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space-blue · 2 years

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The Northman — film review by yours truly

I cannot stress enough how gorgeous and visionary this film is. It is a cinematic experience like few others. It's story telling at its best, even revisiting such a well trodden story.

Amleth = Hamlet = Lion King = Revenge on bad uncle.

We all know how it goes, and yet I was on the edge of my seat the entire time. Eggers managed to bring such a vivid world to life that I was lost in the culture and its influence on the characters and left with baited breath waiting for each plot beat to present itself.

Do NOT go watch this movie if you struggle with intense violence and gore. It's seriously R rated. It has cut noses, swords slowly pushed through heads, decapitations, spilling guts, intense beatings, human sacrifices, dead kids... It has too-realistic viking pillages that don't shy away from the horrors that implies, and the most true depiction of the slave system the Norse depended on ever put to film. If you're so-so on gore, as I am, I can guarantee you that it's usually well telegraphed, and you can look away most of the time. The worst is off screen.

Honestly, I recommend it anyway.

One of the most incredible elements, as usual for Eggers, was the blending of reality with myth, visions and beliefs with every day life. He truly managed to make these people feel alien—as they should. They practiced human sacrifices and had berserkers, ffs, they are alien to us now. And Eggers just nails it! You see rituals, visions, and a people doggedly set to fulfill their preset destinies, without ever blinking at the lack of agency or free will it implies.

Everyone seemed to operate by these ancient rules, only half shown and hinted at, reconstructed from what we know and can guess... And it made for a world I could touch and taste and feel lost in. I've not been so engrossed in a movie in a long time.

Eggers managed to make his depiction so unflinching, he somehow shot the most intense revenge porn since killbill, and the best viking movie ever, and still glorified neither violence, nor vengeance... nor vikings.

The story feels surprisingly not all that character driven. The dialogue isn't Shakespearean, but it has a strange, ancient lilt to it, keeping you from connecting with anyone fully. It made me feel like a time traveler. I still felt quite strongly for Olga and Amleth... But there's so much to peal back from the characters, even when they have few lines. There's so much sweet meta...

This film is an oddity. It's so atmospheric, so terrible, so gorgeous... It's too much. Also. OmG. Sweaty Claes Bang tiddies... Too much indeed.

I think it's a masterpiece. My rating still goes The Lighthouse > The Northman > The VVitch, but I'm basically an Eggers fangirl for life at this stage. The man can do no wrong. He said he'll return to indie films after this, but I'm grateful to the studios that decided to trust him with this wild ride anyway. It'll become cult, even if it bombs.

*sigh* just go see it. Go see this strange, odd film that somehow proves cinema isn't dead.

Also it has Willem Dafoe in a loincloth, barking. Like, that and Claes Bang's bare butt, IDK what else to tell you to sell you on this genius film!

Oh wait, yes, ETHAN HAWKE nude and barking on the ground with Dafoe. Like. I'm telling you it's wild and you need it in your life.

#the northman #robert eggers #Amleth #alexander skarsgard #claes bang #nicole kidman #Olga #the northman review #the northman spoilers #film review #gushing #anya taylor joy #ethan hawke #willem dafoe #more like #willem dafriend #film

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lannisterdaddyissues · 9 months

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are you ever gonna write that cat boy ethan au? i need it i really do

AHFDUAGDUIGSGDFHKJ IT WAS A CAT DAD ETHAN AU ACTUALLY I THINK THAT'S WHAT YOU MEANT TO SAY LMAO

and honestly i've thought about it... i have a lot of Emotions about it it's one of my favorite AUs that's rolling around in my brain but it's not super plot-heavy, it would be more of a character study and a fluff piece than anything else LOL but

it's one of the more meaningful fic ideas i want to write because i think that the mentality and trauma of the m:i characters (specifically ethan, who's sacrificed so much for the imf) is a grossly underexplored idea and i really want to dive deep into the meat of that idea. ethan struggling post-divorce with no coping mechanisms and no hobbies to distract him is such a sad idea but it would really humanize him and bring to light just how shitty his job actually is. the movies are super lighthearted and don't really touch on the inherent trauma of being a spy very much but i think all the time about how ghotocol is ethan's least emotionally available movie, and i believe it was @below-average-fangirl who called his hair in that film his post-depression midlife crisis haircut. and that really spoke to me for some reason

anyway you did not ask about any of that. the answer is i think about writing it every day but now that i'm about to go back to college (and i still have an active wip that i haven't updated since december) it's not likely i'll get to it anytime soon 😭😭

#ask #reply #ilsastrenchcoat #mutual #thank u for asking though!! if anyone ever wants to know about more of my aus please by all means ask #i love talking about them so much lmao

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freebooter4ever · 20 days

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unrelated to the stick but have you seen cooking with geno?

Haaaaaaaaaaaa. I have :) i mean...what self respecting geno fangirl hasnt? If im honest i think it was the first thing with him that i watched, but i was not paying attention to him at all at all then. Aside from noticing that Fuck He's Exactly My Type If I Ever Had One and being very annoyed by it. My ADHD research spiral in the summer of 2022 went something like this: ra*ngers -> pana*rin -> russ*an red w*ngs -> larion*ov...and then i side tracked over to alyonka's mental health/ E*D*O videos, and then her podcast which also interviewd several hockey players including her brother (which are really interesting btw)...tldr i actually watched that video more curious about alyonka than geno, cause in her more current stuff she talks a lot about those early 2000's days and what it was like working in the league as a woman. Unfortunately for geno at that point the only thing i knew about him was that he was on the penguins and that he said some shit in one interview about bread, and i had already decided based on that and his instgrm that he looked like an asshole. I cannot find that interview quote about breadman, for all i know it could have all been made up, but it reaaaaally made me dislike him. So the first time i watched the video i was doing my best to ignore geno and pretend like he wasnt radiating attractiveness. My one conclusion about that video and a few other old pens videos with alyonka (and not geno but other players) i watched was that i was surprised how much more informal things used to be. She felt very casual and more like a friend to the players than the more professional style interviews i have seen while watching this stuff live now.

And if none of that research spiral makes sense just be grateful you dont have ADHD.

ANYWAY then lucky for geno he features in my favorite hockey photo ever - that one of him sitting on the boards with the snow and baby blue jersey. So i had to draw that photo, and then i started paying more attention to him that season, and watched that dan and sushi interview, and realized shit i might have been wrong about this guy. And maybe my change of heart only has a little to do with his Very Pretty Eyes.

And moooooonths (a year?) later i finally rewatched the cooking with geno video and had to basically admit that my initial gut instinct of Oh Shit He's Hot reaction remained the same. He's a terrible cook, somehow even worse than me which is saying something cause i'm really fucking bad at it myself. But his physicality/personality rather shines in the clip. (i have heard people say he was sexualizing or staring at alyonka??? It doesnt look like that to me, they just seemed very comfortable with one another and maybe a little teasing but im not the best at recognizing flirting etc). Young Geno's got that same confidence/swagger as old(er) geno that in most guys would come across as arrogant but with him it's very quiet and understated. He makes a lot of dumb jokes. Even on my second viewing i still didnt understand the basketball joke. He didn't talk much but there were a lot of shy smiles. He reminded me a lot of my old friend ethan in attitude and height - just like how he kind of awkwardly looms in the background at times, and how all his obvious strength is sort of soft in a gentle way. He also seemed like a guy very willing to listen, which was cute. But -and this might be me projecting. But sometimes when people try to 'teach' me how to cook i play dumb just so i can check out and not use my brain and let them do all the thinking and tell me exactly what i need to do. Its very lazy and i recognize this but sometimes my brain is tired. And i swear geno was maybe doing that to alyonka at times. Like i think his effort in the video was at most 70%. Maybe 50%. It takes one lazy cook to know another one. And i am a very lazy cook.

Sorry anon, ive been cleaning and working all day so you got more than you asked for, basically a character study, whoops.

Oh, also on the second rewatch i realized the weird short grimlin who only appeared to eat the food and then disappeared was tanger. I did NOT recognize him. I still cant really believe thats him.

#Oh i left out the part where i had an E*D*O when i was 14...thats why i was curious about alyonka #Nicole talks about E*D*O too although hers was in relation to modeling #Where as mine was more like alyonka's in that i was literally just trying not to exist anymore curl up and fade away #Mine was situational and as soon i was separated from my abusive mother it started getting better #And then after the abusive relationship when i was 22 ish i found a dance instructor who i kinda fell in love with and #Helped launch me into full recovery to where im at now #But im always curious how E*D*O presents itself a little differently in everybody #Similar things like the tricks and such but the underlying reasons and mental stuff can be so different #Food and cooking is one of those things that will probably always be complicated for anyone who goes through that no matter how recovered #Its definitely one of the reasons i dragged my feet for so long about learning how to cook #Girls need a reason to not learn how to cook #Unlike guys such as geno who gets to go his whole life unconcerned about being a bad cook #I have also seen that 2014 video of him at home cooking eggs in a skillet with a fork and then eating it straight out of the pan #He clearly has not progressed much #And dont forget omelete boy in 2022....lol didnt sid refuse to eat geno's cooking then?#Poor geno #i sympathize #unlike him my cooking mishaps have never been caught on video #i have never burned anything down exactly but there have been close calls

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scarletcreates · 1 year

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Episode 1

ava, madison, millie, claire, callie, sam, nick, ethan, raf

weekly brunch

madison: "im sorry im late. iana posted another vlog and i needed a good laugh

callie: what did she post this time

madison: "outfit ideas when u need to move on from ur cheating bf" he cheated on you 2 years ago how abt actually move on!

all: no way hahahahaha

claire: when will she stop using the cheating bf narrative for clout 😭

millie: what she needs is to get out of outfits and go ride someone. That will help her ACTUALLY move on

all: yeah right

sam: and there's always kpop boys to fangirl on

madison: alright keep it in your pants no one wants to hear your jihoon shit right now

sam: heeeey he can hear u shows pc

madison: stop bringing his photocard everywhere istg im gonna drown him in your coffee!!!

sam: hhhhhhhhhoooo dont listen to her jihoonie i wont let that happen to you

all: hahahahahhaha

madison: UGH

ava: anyway guys do you know if theres an available unit in your bldg?

callie: i can ask the landlord. wait. why. are you and ethan moving in? DID HE FINALLY PROPOSE?

millie: OHMYGOD DID HE?

madison: OMG is it tiffany's? pandora? bulgari? cartier? OH MY GOD SHOW ME THE RING

claire: how did he do it?

sam: when's the wedding date? pls dont let it be mar 25 i have a concert!

ava: i- i said no…

all: WHAT?!

ava: hey

ethan: hi

a: thanks for helping me move in

e: no problem. if u dont need anything else, ill go home

a: ethan… thank you for letting me do this

e: if u think living alone is what u need before saying yes to me… then okay… even tho i really dont understand why

a: im sorry… i dont understand myself either… i know that i love you. i know that i want to marry you. im sure of that. but… i also feel like i need to experience living alone. i need to experience independence before marrying you. i dont know why… i have the urge. i dont even know if ill survive this. what if im wrong. im actually scared. and of the thought i might lose you in the process. what am i doing. please dont go.

e: shhhh… hug hey hey… you wont lose me… ever… this is something u need to do so even though i dont understand it, ill support you

a: thank you… do you want to stay for the night?

e: i want to buuuuuut i wont. you need to learn independence quick so i could marry you

a: haha fine… i love you

e: i love you more kiss forehead alright i need to go i have an early meeting tomorrow

a: okay… call me when ur home

e: of course… enjoy your independence

a: love yaa take care

ava big sigh. but excited face for her independence

callie: nick we're home opened n eating out of a bucket of chicken

nick: heyyyyy… i bought us a bucket for dinner

callie: u really think i believe u didnt order that for urself

n: continued eating chicken u love me anyway

claire: so ava asked me to go to the grocery store with her, u want anything?

cy: oh thanks i'll text u a list

cl: alright i'll just change. i dont need my boobs unsupported when im carrying heavy things

n: so how's ava's studio?

cy: it's nice, furnished so she only needs to bring her clothes.

n: she okay?

cy: ya she's pretty excited about the independence thing

n: right. oh bubu dont forget about my deodorant for the list

cy: done it already

n: oh also that shaving cream youre always buying me, and i ran out of toothpaste at work, oh oh oh my gummy bears also ran out

cy: done done and done already

n: aawwwe u know me the best kiss

cy: ya maybe u could use some independence too.

sent the messagee

cl inside her room: LUBE AND CONDOM? IN YOUR DREAMS GUYS

cy: whaaaat it's for u and ryder when u know he'll decide to actually use his penis

n: can you believe he suits his name so much?

cl: rolls eyes he's not in the mood

cy: nick are guys ever not in the mood?

n: well yeah but 5 minutes tops. u tie ur hair and i'm good to go

cy: see?

cl: ewww the moment u tie ur hair im out of here

cy: but srsly when was the last time he was in the mood

cl: you know… never. ok fine. but he's all i got okay? i want to meet ppl organically and well he's the only non-gay guy at work

cy: are you sure he's not gay?

cl: no…

n: heyyy u thought i was gay when we first met

cy: but then i tied my hair

n: ah yes

cl: ughhh

ma kissing w someone in living room. s suddenly laughing her room

guy: uhm is it okay we're making out in ur living room w ur roommate here?

ma: dont worry bout her she's watching a live w her kpop boys she'll not go out for 3hrs

guy: okay but i think it would be better if continue this in u bedroom

ma: alright but it was pretty exciting here dont you think?

guy: alright continue making out

s suddenly shouted and disturbed them again

s: AHHHHH HE REPLIED TO ME HE REPLIED TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

ma: alright sorry lets go to the bedroom

tomorrow morning

s: goooooooood morninggggggggggggggg

ma: grumpy hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

s looked around for the guy

s: i thought u had a date yesterday?

ma: yaaaa.

s: so how was heeee?

ma: he came even before u finish the live what do u think?

s: yikes… this is why kpop boys are better than real men just saying

ma: ur screen doesnt have a dick

s: but i dont need to fake my orgasm

ma: do u even have orgasms?

s: duh

ma: what

s: what

ma: dont tell me….

s: no im kidding. so whats for bfast

ma suspicious face

open door to mn

mn: hi

ma: heyyy

mn: ava wants to borrow this toaster but i need to rush to the lab can u guys bring it to her?

ma: suuure ill visit her later. whats up in ur lab?

mn: a fresh cadaver just became available and i need to slice up some brain for a tumor

ma: and thats it for bfast

s: hey have some bfast first

mn: oh grabs flask pour all coffee grab waffle thanks

s: good luck!

mn: thanks i really need that tumor

mn went out. millie received a text message.

m: he texted me. "had a great time last night. how about dinner tonight?"

s: so u gonna see him again?

m: sure. until i can find someone else to buy me expensive dinners

ava tried cooking meat loaf but it got burned, millie knocked on the door. a panicked a little covered the plate of burned meat loaf opened the window before opening the door.

a: heyyy

ma: heyyy madison wanted me to bring this to you

a: oh thaanks

ma: ohhh ur cooking something?

a: uhm… yes… earlier… but i already ate it. so ya im sorry cant offer it to u anymore

ma: thats ok i had bfast. sooo hows the independent life

a: good good. i cleaned. i cooked. i washed my own clothes. steamed my clothes. went to the grocery store. threw away my garbage. went to the grocery store again.

ma: chores taking all of ur free time?

a: it does… remind me why i wanted this again?

ma: dont worry youll get the hang of it. you just needed a schedule. list down your groceries and the quantity that would last you 2 weeks. ull get used to cooking. ull get used to cooking on the weekend and cooked a lot enough for leftovers for the rest of the week. dont worry youll get the hang of it.

a stomach grumbled. ma looked at a. a revealed the burned meat loaf

ma: and youll get use to not burning things

while eating

a: ur the first one of us to live alone. how did u do it

ma: hmmmm i just enjoyed the process. also bringing home a lot of men motivated me

a: alright i get thats to ease ur loneliness but how the hell is that motivating

ma: whaaat im motivated to keep the place clean. im motivated to do my laundry to clean the undies and sheets. im motivated to throw the garbage that contained the used condom

a: wow ur such a strong and independent woman

ma: i know

guy and millie in a restaurant. guy kissing millie's hands.

guy: i really had a great time last night.

millie: awwee of course you do. now, do you want the wagyu steak? i want the wagyu steak.

guy: sure, anything for my baby

millie: awwweee. excuse me waiter! ya, 7 wagyu steaks, fully cooked.

guy: wait 7?

millie: im sorry im really hungry. thats okay right?

guy: oh, yeah sure. make 1 medium

millie: oh right, so 1 medium and 7 fully wagyu steaks.

guy: w-wai…

waiter: do you want some reds with this?

millie: yes! 1 whole bottle please.

waiter: sure. anything else?

guy: uhm, do you take 2 credit cards?

waiter: yes. we do.

guy: oh okay. nervous laugh

millie: so you were saying?

guy: uhm

millie: how last night was so great?

guy: yeahhh

m texted sam.

sam in callie and claire's apartment

sam: "tell the girls tonight's dinner is wagyu steak." huh. type "what do you mean"

door open.

madison: this is the best day! i found a tumor.

ava: should i be worried?

s: no it's her experiment. congrats! millie is bringing over wagyu steak

madison: that's right universe be my bitch

a: so where's claire?

nick: with ryder who wont ride her. ha ha ha

callie: she's on a date with ryder. but she wont be sleeping with him so she should be back by now.

millie in restaurant again. wagyu steak arrived. ate 1 bite then texted sam.

sam received another text: "call me"

s: yow

millie: hey whats up im on a date?

s: you texted me call me

madison: millie wheres my steak i found a tumor!

millie: what? madison found a tumor?

madison: thats right!

m: oh my god. im coming over.

s: wait. no no no. madison doesnt have a tumor. she found a tumor for her experiment.

millie end call

sam: what just happened

madison: leave it. it'll get the steaks here faster

m: guy, im so sorry. madison just received some bad news. i need to go.

guy: no worries. let's just take this out and i'll accompany you.

m: i think she doesnt want to see strangers now

guy: ur right

m: waiter kindly wrap these 7 steaks and bill please.

guy: are you okay?

m: yeah.

waiter arrived with take out and bill

m: alright bye

nick: this is the best wagyu steak ever

ava: cos it's free?

nick: yes!

millie: dont need to fake orgasms on this one

callie: ugh now i know what claire felt this morning

s: please let millie meet more 1 minute guys please please please

claire arrived

nick: how's ryder? rode him yet? sksksksk

madison: it was funny one time

ava: we saved a wagyu for you

claire: thanks guys

callie: sooooo how's the date?

claire: i dont want to talk about it

all: oh okay

group looking at each other

madison: here's a wine sweetie

claire drank and: so he invited me to his home right. And he's giving me the eyes right. So now we're standing in front of his apartment door. He leaned forward and

And??

Hugged me…

Im sorry

No no im not done yet. Then he said "you didnt have to ride home with me but thanks for the ride i owe you one". Turns out he just wanted me to pay for his taxi ride

Nooooooo

Nick: ryder just wanted a ride

sam: im sorry claire

millie: u know what. let's go out this weekend and trick them into buying us wagyu steaks again

claire: ya thanks millie

millie reading guy voice mail.

"hey uhmmmm havent heard from u since the bad news abt ur friend. is she okay? are you okay? call me"

"heyyy how are you? do want to have dinner tonight? i-i'll cook"

"heyy uhmm the bill that night was a little bit high for my budget. is it okay if you pay for the half?"

"was it because i only lasted for 1 minute?………….. nah you said you had a great time. okay. call me."

#idk a series called strong and independrnt women haha

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kdramaxoxo · 2 years

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Hi there! 😃 I was wondering if you could give me a few recommendations of pure good-hearted kdramas.

I made the error of watching Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo, Never Said Goodbye (very sad Chinese movie with Lee Joon Gi and Ethan Ruan), and then Silenced with Gong Yoo, all back-to-back. I'm now in need of the fluffiest, happiest shows ever.

You always seem to give out good recs to others, so I was hoping you (or perhaps your mutuals or followers) could lead me to some good ones. Thanks for all you do! 💓😄

Awww HUGS anon!

I know what it feels like when what you need is the lightest and fluffiest of fare! I have an older light and fluffy list but I'll pair it down so that it won't even include ones with long forced breakups which 99% of kdramas (also, I highly recommend the starred one at the bottom you're open to watching j-dramas).

Light and Fluffy Pure Good-Hearted K-Dramas:

Shopping King Louie: The perfect example of a k-drama. It’s super trope-y and totally ridiculous but really funny! Seo In Guk plays a rich dude who loses his memory and ends up being taken care of by a poor girl from the country. Forced cohabitation, amnesia, chaebols, all of it.

Touch Your Heart: A sweet, silly and very mild rom com about a serious boss and his hallyu star secretary. This show was an obvious response to the chemistry that Lee Dong Wook and Yoo In Na had in Goblin so it was nice to see them together again. Yoo In Na is such a fun person to watch!

Her Private Life: Park Min Young really knows how to pick dramas. I loved this one about a museum curator who is secretly a fangirl obsessed with an idol. It’s fun and fluffy but does have a very mild childhood trauma thing with his mother but I mean, 99% of dramas like this do? If you like this one, Touch Your Heart and Why Secretary Kim are by the same person and have similar vibes.

Light On Me (web drama): I absolutely adored this simple and sweet drama! One of my favorite korean BLs EVER! Because it’s longer than the average Korean BL, it actually has: *cues triumphant music* Character development!

Eulachacha Waikiki / Laughter In Waikiki: I hope you’re ready for a crazy amount of unlikely situations and nutty hijinks because this show is probably one the most silly ones I’ve ever watched. It follows a group of friends who own a hostel so it’s a slice of life drama. At certain points I was like “this is TOO silly” but I’m glad I stuck with it cause it was so hilarious. Plus, the baby is a star!

Have a Nice Dessert (web drama): If you’re looking for low angst and a super soft boy, this is your drama!! It’s a web drama about a girl who loves photographing desserts and the boy who likes her. Like all web dramas, it’s short, and there’s really no time for angst and breakups :)

Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo: A K-drama fandom favorite! Adorable college romance about a female weightlifter and a super hot swimmer dude. I mean she’s hot too. Anyways, two cuties!

Top Management: Adorable mini drama about a girl who can see the future and becomes the rookie manager for a kpop band. Fun and easy (plus they seem to be setting it up for another season…)

Terius Behind Me: FBI agent goes under disguise as a babysitter! While there are some intense parts of this drama because it’s a crime thriller, the characters are super funny and all work perfectly together to create a comedic element. Honestly this show was almost perfect for me, and I’m very picky.

Light and Fluffy Pure Good-Hearted J-Dramas:

***Cherry Magic! Thirty Years of Virginity Can Make You a Wizard?!: If you’re used to k-dramas were everything could go wrong at any time, you’re in for a real treat! Cherry Magic is my absolute favorite drama of last year and this year combined (even with a silly name like it has!) - It’s the ONLY show I’ve ever given a 10/10 rating to. An introverted guy finds out a seemingly popular and confident co-worker has a crush on him. This drama is so so soft, so so sweet and it has not one but TWO ace characters and a lot of gay panic! I’ve rewatched it recently and smiled the ENTIRE time. Plus there’s a valentines day special that’s really fun.

Pretty Proofreader: Sweet little j-drama about a fashionista who ends up becoming a proofreader. There’s an adorable boy and she’s legit the prettiest girl eve - seriously you’ll die watching her style all of her outfits! There’s not a great romance, but if you don’t care about that, each episode features a little story where she works on a project and helps the people involved. Very sweet though episodic.

Kieta Hatsukoi (My Love Mix-Up!): A fluffy love story between a bi panicked boy and the guy he has a crush on. It was a bit cartoony but it’s sweet and fun, and how often do you see a Boy’s Love where the guy crushes on a cool female friend and then realizes he ALSO likes a guy in class? I really appreciated the nuance of that experience plus it’s pretty wholesome and fluffy.

Happy Healing Anon!

#kdrama recommendations #jdrama recommendations #kdrama recs #cherry magic #my love mix up #light on me #out of breath #shopping king louie #ask #i love a list

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spongebob-connoisseur · 2 years

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stupid question but who in the cast would be a tumblr sexyman

Sorry this is an old ask, I'm sorry I kept you waiting for so long. I did initially respond but tumblr deleted my original answer for some reason.

Anyways I'm redoing it. I know this is referencing the MildBobbySauce post about who would be tumblr sexymen. I largely agree with that list. So instead of repeating. I'm just gonna explain why.

**this is a joke btw

Mr. Krabs - I've already seen too many people being 📯 for Mr. Krabs. Gruffy dilf who's been in the navy. Y'all are nasty but respect😤

Plankton - both the musical and the tv show, even the voice actor somehow. A lot of people LOVE Plankton. Its the deep voice and rage and charisma paired with a good heaping of tragedy. A good combination. His musical counterpart is good looking. His voice actor has a lot of fangirls amongst the SB fandom. This is all no coincidence.

Squidward - both the musical and the show. If SB came out today I just KNOW Squidward would instantly become a tumblr sexyman. Tall, lanky, nasally voice. I can see his human counterpart being drawn with an oblong face and longer nose. Idk that's usually the stuff you see reoccurring in the most generic male tumbkr sexymen. Squidward's features would instantly be woobified into the most stereotypical sexyman imaginable. Minus the suit.

But that aside, he's snarky and sarcastic. He's aloof and disinterested. He's a snooty artist type. Come on. I know all the signs. Also his musical counterpart was *chefs kiss*

I actually had a bit of a crush on his musical counterpart 👉👈 like waaaay back when I was 16🤢

The Flying Dutchman - he's a ghost pirate. Ghost pirate dilf man. Idk I know some people who really like him, I wish them all good luck. I simply enjoy the chaos he brings along with him into any episode.

Dutchman's sea monster date - I wrote a list about tumblr sexymen so I know what to write here. This one wasn't on the list but I had to add her. Monsterfuckers gonna LOVE this one. She's so powerful she gets to on this list.

Charlton Hawkfish - you cannot google this character without fanart of him shirtless coming up.

Perch Perkins - I'm surprised he doesn't have more fangirls, suit, voice, generally decent looking lolllll. Nah I'm kidding but he's a blank slate. All you need is some insane person to project and create fanart for him and I can see this ball rolling into a cult.

That being said there were mega simps for him when the musical came out. Of course why not?

Spongebob - the musical one had lots of simps because Ethan Slater. but I can see the main series one also having simps. People would go crazy for the squidward/spongebob dynamic if it came out. Goofy optimist and bitter pessimist is a natural combination.

But to be fair, I think he'd be more the tumblr precious bean. Cinnamon roll boy. Too pure for this world UwU.

Larry - I'd say he's a himbo but compared to other residence of bikini bottom, he actually has brain cells. I'm not sure if its because everyone else is just incredibly stupid, it makes Larry seem smarter by comparison. Anyways he still got the strong and sweet part down. Go crazy.

King Neptune - both og and movie. Og version is built like a Greek god. Good luck. Movie version is a dilf.

Squilliam - idk snarky rich boy. Someone's gotta like him.

Master Udon - hehehehehe I added him here because I know someone who would LOVE this dude. I can already imagine. He's built like her favorite type. So he went on the list for that reason. I think she'd hate me if I told her xD but there must be other girlies or dudes or simps who'd be the same.

Manray - there's a lot of simps for Manray already. Sometimes he's a little too detailed physically in some episodes. Like in Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy III and the tickle belt.

Young mermaid man and barnacle boy - nearly forgot these guys. They're jacked. In the comics they get more development and I can imagine it becoming a thing. Now old mermaid man and barnacle boy. Seek help.

The dirty bubble - tbh I've seen someone on here draw the dirty bubble in lingerie. Idk tf was going on there but good luck.

Gale Gobbler - suit, eccentric, insane. He'd use the weather as pickup lines. Someone can roll with that. I'm sure.

Don Grouper - he's gross. Falls into ugly sexyman but if Pearl likes him then I know some nastyass motherfucker here would like him too.

Fred - voiced by Doug Lawrence lolllll also he had his own episode. He's very sweet, loves his big buff nurse gf.

Norton - he's adorable. Especially in the recent seasons where you get to know more about him. He's so likable. He just wants to make friends and he's pretty enthusastic. I know some people were upset how he became nicer in the later seasons because they liked mean he was in the earlier seasons but lol who cares.

Though if someone was truly insane enough, they too can make him into a sexyman.

Incidental 70 - he's got a cult already. Who's to say a good portion of that cult doesn't have fangirls? I'm leaving that out there for ya.

Stanley Squarepants - despite the fact that the Stanley Squarepants episode being not that good. Stanley still remains well liked. I like him too even despite how frustrating the actual episode was. He had potential.

But that's not why he's here. He's here because this dude seems to have a lot of fics and fanart and selfshippers attached to him. I think they like the quiet, timid, shy nature Stanley has. He hasn't much confidence in himself which props up the fan girl/simp mentality "I can fix him"

Slappy - my favorite boy! You know I couldn't forget about him :) he's ugly and weird. But he's got the tumblr sexyman suit and bowtie (can't forget the bowtie! Classic sexyman trait) also if the creepypastas could get fangirls, if SALADFINGERS could get fangirls then why not Slapzo?🥺

Also other peter parodies on here get some love like Yetch and the others. Slappy is the same flavor as them so he deserves some bitches too😌

Though I think I'd die if someone made a human form and completely tumblr sexyfied him. I'd projectile vomit blood. I just know it. He should look like Hans Beckert or bust😤

Anyways here ya go. This shouldn't have taken so long tumblr is just super buggy for me. Everytime this gets deleted I lose motivation to try to answer all over again. With this happening so frequently, you'd think I'd learn to write it out on the notes app then copy and paste it here. But that takes planning 👀 which ruins my flow.

Hope you enjoy because I'm gonna go throw up my dinner now👍

#Ask #This gets deleted so often because its gods way of telling me not to write this stupid shit #Cursing #spongebob #spongebob squarepants #the spongebob connoisseur #sb #spongebon squarepants #spongebob meme

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genevievemd · 3 years

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before I say anything else, catch me before I punch that elderly man (and I'm not talking about Ethan, he's been really good in your AU haha) but Bloom. I just know Ryan talked to him and idk, like bad villains from a movie gonna try to destroy G and Ethan? 😐 ugh, as if.

anyways, G and Ethan? my god, I'll die for them, no hesitation. I hope the old man soon posts more photos of his wifey fiancee because we need to see how much he kisses the ground she walks in, even if it's something like pictagtam. btw, shout out to G for posting so many Ramsey photos, I'm feeling like fangirling like Kyra right now lol

ps. the story when Gen said “its bigger than I thought” why I pictured Ramsey smirking when he saw that and saying some horny teenager line like "that's what she said" or "yes, I know it because you say it every night"🥴

ps. 2. this got longer than I expected. I apologize haha 💖

You’re not too far off on Leland, peanut. 😏

I’m sure he’ll post more of Gen. although currently on the app I use - his entire page is just photos of Gen 😂😂

Okay but I thought that too 😂😂 after I made that edit I was like “Ethan’s gonna see this and tease her”.

And don’t apologize for sending long asks they make me so happy 🥺🥺

#asked and answered #anonymous #the year between

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fatesinthenight · 7 years

Text

Dark's Heart (part 1)

(so I was going to wait awhile for this one but I was too exited and couldn't help but start it now. This takes place after "Bim's Date". Hope you enjoy it. This is how I see Dark dealing with something like this. Lets see how this turns out. *Holds breath*)

Dark looks out the window into the backyard. He watches Bim in his garden tending to the flowers and his date bringing in some new flowers to plant. The date kneels by Bims side holding out the new flower and Bim takes it giving the date a kiss on the cheek. The date smiles and helps dig a little hole for the flower to be placed in. It has been a month since Bim's date came into his life, it ended up changing a lot of things. Since then the other egos were beginning to become open to dating and Mark encouraged them to try but to still be careful of course.

Willford had been on the most dates, most of them ending in him getting slapped or running scared for their life when he busts out the gun. Ed would from time to time but his main thing he cared about is if they would get along with his son. Silver was too shy to go on a date and said his true love was justice. Dr.Iplier said he wouldn't mind but he was too busy, but he did go out an a date once or twice. Yandere didn't go out saying he would not handle having multiple senpis and there can only be one. King of Squirrels said he would need someone to help him rule over his furry subjects and would propose that on every first date. Google was surprised someone asked for a date with him thinking no one wanted a droid including his brothers who also were asked and he went on a couple but said he wanted someone to have a good educational conversation with. Host kept to himself thinking it would be too weird to be seen with him but was told others didn't care and wanted to anyway, so he was considering it. Dark refused entirely, even if the others told him to be nice and go anyway he denied it.

Dark watches the couple being happy together. Bim would not stop giving his date kisses on the cheek then head and just wraps an arm around them and kissed them on the lips. Dark looks away rolling his eyes. He makes his way to his office on the first floor and Willford snickers at him, "Jealous much?"

"Of what? Swapping spit with another person. No thank you." Dark saids and looks back at Willford. "And you? All you get in return is a slap on the face or a possible restraining order." Willford shrugs, "I just haven't met the right one you know. And to be fair I only pull out the gun when I know the person is actually a jerk." Dark sighs annoyed, " Who do you think has to deal with the aftermath of that and erase memories of any witnesses? Not to mention Mark has to warn people before they want to try to date you and to sign a disclaimer." Willford tugs on his suspenders, " Not all of them were bad. I had fun and some of them but you know it just didn't click. But I met some cool scamps and get invited to some parties with them to hang out." Dark gets more annoyed, "Again then you cause some disaster at some of these events and I have to deal with it." Willford laughs, "Come on that last one was fun and everyone laughed. So I got a car into a pool. Did anyone die? No."

Dark doesn't have time for this and makes his way to his office when Willford saids something. "You know you could still try to find-" Willford gets cut off as Dark appears infront of him looking very angry, his shell breaking flashing red and blue. "Don't. Say. Their. Name." He breathes heavily. "I don't want anyone near me again!!! I have no time for anyone and no one is worthy of my time." Dark takes a deep breath and straightens himself up then walks away. Will watches him go and Host walks up to Willford. "You know he doesn't like to talk about it. Why does Willford insist on it?" Host asks Will. Willford tugs at his suspenders more, "Maybe because it was the one time he was in his own way happy and that meant we didn't suffer as much from his wrath."

Dark slams his door shut and sits at his desk. He boots up his computer and tries to work, taking out some papers he needed to look over as well. He reads through them but stops after a while. Without thinking he looks at his computer and goes "that person's" profile again. They are smiling happily and posted that they were excited for their wedding that day. Dark doesn't know why he is even looking at this but he is. He tilts his head back and closes his eyes thinking about the first time he saw you.

It was a meet and greet about close to the beginning of the year. "A Date with Markiplier" came out a few days ago and Dark's had become very popular afterward. The fans wanted a meet up with the egos and after some consideration and many precautions Mark decided to make a meet and greet for them. He rented a room big enough for them to have it in and sent out the word about it. The fans were so excited and the egos were too, happy to meet the fans. Dark was less ecstatic as he sat in his chair unamused.

"Remind me again why I'm here." Dark crosses his arms looking serious as always. "You are one of us weather you like it of not so just act nice for today. And would it kill you to smile?" Willford saids looking at Dark at his spot next to him. "Yes it will.", Dark grumbles. "Look you are here now so just deal with it Edgelord." Willford pokes Dark's arm making Dark's aura seep out.

"Ummmm Will maybe its not the best time to mess with Dark before the fans walk in..." Bim shifts in his seat at his table nervous.

"Boy's got a point. I rather not die before this thing starts." Ed leans in his chair.

"I already am going to be busy with this and tending to fans on the verge of fainting or having a large "Fangirl" moment." Dr.Iplier has a doctor bag under his table in case someone faints.

"I will be there to save the fans of course!! I am the hero they need." Silver is jumping in his seat being the most exited.

"Yes it seems we will have quite the crowd today. I can see many people outside are already using that "Facebook Live" to show they are waiting outside." Google's eyes glow as he looks up how popular the event is on the internet.

"The fans are talking happily amongst themselves while there is a threat of chaos that might commence in the building before they arrive." Host narrates softly, he was nervous about being there but wanted to be nice to the fans.

"I do hope the fans enjoy my loyal subjects and I brought them all peanut butter so we may all run out and embrace the squirrels!!!" The King of Squirrels had boxes of peanut butter behind him.

"I feel like senpi right now... I like it hehehehe." Yandere laughs to himself feeling powerful to become senpi for a day.

Mark walks in and looks at everyone in their places. He hopes nothing bad happens. "Ok guys we are opening the doors in five minutes so get ready. Katherine is out there with Tyler explaining how this is going to work. You each have your own table and line for yourself. A fan has to go to the line to the one they want to meet. They have at least a minute with you, its fast but we had to so no one can get left behind before the event is over. They do have gifts for you and anything they want you to sign. They will ask for pictures too and please for the love of everything that is holy don't do anything bad to mess up the building... I cant afford to pay for damages." Everyone looks at Willford when he saids that. "Cross my heart, but no promises.", Willford saids happily and Mark worries. "Any you. You need to be nice today. I don't want anyone running out here crying because of you." Mark looks at Dark but he feels the dark aura seeping out and shivers. He walks to the entrance where Amy is to help people get to their line and with Ethan at a table where there is t-shirts and other knick knacks of the egos to give away.

"I hope this doesn't end badly." Mark takes a deep breath to try to relax as he sits with Ethan. "Come on Mark it will be fine. Its going to be great.", Ethan saids happily fixing up the merchandise. "Yea don't worry so much. You know if they act up Kathryn just needs to snap her fingers to get them back in line. That girl knows how to take charge." , Amy pats Mark's head playfully. Mark looks up at Amy, " I know but I still worry you know me. I don't any the fans to get hurt." Tyler pokes his head out from the door, "Ok its time guys you ready?" Mark takes another deep breath and nods.

The fans walk in jumping and squealing. They walk in to find Mark and Ethan at the merchandise table in the front. They tell them they can get something now if they want for the egos to sign or save it as a gift for after the event. Amy is next by where the lines begin. They are all separated and have a sign at each beginning with the name of the ego for that particular line. She tells them to go through nicely and to wait til it was time for the event to start. The fans filled up the lines fast with more still outside the building. Tyler was at the front of the lines telling everyone they had to stand behind the red tape before they come up to the table and to please be kind to others in line. Once it was time the first people in line walked up to the tables.

Willford was having a blast, taking pictures and grabbing the phones to take a selfie telling them it has to be their phone background. Bim was shy at first but got the hang of it enjoying the fans as they said they wish he had his own show. Ed was pulling in people in for bear hugs when they asked for a hug and signing things with prices for his son. Dr.Iplier smiled at the fans and gave a fast scribble for his signature and if he saw someone looking very nervous he took his time to get them to relax and took deep breaths with them. Silver posed for every photo loving it and feeling loved when they told him he was their favorite hero. Google acted civil to everyone and smiled when the fans said he was the coolest android ever and even gave him gifts for his brothers to take back too. Host thought it was kind of the fans to want to help him find a place sign their things carefully taking his hand and guiding it to where they wanted the signature, he also liked the small conversations they would have. The King signed away delighted when the fans giggled as some squirrels climbed on them, and asked if anyone was allergic to peanut butter before he gave a jar away. Yandere always added hearts to his signature and giggled when someone said they find him cute.

Dark was a different story. When fans came to him he just glared at them clearly not wanting to be there. He signed things and just gave them back without a word. Some were brave enough to ask for a picture and Dark allowed it but didn't smile and didn't get close to the fan. Someone tried to joke with him and called him Edgelord, Dark's shell had a small crack enough to make the fan get their signed idem and back away fast. It was coming to a point where people did not want to go near his line even if he had a lot of people wanting to meet him. Some just saw him and gave the gift to Mark at the front to give it to Dark instead. No one came to Dark's line anymore too afraid of him. He didn't mind and was glad at the fact. Willford whispered buzzkill to him but Dark didn't care.

"Well I expected that." Mark looks over at Dark siting at his table enjoying his empty line. Then you show up almost out of breath. "Im sorry *huff* is the event still going on?" You look at Mark. Mark smiles at you and picks up a water bottle hanging it to you. "Don't worry your on time. You got a good ten minutes left. If you get in line now you can still make it." You drink up the water, "Wow I'm so lucky... I thought I wasn't going to make it and ran half of the way." You look into the building and see the lines full of people but you stop and see Dark's empty one. "Ummm excuse me Mark is Dark's line closed?" You tilt your head. Mark looks back at Dark cracking his neck, "No its not. Everyone eventually got to scared to go near him. He doesn't seem to mind as you can see." You look at Dark, he does look very intimidating but you shrug your shoulders, "Well I'm going to burst his bubble."

You walk to Darks line happily. Everyone from the other lines look at you like you were crazy or had a death wish. But there you go and you stop at the red tape and wait for Dark to call you up. He looks up at you, his eyes looking you up and down. "What are you doing?" He asks placing his arms on the table. You smile at him, "Just waiting to meet you. can I come up?" Dark gives you a look, "You could have just left your gift with Mark like the others." You hold out your hands, "I don't got one. I just wanted to meet you." Dark is now curious he motions you forward. You walk up to the table not afraid and smile at him. "Are you telling me you came here without wanting a signature, bringing a gift, or wanting a picture? Yet here you stand wanting to meet me for what a minute?" Dark raises an eyebrow.

"Pretty much." You say simply. "I think your an interesting character. I know you are suppose to be evil and all that but I think there is more to you than you are letting on. Deep down I think your longing for something else besides the obvious taking over Mark or making your own deals that benefit you." You look at your phone. "Well times up I just wanted to tell you that. Bye have a good one." You make your way out.

"Your not leaving." Dark looks at you hard. You turn around to find him glaring at you. his dark aura coming out and his shell having cracks slightly. "What do you mean there is more to me? You only know me from Mark's videos. How can you possibly think you really know who I am? I am a evil ego and am feared by the others and even the fans. They say they love me and all but only because of Mark. You think you know who you are exactly talking to..." Dark's shell is cracking more. The other egos can feel it and are already preparing to jump in to protect the fans. Mark starts walking up to Dark's table to take you away before he does something bad.

You start laughing. It makes Dark surprised as well as the others around you. The fans think your asking for it and the egos think Dark's energy made you go mad. "hahahaha You think your scary. Trust me I have been through some bad things and they are worse than you." Dark looks at you eyes wide and for once amused. "Dark I know you aren't the best person ever but you know I think your like this because your acting out. Sure you love using people and you enjoy taking control but I think it is because you actually like people. sure it is to mess with them but to me it is also because you don't like being alone. You like having someone there to mess with. If you didn't then what would you do with yourself? You need people weather you like to admit it of not. That's just my opinion. I should get going I really went over the time limit but since I'm the only one in line I guess that's ok." You turn to leave then walk back. "O one more thing." You poke Dark's nose with a boop. "See ya Edgelord." You wave at him and leave.

Everyone is doesn't know what to think. The other egos look at Dark eyes wide because he didn't react to what just happened. Mark stands their dumbfounded and you pass by him. "O by the way love your stuff. Your the best." You go to the merchandise table and buy a shirt with Dark on it from a very surprised Ethan who saw what happened. you leave with your shirt walking back to your car happily.

Dark looks after you still trying to piece together what just happened. The event ends and everyone starts to clean up. Dark still sits at his table looking at the doors you left at. "Dark you know you could have left five minutes ago right?" Mark looks at Dark. Dark sits up and walks past Mark, "I'm not doing this thing again..." Mark nods, "Noted." Dark leaves ahead of everyone. He is the first to arrive home going straight to his room. He changes for the night and lays in bed looking up at the ceiling.

"hu... I don't get their name." Dark whispers to himself. He thinks why would he care about learning a name for someone he would most likely never see again but they did do something he never thought anyone could do. They surprised him.

#darkiplier #willford warfstache #bim trimmer #ed edgar #googleplier #silver shepherd #dr.iplier #the host #yandere chan #king of squirrels #markiplier #Amy Nelson #crankgameplays #kathryn #tyler #marks egos #fanfic #story #darkiplier x reader

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