are notorious for generating fake content. His words dipped in and out of coherence, in and out of overt racism. “Our jobs have all gone over seas to other country’s as they get Fat off our money and we send them aid, weapons and anything else they desire for free. Jets, food what ever they want because we OWE it to them somehow,” he wrote in one such post. “I have been patient, tolerant and offended too much for any more. I am an American, have lived as I will die as my ancestors did, As A FREE MAN. I speak fucking English and you can press 1 and kiss my ass ya muslim, communist Jackasses! If this offends you then I have succeeded in my intentions.” 
He signed off on another post: “Stay safe, armed to the teeth, prepared and with God. Bill Keebler.”
Later that month, he wrote that “Someday SOON chit is gonna happen and this country will l;iterally EXPLODE, and when it does it will be a very messy situation… soon BOOM, we will explode. Hope you are prepared.”
Keebler hunting coyotes in 2011. (AP Photo/Al Hartmann – The Salt Lake Tribune)
By spring 2014, Keebler seemed to have a new personality altogether. He wrote near-constantly about what to do when SHTF (prepper-speak for “shit hits the fan”). He signed his posts “th3hunt3r.” He breathed in false information about the Bureau of Land Management killing endangered species and exhaled posts about the hypocrisy of not letting Cliven Bundy graze his cattle. 
Much has been written about the algorithms employed by sites like YouTube, which keeps users on the site — generating more and more advertising dollars — by directing them toward more extreme content. Reporters and analysts often reflect on how this affects young people. But the algorithmic drive toward extreme content has taken hold with a much older generation, too, with guys like Keebler. Online, they can fantasize about who they’ll be when the end finally comes. They water their ignorance and hatred at an online trough with others who think just like them.
In April 2014, Keebler sprung into action after seeing a video on Facebook of a confrontation between Bureau of Land Management agents and protesters who’d assembled at the Bundys’ side — that video I mentioned way back at the beginning of this story, of Ammon Bundy being tased in the midst of a chaotic confrontation. Keebler loaded up his camper and drove several hours south to Bunkerville, Nevada, where he says he set up a mess hall and provided supplies.
“Well, I made it to the ranch, all is well, getting settled in, been intersting so far, and I aint shot no one, YET! lol” he wrote on his Facebook page on April 10 after he arrived. 
Once there, Keebler solicited money online to help pay for supplies. He claims he kept hot tempers under control. 
“I stopped some people wanted to shoot people,” he says to me at the truck stop. “One of them got mad about it and put a gun in my face. He wanted to start the war. … He said, ‘I’m gonna fire a shot just to get it started.’ … Things were that close. Volatile.”
Keebler also takes credit for ejecting Jerad and Amanda Miller — who would go on to murder two police officers in Las Vegas and die in the midst of a shoot-out with officers inside a Walmart. He claims that if it wasn’t for him, Bundy Ranch would have been a bloodbath. Less than a year later — according to Keebler’s defense attorney’s presentencing memo — an undercover FBI agent was embedded in Keebler’s own militia and then began to regularly talk about stepping into action, about blowing up federal agents and federal properties, and scouting a mosque as a potential target alongside Keebler. 
And yet, Keebler never kicked that guy out. 
  II.
After the militias assisted in preventing the BLM from seizing the Bundy family’s cattle, Keebler left feeling excited about the movement. He lived on Bundy Ranch for about two weeks. “To me it was one of the biggest events in this country … short of the Boston Tea Party,” he says. “It was a wake-up call.”
“After the standoff and everything, we had momentum,” he says, offering his mug to the waiter for a refill. “It started because Cliven Bundy, but we started a movement that had the potential to be tenfold what it was.”
When he came back home to Utah, he quit the Oath Keepers. He proudly recounts a story about trading heated words at Bunkerville with the group’s founder, Stewart Rhodes. Keebler claims he asked whether Rhodes would accept “radical Islamic Muslims” into the group; Rhodes said the Oath Keepers doesn’t discriminate. Back at home, he started his own militia: Patriots Defense Force (PDF). 
At the height of its membership, PDF had just seven members including Keebler. They held “field training exercises” where they’d shoot targets. They’d talk about raising “backyard meat rabbits” and chickens, and living off-grid. Mostly, they were a bunch of preppers. 
But before PDF was even formed — even had a name — the FBI began to monitor him, according to court documents submitted by Keebler’s defense team. They began immediately upon his return home from Bundy Ranch. The Bureau eventually embedded three confidential informants in his militia and three undercover agents, including two men who went by the names Brad Miller and Jake Davis. Miller and Davis  — people Keebler believed to be other God-loving Patriots — were sworn into PDF in May 2015. Excluding Keebler, the FBI agents, and informants, there were — at most — three members of PDF. 
According to the defense, one informant was paid $60,000 for his undercover work inside the militia. The stories the FBI agents gave to Keebler must have seemed like he found a gold mine: Davis told stories of his expertise in hand-to-hand combat; Miller positioned himself as an expert in mining and explosives. Another FBI agent played the part of a successful business guy interested in funding a militia.
Unlike all the other times Keebler imagined the government conspiring to snoop on him, this time they actually were — but he was so focused on the “deep state” that he didn’t seem to notice what was happening right in front of his face. 
As the FBI surveilled Keebler, he frequently spoke about martial law. “Under marshal [sic] law, Mr. Keebler expected the federal government to turn against the people…” His attorney wrote in his sentencing memo, “He envisioned house-to-house gun confiscations and the government putting ‘undesirable’ and ‘unsalvageable’ people in FEMA camps.”
By fall 2015, Keebler was meeting with LaVoy Finicum. Finicum, too, had been excited by what he had encountered at Bundy Ranch: a group of citizens who believed in Cliven Bundy’s conspiracy theories about the federal government coming to get him. 
Finicum, after seeing Cliven Bundy successfully get away with shirking his grazing costs,  had recently violated the terms of his own BLM grazing permit — accruing fines for grazing his cattle out of season. Finicum spoke to Keebler about fortifying his property in case of a situation like Bundy Ranch — or maybe even Ruby Ridge or Waco.
“At the Bundy’s we got there after the fact. If we knew it was coming, we could be there prepared,” Keebler says. Finicum was expecting the same. He’d stopped paying his grazing fees after going to Bundy Ranch and assumed the BLM would come get him, too. “We were going to stop them from taking the cattle,” he says. “Now I don’t mean ambush assault and kill and shoot. None of that crap.” 
Keebler walks Haas and I through the plan: When the BLM came in, apparently the group planned to dig out the road the agents came in on with a backhoe — making it impossible for them to leave. Miller pushed for the group to instead explode the road, he says. Keebler said that was crazy, and the two traded words over it. 
The group, without Finicum, drove toward Mt. Trumbull, where the government says Keebler got his first view of a building owned by the BLM — the remote property that, months later, he aimed to destroy with a bomb. 
Over the course of our interview, Keebler mentioned several arguments with Miller. But he always let him stay. 
If he was so extreme, such a loose cannon, I had to wonder, why keep him?
Because Miller, Keebler says, paid for gas to go to Arizona to meet with Finicum, and Keebler alleges, even to Washington State for a secret ceremony in which he was inducted into a Coalition of Western States militia by Washington state representative Matt Shea.
According to Keeber and his attorneys, federal agents were basically bankrolling his militia. And the way Keebler sees it, those same federal agents forced him to blow up a government building. 
“The FBI covered Mr. Keebler’s expenses on many similar trips. The FBI also made repeated and timely donations to … keep it (and Mr. Keebler) afloat,” defense attorneys wrote. “In the end, Mr. Keebler did exactly what he was induced to do: he picked a target and ‘went on the offense.’”
“They were hell-bent determined to do something, and I guess I kind of let it get in my head,” Keebler says. “Maybe if we did something to kind of let them know that it’s kind of like a warning signal.”
***
Central to the Patriot movement are many, many theories about people its members believe are involved in a vast conspiracy against the American people. In my reporting, the most common names that came up in Patriot conspiracies (aside from Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama) were BLM agent Dan Love, who led the Bunkerville round-up at Bundy Ranch in 2014, and Greg Bretzing, who was the special agent in charge of the FBI’s Oregon office during the occupation of the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge. 
After the events at Malheur, Bretzing retired from the FBI, and he now works in security, safety, and corporate affairs for a private company that builds barges and railroad cars. “So, are you plotting a conspiracy with Dan Love against the Patriot movement?” I ask him one morning last winter, sitting in his office.
Bretzing laughs. “No, no. I do know Dan Love.” 
Bretzing worked for the FBI for 22 years, for much of that time on terrorism cases, both international and domestic. I want to know how the FBI views and defines international extremist groups differently than domestic ones. The biggest difference, according to Bretzing, is the law.
“There’s clear statutes against violent acts for political purposes or to overthrow a government,” he tells me. The FBI has squads devoted to domestic terrorism — but Bretzing said membership in any group isn’t what will get the feds on your trail. 
“Anybody’s political beliefs, religious beliefs, First Amendment rights — none of that is an issue,” he says. “You can be a member of any group you want to be, and it can be a pro anything or an anti anything group. That’s fine. It’s when those groups then take steps to commit violent acts or to break the law or to defraud — that is when the FBI or other law enforcement starts to look at them.”
Someone has to break the law — or look like they’re going to break the law — to get the attention of the FBI. Bretzing is clear: The FBI does not go on fishing expeditions of people it doesn’t like. 
I tell Bretzing about the Keebler case; it didn’t ring a bell. But when I tell him more about it, he says it reminds him of a notorious 2010 case in Portland involving the would-be “Christmas tree bomber.” In that case, a young man named Mohamed Mohamud believed he was detonating a bomb that would have caused large-scale fatalities of civilians attending the city’s annual Christmas tree lighting ceremony in the center of the city. 
When Mohamud attempted, twice, to ignite the bomb — which was provided by an undercover agent — it didn’t go off. He was arrested immediately. Mohamud’s attorney argued his client was entrapped. Prosecutors argued the violent religious extremist ideology was already in place; they were preventing him from acting on it. He was convicted in 2013 for attempted use of a weapon of mass destruction and sent to prison for 30 years.
“Having undercover agents inside is important to both effectively gather the evidence and to ensure that nothing violent actually does take place,” Bretzing tells me. “If you look at the tapes on Mohamed Mohamud, many, many, many times the undercover agents say, ‘We don’t have to do this. This is not something that has to be done, we can put it off … Are you sure you want to do this?’ Constantly ensuring that this is something that the individual is pushing, not the government. But the reason it’s important to have an agent inside is if an agent wasn’t there with this individual, then [they would] be taking these steps on their own.
“The public would rightfully be unhappy if then a violent act occurs and we didn’t do all we could do to stop it,” he says. 
But, how can law enforcement agencies be so sure people will go on to commit acts of violence? And what’s the right way to go after domestic terrorists? 
I ask Karen Greenberg, the director of Fordham Law School’s Center on National Security these questions. For years, she’s been examining cases that show an intersection of national security, policy, human rights, and civil liberties issues. 
Greenberg is extremely cautious of creating overarching laws that target domestic terrorists. “Washington is looking for is a domestic terrorism statute — that will be a federal one, which we don’t have. We have one for international terrorism, and it’s quite broad in its application,” she tells me. “Part of the reason is they want to be able to have greater surveillance powers.”
To apply that to domestic terrorism cases, she feels, is “a very dangerous road.” 
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I call up Michael German to get his perspective. He’s a fellow at the Brennan Center for Justice now, but in the 1990s, he was an undercover FBI agent inside militia groups in Southern California and the Pacific Northwest. I want to get a sense from someone who’s been undercover why the feds might home in on a guy like Keebler. 
German says that in the years after 9/11, successive attorneys general amended guidelines that gave the feds greater flexibility. They were allowed to open investigations into people they might not have bothered with in previous years. They might look into a guy like Keebler even if they weren’t sure he was committing any crimes. That sounds like the opposite of what Bretzing told me, I say. 
“It sounds like from what you’re telling me after 2002 and after 2008 it became maybe a little bit more permissive to go on fishing expeditions of people that you don’t ideologically agree with,” I say to him.
“Right,” he says. FBI agents want to believe they don’t do that, “but clearly evidence shows the opposite.” German rattles off a list of cases and explains to me, “There was a case in Southern California where an FBI informant eventually got sideways with the FBI and came forward acknowledging that he had been directed to probably target Muslim communities in Southern California.” The agent “used listening devices to record people’s conversation when there was no suggestion they were actually involved in any kind of criminal activity,” he says. “So the difference is now that’s allowed.” 
German says the FBI doesn’t need an indicator of criminal activity anymore in order to watch a person. All they had to show was that an individual needed to be watched because they fit into the parameters of an established FBI’s mission to stop terrorism. That is, maybe they could commit a terroristic act someday in the future. 
“They have continued using that tactic and initially it was mostly used against Muslims but has broadened out because it’s a successful tactic as far as the FBI is concerned,” he says. “My concern with that is you’re targeting the lowest-hanging fruit.”
“I know from my own investigations that there are actually people out there plotting serious attacks who have obtained weapons, who have recruited people who have violent pasts, who are willing to commit violent crimes,” German adds. “Why we’re focusing on people who were so incapable and using the resources of the government to improve their capability of doing harm, rather than focusing on people who are engaging in violence, it’s hard for me to understand that that’s a legitimate use of government resources.”
For years, Greenberg has kept a close eye on international terror cases unfolding in U.S. courts, often with elements that feel similar to Keebler’s: A person believed to be associated with al-Qaeda is surrounded by informants and undercover agents, and the person of interest is given a bomb to ignite in the name of an international terror group. 
“So the FBI’s defense on this, and it’s worth thinking about, is ‘Look, I could have been al-Qaeda. I could have been an al-Qaeda operative trained and on-message. … If I could get him to do it, don’t you think an al-Qaeda guy could have gotten him to do it?’ And it works with a jury. It works. Because they say to the jury, ‘Would you have said yes to this guy?’”
  III.
In February 2016, one month after Finicum was shot by authorities after fleeing the traffic stop in Oregon, the members of Patriots Defense Force met at a Carl’s Jr. near Keebler’s home. One way this meeting had been viewed was as a planning session for the group’s next steps — ones that could have potentially led to violence.
Put another way, entirely: Keebler’s defense attorney framed this as a meeting at a fast food restaurant with two FBI agents — one of whom taunted him as a coward and pushed him toward action — and a government informant.
According to court documents, at that meeting Miller mocked Keebler, saying that the Patriots and PDF were just a group of “Facebook fuckin’ Nazis” who have a lot to say on the internet, but never take action in real life. 
Keebler, in response, suggested the group do some reconnaissance of potential targets in Salt Lake City. Miller — who, don’t forget, was there as an undercover FBI agent — suggested targeting Muslims. According to his attorney, Keebler told Miller he didn’t how to find any. Miller then offered to google a mosque, and the group drove there in two cars. 
Keebler says that once outside the mosque, agents asked him why he wouldn’t bomb it. Keebler claims he pointed to the buildings around it. “I said, ‘I’ll tell you why you can’t. You see that big-ass building behind you over your left shoulder?’” he recalls. “I said, ‘That’s one reason you can’t. You’re never getting out of this place. Second: Look at the terrain.’ 
“People were walking around coming in and outside, and started playing basketball. And I said, ‘You see that? Those are kids. There’s women and children playing basketball and shit.’ Like, y’all have lost it.” 
So, the group moved on. The caravan drove past an FBI building and a Bureau of Land Management office. Miller suggested that they send a mail bomb to it, or use a truck bomb to blow it up. Keebler, again, resisted — and the recon mission ended.
Around this point, even Davis, the other undercover agent, was unsure about the tactics he and Miller were using with Keebler. In text messages presented in court by Keebler’s defense, Davis wrote to his handler, Steve Daniels: “So I was thinking on the drive home. I hope we didn’t open Pandora’s box in a way by taking [Keebler] to a mosque he might not have found on his own. With the case winding down on our end I am worried about our liability if he happens to go back sometime on his own.” 
In another message, Davis wrote to Daniels: “I’m all for pushing him, but we can’t sound more radical to him.” Davis expressed concern that it seemed like he and Miller would leading the recon mission: “To me, that’s what it sounds like we are doing,” he texted. 
In another text, Davis noted that pushing Keebler was “grinding” on him. “I wanted to push [Keebler] outside his comfort zone to take his temperature, not lead him to something,” he wrote. “I am not down with giving him all the ideas like when [Miller] told him that we would have to mail a bomb to the BLM office … or drive a car bomb up to it. We can’t be putting crazy ideas into a crazy guy’s head.”
Daniels said he’d listen to the recordings. “I haven’t got the mail bomb stuff. (Yikes),” he wrote. 
Illustration by Zoë van Dijk
If it sounds like Bill Keebler was pushed to an act of domestic terrorism by the government itself, that’s certainly what defense intimated during court proceedings. And I tried to get the government’s side of this — filing a FOIA request for the full context of these text messages. But after half a year of waiting for those documents, I still haven’t gotten a response. So I’m stuck with what Keebler tells me, sipping his coffee as he worries our waiter is watching him.
After 26 months of surveilling Keebler, he was handed an improvised explosive device by one of those undercover officers — the same one who said he had an explosives background — and a detonator. Together with the agents, they made the long drive from Keebler’s Utah home, several hours south in the rough desert of Northern Arizona, to an empty BLM building. 
Arguably, along the way, Keebler had plenty of opportunities to say stop, turn around, let’s not do this, I can’t. But he didn’t. And when the bomb was placed at the building near Mt. Trumbull by the undercover agent — near where the Bundy’s ancestors once tried to make a home — Keebler’s finger was the only one on the button. 
Court documents show differing views on what Keebler was willing to do if people were inside the building. In sworn testimony, Daniels told the court that Keebler and Miller discussed what to do if BLM officers were inside, and Keebler “made a comment of: ‘fuck ‘em.’”
He hit the button three times. An explosion went off, but Keebler was too far away to see that his “bomb” was actually a fake, and the sound he heard was a concussion grenade deployed by the FBI. His lawyer called his intent to destroy the place a “serious property crime.” The government called it a bombing. 
***
I ask Keebler what the federal government, ideally, would look like to him. After Bundy Ranch, what did he decide he’d like to see change? 
He says not only does he want the federal government to stay out of the business of individual states, he wants it to be purged of the people he believes are ruining the country. The “deep state,” he says. 
“Everybody knows they’ve outlawed prayer in school,” he says. “You can’t do the Pledge of Allegiance in our schools, but now we got Muslims praying in the hallways in our schools and in our classrooms, and teachers are now making kids dress up like Muslims. And —”
“Where is this happening?” I stop him.
“A number of places. Yeah. They have taken over whole cities. 
“They want to stop prayer, they want to stop all the American stuff. The Boy Scouts and everything. Make it Islam. They’re out there on the streets right now with hundreds of them bowing, they’ve shut down whole roads, and the cops are standing over them making sure nobody interrupts them. Are you serious? It’s what Bradley tanks are for. You get about 50 rednecks with four-wheel-drive pickups and we’ll end that problem.” 
Keebler is advocating for something that sounds like intimidation at best, and slaughtering Muslims in the streets of America at the worst. And it’s all informed by his conspiratorial worldview. Maybe this is the kind of talk that brought the FBI to him.
“They have their own cops now,” he says. They’re arresting Christians, he says, and I’m shaking my head at him. It’s on the internet, he says. “You need to do your homework.”
“Do you think the federal government is involved in that?” Haas, my producer, asks. 
None of this is based in fact, but that doesn’t matter to Keebler. “I know damn well they are,” he says defiantly.
It should be no shock at this point to tell you that Keebler is an ardent Donald Trump supporter. He loves him. 
“Obama’s not even a black. He’s not African American, he’s Muslim — Kenya or some shit,” Keebler says. “The agreement that they put him in as the president is that he would make way for more Muslims to be up again in the United States. That’s what’s actually come out recently.”
“But who says that?” I press him.
“One of the news — some reporter somewhere,” he says. 
“Soros is financing a lot of it,” Keebler says, calmly, like this is a normal thing to believe and I’m thinking, again, about how people can pick ideas like these up from Trump now. 
It seems like this is what happens when conspiracies become the language the powerful use to communicate to disenfranchised people aching for a target — an explanation and a reason — for their discontent.
“A lot of this is about the New World Order. Look at the pedophilia going on right now. …  It’s all over the internet.” Keebler looks from Haas to me and back again, shocked at our ignorance. 
“I can’t believe y’all don’t know none of this stuff,” he says.
But what would be the point of “knowing” something that isn’t real? 
****
Before we leave Keebler, I ask him about the bylaws of Patriots Defense Force — which were presented as evidence against him in his case. 
I was particularly drawn to the “alert levels” that spell out how members should react in various stages of emergencies. In the worst-case scenario — a level 5 or “black” situation — the bylaws tell militia members to prepare for the absolute worst: “Get gear, family and haul ass to pre-arranged rendezvous point, or bunker down,” it reads. “THE BALLOON HAS GONE UP!”
“What is the shit hits the fan scenario?” I ask.
“During the Obama administration,” he says, “if he calls martial law I’m not gonna wait till he comes to my town. It’s too late. That would have been a shit hit the fan.” 
“So what’s the difference now?”
“I think if Trump declares martial law, it would be in a more controlled manner. He’s not coming after Patriots. He’s not coming after militia,” he says. 
“Do you mean he’s not coming after white people?” I ask.
“No. No, see there you go pushing the racist bullshit,” he says, despite the fact that, for two hours, he’s been talking about Muslims in the most hateful terms I’ve ever heard in an in-person conversation.
“What do you think happens if the Democrats impeach Trump or some kind of charges are brought?” he asks us. “What do you think happens? It’s over. All bets are off,” says Keebler.
“What does that mean?” Haas asks him. 
“All bets are off,” he smiles. “Take that for what it’s worth. People are wanting retaliation. They want revenge, they want payback for a lot of things. This abortion crap. What happened to LaVoy. What is happening to our children. What has happened to our streets. What is happening in our schools. People want retribution.”
***
Bill Keebler says he’s never even heard of Panaca, Nevada. Never heard of a Jones, or a Cluff or another bomb in the desert the summer he tried to bomb the BLM building. I’ve learned tons about the Patriots from talking to him, but nothing more about Panaca.  
We spend the next week driving through the mountains, through deserts, through towns built by polygamists and pioneers. I see the appeal of life out here. Of disappearing into the wild and forgetting about the rest of the world.  
But no matter how many times I use my job as an excuse to disappear into parts of the West I wouldn’t otherwise go to, I always end up feeling a sense of relief when I’m back, sitting in traffic in a city again. 
I’m thinking of Keebler the next day, at the TSA checkpoint inside McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas. Where people say goodbye to their family members and start to weave through a long, snaking line, there’s a man who looks as rumpled as Keebler — but isn’t white — seated with three police officers standing around him. 
It’s a busy Sunday, there are people and kids waiting in line, watching this scene. Things seem calm, albeit weird. And then the man raises his voice. I’m close enough to hear him yell something about the Constitution, about liberty. And the officers stand him up and restrain his wrists behind his back, then lead him away. The line slithers on.
But something’s different. At the front of the line a TSA agent barks orders: Stand side by side. Walk slowly. As we progress two by two, a thick black dog led by a Homeland Security agent sniffs everyone in a circle. I hear the guy being led away shout something about “We, the People.”
The orders continue. Show your ID. Put it away. Shoes off? No, shoes on. Take out your laptops. Use two bins for all your stuff. Stop. Walk. Wait. 
It’s a language we all seem to speak in a dialect that’s always changing, for reasons we don’t know — but what we understand is that this language doesn’t include the words that guy was saying. Or, what he is now likely still saying somewhere else in this airport, in a secret place or room we also know, but don’t really.
I think about Keebler, how I could see him in that same situation here, and how he’s been called a terrorist, and yet still, there’s all these things we don’t know about the government’s role in his story. His case is sealed tight. Why are they keeping it so opaque?
I’m still not convinced a guy like Keebler really could carry out an elaborate bomb plot without ample help. But even so, there’s one thing in court documents that I kept coming back to: that in the hours after Keebler believed he detonated a bomb, as he drove back to Utah, amped up on what he’d just done, he offered a declaration. According to the government, Keebler said after the bombing, “This isn’t about LaVoy, it’s what he stood for.” 
In Panaca, police reports said Jones mentioned LaVoy Finicum in the same breath as his bomb. And now here, with Keebler, there he is again. 
All these years later, the ghost of LaVoy Finicum continues to push the Patriot movement forward. And yet all this time I’ve been reporting on this movement, I know so little about him. He was the guy who was killed by police, who no one heard hide nor hair of before Bundy Ranch. But what did he actually believe and why is it so persuasive? 
I can understand how people who have questions, who never get answers, form their own explanations. How out here in the West, so far from where the decisions are made about how this society works, people can’t figure out how to access the information they need. Everything about Keebler’s case feels Orwellian. He’s a racist, and it’s easy to write him off. But I see now how writing him off means patrolling what he thinks, and that policing certain thoughts — no matter how gross — means a denial of certain rights. 
At the airport, I don’t ask questions about which of my liberties are being violated when I go through the security line. I don’t scream and shout about the Constitution when I’m loading my laptop into the bin. Or when I take off my shoes. Or when I put my hands above my head in a machine that seems to suggest it can see through me for things maybe even I don’t know are there.
***
Leah Sottile is a freelance journalist based in Portland, Oregon. Her work has appeared in theWashington Post, Playboy, California Sunday Magazine, Outside, The Atlantic and Vice.
Editors: Mike Dang and Kelly Stout Illustrator: Zoë van Dijk Fact checker: Matt Giles Copy editor: Jacob Gross
Special thanks to everyone at Oregon Public Broadcasting.
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