feat. Jinx and her pretty pink eyes (part 10/?)

Olath - Aberrant familiar

wish more people talked about agoraphobia because it's such an incredibly lonely experience to be stuck in

ok listen. you're badboyhalo and having the worst week of your life. you're willing and wanting to give anything, anything, to get your kids back. forever, your crush/enemy/friend/date partner?/ president sits you down and asks you to marry him. he's on a drug that makes him manically happy and has an extreme level of brainwashing for federation purposes.

you consider for the briefest moment saying yes, because you're drowning in your grief and hard in bargaining, but it won't do anything to help bring the eggs back, forever doesn't know anything. forever wants the eggs back as much as you do, the real one at least, you know this.

you're surrounded by roses. you ask him what you can do to help him, what he needs, asking the forever that you know is in there somewhere. any other personal feelings aside, he's your friend and he clearly needs help. he asks you to marry him again. he tells you to stop making some noise that he's clearly hearing through auditory hallucination. you just want your kids back, you keep telling him this, until he snaps and starts shooting mines under both of you.

forever is still out of his mind. your kids are still missing. the roses are burning.

bad said no to the proposal, of course he did. that's not forever, the kids are gone, this is no time or place for such a thing even if forever was himself. but I don't think forever asked because he feels "opposite than what he usually feels" under the pills. he's manic and under the influence and half brainwashed - he wants every day to be the best day.

and how heartbreaking is that? that bad is only being proposed to while forever is out of his mind. that forever wants bad to say yes because that would make the day the best day ever for him. that under any other circumstances, on that bench with the roses all around them, it might have been something good?

If I get one more comment on this discussion board telling me I'm brave or strong for being deaf I'm tearing into the professor for making this stupid fucking assignment

You see the solution may be to just flesh out more of Moe's relationships to other characters. Okaaaayyyyyyy aaand GO! *thinks about Sharena and gets killed instantly by the infinite grief beam* ah .

the rishi trio gives me brainworms bc it's not about love or even friends it's about three strangers who happened to get caught up in each other's lives with the intent to use each other and nothing else. but in doing so they have to acknowledge how the inevitability of their own lives intersecting affects the other and that this stranger is someone who might be here to stay, and eventually learning to care for this person beyond their usefulness is the key to caring about themselves and their own place in the world, even if they mess up and hurt everyone involved and choose to be better far later than they should have. it's also about 3 people who think they're the only normal one here

purging this thought so i can actually get some shut eye

Some ppl just have to die im sorry. I'll kill them.

I haven't seen a single person on this website talk about Bandy's Universe, which sucks cause it's actually really good.

i think a very important thing to recognize about the person penelope is, both for yourself, and for your muse to experience  ---  is that penelope never has, and never will, see herself as a person who solely leans on a gradient of good or bad, but as a person who can exist at all points.

trauma is not something that exists in penelope’s mindset. to visualize trauma is to value the thought of morality, and morality does not exist in being a created asset of the court of owls. the only morality is being living and being dead  -  those two things aren’t inherently traumatic, they can be good, they can be bad, they can exist,    but they aren’t traumatic  -  so penny has only ever known a baseline morality for all of existence. she’s killed, she’s lived, both have been depicted as beneficial, both have been depicted as detrimental, and thus she is capable of everything.

penny believes death can be a measure of everything, good, bad, minute, dramatic, and she believes life can be the very same thing.  they mean all the same  ---  but the only thing, the thing she has to learn, is her own personal morality, because it hinges greatly on a savior figure  ;  a healing from a trauma that she cannot name but clearly exists. this is why, her seeming naivety, isn’t naivety  -  but a perspective on her own trauma.    she doesn’t tolerate the pain, death, and cruelty,   but she understands how one may reach that point  -  because she can reach it. because she is fully capable of doing so, because if she too could she would as well.  but she hasn’t  -  because, as she learns, is that she cannot imagine a world where one would become a person who would see a corpse and would simply blink,  so she will take every measure to ensure those who want that don’t persist.   because if a world exists where the death of a life means nothing more than a sigh,  then they would be just like her.

fucking hate when a person is awesome but is stuck in a situation that subjects you to Endless Torment just by virtue of being close to them

When you look slightly off putting and try very hard not to look like you are glaring at all grocery store staff with the face of an 18year old on a 27 year old woman, but the guy who bags groceries has recognized you for coming in every week to every other week and has apparently caught on that your face is just like that and you’re trying to look nice and it’s such a big relief

No image

following up making a major social mistake with making a major work mistake!!! this would not be that bad if i hadn't already made so many mistakes lately in both areas but unfortunately i very much have and so everything i do now is potentially the last straw for everyone involved

they announced one of the main writers for FFXIV: Dawntrail is the one who wrote the Shadowbringers trial series, "Sorrow of Werlyt", and the amount of people going "ew no that's the one that redeems Gaius" drives me kind of insane

That storyline takes Gaius and says "Behold this idiot, watch and be stunned as everything he ever said to anyone turned out to be fucking obviously wrong. Watch as the fascist imperialist philosophy he ingrained into his beloved children makes them run to their deaths, even as he pleads them not to, and they tell him to fuck himself and do it anyway. Marvel as he watches them die by your hand, you, who destroyed Gaius himself at the peak of his life, and he can do nothing to stop it", and that's a redemption arc to people

The only surviving kid only makes it because her brother acts to protect her, she doesn't make it because of any act of Gaius'

The entire story is literally "In case you somehow missed it in ARR and most of Stormblood, everything Gaius believed in was horseshit and there's no such thing as a 'noble general in the evil empire'". All his meritocracy bullshit vanished the second he was gone, no-one but his own children believed it or held onto it, and the empire put someone directly opposed to that belief into his old seat when he vanished. No-one cared, no-one else "believed", the Empire was never about that, it was only propped up in his own singular legion by him being there and the second he was gone the legion dumped it and moved on and only Gaius was too naive and stupid to see it.

I mean for fuck sake, the Empire digs up the chemical gas weapon he explicitly had sealed away and destroyed all record of after he's gone and if it wasn't for a particularly dedicated and enterprising catboy and his comedy crew of hardcore engineers, it would have caused the eighth apocalypse

Even the follow-up in patch 6.4, of the family portrait, isn't some "aw he good now" thing. The family portrait you help organise for him has to have four of its six members be projected onto the scene via a machine's reconstruction of them as normal people because they're dead, they threw their lives away because the ideology Gaius taught them meant they could only think to die fighting and nothing else. That's his loving family portrait: four ghosts stood at his back as his last living child smiles through her pain.

"well the people of Werlyt didn't kill him for conquering them" they let him clean up the mess he made (which meant watching his children be killed) and as "thanks" they're letting him stay there to live out the last third of his life or so attempting to atone by fixing the damage he did.

He's 56 at the time of ARR; the Empire he gave 3-4 decades of his life to is gone, it's a smouldering ruin, all but one of the people he loved is dead, his surviving daughter is scarred by the path he led her down, and what few friends he had are also dead. He learned that his beliefs were all horseshit and pretty much everyone around him except for himself knew it, he must live knowing that those beliefs got his children killed, all that he achieved that he once considered "good" was for nothing, he learned that the cool old emperor he idolised who had no magic but built an empire by pulling up his bootstraps and who told him that magic and gods were bad was actually an ancient incredibly magical sorceror attempting to resurrect his own god.

That's not a redemption arc, he's the most owned man still alive in XIV

random fuckin life update ig idk im upset fjkashdfkj

ive had an incredibly shitty last. five days. like ive lost so much progress and i got so much worse so quick. so what if i just dont talk to anyone and stay in my room and find something to binge watch while i just sit in bed like >=[ bc im incredibly angry HKSJGHKJSHGK